#they’re all smart but math gets everybody eventually

[flowerbarrel-art]

*Cries cutely* He's doomed ;)

I would be too. Thankfully it’s not Trivia Murder Party at least!

Well, I’ve got a workbook that might help them.

(Original book cover)

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

Everybody wants to rule the world (number 5 x reader)

Ask:  the reader somehow survives the apocalypse and gets found by five and they spend a couple of years together, in those years they learn about eachother , unfortunately the reader doesn´t make it through the 45 years and dies somehow. When jumping back in time, five goes to find the reader at Griddy's  and goes to check on her often and talk with her over coffee, when the apocalypse comes he brings her along with their siblings and also back in time and tells her he's not loosing her again

A/N: Hope this is what you wanted, they’re both 16 at the start like lets pretend instead of running away at 13 he waited a few more years. when he goes back in time to 2019 theyre both 16 just like idk its easier to write them both being 16+

Words:1917

Worked dragged on cold, quiet nights, sometimes the minimum wage job at the small town diner didn’t quite seem worth it, forcing a smile on your face at every new customer. “Can you go down to the freezer and get some ice please, sweety?” Smiling, you nod at your coworker, starting your descent down the steep steps to the basement. You never understood why it was placed quite so far down under Griddy’s but it was a welcome break, the near freezing air cooled your skin. 

Deep into the freezer, you hear the door gently click shut behind you as you try to find any ice left at all. Once you spotted one, high up on the top shelf, you reach up on your tiptoes, your finger just skimming the cold plastic bag before you were thrown to the ground by an astronomical force followed promptly by a loud bang that resonated in your chest.

Before you could even gain a sense of what was happening another bang wracked through your body, followed by another, only for multiple hitting all at once almost like a nuclear strike, hell, it was a nuclear strike, that was the only reasoning you could think of to explain what was happening. Then it went silent, you find the courage to shakily make your way onto your feet, slowly edging towards the door. 

Quivering, your fingers skimmed the cold door handle of the freezer, almost opening it before being thrown across the freezer by a shockwave, your back slamming against the floor giving you whiplash. Darkness filled the corners of your eyes as the world above you collapsed, the cold from the freezer almost freezing you in place as slowly, everything went black.

Cold seeped into your core as your eyes regained focus, as memories came flooding back tears came flooding in. Ignoring the pain from your back you throw yourself towards the door, begging for it to swing open to reveal that everything is normal only to be greeted with a door full of rubble. Without a second thought you start trying to dig through the rubble with your bare hands, almost instantly getting cuts and debris on your hands, only for a large rumble to cut through the quiet, you run away from the door as you watch it all fall down into the freezer.

“VANYA?”

Your head turns to the freezer door, seeing a stream of light just shining through the top, the outside world, and someone was there. “HELP!” You shout with every ounce of your body. 

“HELP!”

Five couldn’t believe his ears, someone was still alive. He tried to find where the sound was coming from then he heard the call for help again, clear as day. Running in the direction it came from, he desperately searched for the sound of the voice before it was too late. 

“Hello? Where are you?”

You see a shadow cross the small gap that separates you from the outside world, you hoped it was someone, anything. “I’m here! I’m right here. Look down.” The shadow moved back across the hole, stopping directly in front of it. Suddenly, he was behind you in a flash of blue, you turn to face him, not even bothering to question how he did that and threw yourself towards him and giving him a tight embrace.

When you release him and look around you’re on the surface, your eyes taking in the wasteland of the world. Your mouth fell open at the sight, turning around to see Griddys crumbled to the floor, buildings on fire and people lying dead. 

“What happened?” Locking eyes with the boy, you hoped he had an answer.

“I was about to ask you the same thing. How long were you down there?” 

“I think since last night,” Your eyes started to water as you spoke, looking at the smashed up Griddy’s sign lying on the floor. “I went to get some ice from the freezer and next thing I knew there was all these bangs going off, like bombs.” You mimicked an explosion with your hands before continuing. “Just before I could try and open the freezer door, a shockwave from something big hitting, I got thrown back and went unconscious.” 

“Shit.”

“I’m y/n, I think we might be sticking around each other for a while.”

“Five.” He stuck out his hand, a sad smile on his face.

It was hard fending for yourselves, you were lucky that Five had some survival skills but even with some skills, it was hard. Two teenagers should never be left to fend for themselves, let alone be left as the last ones alive. You taught each other some vital things however, you teaching Five how to cook with limited food and supplies and other small things you’d picked up in your life and Five taught you how to fight and protect yourself, you were quite the team.

Slowly, you became more than a team, more than just two people trying to survive. As the years went on, you were surviving for each other, Five was trying to get the maths right so you could go back together, stop the apocalypse together and live happily, together. No label could describe your relationship but at the same time there was no need to label the relationship when there was only the two of you in the world, it was something special just for you two, the world was yours. 

He knew everything about you, your job, favourite movie and book, how you liked greek mythology and the stars. On a night, you’d lie looking at the stars, running your hand through his hair and telling him about a different Greek God and their relation to the stars.

“And that one-” You stopped dead in your tracks, the moon was full but something wasn’t right with it, a part of it was missing. “Five, a part of the moon is missing.”

“Huh?” He squinted his eyes to look at the moon. “Holy shit.”

Now it was just a game of determining how the moon broke, if it was the moon that truly caused the apocalypse. You had plenty of time to think about it as Five worked on his equation to get you both back home. He’d been working on it for years, you weren’t sure how many years had past but you were both much older now, more mature and smart, even if you did have to educate yourselves using whatever books you could find.

A heat wave wracked through the area, fatiguing you and Five during your travels. You’d walked for miles in the blistering heat, there was a welcoming sight of shade next to an upstanding building which was a rare sight. Gratefully, you move into the shade and rest your back against the tall wall, noticing all the exposed beam poles, dangerously hanging exposed above.

But you’d run out of luck, it was bound to happen eventually, almost as if in slow motion the wall gave out behind you and down came the beams, piercing right through you. Everything was numb yet your eyes were open rivers, the memories of you and Five flashed before your eyes, he was your whole life, the love of your life and you ruined it just as quickly as it started. Five was right next to you, begging you to keep living yet you couldn’t hear him as everything went blurry.

“I’ll wait for you in the past Five, just don’t forget to come get me, okay?” You never heard an answer just the ever deafening ringing that consumed your mind as it went blank, all you could make out was him sat right next to you, saying something but you weren’t sure what. Weakly, you raised your hand to his cheek. “I love you.” You spoke, then everything went black.

Work was always slow on the weekdays, with most people being at work it made for a quiet and relaxing shift. A chime echoed through the diner, signalling a new customer. Smiling, you were met face to face with a boy around your age, almost looking at you in awe.

“Hi, how can I help?” Your pen was poised ready to write down his order. 

“Black coffee, please.” He seemed nervous, you just smiled and went to get his coffee, coming back and pouring it in front of him. “I like your bracelet, it’s the constellation for Gaia, right? The Goddess of the earth?”

“Wow, yeah,” You smiled to yourself before locking eyes with him. “You know your stuff.” 

“I had a friend, a long time ago,” taking the mug, he held it in both his hands as he talked. “They taught me all about the different constellations and their relation to the Gods.” He took a sip.

“I think I’d get along swell with your friend.” You leant against the counter, you felt a wave of deja vu as you spoke to him, he seemed so familiar but you were certain you hadn’t met him before.

“I haven’t seen them in years, maybe I could be the next best thing. I’m Five.” He held out his hand.

Gently, you took it. “I’m y/n.”

As soon as you released his grip, the bell rang again and in came people in black suits and guns, all pointing at Five. Just before you were going to speak Five cut you off.

“Duck.”

Shots ricocheted around the diner as you dropped to the floor behind the counter, frozen in fear you couldn’t move. You didn’t even want to know what was going on behind you, you just kept your eyes firmly shut, hoping it would all be some big dream that you’ll wake up from. As soon as the shooting had stopped you felt a pair of hands on yours.

“Don’t move.” It was Five, a sudden sickening feeling came over you followed by a wave of disotatation. When you open your eyes you’re in an unfamiliar room with Five, the boy you’d met mere minutes ago. “Please hear me out, I can explain everything.”

So you listened and tried to take everything in, the apocalypse, you surviving, building a life with Five and being essentially the last people on earth, then you died. It was overwhelming, the entire situation but one thing struck you, is there any proof?

“Can you prove it? Prove that any of this happened and that you’re not just crazy.” He sighed.

“Promise you won’t freak out?” Once you nodded, he handed you a picture, a picture of you and him but older. “After about 3 years of walking, we found a polaroid camera that only had one film left so we took a picture together.” It was most definitely the both of you in that photo, smiling behind a wasteland behind you. 

“I also have this.” He pulled out a silver chain and handed it to you, it was your bracelet. “It’s one of a kind right? You’re grandad made it for you.” He was right, there was only ever one of these bracelets but he had the exact same one.

“So we were the last ones standing?” He nodded. “Cool.” It was not cool at all, it was terrifying.

“I’m going to stop the apocalypse, y/n, but I can’t do it without you. I can’t lose you again.” 

You stare at the items in your hand before locking eyes with him. “Okay, me and you, we’re gonna stop this. I promise.”  

[miraclekittyandbug]

Ten Questions With A Twist Chapter 4

Here’s the next chapter! We’re now more than halfway through the series now, and WOW this is an eventful chapter. 

I hope you enjoy and don’t forget to give me a follow and let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!

~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ This Chapter ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 6 ~ Chapter 7 ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night was cool, simply a perfect patrol night. Ladybug had gotten to their spot on the Eiffel Tower first, leaving Chat to find her looking very frustrated. 

“What's wrong, Bug? Didn’t get a chance to ask any of those questions today?”

She huffed. “Well I managed to get one answer, but I need to figure out a better way to go about this. The way it was asked today isn’t gonna work for the whole list.”

Chat was startled. Had she overheard Alya ask her the vacation question? He took his seat next to Ladybug. “You could get a friend to help you out.”

Ladybug looked surprised, but quickly covered it up. “Yeah? And what would I tell this friend? ‘Oh yeah, my crime fighting partner thinks that he knows the answers to these questions that I have to ask this boy I like’? No chance. I’ll have to find a different approach.”

“Asking questions shouldn’t be too hard. They’re also pretty easy getting-to-know-you questions. If you know him well enough, he shouldn’t find it too difficult to believe you want to get to know him better.”

Ladybug’s face lit up with a revelation. “I’ve got it! Thanks, Chat. I’ll have all the answers soon enough. And that means you’ll finally have to admit that puns are terrible.”

“Alas, my lady, the only thing you’ll be winning is a date with me! I can just see it now: You, me, a high-up rooftop, and a romantic meal prepared by some of the finest cooks in the city.”

“We’ll see about that, kitty. For now, though, the rooftops of Paris are calling our names. Shall we?”

“After you, my lady.”

The roofs and balconies of the city felt the footprints of two heros, but Chat could only pray that soon enough, he would be sharing a date with the love of his life- out of the masks they wore. 

Despite the confidence he showed his lady as Chat Noir, Adrien only became more and more unsure of himself as the night progressed into the next day. And so, Adrien went to school without the usual pep in his step. He could practically feel his lady getting further and further away from him, all the while she was growing closer and closer to the person she actually loved. He felt like a fool. He had let a single coincidence go to his head and went on assuming that he could be the person his lady adores. He went and gave Ladybug questions that were designed to make her fall more in love with him, he just hadn’t considered that it wouldn’t be Adrien she was falling in love with.

He managed to meander his way through the first half of his classes, only half paying attention. At some point he vaguely remembered agreeing to have lunch with Nino, who had agreed to have lunch with his girlfriend, who was invited by Marinette.  Lunch continued to bore him, only bringing his thoughts of his lady and another man closer to the front of his mind. It wasn’t until about twenty minutes into their meal that Marinette finally said something that interested him.

“Hey, guys, I found this cool questionnaire, you wanna answer it with me?” Affirmations came from everybody at the table, including a casual shrug from Adrien. Definitely not the questions I want to hear. But anything to keep my mind away from the obvious.

“Alright,” She started, sitting up straighter and clearing her throat, “If you were stuck on an abandoned island, what three things would you bring?”

Adrien’s heart stopped. That was his question. One of them anyway. And for the second time this week, he started to try to talk himself out of being excited. Because those questions that he had given Ladybug, they were pretty basic questions. Questions that would be found in a million other places for much the same reason. But everybody was staring at him and he suddenly feared that he had thought all of those thoughts out loud. 

“What about you, Adrien?” Marinette asked, looking concerned that her friend had zoned out so quickly.

“Easy. You three. Who would want to go it alone?” His answer was honest, for the most part. In reality, he would never be able to choose just three people. While his friend group meant the world to him, he would be lost without his Ladybug. 

Marinette put her hand over her heart and sighed, but Alya quickly cleared things up, “You would just want us there so we can show you how to build a tent.”

They all chuckled and Marinette continued, “What’s your favorite animal?”

“Fox!” Alya said, though Marinette didn’t seem too surprised.

Nino chimed in, saying he liked monkeys a lot growing up, but he much preferred turtles now. 

“Cats,” Adrien heard himself respond, but his mind was elsewhere. Suddenly, he wished he had paid more attention in math class. If I were asked three questions over the last two days, what’s the probability that all three would match up with three of the ten questions I gave ladybug? Three doesn’t go into ten evenly, and should I take into account the trains leaving opposite sides of town travelling at different speeds somewhere in America?

“Okay,” Marinette said, keeping one eye on Adrien, “And if you could have any pet in the world?”

“Well that’s just the same question twice,” Alya pointed out.

“Not really,” Nino interjected, “I’d rather have a dog than a turtle. Dogs travel better.”

Adrien had to hold onto the table, for fear of falling out of his chair. “I’d definitely get a pet cat. A black one. I’d name it The Plague.”

“That’s a sick name, dude,” Nino approved, “What about you, Marinette?”

“Hamster. But I wouldn’t mind a black cat for myself.” She paused, but when it didn’t seem that anybody else would add anything, she continued questioning. “What is your biggest fear?”

Adrien mumbled, “This. Right here, right now, these specific questions, in this exact scenario.” 

“What was that, dude?” Nino asked. 

Adrien just looked at him with a hollow look in his eyes, “I, uh, I said my worst fear is working for my father for the rest of my life.” 

Marinette could barely be heard, “That’s… heartbreaking, Adrien.” The others just watched as Adrien tried to lighten the subject.

“Nah, that’s just my worst fear. It’s not what’s gonna happen.” He managed to focus on making eye contact with Marinette, “There’s nothing on that list about dream jobs, is there?” He hoped aloud.

“Actually, there is! What is your dream-”

“And THAT’S where I’m calling it in,” Adrien mumbled, his eyes bulged out of their sockets and he took a deep breath that filled his cheeks. He stood and started to walk away. “Alright, guys, I’m not feeling well, I need to leave. Right now. Immediately. Thank you. Goodbye.”

He was halfway across the courtyard in under thirty seconds. He ducked into a doorway and opened his shirt so he could see Plagg in his pocket, who was laughing incessantly.

“I don’t see what’s so funny, Plagg!”

“I do!” his Kwamii stated, “I think you found your girl!”

“Who, Marinette? No she can’t be Ladybug.”

Plagg’s face fell. “Why not?”

“Marinette is just a friend.” Plagg paused for a split second to stare at his chosen, then started laughing even harder. Adrien was about to tell him to quiet down when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He closed his shirt and whirled around, surprised, but not too surprised to see that Marinette had followed him. 

“Hey, Marinette!” Adrien put on his best “everything is fine” face, but even he could tell he wasn’t pulling it off. 

“Hey, Adrien. Are you okay? Over the course of, like, one minute your face lost all of its color.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he responded, “I just don’t feel well all of a sudden.”

Marinette made a face of understanding, but eventually spoke, “Are all these questions rubbing you the wrong way?”

Adrien was in shock. Not just from the questions, but from the company in which he answered them and the honest concern he felt from Marinette. Shit, maybe he did like Marinette as more than a friend. That thought alone freaked him out. How could he love two people at the same time? He didn’t think he was polyamorous, and thinking on that further, he was certain he wasn’t. He didn’t want two girlfriends, he just wanted one. Whether it was Marinette or Ladybug that he wanted, well that was too much to think about.

Before he could consider how to respond, Marinette interrupted his thoughts.

“Yeah, I just, my friend and I made this bet. This friend thinks they know all your answers to these questions-,”

Adrien was sure there was an end to that sentence, but he didn’t hear it.

Suddenly everything made sense. Her obsession with akumas. Always disappearing around the same time he did. The similar times of their arrivals to the site of the akumas. It could only be one person.

“Alya,” he said, breathless. 

“What?”

Adrien responded, “What?” He mentally slapped himself. Of course it wasn’t Alya. Jeez, she had been akumatized! She had been used as bait for an akuma. Adrien must have been losing his mind. But even though he guessed wrong, he was on the right track. Whoever Marinette’s friend was, had to be Ladybug!

I guess it isn’t true that opposites attract, he thought, those two are so similar.

“So who is it?”

Marinette seemed confused, “Who is Alya?”

“No!” he corrected, “Who’s this friend? The one with all the answers.” 

“Oh,” Marinette panicked. She didn’t seem prepared to answer this question, which only solidified Adrien’s belief that this friend was his Lady. “I actually don’t know his name.”

Adrien blinked through his confusion. That was odd. He and Ladybug had talked about this before. Ladybug was born a woman. She identified as a woman, as well. So was Marinette trying to protect Ladybug’s identity? Pretending that her friend was a man? Smart, he guessed, just very confusing.

Marinette seemed to notice that he hadn’t responded, so she continued, “Yeah, we’re actually…. Internet friends! Yeah, we’re friends on an internet. The internet. An internet site. Yeah. We go by screennames, that’s all.” Adrien found that explanation to be a little too convenient. 

“Oh yeah? And what do you call this… boy?”

Her face drained of color, but she choked out her reply, “Black cat.”

A moment of silence later, Adrien replied. “What?”

“You know, that’s the, um, American, er English, for Chat Noir. He’s English. Well, he speaks English, he is… American.”

No… Adrien thought, But that would mean… no way!

“What’s the bet?” he asked, surprised at how sure he was.

“Oh, that? He thinks he knows all your answers to these questions. And if he wins,” she quickly added, “which he won’t! If he wins then I have to go on a date with him.”

Adrien couldn’t seem to think properly, but he was slowly realizing that his ‘liking two girls at the same time’ problem might not be much of an issue. “A date. Him and you? You specifically?”

“Yeah,” Marinette shrugged, “It’s just a stupid bet, but he seems really certain that he’ll win.”

“Well, if he does win,” Adrien sighed, letting his shoulders drop and his eyes glass over, “Then he is one lucky guy.”

Marinette stared at him. Adrien enjoyed their first bit of real eye contact. Normally looking somebody in the eyes was nerve-racking, but when those eyes were that specific shade of blue? He noticed how comforting they were. He realized maybe why. 

Because those eyes weren’t just the blue of his friend who sat behind him and always had his back in his everyday life. They were also the blue that had his back in combat. That sat with him all night long when he didn’t know which way was up. That made him laugh under the stars when he couldn’t find the humor in life anymore. All of the times he came home to a cold house with no family, he felt lonely despite his friends at school. And on those days, blue eyes, the same ones that were in front of him right now, sat with him on a ledge of the Eiffel Tower and talked with him until he felt whole again.

Marinette’s face went pinker than pink instantly. Adrien enjoyed seeing Ladybug like this. Not just with a blushing face, though he liked that too. He liked seeing Ladybug whole. All of her. Without the masks, she could actually be herself, all of herself with him. 

They stood there, both speechless, for what felt like an eternity. And then… the bell rang. Signaling the end of their lunch period. Adrien just chuckled, but his crime-fighting partner was still frozen. Alya walked up to the pair and Adrien just shrugged. Alya took Marinette’s shoulder and ushered her away. Nino did the same with Adrien, but he couldn’t pay much attention to the conversation his friend was trying to start. 

