#thinking ur grown enough to take on the world but being young enough you cant make the ideal choices is like

[jupiterjunebug]

Shaking the bars of my enclosure, screaming "they're fucking nineteen. The reason they are making suboptimal decisions is that they are nineteen! And going through trauma!"

[quirklessidiot]

Title: blood son [oneshot; filthy rich sequel]  Pairing: millionare!sakusa kiyoomi x y/n [filthy capitalist au ft. kageyama tobio as your son] Genre: major angst ahead, thriller, yandere!au-ish

Synopsis: A full circle of madness finally comes to an end.

Warnings: sexual themes, rape, yandere behaviorisms (just some obsessive and disturbing stuff), very dark themes, anxiety, trauma, depression, eating disorder, unwanted pregnancy/children (y/n hates her kid here), suicide,  gaslighting, and Y/N’s decent to madness

Notes: happy 800 due to a lot of uh people asking for a short sequel, here it is...for better understanding, please read filthy rich skskksks anyways onto the story…i cant write smut for shit sIKE also fuck men and women like this, if you see them chok’em and chunk’em in the basin.  yes tobio is ur bby boy here idk kageyama and sakusa have the same energy i just couldnt resist i swear sksks

Filthy rich // series masterlist

A moan escapes your lips when you feel the hot liquid fill your hole, your expression is tantalizing and completely erotic. Something that he can’t seem to stop looking at, your body that was now a canvas of his marks, was a reminder that no one could have you. 

You're oblivious to it all, the things he did. The things he wanted to do to you, the dark thoughts, you were like a small rabbit in the den of a large wolf. Completely trusting, completely dumb and he’s taking advantage of it.

He stuffs and fills you up with his seed so that you’ll never leave him. 

He wants to breed you.

Your belly swelling with his children.

It was definitely a dream come true.

Your eyes snap back to reality as the bus stops in front of the new town, you had moved towns earlier since the town started to become a tourist destination. The idea of staying there would be too risky despite having the alias of Kageyama Miwa. You were still in hiding and you feared to even open the news despite it being eight years since you ran away.

“Okaasan, are we going to go down now?” a small voice asks.

You turn to find his son staring right at you, it had been a cruel reminder for him to look a lot like his father. You knew that he didn’t have any part in this, he was a victim just like you but you couldn’t help but be distant and not-so affectionate.

This was his kid.

His blood.

You couldn’t help but shrivel away.

“...Okaasan will just take her duffel bag on the overhead, just wait right behind me.” You say quietly. Tobio was a good boy, he was quiet and obedient. If the circumstances had been different, you’d adore him but every time you looked at him, all you saw was his wretched father and the unnamed things he did in the name of ‘love’.

To be honest, you didn’t know what else Sakusa did aside from trying to get you pregnant and holding you back from leaving. 

You didn’t even want to try to find out. If he was willing to go through such lengths to have you stay, it was more than enough reason to run away. You held onto your child’s hands as you made your way to your new home, it was smaller than the last one but this was alright.

It was clean and livable.

Tobio stays at the side, out of your way as you begin to fix up the house. The young boy isn’t social for his age towards his peers and you should be worried yet you can’t bring yourself to be, “Okaasan’s going to go to the grocery store, would you like anything?” you ask.

“Milk.”

“Alright, just stay here okay?”

He meekly nods as you awkwardly pat his head and  tie your roughly chopped hair in a tight ponytail, over the course of eight years, time has not been kind to you. You had grown unhealthily thin, probably lost some hair due to stress, and the bags underneath your eyes due to the lack of good sleep was evident.

You tell yourself that he isn’t looking for you now.

That he probably found a new plaything but you couldn’t help but look behind your shoulder every time. You didn’t even expect to get this far away, last you heard whilst you were at the station towards the last town eight years ago, you were being searched up and down by the police all over Tokyo.

You really thought you’d be found out and you feared for the worse but the farther you went, the less news reports you saw.

They probably thought you had died.

Which was good on your part that time because you’d rather be dead in a ditch than be caught up with a man like him again.

“...-Kusa Kiyoomi is expected to marry the daughter of Akiko Corp soon…”

You tense up at the mention of the very familiar name as you pass by the appliance store, shakily you turn to the tv screen to find a video of Sakusa Kiyoomi with a woman who had the same hair color as yours. Everything around you is muted now as his cold gaze fills the tv screen, your heart is thumping quick. 

He isn’t here.

He isn’t here.

“...It’s quite the love story of the century, don’t you think? After the disappearance of Kiyoomi’s beloved eight years ago, he met her a few years back and he seems to be doing well.” The tv anchor smiles on the screen as she talks to her co-host but inside you were shaking, what did happen to your missing person report? Curiosity starts to gnaw your insides as you head to the internet café before going to the grocery store.

You didn’t have the guts to look then but after seeing that report, you pull up on the secluded part of the internet café and search up your case. Your mouth dries up, the search was still on-going much to your surprise. There was even a website dedicated to it, “...Y/N L/N might be suffering from hysteria and psychological problems, please contact us immediately when you see her.”

Your eyes narrowed at the report as you shakily cup your mouth and choke back a laugh, that bastard really had the audacity to diagnose you with that when he was the one sick to the head.

Once again, the bile on your throat starts to pile up.

It still wasn’t safe.

You’d probably live your whole life on the run.

On the run with his son that scarily resembled him, how fucking cruel.

Sakusa Kiyoomi’s eyes glaze over the small town in discontent, apparently his bride-to-be wanted to get married here and who was he to refuse? All he wanted to do was get this over with so her father can shut up.

“Kiyoomi-san.” a small dainty voice calls out, he turns to his side to find (h/c) staring right at him. Akiko Hideyo is the daughter of one of the most powerful businessmen in Tokyo, he met her at a function a few years ago.

The very first time he saw her was from behind, it was a rather scary resemblance that he had to stop himself from approaching her by calling your name yet when he started to talk to her and hear her dainty voice, he realizes that she’s not even like you at all.

She was gentle and dainty like a deer.

Albeit his little bunny was gentle when they got together sometimes, he always recalled how you were filled with spunk. How you weren’t even afraid to put him in his place and how you were all over the place but seem to look beautiful whilst doing so.

He always recalled wanting to control you yet you never seem to succumb to it.

It had been eleven years since you first met, eight years since you had disappeared without a single trace and Sakusa is stuck with some third-rate look alike for relief. Every time they fucked, it was always from behind. Hideyo thinks it’s just his preference but in reality, it was because her back had such strong resemblance to you and he’d imagine every time that it was you.

He misses the roughness, the high, the erotica. 

The only things you could provide.

It was never enough, it was only you, you, and you.

“...Have you decided what flavor you wanted? Komori-san mentioned that you liked vanilla.” his fiancé meekly says.

Hideyo was boring.

Sometimes he wonders if he’s just doing this because he has never seen someone closely resembling you, “Anything would be fine.” He replied in a clipped tone. As the car comes to a halt for a moment because of a large truck backing from a driveway, his attention shifted towards a young boy bouncing a volleyball against the pavement outside his window. There are scratches on his knee cap yet the boy had a blank look on his face, he was sort of reminded of himself when he was younger.

As he was about to look away, he sees a woman approach the young boy and bends down to his level to check the scratches.

The woman’s small figure isn’t even the least bit familiar yet his attention can’t seem to go away. He watches her tuck the strand of stray hair and he finally gets a good look and it feels like the world stops turning at how the woman scarily resembles you. Albeit the figure was smaller and the hair was another color and unevenly chopped short.

It was no mistake.

“Y/N.” He mumbles yet as he’s about to open the door, the car starts to move. Kiyoomi’s fist tightens as he uncharacteristically yells at the driver to stop the car, Hideyo jumps on the seat and before she could say anything else, the business mongrel is out of the car, running to where you stood.

Yet just like a ghost, you were gone and so was the little boy who had oddly resembled him.

