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dutchdread · 4 years

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What is Love? Baby don't hurt me.

This article sets out to define different types of love in a meaningful way, and argue why the specifics surrounding Aerith and Cloud makes it so that the commonly accepted romantic version of the emotion can't apply. __________________________________________________

Whenever you talk to anyone, it's important to be on the same page, and one of the most important parts about that is making sure that you're speaking the same language. I am sure we've all had moments where we were arguing with someone only to discover that you both believed the exact same thing, but that you simply used a different word to describe said thing.

"That's what I've been saying" "No, that's what I've been saying!" "Well what are we even arguing about then?!"

When that happens, you're not arguing about the topic itself, you're arguing about semantics, about language.

An argument about whether or not what Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith felt for each other would fall under "love" is a debate about language, not FFVII, and I am not here to have a conversation about language. Unfortunately, before I can actually have a conversation about FFVII, a conversation about language is apparently needed.

Love is an incredibly broad term, used to express what we feel about our family, our pets, our friends, our "lovers", and even our favorite songs, weather, and food. So why the hell do we ask "who did Cloud love" as if love is some singular binary system?

I can never prove that what a character feels isn't love, I can only assert that I personally wouldn't use the word "love" to describe said feeling, and explain why I wouldn't. When we ask "does Cloud love Tifa or Aerith", we are presupposing a concept of "love", and asking who it applies to.

"I pity you, you just don't get it at all, there is nothing I don't cherish"

But it applies to both, and it applies to Barret, and Marlene, and Denzel, and everyone. Because love is far too broad a term to start with, it's a catch-all. Instead of starting with a preconception of what love is, and seeing who has it, we should describe what people actually have, and see what their individuals shapes of love look like.

Even so, I will do my best to describe what I mean by romantic love, as opposed to a crush, or infatuation, or attraction, so that when I say "Cloud and Aerith don't (and can't) romantically love each other", that it's clear what that assertion means to me.

I'm going to tell you a story, a story that, admittedly, doesn't make me look good, but which will hopefully provide context for what I think love is and why.

When I was younger I wasn't the most popular kid, back then I assumed I was unattractive, as an adult I realize its because I was socially awkward as fuck (I was actually cute as heck if I do say so myself). However, by the time I got to highschool I had made a best friend and had managed to figure out and fake social conventions enough that I could at the very least solve my issues through humor instead of violence. The change from typical village kids to a wider pool of potential friends also enabled me to finally find people who were more like me. Even so, the whole social outcast part was still ingrained deeply enough in me that I was mostly putting on an act in front of people, saying whatever I needed to say in order to get a certain reaction, in order to be liked, rather than just being myself. I had had crushes before, when you're alone it's easy to really fall for someone, and hell, I was always a sucker when it came to love stories, but my childhood had basically left me too nervous that I'd say the wrong thing to ever actually say the right thing when I really liked a girl. However, generally being the life of the party left me with a string of girlfriends I didn't care too much about. Even so, I eventually met a girl that I was instantly smitten with, the most attractive girl I knew and somehow I managed to start dating her, and hell, I even thought I loved her. I dated said girl for several years, but without going into spoilers I'll just say that I left that relationship pretty jaded and and disillusioned with the concept of love. I felt like I had done everything I could and love in general was bullshit and was honestly pretty done with women in general. Ironically my new pessimistic attitude made me much more successful with women than I had ever been before, by that time I was known as someone who was fun to party with, and unlike the majority of people my age I was in incredible shape and still had all my hair. However, while I enjoyed my newfound popularity there was a part of me that really resented it because I realized that what women seemed to react positively to wasn't what I imagined love to be like and I hated that. I hated that when I used to be kind and filled with notions of "true love" no one was interested, but now that I was disinterested and clearly manipulative women seemed to throw themselves at me. During that time I basically stopped looking for a meaningful relationship and just decided to have fun until my life would, inevitably, fall apart.

Eventually though I got a girlfriend who I didn't deserve and was much too good for me. However, when I did I was no longer interested in building a relationship and I was pretty certain that it would eventually fall apart anyway like everything else. As a result I mainly cared about what I could get from her, I didn't act like a proper partner and I when I thought about "fixing the relationship" I was thinking mostly about what she could do to be a better girlfriend, honestly, part of me actually resented her for not being my ex. When talking about our issues the general terms were "I'll do this, but only if you fix that". Without going into details, the general gist is that we had a horrible start to our relationship and that affected everything that came after it.

