#they're the first person i've ever felt this strongly about before

[gogayhamgo]

It can be very scary to be in love and be loved in return. To be in a relationship and not know if your future will still have them in your arms. But I think that no matter how deep the heartbreak may be, if it does come to pass, that the moments leading up to it are worth every tear that you may cry.

[artbyblastweave]

You said you needed to be prodded to elaborate on why Worm should have been longer? Well consider this a prod, if I may be so bold.

A big chunk of it is rote contrarianism. Part of it is that I like Worm, my experience reading so much Worm was "Sweet! Even More Worm! I've got so much Worm left before I'm out of Worm!" So a version of Worm with More Worm is prima facie an enticing prospect.

In the non-reflexive, genuinely considered sense, there possibly should have been an interlude arc to flesh out the timeskip, make it feel like it was as much of her powered career as it objectively was. And I'm far from the first person to make this observation. But on another level, there's a sense where "Worm Should Have Been Longer" is conflated in my head with "Worm's Timeframe Should Have Been Longer." Which is tricky, and invites further unpacking-

One thing about Worm I've noted in the past is that the villain portion of Skitter's cape career- more than two thirds of the book- only takes place over about three months, but- speaking only for my reading experience- this was surprisingly easy to miss or elide in my consideration of the narrative. One reason for this is that Taylor and her supporting cast are so heavily fleshed out, are so well-realized, undergo so much character development in a compacted timeframe, that it felt like I had been following them for much longer than I had. This is enhanced (was enhanced?) by the out-of-universe passage of time; The S9 interlude arc is, like, a little over the one-third mark of the story, but Worm had been running for a year at the time that that was published, and it certainly felt like I’d been reading a years' worth of fiction while binging it. In this way Worm was truly faithful to its comic book origins; story arcs that take place over the course of hours but are published over the course of months, building reader familiarity with characters who objectively haven’t been at what they're doing for very long. A third element (noticed on rereads) is that Wildbow often opens with scene transitions/cold-opens or what-have you that, are generally contiguous with the preceding events, but simultaneously slightly obfuscate exactly how much time has passed. Arc 6 opens with Taylor finishing up with the ABB mop-up, and it’s blocked to demonstrate how far she’s come in such a relatively short time period. It can’t have been more than a few days since Lung. It explicitly wasn’t. But it had the vibe of having been a while.

What I’m working towards here, inch by inch, is the following conclusion: Worm has what I call an eyedropper approach to Taylor’s three-months and 22 arcs. Any given escapade feels like it’s just one vignette, emblematic of a longer, two-or-three-year stage of her life, scooped out and displayed as a representative sample of what’s going on. When shit hits the fan with Dinah, it feels like the upset of a longstanding status quo, even though by that point, Skitter has only been in five or six major engagements alongside the Undersiders. When they spend Arc 21 lancing various supervillain incursions into the city, it felt like I was watching a day in the life, like this was something the Undersiders had been dealing with, and would be dealing with, for a while- even though arc 21′s handful of engagements are basically the only times Skitter did that before she left. Purely from a vibes-based perspective, you could tell me that the first two thirds of Worm are occurring over the course of eight to ten years, and I might roll with that for a minute.

But the catch is- her villainous career has the vibes of lasting a long time, but it’s actually really thematically and logically important that it doesn’t. Skitter’s friendships within the Undersiders are strongly predicated on her ping-ponging from crisis to crisis so quickly that no true reckoning about their differing morals can ever come about. Skitter’s ability to administer as a benevolent warlord is heavily predicated on her lines of credit from Coil- and you cannot stretch that tension out much longer than it was stretched in canon without Dinah dying or Coil getting fed up with Skitters non-profitability. Breathing room is anathema to the story’s depiction of a pressure-cooker society where every crisis begets a new crisis. Nothing between Lung and Alexandria plays out the same way if anyone is allowed any amount of time to think about or process anything. And you actually see this in arc 21; it’s the first time that Skitter has a real opportunity to think about what the long-term looks like, and there’s a whole sequence where she’s getting nervous about her ability to reign in Regent over the long-haul. It’s the first time in three months where she’s had the luxury to worry about that kind of thing. 

You square this circle by.... basically, by striking the canon balance. There's a sense in which I'm increasingly convincing myself that I'm not talking about a problem Worm has so much as a problem Worm already has a workable-but-imperfect solution for. Create distinct periods in Skitter's development- "Rookie era," "Warlord Era," "Wards Era," whatever-each of which feel like they could balloon out into a years-long status quo if this were a comic, even though the cast are really living through the weeks where decades happen. Rely on the Sheer Amount Of Worm to smooth over the breakneck pace at which everyone's character growth and interpersonal connections are developing. There are a few points in the story where "fuck, has it only been three months?" is a salient mood to invoke. The get-together with Danny's coworkers, the back-to-school portions of arc 20. But for the most part the work already does a really good job of making the pinched timeframe a minor bit of fridge logic and not something hugely dissonant and immersion-breaking.

In the process of writing this I've basically argued myself out of thinking that there's much to gain from fucking around with this delicate balance. I don't know if that has implications for whether or not additional arcs covering the timeskip would help or hurt that balance- at a certain level of focus, that whole "you liked us, but you didn't love us" bit about Skitter's time with the Wards vs. The Undersiders becomes a much harder sell. It was already one of the hardest sells in the book for me, the thing that got me thinking about this in the first place. (two years vs three months!) But at some point, I have to bite the bullet- in a work as ambitious as Worm, "good enough" is a fine thing to settle for. It's good enough!

[leighrobertsreads]

Pushing up trigo, maís, y frisoles

@flashfictionfridayofficial

FFF 253 Prompt: Pushing Up Daisies

Fandoms: Encanto, Harry Potter Characters: Hermione Granger, Isabela Madrigal Word count: 667 Ship: slight one-sided Hermione/Severus

Context: Years after the war, Hermione and Severus ("Snape", she keeps correcting herself) have been working together for the past year or so as a junior Arithmancer and senior Cursebreaker at Gringotts. They finished an assignment in Medellín, Colombia early, and Hermione convinced him to visit historic Santa Fe de Antioquia, a short drive away. They felt the pull of magic on the Río Cauca and followed it. While hiking along the river near Sabanalarga, they perhaps foolishly went through a strong magical barrier that on its top layer, felt like forgiveness.

It transported them into the Valle del Encanto, and the year 1949, three years after the destruction and restoration of the original Miracle and the Madrigals' family home, Casita. The first person they encountered? A short fellow with a large nose and a serious problem with how Hermione was dressed. Fortunately, Hermione can speak some Spanish - her parents had owned a holiday apartment in Spain.

Also likely a good thing, Severus cannot speak Spanish, but certain facts about his upbringing and professional education mean that he can make out some of the words... and later communicate directly with Bruno.

This scene takes place about a week or two after they arrived. "Frisoles" is an Antioqueño (Colombia) dialect word for "beans" ("frijoles" in Spanish).

Hermione had known Gamp's Five Laws of Transfiguration before she even set foot at Hogwarts.

And here was one of the most beautiful women she'd ever met blatantly violating the first one with every flick of her perfectly manicured fingers.

Or was she?

She looked at the ground as Isabela, Mirabel's oldest sister, manifested the tiny shoots. Little bits of the magic she had seen all around them, concentrated in the Madrigal family home and most strongly in Mirabel, were gathered into a small clump at the base of each new plant.

She wished that Mirabel was with them so that she could observe the effect this was having on her, but she was busy.

"Why don't you just create the crops fully grown and harvested, like you did all of those flowers for the party last week? Those weren't whole plants."

"I tried that, but as soon as they were cut up or cooked, they just disappeared. The raw fruit disappeared as soon as you took a bite of it. Even the whole plants I created fully grown and then had people harvest did that. They need to collect the sunshine, rain, and nutrients from the ground to actually be food," Isabela answered.

"But your aunt Pepa can rain and shine sun on them."

"I'm not sure what the difference is, but I think that her 'sun' just shoves away any natural rain a bit, and that her 'rain' is attracting and redirecting water that's already in the air. She's been doing this pretty much since she got her gift at five."

"And you have to come renew the charm," Isabela looked a bit confused at that, so Hermione rephrased, "you have to come encourage the plants to grow a few times before they're ready for harvest, you said."

"So far, that seems to be true, but I've only been doing this for the last three years - it took Mirabel jolting me out of the golden cage my family and I had built."

"Golden cage?" The Madrigals seemed to be pretty relaxed and easy-going towards the younger generation, other than socially-awkward Bruno, whose initially-ridiculous overreaction to seeing her in shorts made sense once she observed every other woman around wearing long, full skirts. Besides, he had been a non-factor in his nieces' and nephews' upbringing for most of their childhoods, if she and Severus ("Snape, Hermione. Snape," that little voice in her head scolded) had understood Mirabel and Bruno correctly.

"I'm sure that Mirabel or Bruno told you about what a mess we were three years ago. I was Señorita Perfecta Isabela, the pretty princesa who was all set to marry the town's handsome príncipe, Mariano Guzmán."

"Wait - that's Dolores' husband!"

Isabela grinned. "Sí. Gracias a Dios y la Santísima Madre… and Mirabel's complete lack of subtlety. She absolutely ruined our betrothal dinner."

Hermione had more questions. "How long does it take to grow a crop of, say, wheat?"

"Normally, four months. With my aunt's help alone, three. With both of us, plus little Antonio to direct the bees, one. We still have to spread dung and harvest it the old fashioned way, and I've only recently learned how to not grow weeds as quickly as I grow the things we want."

"I've not seen tractors here."

"There aren't any. Some of the Forty-sixers and even Fifteeners were used to them, but of course, there's no way to get that much petroleum here, even if we could build one. So we have the implements that Luisa, the donkeys, and the strongest men can pull, but mostly, the bare hands and scythes of pretty much everyone in town."

"Forty-sixers and Fifteeners?"

"When the larger new groups arrived - 1915 and 1946."