His world had just changed.

~~~~~~~~~~~

There ya go! Only three chapters left and next chapter is one for the history books! Stay tuned!

~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ This Chapter ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 6 ~ Chapter 7 ~

[orangepanic]

I saw this “100 OTP questions” by @the-moon-dust-writings and figured I'd procrastinate:

1. Who loves flower crowns more?

Neither of them really, but Asami might make Iroh wear one just to laugh at him.

2. Who is the one who likes to cuddle?

Iroh. Asami likes it, too, but he usually initiates.

3. Who has awful taste in music?

Honestly, both of them. Asami likes terrible dance music and Iroh likes obscure combinations of horns and bells and stuff from different cultures.

4. Who is the meme lover?

Asami thinks they’re funny. Iroh doesn’t quite understand.

5. How did their second date go?

Iroh tried to take Asami somewhere very fancy, but the wait was too long. They ended up making out in a shadowy doorway down the street and missing their reservation entirely. Iroh was mortified, but Asami dragged him around the corner to a low-key noodle shop that has since become their favorite restaurant.

6. How many children do they want/have?

Asami thinks about three. Iroh, as many as Asami will agree to.

7. Who hides the weapons?

Iroh hides weapons for Asami around the house so she’ll always have something on hand. In a drawer in the kitchen, on her nightstand, etc. He knows she can take care of herself… and he stashes weapons for her anyway. Asami rolls her eyes but secretly thinks it’s sweet.

8. Who is the better dancer?

Asami. She likes dancing, and learned formal dancing in school. Iroh can’t dance at all, having skipped out on all his lessons as a child after bribing his instructor. He thought dancing is boring, but likes dancing with Asami and lets her lead.

9. Do/Did they have a theme wedding?

No. They quite deliberately have a very normal wedding, including cutting out a lot of the more stuffy Fire Nation customs because Iroh doesn’t want Asami to feel out of place not having any family present.

10. What do their parents think of them dating?

Hiroshi Sato is livid, and actually tried to have Iroh assassinated from prison. His little girl, marry a firebender? A prince of the firebenders? Iroh’s parents are more accepting. Izumi initially thinks Asami is too young and gives Iroh a hard time about how quickly he got serious, but quickly comes around when it’s clear Asami is very mature for her age. Within a year Iroh’s parents are both hounding him on when he’ll make it official.

11. Are they a super sappy couple?

They are that couple everybody hates.

12. How did they get together?

They meet during the Equalist revolution, but don’t get together until long after. Iroh has a crush on Asami almost immediately, but spends forever sitting on it thinking it wasn’t the right time and trying to be friends until one day he just kind of slips up and kisses her. She kisses him back. It turns out Asami liked him, too, but she isn’t great at reading people and had no idea he was interested.

13. Who asked the other to get married?

Iroh just kind of blurts it out one day.

14. Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes?

Asami is the night owl. Iroh makes the bad jokes.

15. Who is the nerd?

Oh my god, both of them. Asami is more of the classic nerd. Iroh is more of a dork.

16. Who knows the most obscure facts?

Iroh.

17. Who makes the other a flower crown?

Two questions about flower crowns out of 100?? Changing this to who is more dominant in bed. Asami.

18. Who likes to read?

Iroh. They both do, but he’s much more into it.

19. Who bothers the other person while the other person reads?

Asami. She has the shorter attention span.

20. Who tutors the other?

They both would in different subjects. Asami is better at math, physics, etc. Iroh is better at philosophy and languages.

21. Do they have similar taste in movies?

No. Asami likes gory slasher films and lots of action. Iroh scoffs and thinks they’re dumb. Asami, in turn, thinks his period dramas can be kind of boring, and refuses to count documentaries as movies. But there’s a healthy overlap in things like Vikings and Game of Thrones.

22. How do their personalities complement each other?

Asami helps Iroh lighten up a bit, drawing him out of his shell, and gives him an anchor and a sense of home. She’s more social than he is, and a lot of her friends eventually become his. But she’s also quiet enough and serious enough that she doesn’t tire him out and can feed his need for downtime. Iroh, in turn, loves seldom but deeply, and gives Asami the kind of fierce, unconditional love and stability she needs. He’s also genuinely interested in her projects, is smart enough to follow most of it, and is one of the only people who can occasionally beat her in Pai Sho. They have a lot of fun together just being nerds.

23. How do they tell everyone that they are going to be having a kid/adopting a child soon?

They don’t have to tell anybody. It’s all over Iroh’s face like a big neon sign.

24. Who has better fashion sense?

Asami, but not by much. She’s more up to date with trends, while Iroh’s style is clean and classic.

25. Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner?

Hoo boy, both of them. Do not go there.

26. What songs do they sing together in the vehicle?

Neither of them sing in the satomobile. Iroh has a decent voice, but he’s a bit private about it. Asami mostly hums.

27. What other couple would your otp get along with?

Iroh quickly becomes BFFs with Bolin. Asami and Opal aren’t quite as close, but they like each other’s company and have fun as a foursome. They also get along quite well with Pema and Tenzin.

28. Who likes to prank the other?

Iroh tries more often. Asami’s pranks are more successful.

29. Who is the one who loves to take pictures?

Iroh, though generally Korra is the picture taker in the group.

30. How would they react if they found out they were soul mates?

Iroh raises an eyebrow. “Hmm.” Asami only shrugs. They both already knew that.

31. Where would they live?

They like Republic City and decide to stay downtown, first in an apartment and eventually a larger townhouse.

32. What type of dragon would they own, if they could have one?

Whichever one Iroh made friends with. Asami is a bit wary of animals and would need him to convince her it was safe.

33. If they were both vampires, what type of vampires would they be?

The kind that live in a beautiful house with perfect collections that took hundreds of years to make. Iroh has first editions of everything in a giant library, arranged in a complex system only he understands. He’s working on his 14th language. Asami has invented artificial blood and doesn’t miss sunburns. Occasionally she’ll throw one of those big fancy vampire balls just so they can both get dressed up. They’re pretty happy.

34. What would they dress up as, for Halloween?

They once went as Lady Tienhai and the last king of Mo Ce because picking something obscure and historical was the only way to get Iroh into a costume.

35. Can they name each other’s favourite food?

Kind of. They are both really into food, so picking a favorite is hard. But if the question is can they order for one another, absolutely.

36. Do they have pet names for one another?

Asami sometimes calls Iroh “General Hotstuff” when she’s teasing. Iroh sometimes calls Asami “sex pretzel” when he’s 1000% sure they are alone.

37. How do they cheer each other up?

Asami is more of a gift giver. She’ll show up with Iroh’s favorite take-out or make him something in her workshop—anything to make him feel special and valued. Iroh is all about quality time, and will swing by Asami’s office to haul her out on surprise dates. He also gives great hugs.

38. Do they show a lot of PDA?

No. Iroh is very uncomfortable with PDA, especially when he’s in uniform. Asami follows his lead.

39. How old were they when they got together?

Asami was 19-20, Iroh 24-25.

40. Who is the one that would bring the puppy home?

Iroh, 100%. He’s such a sucker.

41. Can they do yoga couple’s poses?

Yes, though Asami is the only one who really tries.

42. What is their song?

They don’t really have one.

43. What does their room look like?

Asami moved in with Iroh, so it’s very basic. White walls, perfectly made bed, a neatly organized desk in the far corner by the window. He’s a total minimalist, having spent most of his adult life on a ship. Asami added a very fluffy comforter in *gasp* a color and lots of pillows.

44. Who would be the one to kill zombies while the other keeps them grounded?

They’d take turns, and at some point Asami would turn it into a contest.

45. Who makes the other breakfast in bed?

Iroh. Asami is a terrible cook.

46. Who loves kids more?

Iroh.

47. Do either of them have a crazy ex?

Not crazy, but Iroh and his ex are not on good terms. He doesn’t like to talk about it.

48. What are their favourite colours?

Asami, purple. Iroh, black. He gets annoyed when people get him so much red stuff.

49. Who likes to cook?

Iroh. He fired Asami from the kitchen, something they are both grateful for.

50. Who is the forgetful one?

Asami.

51. Does either of them know how to fight?

Have you met these people?

52. What do they do for Valentines Day?

Iroh would probably plan something elaborate for them to go out. Asami would plan something sexy for when they got home.

53. Who swears more?

Asami, at least out loud. Iroh mostly swears under his breath.

54. Who has the better comebacks?

Asami. It’s not even close.

55. Who would start a fight with another parent at a bake sale?

Probably Asami, unless it was about the kids. If anyone comes for Iroh’s kids, they’d better hide.

56. Who reads buzzfeed?

Asami.

57. Who is the hopeless romantic?

Iroh, hands down.

58. Do either of them know how to do a handstand?

Asami can manage it.

59. Who can rap better?

Asami, though Iroh is the only one who actually listens to rap.

60. Do either of them want to go sky diving?

Asami would love to. Iroh laughs. “Been there.”

61. What do they usually text about?

Some version of “I miss you” or random pictures of stuff. They generally only text when Iroh is away as they’re both busy during the day.

62. Who is the dramatic one?

Asami has a shorter fuse. Iroh is more ridiculous when he loses his shit.

63. Is either one confrontational?

Not really.

64. What is their favourite cuddle position?

Asami will lay on top of Iroh on the couch like a sandwich. It’s the only position she seems to be able to nap in.

65. Who are their favourite musical artist(s)?”

See above about terrible taste in music.

66. What are their parenting styles?

Iroh covers a lot of the basics. He sets a schedule, makes lunches, tells bedtime stories, is more likely to help with the homework. Asami is the one who gets them around and does most of the interacting with teachers, other parents, etc. They share things fairly equally.

67. Who would be the more laid back one?

Iroh.

68. Who listens to more vulgar music?

Asami.

69. Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know?

Yes. Asami can be secretive about some of her projects, both out of an abundance of caution but also because she likes a big reveal. Iroh keeps some past relationship stuff close, and will occasionally read a steamy romance novel for “tips.”

70. Who is their go to couple for a double date?

Bolin and Opal

71. Do they tip the waiter/waitress on their date?

Iroh tips very well.

72. How do they work out a fight?

Asami yells. Iroh yells back. One of them storms off. The other one waits about half an hour then goes to find them, usually with an offering of food. There are hugs. Somebody cries. Then they finally talk it out before falling asleep together.

73. Who brings home an illegal pet?

Asami. She is less likely to have a pet, but if she does, it’s going to be a weird one.

74. What side of the bed do each of them sleep on?

Iroh is on the side by the window because he likes to get up with the sun.

75. What is their favorite photo of them two together?

There’s a photo Korra took at the beach where Iroh has Asami thrown over his shoulder right before dunking her in the water. This is the picture he takes with him when he’s deployed.

76. Who takes longer in the bathroom?

Asami.

77. Who has more songs on their ipod?

Iroh. If you can call them songs.

78. What movie did they first see together?

Iroh took her to Last Days of the Sun Warriors. She fell asleep. He said the book was better.

79. What do they like to see each other in?

Asami thinks Iroh’s butt looks great in jeans. Iroh got Asami a red silk robe from the Fire Nation and likes to see it fall off.

80. Who makes jokes during inappropriate times?

Iroh.

81. At what age do they discuss the possibility of children?

Mid-20s, though they don’t have them until a little later.

82. What do they love about each other the most?

Iroh likes that Asami is tough and smart and a problem-solver. Asami likes that Iroh is kind and brave and has a strong moral compass.

83. Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details?

They are both big picture people, which is sometimes a problem. Of the two, Asami is probably better at details, but she’s also forgetful.

84. What would they write on their partner’s social media’s for their anniversary?

Asami would probably put up a picture of them and say something brief but sweet. Iroh doesn’t really understand social media and would just paste a heart-eyes emoji.

85. Who is bad at math?

Iroh. He’s not bad, per se, but Asami is very, very good.

86. Who googles everything?

Asami.

87. Who does stuff on impulse?

Both of them in different ways. Asami is generally more flexible. Iroh usually has a plan but makes big decisions completely off the cuff.

88. How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation?

Lots of physical touch. Iroh will kind of just wrap himself around her in one giant, whole body hug. Asami will spend some time cursing out whomever is causing the issue, then let him lay his head in her lap and give Iroh a good head scratch or massage.

89. What is an inside joke they have?

There was one time they had sex in Asami’s office at Future Industries, so occasionally she’ll drop things like, “feel like coming by the office?” with a suggestive eyebrow waggle. Iroh is, predictably, very embarrassed. Also interested.

90. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

Asami: *exists* Iroh: *smiles*

91. What is their favourite holiday?

New Years is a big deal in the Fire Nation. Iroh loves his family and likes going home, and Asami has grown to love it almost as much.

92. Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive?

They take turns. Both of them can have quite a temper when pushed too hard.

93. What is their favourite board game to play?

They’re both big Pai Sho fans, but can get into any kind of strategy game. Nobody really likes to play them though, they're too good.

94. Who accidentally sets something on fire?

Asami. Iroh hasn’t had a fire accident since he was four.

95. Who has the car ready while the other is robbing the store?

Asami. She’d rob the store, too, but no way is she letting Iroh drive.

96. What artist/group did they go to for their first concert?

Iroh booked a private box at the Republic City Opera, thinking that was an impressive thing he should do on a date. It turns out neither of them like opera, and by the end they were both making fun of it.

97. Who sleep talks?

Asami. Iroh thinks it’s funny.

98. Who is the more social one?

Asami, by a long shot.

99. What are their karaoke songs?

Neither of them would really sing karaoke, but Iroh cannot hold his liquor like at all so if he ever got really plastered Asami might be able to drag him up there. By which point he’d be too far gone to have an opinion on the song and would sing just about anything.

100. Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh?

Asami.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

Their Hero Academia – Chapter 58: An Exam Cometh!

Presenting the next raw and unedited chapter of my on-going, next-gen, My Hero Academia fic, Their Hero Academia!

Earlier chapters can be found here

There was a somewhat somber mood in the classroom as 1-A settled in Tuesday morning.  The funeral yesterday had been the cap to a long week that stretched back to the Nomu attacks and had been a roller coaster for many of them ever since.  But things looked to Isamu like they were finally getting back to normal.  The class was back together again and even if they weren’t all up to their usual selves, they were getting there.  Even Shinso had been in a slightly cheerier mood last night, joining him and Midoriya for a few rounds of Smash Fighters 3000 in Midoriya’s room.

The room fell into a hushed silence as Aizawa entered.  They knew by this point not to screw around once he was there.  Well, most of them did.  He was pretty sure Mineta and Sero hadn’t gotten the same message as everybody else.  

Aizawa stood at his podium for a moment before speaking.  “Only three seconds to quiet down.  An improvement.”   His eyes swept the room and his face relaxed a fraction of a centimeter.  “I know your Internship experiences were harrowing, but I’ve also had the opportunity to review the feedback your mentors provided, and you all acquitted yourselves well, even in the face of some concerns over discipline.”   There was a glance reserved for Mineta and Sero again at that.

“However, that does not change the fact that your final exams will be in two weeks.  Your subject exams will be the Monday through Thursday of that week, with the practical Heroics exam on Friday.”

That wasn’t a surprise, really.  The dates for final exams had been in the syllabus on the first day of class.  But that seemed like both yesterday and a lifetime ago.  There was the phrase “time flies when you’re having fun”, but had the term really been fun? It seemed like much of it had been long moments of calm split by absolute and total panic.

Then again, in the time since that first day, he’d made friends, won the Sports Festival, interned with Deku, seen a monster, gotten a girlfriend…

Yeah, okay, there was some fun there.

Up in the front row, he saw Izumi raise her hand.  Once Aizwa gave her permission to speak, she asked, “Will you be telling us any details of the exam, Sensei?” she asked.

A good question, and Isamu sat up a little straighter in his seat to listen.  Regular final exams would be difficult enough—they weren’t kidding when they said U.A. was academically rigorous!—but he couldn’t imagine what the Heroics exam would be like.

And then something happened that sent a chill up Isamu’s spine.  Aizawa… smiled.  It wasn’t a normal person’s smile, but a rictus grin, and it looked deeply unsettling on his face.  It was the smile of someone about to deliver a devastating smackdown onto a foe and take utter delight in doing it.  A shrill scream split the air.  It was Sero.

“Dude,” Sato said, “what was that?”

“He’s smiling!” Sero wailed. “We’re doomed!  Dooooomed!”

“I’m too young to die!” Kaminari wailed.

“I’m too hot to die!” Mineta shrieked, joining in the wailing.

Even Midoriya, in the front row, seemed afraid.  “Oh no, oh no, oh no, not good!”

Isamu felt his own heartbeat quicken, but he took a look to the opposite end of the row to decide what was the most appropriate reaction.  Kirishima-Bakugo looked deadly serious, as opposed to her usual pissed off. And even she seemed slightly ill at ease at the prospects hidden behind that smile.

“Funny you should ask, Todoroki,” Aizawa said.  “You all did an impressive job working together during the Sports Festival.  I don’t know which one of you came up with it, but it was impressive tactical thinking.  And since you all like working together, the teachers decided to change up some of the conditions of the Heroics exam.”

There was a mad glint in their teacher’s eyes now.  “Either you all pass… or no one does.”

***

That night, Class 1-A gathered in the Common Room.  As usual, Isamu sat on one of the couches with Shinso, Izumi, and Sora Iida.   Midoriya and Tokoyami were at the front of their room, with a whiteboard.  One of the other couches was occupied by Sero, Sato, Ojiro, and Tensei Iida. A third couch was occupied by Aoyama, Koda, Shoji, with Aoyama looking rather small compared to his two classmates. Mineta and Kaminari had pulled up chairs, while Kirishima-Bakugo stood behind the couch Isamu and the others were on, together with the class, but apart as always.

Most of them were chatting away, while Midoriya and Tokoyami, the Class Representatives (Yeah, that was definitely not a job he wanted.) tried to get everyone’s attention, unsuccessfully.  “Hey!” Shinso shouted, putting just a little something into his voice to make it echo and pierce the noise.   “Toshi and Asuka are trying to talk!”

That got everyone to quiet down.

“Sorry Mom and Dad,” Sero said.   That got a laugh out of several people, until Kirishima-Bakugo moved to behind him and gave him a smack upside the head.

“Thank you, Shota,” Asuka said.   Frog-Shadow was out again, sitting on her shoulder.  “So we’ve got two things to discuss.  The first is the formation of study groups for the subject area final exams. Math, Science, Literature, History, Science, and English.”

“We’re hoping to have someone who’s doing well in each class lead some study sessions or make themselves available to answer questions,” Midoriya said.  

“We’re all going to die,” Ojiro wailed.

“Kimmie, it’s not that bad,” Sato tried to reassure her.

“This is just going to tank my grades, Kenta!”

“They couldn’t be any worse than mine, Kimmie,” Sero said, grinning.  

She punched him in the arm. “That’s not something to be proud of, Takuma!”

“Hey, leave him alone,” Kaminari said.  “He’s the only person who’s grades are worse than mine!”

“See,” Sero said, “when it comes to being the worse, I’m the best!”

Both of the Iida twins thrust their hands into the air.   “We volunteer for science and math!” Sora Iida said.  

Midoriya flushed a little at that.  “Ah, actually, Sora, I was thinking maybe not you?  Not that you aren’t smart!  But, ah, you’re both a lot smarter than most of us. I don’t know if you could dumb it down?”

The hands went down. “That is… acceptable,” Sora said.

“We would not wish to hinder anyone’s progress,” Tensei agreed.  “And we do have additional Support Class projects to complete.”

Reluctantly, Isamu put his hand up.  “I can probably handle science,” he said.  “It was mostly physics this term.  I’m good at that.”  He had to be, thanks to his Quirk.  Knowing how much force to apply and where it was going to send him flying and how much he needed to break at a certain speed was vital.

“Excellent, thank you,” Tokoyami said.  She handed her marker to Frog-Shadow, who looked at it curiously.   “If you’d write that down?”

“Why me?”

“Because you asked to be more involved,” she replied, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, right!” Frog-Shadow bubbled, before flying off to write his name down.

Mineta stuck a hand in the air.  “I can take English,” she said.  “Vocab and translations, anyway.  Grammar’s still a little weird.”

“I guess that works,” Midoriya said, though he didn’t look like he believed it.  “Just… be on your best behavior, okay?”

“When am I not?”

“If that’s your best behavior, Horse-Girl, I’d hate to see you worst,” Kirishima-Bakugo growled.

“Allow me to provide what Mineta cannot,” Aoyama said.  He looked pretty smug about it.  Of course, everyone knew that he and Mineta didn’t get along. He was probably relishing an opportunity to show her up in something.  “I am reasonably trilingual, after all, n'est-ce pas?”

“And I can take History,” Izumi volunteered.

“Great!” Midoriya said. “Now we’re getting somewhere…”

***

Eventually, they came back around to the subject of the Heroics final exam.  Midoriya cleared his throat and looked a little red from embarrassment.   “So, this is probably my fault, guys.  The whole Sports Festival thing was my plan.  Sorry I got us into this mess….”

“Oh, bullshit,” Kirishima-Bakugo said, causing all eyes to fall on her and Isamu to jump.  “Maybe you threw some gas on the fire, Toshi, but you have to know Aizawa was planning something like this.  Him and his “logical ruses.’”   She crossed her arms and nodded, as if that explained everything.

“She does have a point, Toshi,” Izumi said.

“She does?” Midoriya asked, surprised.  Then he looked over at Kirishima-Bakugo, who was glaring at him.  “She does!”

“You couldn’t have known,” Isamu said.  “And it was a good plan.  I don’t know if I’d have won if you hadn’t gotten us that far.” If he’d had to race and fight at the same time, without Mineta watching his back (making innuendos the whole way), he doubted he would have done half as well.  

But it wasn’t surprising that Midoriya thought it was his fault.  The guy always seemed to fall into a pattern of trying to take care of all of them, which meant he was just as likely to try and shoulder all the blame.

“None of us blame you, Toshi,” Tokoyami insisted.  

“Besides,” Isamu offered, “I talked to Kana over in 1-B…”

He was interrupted by Ojiro. “Did you hear that?  He’s using her first name now!  Squeeee!  They’re getting closer!”

Okay, he was going to pretend he didn’t hear that.  He really didn’t need to end up the topic of conversation on her web show.  “As I was saying, I was talking to Kana and she says Super-Ball told 1-B the same thing.  Only not as scary as Aizawa was.  They’re pass or fail as a group too.  She said Super-Ball said it was about building up their teamwork skills.”

“My friend, Mizuno, from 1-C said much the same thing,” Koda said.  “Battle-Fist also emphasized the need for better teamwork.”

“Looks like you sparked a revolution, Midoriya,” Sero said, only to be silenced by a smack from Ojiro.

“Okay,” Midoriya said, nodding, taking a couple breaths to steady himself.  “So sounds like it was something they were going to do anyway. Not my fault.  Good.  Then if the Heroics exam is going to be a pass/fail for everyone, we’re going to need a plan.”

“How are we going to do that?” Shoji asked.  “We don’t know what form the exam will take.”