Eventually though this girl who I once mainly saw as just another temporary part of my life became something more to me, she became a more complete person. I mellowed out, and started appreciating her more, I decided to get us to work on the relationship but the damage was basically already done. She'd given up on me ever wanting to settle down and had started distancing herself from me emotionally and eventually I became sick of fighting for the relationship by myself and we broke up. Afterwards, free of pressure, I sat back and l evaluated what I wanted in life, I thought about myself, and her, REALLY thought about her. The good parts, and the bad. And I realized that all the things I was annoyed about were honestly absurd. I decided I was going to fight for her, not just "try to fix the relationship" by figuring out what worked and what didn't, but I just decided I was going to properly appreciate her, be the best boyfriend I could be, and not ask for anything in return. And let me tell you, that change in mindset changed EVERYTHING for me. Within months I became absolutely smitten with her, when I first started the relationship I was honestly annoyed if we met up and didn't have sex, now just sitting on the couch under a blanket with her became the highlight of days, even the things I once saw as negatives became a precious part of the puzzle that made her her. My biggest regret in life is still that I couldn't be the person she made me back when I first met her. (and concerning looks, she is honestly so much more gorgeous than the ex it's not even funny, how did I not see that?). The point of all this is that love isn't automatic, it's not something that happens without your consent, it's the result of actions, of decisions. When you choose to take the time to look at your significant other, and soak up and appreciate who they are and what they do, when you put in the effort, that's when love grows. I've gone from being sick and tired of someone I had been with for years, to being absolutely infatuated with them, simply by making a decision. I could not have made that decision had I not been myself, that decision would have been false. Looking back, all those earlier girls I've been infatuated with, that wasn't love, I didn't even know who they were, I barely knew who I was. No matter how much passion I felt in the moment, no matter how much fun I had in the times we spent together, now I don't even remember their names.

Love isn't your heart beating faster, it's not that instinctive nervousness that comes with talking to a cute girl you just met. It's a complete and deep appreciation of a person, un understanding of who you are, who they are, and what that means to you. Love is what I feel for my brother, who is as much a part of me as my own arm, without whom I would not be me. Someone who isn't just another person in your life, but is a part of what you consider to be your life, without them your life could not be the same, because they're an absolutely crucial part of it. That doesn't happen in a week, because you can't really learn who someone is in a week, even if you could see all of it, you couldn't internalize it. You can always imagine living without them, because you were, just last week. There are people who meet their soulmates sure, and say they knew within a week, but had they never seen that soulmate again, they would not still be pretending they were "the one" years later, and if they were, their friends wouldn't be saying "that's love", they'd be saying "that's an unhealthy obsession". Cloud and Aerith barely knew each other, both when it comes to time, as well as to how much they actually knew about each other. Cloud had no idea of who he was or what was important to him in life, he was unable to be honest with others or even himself, so how would he ever be able to meaningfully make an informed decision to make the kind of emotional commitment that's the cornerstone of love? He didn't know himself, nor did he know Aerith, to whose feelings he was canonically oblivious and whose entire life was a mystery to Cloud. How can we say that Soldier Cloud is capable of knowing who he loves when he's not even aware of the the gigantic Tifa shaped area of his identity. Can Soldier Cloud determine what he values and why without the knowledge of what he's gone through in his life? Sure, but can Soldier Cloud make that determination for the real one? No. Soldier Cloud, and his emotions, have no relation to that of the real Cloud. The real Cloud must determine what people mean to him all by himself. And when it comes to real Cloud, it is pretty obvious who is the biggest part of his life, the person who defined it from the time he fell for her as kid, right through when he became a soldier to impress her, and up to and past the moment he started raising children with her. For Cloud it's pretty obvious who he has the deep personal understanding with, the girl who filled his sub-conscious, and was literally in his head with him, the girl who is stated to understand him best, and who has a shared story with him, having experienced both the good, and the bad, alongside him. Who was there with him when he was a child, who was there with him in Nibleheim, who found him when he lost his identity and gave him a new one, who was with him when Aerith died, who was with him when he broke, who was with him when he was catatonic, who was with him and helped him find himself again, who was with him during the last night underneath the highwind, who was with him at the end in the north cave, who he started living with afterwards, who waited patiently while he went to find himself, and welcomed him back with a smile. I am sure Cloud liked Aerith....but he LOVES Tifa.

#Cloti #shipping #Love #Tifa #Cloud

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gaylameo · 5 years

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extremely long post - warning

It’s taken a lot of time to even think about writing down my feelings because so many people(friends) know my Tumblr and I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m just looking for a place to pour everything out to rather than drown my friends in it one by one.

