#sf9 angst

[slytherinshua]

AIRBAG CANT SAVE US

genre. angst. breakup. warnings. some language. fighting. crying. mention of drinking. angst. hwiyoung is kind of a jerk in this, reminder that this is just fiction-- it's not meant to accurately represent the real idols. pairing. hwiyoung x reader. wc. 1.1k. request. no. a/n. based off of drive5 if it wasn't already obvious... uhh sry in advance for this????? i promise i love hwiyoung idk why i wrote this lmfao

“You’ve changed, Youngkyun.” You mutter tensely. Youngkyun always has the aircon set 2 degrees too cold in his car, and a shiver runs up your spine. You always hated the cold, yet despite that, you had stupidly fallen for him. He’s like a block of ice, yet no matter how much you tried to melt him with your warm heart, he stayed chilly.

Youngkyun grips the steering wheel a bit tighter, flipping on the left turning signal and turning onto the highway. His foot pushes on the gas slightly as he matches the speed of the other cars on the highway. He still doesn’t respond to you.

You let out a shaky sigh and look out your window, “Did you ever love me? Why did you ask me out a year ago if you never intended on paying attention to me in the first place?” You wait for a second, wondering if that would get him to utter even a word in reply— even just a hum that he had heard you. 

But, no. He’s always the same. Stuck up in his own world, self-obsessed and unfeeling. You wonder how his friends even put up with him? It’s as if he had no thoughts or feelings. Even when you tried to discuss something that directly affected him, he didn’t even care enough to listen. 

“I don’t even know why I agreed to date you. You’re such an asshole.” You tell him through gritted teeth, a bit louder this time. “I hope whatever poor girl you ‘fall for’ next drops your ass before you have the chance to brutally misuse her like you did with me.”

Again, he stays silent, spiking your nerves just a bit above the limit. Your eyes sting with tears but you blink them back. You won’t cry because of him. He doesn’t even deserve that much. You hear him take a breath, and you turn to look at him, wondering if he’ll finally say something back to you.

“If you had so many problems with me, then why did you decide to date me?”

You hate that response. You hate how calm he is when you’re about to reach your breaking point. You hate that he doesn’t have the decency to at least apologise to you before he spews more of his nonsense. It’s like a stab straight through your chest. If he had ever loved you, even for a second, he would at least apologise for upsetting you before interrogating you.

“Oh, so it’s my fault, is it?” You let out a laugh, and it’s filled with disbelief at his actions. “It’s my fault? I was holding our relationship together for months while you went out drinking and paid no attention to me! I always held out hope that one day you would treat me the same as when we first met. But since January I’ve never seen even a speck of feeling in your eyes. Is it amusing to see me try so hard!? Do you find joy in my struggles to get this relationship to work— only to inevitably fail cause it will never work out with just one of us trying?” You spew, letting all your built up frustration flow out, hitting him like bullets. You were sure he had already built a repelling force field around himself to block you out; one that would only make the bullets bounce back to hit you.

“You wasted your time trying to get it to work.” He whispers.

“I wanna get off.” You breathe out, feeling like the doors of the car were slowly closing in on you. It was suffocating being in the same cramped space with Youngkyun, where everything just brought up old memories.

The necklace that you had gifted to him was still hanging from the rearview mirror. He had never worn it. You realize in an instant that him hanging it there wasn’t a compliment to you. He never wanted it in the first place.

“We’re on the fucking highway, Y/n.” He points out, as if you weren’t capable of noticing that before.

“Just pull over and let me out here. I’ll get a fucking taxi.” You spit back angrily.

“Shit, you’re so impatient. You can wait 5 minutes for me to reach this exit.” He says angrily, somehow pushing your anger up even more. You let the first tears slip down your cheeks. You hate being around him in this way. You feel like he’s slowly ripping you to shreds— limb by limb, leaving you broken beyond repair.

You do your best to stay silent and not let your muffled crying reach Youngkyun’s ears. It would be too humiliating for you to bear. The 5 minutes it takes to reach the exit feels like 5 hours. Youngkyun pulls over to the side of the road, stepping on the break harshly. You jerk forward slightly, and wonder if he’s doing it on purpose. You open your car door in a rush, trying to get out as soon as possible, but you feel him grip your wrist. You turn back around and stare at him, eyes burning to take in his features one last time.

“I’m not the only one who changed.” He says slowly before letting go of your hand. The blaring honks of cars behind you is almost deafening, some of them trying to find a way to get past Youngkyun’s black car blocking the road without causing an accident. You get out of the car and slam the door shut without another word to him.

It takes a second to register your reality. You stand still on the sidewalk for a few minutes, breathing in the crisp cold night air and letting the tears fall freely. You don’t know how far away from home you are, but you know that you’re not in any hurry to get back. You just soak in the moment. You were done with him— finally, you were free from him. You wanted to laugh, but it just came out as harsher sobs. 

If he hadn’t changed, would it have worked out?

If you hadn’t changed, would it have worked out?

You stare up at the sky, sniffing your last tears away. It’s dark and a mesmerising blue; it’s beautiful. You wonder if Youngkyun was also looking at the night, contemplating how cruel it had been to both of you. Though, with a scoff you realize that he wouldn’t care. This would all pass by for him like it was nothing, because it had already been too long to recall the last time he had cared for you.

↳ sf9 taglist: @eternalgyu

[taichoushadow]

Consume with love - Yoo Taeyang

@yootaesowl happy frienanniverarsy! I hope this little gift will mend your heart.

Word count: 2.6 k

Genre: angst, fluff, hurt to comfort.

Taeyang never imagined that it was possible to break something that already was in pieces. It suddenly was hard getting to breathe, trying to ground himself by clutching the glass he was holding, just a little tighter.

The sight that was infront of him, made him want to scream and seperate you from the person you were laughing with. He wanted to marge over and plant himself in between you two and pull you on his lap to show everyone in the room you were his.

The familiar burn in his eyes, the pang of hurt that shot through his heart pulled him right back to reality;

You weren't his anymore.

What occured last week was a film that kept playing over and over again, keeping him awake at night with his own tear strained cheeks that he caused you on that day and he winced just thinking about it.

He was scared, terrified he had fully lost you and it felt like he was drowning in his own sorrow, with you right across from him as you seeme to enjoy yourself with someone else while last week hearts were being broken. Atleast his was.

His breath hitched in his throat when your eyes met his from across the room and it felt like he was being stripped bare as your gaze lingered before they dropped down to his hand where his grasp around the glass started to shake.

Escape, go, leave.. Those words raced through his mind and within a breath, he slammed the glass harder down on the table than wanted and the room went silent, eyes all on him. Hwiyoung who was sitting next to him, put a hand on his shoulder asking him if he was okay but all Taeyang could think of was how fast he could get out of here as he felt tears threatening to fall.

You watched how Taeyang left the room abrubtly and your heart sank. You were debating wether you should go to this get together, knowing he was going to be here aswell as you were afraid to make it all awkward but once you arrived it didn't seem Taeyang was going to avoid you as you felt his eyes on you the whole time. Dare you say, you felt happy knowing that he wasn't avoiding you per se and mustered up the courage to look back, hoping this was an opening for you to talk to him.

A mistake..

You didn't miss how his eyes widened when you met his gaze, you didn't miss how he went rigid on the couch and the way he seemed to be trying to hold himself together by holding on to the glass as if it was his saving grace. You had enough, what happened last week had you still seething, something that shouldn't even have happened, something that wasn't his fault.

Within a heartbeat, you got up from the couch yourself and followed Taeyang out of the room, into the gardens where the darkness seeped into comfort and found him sitting right under a tree, his head resting against it and with his eyes closed and you could tell that he knew you were there too, he was always observant, sometimes a bit too much as he read into things that even weren't there to which lead to this heartbreak in the first place.

Without any words spoken, you sat next to him, gazing up at the night sky, cloudy with no trace of stars or the moon and you chuckled, funny how the night represented the feelings that were between the two of you, laying in between heavy clouds that he atleast didn't dare to enter.

Letting out a loud sigh, you turned to look at Taeyang and you saw him wince when you called his name with a tremble in your voice. You missed him dearly, your fingers itching to touch his skin but refrained yourself from doing so and instead found some comfort in the fabric of your sweater, picking at the soft material.

"Taeyang..'' you started again, letting the silence settle in for a few seconds before fully facing him, moving around so you were sitting right across, unable for him to escape.

He shivered when his name layed on the softness of your lips, having missed the sound dearly as only you could make it like his name was crafted in gold and bathed in the rain. Only you could make him crumble like this and he opened his eyes to come face to face with you and he nearly choked on a sob that threatened to spill. It's right there in that moment he decided he tortured you and himself enough and threw himself at you, finding refuge in your embrace as his body shook in the grief he felt for the past few days, grief he caged in order to tell himself what he did, wasn't the biggest mistake of his life eventhough he knew that was the biggest bullshit he tried to tell himself. His heart scolded him repeatedly everday and it's then when he saw you in the room, his heart cried and now having you here with him, it completely crumbled as if it finally could let go of the pain it was holding on to, as if its owner finally had set it free.

''I'm sorry.'' He wept loudly. ''I'm so sorry.''

''I didn't know what to do.'' Taeyang continued, clutching on your shirt, pressing himself closer to you, desperate to feel you even closer, that you were really here, that you really came after him, that this was not an illusion.

''I never meant..''

You gasped out loud when he trew his arms around you, when you felt the weight of his body against you and clasped your arms around his back, cradling his head by holding the back of his neck once you heard him sobbing loudly. You hushed him, rubbing up and down his back gently as you crossed your legs and grabbed his thighs to wrap them around your waist so he could fully lean on you to let out the hurt.

It was not like you were fairing any better. Tears rolled down your cheeks, your own heart gasping in need like a toddler that reached out it's arms to be picked up when in distress and could finally cry once in the comfort of those safe arms.

You have been thinking a lot the past week after desperatly trying to contact Taeyang, to demand answers from him while crying constantly. It's that you could find some rest within your friend who listened closely and shared her thoughts on what might could have brought this on. It's when you realized, that Taeyang, being the sensitive soul he is, would do anything to keep you safe and would never jeopardize your happiness, knowing that's how he is.

You know that people say that you should never let a person determine your happiness but how could you not, when he is the one who makes you feel all the things you only could dream of, who made the world a softer place and has your soul resting in love.

''It's okay.'' was all you could muster up now, all you could tell him as you sat under the tree with him propped on your lap. ''I'm sorry too'' you hiccuped. ''I'm sorry for letting you walk away.''

Taeyang leaned back, hand squeezing your shoulders and finally looked at you shaking his head furiously, whispering ''No, no... No!'' Shocked at the apology, shocked how you could blame yourself when it was all his own wrong doing. ''I managed to let the world consume my soul.. I let the words stain my heart... It's - It's not your fault.''

He laid his palms down on your cheeks, thumbs resting under your chin, eyes burning into yours as you stared at him, the determination of removing that lie in your mind clear on his features, sharp.

''But Taeya-''

'''No!'' he shot you down immediately, wiping the trail of tears with his pinky, one hand trailing down to rest on the back of your neck, the other grasping your chin to whipe the remaining tears from your lips with his thumb. Your heart quickened at the action and a blush deepened the red on your skin even more and you could have bursted out in another wave of tears at the feeling of him having this close but you held it in until everything was talked out and when the heaviness was being lifted from the heart.

Dropping his head on your shoulder, he spoke softly into your neck and distracted himself by playing with the ends of your hair.

''Being an idol, being an artist I know things are said by people that are just..'' he paused, sighing loudly and mentally scolding himself at the thought of allowing himself to be tainted by lies and jealousy of others. ''I always knew how to deal with those. Didn't really care what they wrote about me, or if they hated me. I could deal with that all.''

You listened attentively, knowing that he spilled out his thoughts and feelings that were forcely held back for atleast a few weeks and let him speak freely.

''But once they targeted you, once they began spreading lies about you, saying hateful things.. I was livid. I realized, that this world of mine, being in this industry could hurt you too by simply loving me.''

Sitting back, Taeyang grabbed onto your hand and climbed of your leg, helping you to sit against the tree while lacing your fingers together before continuing his story.

''Somehow my heart started to hurt, doubts seeped into my mind that I could not always protect you.'' Before you could say something, he shushed you by placing a finger against your lips. ''I know, I know that it's inevitable and that I can't protect you from everything, but I thought I atleast could prevent you from being hurt by lies people are spewing and I also knew that if I told you this, you would lecture me, saying that you don't care what they say but-"

He was livid not only at those people but also at himself. How fucking stupid could you be to let those people win, to throw away your own life by just mere words when he knows together you do stand stronger. Fuck them all, fuck everything as long as he has you yet he was a loser by letting them win.

He let out a scream from frustration, hurt and anger but you stopped him by squeezing his hand as you started to talk.

''I dont mind getting hurt as long as I know you're there for me, to hold me and comfort me.'' You told him honestly, squeezing his hand once again in assurance that you know that this was something you gladly would take, as long as it meant you could love him.

''Loving someone always comes with a price. And if this is the price I have to pay to be able to show how much I love you, than I would gladly pay the highest price.''

Tears glistened in the reflection of the lantern right behind the tree and his lips trembled, lips forming the sound of your name and leaned in closer to rest his forehead against yours. ''I wanted to save you, instead I was drowning not only you but myself aswell. I know you don't need to be saved.. and I am sorry for selfishly making this decision on my own without communicating it with you clearly.'' He whispered, and you quivered at the feeling of his breath against your lips, parting them at the thought of his own.

Taeyang noticed the movement, felt the way your hand slipped under his shirt and ran up the bare skin of his back and this time it was him that shivered under your touch as his gaze settled down on the sight of your lips as he gulped. A week without your touch, a week without the feel of your lips on his own just because he thought he was doing you a favor by letting you go.

''Never do this again, ever..'' You whispered, squeezing his waist and unraveled your fingers from his grasp and ran them up his arm to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. ''I'm sorry.'' he repeated, softly, closing the gap between your lips more and more and cupped your cheek while balancing himself with a hand on your thigh.

''Say it.'' your lips brushed against his lightly when you murmered those words. ''Say you will never do it again.'' his eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips, wetting his own and you breathed out heavily at the feather light touch of his tongue against your own lips. ''Promise me.''

''I promise I will never make decisions on my own regarding you.''

''Will you kiss me now?''

''Yeah..''

and with that the promise was instantly sealed upon your lips, and you both let out a gasp at the feeling of the touch you've both have been deprived off for so long. Lips worked together, the taste of sorrow being swept away and replaced with love immediately as Taeyang gladly deepened the kiss by angling your head just so that he could slip his tongue between your parted lips and he moaned at the feeling of being so close to you.

