#they were like an instant block for me LMFAO

[nyaskitten]

it's like tumblr WANTS me to leave the fandom... whyd i see another wharin (white arin) and a post that called nya a fucking dumb bitch . its So hard being The Ignorerrrr when you have dumbasses in the tag you spend all your tumblr time on ...

(NOTE: please dont send hate to either of the people im talking about or harrass them or whatever, just because some people are dumb, doesn't mean you gotta act that way too!!!)

[b1mbodoll]

just got a hate comment on one of my fics and its like … do you not realize this is all fiction

[slytherinshua]

AIRBAG CANT SAVE US

genre. angst. breakup. warnings. some language. fighting. crying. mention of drinking. angst. hwiyoung is kind of a jerk in this, reminder that this is just fiction-- it's not meant to accurately represent the real idols. pairing. hwiyoung x reader. wc. 1.1k. request. no. a/n. based off of drive5 if it wasn't already obvious... uhh sry in advance for this????? i promise i love hwiyoung idk why i wrote this lmfao

“You’ve changed, Youngkyun.” You mutter tensely. Youngkyun always has the aircon set 2 degrees too cold in his car, and a shiver runs up your spine. You always hated the cold, yet despite that, you had stupidly fallen for him. He’s like a block of ice, yet no matter how much you tried to melt him with your warm heart, he stayed chilly.

Youngkyun grips the steering wheel a bit tighter, flipping on the left turning signal and turning onto the highway. His foot pushes on the gas slightly as he matches the speed of the other cars on the highway. He still doesn’t respond to you.

You let out a shaky sigh and look out your window, “Did you ever love me? Why did you ask me out a year ago if you never intended on paying attention to me in the first place?” You wait for a second, wondering if that would get him to utter even a word in reply— even just a hum that he had heard you. 

But, no. He’s always the same. Stuck up in his own world, self-obsessed and unfeeling. You wonder how his friends even put up with him? It’s as if he had no thoughts or feelings. Even when you tried to discuss something that directly affected him, he didn’t even care enough to listen. 

“I don’t even know why I agreed to date you. You’re such an asshole.” You tell him through gritted teeth, a bit louder this time. “I hope whatever poor girl you ‘fall for’ next drops your ass before you have the chance to brutally misuse her like you did with me.”

Again, he stays silent, spiking your nerves just a bit above the limit. Your eyes sting with tears but you blink them back. You won’t cry because of him. He doesn’t even deserve that much. You hear him take a breath, and you turn to look at him, wondering if he’ll finally say something back to you.

“If you had so many problems with me, then why did you decide to date me?”

You hate that response. You hate how calm he is when you’re about to reach your breaking point. You hate that he doesn’t have the decency to at least apologise to you before he spews more of his nonsense. It’s like a stab straight through your chest. If he had ever loved you, even for a second, he would at least apologise for upsetting you before interrogating you.

“Oh, so it’s my fault, is it?” You let out a laugh, and it’s filled with disbelief at his actions. “It’s my fault? I was holding our relationship together for months while you went out drinking and paid no attention to me! I always held out hope that one day you would treat me the same as when we first met. But since January I’ve never seen even a speck of feeling in your eyes. Is it amusing to see me try so hard!? Do you find joy in my struggles to get this relationship to work— only to inevitably fail cause it will never work out with just one of us trying?” You spew, letting all your built up frustration flow out, hitting him like bullets. You were sure he had already built a repelling force field around himself to block you out; one that would only make the bullets bounce back to hit you.

“You wasted your time trying to get it to work.” He whispers.

“I wanna get off.” You breathe out, feeling like the doors of the car were slowly closing in on you. It was suffocating being in the same cramped space with Youngkyun, where everything just brought up old memories.

The necklace that you had gifted to him was still hanging from the rearview mirror. He had never worn it. You realize in an instant that him hanging it there wasn’t a compliment to you. He never wanted it in the first place.

“We’re on the fucking highway, Y/n.” He points out, as if you weren’t capable of noticing that before.

“Just pull over and let me out here. I’ll get a fucking taxi.” You spit back angrily.

“Shit, you’re so impatient. You can wait 5 minutes for me to reach this exit.” He says angrily, somehow pushing your anger up even more. You let the first tears slip down your cheeks. You hate being around him in this way. You feel like he’s slowly ripping you to shreds— limb by limb, leaving you broken beyond repair.

You do your best to stay silent and not let your muffled crying reach Youngkyun’s ears. It would be too humiliating for you to bear. The 5 minutes it takes to reach the exit feels like 5 hours. Youngkyun pulls over to the side of the road, stepping on the break harshly. You jerk forward slightly, and wonder if he’s doing it on purpose. You open your car door in a rush, trying to get out as soon as possible, but you feel him grip your wrist. You turn back around and stare at him, eyes burning to take in his features one last time.

“I’m not the only one who changed.” He says slowly before letting go of your hand. The blaring honks of cars behind you is almost deafening, some of them trying to find a way to get past Youngkyun’s black car blocking the road without causing an accident. You get out of the car and slam the door shut without another word to him.

It takes a second to register your reality. You stand still on the sidewalk for a few minutes, breathing in the crisp cold night air and letting the tears fall freely. You don’t know how far away from home you are, but you know that you’re not in any hurry to get back. You just soak in the moment. You were done with him— finally, you were free from him. You wanted to laugh, but it just came out as harsher sobs. 

If he hadn’t changed, would it have worked out?

If you hadn’t changed, would it have worked out?

You stare up at the sky, sniffing your last tears away. It’s dark and a mesmerising blue; it’s beautiful. You wonder if Youngkyun was also looking at the night, contemplating how cruel it had been to both of you. Though, with a scoff you realize that he wouldn’t care. This would all pass by for him like it was nothing, because it had already been too long to recall the last time he had cared for you.

↳ sf9 taglist: @eternalgyu

[frostise]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐎 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆

BASICS

name / alias: venus

pronouns: she/her/they/them

blog type: single muse. multi-muse. non selective. semi selective. selective. mutuals only. private. other (specify)

type of muse: canon. oc's. both. other (specify)

GENERALITIES

tiggers people MUST tag: eye horror. i recently found this out and it's the extremely detailed, slimy kind that looks as if it's going to fall out of the eye sockets. trypophobia as well thank you

interest tracker / checker: i have it and it's mandatory. i have it, it's not mandatory but i'm more likely to follow back / interact with the people who fill it. i have one and i prefer it if people fill it in. i have it but it's up to the people whether to fill it or not. i don't have one. other (specify)

reblog karma: i practise it. i practise it sometimes but i never expect you to send in a ask if you feel too pressured. i don't practise it. i always reblog memes from the source (as in, i will never reblog off your account because i fear it would bother you). indifferent.

rule passwords: i have one and it's mandatory. i have one and it's optional. i don't have one. i send passwords. i don't sent passwords because i have anxiety

ESSENTIAL RULES PEOPLE HAVE TO RESPECT

the basic rp etiquette

i'm a firm believer of keeping your dash a safe, stress free space. i don't mind if we never got the chance to interact and you soft blocked me because of that reason or if you got too overwelmed with reaching out first. believe me, i know the feeling lmfao

don't start drama out of nowhere because of miscommunication or if my muse offended you. they are a villain for a reason. mun does not equal muse. same goes for unnecessary vague posting or gaslighting. i hate that shit

i am a slow roleplayer. don't hound me every minute for replies. this is supposed to be a safe place for me outside of my personal life. i get distracted, i'm forgetful and i'm a human being with feelings

i value communication and politeness. i would appreciate if you're being honest to me without being a dickhead about it. especially if a thread is randomly dropped because you had no inspiration for it. i would understand why that happened and we can start plotting another thread. if i make you uncomfortable then say so, otherwise i would assume everything is fine between us. you're also free to drop me as a rp partner for whatever reason as long as it ends on a good note

i will never practice favoritism! i love writing with you mutuals equally

rp is a two way street. you and i are free to reject a ship or a concept plot. it's nothing personal. we are also here to support each other via liking/commenting headcanons, sending asks ect

IMPORTANT PET PEEVES TO KEEP IN MIND

elitist rpers that only follow because of fancy graphics/tags and have a large number of following as if they were superior to those without it

never assume i ignore you if i'm online. i will get back to you when i have the time for it. i'm mostly here because i have writing to finish or i'm sending in asks

i hate it when people guilt trip me. i won't stand for it

THINGS THAT WILL LEAD TO INSTANT SOFT OR HARD BLOCKING

only mutuals can like/reblog from my account but please don't spam me. it messes up my notifications. non-mutuals using me as a resource blog is annoying and would result in a hard block. i have a carrd for a reason

if you post too much occ negativity. it starts to effect my mood rapidly

i rarely hard block mutuals unless i find out you're a toxic person with heavy evidence against you

DNI personals (unless you're a personal with a side rp blog and we're mutuals then you're fine ^^) i don't want my posts to be reblogged or known outside of the rp community. a soft block will be my first warning, but if you try it again it's a instant hard block. no spamming here

THINGS THAT LEAD ME TO UNFOLLOW

vague posting. if you're not bothered to solve the issue like a adult then i will unfollow you

if you stalk, harrass, bully me or my rp partners

tagging: link is in the header. steal it ♡

[lycanr0t]

having to see someone honest to god tag something "scenecore" making my soul leave me rn

the very real urge to block people who tack on "core" to the end of everything. so tempting lol

the trend of adding "core" at the end of random shit makes things makes things harder to search for first of all, second usually whatever thing they're adding "core" to already HAS a name, and its stupid and useless to add core for no fucking reason.

