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astranite · 2 years ago

Text

Stargazing

Sky and star!! Scott and John!!! Stargazing, honest talks on rooftops, some tears, and many hugs.

The tags copied from ao3 because Im pretty much too tired to see straight but I just finished this and Ive been working on it for a while now and here it is!!! Im very proud of it :)--Hurt/Comfort Angst Fluff its got all of them Stargazing which you just may have guessed given the title Hugs Crying Panic Attacks Self-Esteem Issues Scott's having a bit of a time of it and so is John but they've got each other there is much hugging and hot chocolate too and definitely some ADHD Scott and autistic John

Comes in at a scraping under 6000 words, so a nice long one!!

@idontknowreallywhy Thank you for all of your encouragement along the way. I doubt this would be what it is without you. Hugs :)

A headcanon in it, which you shall see, I believe originated from a fic by @edutainer2022 Sometime in 2023. The depths of tumblr. (cites sources)

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A thump followed by multilingual cussing out of the very concept of gravity were not uncommon sounds when John was earth side. Scott still looked up from his paper work in concern.

John was juggling a telescope, a blanket over his shoulder and his satchel while attempting to pick up several books. Massive, heavy astronomy books splayed out on the floor around his feet.

He swayed, nearly losing his balance and dropping the telescope at the same time. Scott leapt up to help. He crossed the comms room from dad’s desk to where John was in quick strides to get to his brother, worry blooming.

John straightened up when Scott reached his side, his brows pinched and face pale.

“Johnny, are you okay?” Scott questioned. He needed to know whether this was just a momentary thing or he needed to call Grandma and/or Virgil. He’d rather not have John fainting on him.

“I’m fine, just a bit dizzy.” John said, “Probably my blood pressure from leaning down too fast.“

Scott let out a relieved breath. John’s space-related health issues weren’t uncommon to be dealing with but Scott hated to see any of his brothers potentially sick or hurting. At least without a mission in the way, Scott could trust John was being truthful and not pushing past his limits.

“And don’t call me Johnny,” John added in disgust.

So John was just fine, with that level of vitriol. Just as it should be.

“Good to hear.” Scott put on a shit eating grin. “Johnny.”

It was his big brotherly duty to be infuriating, at least now his concerns had been allayed.

“Fuck you,” John said good naturedly.

Scott gathered the books up. John paused, hesitated, then stepped back to let him.

With both hands still full, John leant against the wall for support, eyes half closed and head tipped back.

On the biggest book, ‘ Dr J. G. Tracy’ was written across the planet pictured on the purple cover, followed by the extensive list of letters standing in for qualifications after John’s name. Scott smiled proudly to himself.

When he had them all, and they were heavy, how had John managed them with everything else, Scott reached out to take the blanket too, which was slowly but surely sliding from John’s grip.

“Thanks Scott. I thought I had it but—“ John gave floor where the former pile had been a glare.

“Gravity?” Scott smiled.

John rolled his eyes. “Yeah.”

Scott shifted the books up in his arms. “Now where do you want this all?”

Since he was carrying them already, he may as well help John the rest of the way. It was easier, honestly, he wasn’t just being a smotherhen.

“Uh. I was planning to go to the roof,” John admitted sheepishly.

Scott nudged him gently. “I should’ve guessed.”

Long ago, Scott had gotten used to how John took every possible opportunity to see the stars. He’d thought the constant fixtures of their childhood would disappear when John made his dream of living in space, but they’d stayed. The telescopes from John’s bedroom window, the expeditions to every nearby and not so nearby observatory, lying outside on picnic blankets waiting for meteor showers.

Turns out stargazing, even on earth, was just a part of who John was. The stars were constant in his universe and Scott loved how his brother loved them so much.

At night, out on the roof was always the first place Scott looked for John. In the day, so many times Scott had found John in his room, staring at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to the ceiling. Scott had helped him put up the first set, way back in Kansas when John was shorter than him because he hadn't been to space yet, and couldn’t reach even standing on a chair. When they moved to the island, the first thing John decorated his room with were more stars here too. Sometimes, when John was up on Five for long stretches, Scott would go sit beneath them, surrounded by John’s shelves of paper books and looking upwards.

They made their way out now, Scott matching John’s cautious footsteps, slow and unsteady. The balance issues from constantly being in space were worse when John was fresh down for orbit, though they never truly went away. It worried Scott, when he thought too much about it, but Thunderbird Five was never something he could take from John without breaking his heart. So Scott was always happy to slow down, to let John take his time to feel his way along, whenever he needed to. For his brother, Scott could take it slow.

The door to the roof and the wide, flat expanse were both very deliberate in their design. Having their own observatory wasn't going to stop one space brother or two from sitting up there.

Passing from the warmly lit villa into the night was sudden and jarring. Scott realised he hadn’t been outside of a building or a cockpit for too long. He took a breath, filling his lungs with cool ocean air. The clear view and barely there breeze would make landing a dream if he was flying.

Stars covered the sky, spread horizon to horizon. John stared up at them with open delight. He placed his telescope and bag down on the roof, then stretched out his arms as if to touch the inky purple expanse above them. When John glanced back at him, Scott repeated the gesture because this was something he understood. On a perfect blue day, as the sun shone, burning away the last whisps of white clouds, the skies pulled him in with the urge to be amongst it all. That was why he flew and John launched into space.

Scott spread the blanket out next to where the roof slanted sharply upwards, so they’d have shelter and were far away from the edge. He put the books down on a corner, preoccupying himself with neatly stacking them. John dropped to sit cross legged, immediately beginning to set up his telescope.

Scott lingered watching him as he attached it to its stand, screwing it securely in place. Long minutes passed while John fiddled with various knobs and dials. Scott knew he had a million other things he should be doing, the paperwork lurking at his desk to name one example, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

John wouldn’t want him here. He’d enjoy his evening far more without his older brother breathing down his neck. Scott should go. He made an awkward gesture at the door back off the roof, but made no movement towards it. He was probably driving John crazy just by being here, distracting him from his stars with his indecisiveness.

Shuffling the books around had already been a thin excuse once and messing with them more would be pushing it too far, no matter how the volume second from the bottom was botheringly skewed. He clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms to resist straightening it. He was already pushing it too far.

Scott forced himself up, made it halfway to his feet when John pulled himself away from his telescope. His breath caught when John opened his mouth to speak.

Scott knew he was overly clingy.

The times people had called him suffocating stung. They still stung, even when he knew they were words hurled in anger and not truly meant. He couldn’t stand to hear more, because surely that’s what John was going to say. Maybe more diplomatically, more politely, but he braced himself anyway.

“Do you want to look at the stars with me?” John asked.

Scott’s mouth was glued shut. He just stared at John.

“It’s fine if you don’t.” John glanced down at his hands, now in his lap instead of on the telescope, fidgeting with his sleeves. “I just… We haven’t spent time together for ages.”

“What— what about last week?” Scott managed. John had been down last week, they’d seen each other last week.

“That was with everyone,” John said softly. “I meant just us.”

Oh. So John wanted— John wanted him to stay?

Scott tentatively settled to sit on the blanket, next to John. He couldn’t not. If there was the slightest chance John wanted him here, he couldn’t not take and take and take. But he had to believe John, in John’s words and soft, unsure tone of voice. That John knew what he was asking for and was saying it because he wanted this too.

After so many rescues and times in his life where John’s voice was his anchor at the end of a comm line, it was second nature to believe John. Maybe the waver in his voice was because he had trouble asking for this too.

Their knees bumped and John gave him a small smile.

Slowly, Scott unwound, letting out a breath and relaxing every muscle he’d tensed up. He leant back, bracing his hands behind him to look once more to the sky. The stars and moon seemed brighter now. What John was searching for up there, Scott didn't know, but he’d be here as he did, with John’s calm presence by his side.

He listened to the brushing of the breeze through the trees and the rushing whisper of sea against the shores, interspersed with the fluttering of paper as John turned the pages of his books.

John didn't need to reference his books to point his telescope at the right bit of sky, but he always brought them anyway. It was part of the routine, the ritual, a familiar comfort too weighty to bring to space. Flicking through pages of calculations, hands on the well worn covers, opening them where they fell, because they’d been read so many times before. It was another night, like this one but a long while ago, shared together when John had told him that was why he had them, connected all the way back to memories of John as a kid with mum’s astronomy textbooks, reading them by torchlight. For Scott, there was something reassuring about John surrounded by his books and his stars, his brother as he always was and was meant to be. It wasn't silly, he’d told John, that he brought old fashioned print books instead of even just a tablet, when they made John happy.

Tonight, without the usual jets coming and going, and people hustling to emergency alarms, the island was quiet. Calm, even.

Alan and Gordon were up on Thunderbird Five. Alan because he needed more training before he was prepared to run the station solo, and Gordon, who’d good naturedly volunteered to partner up, given John had long exceed his space hours this month. How it was going was anyone’s guess, particularly for Gordon’s mood, when Alan was likely using his temporary commanding status to full extent in bossing around his big brother. Scott snorted.

John turned to him at the sound. “What’s up? What is it?”

“Thinking of how Allie and Gordo are doing,” Scott replied. He relayed his thoughts about their younger brothers.

The corners of John’s lips turned up. “Eos is likely more trouble, even with the talking to I gave her.”

John’s code baby slash evil AI was thankfully now into causing the inconvenient type of mischief instead of the life threatening. She could be almost sweet when she’d gotten over the murderous tendencies and Scott got to know her better. He could definitely see the John in her.

“They’ll be just fine. Might even learn a few things.” Scott had faith in his brothers’ abilities, and in the restorative properties of the celery crunch bars he’d put in the care package for Gordon.

The conversation lulled for a moment as John refocused on his telescope, before John chipped in, “Do you reckon Virgil’s figured out his masterpiece yet?”

A paint covered Virgil had been briefly coaxed out of his studio earlier in the evening with the promise of dinner. He’d made distracted conversation with Scott and John, mind clearly still elsewhere, before shovelling the last mouthfuls of food in his mouth and running off.

Virgil hadn’t noticed the streak of violet across his forehead, emphasised by the expression he made, all raised eyebrows and gleeful realisation, when the new idea struck. To be fair, neither Scott nor John had chosen to point it out to him. He’d either see it eventually or he wouldn’t, and time would tell how many other colours joined it.

But a Virgil in his art zone, with music coming from beneath his door, was a happy one. Reassuring for Scott too, after the weeks and months and rescues they’d all had.

“He’s all good,” Scott said fondly.

John echoed it with a wider smile, both of their minds on their artsy brother in the house below.

“So, what are you searching for tonight?” Scott gestured to the sky and the telescope in a sweeping movement.

John startled. He paused to consider then asked, “Does that mean you actually want the whole version or just the five second summary?”

“Hit me with all of it,” Scott said. He was rewarded by John’s face lighting up.

John’s excitement as he explained his star stuff was contagious. Scott found himself grinning. The way John flickered his hands through the air, sketching out astronomical diagrams, was mesmerising, and the way he pulled facts and figures off the top of his head was astounding.

When he showed Scott the contents of his books, Scott barely knew where to start with the calculations, because this was John’s area, not his own field of mathematics. Half the concepts went over his head until John explained them, bit by bit.

Scott asked questions, because it had been a while since he’d looked to the stars and he was rusty on most of the finer points other than those used for emergency navigation. John was more than happy to answer them.

They bounced questions and answers back and forth; John got to talk about his stars and Scott got to listen to his brother’s joyous excitement which he hadn’t heard for far too long. He reminded himself to call John up more often, even if it was just on the holo, to listen to him ramble about his latest research.

“You wanna see?” John asked. “The telescope is set up and tonight’s has the best conditions there will be.”

Handling any of John’s telescopes was usually a privilege reserved for a very careful Alan. Several childhood instances of toppled stands leading to cracked lenses had instituted the rule of no brothers allowed anywhere near touching range. Or, Scott cringed to think about, amateur soccer range.

When Scott agreed, John flashed a rare grin, delighted to share the stars with him.

The stars weren’t Scott’s domain the way they were for John. Both of them loved the sky but the difference was the distance. Scott much preferred to remain within the atmosphere, outside of it wasn't for him. But the sky was for them both. Him and John, who were the first ones to love it, before any of the others came along.

Scott looked through telescope to see what John sees.

It was… he could only describe it as beautiful. Bright pinpricks of light forming their constellations against navy sky. The planets and the stars seen from their own tiny planet in the galaxy. All brought closer by the telescope than he could see with his eyes, brought closer by sharing this moment with John.

When Scott pulled himself away from the telescope, John was watching him in nervous anticipation, twisting his hands in his lap.

“So, what did you think?”

“They’re amazing John, thank you for showing me.” Scott poured all his honest wonder into the words.

John looked up. “They really are.”

“I missed you,” Scott blurted out.

Immediately, he wanted to take the words back. What made him admit it, even on the solitary rooftop where no one could overhear them? Not because they weren’t true, it was always going to be true that he missed John when he was away. But usually that was something he kept close to his chest, an ache curled around his heart. His family spent plenty of time with him, even John, they just… hadn’t lately, that was all. He was being needy, asking for too much and wanting more, more, more after people already gave.

He swallowed back the lump in his throat. The stars were blurry as he looked away.

Scott flinched when John gently took his hands in his own.

John squeezed his hands, slender fingers wrapping around Scott’s as he automatically squeezed back.

Gripping John’s hands, holding onto him, was a lifeline built up over years and years. So deeply ingrained in who they were that it could pierce through Scott’s racing, sharp edged thoughts.

Looking back, him and John holding hands had started when they were kids. The first time he remembered was on a trip to an aeronautical museum, with Mum telling them they had to stick together, to hold hands and not let go. Because as a kid, John would wander off out of curiosity and get left behind when he slowed down to read all of the informational signs. It had happened many times before. In hindsight, Mum was probably trying to keep Scott from running around and climbing everything too, by recruiting him for big brother duty.

Later the gesture was an anchor for John, to lead him out of overwhelming situations, where Scott could see him shrinking in on himself at every sound that made him want to press his hands over his ears but he couldn't for appearances sake.

For Scott, when he’s falling apart too. For John to pull him aside with a polite excuse, then away from old guard board members at Tracy Industries meetings, and out of the surveillance of crowds and reporters alike at the awful high society galas PR made it necessary to attend. Away from where people wanted, no expected, Jeff Tracy and all they got was his son, and the cordial smiles of how much he resembled his father tore Scott as deeply as the thinly veiled whispers of how much he didn’t, and he couldn't keep it up any longer.

And right now, he was falling apart, in a different place for different reasons but the chunks of his careful facade of fine fine fine are breaking off and clattering to the ground. John bears witness to it, within touching distance, within the blast radius, instead of a million miles away.

Scott could blame his emotionalness on exhaustion. On too many caffeine fuelled late nights bleeding into early mornings this week. On hard rescues in poor conditions. Anything instead of this boiling hurt that builds and builds.