This time it was Taeyang who gripped onto your thigh and guided you onto his lap and let his hand wander down your back, pressing you closer against him with his palm right above your ass.

The night was surprisingly quiet, save for the cicades signing their song, no sounds of tyres on the road in a normally busy city. Not like you would notice anything else beside Taeyang right here with you, kissing you at last, yet a sudden cough belonging to no other than Youngbin was heard throughout the quiet night and it's then that you two noticed it wasn't actually not that quiet after all as the others were hollering at the porch of the house. Being a bit embarassed having been caught kissing like that, you got off his lap, Taeyang standing up aswell, not letting go of your hand though and he wasn't planning of letting your hand go for a long time.

''I'm really happy you two finally made up.'' Youngbin began. ''But either please join us or go home because these.'' pointing at the boys behind him. ''These idiots have been plastered against the window for the past few minutes watching you two..''

Now this was a whole other embarrassment that crept unto your cheeks at the thought of having been caught making out and Taeyang wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pressing your face in his chest to shield you away from their eyes.

''Perverts!'' He shouted, walking you back towards the house and he ignored the cheers from everyone else, embarrassed himself at the thought of being seen kissing you like that. ''We're going home.''

At the sudden announcement of you two going home, you slapped his chest and gasped out his name but he just smiled at you. ''You want to sit here and answer all the questions they're gonna bombard us with?'' He simply asked you and well he has a point.

Finding your friend sitting on the chair, sipping on some water with her car keys clutched in her hand, you knew she was ready to get you two home and you smiled gratefully, tugging Taeyang at the direction of the door as she followed.

Taeyang happily let himself be dragged around by you with the biggest smile on his face. He arrived with heaviness and a heart that lay in pieces but now he left the place with a light and a mended heart.

Yeah, he was definitely gonna keep this promise to you forever and instead let his soul consume itself with your love while his heart bathes in it.

[twisted-tales-of-all]

Bittersweet Memories

Summary: Sometimes, you have to go back to the place it all began, to relive what once was. Pairing: Baek Juho x OC Genre: Angst, One-Shot, Collab/Event Tropes: Fantasy!AU, Faun!idol, tennyo!OC, strangers to lovers to strangers Word Count: 1.3K Contains: circular storytelling, flashbacks (anything italicized is a flashback), one mention of suggestive content (no details), lots of angst A/N: Fantasy, I apologize in advance for what I've done to the poor sweetheart. This was what instantly came to mind when presented with the Mocha Madness event. Also, Ceres is a likeness to the titular character of an anime I adored way back in middle school titled Ayashi No Ceres.

"Can I get a mochaccino, Cupid?" The faun man orders as calmly as usual, adding, "Make it a double. I need a pick-me-up."

After placing the coins on the counter, Zuho makes his way to his usual table. Pulling his chair out, he sits down, carefully swinging his tail behind him to avoid sitting on it. Placing an elbow on the dark mahogany table, he rests his chin on his palm as he stares at the empty chair in front of him, zoning out into his own little world.

"Can I try the house coffee? It's my first time here."

Hearing a shy but angelic voice, he lifts his head to see her. More beautiful than most creatures who frequent the cafe, her long, healthy black hair flowing freely down her back and her beautiful blue silk kimono makes her appear heavenly to the lone faun sitting nearby. Seeing Zuho's gaze on the newcomer, Cupid points the lady in his direction and suggests him as a kind regular.

Thanking Cupid and paying for her drink, the captivating stranger approaches Zuho and asks whether she could sit with him. Moving his latte closer to himself, he motions to the chair as words betray him by failing to leave his lips entirely.

"Thank you. I hear you're a regular. I'm new around here and qould love a guide, if you're so willing."

"Sure, I would be happy to help. My name is Zuho."

Shining a smile that can cure any ailments, she responds, "Nice to meet you, Zuho. My name is Cerea. I'm a tennin - or a tennyo, more specifically - and I've wanted to roam earth for a bit now but was scared. It's nice to know somebody is willing to help lead me in good directions."

"A tennyo - no wonder you're so beautiful. I'm a faun, as you may be able to guess." He gestures around himself to show off his horns, tail, and hooves. "Although I'm often confused for a satyr since we're distant cousins in looks."

As he learns more about Ceres, he finds that her beauty goes beyond her style and appearance. Feeling her kindness in every word, Zuho befriends her quickly, establishing the next time to meet.

"Here you go, Zu." Cupid places the glass mug in front of the faun, bringing him back to reality momentarily.

"Thanks, Cupid. I really need it today."

Patting the man on the back, Cupid returns to the counter with hopes that the strength of the drink will help his friend return to his usual chipper self.

As he takes a sip, Zuho remembers the day he began dating Ceres - a time now as bittersweet in his mind as the drink hitting his tongue.

For the first time, they meet outside of the cafe. Bringing Zuho to a nice, calm meadow outside of the city, Ceres beams over the idea of enjoying one another's company out in nature.

Most of the date, they sit next to each other on the grass silently, gazing at the flowers swaying in the light wind or viewing the clouds floating lazily against the azure sky. After a while, Zuho turns to admire Ceres.

Feeling his gaze after a few minutes, Ceres turns towards him. His loving eyes bring a soft smile to her lips. Her dark hair contrasting the colorful surroundings, Zuho brushes a loose strand behind her shoulder, letting it sway in the wind alongside the flowers.

"Ceres," He starts, his gaze shifting around her. "Would you like to date?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Ceres leans in, cupping her partner's face to kiss his nose in acceptance.

Putting the cup back onto the table, Zuho feels the tears welling up in his throat. Bending forward and placing his forehead next to the glass, the faun's tail swipes furiously behind him as his emotions overwhelm him. Looking on from the counter, Cupid feels the pang of heartbreak seep into his heart, remembering how well the couple got along until yesterday's incident. As Zuho lets his tears fall onto the wood, a montage of happy moments runs through his mind, only to be squashed by the memory of yesterday.

Kissing feels like visiting heaven. Her hugs are a warm embrace, even on the coldest winter days. A smile in his direction brightens his whole day. Her voice rings in his ears like his favorite bard's most uplifting tune, her laugh like the twinkling bells that ding in the markets.

Zuho is head over hooves for Ceres.

She feels the same way - it's obvious to everyone around them, even if she never says so. Heavens forbid, she even debates herself silently on whether or not to give him her celestial robes to take him as her husband. As far as anyone can see, this tennyo and faun are a representation of the truest form of love. The bards have written songs based on their shows of affection, the scholars have noted their actions for future generations to look upon as proof of love's existence. As innocent as the two of them are, planning to propose to one another in a worthwhile way without letting the other catch on to their schemes, the entire city supports them at this point. Everyone felt their love brighten the town.

It was all going splendidly until one day ago - the day tragedy struck. As Ceres bathes in a secluded pond, preparing herself to hand over her robes, but those exact robes are stolen from the branch she placed them upon. In a massive fit of jealousy, a lonely goblin learned about the tennin conditions for marriage and took it upon himself to snatch the opportunity to secure an eye-catching bride.

Despite outrage from everyone in the city, Ceres cannot disobey the laws of her kind. Bawling her eyes out, she begrudgingly follows the goblin to his home. Zuho, upon learning of the travesty, follows, losing sanity as he begs and pleads at their feet. He offers up anything and everything he owns to the goblin in a desperate attempt to earn the hagoromo for himself, but the goblin doesn't budge - rather, he enjoys seeing the faun dirtying his fur to beg him for the item.

He slams the door to his small abode in Zuho's face with an evil smile. Unable to muster the energy to return to the city, Zuho stays on the ground for hours and hears them finalize the marriage. With that final step complete, Zuho feels his heart snap into a million pieces, falling upon the loose dirt in front of the home.

As his tears slow, he wonders whether he stalled too long to ask Ceres to marry him. At this point, he feels as if the gods must be spiting him for some reason. Wondering what he could've done to deserve the torture he received, he lifts his head from the table to see a cookie sitting on a napkin next to his drink. He looks over to Cupid, who is busy cleaning mugs. Silently thanking his friend, he wipes away the remaining tears and takes a big bite of the cookie.

Although certain he hasn't had one before, the cookie tastes oddly familiar - sweet with touches of familiar magic mixed into the cinnamon and sugar. He closes his eyes as he takes another bite, savoring the flavor in an attempt to identify the source of the familiarity.

Suddenly, an all too familiar voice graces his ears. As if he traveled back in time, he opens his eyes to find Ceres talking to Cupid at the counter, in the same blue silk from the first time he laid eyes on her. Even the cookie has disappeared from his hand, and the mocha is replaced by a latte.

"Can I try the house coffee? It's my first time here."

[key201303]

There’s a week left for my birthday 🥳

What would you say if love shot series made a comeback as my birthday special?? 👀👀

[seokmattchuus]

Sober - Optional Bias

A/n: I don’t know what this is but like, here you go. Not sure if I proofread this well enough, I be stressed out.

You had a love-hate relationship with drinking. You usually only did it when you were stressed, but you hated how you could never shut the fuck up once you started rambling.

“Please~ I wanna stay~~” You whined over the music as you held onto his arm, your eyes trying their best to muster a pleading look.

“Y/n, you really don’t need any more drinks.” He sighed, taking your arms in his as he tried to pull you with him. 

“Why not~” You pouted up at him, batting your lashes in an attempt to get him to change his mind. 

“Because I’m in charge of you and if you have one more drink, guess whose problem you’re going to be?” He smiled sweetly at you, a direct contradiction to the words he just said. 

But the look in his eyes had you complying. How could you say ‘no’ when he smiled at you like that.

“And what do I get if I agree?” You challenged, still pouting, but you weren’t really that upset. As long as you left together, maybe it wouldn’t be too bad.

“I’ll buy you hangover soup in the morning. Just the way you like it.” He laughed lightly as your eyes lit up at the mention of food. "Now, c'mon," He paused as he fixed his hold on you to keep you up. "Let's get you in the car."

-

The drive home had you wishing you hadn't had more than five drinks. Was the road always this bumpy? Were there always this many turns?

"Slow down," You whined, a small gag following the statement.

"We're not even in the car." He laughed lightly. "You fell asleep after a while and when we got here, you wouldn't wake up, so I carried you to your bed."

Through your drunken haze, you didn't believe him. Your arms reached out, patting around you and feeling the softness of your blankets.

"If you're feeling dizzy, though, you're probably gonna puke." He pointed out. "Would you like the restroom, or a trash can?"

"I'm not gonna puke." You mumbled a protest. "I just wanna sleep."

"And if you puke in your sleep?" He raised a brow.

"I'm not~" You whined. "If I was gonna puke, I wouldn't feel so cold." You stated matter-of-factly.

"Fine." He reluctantly gave in. "But you need to let me know if you feel like throwing up, okay?" He said softly. "I'll be in the living room, just call out."

"Or you could stay here, just in case I can't call out in time." Your voice was low, your previous sleepiness coming back.

“Yeah, yeah,” He smiled down at you as he tucked you in. "We both know you're just too lazy." He shook his head as he shifted back, but your arm came out to grab at his before he could get up.

“I meant it,” You mumbled, your voice soft. “Stay.” You tugged him towards you, the scent of his cologne making you want nothing more than to snuggle into him.

You meant it more than him being on simple puke-watch. It was the first time he'd stayed over in a while, and you wanted to make the best of it. Even if it meant pretending you couldn't remember it that well tomorrow.

He didn't pull away and you took the chance to pull him down next to you, your arms sneaking around his waist in the way you always wanted to.

His fists clenched at his side as your arms wrapped around him. Why were you making this so hard for him? Why couldn’t you just go to sleep?

“At least stay until I fall asleep.” You pouted, realizing you were probably making him uncomfortable.

It took everything in him to not say what he really wanted to. How he'd stay all night if it meant he got to wake up with your head on his chest. Instead, he placed a hand in your hair, slightly scratching it, and giving you a small 'hm' in agreement.

To him, you would never see him the way he saw you. You would never say this if you weren’t drunk. He’d be taking advantage if he stayed but he didn’t have the heart to tell you ‘no’.

And to you, he would never see you the way you saw him. Your petty excuses to spend time with him were running out. He'd see through it eventually, but you really couldn't help it.

“I’ll stay on the couch after you fall asleep, okay?” He was lying and he knew it. In the morning, he'd pretend he had fallen asleep while waiting.

His voice calmed you as he finally settled into your hold, his free arm wrapping around you in hopes of locking the memory in.

The way your hands laid on his chest made you feel at home. Be it your drunken self getting cozy or the way he actually felt comfortable, you hummed to yourself in delight.

And he couldn't be happier with you wanting him to stay. How your fist closed lightly, trapping his shirt in your hold. He felt brave enough to pull you closer, his head leaning down to place itself on top of yours.

Maybe it wasn’t how you wanted it to happen, and maybe he'd never speak up, but he felt more comfortable with the thought of doing so as you snuggled into him. He closed his eyes, a single thought repeating in his head to tell himself he wasn't going crazy.

Drunk words are sober thoughts.

[sleepchapter]

sf9 masterlist

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primarily write yandere, keep that in mind. however, i write regular reactions here and there…yandere content will be in orange.

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oneshots/drabbles

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time/headcanons

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[shinestarhwaa]

Masterlists

MINORS DNI

Hi everyone! <3

Here’s my masterlist so you can find all my Tumblr fics :)

ATEEZ MASTERLIST (MTL, Reactions)

ATEEZ MASTERLIST (all one shots)

Ateez Tarot Event masterlist

Ateez Nsfw alphabet masterlist

Seonghwa: New Romantics masterlist

ROWOON MASTERLIST

(G)I-DLE MASTERLIST

[dearly-somber]

songfic collection | multi

-> requests. closed.

-> total w/c. 19,403

-> author’s note. anything that was edited before publication was left in the state it was last edited in to show progress. Also available to read on AO3!