Further driving home to Hermione the shocking discovery she had made in Mirabel's sewing room: she and Severus ("Snape," her mind corrected, yet again) had been sent back to 1949 when they crossed that irresistible magic barrier that she really ought to have resisted.

[good-to-drive]

So I was just chatting with someone about Paul and whether he could be on the narcissistic spectrum, and it made me want to organize my thoughts in one place.

The first thing I want to get out of the way is that being on the narcissistic spectrum doesn't mean you're a bad person. I know a lot of people disagree with that, so let's just rip the band-aid off: narcissism is a type of disordered thinking people develop as a response to childhood trauma, it is not associated with any one set of actions, it does not affect your moral compass, and treating it like a synonym for "asshole" is honestly pretty fucked up.

"But my [relative/ex partner/ex friend/etc] was a narcissist and they WERE an asshole!!"

That sucks!! I'm sorry you went through that. My best friend is on the narcissistic spectrum and they're the best person I've ever met. And if you met them you'd insist they're not a narcissist because they're not an asshole, but they're diagnosed and everything.

Saying people with narcissism are selfish, arrogant, self centered, etc is like saying people with an anxious attachment style are abusive. There's a positive correlation there (at least compared to secure and avoidant attachment styles) but they are by no means synonymous.

Narcissism is most strongly characterized by extreme feelings of self doubt and self recrimination that the sufferer tries to combat through external validation. Not by being an asshole.

Paul lost his only stable parent at a young age and was left to be the sensible one for a younger sibling and a father who was most likely a gambling addict. That level of destabilization likely prevented him from developing a strong sense of self or self worth.

Often when people with narcissism look inward they only see "emptiness," because they were prevented from developing self knowledge as a child. You HAVE a personality and a moral compass, but you don't know that you have it. Sort of like how if you'd never touched your face before you might have trouble finding your nose with your eyes closed.

This might explain why Paul tends to come across more self conscious than self aware -- which is to say, his knowledge of himself seems to only extend to the degree that he is insecure about certain aspects of himself. It might also explain why Paul had a tendency to adopt the characteristics of whoever he felt safest with, like adopting many of Linda's interests and traits once they were married.

This lack of internal self-knowledge also leads to a dependency on external validation. It's common for people on the npd spectrum to feel that what makes you a good person is to be perceived as a good person. When that perception is threatened the immense sense of emptiness and insufficiency comes roaring back and the individual tends to spiral and feel very vulnerable and hated.

To my eye, Paul was often very vulnerable to criticism, especially public criticism. He thrived under the public eye because the constant positive attention gave a strong sense of himself through others' eyes. Which is to say, he could see his himself reflected in the public eye and he generally liked what he saw, and that gave him an identity and internal consistency he might never have had before. When that image was threatened he didn't have the same level of internal self worth to fall back on that the rest of us have, so it was extraordinarily painful.

I'd also say the intensity of his relationship with John may have indicated some narcissistic tendencies. John probably had bpd (I think most of us in the fandom are on the same page about that) and had a tendency to intensely idealize his chosen person, which for someone like Paul who lacks an internal sense of self worth and identity would be extremely comforting. Being "chosen" by John would provide him with a very powerful feeling of worthiness that he might not have felt before, or at least not very often, and that might partially explain the sheer intensity of their relationship.

(I'm not saying they didn't also genuinely love each other, just that our history and past traumas inform how we relate to people in the present and John's coping mechanism of intense idealization may have dovetailed nicely with Paul's coping mechanism of external validation.)

Anyways, one thing I want to make really clear is that I'm not a psychiatrist and have never taken a psychology class in my entire life, this is exclusively based on personal research. And I mostly read about violence, addiction, and systems theory so I'm no kind of expert on narcissism. These are just some parallels I've noticed when I've run up on narcissism in other texts. Only a psychiatrist could diagnose Paul.

(That being said, Dr Honda from Psychology in Seattle IS a psychiatrist and professor and he makes a strong case for Paul being a narcissist. He discusses it briefly in his video on John's psychology, which is also totally worth watching just for its own sake because it's extremely interesting).

Edited to add:

I just wanna walk back a little on the idea that John likely had BPD, because I've been reading about BPD vs CPTSD and there's a lot I never knew. But also I get the feeling this is the kind of discussion only a clinician could have an informed opinion about, and as a layman I just want to be clear that I'm not trying to endorse BPD as a diagnosis OR deny it, I'm truly not educated or experienced enough to weigh in on whether BPD is a problematic diagnosis.

[aromantic-diaries]

So like.

I've been struggling with the whole, feeling like my emotions are compatible with the aro identity I'm working to accpet.

I have a bf (3 years now), and I know I would be sad if we broke up you know? I've dated in the past, a little, and I was mildly put out when my first bf broke up with me. I am happy when my partner is around, because when he's not I'm alone. But when he's not around, and I'm not alone (Say, I spend time with friends with notable frequency), I am equally happy as when he is around. If not happier.

I just. I didn't realize I was gay until I was like, 15. I feel like every crush I've ever had was me talking myself into it: "Oh damn, I want to make out with him. Wait I've been thinking about this guy a lot lately, does that mean I have a crush? I have a crush, therefore I Must want to spend my life with him!" And like. Yeah, duh I want to make out with him, but I also want to spend time with him casually as a friend? But of course, Every 15-25 year old Must be in and out of relationships until they find ☆The One☆.

Idk. It's just. I feel strongly, all the time, about everything. I hook up with someone, and there's never a point where they're not a person to me. I want to Talk to them as a real person. Dating wise I always Want to be a good friend before going out with someone, and then it's still just being friends but also sexually intimate. I have always felt Equally strongly about the guys I have dated and the friends I keep.

I Feel like I would be happiest if I had a tight knit groupd of friends, some of whom sex is a part of our friendship. I can't fathom building my life entirely around a given person: It's not like it would be easy without income from another person to become a stay at home parent, but I have absolutely no parameters in my mind about who that income should come from.

My hair dresser told me It sounds like I dreamed of skipping through marriage, straight to being a divorcee parent on child support. It sounds aweful, but that almost exactly the vision. I want to be my whole self, and eventually I want to be a parent, but we are told for so long that both of those things require a romantic partnership.

Does any of that make sense for aromantic experiences?

Navigating life as an aromantic person can get difficult at times and I bet there's many people who can relate to what you're going through. I do however think that having close lifelong platonic relationships is something that can be achieved, even though it's viewed as unconventional by societal norms. I do believe in you

[stardustedknuckles]

Housesitting for my lesbian bookstore owner friend and her girlfriend and it's the first time I've seen their house and I'm fully just about to cry standing in the kitchen because it's autumn and I can feel things and what I feel is a life together, their dog asleep on the couch, the plants, the wind that never stops here. This is a nothing town, this house one of many sprawled and leaning away from a high school my own mother went to once for six months, but that just makes it more real. They said I could harvest from their garden, please eat all of the tomatoes I felt like, we have three ways to make coffee and this is our newest favorite. There's photos of them on strings along the living room walls, which are ocean blue, and every knickknack on every shelf feels like a little moment, a little monument.

I never thought I wanted a house and a person to share it with, but I've never been inside a home shared by lesbians and realized what's possible for me one day, that the idea of a home with someone else could ever appeal to me so strongly. It's just a house full of other people's memories, but every single thing in it is set up just for them and their comfort and it resonates in a way I can't explain. I grew up with a house always set to look perfect in case other people stumbled down our long, hidden gravel driveway, and none of the twelve other apartments and couches I've called home could be seen objectively as anything more than another chaotic stop along a very haphazard way. I thought I wanted to travel forever, live out of an RV or be able to pack my life into a 4-door sedan and run when I needed to - towards or away. There's never been anything about a place to come back to that has appealed to me. Just places (and inevitably people) for leaving.

But the plants are spilling over the mantel and along the walls and windows and they're here just to be here - thriving, but with the little dry edges here and there that tell you they're real and they're not expected to be anything else. In a box on the shelf next to me are a series of thick, slightly faded cards, the first of which reads "guide for your birthday" in the handwriting of the one who runs the bookstore. a tangle of battery-operated fairy lights. A wii, the newest electronic but for the TV.

Maybe I'm just getting old. Maybe this is what every queer person feels when they figure themselves out, just part of the journey of finding what you want before you chase it. Maybe this is a stop on my journey to recovering from whatever inflammation has dogged my steps for fifteen years now and I can finally be still long enough to learn how to want.

But at the end of the day, it's this simple: there's a front porch that faces the sunrise and under the hanging flower baskets a rocking chair - worn, ready to use - meant for two. And sitting on the couch looking out the window at this porch and the sleepy old houses beyond, I've never felt lonelier or more comforted. Home really does exist, even if it's not this one, today, for me. And that's enough, to know what's possible.

[velkyr]

DUSK QUESTIONS MOMENT. 1, 10, 40, 52!! 👀

ON IT BOSS!!!! o7 (tysmmmm for letting me ramble mwah. I wrote more than I expected as per usual 💖)

(original ask game post here)

I've read more'd this because oops it got so long sorry orz

Why did you pick the race you did for your Tav?

the short answer is always just going to be I love tieflings, I am weak for tieflings, this is a universal unchangeable fact amen 🙏 I think 3 of the... 6(? I might be forgetting some other oneshot-only characters idk) characters I've played at a table have been tiefs or homebrew variants of them! they're very gender to me, I felt that way before I even really knew jackshit about my own gender. absolutely batshit that I still thought I was cis when I started playing d&d lmfao. also horns tails fangs and claws need I say more. I shan't, I don't have to

but yeah specifically for Dusk, I wanted to base them off of my first d&d character in particular, who was a tiefling homebrew to represent an au ra from ffxiv in our homebrew campaign based around the game. so it was important to me they were also a tiefling draconic sorcerer to match!

a lot has changed about them while I've reworked them, but many of the fundamentals have remained the same. gender, motivations, reasoning and general force of personality have been altered towards things that I find more compelling or more fitting, 6 years down the line - but race and class, the idea of them being nobility who left their home(land) and has a bunch of hangups around it, that's all as it was back then.