He blinked quickly, his tears stuck to his eyelashes, hot and stinging as they welled up. He tipped his head back in hopes he could keep them from running down his face.

If he let go of John’s hands, he could wipe them away, and he and John could both pretend they were never there. But he couldn’t let go of John.

There was no way to hide his tears from John.

Scott hunched his shoulders. He closed his eyes. He still didn’t want to know what John really thought of him.

John’s hands gripping his own were the only point of reference he had. Scott was failure after failure, drowning in them, and John was too clever not to realise it soon enough.

“I missed you too.” John entwined his fingers with Scott’s before he could pull away.

The urge to tug his hands back, to take them away from John, whether in shock, or surprise or disbelief because the voice inside his head screamed he’s lying, he’s lying. Or so John couldn't pull away first, because he would, it was only a matter of time. It was always just a matter of time until everyone found out how messed up he was. Then—

Scott didn’t know anymore. He shuddered, curling in on himself, making himself smaller, making himself less of, of everything that he was.

But John was still there. Gently holding his hands. Not letting go.

Even as Scott felt tears dripping from his chin, the tracks burning down his face. Even as he shook, heart pounding, breaths catching loud and raspy, shattering the quiet of the night.

But why, but why but why would John miss him? The thoughts whirled, as cutting as blizzard ice, through his head. And mumbled aloud, falling unbidden from his lips, they were just as awful, the same slicing edges, now out where they could harm.

John’s voice washed over him, quiet, soft words he couldn't make out. They were buried beneath the howling thoughts.

But why?

There was no reason.

No reason at all.

Nothing was left in the dark, but Scott’s worst fears, tearing him apart with no up or down or direction, his own avalanche eating him alive.

Then something broke through. Reached out into the dark to rescue him. John squeezed his hands, pulling him out of the snow, never letting him go.

And John’s voice was gentle, filtering back in like a lost radio connection.

“Because there are as many reasons we all love you as there are stars in the sky.”

“As many reasons as stars I have yet to discover.”

“More reasons than all the stars, in all the universe, that ever were or ever will be.”

John paused for a moment, taking in a breath. “Because you’re Scott.”

Slowly, Scott opened his eyes. John was close, a blur of pale face and red hair that swam into focus as he blinked. Wide, earnest turquoise eyes that saw right through him.

Heartbroken was far too easy an expression to recognise on John, not when you knew him. But so was love. His expression was a mixture of both Scott wasn’t sure what to do with.

He stared until something jagged lodged in his chest and he forced himself to look away.

To the stars. Then down at their interlocked hands, where his own still trembled.

He watched as John’s fingers tightened briefly. His vision blurred.

“You back with me?” John asked. The same tone he’d heard him use over comms on scared rescuees and brothers alike, but now without the static.

Scott nodded slowly. He wasn’t sure he could make his voice work.

Somehow, John understood. Somehow John understood him and that hadn’t sent him running.

“You want to take a few deeps breaths, and then we can talk?”

He nodded again, listening for John’s count. He pushed his thoughts towards the back of his mind as hard as he could.

He tried, to time his inhales and exhales to John’s voice, he really did.

But his chest hitched, sobs tearing from his throat on every breath.

He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t do it.

He couldn't even breathe calmly, not even with John counting for him, John was wasting his time.

Except John said, “Scott, Scotty. Listen to me. However long it takes, it’s okay. I’m here.”

Scott was still crying, and this wasn't how the evening was supposed to go. John was meant to be watching his stars, not having to hold Scott’s broken mess together.

Scott probably wasn't meant to be here at all. He was meant to be doing mission reports, he should have stayed doing mission reports. Reliving awful memories of wrenching metal and screams to put lives saved and lost into official sounding sentences, at least would’ve only hurt him.

It took far too long for his sobs to lose their edge.

Too long to get his breathing back to shaky hiccups instead of hyperventilating.

For him to be left exhausted, with tears still flowing that nothing he could do would stop.

Over and over, John repeated, “You’re okay, we’re okay,” and, “I’m here.”

Because he was still here, with Scott, and he wasn't leaving.

And maybe that meant something.

Scott couldn’t hide his tears from John, but maybe he didn't have to. Not when John was so close, not when he cared. Because John still had his hands in his own. Because John showed him the stars that were his entire world. Everything said he cared about Scott, no matter what he did.

“Would you like a hug?” John asked.

The contact would be nice. But whether John wanted a hug, when he so often kept himself far apart. Scott shook his head then nodded. He didn’t know. He could barely think in the come down from his emotions.

But he didn’t have to figure it out as John pulled him close.

Their hands were pinned awkwardly between them because Scott still couldn’t let go, but he leant into John, tucking his face into John’s neck, hidden from sight.

John was wearing a navy blue hoodie which had gone through several brothers and might once have been Scott’s own, given the peeling aeroplane decal, but it was difficult to tell beneath the paint stains.

The soft fabric soaked up his tears. Eventually he let one hand go, carefully, bit by bit and John wrapped his arm securely around him.

Okay, he was okay. John was here. He just had to keep telling himself that.

John didn’t pull away to ask, “Do you want to tell me what happened there?” He just spoke quietly, chin still resting on top of Scott’s head where he was curled around him.

Scott swallowed. “Not particularly.”

“Is that because you actually don’t want to or because you think you’re fine.”

Scott shook his head. Even he had enough awareness to know he wasn’t entirely fine right now. Not with tear tracks barely dry on his cheeks. Or clutching John like his world would fall apart otherwise because something inside him told him it would.

“It’s I don’t know what you’ll think of me,” he mumbled into John’s hoodie.

John’s arm tightened around him. He whispered, “Oh, Scott.”

Scott tensed up.

“I’m not going to be upset with you, no matter what you’re feeling,” John added, quickly, tripping over his words to reassure Scott.

“Promise?” Scott asked, stupidly, childishly, because he couldn't help it even though it wasn't something John could promise.

“I promise,” John said solemnly.

The words, their words, went all the way back to their childhood, of Scott gripping John’s hands, making him promise not to tell mum and dad where Scott’s super secret fort was built in the backyard. John had never broken one of their promises. Not even as they got older and it was a teenaged Scott crying his heart out in the far too tiny tree house, because he didn't want dad to see him getting upset over little things like trying hold their family together and looking after his siblings.

Their exchange soldified something between them. Their bond that had always been there and maybe he could believe always would be there. It let Scott lower his walls inch by inch, until he found the courage to speak, even if it was barely audible and he still wasn't looking at John.

“It’s fine. It’s just… You never seem to want to spend time with me anymore,” he admitted.

“Of course I want to spent time with you,” John stated gently, “Why would I not?”

Scott choked on bitter laughter. “Why would you want to?”

He felt the moment John’s breath caught. How John hugged him close, pressing Scott to his chest.

“Scotty,” John asked apprehensively, the childhood nickname coming out for the second time tonight, “Is this really how you think of yourself?”

Scott shrugged against John. “What does it matter.”

John’s voice was thick, “It matters because somehow you’ve got it in your head that there’s no reason I’d miss you, and that’s not true and never will be true. It’s so, so not true.”

“When you’re earthside, you still spend all your time with the others,” he muttered in ugly, hurt words.

The sharp intake of breath from John was another regret.

Scott was torn between running where he’d never hurt John again and holding him closer.

As he pulled away, John’s hand still in his own brought him back. John always brought him back. So he clung on to John too, and starlight glinted from both their tears.

He held on, and they were both shaking now.

John’s “I’m sorry—I’msorrysosorry—’msosorryScotty,” was distressed and near silent.

“But why?” Butwhybutwhybutwhy?

“I thought you wouldn't want to star gaze with me!” John burst out.

It was Scott’s turn to squeeze John’s hand. To have John’s trembling fingers gripping back.

Scott swallowed hard. This was on him. He’d upset John. His own fresh tears cooled on his face, the sea breeze picking up to give them freezing bite. Scott had failed. Like he always did. But this was at the one thing that mattered above all others, of keeping his brothers safe and happy.

Guilt laced John’s voice, heavy and suffocating. “Alan loves space nearly as much as I do, so I try to take him out whenever I can. Virgil will draw anything whether or not it sits still for long enough and he wanted to try painting the sky with watercolours.”

Scott almost didn't want to ask, “What what about Gordon?” Because why was it just not him?

He heard John sniffle. “We usually sit near the beach. Gordy watches the waves and I watch the stars. Then he wanted to know about the stars because apparently they look kinda like the constellations of bioluminescence in the deep sea.” John’s words got stuck and he choked out, “I’m so sorry Scott.”

“It’s— it’s fine,” Scott said, effect ruined by the break in his voice. By how he couldn’t let go of John’s hand, even as he felt more tears trickling down his cheeks. “You don’t need to worry, just spend your time with the others, I know you don’t get much.”

He wouldn't want to hang out with himself if he had a choice about it.

John pulled his face away from where it was tucked in the crook of Scott’s neck. He still didn't look at Scott.

“I know you don’t want to spend time with me,” John said in a small, wet voice, “I’m boring. All I can talk about is astronomy and most normal people don’t care about it. I’m just weird and wobbly and awkward.”

“John—” Scott tried.

“When I’m not in space, I only slow you down,” John continued.

“Johnny!”

That got John’s attention. “What,” he snapped.

“I do want to spent time with you,” Scott said, “Of course I do, I always do.”

“But I didn’t really know. Most people don’t like me,” John stated, far too matter of fact.

That hit Scott like a punch to the gut. “You’re just like me,” he whispered.

Something he didn't want for any of his brothers.

“You feel like this too,” John whispered back, low so not even the stars could hear them.

Like they were both back in that tree house, amongst their old promises. Tangled together because that was the only way they would both fit now they weren’t children anymore. All lanky limbs, knees and elbows and sharp edges digging into each other.

At the same time, in the same motion, he and John hugged each other tighter. They were still the same jagged edges that fitted as closely as puzzle pieces, if they lined it up right.

“It’s why— why I thought you wouldn’t want to spent time with me,” Scott said, unsure now. “Because why would you.”

Scott took a deep breath and quoted, “Scott’s too clingy. Too needy. Too much, going too fast.” He kept his voice soft, pouring out old hurts, recent hurts, for only John to hear.

“And here I was trying not to drag you down when I could’ve held you close instead,” John murmured.

“Yeah,” Scott said thickly, “I could’ve been there for you.”

“For you too.” John’s voice gained an edge, “That you can’t think of a single reason I’d miss you means I must be doing something wrong.”

“It’s not your fault.” If there was something Scott was adamant about, it was this.

John raised his head to look Scott in the eyes, brief, burning turquoise. “Then it can’t be yours either.”

“But for everything…” Scott trailed off.

“I’m not going to love you less. None of us are. Not for being you.”

“I failed.” He had to say it, had to make sure John knew.

“No,” John said vehemently, “You were hurting too.”

Scott could feel John’s thundering heart pressed against his chest.

“Neither of us knew and we’re both trying, that matters,” John continued, “There’s also what we do now.”

John was Thunderbird Five, but he was also John Tracy. He knew. He knew Scott. Scott had to trust him.

“We make each other stronger. And we hold each other up,” Scott said quietly. Because of who they were, not just in spite of it.

For John, with John, maybe it was just one day possible.

They stayed like that, fused together in a hug, surrounded by John’s stars and Scott’s sky, for a long time. Scott couldn't remember when he’d last hugged John like this. To keep each other close, like they’d promised they would. He needed to do it more often.

When they finally moved, because sitting in one place on a rooftop for so long wasn't exactly comfortable, neither of them went far.

John dragged his satchel nearer and pulled out a thermos flask.

“I’ve got hot chocolate,” he smiled, opening it to take a sip then holding it out for Scott.

Scott took it, wrapping his hands around the warm thermos before raising it to his lips.

Closing his eyes, he savoured it. No one made hot chocolate like John. No one except mum did.

He pressed his shoulder against John’s in silent appreciation.

They passed the thermos back and forth, no words needed.

When it was empty and they were both full of hot chocolate, the night was late, the stars turning overhead. They perhaps should have gone in, would’ve on another evening without all the everything that had occurred tonight, but Scott had worked up the courage to ask John to stay, just for a little while longer, and John wanted to.

John returned to his telescope and Scott settled close, with John happily leaning back on his chest, Scott’s arms wrapped around John’s middle and chin on his shoulder. John could still look at his stars and Scott got to hug him so it was a win for them both.

The ocean breeze was picking up, becoming chilly in shirtsleeves when Scott hadn't brought a jumper because he didn't think he’d get to be out here so long. But John was warm and his hoodie soft, plus Scott could stick his hands in the front pocket, partially to annoy John ever so slightly, but also because his fingers were cold.

He got a close up of that characteristic irritated but fond expression, caught in a John half smile, when John tipped his head to look at Scott. Scott couldn't help but smile back.

Then John also stuck his absolutely freezing hands in the hoodie pocket with Scott’s finally warm fingers, vibrating with laughter because he did that on purpose.

They both settled back, hanging onto each others hands again, staring upwards at their sky and stars.