These days you had even a harder time sleeping. Maybe it was because there was a little leak on the ceiling, or better yet, maybe it was because the heater wasn’t working, or maybe it was because you were at a new place which made it harder to adjust.

You sat at the side with your expense book on hand, your gaze on his son who was peacefully asleep. Tobio was growing older soon and he needed to settle down at one place for high school and college. A part of yourself ventured deep and dark in your mind, the thought of leaving him at an orphanage seemed better now.

He had a fake last name anyways, the bastard wouldn’t be able to find him. 

You’d be doing this boy a favor since you never saw him as your kid and he’d be away from his very messy world.

Your thoughts are immediately disrupted when you hear a brief knock on the door. This made you tense up, it was late, Why would there be a need for visitors? Your son is quick to be awoken by the second knock and you immediately press your hand on his mouth and while your other finger is on your lips to signal him to keep quiet.

Another knock.

Tobio looks worried, it wasn’t his first time to see an episode from you but this time, something feels different. You're shaking more and you look like you’re about to pass out any moment. “Stay quiet.” you mouth as you crawl towards the door and press your ear on it to confirm who was on the other side, too afraid to even take a peak on the window.

Silence.

The only sound that could be heard was your thumping heart, Tobio had voluntarily placed a hand on his mouth to keep himself quiet.

Another knock.

You shut your eyes tight, praying to whatever god out there for this person to leave.

“...I don’t think anyone lives here.” You hear someone say on the other side, the voice sounded so familiar but you just couldn’t pinpoint who it was, this wasn’t Sakusa for sure,  “Are you sure that the information was right?”

Silence again.

“Hm.” The person hummed, knocking again, “Well, this place seems like a dead end. The landlady said that she’s not familiar with the tenants here so we could be wrong…”

The voice started to decrease and you feel yourself slowly starting to breathe easier. Tobio slowly put down his hand and there you saw it, the fear on his eyes. You breathe in and out, calming yourself, this place isn't safe anymore, “Tobio, take your bags. We’re leaving.” you only say.

You don’t even hesitate to leave despite it being the middle of the night.

Tobio is right in front of you as you go down your small apartment and you think everything is well, you really do yet luck didn’t seem to be on your side that night.

“...Y/N?”

A dreadfully familiar voice calls out, didn’t they leave? Why? why was he here?

“O-Okaasan.” Tobio mumbles, grabbing your hand and hiding behind you.

Your head hurts, you wanted to just be selfish and leave Tobio here with this man, his father, the wretched, vile creature who had betrayed you. You wanted to run.

You didn’t feel safe.

Sakusa Kiyoomi didn’t make you feel safe.

“Y/N…” He repeats, slowly approaching you, “It’s me, bunny.”

Oh, how you hated that pet name. It sounded like you were his plaything, like you could never escape from his set-up. Before you could say anything else, he invades your personal space once again and envelopes you in a very,very tight hug.

“I’ve missed you so, so much.” He whispers on your ear and your shivering, not from pleasure but from fear, “Shh, it’s alright. I found you. It must’ve been hard to be alone out here.”

Get away.

Get away.

“Get the fuck away from me.” You yell, pushing him off of you as you stagger away from him. Tobio remains behind you, completely shaking.

“Now, Y/N-” he tries to shush you, “We should go home now, you’ve spent so much time away from me but I understand, you were probably just scared to tell me you were pregnant, right?” 

He cups the right side of your face and places a chaste kiss on your temple, tears are threatening to spill as you realize that this was all over. You couldn’t escape now, this lunatic wouldn’t let you have at it.

The soft and plush bed is completely foreign to your back, Kiyoomi had you separated from Tobio because apparently you were still too ‘unstable’. It made you mentally scoff, between the both of you, he was the unstable one.

You wondered if they started to feed the small boy lies about you, Kiyoomi definitely milked it out to the press for sure. When he had found you, not only were your friends and family in a frenzy, the media was having a field day too. He had broken off the engagement and he used your ‘mental illness’ card on them and it worked.

Another story was weaved on papers, a love that transcended through time.

You let out a low sardonic laugh.

Mental Illness, you wondered if this could be a ploy for a suicide. After all, you’d rather be face first on the pavement than stay here with a son about to be fed on lies and a crazy bastard who sleeps next to you at night.

You stare out your window, the curtains were drawn as you looked at the free birds.

How envious.

“Y/N?” Kiyoomi comes in, a food tray in hand, “It’s time for dinner.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Y/N it’s been two days, all you ate was an apple-”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Y/N, our son-”

“He was never my son.” You harshly snapback, your voice sharp, “He’s yours through and through, a fucking incarnate of you and a curse. He’s not mine. He never will be.”

You suddenly feel the presence of the small boy behind the door and there stands his boy, staring right at your eyes yet you feel nothing for him. You never felt anything for him. The moment they placed him on your arms to nurse, there was no joy nor light.

All he brought was a painful reminder.

Kiyoomi places the tray to the side and closes the door behind him, Tobio’s blank gaze still on you, “...Those aren’t words a child is supposed to hear, Y/N. Especially ours…” he inches closer and you clench your fist tightly and he places his hand on your neck and lightly holds it. 

You aren’t scared of him anymore, the nicest thing this guy could do was kill you, really.

“Maybe we should have a girl this time, hm?” his hand trails upwards to softly caress the side of your face.

You’re immediately frozen by his sudden choice of words, no, no-

“Maybe you’ll learn to love Tobio even more when you’re pregnant with another of mine-” before he could finish what he was about to say, you raise a hand and slap him right at his face, it must’ve been hard since it left a mark, “Ah, Y/N. I didn’t know you still liked it rough-”

“D-Don’t, I-I can’t get pregnant.” You're shaking this time as you try to come up with a lie, “I-I can’t…”

“Oh?” He tilts his head, “Why not?”

“I’ll die.” You lied, “When I had Tobio I almost died, my body couldn’t handle it. T-The doctor had said that if I were to have another, I’d die…”

The lie didn’t save you that moment, really. He has become an expert at detecting your lies so instead of a reply, he harshly places his lips on yours and despite protests, he just pins you down.

He’s harsh on you that night, spilling and stuffing you with his cum, whispering that you’ll have it all and that you’d be his everything but all you could do was let a small hiccup escape your lips as you tried to hold back your cries.

‘Someone, anyone, please.’ you pleaded internally.

You don’t see Tobio until a week later, the boy has grown a tad bit chubbier and is adorned with expensive clothes. Sakusa, on the other hand, has been force-feeding you to the point where you threw up right after meals (secretly, of course) 

You sit down at the couch as your son blinks at you, “...I’m sorry.” He breaks the silence and you shut your eyes tight as you recalled the harsh words he heard last week.

“I’m sorry too, Tobio.” you could only reply because genuinely, you did feel like you went too far this time. He didn’t choose to be born, a part of you should’ve saved him the misery and left him at the orphanage that time, “Do you hate me?” you ask.

“No.”

“You should.” You say quietly, “You should hate your otosan too.”

Tobio remains quiet at your words.

“When you grow older, don’t end up like him. don’t end up like us. forget us when you have the chance.”

“Okay.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Good and If you ever get the chance to leave, promise me that you get out and don’t look back.”

Tobio may have been eight years old that time but he knows fear when he sees it and he knows promises aren’t meant to be broken. He remembers those words well because it was the last long conversation he has with you. 

The month of December rolls by and it’s cold, you’ve given up fighting back at this point. Your glassy eyes are directed to the window, not even wanting to look down at your bulging stomach. Kiyoomi doesn’t even need to tell you twice to not leave the house, you decide upon yourself to just stay at your room on bed the whole time.

You wonder, just how high is it from up here? Would it hurt?

“Y/N?” a dreadful voice calls out.

“Hm.” 

“You haven’t gone out of our room in two months. You haven’t even seen Tobio.” Sakusa points out, you were like a obedient doll now. So lifeless, so still, you wished he’d discard you already.