And I'm too tired to make my next point make much sense but it's also a genuinely dangerous game ya'll are playing here. Most "aesthetics" come from specific counter cultures. Counter cultures that aren't inherently entirely about the fashion itself, but the MEANING behind it. Goth and emo kids dressing in dark makeup and purposely looking creepy WAS for fun but also it's a specific form of rebellion. It's making yourself unpalatable to people who just want you to conform. Punk, emo, goth, scene, lolita, decora, menhera, they're fashion based yes, but at their core they were created as a means to rebel. To specifically go against the norm because they already were being outcasted. It's finding community and love for yourself even when others don't.

adding -core to a random word has no community behind it, and no purpose. It's redundant. why would i look up "frogcore" if that just means images of frogs? i would just look up frogs.

it's a shallow way to make something more trendy sounding. It creates a false sense of community without there actually being anything close to that.

I get it, cottagecore got mega popular so everyone decided to just tack on -core to everything else because you wanted to feel like you were participating in a cool trendy aesthetic thing. cringe culture is at an all time high and people are very pressured to make their interests 'cool' for others instead of just enjoying it for themselves. I genuinely do get why people do it.

its just. we've turned every image into a fashion trend. -cores become like fast fashion, where what's popular can shift in an instant and the moment it does! omg quick! frogs arent cool anymore you have to buy things with images of clowns now! make your whole life clowns! dont ask yourself if you actually like clowns, everyone else loves clowncore so it MUST be good!

or quick! put -core at the end of every other word when you tag something. just in case. no real reason. theres no community or gain from doing it lol. also dont forget not to tag it as the actual words because we dont care about people who try to blacklist things hashtag seacore oceancore watercore aquacore underwatercore fishcore wetcore lakecore puddlecore :)

this is just a long scattered rant lmfao but genuinely i hate -core shit fuck off with that and for the love of god realize you're doing nothing meaningful by adding -core onto random words. it not fucking "frogcore" its just a picture of a frog. im going to kill you

[kingmikoto]

𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐘 ♡ ⋆ ˊˎ-

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. honestly i feel like this is horrible LMFAO but i will b posting all my fave fandoms and characters and make a corresponding masterlist soon. lmk what you think bc my writer's block is so badddd

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. a little steamy

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. husband! itachi is a little possessive and it shows.

Itachi wasn't a stingy person by nature. He loved sharing his meals and was always happy to give you the last dumpling. He enjoyed when you wore his t-shirts that caressed your knees and slid up your thighs when you stretched in the mornings. He would give you his other earbud when you two were lounging in your shared apartment, listening to his favorite tunes but mostly yours because loved the way you would sing along. Even shielding you from the rain with the extra large umbrella he bought specifically for the both of you to fit under.

But you. You he was stingy with. One could even say possessive. Not in a deranged way, but in a way that he would bring you closer to him when another man would stare at you for too long. On rare occasions, his whole mood would sour when he saw another man being courageous enough to approach you at the bar that you guys would regularly visit. That damned dress that you were wearing that hugged at your curves in all the right places and caught the attention of wandering and unwanted eyes.

He had only been gone for three minutes, dammit. Men were practically lined up, flocking to your side in place of his absence.

Sometimes, Itachi would merely observe. It was masochistic of him really and you were a real sadist for torturing him like this. Other times we would obviously intervene, but this time he glared at the man who was clearly trying to engage you into some conversation that led back to his apartment. It wasn’t you who he didn’t trust. It was the foul, vile, half-witted men that congregated around you that made him tick. Violently at that.

It all happened in an instant. The strange man didn’t even lift his hand, but he found himself being slammed down against the bar as drinks sloshed and gasps were audibly heard from the crowd.

You didn’t even flinch as you watched your husband man-handle him against the wooden counter as he writhed beneath him.

“What the hell man?!” He squabbled at the ravenette.

“Don’t touch her.” Itachi spoke.

His icy voice ran a shiver up your spine as you felt a smile creep up on your face.

The man’s eyes broadened as he felt his face flush crimson. “I-I wasn’t go-going to–”

“I saw it in the way your eyes suddenly darkened and the way your fingers twitched in anticipation. You thought you were going to cop a feeling on my own wife?”

His face visibly reddened even more as his voice shook, but Itachi was done with him. He simply tossed him to the side as he possessively tugged your waist to his side and the audience you two managed to gather was gawking at the pair of you as you exited the bar.

“You didn’t have to be so rough.” You pouted as you swung your body in front of his form.

He peered down at you with serene onyx hues like nothing had happened moments ago.

“You enjoyed that, didn’t you?”

You searched his gaze for a moment before you let your grin slip between your teeth. His hand tracing the small of your back before pressing you flush against him and his whole mein had changed from tranquil to impish.

“You baited me.”

Your fingers danced across his chest as you studied his expression with doe eyes.

“And if I did?”

He leaned forward so that his lips were at the shell of your ear.

“You’ll pay for that.”

[inktrailing]

SPN: purgatorio (snippet)

Still haven’t settled on a replacement title lol.

This is... currently in the teens for chapters. Still too early for a chapter count and I won’t know my timeline until I actually rewatch s8 and decide when they’re getting thrown back in.

Last time I posted a snippet I wasn’t sure where pairings where fully landing. It’s definitely slowburn poly Dean/Lucifer and Dean/Cas, with Benny continuing to be a wildcard lmfao.

There’s some rando probably inaccurate field medicine in this chunk that will be replaced at some point after I finish researching for it.

(As a refresh this is my s7/8 AU wherein Lucifer was trying to use the hallucinations as a way to manifest through someone and ended up helping Cas out a bit but popped out in Purgatory when Cas got there).

Previous Snippet.

Warning for explicit language, canon-typical violence.

CHAPTER

“You act like you have any idea where you're going,” Lucifer tells Dean.

“I do,” Dean says. “It's called moving. Getting a lay of the land.” He spins in a circle, arms spread wide, then points at a particular rock that had an odd blue-tinted moss covering one of its sides. “I know that rock,” he says with a grin. “I know this area. Do you?”

“It's all the same,” Lucifer drawls.

“Uh huh. That's what I thought. Cas?”

“Um.” Cas glances between them. “There's a vampire nest that roams here.”

“Exactly. We hopped territories. I thought it was all a free-for-all chaos. But nah, it's organized chaos. That's your jam, ain't it, Lucifer?”

“Don't dare to presume anything about me, Winchester.”

“So that's a yes, then.”

Lucifer moves for him and Cas steps between the two of them, hands out.

Dean smirks. Lucifer scowls.

“You don't start learning the ways of the land, Lucifer, you're gonna be our weak link.”

*****

“Monster 101,” Dean pants, “please have an answer, right the fuck now.” He presses into the packed dirt wall. He turns his attention to Lucifer. “What the hell is that?”

“Well,” Lucifer says casually. Way too casually. “If someone tells you God made the 'first' beasts don't you think there might be a... oh, second, third. You know. More than one?”

“So which one is that?!” Dean hisses, swiveling his head in the direction of the open-air marshlands.

“Behemoth, if I remember correctly,” Lucifer answers. He reaches out and pulls Cas closer into their hiding spot.

“They don't look as though they have a lot for their maneuverability,” Cas says. “We might be able to lose them in the woods?”

“Can't either of you just fly us out of here?”

Cas shakes his head. “Like the Leviathans... they're grounding me. Unless...” He glances at Lucifer.

“No dice,” Lucifer answers.

“Seriously? What's the point of being an archangel anyway, then?”

Lucifer huffs. “Dear old Dad liked his toys. Also,” Lucifer risks a glance around the wall. The beasts were scouting. “I think they might be after me. So, really, sure lacking on those Archangel Benefits right now...”

“Then they can fucking have you,” Dean snarls.

“Dean,” Cas warns.

“What? How much else is gonna want to snack on him? He's a liability.”

“So am I,” Cas argues.

“No, it's not the same—”

“Yes, yes,” Lucifer interrupts, “we all have something nasty on our heels. You have the sheer numbers after you, Winchester, I think that makes things minutely more difficult, thank you. Castiel is right: if we make it into the woods, we should be able to lose them. I'll draw them off if I must.”

“Lucifer,” Cas starts, stricken.

“Please, I'll be fine.”

“I don't think—”

“See, he wants to play bait, Cas. So we should let him.” He pats the back of his hand against Cas's arm. “Let's go.”

When he moves, keeping low, Cas follows. Good. He wasn't sure what else he could say to convince Cas to come with him. Lucifer darts out in the other direction, making himself blatant, juicy archangel bait. Dean knows the moment the beasts catch onto the scent and it's the first direct look Dean gets of them as the three whirl around to stare at Lucifer.

One of the giants, already free from the marsh, charges. The two behind are slower, rising up from the water, dragging muck and grasses over smooth, short-haired skins. Dean sees the jaws open, rows of flat teeth big enough to crush his head if they get close enough.