Midoriya nodded again, now in his element when a plan was required.  “We don’t,” he agreed.  “But we do know, whatever it is, it’s going to require us to work together and it’s going to be bigger than anything we’ve had tossed at us before now.  That’s the only reasonable extrapolation of the pass/fail condition.”

“So that means,” he went on, “we need to train like we’ve never trained before.  Until anybody here can work with anybody else.

“Right now,” Toshi finished, “it doesn’t matter who your best friend is.”   He looked over at Sero, Ojiro, and Sato.   “It doesn’t matter who you don’t get along with.” This look was given to Aoyama and Mineta.  “Or how mad everyone might make you.”  A look went out to Kirishima-Bakugo.

“Right now, we’re all in this together.  We’re Class 1-A and we need to come together.”

Shinso let out a cheer and a clap.   Even Isamu had to admit, he felt pretty inspired.

“Fancy speech, Toshi,” Kirishima-Bakugo said.  “But you got a real plan to back it up?”

Midoriya looked a bit deflated at that.  “Not entirely,” he admitted.  “But Asuka and I were going to discuss some likely scenarios.  If you want to help, you’re more than welcome.”

“Damn straight, I will. I’m not letting any of you pull me down with you.  We’re gonna pass even if I have to kick your asses every inch of the way.”

Midoriya’s confidence returned.  Even Isamu knew this was just her way.  “Well, you heard her, people.  We’re going to pass!”

Somehow, this became a rallying cry.

“We’re going to pass!   PLUS UTLRA!”

***

Izumi’s room always reminded Chihiro of the fact that while she was extremely well off, Izumi’s family was so rich it practically made the word useless.  There was a four poster bed, an ornate oak desk, wood paneling added to all the walls… even the desk lamp looked like it cost way more than things like that should.  “Don’t touch anything,” she warned Mika.

Mika shot her a dirty look. “I’m not a child, Chi.”

“You’re not always graceful, Mika.  Like a bull in a china shop.”

“That’s hurtful.  And possibly racist”

Chihiro facepalmed at that.   “I’d like to apologize for her in advance,” she said.

“Please, do not worry about it,” Izumi said, standing as they entered.  “May I offer you tea and sweets?”   She indicated the tea tray and plate she had already laid out.

After she and Mika had accepted Izumi’s offering, all three took seats.   “So what’s up?” Chihiro asked.   Izumi asking to talk to her was one thing; they were good friends.  But other than when she was around, Mika and Izumi didn’t usually have too much to do with one another.

“I need your help,”

Okay, add that to the list of things she never thought she’d hear.  “I’m guessing not with homework or anything?” Chihiro said.   “Because that’s definitely not me.”   Izumi was way towards the front of the class anyway.   So was Mika, for that matter.   She belatedly realized she was the dumbest person in the room.   On the other hand, she might still win the medal for most common sense.

“Not homework,” Izumi assured her.  “The matter is more personal.”

“Is this about a guy? Or a girl?” Mika asked.  “Because I was ninety-nine percent sure you didn’t go for that.”

Startled at her friend’s abruptness, Chihiro smacked her upside the head with one of her Cords.  “Don’t be crude.”

Izumi, fortunately, took it all in stride.  “You are correct that I do not “go for that.’”

Huh.   Chihiro had always known that Izumi hadn’t displayed much interest in anyone, but given that her other best friend was interested in everyone, she’d figured it was just less interest, not none.  How had she been that clueless?

“So what do you need?” Chihiro asked.  

Izumi closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath.  When she opened them, she looked as serious as Chihiro had ever seen her.  “I need to find my grandfather.”

“What happened?” Mika asked. “Was there a big tax scandal?  Is Grandpa Yaoyorozu hiding out from the feds in the tropics?”

“No,” Izumi said.  “Not him.  My grandfather on my father’s side.”

“Endeavor?” Chihiro asked. “Why?”   A thought occurred to her, something that had come up during her Internship with Aunt Momo. “Wait, does this have anything to do with Plague?”

Next to her, Mika had pulled out her phone, but right now, her friend’s rudeness wasn’t her biggest concern.

Izumi’s eyes went wide. “How do you know that name?”

“Daddy called Aunt Momo. Said you’d found out about somebody with that name.”

Izumi took another moment to collect her thoughts.  "What I am about to tell you cannot leave this room."

"Izumi, you're scaring me."  Her friend was never this intense.  Whatever it was, this all had to be deadly serious.

Izumi locked eyes with her. "Promise me, Chihiro."

Chihiro was worried now, but kept eye contact. "Okay. I promise."

"Do you remember when I was sick?"

That did very little to narrow it down.  Izumi had had plenty of health issues over the years.  Chihiro had visited her in the hospital countless times.  "You're going to need to specify, Izumi. You've been sick a lot."

"The time I was very sick.  The time that really started it all."

Oh yeah.  That one.  Chihiro looked at the floor.  "I remember."

Izumi sighed.  "During my internship, Uncle Denki let it slip that there was possibly something more... complicated behind it."

Daddy was in on whatever this was?  "Complicated? How?"

"Complicated, as it was the implied that it was a villain, this “Plague,” who got me sick."

“Okay,” Chihiro said, her head spinning as she tried to make sense of it.  Nervously, she tapped the ends of her Cords together.  “Okay, did you talk to your parents about this?”

Izumi shook her head. "I did not. After the Nomu attacks, Mother and Father...they wanted to pull me from the school.  I exhausted myself.  Again."

Of course they did. She knew it was ongoing drama with Izumi and her parents.

Before she could speak, Izumi held up her hand. "I managed to talk them down. For now. Part of me suspects that at the next big incident, the next time I falter, they'll try again. That's why I didn't ask them. I couldn't. I didn't want to bring up the pain they went through again."

Izumi pointed to a plush rabbit on her bed, one which looked fairly new.  “I am certain he visited me in the hospital.  Things are… becoming complicated.”

Izumi inhaled deeply before continuing. "I've been thinking a lot since then. I've been remembering things. Things I thought I forgot. I want to find out what happened to me, but I can't go to my parents. I can't go to anyone, not your father, not Uncle Deku, no one, because they'll go to my parents. I know I can count on you to keep my secrets, both of you.

“I cannot burden Katsumi with this.  She has enough to carry right now without carrying me as well.  You don't have to help if you don't want to get in trouble-"

“Found him,” Mika said, looking up from her phone.

“…How the hell did you do that?” Chihiro asked.  It could not possibly have been that easy.

“Daddy never changes his login ID or password for anything,” Mika said.  “I just used one of the databases available to Heroes to look up an address.  It’s not even that far.”

Chihiro just stared.  “Every time I think I’ve got you figured out…”

Izumi looked equally startled, worried, and pleased.  “Thank you, Mineta,” she said, quietly.

Mika shrugged.  “Hey, what’re friends for?”

***

Normally, Toshi did his morning jog with Katsumi, sometimes joined by Kana Tetsutetsu.  He’d also occasionally convinced Haimawari to join them, though that was fairly rare.  But this morning, he was alone.   Katsumi had begged off for wanting to focus on weight training instead and Tetsutetsu was apparently busy with some emergency in her dorm, according to her text.

Which was fine.  He could be alone with his thoughts.   Like the thought that he didn’t have idea one what they were getting into with the exam and it would definitely be his fault if they all failed, bringing shame upon the Midoriya name and leading to Sora dumping him and Katsumi killing him.

Well.  That had escalated quickly.

“Mi… Midoriya!” The sound of his name drew him out of his panic.  It came with labored breathing and he came to a stop, turning and seeing Shiro Monoma, dressed in workout clothes, running up behind him.  Monoma’s not out of shape, but it’s a wiry build, more suited to agility and gymnastics, than Toshi’s more muscular one.  

“What’s up, Monoma?” he asked.  Monoma hadn’t done anything antagonistic yet, which was a good sign.  In fact, Toshi couldn’t remember seeing him at all during the past week, or even hearing him, which was even stranger.  He didn’t have the same extreme dislike for the other boy that Katsumi did, but he would hardly say they were on friendly terms, even though they were neighbors.  Honestly, he mostly did his best to ignore Monoma’s jabs at the class.

“I need to talk to you about the exam,” Monoma said.  

“I don’t know what they’re going to do any more than you do,” Toshi told him.  “I can make a few educated guesses though, based on our Heroics classes and all though.  Happy to talk, if you want.”

He stole a glance at his watch.  “Can we run though?  I want to get this in before classes and my heart rate’s already dropping.”

Monoma looked rather pained by the prospect, but nodded.  “Okay.”

Since he wasn’t completely unfeeling, Toshi did tone his run down to something slightly less than his usual, letting Monoma keep up.  “So like I said, I don’t really know, but I can guess.  Got to be something large scale, if they’re going to be able to score all of us on it.  And that means something with a lot of different moving parts.  Probably Villains to fight, people to rescue, maybe something to find like a bomb…”

Monoma was, to his credit, keeping up with Toshi, though he looked like he was pushing himself a bit to do it.  “That’s… good thinking…,” he said, between breaths.  “But not what I wanted to ask about.”

“Then what?” Toshi asked.

“I need to know,” Monoma said, with such seriousness that it took Toshi aback for a moment.  “how you got… everyone to work… together.”  

Toshi took pity on him and slowed down a little more.  “Everyone. Teamwork from the get go.  How do you get them to follow you like that?  How did you get all those different personalities to work together like that?”

Shiro’s voice turned bitter. “I try and I try to make everyone better.  I want them to succeed, I really do.  But no one listens to me.  I can’t… Hardly any of my class made it through the final round.  And I got lucky as it was.  I’m worried about them and the final exam.”

“Them?” Toshi asked. His phrasing there was odd. “Them,” he’d said.  Not “us”.

Monoma frowned.  “I had hoped to keep this a secret.  Almost no one knows about this.  But I’m leaving once this term is over.   I’m not cut out for this.   But with how the exam is going to work…  I can’t cost them their futures just because mine’s going to be something else.”

Toshi couldn’t keep the surprise off his face, but fortunately, Monoma wasn’t looking at him to see it. “You’re…” he began.  He actually came to a stop.  Running was a good way to lose himself, and he needed all his wits now.

“I am,” Monoma said, finishing the thought for him.  He bent half off, breathing hard.  He righted himself after a few breaths.  “Don’t try to talk me out of it.”

Now Toshi frowned, but he nodded.  “Not my place to do that.  But I think it’s a mistake.”

Monoma shook his head. “It’s not.  But what about my class?  And what about the exam?”  There was a moment of silence, and then, “Please.  I can’t let failure be my entire legacy here.”

If he lived long enough to become the new Number One Hero, Toshi never would have thought he’d have heard Monoma talk like this.  Usually, the blond boy was full of bravado and confidence, always trying to prove his class’s superiority over 1-A.   And to be fair, 1-A contained the children of a large number of highly ranked Heroes, something that few of Class 1-B could claim.  None of their parents were low ranked, but there was a certain degree of disparity there.  And a much larger portion of Class 1-B had no Hero parents at all.

“Okay, the first thing you have to remember,” Toshi told him, “is that we’re almost all childhood friends.  Some of us more than others and in some different combinations… but we grew up together.  Our parents are close and they passed that onto us.  Trust’s easy that way.”

Given that his parent’s Class A had gone through hell together over three years in a way that their contemporary Class B hadn’t, it was easy to see where stronger bonds might have been forged.  

Monoma nodded.  “My father’s class drifted more during the years. Kana is the only one I was anything close to growing up, along with Mika and Akaya.”

“The other big thing is… Look.  My dad’s the Number One Hero.  I wanted to do the best I could, but the Sports Festival was never about winning for me.”   And sure, he’d managed to share third place with Kocho.  He was proud of his accomplishments, and he’d gone in intending to give it his all, but it hadn’t been his main goal.  Toshi would have been just as happy not to have placed, if it meant other of his friends did.

“So I went in it from the start doing it for them.  And they knew that, so they went along with it.  It wasn’t even about beating your class or anybody else in the race; I just wanted to make sure everybody had the best chance they could.  Somebody like Ojiro or Sato would have had a real hard time doing that in the obstacle course.  So I asked everybody to take a step back now so that they could all have something later.”

It hadn’t quite been as easy as he made it sound.  Convincing Aoyama had been one of the most difficult parts, but the promise of future glories had eventually been enough.

Monoma looked as though he’d been punched.   “…Shit.” His expression devolved further, becoming truly miserable.  “During the Sports Festival, I was so concerned with… things turning out a certain way, I pushed for flare and making a splash.  And not all of them even made it past the Obstacle Course.  Maybe I really do drag them down.  Maybe she was right.”

Toshi frowned.  This was turning pretty dark on him.  And he wasn’t sure who “she” was.  “Look,” he said.  “You want what’s best for them.  That’s admirable.  But if you go so hard on trying to show somebody up, then that’s all you’re going to see.  That’s what Endeavor did for a long time, and you know what happened to him.”

Monoma sighed, then nodded. “Then I am more certain than ever I’ve made the right choice.  But at least I know what I can do for them to help everyone else pass.  Thank you, Midoriya.”

As Monoma left, Toshi wasn’t certain at all that he’d said the right things there.  It certainly didn’t seem like a victory.

***

In the teacher’s lounge, Aizawa looked over the finalized draft of the Heroics practical exam. Talking All Might into it had been difficult, but worth it.  He’d staked his job and reputation on it, but he believed the results would be worth it.

His students, all the students, were talented.  But even with recent events, what they needed was a stark dose of reality to push them further along their paths.

He looked at the profiles spread out in front of him.  The people he’d found would be just the ones to do it.

[gunbun]

A L L >:3

Turnabout is fair play!

@dragons-bones also asked for the multiples of six, so they’re included here too.

I put this all behind a Read More to save everybody’s dashboard SORRY MOBILE USERS also the formatting messed up and the numbers got lost so [FART NOISE] i love this website.

How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?  This was already answered.

How’s their team work? Do they share well?  They work so well together it’s almost scary. And for the most part they’re good at sharing.  Except food.  Tiona doesn’t share food.

Are they open about their relationship? How do they feel about public displays of affection?  Right now, they most assuredly are not.  They don’t want the inevitable attention that it’ll give them.  This will undoubtedly change over time but they don’t even try to look like they’re together out in public.

First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight? It was not.  I think they mutually recognized that they each had a certain brand of brilliance.  They spent a lot of time as friends.  The relationship part is fairly recent.

Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?  Urianger uses pet names on the regular, and they’re old-timey and grossly sweet (“my dear”, “beloved”, “my bright star” etc).  Tiona only busts out a nickname in bed.  I suppose their one in-joke is Tiona jokingly threatening to throw Urianger into a lake if he’s being an extra smart ass.

Any tasks that are always left to one person?  None that I can think of, and if there’s a daily task that one of them handles, it’s just their preference to do it.

What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?  Sometimes Urianger’s wordiness is Too Much and sometimes Tiona is too fidgety.  But, for the most part, they wouldn’t change a damn thing.  Part of this whole endeavour of being Together for them means that they accept what the other is.  Doesn’t mean they can’t get annoyed on occasion, but – nah.  If there are any changes that get made, it’s either a mutual decision or something that one of them decides to do for themselves.

What do they like best about their partner? It’s cheesy to say, but I think they both like the fact that the other sticks around.  They’re both carrying a lot of guilt about things that they have done and all that, and neither of them quite thinks they deserve any kind of long-term relationship like they have.  On a lighter note, they both think the other is the most radiant and beautiful being alive. D’awwwwwww. Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death?  Religion and death, yes.  It’s kind of the backbone of their work as Scions and Tiona’s in particular as the Warrior of Light.  I imagine Urianger finds it a little terrifying that Tiona is not afraid of death.  Marriage is a foreign concept to Tiona so someone else will need to explain it to her later.  As far as children, that hasn’t come up yet, as it is highly, highly unlikely that they’ll actually make a kid. Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public?  Tiona drives.  Urianger cooks.  Tiona does the handiwork and cleans.  Urianger keeps track of the gil and handles the public.  They both don’t really care for the public, but he’s a bit more practised at it than she, plus, the local language is his mother tongue, in a manner of speaking. Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries?  Tiona is a slut for Starlight and any holiday that involves a feast.  With respect to an anniversary…. They weren’t keeping count, really, and they have been subject to so much time dilation that the question of how long they’ve been together necessitates a frame of reference and some math about relativity to figure out. Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon?  This is not yet relevant; however there will be one eventually, the proposal will probably be rather traditional, and if God will let them have a honeymoon as opposed to saving the world, they’ll do that too. What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up? The tongue in cheek answer here is “bang” but on a more serious note, they do like cooking and sight-seeing. Anything they both dread?  Failing to save the world, if that comes to pass. Or needing to choose between the greater good and the other party. They’ve already both been through hell so most things that come their way they approach with a “get it done” attitude.  Nothing can be worse than what they’ve already been through.  Though, the Plot of the Game they inhabit may make both me and them eat these words. How adventurous are they? I would imagine Tiona to be the more adventurous of the two; she’s the sort of person who’ll try anything once without much care for her limits, be they real or perceived.  Urianger isn’t entirely a curmudgeon but he has a better sense of what he will and will not do/get involved in. Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat?  He lied.  Once.  He now is very aware of the fact that Tiona will literally kill him if he does it again.  There are the occasional bits of their past that come up as surprises because neither of them asked about that particular subject before, but I don’t personally classify that as keeping a secret.  Fidelity in the relationship is definitely assured. What would make them break up? Would it be permanent?  At this point, only death would do that, so I guess, yeah, it would be permanent. What are their dates like? How long do/did they date? Do they ever feel the need to take a break from each other?  Their dates were reading lessons for Tiona long before they even considered themselves in love or in a relationship.  There was no “dating” phase for them as they sort of fast-tracked everything thinking Tiona was about to die.  Whoops.  But today they’ll sight-see or check out cool vistas and maybe museums, if they exist in Eorzea.  As for breaks?  The nature of their work does that enough for them, so it’s not something that they need to specifically set up or arrange. What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up?  Tactics, usually, things like What Does The Mission Need Next.  And I’m very reticent to classify that as an argument.  They have disagreements, but most of them are very mild and easily soothed with an apology, or in Urianger’s case, providing Tiona with something to eat. What does their home look like? Their room? This is where their utilitarian tendencies come into play:  there are books about anything you could imagine; fiction and non-fiction, lots of reference, the in-universe Encyclopaedia Eorzea.  Urianger’s vanity is basically smothered in jewelry and Tiona’s has one ring on a chain, a pair of gloves, one Bole with a bite taken out of it, and handfuls of ammunition. There’s a lot of cheese and bread in the kitchen, fresh fruits, too.  All of their furniture looks like it was purchased at the thrift store and it’s all covered with comfortable woolen blankets. Nothing in the place - with the exception of the books and ammunition - looks like it is brand-new. Do they share any interests or hobbies?  Stargazing.  He’s an astrologian, and she dabbles a little, but Tiona’s more interested in where the constellations are and how they can be used for practical purposes, as well as all the fun myths and stories around them.  Comparing them to what she learned in Dalmasca is really interesting.  They also like to cook.  Possibly going to Eorzea’s Value Village to look for something used to shove in their room. Does their work ever interfere with the relationship?  He’s a Scion.  She’s the Warrior of Light.  Of course it does. How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?  They hug very tight (he has swole book lifting arms and she has swole gunblade swinging arms), and their kisses run the gamut from soft pecks on the cheek to “I am trying to drown you with my face”, depending on the circumstance.  Teasing is a light-hearted affair and they’re both very, very awful at flirting.  Urianger is a bit better at it because he can be wordy and very complimentary, even if most of the euphemisms go straight over Tiona’s head. Comfort involves a lot of playing with hair and cuddling. Any doubts about the relationship? Only that leftover sense of guilt that they both have, the idea that neither of them deserves to be happy.  There’s also the spectre of The Plot hanging over them. How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in?  As much as they can. They’re stupidly in love, but they also really enjoy each other’s company.  And they do share their feelings - in fact, it’s likely that each of them is only comfortable fully letting it all hang out with the other. How do their friends feel about their relationship? Their families?  At this point in the timeline, nobody knows about it for sure.  Most of the grown up Scions have an idea.  Thancred is probably like “thank the Gods someone can put up with him”.  I imagine that everyone is sort-of perplexed when they find out, but after seeing how well they get along, there aren’t any sort of objections. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up?  Somewhere along the line they’re going to adopt a sulky lalafellin teenager who wants no part of them acting like a Big Happy Family but eventually comes around to it.  And they hope that they survive all the bullshit long enough to save the world and grow old together. What are their vacations like? They go somewhere where they cannot be reached and just relax.  They hide away in Il Mheg all the time to do this right now, and I’m not sure where on the Source  they’d go to, but they’ll figure it out. How do they handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness?  They’re both very experienced at handling disasters and emergencies.  Minor injuries and sickness are just treated and they each ensure that the other has whatever they need in those circumstances.  In the face of a major injury, they both fret a lot but are the type to let whoever can actually help in the scenario do their job. Could they manage a long distance relationship? Yes.  The nature of their work requires it. Do they finish each other’s sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something?  They don’t finish each other’s sentences or anything.  Urianger is the reason Tiona’s Eorzean vocabulary is as good as it is; he spent a lot of time working with her on that.  And yeah, the two of them see right through each other’s attempts to hide things. Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous?  There are always hijinx, but most of them time it’s very non-serious stuff (see also #34).  The Plot gives them enough serious trouble, so they don’t need to go searching for extra on their own. What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions? [static]  Though Urianger did make Tiona a hair ornament that one time.  Do they have any pets? Deke, a black shibe that Urianger rescued from an adventuring mission.  