For some time now, I’ve been struggling with myself everyday. It’s a constant battle with me to even get out of bed, get myself together, and go to work. I’ve done so much research over the past few months, educated myself on mental health and I never realized how bad your mental health can affect you as a person. The one disorder I’ve been reading up on is BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder). BPD isn’t necessarily wrong and it’s very common.

9 symptoms of BPD include:

-fear of abandonment

-unstable relationships

-unclear self image

-impulsive self destructive behaviors

-self harm

-extreme emotional swings

-chronic feelings of emptiness

-explosive anger

-out of touch with reality

Fear of abandonment was a huge take on me. Throughout my life, I have had experiences with people leaving me. My dad, at the age 12, left me and my older brother behind to my mom, because of his marriage. His wife had a child of her own and she thought he needed all the attention, rather than the attention being brought to my dads children. That took a huge toll on my life. Christmas, Thanksgiving and even birthdays from then until now still are not the same. Although he is divorced now, my relationship I had with him will never be what it once was. At one point in time, I was a daddys girl. As a little girl, I always looked up to my dad. He always made sure my grades were up or made sure my room was clean at all times. He always fixed dinner for me every single night, besides Fridays, we would go to Pizza Hut or some local restaurant and have dinner. Then afterwards, we would always stop at Dairy Queen and get a blizzard. After all that happened, I grew closer to my mom. From prom dress shopping, wedding planning, going to work with her on Fridays and singing karaoke with her, having lazy summer days by the pool, cook outs, family get together’s, senior year shenanigans. My mom and I got to close, to the point where every fathers day and mothers day, I’d always tell her that she did an amazing job at doing both roles. Within the last year, I’ve been suffering with my mom being distant from me as well. Two years ago, we lost my grandma, which is her mom, and ever since then, she hasn’t been the same. Losing a special loved one can really affect a family. I’ve learned that over the last few years. My mom is recently divorced, so on top with a death in the family, I get why she’s been distant. But I still feel like I’m being abandoned even though I live on my own and I’m 24 years old. I’m absolutely TERRIFIED of someone I’m close to leaving me or finally realizing how much better they can be without me in their life and it gets to the point where I, myself, pushes them away just so they don’t.

In middle school, until about my sophomore year of high school, I struggled with self harm. I was bullied not only at school, but severely bullied online as well. I have battle scars on my wrists and they haunt me everyday. Although they’re hard to see, the memories of me doing that to myself stick with me. I’ve been clean from self harm for 8 years, but there’s times where I want to start again. It’s a fight with myself everytime I have an episode. Suicide has been on my mind so much here recently, especially today. I had to leave work early because it was eating me alive. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I still don’t. This life I’m living isn’t what I wanted. I never wanted to hurt anyone or put people through what they went through with me. I filled a bath full of water and tried so hard to stay under but it’s like someone was there, pushing me back up for air because that wasn’t a way to solve this. I tried so hard to push through it and I made it. I called my friend and asked her to calm me down and support is honestly all you need, especially when you hit depression. I’m so glad I overcame this. It was one of the scariest moments I’ve had in so long.

Explosive anger is HUGE for me. I’ve been coping with it pretty good the past month but there’s days where I can’t control it and it just happens.

Impulsive self destruct is another huge one for me. When I’m feeling upset/sad/depressed or even angry, I’d go out and recklessly spend money on things I didn’t even need. Shoes, clothes I’ll never wear, make up, etc. I did this to try to make myself feel better. It doesn’t happen just one or twice, it happens ALL the time. I put myself in debt 2 years ago by maxing out all my 3 credit cards I had. Til this day, I’m still paying them off.

Unclear self image, there’s days where I feel good about myself, super confident, then there’s days where I absolutely HATE myself. This is something I’ve been working on so hard and focusing so much on it. Self love is so important. Learning to love yourself is a process but I’ve never been so passionate about something like this in years.

Chronic feelings of emptiness. Sometimes I’d feel like I was nothing, to no one. It feels like there’s an emptiness inside of me that can’t be filled back up.