“I might say something again, I don’t want to bother.” You replied truthfully, gaze still avoiding his.

The raven-haired man starts to caress your plump face, you had grown chubbier since the beginning of your pregnancy, he couldn’t be anymore happier to finally be there for you.

This was perfect.

You were finally his.

You weren’t letting go.

“...Don’t you ever regret it?” You finally ask, turning to him, your blank eyes staring at his rather deranged ones, the eyes that you once loved was now just a reminder of your resentful life.

“Which one?” He asks, inching in closer to kiss your neck, your collarbone. You let out a meek sigh as you shut your eyes and internally prayed for this to be over quickly as he removes your ribbon that held your flimsy nightgown together.

“You killed people.” You uttered, “Took my life away, don’t you regret it?”

“Why would I?”

Right, how could a monster like him have such empathy? You feel his cold fingers brush against your folds, trying to stimulate it.

Everything except your body screamed no but you were just too powerless now. You wondered, how could you even end this all? Was jumping out the window the only solution now?

“...Right...” You let out a soft painful moan as he dips his finger inside. You’re under the idea that despite this happening countless of times, you’re body would be numb to it all yet each time it happens, it pains you even more,  “You even had to kill your ex-fiancé’s father for us to get married.”

You had come to realize just how deep his obsession was, the man was willing to kill to anyone who got in the way of your ‘love’. You remembered finding out about your ex-chief one night, about how he had chopped off his fingers and left him to bleed dry in the alleyway for the rats to feast on.

You remembered when a news came up that his supposedly future-father-in-law had died in a violent explosion during breakfast time and how he was nonchalant about it.

“...It’s all for you, Y/N.” He implores as he kissed your thighs and continue to stimulate your now wet folds, “All for you, Tobio, and my new little girl.”

“You’re sick.”

“Mhm. You smell good, I should continue using the soap from awhile ago when I clean you, right?” he hummed, ignoring what you had just said as he dipped his head in and take a kitten lick on your sex. You let out a small cry as your body betrayed you.

Your prayers for today are unheard yet again.

“...Y/N, you barely come out of your room these days.” Komori exclaimed, it turns out the visitor from last time who knocked on your door was him and as much as you wanted to knock his teeth out, you decide not to because you don’t see the point in doing violence these days.

“I’m tired.”

“Yeah, pregnancy does take a toll on your body.” He nods in agreement, it seemed like this was a casual thing for him, like you just weren’t repeatedly rape or mentally abused by his cousin, “Tobio certainly takes after his father, don’t you think?”

Your blood runs cold at the mention of the little boy, you had small hope for him either ways so you didn’t exactly cared for him anymore.

“I suppose so.” 

“You’ve gotten boring these days, Y/N.” Komori plainly pointed out, “It’s a wonder how my cousin gets to stick around ya. No offense.”

“None taken.”

Komori’s eyes narrowed at your hollowed response, you were so ungrateful. Here his cousin was, treating you with such delicateness and with all the attention that the other women wanted but you looked anything but happy about it.

If this was Hideko, she’d be elated.

But no, he had to be stuck with an ungrateful pompous bitch like you.

“How high up are we, Komori-san?” you suddenly ask.

He blinks at the rather weird question, “Fifty floors.”

“Hm.” You hummed, “That certainly is high.”

Komori would regret answering that question very soon though.

When the winter dawned upon a new year and you finally snap, you decide to answer your own prayers and opt to salvage yourself from this madness and cruelty once and for all.

Sakusa Tobio is nine years old when you, his mother, six months pregnant, jumped out the bedroom window from a fifty-foot story building two months into the new year. Your face is flat on the pavement and completely unrecognizable, the last conversation you both had replays on his head like a broken record through the years and only when he’s old enough that he realizes that he was no one’s son. 

His okaasan didn’t loved him nor did he want to be associated with his father for all he did was bring pain and disgust.

The boy is eighteen, fresh out of the academy, right in front of his baby sister’s and your mausoleum. He makes it a habit to visit you both a day before your death anniversary,  not wanting to be in the same room as his father yet this year he makes an exception.

Recently, he had turned over some evidence and his own testimony about what his father had been doing. Everything, from illegal works to the people he killed to your tragic end. It’s enough to file a case and have him set to jail for life, even his fancy lawyers couldn’t defend him. 

His lips sting because his Uncle Komori had punched him in the face and called him an ungrateful bastard like you but it was alright.

It was all over.

He plans to change his name back to Kageyama Tobio (the haux name you had given him when you were on the run) right after all the fiasco, it’s a kind name and the first name you had given him, he likes to think that this was also a gift from you that time, a new beginning straying away from you and his father's cruel ties. He had also felt that it was too unkind for him to use your last name despite his grandparents' persistence (he was after all, conceived through forceful means).

And although he wanted to hate you for those words you said that time when he was eight. He couldn’t really bring himself to after hearing what you had to go through, you were a victim. He couldn’t dare imagine what his father did to you during the last few months leading to your death.

Yet, right now. It was finished.

You could rest now.

“I did it, Y/N-san.” He mumbles as he bows down. As he got older, he has also foregone the idea of calling you by the name you loathed and shriveled away from, “I got out and I didn’t look back. Thank you for everything.”

Kageyama Tobio never visits you right after again, as promised.

[kazbrekkerrs-remade]

ekrjhak i lov eu and to further enable you: ur thoughts on blue, gansey, ronan and adam and henry? and their group dynamic????? 👀👀👀

Wow this took me ages sorry dfjfhd. Claire... u enable me too much these are my onions <3. Under a cut because I went. overboard :3. I’m probably going to have to shorten this I don’t know if tumblr will even let me post something this long dkshjfhg. (Also I wrote half of this in word so if there’s proper capitalization in places that’s why, don’t let it cloud my image as a cool, laid-back bitch that doesn’t care for grammar.)

i’m starting individually then moving onto group dynamics heh

blue i like blue but it did take a bit of growing on me djjdjhjss. i like her a lot bc i relate to her a lot, but i do think there was a lot of room for improvement. she said she wanted to see the world and make it better but how exactly.. is that a roadtrip? i mean i guess it’s a start in a way, but i think it would’ve been much better if we saw her join an activist organization.. volunteer for a non-profit or something. Also her misguided feminism ah! But I can be a bit more lenient with that bc she was still very young when the series ended so. Also she was revealed to be part tree and then like. Nothing substantial came of it? idk

Ganseyboy! I have to be honest my.. fave uwu. There is a Lot of room for improvement  but I just. Optimist!! insecurities :( also he KNEW he was gonna d*e I’m. sad. Anyway like I said a lot of room for improvement as in like.. not everything is about you king <3 also he needs more… idk I don’t wanna say empathy bc i think that’s something different but like. He needs to realise that what he thinks is best isn’t gonna be the way everyone deals with something, if that makes sense? Like basically the “how do you know what’s good for me?” “THAT’S MY OPINIOOONNNNN!!” vine. THAT SAID I love him so much.. he held up the mouse to his face! And smiled!! mon dieu.. when he made bird jokes to make adam laugh… “am I in your dreams?” AH! In a way, blue and gansey are sons of the same gun: I love them both but there could be more done with them tbh. But I have a lot of fun with Fansey, a.k.a: fatima gansey. Kind of like fanon gansey except no one’s opinion matters besides mine <3 (basically it’s  the *aggressively kicks off shoes* “yee haw”, parts of gansey, and then me giving him the arc he deserves) maybe we could sum it up to “ma’am that’s my emotional support projection character” but like. That’s my business.