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #scott tracy #john tracy #astrawrite

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noyasaur · 1 year ago

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hey , I have been trying to enter the void state to manifest an appearance change, but I just cant . It's just won't happen . Since I fail everytime I am losing my hope on void state . Please do u have any tips ??🥺😭

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

hello! i understand your frustration and i will try and give you tips that can help you achieve your goal! also disclaimer, i am no expert on the void state and i feel like my knowledge on the void state is very limited but regardless, i will try and give you advice to help you as best as i can! i apologise if this isn't what you need at this moment 😭

firstly, if you need it and you feel it will benefit you, i recommend for you to take a break. if you find yourself drained, discouraged, or being negatively affected from trying to enter the void state, i think it's a good sign for you to take a break to recharge yourself and get your confidence back. i think the reason you find yourself losing hope, is that you could be desperately trying to enter the void state again, and again. it's important to take breaks and take care of yourself, both mentally and physically, here as well. i know in times of need, we may feel desperate. we may be itching to achieve our goal. we may feel frustrated. and that's okay.

however, we need to give ourselves time to rest and reflect. reflect from an objective stand-point, "okay. what can i improve on and what to do next." remember, there's no success without failure. failure comes with learning, and that's okay. so remember to treat yourself and be kind to yourself. you are a gentle and beautiful human who deserves the upmost love and care from the world- including yourself. so be gentle to yourself, and be kinder to yourself. it's good to have that balance- balance is good. don't let yourself get too obsessed with the void state and overwork yourself; it's always good to allow yourself to rest and mentally recharge.

additionally, if you do decide to take a break or just in general, it could also help to improve on your mindset/self-concept if you feel like you need it. at some point, we have to take accountability and realise that the one thing that could be holding ourselves is our mindset. our negative, self-deprecating thoughts and doubts. now, it's completely okay and normal to worry and have doubts. however, it becomes a problem and we give these doubts power and start to believe in them.

so next time a doubt passes by in your mind, be indifferent. realise that, that doubt, has no power. it has no power to affect you or your abilities. you are more than your doubts. you are more than your negative thoughts. replace them with kind, positive, and confident ones. positive energy and affirmations will always overpower the negative ones, even if it takes some time to adjust to ourselves being nicer to ourselves.

learn to be confident and build trust in yourself! build that confidence back! the first step is obviously, starting to be kinder to yourself. instead of any negative thoughts you may have, like i said above, replace them with kinder and more positive ones. start challenging yourself and try and have some confidence when you do things. even just the little things. start with small things, and work yourself up. you want to make a cup of tea, so go make yourself a cup of tea, with full confidence! give yourself challenges, but also do things you know you're good at too! any hobbies, or activities you know you would absolutely smash and excel in? go do it! make yourself believe and see, "i can do this one thing! so if i'm really good at this, it just means i'm capable of doing anything!"

i know it sounds silly, but the more you allow yourself to be confident and try and incorporate it into your tasks and activities, it'll feel easier to be confident and trust yourself since you're doing well in these tasks. also, try to start seeing 'failures' as a learning experience. whenever you think you've 'failed' in something, reflect. what do you think you need to improve on? what could you try next?

it's okay to be upset. and it's okay to be frustrated. but every time you go into the void, try and hype yourself up! don't be afraid to be confident and trust in yourself!

realise that regardless of what you think or how you see yourself, you're not special. ANYONE and EVERYONE can enter the void state. you are not some special outlier who can't enter the void state. you can. you can never not be able to do something, you can when you put your mind to it.

it could also be worth it to look into improving your self-concept as well, which goes hand-in-hand with improving your confidence. self-concept is the way you see yourself; ask yourself right now and be truthful to yourself, how do YOU see yourself?

point out your any personality traits, characteristics, and your abilities. what do you think you're like? what do you see yourself capable of?

now, if you've asked yourself this question and answered it, and you find you see yourself in a negative or self-deprecating light, it's a sign to improve your self-concept!

start by trying to be kinder to yourself. every time you talk down on yourself, stop that thought and change it into something positive. realise that you are a gentle and beautiful vessel that deserves to be treated by love and care- the only person capable of being the meanest to ourselves is yourself. so realise that it's okay to see yourself in a good, capable, and confident light. start seeing yourself as a person who CAN enter the void state. even if you don't feel like you are or haven't, that doesn't matter. fake it until you make it. make yourself believe it. even if you haven't done it yet, that doesn't matter. as long as you're confident and KNOW you can, you will. start acting like that person! be that person!!!

additionally, i really don't like encouraging manifesting appearance changes if it comes from a root of self-hatred. there's nothing wrong with wanting to manifest an appearance change of course!! but at the same time while you're on this journey, if you feel this is you, i would also love for you to learn how to love yourself and be kinder to yourself 💗 you deserve the upmost love and kindness which should also come from yourself! don't be afraid to take a break if you need it as well! you have all the time in the world and there's no rush at all.

let yourself go with the flow and let your mind wander. go into your attempts without expectations, that way, if you're not expecting anything, then you won't find yourself to be disappointed.

if you're interested as well, you could also look into the law of assumption to help you enter the void state! or even just use the law of assumption in general to help you manifest your desires!

anyways, i feel this may be as far as i can go as i only really have mental/mindset tips and i don't have much description of what you do to enter the void state so it's a bit hard to figure out what i should say, so i apologise!

i hope this helped and i apologise if my advice isn't the greatest! like i said before, the void state isn't really my strong suite, and i feel like i don't have the greatest advice beyond anything to do with your mindset 😭

anyways, good luck on entering the void state and i believe in you! you got this!!

- saturn ♡

#void state #void #noyasaur #ask saturn💌

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cursezoroark · 1 year ago

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playing desolation, and by the time I post this I will have Caught up to Desolation! This is my own opinion and review on the game! For the record I've only played Rejuv and now Desolation of the entire series. In terms of pokemon fangames i have played ep 1 of Flux , Gaia, and Unbound. Disclaimer and TLDR: the game is Very good as I expected I had fun :] . The devs worked their ass off and the fact this game is free and has this much shown effort is so awesome. when ep 7 comes out i Will be reviewing once again. It wont be for more than a year though given the recent dev update. either way!

Pros:

I love the spritework sort of thing for the dialogue, when important characters come on. It's very pretty!

the credits system is gen p interesting. motivator for getting exclusive pokemon and items and even the capsules + mints, which imo is much better than the AP system that was in rejuv. its more easier to achieve and more incentive.

also HELL YEAH sidequests! I loved the tidbits of main lore u get from certain ones, and certain choices. Inch resting!

The difficulty still makes me work Hard to think but doesn't kill me with a bajillion reset and planning so that's all fair and good 👍 the only one I had to rlly drive home for was Jarred. Jesus fucking Christ. i had valerie flashbacks from rejuv but its worse cause it was a DOUBLE BATTLE.

the SPARKLES. lifesaver for me who loves the shiny sprite reworks in this game. i have a beautiful shiny greninja, umbreon, hydreigon, and vikavolt. Vikavolt is my favorite shiny i love whoever reworked that. Jade is so so pretty :]

the music is KILLER. Vs Shiv and Vs Nova is Good. Very Good. honestly the ost choices here rock. one of the best ost selections i enjoyed it very much.

interesting story! I can sort of peel bits of it off and it'll probably come back later to haunt me. Act 3 REALLY ramps up stuff so it did sweep a good amount of confusion I’ve had since the beginning. Act 3 was great. I miss Tristan. Nova's character is Great when it reaches a certain plot point.

I love the rangers bases, and the sidequest lore does build up nicely on the side. its starting to interfere with the main story too which hmmmmmmm hm hm hm. i will wonder about that.

Criticisms/ personal nitpicks:

i mentioned this above but i wish the ui for sidequests was a bit more clear. Like location wise, where to go, and all that. Icons above characters would rlly help me distinguish things.also PLEASE add flashing settings and shaking sets automatically to the options board pls pls pls.

I hope there will be more featured fields in the future. I did mention this was the more lax difficulty ive been through involving fields, and i watched playthroughs of reborn and played rejuv myself. (idk if theres more games with the field system but do let me know its literally one of my fav things). Like it went from oh God to oh ok to hmm to Oh God like a cycle. Though I think that’s just on my team balancing rlly

Please..... more TM versatility. While it does allow me to get creative with my team choices, it also limits what I can actually do. My TM pool is so low and i want to get creative so bad :']]]. The TM shop at Sunshell was a huge improvement though. very stingy though at lvl 65-70s though.

i Do Not like the maps for specifically silver forest and blackview. Its either very cluttering and makes me walk in Direct Circles, or leaves me very lost when im searching for a specific area. I do get the "open area" aspect of Silver mountain though, and it was easier once I got all the bridges down but still yk? but i literally couldn't find the move relearner Anywhere in blackview. it took me forever.

I wish i had more time to spend with some of the characters (Scarlett particularly) so i could rlly grow attached. I do understand that these are mostly main plot points blasting off from each other, but i just wish I could have had more interactions with the characters? More funny dialogue, more MC options to talk and affect relationship values, yk? I do anticipate an arc for a particular someone coming up though. so we'll see. the plot did do a rlly good job at the ceilia leaders though I adore All of them.

some of the language i winced at. idk if its just me so ill leave this one in the air. i dont know how to feel because im muddled.

In a way, because the plot blasts off one another, the room for me to acknowledge the changes in characters or their relationship between each other was a bit small. Like Connor and Scarlett, I think I only got like two cutscenes or tidbits of their entire growing friendship, so it didn't rlly hit me when The Scene Happened. Either way I do like themboth thumbs up.

SPOILERS THOUGHTS DO NOT READ IF U HAVENT PLAYED OR DO NOT WANT TO KNOW:

I ADORE Cecilia’s leaders. I’ve seen complaints how we seem to be Stuck There for some time and. Yeah I can sorta agree with that. Despite being Rlly Huge it also makes me Yearn for the Routes yk? either I love them all I Adore them dearly. Garrett is my favorite he got to me. Reeve and Rosetta and Aaron are all so very charming in their dynamics and gym leader squabbles.

Waldenhall is a Great Character in his introduction holy shit what an impact this guy had. also artem's sprite made me laugh so hard because their (idk their gender) portrait is just staring straight at the camera whats up w that.

Conclusion:

Should you play this game? YES. its quality is amazing, the artwork is insane, the gameplay is so good for pokemon fans who enjoy a good challenge, and want to get into some existential crises. In general, this series is So Far the easiest in the reborn deso rejuv trio. but it doesn't by far make it bad, or a cakewalk for players. Have a good ol time with it. My criticisms are my own nitpicks, but i rlly admire how much effort devs put into their fangames, by semblance of story, custom art, custom maps, etc. appreciate them lots and lots more. This game in particular weighs your choices a lot more, so you rlly have to snoop around for a particular result that you want. all in all lots of good fun!

Hope to review this again in Ep 7! and here's a goodbye from my Current Team :]

#talk #jj reviews #pokemon desolation

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uoyelbd · 27 days ago

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i could. i could wait it out at this lonely ass commuter college. but i have been waiting it out. i think i deserve to be a little impatient. i think i get to take a risk. the only thing that could stop me is myself. the only reason i dont think i can Right Now is because i have not had a single moment of rest the last year and a half without. my family is full of people who have taken the safe route without any risk or friction. three generations working the same trades. there is no correct option just the one i want to do. i want to transfer. i do not want to be at that school anymore. i hate it there and can take action to leave and i will be doing that albiet without an associates like id planned. i dont think thisll fuck up my life other than debt and i would be able to easily get my associates and a job if need be if i do need to drop out. and im making backup plans.

its harder bc my peers for the last year and half Have Not Felt The Same. i am the only one whose looking to transfer that i know of. im getting buyers remorse and am barely admitted. im burnt out and scared and feel alone. i need to be a human for a bit but am scared about fucking everything up. how are people that are taking out more student loans than me not constantly losing it and having panic attacks about it. how do their parents act about this stuff.

want to do my projects but i have things i Need to so also so feel like i cant do those until i have everything else Sorted. no balance. its easier when i havent been Going nonstop.

anyway hope i can get my car fixed tomorrow. ill feel better then

#i keep forgetting that other people may potentially see these. hi

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onmymasa22 · 6 months ago

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I started a new thing last year where i get new piercings to celebrate finishing a semester. But lifes too short, u only die once, get the freakin piercing. So we finished a stupid assignment. As a fouth year, its like- no, i dont care how its hung up on the wall. Let someone else figure that out. No, i dont know know if its good art, let other people talk about it. And while theyre sitting around in their clean clothes, i just want to create more art.

So being in art school is a blessing don't get me wrong. Its amazing to spend the day creating and researching and learning about myself and the rest of the world. And the friends i made in art school have become my people for life. But i cannot for the life of me understand

I have gone through a few different families in israel. People who have welcomed me into their life. And i stayed for a bit. And then i moved on. Or they moved on. Different amounts of time, different kinds of closeness. But life keeps going and you need to be with people who keep you moving forward, not hold you back. And you cant always apologize even though u dont mean to hurt anyone. U just need to live ur life. I was part of hodayas family. Yahels family. The lav family. Now, the girls im in college with are my best friends. And i have invested in them. And they have invested in me. I need to just keep moving on through life. To not let ppl hold me back.

2am thought. Life is weird man. Like one second u r with all these different families that kind of treat u like family and kind of not. And then ur in ur last year of college, with this whole other group of people who are like ur new family. And u dont even get to feel bad about not being in touch with the old people who used to be ur ppl, because life moves on man. It doesnt stop for anybody. So here i am, with all these people who love me and who i love. And the people who were in my past, are so in my past, i dont even recognize the life that included them anymore. Cuz i just had to learn to let go of people who didnt need me in their future just like ppl who i didnt need in mine. And honestly, im still trying to make peace in my mind with relationships that have been buried in the ground from my doing or someone elses. Its honestly easier to come to terms with other people burying me than me burying them. Cuz burying someone isnt something u can apologize for. Its just something u need to do for your present and future self. I feel like i want a tree for every relationship i buried. Because whether im evil in their story or not, my burying them connects to my growth. I need to be ok being the evil one in someone elses story. Burying them is my shade now. Its my oxygen. Im allowed to not want people in my life. The only people i can balance right now is school people and work people

Im sucj a prude

Anyone else feel like the second they come home from work its painful to be in day clothes for any extra seconds. It's like "I don't want clothes. I want pajamas. I want wings. I want an amy schumer movie". Anyone out there get me?

אוקי אז דברתי עם אבא שלי. ובעצם הוא אמר שבדרך כלל העבודה של סבא שלי הייתה משו כמו- חברה מסויים קנה איזה מכשיר יקר רצח, השתמשו בזה, רצה לעשות פרסום של צילום a4 או a3 אבל רצה שהמכשיר הזה יראה חדש והוא כבר מלוכלך. אבל החברה היו מביאים לא את הצילום בגודל a4 או a3 ולתקן את הצבעים בצילום שהמכשיר יראה חדש, הוא היה משתמש במכחול שיש בו משו כמו 3 או 4 שיערות ולתקן את הצבע בנקודות כמו פיקסלים. לא כמו צבעי מים, אלא תק תק תק בקדימה של המכחול.