10. If your Tav didn’t become an adventurer, what else would they be doing?

this is an interesting one, I've been stewing on it a fair bit recently while I've been thinking about what they'd do post-bg3 shenanigans. the thing with Dusk is I've infused them with So Much raw adhd (to the point of it far surpassing my own, oops. this seems to be how I bestow love on my favourite OCs at this point), they Need enough outlets in their day-to-day life or they'll end up in an understimulated mess pretty quickly.

adventuring is obviously a solid option for that need! but without that on the table, I think it needs to be something that caters strongly to their interests and whims. I can see them working well in a profession involving enchantment and/or working with jewels and precious metals. enchanting things would be a good way to siphon off some of that raw sorcerer magic - if they don't use it often enough, there's a build up of sorts. with it being lightning based, it's a bit like having an unstable motor that runs way too fast, and it makes them incredibly irritable.

as for the crafting part of the equation, well, they're already fascinated by shiny things, they're pretty detail oriented and good with their hands, and it's the kind of skilled manual work that requires Just Enough focus to be stimulating. the only thing they'd probably end up hating about either of these would be dealing with noble clientele lmao, but I have no doubt they'd find a way to exploit that anyway. while they may not be the most book smart in the world, they're people smart by necessity. (something something insight proficiency)

and really, as an alternative or perhaps on the side, I don't think they'd be opposed to sex work if it were an environment they felt comfortable in, with a well-vetted set of clientele that they have full autonomy over.

40. What is the biggest mistake your Tav ever made?

welcome to 'pick a struggle' with Dusk, they have their fair share,,,

there's a couple of things that stick out, but I'll stick with one that's pretty fundamental to them. they deeply regret having lashed out at and pushed away the people that tried to help them when they were younger, still stuck living in elturel.

while they can't entirely be blamed for it - they were conditioned to think and feel a certain way, and those patterns were ingrained across a lifetime, all the hallmarks of the abuse they faced - at the end of the day, the friends they'd made after they started sneaking out at night were only trying to help them see how awful their living situation was.

by the time Dusk fled home, they'd burned all the bridges they'd tentatively built over the years. their best friend at the time was the one who made a sort of last ditch attempt to convince them, and it came at the right place, the right time to push them into leaving. but it was outright said that none of them wanted to see them again, after all of the vitriol.

with the distance of years and the gift of hindsight, they regret it all the more. they haven't really forgiven themselves for it.

52. What is your Tav’s worst fear?

oh you already know this one I'm sure 🤠 but I'll elaborate it into something a bit broader that pokes at the Theming more.

they fear being forced back into a gilded cage - whether that's being dragged back home to their family or pushed into a new one. they fear the loss of the autonomy they've carved out for themselves. they fear a loss of identity, and the concept of having it stripped from them, reducing them back into some (feminine) trophy to be given away for material gain.

at its core, it's a loathing of the idea of heteronormativity, really. that's what I always parallel it to, and it's pretty on the nose in that regard.

granted, it's kind of a paradoxical fear for them. they're so thoroughly weary after spending so long living with their guard up, molding themselves into someone who can take on the world alone, that in secret, there's a part of them that just doesn't want to fight anymore. that part would be tempted to give up - to let themselves be reshackled, so to speak - if the circumstances were dire, so long as there were the promise of them being safe and cared for at the end.

as a secondary but very much related thing, they've also come to fear and resent being alone, and the idea of being left behind by people they care about.

[lightsiided]

❝  when i’m with you i feel like myself.  i feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and i feel good about it—  i feel good about who i am when i’m with you.  ❞

* yearning prompts | accepting

     in the quiet of the hotel room, her voice is stunned. the words are so touching her first instinct is to deflect them. "you're being quite SWEET tonight," rey murmurs. her face is still flushed from the way they spent the last hour, her eyes brightly lit by the moonlight streaming in past the curtains. "what has you feeling so sentimental?"

in truth, thor has been extra attentive since even before the trip began. to say their relationship has been PERFECT lately seems like an understatement -- every day feels like a dream, to rey. somehow, she manages to fall deeper in love with thor every minute that passes, constantly discovering new things she adores about him.

perhaps it's the impending new year that's made him this way. rey feels the same sense of bittersweet excitement that only the potential of a new year can bring -- especially a year that's likely to offer them SO MUCH, if it's anything like its predecessor. their relationship has brought color to her life in ways she never expected, awarding them both possibilities beyond her wildest dreams.

slowly, rey reaches up to gently touch her fingertips to thor's cheekbone. he looks so lovely stretched out on the sheets, his hair golden where it meets the pillow. the sun has given him a tan and the lightest blush of pink across his nose and under his eyes. his gaze is just as warm as the rest of him, alight with affection where he's watching her. rey presses closer, eager to have them in contact EVERYWHERE.

his answering smile makes her pulse stutter. "i'm so glad to hear you say that." she moves to rub her thumb against the stubble at his jawline. she can't help but to stare at him with WONDER -- it'll never stop feeling like a marvel that she's with him. that they're together at all. that they found each other, somehow, despite the odds. "i feel the exact same way. like... you're the only person i've ever felt completely safe to be myself with. i think you've seen parts of me i've never showed to anyone else."

true, he is the ONLY person to know certain facets of her personality. that is to thor's credit -- he has welcomed each of her oddities and quirks without judgment. to hear she's done the same for him makes her emotional in a way she can't articulate. "it means a lot to me that we've found that with one another. i love you so much, of course i accept all of you. you mean the world to me. and... knowing that i'll get to spend the rest of my life by your side is really the greatest gift i've ever been given. i hope you know that, too. i hope you feel it just as strongly."

@othunderous

[fagtainsparklez]

Why is twitter so obsessed with goldenduo, but specifically the fic dynamic goldenduo that isn't present in canon? Like it's more prevalent than beeduo in fics now. What is happening?

there are a few reasons i can see that could've caused this. most probably overlap, and they're all just theories/obversations, but here's my two cents about it

there's an "imbalance" in benchtrio

as popularity in beeduo rose, tommy was left out more and more of the dynamic. benchtrio still was popular, but as was seen in lore streams, he felt left out due to how close beeduo grew while he was dead/gone. to balance that out and give him his own duo outside of those two, purpled was thrust forward. eryn wasn't on the server at the time (the benchtrio conflict around tommy's revival happened in around march of 2021, while eryn joined in october), so there wasn't anyone else "his age" to pair him off with. (i say "his age" in quotations because jack manifold is only two years older than tommy, however, there was the whole "trying to kill tommy" thing, so he was out of the question for these people.)

goldenduo became kind of the parallel for beeduo in these instances. there wasn't someone they could have the beeduo dynamic mirrored in with tommy, as clingy and allium have different dynamic styles, so they were forced to make their own. purpled, being young and his content creator being friendly with tommy in the past, just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. which leads me into the next point:

2. these people do not care for purpled's actual character/do not know his character

there are two sections the people who write goldenduo like that fall into. either a. "i don't know cpurpled lore, so i'll just mold him to fit whatever i want him to be" or b. "cpurpled is a villain and irredeemable, so i shall rewrite him into being palatable and friendly instead, since i do not like his canon self". there's a third category, technically, of "i do not actually understand cpurpled/cpurpled's lore on a thematical and analytical sense and just see what i want to see", but in my opinion, that's just another way to phrase group a.

people in group a are typically those that strongly push for the "manipulated minors" dynamic. they know purpled had his ufo blown up, and see him as having been "manipulated" by quackity into joining las nevadas, but know very little else about him. they write his personality not by c or cc, but by the echo chamber they've created for themselves based on the other three teens in the manipulated minors/cmyk dynamic. they draw from what they want a traumatized kid to be: scared, paranoid, touch-starved, etc. which is something i've talked about before; "palatable" trauma responses vs "problematic/unwanted" trauma responses, in which benchtrio are seen as good and right for largely being the "good" kind traumatized who don't lash out in anger/hold "bad" emotions, while purpled is the "bad" kind who does. he's a blank slate for them, and as said above, with beeduo already being paired off, they need someone else for him to be a duo with. enter ctommy.

people in group b are largely the same. they're just much more aware of how cpurpled acts in canon, instead of just pretending he's never like that. they just do what they want with him because he's not a "good" character (in the moral sense, not writing sense) and we can't have moral grayness, so he gets rewritten completely to be that "good". and if he's not, it's about tommy "rescuing" him and showing him how to be that "good" again, as if purpled ever was that in the first place.

3. twitter thinks beeduo fell apart/goldenduo have been interacting again

look. i don't know the beeduo "drama". it's not my business and as long as they're both still happy and okay, i could not care less. but there was the whole thing a while back with tubbo and ranboo where people thought they were no longer friends, to the point where ranboo had to ask people not to say he hates his friend, but even after that, twitter still kind of thinks they're dead. it's stupid and invasive, but it led to a decline in beeduo content, both c and cc-inspired.

on the other hand, goldenduo have had more interaction with each other than they have in like, at least a year. most of it is due to mcc, with them putting each other down for teams and overall speaking highly of each other as players, so there's traction for them once more. because of that (along with other aspects such as vol2 on the horizon opening up new opportunities for character interactions) there's been a skyrocket in goldenduo works.

[aradeia]

Between a crazy spring semester and writing my MA thesis this fall, I didn't get to read for fun too much this year unfortunately. But here are my five favorite books of the few I did get to in 2022:

(1). The Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood. One of the best myth retellings I've ever read. Atwood presents Penelope as an unreliable narrator with an agenda of her own (this is an Odyssey retelling after all!). She then counters Penelope's version of events with the maids' point of view. Penelope's relationship with the maids, as well as her relationship with Helen, were the highlights of the book for me.

(2). A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. I know, I know. Game of Thrones. I blame beloved House of the Dragon for making me finally pick this one up. I'm so glad I did. I love Martin's characters. They're so well designed; each point of view character provides a different critique of chivalric society and the fantasy genre. Martin does a good job bringing each characters' story to a satisfying end in this one (especially Daenerys, Sansa, and Catelyn). The execution of the honorable Ned Stark is a shocking subversion of tropes.