Unstable relationships. Out of all the factors above, this hits hard. I can’t remember the last stable relationship I’ve had... probably because I’ve had none. Every relationship I’ve been in, it’s break up one day, back together the next and it’s so back and forth. It’s exhausting. And I know if I’m ever gonna have one, then I need to change my ways. I recently got out of an unstable relationship. I was at fault. I was at cause for the actions that were taken. I lied to her constantly, I broke her trust, and there was a time I cheated on her and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I put her through complete hell. I’ll never understand what she did to deserve the lies that I constantly told her. Regardless of all things, I did love her. I loved her more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I told her once that she deserved better because I knew for a fact I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve the love she gave me everyday, the care. Honest to god didn’t. And more than anything, I wanted to tell her the truth sooner but I didn’t want to lose her and that’s so very selfish of me because in the end, I lost her anyways and that completely broke me. I completely shut off. I have no feelings toward anything right now, no care in the world only because I’m hurting. I hurt her and I hurt myself terribly bad. Why would I do all these horrible things to someone who encouraged me everyday to be the very best person I know I can be? Why would I treat someone that way when they’re nothing but kind a genuine to not only me, but other people as well? She told me her past relationships. She told me all the things she’s been through and the fact I put her through worse, when I thought she’s already been through it, rips me completely apart. She made me feel safe, and cherished. When we got together, she knew I had a dirty past. She knew how ugly it was and it didn’t stop her from taking that chance with me. If there’s anything I could do, I’d rewind back to 10 months and completely start over because losing her made me lose myself all over again, right when I thought I was getting back on track. So without being said, I’m gonna say what I need to say to her, incase she’s reading this because I have built up emotions that’s unhealthy for me to keep in, like she once said. It’s come down to the point where I need to close this chapter in my life. I’m not doing this to degrade her in anyway, because she doesn’t deserve that. I just need to say this so I can move on and work on becoming a better me and be the person I’m meant to be because right now, I’m not it.

So Ashley, if you’re reading this, which you’re probably not but here it is anyways. Thursday night was the roughest nights I’ve had in so long. I tossed, I turned, woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. Being away from you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and it’s even harder now than it was before because I know this time, it’s done, it’s over. That kills me that we’ve gotten to this point. It kills me that we’ve fought so hard to try and make it work, knowing it was never going to. Our relationship is something I will always cherish and will always look back on because behind closed doors, it was the greatest thing that truly made me feel happiness and love all at once. you were my bestfriend who I trusted without a doubt. You were my person who I wanted nothing but the best for. When I told you you were my soulmate, I meant that from the bottom of my heart. I wish upon everything I could just rewind and do everything the way it should’ve been done by telling the truth from the start and if it were that easy, I would in a heartbeat. With all this happening though, I do want the very best for you. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I hope you find someone who cares for you the way you care, someone who doesn’t constantly lie to you. I hope you find someone who looks past your flaws and realizes the heart you have is worth holding onto. I hope you find someone you can connect with on different levels and understand your sarcasm. I hope you find someone that handles your moodiness and never takes your love for granted, not even for a second. I know I can come off spiteful and very non caring but I do have a big heart which still remains with you, believe it or not and it will for a very long time. I really do hope one day you can learn to forgive me, and we can pick up on our friendship that we had once before this all started. I don’t know how exactly you’re handling this, but I do hope you’re okay. I hope you’re thriving and getting so much love and support. I know I wasn’t the best person to you at times when I tried my hardest to be. I do love you and I know you’re going to do great things in your future.

From here on out, I’m working on me. I’m in a really dark place in my life and I need to find that light. I’ve scheduled my first session with a therapist next week. I’ll be seeing her every week. I needed this wake up call. I needed to make this happen years ago. But here’s to me closing my past and opening up a new book because I never want to be known for, for who I am now. I know I can thrive from this. I know I can be better. I hope a year, or two from now I can look back at this and be a completely, changed woman. I’m deleting all social media apps because it’s my time now to cleanse and focus on me and only me. I’ll see you when I see you Tumblr.

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gethealthy18-blog · 6 years

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11 Marriage Tweets That Will Make You Cry-Laugh For Days

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/11-marriage-tweets-that-will-make-you-cry-laugh-for-days/

11 Marriage Tweets That Will Make You Cry-Laugh For Days

Anjala Farahath March 19, 2019

Is it too late to say that marriage is a universally accepted and acknowledged institution that gives us free access to a daily dose of drama, humor, romance, and love? At times, all at once, and sometimes, none at all. No matter which part of the world you live in, the relationship between married couples is pretty much the same. We discover how much we love ourselves and how much we tolerate our significant other. We fight over asinine issues like toilet paper, and we laugh our sorrows out. We basically sign up for a lifetime course on each other. To prove this, we compiled some popular and totally relatable tweets about marriage. Take a look-

1. Marriage Is Like Adopting A Child

My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.

It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 10, 2014

Don’t you think it’s time to universally accept that almost every man is a man child? Okay, all of you who are ready to hurl a #Notallmen hashtag at me, I explicitly said that *most* of them are just overgrown children in bodies of adults. Now, maturity is something that comes with age. But, that can’t be said for men. They just get bigger cars, get better at pranks, and make better excuses. At least, that’s what this man’s life looks like. Don’t you think?