-> p.s. color-coded according to my rating system: 13+, 16+, 18+

-> divider credit. @firefly-graphics

2020

Golden Love | h.js | skz

Don’t Wanna Cry | l.ch | svt

Play Me Like A Violion | k.yh | day6

Watermelon Sugar | h.js | skz

9 And Three Quarters (Run Away) | txt

I’m Serious | k.yh | day6

deathbed (coffee for your head) | h.js | skz

Cat & Dog | txt

I Know I’m A Wolf | k.yh | day6

Fly Me To The Moon | k.yh | day6

Falling | j.hs | bts

Into the I-LAND | j.hs | bts

the other girl | h.hj | skz

All Alone | k.yh | day6

I’m Yours | k.yh | day6

you broke me first | k.is | sf9

Mean It | k.yb | sf9

Help Me Lose My Mind | h.js | skz

Rain Dance | h.js | skz

Crush | l.mh | skz

SLUMP (English Version) | h.js | skz

2021

2 Soon | l.ch | svt

Let Me In (20 CUBE) | p.sh | enha

Viva La Vida | k.yh | day6

Heartbeat | k.yh | day6

WAYO (songfic mini-series) | treasure

5 In The Morning | l.ch | svt

Please Never Fall In Love Again | h.js | skz

Wings | k.sw | tbz

Guiding Light | y.jw | enha

The Middle | p.sh | enha

Dirty Mind | k.sw | tbz

Lunchbox Friends | l.hs | enha

Please Never Fall In Love Again | j.jk | bts

Tidal Wave | j.jk | bts

Decalcomania | j.jk | bts

Why | j.jk | bts

Golden Dandelions | k.th | bts

Leave Before You Love Me | p.jm | bts

SAD GIRLZ LUV MONEY | j.jk | bts

Blue Side (Outro) | j.hs | bts

Sparks | j.jk | bts

better off | k.nj | bts

Anchor | k.th | bts

drunk | j.jk | bts

2022

Astronomy | j.jk | bts

Problémon | j.hs | bts

hostage | bts

Lo Vas A Olvidar | p.jm | bts

Jenny (I Wanna Ruin Our Friendship) | j.jk | bts

Night Swim | j.jk | bts

Daddy Issues | j.jk | bts

AURORA | ateez

come out and play | j.jk | bts

Euphoria (DJ Swivel Mix) | j.jk | bts

Wildfire | j.jk | bts

Like Real People Do | j.jk | bts

Airplane Mode | j.jk | bts

Heaven’s Cloud | l.ch | svt

Wicked Game | l.ch | svt

The A Team | l.ch | svt

Cold War | j.jk | bts

Valley of Lies | txt

8 | j.jk | bts

Speed of Light | a.g

We’ll Never Have Sex | a.g

Love It If We Made It | a.g

Little Black Dress | j.jk | bts

Grayson | j.jk | bts

Sports | j.jk | bts

Little Lion Man | j.jk | bts

Bittersweet | k.sj | bts

Forever | j.jk | bts

Cocoon | j.jk | bts

Bathroom Bitch | j.jk | bts

2023

.

[synthetickitsune]

Yandere!SF9 Reaction: Being nice to them

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don’t support this kind of behavior and obviously this isn't meant to represent how the members are irl. This is just a piece of fiction meant for entertainment. Warnings: yandere themes, duh, abusive & obsessive behavior, stockholm syndrome

Youngbin

Things have been going rough for Youngbin. His co-workers were pretty much useless and annoying, he found out he’ll have to work some overtime next week, and as if that wasn’t enough, he even caught you breaking his rules. Honestly, that probably made him more mad than anything else. Then again, you’ve been behaving since he locked you up at home after you decided you just wouldn’t stay put and that you will fight against him. Why would you do that? Hasn’t he been treating you well? He took care of you, and by all means he wasn’t the most extreme of his kind out there. So why would you be like this? Was there anything he could’ve done differently?

As he pondered this, he arrived home. Silence welcomed him, which he was still getting used to. It didn’t matter, he wasn’t in the mood to talk anyway. So instead of visiting you in your room where you were no doubt sulking, he just unlocked your door and headed straight to his room as the front door was secured to prevent you from escaping. He took a quick shower and changed into some comfortable clothes. He thought that a short while of relaxing on the bed wouldn’t hurt but before he knew it, he dozed off. 

He had no way of knowing then that it worried you when he ignored you. Usually he’d come to check on you, even if it was just a short glance at you and simple hello. That he simply walked past your room today caused turmoil in your soul. On one hand you were still angry with him - it wasn’t even that big of a deal! A stranger asked for directions and thanked you, nothing more. It wasn’t important enough to mention it to him. You weren’t sure how he found out anyway. But whatever, on the other hand, you worried if everything was alright with him. He took care of you too, so it was only natural, right?

With a sigh, you got up and cautiously opened your door. Since they weren’t locked, you guessed you were allowed out of your room. Quietly you made your way to his bedroom and peeked inside just to see him fast asleep. Now that was most unusual. Something must have happened, although you had no idea what. But it was pretty safe to assume he wasn’t feeling too well. 

What should you do? You stood in the doorway and considered your options. You could just ignore him, sure, but you weren’t sure you wouldn’t feel guilty about it. So you only had one option really. With a sigh, you walked into the kitchen.

Youngbin hid many tools away from you - sharp knives and such, for your protection he claimed - but that hardly mattered. You knew how to make his comfort food and it wasn’t that hard to make and you would manage with what you had available so you got to work…

When he woke up from his nap, he felt disoriented and confused. He didn’t pass out unexpectedly like this in a while. He slowly sat up and took in his surroundings, his eyes immediately focusing on the one thing that changed in the room. On the nightstand there was a plate with one of his favorite foods to eat whenever he felt down. He smiled a little as his hand reached out to pick the small note that laid next to the plate.

I don’t know what’s going on, but please cheer up. Fighting!

His heart melted as he read those few words, already burning them into his memory. How lucky he was to have such a cute partner. He ate the meal, savoring the taste knowing you went through the trouble of preparing it just for him. Perhaps he could allow you some freedoms again. Maybe. Right now though, he had to see you.

He didn’t bother knocking on your door and went right in, seeing you curled on your bed. It was such a miserable sight that he wondered if maybe he could allow you access to tv at least so you’re not bored. Hearing him enter, you turned and he noticed your glassy eyes, rushing to your side.

“y/n?! What happened? Are you hurt?” he panicked, checking you all over. Does he need to prohibit you from entering the kitchen too? He calmed down when he didn’t notice a single injury on you and saw you shake your head.

“I’m fine,” you reassured him, biting your lip and avoiding his eyes, “I was just really worried about you. It scared me that you just passed out like that.”

He cooed at your confession, pulling you into his chest despite your protests. You didn’t fight back too much, though, soon accepting the embrace. It was useless to defy him anyway. One of his arms was wrapped around your waist tightly while he patted your head with his other hand.

“You’re so cute,” he smiled into your hair, kissing your forehead. He was a lucky man indeed.

Inseong

Inseong prided himself on his professionalism and ability to stay calm even in the worst of situations. But he was just a human, and today he was exhausted and pissed off and if he could, he’d yell a few choice words at his boss. 

The exhibition he planned out so meticulously would be perfect. Everyone would love it and it’d bring the gallery the buzz it deserved. But no, his boss just had to decide based on his own preferences and so the wonderful event Inseong suggested would have to wait until… well, who knows when. Honestly, more than his wasted effort, it was the blatant disregard for lesser-known artists that his boss showed that made him so furious. And now he’ll have to take a nice, long walk so his precious darling doesn’t get scared when he comes home.

Coincidentally, you were just pondering whether you still feared him. Lying on your back, staring at the sloping ceiling that you just finished decorating, the thoughts rushed in your mind. No, you finally decided, you weren’t afraid of him - at least not all the time. You no longer began shaking uncontrollably whenever you’d hear him come closer to your room.

After all, as long as you obeyed his rules, he was quite nice. You missed your freedom, missed walking on the street alone, missed your friends and family, sure, but then again, Inseong was really amazing too. As time passed and your life before him became a blurry memory, you’ve grown to treasure the evenings you spent together in deep discussions about culture more than anything. Although you guessed that despite all that, you’ll be pretty nervous today.

Speaking of the devil, you could hear the front door slam shut across the house. With bated breath, you listened more. It was easy to listen in the silence. Not that you wouldn’t trade it for some music to distract you during the day, but you guessed he’ll return your mp3 soon if you behave. His steps were getting closer but their sound was pretty neutral. You hated that you could never tell what mood he’s in until it was too late.

You slipped from the bed, kneeling on the floor waiting for him. One good thing about Inseong was that a lot of what he demanded from you were just orders and rules for the sake of having rules, so you’d get used to being his perfect obedient doll. 

Your eyes met his as he opened the door and you gave him a small smile. Partly in hopes that he’d be surprised and wouldn’t immediately notice the changes you made to the room. But that would be a miracle.

“What’s that supposed to be?” he nodded towards your ceiling. You knew he was referring to the drawings and paintings you put up there, sticking them to the wall with a tape. What else could you do? He wouldn’t allow you to frame them or pin them there. Well, he probably didn’t like that you had them at all. You tried reading his mood but he was just as cold as he usually was, betraying nothing about his feelings. The only thing you knew is that he’d be pissed you stole his pictures.

“It was too empty here,” you replied meekly, “It felt too sterile.” And you weren’t lying. Some days when you felt most alone even your own room felt like the isolation room, his favorite way of punishing you.

“So you stole my art,” he hummed, “How did you do it?”

“I just took a few of the pictures I found the last time you let me watch you paint and hid them under my shirt,” you answered carefully, stressing the fact that you did it while he was present. The last thing you wanted was for him to start tying you up while he was away again. His silence and calmness unnerved you. He strolled closer to you, one hand gently wrapping around your throat, keeping you in place. You swallowed uneasily, making him chuckle.

“These are not all of them, are they?” he said, probably still looking at his works on your ceiling. 

“No, the rest are in the drawer at my desk,” you tried to stay calm but it was getting harder with the way his grip was tightening around your neck. And then he let go. You heard him take a seat on your bed and pat his thighs. You obeyed, climbing into his lap, straddling him. Your eyes met briefly before he gently tapped your chin, making you look up. 

“Why did you pick these then?” he sounded curious, which you took as a good sign.

You explained as he asked, slowly pointing at each of the pieces above and talking about why you liked that particular picture, be the reason the image or the style he used. You focused solely on talking and thinking, not paying him much attention. So you didn’t notice the thoughtful gaze on you, nor the gentle stroking across your back. At least not until you finished talking. Then you froze under his touch, only relaxing when he coaxed you into it, stroking your cheek equally softly. 

“Why couldn’t you just ask for them? Now I’ll have to punish you for breaking the rules, silly thing,” he scolded gently.

“I thought you’d refuse and get mad - but I also thought that if you saw them already hanging here, making me happy, you might allow it,” you said with an embarrassed smile, “I just wanted to have some reminder of you in my room, and I really liked these.” He was smiling too, still stroking your cheek, deep in thought.

“What to do with you, my love,” he sighed, “But you’re right, I will let you keep them. You still have to be punished, though.” You simply nodded, having already anticipated the outcome. He gave you a tight-lipped smile.

"Let's go then," he patted your thighs. You got up, patiently waiting for him. Not that it mattered, you were in trouble anyway. Then again, when he twisted your hair in his hand and pulled, guiding you forward, you wanted to believe that his painful grip was gentler than it usually is.

Jaeyoon

For the thousandth time this week, Jaeyoon wondered whether he could get away with murdering all his colleagues and superiors. Nothing big happened, a little scolding here and there for things that weren’t entirely under his control, sometimes his colleagues would tease him but it would rub him the wrong way, and most of all the unholy amount of overtime he had to do as the month was coming to an end. 

He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to be working his ass off for an ungrateful bunch of assholes instead of being home with you safely curled in his arms. He knew that nothing could’ve happened to you, that you were probably sleeping soundly in your cage, warm and safe, but he still felt a little uneasy. Besides with all the extra work he knew he was severely neglecting you and it was breaking his heart.

And your state was indeed pitiful. You kept wishing that he’d leave you alone, if he really wouldn’t set you free, but during the last few weeks the reality finally hit you. You didn’t have anyone else anymore. Only Jaeyoon. If he didn’t pay attention to you and spend time with you, talk to you, nobody did and it left you deeply depressed. The isolation was slowly becoming more than you could take. Hell, you even started chatting with your plushies and playing out scenarios with them. Books weren’t enough anymore, you needed interaction. 

Gone were the days your skin was covered in goosebumps the moment you heard the door unlocking. No, today too, you jumped almost excitedly at the sound. Sitting up as best as you could in the limited space you had, you waited to see him.

He melted the second he saw you, cutely sitting in your cage, wrapped in a blanket, looking at him longingly. He took off his jacket and kneeled next to your cage, humming gently as he stuck his arms in, cupping your cheeks in his hands. It shouldn’t affect you as much as it did. Tears shouldn’t be pricking in your eyes. How pathetic you must’ve looked for him to be so bold? Usually he’d be careful to touch you in the cage, wary that you might try to hurt him.

“Awww, little one, did you miss me?” he asked softly, stroking your cheeks. You took deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. You wouldn’t cry in front of him - definitely not because he’s talking to you so nicely and you have to fight against the impulse to lean into his touch. You tried to shake your head no, but somehow failed, nodding instead. Damn it. All your hard work to make yourself seem defiant and unbroken were ruined.

“Wait for me a little longer, okay, baby?” he sighed, withdrawing his hands again. He didn’t miss that you followed his touch for just a second. He bit back the smile as he turned to take a shower after work, leaving you to scold yourself, wondering what was wrong with you.

When he returned, fresh from the shower, he helped you climb out of the cage. He held your wrists in one hand as he guided you to his bed. He looked you up and down, thinking for a while before he let go of you and nodded for you to get on the bed. You were used to it at this point, glad that tonight you avoided being tied up. While he never did anything to you, yet, it wasn’t the most comfortable thing to lay tied up next to a guy who kidnapped you and was clearly obsessed with you.

He climbed in after you, turning the tv on, more as a white noise in the background it seemed. He pulled you into his chest, whispering apology after apology, explaining that work’s been killing him and taking his time away from you. As he talked, you couldn’t help but feel bad for him. Seriously, what was going on with you.

“You’re working hard,” you hummed aloud suddenly without even realizing, “You’re doing great, thank you.” Your hands were folded on his chest, right above his heart. You’d swear it stopped for a beat before it began racing under your palms. His hand tilted your head up, his eyes staring right into yours.

“Say it again,” he whispered, leaning down until your foreheads touched. While it wasn’t the first time he got this close, you still weren’t used to it and you couldn’t say you enjoyed it.

“Y-You’re working hard, thank you,” you stammered, “I’m proud of you.” You didn’t know where the words were coming from, but you couldn’t stop them. Not with his eyes on you, looking so soft and loving and you were really, really touch starved and lonely.

Before you could do anything, his lips crashed into yours. Your eyes widened, body tensed as he kissed you. He pulled away just as suddenly. Your body began shivering in fear of what's he going to do next. He noticed, quickly reassuring you.

“Sorry, I just felt like I’d explode if I didn’t kiss you right now,” he chuckled, easily manhandling you into him, his face nuzzling into your neck. You were too shocked to react, to push him away. And then again, you didn’t want to all that much. Really? Was this how you’re going to submit to him? You felt like crying but the worst thing was you couldn’t tell whether it was because you worried it might be true or because someone was finally hugging you so tight.