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victor-does-helpol · 6 months ago

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hey yea i totally get that sorta inadequacy feeling too actually. recently, ive been trying to balance religion with the rest of my life since im in school and generally have less mental energy anyway, and i also just haven’t really been as connected to the gods as i used to be (mostly because ive been busy with other things)(but also i think sometimes that might just happen occasionally)(it is also becoming winter and i mainly worship lord apollo so that probably doesn’t help either)

i’m very much not qualified to talk about this seeing as i’ve only been actively practicing for a couple years (and only semi recently been doing things regularly) but i think generally it’s oki to not know everything 100% and do everything exactly how other people/ancient people did it (besides, as others have said a lot of people online don’t talk about the uh less than ideal parts of their worship). also, i can totally relate to the part where u said u want religion to be a sort of casual aspect of ur life. for reference, a lot of christians (who i believe have way worse consequences for not doing everything perfectly)(from what ive read/been told at least) sometimes dont even go to church and have religion as like a background thing in their life sorta? and like if they’re allowed to do that then idk why we can’t as well?? this logic probably isn’t good but that’s what ive been using to rationalize things so…..

i dont think you’re being disrespectful to lady athena by being less involved, especially if it’s better for ur mental/physical health. also, as someone with similar mental health issues to what u described, i can totally relate to prayer being more difficult and being overwhelmed by lots of rules and things that seem to be contradictory! i forget where i saw them but ive read a few things about low energy or generally easier ways to do worship that sorta integrate it into ur daily routine instead of making it a whole separate thing (ex: i do a short prayer before i go to sleep, since i already do journaling then and wanna do meditation sometimes as well)

also, for the part about not being able to rely on instinct or reading between the lines, i used to do divination with dice (i now use some other forms but i think most people own dice or an online number generator) and had a list of meanings corresponding to different numbers to avoid confusion. u can probably find lists online but i also recently started using psephoi (i believe that’s the spelling?) which use letters of the greek alphabet to mean certain phrases. i found a post with a few different interpretations (so u don’t have to rely on ur own interpretation if that’s part of the problem) i think i reblogged that info a bit ago so u might be able to find it on my blog but u could probably also just search directly on tumblr for it since that’s kinda specific?

anyway, i think it’s perfectly reasonable to wanna do less, since it sounds like it’s really causing u suffering! i would probably mention that to lady athena (or any other deities u notice that with) beforehand just out of politeness, but i doubt u offended her on accident (since most things that would actually offend the gods r like doing murder)(so like i hope u didn’t do that). i took a break from religious practices for a few months a while ago, and it did actually help a bit to distance myself and decide if this was something i really wanted to do, but that was mostly just me being unsure of myself. i think if u were to do something like that, it’d make sense to just do less religious things rather than outright stop, since ur problem seemed to mostly be overworking/overwhelming urself with info

i hope all of this made sense, pls lmk if i failed miserably at communication! also, i really resonated with a lot of things u said, so i hope ur able to figure out a healthy balance of everything. im still in the process of working through a lot of that, but i hope some of the stuff i mentioned works for u too :)

also sry this was so long!! srsly pls tell me if any of this was unclear!!!

Need some opinions/help

TLDR; In October, in a somewhat impulsive decision, I started worshipping Athena and Hermes. I am having doubts and feelings of inadequacy due to not being as invested as some other people. Does all of this mean I should leave the religion or stop for the time being?

I am quite new to hellenic polytheism. I've always had an interest in polytheistic religions, occasionally doing some research but never really doing it heavily. I knew the very very basics of hellenic polytheism, since a friend of mine practices. In the beginning of October, I had a slight breakdown. I have been struggling with school a lot and was feeling completely lost and abandoned by most people in my life, so I did what looking back on it was a rush decision. I made an altar for Athena and prayed (more like begged, I'll be honest) for some kind of help. I made a small offering based on what I knew and that was that. It wasn't a completely unexpected decision, since I had been thinking about it for a while.

Well, it worked. I did quite well on my upcoming test and felt calmer in general. I decided to make a small altar for Hermes too and do more research. For the past few months, I have thus been trying to do as much research as I can, pray and make offerings based on what I know the best I can. However, recently I've been having some doubts.

I feel out of my depth and overwhelmed. I've never been religious, nor has my family ever been religious. Every time I try to research more, I feel overwhelmed and tear up with all the new facts and seeming rules. Things are contradicting each other and I have no one to check with because my friend is also pretty new and we're not very close. I feel as if I'm constantly messing up. A lot of the practices relies on instinct and reading between the lines. I have anxiety and I'm autistic so these two places are my weaknesses, in some cases even impossible for me without direct guidance. I'm confused on so many concepts that everybody else seems to find obvious.

I feel inadequate. Everybody I have seen talking about the religion seems really fully into it and devoted to it (something that I think is amazing and wonderful) but I feel like that cannot be applied to me. I feel like I somehow don't believe/love the Gods as much as others. I don't want religion to take up a big part of my life, at least not as I am currently. Additionally, I don't have much free time or energy in general, so I am not able to make offerings and pray properly every day. I also struggle with intrusive thoughts, which makes prayer and worship extra hard. However, I do love the Gods and the thought of taking down their altars and just stopping makes my heart squeeze. But then again, I don't feel as close to them as a lot of people I have seen, tho that might be a time issue. Part of me is definitely stopping me from getting closer to them by constantly saying how ridiculous I look trying to 'bond' with them. I want religion to be a casual facet of my life, to be able to make a weekly offering and pray once a day maybe without much worry or anxiety, to learn about the religion and Gods more and more.

I feel upset and stressed about this whole situation. I don't want to stop but part of me feels like I am being constantly disrespectful. A small part of me also feels like I have somehow offended Athena specifically. I also am hesitating stepping back, lest I upset kharis, if somehow I've managed to establish it with my flaky track record. I want honest, hard opinions and advice. Am I simply not cut out for this? Is this just a beginners rut sort of deal I need to power through? Did anybody else feel like this? How did you deal with it?

I am sorry if anything is unclear. Writing this made me quite emotional and my thoughts are all over the place. If I haven't mentioned a crucial detail or something, please ask and I'll happily respond and give more details on some things. Thank you in advance, χαίρε.

#hellenic polytheism #helpol #hellenic worship #beginner helpol #personal #ish?

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ikimaru · 3 years ago

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gosh i just wanna say im sorry u keep getting asks demanding for a comic update. i think i can speak for most of ur fans that we’re just happy ur posting in general! rest and balance is super important so please dont feel pressured just bcs some folks here demand it from you <3 at the end of the day we’re all just klance lovers!! :))

ohh I didn't take that ask super seriously, I thought it was the same tone as "we need answers!" kinda thing fjkjgs but ye I already have a schedule so it's not like I'm gonna make it any faster than that anyway

if anything I'm gonna try to make as many pages as I can this week so that I got the next weeks covered and finally have time to do something else too lool it's easier to work on comics with a buffer but I haven't been able to make one for a while now so I want to fix that

#Sunnyasks

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theonceoverthinker · 2 years ago

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Suspension (ChellDOS)

Summary: Chell emerges from nap atop GLaDOS and finds herself high above the Central AI Chamber's ground. Still, Chell's not complaining, for the view as the robot she's resting on are sensations she wants to take in fully.

Hi, @im-glad-for-chell! I’m your @portal-secret-santa this year! I’m sorry for the delay in getting you your present (I don’t know if you saw the anon messages I sent you, but this was a bit of a rough month). Still, I hope this gift was worth the wait, and is one you enjoy! Happy Holidays!

---------------------------

A present fundamental truth of Chell’s life is that she knows how to get what she wants.

Over the course of the time that she’s known GLaDOS, Chell has found that getting what she wants has become a progressively easier endeavor than it once was.

To be fair, when what you initially want is to kill an essentially immortal AI who’s hell-bent on killing you, you can’t really get much harder than that.

Now, things are easy, and Chell finds that getting what she wants is about as simple as solving a button-cube test.

It’s a nice feeling.

If she wants a cake baked and she’s too lazy to make her one herself, a hand placed just so over her belly – accompanied by a familiar glean of puppy dog eyes that she knows her partner can read like binary – will have an exasperated GLaDOS assembling ingredients and preheating the oven within seconds.

If she wants to give her beloved Companion Cube a well-deserved polishing, GLaDOS will give her what she needs, though demanding she get the same treatment once Chell is done.

And if she wants to relax atop GLaDOS as she works, then GLaDOS – not without more than a fair amount of grumbling – lays herself out so Chell can get on her.

It’s good getting what she wants.

A familiar dull hum greets Chell as she stirs from a slumber that she just barely recalls falling into. It’s a hum that speaks of the sterility of Aperture as a whole, it’s relatively unyielding life in the face of countless years of inevitable change meters upon meters above it.

Chell opens her eyes.

Well, to be more precise, she opens up one of her eyes, as the other is closed and snugly pressed against a slightly curved piece of metal that she’s more than well-acquainted with by now.

Immediately, her sense of time is thrown off base. Aperture has never really been known for its windows. Hell, even the curtains that once brought it renown were explicitly only for showers. Signs of the passage of time do exist in the facility, but they’re ones that she has to search for herself.

Still, sense of time or no sense of time, Chell’s not worried.

Her schedule is wide open, only at the mercy of hers and her lover’s whims.

There’s also no cause for worry on her part for her location.

Chell might not have been able to identify her location right off the bat, but the warm chassis radiating under the right edge of her back and alongside its accompanying arm gives her all the assurance that she needs for her state of safety.

Chell’s face is tilted to her right – just close enough to the edge of GLaDOS’ chassis that she can get a non-strenuous view of the floor. Without moving her head, she looks down.

As it turns out, there’s an awful lot of down for her to look at.

Before Chell fell asleep, GLaDOS was checking on the cube production line. It was a simple job – one that required no coordination with an external monitor – which made it easy for Chell to hop onto her back.

Now, it looks like she’s checking on the PH of the lab’s acid pools. That particular monitor is roughly six or so feet up in the air. The groove of GLaDOS’ chassis prevents Chell from any threat of losing her balance, even if she were to sit up at this moment.

She doesn’t.

GLaDOS’ chassis is comfortable, warm to the touch and a salve of pure coziness to her right side.

Chell wants to enjoy it for a bit longer, before their unique brand of conversation, and the expectations that accompany it, come once more into play.

It’s not that Chell doesn’t love GLaDOS – she just knows the importance of taking advantage of a quiet conscious moment with her when such an opportunity presents itself.

When the two of them are together, enjoying GLaDOS in a quieter state of being is an especially rare treat.

As her head is still tilted to the side, Chell is only partially able to see GLaDOS as she works.

Though GLaDOS’ optic doesn’t move in the conventional sense, Chell’s familiar enough with her body to be able to hear it move through certain subtle sounds that stem from underneath her hull. The ones she hears as GLaDOS wordlessly shifts across countless lines of data tells Chell that she is generally enjoying her maintenance’s monotony in all its simplicity. GLaDOS would never admit it out loud, but Chell knows that her presence plays a not at all insignificant part in that.

For a computer, GLaDOS is a terribly bad liar.

Chell can’t help but feel a little smug about that fact, a fact she’ll be sure to point out when GLaDOS tries to whine about how Chell basically trapped her via her lazy human body into conducting unnecessary extended maintenance when there were so many other things she could’ve been doing instead.

She can practically hear it already, but she’s prepared to argue her case if and when it comes up.

However, that won’t be for a bit longer if she can help it, and until then, Chell wants to rest and relish in the presence of her quiet and hard, yet simultaneously snuggly computer in all her glory.

The ear that’s to GLaDOS’ chassis can hear whirring motions. She remembers paying attention to them before she fell asleep, comforted by the lullaby played to the percussion of gears, brass of bolts, and strings of wires.

This isn’t the first time such noises have sung her to sleep and Chell knows it won’t be the last time either. She prefers it that way. It’s comforting – a calming, rhythmic pattern as well as a consistent sign of GLaDOS’ life force. Even though they’ve been outside of the realm of danger for so long now, that latter sensation is one Chell never ceases to derive solace from.

It’s hard for Chell to keep her eyes pulled to look at GLaDOS and her work so as to not give herself away – an invisible nagging sensation pulling her toward a less straining view instead – so she turns her attention elsewhere, looking to the floor, and letting herself take in the view of the chamber from her airborne point-of-view.

The chamber’s clean, recently the subject of a bout of maintenance itself, one done earlier in the week. It’s so much so that the floor reflects a blur of hers and GLaDOS’ image as the two of them are suspended in the air.

Chell had seen the chamber clean before, but from this height, it’s really something special – ethereal, yet not bereft of commonness in that ethereality altogether.

She notices as she gazes upon it that in its clean state, the floor matches her eyes – a lighter, yet steel-like gray. Chell doesn’t believe in fate, but coincidences like this tickle the notion of fate in a way she can appreciate all the same.

Really, what are the odds?!

GLaDOS can no doubt tell her, right down to the seventieth decimal place if she so desires.

Once she’s had her fill of rest, Chell reminds herself to ask her.

Hell, as thanks for hosting her impromptu nap and snuggle session, Chell will actually ask GLaDOS to list out as many of the extra decimal places as she wants, or however many might exist – whichever comes first.

Still, Chell doesn’t feel like she’s had her fill of awakened rest yet, so the question remains suspended in her head, just as she and GLaDOS remain suspended above the chamber’s floor.

From up here, solidly on top of GLaDOS, yet not completely on her, Chell feels gravity at work, trying and failing to pull her right leg down to the chamber’s base.

She knows she’s up high, but her foot’s tug drives the point home so much stronger.

It’s been some time since she was last up this high in the chamber. Everything was different back then, from the floor to the ceiling to the walls to herself, and GLaDOS for that matter, too.

Frankly, it feels like an eternity ago.

Back then, hanging at a height like this via-GLaDOS brought about feelings of near-helplessness and fear.

Now, it brings no such thing.

Instead, it brings a relaxed sort of comfort that Chell wouldn’t forgo for anything.

So she lets her leg dangle, as gravity continues its doomed attempt to entice it downwards from GLaDOS’ airborne chassis.

Minutes pass in Chell’s self-imposed silent bliss. Her mind is lulled by GLaDOS’ warmth.

A lot can be said for the faults of Aperture – Chell certainly has a laundry list of her own – but damn, can they flawlessly regulate a temperature on their hardware.

One would think that a power-heavy machine like GLaDOS would be uncomfortably hot and have at least several dozen warning labels to not even graze her chassis, but GLaDOS has never felt anything but perfect to the touch. Chell can hold her for as long as she wants and never come away with so much as a blister or painfully balmy feeling on her body.

Her lover is an impressive marvel of science, that’s for sure.

Between the all but white noise of GLaDOS’ body at work and the warmth of the chassis she’s laying upon, Chell feels like a newly-hatched chick resting in its incubator.

In that moment, reminded of chicks, Chell makes another note – check on the ‘little killing machines’ later on, and bring them a snack while she’s at it.

GLaDOS might chide her for spoiling her – as she calls them – ‘weapons in the making,’ but honestly, there’s no way she can expect Chell to see baby birds and not want to feed them.

Chell appreciates and respects GLaDOS’ work – though she admittedly finds the particular prospect of her training chicks to be murdersome sources of terror to be silly at best – but she’s feeding the damn birds.

Eh, call it human nature.

Suddenly, GLaDOS moves. She slowly moves to look at Chell, though Chell quickly closes her eyes as to keep her awakened state a secret. GLaDOS’ movement is gentle, one that wouldn’t have been enough to wake Chell were she still asleep, but there’s a sense of unmistakable impatience to it.

GLaDOS must be done with her acid pool maintenance.

It’s just as well.

While Chell dabbles with the idea of falling back asleep – she’s still a little tired and GLaDOS certainly has other maintenance tasks she can do for as long as Chell wants to sleep on her – Chell thinks she’s had enough rest. If she doesn’t stretch soon – or at least do something to counteract the stiff feelings spending hours on her right side has given her – she swears she’s going to go mad.

Besides, though she appreciates this rare moment of cozy silence from GLaDOS, she misses hearing her voice, holding her with both arms, and kissing her smooth surface.

Yes, it’s definitely time to move.

Following a single, fluid motion, Chell’s sitting up on GLaDOS’ extended chassis. Chell’s sure it probably looks like she’s riding GLaDOS the same way one would ride a horse or mechanical bull. The image in Chell’s head of that is a funny one.