ADAM! Previous endorsements include: “might fuck around and become an adam parrish stan account.” “I’ve only had adam for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.” “I go :D whenever I see it’s an adam chapter” (these are more or less verbatim from my previous posts.) that said, I don’t have many fully formed thoughts because I uhhh don’t remember the books that well and also I repress the adam chapters bc they hit too close oops :). tbh I don’t have many complaints at all heh. That’s not to say he doesn’t have flaws but a) I will excuse them because he’s justified, adam does anything problematique and I’m like he can have a little murder. As a treat. and b) I genuinely loved his arc so. No complaints for real!! Also.. adam realising he is capable of loving and being loved…. *kermit meme* I have nearly teared up while writing this. :( one more half baked thought: trc having being “known” as a mark of being loved but then adam being like “i am unknowable” and then there was a moment of him with ronan like “how foolish of him to think he was unknowable”.... *kermit hearts meme intensifies*

RONAN O CLOCK to be honest. I. don’t have any meta or complaints I just love him. I love him a LOT okay.. very much. Big love. Sharp edges tough guy but he names his dream animals chainsaw and gasoline and has a pooping blanket for chainsaw… I can’t remember the quote but that but in cdth where he was like the point is dreamer or not if people are going to get hurt I’m going to stop it… Much to think about. HIS GROWTH. IN THE DREAM THIEVES wow can you believe I read him in TRB and was like ‘I don’t care for him’ ddhfjdhf and then in the dream thieves I’m like.. I have rescinded all previous callouts of ronan lynch. Oops. HE LOVES HIS FRIENDS SO MUCH oh my gosh. Ronan just… he has so much range for feeling!! he feels so much!!! I love that about him so much omg

Henry. Ah. This is where we get kind of controversial jdhjdfh I’m sorry but. I’m going to be honest I like him well enough as a character but I don’t care for him much I’m sorry I just. It’s because he was introduced so late. And only became an important character towards like.. the last half of TRK? I mean, I’d have loved him if he was introduced earlier, hell at least have him come into play in BLLB. The issues I have with him isn’t because of anything about him as a character though, I think it’s all about the way he was handled. I think because he came in so late, there just wasn’t enough time to do justice to the depth that he had, or give him an arc or anything, or enough time to connect with him. Also a part of me feels like he was in there just to kind of tie up Blue and Gansey’s stories and give them something to do after the end of TRK (which sucks because like… making your only canon POC being primarily to develop/give your white characters storylines… (blue isn’t white in my mind but like she was written “colorblind” and when that happens it usually means the author viewed them as white at least in the beginning jhfhgfj. but i don’t remember it too well so if i’m wrong lmk please!)). But probably my biggest problem is: I couldn’t help get the vibe that MS was facing criticism for the lack of diversity and so decided to bring in an asian character. Like, I feel that way bc he came in so late, and because of that he was so half-baked I’m.. gah. GAH. That’s unfair maybe henry is a cool dude hdhfg but I just can’t warm up to him because of this :/

Group dynamics!! With the gangsey I have to *sobs* I love them so much I’m.. what a strange constellation they all were <3

blue and ronan!! BROnan amirite… omg. That moment when blue nearly slips and ronan immediately catches n holds on to her… she would have to remember that :( sons of the same gun. Best friends!

Blue and adam.. gah. As friends it really goes hard. Get you someone who will stab you if you fall too deep into the nether-realm <3 but uhh. As dates. YIKES. Blue really just. Kissed noah while dating him. And didn’t even think for a second “I have a bf” :( not very cool of her to tell gansey about the kiss curse but not telling adam which I mean, I know that happened to show that they weren’t a good match but. Still yikes. Blue was lowkey cheating on adam the whole time during tdt huh :( also bro I am number one stan of the “I wish you could be kissed jane” scene but it happened literally RIGHT AFTER she broke up with adam I’m. relax <3. I wish that was kind of addressed but meh, overall it doesn’t bother me too much. I think they’re great friends :)

Ronan and adam… I can’t talk about it too much. I really can’t!! I really really can’t! the fact that adam goes to gansey like what is love and gansey is like she makes me quiet… and then adam is like “he was so still inside”.. :( omg the bit during trb when ronan is going on a swearing tirade and adam is like “they didn’t start making the civic until ‘73 <3” what a JACKASS I love him. Second secret!! --okay! Wait I have to say: while this one is not really a big deal compared to all their other moments, my favourite quote is “ and he realised that while he’d been looking at ronan, ronan had been looking at him” :uwu face:

Blue and gansey: :3 :33333 maybe it’s the muslim but I really like the tragedy of not being able to kiss :( I would beg just one off you! Under all this! Maybe I’m crying because of the inherent romantic-ness of the night sky with all its stars and late night drives :( wow I love them. Also i know most people find it annoying but I personally love the “I’m never gonna fall for this person” *fast forward to getting to know each other* “ahahah. :) I have rescinded all callouts of ____. she is now my girlfriend (long story)” (not to be confused with enemies to lovers <3 (not to be confused with enemies to friends to lovers <3)) also they can kiss now thank you very much.

Okay I will just preface this with: gansey’s relationships with both ronan and adam have the “how do you know what’s good for me” element to them so I don’t have to address it later hdfgjlfj but bro they love each other so much I’m… “dream me the world… something new for ever night” you’re leaving for TWO DAYS.. gansey gave up monmouth omg what became of that I really forgot khffhk did he get it back. I don’t even need to elaborate on ronan, “ronan would do anything for gansey” :(

ADAM AND GANSEY I been WAITNG for this one! Turn it up! Bro if you saw the whole face I made when I realised it was time for this kdhfhfkhu this is so loaded despite the fact that I cant articulate it <3 the.. idk what to call them. Parallels? Foils? I didn’t take lit sorry but he RANGE we could have had there… remember when gansey was shocked in trk bc :0 you guys came with me and also “they had run for him”. bro their whole relationship had so much. Tension because of their different backgrounds and fundamentally different outlooks because of their backgrounds, and I think if we had seen them properly connect then both of them could have grown from that. I know we see adam understanding gansey a bit better I don’t remember when that happened but I know it did at some point hhdsf but gansey.. never does! Huff and puff. It’s really so FRUSTRATING to me bc that could have key development for gansey but also for adam and gansey’s relationship. And also I feel like we didn’t.. see them try either? Which is so frustrating like idk if it’s a fault on stiefvater’s part or just with YA lit in general that platonic relationships are kind of ignored. Or maybe it’s because idk I remember ms saying she had a lot of issues while writing trk.. but still. We could have really had it all but instead I have to live with “don’t break him adam” I’m (: ok but now I must lighten the mood hjsdhf so might I add: when one of them sees the principal in his crazy funky junky hat and goes “yee haw”… when gansey is like :DDD hey ADAM guess WHAT and adam is like ? and gansey is like oh it was a fully casual problem with the ALTERNATOR of my car of COURSE it was the alternator, it was really simple and I fixed it with much ease :D and adam is like :’D felt like the had hatched a baby bird.. my uwus. ADAM! give me an idea! ALSO if anyone will allow me to venture into adansey territory…. the fact that adam is cabeswater’s magician and gansey now.. is cabeswater in a way. MUCH to think about. I still spend a lot of time thinking about the dryad au the problem is I have never been to progress past the “vague concept” stage of stories and this is why I don’t write dhfjhfdhf. But yes. I think about it often :3

i also like the henry with the gang, i think it could work really well but once again it wasn’t given the time for me to really see it :( also. ronan being racist. and adam laughing along with that. why was that included, ms turn on your location i just wanna talk

okay once again thank you for enabling me claire and i’m so sorry for this monster dsjkhfjkdhg

[the-circus-princess]

//welcome to another fic that’s been long awaited. This is the start of me and @circusprince au where Phillip Carlyle got a younger brother (portrayed by dave franco dont ask) and his name is Jamie Carlyle and hes the cutest boy u will ever see so put on ur reading socks and lets jump into it!! once again this is a rp between me and @circusprince that was written into a fic by yours truly. And the art is by the very talented @circusprince Read on AO3 HERE New York city hadn’t changed during the years of Jamie Carlyle’s absence, it was still the same busy streets filled with life and noise. Even if Jamie had grown used to the quiet life in the far west it still felt good to be home. He had wanted for some time now to return back home and suddenly one day his wish was granted, with no reasoning. At first Jamie had found it odd, but it was not as if he were about to question his parent’s decision and have them change their mind. He missed being home, and he missed his brother too. Even if in the years spent apart he had not received as much as a letter form Phillip, which he had taken to heart, thinking that the two of them had grown apart and Phillip now had more important things to attend to. The disappointment upon learning that Phillip was out traveling when Jamie arrived was bitter. Although the youngest Carlyle recognized the lie from his parents, but again had no desire to push them on the subject. 

