#they sent an automatic email that said 'call us!'

[teaandinanity]

Why the FUCK does everyone want to be called these days. I will give you a credit card to charge if I don’t show up just LET ME SCHEDULE ONLINE.

[cheeeeseburger]

Late night shift

Fernando Alonso x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: A Donna and Harvey dynamic? Yes please! English is not my first language, apologies for the mistakes. Enjoy!

“Can you transfer me…”

“The last email? Already did.”

“Thank you, dulce. Can you confirm…”

“Your presence at the gala? I already sent both of our RSVP, like last week. Duh.”

“Oh, ok, thanks. Can you bring me a cup of coffee then?”

You rolled your eyes. “Fernando, your latte is already in your office, like usual. I’ve nearly finished mine. I used your card. Thanks for the free drink, I guess.”

He looked at you in admiration. “You truly are amazing; do you know that?” His words shouldn’t have pleased you as much as they did. You should be used to it by now, he thanked God for making you apply to be his assistant multiple times a day. You blew him a kiss, winked and replied as you exited the room: “Oh baby, you haven’t seen anything yet.” If you had looked back behind your shoulder, you would have seen his eyes full of high esteem and something else that would have woken up the butterflies in your tummy.

Ok, maybe calling your much older boss “baby” wasn’t the most professional way to act, but it was just the way things were between you and Fernando. They had always been like this, ever since you had started working as his assistant, three years ago. You had quickly picked up on his habits, and not a week after you had started the job, he had already nicknamed you “dulce”. Everyone around the paddock knew you two as a pair, an item even. If he was somewhere, it was because you told him he had to be there at a specific time, and you were always right next to him. The media loved your dynamic, and your name was always associated with his. If he was the dad of the grid because of his age, then you were the mom simply because you were partners in crime. Even his parents treated you like a daughter in law. Honestly, you looked like an old couple, always bugging the other, but caring deeply for each other.

The thing is, you two were not a couple, not even close. There wasn’t an ounce of romance between you two, sadly. At least, it was sad for your poor, poor heart who jumped every time you were next to him, so basically every minute of the day. Sometimes, you thought he might feel something for you too, like when you were on flights together, and he sat next to you so you could fall asleep on his shoulder, or whenever it was late at night, and he knocked on your door just to ask you if you wanted to order food. He also left a doubt in your mind whenever you were his automatic plus one to any event, and he had a possessive grip on your arm all night, or when he treated you to something you didn’t even remember mentioning to him.

But every time you got your hopes up, he asked you what shirt he should wear for his upcoming date, or which car he should drive to pick a lucky lady. With your heart crushed, you always answered the white one, because it made him look crisp, and you said to drive the Porshe, because the Valkyrie was your favourite, and just like its owner, you wanted to keep it to yourself.

。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜

“Fernando, baby, I won’t be able to attend the gala with you next week. Do you have someone in mind that you’d would like me to contact to be your date?” You dropped this bomb so casually, on a flight between two continents. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea, since you were stuck in an enclosed space with him for the next few hours.

“What are you talking about? What do you mean you’re not going with me?” Oh boy, he was pissed. You just continued working on your laptop. “Don’t worry, I can still work as your assistant there even if I’m going with someone else.” You rolled your eyes, which you probably shouldn’t have done, because he looked really irritated now.

“Stop playing with me. You’re going with someone else? Who are you even going with anyway?” Oh, if looks could kill. You regretted being in an airplane even more, because if he did end up killing you, you’d be in international waters, and it would be hell in court. You’d have to find the best lawyer there is. Oh wow. You were thinking about hiring a lawyer for your possible murderer. You were just that good at your job.

“Just some guy who owns shares in Aston Martin. Don’t worry, it’s not a lot.” He just stared at you, and now you were really starting to feel uneasy. “Don’t kill me, please?” You asked sheepishly.

That got him out of his trance. “What?” Ok, maybe you had gotten too far in this murder fantasy. He continued: “Why don’t you want to go with me?”

Bless his heart, he looked sad for a second, but the look of fury came back very quickly. “Fernando, it’s not that I don’t want to go with you, it’s just that I got asked out, and since I’m single, I said yes. It’s nothing personal, really.” You shrugged.

“You want to be with this guy? For life?” He interrogated. You raised your hands in the air: “Woah, woah, buddy. I haven’t even gone out once with him! I’m just considering my options.” You suddenly felt self-conscious. “I don’t want to be single forever, you know. What if I turn forty and I’m still all alone in life?” You started to fan yourself and pretended to faint for a more dramatic effect. That effectively lightened his mood.

“You know that I am over 40 and still single, right?” You stuck your tongue at him, and he tried his hardest not to laugh. “Is it because he’s rich? I am rich too, you know.” It was your turn to be offended. “It’s not because he’s rich! It’s because he asked me out and he seems nice, that’s all! Why aren’t you happy that for once you will not be stuck with me? You have the opportunity to invite whoever you want!”

His mood was like the weather at every Canadian GP: changing in a second. He pinched his nose in frustration. “Dulce, if I’m not going with you, I’m going alone.” God, he was exasperating. You had to remind yourself he was your boss; otherwise much harsher words would have come out of your mouth. You settled for a simple “Fine!” to which he also replied “Fine!”

Nobody was actually fine. The rest of the plane ride was pretty much silent.

。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜

Although you tried not to think about it, your relationship with Fernando was definitely strained after that conversation. You pretended that everything was normal to not raise questions from other people, but you knew something was wrong. He did not kiss you on the cheek like he used to do at least once a day, he dropped the nickname he had for you, and even started to avoid you. You were heartbroken. You did not understand why he was so hurt. You thought you did the right thing by accepting that he was not interested in you like you were in him and moving on, but perhaps not. You felt sick all week until the gala.

Honestly, you were not that interested in your date, but you had to pretend for the night. When he picked you up in his flashy car and he complimented your look, you acted all shy and pleased when really, you didn’t give a shit what he thought about you.

He was right though; you did look gorgeous. Your dress was very flattering on you, it gave you curves in all the right place, and your hair and makeup gave you that old-Hollywood look that is to die for. Also, your boobs really looked good, which is always a confidence booster, right? (A confidence boobster, even?) You always felt beautiful, but tonight, you felt hot. The cameras flashing and the looks you got as you entered the gala confirmed your feeling. Oh, your ego would definitely not fit through the door.

You were sitting alone at a table while your date went to get you something to drink.

 “Already alone, dulce? Even though you’re far from turning forty?”

You looked up at Fernando, and your stupid heart betrayed you by doing a backflip. He looked so fucking good in a suit, it was criminal. He looked like the hero of those mafia romance books that you loved in secret. His white dress shirt made him look very dashing. It made your imagination run wild with fantasies involving you grabbing him by the collar, and wearing nothing but his unbuttoned shirt while he made you breakfast the next morning. Oops.

You flashed your biggest smile at him. “I’m not alone, I have you!” You jumped from your seat to give him a big hug like you always did. Gosh, he smelled so good. You knew his perfume because you were always the one reordering the bottle, but you made a mental note to order a bottle for yourself. Perhaps you could spray it in your underwear drawer? Once again, oops.

“You look beautiful, dulce.”  You gave him a spin so he could really take in how good you looked, and his gaze was full of adoration. He even flushed a little bit. You stared him up and down. “You look good too, baby. I’m glad we went with the black suit.”  He smiled at you. “You have good taste, dulce.” This conversation was the most normal you had all week, ever since the airplane incident.

“I can’t believe you went alone! You’re so stubborn!” You lightly smacked him on the arm when you saw that he truly was unaccompanied. He shrugged and winked at you. “Like I said, it’s you or nothing, amor.” You crossed your arms on your chest, which made your boobs squeeze out of your dress a little, and he definitely peeked at them, but he’s such a gentleman that his eyes were immediately back on yours. You just wanted to scream: Look for as long as you want, baby. Do you want me to remove my dress completely, perhaps? On your bedroom floor, maybe?  You ultimately decided against it.

“Thousand of women are crying all over the world because of you, Fernando. ABBA are currently removing their song Fernando from their catalogue. Do you realize the consequence of your actions?” While you were joking, he suddenly got very serious, and his voice got very deep when he asked “Do you? Do you know why I can't bring anyone that is not you with me?”.

It felt like the air had changed in the room. You were suddenly very hot, and his eyes on you didn’t help with that. You bit you lower lip, and he seemed like he wanted to take you right there, right now. He was giving you his best bedroom eyes. Your legs felt weak as you imagined him fucking you, the noises he would make, the screams he would get out of you. He was definitely the type to talk you through it. The thought made your toes curl. You just knew he would help you clean yourself after because you wouldn’t be able to walk. God help you, if he kept staring at your lips like that, you would have to take him against the wall like a starved woman. Were your panties wet already?

Your moment was interrupted by your date, which you had completely forgotten about. The sexual tension was definitely still there, though. You introduced him sheepishly to Fernando as he gave you your drink. As soon as the two men started talking to each other, you finished your espresso martini in less than three sips.

Fernando and your date seemed like they were in a weird show off competition. Both were trying to intimidate the other. You grabbed a champagne flute from a nearby waiter and you downed that, too. There’s no way you would be able to go through this awkward conversation sober. Both guys were acting way too possessively. As soon as Fernando put his hand towards your lower back, your date tried to grab you by the arm, but Fernando just gripped your waist harder. You felt like the favourite doll of two very intense toddlers.

Eventually, thank God, your date was called by someone he knew, and you were once again alone with your boss.

“I don’t think he’s right for you.” Fernando immediately said as soon as he left.

“Gee, okay, dad.” Daddy almost slipped out. Almost.

“I am serious, dulce.” Just like you did frequently these days, you rolled your eyes at him.

“Don’t worry, from the way that you acted, he’s not going to want to go out with me ever again. Why did you have to act like a protective older brother?” You whined. Actually, you didn’t care if your date never talked to you ever again, but Fernando didn’t have to know that.

“Older brother?” He looked pissed at the words. “He’s way too old for you, anyway.”

“He’s literally your age, Fernando. And you’re not too old for me, are you?” You wanted to stomp the floor because he was getting on your last nerves.

“I think I’m perfect for you, dulce.” What did he say? (Cue the meme)

Once again, your date, which you were slowly starting to despise, interrupted your moment when he got back to your side. To make matters worse, you three were at the same table for the dinner. It was the longest, most awkward meal of your life. You were sitting in the middle, and both guys were fighting for your attention. It could have been flattering, but it was just so fucking annoying. You kept sending apologetic glances to the other people sitting at your table. Fernando abruptly left to go sit at another table. What a child.

Your mood lightened when the atmosphere changed from a formal dinner to a party.

“Do you dance?” you asked your date. “Never”, he replied. You sighed as you watch everyone leave for the dance floor. You loved to dance, and you could not even have this small thing tonight. This night was a complete failure.

Your favourite song started playing. You just wanted to get up and dance with your date like everybody else was doing, but the stupid asshole was apparently to busy playing Candy Crush on his phone. Gosh, could this night be even more horrible? You just wanted to go back home and cry, until you felt a hand pick up yours.

“Come on, amor. I know this is your favourite song. Nobody puts baby in the corner.” He winked and pulled you to the middle of the dancefloor.

You were stunned. Not only did he know your favourite song, but he had also quoted a line from Dirty Dancing, the movie you always watched during airplanes ride. It was your job to know his favourite food, his preferences; but he had gone out of his way to learn your habits and your favourite things. This was the most romantic thing that has ever happened in your life. This only usually happened in movies like Dirty Dancing. You just stood there, not moving, too shocked to do anything.