(3). Carrie by Stephen King. I felt so bad for Carrie! I related to her very strongly. The most interesting relationship in this book for me was Carrie and Sue Snell. Between them was the complicated and ugly female bullying story I wanted to explore–– especially after the simplistic, boring story I'd gotten from Stranger Things 4. I wish Carrie and Sue had interacted more (I think it would have made Carrie's death scene more impactful for me), but Sue got replaced by her boyfriend Tommy in the narrative. Heteronormativity strikes again.

(4). A Conspiracy of Kings by Megan Whalen Turner. So fun, and I love Sophos! I found it really compelling that Sophos had to come to the realization that there was no nonviolent solution before him if he wanted to stay alive. He lost innocence in this way. In retrospect, that kind of character development reminds me of what I love most about Game of Thrones. Also, Sophos' relationship with Helen/Eddis is wonderful. I love that Helen helps to deceive him, because it's for the good of her country. I don't often come across stories about women in power who are not guided first by their personal loves and interests. (Thinking of Cersei Lannister here. Also Rhaenyra Targaryen by the end of dragon show.)

(5). Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones. I love the characters! I love Sophie, and Howl, and most of all, Calcifer! I hadn't read this book as a kid or watched the movie, so it was all new to me. I think my favorite part about this story was the decision to present old age as liberating for Sophie. Becoming old allowed Sophie to shed her inhibitions, grow more confident, and more powerful in her magic. I like that story, especially for young girls, who are told that becoming old is the worst thing that can possibly happen to them. It's not!

Even though I didn't get to read so much this year, I still read some pretty compelling stories and met really fascinating characters– my favorite part of reading. Definitely getting back into the A Song of Ice and Fire universe has been a big deal for me. It's replaced Star Wars in my heart, I can't believe...

Here's to hoping I get to read more next year!

[rewritingroswell]

Maria ponders what to do now after sleeping with Max and Liz.

word count: 6420

rating: explict

characters: Kyle Valenti, Max Evans, Liz Ortecho, Maria DeLuca

pairings: Maria/Max/Liz, brief mentions of Maria/Kyle

other notes: this is the dirtiest thing I've ever written lmao

Kyle has come by the bar after a long shift at work. Maria hesitates to say anything, but she feels like she needs an outsiders opinion to get any clarity on the situation.

"So… the person I have feelings for – the person who made me realize things just weren't clicking with us – I might have kinda hooked up with them…"

Kyle nearly chokes on his drink. "What? Oh my God, that's great!"

Maria grimaces. "Is it? The situation just feels too complicated. Like, we've been friends for so long and it just kind of impulsively happened."

"So, you didn't talk at all about it?"

"Kinda. They said they want to pursue this further, but I kinda chickened out of the conversation because I just can't imagine it working."

"Hmmm. Well… was the sex bad?"

"Are you kidding? It was incredible. The thought that I'm never gonna have that experience with them again is agonizing."

"I don't see your reason for hesitating then."

"I can't bear the thought of messing things up with them. If I do, I'm not just losing one person."

"Who says you'll mess things up? Maybe you just need to ignore your fears and take the leap. Maybe things can only get better."

Maria seems a bit surprised by this response, and pours herself a shot, quickly downing it.

Kyle looks at her with concern. "Are you no longer sure of your feelings?"

Maria scoffs. "What? No. I've never felt this way about anyone else before."

Kyle gingerly touches her arm. "Then don't let your fears scare you away from something that could be amazing."

Maria averts her gaze and finds herself staring at her hands. Kyle smiles again. "Just… Promise you'll think about what I said. And, I don't want you to feel pressured to share things on someone else's schedule, but I do want you to give me an update when you're ready."

He starts to stand up. "Well, I should get going. I've got an early shift tomorrow and I probably shouldn't have been out this late."

He kisses Maria on the cheek. "Get home safe, Dr. Valenti."

He smiles at her. "Goodnight, Maria."

Kyle wanders out of the bar. Now that she's alone, Kyle's words repeat in her mind. The longer Maria thinks of his words of encouragement, the more ridiculous it seems to run away from these feelings. If she felt half as strongly about one person, she wouldn't hesitate to pursue a relationship with them. Why is she hesitating when it's two people?

She needs to talk to Max and Liz. Now.

-------------------------------------------------------

It's pitch black outside and pouring rain. Maria's fist pounds on the door of Max and Liz's place. 

It feels like an eternity before the door opens, Max and Liz are in pajamas, puzzled to see a drenched Maria standing before them in the middle of the night. Before either of them can say anything, Maria pulls Max into a kiss. He seems surprised at first, but quickly matches her fervor as his hands slide to her back and he pulls her closer. 

Maria pulls away slightly, their noses still brushing and turns her gaze towards Liz. They both lean closer until they're kissing passionately.

Once the kiss ends, Maria whispers, "Yes. Let's try this."

Liz leans her head back and laughs. "Thank God. Max and I would have followed your lead and respected whatever decision you came to, but we absolutely hated the idea of going back to the way things were before."

Max echoes Liz's relief. "The way you hurried off that morning… We were trying to brace ourselves for rejection."

It's Maria's turn to laugh. "Sorry, I needed a few days to think it over."

Max grabs one of her hands. "No need to apologize. We told you to take as much time as you needed to get your answer. And it's a big decision, it's probably a good thing you spent so long thinking it over. Even if it was torture for us."

Maria cups Max's face with her other hand, her thumb stroking his cheek. "Apologies for making you expect the worst. I didn't intend to cause you distress."

Liz smiles. "Babe, don't worry about it. It's water under the bridge now. What made you change your mind?"

Maria shrugs. "It's like Max said. I can only determine if I want this and I'm willing to take the leap. And I do. I want both of you. In every way. I don't want to pretend otherwise just because I'm worried things might fall apart."

Max smiles, "Well, I'm glad my advice was helpful."

He pulls Maria and Liz into a hug, and the physical contact makes all of them register how wet Maria's clothes are after standing in the rain. They all pull away, just enough so that they can make eye contact. Liz giggles, "Let's get you out of these clothes before we're all freezing cold and soaked."

Maria smiles mischievously. "Only if you join me in undressing."

Max feels his mouth go dry, suddenly processing how eager he is to return to the bedroom, hoping for another lengthy night.

He kisses Maria again, it's all heat and tongue this time. Maria's hands thread through his hair as she presses close to his body. Once she pulls away, Max helps Maria peel off her shirt, and his quickly follows. They then turn towards Liz, and Maria asks, "Can I take this off?"

Liz nods, breathless. "Please."

Maria pulls off Liz's shirt, her breasts fully free now, and Maria's hands quickly start to caress her. Liz whines. "I almost said no to the opportunity to touch you like this again. What a foolish decision that would've been."

Liz moans, feeling herself getting wetter, her cunt aching with need. Maria leans in and kisses her, Liz's tongue eagerly entering her mouth. Maria then starts to leave a trail of kisses as she travels lower, to Liz's neck, then to her breasts.

Liz cups the back of Maria's head as she feels her knees start to go weak and buckle. Max is suddenly beside her, helping Liz stay upright. "Ladies, as much as I hate to interrupt, we should probably take this to the bedroom before things progress any further. I think having sex on the floor will come back to bite us in the morning."

Maria laughs, a little bit of frustration slipping through. "An untimely but warranted interruption."

She grabs their hands and starts to lead the two of them towards the bedroom. Once inside, Maria turns her attention back to Liz. "Now, where were we?"

Maria captures Liz’s lips in a kiss, immediately turning open-mouthed. As Maria's gaze starts to drift lower, Maria says, "God, I love your body."

Maria's tongue starts to give attention to Liz's breasts and Liz moans, her breathing already speeding up. Through gasps, Liz says, "I love your body, too. I love the way we fit together and how it feels when we're pressed against each other." 

As Maria's mouth continues to give ample attention to her chest, Liz stumbles back towards the dresser, gripping the edge. Most practical thoughts have left Liz's head long ago, her mind focusing on Maria's mouth and her hands, but she knows she's going to collapse if she has to rely on her legs right now. "Wait, wait. Help me get onto the dresser."

It's at this moment that Maria registers the dresser's existence and notices it has a mirror. She makes a mental note to herself that she'll have to make use of that later as she helps Liz situate herself. After a bit of fumbling around, Liz is sitting on the dresser, Maria standing between her parted legs. Maria laughs, "Better?"

Liz kisses her deeply, her tongue sliding into Maria's mouth. "Much. Now, what were you wanting to do?"

Maria smiles as her hand slowly drifts to Liz's cunt, touching her over the fabric of her pajama pants. "Well, that depends. Can I remove these?"

"Do whatever you want to me."

Maria rewards that response with a kiss as she quickly pulls off the pajama pants. She slowly kisses her way down Liz's body, as she slips a couple fingers inside Liz's cunt. "God, you're so fucking delicious. And so wet for me already. I can't wait to have you in my mouth."

Liz's head is spinning with how desperately she wants Maria's mouth on her cunt already. Maria's thumb swipes her clit and Liz trembles, her voice barely above a whisper. "Please."

Liz begging for a release goes straight to Maria's cunt. Maria has the thought that she needs both of them to pound her until she's sore before the night is over. She wants to feel their handiwork for days. But Maria's nothing if not a tease. Her thumb continues rubbing circles. Maria feigns confusion, "Say that again."

Liz bucks against Maria's hand and whimpers. She speaks again, louder this time. "Please."

And with that Maria's burying her head between Liz's legs. Liz yells almost immediately as Maria starts tonguing her clit. "Fuck!"

Maria and Liz both moan as Maria's hands start to wander Liz's body. Liz's grip on the dresser tightens, and her cries get louder as Maria continues. It doesn't take much longer before Liz comes, with a scream that echoes through the whole house. As Liz is coming back down from the orgasm, Maria leaves kisses on the inside of her thighs, her hands still traveling Liz's body. "God, you taste so fucking good. And I love the sounds you make when you're getting eaten out. I want to do this every fucking day."