Dawon

As always, the day dragged on endlessly. Or maybe it was just that most people he talked with today were rude and unnecessarily mean to him. As if he was responsible for every single bad thing that happened to them in their lives. He shook his head, it would end soon. Maybe he could fake feeling unwell and just run away? No. But perhaps if he did and faked it well enough, his darling would also get worried and would take care of him. The daydream instantly made him feel better, if only for a moment.

A short moment, unfortunately. His luck must’ve been especially bad today. Not only the customers yelled at him, he got scolded by the manager as well. He would accept that without a problem if it was his fault, but it wasn’t. But he couldn’t really fight back if he wanted to keep the job so he said nothing and just ground his teeth together. At long last, he finally left the hellhole and dragged himself home. 

It would be nice to be greeted by a warm dinner and maybe an offer of taking a hot shower together, but you couldn’t be trusted with a sharp knife, let alone access to the whole house. So he showered alone, prepared food alone and as for you, he settled for merely seeing you in your room in the attic. 

You were staring out through the barred window. You looked so ethereal he regretted not taking his camera with him. 

You turned to look at him after a while, unnerved by his starring. Usually he’d be all over you already, whether you liked it or not since you couldn’t fight back with your arms and legs restrained, nor could you tell him to get away with your mouth muzzled. That he took his time could mean a lot of things, none of them good.

He gave you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and despite everything, you felt worried about him. There were dark circles under his eyes, his shoulders were slumped and the corners of his lips were turned downwards. After living in captivity for so long, you learned it’s always better if he’s in a good mood and state of mind - and that it’s only for your benefit to make sure he feels good.

You lowered your head, carefully motioning for him to come closer. His eyes sparkled, finally looking more alive. Still, his walk was tense, scary, but you forced yourself to stay calm and relaxed. He could snap any moment, you knew you had to be careful. Some of the bruises from the last time he was in a foul mood still had to fade. 

You willed yourself to stay relaxed, even lean into him, as his arm wrapped around your shoulders. He noticed and grinned brightly, petting your head softly. 

“Oh, somebody missed me,” he cooed, leaning down to press a long kiss to your cheek. You stayed still, humming quietly in response. He tsked, untying the uncomfortable fabric that was keeping you silent. You understood what he wanted.

“I missed you very much,” you said with a tiny hint of a smile. Fortunately even the tiniest signs of love were enough for him, his own grin growing.

“Such a cutie,” he praised as he sat down, inviting himself on your bed. Not that you could do anything about it. He looked out the window like you were doing before, laughing when he saw what caught your attention out there. He turned towards you, a malicious glint in his eyes.

“Would my precious also like to fly away? Like the tiny birds out there, hm?” his fingers brushed along your jaws, gently tracing the fading bruises. It didn’t hurt, yet, but you knew you had to be careful. Good thing Sanghyuk was secretly a softie.

“No, I’m happy here. I was watching the clouds - like we used to do, remember? I really enjoyed that,” you quickly came up with an excuse, remembering the old times - long ago when it seemed like you finally found the perfect man for you. Before he showed his true colors. He melted, the evil look in his eyes gone, replaced with pure affection.

“So cheesy,” he teased, but his voice was as soft as his touch. He stroked your cheek carefully, thumb rubbing against the sore skin around the corner of your lips where the fabric cut into your skin.

“If you keep behaving, I could take you outside to watch the clouds again. We could have a picnic in the garden!” he smiled brightly, almost bouncing on the spot. You tried to match his enthusiasm, nodding eagerly. You wouldn’t be able to run away then, but if it helps you avoid punishment now, what’s the harm in faking excitement.

“That would be great,” you offered another smile, leaning closer to him. He moved you so you could lay your head on his shoulder. He let you both fall on the bed, wrapping his body around yours. Again, you did not tense. You were becoming a great actress. 

“See, it’s much better when you’re being good for me, isn’t it? We can cuddle and you love cuddling,” he murmured happily, caressing your back and bound arms. You didn’t correct him.

Zuho

Watching the unruly kitten in front of him, he couldn’t help but think of you. You too, avoided his affection, disregarded his advice and attempts to protect you with disdain. He wondered as he watched the kitten playing with his toy mouse, who was the cat and who was the mouse in your relationship. Did you even realize how much power you held over him? And as he wondered, he worried. He will need to leave tomorrow, today being the last day of his vacation he took to help the kitty adjust and watch over its interactions with Huru.

It was already hard enough to leave you and the older cat here alone, but to abandon the newest addition to his family as well? He was overthinking, suddenly feeling sorry about you too. You, who was locked away in a dark room, all alone, probably still in pain after his punishment. He won’t be able to check on you until late in the evening tomorrow, neither will he be able to check on his cats, will all his precious darlings be alright? He didn’t sleep well that night.

Neither did you, unable to find a position that would be comfortable and wouldn’t hurt. But as much as you hated to admit it, it was his words that hurt you more than the physical injuries. You had to give props to him though, for having you so fucked up you actually cared about his opinion of you and that you wanted him to be satisfied with you, to love you even. 

Your body was exhausted from trying to heal itself, from crying, yet sleep just wouldn’t come. You kept dozing off without falling asleep properly, but you guessed you must’ve slept because when you opened your eyes again, you weren’t in the room alone as you should’ve been. You tensed. Something kept touching you, rubbing itself on you - but it definitely wasn’t Juho. It was too fluffy and soft. 

You opened your eyes, only to blink a few times rapidly. Then you tried pinching yourself to try if you’re really awake, and you were. You were awake, alive and there was a kitten snuggling into your stomach, as far as you could tell in the pitch darkness. You whined a little, gently pushing the furball away from the painful area. It leaned into your touch anyway, nuzzling against your palm. You smiled, your eyes tearing up. It felt like eternity since you’ve seen anything but your room, this dark hellhole and Juho. You knew he had a cat, but you guessed this must be a new addition to the household since you knew that the other cat was already an adult.

The time you spent happily cuddling with the kitten, Juho spent worrying about it. He was irritable and his coworkers avoided him the whole day as his temper only grew worse and worse. He was impatient and nervous, getting up from his place and leaving in a rush as soon as his work for the day was done. But all his rush was in vain, because when he arrived home, the little cat was nowhere to be found.

He searched everywhere, even going as far as asking Huru for help, the older feline only meowing cutely. He was panicking. He checked every room, even your room although there was no way the kitten could have gotten there - let alone somehow sneaking into the isolation room… Blood froze in his veins. He always made sure to keep Huru away from you, because he worried for his safety. After all, you could be stubborn, what if you decided to use the cat as a hostage or even worse, hurt Huru to hurt him?

He tried to calm himself before walking over to your solitary. With bated breath, he opened the door and watched as you covered from the sudden flood of light - the little kitten safely in your arms. 

You looked up, squinting through the brightness. You were able to make out his expression, the only important thing right now, and you swallowed dryly. Gently picking up the furball, you put it on the ground so it could run away, get away from the darkness and you, but it only jumped into your lap again, snuggling into your arms. You saw as Juho clenched his jaw, walking closer to you. You tried again, gently shooing the tiny cat away, closer to the man.

However, as he crouched down to pick the kitten up, it hissed at him, running back to you. You both watched the creature in surprise. And for the first time, you noticed that the man in front of you looked somehow nervous. 

You chuckled softly, picking up the kitty and with great difficulty, you stood up and stumbled over to Juho. He steadied you, one of his arms gently wrapping around your waist to bring you closer, while with his other hand he tried to pet the kitten again. And once more, the feisty thing hissed at him and tried to scratch his hand. If you didn’t know better, you’d think he was fighting back a pout.

“You can’t do that, little one,” you scolded the floof gently, stroking its fur. You were anxious under Juho’s gaze but you tried to ignore it, focusing solely on the tiny creature. “Your master is nice to you, isn’t he? He takes care of you and I bet he even gives you delicious treats.” You smiled at the kitty, scratching behind its ear.

“And he loves you, so no more hissing, okay? Be good, little one. He can be really gentle and he deserves your love. So behave, alright?” you tapped its nose and finally looked up to see Juho smiling down at you affectionately. He leaned his forehead against yours. You did your best not to flinch at his proximity, not to shake in his hold.

“The same goes for you, kitten,” he whispered, looking into your eyes, but his gaze was soft. Then he looked down to the cat curled in your arms. He raised his hand again and this time he finally managed to pet it without the tiny thing fighting back. He sighed in awe, looking at you in wonder. You gave him a surprised smile as well. This was nice, you had to admit. Even nicer was that he carefully helped you out of the dark room and led you into the living room, Huru immediately rushing over to rub against your leg. His heart, and your heart, felt full of love for once.

Rowoon

Things couldn’t go more wrong. The filming went on endlessly, which he was used to and has long since accepted it, but he hurt his back pretty early on today and the pain only got worse and worse as the time went on. It wasn’t bad enough that he’d have to stop and ask for the shooting to end for today, but it was distracting and uncomfortable and made him wish he could return home soon enough. 

Home to his precious darling, who'd make all his worries dissipate. He couldn't wait to see you, to touch you. You were so good for him lately, it warmed his heart and gave him enough strength to get him through the day.

You were indeed waiting for him, impatient for his next visit. And you hated it. You hated that you were losing yourself. You hated that you were so weak. Weren't you always going on about how independent you were? Didn't you always say that you don't need anyone and just want to be left alone? Then why would you break down so easily? You hated yourself, cursed yourself even more than you were cursing him. Most of all though, you wished for him to be back already and to come see you.

Only with him around did you have some human contact, not to mention that under his supervision you were allowed to walk around the house and read books, watch tv with him, but yes, most importantly, you weren't alone in a basically empty room. You guessed it was just his way of breaking you - to leave you alone for days on end, watching you through the cameras rather than actually seeing you.

So when you heard steps approaching, your heartbeat skyrocketed. And you sat up on your bed, waiting for him to come through the door. Ever the gentleman, if you were to ignore, well, everything else he was doing, he knocked on the door before he went inside. 

You schooled your expression and merely nodded in greeting. He was happy enough with that though and invited himself into the room and into your personal space, sitting down next to you. That was when you noticed the slight twitch on his face. You flinched, worried that he was in one of his moods. But he just put a hand on your thigh, giving you a tight smile and you realized that the problem was something else. Could he possibly be in pain?

You asked about his day, how the shooting went, what he thinks so far, and listened to him talk. You were eager to hear anything, even if the answers should be just one word. You were lonely, depressed from the endless solitude. And he delivered, telling you everything with his calming voice, relishing in having your full attention on him. It was so cute how you nodded at his every sentence and shared your opinions.

But he couldn’t talk to you forever. He was hungry and needed to lay in a hot tub for a while, hopefully that would help with the pain in his back. It was hard to ignore the way you visibly slumped and your eyes lost their shine, but his will was strong. He pushed himself off the bed and choked on a hiss as he straightened his back. 

“Are you alright?” you asked softly, carefully reaching out to him. He squeezed your hand in his, giving you a little pained smile. 

“Nothing to worry about, love,” he reassured you. He knew well he shouldn’t show any weakness in front of you. It was a mistake that he came to see you in this condition. He turned to leave but you grabbed his sleeve, clinging to him like a little child.

“No, wait, please. Your back hurts, right? Let me help,” the words rushed out of your mind without permission, leaving both of you shocked. He studied your expression, inclining his head to the side as if he was thinking. He was searching for any kind of hint that this was just some smart plan to have him lower his guard. But you looked so genuinely concerned that his heart melted a tiny bit. In fact you were certainly slightly worried, but most importantly you just weren’t ready to be left alone for god knows how long again.

In the end, he nodded, sitting back down on your bed. After all, he was stronger and bigger than you, and confident that even if you tried to overpower him, you wouldn’t succeed.

You sat behind him and after rolling his shirt up with his permission, you rubbed warmth into his back first before carefully applying pressure along his spine. You moved your hands slowly, watching his reactions and responding to them. At first you thought you’d just do whatever but before you knew, you were actually trying to make him feel better and ease the pain. Apologizing every time he hissed as you worked on a particularly painful spot, you tried your best.

He was surprised too, allowing himself to get lost in the feeling - but most importantly, in the love. You had to love him, it was obvious! You cared so much about him and you were so careful with your touches too. Perhaps you were just too shy to admit your feelings to yourself? Well, maybe if he lets you think about it on your own for a few days, you’ll realize how foolish you’re being, and that you belong in his arms.

Yoo Taeyang

It was a hell of a week. Nothing went right, like absolutely nothing. The sudden and unexpected weather changes proved to be a challenge that many of the plants and flowers in his shop just couldn't conquer, the customers were rude and over all it just seemed like the world conspired against him and wanted to make him miserable.

None of that mattered though, since he had his sweetheart, his darling, carefully locked away. A safe haven to love him and reassure him that everything will be alright. As long as he had you, everything would be just fine…

"I hate you! Don't you get it? How could I ever love somebody like you, you delusional freak? I deserve better!" You screamed at him from the top of your lungs the moment he came into the room. He greeted you sweetly, cooing at your cuteness, begging you to say you love him. It wasn't the first time, or the second time - and your reaction was just about the same as it always was. No surprising change anywhere. Frankly, the only surprising thing about the occurrence would be his reaction to your rejection - would he laugh it off as a joke today? Would he get mad at you for "teasing" him? Would he just leave? Nothing could have prepared you for the reality.

Instead of the usual reactions, today the hopeful look in his eyes died down, his brown orbs dimming into two dark, lifeless pits. The bright smile he wore disappeared and he fell to the ground in despair, his knees hitting the ground. He kept staring on the floor, muttering under his breath that was getting faster and more ragged until tears began streaming down his cheeks and he began sobbing. He was used to you being harsh on him, he could take all the teasing since you were too embarrassed to admit your feelings to him (and to yourself!) but just today he hoped you’d see he really needed your love.

It freaked you out, never in all the months that he kept you here had you seen him like this. You stared at him in shock. At first you wondered if he was faking it to see how you'd react but your gut feeling told you that wasn't the case and with each passing minute it was more and more obvious. You knelt down against your better judgment and finally understood what he was muttering under his breath. 

"Why keep living if they don't want me? Maybe I should just disappear. No, they love me, they need me! Right? What if they really don’t?" 

Your hand reacted before you could think and your fingers brushed against his cheek. He didn't flinch, didn’t lean into the touch, only sobbed harder, crumbling before your eyes. There was a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach, something akin to guilt. You tried to reason against yourself, tried to hold on to your sanity and common sense but he was the only person you had seen and talked with since he abducted you and he cared for you, always provided for you… in some twisted way, it pained you to see him like this. Besides, if anything was to happen to him, you’d surely die too. It was only logical that you cared for him, right? An act of self-preservation.

You knew it wasn't smart even as your body moved. It was awkward, but your arms enveloped his shaking form and you laid your head on his shoulder. 