“What’s wrong, dulce?” Fernando asked, worriedly. Your nickname, the smile he reserved just for you, his lingering gaze, the info he had gathered on you; it all made so much sense now. He wanted you, just like you wanted him.

You grabbed him by the collar like you had wanted to do all night, and you started to kiss him right there, in the middle of the dancefloor. He did not hesitate. He immediately kissed you back and put his arms around your waist.

This was the best kiss you had ever had. Years of wanting him made you desperate like that, and apparently, he was desperate for you, too. He tasted like sugar and spice and everything nice but also like “I’ve wanted to do this all night” and “Wait, no, I’ve wanted to do this for years”. You were in synch; the world could have stopped, and it wouldn’t have changed anything. You didn’t even think for a second about that other guy, nor did you think about people watching you. Most everyone though you were already together anyway.

“Am I dreaming, baby?” you said as you pulled away. He softly cupped your face with his hands.

“No, dulce. I have been dreaming of kissing you, though.” Your heart melted.

“You have?” You asked in a soft voice. He kissed you again, but it was slower this time, more delicate. He wanted you to realize how badly he cared for you and how long he had been dreaming of this. Was this real? You had never felt as adored as you felt at this instant. People were all around you, dancing and enjoying themselves, but it was like you were alone with Fernando, in another world, on another planet.

“Amor. Surely you must know that I care more for you than anyone else. You’ve always been more than my assistant. I’m happy to call you my friend, but I hate it at the same time because I can’t stand the thought of us being just friends.” He caressed your face. The vulnerability in his eyes touched you to your core, and his words send a wave of heat through your body. This was the most romantic thing that has ever happened to you, but also the hottest. He caused some serious butterflies in your tummy.

“Baby, I don’t like us being just friends either,” you replied, your lips only a few centimeters away from his. He stared hard at your swollen mouth and crashed his lips on it. You locked your arms behind his neck, and he put his large hands around your waist to get a better grip. Oh gosh. He had only kissed you, but he had already ruined you for every other guy out there. One thing for sure, your panties were wet already, and from the bulge you felt on your thigh, he was enjoying himself too.

“Dios mio, amor. I should have done this earlier,” he chuckled and looked at the ceiling. This man was turned on. Like, sooooo turned on.

You leaned in even closer to whisper in his ear: “Don’t worry baby, we’re just getting started.” Your lipstick lingering on him, his perfume on you, the heat in your body, it was all overwhelming, so when he asked you “Do you want to get out of here?”, you were quick to answer: “Yes!” and to lead him out of the party.

Fernando was holding you close to him while you two waited for the valet to bring out his car. You were blushing and giggling like a teenage girl because you finally had the man of your dream in your arms. He kept giving you kisses, and it was like he could not believe it was now allowed.

You first saw it out of the corner of you eye. It was a real beauty, and you were in awe of it. The valet got out and gave back the keys of the green Valkyrie to Fernando. You wanted to scream. Surely, you must be in a rom-com. In your wildest dreams, this was the car the picked you up in to go on a date. You were like a kid in a candy store.

Fernando smiled at your enthusiasm. “I know it’s you favourite, dulce.” He opened your car door and you shrieked when you got inside.

“Oh, baby, this is way too good!” You were busy with touching the leather of the seat and admiring the interior. He had taken you on hot laps before, but never in this car. Apparently, he was saving it for a special occasion.

“I’m glad you like it, amor.” He started the car and drove off smoothly into the night. Wow, this guy is good at driving, maybe he should do it professionally or something?

As the air hit your face, you were hit by a wave of happiness. You shouted at the world: “I was made to be doing this!”

The Spaniard put his hand on your thigh and replied in a sensual voice: “Si, amor. You were made for me.”

Fernando drove really fast, but you wanted to get to his place so badly that it was not nearly fast enough. His hand slowly going higher and higher on your thigh was not helping your sudden need for speed.

Finally, you arrived at his place. Like a gentleman, Fernando opened your car door. Unlike a gentleman, his lips immediately crashed on yours. You two danced a frantic tango to get to the door of his place, your mouths never apart for more than a second. Eventually, you managed to get inside.

“I need you so bad, baby. I’ve needed you for years.” You immediately kicked off your high heels and started to remove his suit jacket. Your words must have pleased him, because his hands started exploring your body and he gently bit your lower lip. He pushed you against the wall.

“Oh yeah? Why didn’t you say anything before?” Honestly, why didn’t you? Dumb bitch.

You felt your eyes roll back in your skull when he cupped your boob with one hand and your ass with the other, his mouths still leaving love bites all over your neck.

“I wish I did. I’m so stupid.” The tango was back because you tried to move the action to the bedroom. He obviously knew the layout of his place by heart and so did you, since you had been there many times before, yet none of you seemed to know where it was.

“Amor, you know that I’m never letting you go after that, right? From now on, you’re not just my assistant. You’re mine, and I’ll make sure that everyone knows that.” You crashed into the walls many times as you made your way to his bedroom. Pictures were shaking, just like your legs. The walls of his house trembled, just like your walls did.

He finally managed to lead you to his bedroom, and he put you down on his bed. Fernando laid on top of you and leaned down to your ear: “Say you’re mine, dulce. Tell me you belong to me.”

His weight on your body felt so good, but you were aching for more. You craved any kind of friction to ease the heat between your legs, so you started to rub yourself against the bulge in his pants. It’s not like you didn’t want to answer him, it’s just the way he moved on you that left you speechless. Your toes curled and you started to moan, and although the way he let you move on him like that told you he liked it, this wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

Fernando pinned your wrists on the mattress. “I’m not playing anymore, little girl. Tell me you’re mine, or all of this will stop.” You immediately answered him between two moans: “I’m yours, baby. I’ve always been yours, and I always will be.” He grunted like an animal at your words, and you lifted your hips to have more of this delicious friction. He started to make out with your throat while you unbuttoned his white dress shirt as fast as you could. You were tracing lines on his chest with your fingers when he abruptly stopped. “Wait, wait, wait, mi amor. This wasn’t supposed to be like this.” He sat on the bed. You propped yourself up on your elbows, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Was he regretting this already?

He continued, looking pained and disappointed with himself: “I’ve thought about this before. I was suppose to take you on a nice date, then ask you to come home with me. I would’ve driven you around town in your favourite car, then I would make love to you slowly, so you would know how much you mean to me. This feels rushed. I want to take my time with you. At least, I got the Valkyrie part right.” You wanted to swoon after his rambling. He looked so upset, you wanted to cry out of empathy and love for this man. He nicknamed you “dulce”, but really, he was the sweet one.

“Fernando, baby. There’s nothing I would change about this night so far. This is a thousand times better than any date you could have taken me on.” You put your hand on one his cheek.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin things between us. I want to treat you right, because you deserve the world, amor.” If you weren’t certain you loved this man before, now you were.

“Baby, being with you feels better than owning the world. I’ve never been as happy as I am right now, and you couldn’t be more perfect. But if it makes you feel better, we can start again.” He started to calm himself by massaging your calf.

“How, amor?” It was hard to focus, because him sitting on his bed with his dress shirt open was quite the sight to see, but you managed to reply: “Like this.”

Although it pained you, you removed his hand from your body and got up from the bed to exit the bedroom. Confused, he followed you all the way to the doorstep outside.

“What are you doing?” You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I had a really nice date with you this evening, Fernando.”

“Ah, I get your little game now.” He laughed and gave you a tender kiss, the one you assumed he used for his first date. You hoped he would never use it ever again. “Me too, dulce. Would you like to come in?”

You gave him a flushed smile. “I would love too, baby.” He took your hand and brought you inside. “Shall I give you a tour?” he asked. You replied: “Oh yes, absolutely. I would especially like to see the bedroom. I hear it’s where you burn all your left-over energy.” He smirked at you playing innocent.

When you got close to his bedroom door, you stopped to give him your second-date kiss. You never kissed with your tongue until after the first date, and he knew that. “This is your famous second-date kiss, yes?” You laughed against his mouth. “Oh yes. And on the third date, I usually sleep with the guy.” His breath hitched, and he brought you inside the room.

“When I first sleep with a woman, I usually start by removing her clothes.” He spun you so your back was facing him. You lifted your hair and he slowly, oh so slowly started to unzip your dress, making sure to let his fingertips linger. This felt like the longest foreplay of your life. When your dress dropped to the floor, you shivered, and he turned you to get a better look at your body.

“Dios mio, amor. You’re so beautiful.” He stared at you in adoration, eyes filled with lust and something that you would not dare to call love, even though that’s what it was.

You flushed and tried to look away, but he lifted your chin with his fingers. “Thank you, baby,” you replied shyly. He removed his already unbuttoned shirt. “I think I’ve taken enough my time, amor.”

“I don’t think I can wait anymore, Fernando. I need you inside of me.” Your words send him into action. He very carefully lifted you to the bed, and he laid you there like a pastry he was about to devour.

“I think you’ll have to be patient for a little while, dulce. I want to treat myself to something sweet.” He dragged you to the edge of the bed and he got down on his knees.  He put your legs over his shoulders, and he got down to eat you. Oh, God. He ate you like a man starved. You were his own personal meal.

His tongue licking you made you scream his name, but what really did it for you was when you saw him touching himself. This man was getting pleasure out of eating you out, and that turned up your arousal to another level.

It wasn’t longue after that you gripped the sheets as hard as you could while you screamed his name. He let your orgasm last by never removing his tongue.

When he got up, shirtless, with a very noticeable bulge, you grabbed him by his belt to bring him back on the bed.

“That was the hottest thing that has ever happened to me, baby. You treat me so good already. But I can’t be patient anymore, I think.” You hurriedly removed his belt and played with the zipper of his pants. He laughed.

“It’s okay, amor. You’ve been a good girl, you deserve this.” Oh. Oh. Since when did you have a thing for praise?

“I’m clean, and I’m on the pill, so you don’t have to wear anything, if you want,” you offered shyly. The enormity of what was going to happen suddenly hit you. Oh God, were you really about to sleep with your boss that you’re kinda in love with?

He let out a possessive growl. “Good, because I don’t want anything between me and you. I need to feel you as you are.” Damn. Were you listening to one of those erotic audiobook or did he really just say that to you?

Fernando once again went on top of you. He adjusted himself and angled his body just right. When you felt the tip inside of you, your eyes immediately rolled to the back of your head. He was so big.

You whined: “Fernando, I don’t think it’s going to fit.” He slowly let himself in you. “You can take it. You always manage to fit things in my schedule. Surely this is nothing to you.” You moaned loudly.

The pain was just too good. “Baby, never putting you in a meeting earlier then 10 in the morning is a thousand times easier than making you fit inside of me.” He chuckled, but as he got more and more deep in you, he started to grunt.

“Amor, don’t get sassy with me now. Take it like a good girl.” You pushed him deeper inside of you by putting your legs around his waist.

“On it, boss.” You usually sounded so confident, but your words were nothing but another cry of pleasure in a sea of moans. You felt your orgasm build up inside of you as he kept pounding into your body. Applying to be his assistant had definitely been the best decision of your life. Who would’ve thought that on top of being paid to travel the world, you would be receiving incredible orgasms on the side?

“Dios mio, mi amor…” Fernando whispered in a low, sensual voice. You shut him up with a fierce kiss.

“Baby, stop saying that. I should be the one to say it, because I’m so fucking close, but I am praying to God that this never ends.” He pounded hard into you.

“Are you thinking about someone else while I’m inside of you? I must be doing something wrong then.” He managed to laugh in between thrusts and grunts.

“I can assure you, boss, you’re doing everything right!” You screamed as your orgasm hit its peak, and you came undone. His thrusts got sloppier as he finished, too. He looked at you and wished that everybody could see him dripping out of you. Not now, but maybe someday, he won’t let anything spill because he’ll be trying his hardest to put a baby in you. For now, this already perfect view would have to do. He took a mental picture.