He is a Good Boye. Do they bring out the best in each other, or the worst? Do they have a fatal flaw?  I feel that they bring out the best in each other.  Urianger is a little looser in his demeanour once the relationship is established and isn’t quite as uptight as he may have been beforehand.  People see him laugh and beforehand that had been a rare thing.  Tiona is protective by nature, and having a person to look out for is a lot less stressful than the whole world.  Fatal flaw?  I don’t think they have one. What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?  Urianger is well-versed in The Big Picture when it comes to their work and she is tactically brilliant.  Together they come up with really good plans of action.  Their weakness is the relationship itself; neither of them are certain what they’d do if it was between them and the greater good.  They’d try to search for a third option but they dread the day one does not present itself. How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross? If there really was no third option, they’d both take the side of The Greater Good.  See #36.  They will each do whatever it takes to keep the other safe, so long as keeping the other safe doesn’t bring about the end of the world. What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?  These two fuck.  There is no shame, no reticence, nobody’s got physical self-esteem issues. Tiona enjoys when Urianger talks throughout and he’s enamoured with her ears.  If they have a kink, I haven’t found it yet, but eventually they’ll introduce toys and everyone can get penetrated, yay!  They don’t do anything like choking or hitting or bloodletting. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?  I think Tiona initiated the relationship, but it was an odd confluence of factors that happened simultaneously.  I also think she gave the first kiss.  Urianger realized that he was in love with her when he ended up stranded on the First and spent those years both researching his predicament and pining.  Tiona realized it when she was about to become Primordial Light, Destroyer of Worlds.  I never said they had good timing. Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?  Right now, the getaways in Il Mheg are very special to them, but they don’t really have any notable memories yet.  Their situation is presently so in the air that they don’t let themselves think that way.  Once everyone is home, then they can think about things like that. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they’re drunk? Does it happen often?  Small gatherings of friends and family only, as neither of them really care for attention from crowds.  Tiona’s Dalmascan accent goes out of control when she’s drunk.  I honestly don’t see Urianger as the type to drink to get drunk, but I imagine it’ll happen at least once for the hilarity. Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?  I do not feel that this is relevant to them at all - the things that they’re bothered by are trifling matters and personal tics.  They come with the person. Do they talk often? What about?  All the time, and about whatever is on their mind.  The whole gamut of topics, from books to politics to cooking, to how they’re feeling that day. As mentioned previously, Tiona’s enamoured with the way Urianger speaks.  Sure, it’s odd, but it’s him, and she’s ESL, so it’d be rude for her to ever take issue with how someone else chooses to speak. Are they comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?  They are absolutely comfortable with each other, and probably only really need privacy when they’re taking a shit. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?  They just want to survive and die of old age as opposed to something calamitous.  Hilariously enough all of the heartbreak immediately preceded the two of them deciding to have a relationship, so no heartbreaks or regrets now that they’re firmly together.  They both mourn their past dead lovers, and it’s a source of sadness for them, but that’s something they share and try to work through together.

[tessatechaitea]

Wonder Twins #5

Jayna just punched straight through her brother's butthole.

If you're a being who turns into water, your dick and butthole don't just disappear, right? They just become part of the water! So I'm almost certainly correct in my comment on the cover. Hopefully Mark Russell will explore this topic in a future issue. Until then, I'll be certain to tell everybody I know that Jayna basically fisted Zan. Luckily for the Wonder Twins, I don't know many people and also they are fictional characters. This issue is called "Magic and Games." I think. It will probably take me less time to read this entire comic book than it took me to puzzle out the word "Games" in the font used for the title.

Sure, you can see it now that I already told you what it was! But it was difficult before I worked it out! Although I still wouldn't be surprised to learn the title is "Magic and Galljes" or "Magic and "Gaines" and that the second word is somebody's name.

Usually I don't comment on Mark Russell comic books because to comment on a Mark Russell comic book, you should probably be smart and serious. Sure, he's having fun and writing an entertaining book that I can easily use to make jokes about fisting incest! But he also writes sensitive stories about social justice and systemic bias and ethical dilemmas in changing times and, well, other stuff that I'm too dumb to even discuss in the most general terms! He's a smart guy which is why I hate him with a burning passion! But it's a good hate! It's the kind of envious hate that pushes me to my own Emerald Twilight! I probably won't wind up destroying an entire town and ruining my reputation and becoming the most vilified hero in our universe but I almost certainly will eventually become the avenging spirit of God judging everybody around me! Wait, I think I already am that! Whatever my point is, it's that Mark Russell writes good and I'm too weak to not despise him for it. Polly Math has just won first prize at the science fair because her last name is Math. I guess Sandra Science didn't compete this year so Polly was the obvious next choice. Jayna wins second place because her project on fucking hot guys while being a nerd in high school fell apart when the guy she attempted to science fair fuck turned out to be a villain. It's also possible I'm confusing story lines but you have to expect that kind of thing! I'm not spring chicken! Remembering details between chapters that come out a full month apart has been nearly impossible for the last twenty years! I shouldn't make fun of Polly Math's name because I have a name that people always try to make jokes about too. It's not Grunion Guy! You can probably find it if you do even the smallest amount of Internet research! I'm not going to help you though because I don't want to get called a Deaf Chef anymore! Polly is upset that her father is working with Lex Luthor and the League of Annoyance. But Jayna has a plan to fix things! I bet her plan is to turn into a giant tortoise while Zan turns into an ice dildo and...wait a second! Why am I giving out good ideas that Mark Russell will just steal in a few issues?! Better to not speculate on things! Also, I mean, the cover shows Jayna going with the shark plan.

Okay fine! I'm finally interested in Fox News!

The most disturbing thing about people who watch Fox News is that they ignore five hundred other channels that are showing entertaining things on their television at the same time! Who chooses that shit over Comedy Central or the Game Show Network?! I haven't had cable for nearly twenty years and whenever I'm staying somewhere with cable, it's locked on the Game Show Network 24/7! Who the fuck chooses to watch state propaganda over old game shows?! Fucking psychopaths, that's who!

Polly Math's father wound up working with Lex Industries because only Lex Luthor hired African Americans, I guess? Hadn't he heard of STAR Labs?! Maybe Silas Stone and Sarah Charles fulfilled their quota?

I might be misreading this scene but I don't think I am because the white guys with white guys playing golf pictures behind them seem interested in Filo Math if he's Norwegian (so, you know, totally white!) and then when they meet him, they don't want to hire him. It could be that they really are concerned with his specialty! What could that be?! I mean, it can't be any worse than Silas Stone's specialty of turning his son into a cybernetic example of the castration of the black male in America! That's a really terrible specialty! Although Sarah Charles seemed to be pretty into it. See?! This is why I can't review a Mark Russell book! He's making a great point about the systemic bias inherent in corporate hiring practices and I'm not taking it seriously! I mean, he isn't either, really? He's being light-hearted while still making a good point. Which is what I've done, I think, in my comment about Cyborg's lack of a penis! The Scrambler wants to play a trick on society. He's a magician that believes people are frightened of magic and only like the part where everything is normal again. Magician: "Is this your card?" Audience Member: "Why yes! Thank God you picked my card! I was worried I was going to have to live in a world where my card wasn't picked!" Maybe I'm not comprehending his point. Anyway, The Scrambler wants to do a trick where things don't ever go back to normal! He's a monster! Imagine picking the Three of Clubs and nobody ever showing you the Three of Clubs ever again! Ugh, I'm feeling faint. To save Polly's Dad from definite prison time (or possibly, if Superman shows up, an eternity in the Phantom Zone. As if Superman can be bothered with Earth's judicial system! Pshaw!), Jan has challenged the League of Annoyance to a duel at the zoo. I guess if she wants to stress out all of the animals there with a big battle, who am I to judge? I mean other than being the real life version of Hal Jordan's Spectre, of course! At the zoo, Jayna recruits a bunch of Australian animals to help fight which goes as spectacularly as you can imagine it would. And what I mean by that is that a koala is blown to bits. But I guess that's worth it in the grand scheme of getting Polly Math's father to stop working with the League of Annoyance. It's like that philosophical conundrum about an ant that sacrifices its life for even the tiniest amount to better the world. It's just an ant! It practically owes it to the universe to die for nearly nothing! What does this koala bear expect? It should get to live in luxurious confinement at the zoo and not die for a trivial reason? Stupid koala bear. Go fuck yourself, you selfish bastard. The Wonder Twins defeat two out of three of the League of Annoyance members at the expense of just one koala's life and the bruised jaw of an innocent kangaroo. The third member, some woman with a Kryptonian cell phone whose name maybe I should remember, gets away to go regroup. Sylvia is a racist that joined the League because she didn't like the demographics of her small town changing. She's startled by Filo entering the League's headquarters to pack up his stuff and winds up zapping him like she zapped the koala. Okay, I guess the koala isn't as dead as I first thought. I should have realize a Kryptonian phone is probably sending everything to the Phantom Zone. So once again, I, the Grandmaster Comic Book Reader, was correct when I speculated that the worst that could happen to Filo was prison or the Phantom Zone! I'm the smarterest! Sylvia is caught on camera zapping Filo Math and then messes up in an interview when she kind of admits to having maybe zapped more than one black person with her phone off-camera? It's a real public relations nightmare!

But Lex can fix it! His greatest strength is turning public relations nightmares into public relations wet dreams!

Lex News turns Cell Phone Sylvia into a national hero. Because anything is excusable if you just say how scared you were! I mean, as long as you're white! It's scary being white! Sometimes you have to kill people with your legal gun while standing your own ground after confronting somebody for the most inconsequential reasons! It's just the way the world works! At least in America! Happy 4th of July! Just in case some readers weren't smart enough to get that everybody blasted by Sylvia's phone went to the Phantom Zone, Mark Russell supplies us with an image of Filo and the koala and a bunch of Sylvia's other victims (hmm, all black! But that's probably just a coincidence!) in the Phantom Zone. Polly, at the end of her rope with doing the right thing in an unjust world, decides to contact The Scrambler. I can't wait for her big magic trick to fix the world! The Scrambler's big trick to fix the world is to threaten to scramble everybody's identity. Everybody's minds will switch around so that they're now in different bodies. That means the powerful might wind up being the poorest people in the worst poverty. And the only way he won't do it is if the powerful fix the world in thirty days. Seems like a good plan! Except I'm curious to see how they fix it. Most people's ideas of fixing the world rely on the current world still existing somehow. So the fix is handicapped from the beginning by needing to be built on the ruins of the old system. To truly make a new system that works, the old system must be completely razed to the ground. But nobody has the stomach for that. So we make exceptions and compromises, building the new structure on top of a rotting foundation. It's why DC's Universe fixes always fail. They rely on making things new and better but need to remain rooted in the past. Crisis on Infinite Earths was built on a world that still contained members of Infinity Inc. who suddenly didn't fit in the world anymore. So DC then had to do Zero Hour which told new origin stories but still refused to throw out everything that came before to simply start again. Even The New 52, which people hated because they felt it did exactly what I suggested (razing the shit to the ground), didn't work because, I believe, it didn't go far enough! It still accepted Superman had died. It still accepted all of Green Lantern's past. It still contained a Batgirl who was shot by Joker and became Oracle. It was still the DC Universe but with arbitrary and subtle changes that made no real difference except the jettisoning of a ton of history. So it didn't work for anybody! Um, anyway, my initial point was that real life political structures and social dynamics and economic systems can never really be restructured in a meaningful way because they have to kowtow to older ways of thinking and doing things. The comic book stuff was just easier to write about! I'm sure Mark Russell will figure it out! Or he'll just have The Scrambler and Polly Math arrested and nothing will work out like it should and it will just be the punctuation on the idea that everything fucking sucks. Yay! Wonder Twins #5 Rating: A+. Come on! Everything Mark Russell writes gets an A+! It shows how smart I am!

[seashellrosekitty]

Crestfallen | Part Three

Pairing: Scott McCall x Female Reader (eventually), Stiles Stilinski x Reader (platonic)

Wordcount: 2k 

Plot: You’re new to Beacon Hills, grieving your parents’ death. Scott befriends you in Biology class.

Chapter Characters: Natalie Martin, Lydia Martin, Stiles Stilinski, Coach Bobby Finstock, and Noah Stilinski; mentions of Isaac Lahey, Erica Reyes, and Vernon Boyd

Warning: Deep Angst. The reader’s character might come off as depressing to you. Real world AU - our beloved Alpha and Banshee are merely humans in this story.

A/N: First GIF isn’t mine. Got it from Google.

Part Two

It was almost November, roughly two months since I moved in with the Martins. Each day was getting colder. Gloomier. Lots of times I had thought about home. I thought about my friends Erica, Isaac, and Boyd. We weren’t the cool kids. And we certainly didn’t dream of being the cool kids. We were what you would consider invisible and happy with it. There weren’t defining cliques in our school. The four of us had our own world. And the one thing we all loved was Coldplay. 

Isaac and Boyd worked at the local mechanic shop after school. Their thing was cars and motorcycles, but just like Stiles and Scott, they also had lacrosse to fill their afternoons and weekends. Erica loved going Star Trek conventions and more often than she should, to the hair salon. I, on the other hand, loved the movies. From the classics like Casablanca to pop culture ones like Pitch Perfect, I watched them all. I adore them all. 

Sure, we had a common denominator. But we talked about lots of things. You know that kind of friendship that doesn’t need a reason to be together? That’s how we were. How we used to be. I missed them so much. But at this point in my life, I was not ready to face them. Is that weird? I missed them, but I didn’t wanna see them?

***

On the first week of the month, I didn’t know much about what was going on with me, but it sure got me to trouble. It was a dreading week in gym class and Coach Finstock was being a lot more annoying than usual. Such a loudmouth. He kept calling whoever was not as peppy as he was.

Unfortunately, I was one of those kids. Sometimes I mentally told him off, asking him what kind of teacher he is when he clearly lacks empathy or anything remotely close it. I mean, if a kid is less than energetic than other kids, what does that tell you?

I was getting annoyed by the way he kept snapping at me with his loud, phlegm-induced voice whenever he caught me just standing or sitting in a corner. No matter how loud he yelled me, he didn’t intimidate me at all. We had rock climbing and I didn’t want to participate. I was afraid of being up that wall, no matter how strong the harness was. There was no way I was going up.

“Y/L/N, everybody climbs! Now! Up you go!” He demanded. His voice was rough and loud, as always. I kept a straight face and didn’t move a foot. I already told him I didn’t want to go. I even explained how terrified I was of being up there. For some reason, his hostile temperament kept me calm no matter how I tried to explain and be firm with him.

I guess there was no way to reason with this guy. He turned his back on me when I thought I was still thinking, still trying to brace myself for that impossible climb, when I heard myself utter in my most sarcastic voice, “Up you go my ass.”

He turned around. He heard it. He heard me. Fuck.

“What was that young lady?” he threatened. My lips were sealed. But my eyes were screaming murder. “What? You’re mute all of a sudden?” He was chuckling now, enjoying this very moment of my embarrassment. Everybody was looking at us now. At me. I glared at everyone around us, looking at me. “Look, Y/L/N, I haven’t got all day. Detention. NOW.” I inhaled deeply and turned around. I could still feel my eyes murdering him. But somehow I was relieved for not having to climb that wall, but also just a tad bit worried about what Natalie would say. For sure, it was gonna be something I don’t wanna listen to.

I spent an hour in detention scribbling all sorts of profanity that I was screaming in my head. I drew trees. Lots of it. And they were all terrible ones. I’m no artist, that’s for sure. That whole hour, I realized how good Lydia and her friends were as students. They always had things coming and going. I think they were never in detention. I thought of them as my hand drew lines in my notebook.

Scott was getting mostly A’s in AP Biology. Two weeks ago, he started using big words like “ephemeral” in normal conversations. Everyday, he had a new word. I found it pretty funny, actually.

Meanwhile, Lydia got busy with her Math and Science clubs. There was an inter-school math olympiad competition coming up, and a science fair for middle schoolers that the high school Science club had organized. Stiles wasn’t academically competitive compared to the other two, but he devoted some of his free time helping out his dad at the police station. He’s so smart about detective stuff, I think he might join the police force in the future.

They’re such good kids. Sometimes I felt ashamed hanging out with them. Especially that Lydia is family. There’s always that thing. The chance to be compared to her. Anyway, I enjoyed detention. I was away from everybody. But as soon as the bell rang, my fun ended as well.

When Lydia and I got home, I rushed up to my room and buried my face to the bed. I felt like time was passing so fast that I could already picture Natalie’s face frowning at me. Judging me. The next thing I knew, Lydia was waking me up for dinner. I basically slept for two hours trying to escape this shithole I seem to have dug myself into.

I wasn’t wrong. I was bound to be confronted about my recent behaviors in school.

“I heard you were giving Coach Finstock a hard time today, Y/N,” Natalie began. I knew it. They pick up on trouble like fucking hound dogs. She didn’t even just call me to her office and waited ‘til all of us got home before she decided to do this talk. In front of the food. In front of my perfect cousin. I just looked at her as I picked on my food with my fork.

“He’s the one who gave me a hard time. I didn’t wanna climb.”

“How do you expect to be graded if you don’t participate in class? And speaking of which, Principal Thomas told me you’ve been skipping classes, too.” I didn’t say anything back. I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed when she herself was in school every day as well.

I also didn’t look at her. But I could already feel my face heating up. Lydia’s wide eyes were on me too, of course. She didn’t know I was in detention. If people’s bodies appeared literally the way they felt, then my head must be burning now.

“You better fix that attitude, Y/N,” Natalie commanded.

“OR WHAT? What are you gonna do, huh? Tell my parents?!” I don’t know why I said that but it just came out. My heartbeat was picking up and I wanted to scream at her. Instead, I stood up quickly before she could say anything back and rushed to my room and locked myself in there.

I badly wanted to run away. No. I wanted to disappear.

That night, Natalie tried to talk to me. She knocked a few times but my lights were already off and of course, I pretended to be asleep. The next morning on the ride to school, Lydia and I were silent as dead people in a graveyard. I was still cranky from the night before. I probably looked like I could kill someone with just a look in the eye.

***

Stiles and I agreed to meet after school for another History project. I asked him if we could go to his house this time. I didn’t want to come home early. I told Lydia I would be with Stiles. I guess she hated my guts so much that she didn’t even bother hanging out with her boyfriend for a while.

Our History project involved a lot of research and analysis for a thorough report and debate due the following week. Talk about making things complicated. Our discussion started at 5 PM and ended at around 8:30, when his dad had just arrived from the station, bringing us dinner. We were so into our discussion that we totally forgot about dinner.

An hour later, Sheriff Stilinski was already drowsy from drinking half a bottle of Jack while he studied cases from the station. He was talking to himself, trying to understand them. I watched Stiles get stressed over his dad. They would bicker just about anything, especially about food. At times, they forget I was around that they would exchange roles of being the parent and son in the room. Sometimes I found them amusing and sometimes I found things between them sad. A better term would be ‘bittersweet’. I never got to know this side of Stiles. I thought he was all sarcasm and jokes and the daily avoidance to face life’s shit. But here he was. Facing life’s shit daily.

He and his dad take care of each other. His mom passed away when he was young. Stiles had always made sure his dad ate well. Even though he allowed him to drink at night sometimes - just to soften a hard day’s work. Anticipating the day to come for another hardball to play was another thing, I guess. A drink, indeed, was necessary.

That night, Stiles caught his dad finishing a whole bag of fries from the takeouts. Of course, it was too late for anything except him scolding his dad about hypertension. After putting him to bed, he went downstairs mumbling, “People say it’s difficult to raise kids. But did they ever think of kids who try to raise their parents?” It was almost 9 PM and we just wanted to patch up a few details before calling it a night.

He offered to drive me home in exchange for finishing later than agreed. If I were to decide, I would say he needed the drive too. We were mostly quiet during the ride home. But I was comfortable with it. I wasn’t pressured to talk about anything. Stiles became someone so easy to be with. Perhaps that’s why, when he pulled over at the Martins’, I blurted out something that’s been in my head for a while.

“You’re lucky you still have your dad, Stiles,” I quietly said. He looked at me with the expression he’s never showed me before. I believe the word for it is ‘concern’. If not pity.

“I’m sorry, Y/N/N,” he muttered. I guess it was ‘pity’ then. “I shouldn’t have complained. It just...gets really difficult sometimes.” It turns out, I judged him for pitying me. When did I become so snobby and judgmental?

“No. I’m sorry,” I insisted. “I didn’t mean for you to compare your life to mine. I’m just...I know I’d do the same if I were in your shoes. It’s not like we have a choice, right?”

He looked at me in the eyes almost without blinking. I could tell he was thinking of what he wanted to say to me. But instead, he gave me that sad smile I’ve been seeing everywhere - from almost everyone I spoke to. I didn’t resent him for that. His mom died too. I can’t imagine growing up without my mom. And he did. And he became this really strong person he probably doesn’t even know he is. Since then, I never looked at Stiles the same way. He was a responsible kid, no matter how strongly he wore that clown facade. He has earned my respect that night.

If one of my parents were still alive, I would do what Stiles does. I’ll make sure they live longer than they expect themselves to.

Part Four