Their bellows shake the lands, one call after the other, a chorus of unearthly groans all vibrating the air and when they move it's as though that same land moves for them, quickening their gait.

Dean tries to ignore the fact that Lucifer flinches. He pulls Cas after him and doesn't look back after he sees Lucifer peel around the other bank, leading them away.

“Dean,” Cas pleads.

“We can't do anything for him!” Dean hurriedly says. It's not a lie. “We'll only distract him. We'll find him again, okay?” Dammit. “I promise. We'll look for him.” Cas stares at him earnestly and he must be able to tell that Dean's being honest with him because he stops protesting and follows.

Dean's suddenly going to be real pissed if Lucifer gets himself eaten because he's not sure he'll be able to pick up the pieces of Cas if he finds his brother torn to shreds.

How's this become his life?

*****

“Everyone else under the sun can find the bastard and yet it's been over a day and here we are still trudging around, like damn, did the dude finally fly or is he just doing this to screw with us...”

Dean's been muttering to himself for the last twenty minutes. He knows it's not safe but he's tired and he needs sleep and he's going on being awake for twenty-five hours which outside of Purgatory he could do, but inside... Fuck. He needs sleep. This constantly-being-hunted thing weighs on a guy. Exhausts him faster than he can cope with. Cas needs sleep, too. Dean's held up by the Hunt. Cas is held up by Stress.

It's not a good combination!

Fucking Lucifer. This is all his fault.

He rubs sweat and grime off his face. They need to go back to a river. He'd like to get this film off of him.

He stops walking and turns to Cas.

“Just power nap, Cas. An hour.”

“I'm fine, Dean. I can keep moving.”

Dean rolls his eyes skyward. “Cas, if he needs healing when we find him you're gonna need to be more on your game. Sleep. I'll stay on guard.”

Cas sets his jaw but sinks down to the forest floor and coils himself against a tree, tucking into his trench coat, nearly black from their travels. It makes a good camouflage, but Dean still kind of wants to wash that, too. Seeing Cas like this throws him back into an unkind future Zachariah zapped him to.

Dean shakes his head and walks away. He makes sure Cas is in sight, raising a hand to block out the sunlight streaking through the canopy. They have several hours til nightfall. Dean's not sure he wants to go another night of being on the move. He'd prefer taking shelter somewhere and wait til dawn, but if night's bad for them, it's just as dangerous for Lucifer.

Dammit, Cas. Why'd you have to get attached to the devil?

“You fucker,” he mumbles when he knows he's out of earshot, “if you're doing this on purpose then you can go right back to Hell. Cas needs you and every hour we can't find you is gnawing at him.”

He drops his head. “I can't believe I have to do this,” he says more to himself. “You'd better be hurt. You'd better...” He glances back towards the small shape that is Cas, trembling in his fitful sleep. Dean sucks in a harsh breath, curses, and spits out the last words of his prayer, “I can't track angels. I need a fucking sign, man.”

He sighs and heads back for Cas, walking a perimeter around his tree.

*****

“Dean.”

Dean pauses and turns to look at Cas, awareness flagging. The sun's going down. All he has for dinner is some leftover scraps of meat from days ago and some weird leafy green tufts that Cas said were full of nutrients and good for him and when Dean asked how Cas knew that, Cas said the plants told him with a weird little smile.

Dean hates salad but he'd eat them if it meant Cas would feel comfortable smiling again.

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean asks. Cas is staring off to their west, head tilted, eyes concentrating. “What is it?”

“It's...” Cas opens his mouth, closes it. Frowns. Tilts his head the other way. “Holy.”

“What?”

Cas looks to Dean. “It's... familiar. But off. Home, but not.”

“Home like Heaven?”

Cas nods.

Dean wonders if it's coincidental.

“How far?”

“I think we could get there before sundown on foot. Flying may be... dangerous.”

“Yeah, no, and I'd rather not wear you out. Of the two of us, you're the one lighter on his feet right now. Let's go. Lemme know when we get close so I can prepare in case it's an ambush or something.”

Cas nods again, and then he takes the lead.

In the end it's not a trap. They find a deep tear in the ground like a meteor plowed into Purgatory. There's a ring of felled trees at the top of the pit and at the very bottom is a strange white-flamed flickering fire and a hunched-over devil.

Cas's relief latches onto Dean.

“Cas, blink us down there,” Dean asks, and then fumbles for his footing an instant later after they're relocated. Cas is already kneeling by his brother, hand on his shoulder to push him up. Lucifer twitches to the touch and Dean can see lacerations down his side that must be taking too long to heal.

“Lucifer,” Cas says, trying to rouse him.

Dean flops down across them with the makeshift fire in the middle, looking more closely at it. It has the makings of a normal fire, wood and kindling, but Dean thinks he understands why Cas picked up on holy. It's grace-fueled. Actual, honest-to-God, holy fire.

“Lucifer,” Cas says again.

“Castiel,” Lucifer finally responds.

“Cas, can you fix him so we can go?”

“I...”

Cas slowly looks over to Dean and Dean has a real bad feeling real fast.

“I can't,” Cas says.

“Why not?”

“I-I don't...”

“Beast trumps angel,” Lucifer groans. He reaches up a hand and closes his fist. The holy fire vanishes. Well, Dean had been concerned about it drawing any other attention.

“Fine,” Dean says. “You gonna stay alive til morning?”

“Mmm,” Lucifer responds. Barely.

“Okay. Morning, then. We'll do this the human bullshit way. Cas, you talk to your plants or whatever and try to find something we can use as a salve and bandages and shit.”

Dean's really not sure if Cas can actually talk to plants or if it's just something getting him through his daily life to think he can, but either way he thinks Cas can suss out something to use. Trial and error, anyway. If Lucifer's gonna die it's because his Dad made something bigger and badder, not because of some plant goo Cas will slap on him.

“I think we're sitting ducks down here but the fire's out,” Dean continues, “Cas, you good enough to take watch?”

Cas looks from Lucifer to him and nods, a little off balance, but determined.

“Good, because I'm exhausted. Can I borrow your coat?”

Cas strips out of it and hands it over to Dean. Dean balls it up, caked Purgatory and all, and uses it as a pillow and lays besides the dead fire wishing that grace left any coals and heat. He meets Lucifer's glassy expression, glares at the devil, and then rolls over, putting his back to both the angels.

CHAPTER

In some world-turned-upside-down bullshit, Dean is keeping watch while Lucifer rests. Not that Lucifer's moved much since they found him the night before. Cas is gone. Has been gone all morning to do his plant thing that hopefully also involves bringing Dean back something to eat.

He should be the one out there but Dean can't tell one plant from another and keeping an eye around the top of their pit is the best use for him.

The company's shit though.

“You prayed to me,” Lucifer says two hours into the boring morning.

Boring is good. Boring means no monster attacks. Boring means no getting separated and having to try and find another angel.

“Desperate times,” Dean mutters. “You saw Cas. He barely holds it together on days he doesn't think you're dead. You must've done a real good job convincing him you're not an asshole.”

“I'm the only reason my brother is a functional person.”

“Sure, whatever.”

Lucifer scoffs. “Believe what you want.”

“I'll do just that.”

The sun's beating down on them from above when Cas returns with arms full like he just came from a Farmer's Market. There's some dried blood that trickled a path down his forehead. He found a canvas bag somewhere, or maybe he made it. Dean's not entirely going to judge him right now, even if he left Dean alone with Lucifer for hours on end.

“You find what you need?” Dean asks.

“I think so,” Cas answers. He sits down between the two of them and sets his bag in front of him, slowly pulling out small bundles wrapped in twine. He tosses one to Dean and Dean curiously loosens the twine and unfolds the large fronds. “Don't eat the outside,” Cas tells him, “that's just the vessel.”

Dean thanks a God he doesn't believe in that the fronds contain a plethora of small berries.

“You're the best, Cas,” Dean tells him.

Cas's smile is brief, but worth it.

Dean eats and watches curiously as Cas continues to pull things out, including a few rocks of varying sizes that make sense to Dean as he takes a cylindrical one and starts grinding various plants and other matter on a flat one.

“Purgatory's first doctor,” Dean jokes.

“I imagine there had been others in the past.”

“Yeah, slapped-together medicine before they get their heads chopped off. Not a lot of long-term teamwork going on here that I've seen.”

“Or there is,” Lucifer says, “but they only pick off stragglers.”

“Outnumber people. Cowards.”

Lucifer shakes his head.

Dean's finished his berries and the rest of his meats that he didn't eat last night by the time Cas has some concoction of paste gathered on one of the fronds and is looking at Lucifer with some hesitance.

“Get it over with, Castiel,” Lucifer says in way of permission.

Cas nods and lifts Lucifer's shirt and Dean looks away when Lucifer winces, but it isn't quick enough to miss the mottled blacks and purples marring Lucifer's side around the slashed skin, and he looks back just as fast.

“Shit,” Dean says, ignoring Lucifer's glare. “Cas, you got any water or anything we can clean that out with first?”

“I don't, unfortunately,” Cas says.

“It'll be fine,” Lucifer mutters.

“It looks infected,” Dean growls.