Fernando rolled off of you and sat against the headboard, breathing heavily. He pulled you in his arms in a tight grip and started playing with your hair. With your swollen lips, the light layer of sweat on his body and both of you tangled in each other, you looked like the cover of the dirtiest romance book you owned.

“Am I allowed to say it now? Because dios mio, amor. That felt incredible.” He sighed in your hair. You blushed, pleased that he had enjoyed himself as much as you did. The man of your dream just rocked your world, and he liked doing it.

“Yes, you are allowed, baby. You gave me two orgasms; you can now say anything you like.” You laughed and turned your head to give him a quick kiss.

“Only two? Dulce, that’s not enough. Do we have anything planned tomorrow?” Your heart jumped in your chest at his use of “we”. It was very endearing an it made your heart ache from happiness, but if he used “nosotros”, you might just come on the spot.

“No baby, we have nothing planned.” As his assistant, you obviously knew his schedule by heart, and tomorrow morning, he was now booked and busy with the task of giving you pleasure all day long. You made a mental note to add it to the calendar.

He sighed in pleasure and closed his eyes. “That’s perfect, amor. I have an idea of what we could do.” His breath slowed down as he fell in a state of deep relaxation.

“Really? Tell me?” You couldn’t help but to shut your eyes. Being in his arms was too comfy.

“First, we’re going to wake up in each other’s arms. After that, I’ll make you scream my name, but I’ll have to put something over your mouth to not wake the neighbors.” You shivered at his perfect fantasy, but he wasn’t done. “After that, I’ll bring you breakfast in bed, to give you energy for what will come next. All afternoon, I’ll take you in every single location in my house, perhaps even outside, to find where you come the quickest. Finally, I’ll take you out for a nice dinner, to show off your hickeys to the world.” Your toes curled. This was even better than your wildest sex dream involving him.

“Sounds like a plan, then.” He locked you in his arms, and you both drifted to a light sleep. You woke up, suddenly realizing something: “Oh no!” Fernando jerked awake. “What? What’s wrong, dulce?”

“I forgot to say bye to my date! Oh no, I’m awful. I don’t want to hurt his feelings,” you replied, genuinely worried. Fernando laid his head on your shoulder, and you felt him shake as he laughed.

“Dios mio, dulce, only you could be worried about making another man feel bad while being in bed with me.” He was howling with laughter.

“What!?I like to be nice!” Fernando chuckled at your sweetness.

“I know, dulce. And I love you for it.” He kissed the top of your head.

Being his assistant was easy, but you were now applying for the position of girlfriend. He hired you on the spot, and let me tell you, you were damn good at the job. The boss was pretty nice, too. Your bonuses now came in the form of "I love you."

Since you were a loyal employee, the position was taken for life.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I don't know. I think it's unfair to pretend Meghan was not protected only because she was not playing by palace's rules.

From articles, Meghan was not just sending emails at 5 am, she was yelling at staff, making them responsible for failures in her plans well after the end of their day. I remember one saying that they ended their day of work, were out and they kept having calls from her and Harry saying their failure ruined everything, that they were the worst or whatever, not respecting their private life. There was also the story about the ice cream truck where Meghan specified that it was only for her staff and that W&K's staff and children should have none of it. It seems to me that at one point someone even talked about how she was not sending information to someone and then blaming that person for not knowing. Someone even said once that some of her ex-staff ended up traumatised and I don't remember hearing that for anyone's staff. Like, Andrew's staff sound annoyed by him and mad, some of Charles' and Di ex-staff are mad but traumatised ?

I mean that there must be a part of truth but to make it the reason it's a bit big to me. Especially as Meghan was leaking from the get go with those "Kate didn't go shoping with me" and her/her team was sending puff pieces and anti-Kate comparison quite early on. I don't think C/C had much to do to break anything (but I do believe they did things - they always do) and we love talking about it but the Fab four thing lasted from february to december (after that, there were too many rumours of feud to make it really believable). It was not a really established thing as Catherine was in maternity leave for most of it and there was holidays. And I do think Meghan sent many of her staff off and that they were the ones leaking (Melissa Touabti, Sam Cohen, etc). If we don't hear things about Camilla and Catherine it's also because their staffs are loyal. I mean, we don't hear of them, neither Sophie, having let down but they are human, they surely have, so it must not be automatic misogyny.

I mean that I admit a part of it can be true. But there were so many things going on that saying she was fed to the wolves by misogyny only doesn't sit well to me.

(I'm sorry, I know you don't have clear answers, it's all rumours but I like your way of thinking and decoding, so I think I'm asking for a theory ? Or if you have more info clearing what I said ? )

You bring up a lot of great stuff too.

Something to keep in mind is that part of doing analysis or a contextualization is being aware of timing and knowledge. I like to use the Rumsfeld theory of knowledge (or the Rumsfeld matrix), which breaks everything down into:

Things we know or the known knowns - facts that we are aware of and understand. This is our knowledge.

Things we don't know or the known unknowns - facts that we know exist but don't understand. This is the gap in our knowledge that research can address.

Things we know we don't know or the unknown knowns - facts that we don't realize we know. These are things that perhaps we've dismissed or overlooked, or things we know but don't understand yet its importance or relevance.

Things we don't know that we don't known or the unknown unknowns - the facts/factors that we aren't aware of, can't predict, don't know. This is uncertainty and risk. These only come to light with the passage of time.

That matrix is further complicated by timing: what we knew then vs what we know now. What we know now will always have more information, knowledge, and facts than a "what we knew then" analysis.

What we knew then essentially boils down to "knowing only what I know today right now, this is what is currently happening." You have to look at the facts as they were known then at {{event}}.

What we know now is essentially "knowing what I know today right now, this is what was happening then." We use the facts, stories, intelligence, investigations, research, etc. that have happened since {{event}} to give context to what was happening at {{event}}.

Let's look at the Fab Four Forum, for example.

The "what we knew then" analysis, using only the facts that we knew in February 2018, is that there was some awkward tension between the two couples (William's laugh at the question if they ever butted heads and Harry's glare), awkward tension between Harry and Meghan (from when Harry chimed in that they needed to plan the wedding first) and awkward tension between Kate and Meghan (Meghan's dagger eyes at Kate). There was also a disconnect between the others and Meghan, given that Meghan wore cocktail attire while the rest wore business attire and that Meghan seemed to do the most speaking. So the analysis is something like eh, no big deal, they were all nervous, it's the first time all four of them were together in a formal public setting, there's a new person coming on board, of course it's going to be a little awkward.

The "what we know now" anaysis, using everything that we know as of March 1st 2024, is that the Fab Four Forum was a disaster: Harry and Meghan had confronted William and Kate for not rolling out the red carpet for her, Meghan had been caught (at some point much earlier) taking photographs of the Cambridge children, Meghan had thrown Kate off-guard by asking for her lip gloss and Kate had upset her by her reaction, wedding planning was in shambles/not going well, the fashion designers were all favoring Kate, Meghan was making demands of the KP staff and bullying people around, Kate was dealing with her brother's mental health crisis, Harry was making demands to be treated like William, etc. and so on. Which is very dfferent from the February 2018 "ah, this is just growing pains from a new person" analysis.

Or look at the wedding. If you were to do an analysis with the Rumsfeld Matrix on the wedding in June 2018, it would be totally and completely different from a Rumsfeld analysis done today in March 2024. Kate's grimace/body language in the official portrait means something very different today than it did six years ago - because we know more today. I remember when the Sussex wedding portraits were released, everyone here was talking about Kate's body language in the photo and there was so much speculation about why she was so visibly uncomfortable. People chalked it up to "she's three weeks post-partum, of course she's uncomfortable, and she's holding Charlotte in her lap to hide that she doesn't feel like herself/her best self."

But six years later: oh, Meghan and Ivy were bullying Charlotte so Kate was in "Mama Bear" mode, Meghan and Harry had insulted Kate over her "baby brain" hormones, there was the quarrel over Charlotte's dress and whether the girls would wear tights/socks, Meghan had slammed the door in Kate's face when she tried to apologize, Meghan was spreading gossip about the Cambridge marriage, Meghan and Harry were throwing wild parties at NottCott that Kate had to keep shutting down, Meghan kept trying to hug everyone, there was a lack of respect from Harry and Meghan for everyone, and she was three weeks post-partum. No wonder she looks disgusted to be there.

Very different interpretations of Kate's body language in that photo, right?

So that's why when you look at everything that's happened, you have to be careful to stay consistent with how you review or look at things. It doesn't really matter if you're looking at it "then" or "now," it's just more important that if you look at it "then," you're not adding facts from "now" or if you're looking at it "now," you're more objective about "then"'s coverage.

If you're looking at something as it happened back in 2018 or 2020 with Megxit, you mainly have to consider only the facts as you knew them back then. In this case, everything we've learned since then adds context that explains why certain actions were taken (or not taken), why certain body language read the way it did. You have to be careful not to mix "now" and "then" events because when you incorporate "now" events into a "then" analysis (or understanding the past by looking at the present), the waters can be easily muddied with assumptions that may or may not be true. For example, William's laugh and response at the Fab Four Forum when they were asked if they ever had any disagreements. Knowing what we know now today, it's reasonable enough to assume that William laughed because of all the "firm" or monarchy-related issues they were having -- but we don't actually know if that's correct. It's more reasonable to assume that William laughed because he was thinking more about the brotherly spats he and Harry get into that has nothing to do with the monarchy or the Royal Foundation at all.

A more effective analysis (or a theory-making exercise, if you will) is when you look at "now" events through a "then" lens. Or, in other words, trying to understand the present by looking at and contextualizing the past. William's hard line and blunt rejection of Harry's attempts to weasel half-in/half-out from Charles is because of the monarchy-related issues, because of the chaos Harry and Meghan caused, because of how they treated their staff and RPOs, because of controversies with charities and the finances, because of their attacks on Kate and Charlotte, because of their demands to censor the free press, because of their exploitation of Diana, etc. And while that still is an assumption (because again, we don't actually know what William thinks), it's a more conclusive assumption and one that's likely to end up validated.

I hope that makes a bit of sense. So getting into your ask...

I don't know. I think it's unfair to pretend Meghan was not protected only because she was not playing by palace's rules.

It wasn't the only reason (and I apologize if that's what I led you to think!). It was probably one of the bigger reasons why she failed, but yes, definitely not the only reason.

From articles, Meghan was not just sending emails at 5 am, she was yelling at staff, making them responsible for failures in her plans well after the end of their day.

Correct. This is what I meant by culture differences in US vs UK. Remember, at the time when all this was happening, Meghan and the palace excused this behavior as "this is how Americans work." (Which absolutely went down like a lead balloon because all the Americans came out of the woodwork saying "no, we don't do this, that's not our work culture." And interesting, the palace stopped saying "it's American nature" pretty soon after this, though Meghan doubled down on it, and has kept doubling down on it.)

I remember one saying that they ended their day of work, were out and they kept having calls from her and Harry saying their failure ruined everything, that they were the worst or whatever, not respecting their private life. There was also the story about the ice cream truck where Meghan specified that it was only for her staff and that W&K's staff and children should have none of it. It seems to me that at one point someone even talked about how she was not sending information to someone and then blaming that person for not knowing. Someone even said once that some of her ex-staff ended up traumatised and I don't remember hearing that for anyone's staff. Like, Andrew's staff sound annoyed by him and mad, some of Charles' and Di ex-staff are mad but traumatised ?