2. Dirty Texting Takes A Whole New Meaning

MARRIED SEXTING: I’m not wearing any underwear…because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times.

— Christie Johnson (@cjohnsonking5) September 19, 2015

Well, there’s nothing like a sweet, surprising, kinky and dirty text message from your spouse in the middle of the day, right? But this is probably what happens when you start dealing with life together and have to remind each other about doing the chores in an unconventional manner. Or maybe, that’s how intimate texting works after the holy union of marriage and living together for years.

3. The Never Ending Wait

99% of marriage is waiting in the car for your spouse.

— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) January 30, 2016

Have you ever seen anyone complain about waiting for their partner when they’re dating? The men voluntarily wait, and the woman use the waiting time to perfect their makeup. But, when the game changes and when we talk about waiting among married couples, waiting feels like the worst punishment that we voluntarily signed up for, doesn’t it?

4. Ah, That Feeling Of Looking At The Love Of Your Life

That moment when u look at the love of your life n think: I’d really like to punch u in the face right now. #MarriedPeopleIssues #TrueStory

— Paymefornada (@cbbrankley) August 17, 2015

When you look at the love of your life, your soulmate, your life partner, you feel a lot of things — butterflies, oxytocin releasing in your bodies (love hormone), you see your future with them, etc. But, there’s another important feeling that you acquire when you get married. You feel like punching them in the face, but you don’t. Because you love them. Sigh, the struggle is real, after all!

5. Main, Meri Patni Aur Humaara Blanket

At least 10% of divorces can be avoided by buying bigger blankets

— X Alqee (@Xalqee) July 9, 2012

Whether you roll up in your blanket like a caterpillar or whether you build a tent for yourself to read your book in bed, your partner might be planning a revenge plan against you for not sharing the blanket with them fairly. And that is a big deal! Of course, we love our partner and we can do anything for them, but no, we cannot sacrifice our blanket!

6. When You Spend Time Together…And Wish You Hadn’t

We’re assembling a crib from Ikea… Which option on their toll free number gets you a marriage counselor?

— Mommy Honesty (@momesty) March 11, 2015

When you’re married, you have to do a lot of things together…like fixing your table, setting up your house, pacifying babies, etc. And since the unsaid rule of marriage is to always disagree with the partner, it would be nice of our toll free folks to connect us to a marriage counselor.

7. Tonight’s Gonna Be A Good Night

I’m at the level of marriage where “getting lucky tonight” just means we’re having tacos for dinner.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 27, 2015

If you’re thinking that a good romp in the sheets can make your night a good one, you are in for a surprise. A good night is when you’re getting a special dinner, which is loaded with some nachos, cheese, and lots of unhealthy stuff. Now, that’s more orgasmic than you know…?

8. Marriage Is About Others

Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife’s home.

— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) May 28, 2015

Be it your porcelain dishes or the cabinet full of chinaware, it’s not meant for you. It’s for the guests. The broken, worn out and old stuff is for you to use. Well, those are the rules. Who made them? Trust us, if we knew, we wouldn’t let them live peacefully.

9. Oh, How Can One Refuse Such Requests?

keeping our marriage fresh/exciting via texts pic.twitter.com/XB3dktiSnA

— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) January 16, 2016

Now, isn’t that so romantic? No kidding, it’s a sign that your relationship has reached a level of comfort that’s unfathomable. You can talk about each other’s poop patterns, you can talk about your nasty vices, and you can even talk about exchanging pictures of the commode. Anything is possible when you’re married.

10. Opinions Do Matter…Maybe?

Relationship status: My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016

We value your opinion and that’s why we ask for it. But, we don’t decide based on your opinion. We just don’t want you to feel like you don’t have a say, because you do. And that’s why we ask.. It’s just up to us to consider that opinion.

11. Your Partner Will Always Be There Beside You

When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.

— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 24, 2015

Remember your vows? You promised to be there for each other in sickness and in health and to love and cherish till death does you apart. In those vows was one hidden vow that you didn’t notice. You partner vowed to remind you, every breathing second, that their pains are greater than yours. After all, it’s the labor pain we are talking about. And we agree, don’t we? (Go back to point number 11).

Marriage isn’t easy, but trust us, it’s a lifetime subscription of humor and drama. Who needs Netflix, right? Were you able to relate to any of these marriage truths? Tell us about the annoying things that you face in a marriage that are so silly yet so irksome.

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