Liz is practically ready to come again just from that thought. She leans down to kiss Maria, tongues pressed together, both of them clearly still in this lustful haze. "Your tongue is fucking magic."

Liz kisses her again. "I know Max and I already admitted that we hated the idea of not being with you –" Liz kisses Maria's neck, as her hands drift to Maria's breasts, cupping them over her bra. She starts to nip and suck at Maria's pulse point, as her hands start to get busy, causing Maria to release a moan. Liz returns her gaze to Maria's face, "And this relationship definitely means more to us than sex, but… fucking you was sublime."

Liz kisses the other side of Maria's neck, giving it similar attention. Maria's hands fly to the back of Liz's head, fingers threading through her waves. Liz pulls away and continues, "I never wanted it to end. The idea of not being with you like this again was devastating to us. These past few days, every time I thought about you, I was wet."

Liz places a kiss on Maria's collarbone. "Your mouth." Another kiss. "Your hands." Liz's mouth starts to drift lower. "Your breasts." And lower. "Your cunt. You're so fucking luscious."

Maria moans again, eager to draw another orgasm out of Liz. Liz gently grabs one of Maria's hands and guides it to her cunt. "Can you feel it? How fucking wet you make me? Just knowing that I have the opportunity to fuck you again has me aching for a release."

Liz's hands continue to caress Maria's breasts, her nipples hardening from Liz's touch. Maria can't help herself and she dips a couple fingers in Liz's cunt in response, wanting to make Liz feel as good as she's making her feel. Liz rocks against her fingers and groans. Through heavy breaths, Liz says, "What can I do for you? As eager as I am for you to make me come again this quickly, I don't think it's fair that I haven't gotten you off yet."

It's at this question that Maria recalls the fleeting idea she had when she spotted the mirror. Maria gives Liz one final tease as she leans in to kiss her. "As much as I'd love that, I'm guessing Max would like to join in."

Maria and Liz both turn their gaze towards Max, still standing by the bed. He's painfully hard after this display, and given the way the two women hungrily stare at his crotch, he's guessing they can probably tell. Normally he'd be embarrassed about his erection tenting his boxers, but given their heavy gaze, he knows they want him to fuck them until they've forgotten everything beyond his cock. And he's eager to comply.

Max makes his way over to the two of them, standing a few inches away from Maria. His voice is gravelly when he speaks. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want to watch you fuck me. You and Liz look so fucking hot together when you're inside her. I want to see how we look."

If Max wasn't already painfully hard, the idea of watching their reflections in the mirror would do it for him. Liz and Maria are always gorgeous when he's watching them ride out their orgasms, but something about the voyeuristic aspect of using the mirror has him struggling to form a coherent thought.

Liz stumbles her way off the dresser and quickly sits in the chair by the wall, eager to watch them. Maria turns her gaze back to the mirror and guides Max's hands to her breasts. He squeezes them through the fabric of her bra and Maria groans, her hands dropping to her sides. Max focuses on Maria's reflection as he touches her, watches the way she spasms as his thumbs rub circles around her areolas, her nipples already sensitive from the way Liz had just been touching her.

Maria leans back, their faces next to each other now. Maria moans in his ear. "God, we look so fucking good together."

Max grunts, "We do."

Max unclasps her bra, hating that there's a barrier keeping him from touching her properly. He quickly discards it, and resumes touching Maria. She moans again and her ass grinds against his cock. Max inhales sharply, as his right hand palms a breast, squeezing and rubbing, while his left hand pinches the nipple of her other breast between tracing circles with his thumb. Maria's gaze is still locked on their reflections, "You're so fucking good with your hands. You're gonna make me come just from touching me like this."

Max's eyes darken, his gaze returning to meet hers. "Good. I want to watch you come like this. You're stunning when you orgasm."

Maria has the impulse to start fingering her clit while Max continues with his hands on her breasts, but the more dominant part of her brain wants to hold out for Max getting inside her. She wants her first orgasms of the night to come solely from him. His fucking incredible hands and his equally fucking incredible cock. Between these thoughts and Max's touch, Maria's comes quickly, yelling Max's name as she does.

Max groans again. "Fuck. I don't think I'll ever be used to hearing you scream my name."

"I bet you will if you make me scream like this every night."

Max doesn't know how much harder he can possibly get, but apparently he's not as his limit yet as he feels more blood rushing to his cock. "God, I want to do that for you. I never want to stop making you come."

Max pushes down her skirt as he kisses her neck, his teeth gently scraping her skin. The skirt pools at her feet and Maria steps out of it and kicks it towards the wall. His gaze travels her body, completely naked excluding her panties now. "Fuck. I doubt you need me to tell you, but you're so exquisite, Maria. Being able to witness you like this is a privilege, and it's a blessing that you think I'm worthy of it."

Maria groans. "God, at this rate you're gonna make me come again just from your words."

Max's voice is strained, "That's really enough for you?"

"It is when it's coming from you. I know every single word is genuine. It’s why you make me so fucking wet."

Max groans as he buries his face in her neck. Maria continues, "I bet Liz could say the same. You're so fucking good to us."

At this rate they're both going to come before he gets the chance to get inside her. Max's hand starts trailing lower until it reaches her cunt, teasing her through her underwear and Maria bucks against him. "Enough. I need you to get inside me. Now."

And with that, Max rushes to pull off his boxers. He wants nothing more than to fulfill Maria's desires, but he hesitates. "Are you sure you're ready? Normally I'll get someone off with my hands at least before we get to this stage."

"Max, even if I wasn't ready, I'd still be asking you to get inside me. I've been wet since before we got to the bedroom, and I've only gotten wetter since we got in here. Plus, given we all know you're hard already, do you really want to postpone feeling it on your cock?"

With that, Max rushes to pull down her panties and slips inside her. Maria groans loudly as she reaches for the edge of the dresser for support. "Fuck!"

Max grunts. "I could say the same. You feel so good."

Once Max finds a steady rhythm, his left hand quickly finds her clit. Maria shrieks and squeezes her eyes shut, breaking her gaze away from the mirror for the first time. "Max! Fuck! Yes, fuck me exactly like that!"

Liz's cunt throbs as she watches them, desperate for something to clench around. The only thing stopping Liz from using her hands is that she'd much rather have Max fuck her exactly like he's fucking Maria so she can come around his cock. They hear the not so distant sound of thunder. Max groans, his thumb rubbing circles against Maria's clit matching the speed of his thrusts, as his right hand settles on her hip. Maria's gaze returns to the mirror, watches the way he thrusts into her, while his hand works her cunt. Through gasps, she says, "God, watching you fuck me almost rivals experiencing it. You said it's a blessing to see me like this, but the real blessing is that I get to fuck you. I have the pleasure to experience your cock reaching deep inside me over and over and over again."

Max grunts, and, suddenly, lightning strikes near the house. Liz practically jumps out of the chair, startled, but Max and Maria barely seem to register it. Max puts more power into his thrusts, his thumb never leaving Maria's clit. "Yes! It feels so fucking right when you're inside me. Fuck me until I'm sore. I want to feel you for days."

Max's right hand starts to travel Maria's body as she pushes back against him, allowing Max to reach even deeper inside her. "Fuck!"

Max almost sounds like he's being strangled when he speaks, "You're telling me."

It only takes a couple more thrusts before Maria yells as she reaches her peak, constricting around him. Max joins her shortly after.

Liz is in a bit of a daze, but she manages to take a few steps closer to them. Her voice is low as she asks, "Was that you?"

It takes Max a moment to pick up on Liz's meaning. "I think it might've been."

The sound of thunder rings out again, definitely closer this time. Max pulls out and Maria quickly collapses onto the bed. Max seems a bit embarrassed now, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I didn't know I could apparently turn a rainy night into a thunderstorm."

Liz cups his face, making sure he meets her gaze, her pupils blown wide with lust. "Don't be embarrassed. Losing control of your powers is proof of how much we affect you. Proof that you love fucking us as much as we love fucking you. Besides, I need you to fuck me the way you just fucked Maria."

Now it's Max's turn to feel dazed. Liz's hands drift towards his cock, her grip gentle but firm as she slowly strokes him. "What can I do to make you hard again? Do you want my mouth? After watching the two of you, my cunt is plenty wet for you, but clearly you need another moment before you're ready again."

Max bucks against her hand as her thumb starts to rub circles against the head. "Liz…"

Liz repeats the question, speaking slowly, "Do you want my mouth?"

Maria is too worn out to do much of anything beyond watching them, but her cunt throbs with the way Liz is talking. It reminds her how desperately she wants Liz to fuck her senseless.

Max groans. Liz continues, "I want you in my mouth. And I bet Maria would enjoy watching you fuck my throat."

"Please."

Liz smiles and quickly gets on her knees, taking his full length in her mouth. Liz places her hands on his hips and she moans as her tongue traces the underside of his cock. She loves how full he makes her feel, whether he's in her mouth or in her cunt. Liz continues to suck and starts to let him into her throat, getting both of them prepared, continuing until she feels him harden enough to fuck her. She gives one final tease as her tongue travels from the base to the tip and she guides his right hand to her head. "Fuck me like this."

Max bucks against her mouth. "Liz."

Liz locks her gaze with his. "I want you like this. Please."

Max's gaze is hot enough that Liz swears it could start a fire. "Liz. Are you sure?"

Another bolt of lightning strikes near the house. Maria's gaze was already fixed on the two of them, very much enjoying the visual of Liz on her knees with Max's cock in her mouth, but the proof of how much it's affecting Max is just as good. Maria wants to see him come undone from Liz's mouth, and hear him cry out as Liz pushes him towards his orgasm.

"Yes. I want you in my mouth, to fuck my throat as if it were my cunt. And it seems clear you want that, too. Go as deep as you can. I'm ready to take it. And once you've finished with my throat, I want you in my cunt. I want you to come inside me tonight as many times as you can manage."