Yes, I remember this too. Either Valentine Low (in Courtiers) or Tom Bower (in Revenge) wrote about this extensively. But again, that's not something we knew back in 2018/2019. We only learned it was this specifically bad in 2022*, which ends up contradicting Meghan's "no one protected me" claims - the palace absolutely did protect her. Not only did it take 4 years for that specific detail to come out, it was also probably discussed in the bullying investigation...which the palace 100% suppressed.

*A lot of people assumed it was this bad before the books came out, specifically because of the "Meghan has an American work ethic which is much more direct and aggressive when you're not used it" defense. There was a lot of discourse around Tumblr then that if you had ever been in a toxic relationship or a toxic workplace, you saw "Americans are direct and aggressive by nature" for the gigantic red flag it was and knew from then that Meghan was nothing but trouble. While there were suspicions, it wasn't as openly discussed until it started being confirmed by the rota and the books.

And also regarding the ice cream story, there's two versions to it. One version is that she was so kind enough to get an ice cream truck for everyone. The second version is that Meghan hired the ice cream truck only for Sussex people and that no one from the Cambridge side (not even the kids) were allowed.

Look at the timing of it. The first version came out in 2018, was promoted heavily by Meghan's PR and KP said nothing. They didn't issue a correction and just let her reap the public goodwill. It wasn't until 4 years later when Low/Bower came along that the second version/the truth was revealed.

Again, the palace protected her. They could've come out in 2018 to say "Meghan bought an ice cream truck and refused to share with George, Charlotte, and Louis" and sat back to watch the public turn on her. But they didn't. They didn't say anything. That's a form of protection.

So because we know all of this now, we can look more critically at why Meghan's attacks failed: because she ignored the actual evidence. What probably happened is that Meghan had certain expectations of how the palace would protect her, and when that didn't happen, she started crying racism and misogyny to anyone who would listen. Now, why did Meghan have certain expectations for what protection meant? Why didn't she understand what she was really signing up for? Why wasn't she appropriately prepared?

Because of Harry. But she can't really blame Harry, right? Not yet at least. She still needs him because he's the one making all the money - Netflix, Spotify, Oprah, Tyler Perry, Jamaica, they don't care about her. They want Harry because through Harry, they get the royal family. But that's all "what we know now." We assumed a lot of this back in 2018/2019, but this wasn't fact yet. These were all "unknown knowns"; things we knew but didn't know how important it was.

I mean that there must be a part of truth but to make it the reason it's a bit big to me. Especially as Meghan was leaking from the get go with those "Kate didn't go shoping with me" and her/her team was sending puff pieces and anti-Kate comparison quite early on.

This behavior of Meghan (the leaking and the gossip, the constant PR and puff pieces, the 'I'm better than Kate' stories) is exactly what I mean by she didn't play the palace's game so the palace didn't do everything they could. I should have been clearer: this behavior/these tactics isn't Kensington Palace's game so of course Kensington Palace wouldn't go to extra lengths to protect her. But this is, to an extent, Charles's game - so Clarence House, and as Charles was the heir then, Buckingham Palace protected her. But I don't think that was what Meghan wanted. I think Meghan wanted William and Kate (but mostly Kate, I think) to protect her or use more of their fame, popularity, and wealth to elevate her to a position equal to them. And when that didn't happen, she turned even more against Kate and started to turn Harry against Kate.

I don't think C/C had much to do to break anything (but I do believe they did things - they always do) and we love talking about it but the Fab four thing lasted from february to december (after that, there were too many rumours of feud to make it really believable). It was not a really established thing as Catherine was in maternity leave for most of it and there was holidays.

True, yes. But again, what we know now vs what we knew then. What we knew then was that Fab Four was the future of the royal family and the Royal Foundation. It's important in the "what we knew then" analysis because of how it was going to influence the monarchy's future.

But on the other hand in the "what we know now," it was just pure disaster - and prematurely rolled out, exactly for the reasons you listed. First Kate went out on maternity leave a month after the Fab Four Forum, which put them back as the Terriffic Trio but subbing Meghan in for Kate (and literally too - remember the ANZAC Day service at Westminster Abbey when Meghan sat between William and Harry in Kate's position instead of on Harry's left?). Then they were launching The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, who needed to be able to stand on their own two feet away from the Cambridges which led to the whole Sussex branding effort. Then the public/press turned on Harry and Meghan and William booted them from KP and then William booted them from the Royal Foundation and "Fab Four" was dead before it even started. Now it's a joke, a sarcastic reminder of the palace machinery shoehorning Meghan into a place she didn't belong in because Harry's demand to be equal to William because they were both sons of Charles and Diana, grandsons of The Queen.

So once again...it all comes back to Harry.

And I do think Meghan sent many of her staff off and that they were the ones leaking (Melissa Touabti, Sam Cohen, etc). If we don't hear things about Camilla and Catherine it's also because their staffs are loyal. I mean, we don't hear of them, neither Sophie, having let down but they are human, they surely have, so it must not be automatic misogyny.

I mean that I admit a part of it can be true. But there were so many things going on that saying she was fed to the wolves by misogyny only doesn't sit well to me.

Exactly -- you see it very clearly that the issues are more nuanced than how they were first presented to us. That's the benefit of "what we know now"; we see things much more clearly because we have more facts, more knowledge, more "known knowns" and we've been able to reassess the "unknown knowns."

Meghan doesn't see it this way. She's still stuck on "I was fed to the wolves because misogyny" because she didn't get exactly what Charles and William got. She didn't understand (or she refused to understand) that she's never going to be equal to Charles and William, but it's not because of misogyny. It's because she's the married-in wife of the spare.

If she didn't get what she wanted, if her expectations weren't met, if she wasn't prepared, if she was sold a bill of counterfeit royalty, that's not Charles's or William's or Kate's fault. It's the fault of the man she married, the man she conned and duped and gaslighted and manipulated with his dead mother's perfume she married, the man she decided to have children with, the man she loves.

But she can't turn on Harry yet. So she blames misogyny. Now, yes, there probably was some misogyny involved, especially in how the press treated her. But to blame the whole kit and caboodle on misogyny?

When all the facts clearly show that "her truth" isn't the truth? When all the facts show that it's because she didn't follow the expectations and rules set by her bosses at Kensington Palace? (And yes, William and Kate were the bosses because they were the priority principals/royals.) When none of the other married-in wives have these problems? When all the facts show that it was her husband, the one person she insists is absolutely blameless, who created these problems?

Sure, maybe back in 2018 or 2019 it was misogyny. But it's not misogyny anymore, no matter how hard Meghan tries to gaslight people otherwise.

I hope this helps, anon, or at least gives you some things to think about.

And as always, apologies for writing another essay. I didn't mean for it to get this long.

[wolftheidioticfan]

If you'd like to, could you share with us Amie and/or Ori's thoughts on each of The Emailers? I imagine they have been Data Collecting pretty much instinctively on everybody, though I get the feeling the conclusions they draw from that data, or the data they prioritize/notice more differs quite a bit between them.

Absolutely sure. They both have seen every email sent by everyone since they both have access to modify things. (Amie LOVES to talk in tags when redirecting mails. Ori might have liked to do that long ago, but he doesn't really seek people out anymore)

Lobby - Amie LOVES Lobby. really looks at how they act very very closely. It's why he got upset when everyone wanted to mail ashley because LOBBY didn't want to. Also why he temporarily worried about if bringing Parry in was right. Lobby was the first one to agree to help him!

Ori is curious. That kind of kindness and optimism is often met with manipulation or underlying issues. He's not sure he believes they are Truly kind to this degree. Are they plotting? Are they truly kind? Do they want something? Is it fear?

Parry - AMIE LOVES PARRY! BEST FRIEND. First one to call him that! Gave him so much hope! People are good! People can be good. He'll do anything for them. He looks to them the MOST for his morals. Parry could tell him anything and it would automatically override what anyone else says.

Ori is so...so confused. There is a fearful kindness he wants to pick apart. What makes a human so afraid. What is this history. Who are you. What are you. WHY are you. Where is this blind trust in him? Haven't you been hurt so many times? Didn't you hear me when I said I did not regret a thing? I am Incapable of remorse. And yet....

Mushroom - FAMILY?! Amie thinks about that all the time. Someone who distrusted him, disregarded his intentions...and then turned to give him a new chance. To then call him family. Is this what it means to earn love? To understand eachother?

Ori has...not many thoughts on Mushroom yet. They are a curious thing to him, like all people are. The turn they did about Amie is interesting. People's opinions change so quickly, don't they...

Snail - Amie gets excited when seeing Snail. Second best friend! Silly snail! Parry's friend, his friend! Protect them at all costs. They are silly. would love to play games with them. Ori noted how much Snail likes Bo. People can care about a digital creature to this extent? How odd.

Scar - Amie is....kind but tentatively nervous FOR them, not of them. You're digital? You glitch and hurt like me? How do we fix this, friend? For their sake more than his own. He's okay with who he is and how he's built. But is that okay for a human being? Is that normal? Where are you? How do I reach you?

...Ori is not blind to the parallels. Ori is...bitter that it seems things had been so much better than how it had been with him and Sonny. He kind of...isn't sure if he would talk to Scar in a more friendly way than his cordial tone.

Sea Angel- Amie unfortunately...is starting to be more on edge about Sea Angel. They're very in your face, very pushing into their comments and views even when in Amie's eyes, it might hurt more. Like when he rejected one of their emails because he thought it would upset Parry more. Or when he told them to stay in their line (Protecting a threat from death? NOT GOOD. to him) You talk too much friend. He respects a lot of their words, but when it comes to Parry specifically? Oh he's ruffling and hissing at them. Ori is indifferent. to an extent. There's a lot of wise words in that mind. But said at times when it could be taken so wrong.

OUGH these are the main off the top of my head im prolly missing some1 lmk

[lunar-wandering]

im going to kill the canadian revenue agency website thing like for real

for the past like. 2?? 3?? hell maybe 4. years. ive been meant to be getting some amount of money from the government just cause that's a Thing They Do.

i have not gotten a single dollar. why? because my mail never made it to me, and since it got sent back to them, without double checking (the LEAST they could've done was send a verification email) they decided i wanted to swap over to an online account and started sending the money to said account.

an account which i do not have access to.

so i tried to get into it. the online account that everyone automatically has. they say they gotta send me a code for me to fully activate it.

i wait. the code does not arrive.

so then. these fuckers want me to CALL them. and go through a "press (number) if you need help with (thing)" but NONE OF THE THINGS ARE CLEARLY THE ONE I NEED HELP WITH. HELLO. IM AUTISTIC AND HAVE BAD PHONE ANXIETY. WHAT DO YOU EVEN DO FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T HEAR/USE A PHONE IN THIS SCENARIO BECAUSE IT SURE DIDN'T SEEM LIKE THERE WERE OPTIONS FOR THEM-

i hung up the first time i tried this cause my mom yelled at me for hesitating, reached over and pressed a number button WITHOUT MY PERMISSION before they could finish listing the options. i panicked cause what if that was the wrong one (there is a history of my parents clicking on the first link on a site they see when trying to help me set something up and ending up on the Entirely Wrong Page while im sitting there knowing full well what the right one was cause i actually Read All The Words On The Page), and proceeded to get yelled at for an hour for being immature and that i needed to grow up because everyone makes phonecalls. i have not tried to phone them again.

so now. today. my dad tries to get me to sign in to the account using my bank account that we recently set up. this could give me full access to that account + the likely hundreds of dollars in unclaimed money just sitting in there, without needing a phonecall.

and you know what it says??? after ive done the sign in and verified that it's me??