@bojabee @jurrasicpork @thejourneyofabrokenheart @sav625 @kim-hunter5 @seninjakitey

[tothewaterhq]

ACCEPTED // TELLE FISCHER

capitol (born district 3) → gamemaker → hannah john-kamen fc

positive traits: tactical, brilliant, dedicated  negative traits: antisocial, offbeat, cynical

tw: neglect, suicide, prostitution, mental illness

biography:

Magnette Fischer was known as many things – offbeat, unstable, erratic, insane – and a good mother was certainly not something associated with her. She’d been thirteen years old when her twin brother Flux was killed in the Hunger Games, and all you’re ever told is that his death was particularly gruesome. People say that your mother was a different person before Flux’s untimely demise, that she was kind and warm and brave and adventurous. You’ve never been one to believe anything without proof, though, and to you, Magnette Fischer was none of the above.

After the death of her brother, she became locked in a permanent state of mourning. There are whispers of madness about the Fischer girl, and she never set out to prove them wrong. She never finished school, she never held down a job, and she became a shell of what she once was. As she grew older, she tried to fill the void left by losing her twin; with men, with drugs, with alcohol. That’s how she meets your father, when she’s only nineteen, Magnette Fischer meets Titus Ryker, a peacekeeper, during a Victory tour, and their affair is over as quickly as it began. Titus is twice her age, married, with a family, but Magnette is just delusional enough to believe that maybe it’s the real thing. She claims to love him, and he tells her the same thing because she gives him what she wants.

He leaves without even a goodbye, though Magnette is left with a permanent reminder of his influence over her.

You.

You’re born into a world of chaos, your mother’s mind so addled by grief and by morphling that she forgets to name you until she tries to leave the hospital with you. Telle,she calls you, with a T for Titus. You learn to raise yourself fairly quickly, your mother never seemed concerned with doing it herself. You’re soon acclimatised to the never ending stream of men that parade through your house, trudging up to your mother’s bedroom with the same look of wild lust, barely sparing you a second glance.

It’s not until later that you learn these men are what fund your food, your home, your life. Your mother earns herself a reputation, but every time they leave her eyes are hollow, and the mascara stains on her cheeks become permanent. Every time, she hopes that they’ll find something more than just sex, that maybe, maybe she’ll be able to recapture what she thought she had with your father. That she’ll find love, something worth living for. Every time, she’s proven wrong.

Despite your upbringing, you’re exceedingly smart, even by District Three standards. You’ve always had trouble communicating, but you work well with your hands, the languages of math and science coming to you easily. Your teachers even suggest that you’re gifted, though your mother has no intention of doing anything about it. You seek out as much enrichment as you can at school, staying back to work on projects long after the final bell has rung. It brings you comfort, to have control over something, even if they are numbers and machines, and your home life is far too miserable to be rushing back to. You find you fit in at school, even if some of the other students find you odd and off-putting, even if your mother’s reputation casts a shadow over you, whispers of the whore’s daughter clouding your achievements.

You’re fifteen when your mother kills herself. You’re the one that finds the body, but not soon enough to do anything. You don’t know how to react, what to say, what to do. All you can manage is panic, silent tears tracking down your cheeks as they cover her with a sheet. You fumble your way through a speech at the funeral, though you’re speaking to a room of strangers, nobody there really knew your mother, she had nobody left. Except you. The mix of emotions that follow her death seem wrong – you mourn and you cry but you can’t reconcile the way she treated you. She wasn’t a mother figure, not really, but that’s what you have to pretend now that she’s six feet under.

You haven’t got any other relatives in Three. It’s only five days after you find the body that you’re on a train to District Two, to your father, to the custody of a man you’ve never even met. He’s married, with three children, the youngest of whom is still five years older than you are. They didn’t know you existed, and you can tell immediately that they resent your very existence. If possible, his wife hates you more. Titus – not dad, never dad – is ashamed of you. You hear him tell his colleagues that you’re his niece, but you doubt they believe him. You can tell your mother was far from his only transgression.

You focus on school to distract from the worthlessness you feel. You drove your mother to suicide, and now you’re tearing apart your father’s family. It’s all too complicated, you don’t understand where you’ve gone wrong – only that you have, and so you focus on numbers and you focus on machines. Machines, you decide, make far more sense than people ever could. The parts fit together in a way you don’t seem to, and any mistakes can be recoded, they can be fixed, they don’t need to fester away for fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years, infecting the lives of everybody around you. Though the schools in District Two are pitiful compared to Three, the students more focused on brute power rather than that of the mind, you make it work. You have to.

You’re surrounded by Academy kids, hopped up on delusions of grandeur and control. They know they can win, but you watch them die, every year. They don’t have control, none of you do. They don’t dictate the Games, that’s up to the Captiol, it’s up to the people pushing the buttons behind the scenes. Maybe that’s what draws you towards becoming a Gamemaker, the power, the control that your life has always so desperately lacked. You don’t understand people, but you understand machines, and that’s what the Gamemakers work with. That’s what you will work with.

Titus is more than happy to ship you off to one of the fancy universities in the Capitol when you tell him of your plan. More than happy to rid himself of the filthy little mistake, once and for all. The rest of the family – that word, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth – don’t even bid you a goodbye as you board the train to the Capitol, your meagre possessions fitting into just one bag. You study hard, you work furiously, and eventually it pays off, with you being granted a position as Gamemaker by the time you hit twenty two.

You work with the machines, the grunt work, and you enjoy getting your hands dirty, but you soon discover your mind is a much darker place than you thought. You have ideas for the Games, they’re brutal, they’re bloody, but they’re brilliant, and people start to catch on. You still work on the mechanical aspects of the arena, but maybe, just maybe, you have what it takes to move through the ranks. After all, that’s where the power’s really at.

PLAYED BY // JENNA

[boofmont]

- ̗̀ * ( liana liberato + cisfemale + she/her ) have you seen ( saige beaumont ) walking around campus ? they are a ( 20 ) year old, studying ( linguistics + criminal psychology ). we hear they are in ( theta sigma eta ), and can be ( passionate & irrational ), maybe it’s because they are a ( cancer ). they sort of remind us of ( drunk stick n' pokes at 2am, avoiding cracks in the sidewalk, the familiar riff of an old song ), maybe we can find out more ! ( jamesy the fool + 20 + EST + she/they ) * ̖́- + newspaper photographer, campus tour, swim

lmao hi here’s my final baby she is the love of my life i’ve known her for 8 years i think and she’s come a long way sdfkgh please love her as much as i love her. if i was fictionkin i’d identify solely with her (and she’s not even a self insert ! wow !) **IM STILL ON HAITUS UNTIL MONDAY BUT I HAD THIS READY TO GO LMAO**

TW: ALCOHOLISM, DRUG ABUSE? MENTIONS.

gen. info

full name: saige alouette beaumont

nickname(s): she...doesn’t have any in this timeline but PLEASE, she LOVES nicknames. she’s a nickname slut.

b.o.d. - july 7th, 20 whole yrs old.

label(s): the hedonist, the icarcian, the reveler, etc. etc.

height: 5′7″ thank u very much !!

hometown: thibodaux, louisiana

sexuality: firstly when aren’t my babies bi as FUCK (minus aster). but she also prefers masc-presenting folks

biography

the only child of a world renown fashion designer named manon lévêsque (surname kept b/c Branding) and US lieutenant general robert beaumont

manon’s brand is like...on the level of chanel, and dior, and shit, y’know??

manon’s...obv french, very french. born n raised in france. 

robert beaumont comes from a very southern family, all located in louisana. also french, just more...american.

they’re fucking loaded

saige’s childhood wasn’t the...Usual, childhood. they moved around a lot as due to both of her parents’ jobs. (’cos robert wasn’t ALWAYS a 4-star army man smh)

the longest they’ve rly stayed in one place (minus saige’s ucla yrs) is like...two yrs, tops ??

due 2 that she didn’t rly make...a lotta friends?

but when she DID , it was always the most interesting ppl she could find

but her parents were always SUPER strict

it was like they came together purely to mold the perfect child

like, they controlled where she went! what she wore! who she interacted with! what she watched or read or listened to!

she’d have bodyguards on her when her parents were busy, not nannies

she was taught all the proper things ladies were to learn, like cooking and sewing and ballroom dancing, and more

she was also taught how to drop a man to his knees in less than 10 seconds and how to shoot a gun, but that was it in terms of self defense skdfgh

eventually saige got bored with a life of being carefully watched and attending military balls and fashion runways

how do u surround a girl w/ so much culture and expect her to not want to experience life for what it is?

she learned how to dodge guards in order to go canoeing in the full moon with strangers she’d met five hrs prior, and how to blend in at festivals filled with throat-melting sweet drinks

she almost landed in a tabloid at the age of 15 for sneaking out w/ a boy three years older and her parents paid a lot of money to hide it.

no matter how much they tried to keep her rooted, saige always found a way to bend the rules and escape her lil golden cage

like they even had her homeschooled w/ the best tutors one could pay for n she still yeeted tf out whenever she could

born for the party life t b h

they decided that the best course of action to deal w/ her was to finally keep her in one place so they p much made her go to ucla lmao

homegirl did NOT want to go at first, just ‘cos she HATES being rooted to one place, is used to traveling the world and seeing shit and learning other cultures n shit, y’know ??

but then she joined theta sigma eta lmao n the parties ??

fucking amazing

it didn’t take a lot for her to be convinced to stay, esp ‘cos her parents didn’t quite realize...how big the party scene is

(not like they could’ve sent her to like...harvard or smth...homegirl’s smart but not THAT smart lmaooo)

unfortunately, saige has piss poor self control; and this was too much freedom for her. she was being Too Wild

anyWays the summer before her current year (i ... think she’s a sophomore ?) she went to a particularly wild party and somehow ended up at one of her mother’s collection launch parties w/ a pal of hers !!

and she totally embarrassed her mom !! in front of everybody !! being lil’ ol drunk n freshly 20 yr old !

after that saige was NOT welcomed at home (wherever home was, at the moment, that is). she wasn’t DISOWNED ‘cos that’d be HORRIBLE for the press n god, imagine the media ?? it would worsen it all

but she wasn’t allowed at home. wasn’t allowed with them. wasn’t allowed to see them unless at events they specifically ordered her to come to for press reasons

doesn’t really...know where she’s going to go in the summer ‘cos the summer she Fucked Up she lived out of hotel suites and friend’s couches. n like yeah she can just Buy a place or smth but ?? commitment ?? adult decisions ?? christ !

nobody knows her parents have essentially kicked her tf out and aren’t even talkin’ to her, ‘cos homegirl’s ashamed

it isn’t rly hard to hide it tho ‘cos her parents still give her a shit ton of money LMAO rich privilege

but it can’t fix how absolutely hurt she is

the alcohol , however, COULD

started partying more, and more intensely, and didn’t stop when the parties did

alcohol became part of her diet.

irish cream in her mornin’ coffee, coke n rum at lunch, vodka and like...23 packets of crystal lite in her hydro flask during lectures

without alcohol, she suffers terrible withdraws and those turn her into a completely different person

noBoDy KnoWs

or if they do, they don’t realize the extent of it! just how bad it is! ‘cos she’s a big ol’ faker

she’s fine it’s FINE

personality

i actually have...traits i’ve written for her

positive traits:

kindhearted, optimistic, energetic, dreamy, charismatic, intelligent (to...a degree, lmao), active, charismatic, sympathetic, amiable

negative traits:

naive, dumb (to...a degree, double lmao), self-destructive, spiteful, stubborn, defensive, inattentive, unstable, loud, reckless

but ANYWAYS

if she wants to do smth, she’ll do it

there’s no way to talk her outta whatever she has set in her mind, even if it’s fucking STUPID

‘cos she’s stupid and we love her for it

uuuUuUuUuUUUUhh

she’s a vegetarian, loves animals too much 2 do it

has adhd but she’s not medicated ‘cos her parents suck n young girls r always severely under diagnosed ‘cos doctors also suck

she’s allergic to cats, pumpkins, and penicillin

loves cats

she does her own stick n’ pokes, n will do ur stick n’ pokes if u ask. Loves doin ‘em, but she can’t draw for shit LMAO

however ! she does play three instruments:

piano, violin, n bass guitar

hates piano w/ a burning passion ‘cos she was p much forced to learn. thinks violin is lit as fuck. bass guitar? her fav thing ever. did it as an act of rebellion.

also, even tho she’s just....a whole ass dumbass, she knows like...four languages

yes including english

anyways she knows uUUuUH french, spanish, n latin (for funsies)

is also learning mandarin, german, n irish gaelic (for funsies)

is a big language slut, essentially

and a uh...slut in general

like she just rly loves everybody

she’s SUPER friendly, super confident, like...the best gal to know, ‘cos she’s got sm energy n if u don’t talk a lot ? that’s fine ! she’ll talk for u ! even if u don’t ask her to !

but yes she’s not like EASY but she’s easy

she’s had a few short-term relationships and even fewer long-term relationships

and she doesn’t ! have commitment issues !

doesn’t like getting hurt but also ! she will fall in love w/ anybody !

(i’m kidding every time i’ve ever played her in all my years she’s always, always attracted to like...grumpy tough ppl. that’s her type. do u sell drugs? she loves u. do u get into pointless fights and have constantly bruised knuckles? she loves u. did u sell ur soul to the devil? oh, she rly does love u.)

actually thinks rly low of herself but would NEVER let ANYBODY know that ‘cos god forbid

just keep smilin’ :)

probably uses finger guns

skateboards into EVERYTHING she’s fucking CLUMSY and stupid

will wear gucci on top of her thrift finds (stop going to goodwill if ur nearly a billionaire u dumbass)

that being said she’s not always........aware? she’s not shallow but she’s kind of just...she’ll throw her money at u if u can’t afford smth, and like...doesn’t know how taxes work? and also...doesn’t know how poor ppl go on living?

like she’s highly dependent on her money

she has three fucking cars ‘cos she just thought they were PRETTY

one’s a pick up truck w/ LED lights, one’s the literal car from the princess diaries, and the other’s just a real fast sports car

totally does illegal street racing but ? only sometimes ? mostly for funsies rly doesn’t care abt money at all LMAO

she’s...not very independent

she’s got an addictive personality, y’see?

does MANY drugs, like mdma (ecstasy? molly?), coke, shrooms, acid, the marijuanas. i think that’s it.

a lil bit of a cokehead but only at parties okay uwu

idk how but she always manages to be laidback and yet also super energized at the same time. she just truly, does not give a single shit

also i said she was dumb earlier and like...TRUE

excels at english, history, etc. etc.

but as soon as math or science is involved? fart noise

bad shit

hate it

she can’t focus on shit she doesn’t like so like...that doesn’t help

in other news, she can be best described as a DRUNK TINKERBELL

as she was originally a pixie. it’s suiting

she’s ... almost ethereal

will tease u. will act like she’s known u for years. this is normal for saige.

she’s just rly BUBBLY and FUN okay ! pls love her

like pretty please

she’s my best muse by far and i’ve been rping since 2010

OH okay so like fun fact: her mother still sends her pieces that she hasn’t released yet so saige’s closet is filled w/ clothes she will nvr wear ‘cos she refuses to in order to Spite her Mother

also will GIVE these EXCLUSIVE UNreleased articles of clothing to her FRIENDS as GIFTS as a big FUCK U to the MAN (mom)

she’s just a dumbass

wanted connections

ok so gimme a blackmailer who knows abt saige’s like...issues, n instead of tryn to help her they use it to their advantage to get whatever they want from her :^)

also a TUTOR ‘cos she’s stupid in math n science

party pals like do i even have to explain

childhood friend(s) or like...acquaintances ?? she’s traveled for so long

da PLUG gimme her DEALER

ex boyfriend(s) - she loves ppl, sometimes too much. were they in love? maybe not. did she get bored? did he? who knows?

i mean same applies to girlfriends

just ?? a dude who has completely caught her attention. saige finds him SO INTERESTING for some fucking reason. reminds her of travelling, reminds her of her years of exploring. reminds her of a lotta things, rly. he might b a good person. or ! he might not !

random hookups - past ? present ? fwbs ? one night stands ? i’ll take them all !

best friend - y’know. her ride or die. celeste. i mean there can b another, but celeste. try n compete w/ celeste.

other close friends!

fake friends!

frenemies!

(also am a big slut for the on-and-off relationships where theyre both horrible for each other n it’s not.. Good , but they can’t stop ! they won’t stop ! it’s not abusive but it’s toxic just ‘cos they’re both fucking enablers smh breaking up n getting back together all the time)

bad influence ? good influence ?

roommates ??

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 60

(To listen, click here) - 13:23

It takes Levi a little bit to realize that he and Mariana are the only two in the cabin.  Pearl and Jesus are next door, at home, and Dominique and Frankie are out having nature time.  Levi finds Mariana in the living room on the couch with her I-Pad in front of her.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

Mariana sighs, frustrated.  “Trying to catch up on reading I missed so I can eventually go back to school, but at this rate...I’ll be reading forever.  And it’s not like it matters anyway…  Moms don’t think I’m ready to go back.  They plan on keeping me home.  Until I’m 30,” Mariana mutters.

“Why won’t they let you go back?  Like, what did you do that was so bad?” Levi asks.

“You don’t know?” Mariana seems surprised.  “Pearl...Frankie...nobody told you?”

“No,” Levi answers.  “And if you don’t want to, that’s fine.  It just...seems a bit extreme to me…”

“I was in a car accident...a year ago, in March.  I got a brain injury or whatever.  And, yeah, it’s changed me.  But they seem to think...that I’m...some...whatever...damaged…  They treat me...like I’m damaged.  Like they...have to settle...for this broken Mariana...and they resent it.”

Levi just looks at Mariana.  He hopes she can see the compassion in his eyes.  That he cares about her.  “That’s messed up,” he offers.  In case his POV isn’t clear.

“See?  I used to be really smart?  I built robots in high school.  Like...a total math and science geek.  And now…?  I mean, I have one Elsa moment at home.  Where I, like, took it out on our room.  Wrecked everything in it.  Swore at Frankie when she tried to come in.  But I was trying to protect her.  ‘Cause, like Elsa, I didn’t really know, like, how to do emotions like this.  For the longest time, I didn’t have energy to...do anything...and all of them were trapped...” Mariana shares.  

“Under the cotton?” Levi asks, remembering how Mariana had described her disconnect from her feelings.

“Under the cotton, yeah,” Mariana confirms.“It was when Moms told me I...couldn’t go back to school...because nobody knew if I’d still...be able to...even do it?”

Levi cringes.  ��Sounds like a reasonable reaction to me.  Yours, not theirs.  Haven’t your moms ever heard of accommodations?  Kids at my school got them all the time.”

“I mean...Mama works at a Charter school.  That’s where all of us went.  There’s no kids that need accommodations.  Even Frankie is...like...disabled on the DL.  Nobody knows at school and she doesn’t get any help, even where she could really use it.”

“That sounds...so illegal…” Levi breathes.

“I guess Charter schools have the right to do it that way.  Anyway, this is their...like...where they come from.  This world,” Mariana tries to explain.

“Where any disability is hidden?” Levi bristles.

“And so...my reaction...to them...canceling school on me.  College.  Whatever.  They took that as...the biggest ‘inappropriate outburst,’” around this, Mariana makes finger-quotes.  “For a while, they wouldn’t let Fran near me.  Another time?  We were doing game night.  Moms are…  They love Monopoly?” Mariana squints.

“Why?” Levi whines.  “It’s so boring…”

“And...not ideal...for someone who...has trouble with numbers...and filtering...and reading...and stamina,” Mariana lists.

“Yeah, sounds like a rude choice,” Levi comments.

“Oh, it gets ruder.  So Moms decide we’re gonna play Monopoly Junior…”

“Oh...no, they didn’t…” Levi gasps.  “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Mariana echoes.  “Like I wasn’t gonna notice they suddenly switched from the regular game to the game that 5-year-olds could play.  Frankie was ten.  She’d been playing the real version forever.  She hated the kids version.  Said it was too babyish.”

Levi winces.

“But it was still too much to look at.  Spaces on the board in different colors.  Cards.  Money.  Game pieces.  Dice.  I had a headache to start with.  It was after dinner and I just had no energy left.  Even looking at the board was exhausting me.  I took a turn, and Mom corrected me.  I tried to get up and leave.  She told me I should be a good example.  A good sport.  So I stayed.”

“So you had to stay in overstimulating hell?” Levi asks, sympathetic.

“I took a few more turns.  Every time, I did something wrong.  Grabbed the wrong game piece, misread the dice.  Like, didn’t factor in having to pay for a space someone else owned?  Finally, it was my turn again and I just flipped the board.  Everybody was mad.  And Moms talked behind my back about how unpredictable I was.  How I might not get any better.”

“How do you do it?” Levi asks, incredulous.  “How do you stay?”

“Someone’s gotta be there for Frankie.  They treat her...not the same...but they don’t factor her CP in at all.  It’s not fair.”

“If you guys ever need a friend?  Video chat me.  I’ll always be around.  Except if I’m working in hell, as Pearl calls it.”

“You gotta get fired from there…” Mariana objects.  

“Get fired from hell?” Levi smirks.  “Nah, I could never.  We need groceries.  Plus, it’s not like Peanut Butter Cookie can bother me anymore.”

“I know, I just…  You hate it there.” Mariana points out.

“I really do.  But it’s a job.  It pays the bills....actually it only pays the grocery bill, but that’s something.”

“It is.” Mari nods.  “Are you okay?  Like...with all the stuff this week?”

“Nervous about going back…” Levi confides, nodding next door.  “Last time I was there?  It was like, she tossed the place.  Like she was looking for something.  Everything was there.  She didn’t take anything.  But it still feels…” Levi trails off.

“Like, yeah, I know what you mean.  The only thing I can think of is aliens arriving...”

“Because alien invasion,” Levi’s eyes light up.  “It is!  It’s an invasion.  I love how your mind works.”

Mariana scoffs.  “You don’t have to say that…”

“I know I don’t.  But it’s true.  I think it’s cool.  The connections.  The approximations.  How you cope.” Levi observes.

“Moms keep telling me I need to keep working.  In therapy or whatever.  They don’t want me to plateau,” Mariana wrinkles her nose.  

Levi looks at her, confused.

“I guess it’s this thing, in brain injury recovery?  Once you reach a certain point of progress, you just…”  Mariana demonstrates an upward slant suddenly leveling flat, and staying flat.

“Oh,” Levi says.

“Yeah.  They wanted Frankie and me to come here.  Like, so they could have a break.  But they also tried to get me to stay at the last minute.  To keep doing rehab stuff.  And, of course, I wanna improve.  But they don’t get that sometimes?  I need a break.”

“I get that,” Levi says.

“But they think I shouldn’t get a break until I’m back…” Mariana looks away and blinks back tears.

“Back?” Levi echoes, concerned.

“Mariana, the math genius…” she manages.

Levi just listens.  Opens his arms and she scoots closer, nodding. Levi puts his arms around her.  Just holds on.  “They’re so mean to you,” he says, sympathetic.  “You don’t deserve that.”

He just holds on for a while, glad to be able to be here for Mariana, when she’s come through at some major times for him.  Levi’s glad that he can reciprocate.

Eventually she backs out of the hug, and wipes her eyes.  “Sorry.  It’s just like...this is my life now.  And I can’t even share it with Jesus.  ‘Cause he’s not there.” Mariana shrugs.