Finally, he moved and buried his face in your neck, hands clawing at your back. His tears were soaking your shirt and skin but at least there was some change, some sign that he was still there with you, not lost in his sick and twisted mind. But it wouldn't end there. He lost strength or he deliberately let himself fall forward, either way his weight pushed you to the ground and he laid half on top of you, head buried in the crook of your neck, still crying and struggling to breathe.

You sighed heavily. No point in fighting or trying to push him off of you. Not that you'd have the heart to do so even if you had the strength. Resigned, you tangled your fingers into his hair and began stroking and brushing the soft locks. You're not going anywhere any time soon, after all, and he believes you love him no matter what. What's the harm in doing him this one small favor in time of need?

After what felt like hours, Taeyang came to himself. He smiled softly against your skin - of course his darling wouldn’t be as heartless as to ignore him and tease him when he felt so blue! He was overjoyed at the amount of affection he was receiving. He squeezed you tighter, savoring your closeness and warmth. How grateful he was to have such a loving partner!

Hwiyoung

Every single one of his muscles ached and only his ego was hurt more than his body. He kept cursing with each step, cursing his job, cursing the other participants of the kickboxing competition, and cursing the man who looked at you like you were a piece of meat yesterday. His blood boiled at the memory. If it wasn't for that, he wouldn't have been distracted the whole day and wouldn't get his ass literally kicked. Good thing he didn't allow you to come with him. There's no way you'd be proud of him and that would hurt him more than anything. Still, looking like this, you’ll know he lost miserably and you'll see him as a failure. His rage was flaring up again, but fortunately he just reached his home and his mind settled a little with the vision of having you in his arms soon. 

You tensed as soon as you heard the door open, sitting up on your - his - bed. Hands in your lap and gaze respectfully lowered to the ground. Guessing from the way the door slammed shut just a little too loud, today didn’t go well for him and you sure as hell didn’t need him to take it out on you.

He entered the room and you felt his eyes on you immediately. He walked over to you and petted your head. You noticed he was limping and frowned since he couldn’t see into your face. 

“So good for me,” he sighed, his voice hoarse. Now you were seriously getting concerned. You remembered him mentioning some competition or whatever but you haven’t been paying attention to what the thing was about and only cared about the opportunity to go out and maybe run away. You sort of regretted that now, especially since he didn’t bring you with him in the end. 

He tapped your chin and you looked up, barely managing to school your expression to hide your shock. His face was already changing color in various places, bruises blooming on his skin. His fingers held your face in place as he studied your expression, then clicked his tongue.

“Knew it,” he muttered to himself before suddenly turning away and strutting into the adjacent bathroom after unlocking it. The door slammed behind him and you breathed out slowly. 

In the back of your mind, a thought registered that you missed the warmth of his touch. It was never a good sign when he let go of you so harshly, besides something about his words made your stomach do anxious flips. And his appearance too… At least he still came to you instead of ignoring you and staying in the parts of the house that were off-limits for you. 

You chewed on your lower lip. You were worried about him, you wanted to follow him and check on him, take care of his injuries. Were those your real feelings though? Or were they in your head just because you were scared of punishment if you didn’t show concern for him? Lately your head’s been just a mess and you weren’t even sure what was real. Nonetheless, you couldn’t stay still and you kept worrying anyway. Whatever those feelings were, you decided to act on them. 

Quietly, you got to your feet and walked over to the bathroom door. A sound of water could be heard from the inside, like he was filling a tub. When there was no reaction to your careful knocks, you decided to open the door anyway, hoping he wouldn’t get angry with you.

The sight took your breath away. The room was filled with steam and Hwiyoung was leaning back in the tub, his body submerged in water, invisible under the layer of bubbles. Something about seeing him in a bubble bath made him seem so much more human. His head was resting against the back of the tub, hair cascading over the edge and he was beautiful. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his tone both annoyed and curious. 

“I want to help,” you said quietly, walking over and kneeling next to the tub, “May I?” You felt his questioning gaze and flinched when he sneered. 

“Suit yourself,” was all he said before he ducked his head under the water. Soon he emerged again and you found yourself shocked - not a long time ago you’d take the chance to try and drown him, this time it didn’t even cross your mind. He seemed to sense the change too and gave you another long stare.

You shied away from his eyes and instead took the bottle of shampoo from the corner of the tub and poured a little bit into your palm. He quickly caught on and straightened to allow you to wash his hair for him. You took your sweet time, massaging his scalp and brushing your fingers through his hair gently. His eyes were closed, you noticed, and a small smile played on his lips. He looked irresistible despite the bruises - then again, the handsomeness of your captor was something you’ve long since came to terms with.

You finished your task and he dove under the water again, washing the bubbles away. When he resurfaced, you waited for him to wipe the water away from his face, once again kneeling obediently by the tub. He smirked when he saw that.

“Come here, little one,” he motioned for you with his fingers. You did as you were told, your chin almost resting on the edge of the tub. Suddenly you felt his soft lips on your forehead, pressing a gentle kiss against your skin. 

“Thank you, I can take it from here. Wait for me in the room, you deserve a reward,” he murmured before he pulled away. You listened, walking out of the room with head spinning with the implications of his words, so you had no chance of seeing the lovesick smile painted on his lips that made his whole face glow.

Chani

The day’s been stressful to say the least. As soon as he sat down at the table to get some work done, an awful headache hit him like a truck and he discovered that not only was he all out of painkillers, but later he also found out that it didn’t matter. The medicine didn’t work. He was stuck the whole day with numbing pain inside his head and nausea that nearly drove him insane. Fortunately his boss let him leave early, seeing the state he was in. Nonetheless, he was quite discouraged. He still had you to deal with. As much as he loved you, you could be annoying. 

The disregard for his feelings he could ignore, but he wouldn’t tolerate disrespect and disobedience. He was nice enough as is, at least in his mind. After all, he had not once forced himself on you, any beatings he was forced to give you weren’t all that bad since you were still able to move afterwards and, of course, he wasn’t forcing you to feel the same way he did, although he would very much love to. However, he was certain you would come to love him with enough time and motivation. 

You, naturally, didn’t share this opinion, hence why for the past few days you’ve taken it upon yourself to scream and shout for help just to annoy him since there was no way another person would hear you. No, it was merely to make him angry enough to lock you up and gag you. He'd put you in your own room and leave you there alone. He refrained from the punishment until now because he had his pride and he wanted to show you that no matter what you do, he doesn't care. He won't do as you want. Well, luckily for you he might grant you your wish today after all. 

You saw him right as he stepped inside the house since he had locked you in the small cage by the door the day before. So close to freedom, yet so far. As he came in, you crawled as far from him as possible. Taking a deep breath, you prepared for today’s performance, ignoring the soreness of your throat and the very real risk that you might not even be able to produce sounds anymore. Your vocal chords were exhausted and overworked, unfortunately, and they hurt.

However, just as you were about to start screaming, he shot you a look that made you stop immediately. You knew that look. He wouldn’t be playing around today. It would be best to stay out of his way or you were in danger. Seeing he didn’t need to say more, he continued to his room without sparing you a second glance.

It wasn’t hard to catch on to what was happening. You’ve already noticed he suffered from headaches, migraines. Once it was bad enough you’ve heard him vomiting the whole night and he stayed away from you in his room the whole day, starving both himself and you. It got you a little worried, especially because he was already agitated and therefore it was possible for him to snap at you for any little thing. So just for today, you decided to behave. You weren't getting away from him anytime soon anyway, he made that crystal clear, so what's the difference if you try to make your life here more bearable for a day or however long his migraine lasts.

Despite his sorry state, he kept his routine. After he took a shower and prepared food, he came back to get you out of your cage. He gave you a curious look when you remained quiet and got out obediently, looking at the ground and waiting for him to unlock your handcuffs and to wrap an arm around your waist to escort you to the kitchen. When was the last time you followed the routine he wished for? You couldn’t even remember, perhaps it was during the first few weeks after he kidnapped you.

You sat down on your spot and waited for him to take his seat right next to yours and only then did you pick up your fork and knife. He was watching you with a hint of suspicion. Even as you ate, you remained silent, going as far as being careful not to make too much noise when cutting the meal into smaller bites. 

Eventually though his constant staring became too much and you turned to him and said carefully, although your voice was dripping with annoyance: “I’m not blind, I see you’re not feeling well and I have enough decency to respect that.”

“Who’d think you care about me this much, darling,” he smirked, finally focusing on his plate.

The dinner went fine and seeing you behaved, kneeling obediently by his leg while he did the dishes, he decided he might try something new with you. His aching head made him crave some form of comfort and while he usually wasn’t big on skinship, today he thought it might be the best medicine to calm his nerves at least.

He took you to the living room with him and turned on the tv, news channel in particular as a rare treat. You always seemed to be interested in what's going on in the world outside. He threw a pillow on the ground and let you kneel on it - again, more generous than he usually is. 

You did what he expected you to do and leaned your head on his knee as you watched the news, mind blown by how many important events and news you’ve missed. You were so invested in it that you almost failed to notice his fingers in your hair. 

You tensed, expecting him to pull and slip right into the phase where he torments you, but he didn’t. Instead, he ran his fingers through your hair gently, carefully untangling any knots he found. And even after he finished, he kept stroking your hair tenderly, being so loving you could almost forget about the crazy reality you lived in.

[kdream-factory]

After all this time... [SF9 Zuho Oneshot]

♥ I wanna ask you to read this while listening to Dylan Conrique’s “Birthday Cake” on loop ♥

[Warnings: ANGST!, Heartbreak!, toxic relationship, commitment issues, wrong understanding of what love is, relationship fights, gn!reader]

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Your love life had a sad beginning and you always were convinced it would have a sad ending too. You and Zuho have had a relationship for 3 years now. From the start it had been an unhealthy one. Him having commitment issues and you being so love deprived throughout your whole life that everytime someone loved you, you thought you would have to do something to deserve it. Zuho and you getting into a relationship was a miracle. It took 4 attempts to finally be able to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. People always thought you two were the perfect couple, your relationship being so ‘powerful and strong’ when truely it was a day to day fight. This hasn’t always been the case. After about one year of Zuho and you tricking yourself into believing that what you had was love for life the fassade and all the fakeness started falling apart. The trigger point was Zuho’s commitment issues coming back to life, although they where never gone but instead just buried deep down in a chest of untouched feelings. What made it bearable for you two was the fact that you where the one who always tried to push him into thinking different. You remembered him that he would not have to walk alone but instead you would take his hand, him sometimes being more strict to himself and sometimes giving in to your words easily. ‘Communication is key’ was your motto. Putting this rule into practice was barely needed because you two were lacking problems. Thats what you two thought. Thats what you had to pretend for your little bush of roses to keep growing and, of course, to hide what was underneath it. There came a time where both of you thought you would never face any hardships in your relationship so that you two agreed on instantly talking it out if one of you had a problem, not realising that, this being a lie, would’ve been needed way before you set it. 

Two full years into your relationship and a little war of pointing at each other and telling your partner that they had a problem and them not admitting it, on both sides, had started. Pretending that your relationship was all fine was getting harder and harder. Your opinion was always the stronger one while Zuho never seemed to face his issues. Occassionally you would wake up from that rage fit and at that time this was the last straw that kept you two at stake. You always tried to speak in a calm tone, telling him you don’t mean bad when the truth was that your helper syndrom was at it’s peak and you were near to exploding. Two and a half years in, that exact same barrel was constantly overflowing. You openly blamed him for not beeing able to show love when all you did was powder his butt with love and affection and yes, at first you were totally fine with it because that was what kept you driving. You thought you would get some praise for all the stuff you did because praise for you meant love. Why would anybody ever be nice to you when there wasn’t something they would wanna benefit from nor why would you get love when you did nothing very lovable. You had to earn yourself the love you always wanted. Zuho being that mysterious and heart broken guy you thought you could fix was the perfect experiment, just that you thought you were being genuine in what you did for him, and you were at first. But one day Zuho snapped.

Zuho: “How could I possibly take any of your love serious when honestly all you do this for is yourself, to not feel useless?!”

Y/N: “Who are YOU to judge who never even went out of his comfort zone and never EVER appreciated one thing I did, no wait, that ANYONE did for him? Are you that heartless? And you say you are the one suffering?!”

Those arguments went on and on for months and they were getting so bad that sometimes you wouldn’t even talk for a week straight because thats how either you two got your piece or how long it took for one of you to apologize, if that was even in any of yours vocabular. The hardest times were when guilt started kicking in and you realized you never even gave Zuho a chance to explain himself or you never saw listening to him as an option. And it’s true, pride shouldn’t be stronger than the knowledge of being able to step back with your own needs when someone else is suffering more and can hardly handle it. Sometimes. When you’d pull yourself together to reach out a hand to Zuho he would just slap it away, rarely ever accepting it and when he did, you two would surprisingly well talk it out, sometimes just sit next to each other or in each others arms while listening to each other cry. In those times of you two sharing words, apologies weren’t needed. Your tears spoke for you. But shame would often take over, then ignorance, and then the cycle started over and over again. Zuho, who, to your unbeknownst, analysed those situation more than you thought, took the courage to speak up about it in another of your rough conversations.

Zuho: “-Y/N I understand you... I have, in fact, two weeks ago. We have been at this point. Aren’t you tired of all of this? Why can’t we break out of this cycle? Everytime we two barely make it through the last argument and seem to make a good end, it all starts again because one of us is too full of themselve to admit we are having a problem. Listen I- I love you okay? I know we have said that like... maybe thrice in the last two months but honestly I just feel so exhausted when I hear it from you. I wanna accept it. I really do but can’t you imagine that every time I think we found a good basis and the hill is going up my hopes of us getting closer are thrown out the window because of a stupid fight? All this is stupid!”

Y/N: “...Gosh Babe I know I KNOW you’re right and I wish I could show you how I feel the same but... i feel like you say you understand but in fact you don’t because if you did you would’ve changed things... I don’t know but the past year I have always been the one to take steps towards you and my strength to do that is slowly fading. I feel like I am running on hot coals when sometimes I feel like I deserve for you to come and pick me up and carry me on your hands. I don’t wanna blame you here but I fear I just don’t have the mentality anymore and it- it destroys me from the inside. Why is it so hard for you to just give back a bit of love? I see we both seem delighted by the concept of ‘give and take’ but do you know how hard of a punch in the face it is for me when you say you cannot take my ‘I love you’s” serious anymore but then demand that I put down my guard of basic needs for love when in all those years this was your main problem and you NEVER made an attempt at stepping out of your bubble? Zuho that is taking but never giving!”

Zuho: “Y/N WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU TRY TO BE BETRAYED YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND THEN TRUST PEOPLE AGAIN? I-”

You flinched.