"you already have an account on this site. please use that one."

bitch ive CLEARLY clarified that this is ME. YOU VERY OBVIOUSLY CAN TELL THAT THIS IS ME SINCE I INPUTTED THE SAME INFORMATION TO MAKE YOU GO "OH, THIS PERSON ALREADY IS HERE". IS IT TRULY THAT HARD TO LINK THE TWO ACCOUNTS TOGETHER??? HEL-FUCKING-LO??? GET A FUCKING GODDAMN REALITY CHECK AND UPGRADE/FIX YOUR DAMN SITE CAUSE IM TIRED OF BOTH NOT GETTING THE MONEY IM SUPPOSED TO AND MY PARENTS BUGGING ME ABOUT IT.

[formulax]

a call, where nothing in particular is really resolved: a first person present tense venture into sibling dynamics

I come to the realization, after a few rounds of ringing, that I am calling my sister. I come to the realization also that it was somehow an automatic response to look for her number in my phone, out of everyone else I could have possibly called. Why not call Claire? It is something I don’t immediately understand—and then I realize, I know Claire can’t help me here. Only Jenny Monroe can help me here, which is a sentence I did not expect to think to myself anytime soon.

It takes a moment for Jenny to pick up the phone. It’s nearing ten o’clock at night, and I don’t know how late she stays up. So I lean forward, bounce my leg, and wait.

“Chris, is everything okay?” She picks up. Her voice is tired, but forming a nervous tone that seems to wake her up just enough. “Is something wrong? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s—don’t worry. Don’t freak out,” I say. The words stumble ungracefully from my mouth. “I’m just... calling.”

There is a pause. “Why?”

“I’m alone in the... I don’t know. Lauren’s out with friends. I don’t know.” It’s hard to vocalize what I want; I hardly even know what I want.

I hear a sigh, and then some rustling. “Okay. I’ll go to the living room. Kevin’s out like a light,” she says. She doesn’t seem irritated, but it’s hard for me to tell.

“Did I wake you up?” I ask, pulling at a stray thread on my pajama bottoms.

“No, I wasn’t sleeping yet. Mom sent a text about me hosting the next party.” Here, her voice drops. I huff, intentionally audible, and roll my eyes. Jenny clicks her tongue in disapproval. “Don’t do that, Chris. I know we’re not letting them boss us around, but mom has arthritis, she can’t cook and host like she used to. I still want to be nice.”

“You hate cooking,” I remind her, my eyebrows raised. I lean back on the couch, put my feet up on the coffee table. “You always start yelling at people when you cook.”

“Kevin tells me that every time too. Am I really that bad?”

“And you get a little insane when you host.”

“What—what does that mean?”

I find a memory immediately, and pull it forward. I have been sitting on it for a while, as one of my best Jenny stories. “I remember once, you shoved a drink into my hand and told me to have fun or else you’d fucking kill me.”

“I don’t... remember that.”

I grin, and laugh. “You probably blacked out,” I joke. Jenny doesn’t laugh, and we sit in silence for a few seconds. My smile fades. “Jen? Should I not have brought it up?”

“Oh, no, I—I just—I’m sorry I said that,” she mutters. I get the sense that she is not ready to joke about herself, not totally. I’m not sure I’d be ready to joke about myself, either. I scramble for my next words.

“Look—do what you want, but don’t let mom guilt trip you into doing something that will make you upset. Marnie can host the party. Or Sam. I could go on,” I tell her, recalling our similar-aged cousins.

“Have you seen the newest pictures of Marnie’s twins? I can’t believe they’re six now! I’ll—I’ll email them to you.” Jenny swerves the conversation, and for a moment I consider bringing it back. But I see no reason to keep pushing, and so, I let it go.

“I would love to see the newest JCPenney photoshoot pictures of cousin Marnie’s twins. I love seeing the annoyed looks on their little six year old faces, in their corny little coordinated outfits. It’s adorable,” I drone, smiling again. This time, Jenny lets out a chuckle.

“Shut up. They’re cute kids.”

“Right, right.” I shift again, to lay down on the couch. I stare at the ceiling, and start to notice my eyes drifting to one side. I grunt. “Shit.”

“What?”

I take off my glasses, and close my eyes as the full tilting effect hits me. “Vertigo, I moved too fast,” I groan, kicking my foot in defeat.

“Shit.” I can sense Jenny’s urge to speak through the phone. Just as I open my mouth to let her, she gives in. “Have you still not figured out anything that works for you? I thought Claire was supposed to—”

“Hey, hey, Jen. I’m fine. I’m getting better. She’s hooked me up with a type of physical therapy, and I think it’s helping. I...” I hesitate, not sure if I want to admit this quite yet. I sigh. “I might start thinking about driving soon.”

I get the reaction I just about expected. “What? Really? Are you sure? I mean—you haven’t driven in—and your vertigo, it’s—are you sure?” I can picture her biting her nails and frowning. I can also picture, of course, the same carnage she is picturing.

“I’m just thinking about thinking about it, don’t get too nervous, okay? I’d need to do lessons and tests, et cetera,” I try to reassure her. She pauses to think.

“...Okay.” I smile. She has changed a lot. “But I know you hate driving. You always hated driving.”

“No,” I correct her, “I hated driving with dad.”

“God, right.” Jenny huffs. “Why is it that our conversations always find their way back to our parents? We’ve got to have more in common than the people who raised us. At some point, passing these stories back and forth doesn't make me feel better anymore. Just worse. I don’t know about you.” Jenny speaks here with a determined anger, pronouncing words with harsh snaps. But then, she lets out a breath, and she softens. “Chris, why did you call me? Just for this?”

I open my eyes. The vertigo has passed. “I told you, I don’t really know. I just called. I’m waiting for Lauren to get home,” I say, frowning. But there is something more, I know it. I am reaching for something. For what? I grind my teeth as I try to search for it.

“Is it about Lauren? Are you nervous about her? Where is she?” Jenny’s questions are monotone, methodical, but she is asking them too quickly, and I can tell she’s unnerved.

“I... she’s driving around with friends. I want—I want her to come home. I want her to be home,” I say, laying a hand over my chest. My breaths grow shallow, and my eyes water. And suddenly, I have found the thing I was looking for, the missing emotion, the cause of my unrest. “Do you ever get that?”

“Oh.” Jenny pauses to sigh; it’s a heavy, burdened sigh. “Oh, Christopher, of course I get that. Do you know how hard it is not to call her, every hour, every day? She used to be just a room away.”

I inhale and wipe my eyes, before I let myself get any worse. “She’s having fun, I—I can’t just make her come back,” I reason, pausing for a response, for instructions. Jenny hums.

“No, you shouldn’t.”

“But when she’s not here, when I can’t see her, it feels like the end of the world!” Despite my vertigo, I have a sudden urge to stand; I obey it, and begin to pace and wave my free hand. “I’ve been trying to distract myself since she left, and I just—I can’t! I’m alone, in this house, and I can’t do anything but sit and wait, and drive myself insane, because when she’s not with me she’s not... with me!”

“Okay, Chris,” Jenny slows her voice into something calm and motherly, “you’re going to be okay. Both of you are going to be okay.”

“Jenny, don’t—” I laugh anxiously and bring a hand to my face, “don’t therapy me. Please. I am perfectly aware that I’m being irrational.”

“Well—” Jenny is trying hard, I can tell, not to get frustrated. “Well, Christopher, I’m not sure what else you want me to say, I mean...”

“You don’t need to fix it,” I shout, anxiety stirring my heart. I am aware on some level how ungraceful I’m acting, but the stress is pulling my filters down, and the regret comes after. I pinch the bridge of my nose and curse. “Sorry. Maybe I should hang up.”

“No—Chris, it’s fine. We can keep talking. You can keep talking.”

It’s an offer I didn’t expect from her, and for a few moments I can only be stunned. Every day, I find myself surprised by the human capacity for change. It’s a corny thought, but a true one nonetheless. And so, I say something cornier. Something that surprises me, about myself.

“I love you,” I say, and then I slump back onto the couch. I get nervous, embarrassed; I don’t want to let it hang for too long, don’t want to turn it into something significant, so I keep talking. My face is hot. The words spill out. “I feel so selfish, I feel like a bad parent, when I get like this. And I’ve been getting like this a lot since she’s gone back to school, it’s—it’s not even that I’m overly afraid of her getting hurt, or in some kind of trouble, I just... want to see her, I want to be in the same room with her, I want to know that she’s there and I don’t ever want her to leave and it makes me feel sick because I don’t want to be mom and dad, I don’t want to hover and suffocate and—and be so obsessed like they were but god, Jennifer, my chest feels so tight and I can’t breathe sometimes and I was away for so long and I have this need, this unrelenting, terrible need to be as close as possible or else I’ll fucking explode! God... dammit!”

I slump forward and drag a hand down my face as I pause to breathe. The other line is silent, for a few more seconds, but I don’t pay any mind to her silence. I let myself cry.

And then: “You’re not mom and dad.” It’s a quiet, hesitant statement, but Jenny’s tone rises easily. “You told me not to fix it, but you’re just not... mom and dad. And I’m only saying it because you’re being fucking stupid. And I love you, too.”

My body tenses, and something bubbles up to my throat, and then I let out a horrid, sudden cackle. I double over, hanging my head, and I laugh.

“Hey!” she snaps at me. “What’s so funny about that? What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t—” I stomp my foot and cover my mouth. “I don’t know!”

“Stop fucking laughing you asshole—” She begins to giggle. “I’m being nice to you!”

“I know!” I force out some breaths. “It just feels so weird! Why am I calling you?”

“I don’t know, why did you call me?”

“Because you’re my sister, and—” I snort, “and I love you!”

Both of us burst into another round of violent laughter. My side begins to hurt, and I return to a sprawled out position on the couch. As I laugh, the bottled nervous energy drains from me, finding a new home as sound waves from my now-hoarse voice, bouncing around the dimly lit living room.

“Chris—Chris,” Jenny manages, finally. “Again, we’re back to goddamn mom and dad.”

I realize she’s right, and I scoff. “They haunt the dark recesses of our minds, Jen, of course we’re back to mom and dad,” I say, voice flat. I kick my feet up on the couch’s armrest.

“Well, I’m just saying, as someone who ended up parenting too much like them, I know what you’re saying. I think. In a way, but...”

“Alright. Am I fucked up?”

“Oh thoroughly.”

I smile. “Thanks, Jen.”

“For—for what?”

“I don’t know,” I admit, settling further into the couch. There’s a warmth in my chest, a cheesy fuzziness that makes me chuckle to myself again. The phone is quiet against my ear. I can tell she’s smiling too.

“I just want you to know, that this whole call is fucking disgusting.”

“Oh, it’s so gross.” I mock-gag. “Ew, feelings, let’s talk about cousin Marnie and her twins again in their little matching six year old outfits.”

“And her useless fucking husband,” Jenny spits, “that never lifts a fucking finger.”

I gasp and sit up. “Wait—what? Scott? I thought we liked Scott!”

“We do not fucking like Scott.”

“What happened, he was doing so good!”

“Weaponized. Incompetence.”

“Elaborate.”

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

New data from Pennsylvania's elections agency shows an early November state court decision that barred mail-in ballots without accurate handwritten dates on their exterior envelopes resulted in otherwise valid votes being thrown out.

The Department of State said this week more than 16,000 mail-in ballots were disqualified by county officials because they lacked secrecy envelopes or proper signatures or dates. Democratic voters, who are much more likely to vote by mail, made up more than two-thirds of the total canceled ballots. The agency said 8,250 Pennsylvania mail-in ballots were rejected because they were sent in without being contained within a secrecy envelope, making it impossible for them to be tabulated without putting voter privacy at risk.