And with that, Max starts thrusting into her mouth, slow and shallow at first. Liz groans, "More."

Thunder rumbles again, even louder this time, as it's clearly getting closer to the house. Max's thrusts get a bit rougher and he pushes deeper, but his pace is still slow. Liz moans, and Max can feel her voice reverberate around him. His grip on her hair tightens slightly. "Liz."

Maria feels herself getting wetter still. Liz moans again and her tongue starts to give him attention, urging him on. Max grunts and his speed increases, doing his best not to give into the frenzy he feels. Liz's nails dig into his hips, another sign of encouragement. Max's pace gets a bit more frantic, pushing deep and hard into Liz's mouth, feeling her throat respond to each thrust. "Liz. Fuck!"

Another lightning strike. Liz's fingers tap his hip, her warning that she can only take a few more thrusts. Max thrusts once more and grunts as he comes, before slipping out.

Liz groans. "God, I love having you in my mouth. Are you ready to go again? My cunt aches for you. I need you to fuck me and I'm not sure I can wait."

Max pants as he stumbles towards the bed, "I don't think I can stand any longer, but yes. I want to be inside you."

Max takes a second to situate himself on the bed. "Come here."

Liz smiles as she quickly sits on his lap, her breasts brushing against his chest. He dips a finger inside her cunt. "Fuck. You told me you were wet, but I wasn't prepared for just how much. You feel exquisite."

His thumb swipes her clit and Liz gasps. "I love how you touch me. You always seem to know what my body wants before I have to ask. Of course I'm this wet for you."

Max definitely feels his cock getting stiffer. His thumb starts to rub circles against her clit. Liz grinds against his hand and her nails start to dig into his back. "Fuck! You're so good to me."

Liz continues to grind against Max's hand, as his thumb continues stroking, and it doesn't take long before Liz screams as she reaches her peak. She spasms as the wave of pleasure extends through her body. Liz takes a moment to steady her breathing and come back to herself. Her hands slide down his chest. "Are you ready? I need to ride you."

And with that, Max is definitely ready. He nods, "Yes."

Liz's hands reach his cock, and she slowly guides him inside her. They both groan as she sinks down his length. Max's hands quickly move to Liz's back, pulling her closer still. Her breasts drag against his chest with every movement. Liz moans, "God, I love the way you feel inside me. The way we fit together so perfectly."

Liz starts to increase her tempo, and she pulls away slightly so they can make eye contact. Their gazes lock and Max's hands drift from Liz's back to her breasts, as Liz moans again.

Even when their gazes are heavy and lustful like this, Maria can still see the tenderness and love shining through. She feels incredibly touched that she's able to witness them like this, but there's also a twinge of jealousy as she yearns to be on the receiving end of their stares.

"I love you, Liz."

"I love you, too, Max."

It only takes a few more pumps until Liz screams as she reaches her climax, and Max joins her briefly after.

They both fall to the bed now, panting heavily, limbs still tangled up. Max wraps his arms around Liz, keeping her close. She kisses Max for a long moment and his hands travel up her back, until they're cupping her head. Liz smiles as she releases a sigh and rolls off of Max, but she stays by his side.

Max tenderly strokes Liz's back but he turns his gaze towards Maria. "I think I've worn myself out for the night, but I'd love to go down on you. If that's something you're up for."

"I thought you'd never ask."

Maria crawls closer and Liz pulls away slightly from Max, allowing Maria to get better access to him. Maria straddles Max, sitting about halfway down his chest. He can feel how wet she is, and Max groans. "You feel so incredible. I want to taste you."

"And I want your mouth. You can't just mercilessly fuck me and expect that'd be enough for the night. Especially after the pleasure of watching the two of you."

Max laughs silently. "Apologies. Didn't mean to leave you dissatisfied."

Maria slides closer to his face. "That's okay. I know you'll make it up to me soon enough."

"Yes, ma'am."

Max pulls Maria closer and in seconds his mouth is on her cunt. Maria cries out loudly and Liz can already feel herself getting wet just from that reaction. Max's hands wander Maria's body as she rocks against his face. "There, right there. Yes!"

Liz's eyes travel the both of them, the throbbing of her cunt intensifying at every noise escaping their lips

"Max! Fuck!"

Maria quickly grips the headboard as Max's hands settle on her hips, keeping her close as his tongue continues to tease her. It doesn't take much longer before Maria screams as she reaches her peak.

Maria trembles as she falls to the bed, between Max and Liz. "Fuck! You are masterful with your tongue."

Max laughs, and Maria quickly pulls him into a kiss, her tongue entering his mouth. Maria turns her gaze to Liz. "Well, Max might be done for the night, but are you up for continuing? I've been desperate for you to fuck me since you got on your knees. You looked so utterly sexy when Max was in your mouth."

Liz feels her arousal building even more, desperate for a release. She slides closer to Maria, their bodies nearly touching now. "I would love to fuck you. And I'm glad you enjoyed watching us.” Liz sighs, apologetic. “But I don't think I can bring myself to leave the bed. I'm not sure my legs can support me right now."

Max smiles. "Well, good thing you're in bed with an alien who has telekinetic abilities, then. Unless you want to stop."

Maria gasps in delight before kissing him chastely. "You're a lifesaver, Max Evans."

Max laughs. "Just doing my best to make sure my ladies are taken care of. Besides, I don't think any of us could manage standing right now."

Maria smiles. "We'll have to remember to grab the toys before we get to the bed next time."

Liz laughs. “Definitely. If you hadn't caught us by surprise, we might've had the thought to grab them before we started."

Maria gasps in mock offense. "Are you saying that you don't like when I take the lead?"

Liz gently shoves Maria. "I am definitely not saying that." 

Max uses his telekinesis to open the dresser and grabs a harness, dildo, and a bottle of lube. The items float to the bed, landing near Liz's hands. Liz giggles, "Gracias, cariño."

Max smiles. “Siempre, mi amor.”

Liz grins, always enjoying hearing Max slip into Spanish to respond to her. It’s a side of Max that he reserves specifically for her. His level of fluency is understandably nowhere near hers, making it all the more meaningful when he does. Liz reaches over Maria and cups his face, her thumb stroking his cheek and he instinctively leans into her touch. After a minute Liz pulls away and returns her attention to Maria. “Well, give me a moment to get ready, and then I’ll happily get inside you.”

Maria's cunt aches at the thought. Liz slips into the harness and secures the dildo before she grabs the lube. She pours some into her hands and slicks up the dildo, making eye contact with Maria as she does.

Max turns to his side to get a better view of the two of them. 

Liz slips a couple fingers inside Maria. "God, you're so fucking wet. I probably didn't even need to bother with the lube. I can't wait to make you come."

Maria moans as Liz continues teasing her. "Please."

Liz's thumb rubs Maria's clit and she whines. "Liz."

Hearing Maria say her name goes straight to Liz's cunt. "Sounds like I've teased you enough. Let me make up for that."

Liz quickly slips inside Maria and she gasps loudly. Liz kisses her neck as she starts to thrust, her breasts grazing against Maria's each time. Maria pulls Liz closer, no more space between them, and they both groan. Liz continues thrusting and Maria pants as she speaks, "It's funny that you said earlier that you were thinking about my body, when you're so fucking voluptuous. I bet half the people in town would kill to be with you like this."

"Well, too bad for them that I'm already spoken for. You and Max fuck me right, I have no interest in anyone else."

Liz leans down to kiss Maria again, swallowing her moan. Maria's nails dig into Liz's back, causing her to pick up her speed.

Once Liz pulls away, Maria speaks again. "As fucking good as you feel inside me, I need you to go harder and deeper."

Liz obliges, pushing in deeper and putting more power into her thrusts. Maria cries out in pleasure. "Yes! Yes! More."

Liz is in a bit of a lustful haze, and she wants nothing more than to satisfy Maria, but she still has to ask. "Are you sure?"

Maria nods. "Yes, I want you to make me ache for days. I want to be so sore that all I can think about it how well you both fucked me. I need a physical reminder of how fucking good you make me feel."

And with that, Liz pushes in as deep as she can. Maria cries out again and spasms. "Fuck!"

Maria clings to Liz now, her thrusts rough and frenzied. It doesn't take much longer before Maria screams Liz's name as she orgasms, pulling Liz even closer.

Liz smiles and kisses Maria's neck again. "I hope that was satisfactory enough."

Maria laughs through heavy breaths. Liz takes that as her cue to pull out and she gets out of the harness, quickly placing it and the dildo on the dresser. 

Max's gaze is on Maria's face. "Sorry for the unsolicited comment but… You two are so gorgeous together."

Maria laughs again. "Max, I don't think there's anything you can say that I don't want to hear."

Max can't help but lean in and kiss her for that. Maria smiles as her hands drift to his hair. As he pulls away she still cups his face. She asks, "How did I get lucky enough to be in this position?"

Max's voice is barely above a whisper as he locks eyes with Maria. "I think we're the lucky ones."

Liz speaks now, "I'm definitely on Max's side here."

"Well, I'm flattered you think so highly of me."

Liz sits by Maria's side, holding the bottle of lube. "If you're done for the night, I can have a bit of solo fun, but if you're up for it, there's one more thing I want to do."

"Oh?"

Liz smiles. "How do you feel about scissoring?"

Maria laughs. She asks innocently, "Is that what you had in mind?"

Liz leans closer and kisses Maria's neck. "Yes. If you're interested."

Maria moans and Liz's mouth travels lower, giving attention to her breasts. It takes a moment before Maria finds her voice, caught up in the pleasure of Liz's tongue. "I'm up for anything you want to do."

Liz smiles as she pours some lube into her hands. "Good."

Liz rubs her hands together before inserting a couple fingers in Maria's cunt. Liz teases her a little as she continues kissing her way down Maria's body. Maria arches her back and moans, as her fists dig into the sheets.

Once Liz reaches the edge of the bed, she slips a leg between Maria's and slides closer until their cunts are barely touching. Liz's heart pounds furiously in anticipation. She meets Maria's gaze and can tell that she's feeling similarly desperate for a release. 