Zuho: “Shit Sorry... excuse me I didn’t mean to yell I- *sigh*”

Y/N: “No Zuho, you meant that. Sometimes, and I am sorry for what I am about to say but I can’t do this anymore, sometimes I desperately wish for us to fight after we didn’t talk for a week because I really hope we find each other in fights where we end up in each others arm just crying... Because that has been the ONLY time over the last year where we have truely been emotionally on the same level and where we exchanged some kind of affection. Shit we don’t even have Sex anymore Zuho!”

Zuho: “We did have reconciliation Sex-”

Y/N: “ ZUHO WAKE UP! That has literally been hate Sex! Do YOU not ever wish to be held gently? To be carrased??? Surprise, surprise: I DO!”

The long pause that filled the air made you anxious.

Zuho: “I... I really have never given you the attention you deserve, have I?”

His question made you unbelievably sad and heartbroken, tears started running.

Y/N: “No Zuho... you haven’t. And I am shook it took you three years to realise. I... *sob* Zuho I know I haven’t been nice to you over the last year either. But I was desperate and helpless. All those fights I started were a call in hope for you to wake up. Everytime I tried talking sublty about it, trying to approach you to rationally talk about my needs I hoped for you to do better but you took it personally and made it seem like I had bad intentions. I noticed that if this wouldn’t work and that you would only yell at me- I thought yelling back would be the only way to get through to you...”

Zuho has long started crying too, holding his hands infront of his face, running them through his hair, walking up and down the apartment and sitting back down again.

Y/N: “And YES Zuho. I DO wanna apologize for all the things I have said. But don’t you realise that while I know you deeply wanted to fight your commitment issues, you pushed me away and did the exact opposite? I don’t wanna reach out anymore. I love yo-  ahrrghh I don’t dare to say it when you might think I don’t mean it but I always meant it. And Zuho I still do, but I need to safe myself now.”

Zuho was shaking his head. He couldn’t get himself to look into your eyes because that meant accepting the situation. His breathing got heavier and heavier until he broke down and all came out. He just realised that he was the perfect example of ‘People only start to appreciate something when they lost it’ and he did not want to see your crying form because that meant to look at what he had done, how he broke you and how your instability was his fault. 

Zuho: “Please no... Please tell me WHY WHY WHY when all we want is to be loved- WHY can’t we take the courage to do it NOW? Y/N please tell me you give this a chance if you love me! This can’t end like this, I was so so stupid PLEASE I can’t loose you! I- I-”

Zuho was now facing you, begging on his knees while you sat on your shared sofa, his head laying on your thighs and his arms hugging your lower body so tight in fear of letting you go, feeling his tears on your legs. You had to wipe your own away, fast enough for them not to hit Zuho but you have never felt something so heavy in that moment and it was too hard for you to hold all of them back.

Y/N: “Zuho I- I start to think that I used to love the old you. I loved the thought of naive little me thinking I now found my prince and that now my time to be loved has come and I miss the time I found joy in us. I was disappointed once and I just cannot handle a second time and I don’t want to take the risk. That’s delusional for both me AND you. Gosh you don’t know how hard it is for me right now but-”

Zuho: “No, No, NO I am begging you please don’t say it please Y/N I cannot handle another person leaving me... I can’t!”

Y/N: “I know Zuho, I know but it has to be said! I don’t think we do each other good and for both our sakes it is better for each of us to start and learn to love and accept ourselves first and... and learn how to deal with our issues first and-”

You took a deep breath.

Y/N: “I think it’s time to end this relationship.”

Zuho’s sobbing got immense in that exact same moment, he had difficulties containing his breathing and when he started to stand up to furiously walk through the apartment it stung like a knife right through your heart to see his red eyes, his puffy lips and cheeks, you so badly desired to hold him, kiss him and tell him that everything is going to be fine but you promised yourself you wouldn’t lie to yourself ever again. Seeing him like this, who you always dreamed about would love you, made you do him justice and you broke down in whimmers too, holding your hand against your mouth, your vision blurring due to all the tears collecting themselves.

The scene was pure heartbreak and the world you two tried to poorly create fell apart,

finally...

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I wrote this for a friend of mine and while I wrote this I thought “Wow Niwi are you okay? This is damn sad”... I am not. I was bawling my eyes out the whole time- I really hope you enjoy this one. Niwi~

[taichoushadow]

Don't hide ~ Yoo Taeyang

A/n: I had this one in my drafts, planned as a back up in case the other didn't work. And well it's your birthday @yootaesowl , you need to be spoiled. So there you go.

Genre: Hurt/comfort.

How would someone describe love? If you asked 10 souls on the street, you would get 10 different answers, none of them the same. Love. A word that lays on everyone’s tongue, a longing in everyone’s heart yet a feeling that waits in agony, in hope to be hold on to, to be embraced yet sits lonely, waiting. 

Naturally, now some would say, that love can be felt in many ways and they’re not wrong. There are many forms of love yet this particular form seems to be why the world dances around the moon, and why the stars wait until they can show their own beauty in their answer to the world. 

The sinking feeling in your stomach that you try to ignore doesn’t seem to want to go by unnoticed, letting you know, it’s definitely here waiting for you to acknowledge. What seems to be a sob - that desperately tried to hide within a scoff slips past your throat, betraying the front you tried to hold up. 

Ofcourse your heart folds when you feel the gentle touch of his hand on the bare skin of your thigh and the scoff ‘magically’ turns into a quiet sob. How can it not collapse and bare everything it has when it comes to him. You fully understand why your heart surrenders just by the mere thought of him but that doesn’t mean that you always want to, no matter how painful that is.

‘‘Y/n.’‘ He calls out to you, squeezing your thigh to let you know, he is right here with you and not leaving any time soon by the way he cages your hand in his own. ‘‘Talk to me.’‘ 

You forgot to mention that love can be scary. It’s terrifying. The tight squeezing in your stomach when his name floats through the air, the way a smile just appears unknowingly when you see him walking by in his comfortable trousers and his black shirt with ironically the word ‘love’ printed on it that he likes to wear whenever he is home with you. The content feeling that settles down is foreign yet welcomed with open arms. You never thought this type of love would come knocking on your door. You wish it did barge in but no, just like how he is, he walked in with grace, probably looked around and decided this was the place he wanted to stay and slowly made himself at home in.

With pools of despair spilling down your cheeks, you look up at the man sitting right infront of you and your heart folds as you let out a loud whimper of torment when you catch the sorrow written in his eyes.

You don't want to hurt him, you never wanted to. Eventhough he told you many times that he loves you for everything that you are, literally cried out to you not to hide from him whenever you're going through hard times, you can't help but to flee and wait until the feeling passes not wanting to see him this distressed over you.

You're not stupid, you know that he hurts when you cry and the irony of it all is that you would burn the world to get to Taeyang, to comfort him in his hours of need.

"I'm sorry." you whimper, hiding your face behind your hands as you try to sob as quietly as you can, all kinds of different emotions burn inside your heart.

Longing, embarrassment, craving, fear but most of all shame. Shame that you tried to hide, shame that you shut him out when you damn well know that hurts him. So all you can do is spill out apologies, muffled by your hands.

"Please don't hide." Taeyang quietly speaks, curling his fingers gently around your wrists and slowly pry away your hands and he smiles sadly at you. "There she is." he tries, he tries so hard not to cry himself and bites his lip to stop the tears from pooling.

"Taeyang, please." your lip wobbles, throat feeling like it's being choked as you turn your head not wanting to look into his eyes, knowing that you will break when you do however how cruel it may sound, that's what Taeyang wants and needs from you.

Cropping up, hiding all alone with despair eating away at you, he can't allow this and he knows he has to trad carefully, not wanting to force you into anything.

"Dove, please. I beg you, please don't go through this alone." Taeyang chokes out, turning your gaze back to his with his hand pressed against your tear strained cheek. Softly caressing your skin while he waits, patiently for you to come to him.

He feels like one heavy boulder is lifted from his heart when you don't look away, staring right into his eyes. "Hello." He let's out a watery smile, now holding onto both of your cheeks and leans down to place a soft, barely there peck on your lips. In the hope you know he is there and that he waits until you fully give yourself in.

The care and patience he shows you, staying with you right in this moment when you tried to turn away, sends another wave of tears down your cheeks and you decide to fully surrender yourself to him, to fully listen to what you really crave and long for, him.

Wrapping your arms around his waist, you shuffle down until your face is buried into his clothed chest where you let yourself go fully. You cry, you cry loudly, letting your heart take over and wheep in all the emotions you've been feeling.

A lump forms itself in his throat, listening to your cries as he holds onto your head, engulfing you into his embrace entirely and lets his own tears fall too.

Tears of pain and tears of relief fall from his eyes as he sits with you on the bed, in silence. Words are unnecessary, him being here with you speaks for everything and he just let's you be, comforting you until your heart has cleaned out all the pain.

He hums quietly, swaying you from side to side gently with his hand still pressed on the back of your head while patting your back in the rythym of the song he is humming.

Love is and always will be a feeling that comes with thousands of emotions but is a feeling we human souls do long for and do need. Without love, what would become of the humans hearts?

There is one thing you do know now and that's that love can be held. That love is baring your soul and that love always will be risky.

But right here, right now you can say that love is magical in every single way.

[twisted-tales-of-all]

Service Swap

In a tale of 4.8k words, we visit the SF9 universe to look at dance instructor Yoo Taeyang and one of their students who happens to be a tattoo artist (Gender Neutral!Reader). After he compliments their tattoos, Taeyang and Y/N work out an exchange of their expertise. This story touches on the idea of Taeyang’s first love, as well as lost love with a permanent reminder of the person. There are warnings for some language usage, as well as attending a wedding, discussion of tattoos and needles, and moments of angst.

After jumping around unsuccessfully from teacher to teacher, you decide to attend a dance class that your friend swears by. You set low hopes before walking into the studio to prepare for any disappointment you'll face. Once inside, you notice that you've arrived before most of the class, so you start stretching in your favorite spot. Although only two others join you, you can't figure out which person is the instructor.

When the rest of the class arrives, you're shocked to find it less packed than expected, heightening your spirits. With fewer dancers, you have more space for a better range of movement. As the music begins, you find the tall, skinny, dark-haired boy at the front, facing everyone else. He quickly introduces himself and the dance he's teaching today. Then, he instructs everyone to warm up their muscles with stretches. After a couple of songs, he asks everyone to move to the side as he plays the one he's teaching. He performs the dance as a quick demonstration before requesting that everyone return to their positions.

"We'll be learning the pre-chorus and chorus today. I made this choreo, but remember that you don't have to follow me strictly. If you feel the flow bringing you in a different motion for a bit, feel free to incorporate that! Dancing is personal expression, after all."

With these reminders, he begins teaching the first eight-count, keeping track of everyone's comprehension. You notice that his friendly aura makes it easier for others to ask for clarification when needed. Because he helps everyone personally, you get more time to practice each count properly rather than moving too fast.

After learning the dance, Taeyang assigns a number to everyone at random. Then, each numbered group takes center stage to show off what they've learned while everyone else motivates them. He points out something good in each dancer before moving on, making sure everyone feels included. You hype the other groups up and put all your efforts into your performance, so he comments on your amazing energy.

While most of the group leaves, you finish with some simple stretches as a cool-down before packing up. Taeyang approaches as you reach your bag and compliments the tattoos on your arm. You thank him and point out a small one near your wrist, telling him how you did this one yourself back when you were an apprentice.

"Wait, are you an artist? That's so cool! I've always wanted a tattoo but they're expensive and the size I want takes quite a while."

"Oh, what do you want? If you've wanted it for a while, my recommendation is to go for it. It obviously won't leave your mind otherwise." You joke, curious what designs he enjoys.

"I want a piece on my side that represents my dancing story. I'm thinking of maybe putting some music notes and flowers into the background, but I'm still not sure of the focus point I want. I'll probably have to discuss with the artist a lot, but I haven't even chosen an artist yet." He laughs at himself for thinking so deeply about the tattoo without choosing an artist.

"Well, there's an artist right here. The plan sounds meaningful and fun to do, so I'd be down to talk it out with you and figure everything out." You offer despite being unsure of whether he'd accept.

"That'd be great, but I'm sure it'd still be pretty expensive, and I don't think I'd have the money to spare."

"Assuming you want it in black or grey, it should be around $800, but I can cut you a deal if you're interested." Thinking of this as an opportunity, you consider an exchange, "This is the first dance class I've thoroughly enjoyed in a while. If I can get some free lessons for a year, I'd do it for free. Or a few months of individual training if you don't want to give that much time away for essentially free."

When he turns silent, you tell him to think about it. You assure him that the offer won't float away as you tell him that you plan to sign up for the next class the following week. As you head for the exit, he sparks back to reality and bids you farewell, so you tell him that you'll see him next week.

The week between classes drags on forever, but you arrive in the studio once again, early enough to be the first person in the room. You practice some choreography that you've been working on as you wait. After only a short while, Taeyang arrives. Seeing nobody else in the room, he brings up the offer again.

"How many private lessons would I need to give you to get the tattoo? It's been on my mind all week, and I think you're right. I think I have to get it - or at least start planning it - to get it off my mind."

"Well, assuming the piece is $800, and your regular sessions are only $5 entry price, let's bump it to $10 since they're one-on-one sessions... I think 80 sessions seems like a bit overkill. How about 50 sessions? That'd be about six months if we do two sessions a week. Maybe that's still too much. I'm not sure how exactly to gauge your lessons cost-wise." You struggle to try and even out the trade, but you can't seem to accurately price his lessons.

"Y'know, you may be selling these lessons for far too low," You add.

"No, you see, selling at $5 ensures that more people can join if they'd like. If I were selling individual lessons, it'd be closer to $25 for an hour. So, if we base it off that price, it'd be 32 lessons. That's only four months if you wanted two sessions a week."

"Okay, that seems much more fair. Four months of lessons for your intricate side piece." You confirm, laying out the final offer.

"I'm fully down for that, but could we discuss the tattoo and get a sketch before we start? I want to make sure I like the design." He asks, innocently unaware of how artists charge a deposit for their time.

"Okay, but even if you don't decide to follow through, I'd like six or seven lessons. I usually charge a 20% deposit to account for the time it takes me to come up with designs for people."

He effortlessly agrees to the deal right as the rest of the class begins to file in. For that lesson, your excitement never falters. You've gained personal lessons with an instructor that fits your picky expectations, and you'll get to create another masterpiece meaningful to someone. In your eyes, it's a win-win situation, and Taeyang clearly thinks the deal is worth it on his end, too.

As your second lesson in his class finishes up, you begin your cool-down routine once again. After the others leave, Taeyang returns to the topic of his tattoo almost instantly. You laugh at his eagerness and innocent excitement. You remember feeling the same way when you scheduled the appointment for your first tattoo as well, so you fully understand his mindset about the situation.