The remaining 7,904 invalidated ballots were tossed out because the exterior envelopes used to send in those ballots did not have the voters' signatures, or because those exterior envelopes were either undated or improperly dated. Many counties, but not all, worked with voters to “cure” undated ballots. Those fixed ballots were counted and are not among the number of rejected ballots now being reported by the Department of State.

Some people whose mail-in ballots were thrown out in the high-stakes November election may not be aware that happened.

“In many counties, voters who provide their email address when applying for a mail ballot automatically receive email notifications with status updates on their ballot, including whether their ballot was canceled,” Department of State spokesperson Ellen Lyon said in an email. “There is no similar automatic notification system for voters who do not provide an email address when applying for a mail ballot.”

Pennsylvania Democrats flipped Republican U.S. Sen. Pat Toomey's seat this fall, elected Attorney General Josh Shapiro as Governor and won just enough state House races to retake majority control by one vote.

But the Democrats' much greater use of mail-in voting also meant they saw far more of their votes disqualified than did Republicans, independents and third party voters combined. Democrats had 10,920 votes thrown out, about half for lacking secrecy envelopes. Republicans saw 3,503 ballots forfeited. Independents and third parties amounted to 1,731 votes that did not count in the fall election.

Negotiations between Democratic Gov. Tom Wolf and Republican legislative leaders about ending the exterior envelope date requirement failed because the sides could not reach agreement on a wider bill to address a host of election procedures and policy changes. The exterior envelope dates are not needed to ensure ballots arrive in time — that occurs when they are received and clocked in by county elections workers.

Republican lawmakers have defended the need for the requirements, saying they are important for security and secrecy.

The 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in May that the dates were not required — calling them “immaterial” — but the U.S. Supreme Court then ruled that decision moot.

Other federal litigation against the secretary of state and county elections boards over the inaccurate or missing envelope dates remains pending. It claims enforcing the date requirement has a larger impact on voters who are "significantly older than both other Pennsylvanians who voted by mail and all registered Pennsylvania voters.”

In the Governor's race, Shapiro collected just over 1 million mail-in votes, about a third of his total, on his way to a nearly 15-point win over Republican state Sen. Doug Mastriano, whose received more than 187,000 mail-in ballots. There were fewer than 19,000 third-party or independent mail-in votes in the gubernatorial race.

Marian Schneider, senior voting rights policy counsel for the American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania, said state law needs more clarity about the process of curing flawed ballots so more voters’ choices will count. The total number may be a small portion of total votes cast, but they could determine the winner of a close race.

“It's still 16,000 people whose votes didn't count,” Schneider said. “It would be good to avoid that, right?”

The Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruled a week before the November election that mail-in votes may not count if they are “contained in undated or incorrectly dated outer envelopes." Ballots without properly dated envelopes have been the topic of litigation since mail-in voting was greatly expanded in Pennsylvania under a 2019 state law.

The justices had split 3-3 on whether making the envelope dates mandatory under state law would violate provisions of the U.S. Civil Rights Act of 1964, which states that immaterial errors or omissions should not be used to prevent voting. The tie meant the date mandate has remained in place. The court has yet to issue a written opinion laying out its reasoning and explaining why it ordered county officials to “segregate and preserve” the canceled ballots.

[dayeongi]

Well-wishes

I saw the texts come in this morning as I worked.

They came from a number I didn’t have saved, but I saw a preview on the notifications. Words like “I’m sorry” and “I didn’t know how to handle...” and my breath caught in my throat.

Almost as soon as I realized who it was, the last text came in. It said “i’m X.”

I managed to swallow the trepidation and finish off an email to let the dread settle comfortably before I opened them. They looked to be long and emotionally destructive.

X had been my best friend since the first day of preparatory school. From the very first day I got to school 3 hours early because I made a mistake with my timetable, and she asked if I was always early, and I said yes, and then that was the last time I was early to school.

She’d been there for 11 years. Through my father’s death of Covid, she had brought a chair and sat outside my house, brought me groceries, and chatted with me through the glass window for the entire 14 days I was quarantined. And that made it worth the times she’d stood me up or let me down, or made me wait for hours because there was always something going on.

She had been there through my first boyfriend and first serious crush (which were two different people). She had been there through the abusive household I lived in, and I was there through her first serious relationship with a mutual friend, from the beginning through its messy end, I chose her every time, because I thought that’s what best friends were like. And I was there as much as she let me be.

Last I’d heard from X was in 2021, she’d told me she was in an unsafe situation with her stepfather at home, and asked if she could move into my spare room, and pay rent. I said come, don’t pay rent, just help with the utilities and groceries.

She said yes, and dropped off some of the things that same day, and she slept over. Next morning before she left for work, she said she’d drop by her current place and pick up the rest of her stuff after work. I said I’d wait for her to come back to order groceries so we could save on delivery fees and gave her my spare set of keys.

She called during work hours, and said she would be coming over tomorrow; she was afraid of her stepfather so she wanted to get her things out when they were out.

I said that was fine since she had keys anyway, and asked if she wanted me to wait to order groceries.

She didn't show up the next day. Or the next.

This was normal from her. She never kept her word.

I messaged just to check on her and ask if she still wanted me to hold off on the groceries.

No response for another two days. I started to get nervous. I ordered the groceries because I'd ran out of stuff, and messaged her again.

I let her know I could just take care of the delivery fees. No response for the rest of the day.

Then, a premade-like message. "I'm sorry, I can't answer right now, but I'll get back to you ASAP."

Like the ones you set up on your phone to be sent automatically.

I started to panic, because I didn't know her stepfather, and in my country, you can make people disappear with under 100 gbp, and she'd recently had experienced a situation almost like that with a taxi driver.

I thought, "what if I'm sitting here, thinking she's fine and just not getting back to me, and instead she's dead in a ditch somewhere."

My best friend of 11 years.

I called several times. Several being maybe 4 times in the span of an hour, which wasn't strange for us.

I calmed myself, and decided I'd been dumb not to check on her social media; I normally don't check people's profiles at all.

What I saw was surreal. I'd been there, sitting in my living room floor thinking my best friend was dead; she had been so urgent, and seemed so frightened.

During that time, she had been going on brunches, and on a roadtrip with her fiancé.

The change of plans itself was irrelevant. It was the lack of consideration. The shamelessness of putting me on hold without giving me a word.

I called her again. No response. I stewed on it for another two days, waiting to hear back.

Nothing.

I sent her a message. "I just think it's unfair that you asked me to do this for you, then left me waiting here to hear back from you for over a week, worried out of my mind."

No response that day. Or the next. I message her again. "Please let me know when I can go pick up the stuff (I'd lent her for a trip)"

No response, until later that day. It has been 2 weeks since she came to my house panicking about needing somewhere to stay immediately.

There was no apology. Instead she said she would drop off my spare set of keys, and she needed some space from me, and maybe one day we could be friends again once I was in a better headspace.

That she had no reason to report what she was up to every minute of her life, and that if it had been such a pain to wait for her, to not bother.

To add insult to injury, that she loved me and would be there for me if I ever needed anything.

I snarked back. I said things like "I don't need to know every single thing you do every single minute, and sorry I give a shit about you"

Then she took everything I'd ever trusted her with, all the times I'd been frustrated with my family and told her, and used it to say I was the problem, that I was the reason I always had interpersonal conflict, and the reason my life was the way it was, and I needed to reflect on myself and the shit path my life was taking.

She sent me her love again. My best friend of 11 years.

I didn't send her love back. I only asked to get my shit.

I will spare anyone who is reading the boring negotiations and promises she never kept to give me back my stuff, until she finally did.

She dropped them off at my place. It was raining. I awkwardly avoided looking anywhere above her hands; I knew I would cry if I did.

I thanked her as I closed the door out of politeness.

On text, after I'd closed the door after myself, she'd sent me her love and well-wishes again.

Like she hadn't riled me up and prepared me to help her. Like I was a wet stray under the rain she looked at pitifully.

Well-wishes. Hah.

I blocked her the very moment I saw them.

I hadn't hear from her in a while until a mutual friend shared the photos of her wedding.

She had taken the dream wedding dress design I'd made for myself, that I had so delicately and secretly shown her, and made it for herself.

I blocked every mention of her from everywhere, and over time I realized, I was starting to feel like a full person again as soon as I stopped constantly giving her everything.

I put my face on the desk.

Which brings me to today, and the 5 deleted messages. From an unknown number.

I pointed out I could see someone had tried to message me.

"sorry, I got the wrong number," she said, and I thought: how fucking unfair to mess up my tuesday and try to play me for a fool. How fucking evil and selfish of X to wish me a good day and try to deceive me into taking her well-wishes again. All for her own comfort or healing or whatever she was trying to do by messaging me on a fucking tuesday.

But, honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to X. Too much has happened. Too much time has passed.

I didn't want to be carrying around a piece of her anymore. So I pretended to buy it.

And X decided to text me back. "Sorry. I actually didn't get the wrong number. But I don't want to tell you who I am because I'm afraid. Regardless, I just want to wish you a good day."

Some part of me relished in the fact that she was scared. So I said "thank you, X."

I wanted her to feel what I felt when I saw her messages pop up on the screen, then disappear.

Maybe I wanted to fuck up her tuesday too because I'm also a coward.

And because I'm a coward, I pretended I guessed, but wasn't sure if it was really X.

"We can play a guessing game. I'm someone who likes to shop around for useless stuff. And I always scolded you for eating your fries before your burger."

And I said "so you're really X." Even though I'd always known, from the 5th, deleted message.

Bracing myself for impact, I read the messages she sent after. About how sorry she was about everything that happened, that she had been a fool and I'd been a great friend, and she hopes everything is going well for me.

How if I ever wanted to, we could go get a burger together again.

For a moment, I thought about saying yes. Because she'd been my best friend for 11 years. Because I was lonely. Because she remembered I like to eat my fries before the burger.

Then, I remembered how she'd known exactly how to hurt me and hadn't hesitated in my lowest moment, then skipped-off into the sunset with my dream wedding dress for a wedding I haven't been able to hold for myself. Apparently now self-reportedly with regrets.

How she had selfishly tried to give me unsolicited well-wishes to ease her own guilt.

Too much has happened. Too much has been said. Too much time has passed. The scar of the space where she used to be is old and gnarled, but a scar.

I replied, "I'm also sorry about how everything happened, and I always did wish you the best."

X seemed to falter. She typed and deleted. Typed and deleted.

She thanked me for giving her my time.

She said she hadn't know how to handle her own situation and emotions and everything had just gone out of control, and she'd done it all before she'd realized it, and then got scared to try to fix it.

X seemed to have realized what I meant by not responding to her burger invitation thing.

She said again she'd kept me in her good memories, and although she knew things couldn't ever be the same again, that she regretted it.

I thanked her, etcetera. Wished her a good life.

Sincere, I mean. 

I'm not sure if I was sincere, this only happened today. I don't know what I'm feeling.

But I want to think my well-wishes were. 

It's the best I can give her now.

I want to think I said it out of gratitude for those 11 years. For the time she stood outside my house when I was afraid I was dying every time I gasped for breath.

Of the time that I told her I was afraid I wanted to off myself, and she drove to my house at 12:35 AM and held me as I cried.

Well-wishes. 

The only thing I'm willing to give her now.