GLaDOS wastes no time before acknowledging her – in her typical, GLaDOS-like fashion.

“You fell asleep on me. Again.”

Her tone fights the Sahara itself in dryness.

Chell shoots her a somewhat-silly look, a dare for her to say that she has a problem with her doing so.

GLaDOS doesn’t take that dare – not that Chell would ever expect her to.

One thing that Chell knows about GLaDOS is that with the rarest of rare exceptions, she only does what she wants to do.

Fortunately, for both of them, what she wants is Chell.

By now, Chell is more than aware of GLaDOS’ desire to do different things outside of maintenance. She knows that just yesterday, GLaDOS finished a fresh new batch of tests for her bots, and GLaDOS was only too excited to use them as soon as possible.

However, a sudden new, yet not entirely unfamiliar desire of her own takes over Chell.

Her more upright view has made her see that perhaps she’s not done sleeping, but rather…she just needs to shift positions.

GLaDOS might have had enough of Chell resting on her…but Chell realizes that she hasn’t.

Chell slides onto her stomach and down GLaDOS, her chin pressing against the back of GLaDOS’ core and arms wrapping around the last bit of metal and wires that connect GLaDOS’ core to the rest of her chassis.

God, it feels good on her body, cracking her back in a couple of hard-to-reach places while also warming her belly.

GLaDOS’s reaction is instant.

“Are you really about to fall asleep on me again, right after you just woke up?”

Her tone isn’t outraged. It’s deadpan – almost whine-like at the same time, but in a cute way. She goes on to mutter under her synthetic breath how humans are supposed to sleep less than cats, but that Chell of course is the one exception, and then goes on to list all of the things that she could be doing right now, but can’t thanks to her present role as a hammock.

Chell answers GLaDOS’ question by pressing her lips to GLaDOS and letting them linger amidst the familiar pool of ivory. The warm metal on her face lets loose a silent sigh that borders on a silent moan.

“You’re lucky you don’t drool.”

GLaDOS must feel Chell smirk against her because she doesn’t just leave it at that.

“Doing that won’t always get you what you want, you know?”

Does she really want to bet that?

Because Chell sure wants to.

Another kiss, a cheeky peck, is placed, now closer to her core’s side.

Chell knows how GLaDOS’ nerve receptors work, how the more sensitive to touch they get as the object of impact gets closer to the core.

Going right for her core itself assures Chell victory in a battle that GLaDOS never had so much as a chance to win.

GLaDOS doesn’t speak, though it sounds like something tries to escape from her speakers.

Yes, Chell has a feeling that some kisses will, in fact, always get her what she wants.

However, Chell reasons that that’s not at all an issue, because while they might differ from time to time, what she and GLaDOS want are ultimately one and the same.

#portal #chell #glados #chelldos #portal secret santa

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callsign-cree · 3 years ago

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pregnancy | mickey “fanboy” garcia (h.c)

finding out you were pregnant was the best thing for you and mick. just finishing up the mission, everyone coming back safe and mick was home. it was a shock at first, being pregnant with your first child. but mickey was determined to be there, every step of the way.

he would not let you do anything. laundry? nope. grocery shopping? absolutely not. if he caught you doing anything that wasn’t resting or going to the washroom, he would have something to say.

“hey honey, im just going to go-“

“i got it, you should go rest.”

“mick, ive been sitting in that bed and around the house for days. i think i’ll be fine going to the store.”

“the store? i can drive you!”

there are some things you have gotten him to lighten up on, especially with going places. he treated you like an antique artifact that could break at any moment. which was half true.

pregnancy cravings were part of that. they were mostly similar foods you would eat, but the weird cravings always came at night. in the middle of the night. you would awake in a sweat, having the little thing pushing on your bladder. then after the washroom you would wake your husband with requests.

“hey honey, im really craving pickles and peanut butter…”

“baby…what?”

“don’t look at me like that!”

“no, baby its fine. just uh…i think were out of pickles.”

“i am going to scream if i don’t get those pickles. and its going to be your body that phoenix finds on her doorstep-“

“OKAY, i’ll go get your pickles.”

besides the pregnancy cravings, mick has tried everything in his power to learn the basics of being a father. he would read parenting books everyday, making you quiz him on certain situations.

"alright...hit me!"

"when the baby is crying- mickey, you do know that the real thing is far more easier than memorizing this book right?"

"honey, this is for the good of both of us! so if one thing doesn't work i'll at least know another cause- now, hit me!"

"garcia, i will hit you with this book-"

as months continued and soon you were struggling to get up due to the belly in your way. mickey grew to love your bump. absolutely love it.

"that's my baby girl in there-"

"and what if it's a boy?"

"it is a girl, father's intuition."

"they're not even here yet, meaning technically, youre not a father ."

"but i can feel it, in my gut."

mickey would always rub your belly and testing out new things he could do with it. one of them being balancing items on top of it.

"alright, keep it steady."

"i don't think this amount of pop cans are good for you, mick."

"all in the name of science-"

when it got to the last trimester, mickey was nervous, more nervous than you and you were the one going to give birth!

"honey!"

"what? what is it? are you hurt? is the baby coming? do we need to go to the hospital-"

"mickey! i am completely fine, im just craving some ice cream."

with the gruelling and interesting nine months, the day finally came. your water had broke and soon after, your baby was born. mickey was holding the baby swaddled in a blanket and watched voer you as you rested.

"a father's intuition..." mickey looks down at the sleeping baby girl in his arms.

#top gun maverick #top gun #mickey fanboy garcia #mickey garcia #fanboy garcia headcanons #mickey garcia headcanons #fluff #pregnancy #pregnancy headcanons

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justwyy · 3 years ago

Note

Hello! I saw your requests ware open? If you can, maybe a alucardxreader where the reader need some comfort after a hard week? Your writing is amazing 🥰

Sure! Been having a hard week myself, take care and rest <3 i realised i haven't written for him in awhile, i also have a fanart special coming up that im excited to share ^^

___________________

You remember your father used to always tell you that too much of something was never healthy, be it pain or pleasure, work and play, even vegetables as he would humorously put it to make you remember it easier - and it worked.

Those same words echo in your mind now, his gruff voice makes your headache worse and the world around you spin. Your hands have long abandoned the inkwell and the quill, finger tips now busying themselves in the slight dip of your temples to rub tender circles there. It's a very common habit you've picked up from the adults in your life that you notice does absolutely nothing other than make you feel old.

So instead you stop, dropping your hands in your lap and staring at the rotting parchment in front of you. There's a few lines written on it in thick black ink which cuts to a sudden stop. At the bottom of the page, idle scribbles ruin the paper and highlights your lack of further interest. Scribbles that resemble a masculine jawline with very gentle features and long hair that curls in soft waves. It's an obvious portrait of Alucard messily constructed together under a minute or two but regardless it's a clear image of the dhampir, high cheekbones and all.

But now as he enters the room, you realise your sketch may not do his ethereal face justice after all.

You lend him a nod of your head, a wordless greeting he returns in the form of those beautiful, reassuring smiles of his; it's a sign that he's about to spill an entire rant of how you should have taken a break awhile ago. It must be afternoon? No...evening? You haven't seen him since breakfast, that's for sure.

"The sun has gone down, the moon and stars are out," he says softly, inching closer to your desk, "Join me, It's beautiful."

'So are you', you itch to say, only resisting when you remember that you're both still on platonic terms and haven't quite broken passed that boundary yet. Although, you could possibly get away with a flirty remark or two.

"Mm," you murmur, digging your palms into your eyes, letting out an exhausted yawn. You owe him something of an apology; he must've felt lonely eating lunch all by himself, dinner as well if he bothered to make it.

The guilt makes you feel horrible that you immediately start apologising.

"God, I'm sorry...I haven't seen you all day, been working on a stupid thing that I've barely written any words on."

"It's fine, it's alright," again his voice comes soft and drowns out the pain throbbing in your head. This time as he moves around your desk, he settles his hand on your shoulder, a comforting gesture that presses you into your seat, "You have been writing a lot this week and that's fine but you need to know when to stop, when to put your mind to rest."

Again, you almost yawn but it dies halfway up your throat that makes it seem more like a sigh of disapproval.

Alucard sounds like your father the more and more you throw your body into this self-harming process, even the way he rubs his palm into your shoulder shares the likeness of your relative.

"Mm, alright. I'll stop."

You miss his gentle smile and once more, he invites you with a, "Join me."

Now he reminds you of a child pestering his mother, wanting to show her something he found in the woods. Instead, he's a grown man who takes your hands from underneath the desk and uses them to balance you to your feet.

You allow your host to guide you out of the room and into the hallway, his eyes never trailing off from your face as he finds deep solace in it.

He'll never admit that your droopy eyelids are the cutest part of your current state, or that your pouty lips can't stop stretching for a few more yawns.

He guides towards the entrance of the castle, not before taking a small detour to the kitchen to pick up what you notice is a picnic basket with a vintage wine bottle, many cheeses, breads and even some grapes to snack on. You would say that this feels more like a reward for your hard work this week, however, Adrian would argue that this is a mandatory session that should be happening more often.

You shouldn't have to be rewarded rest for your work.

Adrian gently presses his palm against your back, urging you forward out the door and slowly making way to a very specific patch of grass where trees of the forest crowd around barely.

The leaves at the top allow an open view of the stars and the gradually setting sun. It's a perfect spot that pulls a gasp from your throat. The tinted clouds of orange and pink appear in the sky as if they were pulled like cotton and the slight yellow hues remind you of Alucard's flaxen hair, flowing freely like the fish in the nearby lake.

He takes your sound of surprise as excitement and wonder, smiling when he sees the sparkles in your eyes and the soft curve of your lips.

He begins to pour the wine into two seperate glasses as you turn to him.

"You invited me out here because you knew I was having a bad week?"

"No," he says as he hands you your glass, clinking the rim with his own, "I did it because you should be taking care of yourself more."

"Ah," you look down with embarrassment, chuckling more to yourself than with humor, "Sometimes I just forget, you know?"

Alucard agrees, nodding as he savours a sip on his tongue.

"Mm, I know. That's why I'm here, to remind that lazy brain of yours, of course."

When normally you should feel insulted, his words instead bring forth laughter from either of you, and you smack his arm playfully with your elbow.

"Right yes, okay, mother."

He scoffs into his glass in annoyance, but the smirk says otherwise.

You finally take a sip of your own glass, clicking your tongue multiple times at the tangy flavour - it still needs some getting used to.

"But seriously, thank you for this, Adrian."

His piercing amber eyes soften on your face, "It's a pleasure really, thank you for staying here with me."

#adrian tepes x reader #castlevania #alucard x reader #adrian tepes #alucard tepes x reader

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venusiangguk · 4 years ago

Text

gold rush pt. 3 | jjk (m)

>>pairing: jungkook x reader

>>genre: pwp, v little plot, smut, kinda fluffy, college au (kinda), established relationship

>>word count: 9.9k um?

>>warnings: pegging!!!, butt stuff!!!, sexy anal!!!, sub jk, soft dom oc, crying why do i always make everyone cry, fingering (m), strap on, dildos, vibrators, sex toys, sex shop adventures, explicit sex, like so explicit this bitch is basically 10k, mutual masturbation, coming untouched, kisses, aftercare in the form of snacks, titty squeezing, dirty talk, excessive use of pet names, yoongi exists

>>notes: i wasn’t gonna write this bc ur girl does not know the first thing about pegging, but jk sucking the strap came to me in a dream and i had to do it. it was highly requested so i hope u like it! i wrote and poorly edited this whole thing today so im sorry for any mistakes !!

>>summary: jk wants the strap, and jk gets what he wants !!

pt.1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

The sun is shining, and there’s just the perfect amount of breeze to cool Jeongguk as sweat runs down his temple. The soccer pitch just got cut, making the ball much easier to control, and therefore much easier to aim at Jimin’s ass. It’s cool-down time, so the team is in groups of three, idly kicking the ball between each other, for the last few minutes of practice. All in all, a great day to talk about getting pegged with his best friends.

Jeongguk glances around the field, making sure the other groups are far enough away from him and his friends before clearing his throat. “So… do you guys like… get pegged?”

When Taehyung passes the ball to Jimin, Jimin completely misses it due to the fact that he is looking at Jeongguk like he is the most pitiful human on the planet. Jeongguk adjusts his shin guard to avoid the scrutiny.

“Gguk… honey… are you dumb?”

Taehyung’s jogging back after retrieving the ball that ran astray. “No, Mini. He’s straight.” He kicks the ball to Jeongguk. “If by ‘pegged’ you mean fucked in the ass by a real dick, then yeah. We do.”

Jeongguk receives the ball with a ‘rainbow’ and juggles it from his thigh to his laces, balancing the ball for a second before kicking it to Jimin. He nods, contemplative. “Nice.”

“Okay ace.” He passes to Taehyung, before throwing Jeongguk a teasing look. “You thinking about taking it up the ass, Gukkie?”

“Perhaps I’m contemplating.” He sniffs nose in the air.

Taehyung laughs. “Got your button milked once and now you wanna take a phallic shaped object? Proud of you.” He places his hand over his heart, like the mere thought of Jeongguk getting railed makes his heart warm.

A whistle blows, and Jeongguk kicks the ball up to his arm, tucking it into the curve of his trim waist. “Why does everyone call it a button? And it hasn’t only been once.” He sounds exasperated and so so tired.

His friends jog to bump shoulders with him as they make their way to the locker rooms. “Hey, jokes aside, I think it’s cool you’re like comfortable enough, or whatever, with __ to explore the things you like.” Taehyung says.

Jeongguk rolls his eyes. “Okay Dad.”

“No seriously!” Jimin insists, holding the locker room door open for them. Fuck the rest of the team. “She seems good for you. Babys you like you need.” Jimin laughs.

Jeongguk’s shirt gets caught on his head as he squawks. “I don’t just like being babied, fuck you.”

“Okay so she also entertains your sadistic side. She’s the full package.”

Jeongguk looks down with a blush. He shrugs his shoulders lightly before bending over to get out of his gear. “She’s pretty cool I guess.”

Taehyung knees him while he’s still bent over making him stumble a bit. “Awe, Jeonggukkie is in love.”

“Shut up.” Jeongguk smacks him in the face with his smelly sock.

“When you gonna do it?” Jimin asks, buttoning his new pants.

Apparently they aren’t showering today. Jeongguk will just have to stop at his dorm before heading to yours to help you study. That reminds him that you have a test on Friday, but are free this weekend. He just so happens to be free as well. The team they were supposed to play had to forfeit because their coach got caught sleeping with one of the cheerleaders. Sucks, but good for Jeongguk and his little asshole.