“I’m glad you came,” Levi tells her.  

“I’m glad you were here,” Mari tells him.

It’s quiet for a while.  But neither one of them rush to fill the silence.  Eventually, he offers.  “If you need...like if...audio’s better?  I can read that out loud?” Levi gestures to her tablet.

“No, you don’t have to.  It’s boring,” Mariana insists.

“I’m offering,” Levi points out, matter of fact.

“Okay.  Just...however fast you usually read?  Can you slow that way down?” Mariana wonders.

“Sure,” Levi agrees, and for a while he just reads aloud.  The material’s dense, so reading slowly is a good idea all around.  

After a few pages, Mariana stops him.  “Okay, that’s enough for now.”

“Okay,” Levi agrees and sets the tablet aside.

“See?  If I said that to my moms?  They’d instantly push back.  Want me to do more.”

“Well, there’s these things called boundaries, and respect and consent.  Maybe they’ve heard of them,” Levi quips.

“Oh, they have.  They just think...they only apply to Jesus.  And even then?  Only sometimes.”

Levi makes a face.

Then, he takes a breath.  Hesitantly.  “Speaking of not pushing…” Levi ventures.  “I really appreciate how you haven’t pushed to know specifics of…”

“Peanut Butter Cookie?” Mariana fills in.

“Right,” Levi nods.  “If it were me and Pearl knew something but I didn’t, I know I’d probably feel really left out and like it was personal.  I’m glad you get that this isn’t.  Personal.  And at the same time, it is.  Very personal,” Levi manages.

“I get it.  I had a thing happen.  Things happen.  When I was little.  Usually, Jesus was around to stop it, but if he ever wasn’t or fell asleep.” Mariana shrugs.

“I’m sorry.” Levi apologizes and means it.  And then, “I had a thing happen, too.”

“It changes you,” Mariana allows.

“Yeah.  I guess I’m realizing...trauma does that…” Levi manages.

“We have a group if you wanna join,” Mariana offers.

“I’m already in The Avoiders.  Like, officially,” Levi says, confused.

“Yeah, this is different.  A support group?  For people, who’ve had the things happen to them.” Mariana explains.  “I’m in it, and you might recognize some other people, too.”

“So, it wouldn’t just be me and strangers?” Levi asks.

“Nope,” Mariana says.  “And it’s online, so you don’t have to go anywhere.  But no pressure.”

“I wanted to thank you,” Levi says clearing his throat.  “I mean, while we still have time...for being there for me through all the versions of Peanut Butter Cookie.”  Levi reaches in his pocket.  Pulls out the apple hand sanitizer.  “Thought you might want this back.”

“No, keep it,” Mariana insists.  “I have peach and cucumber melon in my purse, so…”

“Oh, wow.  But I got apple, because…” Levi wonders.

“It’s the strongest.  I know sensory triggers are the worst.  I know we need something strong to fight them.” Mariana says simply.

“Can I have details on this group?  For people who’ve had things happen?”

“Yeah.  It’s Friday nights.  8:45.  The time changes, but that’s what it’s been.” Mariana fills him in.

Levi makes a note in his phone.  He watches Mariana do the same.  

“So, I’ll remember to add you into the call.” Mariana says.  “And obviously, this group is like...private.  Like, we don’t share names or details or anything about anybody else.  And nobody else shares about you ever.”

“Got it,” Levi nods.  “Thanks for including me.”

“You’re one of us.  You’re always included.” Mariana insists.

They sit together for a while longer.  Exchange birthdays so they can put them in their calendars.

“Can I like...put an L in every April?” Mariana checks.  “So I know to check in with you about Peanut Butter Cookie?”

“Can I know your traumaversary date?” Levi asks.  “So I can check in with you?”

“March 4th,” Mariana confides.

“Cool if I put an M there?” Levi checks.

Mariana nods.

“You like cards?  Or think they’re corny?” he asks.

“I like cards,” she nods.  “You?”

“Not sure there’s a card for that…” Levi bristles.

“Video chat?” she checks.  

“Yeah.  I’d love to see your face.  Whenever,” Levi says.

Mariana blushes.  

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it..like that…” Levi stutters.  “I mean, I would love to see you, I just...made it super awkward.  I’m sorry.” Levi grins, embarrassed.

Mariana laughs.  Levi realizes this might be one of the first times he’s heard it.  Or really tuned into it.  It’s like music.  He’s gonna miss all of them when they go.  But maybe, especially, Mariana.  Even though they haven’t spoken a ton, Levi has always felt understood by her.  And judging by her openness with him?  Levi might venture to say Mari feels similarly.

He just can’t imagine being without her.  Without all of them.  Come tomorrow.

“Super awkward is perfect for me,” Mariana reassures. “Same?”

“So same, I can’t believe it,” Levi smiles.

[literaila]

excuse you?? i will like all of them. give me all your favorite shoes and movies right now or else >:( nope, haven't watched that. i will soon. i'm watching squid game right now, actually. everybody keeps mentioning it, so. i'm curious.

haha! it's not egotistical at all. you must reaallyy like shatter me. i wanna read it soon now. i'm so close to finish twilight. all those quotes make no sense, i barely have any context.

mm? i do? it was fresh, which is why i told you everything. mostly. listen, okay. i was getting ready for school and all. and then i went to school. this dream happened a few years ago- i was in like 4th grade or something. so i was walking in the building and all, then. i was like, 'huh, i think i forgot my socks.' then i looked down. and guess what! no shoes. so i was panicking over that for a few minutes, then i woke up. i was very glad- would've been very embarrassing if it wasn't a dream. oo? tell me!

ohh. that doesn't sound too good. the tv? that feeling is the worst, darling. genuinely. hope you've been feeling in a non-crying mood lately.

oh. but it must happen eventually. i found eclipse or something like that in my teachers library. peaked a bit. ‘i love you, jacob’ or something along those lines at the end of the book. now i’m dying. i need to know. soup for breakfast? unique.

my humor is dark. so, no.

wow- hilarious. can you hear me wheezing? that’s practically the same thing! doesn’t count.

actually, i’ve been staying up!! fucking finally, horaay. (how do you spell that? horray?) also. did i tell you one of my teachers was back? she had to quarantine because she was exposed to corona and wasn’t fully vaccinated. they’re all back today, though. hmm. today was okay. my english teacher used she/her, accidental, obviously. but i’ll just quit. it’s school, doesn’t matter too much. also- she asked me how i was. “good..?” “you sure?” i swear.. she’s on my ass, huh? and this smart kid (joey) sitting next to me went, “she’s like that sometimes. always says she’s okay.” like damn?? why are you so invested in my life?? hmm.. what else. that’s about it, honestly. tomorrow i’ll bring an energy drink to school, i need it.

how are you ?? your day, my love? i’d apologize for such a late response, but doesn’t seem you like my apologies too much.

— 🐢

i’ve already told you pretty much all of them. i’m also watching the squid game! thought i would get it out of the way…

oh no, i adore shatter me. so so so much. the series is my only solace. they make perfect sense <3

sounds very very terrifying. imagine if your shoes just disappeared. for no reason. ha! it wouldn’t be too bad.. i feel like i’ve gone to school without shoes before but that also seems crazy. uhh basically i showed up in a tiny red car, spencer reid asked me some things— note two characters from greys anatomy were there, arguing —and then i decided to leave? and then i just dragged the car away. and i was married? not sure. it doesn’t make sense now.

ha! i cry at everything. literally. when i’m mad, sad, happy. it’s not too bad most of the time, crying is cathartic.

eclipse is the best— despite also being the worst. honestly just pages 400-560 of new moon are absolute perfection.

boooo. as we can see, i’m clearly more hilarious.

it’s not the same thing! you didn’t even know it was snowing in this hypothetical situation. exactly. genius. would you rather do a “why did the chicken cross the road..” joke?

yay! i believe it’s hooray. darling, i mean this with all the love in my heart: of course it matters! especially because she asked you to let her know. she would care if you felt uncomfortable, so if you do, you should tell her. school is a place you should feel safe. well are you lying? maybe you have a bad poker face. i think that’s interesting… we always seem more secretive to ourselves.

get some sleep!

today was fine. had a math test. had anxiety. had work. all that. favorite parts of the day: this lovely person (anna) sitting next to me in english and telling me i should be an english teacher cause “you write sentences!” as she points dramatically to the sentence i’ve written. uhh at work there was a nice guy who said he wanted a peach-pecan salad and then almost immediately after went “uhh let’s go ahead and do that without the pecans” and i thought it was funny.

miss you, darling, but i’ll never accept the apologizes.

-v

[hufflepuff-ravenclaw-reviews]

The Librarians Season 4

And the Dark Secret

So with the start of a new season, arises a new problem. This season's overall minor problem that will carry over for the entire 12 episodes? The Tethering Ceremony. The Library needs a Librarian and a Guardian to tether to it, and, since the last ones have gone now, it's up to Eve and Flynn to do so.

However, we obviously can't solve this in the first few minutes of the first episode if this is going to be a problem for literally the entire season!

So, onward to the actual plot of this episode. There are four cornerstones of the Library of Alexandria, and when they're combined, then they can manifest the physical Library. Jenkins likened what it would be like in a metaphor: imagine Google cloud, and all of the information that it's full of. Now imagine if somebody were to turn The Cloud physical. BOOM goes that data... and squish go lots of people.

As you might have guessed, there's some group who's trying to put them together... because reasons. The reasons aren't important.

However, Jenkins comes up with a plan to get ahead of this group: he's been secretly keeping Nicole down in a basement jail cell for the past hundred years. Just who is Nicole, you ask? She's the previous Guardian, from before Eve. (If you've ever seen the movies, she's from them.) However, there was an accident with HG Well's time machine that sent her spinning backwards 500 years. And now she's immortal... and pissed as hell at literally everything. (Especially Jenkins, but who can blame her? 100 years in a fucking dungeon. Yikes.)

Anyway, with Nicole's help, they figure out how to get to the corner stones, but it's almost too late, as the group already has them, and already has them TOGETHER. However, Cassie destroys one of the corner stones, but the Library is up there, still physical, just unstable. Nicole and Flynn get sucked into the whirling vortex of it, so Eve has to go and get them. Which she does, because she's Eve Baird.

However, when the Librarians are congratulating each other on a job well done... Nicole slips away, to be a problem for another couple of episodes.

And The Steal of Fortune

This episode kicks off when Jake takes Zeke to visit an old friend of his, who has a race horse. However, some men come and take the horse away because the guy apparently lost the horse in a game of cards. Just then, the man is stung by a bee, and starts to have a VERY bad reaction. At the hospital, Jake and Zeke see... a lot of freak accidents. Like being stabbed through the leg with a weather vein, head stuck in decorative headboard, struck by lightening... They begin to suspect that not all is right with this town, and that something magical is afoot.

So they bring the others to the race track, where they're rather disturbed to discover that, upon the completion of the horse race, literally nobody won. NOBODY. That is statistically impossible, as Cassie might say.

Their instincts tell them that it's the track/casino owner, so they set out to steal his ring. But not before Zeke hits the slots and Cassie tries out the roulette table. Zeke is upset about not winning (although, dude, come on. If you want to win, try cards.) So... he does what Ezekiel Jones does best: hack the machine. Cassie, on the other hand, uses math and physics of the ball/wheel to triangulate where the ball will drop.

As it turns out, it's not the owner, but rather, his “arm candy”, who turns out to be the Greek/Roman Goddess, Fortuna. She was turned into a statue some time ago by... I want to say Jupiter? For wanting to turn everything into a 100% luck based system. She was then put in front of a casino, where thousands upon thousands of people rubbed her feet and legs for good luck as they came and went. And one day... poof! Turned real. She sucks luck out from people, which is what keeps the casino/track open and in such good business.

She can also steal luck from people over the TV, so there's video of her blowing kisses all over the casino floor. Her grand plan is to steal the luck from everybody in the world by blowing a kiss on nationally broadcast TV.

However, the team realizes that they can stop her by giving luck to others. Cassie and Zeke have been rendered immune from their previous “cheat the system” actions. So, Zeke sets out to rig all of the slot machines, while Cassie helps people to win at Roulette. Jake gets all but one of the horse jockeys to watch the blowing kiss video, and then Zeke sets up so that everybody's bets were placed on the horse whose jockey didn't watch the video.

And, when everybody discovers that their horse won the race (well, literally the only one who crossed the finish line, but it counts!), Fortuna turns back into a statue. She's then transported back to the Library, where she won't be awoken any time soon...

Oh, and Jake makes sure to get his friend his horse back. So, happy endings all around!

And The Christmas Thief

This episode kicks off with Eve, Flynn, and Jenkins going off with Santa for a vacation, while Cassie, Zeke, and Jake have to stay behind and “babysit” Santa's sleigh. (Why they need a special task just to watch an inanimate object is beyond me, but here we are.)

Almost as soon as the three of them set off, Zeke heads home to Australia, where it's All ThanksTaking/ThanksThieving Day. It's a day for the patron saint of thieves. Zeke's family, which is a woman who took in three girls and Zeke, are all petty thieves who have a literal shrine to this saint, which is decorated with the price stickers and tags of things that they stole. However, Zeke's mum is disappointed that Zeke bought her a trinket rather than to steal it. His sisters also won't stop mocking him about a Faberge egg that he gave her some time ago.

Zeke doesn't want to be a disappointment to his mum, so he takes her to the Library, where... surprise surprise, she steals the magic globe that lets them open doors and go anywhere. With no other way to get back to her and to get the globe back, Cassie, Jake, and Zeke obviously take Santa's sleigh to Australia, where they discover that she's been on a... thieving spree.

But, she has stolen something from this bank for thieves, which is exactly what you think it is... and the punishment for being caught doing something bad is to be literally liquidated. (Haha, get it? Liquidate your assets? /SFW adult humor) Also, in the bank, Zeke's mum overhears a teller appraising another Faberge Egg at like a million dollars, and she's surprised, because apparently, she had no idea what it was or how much that they could be worth. So... ha, I guess?

The owner of this bank is the saint of thieves, or, as he'd probably not like to be remembered as: Santa's brother. He wants Santa's sleigh... because reasons. So obviously Zeke and his mum get caught, “hand over the sleigh, or else”, blah-blah-blah...

Meanwhile, Cassie and Jake call in Jenkins for some help. Jenkins is more than eager to get away from Santa's party, which would make a Spring Break party look tame in comparison.

In the end, Jenkins gives the saint a letter from Santa that says “the sleigh is now yours!” He cannot accept anything that isn't stolen, and, since it was legally given to him, he can't accept the sleigh. And, to make matters even more confusing, he reverts back to a child.

But now Zeke's mum is left with all of the other stuff she stole. So, with Santa's sleigh, the two of them go and, not only do they return everything, but they try to one-up what was taken and make people feel good. So like a child gets a train set around his bed, and an old man with an old TV (you know, the kind with the rabbit ears) gets a new smart TV, and so on. Zeke's mum gets really into the spirit of giving, and is actually disappointed that there's nothing left to give back.

Zeke then imparts that his mum is actually a really good person, because she took in four kids and raised them. And sure, they're thieves, but they're decent people.

And The Silver Screen

As Eve and Flynn go on a date to an old black and white detective movie screening, the two of them get sucked into the movie. 24 hours later, Jenkins, Cassie, Jake, and Zeke go to investigate, because they never came back. They talk to the theater owner for a minute, who shows them that Eve and Flynn are literally in the opening scene of the movie that they went to see, but they can neither hear nor see anybody on the outside.

Eve and Flynn eventually realize that they need to reenact the movie, which is a pretty standard magical thing. Eve's seen the movie a billion times, so she knows exactly what's going to happen, so she helps coach Flynn through everything.

While that's going on, the others are desperate to try and figure out how to help them. Unfortunately, Cassie, Zeke, and Jake get sucked into a movie... but the wrong one! They end up in another screening, of a really awful western. (By the same director/writer. They're all by the same writer/director.)

Jenkins does a metaphorical headdesk for a while before he gets down to work with the theater owner/daughter of the movie director. She's kept all of her father's things, and they search through everything in order to find the magical object that keeps sending people into the movies.

Eve and Flynn, meanwhile, reached the end of the movie, only to just jump right back to the beginning. They start to think that there's something wrong that they should be doing, despite having done the movie the exact way that it should have been. So instead of asking the hot dame who comes in looking for her ruby necklace about the usual questions... they ask what she's really after: her daughter, Pearl.

The entire ending of the movie was changed at the last minute, and completely rewritten, as Jenkins and the daughter discover out in the real world. The original ending was literally ripped out of the script. Oh, and the director... didn't actually WRITE any of these movies, and it's some random person that the daughter doesn't know about, aside from their name.

The actual ending of the film noir movie is that the mother is reunited with her daughter, who was taken from her by the girl's vengeful father. This is a reflection of what happened to the actual writer's life: she had a baby with the director, and he took the daughter from her and left the mother to rot. (Oh, and Zeke, Cassie, and Jake show up to help Eve and Flynn save the day... but not before jumping through an even worse sci-fi movie, so they're wearing blue lipstick and spandex.) With the completion of the actual movie ending, everybody is dumped back into the real world... sans spandex and hair-spray.

And then, as it turns out... surprise! The old lady who'd been hanging around the theater is actually 1) the theater owner's biological mother and 2) the woman who wrote all of the scripts in the first place. So they're reunited, and everybody lived happily, ever after.

And the Bleeding Crown

Imagine, going to bed a high school senior, and waking up a literal senior citizen. It happened in one town... and not just to one kid. To literally everybody. Adults, children, literal babies. All turn to ~70 years old.

Obviously, this seems like a job for The Librarians, who arrive and start poking around, asking questions. They finally uncover one family who is normal, and that's only because they're so poor, they couldn't afford to pay their power bill, so... the magic didn't affect them.

Meanwhile, Flynn runs across somebody completely unexpected: Darrington Dare, one of the previous Librarians from around the Victorian Era. He fell through time on accident, thanks to his nemesis, Ambrose. Ambrose has some sort of... bleeding crown which he is using to suck the youth from everybody in town.

He also captured Eve, Cassie, Zeke, and Jake, and replaced them with old-looking doppelgangers, which he then uses to infiltrate the library. Poor Jenkins.

Also, during this entire time, Darrington keeps telling Flynn that he cannot allow the other Librarians to continue, for the last time there were multiple Librarians... well, have you ever heard of The Dark Ages? Totally caused by warring Librarian brothers. However, Flynn insists that friends help each other out better than just being by yourself all of the time. Oh, and the Library chose all three of them for a reason.

They manage to defeat the Bleeding Crown by putting Jenkins in one of the pods that's sucking the life from the others. The machine is overpowered and the crown breaks.

Jenkins later sends Darrington back to his own time. They are a little sad to see him go, since they know that he's approaching his own end, which they obviously know a lot about from Library records. However, the second he goes back, the records change to show that he reconnected with his friends, who were there when Darrington should have died. He instead lived to be really old instead of dying literally the next day.

But now, the seeds of doubt about the Rightful Librarian have been planted.

And the Graves of Time

And now we're back with Nicole. Because I think that we all knew that she wouldn't stay gone forever. As you might imagine, being an immortal who looks in her mid to late 30's, she has to frequently move on a lot. So this means that she's got a lot of gravesites all over... And she uses them to hide important things. Like... some sort of device that can kill immortals?

Eve joins up with her... not to stop her, but rather, to try and convince Nicole to come back to the Library. Nicole permits Eve to be with her, but only because she finds Eve mildly useful. For the moment.

The others, in the meantime, are worried that Eve is in trouble, and they try to track Nicole down. Jenkins worries about the nefarious plot that Nicole must be plotting, especially with the immortal-killing device, which he believes is intended for him.

Jenkins and Eve eventually get grabbed by the people who are also trying to get the key, but these people are also working to stop Nicole as well. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and all that. The man exposes that Nicole was once besties with Rasputin. Yes, of Anastasia fame. (No, the real one.) While they're being turned against Nicole once and for all, Flynn and Nicole make it to where this device is located... and get it.

Only for Jenkins and Eve to come around and try to stop them. Only for them to be double crossed. Because as it turns out, their new friend... WAS ACTUALLY RASPUTIN. Okay. Because I didn't see it coming at all. /sarcasm.

However, Nicole's plan all along was to kill Rasputin, because... um... let's see... HE EVIL?! He however, gets a hold of the blade and uses it to stab Nicole instead.

Flynn and Eve then manage to defeat Rasputin by having him stab at a nuclear... holding thing? (They're in Chernobyl, aka that nuclear waste-site, so there's plenty to go around.) He might be immortal, but not even he can deal with some of that shit.

They rush back to the Library, where Jenkins is getting a ceremony ready to save Nicole. However, this means that he gives her his immortality, and makes him mortal.

Also, throughout the entire time that Nicole was with Flynn, she was planting the seeds of doubt in his head, and telling him that the Library was keeping him a prisoner. However, at the end of the episode, Eve shows up to go on the promised bowling date with Flynn, only to hear from Jenkins that Flynn has resigned!!

And the Disenchanted Forest

Following Flynn's disappearance, the remaining three Librarians are starting to fight amongst themselves about who should tether to the Library/Eve. They all think that they should be the one to do it, obviously, and for varying reasons.

Eve decides to whip them into shape, by taking them on a team building retreat... which is also where the clippings book has sent them.

At the camp, Eve is struck by how odd that one team seems to react towards her. Zeke also overhears one of the camp teachers asking another why so many people just... disappear from the camp.

But, Eve's wishes are overshadowed by everything, and she has a mean competitive streak. So she sets out to figure out why these people are so into her... only to find out that they're DOSA. You guys remember DOSA from last season, right? The government version of the Library? Anyway, they're there because strange things keep happening, and people keep vanishing.

Jake, meanwhile, has the hots for the arts and crafts director, who seems to think that there's something odd going on in the camp. He gets a mysterious splinter in his hand, though, and he cannot get it out. (Yes, it's relevant, and not just a camp-related injury.)

Cassie, meanwhile, having been extremely limited on her human interactions, has never been to camp, and thus, has never done camp pranks. She fulfills this itch on Zeke, by doing stuff like putting whipped cream on his hand while he's asleep and then tickling his nose. They unveil a clue when she puts his mattress in the middle of the lake, he falls in... and discovers a briefcase at the bottom of the lake. The briefcase belongs to a man who disappeared earlier that day.