“I just need enough healing so that my body's natural response can kick in.”

“Oh, and it can naturally heal beast infections, right? Because it's doing so well with whatever that was.”

“Dean,” Cas says.

Dean gestures at the injury like it makes his entire argument.

Cas frowns.

“Put it on, Castiel,” Lucifer instructs. “If it gets me mobile, we can... worry about the rest when we've moved away from here.”

Dean makes a face in mockery but stays quiet as Cas seals the frond over Lucifer's side.

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Beantown Bailout Job

leverage 2.01

(see link for a video on this episode that captured literally all of my reactions and will undoubtedly capture yours too)

Manager: You found that stolen Monet in Florence, saved your company a $25 million payout. That identity-theft case, you saved $15 million.

+

nate sees .00005 seconds of normal life and yeets the hell out

- - - - -

(The lobby is teaming with people when Nate walks in. A sign shows that Sophie is starring in The Sound of Music. He sees Parker at the ticket counter)

Parker: Picking up for one.

Ticket Agent: Last name?

Parker: Parker.

Ticket Agent: First name?

Parker: No. Just one name.

Ticket Agent: Great. I hope you enjoy it.

(Parker turns to see Nate across the room and smiles)

Hardison: Parker?

(Parker looks to her right to see Hardison. The sound of Eliot’s laughter from across the lobby draws Hardison’s attention)

Eliot (to women): All right. After the show, then. I'll see you.

(Eliot turns and sees the others. The all meet in the center of the lobby)

Nate: Eliot.

Parker: Nate.

Hardison: Parker.

Eliot: Hardison.

Eliot: So, how have you...

Nate: Good. Good. Great. You?

Eliot: Fantastic. Six months of traveling. Did a couple of big jobs.

Hardison: eah. Me, too. Great off time. Well, I bought an oxygen tank. Cool, nice.

Parker: Yeah, super. I've been really super, too.

Nate: Yeah, she didn't tell me that you guys would..

this is that dinner scene from shrek 2 right???

also, parker’s lil smile when she sees nate, hardison’s big smile when he sees parker + hardison says parker and eliot says hardison = ot3 acknowledging each other

- - - - -

Hardison: I didn't know you could sing.

Sophie: You know. Not as well as I act, but, yeah.

Hardison: Oh

- - - - -

Sophie: Uhhgh…

Hardison: Yeah, you know, I'm sure the reviews will be...

(Sophie hands Hardison her phone)

Hardison: …on the news website already.

Parker (grabs the phone): Really? Wow. "Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis. (Hardison gestures something like ‘WHY’ to Parker and she gestures something like ‘JDJSJSJ SORRY’ back)

POOR SOPHIE LMFAO

- - - - -

Sophie: No. No, no, no. Stop it. There is nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.

Parker: I know what could make you feel better. We should steal something.

Nate: No, no.

Sophie: Yes! We could do it together.

Eliot: I like this. Get right back up on the bike.

Parker: Bike of crime.

Nate: Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?

Parker: Yeah, well, I stole the Hope Diamond.

Nate: What?

Parker: (Everyone looks surprised. Eliot looks like he is going to say something.) And then I put it back. Yeah, 'cause I was bored. Didn't care.

Hardison: I spent three days hacking the white house e-mail. No buzz.

Nate: See?

Hardison: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.

Sophie: Look, I'm miserable. They're miserable. (to Eliot) Okay, what have you been doing the last six months?

Eliot: I was in Pakistan. (Parker grins)

Hardison: You see what you did? You took the world's best criminals, hitter, hacker, grifter, thief, you took us, and you broke us.

Nate: No, no. I-I, what I did, I taught you how to help people. That's all.

Parker: Exactly.

Sophie: Yeah.

Eliot: This is the problem, with being the good guy. It gets under your skin.

Sophie: Look, Nate. You have to have some poor, little lost soul somewhere who needs a little extra-legal aid.

Nate: Look, we all agreed that we'd just move on.

Sophie: Yeah, but we're... We're thieves.

Nate: Not me. Look, it was great. It was fun. It was wonderful while it lasted, but I was drunk most of the time, to be honest with you. And I… A little crazy.

Eliot: Yeah, but you were good.

Parker: You were the best.

Hardison: We were the best.

Parker: Yeah.

Nate: Listen, really, I owe all of you. And I'm very proud of what we did. I-I really am. But I got my life back, and I intend to keep it that way. And I am not a thief. (stands up) It was great to see all of you. Good night. (leaves)

BIKE OF CRIME + also bruh let them have their found family, nate

- - - - -

(Nate enters the dim room and looks around. Behind him, the Thug opens the door and comes at him with a knife. Nate sees the reflection in a pot lid and turns to block the blow. Sophie comes in behind the Thug)

Sophie: Oi! Does your mother sew? (headbutts Thug) Stitch that.

(Thug runs out of the condo. Nate runs out after him, but Thug gets away. As he reenters the condo, Sophie hits him in the head with a cookie sheet and Nate falls to the floor)

Sophie: Ah! Bugger

she tried, your honor + her tough talk and then AH BUGGER

- - - - -

(the next morning, Nate wakes up on the couch to the sound of Parker eating. Parker is wearing a Nun’s habit, smiles and moves away. Sophie comes downstairs wearing Nate’s shirt)

Nate: That's my shirt.

Sophie: Yeah. I stayed the night to make sure you were okay. You what? But don't worry. I didn't look under your bed. I know that's where guys keep weird, kinky stuff.

Nate: There's nothing under my bed.

Parker (opens cupboard): This is all coffee.

Nate: Get out of there! (sees Hardison and Eliot at the table) What are you guys doing? (gets up) Come on, get out of here. Get all this stuff out of here. You're planning something. I know it. Come on. Get out of my house.

...

Hardison: Look, nobody else is gonna help that guy and his little girl. Okay, that's what we do. We help people. By the way, I compared Sophie's description of your attacker to the accident footage from the security camera.

(Hardison pushes a few buttons on the laptop and zooms in on the Thug’s face to begin a facial recognition search through various cameras in the area)

Hardison: Do you realize, on average, people are caught on security cameras 13 times a day? ATM cameras, traffic cameras. It's crazy, man, but we can track him. We can. Well, I lost him in this.

Eliot: Yeah, well, I found this empty briefcase belonging to a Matt Kerrigan at that intersection.

...

Eliot: Yeah, well, the problem is, these two cats went down to the safety deposit boxes.

Parker: Which is the only room in every bank, with absolutely no cameras.

Hardison: Which means we up, baby. (puts on a priest’s collar) They tried to kill Kerrigan for what was in the briefcase. We're gonna steal it back.

Eliot (laughs): She was dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con.

Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?

Eliot: It's Parker.

...

(Nate walks away)

Sophie (to Eliot): So, you going?

Eliot: I'm not going anywhere. The man has 700 sports channels.

Sophie: You want to see what he's got under his bed?

Eliot: N-no, I do not.

Sophie: Icky

- - - - -

(Parker opens her Bible to reveal a lock duplication kit with a depression in the plastic of the master key)

[Flashback]

(Parker takes the key from the Bank Manager’s pocket as Hardison talks, pressing the key into the form before replacing it into the Bank Manager’s pocket)

Hardison: And the children... The children thank you. They will send you a card just as soon as we buy them tiny pencils. And teach them how to spell. It's a two-step process, you see.

[Bank Vault]

Parker: Superglue and a heat-activated polymer to set it. Seven seconds, instant plastic key. (hands Hardison the Bible) Shake it.

Hardison: What?

Parker: Shake the bible.

Hardison: This is even more wrong.

(Hardison: takes the Bible and begins shaking it while Parker picks box 5076)

they’re so competent ugh

- - - - -

Hardison: I did look for you. For six months.

HE LOOKED FOR HER FOR SIX MONTHS

- - - - -

Parker: I think people are like locks. Really complicated and frustrating. But you can't force them. You have to take time and be fiddly.

Hardison: Fiddly?

Parker: You learn to be patient, and just wait until you hear the...

(the lock opens and the door swings wide)

- - - - -

(Hardison is sitting on the couch going through some paperwork and working on a laptop. Several boards have been set up with information about the case)

Nate: Now, this is not "gone." This is "more."

Hardison: Yeah, I, uh, I scanned the documents in Leary's box, but I wanted to print out a few pages.

Nate: I asked—I asked Eliot to get rid of this stuff. Now there's more stuff.

Hardison: Did you? Oh, we-we crossed, but didn't see each other. He didn't tell me.

Nate: Oh, that's how you're gonna play this?

Hardison: Oh, man. Look... (stands up and sniffs)

Nate: What?

Hardison: Is that... What is that aroma? That's that apple shampoo that's open.

Nate: You've been up in my shower, rummaging around?

Hardison: Man's in a strange bathroom, he's got a lot of time to kill... Nate, Nate, Nat-

I CANNOT

- - - - -

Nate: Grew up in the same neighborhood. The O'Hares are mobbed up. These are all mob businesses you're talking about here.

Hardison: Mob?

Nate: Where's Eliot?

Hardison: Oops.

Nate: What?

[Warehouse]

(Eliot is going through boxes when his phone rings. He answers)

Eliot: Yeah, Hardison. This is the third place I checked. It's all the same. What do you mean mob?