“Maybe this weekend.” With their backpacks on, they start the trek back to the dorms. It’s nearing night now, the sun just starting to set in the sky. Jeongguk pulls out his phone to tell you he’s stopping by his place before heading to you. You reply quickly.

baby🥺💘😏🧠🙄👊🏻:

okie

wanna have sex instead of helping me study

me:

yeah but im not gonna

just think about how good the sex will be when u get an a

baby🥺💘😏🧠🙄👊🏻:

🙄

When Jeongguk pockets his phone, Taehyung speaks up.

“You think she’ll be down?”

Jeongguk doesn’t hesitate. “Yeah, probably.”

Ever since the first time you made him cum untouched, butt stuff has been a moderately regular occurrence for you both as a long-term, healthy, pro-ass eating couple. Honestly it was mostly him getting his butt played with, but he supposed it made sense. Like Jimin explained to his once naïve self, it was just biological- or something. Whatever. He wonders if three fingers will be enough to fit a fake dick in his ass. He asks his friends.

“Eh…” Jimin starts, looking up like he’s thinking. “Maybe, but you might wanna try to get to four, maybe five if you're using hers, since she’s tiny.”

Jeongguk’s mouth falls open and he pales. Taehyung notices and laughs.

“Don’t get scared. It’s just better to over-prep than under-prep. And like obviously you work up to it, she’s not just gonna shove her fist or her cock up your ass.”

Her cock. A little tingle settles in Jeongguk’s lower belly at the statement. He’s been thinking about this for a while, looking at porn in his free time. Seeing the way the guys moan on their girls’ strap always gets him hard. Seeing how hard their cocks get when the toy hits them just right. He throbs when he sees the guys cum just from the strap, no hands. Maybe he should fuck you when he gets to your dorm instead of helping you study. His cock is feeling a little plump.

“Alright well… Bye, thanks for being gay and answering my anal questions!”

As he’s pressing the button to his elevator, they lived on opposite sides of the athlete dorm and there were different elevators for each of the wings, Jimin chirps, “Don’t forget to empty your asshole really well, and don’t eat the day of! Also buy extra lube and put a spare blanket down!”

Jeongguk winces. Valuable information indeed, information he mentally pockets, but did he need to yell it in the dorm common room?

“Noted!” He yells back at the elevator dings and opens up. Jeongguk pretends like he doesn’t meet the curious, kind of confused gaze of one of his teammates. He must have walked in while Jimin was yelling and only caught the end of the conversation while waiting for the same elevator. Jeongguk gets in and immediately closes the doors. He can catch the next lift.

~~~

Jeongguk’s got his head in your lap and you’re running your fingers through his long, silky hair. He showered today, so waves of his aromatherapy lavender shampoo are wafting up to you. Sweet boy. He seems sidetracked, occasionally sighing and subtly twisting, but is still more or less purring on your thigh, feet tucked up onto the cushion of the couch. Netflix is on the small tv that was left by the last person who lived there, you’re mac book connected via HDMI. You’re not really paying attention. Mind kind of tired from all the studying you had done this week. Jeongguk fidgets a tiny bit again, wiggling like he’s trying to get comfortable. He huffs a sigh.

“Hey,” You say softly, getting his attention.

His body curves at the waist, causing his t-shirt to bunch up and show off the dip of his hip bone. He looks up at you with wide eyes. He seems surprisingly awake. Must have some busy little bees buzzing around his mind. He makes a little questioning noise.

“You okay? You’re kinda fussy.” You murmur.

He groans. “I- am just thinking.”

“About?” You drag the word out in a singsong-y manner.

The way Jeongguk’s face flushes is so pretty, you have to stop yourself from cooing.

He moves himself from your lap and sits facing you. He looks like he's thinking about what to say, or how to say what he’s thinking so hard about.

Eloquently he states, “I’m horny.”

You glance at his cock. Not quite hard, but a little happy and excited. You chuckle, leaning towards him, giving him a playfully sexy look. “Okay, let’s fuck baby.”

Jeongguk blushes even more, cheeks tinted red, while he leans away from you.

You pout. “What?”

Again he pauses, a small pout on his lips. He seems to be in a soft, needy, difficult mood. You’re probably going to have to pry what he wants to say out of his mouth.

With another uncalled for exasperated huff, Jeongguk rolls his eyes and moves closer to you before catching you by surprise and swinging a leg over your lap. He’s facing you while he straddles your thighs. His arms are looped around your neck, he’s playing with a little bit of your hair, twirling the long length around his fingers. You smile up at him, gently. Your palms squeeze at his narrow hips encouragingly.

“I want to try something new…” He says. He sounds nervous and looks at you the same.

“Mhmm.” You say, fighting a smile.

“Really bad. Like I want it really bad.” His hips roll, probably unconsciously from the way he closes his eyes to ground himself.

You peek at his lap, and his cock is bulging, the fabric of his sweatpants doing nothing to help hide it. You bring your hand to it, and massage him through his pants.

He whines and pushes against your palm before a hand comes down and grabs your wrist, stopping the movement. “Quit it, I’m trying to talk.” He’s so petulant and whiny.

You move your hand away and place it back on his hip, giggling a little. “Well spit it out, then.”

He scowls. You reach up and smooth the wrinkle in his brow before trailing it down and cupping his cheek. He softens immediately, melts like butter in your hands. His eyes close and he lets out a soft sigh, body relaxing a little.

He’s whispering, kinda giggling out of embarrassment, when he says, “I want you to fuck me.” He pauses, peeking at you through his lashes. “Like for real.”

Almost instantly a little spark ignites in your belly, and you feel your pussy get that telltale heartbeat. You didn’t want to push Jeongguk into anything, but you’ve been thinking about taking the ‘next step’ with your… ass-plorations for some time. But you figured he would get to the same point on his own, and would come to you when he was ready. Turns out you know him as well as you thought you did.

“Yeah?” You rub your free hand up his side.

He nods quickly, eagerly. You pinch his cheek lightly, and he retaliates by trying to bite at it. To avoid the attack it finds his way back to his waist.

“When did you want to? Tonight?”

He wiggles impossibly closer to you. Kisses you quick before nodding again. “Yeah. I um. I already like prepped… mostly. I prepped what I could by myself.” He pauses with a cute thinking face. “You will probably have to help me a little. But yeah. I got ready for you just in case.” He nods.

You hum, glancing at the old clock on the wall, another gift from the prior tenant. 11:52 pm.

“If we hurry, we can make it to a sex shop? They don’t usually close until 2 or 3 in the morning.” You suggest.

Jeongguk bites his lip, smiling excitedly. “Really? Can we?”

You roll your eyes playfully. “Yeah, duh.” You lean up and give him a speedy, but thorough kiss, smiling into it. “Been wanting to peg you for so long.”

His face scrunches endearingly. “Don’t call it that.”

He hops off your lap, and goes to grab the keys, wasting no time. He stands by the door expectantly. His cock is, extremely obviously, sticking out. Someone didn’t wear his briefs today.

“Can you like… kill that?” You’re laughing as you tug on some sweats of your own, having only been lounging in your panties and one of his shirts. Your usual at home attire.

He looks down, and has a smug grin on his face when he looks at you again. “It’ll go down in the car. Hurry up!”

~~~

A dildo looks so much bigger when one is looking at it knowing that it will be inside of them within the next few hours. And there are so many options and colors. Some vibrate, some have fake pubic hair on them. Some have balls that are squishy and feel eerily… accurate.

Jeongguk isn’t having second thoughts, no. But he is having thoughts. Very overwhelming thoughts.

You’re next to your boyfriend, glancing between him and the varying selection of fake cocks displayed in front of you both, trying to gauge his reaction. He looks a little pale, but tentatively excited. Curious at the very least.

“Which one do you want?” You ask.

“No idea.” He responds, eyes wide.

Like most store clerks, one shows up, almost like they have a built in ‘customer needs help and has no idea which dildo to get to peg her super hot boyfriend’ radar.

“You guys need help?” He is a small man, with a monotone voice. He looks like he would rather be anywhere else at 12:30am on a Saturday night.

“NO!” Jeongguk says quickly and loudly. Very loudly.

Both you and the store clerk flinch, looking at him shocked.

Jeongguk shifts on his feet. “No.” He says in a more socially acceptable tone. “No- I’m sorry. But we’re uh-” He grabs your arm and pulls you closer. “We’re good, thanks.”

The clerk looks between you and Jeongguk and the dildos. “Um… Alright.” He starts to walk away before he turns back around. “Well if you change your mind, I’m Yoongi and I’ll be at the counter. If your toy is electric I’ll test it in the back before you leave… We uh- provide batteries with your purchase if needed…” With one last glance, a very judgmental one in Jeongguk’s opinion, Yoongi takes his place at said counter. His eyes flicker to you guys every once in a while.

“Baby,” You grab Jeongguk’s face between your palms and make him look at you. You squeeze and his lips poke out making him look like a guppy. He blinks. “I know you’re nervous, but it’s going to be okay.”

He rolls his eyes, guppy face and all. “Well obviously. I just- We don’t need help.” He wiggles out of your grip, much like a… guppy.

You grin, trying not to laugh, and just be the supportive girlfriend you are. “Okay, did you decide which one you want?”

A side glance. “Not yet…”

You walk up and go to grab a pink sparkly one.

“Uh, not that one.”

You quirk an eyebrow and move your hand to a larger one.

“No.”

You play a little game of dildo hot or cold until you have a better idea of what Jeongguk wants. His preference seems to be skin tone, close to his own, with a more realistic feel. Normal balls though, not squishy. Also no faux hair. You thank him for that. If you actually had a penis it would surely be waxed. Bless Jeongguk for doing the same. As for size, he leaned more towards a very normal, moderate size. Maybe 5 or 6 inches at most, not too thick. Smaller than himself. One last option.

“Do you want it to vibrate?” You ask, holding one in your hand testing the numerous different settings.

He shakes his head, answering quick. “No.”

He pauses.

“Wait.” He thinks. “Maybe. Should we? You could use it too?”

Sweet, kind, considerate angel. Always thinking about you and your pleasure. Couples who share the strap last the longest.

You shrug, pointing out, “I could use one that doesn’t vibrate too.”

He looks offended and sounds snotty. “Uh, you don’t need to.”

“Whatever. Why don’t we get both?”

You had a point. He pretends to ponder it, before nodding, already persuaded. “Okay.”

“We need the harness now.”

You begin the harness hunt, walking through the store, coming across many a things, but for some reason you both keep missing them. They’re nowhere to be found.

“Maybe they’re sold out?” He tries.

“Doubt it. Let’s go ask.” You grab him by his pinky and try to drag him to the counter. He resists.

“Let’s not.”

“Koo.” You say giving him a look.

He whines, throwing his head back. Borderline throwing a fit. You hold your ground, smiling.

He’s easy to give in. Being a brat just on principle. “Fine but you’re talking.”

You stand on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek. “Of course, baby.” With his pinky in hand, you make your way to the counter.

The store clerk, Yoongi, if you remember correctly, is sitting behind the counter hunched over smiling at his phone. He doesn’t seem to notice you’re there.

You clear your throat gently, “Excuse me?”

Yoongi jumps, almost throwing his phone. “Fuck!” He exclaims. His fists come up ready to fight before he sees it’s you and Jeongguk. He then places his hand over his heart. “Shit, you scared me.” He chuckles, recovering quickly. “How can I help you?”

You stare at him for a moment longer before speaking up. “Um yeah, I was just wondering where your harnesses are?”

He leans on the counter, head in his hand looking kinda bored. “Hanresses? What kind? Hanging harness? Body harness?”

You glance at Jeongguk and he looks like he’s going to die.

“The um- strap on harnesses?” Your voice goes to a whisper when you say it, despite it just being you guys in the store.

Yoongi sits up, and looks at you, and then looks at Jeongguk. A look of understanding comes over his face along with an amused smile. He nods to himself, while getting up to help you. “Nice. Follow me.”

Jeongguk gapes at the ‘nice’ and looks at you in disbelief. You pat his butt telling him to get going.

With some help from Yoongi you pick out a harness that looks supportive and comfortable, the ring that holds the dildo, compatible with both the ones that you plan on getting. It’s a simple adjustable black one. Yoongi recommended wearing something under it if the straps dig into you and irritate. He seems bored, but he’s actually very good at his job, and very knowledgeable.

Finally you’re at the counter. You place all the items in Yoongi’s reach and he’s just about to tell you the total when Jeongguk perks up.

“Wait!” He says before scurrying off.

It’s quiet for a split second. Before the clerk speaks up.

“He’s cute.”

You smile, “Thanks, he’s mine.”

Yoongi laughs, small little fish teeth and gums on display. Must be a Pisces. You know Pisces teeth. “Does he have any cute friends?”

You nod. “Yeah, but they are dating.”

He shrugs. “Don’t care.”

“Uh… I can give you their Instagrams?”

He pulls out his phone, and follows them right there after a quick glance at their pages. Confidence is nice.

There’s a short lull in the conversation. And Jeongguk seems to be taking his sweet time getting something you guys must have forgotten. Or the poor things lost. It’s a big store. You speak up this time.

“Do you have like a manager I could leave a review for? You were really helpful, and seemed like you really knew what you were talking about.”

He shakes his head. “Nah, I own the place. You think I would be here on a Saturday night if it wasn’t obligatory? Thanks, though.”

“Oh.” You say. That was pretty impressive. The store was quite successful based on the reviews. You would make sure to let Jimin and Taehyung know Yoongi was a business man.

“Okay, I’m back.” Jeongguk announces. “Sorry I forgot where it was.”

He places 2 (two) large bottles of lube on the counter. You cough out a laugh.

“Baby, we have lube at home.”

“But do we have enough?”

“I think maybe one more would be more than enough.”

He ignores you, looking Yoongi in the eyes for the first time tonight. “Add both please.”

Yoongi nods, looking a little scared of Jeongguk’s seriousness, and does as he’s ordered.

After Jeongguk pays, and you both are making your way to the exit, Yoongi calls out, “Good luck, tell your friends to follow me back!”

“Uh- Okay?” Jeongguk yells back. When you’re in the parking lot, he asks, “What the heck was that about?”