They all rush to tell each other what they learned on their own. And then things go from suspicious to awful when Jake just gets grabbed by some vines and dragged away. Thankfully, the pretty arts and crafts director witnessed everything, and runs to tell the others. The Librarians demand that DOSA tell them everything, which they do: this area is a magical Bermuda triangle, where things just... disappear. These instances have been happening since the Lewis and Clark expedition first discovered the area. The area was owned by the government, until the current camp director came and pulled some strings and bought the land from a crooked politician. Le sigh.

However, they can't seem to find the Mother Tree of the forested area, so that's why they keep coming to the camp. But, with Cassie's know-how, they manage to figure it out, and they go there. Only to find that Jake... is now Groot! The tree uses Jake to talk to them, and basically says this: we don't want the forests of the world to die, so here! Take this magical seed and if anything were to happen to the forests, use the seed to replant all of the trees. The tree then spits out all of the people it “ate”, including some very confused-looking people from the Lewis and Clark era. Whoops?

DOSA also makes sure that no idiot can “sell” the land around there ever again, so that things like this will stop happening. Idiots.

And the Hidden Sanctuary

Cassandra is having more than a little PTSD following a mission in which everybody almost died... and it was all her fault. We don't really see much of this incident, however, only just how it affected her. She decides to take a vacation from the Library to sort through her thoughts, and goes to “the safest town on earth”.

The town in question is celebrating 100,000 days without an accident. Cassie also finds it rather odd that there's no traffic or stop signs or anything of that sort. She also watches as a man with so much in his arms that he literally cannot see... step off the curb, into traffic, avoid being hit by a car, walks under the people putting up the 100k days sign, all without incident.

However, she KNOWS that things are suspicious here, but at the same time, she doesn't want to think that anything is off. Because she wants to be safe.

And she's not the only one. Most of the town is the same way, including the lady that Cassie rents a room from. However, it's the lady's tween son who is the one who is asking the real questions. He keeps checking out thriller books like Stepford Wives and Invasion of the Body Snatchers from the library, where Cassie now works. However, his mother warns Cassie not to be putting ideas into her son's head, because the outside world is just Not Safe.

However, as you might have figured out, good times must eventually come to an end. And the next thing anybody knows, somebody ends up with a broken leg... which can't even be treated properly, because the town doesn't even have a hospital or an ambulance, or even a fire truck. Because they were never needed. Ever.

Cassie asks everybody at the town meeting if there have been anything strange that has happened the past few days, and everybody looks to Cassie, because she's the latest to come to the town. They start to form a lynch mob, and she obviously books it out of there.

She teams up with the son, who has a secret room full of stuff about how weird that the town is. They come to the conclusion that it must be some sort of fairy, because it's in all of the pictures that he took of stuff NOT happening (but as a lens flair). They go to the library to capture the fairy, only for the mayor to come and capture it first.

Years ago, as a boy, he came across the fairy. He was upset because his dad had died in a recent car accident. As a thanks for rescuing the fairy, he was allowed one wish, and he only just wanted for nobody to ever be hurt. Ever. And I get it. It comes from a good place.

However, imprisoning the fairy for so long has only made it super angry, as you might imagine. So after the son smashes the snow globe that it was kept in, it just... gets really big and goes on a rampage.

Cassie and the rest of the town (who no longer want to kill her, since they know the reason for everything), come up with a plan and agree to trap the fairy in the gazebo, which is made of iron. The plan works, and the son sets the fairy free.

The head librarian becomes the new mayor, and starts to work to bring the town up to modern safety standards. Cassie, meanwhile, sets back for the Library, having overcome her PTSD while on her solo-mission, and come to the realization that she would get tired of “boring” and “normal”.

And A Town Called Feud

Cassie, Jake, and Zeke are still fighting over who should tether. Meanwhile, the clippings book sends them to some Civil War Reenactment sight, where ghosts were apparently spotted. Cassie stays behind with Jenkins, while Jake and Zeke set off with Eve.

The town is literally called Feud, and it's the sight of some famous brothers who were on opposite sides of the war, and killed one another. On her deathbed, their mother broke the locket with pictures of her sons and gave them each the halves. They've had one half for a while now, but now... they have the other half, so they're going to put the two halves together in a big ceremony tomorrow.

Needless to say, the Librarians all seem to think that this would be a very bad idea. However, the museum curator is determined to stop them, and scoffs at them whenever they mention seeing any ghosts. Including a literal troop just... marching through the museum. (How do you not notice that?!)

She eventually has them arrested for breaking into the museum after hours and trying to steal the locket halves. They manage to break out of prison using both the skills of Jake and Zeke, and they rush to the museum... only to witness as the woman puts the two locket halves together again.

Suddenly!! Civil war ghosts! They possess the bodies of everybody present, and form a notable divide. Then, the ghosts of the two brothers possess Jake and Zeke, and point their guns at each other. However, both Jake and Zeke don't want to actually kill one another, so they don't, and neither do the ghosts inhabiting the crowd.

As it turns out, the entire story of Feud was made up as a tourist trap. Yes, the brothers had been on opposite sides, yes, the locket had been broken... but they faced each other in battle and realized that they couldn't kill their brother. But, the war raged on around them, and they were both killed at the same time. The woman found the locket together, but split it apart to sell a story.

However, Zeke convinces her that the actual truth sounds much better, and to rename the town. So the ghosts are appeased, and go back to the other side once more.

Zeke and Jake have also learned an important lesson about teamwork and loving one another.

But, while they were doing that, Jenkins and Cassie were trying to track down the belongings of the brothers who were Librarians and set the world into the Dark Ages. We don't find out what was in their letters to one another, only just that when Jake, Zeke, and Eve get back and announce that there should be multiple Librarians, Cassie announces that she's changed her mind and now thinks that there should be only one instead.

And Some Dude Named Jeff (Yes, actual episode title)

This episode starts off by showing us that Jenkins and the titular “some dude named Jeff” have switched bodies. Jeff, as you might imagine, is over the moon about everything. However, his over-eagerness, unprofessionalism, and general lack of knowledge about... anything, is what tips the Librarians and Eve off that he isn't actually Jenkins.

Jenkins, meanwhile, is first baffled, then outraged, to find out what has happened to him. Jeff's mom is an overbearing control freak who lashes out at her son following the death of her husband/Jeff's dad. Jeff works at some IT job (probably for minimum wage), with a bunch of losers. Said losers are seemingly his only friends, and they all play D&D in Jeff's basement... where he lives. Yes, Jeff is easily in his mid-30's.

But, Jenkins isn't going to just sit back and become Jeff... especially not when he realizes that the D&D characters are literally the Librarians, Eve, and himself. So, he tells them who he is and what happened... and they're oddly chill about the entire thing. He spends some time whipping them into shape in order to get into the Library via the back door, because it takes multiple people and a team-effort in order to do so.

Meanwhile, the book that Jeff used to switch bodies with Jenkins turns out to be some sort of binding spell used to seal a Prince of Hell up. He escapes while in the Library, and the Librarians are even more annoyed that they're going to have to deal with that as well.

Meanwhile, Jenkins gets Jeff's friends into the back door, where they're faced with a puzzle, but with every wrong move, the room grows more unstable. They finally figure it out: 20 sided die. The next room is literally just a big DDR arena, which they have to dance across. Jenkins is embarrassed to have to do it, but he does so only reluctantly. The final room is... literally nothing. Just a vast, white room that echoes slightly. Jenkins has a bit of an emotional breakdown, and one of the friends gives him a pep-talk about not giving up. Then they realize that they can “crack” the walls by pounding on the floor, which they do, and end up in the front entrance of the library. Jenkins sends them all home while he deals with whatever horrors await him in the library.

He finds the Librarians and Eve cocooned in stuff, but Jeff is running around in a panic. Jenkins then realizes that Jeff gave this demonic ruby thing that was in the book to his mom, so they rush over there to stop the Prince of Hell from killing Jeff's mom. Which it is about to do.

In the end, Jeff manages to distract the demon with a red ring pop, and that gives Jenkins the opening in order to put the beast back into the book. Oh, and before they left, Jenkins and Jeff took a potion that would switch them back, but they didn't switch back until they were battling the demon.

They all learned an important lesson... although some a little bit more life-and-death than others. Also, the episode ends with Jenkins going to Jeff's place to play D&D with them... although he insists on being the dungeon master, but only because the current one doesn't know anything about anything.

And the Trial of One

The Library is starting to become untethered, as the time for the ceremony draws closer. Jenkins unknowingly leaves out a scroll that contains a spell for “the one”, so they decide to perform it. They get transported to the middle of a forest, where a being in Jenkins's body says that it'll kill Jenkins if they don't agree to go along. It gives them all “nightmare rings” to put on, and sends them to face their fears.

Cassie's fear is a school field trip where she was relentlessly bullied by her classmates, and the teacher apparently just looked the other way.

Jake's is that he goes to some witch doctor to get his magical tattoo removed, only for things to go very badly.

Zeke's is that he's in prison. Which he's not really scared of, and he knows that it's not real.

And Eve... she's technically not a Librarian, but her fear is that she's stuck just watching all of this bad shit happen to her Librarians, and there's nothing that she can do.

As the Librarians's fears unfold, they come face to face with the other two, who are the ones who are torturing them. Jake and Zeke are Cassie's classmates. Cassie and Zeke are evil witches/warlocks. Cassie and Jake are a guard and violent prisoner who want to beat Zeke up. They all eventually succumb to their fear and press the magical button to make them forget.

Once they do so, then they're transported to a field with these... they sort of look like really big grave stones, I guess? There, not!Jenkins tells them that he is in danger, and they have to get to the other side of the field to press the button, but they also have to deal with the other two, who are evil. He says this to all three of them at the same time. He also gives them things to use.

So they all start to fight. Just then, Eve realizes that she has a nightmare ring on as well, which she takes off, and is transported into the arena just as they're about to kill one another. They suddenly remember everything upon seeing her, and they become ashamed of what they almost did.

Just then, not!Jenkins shows up and warns them that only one can win or else Jenkins will be killed. They argue about who should sacrifice themselves for a while, before they decide to take the “suicide vest” off of Jenkins.

However, just when they get back to the Library, the vest comes flying back and stabs him in the heart. And I'd like to remind you that Jenkins gave his immortality to Nicole several episodes ago, so he's been dealing with that for half of the season. They try to save him, but they cannot, and he dies.

They're all so upset that they resign from the Library following a short funeral for Jenkins.

Just as the three Librarians leave Eve alone in the Library, Nicole shows up to gloat... This was all according to plan! And oh no! The Library is starting to untether to reality!! And... it's gone!!!

And the Echoes of Memory

Eve is now in a world without knowledge, where everything is literally black and white, and things like good tasting food don't exist. She struggles to remember the Library, and comes up with three things: Spear of Destiny, lions by the front entrance, Ark of the Covenant.

She finds a TV with a recorded message from Flynn, who was captured by Nicole, and didn't actually resign from the Library. He urges her to gather the others and to remember everything. The TV goes back to its normal programming, where Eve sees an ad for a used car lot... owned by Jacob Stone.

So she goes to him, and convinces him to help her. There, they track down Cassie, who works as... a stapler. Because that's apparently a very important job. She's obsessed with math still, and they convince her to come with them because of that.

However, some g-men show up, so they have to make a quick exit from Cassie's... stapling office? I don't even know anymore. As they leave, Eve asks how they're going to find Ezekiel Jones, but then they say that it's easy, because he's the host of the only TV show in existence: I Fell Down. (If anybody here is familiar with Idiocracy, it's basically a tame version of “Ow! My Balls!”)

However, Zeke has a very comfortable job, and doesn't want to leave it, so he rats Eve out. She gets sent to what's basically the looney bin, where they reprogram people not to think. What kind of thinking gets you in trouble in this world, you ask? Questions like “when was flour invented” and “what does fruit taste like”.

Flynn is also there, and he's just as zaney as usual... if a bit toned down. Nicole doesn't want to do anything permanent to him, so she just keeps zapping him. Eve, meanwhile, has been forgetting more and more, until she doesn't even remember what books are. She follows Flynn being taken down to his room in the basement following another one of his treatments, where she finds that he's “recreated” artifacts and memories by drawing on paper and sticking them behind the wall padding. They kiss, and they remember everything, and they're also transported back to the Library for a few seconds. Nicole comes in, however, realizes what happened, and says that it's time to make them forget. Forever.

Meanwhile, Jake and Cassie realize that they can't just sit back and let bad things happen to Eve. Not when they themselves are starting to remember. They grab Zeke, who only reluctantly goes along. But once they get to the looney bin, they start to remember more and more, which enables them to get into the building.

They free Eve first, and then they take down some guards to get Flynn. Then, being chased by even more guards and some doctors, as well as Nicole, they barricade themselves in an area and they have to remember the library. Which they do, and remembering it brings everything back to normal.

Only... some things weren't fixed. Like Jenkins being dead now.

Flynn grabs this magical artifact and this book that has the history of everything in it, and uses it to jump to the moment when Nicole was about to become immortal. He doesn't take her back, however, but reminds her to be strong, because she is a Guardian. She realizes that she's not a Guardian of a Librarian, but rather, of the Library.

Flynn wakes up... and he's back in the opening of the first episode again. Jenkins is still alive, and literally none of that other stuff happened. Except, Nicole came through and things like the corner stones of Alexandria and that immortal-killing thing are safe in the library.

Eve also remembers everything, and they both eagerly hug Jenkins when he shows up. Flynn then insists that he and Eve tether to the Library then and there, rather than to wait. Jenkins reluctantly agrees (it's the wrong date!!).

And with that... the season comes to a close.

It was a fun ride, although I felt like this season wasn't nearly as strong as some of the others. I blame Nicole, who was more of an anti-hero rather than a flat-out villain like in previous seasons.

Also, I wasn't quite sure where they were going with the “make Jenkins mortal” plot. Either one of two things would happen: he'd die, or they'd somehow recon his choice and give him back his immortality. I just... didn't expect that it would have been both almost simultaneously.

I honestly liked the filler episodes that didn't have anything to do with Nicole or the tethering more than the actual plot episodes. But, like I said, it was fun. And I still love this show.

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 13- “lines aren't drawn yet and this game isn't over”-Lily

I VOTED THE RIGHT WAY!! FOR ONCE.  IN.  MY.  LIFE!! And it really feels so great!  I feel really bad, Landen is a GREAT player and if he was in final three no matter who he was sitting next to I am pretty sure I would have voted for him.  The fan in me is so mad at myself right now and if this series has an All Stars season I will start a petition for Landen to be cast! Right now I am hoping that I can salvage my relationship with Lily but it feels great to have numbers on my side for once!  I was never super close to ANY of these people except for maybe Kevin but I think that we all work good together and that vote was easy peasy with zero drama! 

6 minutes later

ALSO, my favorite quote of the day today was from Chips, I am still cackling- Me: Telling Chips that I'm scared I'm going to vote wrong and that I haven't made my rounds bc I'm watching real Survivor, bla bla bla.... and I congratulate him again for winning immunity. Chips: I hope I vote right this round. Chips: Glad you can't vote me again HAHAHA I love how honest and to the point he is and how he isn't afraid to call me out, I am so dead, LOL.

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF. Just a big ole oof. wowza. Am I the biggest fool that there ever was??? YOU BETCHA. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LANDENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WHY!? What a crazy game this is and as per usual blessed to still be playing but I'm in my lazy boy crying about Landen getting the boot. Played with that kid since day 1! Ultimate duo. Love you but why you gotta leave me hanging on a single autumn vote?????? The only good thing to come of this is now I'm a free agent. At least I made F7 my favorite number at least now I can go out with some dignity. I shot my shot and I got my best bud out of the game. Oop. So screw what I said at tribal council, lines aren't drawn yet and this game isn't over. 

2 hours later

Am I going to go absolutely nuts today? Yeah, probably. Ruthie is the only one online right now and I’m trying to make something happen. If I think about the dynamics going on right now it’s clear to me that autumn and chips are on the outs with Joanna, juls, Kevin, and Ruthie working together on the last vote. I can also tell that Kevin and Ruthie don’t want to vote for me so that at least gives me decent odds of making it through this vote. However they will most likely go for autumn as Ruthie has already suggested. This will most likely lead into me getting voted out around 5th if Kevin continues to win immunity challenges. I’m wondering if I can work with Kevin and Ruthie on this vote to get out Joanna I might be in a better position in the next coming cotes. That leaves a lot of big threats still in the game including the ruthie/Kevin duo. I know I can’t be too pushy with this group but I gotta try to make something happen otherwise what’s the point.

As far as tonight goes I am covering ALL my bases and both groups of Kevin, Juls and Joanna as well as Autumn, Lily and Chips think I am voting with them... LOL. This is honestly going to come back to bite me in the ass, I feel it coming!   It is nearing end game and I just NEED to vote smartly.  I feel like if I can gain Lily's trust and vote with them this round maybe I can get her to turn on Autumn and we can vote Autumn out next round.  I don't know who would be good to sit next to at the end right now, but with the position I'm in now I feel like Kevin will eventually try to get rid of me so that he could sit next to Juls and Joanna at the end and possibly win? UGH, I still don't know what I'm doing this round but I think that I am going to vote with Lily, Autumn and Chips as long as I keep a good read on them.  My only other concern is if I need to tell Kevin I'm doing this before the vote or not.  I'm just going to keep an open mind and figure it out when it gets to that.   I feel like such a villain and I don't know how I feel about that!! 

I almost won one :(

hello hello its me, so i won immunity this round in a TIEBREAKER !! thank god i took my time to think about that one, funnily enough my original guess was gonna be 39 just with the math i did in my head (the actual answer was 38) but i figured i wasn't giving people enough credit so i bumped it up to 41, i was even considering 43, but im glad i didn't whew. anyways enough about the challenge but i won a memory comp so i wanted to touch on that because thats exciting. Alrighty well today has been pretty tame as far as the vote goes, it's almost 30 minutes before tribal and the chat with myself joanna juls and ruthie all agreed chips was a good vote out, i spoke to lily who said she heard autumn's name but i didn't hear that but i do think voting autumn would be smart. My only concern is i think autumn is a good person for me to use as someone i can get votes on next round if i lose immunity, she has been involved in a LOT of stuff in this game she was involved in the owen flip, the ruthie flip even though she was idoled and then even the jules flip, like she's been in everyones ear but people dont really see it, but i think lily does. And so if i can keep autumn as someone to campaign against if i lose immunity i feel like i have a shot at staying next round without immunity. HOWEVER, BREAKING NEWS, juls just told me that chips told her that he thinks it might be her going home, saying that the people who think she is close to me are saying that. Which could be true, but it could also be a tactic to try and get juls to flip or maybe misplay an idol, theres so many things that are going on. In a perfect world chips goes home, then autumn and then idk what at 5. If juls DOES go i think potentially bounce back, i think i could work with ruthie and lily as og hufflepuffs and i dont think joanna would necessarily outright target me over ruthie or lily. But it's dangerous because right now joanna is in the middle and as she proved last round she is willing to do whatever she has to and i think she lied to landen REALLY well so im nervous. I'm considering getting lily and juls and just voting autumn and if they try anything it could go 3-3-1 or potentially if we are not being lied to it goes 3-2-2 which gets out my target for next round, and breaks my trust even more with joanna, who vocalized how upset she was that i have lied to her/not voted with her. I think my best bet is to stick to the chips vote and give off the energy like im riding this group til the wheels fall off. If juls does go home, then i have to step my game up but honestly i have been in the drivers seat long enough in this game, if people want to make moves and take the heat off of me and just keep giving me blows to the perception that im potentially controlling things or at the center of the things? idek if thats the perception people have or maybe im just delusion and overhyping myself. I think i can sell my position in the owen/dan/landen votes as being less impactful than i think it really was. But autumn is smart, as is lily, they could see through me, but i think the calmness of landen not being here is helping me kinda sell the whole "see all that stuff was cause of landen!! not little ol me!!!" and if i continue to vote with the people i voted with last round i could make f5 in this game in a neat spot. But that's if people continue to trust me, which they would have reason not to but i hope that they do. This is such a calm round yet things are still so so so complex and layered. this game is genuinely something unlike anything I have played. Wish me luck im gonna need it.

Alright. So last round was a mess with Landen leaving and Lily trying to blindside Autumn. Not really conducive to an alliance sticking together when one votes out another and the other makes the attempt. To try to pull stuff back together Autumn and I pulled in Lily since she was just swindled into voting incorrectly... and picked up Ruthie since she would be in the bottom of what could be viewed as a trio going into six. Kevin can easily take Juls and Joanna to the end and win if she does not flip. And he will. So this round is either a confirmation of Kevin's win or it's an unlikely group of four voting for one of the people who would be taken to the end as a no-vote getter. I say unlikely group because Ruthie has voted me twice, I have voted her once, I have forced rocks against Lily, and Lily has voted Autumn. Yay team!