Thug: Hey!

(three men approach, one of them the Thug, who has his nose bandaged and is carrying a baseball bat)

Eliot: Oh, that mob. (hangs up)

hardison’s “whoops” followed by I HAVE TO WARN MY BOYFRIEND + in this episode we have eliot using a baseball bat as a weapon which is yet another piece in the continuation of eliot using things as weapons that are not supposed to be used as weapons

+ he apologizes to the guy that just had a nose job for beating him up and punching him in the nose he’s baby

- - - - -

(Nate opens the refrigerator to find it full of Hardison’s orange soda)

Nate: Seriously?

(Nate turns to see the island covered in food and dishes)

Nate: You know, guys, there is a dishwasher here.

Eliot: You're out of ice.

he literally can’t get rid of them + also I WONDER whose orange soda that is

- - - - -

parker robot dancing in the 80s jacket and looking DIRECTLY at eliot lmfao

- - - - -

Nate: What? Sophie, how do you catch mob guys?

Sophie: Ah, two glasses of Chianti and a story about my grandma in Sicily

- - - - -

Nate: Well, yeah. I mean, if you have a body in the trunk of your car, you're gonna drive under the speed limit, aren't you?

Parker: You know, when you're sober, your metaphors get creepier

- - - - -

eliot and parker sitting next to each other? cute

- - - - -

Hardison: Mr. Leary, I'm Detective Costello, with the Massachusetts State Police. This is Detective Costigan. I believe you met with our chief, Lieutenant Bonanno

more aliases to keep track of

- - - - -

Parker: We're investigating your colleague Matt Kerrigan's (air quotes) "car accident."

Leary: So you don't think it was an accident?

Hardison: Of course not. She did the finger thing. You got that. Everybody gets that.

Parker: Did I do it right?

Hardison: No. No. This guy just... (pulls picture from his pocket)

~ a few moments later ~

Parker: I did it right, didn't I?

Hardison: It was perfect.

Parker: I knew I did it right.

Hardison: It was beautiful execution. Absolutely.

Parker: Just like you taught me. I did it. (she smiles brightly)

Hardison: Yeah. Yeah, you did it. I like it. Yeah. (gives her a thumbs up)

SHES LEARNING IM SO PROUD OF HER

- - - - -

Eliot: Hey, this detonator - If I'm around the corner, is it still gonna be in range?

Hardison: Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the things just go off.

Eliot: Whoa, whoa, wait. Hey. I thought you said this thing was safe.

Hardison: Mostly. Mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.

Eliot: What frequencies, man? Huh? I got these things in my pants.

Hardison: Like, you know, a garage-door opener, a car alarm.

(a car alarm chirps then goes off, making Eliot jump. He moves away angrily)

Parker: What are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?

Eliot: Damn it, Hardison! (stalks off)

chaotic ot3

- - - - -

Sophie (shows passport): Annie Kroy.

O’Hare (grabs passport): Name's familiar.

Sophie: My family does business in North London with Terry Adams, and a couple of other organizations. We handle the money.

Nate (getting up): Yeah, see, what they do is they clean the money.

some people think that annie kroy is sophie’s true identity. I think, if anything, it would be her duchess alias but can you IMAGINE mob child sophie??? also, hi. im jackie and I wholeheartedly believe annie kroy has killed a man.

- - - - -

(Eliot is parked outside of the bank when Leary comes out, looking at files. Eliot hits a remote and the sound of gunfire fills the street as the squibs go off. People scream and Leary dives for cover. Eliot laughs and closes his window.)

chaotic eliot

- - - - -

Leary: And for that, the government hunts them down like dogs. People like me, we took billions from the banks. Billions. And what did the government do when they finally caught us? They wrote us a giant check and begged us to make it all better.

that’s disturbing

- - - - -

(Parker uses a taser on O’Hare and Hardison pulls up a recorder)

I think that was the first time parker tasered someone and we love to see it

- - - - -

Nate: So, how did you do it?

Eliot (gets up): Detonator, (holds up remote, reaches into his shirt and pulls out ketchup wrapper) ketchup.

Nate: Ah, the classics.

Sophie: Oh (hops happily), I love a good death scene

- - - - -

parker in a nun costume smelling money and saying “ahhhh” is certainly a mood

- - - - -

Leary: I was tricked. I was tricked. It wasn't me, you understand?

Bonanno: Somebody tricked you into bringing a briefcase full of evidence of your own crimes straight to the police? Come on, Mr. Leary. Nobody's that smart. Get him out of here

THEY ARE T H A T SMART

- - - - -

Zoe: Thank you. There are wolves in the world. But sometimes they're the good guys, I guess.

I didn’t like that whole metaphor because it felt kinda cliche but whatever, they ARE the good guys

+ bruh why is hardison wearing glasses??? him and eliot will sometimes wear them and honestly I don’t know who actually needs them and for what at this point ???

- - - - -

(Nate enters the condo to find that Hardison has installed five of six large monitors on the wall and is working on the last one)

Nate: Whoa, whoa. What are you doing there?

Hardison: I'm running this cat 5 cable to the--

Nate: Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. No, I don't want to have these monitors in my apartment. No.

(Parker opens the door and walks in carrying a large painting)

Parker: Coming through!

Nate: No, these must go. What? No! Parker, no! Not that paint--I don't ever want to see that painting.

Parker: (shaking the painting as she talks in a funny voice) “Hi, I'm old Nate, and I live here, too."

Nate: You can't just break in here and start hanging--

Hardison: Oh, yeah, yeah. For repairs or renovation, your landlord has full access to your dwelling. It's in the lease.

Nate: What are you doing reading my lease?

Hardison: I bought the building.

Nate: You bought the... You're my landlord?

Hardison: Yeah. (holds his hand out for a fistbump) Yeah.

(Nate looks away, then hears the sound of a chain saw. He turns to see the end of a chain saw come through the wall)

Nate: No, no! No! No!

(Part of the wall falls to reveal Eliot holding the chainsaw and grinning. Nate coughs and both Parker and Hardison put their arms around him)

CHAOTIC OT3 + THEIR TIRED DAD

[ilguna]

i also have a list of shit my history teacher (this year) has said and done so I will share it with you:

warning: its really fucking long bc he would say/do shit MULTIPLE times a day

goes onto the next slide, “it’s a meme, get it?” proceeds to explain the meme (its the hey arnold meme with the first)

also goes onto another slide, with the twitter opinion meme. at the end of the paragraph it says “this class smacks, I’m lit”

“I’m going to beat up your brother. i am going to pummel him.”

On the 6th day of class he finally realized that there was a total of 6 guys and the rest were girls

student: “You should not put it in (as an assingment)”. teacher; “laugh out loud, im dead”

he was teaching us how to write a DBQ, the computer had a pop up saying that the battery was low, and then a spider shows up out of fucking nowhere, hanging from the ceiling. he CLAPS it, jokes about eating it, and then sets it on his desk (not in the trash can 2 feet away) so he can “deal with it later”

his endless military stories, specifically ORANGE DESERT

he wrote “if you would have had your thinking skull on” on my first DBQ

him saying “I hate this” after typing a word wrong multiple times while teaching us DBQ’s lmfao

“For the lols”

Threw a box of tissues across the room into the trash can

threw a box of tissues at a student

he had this obsession with throwing expo markers at his whiteboard, trying to make it land on the metal part so expect that a lot.

“Do you want me to drown him in a bathtub?” (which was about a student’s dog that had separation anxiety lmaoo)

Sang the rain drop, drop top song

The collars on his shirt turned up

“He’ll be beaten for that distraction” (after his son called him during his lesson and he willingly answered)

“Stay woke” 

“It was a hot boy summer for him”

expo marker landed on the metal thing for once thanks to a towel that was there

kyle (it must have been a story or something i dont remember)

He woah’d at some point

HAHA so there was a kid in my class that had got caught with a bong on the second week of school and he was suspended. when he came back to class, we were going over what the south grew in the U.S. very early on into colonization. and he used the bong kid as an example of a tobacco farmer

tried to eat a balled up paper

“important revolutionary war stuff”

“My bae, George Washington”

“They could’ve killed g-dubz, but they didn’t”

called george washington “g-dubz” frequiently

“Facts”

“Swagtastic”

he got excited over a military general (baron friedrich von steuben) for being a gay military general--”That was very well respected!”

“He had a ton of swagger”--referring to ben franklin

“His nickname was the swamp fox. You guys can call me that”

The snowball fight story--his brother was friends with a kid he hated next door. my teacher challenged the kid--Eric--to a snowball fight. In preparation, my teacher had froze snowballs, and so when he did have the fight, he LITERALLY knocked Eric out and left him on the front lawn unconscious (he was an elementary school kid)

one time he gave us the punishment quiz by accident, tried to make up for it by giving everyone the answer to #6. however, it turned out to be wrong so he just gave us all 100′s instead

another military story of the goat he bought from an old man with his buddies. unfortunately they had to kill the goat to eat, but the FACT that my teacher said this “a cute little goat--you know, baaa?” as if we didn’t know what a goat was 

He was the golf/hockey coach!! so not only would he talk about beating up the kids in the golf club

he would also do random golf swings all the goddamn time! with no gold club or ball, it was just air.