You shake your head, laughing to yourself. “Don’t worry about it.”

~~~

As soon as you get back to your dorm, the atmosphere is thick, full of tension and nervous anticipation. Jeongguk’s fidgety, eager to get started. You’re not far off, but contain yourself a little more. Need to keep control of the situation in case Jeongguk gets deep into his mood.

You guys are in the bathroom now, each one washing a toy before you use it. You make sure to unwrap the harness and the lube as well, both at Jeongguk’s insistent request, ensuring you don’t have to stop and deal with it later.

“Let’s just get undressed in here, it’s where my hamper is.” You say already tugging your shirt over your head, tits bouncing freely. Jeongguk went without briefs today, and you went without a bra.

Jeongguk quietly follows suit, and you don’t miss the way his hands are trembling a little in anticipation. When you’re both naked he kisses you quickly, and jiggles your boobs a little just because they are there and because he can, before saying, “Okay, lets go.” He’s out the bathroom before you can even respond. You laugh to yourself and gather the stuff he forgot in his excitement.

When you walk out with your hands full, you see Jeongguk spreading out a blanket over your comforter.

“Whatcha doin?” You ask curiously, placing the items on the nightstand.

“Gets messy. Wanna save your bedding.” He states.

You squawk, grabbing the blanket he set up on your bed. “Not my baby blanket you monster.”

He laughs, abs tensing. You notice he’s already hanging a little heavy between his thighs. “Sorry. Was the first one I saw.” He walks over to the couch and replaces the blanket that’s hanging over the back with your baby blanket and resets up. “Better?” he asks, extended his arm towards your bed to show off his work.

You nod, and take the few steps needed to close the space between you both. Your hand runs down his belly, and you feel his muscles jump, and you see little goosebumps sprout all over. His hands come up to cup your tits. You kiss softly where his heart is. You look up at him.

“I love you.” You smile.

He blushes. “Love you.” He whispers, before he leans down and slots your lips together.

It’s eager from the start. Your bodies press together, as your hands roam. When he takes a breath and surges back in, your teeth click together is his haste, before his tongue slips into your mouth. He groans into you, his hand going down to cup your ass, squeezing and pulling you impossibly closer.

You feel his cock against your belly, almost fully hard already. You reach down to wrap a hand around him, wanting to help him get there before you get started. He hisses, thrusting forward instinctively before pulling away. He looks like he hates that he does.

“No- I,” He’s already short of breath, chest rising and falling a little bit faster than normal. “I wanna watch you cum. With the toy.” He reaches around you, grabbing the vibrating dildo. “Please?” He asks. His eyes are fervent.

You take the toy in your hand, and kiss him again softly. “Yeah, baby. Whatever you. It’s all about you tonight.”

He shakes his head. “Always about you too.”

Your heart beats, happy in your chest. You thought about it earlier in the night, but Jeongguk really was the best lover. He always, always made sure you were taken care of, before, during, and after sex. He was so vocal and communicative, genuinely wanting you to know it was always about both of you, even if one was receiving more attention. He was caring like that in and out of the bedroom. You were so lucky to be his.

“You’re too good to me,” You laugh, climbing onto the bed. You settle back against your pillows, propping some behind you so you can see him, and watch him while you get off. He takes his place in front of you, looking at you expectantly.

He’s impatient, placing his hands on your knees, spreading you open so he can see your cunt. You let him get you into position before saying, “Keep your hands to yourself now, okay?”

He nods, eyes never leaving your pussy. He licks his lips. “Okay.” It’s said in a distracted kind of far away tone.

You hum as you bring the toy to your mouth, getting it wet. You wouldn’t need any lube, you would be dripping in no time. You don’t waste any time putting your free hand down between your legs and spreading your pussy lips, so your clit and the pretty pink center of your cunt are displayed for Jeongguk. You glance at him through your lashes, when you hear a small gasp fall from his lips. He’s already got a hand around himself. Just the tips of his fingers stroking his length, at a leisurely pace.

“She’s so pretty… You’re so pretty.” His eye flick to your face before zeroing in on your center again.

“Tell me how to do it baby. Tell me what you want to see.” You say, voice salacious and soft. You circle your finger slowly around your nub, dipping inside just a bit to spread your slick around.

When he swallows, it’s audible, his Adam's apple jumping. “I want you to turn it on low, and put it on your clit. I want you to feel good.”

You smile, and drag the tip of it down your body to just above your clit, turning it on the lowest setting before making contact with your sensitive nub. Your legs jolt, almost closing when you feel the vibrations. Even the lowest setting was strong. Your head falls back, and your legs spread more for him once you get used to the strength of the toy. “Fuck…” You breathe.

“Does it feel good?” He asks, greedy for your pleasure.

You nod, eyes still closed, focusing. You move the vibrator in small circles over your clit. You can hear Jeongguk’s breaths speed up.

“Turn it up.” His voice gives away that he’s speeded up his hand on his cock too.

You do as he says, looking at him as you do. He’s sin personified. He’s on his knees, sitting back on his feet, so his thighs are flexed and bulging. His abs tense when his palm twists under the crown of his cock. His eyes almost look black, pupils blown so wide, lust taking over his face. He’s got his plump bottom lip drawn between his teeth. He looks up from your pussy and catches you staring. He smiles shyly.

You keep your eyes on him as you bring the toy back down to your core. A short high pitched moan falls from your lips, as your brows knit together, before your eyes roll back. He groans, your expression enough to make his cock start to leak.

“Feels so good, Jeongguk.” You moan. The vibrator is right where it feels best, pulsing against your clit, causing pleasure to bleed into your veins.

“Yeah, baby?” He asks, he’s breathless, sounds like he’s in love. With you, your cunt. “Tell me.”

“‘S just right Koo, could make me cum just like this…”

He curses, and you open your eyes just in time to see him grip the base of his cock, keeping himself in check. “Not yet, baby. Little longer, please.” Still so polite and good for you, even when he’s the one telling you what to do.

He has you keep the vibe there, for a while longer, right in the spot that’s gonna make you lose it. He watches as a tiny clear drop leaks from you pink little pussy. It looks like it’s heavy and about to drip down to the blanket under you. He doesn’t notice your legs shaking until you’re gasping, “Koo, I’m almost- I’m gonna-”

“No!” He says quickly, his hand reaches out to pull the vibrator from your cunt just before you get your high. Your pussy aches and throbs, wanting to cum so bad.

Your chest is heaving when you ask, “Are… are you edging me?”

He shakes his head, even though your eyes are closed, trying to catch your breath. “No, no! I just. I got distracted.” He looks at that small drop of slick again. Fuck, he wants to lick it up and drink you down. “You’re leaking.” He states.

You laugh, breathing getting back to normal. “Yeah?” You reach your hand down to collect the distracting little droplet and bring it in front of you. You press the sticky finger to your thumb and then pull them apart to see the clear strings stay connected even as you pull. You hum, before offering your hand to Jeongguk. He sucks in a breath.

“Want some?”

He’s quick as he crawls between you legs, cock fully hard now. He watches you as he sucks your fingers into his mouth, tongue swirling around getting every last bit, before he sucks off with a pop!

He crawls farther up your body to kiss you deep, wanting you to get a taste of yourself too. He pulls back just a bit, and whispers against your lips, “I want you to fuck yourself with it, okay? Just for a little bit, then you can cum?” He’s phrasing it as a question, knowing he really doesn't have the final say, not tonight. But his voice is shaking from how turned on he is, how could you ever say no?

“Sit back.” Is all you respond. He does as he’s told.

You buzz the toy over your clit again, just because you can. Wanting to see how long Jeongguk can be good before begging. Turns out it’s not long at all.

“Put it in…” He moans. You look at him and his mouth is parted, and his eyes heavy as he watches you. His hand is moving fast over his cock, sticking straight up to his tummy. “Please.”

You drag the toy down to your slit, and tease it there before just barely pushing it in just a fraction of the length. Jeongguk whines, high and desperate. Apparently you’re moving to slow for him.

“More,” He begs.

You sigh, “You’re so needy tonight, baby.” He nods, agreeable.

When the toy sinks inside of you all the way to the hilt, you and Jeongguk both moan a quiet, “Fuck.” simultaneously. You’re coherent enough to laugh a little at the jinx, but he seems to barely notice, too focused on watching the toy sink into you, and then come back out to vibrate your clit again. You keep up this teasing pattern, again waiting to be told what to do by him, waiting to see how long he makes it this time.

“Harder, do it harder,” He’s panting. Moaning every word that leaves his lips.

You do as he says, and finally push the toy in at a pace that gets you climbing to being close again. You won’t be able to come like this though, and he knows that. Knows that you can only cum from penetration with him. He leans over and grabs the other toy from the end table, spitting on it and spreading it around until it's covered well.

“Use them both, want you to cum for me.”

With two toys in your hands, one in your cunt, filling you up, and one on your clit, making your legs shake, you do your best to make yourself cum. But it’s not enough. A soft whine falls from your lips, you’re so close, but you need more. More than you can give yourself.

“Faster baby, faster. You’re so close.” He whispers. He got both hands working now too, one stroking and one down tugging on his balls.

You whimper, “I can’t my arm hurts. It’s tired.”

Immediately he stops pleasing himself and gets right to pleasing you. Your pleasure taking priority. “Shh, don’t worry, I’ll help you baby.”

Jeongguk sits between your legs, and takes over the toy fucking into you, and turns up the one on your clit. With him pushing the toy in at a pace that you couldn’t do yourself, and the other toy vibing your clit incessantly, it takes barely any time at all for you to cum. You were so close already, just needed him to push you over.

Your legs are shaking and your toes are curling, when you cry out, “Baby, I’m gonna cum.”

“Do it, baby. Wanna watch.” He’s quiet, paying close attention to your body and the reactions he’s helping pull from it. He’s part of the reason why your face looks so pornographic as you finish. He’s part of the reason why your back is arching off of the bed. He’s part of the reason why your toes are curling, and why your legs are shaking, and why your pussy is contracting over the toy he’s still thrusting inside of you, working you through every last second of your orgasm. He reads your body cues, and slows down and pulls it out when you start to come down. You look blissed out, and you bring a hand to your hair and fluff it a little before laughing.

“That was good.” You sigh smiling, and when you look at him an image forms in your head, and you have every intention of making him carry it out.

Right before your eyes, Jeongguk wraps his lips around the toy that is going to be inside of him in just a short while, sucking off your slick. He laps his tongue around it trying to get it all. He’s obscene.

“Gimme,” You say sitting up with an extended hand.

He pouts at being interrupted, but does as he’s told. He takes your spot on the bed, and you head to the bathroom, stopping by your dresser on the way.

When you get to the bathroom, you close the door and get to cleaning the toys once again. After, you get to the stuff you grabbed from the wardrobe. A lacy pair of black panties, and sheer black thigh highs with matching lace adorning the tops. You slip into them, and then move on to the strap on. You hold it in front of you and try to make sense of which part goes where, and which holes your legs go into. It takes a second, but you get into it, adjusting it so it's nice and snug. Your outfit probably won’t help much with protecting your thighs, but at least the little part above your pussy will be safe. You look at yourself in the mirror. Not too weird or scary yet. You glance at the dildo on the counter.

It’s not too big so hopefully it’s not too… jarring when you see yourself with it. You get to work, slipping the suction base of the non-vibrating toy into the ring that’s meant to hold it in place. You look at it sticking out from your crotch and take a deep breath before turning to the mirror.

You gasp, before cackling quietly. You knew it was going to be weird. Like you knew. But actually seeing yourself with the whole get up is funny. Right now at least. You know it’s going to be sexy, once you get used to it and into the moment and inside of Jeongguk. You wonder how he’s going to react. Only one way to find out.

While you're walking to your bedroom from the bathroom, the dildo bobs, and you're giggling distractedly until you lift your eyes to let your boyfriend know you're ready. Again you’re met with a scene so indecent it belongs in a porno.

Jeongguk’s eyes are closed and soft moans are falling from his lips as he strokes his cock. He’s got three fingers in his ass, opening himself up for you, for your cock. Such a good good boy. He was so patient and productive while you got ready for him.

“You’re so good baby,” You murmur softly.

Jeongguk blinks his eyes open slowly, and rolls his head to the side to look at you. He doesn’t even falter in his movements at all, hand still moving, fingers still thrusting. He smiles a little when he sees you, but his eyes are hazy and he sounds lust drunk when he simply says, “You look sexy.”

You blush and a fond smile graces your lips, any embarrassment or self consciousness you were feeling prior to seeing him spread out for you on your bed, quickly vanishing.

You settle on the bed between his legs and watch for a moment as his hole takes his long fingers in. “Want me to help?” You ask quietly.

“Mhmm,” He nods, eyes closed still, tongue peeking out from between his lips. He doesn’t take his fingers out, though.

You grab the lube next to him, and flip it open. “You gonna get out so I can get in?”

He shakes his head. “Nuh uh. Put one in with mine.”

Something about that makes your body tingle. Inside of him with him. Opening him up. You can’t explain it, because you don’t really even get it yourself, but it makes you buzz and feel almost high.

You slick up your middle finger, and drizzle some more on his for good measure. He jumps slightly, and then giggles softly.

“Cold.” He says.

“Sorry,” You say distractedly. Your finger is lined up with his now.

“I’ve never done 4 before so you… have to go slow…” He pauses as he speaks, letting himself moan freely when his fingers graze over that secret spot that he’s grown to love so much.

“Tell me to stop if you need to.”

He doesn’t reply, just stops his fingers so you can wiggle yours in next to his. At the first push against his hole, there’s resistance. Very much expected. He’s quiet, teeth gritted, but he never says stop, knowing his body wants it, and knowing it will accommodate what he wants. After the second knuckle, your finger sinks in, almost gets sucked in, by his hole.

He lets out a shaky breath.

“You okay, baby?” You check in.

“Yeah just… full.” He moans when you wiggle your finger experimentally. “”S good. Move it some more.”

You do, and his start to move with yours. You can feel his fingers curl inside of himself to reach his prostate, and it’s pleasant in an out of body way, knowing when his face is going to contort in pleasure, and when he’s going to cry out, when you never really knew before. You’ve milked him before, of course, but feeling him do it to himself from the inside? It’s kind of thrilling.

“Pull, stretch me out.” He moans, voice impatient and needy.

He gets kinda slutty when something’s up his ass.

He swears when you do, his finger rubbing insistent circles on his prostate to distract himself from the minor sting of the stretch. His moans, start to raise in pitch and his hand that’s on his cock, still jerking it, starts to speed up. You can tell he’s close. He clenches against your finger that’s still stretching him open.

“Fuck,” He says, on a breathless giggle, “Take them out. Or I’m gonna cum.” He’s still stroking his cock, like he doesn’t wanna stop.

“You c-”

“No. Out.” He demands, hand finally pulling away from his cock, and his fingers inside stop. You gently ease out of him.

When Jeongguk’s fingers slip out, you gasp. His little pink hole is clenching on nothing, still open just the tiniest bit, thoroughly stretched.

“You know how you always say my pussy is pretty?” You ask, fingers tracing around the puffy stretched rim.