"Taeyang, calm down. We'll get to discussing the design soon, but I'd like to finish my stretches first." You laugh as you explain yourself to the boy.

Although he pouts at you for momentarily halting the conversation, he understands and waits for you to finish. You finish your stretches and ask him if he'd like to begin the consultation portion of the tattoo process now or later. As expected, he enthusiastically asks to start as soon as possible, so you pick up your belongings and lead him out of the studio.

"I take public transport here. If you'd like to take it back with me, I don't mind hosting the meeting in my apartment for today."

He agrees, following your lead as you ride the subway lines back to your complex. His eyes wander as you walk the halls to your room, so he lightly runs into you when you stop in front of your door.

As you enter the key to unlock the door, you joke, "What's up, Taeyang? You act like you've never seen an apartment building before."

Nervously scratching his head, he admits, "I don't really have friends, so I haven't been to apartments other than mine as an adult."

"In that case, I apologize. I never would've guessed. You appear very social from the classes."

"Well, that's work. I'm somewhat of an introvert actually, so I only work, work out, and head home most days." He follows you inside and looks around, amazed. "Woah, your apartment looks really nice. You're good at decorating."

"Oh, thanks. I don't even notice anymore. I've been meaning to change it up again soon, but if it's nice, maybe I should leave it. Come over here to the desk area; we can discuss there so I can take notes or sketch things out."

He follows you and sits down next to you. As you ask for him to remind you of his design plans, you note down key aspects he mentions - dance, music notes, flowers, and a meaningful focal point that's yet to be decided.

"Do you mind recounting your dance story? We can work together to figure out the main part, but I'd like to know as much of the story as possible, details and all, so it can be accurate."

"It's really long; are you sure you want it all?" He asks with apprehension in his voice.

"Are you sure you want an accurate and meaningful tattoo?" You ask back so he can understand how funny it is to ask.

"Okay, okay. I just hope you're prepared." He starts before taking a deep breath to prepare himself.

He begins by telling you the age he began to enjoy dance and how that happened, and you take notes on any important points. Continuing, he mentions that dance always helped him, even when people couldn't. He describes his love of dance in a similar fashion that childhood lovers describe one another - soft, comforting, familiar. You scribble down "1st love" to remind yourself of this right as Taeyang mentions that he wants to love someone who gives him the same feelings that dance does, but he has yet to find that.

"You've never fallen in love?" You interject, shocked by him again.

He chuckles as he shakes his head, "Not so much as a single crush. For a while, I thought I was broken. Got a girlfriend, but we broke up once she confronted the fact that I only treated her as a good friend. It struck me then - the fact that I think of love differently than most people. To me, it's not a person and not the memories you build. It's that feeling of warmth, that you'll be okay for as long as the love remains within you. Not a case of whether you receive that love in return, but that you know it's still within you."

"Still within you... that's such a romantic way to approach love. Whoever you end up loving will be very lucky."

Taeyang tries to return to the story again, but he's interrupted by your phone ringing. You apologize and stand to answer the call, finding your best friend on the other end of the line. They alert you of a change to the date of their upcoming wedding, claiming that the couple doesn't want to wait any longer. In doing so, they remind you that you have a plus-one space automatically given as a part of the wedding party, and you now have only a month to figure out who to bring. You thank them for the heads up and excuse yourself under the guise of a client. Upon hanging up, however, you curse at the thought of having to find a date or deal with the clearly-empty seat at the event.

"Everything okay?" You hear Taeyang stand thanks to your cursing.

"Sorry to startle you. My friend is getting married, and they moved the date up. I'm part of the wedding party, so I'm supposed to bring someone, but finding someone means I'll have to go on blind dates or something." You groan at the thought, remembering how draining first dates can be.

"When is it? I might be able to save you. If you'd like me to, at least," He offers, nerves raising as he realizes that it sounds like he's asking you on a date.

"Really? Would you? That'd save me a lot of hassle, and I can use the opportunity to learn more about you that might help with the tattoo."

"Yeah, if I'm free, then I don't mind. Just let me know when it is so I can prepare."

"We have just over a month. You really are going to save my ass, so thank you, Taeyang." You smile brightly at him, making him grow a bit shy. Noticing, you switch back to the topic at hand, "Should we get back to your story now?"

Sitting back down, he continues telling you everything about his dance journey. You add a few more notes, especially when regarding more recent events. You ensure that you have all the important notes before he leaves for the day.

"Do you live far? Should I call you a taxi? I brought you here without thinking about the return trip. I'm sorry." You worry, realizing that it's later than expected and thus more dangerous.

"It's fine, Y/N. Don't worry. I'm only a couple of stops away, and you live right by the station, so I should be safe."

As he flashes you a soft smile to comfort you, you request that he messages you once home. He jokes that you're already acting like he's your boyfriend but assures you that he'll follow your plea. As the door shuts behind him only seconds later, you find yourself speechless at his words. You thought you were simply being kind at first, but you realize that it could come off as being more than friendly.

Although you begin to worry about the misunderstanding, you choose not to mention it to him. You prepare for bed and find his text about the safe return once you finish your routine. While deciding how to reply, you fall asleep, too tired from the long, eventful day.

You find another message when you wake:

<I trust that you're asleep, so sleep well + thanks again for helping with my tattoo (: >

You smile at the kind message, replying with a wholehearted appreciation for him trusting you in this process, adding that you're extremely thankful for his offer to come to the wedding on top of agreeing to solo dance lessons already. He reminds you that you still have to discuss when to do the lessons and what you'd like to learn.

For the next couple of days, your conversations bounce between the dance lessons and the tattoo design, with some basic conversations about daily life sprinkled in when a conversation dies down. You settle on the days for your lessons, give him some dances you'd like to learn or improve, and send over some unfinished sketches for parts of his design to hear his thoughts.

Time flies, and you reach the wedding day quickly enough. You look in the mirror one last time before leaving your apartment and meeting Taeyang out front. Standing in front of his car, he dons a full suit with a tie and pocket square that complement your outfit perfectly. He waves at you with a bright smile, then he opens his arms for a hug as you approach.

"Hey, stranger. You look amazing. Thank you again for doing this for me. I know they're my best friend, but weddings are always so nerve-wracking for me. With you here, it won't be as bad." You claim, feeling his heart racing as you hug him.

"No problem, especially with how close we've gotten over this month."

You drive off to the wedding together, only to be shocked when Taeyang introduces himself to everyone as your boyfriend. When you get a moment alone with him, you confront him.

"Sorry, I thought it'd be easier than having to explain our relationship a bunch of times. Plus, we basically act like a couple - minus the skinship - so people would eventually ask."

"You should've warned me, at least!" You want to scold him, but that's all you can say before the bride and groom approach you.

"Since when do you not tell me when you get a new partner?!" Your best friend asks with their hand on your shoulder.

"Ah, you've just been so busy with wedding planning and everything. I didn't want to take your focus away from it." You make up an excuse, hoping to quickly stop the conversation before you need to add more lies.

"Well, after today, I better get the tea! I'll see you soon, though. Have to go visit everyone."

You wave them off before allowing your anxiously-perfect posture to fall. Taeyang laughs to himself before asking you to tell him the story you'll be using. You glare at him, sitting down at your assigned table without giving him an answer.

The rest of the day passes smoothly, and nobody questions you about your sudden new boyfriend, so you claim that win in your head as Taeyang drives back.

"Would you like to hang out some more? Or are you tired of people?" He asks about halfway home.

"Is there something you'd like to do?"

"I'd just like to stay with you. I enjoy your company."

Ultimately, you decide to hang out with him. You start by relaxing at a nearby stream, quietly enjoying your time together, but the cold weather ruins the calm night. You move to his apartment as it's closer to the stream. You talk for hours, learning about and understanding one another better in the process. Eventually, you begin fading out of consciousness as sleep overtakes you, but Taeyang leads you to his bed before you fully knock out so you can rest comfortably. He sleeps on the couch that night.

Only three months later, you finish the tattoo design and bring Taeyang into the shop for his first appointment. You try a few different placements before it sits on his skin the way he wants it. Once he's satisfied, you ask him to lay on his opposite side so you can begin. Prepping him, you find the boy shaking.

"Are you nervous or excited? Your whole body is shaking, Taeyang."

"A bit of both. I'm really excited, but I also don't know what to expect. Some people say the needle hurts a lot, but others claim they're overreacting."

"It fully depends on the person and the placement. I've warned you that this tends to be a more painful place for a tattoo, but don't worry. You can always ask me to stop, and we'll take breaks regardless. I work at your pace."

"Could we do a test or something? Like a little dot or a short line so I can prepare?" He asks, eyes in puppy mode.

You laugh as you accept his idea. You inform him that you'll do a short line to begin, then you turn on the machine and follow through with the plan. You feel him tense up, but that's a typical reaction for most people, regardless of the number of tattoos they have. You switch the machine off, wipe the mark clean, and ask him whether he'd like to continue.

"That wasn't too bad." He responds through clenched teeth, "Let's keep going. I'll tell you if I need a break."

"Alrighty." You whirl the machine on, "I hope you can take a good few hours of it today."

After five hours and three breaks, you finish today's session. Taeyang checks the progress in the mirror, proud to finally see his ideas and dreams coming to fruition. You wrap him up and give him care instructions, and he goes home to rest.

You check up on him every day for the next few weeks, living for his reactions to each stage of the healing process. With only the outline done, it leaves both of you eager to fill in the design with shading and everything.

In the dance lessons following the session, you notice Taeyang wearing shirts that reveal the tattoo. Even unfinished, he's so proud of the piece that he constantly wants to show it off.

Another month passes before you're able to get him in for the second session. Somehow, this session passes even smoother despite the more painful shading and white highlights. Taeyang's sheer determination to finish allows you to complete the piece now when you thought you'd need another day for details.

Just like in the first session, Taeyang admires the artwork in the mirror. You ask him if you can take a picture for your portfolio, but he cuts you off with a tight hug, burying his face into your shoulder.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. It's amazing. It's so... so- it's perfect, Y/N. I love it." Taeyang mumbles into you, spilling endless praises from his lips.

You awkwardly pat his back as you wait for him to finish, zoning out halfway through his shpeal. You must've missed an important cue when you zoned out, as his lips suddenly press themselves against yours. You carefully try to work past this, telling him to go rest up since his emotions are overwhelming him. You disregard the photo you wanted, opting for a healed photo later.

At home, the thought of the kiss refuses to leave your mind. It confuses you, and you can't pinpoint whether he meant to do it or whether his emotions overwhelmed him into doing it. You also don't know how you feel in response to the action. Looking back on the scene, you can't tell whether you wanted to kiss him back or push him away. You simply froze up when it happened; it caught you off guard.

The next time you meet Taeyang, you find him apologizing for his actions. He admits to having feelings for you, but he understands that he shouldn't have kissed you out of the blue like that. Starting like this fills the meet-up with awkwardness, but you try to alleviate it by explaining that his emotions must have been all over the place due to his enjoyment of the finished product.

Before you part ways, he asks whether you'd like to date, and you ask him to give you time to figure out your feelings. It's only been a week since the kiss, and you still don't know how you feel. With this new development, you force yourself to address your feelings and define them. You've been avoiding them for most of the past week, so you're relieved to have something to force yourself to confront the situation head-on.

You take the next two days to do exactly that. Placing your sole focus on properly categorizing your feelings, you find yourself making excuses when calling it anything more than friendly love. Although you hate to break the news to him, you think it's best to do it quickly, so you call him down to the spot by the stream, asking to talk to him for a bit.

He quickly makes his way to the meeting point, as if he's a puppy running to his owner. As you see his soft smile shining at you, you feel a lump swell in your throat. He finds a nice rock to sit on and asks you to sit with him. You refuse, as standing permits you the ability to escape quickly in case your answer causes issues.

"Taeyang, I can't date you. It took me a while to pinpoint how I feel for you, but I think it's best we remain friends. I don't think I can reciprocate the feelings you have for me. I'm really sorry." You admit, fidgetting as an excuse to avoid meeting his gaze.

"That's okay, Y/N. I'm not going to try to force you to fall for me. I mean, I should hope I know how hard it is to fall in love." Surprisingly, he responds simply, taking the rejection far better than you imagined.

"Are you sure you're okay? You don't need to force yourself to be. If you need space from me or comfort or anything, just ask me."

His lips curl up as he forces down a laugh, "Well, I'm not sure I'd call this okay, but it feels sorta numb. I don't know what I need, frankly. Just don't ditch me; Don't leave me in the past simply because of my feelings for you."

You explain that you won't ever be that person, and you sit with him in silence for a bit longer before he stands and decides to head home. He thanks you for letting him know your answer so quickly, hugs you, and walks away. You watch him leave and notice his posture change after a few seconds. Seeing his slouched posture, paired with some clear huffs, your heart breaks again as you recognize that he's crying now that he thinks you can't see.

Other than the remaining dance lessons and a touch-up tattoo appointment, you and Taeyang don't talk very often. In fact, a couple of years pass before you see him again. Donning an oversized hoodie, he calls out to you as you pass him on the street. Turning around to see who called you, you're greeted by a long-forgotten but familiar smile that brings a messy bundle of feelings into your chest. Your name in his mouth rushes memories back into your mind, and you don't know how to respond.

"Y/N! Hey, it's been a while. I'm sorry I kinda ghosted you after everything. It took a lot longer to move on than I expected. Care to get a coffee or something and catch up?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, let's do that. I want to hear how you've been."

Eventually, he notices your engagement ring, and the heartbreaking numbness returns to him after years of being free of it. You see this reaction reach his eyes, making them lose their once-everlasting glimmer as he asks about the lucky partner. The lump from your chest catches itself in your throat, and you feel tears force themselves into your eyes. Trying to hide your reaction, you take a sip of your drink, clear your throat, and explain that you met someone while getting a tattoo. Suddenly, the painful irony of the situation hits you like a truck, and you can't help but ask about the tattoo you gave him.

"It's still my only one, but I've made sure to take good care of it. Every time I see it, it reminds me of you and all those memories we made. It's a weird feeling, having a permanent reminder of my first love on my body. I guess it just hoards all sorts of meanings within its ink." He awkwardly laughs off his comment, but it makes the tears fall from your eyes despite your best efforts to keep them in.

"Don't cry! Y/N, what's wrong? Is it me? I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything upsetting by my words. It's interesting, but I don't mind remembering you. There are so many good memories-"

"No, no. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. I think there's just a lot of emotions overwhelming me. I'm happy to see you again and grateful that you're doing well, but everything hits at once. And with me just getting engaged only a few days before, it feels like some sick, twisted fate to meet you randomly now, out of nowhere. I- I don't know. I'm sorry."