“You are about to get clowned, young lady”

pronounced pamphlet as pamplet fora good part of his teaching career (another story he told us)

“It’s definitely not the declaration of independence you mouth breather!”

George washington = bae on a powerpoint

“you tied me up real good”

“France also popped off”

Compares the Connecticut compromise to ppap (with the song and everything!)

Told someone to shut up after they suggested that Iowa was the least populated state (he’s from Iowa)

hick iowa, to be exact

Wrote 23 as 32, realized his mistake and said “oop im dyslexic”

“If it’s a purge, I’m killing everybody”

“Federalism, not onion!’

“Who’s the dumbass guy? Ducey!” (our state governor)

he got arrested once. his mugshot is on google images and everything

he got arrested bc some guy was destroying his house w a baseball bat at a party his friendw as throwing (but it was at my teachers house). my teacher respectfully punched him and brought him to the front lawn. called the cops when the guy wouldnt leave and ended up being arrested too. teacher thought his career was over and threatened the guy the entire way to the police station

“laugh out loud!”

“We beat the begeezus out of a bunch of british people”

pronounced wolf as woof

“Who was his daddy? Who’s his daddy?”

Called a swim cap a bonnet

“Kick!”--then proceeds to kick a tennis ball. before that he had just thrown it to get out of his way

“Jesus, you’re a big boy”

for like 2 weeks straight he used that same tennis ball to try and erase a whiteboard. and im not talking rubbing it on the board, he fucking threw it at the wall, getting it off little by little. he eventually gave up, though

“I’ll snot rocket into the trash can”

“Cause I realize most of you are morons”

was obsessed with the cowboy boogie

“Every time I cough, my tail bone hurts”

“Do i look normal?”

“I look like an old man”

“Shut up your faces”

“I see you back there, queen”

“Some of you girls need to learn from this article”--the article was old & about girls being submissive

“that would hurt some people’s feelings, but I’m not gonna show it hurt mine”

“He’s just--’meow’”--about his cat

he had a sweater that had his face on it, photoshopped over a boxer that a student gave him. he wore it during winter

flicked a tennis ball across the room with a hockey stick. hit the coffee thermo on his desk, stared for a couple of seconds, and THEN realized that it was open

First off, all you kids making memes about dodging the draft--we don’t want your dumbasses anyway” --continued to rant for a few minutes after that

he HATED the national anthem with a burning passion

“I’m old as shit”

also, his cat’s name IS meow cat

more expo marker throwing

“Hey there handsome”-- to the teacher next door

“Henry clay is going to haunt you until april” (unfortunately we didnt make it that far into the school year bc of covid. disappointed that i didnt get to be haunted)

Singing electric avenue

“but here’s the tea”

“Flagstaff is like--” *reaches as high as he can to put expo marker on the wall

“I’m adopting all of you, and we’re moving to saudi arabia”

teacher: “I’m gonna break bowers kneecaps in front of you. you still want to be on strike?” not bowers but a different kid: “no...?”

Cleaned the shades in the middle of him explaining something

“You know your pinky toe? this little roast beef?”

THE TURTLE SOUP STORY. when my teacher was still a kid, he found a turtle in the wild, and brought it to his grandparents house (they owned a farm). he took care of the turtle for a while, even after his grandfather found out. until one day he came home and saw blood everywhere, went to find the turtle to see it was gone. then found his grandfather chopping up the fucking turtle so they could have it for soup for dinner. his grandfather literally made him fatten up the turtle so they could eat it

“Did mr.*****--?” (referring to himself in 3rd person, also blocked out to protect privacy)

“i’m going to staple your nostrils closed. staple, staple. ‘I can’t breathe mr.*****!’ should’ve done your DBQ!!”

his pedo stache 

stood with a paper and smiled, thinking that a student was taking a picture of him when it was really the paper

doesn’t know who gaston is???

him: “I’m going to staple your noses together. One staple” Student: “*****’s piercing parlor!”

*singing* “beauty and the beast”

“I’m going to tackle you”

more random golf swinging

“What’s up (my name)?” me: hi *he then hits the bun on the top of my head on his way in the door*

And he did it again the next day

he literally made kids compete with pastries

which reminds me, he brought donuts in 2 days in a row like a week after that and make us (his first hour) take bites bc he realized he didn’t want to eat it. one of the girls was glad to take it from him, everyone else told him no

“Good morning (my name) how are you?” me: “I’m sick again... do you need help? (with the door)” him; “Actually, yes” (normally he can open the door even when his hands are full but there was a stack of pop tart boxes that were as tall as him so) i opened the door, he goes in and says, “thank you (my name), for not being rude”

the following quotes are for the Hot Seat

Student: “what do you do--?” him: “you’re in the hot seat!”

“Some people cry”

“La *****, luxurious”

“You sit here, and you stare (into the projector light)”

basically everyone in the class had to answer a question as a review. there was a stool in front of the smartboard, perfectly placed so that the projector light would LITERALLy be in your eyes. i actually got the question right on some miracle.

“2 points of weed?”

“Can I get some of that hot leaf?”

“They will make more drugs! You can’t do that much drug!”

“You guys bullied me and stole it”

“Whole rest of the nation sucked an egg”

“Whelp, let’s just kill myself”

“Do you guys know david chapel?” *sigh when everyone says no*

*some girls singing the national anthem* Him: “no! none of this, none of this!”

“Calibri’s for idiots” (the font)

“The only thing that was in--shit”

“and uncle sam--gettin lit”

“Their daddy--UH--”

“They’re going to blame the jews--my people” (he got a dna test done, he’s not actually jewish)

“Whatever you say, boomer”

“Use my words to plagiarize in college”

“I’m jewish, that’s offensive”

“Tell him he gave me instant cancer”

Me: “can i go to the bathroom?” him: “I’ll allow it”

him: “He’s antisemetic and it hurts my feelings” student: “what does that mean again?” him: “Hates jews :(”

“You guys can call me kingfish if you’d like”

~ after we said no to the nicknames, we tried to make one for him ~

student: “cornhusker!” him: “no, that’s offensive... and it’s also nebraska”

student: “corn picker!” him: “no--that sounds like a racist term or something”

“Unless corona really does take over--�� (thank u, mr. for ruining the school year”

Student: “how old was she (his mom) when she had you?” him: “thirteen”

“My mom just turned 40 the other day...” (a joke)

him: “My brother got t-boned by a semi truck last night” Student: “Why are you laughing?” him: “Because he lived.”

“Yeah bc I would hide out in a public school with 300 new kids a year” (about him not living in iowa so he’s hiding out in az to get away from his “criminal record” (refer to the 1 time hes been arrested))

“Baby death?”

“Their family has more money than jesus”

*Standing outside the door yelling “CORONA” to students walking in”

“Hey I’m *****, f-word, blah, blah”

“We should fight our cats.”

“OH that’s a big chonk cat.”

“Mortal Kombat is pretty cool. I haven’t played in 25 years”

he told us in class once that we shouldnt open the front door if cops show up at a party. just to shut the blinds and be a little quieter bc the cops cant legally open the door

also one time he had a gun pointed to his face but he never finished that story bc he never liked it

during quarantine he set a DBQ as 1000 points (and i still didnt do it)

and “Here’s the tea, kiddos!”

honorable mentions: all the time he’s sent out emails bc theyre fucking hilarious

[purplesurveys]

501

Do you do careless things like spill nail polish on your nightstand? I definitely sound like the type to end up doing that. Most of the time I’m half careless and just half downright clumsy. How are you today? I’m doing...okay. The first week of school has been nice to me, but the weather hasn’t - we’ve had three off days so far due to class suspensions. Today’s one of those days so I actually have time to take up a survey or two, then I’ll go back to my readings for my anthropology and history classes. When someone messages you and you know it's going to be rude, do you ignore it and not read it, or do you read it and reply? Depends on my mood. If I’m already anxious as it is, I probably wouldn’t want to open it for a few minutes/hours. If I’m feeling bitchy then I’d go ahead and reply. Do you find online drama stressful? It is. I like the memes that come out of the especially big dramas, but I stay out of them. How stressful is your life? It’s not very stressful right now, but that’s only because classes for the semester have just started. Get back to me and ask the same question in the middle of it lol.