[novumtimes]

Energy firms to work with Scottish Government on social tariff

For free real time breaking news alerts sent straight to your inbox sign up to our breaking news emails Sign up to our free breaking news emails Sign up to our free breaking news emails Energy firms are working with the Scottish Government to deliver a “social tariff” that could cut fuel bills for vulnerable customers. Ministers are working with E.On, EDF Energy, Scottish Gas (Centrica) and consumer organisations on a new working group which aims to design the special tariff – which it is hoped could provide more affordable energy for those in need. The move comes after the Scottish Government’s climate action minister Alasdair Allan chaired a roundtable event to consider what could be done to help those struggling with energy costs. Mr Allan said: “The Scottish Government has repeatedly called for a social tariff for those who need it the most, including those in extreme fuel poverty. This is a real step forward and could produce a model for fairer energy pricing not just in Scotland but in other nations too Scottish climate action minister Alasdair Allan “It’s great news therefore that the energy suppliers and consumer organisations have agreed to work with us on this.” The minister accepted there is “some way to go” before a social tariff – which would see certain customers charged a reduced rate for their gas and electricity – becomes a reality. He said: “This is a real step forward and could produce a model for fairer energy pricing not just in Scotland but in other nations too.” It comes as the average household energy bill is set to increase by £149 from October after industry watchdog Ofgem confirmed it was increasing its price cap. At the same time, the Government is withdrawing winter fuel payments from millions of pensioner households across the UK who are not in receipt of benefits. Timescales for the Scottish Government’s new working group are to be agreed shortly but Mr Allan added: “We recognise the urgency in delivering extra support for consumers struggling with their energy bills. “We remain committed to working closely with the UK Government, Ofgem, suppliers and consumer organisations, advocating for the delivery of a social tariff across Great Britain.” Gillian Martin, acting Energy Secretary in the Scottish Government, wrote last year to the previous UK government, setting out the principles ministers at Holyrood think should be key features of a social energy tariff. She made clear the Scottish Government believes such a scheme should be used to provide additional support for customers rather than acting as a replacement for existing forms of support. Ministers at Holyrood agree any new social tariff should be applied automatically to anyone in receipt of means-tested benefits – but could also help those on low incomes who just miss out on qualifying for benefits and who are at risk of fuel poverty. People who have high energy bills because they need to use medical life-saving equipment for long-term conditions should also be eligible for any such scheme, the Scottish Government believes. Source link via The Novum Times

[unhookedcandles]

I'm sure that someone else has talked about this, but I just went out to lunch with my aunt who is a long-time special ed teacher and I was complaining about some of the crazy parents that I had to deal with in my clinical placements and I showed her this super long email I sent to one of the moms where I clearly explained to her exactly why I was doing what I was doing and she didn't listen to a single thing I was saying. My aunt looked at it with knowing eyes and said "You can't fight crazy with logic." I laughed but it's been a few days now and I can't stop thinking about how relevant that is, not just in my life, but in politics rn too.

You can't fight crazy with logic.

My dad is a smart man, but he grew up poor and white and worked his way through college so he very much has eaten the lies that the US has fed to him about social mobility. He believes that if he can do it anyone can do it, and he did do it, so it is difficult for him to understand why other people can't do the same. But he's a smart man, and his beliefs are evidence-based (his evidence in this case being himself) so the best way to combat his logical beliefs are with logic. He didn't understand why immigrants didn't just come in to the country legally, which is not a completely illogical thought. Due to many factors (he's white, he's not a reader, he's not super politically engaged, he's nice but not prone to giving people the benefit of the doubt) his mind does not go to looking for the barriers that would prevent people from applying legally. However, the fact that he doesn't look for these barriers isn't him not believing that these barriers exist, and as I said he's a logical man. I showed him the John Oliver video about how difficult it is for asylum seekers to even try to apply for asylum to the US, the way that they have to download apps and the apps don't work, and the way that the system is broken from the start. He saw the evidence-- people weren't applying legally because they couldn't apply legally. And so he changed his mind. He didn't like transgender athletes competing because he thought it was unfair. He thought he knew the evidence (boys are taller than girls, I guess was his evidence) and made his determination. I showed him the interviews of cis female athletes with high testosterone that were barred from running track events and the debunking of that one girl who claimed to be the fastest girl in Connecticut or what the fuck ever and he changed his mind.

You can't fight crazy with logic.

Some beliefs, however, are not based in logic. There's no logic to the q-annoners who think that JFK faked his death or that Trump is sending them mysterious messages to decode through his tweets (or whatever they call his not-twitter bigot platform messages). There is no number of interviews and well-researched articles I can show them that can make them change their mind. Their beliefs are rooted in this fear that they're losing the protection that their whiteness grants them, fear that progress is already happening and leaving them behind. Their fear is not valid but it is a real emotion.

Anyway, I hate when American leftists automatically write conservatives off as stupid or act like ignorance is a permanent state of being. Not only is it arrogant to think that leftists are the only people who are able to think critically about things, but it also isn't true and it's completely discounting the thought processes of approximately half the country (not even considering the thoughts of conservatives all over the world). There are a lot of people out there whose conservative beliefs stem from logic, and the best way to begin change is to fight their logic with more logic. Is showing my dad a video about how fucked up the asylum process is in the US going to make him share my beliefs about the fact that no human is illegal (especially on stolen land)? Maybe not, but it is the first step for sure. Not doing this first step because you believe that all conservatives are irredeemably stupid is not helping anyone or any cause.

I'm not saying that this will work with the q-annoners because you can't fight crazy with logic. They need something else, whether that's community or deprogramming, I'm genuinely not sure. But I think that thinking all people that don't share your viewpoints are automatically illogical isn't helping anything at all

[coralsgrimes]

Sooo over the months I been typing these long ass coral life stories, very agitated may I add, but then the frustration wears off so I just been deleting the shite cuz why would anyone wanna read any of that.

Tho I have a fuck me story from today x.x

So imagine me just coral girlblogging making fun of Benny and then!!! A call! Sadly it was our lab technician and when he's calling it's gotta be real bad. But ye know there's this storm coming so maybe he just updating me about the department whatever they came up with??? Nooooo he did not xd

Lemme break it down for ye cuz like;

1. One of the cleaners walks by our cold room, feels that it's unusually warm around

2. No idea how long it took but the cleaner eventually tells the guard who comes by and is like oh it's fucking boiling

3. The guard calls our technician who comes by and decides the cold room is fucking broken

4. He calls me, while imma trying to girlblog, to come cuz it's a disaster

Sooo, I sent thousands of messages in our lab group chat asking who was the last one in the lab Saturday night and who's coming later today cuz I would appreciate the help. Still have no idea how long the cold room was boiling. Anyways it was me, the technician and later later later one other girl came by but she had her shite to do too so was not mucha help. We moved everything that was in there to freezers, cold rooms and fridges all over the building and in another fucking building cuz one thing about science - there's never enough space and so it happened that our cold room is the biggest in the building cuz we stock shit tons of media. And the problem is that the stuff there is big like bottles of reagents, media and I just made like a 200 fresh plates last week that might all be bin material at this point x.x so it was like impossible Tetris to put it all elsewhere lol and I had to make fucking lists of where each lil fucker went

Then I sent thousands of emails to PIs of the other lab groups in the building and everyone else in that circus to say yeee sorry to stuff yer fridge but our cold room is a sauna now soooo had no choice xd

And then, since cold room is a critical equipment, we called the service right, like to get to the shite and fix it they have to get on the roof cuz idk why but all the cold rooms in the building are like that apparently. So tonight/tomorrow it's stormy so no one is getting up that fucking roof, Tuesday maybe? Nope, they said MAYBE they can get someone to take a look on Friday....

Just so ye all know, the temperature in the cold room is supposed to be between 2 and 4 degrees. It was 26??? me think when I came, and then it was 39 when I was leaving xd it stinks and is so dirty I will probably have to deep clean it after it's fixed

And now, the storm is coming and I love rain on my roof windows but not the stormy about to kill me red weather alert rain and wind. Fun x.x

I do obviously blame Benny cuz the timing is absolutely not a coincidence lol I may make no sense but Imma so tired xd gotta come in late tomorrow as a treat and also after the worst alert is over xd if the power dies then I might even get tomorrow off cuz funny thing when there's no power they do have a generator back up, tho!! it can't power the whole building so if that happens they disconnect all equipment and all sockets and turn off the automatic lights and shite so that only freezers and fridges and incubators would take the power lol meaning no one on site. Let's pray actually 🙏 could use that lol

[imactuallyadog]

Oh boy. A post from me. Someone you don't know. Ah man. Where do I start?

I'll start with my job. I've been with this restaurant for close to two years now. It's located in Florida and is one of the hottest tourist traps, except they don't like being labelled as such. I used to love my job. I used to brag about my job so much. But things started changing just after a shift in one of the management positions. See, the manager I had at the beginning was really nice. Soft. Understanding. Laid back. Chill. Then a hurricane hit Fort Meyers and she had to relocate to help her parents. She had no idea when she would be back. A new manager came in and I got bad vibes automatically.

Now, I didn't have personal beef with this new manager until a couple months in. I sent an email to one of the assistant managers detailing everything that the actual manager said or did to me and included "If you ask a couple of my coworkers, they will also have horror stories." What this manager will do is state how much she does not like drama but then will purposefully take the pot, throw in some weird ass ingredients, and stir it with a smile on her face as she watches the pot boil. Separations started happening. Rumors began to fly and we all began questioning each other which made no sense. It became toxic. But that was just the beginning. They promoted someone to becoming a second assistant manager and everything got worse. The second assistant manager had been noticing things happening for a while and decided to speak out against it in a meeting with HR. However, the meeting ended with "You can either continue here as a cashier or you can leave." She decided to stay as cashier, in hopes that at least she'll get her bonus. She did not get any bonus. Adding on to this, the supervisors usually get a bonus. Half now, half in December. The supervisors ended up getting less than they had ever gotten vs the normal employees ended up getting more. I was a normal employee for about half the summer.

Adding on to this list, I know that in certain areas of this particular restaurant, tips are part of the job. In this certain area, we had tips for years. I mean years. However, our tips had gotten taken away. This manager that we work for in this particular area has said multiple times "You guys get paid way too much." At the time, I didn't understand why she would say that until it was revealed that supposedly, the money on the bonus checks came from Google Reviews. Now, that doesn't quite make sense because we had been making some bank before we switched systems and in the area of this restaurant I work in, we had been close to our sales of last year. So something isn't adding up here. We also had a "customer service test" to see how our customer service is. We ended up being the best area of this restaurant for our customer service. Me and the second assistant manager had gotten called out because we killed it. Then a week later our tips got taken away. Now, like I said, in certain areas of the restaurant, you tip. You don't NEED to tip in my area which happens to be retail. But the fact is.. why is the best place with customer service getting punished?

My favorite memory so far while working for this job is the fact that I recently shaved my head for no other reason than to just shave my head. I am a female. If you had a slight clue to who this is, you'll know now. I had recently volunteered to take pictures promoting stuff for this restaurant. Imagine my surprise when the person who took my pictures pulled me to the side and said that the owner's son said he liked the pictures but would prefer for someone else with LONG hair to model. It had nothing to do with my face tattoo or my neck tattoo. It had to do with my HAIR. It's a natural color that I dyed. But the problem was with how SHORT it was. According to this person, the GM of the restaurant stood up for me as well as the photographer. How sure I am that this is true? I'm not. The photographer is a Scorpio though and we know about SZA right? I love that queen to death but she can not tell the truth to save her life. SZA, not the photographer. Even if 5% of this was true, I need to get this out there. My fury has no bounds when it comes to this restaurant. I love working in restaurants but this.. Everyone fucks each other, everyone is two faced, everyone is coked up, and everyone sucks. But because I'm limited in my job choosings, due to having a face tattoo, it's taken a bit longer than I'd admit to quit.

I am angry. I am at a loss.

Cooperations do not care about your happiness and neither do greedy owned businesses. There are small businesses that do give a shit about you but this one in particular... They do not give a single shit about you. I can not wait to quit. They're gonna have to order a cease and desist letter because I will not be quiet.