After your tears dry and you regain control over your emotions, Taeyang explains the past few years he's had. He hopped around on personal jobs after finding private training more to his taste, and he only returned to the city a week ago, giving himself a much-deserved break from work. Although he hasn't found anyone else he loves as much as he loves to dance - and loved you - he boasts about wooing people around the world with his beauty and graceful storytelling within his dance. He goes so far as to show you a picture of his award for best original choreography. Engraved on the trophy, the title of his art, "A Permanent Reminder" gives you more than enough background for the story he conveyed to win.

As you part ways once again, your hand hovers over the tattoo your now-fiance did for you: a twist of flowers in the shape of a music note, sitting within the shape of the sun. You couldn't bring yourself to tell him that you met your future partner due to wanting a tattoo to remind yourself of the man you fell for too little too late.

[key201303]

Pairing: CollegeStudent!Taeyang x CollegeStudent!@sepguuu

Word count: 2461 words (long af to compensate the wait 😌)

Warnings: angstish (?)

Genre: fluff, angstish, enemies to lovers

Plot: After your bestfriend betrayed you by making you confess your feelings to your crush and get humillated by everyone, you swore you would never talk to him. But years after a boy with a username quite cute appears in your contact list of the trendy app everyone is recently using to communicate and meet people. Will you be able to keep your promise when you find out who that boy is?

DISCLAIMER: TEXT IN PINK IS A MEMORY

A/N: First of all I'M SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO DAMN LONG 🙏🙏 I really hope y'all like it and specially that @sepguuu likes it and enjoys it to the full ❤❤ thank you so much for waiting 💙

Taglist -> @soobin-chois @ailoveyuta (let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!)

800 followers masterlist

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

“What is so interesting that you can’t keep your phone away lately?” Your best friend asked as you both finished your lunch before heading to the last class of the day and week. “Oh it’s nothing.” You answered expressionless, throwing your phone back into your bag after sending one last message. “I can’t believe you’re 24/7 glued to that phone if there’s nothing making you do that.” She answered as you both stood up and headed out of the cafe to go back to class. She knew you quite well and when it came to hiding stuff from her, you hated the fact that she could perfectly read you like an open book. Especially if it was boys and love related. Some people may wonder what is so special about that one app you installed a few months ago to chat with people. But the reality was that you found a boy in there that would gladly listen to your ramblings at the end of the day and somehow it became a stress reliever to talk with that unknown boy. And the funniest thing of the whole situation was that in the very beginning you just installed the app so you could talk with other people about it since it became pretty popular against the students of your college and the colleges around the neighborhood you lived in. 

You both walked down the crowded halls of the college, walking as fast as you could so you wouldn’t be late to the last class of the week. “Look at your bestie.” Your friend said, pointing at a tall, brown haired boy. “Don’t you dare to call him my bestie again.” You said as you passed next to the boy and rolled your eyes without looking at him. “I really can’t believe you guys are still mad at each other for something that happened 14 years ago.” Your best friend said as you both finally entered the room where the class was about to take place. She was kind of right, being mad at him because of something he did 14 years ago was kind of childish. But you weren’t mad at him because of what he did but because until now, he hasn’t apologized to you for what he did.”I swore I wouldn’t be the first one saying sorry.” You said as you both took your usual seats and as you unpacked your stuff ready to start the class. “Come on, it is Yoo Taeyang who we’re talking about. There’s no way you will be the last one to say sorry.” Your friend added right before the teacher entered the class, creating a deathly silence in the room and not letting your friend explain herself for what she said. 

You lowkey hated him, but not to the point to think he was a bad person or the kind of person to never apologize for their mistakes. But her words definitely kept ghosting your mind for the whole class and even some part of the evening. Why would she think he was that kind of person? Were you that blinded by your anger that you couldn’t see how prideful Yoo Taeyang was?

**

“I promise it’ll be okay and that he’ll love it!” Taeyang said as he tried to help you with the last details of the flower bouquet he suggested you gifted that boy you’ve been having a crush on for the last 3 years. “Okay… I guess I’ll have to trust you.” You said, worry written all over your face. You didn’t want to be rejected or humiliated by that boy. You didn’t even know how Taeyang managed to convince you to do all of this to confess your feelings to that boy. But you guessed you just trusted him because after all he was your best friend. And even though he wasn’t the boy’s best friend, he was pretty close to him so Taeyang definitely knew more things about him than you would ever know. 

**

“I hate you!! How could you do this to me?? You knew how important this was to me!!” You shouted, breaking the flower bouquet into Taeyang’s chest as tears ran down your cheeks like a waterfall. You couldn’t believe he made you get all excited about being brave enough to confess your feelings to later on find out he just plotted everything so the boy you had a crush on hated you and rejected you. “I will never in my life regret anything I did.” He said, pretty convinced of doing what’s correct. “He wasn’t a good choice for you.” Taeyang added, making you feel more and more angry. “That’s not your decision!! Stop acting like you were my mom or someone that is important to me! You’re absolutely nobody!!” You said full of anger. Maybe your words were poisoned by your anger and maybe you would regret saying those things to your best friend. But it was all you could say. It was all that came out of your mouth at that moment. “Say sorry for what you just said.” Taeyang was clearly hurt by your hurting words. “I swear to God I will never be the first one to say sorry. Not anymore.” You said with a fierce voice and walked away as soon as you finished your sentence. 

**

The alarm on your phone woke you up from that terrible dream of remembering your past with Taeyang. Your heart rate was fast and you felt pretty mad at the stupid memory of what happened between both of you and the main reason why you both don’t talk to each other nowadays. 

The moment you got out of bed and noticed it was weekend, a small and weak smile creeped on your lips as you walked down the stairs to make you some breakfast before you laid on the couch to binge some of your favorite series that you couldn’t watch during the week due to all the amount of works and assignments you had to do for college. 

You were about to take the first bite of your breakfast when your phone lit up with a notification. As soon as you saw the notification you knew you had to drop your toast and answer the message immediately. It was a message from the boy you met in that meeting app. You couldn’t believe you were willing to talk to a stranger on a meeting app from the very beginning of the day but here you are, sitting on your pajamas in the kitchen counter with a pair of toasts and a coffee getting cold and answering messages of that anonymous boy. The only thing you knew about his identity was that he lived in the same city as you and that he attended the same college as you. But seeing his username being “sun_boy” you couldn’t really figure out if you knew him or not. 

**

**

It definitely felt more surrealistic now that he asked you to meet him in person for the first time. You didn’t really know if it was a good idea to go and meet that boy in person. After all, you didn’t know his identity and seeing the news these days didn’t help either. But you had to admit you were pretty curious about the identity of that sun_boy user and to see if you could also fall in love with his looks apart from falling for his great personality. 

An hour went by and you were finally doing some quick tweaks to your outfit and make-up before going out to meet with the boy. The evening was chilly despite the fact of getting closer to the summer vacations and the sky was tinted with a beautiful palette of roses and purples mixed with oranges and yellows, characteristic of a beautiful evening of a summer day. You felt extremely and surprisingly excited about meeting the boy that has been the main reason for your smiles lately and, to be honest, the option of him being a weirdo wanting to hurt you was not a viable option in your mind. You were way too confident of him being a nice person that you couldn't picture him doing something bad to you. Maybe that was one of the reasons why people kidnapped others, because of the excess of confidence but you were too immersed in the thought of finally meeting the boy that made your heart race like a teenager to question yourself about possible bad things that could happen that night.

As soon as you were getting closer to the cafe where you agreed to meet with that “sun_boy”, you spotted your worst nightmare sitting on one of the tables alone. Why is he here alone? Why does he always have to appear in the most nice moments of my life? You questioned yourself as you kept walking towards the cafe, trying your best to look at him in a discreet way but deep inside you, you perfectly knew you were straight staring at him. 

You decided to ignore the brown haired boy and head inside the cafe to wait for your date. “(Y/N).” You heard Taeyang saying before you could even open the door that separated the cozy insides of the cafe and the chilly outsides of the said building. “I don’t have time for your bullshit Taeyang.” You said, opening the door and not making any eye contact with him. “I’m sun_boy.” Taeyang said with a quiet thread of voice. You couldn’t hear him and when he noticed you didn’t hear or pretended not to hear what he said, he repeated his words a bit louder. The moment you heard his confession, your blood froze in place, not letting you move your muscles. You didn’t know if he was joking or if he was right, but you couldn’t help being shocked by his sudden confession. “Stop lying with stuff like that… It’s not funny anymore.” You said, turning around to finally meet his gaze. “How would I know you were talking to someone called like that on a private and anonymous app? Don’t you see that’s impossible and quite stupid?” He said letting out a nervous and sarcastic laugh. He was right. It was impossible that he knew that you used that app and that you were texting with someone with that username. “I told you to come here because I want to talk with you, in person, not hiding ourselves behind a screen.” He said, standing up from his seat and walking towards you. He begged. He begged for you to hear what he wanted to tell you. But you didn’t want to hear any of his excuses anymore. You didn’t want to go through what you had to go through 14 years ago again. But the moment he mentioned he just wanted to give you a good reason why he has been doing all of that and give you a proper apology, everything started to change.

“I know I did something terrible… I really know that and trust me, I hate myself for what I did.” He started to say, without being able to lock his eyes with yours. “You did all of that because you wanted, nobody made you do it.” You said, also avoiding his gaze. You were done trying to believe that he did what he did just because he didn’t know what he was doing. But at this point, 14 years later, you knew that it was just an excuse you built yourself to not believe your best friend betrayed you like that. “Maybe you don’t believe me with what I’m going to say, or maybe you will never forgive me if I tell you the truth. But at this point I couldn’t handle the situation anymore.” Taeyang said. You frowned, looking at him confused. “I like you… And I always have… When all of the crush thing happened I was just jealous that you would like someone else instead of me. So I wanted to keep you away from them. I know I was stupid and pretty immature but when I grew and noticed the monumental mistake I made, it was too late to tell you that I was sorry. You didn’t talk to me anymore and you avoided my presence everytime I approached you.” He started to explain. You were speechless and shocked. “And then everyone started to use the tlk2me app… And I thought it would be a good idea to create a profile and see if I could contact you there.” He finally confessed. You couldn’t believe you have been deceived again by him just because he wasn’t brave enough to tell you the truth and facing the cruel reality. “Why is everything a lie in our friendship?” You quietly asked, a few tears threatening to escape your eyes. “You could have just told me from the very beginning that you liked me and nothing of this would have happened…” You said, tears finally filling up your eyes. 

You also liked him since the very beginning, you also wanted to be with him since the very beginning but because of the lack of confidence in him to express his feelings you thought he just wanted to be your best friend and so you moved on. It hurts you to leave your best friend behind. It hurts you that you had to leave behind your very first crush. But the worst thing was that he never apologized to you and that made you feel like he really never cared about you. “I’m really sorry (Y/N)... I really am.” He said, his eyes glued to the floor. He knew the moment his eyes would meet yours he would shatter into pieces. **

2 months later… “I can’t believe after all you guys are living happily ever after.” Your best friend said, rolling her eyes at the sight of you and Taeyang holding hands as the three of you headed to get an ice cream to celebrate the summer vacations. “Those happily ever after don't exist.” You said, rolling your eyes, refusing to think about your new relationship with Taeyang to be part of those cheesy fairytales. “Not happily ever afters but maybe destiny does exist.” Taeyang said, winking down at you and drawing a soft smile on your lips. You had to admit he was kind of right. You guys went through a lot, but in the end, you're together again. “It’s like a code lock and the code. If they’re apart they can’t work but if they’re matched together they're perfect.” Taeyang added, making you and your best friend laugh. “We’re like a Love Code lock.” He finally said, pecking your left cheek.

[sweetdejun]

summer of '22 drabble game

I haven't done one of these in a while but, since I have enough free time this summer, I wanted to put this together for everyone!

RULES:

I write mainly for nct and bts, so I'll take requests for them, but other groups I'll take requests for include: exo, seventeen, ateez, stray kids, day6, pentagon and sf9 (I don't really listen to new gen groups much, so I don't know anything about them)

I will write either angst, fluff or both. NO SMUT PLEASE!!

I will stop taking requests on June July 1 at midnight EST! this is hopefully enough time for people to send in their requests

FOR SENDING REQUESTS: send the prompt number + member from group (ex: 1 + nct jaehyun)

here are the prompts (most inspired by @creativepromptsforwriting, thank you!)

"it's too hot, maybe we should take our clothes off"

"I won't be participating"

"I never liked summer anyway"

"let's go get ice cream"

"why are you busy, it's summer!"

"I know what you're thinking"

"are you jumping into the pool, or should I come out and push you in?"

"I can barely keep my eyes open"

"I could kill for a slushy right about now"

"is that for me?"

"who's genius idea was that again?"

"how does painting and a picnic sound?"

"don't promise anything you can't keep"

"I have two weaknesses: apple pie and you"

"you're absolutely insane, do you know that?"

"I haven't stopped thinking about it since then"

"funny how things turned out, huh?"

"you're too cute"

"did you just call me 'dude'?"

"get your butt over here and kiss me"

"are you nervous?"

"you look good in that"

"I did think of one thing we can do.."

"I wish I never told you about that"

"it's only a matter of time"

"when will we ever see each other again?"

"can you believe summer's almost over?"

"I'm what?"

"take a picture, it'll last longer"

"I'll see you soon, I promise"

BONUS: free prompt! send me whatever you want (but keep the rules in mind please!!)

I'm so excited to finally put this out! I will be awaiting requests from you all!

update: extended the deadline in case people still wanted to send requests!

[timenote-library]

Kai

==masterlists & navigation==

= masterlist-masterpost-thing (admin chai doesn’t know what to call it lol)

==url(s)==

@honeyhuii​ 

==writer info==

position === member

pronouns === he/they

birthday === April 26

age === 21

facts === I'm very similar to cherry blossoms because I too fall beautifully since I just fell down a flight of stairs but looked good doing it. 

availability === online frequently

==request & fic info==

group content choices === any, but mostly: | ASTRO | ENHYPEN | NCT | Stray Kids | ATEEZ | TXT | Golden Child | The Boyz | SEVENTEEN | ONEUS | PENTAGON | TREASURE | SF9 

genre content choices === fluff | angst | fantasy | other

genres not accepted === smut | yandere | suggestive

[shinestarhwaa]

ROWOON MASTERLIST

ROWOON

Fanatic (smut)

Team mate (smut)

Parking Lot (smut)

Daddy Please (smut)

Love Colour (smut)

Summer Nights (fluff)

Let Me Be Your Last First Kiss (fluff)

See U Tomorrow (angst, fluff)

(Ruin my) Make-up (smut)

All The Stars (smut)