Mr. and Mrs. Carlyle had kept Jamie busy and occupied most of his time with boring parties, dinners and shows. He almost felt like he was on display most of the time, only there to prove that the Carlyle family did in fact have a younger son. It took him two whole weeks and three days of faking a cold before he was left alone. And with the first opportunity he got he snuck out of the house and headed into town to pass some time in one of the city’s many bars. It was here he learned about the circus. Jamie had never heard about a circus before but his curiosity for an adventure spread like flames through dried grass and it didn’t take long before he was on his way. “Just head to tha docks! Ya cant miss it, big tent ‘n stuff,” a drunken man had said when Jamie asked for directions, and sure enough the closer Jamie came to the docks the louder the music and cheer from people became. The drunkard was right, it was impossible to miss. The tent was gigantic, and it was lit up like a sun, nothing like Jamie had ever seen his entire life. He felt the excitement rush through him as he walked around the tent. “P. T Barnum’s Circus” was written with large letters over what Jamie assumed was the entrance. The only problem now was that it seemed closed. The curtain to the entrance was closed shut and the show inside had obviously started. The young Carlyle refused to miss out on this. He started to find his way around the tent again and when far enough away from the entrance he took a quick look around to make sure he was alone. With little effort and some skill, he easily slipped under the big tent wall and found himself on the inside of the tent. He took a quick look around and for what it seemed it looked like he had snuck backstage. He could see some interesting props, dazzling costumes and what he assumed was dressing stations. But none of that really mattered now as he heard the everlasting cheer and music coming form the main tent. He moved quietly, knowing this was probably a restricted area, but he still couldn’t stop himself from being drawn to the spectacle.

Jamie snuck his way up to the tent cloth that was separating the main event from the backstage. He placed a hand on what looked like a seam and as he pushed it to the side as voice appeared from behind him. “You know, the entrance is the one with the big ‘P. T. Barnum’s circus’ sign over it,” she said. Jamie turned around so quick he almost knocked himself over in the process. His heart rose up in his throat from the surprise of being caught. The woman in front of him made him freeze up and just stare. “It’s so much better walking through the front than squeezing through the ground and the tent, trust me,” she said, placing a hand on her hip. Despite just being caught sneaking into the circus the lady didn’t seem mad or upset. If anything, it looked like she didn’t mind. At first Jamie struggled to find his voice. He just stared at her, never in his life had he seen anyone like her. He had heard of women with facial hair but seeing this was something completely different. The magnificent beard decorated her face and he really couldn’t help but stare. It was not in disgust or fear, more like awe and admiration. It was truly a sight. Jamie snapped back to reality and cleared his throat before speaking. “I’m sorry, ma’am! I didn’t mean to sneak in without paying. I arrived too late, the entrance was closed. And I couldn’t miss out on what was happening here,” Jamie answered, hoping it would be a good enough reason for her not to call the police on him. “I didn’t mean to intrude, I swear!” Jamie added, just to be on the safe side. He watched as her skeptical face melted into a smile and a heartily laugh left her, making Jamie relax instantly. “There’s no intrusion at all, dear. Now, instead of watching the show from behind the curtains… How about we find you a seat, and you’ll catch what’s left of the show,” she gave him a nod, telling him that she would not take no for an answer. “You don’t want to miss out on our ringmaster’s entrance, it’s quite spectacular if I do say so myself!” the bearded lady added as she started to walk along the tent-cloth. Excitement bubbled up in Jamie as he eagerly followed after her. Never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that this would happen. The big grin on his face couldn’t be contained as he felt like a child on Christmas morning. He stopped up next to her when she came to a halt and he watched as the curtains were pushed apart. The light, music and applause made his heart almost skip a beat and he watched in complete awe as a pink haired woman flew high across the stage. He watched as animals he’d never seen before perform tricks, people jumping and flying and- It was truly the most amazing show he’d ever seen. Jamie felt like he was a child again, all the excitement filled him with pure joy. He felt his cheeks heat up as he heard a chuckle next to him and met the woman’s gaze who apparently could read him like a book when it came to his reaction of the circus. “Now, just go straight ahead and I’m quite sure I saw some available seats in the front row. And don’t think about paying or such, once we’re half through the show no one really cares,” she was pointing between two tribunes he could walk between to get to the first row. And he grinned wider as he saw the empty seat. “Thank you, so much for this! I promise I’ll find a way to repay you!” Jamie said truthfully, if it was one thing he prided himself in it was keeping his promises. An honorable trait he had picked up from his brother. The woman just waved her hand at him before pushing him through the opening of the curtains. “I have to get back out there. Now, don’t you go sneaking around anymore, you’ll never know who you’re going to meet back here.” She teased at him with a wink before she gave him a final nudge towards his seat and closed the curtains behind him. Jamie stood there for a second, taking everything in before he walked over to take his seat.

Jamie’s eyes locked on the pink haired woman who flew by once more. It was as if his breath flew away with her when she circled around the crowd. He watched as a man dressed all in purple swung from one trapeze to another, on the ground he watched a shorter man ride around the ring dressed as Napoleon on a baby elephant and then riding between different performers. His eyes locked on what could have been the prettiest person he had ever seen with skin and hair as white as snow, making a colorful spectacle on her skin and clothing as the lights wandered over her. Jamie didn’t know how much time had passed while he watched the range of people step up and show off some amazing talent he never even knew someone could do. Once again the pink haired woman flew past him and he locked eyes with her for what seemed like a moment. He followed her movement as she descended from the high ground and landed next to a man who had just run out of the backstage. Jamie assumed, and by the looks of the bright red and gold coat he was wearing, that it was the ringmaster of the show. He watched as the man swung around with the pink haired woman. The two seemed like they were stars dancing in the sky and Jamie felt as if he was holding his breath. As the ringmaster lifted his top hat Jamie felt his world freeze. His face slowly melted from the grin into shock and he almost felt hurt. His parents truly had lied to him. The smile on the ringmaster’s face was as if taken from his childhood memories. Jamie could feel all his blood rushing to his head as Phillip Carlyle was standing in the middle of the circus ring, looking to have the time of his life. Suddenly all the beautiful lights and music became too much for Jamie. He felt his breath get stuck in his chest and he had to get out of there. His head felt heavy and he still couldn’t find his breath. He stumbled up from his seat, heart racing as he walked over to where the bearded woman had let him in earlier. He couldn’t do this, it was too much. Why was he reacting like this? Seeing his older brother again had sent him into a panic attack. Maybe it was the shock? He pushed the curtain aside and managed to just stumble over to a nearby crate before his legs caved in. Of all the places in the entire world, this was the last place he’d expected to see Phillip. It hurt him so much that his parents would go to such lengths to lie to him about Phillip’s whereabouts, and it became very clear why his parents now had kept him so busy ever since he returned to town.

