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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months

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Good morning, Sleepyhead.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.

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hinamie · 2 months

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binding vow

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #megumi #fanart #jjk fanart #done....collapses #up until 3am last night n sitting fr another 8 hours today to finish....#g o d #the things i do fr him.....#let it no longer b said that i only do elaborate paintings rife with symbolism tht feature gojo. megu my one true muse #as is Correct and Just #real talk tho i was just sketching th things i wanted to include without giving much thought to the Themes #w the exception being the spider lilies lmao I Know What Those Mean #but i ended up with a REALLY good life/death/marriage/loyalty thing going on????#w the lotus/spider lily being purity+rebirth/death #((not 2 mention 'far from the one he loves' like HELLO?????))#also w the temari balls being associated w femininity but having him dressed in groom's attire #like???? 90% unplanned but i ended up both cooking And eating #also happy 2 report that betta fish were kinder 2 me than the koi were :) no trouble from these lil guys #in fact everything abt this piece kind of came easily beyond the initial colour swatch??#thank u fr being an easy subject megu ilysm im sorry abt all the death imagery i dont mean it pls focus instead on th Life imagery :((((#i put a ring on it so u gotta wake up.....cant leave yuuji @ th altar ....#SPEAKING OF THE RING IK ITS ON THE RIGHT HAND we've been over this and its Okay #if i read a single comment .........#sorry 2 that one person who was like 'the next binding vow better be at itfs' wedding' ik this probably wasnt what u meant #but it did inspire me smile :)#anyway i need 2 stop looking at this its been over 24 hours

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starrytrees · 2 months

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éramos tan buenos amigos hasta hoy

#dungeon meshi #labru #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #dunmesh #kabru of utaya #laios touden #translation: we were such good friends till today #i was listening to miranda! while i drew this so

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expelliarmus · 9 months

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#mine #doctor who #dwedit #david tennant #catherine tate #ncuti gatwa #i finished reading the giggle novelisation today!!! ;A;#it was by far the best out of the 3 novels #having it written in the toymaker's pov was so good #and then when they were going through the doors and it turned into a choose your adventure kind of story for a bit #that was excellent!!!#though i think i got stuck in a loop and then had to go back and read each chapter in order lol #and then the doctor buying a house..... giving the sun room to wilf....#and they're all the noble-temple-doctor family...... PLEASE #;A;!!!!#and again i'm quite sure someone must have made this gifset before #but here's my version :))))#ANYWAYS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AHHHHH #MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!!! NEW DW TOMORROW :')

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saudrag · 3 months

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sooo… nobody’s gonna talk about how every time hughie kills someone & gets their blood all over himself the next thing happening is butcher killing someone & getting coated in blood too? literally every. single. time.

murder husbands i guess?

also i was SO fucking cheering for hughie to kill that man. i need this boy morally RUINED

#anybody relating?#yeah i finally had time to watch the new ep and it was SO SO GOOD #im beginning to like homelander’s character more and more #literally the only time i can say that homelander was based was today #‘they were only doing their job🥺’ my ass!! they literally brutally tortured a child for their depraved so-called science research #also john is stronger than all of us because if i were in his shoes then even after murdering my tormentors i would’ve NOT forgave them #the boys #the boys tv #hughie campbell #billy butcher #butchie #hughie and butcher are husbands idc what anyone says

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bold-embrace · 1 year

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We better get a much needed morales family hug at the end of the next movie OR ELSE (btw read this fic. bless)

Bonus messy doodle below but it’s got major spider verse spoilers!‼️‼️‼️

Earth 42 miles better get a hug and a kiss from his mom too

#my art #completed #rio morales #jefferson davis #miles morales #miles g morales #spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse #me downloading so many screen tone brushes for this and going crazy #this movie bro. spideverse is so good i wish loving families were real /j #i havent rendered anything in ages and it shows FJSDHF or completed anything. im just out here #anyways spideverse took over my brain bc it's all i've been drawing for the past three weeks. trigun fanart again soon tho i prommy #i just. the first movie is actually my favorite movie of all time and i've watched it so many times in the past five years #it's on my mind at all times like a dormant volcano ready to errupt before i become annoying about it again #i just love miles so much and his family #AIGHGHHG #drawing jeff was beating my ass i cant actually draw men but we're learning today!!!#atsv #itsv #ID in alt text

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dangoulains-devotion · 6 months

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#FF7 #FF7R #FF7 Rebirth #Final Fantasy VII #Final Fantasy VII Rebirth #aerith gainsborough #barret wallace #my favourite synergy ability... solely for the animation its so cute and cool #sorry papa wallace for i am 1) not good at drawing facial hair and 2) was not mentally strong enough to draw your gun #one day i will but today was not that day #i worked on this for 9 hours straight it got to a point i zoomed out and was like why doesnt this look right #and it was bc i forgot his tattoo....... he's naked iwthout that #also i've never tried to do comic-y explosions and text before so i kind of just looked at clip art for reference and then yolo'd it #i hope it doesnt look terrible i've decided i no longer care to fret over it #i need you to understand that if you were to zoom out the camera on this photo #barret is proper crouched down and aerith is standing on a pile of books #so that they could attain a pose where she is leaning on his shoulder #I FORGOT MY OWN ART TAG bro im so tired #my art #<- i am moonlight elegy on twt

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momentomori24 · 8 months

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THEY ARE SO INSUFFERABLE AND HORRIFIC AND AWFUL BUT SO AMAZING AND DORKY AND THIS PART IS SO UNFAIRLY FUNNY AND CUTE AND WHOLESOME-- PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE MORE SCREENTIME IN S2. PLEASE LET THEM TAKE OVER THE SHOW. I KNOW THEY'RE HORRIBLE PEOPLE BUT I NEED MORE OF THE VEES.

And the most important scene of them all (to me):

First of all, how is Vox doing that. Second, you just know that these two douchebags are going to bang so hard with Alastor getting his ass kicked replaying in the background after this. I hate them so much.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel vees #voxval #staticmoth #all their scenes in this episode were so freaking good holy shit #all their scenes in show are great actually #like-- oh my god #they are so much fun to have around #vox was literally me the entire time (minus the alastor hating)#and their evil little happy celebrating at the end was so cute it's unreal #i wanted the vees to sing together at some point and i'm so happy it was delivered vox and val sound fantastic together #and that sneaky staticmoth kiss at the end YES YES YES YEEESS #i love everyone in this show (except adam) but the vees are just built different #with adam dead can they please appear more? please? i need more of these disgusting assholes committing disgusting crimes and gay wrongs #''the future of hell belongs to the vees'' is a sentiment i can and will get behind please take over #i just finished the season finale and it gave me the dopamine rush i really needed today i'm so happy AAHHHHHH #i can't stop rewatching this scene someone please help me i can't escape their clutches i've been here for hours please #ok i'm clogging these tags so i'm stopping here but AAGHHHBKFGXGGGBB #anyways good night

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misstoodles-doodles · 5 days

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Arc Trooper Fives & Echo ✨

#today on sketches that got out of hand and turned into more stuff #star wars #arc trooper fives #arc trooper echo #the clone wars #echo tcw #fives tcw #fan art #2024 #artists on tumblr #art #they were originally gonna be snarkier but #idk when i was gonna draw them together again so i went for good vibes

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kyurochurro · 8 months

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GOOD AFTERNOON!! TODAYS UNI SKETCH IS : a redraw/study/doodle/whateva you wanna call it of this very dapper image of Picard and Data!! first time drawing Picard so I struggled a lil but otherwise I had so much fun drawing Data! :Pc og pic under the cut!