[aasmauk]

8 Tips to Guard Your PC from Viruses and Malware

It may be the start of a new year, but a relic of an older fraud is getting the attention of internet users.

The FBI recently stated a scam involving computers that begin on the phone you receive a call from a caller who claims to work for a "major software company." (Hmm...wonder which one?) They claim that your system is sending error messages to them on the Web and that they've identified an infection. There's no problem: All you need do is pay the fee, and they'll fix the issue remotely on your system by applying antivirus programs to it.

If the person calling you knows the credit card number and access to your computer, they can't eliminate viruses but install them.

In October, The Federal Trade Commission cracked down on the same scam, which charged computer users between $49 and $400 for the ability to "remove" Malware from their computers. The agency said "tens of thousands" of computer users were victims of the scam.

Read malwarebytes notifications won't go away

The method to avoid these frauds is easy enough: don't provide strangers with your credit card information or computer access. However, let's look at other ways you can defend yourself against Malware and viruses:

1. Make sure your software is up to date

Software manufacturers such as Microsoft and Oracle frequently upgrade their software to address bugs that hackers could take advantage of. On Sunday, Oracle released an update for its Java software that fixes the security flaw hackers might have exploited to take over computers through Malware.

The patch to the software was released after the Department of Homeland Security sent out an advisory this week regarding the security flaw that recommended users of computers remove their Java plugin in the Web browsers.

2. Beware of clicking on links contained in emails.

The best rule of thumb is If you don't recognize the email's sender, do not click on any hyperlinks within the email. Microsoft claims that 44.8 percent of Windows virus infections occur because the computer user clicks on something.

3. Use free antivirus software

There is no need to pay for security software to safeguard your PC or an annual subscription to keep you updated with the most recent virus security. If you're a Windows person, Microsoft Security Essentials is free. Avast is another free antivirus program. Software.

Read our article Antivirus Software is a Waste of Money for ideas.

4. Backup your computer

Do you regularly back up your data on your personal computer? If not - as well, 29 percent of computer users fall in this category - you're no protection against calamities that range from a failed hard drive to the destruction of your home. If you're concerned about your data, back it up.

Three main backup choices include an external hard drive or online backup service cloud storage. Utilize an online backup service such as Google Drive, and your documents will be constantly stored in the cloud. The price is just right: no cost for up to 5GB of data. For more information, read Online Storage Wars: Which Virtual Storage Is Best?

5. Make sure you use a secure password

A secure password is complex and includes various numbers, letters, and symbols. Some people will use the same password across all of their accounts. Make sure you avoid this habit.

The company provides password security; SplashData.com claims that the three most commonly used passwords are 123456 and 12345678. SplashData.com suggests avoiding using the same password/user name combination on multiple website logins.

When making passwords, make sure you use at least eight characters. Also, try using phrases separated by space marks or underscore to make them easier to remember, like "car_park_city?"

What's the best option? Utilize a no-cost service such as LastPass to manage and create your passwords. Only remember only one password: the one that unlocks the LastPass vault. After you've opened it up, LastPass will automatically log you into each website you visit that requires a password. It's a great tool - try it out.

Also Read What Is Antivirus Software? How Can It Help You Protect Yourself?

6. Make use of a firewall

Even if you're running antivirus software does not mean you're equipped with the security of a firewall. Both PCs, as well as Macs, have the firewall built in. Make sure you check it's turned on.

7. Minimize downloads

Check that your Web internet browser's security settings are high sufficient to identify illegal downloads. If you're using Internet Explorer, the medium security setting is the minimum security level you can use.

8. Utilize an anti-pop-up blocker

Web browsers can be configured to block pop-ups and permit you to control the level of security required to accept pop-ups. The federal OnGuardOnline website recommends not clicking on links that appear within pop-up windows.

Even the most diligent computer users are still at risk of acquiring Malware. You should be wary of a computer virus if your computer has a slowdown or crashes, or it repeats errors.

Other indicators could be that the computer can't immediately shut down and restart. Other indicators include new tools you didn't install, a new homepage, or a laptop battery draining more quickly than it should.

If you think your computer is affected, ensure the security program is up-to-date, and then check the computer for Malware. If that doesn't fix the issue, you can type a query in your favorite search engine to discover forums where people have shared their experiences in combat and won similar battles.

What's the bottom thing to consider? Nowadays, protecting yourself from viruses as well as losing information is significantly easier than it was in the past and doesn't cost any money. Make a few moments today to make sure that you're secure. You'll be grateful that you took the time.

[god-whispers]

aug 2

burning daylight

"so teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." psa 90:12

there was a movie awhile back with john wayne called "the cowboys." the cowboys were awakened with a cry, "we're burning daylight." there were only so many hours in the day where there was light to accomplish what had to be done. it must be done in the allotted light or it wouldn't get done.

i wonder how many of us now are burning daylight? Jesus knew all things and He knew what needed to be done; and done quickly. "I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work." john 9:4

the word tells us, "multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! for the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision." joel 3:14 there are so many who are just blithely go along, unaware of the fate awaiting them. some believe they will be reincarnated to do it all over again. then there are those who remain quite sure that death is only a release into the vacuum of emptiness; a final rest from all their labors. they will be surprised when they do not awake into the nothingness they seek. you see, the spirit is eternal, from the moment of conception.

i wonder how many of us are questioning whether Jesus really is coming; and coming in a pre-tribulation rapture? i speak for no one but myself, but i will anxiously wait and look for the next "high watch" time for His summoning, and everyday in between.

His delay only means that we have a few more days of daylight to do our jobs; to bring as many as we can into the kingdom. my rapture hopes are more alive than ever. in fact, so alive that i find it difficult to continue writing as though He hadn't come already.

you see, i try to write these dailies a few days ahead of time and schedule them to be sent automatically. that way if something should "come up" or i get too busy, i can remain assured they will be sent out. in fact, one day many will be receiving this email now even though i am already gone. wouldn't that be wonderful? except for one thing. if Jesus has called me home, it means they are still here. now if it was in the rapture that means they are in for a difficult time ahead, a "tribulation" time.

if however, it was my death that summoned me home, i am no less pleased my race is now over and i have joined my Lord. i do so want to be in the rapture, but even more than that, i want to be in His will. just know that i have left teaching and rapture videos explaining what has happened to everyone on my computer and i have many, many bibles in my home to share with others. if it is indeed the beginning of the tribulation, false explanations will abound and bibles will become rarer and rarer.

it doesn't matter if you are "saved through fire" or otherwise - only that you are saved. our precious, beautiful Lord is not willing that any should perish. He's not willing that you should perish, if you happen to still be here. won't you receive Him now as you redeemer, as your Lord and Master, as your God? redemption is only possible through His blood.

our Lord also said, "as the Father has sent Me, I also send you." john 20:21 now spread the good news of Jesus wherever you have opportunity. God bless us everyone.

[beaconcoder]

Efficient and Reliable Bulk Email Marketing Services for Business Growth

Anyone with an email address is probably aware of the popularity of mass emails and newsletters. Yet, despite your congested inbox, email marketing is still a largely underused marketing strategy.

We know from experience at Speak that mass emails may have a significant impact on many organizations. That is why, on our content management system, Site Wrench, we offer our own bulk email service called Mass Mail that customers may use.

The Advantages of Mass Email

Reaching a large audience at the affordable rate 

One of the primary benefits of using bulk email is that you can send your message to a huge number of people quickly and for free (or very inexpensively). It is difficult to surpass in terms of value.

If you've ever sent printed direct mail, put an ad in a newspaper, or done any other type of traditional advertising, you understand how costly it can be. You will be hard pressed to find a method of contacting your consumers for less time, money, or effort than an e-blast.

E-Mail provides better insight 

Whether you send out printed direct mail or place a newspaper ad, it's tough to tell how many people viewed your promotional item. To assess the efficacy of that advertisement, you may need to create a campaign-specific phone number or ask individuals how they discovered you when they contact you.

Bulk email provides better insight into what is going on without the added work of going back to measure. You can automatically measure how many people received your email, how many opened it, what buttons or links they clicked on, how much time they spent reading the message, and much more!

The Issues with Bulk Email

Of course, bulk email campaigns are not without their drawbacks. With all of the good they may do, there are certain obstacles and stumbling blocks to be aware of.

Your mail may not be received 

We understand. That's a significant disadvantage. What's the use of sending an email if no one is going to read it before deleting it? It is certainly feasible to manage email campaigns wisely in order to reduce the number of individuals who delete your email before reading it. A good campaign requires both components (strategy and numbers).

A single mail is not likely to result in a massive increase in new business 

Your best hope is to adopt the mentality of "If we get one sale out of this, it will be worth the effort." Rather, it is critical to enter with reasonable expectations.

Consider your personal experience with advertising emails. How frequently do you open them and read them? How frequently do you automatically remove them? How frequently do you go to the bother of unsubscribing from a mailing list? Beacon Coders provide you with the best bulk email marketing services That increase your customer approach.

Email formatting is difficult 

So, now we're going to speak about the technical side of things. Assume you decide to give mass email a fair go. You create a trendy new template, write wonderful text, cross your t's and dot your i's, and eventually push send.

5,000 individuals have your email in their inboxes in a matter of seconds. 5,000 persons received a phone call that said "Hello there... You appear to have received an email. Why not stop what you're doing and come check me out?"

You arrive home, turn on your laptop, open Gmail, and anxiously check your inbox to see what your clients are looking at.

FAQs

What exactly is bulk email marketing?

Bulk email marketing is the practice of sending promotional emails to a large number of individuals at the same time, generally to promote a product, service, or event.

Is there a best way to use a mass email marketing service?

Sure, some best practices for using a bulk email marketing service include gathering email addresses from individuals who have expressed interest in your product or service and have given you permission to contact them. To address subscribers by name and adapt communications to their interests and preferences, use personalization tags.

What kinds of bulk email marketing services are there?

Some popular bulk email marketing services include: Mailchimp, Constant Contact, Campaign Monitor, AWeber and GetResponse.

[360marketview]

What is ChatGPT and what difference does it make? This is the very thing you want to be aware

What is ChatGPT and what difference does it make? This is the very thing you want to be aware

Refreshed: This simulated intelligence chatbot’s high level conversational capacities have produced a remarkable buzz. We answer your inquiries.

What is ChatGPT?

ChatGPT is a natural language processing tool driven by AI technology that allows you to have human-like conversations and much more with the chatbot. The language model can answer questions and assist you with tasks like composing emails, essays, and code.

Use is right now open to the general population for nothing in light of the fact that ChatGPT is in its exploration and criticism assortment stage. As of Feb. 1, there is likewise a paid membership form called ChatGPT In addition to.

https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt

Who made ChatGPT?

ChatGPT was created by OpenAI, an AI and research company. The company launched ChatGPT on Nov. 30, 2022.

OpenAI is also responsible for creating DALL-E-2, a popular AI art generator, and Whisper, an automatic speech recognition system.

How big a deal is ChatGPT?

It’s stirred things up.

“ChatGPT is alarming great. We are not a long way from perilously solid simulated intelligence,” said Elon Musk, who was one of the pioneers behind OpenAI prior to leaving. Sam Altman, OpenAI’s boss, said on Twitter that ChatGPT had more than 1 million clients in the initial five days after it sent off.

As per an investigation by Swiss bank UBS, ChatGPT is the quickest developing application ever. The examination assesses that ChatGPT had 100 million dynamic clients in January, just a brief time after its send off. For correlation, it required nine months for TikTok to arrive at 100 million.

Read Full Article : https://360techplanet.com/what-is-chatgpt/