Jamie didn’t know for how long he sat there drowning in his own thoughts. But when hearing a “Sir?” coming from a voice he’d yet to be completely familiar with he went back up for air from his thoughts. The bearded woman carefully stepped closer and he watched as she sunk down to her knees, keeping a respective distance between the two of them. “Are you alright?” She asked with a gentle smile. Jamie was almost a little taken back with how soft she spoke after bawling out the highest notes on stage only moments ago. “Was the lights and noises too much? It’s nothing to worry about, we’ve had people be sensitive for it before,” she added and Jamie looked at her, still admiring her looks and now also her kindness. “No! No no, the lights were amazing, truly. The whole show was amazing! I’ve never seen anything quite like it,” he was quick to defend his experience; it was some of the truth at least. He kept his gaze at her, deciding to keep the whole truth about the ringmaster to himself, at least for now. “I suppose I got a bit… Overwhelmed, I think? But in the best way possible,” he tried to reassure her with a smile, playing it off as if it was no big deal that he’d stumbled out of the circus. It suddenly hit him that he didn’t know her name and he felt an embarrassment settle in his gut. “My name is Jamie, by the way. I figured since you’ve been so awfully kind to me an introduction is the least I can do.” he wiped his hands quickly on his trousers before reaching out to offer her a proper handshake. He hoped that the introduction would be a way to change the subject. “A pleasure to meet you, Jamie! I’m Lettie Lutz. But you ought to call me Lettie, alright?” She shook his hand firmly before letting it go and smiled at him. Just as she was about to open her mouth again voices started to appear from the entrance of the backstage. Jamie looked over Lettie’s shoulder and to his surprise every performer he had seen on stage walked in through the curtains. He watched as Lettie too followed some of her co-workers with her eyes before she looked back at Jamie with a bright grin and an idea shining in her eyes. “Why don’t you come and say hello to some of us, hm? No one would mind! I’m quite sure they would all love to meet you,” Lettie suggested, almost sounding a little hopeful. Jamie watched as she stood up from the floor, offering him a hand to get up which Jamie gladly took. “I… Would really like that, yeah,” he answered her, almost feeling a little shy like he used to when meeting new people as a child but at the same time the excitement returned slowly. During the show Jamie had really become taken with some of the performers and it truly was like nothing he’d ever seen. People who’d normally be frowned upon and cast aside were being cheered on and somewhat accepted. It was a true joy to watch. “Hey Lettie! Why did you leave the stage before we ended?” A voice rang from behind Lettie and Jamie watched as a heavily tattooed man came jogging towards the two of them with a few of the other performers joining. He was still wearing his costume and the long dark red cape flickered behind him. A smile could be seen under his mustache and full beard and Jamie watched as the man’s attention went form Lettie to him and he gave Jame a puzzled look. “And who’s this?” “Well, this is the reason why I left. I found him earlier backstage during the show and gave him a spot among the audience. And by the time the show was almost over the poor man was headed out he same way he came it. So, I thought I’d show him the right exit!” Lettie smiled pleased and Jamie couldn’t help but feel gratitude for the white lie. Jamie gave her a smile before his attention was snatched again. Next to Constantine walked the two albino girls and Jamie couldn’t help but stare in admiration as he recognized one of them from the circle. “Dedicated to the circus, I can respect that. Not everyone manages to get here on time, but it’s been some time since someone felt the need to sneak in to watch the show,” she spoke up and gave Jamie a smile which he returned shyly. His eyes were locked on the twins, unable to look away until another voice spoke up. “What’s your name, then?” Jamie glanced over to the source of the voice and his eyes fell down to the short man who walked up next to the tattooed man. He blinked a few times surprised before a smile appeared again. “The name is Jamie,” he introduced himself, despite his shyness. “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you. You were all really amazing out there, it was spectacular, really!” Jamie praised them, seeing no need to hide his awe from them. “Well then, Jamie! My name is Constantine-“ the tattooed man placed a hand on his own chest as a gesture, “-this here is Florence-“ Constantine gestured to the girl Jamie had watched in the ring, she gave him a shy wave, “-this is Mary,” the girl next to Florence, she almost seemed a little skeptical, “and this here is Charlies!” Constantine pointed over at the shorter man with his thumb and a grin. Jamie looked between all four of them with a smile, first now realizing how on display he was. They were all looking at him, as if he was the circus performer and they were the audience and once again he could feel his cheeks heat up.

Another performer walked up to the group and Jamie earned a puzzled look from him as well before his attention turned to Lettie. “Phillip said he needed to talk to you about something? He and Anne are still out there mingling, though. I’m sure he’ll come back here afterwards. Didn’t seem like he needed you straight away, just a heads up,” he told the singer, Jamie recognized him from being in the trapezes with the pink haired girl and he couldn’t help but taking a quick glance around to see if she had followed with. But she was nowhere to be seen, and neither was his brother so far to his relief.

Lettie just waved her hand slightly, as if she dusted away what the man had said. “If it’s important enough he’ll come and find me. Maybe he’ll be so generous to bless us all with his presence afterwards, if he doesn’t run away with Anne,” she giggled, both Charles and the twins huffed a little at her joke, apparently knowing something very secret that Jamie did not.

“And who might this be?” the man in purple asked and gained everyone’s attention again.

“This here, is Jamie! Jamie, meet W.D.” Constantine was the one to introduce the two of them. W. D. extended a hand towards Jamie, being the first to actually shake his hand which caught him a little off guard at first. They shared a smile before retreating their hands. “Lettie found him sneaking around backstage, I think she’s planning on requiting him. Make him a proper showman in the circus!” Constantine grinned, sounding a little playful even while looking at Jamie who felt his heart jump a little in surprise. “What? No, I mean… No, I only came by to watch,” Jamie defended himself even if he could feel the deck of cards burn through the pocket of his coat, itching to be used. He glanced over at Florence again, who didn’t seem quite convinced and neither did Lettie or Charles for that matter. “Oh please, Jamie. You have to have some talent? Juggle? Sing? Who knows, maybe you even light up in the dark!” Constantine laughed and earned him some small chuckles from the group. “Everyone has an act, trust me. And don’t try denying it! That’s what Phillip, our ringmaster, did and before we knew it he was in the middle of the circus dancing and singing with the rest of us. So everyone has a talent, so don’t be shy,” Constantine continued, looking rather pleased with himself and his attempt at convincing Jamie, even if the younger Carlyle wasn’t quite convinced yet. “C’mon, show us! I mean, you’ve seen what we can do so it’s only fair.” Florence spoke, giving Jamie an encouraging smile. “We’d all love to see!” she added and the agreeing nods from his audience were the final straw. Jamie glanced at them before with a defeated sigh and a flattered smile reached into the pocket of his coat. He pulled out a deck of cards and started shuffling them between his fingers while taking a few steps backwards and to the side, making sure that none of his newly made friends was in his line of fire. “Alright, here it goes.” Jamie muttered to himself. The first card flew across the room with an impressive speed, almost landing on the other side of the tent. He looked down at his fist, clenching and opening it as if to warm the muscles up, knowing he could do better. Another card flew from his deck, even further and faster this time and he nodded pleased with himself. Jamie picked up another card, this time sending it off in an arch, making it loop around in a circle before picking up speed again and sailing across the room. Another card went, this time spinning and rotating like a confused butterfly with balance issues. “Now that’s an act, alright!” Charles was the first to speak up, looking mighty impressed. Jamie looked over to the group of performers, all looking a mix of surprised and amazed by his flying cards. He didn’t even get to thank Charles for the compliment before Florence was the one to speak up. “How on earth did you do that?” she sounded in awe and looked from where the card had landed and over at Jamie again. “You control the cards as if they’re alive, it was amazing,” she praised him and once again Jamie felt his cheeks grow warm and she smiled sweet and shy at her. “Well… It’s all in the wrist.” Jamie explained as he moved his hand in a quick and snappy way, sending another card flying across the room and land on the other side. He looked back at Florence, who had been following the card with her eyes with a smile of joy, it even seemed like her sister enjoyed the show. “Y’know, Constantine. I think I’ll be taking over Mr. Barnums job now. I think I’m perfectly capable of picking up talented folks,” Lettie said with a big grin on her face. All the praise was almost a little overwhelming for the poor man and he just chuckled a little shyly and awkwardly at them. “Do another one!” Lettie encouraged him, and Jamie nodded to agree. He collected a few cards into his hand and this time he stepped closer to the group of performers and with a playful smile on his face he made several cards fly straight up in the air in the matter of seconds. It took only a moment before they came soaring down again, slow as if they were snowflakes making them rain upon the people that was standing around him. All of them in awe, never having seen anything quite like it. “You should definitely join the circus! It would be amazing to add that to the show, imagine cards raining down on the entire audience!” Constantine said and reached over to give Jamie a nudge to his shoulder in approval and gave him a smile. “Your tricks are amazing! It must have been difficult to learn all that, to control the cards like that,” Florence said with awe as she picked up a card from the ground, studying it slightly as if she were to find a hidden explanation to why Jamie had made them fly. She handed it back to Jamie who gladly took it and placed the remaining cards back in his pocket. “It’s nothing compared to your dancing or swinging in ropes meters above the ground. All I do is toss some cards around and hope for the best,” Jamie said with a shy smile, he was flattered that they all showed such interest in his talent. His card tricks had never been appreciated like this by anyone before, except his brother and during one or two parties. His parents had asked him several times to stop doing it, but Jamie had obviously refused. “Is Anne… The lady with the pink hair?” Jamie asked, suddenly recalling what W.D had said when arriving at the group. His curiosity got the best of him. He had seen how the girl and his brother had looked at each other and it made him wonder just what had happened in Phillip’s life since he left. After all there had been zero news of his brother while Jamie was away and seeing Phillip on stage, showing off and singing made Jamie wonder just how much his brother could have changed. “The one in the trapeze, yes! She’s a delight to be around. Now don’t you go admiring her too much, Mr. Carlyle is known for his “squint of death” when he gets jealous.” Florence answered with a small chuckle causing Lettie to roll her eyes slightly, even if it was very much true what she said. “What Florence is saying is that Mr. Carlyle and Anne is a couple. Mr. Carlyle was quite smitten first time he saw her act. And then spent some time walking after her like a lost puppy,” W.D further explained, giving the other performers a bit of a chuckle at the fond memory of those times. It even brought a smile to Jamie’s face, it made him feel happy knowing that his brother had found happiness.