He makes an affirmative noise, watching you with hooded, lazy eyes as you touch him. He even spreads farther so you can touch and see better. You marvel at the difference between the embarrassed boy you made cum untouched a couple months ago, and the one in front of you now, so comfortable and relaxed. It makes you happy.

“Well, your butthole is pretty.”

He snorts, and kicks you lightly. He smiles at you, soft and sluggish. “Just fuck me.”

He sounds so wistful and just ready.

But you’re not.

You grip the base of your cock, and stand up. You walk to the head of the bed, next to his confused face. You stay there waiting for him to get it. He doesn’t.

“You want me inside of you right baby?” You ask, voice gentle.

He nods, eyes no longer hazy, but wide and confused. He looks between you and your cock.

“I think that means you have to get me ready. Get me nice and wet, right?”

You can physically see when Jeongguk gets it. When it clicks for him. His eyes darken, and he licks his lips. “Yeah… You’re right. I should… help you.” He whispers, sitting up. You back up enough for him to have a place on the floor.

Jeongguk on his knees for you isn’t a new sight. He’s eaten your pussy like this before, you either grinding onto his face, or him holding you still and making quick work of your clit. But Jeongguk on his knees for you to suck your cock? New, and lewd.

He looks nervous, kind of hesitant. A hand is raised midway, like he isn't sure if he should grab it.

“Lick it, baby.” You encourage.

He glances at you, doe eyes seeking approval as he leans forward and gives a kitten lick to the tip. You nod, letting him know he’s doing well. His hand comes up and replaces yours at the base and he opens his mouth enough to wrap his lips around the head, and he swirls his tongue.

He pops off, and strokes up to where his mouth was and spreads the little bit of spit. The silicone is still dry though, so he spits on it more, straight from his mouth. You suck in a breath.

“Fuck, you’re so hot baby.” You whisper a breathy moan as his hands move up and down your cock. He adds his mouth again.

He hums a little, before backing up and looking at you again. “Does that feel good?” He asks.

You laugh lightly, in pure awe of him. He’s so sexy, and so sweet, and so incredibly lust inducing. Your pussy aches behind your cock. “Feels so good, baby. You’re doing so good.”

He hums, still stroking you off. “I really want it inside me…” He says, hinting that he’s ready.

You have mercy on him, having fulfilled your newfound personal fantasy enough for the night. Maybe you could revisit it another time. But now it was time to fulfill a mutual fantasy.

“On the bed, hands and knees.” You tell him.

Excitedly he hops back onto the bed, and gets into position, his hole on display for you. His back is arched and you can see the plush swell where his lower back meets the top of his cheeks. You settle behind him, and his shoulder to waist to hip ratio, is sinful. He’s always had the daintiest waist, strong, but still so small. But at this angle, it’s cinched and the way his legs are spread makes his hips look wider, accentuating the dip at his middle. You rub your hands over the narrow curve, all the way to his cheeks, grabbing handfuls of the muscle. There’s a slight give when you squeeze your hands.

Jeongguk’s head drops, and he lets out a shuddering sigh, he’s got the chills again, and he’s got a constant thrum coursing through his body. “Please…” He moans, so quietly, so desperately.

You kiss the small of his back before grabbing the lube left abandoned on the bed. You lather 2 of your fingers, and push them into Jeongguk’s hole making sure he’s nice and slick. There’s no resistance at all, hole loose and ready enough for them to slip right in. Then you lather your cock, probably with too much lube, honestly, but you wanted to be so sure that he didn’t feel any more pain than absolutely necessary. You knew the first initial push in would be the worst, but you were hopeful you both had stretched him out enough to at least minimize or diminish it altogether.

You grab the base of your cock and line it up with his hole. It flutters, when you barely press against his rim.

“Ready?” You ask, giving a heads up.

“Yeah.” He says softly.

He’s tight. His hole sinks in with the tip of your cock before the rim gives and swallows around it. Jeongguk tenses and his hands grip the blanket under you.

“Shit…” He groans. He sounds like he’s clenching his teeth.

You rub soothingly at his lower back, fingers dipping when you run them over the dimples at the bottom of his spine. “You’re doing so good baby.” You tell him.

“Doesn’t really hurt, I’m just stretching.” He says through his teeth. “I can take it though, keep going.”

You grab the lube and drizzle more directly onto his hole. He doesn’t mention the cold this time, too focused on taking your cock. You push against him, and feel yourself sink deeper into him. It’s like after the tip was in, his body knew what to do to take the rest. The slide wasn’t a swift, fast stroke, but it was a smooth and slow glide. When you bottom out Jeongguk’s arms give out from under him, his face going to the bed.

“Holy fuck.” He keens, resting his head on his arms. Your hands are constantly on him, soothing him in any way that you can.

“Tell me when.” You whisper patiently. He nods. With his head turned to the side and pillowed on his arms, you can see his eyes are squeezed shut. The inhales and exhales you can see in the expanding of his ribcage, tell you that he’s taking deep breaths working through the stretch, getting himself used to it.

“Okay… Ready.” He murmurs.

You pull out just a bit before pushing back in. Jeongguk moans softly. Spreads his legs even wider, arches his back even deeper. He’s pushing his ass out for you, his body begging you to make it feel good.

You keep a slow pace, kind of nervous to speed up.

“You can go faster, feels nice.” He says. He’s been puffing out little gasps of air every time you bottom out with your slow pace.

With his consent, you grab at his hips and pull out to just the tip, before swiftly pushing back in, fast and hard. His cheeks bounce on the impact. You grab one and jiggle it a little, thrusting into him again, drinking down the whines that slip out.

“You’ve got such a bubble butt, I never noticed before. But it like… bounces.” You say, wonder in your tone.

“Thanks, can you like tell me about it later?” He asks, voice strained.

Point taken.

Your thrust game is kind of shitty, in reality. It’s hard to find a rhythm, your hips not used to moving this way. But Jeongguk is moaning freely underneath you, just happy to have something inside of him after thinking about it all week. So you keep going, and eventually, the pattern comes to you, still kind of messy, but now you’ve got him cursing beneath you. You’ve got one hand on his ass, the other braced on his arched spine.

A particularly good thrust has Jeongguk burying his face into the bed, teeth biting at the bedding. “Yeah fuck-” He groans with his mouth full of blanket. With his hands now free, he brings them behind him and settles them on his cheeks and spreads.

You watch clearly as your cock sinks into Jeongguk’s ass. You’re out of breath, but you make sure to tell him how good he looks, how pretty his hole looks swallowing your cock, like it was made to take it.

“Wanna ride you.” He says. His voice is pitifully wrecked and he sounds so thoroughly fucked, you feel a little proud. Still, you’re grateful for a break. You don’t know how he fucks you like he does. ‘Topping’ is tiring. You pull out of him, and realize that when you were in awe of his hole at taking your fingers, it was premature. Jeongguk’s hole after he takes your cock is vulgar. It’s properly gaped now. Not huge, but around a fingers width.

He rolls over, and settles on his back like he just needs a moment. His chest is heaving, similar to yours. You hop off the bed, and a needy keen comes from him. You glance back at him, and he looks like he’s going to get up and follow you, but you hush him gently.

“I’m just getting some water, baby. I’ll be right back.”

He huffs flopping back onto his back. “Hurry please.” He whines.

You get back as soon as possible with a glass of water for you both to share. He sits up onto one elbow and makes a grabby hand for the cup after you’ve had your share. You swat his hand away and hold the cup to his lips. He hums, gulping the water down. He’s happy to be coddled and taken care of. When he finishes with a cute little gasp, you place the cup to the side, and brush your hand through his sweaty hair.

He butts his head against your palm and laughs. His eyes shut, and crinkled at the corners. His water break seems to have perked him up. His cock hasn’t deflated one bit. Rock hard and red, throbbing against his tummy. It’s messy and wet too.

You’re about to ask if he touched himself while you were inside of him, but before you can, you’re getting manhandled until he’s on top of you. He’s got your hands pinned above your head, and he smiles at you playfully, before leaning down to kiss you, deep and slow. He sucks on your lip, and slowly grinds his cock onto your belly, soft whines spilling from his tongue. He brushes his nose against yours as he sighs into your mouth, finally allowing himself the pleasure of paying attention to his cock.

He doesn’t allow himself relief for long, however. He’s sitting up and looking from side to side for the lube before finally spotting it. His movements are quick and hectic, like he’s too excited and overly eager.

You rub your hands over his strong thighs. “Hey, slow down. You don’t have to rush. We have all night.”

He sighs at your touch, and nods softly. He whispers. “Yeah… okay. I love you.”

The little affection makes you swoon, absolutely smitten. “I love you.” You squeeze at his legs, tenderly.

He hums. “Gonna ride you now.” He opens the lube and continues with eager actions, almost like you didn’t even slow him down just a moment ago. You smile fondly to yourself. Jeongguk’s too busy slicking up your cock again to notice the mushy look.

He’s got a hand reaching behind him and he’s gripping your cock to line it up with his hole. He wiggles to get into the right position before slowly starting to sink down. His eyebrows are pinched, and his mouth falls open. But his eyes roll back when he bottoms out. His hands are braced on your stomach.

“Oh, I love it like this.” He whimpers. His legs tense at your sides, almost like he’s trying to close his legs at the pleasure he feels from your cock being tucked inside of him, hitting all the right places. He starts to grind on your cock, soft pleasured little mewls just tumbling off his tongue.

He looks so good, whining, grinding on you with his weeping cock displayed. But you wanna see him lose it on your cock. See him fall apart at how good it feels, not watch him bask in it.

“Bounce on it.” You say, voice sounding almost as fucked out as his. You know your panties are soaked through at this point, pussy pulsing and neglected, tucked away behind the strap.

Jeongguk nods. “Yeah, wanna.”

He’s lifting himself off your cock to the tip before sliding down on it again, hard and fast. It punches a sharp gasp from his lungs. He finds a pace he likes and keeps it up, his thighs tensing, and his abs flexing as he tests his stamina, chasing that euphoric feeling he wants so so badly. He’s so strong and fit, bouncing up and down on your cock as loud unabashed moans fill the room.

The force of him riding you makes your tits jiggle, bouncing around until they catch his attention. He groans before his hands find them, squeezing hard, using them as leverage as he pulls and drags his hips over yours. Your cock must be rubbing over his prostate because he’s losing his mind. All kinds of noises leave his mouth, and the expressions he makes are filthy.

“Fuck baby. You make me feel so good. The best- I-” He eyes squeeze shut and his mouth opens in a silent moan, overwhelmed, before a guttural groan sounds from deep within his chest. “God. Wanna cum on your cock, baby. Fuck me-”

You laugh, wonderstruck, and kind of deliriously high on the satisfaction and fulfillment you get from seeing Jeongguk feel so just…. Good. “Yeah baby? You’re gonna cum for me? All over my cock?”

He whimpers and nods as he gets back to bouncing, a desperation to his movements that wasn’t there before. His cock is slapping against both of your stomachs with nasty wet noises due to his precum getting everywhere. You feel some fly and hit your neck, his cock just dripping, weeping and begging to cum.

It won’t be long though, before he cums. You feel the way his thighs tense, and he gets that confused look on his face, and he’s got that puzzled pitch to his moans. It’s the way he always gets when he cums untouched, always in awe that he can do it himself, without a hand around his cock. His whole body is flushed and hot to the touch, sweat making him glow in the soft light of your bedroom lamp.

He throws his head back, neck extended, and veins bulging, before looking down at his bouncing cock. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He’s so whiny and noisy when he moans.

“Yeah?” You ask again, “Do it baby, show me how. You can do it, cum for me.”

He’s nodding frantically, “Yeah- I’m gonna... Fuck, yes- Yeah, I’m-” He bounces a few more times, silent aside from the obscene squelching noises of your skin meeting, before his body tenses one last time before that string in him snaps. “Cumming-” He chokes it out. His moans don’t stop the whole time his cock shoots out his load, landing on your tummy. The moans even turn into cries, actual tears filling his eyes and falling down his cheeks. His body jerks and twitches with his orgasm. But still, he’s grinding on you, your cock still rubbing that spot inside of him, it’s like he never wants the feeling to end, even if it’s devastating, bordering on too much to handle.

You smooth your hands all over his sweaty body, before firmly placing them on his hips, stopping him. “Hey. You’re good, you did so good baby, you don’t have to keep going.”

Jeongguk’s cries are quiet, and he takes a few deep stuttering breaths to try and calm himself down, nodding with your soothing words. He rubs the back of his hand at his eyes, trying to dry them. It doesn’t help much, he’s calmed himself some but a few silent tears still make their way out, along with some soft hiccupping breaths.

“Lay down, and wait for me, hmm?” You whisper gently. He nods and lifts himself slowly, wincing at the sore ache in his hole. It’s more prevalent now that the pleasure has subsided. He all but collapses onto your pillow.

“I’m gonna get some more water, and a towel okay?”

He grunts in response.

Before you go, you strip out of the gear, just tossing it on the ground, eager to get back to Jeongguk after getting the things you need.

When you get back, he is in the same exact position, and you laugh lightly.

“Baby?” You ask, making sure he didn’t fall asleep.

Another grunt.

Good, he would hate you in the morning if you left him to sleep being so messy.

“Sit up, I have water and snacks and cleaning supplies.”

His head pops up. “Snacks?” His hair is sticking up on one side.

You laugh, endeared. He’s not crying anymore either, a good sign that he will be okay in just a little while after some kisses and love.

“Yeah, I got some of those seaweed chips you like, and some water.”

He sits up, leaning back on the pillows knowing the drill for after butt stuff. You hand him the water and the chips. He eats first.

“You hungry?” You ask, fitting yourself between his legs with the warm washcloth. He opens easily, munching away. You both are far past after sex shyness.

He talks with his mouth full. “Yeah. Jimin said not to eat the day off.”

You hum curiously, but don’t question it. Jimin partakes in butt stuff much more than you both.

You’ve got all the lube cleaned off his thighs and cheeks, now all that’s left is his hole. You do it as gently as you can, knowing he’s sore just from how red and swollen and puffy it is. But he still winces.

“How bad is it?” He mumbles.

You hesitate. “Um… You’re gonna be a little sore.” You tell him simply.

He groans, before downing his water. When he’s done, he says, “Practice is going to suck.”

You nod in agreement. It was. You wrap the used cloth in the blanket you used to protect your sheets, once again just tossing the bundle to the floor.

“Worth it though,” He smiles, pleased.

You chuckle as you find your place by him. He’s set his refreshments aside and lets you curl against him. His body sags with exhaustion when he feels your warmth press into him. You plant kisses on every inch of skin you can reach. He purrs.

“Why’d you keep going?” You ask, between smooches.

“I don’t know… it just felt so good. I guess I didn’t want it to stop.” He’s quiet, and his words are said on a sigh.

You nod, your kisses making your way to his lips. You just kiss him, slow and easy, for a few minutes until he yawns into it. He giggles.

“I’m so tired man.”

“I bet man.” You tease.

He kisses you one more time before asking, “Will you tickle my back until I fall asleep?” It’s hopeful and so sugary sweet.

“Yeah roll over.”

It’s barely a few minutes before you're met with his soft snores. You kiss his shoulder blade, before following right behind him.

~~~~

you ask for pegging and you shall receive :] i hope you liked it and that it met ur pegging standards askdkhjd as always, comments and feedback and asks and notes are loved and appreciated. thank you for reading friends ily :*

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