Do you like your hair better curly or straight? In the middle. Wavy. I look disgusting with straight hair, and curly is an unnatural look for me. What's your favorite vegetable? Broccoli, asparagus, spinach, and bell peppers. Do you have a youtube channel? If so, what is it? (Msg me if u want to watch mine!) I have a channel but only so that YouTube can customize my homepage according to my interests. What song best describes your life? This has always been one of my least favorite survey questions because there’s never any song accurate enough to describe my life at the moment :/ There are songs I like listening to lately, but never any that are relatable. Would you ever post your most embarrassing moment story on youtube, or is that too embarrassing for you? I block off all my embarrassing moments from my head so that I forget them, so even if I had to do this I wouldn’t be able to. If you have a youtube channel, do you post more serious videos or fun? Are you keeping any secrets from your parents? A big secret running for five years now. I’m waiting until graduation to tell them. What are your favorite things to watch on youtube? I used to be just into vlogs but I’m all over the place now. List videos, Shane Dawson’s older stuff, PewDiePie, food video series (like Bon Appetit’s X Number of Ways to Cook A/An [insert food item here] or BuzzFeed’s Worth It), dog videos, conspiracy theory videos, BuzzFeed Unsolved, etc. Was any of your home decor inspired by Pinterest? No. Do you do yoga? I do not. What is something you have tried and hated? FRUITS.  Do you have regrets? Some small ones here and there but I hate the idea of dwelling/lingering on regrets. Are you a good person? I hope I’ve been. You’d have to ask my family and friends. Who do you look up to? I never really had any role models, but like someone I really respect is AJ Mendez, a former wrestler and you might know her cause I used to talk about her a lot in my older surveys. Do you do the right thing or the wrong thing more? I think it’s a balance. Are you rebellious? I used to be. I was an absolute HEADACHE as a teenager. How many tattoos do you have? None. What do you want to name your first child? Olivia for a girl. Not sure what main name I want for a boy but I want him to have Luis as one of his names, after my girlfriend’s dad. Are you mad at someone? Nope. What is this month's calendar picture? I don’t have a calendar with pictures. What is your last ex-boyfriend's or ex-girlfriend's name? The same one as my current girlfriend hahahaha Do you have an ex-friend that you miss? Mmm no actually! I recently got back in touch with Sofie and I couldn’t be happier :3 Our banter’s still the same after three years, so that’s really relieving for me. What color do you want your wedding dress to be? White. What is your favorite zoo animal? I don’t like zoos. Who were your favorite bands as a kid or teenager? Paramore, All Time Low, Sleeping with Sirens, We Are The In Crowd, Pierce the Veil, basically all the angsty tween bands lmfaooo. When I got a little older my music taste got considerably influenced by CM Punk’s, so I also started listening to bands like Against Me!, The Bouncing Souls, The Misfits, Rancid, H2O, Rise Against, Rage Against the Machine, etc. Do you use snapchat? Not anymore. I haven’t touched mine in a couple of years. How many months until your birthday? 8. Would you rather go out for pancakes or steak? It’s 8 in the morning, so pancakes sound perfect right now. Any other time of the day though I’d go for steak. What's your favorite ramen noodle flavor? Shoyu is my favorite variety of ramen. I don’t really dig instant ramen. What decade were you born in? 1990s. What is/was your favorite Homecoming Week day? Never had those. How do you feel when you read the Bible, if you read it? Encouraged? Angry? Exasperated, incredulous, disappointed, annoyed, bored. I just have very strong feelings about that book lol. Have you ever suffered from anxiety? You mean currently? Lols. Have you ever suffered from depression? Also currently. Have you ever seen an angel or a demon? I have not. I don’t believe in angels, and while I don’t 120% believe in demons, it’s a little fun and ~exhilarating to think about the possibility of their existence. What is something a lot of people like but you don't? Billie Eilish’s music. What color is your favorite pair of jeggings or skinny jeans? White. Do you own any bellbottoms? Nope. Do you own a dreamcatcher? Yes, I have a couple of dreamcatchers above my bed. What season's colors do you look best in? ...What? Have you ever done something incredibly stupid? Every day I do at least one incredibly stupid thing. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? Hahaha, sure. What is your favorite mystical creature? Not a fan of those. What do you want to be when you grow up? I wanna work in the field of public relations. While I have to make peace with the fact that it exponentially EXHAUSTS me socially, I do like the fact that I genuinely enjoy the nature of the job and everything else that comes with it. Are you truly happy, or are you only happy because you're doing something to distract yourself from your problems? Or are you just sad? You got me on the second guess, buddy. Have you ever lost something amazing because you held on to it too hard? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Is there a guy or girl you let slip away and you wish you hadn't? No. I didn’t let them ~slip away so now they’re still in my life. Do you ever wonder what could have been? Sure. What's an uplifting song you like to listen to? Looking Up or Grudges, both by Paramore. Paisleys or plaid? Plaid. I didn’t know what paisleys were so I Googled them and OMG, I hate that design so much lmfao. What's your vocal range? Not high nor impressive at all. I don’t sing.

[eldritchsurveys]

420 (ayyyy).

Hello :) Do you like to use a lot of smiley faces online? >> Not a lot, but I do use some.

Which instant messaging service do you use, if any? >> Discord. Tumblr also has an IM feature, but it’s not very good IMO. I hate that tiny little window.

What are your opinions on Justin Bieber? >> I don’t have any opinions on him. He rarely crosses my radar.

On December 21st 2012, if the world starts to go down, what will you do? >> I don’t remember what I was doing. I was in Colorado at that time, and that’s really all I remember.

Do you Facebook creep / Myspace stalk? >> No.

Is there a celebrity you're obsessed with? Who? >> Not really. There are celebrities I like looking at and ones I like watching in movies and such, but I’m not obsessed, just interested.

Do you look at yourself in any reflective surface you pass? >> Usually.

What theme is your calendar? >> I don’t use calendars. 

Is there anyone famous born on your birthday? Who? >> Most certainly, but I don’t know who.

Do you have a background on your cell phone? Of what? >> My lock screen is this Gunship album cover because it looks so fucking cool, and my home screen is a shot of Quentin Oliver Lee as the Phantom of the Opera.

Have you ever watched the clock tick a full minute? >> Yeah.

Is there anyone you know who kind of looks like you? >> No.

Do you wish you had a twin? If you do, do you wish you didn't? >> No.

Which lollipop flavor is your favorite? >> ---

Do you still enjoy coloring with crayons? >> I never enjoyed colouring with crayons.

If someone came up and randomly hugged you, what would you do? >> Flip my shit and probably hurt them.

Are we really getting lazier with all the technology advances these days? >> Possibly. But I can’t be bothered to care about that.

What was the last movie you saw in 3D? >> Probably a Marvel movie, I don’t remember now.

1-ply 2-ply or 3-ply bathroom tissue? Or does it matter? >> 2-ply seems sufficient. I hate the really soft stuff (it leaves particles behind, for one, and it’s bad for the plumbing, for another) but 1-ply is a little too spartan.

Have you ever tried out products at a kiosk at the mall when they ask you? >> No. I avoid those kiosks with the ruthlessness of someone who’s lived in a big city and knows how to avoid canvassers and panhandlers and everyone else who wants my attention (and money).

Do you ever wish you got more actual letters in the mail? >> I don’t really care. If I wanted to get letters that badly, I’d find a penpal and start sending some.

Have you ever knocked/rang the doorbell, then ran? >> No.

Do you take the bus often? >> Not often, because I don’t go out often, but I usually take it whenever I go out by myself.

Do you like serious people or ones with a sense of humor? >> I like people who can do both.

When you read a happy scene in a book, do you find yourself smiling? >> I mean, sometimes, probably.

Have you ever went to the movie theatres by yourself? >> I often do.

Is one of your main reasons for going to the beach to check people out? >> No.

What food do you absolutely despise? >> Bananas.

What is your favorite genre of music? >> I don’t have one.

Do you shave? >> No. I trim occasionally, but that’s all.

What is your opinion on the Twilight saga? >> I think people should feel free to enjoy it without being ridiculed by people with superiority complexes. Also, lay off the fucking author already.

Which celebrity will you always think is good looking? >> I don’t know, tastes are always liable to change.

Do you use twitter? Do you twitstalk a lot of celebrities? >> No.

Have you ever taped your fingers together? Doesn't it feel weird? >> No.

Do you like the squishy feeling of clay or mud beneath your feet? >> No.

What is one habit you wish you could cut? >> Picking at my lips. I’ve tried so hard to stop but nothing works.

When was the last time you used the bathroom? >> About an hour ago.

Do you have an accent? >> To someone, I’m sure.

Do you clean your house? >> I clean part of it.

How many tabs do you have open right now? >> Four.

Is wearing a lot of makeup being pretty or cakefaced? >> ...

Do you care about the Olympics? >> I don’t.

Do you ever wear headphones but then don't listen to anything? >> Yeah, when I’m using them to block out environmental noise.

Do you have a Youtube account? >> I have a Google account, which automatically is a Youtube account.

Do you know anyone who collects pins? >> No.

Do you enjoy taking pictures? >> Not as a hobby.

Do you ever video chat with people? >> No.

Have you ever tried Chatroulette or Omegle? >> I think I tried them once, but it didn’t interest me.

Are you a sports fan? If so, what sport(s)? >> No.

When did you stop trick-or-treating? Or do you still go? >> I’ve never done it.

Can you bake a good cake from scratch? >> I’ve never tried.

Can you bowl? Good? >> No.

Do you wish your life was like a movie sometimes? >> No, because that really wouldn’t make any sense.

Do you just smile or make silly faces/poses in pictures? >> Most of the time I don’t do anything, unless I specifically feel like making some sort of pose.

Do/did you ever like the books you have/had to read in high school? >> I only liked one -- Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Do you live in a small town or a big city? >> I’m not sure what Grand Rapids qualifies as. It definitely ain’t a big city, though.

What is your cell phone carrier? >> Boost Mobile.

Do you have any stuffed toys? >> Yeah, a lot of them.

What was your favorite childhood toy? Do you still have it? >> I don’t think I had one.