“And! Speaking of the sun!” Lettie’s eyes had locked on someone beyond the group of performers. Jamie watched as the familiar pink haired trapeze artist walked through the entrance of the backstage. She was working on taking off her gloves while something behind her had her attention, something that made her giggle and her face lit up in a smile. Jamie watched as she looked over at the group of them, giving them a wave and nodding towards them while saying something to the person behind her. Jamie felt his heart race in his chest. “That’s Anne! And if I’m not mistaken, which I rarely am, she should be accompanied by- ah! There he is, our one and only favorite ringmaster! Phillip Carlyle!” Lettie introduced as Phillip stepped through the entrance. His bright red coat draped over his arm while holding the top hat in his hand. Jamie’s heart was beating hard now as he watched Phillip follow Anne up to the group. He almost felt like taking steps away, but his legs refused to move. He watched as his brother got closer, eyes glued to Anne so Jamie went unnoticed for a few more moments. “Did someone call my name?” Phillip said as he reached his group of friends. He looked over them before his eyes locked at the new face. Jamie almost felt like throwing up from the anxiety as he locked eyes with his older brother. Constantine clapped a hand to Phillip’s back, ready to introduce them. “Phillip! You have to meet this kid, he’s amazing! His name is-“ “Jamie?” Phillip’s voice was small and soft. His arm fell from Anne’s lower back as he took a step towards Jamie. The younger Carlyle could almost feel tears force their way ou, but he forced a smile instead. He almost felt as if he could pass out again, just like the first time he had seen Phillip in the ring, but Jamie stayed on his feet through it. “Hey Phil…” Jamie began to say, but his voice got stuck in his throat and he huffed a weak laugh. He stepped closer too, but remained reluctant. Jamie studied his brother, taking in just how much he had changed through the years. Even if Phillip barely had gotten taller he seemed more mature now, grown up and sharp. There was still a pride in his stance and Jamie swore that if he squinted he could see some scar tissue on his older brother’s forehead. He even noticed the crow’s feet that had started to make an appearance next to Phillip’s eyes, almost making Jamie’s heart ache from the guilt of having been away for so long. He knew well himself that he’d grown taller, let his hair grow out and was no longer the scrawny figure Phillip grew up with and by watching Phillip’s reaction Jamie could tell that his brother noticed as well. “Phillip? How… do you two know each other?” Anne was the one to speak up, and she spoke so carefully. As if she was scared to set something off or worried it was bad blood between them. Phillip glanced over at Anne with a soft smile before his gaze went back to Jamie. Studying every inch of his brother. “He’s… He’s my brother.” Phillip said softly and a heartfelt smile formed on his lips as he finally dared to walk closer to Jamie. Phillip was still taller than him and Jamie watched as Phillip placed a hand on the youngest one’s shoulder. It was as if he had to make sure Jamie wasn’t a ghost. Jamie had to blink a few times, forcing his tears to stay back even if he saw that Phillip’s eyes started to get watery too. “It sure has been a while, hasn’t it?” Jamie said, copying his brother’s heartfelt smile. The ringmaster let out a choked chuckle before he pulled his brother in for possibly the best and warmest hug he’d had in a while, whether he wanted to or not. Not that there were any objections from Jamie’s side as he pulled Phillip closer. If a tear was shed, then no one needed to know. The embrace lasted for some minutes, and the other performers stood quietly by, observing. The display was quite touching and Lettie caught Charles in having to fight a tear back. The twins had taken a step closer, and Florence rested her head upon her sister’s shoulder in gratitude that she was there and neither of them had to ever go through anything like Jamie and Phillip. “How come you never told us you had a brother?” Anne spoke as Phillip released his brother from the embrace, but still stood close to him. He could see the confusion and curiosity in her eyes as she looked between the brothers in wonder. “I…” Phillip started, looking between Jamie and Anne. He didn’t want to tell how his parents sent Jamie away, refusing Phillip any contact with him. This was nor the time or the place for the long talk about how the head of the Carlyle family really was behind closed doors. He looked to his brother, still struggling to find the right words. “I went away for a long time. And I suppose there’s no point in talking about someone who may not return. Who knew how long I would be gone for.” Jamie continued and earned a grateful smile from Phillip for taking over. “I did try to send him letters, but I suppose the mail lost them.” Jamie added as the two brothers shared a look of knowledge, knowing exactly who’d taken the letters. A discussion they would later have to take to their parents. “In the end I thought he was dead. And I didn’t want to speak of it.” Phillip finished the explanation to why no one knew of Jamie. Saying the words out loud made his heart ache, and the thought alone made him feel guilt. It wasn’t as if he’d given up on his brother while he was away, but every time he thought he came closer to finding Jamie’s location he’d been met with closed doors, dead ends and false hope. “But here I am!” Jamie said, trying to get the mood to lighten again. He watched as Anne came over to place a comforting hand to Phillip’s shoulder and he smiled sweetly as he witnessed the obvious affection and tenderness between the two of them. It really lifted his spirits to see Phillip in a place where he felt as comfortable as this. He met Phillips eyes and the two Carlyle brothers shared a grin. “Here you are,” Phillip repeated. “Now, dearest, older brother. What on earth happened to you?” Jamie said and gestured to everything around them, the circus, the performers and even to Phillip’s bright red coat. “I mean, truly as amazing as this is, it is the last place I’d ever think to find you. What happened? Last time I saw you, you were sipping champagne at some horrible party talking with a 92 year old man about taxes. And I don’t think he exactly sold you a circus!” A few of the artists chuckled at Jamie’s remark to Phillip’s new life, not that any of them were surprised, they all knew very well how Phillip lived his life before the circus. “It’s a long and boring story,” The ringmaster said earning almost an insulted huff from Lettie. “A long, but good, story indeed. You’d be very proud to hear that Phillip here actually stepped up to the task as ringmaster when it came to it! Almost no training and the job fit him like a glove!” Lettie praised her friend with a big grin on her face. “And now! He owns half of the circus, and he’s doing and uttermost wonderful job directing and running it. So, don’t you sell yourself short, Phillip Carlyle. We all know just how hard you’ve worked for this.” She continued her praise and looked rather pleased at the end of it. “It’s true! He quite literally brought the circus back from ashes! Like a phoenix.” Florence added with a grateful smile towards Phillip, earning him a nod from Mary as well. “Y’know, that does sound like him. Always putting others before himself,” Jamie said, feeling pride swell in his chest for his brother and smiled at him. Phillip rolled his eyes at the comments and placed a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. The ringmaster could hardly believe that Jamie had returned, that his baby brother was standing among them right now. He felt a warmth spread through his chest as he watched how easily he interacted with his friends and just how welcome they were of Jamie. There were still questions to be answered but nothing that needed to be rushed for now. He could feel a slight worry for his brother as well, knowing that he would be staying with their parents, but Phillip tried his best to push the worry away to a time where he could do something about it. “So, Jamie! What have you been doing during all this time? You have to have some stories to tell, right?” Phillip asked, and the two brothers grinned at each other. “Now that’s a long story."