yall better not try it this round or there will be blood at Final 6. Here's to hoping everybody does what they're supposed to but if they don't, you can't save em all https://drive.google.com/file/d/1arE1qIyJHouJHyXGrNtW_bS8oYZEpUWb/view?usp=sharing

[wannabanauthor]

Seven Shades of Shit Book Review with Caitlyn Lynch: Chapter 6 Part 1

Hello everybody, and once again I’m reviewing Cassandra Dee’s Seven Brothers of Sin.  It’s a horrible book so far, and I expect Chapter 6 to answer the question “Can this get any worse?”

Don’t forget to check out the lovely @caitlynlynch review as well!  She is my partner in suffering at the moment.  Her review will be linked here!

Here is the link to the masterpost.

Now onto the horror show…wait, I need some chocolate pie before I attempt to read this garbage.

This chapter is from Macy’s POV, and apparently she needs to recap everything.

I’m going to caption this as “Last Time on Seven Brothers of Sin…”

They’re probably drugging you, Macy.  You should stay away from them.  They’re weird as fuck.

This is a classic example of Plot Convenience, and it’s asking the readers for an unusually high Suspension of Disbelief threshold.

I’ve read taboo/pseudo-incest erotica that didn’t sound this creepy.  You think I might be exaggerating, but I’m not.  This author’s writing really is that bad.

I’d like to remind you of Caitlyn’s first chapter review where she mentions the possible child molestation that took place when the Morgan’s brothers played doctor with Macy 10 years ago when she was 8 years old.

I’d like to also reiterate that the taboo erotica I’ve read never ever mentions a sexual or romantic relationship/interest between the man and the woman before she was of legal age. Think about that for a moment. Erotica centering on step-family members fucking each other has better morals then a non-taboo erotic book.  How’s that for a comparison?

Unless you’re actually a diagnosed sex-addict, you are not addicted to your vibrator.  A lot of teenage girls masturbate, look at porn, and read romance novels.  However, that should not be mentioned or referred to in this book since she was underage at the time it happened.  If anything, the author could have focused on her playing with herself and everything when she was at college.

Bitch, Smith just touched you down there.  You have six guys panting over you, and I guarantee you that men do not care about “how much flesh” is down there.  They just want to fuck you.  If that means they got to spread their fingers apart a little wider to pave the way, they don’t give a fuck.  Pussy is pussy.

When did Macy make out with them?  I don’t remember any kissing.  You can’t be a slut without having sex.  If you’re using a vibrator internally, then your hymen is not intact.  One time I wrote a virgin character, and in order for her have a hymen, I made sure to mention that she didn’t finger herself or use tampons.  But I’m just extra like that.

And when was Matt’s tongue on you?  Continuity errors or I was just that drunk?

People have hang ups over food?  No shit, Sherlock.  Have you seen how the media pushes fatphobia to the point where parents will starve their growing kids just so they can be thin?  Vegans care about animal rights and the negative effects of eating meat on the environment.  Noble goal when they aren’t being classist, racist, fatphobic, and a whole bunch of other shit.  Other people have dietary restrictions.  Some just want to live a healthy lifestyle, and others have eating disorders.  Fuck you for shitting on anyone’s diet and being dismissive about the real reasons behind it.

I’m sitting here trying to collect my thoughts to respond to this false rhetoric calmly, but fuck that. I give zero fucks anymore.

Macy, you’re not dumb or insignificant for taking pleasure in small things.  You are dumb for a whole other list of reasons that I don’t care to get into right now.  Feminists want equality, especially for women who like to do traditional “feminine” things. They want it to be a choice, not a requirement.

Macy, I’m going to stop you right there at “big careers”.  Even my sorority sisters who are working for TV channels, our alma mater, famous companies, and or in government don’t have big and glamourous careers yet.  Only the older ones who graduated a decade ago come close to that.  If it makes you feel better, I don’t you being a tax expert, lawyer, or grad student. Your stupidity would cause someone to be audited, thrown in jail, pay a huge fine, or take up a valuable spot in a graduate program.

White privilege is calling your parents by their first name and not getting knocked the fuck out.

While I could go on a rant about her white privilege, I could also use this time to point out how utterly stupid she is.  Does she think that everyone working a cubicle job wants to be there?  No, a lot of them have bills to pay, so they do it anyway.  A lot of them are also smart and work on their passion in their free time so that they can build up enough experience to eventually transition into doing their passion as a full-time job.

But then again, white privilege plays into this.  It doesn’t even occur to her that she can do both.  Every person of color is taught from birth that they need to have a side hustle for extra money or as a backup plan.  I am one of the rare fortunate ones that has a day job that I love, and I get to be an independent author in my spare time.  I am living proof that you can do both.  My black coworkers at my current and former job all have businesses or side hustles.  One of my former coworkers has a full-time job and ten companies that she runs.

Of course, Macy is too stupid to figure this out because she thinks she deserves to have everything fall into her lap at her convenience while the rest of us work our asses off so that we can survive and do what we love.

You’re going to be a fucking awful chef and cookbook author if that’s the case.  Creating recipes requires equations, problem solving, presentations, and effective communication.  And the kitchens in America are notorious for the verbal abuse that the cooking staff face.  Even when I took a cooking class, the professor was blunt but honest.  You don’t have the buoys to work in a kitchen.  It’s not all fairy dust and daydreams.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She wants to self-publish, but she can’t problem solve or make presentations?  Oh man, that is a disaster waiting to happen. Self-publishing is not easy. Anyone can write a book and publish it, but in order to be successful you have to research and study your ass off to actually sell your books.  If they don’t sell, you have to analyze the situation and problem solve for a solution.

Keep this dumb bitch away from the kitchen.  The following information took me five seconds to find:

Don’t use runny cheese on pizza, you fuckwit!

Is the virgin slut slut-shaming other women?  Who would want the perfect resume?  Who would want to drink and sleep around?  She must be new here because that’s exactly what people tend to do to relieve stress.

You just made soggy pizza, you dipshit, so your comparison is correct.  You’re not going to know what you’re doing, and you’re going to fuck it all up.

While her mom is right about the education and job part, she is also a humongous snobby privileged white bitch who just insulted every single cook and chef in existence.  Well, if the bitch hates people who cook so much, she should just stop eating and save them the time.

Head, meet desk, please.  Repeatedly.

Oh honey, you think you’ll start out at a high-class restaurant?  You can’t do math, problem solve, or take criticism.  All it takes is for one uppity rich white woman to complain about your food, and you’ll be fired for your incompetency.  Well, after you finish crying your eyes out in front of everyone.

Macy, everyone knows what rushing is.  I’ve been on the sorority side of it, and trust me, it’s a learning experience. You learn how to conduct two-way interviews, evaluate candidates, sell people an experience, and you end up networking with some of the women.  If your dream is to be a celebrity chef, joining a sorority is the way to go. Once you pay your dues, you get instant access to thousands of women in every industry imaginable.  You get an entire network of women willing to help you just because you joined an organization.  Make fun all you want, but rushing is essentially convincing hundreds of young women to spend thousands of dollars per semester on an experience that has lifelong benefits.  Sounds like the thing you need to do what you want to do.

I’m with Martha on this one.

You are as dumb as people think.  You can go to culinary school after you graduate from college and get a job.  Trade schools usually have a few class you can take during outside of 9-5.

You really are fucking clueless if you want a baby at eighteen even though you have no desire to go get a degree or get a monotonous job that pays the bills.

And where did this desire for a baby come from?  You know what’s even harder than a college education and a boring job?  A baby!

Sorry to burst your bubble, but breastfeeding can be very painful and frustrating.  It’s one of those things they don’t usually tell women until after they’ve given birth.  Or at least that’s what they do in the States.  If you don’t believe me, go look at Chrissy Tiegen’s tweet after she gave birth when she said “they didn’t tell me that I’d be going home in a diaper too”.

Breastfeeding can be so difficult that lactation consultants exist.  Sometimes the babies just don’t latch or just don’t want a nipple. My friend had trouble breastfeeding her first kid, but her second kid was a natural with breastfeeding.  Then there’s the leaking milk, pumping milk, not producing enough milk.  You need to study all this stuff before you have a kid.

Don’t kid yourself. You’re not smart enough to become a CEO.

This is exactly why you shouldn’t have a fucking baby!  Even Domo Wilson waited until she was financially stable to get inseminated, and she had been wanting a child since she was a kid herself.  She talked herself out of intentionally becoming a teen mom because she wanted to wait until she could actually provide for the child. She’s a lesbian too, so she had to pay some serious money for the entire insemination process.

You don’t know jack shit about any of those things, so you’re already off to a bad start.

(Tumblr is refusing to post all the photos, so this is a two-parter)

[fatcatsarecats]

Bossy Boots

Madara & Tobirama Words: 2,617 A/N: The Kid!Tobirama fic that no one asked for. Here it is anyway! Possible sequel in the works. Betaed by the shameless enabler, @redhothollyberries. Set in IzunaIsAlive!AU because no Izuna = no me.

-

Days-off are a scarce, sacred thing. Everyone knows better than to disrupt Madara’s routine of sleep, eat, train and read when it’s his day off on the threat of having their head bitten off. Like most things in life, however, Hashirama is the exception.

Or Hashirama just doesn’t care. Most likely both. Senjus seem to be immune to his scare tactics.

Hashirama knocks on his door, an hour earlier than Madara had planned to wake up. Irate, Madara opens the door ready to breathe fire - only to halt and blink his bleariness away.

Madara stares at Hashirama. Then he stares harder at the child in his arms. A very familiar-looking child with white spiky hair, red streaks down his cheeks and chin and the most fearsome glower to be ever paired with such chubby cheeks.  

“What is that?” Madara blurts out.

Lord, the way the child is glaring at him makes him feel as skewered and spit roasted as a hunted boar. It’s ridiculous. This teeny tiny child shouldn’t be able to exude so much malicious intent.

Hashirama sighs. “Don’t be mean, Madara. This is Tobi. There was an accident when Tobi was field testing his jutsu.” Hashirama pauses. “Again.”

Whether Hashirama realised his wording or not, Madara snickers. “Isn’t he too old to be having accidents around the place?”

Tobirama sneers, all squeaky and squinty and evil.

“You’re an accident.”

Madara gapes. “Excuse you?”

“Really, Madara?” Hashirama asks in disbelief. “Out of the two of us, I would not have picked you to be the one fighting with a five year old. I hope you know that I have my disappointed face on.”

Hashirama puts enough shame in his rebuke that Madara almost thinks twice about glaring at the prickly porcupine in his arms. He bites his tongue, lest he rebuttals with sometime immature like the fact that Tobirama started it first. And he won’t, because if he does, then Tobirama wins. Madara, the ever mature person that he is, refuses to let a five year old best him.

Plus, Madara hates Hashirama’s disappointed face. It strikes the most disgusting feelings inside him – like guilt, shame and regret.

Absolutely disgusting.

Tobirama sticks his tongue out at him, and Madara’s eye twitches.

“Could you look after Tobi today? Pretty please?” Hashirama asks. “I promise I’ll repay you with dinner some other night.”

Sniffing, Tobirama looks away. “I can look after myself.”

Incredulous, Madara raises both eyebrows. “You can barely reach the counter.”

“And you can barely win an argument.”

“You little–”

“Five year old,” Hashirama reminds him.

Breathing in a harsh gulp of air, Madara calms himself down. He wouldn’t be surprised if a vein is poking out of his forehead. That’s just the effect Tobirama has on him. Still, Tobirama is only five. Even if he is leaps and bounds ahead of other five year olds, Madara is the full grown adult here. He should not be so easily provoked.

“How long is he going to be like this?” Madara asks.

Hashirama’s only answer is a shrug. “His notes didn’t say much. They just say he’ll eventually ‘revert’ back to his normal state. Everybody else is at work, and I don’t finish till late at night. Please take care of him till I finish?”

Hashirama attempts to widen his eyes for transparency. Madara is sceptical. Tobirama, still lodged in Hashirama’s arms, continues to wish pain and suffering upon Madara using his facial features alone. Nothing out of the ordinary, really.

“Fine.” Madara sighs. “Bring him in.”

-

The thing is, Tobirama has the chubbiest cheek and the biggest eyes he’s ever seen on a such a small body. He’s on the shorter side, rounder than Madara expected, and he exudes so much belligerent confidence while being all wrapped up in a small, dark blue yukata.

It’s downright adorable.

Normal developmental milestones are not something Tobirama adheres to. Madara knows this; like everything else in life, Tobirama accelerates. It shouldn’t surprise him how self-sufficient and intelligent he is for a five year old.

His insistences on taking care of himself almost gave Madara a heart attack. He put Tobirama in one place, told him to stay, and the next time he blinked, Tobirama had somehow gotten his short little legs standing on a chair while attempting to cut an apple into small slices.  

On another note, Tobirama is cutting his nerves into small slices. What with the way he’s silent and unblinking when he just stares at Madara across the coffee table.

Madara peers up at Tobirama from his book. “Do you even blink?”

Like an owl, Tobirama is nonplussed and silent.

“Do you want a colouring book and some pencils?” Madara asks. “A book to read? Math problems to do? A nap? People to skewer?”

Tobirama doesn’t answer, or twitch. Madara squints his eyes. He wouldn’t put it past Tobirama to stop breathing out of pure spite.

Madara decides for him. “I’ll bring out a bit of everything, so you can decide for yourself what you want to do, alright?” Everything except the last thing he mentioned, of course. Kid Tobirama is scary enough as it is, Madara doesn’t need more nightmare material by watching a cute little kid stabbing people with glee.

Silence is the only thing that answers him, and he interprets it as a yes. He hauls himself up from the floor and lugs through his house, grabbing a blanket, a pillow and an assortment of puzzles he thinks five year old Tobirama will enjoy. They’re puzzles that he himself fiddles with when he gets fidgety. If it’s enough to entertain him, then it’s surely enough to challenge a teeny tiny prodigy.

He almost drops everything when he steps into the living room, finding it empty and Tobirama gone.  

-

Tobirama can’t have gone far. Literally, teeny tiny legs.

Considering Tobirama’s penchant for high places, Madara heads straight to the top of Hokage Mountain: adult Tobirama has two places he frequents when he wants to ponder on his thoughts, and since a very quick visit to the Senju Koi pond revealed it empty, sure enough Madara finds Tobirama on the top of the mountain, huddled with his knees up, looking off into the city.

It’s ridiculous that he has enough chakra control to climb up the Hokage mountain. Chills stab into his neck at the thought of a small Tobirama tumbling off a cliff so high. Panic is not something he handles well. Anger, however, is a familiar and warm cloak he frequently wears.

Before he can strip a hide into Tobirama, Tobirama sweeps him off guard with his grumblings.

“Why do you care where I go?” He buries his head into his knees. “You don’t even like me anyway.”

All the hot air rush out of him. Madara flops down beside him, defeated. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought you turned into a child, not an angsty teenager.”

Tobirama frowns. “I’m not angsty.”

“You’re definitely angsty for a five year old,” Madara informs him, amused. “And you have a ridiculously expansive vocabulary for someone so young. You’re also wrong in that I do care, and that I do like you.”

Tobirama looks at him, sceptical at the thought of anyone wanting him around.

What a heart clencher. Feelings and Madara are not the closest friends, but if opening up will get rid of this doubt that’s clouding around Tobirama, then so be it.

Tobirama should never have to doubt about people wanting him around.

“I do,” Madara reaffirms. “I think you’re smart, courageous, and kind, even when you’re throwing things at me. Sharp things, by the way. I regard your opinion very highly. Fighting, and talking with your older self is something that I look forward to every day.”

“You didn’t want me this morning.”

“I was grumpy at being woken up so early, since this is my only day off this week. I suppose I should apologise for that.” Madara scratches the back of his head.  “I’m sorry if I was being a grump to you. I would promise to try not to be one again, but I’m just a naturally grumpy person.”

“I remember.” Tobirama twitches his nose. “I remember a lot of things. It’s…confusing.”

Madara bets. Two sets of memories in such a tiny body - one that’s running on a child’s logic and feelings. That’s got to be one uncomfortable, perplexing mix.

Always so much wiser than his years, Tobirama offers his own apology. “I’m sorry I was mean to you. Brother never wants to play with me. He’s always leaving me behind when he plays with our cousins. I know that he’s the Hokage, and that’s important, but I didn’t like that he was passing me off to someone else again.”

Madara’s familiar with brotherly resentment. It’s an inevitable part of growing up, but he’s always made the effort to never exclude Izuna. Even when he’s busy, Madara is adamant in making sure that Izuna knows that he comes first as family does.

Madara knows Hashirama too well. All the good with all the bad. He’s aware that Hashirama has a habit of valuing other people’s regard higher than he values his brother’s.

Clearly, Tobirama knows this. Resignation slumps his small shoulders.

It occurs to Madara that if seven year old Madara had met seven year old Hashirama and discovered this, the former would have surely kicked the latter’s ass. Children make mistakes, everyone does, but little siblings should never doubt their value to their older brothers.

That’s just unacceptable.

“Well, you got me on my day off. I’m here as your obedient minion. We don’t need Hashirama to have fun. We’ll do it on our own,” Madara says. “How about we play a prank on Izuna to cheer you up?”

A small smile blossoms on Tobirama’s face. Tobirama puts his arms up, in a silent demand to be piggy backed down. Either Tobirama is a cat, and climbing up is vastly easier than climbing down, or Tobirama has deemed Madara worthy of carrying him down.

Tobirama’s bossy attitude is adorable.

“Can we make him scream really high?” asks Tobirama as he climbs up Madara’s back. “His shrieking is funny.”

Tobirama rests his cheek against the side of Madara’s face. The cold press of soft skin shocks him slightly, before he chuckles.

“Like I said, I’m here as your obedient minion,” Madara tells him. “Your every wish is my command.”

-

When Izuna shrieks later that afternoon, it sounds glorious.

Madara sits on a cushion with a book in his hand and tea on the table. Tobirama snaps the book he’s reading shut, and scampers under a set of blankets beside Madara. He huddles into the blankets and turns his back towards the door as heavy footsteps stomp their way to their living room.

The room slides open with a crash to reveal a shirtless Izuna with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“You little shi–”

“Language,” Madara scolds. Beside him, he can feel Tobirama shake with mirth, but he doesn’t let any sound escape. Technically, he’s an adult that’s heard worse, but Madara does it for the sake watching Izuna grow redder.

And what a satisfying sight it is.

Izuna growls. “You morbidly disturbed little panda bear.” He points a shaky, furious finger at the lump. “I know you’re the one that did this!”

He gestures to his hair. His long, spiky hair. His long, spiky, neon-orange hair that’s glittering like firework sparks from the way the sun is illuminating it.

Madara raises one eyebrow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Izuna. He’s five.”

“He’s evil!”

“He’s asleep. And inside voices! Can’t you see that it’s nap time?”

The look that Izuna throws him is absolutely withering. Madara wants it painted and hung in his office.

But he doesn’t let his lips twitch. Instead, Madara says, “For what it’s worth, you’re looking exceptionally fiery today.”

The bundle of blankets beside him snorts. Madara squashes the bundle with his weight in rebuke, because sleeping little boys in the middle of nap time absolutely do not snort.

Izuna claws at his hair. He does his best to tug a handful out while screeching in frustration. He stomps out of the room, the screech fading as he gets further away.

Once he’s clear of imminent danger, Tobirama pokes his head out of the blankets, sniggering. “Can we do brother next?” he asks, eyes bright with devious intentions.

Madara thinks on it. “I’ve got another idea; how about we do Tōka next, but we frame Hashirama?”

Worry crosses Tobirama’s rounded features. “Tōka’s really smart, though. It’ll be hard tricking her. She’s the oldest.“

Sage. He remembers when being the oldest was the single end to every and all arguments he ever had with his brother. Madara wants to keel over and clutch his heart from the cuteness of Tobirama’s serious features. How he missed those days.

And don’t get him started on how precious Tobirama’s awe for Tōka is.

Madara closes his book. “It’s two against one. I think those are pretty good odds.”

Tobirama considers his choices for the moment, before the biggest grin splits his face. He nods, and holds his arm up, signalling Madara to carry him for easy conspiring.

Madara obliges him. Tobirama fits to his side like a warm, soft, missing puzzle piece.

Together, they duck their heads close, and they plan.

-

Madara startles awake at the feeling of a chakra signature entering his room. He sits up, blinks his blurry eyes rapidly to meet big, red ones staring back at him.

He jolts back and throws his swearing rule out the window.

“Fucking piece of shit fuck, Tobirama. You scared me!” Madara rubs the sleepiness away from his face, once he registers the tiny figure standing beside his futon. “And how the hell did you break in, anyway? For fuck’s sake, Tobirama, you’re five. Stop being so competent.”

Tobirama sniffs. “I’m five, not stupid. And language.”

“What do you think you’re doing running around Konoha at this time of night? It’s dangerous! Especially for a kid like you! Does Hashirama even know you’re here? He’s going to come bounding here flailing and panicking–”

“I can’t sleep.”

Madara blinks at him in the darkness. “Pardon me?”

“I can’t sleep,” Tobirama repeats, before fidgeting where he stands. “I keep seeing my other memories, and there are – some of them are really bad. Really, really bad.”

Of course. Madara feels like an absolute buffoon for forgetting that five year old Tobirama does not have the same coping mechanism as a twenty-four year old Tobirama. And Madara does not wish the horrors that twenty-four year old Tobirama has seen even on his worst enemies.

“Why come to me?” Madara asks, tone gentle. “Wouldn’t Hashirama be better for these sort of things?”

“You said that you’re my obedient minion.”

That makes him raise one eyebrow. “And?”

“You said that my every wish is your command.” Tobirama folds his arms together. “Well my wish now is for you to beat down those dreams as my obedient minion. You’re scary – you have a scary face. You can scare them by glaring at them, like how you glare at brother sometimes.”

He must not smile. No matter how much bossy Tobirama makes him want to, or how much the idea that Madara is more infallible than Tobirama’s demons makes him want to preen. So, instead of squishing tiny Tobirama’s cheeks, Madara opens up the blanket of his futon, and concedes.

“Alright then. In you go.”

Tobirama perks up, and all but jumps into the blanket. He burrows into Madara – and like the sadist he is, he shoves his cold hands under Madara’s back, leeches all the warmth from Madara’s chest into his side, before sighing into Madara’s shoulder.

Madara sends one of his cats off to inform Hashirama of Tobirama’s whereabouts. By the time he finishes tucking the blanket around them, Tobirama is sound asleep.

-

A/N: Headcanon that Tobirama is one of those people that had chubby cheeks that turned razor sharp during puberty.  Now with a sequel!