Still staring into each other's eyes, Liz grabs Maria's hand and closes the final bit of distance as their cunts rub together. They both groan as they grind against each other. Maria speaks first, "You feel so fucking good.”

"You do, too."

Liz releases Maria's hand, having the thought that she wants to touch her everywhere. Liz starts to caress Maria's breasts, and she moans in response, before she starts to touch Liz in the same manner. 

Soon they're both writhing under each other's touch, as they continue rutting against each other, their clits brushing, and their moans fill the room.

Maria feels herself inching closer and closer to her climax and says, "I could fuck you like this every day and never get tired of it."

And that's the final spark for Liz, as she comes with a scream. Maria joins her a few seconds after.

Liz takes a long moment to recover before she returns to the head of the bed. She kisses Maria once more. "You're incredible."

Maria smiles. "You're incredible, too."

She turns her gaze towards Max. "You both are."

Max smiles as he slides closer to the two women, resting his head on Maria's chest. The three of them lay together in a tangle of limbs for a while, coming down from the high. One of Maria's hands starts to comb through Max's hair, and she speaks, "So, I know we've agreed that we're an us now but… I don't know if I'm ready for people to know about this."

Liz quickly grabs Maria's free hand. "Hey, there's no rush. Max and I have been together for a while, you get to set the pace now. Your comfort is the priority while we're figuring this out."

Max turns his head, making eye contact with Maria. "It's uncharted territory for all of us, but you have the most to get used to. I mean, a secret girlfriend –"

"Girlfriend?"

Maria's surprised by how much she likes hearing herself be referred to as Max and Liz's girlfriend.

Max's eyes widen in fear. "Sorry, is it too fast to label us?"

"No! No, I like it! I'm your girlfriend. I guess I just hadn't thought that far ahead." Maria laughs. "Wow, I can't remember the last time I was in a serious enough relationship to bother with labels."

Liz kisses her cheek. "Well, it's their loss. I haven't had the Maria DeLuca girlfriend experience, but I already know that you'll be a wonderful girlfriend. There's a reason why you've always been my best friend and I feel like I can talk to you about anything."

Maria meets Liz's gaze and smiles. "Well, I already love being your girlfriend."

Liz grins. "Good. I already love calling you my girlfriend, even if I can only say it within these walls."

Maria leans closer to Liz and kisses her, before turning her attention back to Max and placing a kiss on his forehead.

"I love being with both of you like this. It's funny, I never thought about either of you in any way other than platonic up until Liz and I drunkenly made out. Now I can't imagine anything other than this. Just the idea of going back to the way things used to be is excruciating."

Max smiles. "Well, as long as you feel that way, we're not going to let you go."

Maria pulls Max closer and kisses him again. Max and Liz slide closer to Maria, until the three of them are flush against each other, Maria's arms bracketing both of them. Liz sighs contentedly as she nestles her head under Maria's chin.

[xbooklover26x]

Things about me that probably no one will ever care to know

- I love reading cos it lets me escape for a while

- I'm obsessed with the characters and they mean a lot to me cos they're a constant, they're reliable and they cant hurt me

- every night I fall asleep to scenarios i make up in my head cos I dont think I'm ever going to experience the scenarios in real life so scenarios are the best I'm gonna get

- I still love teddies and stuff cos I dont think I get enough hugs in real life, so i go to them for hugs

- I love stray kids sm bcos the way they connect with their fans sm makes me feel loved and appreciated, ik its sad

- I've always been drawn to felix bcos his soul seems so pure and hes such a beautiful person that it gives me hope for people ig

- every night I have to have at least a few hours completely alone in my room or everything can feel a bit too much

- fandoms are my safe place bcos I dont feel judged when I'm in them

- I'm a hellenic polytheist or a hellenic pagan, I havent worked that part out yet

- I feel such a huge connection and pull to the greek deities and I respect them sm

- i dont have to convince myself I believe in them like I had to with the Christian god, i truly do just believe in them

- after I got confirmed I had about a week or so where I tried so hard to be a good Christian

- I stopped following christian beliefs when I realised I didnt understand why such a benevolent god would allow so much hatred and pain on the earth

- only about 5 people know about my religion, I hate it but I'm too scared to tell people bcos I think they'll think its stupid

- I have to have music playing if I'm doing everyday tasks, it helps me focus and enjoy what in doing

- my biggest bookshelf is organised by the first letter of the last name of the author bcos it's easy for me to navigate

- I'm secretly so proud of the way my bookshelves look, I tried pretty hard to make them look nice and they bring me a lot of happiness

- last time I counted, i had 417 books, i was so proud of my collection

- I have a lot of mental health problems, but I ignore them most of the time cos my friends are more important than me

- I create a different personality for basically everyone I meet bcos it's so important to me that people like me

- I've done it so much I'm not sure what my actual personality is

- I discovered I was pansexual after I decided I enjoyed 'I Kissed A Girl' too much and did some Google quizzes during lockdown

- I hadnt heard of pansexuality before but when I looked into it the label felt so right

- I spent my 16th birthday with 2 of the most important people to me, and I loved it

- I'm scared of trying to find a fashion style to wear bcos I'm worried I'm not thin enough to make outfits look good

- I love so passionately and strongly, and I'm scared no one will return that love but I'm also kinda proud of how much I can love ig

- crying gives me a headache and itchy eyes, so when I feel like crying I watch something ik will make me laugh

- after closing night of my first (and last) school show I cried the entire night

- I make myself laugh a lot more than I probably should

- I'll go through periods of not eating fruit then one day randomly eat a banana and remember how much I like them

- I'm bad at saving money but I wanna get better

- I have a strong attachment to the show All Of Us Are Dead bcos the characters feel familiar and real

- and the cast is really pretty

- when I love something I try to force it upon my friends, usually unsuccessfully

- I think nature cam be really pretty but I'm hardly in it cos it makes my hayfever bad

- I'm learning Korean and Greek bcos I think both are such beautiful languages and I like the challenge

- the day I realised I'd matured was when I felt more drawn to characters who would be good for me in a relationship situation, rather than ones who would be kinda toxic or too difficult

- I could talk about the things I love for hours (especially stray kids right now) but I hardly ever get the chance to

- I wrote all of this to see if it would make me feel better about me to be so truthful, and ig it did a bit

[zeus-japonicus]

Nemo you are the coolest please tell me more about trice forgotten linguistics

i've never felt more like 3 penguins stacked on top of one another and wearing a trenchcoat until right now - you're very sweet for indulging me, anon, here is a linguistics essay just for you.

For context, I approach linguistics from the perspective of someone who is, and has always been, tragically in love with languages and yet incapable of understanding grammar. As an example, I consider myself bilingual English with Japanese, and yet I still struggle with particles (I had to google the term for them to write this post). I know innately and strongly how to use most of them, but sometimes I'm left floundering. If I'm speaking Japanese, I think in Japanese, until I don't know the word for 'racism' and then I'm reduced to explaining what I mean like a 5 year old. Hell, I barely understand English grammar, and that's the language I have (nearly) 3 degrees in.

I was born and raised in London. I lived with my very white, very middle-class-aspiring grandma for many years. Her friends used to say to me, "your English is so good!" As an attention-seeking child, I very much took that to mean they understood I was a gifted and intelligent human - looking back, I know it's because they saw an Asian, and they were surprised I didn't speak like the Asians they'd seen parodied by white actors in film or on the radio.

Alestes desperately hunts for people who will understand her broken, child's Hokkien while, at the same time, existing as someone both Black and Asian. Fluent English is not expected of her by the society she lives in. Neither is fluent Hokkien.

I don't speak Hokkien at all, and I realise that maybe a few of you probably don't know what it is - so let's start there. I'll say here that all translation was done by my dear friend Yen Ooi, whose English-language Sci-Fi are poetic and beautiful and radical.

"Hokkien originated in the southern area of Fujian province, an important center for trade and migration, and has since become one of the most common Chinese varieties overseas. [...] Hokkien historically served as the lingua franca amongst overseas Chinese communities of all dialects and subgroups, and it remains today as the most spoken variety of Chinese [in Southeast Asia]."

I will admit, when I first started writing Trice, I defaulted to assuming Alestes and her family would speak Mandarin or Cantonese, the two more well-known Chinese languages - Cantonese especially because it's a trade-language used in many interactions with the British.

Tangentially, I was reading about the indentured Chinese people brought from Batavia (Indonesia) to Cape Colony in South Africa because I was doing research on Cape Coloured people. I'd just interviewed someone for my PhD who talked to me about their family history, which made me really think about ancestries I'd never considered before - and about trade routes beyond the Atlantic.

Then I thought about who had been ejected from China. I remembered an article written about Sek Yeong / Ching Shih - about how she lived through a combined population boom & lack of food & space and so she and people like her took to piracy on the sea. I essentially did a combo of google maps & wikipedia to look around the coast of China for places and languages that might fit who Zhu Anran was in my head.

I settled on Fujian and Hokkien because they're big - and yet absolutely obliterated in the western brain. I don't personally know of any Western media where a character speaks Hokkien - any dialect of it - it's the official language of Taiwan (side note: i did just have to google "was Taiwan ever a British colony" and was genuinely surprised it wasn't - Dutch, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese) - and as mentioned, is still a lingua franca in SEAsia - my friends who speak it are mostly Malaysian and Singaporean British people.

I think many people might assume (given our abhorrent history lessons) that a character being Fujian and Xhosa is... a rare or strange mix - but people like Alestes did exist - must have - even if there are no real records - because of how linked Cape Town and Southeast Asia were - even before British/Dutch colonisation.

I first attemped to use online Hokkien dictionaries to translate the work but kept coming across the issue of not knowing what meaning words really had - especially swears - so when I asked Yen for translation help I had a caveat: I didn't want the swears to have ableist or racist meaning. Yen told me she and her dad had an excellent conversation when they were discussing swears - [content note for the list below, there is ableist and graphic language] - from Yen:

'bo jeng sin' or 'tao hong' - these are ableists... they refer to people who are crazy or have mental conditions, so probably not.