What song fits your mood right now? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever had a pet fish? >> No.

What internet browser are you using? >> Chrome.

Do you have a lot of bookmarks (internet)? >> Not a lot, but I have a good number.

Are you doing anything fun this weekend? >> I don’t know yet. Probably not.

Do you have any big plans for the upcoming summer? >> Winter is what’s upcoming, and no.

What did you do last New Years Eve? >> I don’t remember.

Plaid, stripes, checkers, or polka dots? >> Plaid.

Do you join a lot of fanpages on Facebook? >> No.

Can you curl your tongue? How about in a clover shape? >> No.

Is there any TV show that you get extremely excited about? >> Yeah, a few. I’m excited about The Good Place and Superstore coming back for their fall seasons.

What kind of lotion do you use? >> Aveeno.

Have you ever squeezed a zit and popped its nastiness everywhere? >> No, I hate the very idea of zit-popping.

Have you ever bit your cheek, and then bit it again in the same place? >> Yes, and god it’s awful.

Have you ever had a bath with a sibling/cousin when you were little? >> ---

Would you rather not eat or not sleep for 24 hours? >> Not sleep.

Do you ever actually take cold showers during the summer? >> No.

When was the last time you played on a playground? >> I don’t remember. At least a few years ago.

Do you like the really spinny rides at amusement parks? >> Not really.

What's your opinion on facial hair? >> I don’t have an opinion about that.

Have you ever gambled at a casino? >> No. I’m pretty sure just stepping inside a casino would send me into instant sensory overload.

What's your favorite thing to shop for? >> ---

Duz it bothar U wen Pplz tYPe Lyyk th!s ?!!one?!!?? >> People don’t really type like that anymore, so.

Do you know someone really thin who eats a lot (and doesn't puke it up)? >> No...?

Do you make a wish at 11:11? >> No.

What was the last present you bought for someone? >> I bought a couple of small things at Vault of Midnight (a comics/games store) that I thought would be good as stocking stuffers. I have a hard time with stocking stuffers so I figured I’d start early and collect things over time.

Aren't pad and tampon commercials just ridiculous? >> Most commercials are ridiculous, honestly.

Do you use a wallet or just put money in your pockets? >> I use a little zip pouch as a wallet.

Do you like your ID picture (whichever ID you have)? >> Not really, but it’s not a big deal.

Do you do online gaming? >> Yeah.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth? >> A toothbrush.

Who were the last people you hung out with? >> Some people from the West Michigan Geeks meetup group.

On a scale of 1-10, how attractive do you think you are? Honestly? >> No.

Do you think you have a good sense of humor? >> I mean, it works great for me.

Lmfao, Lmao, Rofl, Rotfl, Lol, Haha, Hehe, other? >> I use lmao a lot.

Have you ever tried to count grains of sand in your hand? >> No.

What does your ideal partner look like? >> ---

Do you ever have to write your name on food to keep it from getting eaten? >> No.

Do you have a friend you still hang with even though they're annoying? >> No.

What is one thing you've always wanted to do? >> *shrug*

[tanzani-coil]

tagged bbys

Tagged by the wonderful @figment-fantasies​ <3

The Last: 1. Drink: coffee eyyy 2. Phone Call: my dad 3. Text message: my guy jakub bby 4. Song you listened to: sleepover by hayley kiyoko bc im trash 5. Time you cried: like. sometime last week when i was with quinn??? it might’ve been friday bc of a dumb outlander vs tumblr post i was just fuckin crying

Have You: 6. Dated someone twice: twice??? bitch i havent dated someone ONCE  7. Kissed someone and regretted it: haven’t had my first kiss yet!! <- same bby!!! 8. Been cheated on: No. they’d be dead if they did lmfao 9. Lost someone special: yah sucks bro 10. Been depressed: mate depressed is my entire personality 11: Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope not yet im hoping to get plastered w quinn one day List 3 Favorite Colors: 12. blue. like. baby blue or egg shell blue??? 13. black 14: white (my entire wardrobe is black n white monochromatic)

In the last year, have you… 15. Made new friends: @onelassieandherfandoms​ this asshole 16. Fallen out of love: nah like??? wasnt in love in the first place 17. Laughed until you cried: yES 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i mean. always 19. Met someone who changed you: i dont rly know??? i cant tell when i change 20. Found out who your friends are: eyyy yeah 21. Kissed someone on your FB list: gross

GENERAL: 22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: this is???? so specific????? i mean most of them i still have like. perhaps 10-20 online friends on there i havent met up with yet so 23. Do you have any pets: never had any </3 always wanted a cat and a doggo but. parents hates animals so i gotta wait till i move out 24. Do you want to change your name: yah, my birth name is like. rly feminine and long and pretentious n ive been going by my nickname for the last 6 years so much that my birth name isnt rly??? i dont rly associate it with myself 25. What did you do for your last birthday: went out for a meal with my fam. dont have enough friends to rly do anything else lmfao 26. What time did you wake up: i mean i woke up at about 9ish, went back to sleep, woke up at about 11 again, then was on and off sleeping until 12:30 when i got up 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: homework bc my teachers live off my pain 28. Name something you can’t wait for: seeing quinn again, new skuldug book, new season of outlander, 29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: today 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my insistence on self isolation lmfao 31. What are you listening to right now: my mom jenna marbles trying to get one (1) kill on pubg 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yah 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: art block!!!! good fucking god i havent drawn anything in like. two months. and then after that i cant remember the last time i drew anything for me because i wanted to and not for homework smh 34. Most visited website: this hellsite 35. Mole/s: got loads of em on the side of my face, but thats the side of my face that my hair/fringe covers up so??? could be worse i guess 36. Mark/s: birth mark on my right shoulder which i love a bit too much, a round patch of darker skin on my deltoid(?) where i got shot with a paintball and it’s left a scar, a scar from a shaving cut on my kneecap, and like. the unfairly over-abundance of stretchmarks on my EVERYWHERE 37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a horse 38. Hair color: dirty blonde and blonde 39. Long or short hair: longish??? covers my nips at this point 40. Do you have a crush on someone?: uh 41. What do you like about yourself: uh?????? 42. Piercings: none, they freak me out??? but if i were to get any, it’d have to be a helix(?) piercing. i’d fancy like. a thick ring piercing if that makes sense 43. Blood type: do i look as if i know 44: Nicknames: george, but thats only if ur close to me 45. Relationship status: single and lonely as fuck lmfao but thats probably best, im just not built for relationships 46. Zodiac: sagittarius 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV show(s): person of interest, orphan black, outlander, the 100, brooklyn nine nine, orange is the new black, rupauls drag race, 49. Tattoos: none yet, but i rly fancy “be brave” in EXACTLY the same font as the skulduggery books, on the inside of my right wrist 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: um>?? i mean not rly??  52. Hair dyed a different color: i haven’t yet, but i want like. a lighter blonde ombre??? bc my hair is lame as fuck and i want to do SOMETHING with it 53. Sports: omf no 54. Vacation: i went to majorca a couple of weeks back just as the heat wave fuckin hit (rip me) 55. Shoes: tesco converses or black boots 56. Eating: biscuis 57. Drinking: coffee, with water inbetween bc im thirsty as fuck 58. I’m about to: do :))))) homework :)))))) 59. Waiting for: school to start up again. if i have to do homework i wanna do it actually AT school bc i cant focus for shit at home, but i can get so much done with the school facilities so 60. Want: to see quinn again i miss her dumb face 61. Get married: i want to tbh but. not built for that sort of thing 62. Career: ahahahaha jesus fuck i have no fucking clue lets not go into this

WHICH IS BETTER: 63. Hugs or kisses: HUGS. I FUCKIN LIVE FOR HUGS 64. Lips or eyes: eyes 65. Shorter or taller: i mean???? depends on the person but typically taller 66. Older or younger: older 67. Nice arms or nice stomach: i????? 68. Sensitive or loud: man idk. both 69. Hook up or relationship: relationship bc im a sap 70. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant bc i have a crippling fear of authority

HAVE YOU EVER: 71. Kissed a stranger: nope 72. Drank hard liquor: nope 73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 74. Turned someone down: nope. i’d be so lucky lmfao 75. Sex on first date: bitch i’ve never been on a date let alone 76. Broken someone’s heart: nope 77. Had your heart broken: ahahahahahahahahahahaha 78. Been arrested: nope 79. Cried when someone died: yep 80. Fallen for a friend: ahaha  hahahah  hahahahahahahahahahaha

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 81. Yourself: well someone fuckin has to 82. Miracles: i mean??? i’d believe it if i saw it 83. Love at first sight: i believe that you can have an instant connection or chemistry with someone which would then lead to love, but like. love at first sight has only rly ever applied to pretty emaciated people so 84. Santa Claus: nope 85. Kiss on the first date: i mean?? nah

OTHER: 86. Current best friend: i have like. three friends?? all of which i’d consider my best friend i think 87. Eye color: blue but with like. yellow on the inside??? which. having googled is apparently called central heterochromia  88. Favorite movie: oooo. probably spirit stallion of the cimarron 

i mean. all the people i would’ve tagged I think @figment-fantasies tagged anyway so like. have fun folks