'iau siu' - this refers to a baby that'll be born dead - so very extremely aggressive cuss word.

'han ji' - potato. My preference because I grew with this phrase around me - means a useless person.

'jiak liau bi' - a waste of rice. I love the phrase... haha. It means someone who's not worth the rice they're given - useless person. 

han ji and jiak liau bi are the ones that made it into the show. As I mentioned in my previous post, Alestes swears in Hokkien because Baker didn't know what they meant when she was a kid and so couldn't tell her off for it...

And to close us out, here's a nice translation note from Yen about Alestes' attempt to speak Hokkien to the pottery seller: "carp is one of those words that isn't commonly known. It's 'le hu' in Hokkien, but if Alestes's Hokkien isn't fluent, she probably won't know the word. She could say... 'ha mi hu', which translates to 'what fish'. When we can't remember the word for something... like a type of fish/animal, we tend to just add 'ha mi' to the front... like what cat is this? what bag is this?"

The carp story is the one thing that connects Alestes to her past - her last memory of her father - and she can't even remember the word for it in Hokkien.

(Please do go an check out Yen's novels, she also writes games, and is on twitter @ yenooi)

[frankcastleonlyfans]

SOO omg omg omg i don't know what to say. '5 crisis between us' is absolutely beautiful!!

1) i wasn't able to cry. i just had a huge grin from ear to ear bc OMG you're so sweet😭 i'm really honored. i hope you enjoyed writing it and not just felt pressed/ suffocated by the ideas. will you do something with the other ones, though? just interested.

(if you're ever interested my pronouns are she/her (but you can call me wife SORRY))

2) i'm in LOVE with your daemon and mom!reader. their dynamic! their relationship! i can die seeing them. yes they're toothachingly sweet so they need to go through crisises🥰 suffering is the key

3) the miscarriage crisis... maybe it was bc i didn't have any details and expectations about it in my head but it was strong. it is strong. this helplessness and this loving sweetness- no words. for me it felt more loving than the whole '5 moments between us' (don't get me wrong it is stunning, just my own impression. this is the climax of pure devotion to my eyes).

4) most likely it's just me knowing these ideas i've send but i had a minor feeling of rush? (yeah prob gust me bc i haven't had this feeling reading 1 and 5 paragraphs) like it IS long but this little incompleteness? (don't get me wrong it is great! i love the way you write and the way you think! just this small-small feeling like there is an opportunity to say more? you should know i work with a lot of texts and analysing them is going to be my like? job (i hope) so yes. i always overthink this)

no intention to offend you my love! you and your sexy brain have done absolutely great!

5) just me. i'd really like to learn more about relationship between mom!reader and alyssa. it feels like a great topic to think about. i'd like to see this, on the one hand, rivalry (i know it's toxic, maybe i am a bad person) and daemon's reaction, and family bond and mother's wisdom (bc alyssa is her child she obviously shouldn't feel like it's a rivalry), on the other hand. back to children's disgust of their parents' interactions. i kinda feel like alyssa should be really jealous? but is her mother as jealous when she's hust born? it's a really big topic for me (having mommy issues and always seeking attention💀)

In conclusion, is is TALENTED, BRILLIANT, INCREDIBLE, AMAZING, SHOW-STOPPING, SPECTACULAR, NEVER THE SAME, TOTALLY UNIQUE! and i really appreciate its dedication🥺 i strongly believe you and your au are going to become a legend! thank you so much for your work!

- ❄️

i'm so glad you liked it, you don't know how much your support means to me 🥹💓

i probably won't use the other plots bc the ideas i have in mind to work with before i finish the series don't really have angst or crisis vibes, just pure joy before we end our journey.

and i get what you mean about the loving parts and the difference between "5 moments between us" and this one. i think this one feels more personal and less domestic than the first one. the pain brought them together and made them stronger, while the other one are just silly little scenarios of they spending time with each other.

oh, and it's okay!! i know some of the scenarios are a little incomplete or don't have more to it (like the second depression one) but i didn't wanted to make a long ass sad story, i just wanted to share some moments they lived and got through it, without making it too appealing.

and before we end the series we definitely gonna have more of alyssa and her mom. i'm thinking about making them bond over a danger situation just to add a little bit of drama lol

but again, thank u so much for your support, darling 💓

[jimimn]

Bts are artists so they understand the importance of having fans, as do many other artists do. Without fans, you as an artist are almost irrelevant, because there is no one to support you, lift you up and accompany you on your journey. It might just be my ignorance or the fact that I follow only a handful of artists, but I've never seen anyone love their fans as much as the tannies do. In the past 10 years they wrote countless love songs for us, which were just as comforting as their kind words for us, always protected us in any ways they could, expressed their love for us every chance they got, held our hands when we had bad times and told us we did the same for them. I would like the believe that everything they have ever said were genuine. I know in kpop a lot of things are scripted and staged, but I don't believe you can fake something for 10 years and not grow into it. I might be naive but I will always believe that everything that came from them was honest, and not just words to keep the fans and the support. I know they understand the weight of having such a broad fanbase, because it was partially the reason they could achieve everything they have achieved so far. They changed over the years but their love for us stayed the same and then grew stronger. 1/2

your second ask and my reply are under the cut 💞

2/2 I wish I could understand their struggles when the pandemic hit, sadly I can only sympathise with them. I can't even imagine what they must have felt back then and now during the festa dinner, when they were so afraid of losing the support. They are artists, who need fans to keep going and grow, but I also like to think of them as a friend. Although we can't communicate with them directly, we can't meet them, have coffee with them and chat about the weather, the things they did for us and the things they keep doing for us are always going to be precious to me. I know many artists love their fans, and I truly believe there are some of them out there who love the fans just as much as the tannies love us, but it still feels special and different. It's a parasocial relationship, and yet it feels so much closer than that. They protected us when we needed it, and in return we always protect them as much as we can. Maybe the need to love us strongly comes from the way they were formed and the way they had to quite literally fight their way up to the top. And we were always there with them, supporting them, cheering them on, smiling proudly at them. Maybe it comes from the fact that they were not privileged at all. Or maybe their love formed this way because they are genuinely good humans.

Hi! First of all I'm sorry I took a while to reply to this. Just wanted to sit down with proper time on my hands to answer and the last few days were a little hectic. And I agree with everything that you said. I have followed and gotten into a lot of fandoms before this lol be it actors or musicians or sportspersons but I have truly never seen the kind of love and appreciation that bangtan have for us in any other fandom before. A lot of the times this love is taken for granted too by some fans, but still their love for us as a whole remains unchanged :( They've been there for us through their music and through their words for so long. Like idk it might sound cheesy but the way people say that you find them when you need them the most, it's very true because that's what happened with me. And they've just been a constant source of happiness and comfort for me ever since. Not just as musicians but also as people. Yes, I don't think they were not genuine, especially when they spoke about their feelings regarding themselves and their personalities. Ofcourse we only see maybe only 10% of who they actually are as people (and rightfully), but I would like to believe that most of it is genuine. Including their love for their fans. Idk if it's with other artists too but the genuine love I've seen in bangtan's eyes for the fans when they're on stage 😭😭😭 makes me so soft every time. And you're right we can only sympathize with what they went through during the pandemic. Different people had different kinds of struggles during the pandemic, ofcourse, and that cannot be compared. But that doesn't make their difficulties any less painful. To not be able to do what you live for, for so so long, i can't even imagine what that must've been like. They said they were scared that we're gonna stop loving them because of this, that there were not gonna be any armys anymore, and that just broke my heart 😭 What we have with them is a parasocial relationship yes, but who says that this means that the love isn't genuine right? there are fans who have grown up with the boys (the ones who have been with them since the start), made mistakes and rectified them, became better people. So in a way it does feel like they are our friends, right? 🥺 I think their love for the fans has formed this way because of how fiercely fans have supported them through thick and thin and also because they are good people. They always keep talking about how they're guilty that there not doing enough in return but i just want to sit them down and tell them that whatever they are doing is more than enough and that we're so so so happy to be on this journey with them 🥺

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

After everything do you think Jm and Jk are closest to each other in BTS? I really don’t.

Jikookers like to think that even if they aren’t a couple they are each others first person or whatever even tho there is no proof of that. I strongly believe both are closer to Hobi than each other.

They were the closest to me until early 2021, but I always believed that being part of the group was a special circumstance, where certain things were conditioned by them being bound to see each other almost everyday. I don't remember if I've said it here before, but I was never sure of how their relationship would be like if they weren't part of BTS. None of them, none of the 7 members had a typical social life and being part of BTS, as great as it is, it also prevented them from meeting people and having many friendships and relationships the way any normal human being would have. I have no way of knowing how Jimin and Jungkook function in a world where BTS it's not at the center of their lives. I have no way of knowing because the only jikook I've ever known was the jikook that was part of BTS. Now they're not actively a part of BTS, and I don't know what that life looks like for them. Trust me, I'm not here daydreaming about them playing house like most jikookers are. They used to hang out and be seen out and about fairly often, a decent amount of frequent, while BTS was active. During the break they had this year (meaning not BTS activities), there were no news of them hanging out. BTS announced their hiatus, and again, a lot of them talked about meeting, or were seen together, and Jimin and Jungkook nothing. The last time it was known of them meeting just for the sake of it while on break, it was 2019.

They're frozen in time for me, and frankly it didn't end well and I've felt that way since even before they went on hiatus. Last time BTS was active as a group, I didn't think they were the bestest of friends and that's my frozen memory of them -two bandmates and friends, nothing more, nothing less.

Maybe they're still the closest, tho that hasn't been obvious for me for a long while. And not because they seem to have grown apart, BUT because everyone else seems to have gotten closer to each other. That's what I noticed in ITS 1, and everything from 2020 until now has been like that, no friendship actually stands out or seems to be "better" or "closer" than the other.