[rvb-junior]

Anonymous ask: do you have any pets? What are their names? Why do you keep them? What got you into keeping them? Do you have any future pet plans? 💖💖

Ok anon do u really wanna get into this convo? Itll take a while.

Okay so im at college so rn the only pets with me are my fishb a male halfmoon plakat named Cosmos Florence the second, a nerite snail named Nertb and a black mystery named Onyx. I keep them because god man i just. I just love em so much ya know? Its like. I have this little ball of hate and rage in my dorm who has such a beautiful personality and then to complement that i have these chill snaild who r just trying really hard. Back home we have even more pets and oh man oh man i love them?? They are what love and joy looks like?? We have my dogs, cat, turtle, lizards, birds, hairless guinea pigs, fish, and chickens.

The chickens are named Short Bread and Oreo bevause of how they looked when they were younger. Oreo is a little spunkyer that Short bread while i think short bread is a little…. Confused? Yeah just generally confused by everything.

We have Mr. T, our full grown, healthy red ear slider who lives in a small pond in the back yard with a few feeder fish he never ate. Those fish have grown to be his pals and he just. Hase never eaten them.

Then we have the birds, Able, who likes to tell at you if u look at her to long. Her hobbys are chewing through toys as she is hanging from them and being suprised when she falls. We then have Birbank, named after the airport my dad found him at, who lives very closely with his bf Ruby. Birbank is a grey and white cockatiel and Ruby is a green Indian Ringneck. They had being more than 2 feet apart for longer than 2 seconds and often u will find Ruby yelling when Birbank flys somewhere he cant go (ruby doesnt know how to fly) and birbank screaming when he realises the mistake he made. Ruby likes to give people kisses and is a lover, not a fighter. Birbank likes to hiss at peanuts and ignore everything besides Ruby. Next we have our Canary, Mango whos fav food is blue berrys and kale. He likes to sing when he hears trumpets and my flute. He has a club foot so when we adopted him the bird rescue we got him from was relived because no one else would take him. He is the most graceful flying bird i have ever seen! Finally we have the zebra finch named Shimmy. When we first adopted him he had a super bad plucking problem and was almost completly bald but hes doing much better now, aggressivly peeping when he hears the canary.

Okay now we have 2 lizards, a leopard gecko named Romeo and a crested gecko named Gargoyle. Romeo is a sweet boi with a chubby tail who loves his crickets fast and his meal worms slow. He has one of those reptile hammocks but he prefers climding his cave more. Gargoyle is a sweet girl who will only eat her food when it starts to harden again for some reason. We dont know why but she does and shes kinda a butt. But ya gotta love her!

Our cat’s name is Figaro and she’s currently bald. She had to get shaved, the vet said shes getting up in her years so when she stopped grooming for a month and got matts in her long fur they said she had basicly cat arthritis. Shes doing good and her hobbies are (well atleast when i was home) meowing in my mouth at 3 am to tell me she ate all her food and wanted more.

Wr have 5 dogs so just get ready for that. All our dogs but 1 is a rescue. Coal is a chow/black lab mix. She was adopted as a pup from a local animal rescue and she kniws the mist tricks. Shes a good girl who likes hugs, treats, and when u massage her face. Her favorite toy is a yellow stick that she will bring to you when asked. Shes the second youngest! Lily is the youngest, i sometiems call her satan but only because she is a trickster! You will turn around and shell be on the table eating food, stealing anything from coal, and trying to think up world domination. She and Coal are super close, when we got her Coal went all MaMa dog and now they are inseparable. What makes it better is that Lily is a half Chihuahua/Pomeranian mix so shes tiny next to Coal. Our third youngest is Scarlet, wr think shes the product of a long hair Chihuahua and a deer head Chihuahua. Shes a primadonna who enjoys her alone time and pets. She also like to be held, mainly like a baby so u can hold her and tub her tum. She also REALLY LIKES CAR RIDES like man even going to the vet shes jazzed. Second oldest is Vinnie, a pug my bro ham adopted. Hes super sweet and good he likes face squishes and whrn he naps his tail uncurles. He stands very proper like hes a gentleman and likes to sit on ur feat. He has a grain allergy so he eats special grain free food. Next we have the oldest of our dogs MY SWEET BABY GIRL GIGI. shes my sun and moon. We got gigi when i was 8 and when i was 10 my sister went to college, leaving her for me to takr care of. And well, shes literally the most important thing in the world to me. My sister got her from a breader (which i dont like cus dogs in shelters need homes) but shes a Brussels Griffon so the breader croped her ears and tail. I DO NOT CONDONE THE PRACTICE OF CROPPING AND PART OF A DOG UNLESS SUGGESTED BY A VET, SOME DOGS GET THEIR TAILS CROPPED BECAUS ETHEY BREAK BONES IN THEM AND THAT IS THE ONLY CROPPING I CONDONE. Her ears were cropped lopsidedb and improperly which brought many problems to her later on. She developed many ear infections that have caused her to scratch her ears until they bleed, has had medication for 3 different ear infections, and has almost no ear canal left. Her vet has told us she is almost deef. Also as she got older she got chronic dry eye and takes medicated eye drops for it but shes fine as long as she has those. She needs loud or sharp sounds to get her attention so i trained her to respond to clapping, whistling (which i do very loudly) and snapping fingers. She is a sweet heartb adn a super velcro dog! I cried for three days after i had to go to college and they drive her up to visit me. When im home she goes looking for me if im out of site for 2 minutes, will wait at the bathroom door for me, stare up the stairs when i go to shower, and press her face against closed doors she knows i went through. Whne she does the last thing i have to drum my fingers on the door so she knows to move back before i open it. I miss her horribly and i skype her almost every day, she gets super excited! The first few days i was gone she actually wouldnt stop barking at night. Shes also a cuddle baby and she doesnt sleep unless she is touching me ao it was probably rough for her. I miss her but ill be able to see her in october when i go to my sisters wedding.

The fish! Okay so my mother has a 75 gallon gold fish aquarium and a 30 gallon in the garage with nithing in it yet (shes thinking tetras). The gold fish tank has 2 butter fly tails and some bristle nose plecos. It also has many a snail rn! A friend of ours dismantled a large aquarium of his own ( he is going through a very hard time financially and im hoping everything works out for him) and gave us the plecos and snails. The snails are 3 rabbit snailsb one nerite (he gave us 2 but the other is with my betta) a few black mysteries, and a golden apple who i named Big Mama.

Lemme tell u about big mama real fast. I call her this because, first of all shes a full grown golden appleb second of all because shes a mama. He had a live planted tank thich included a moss ball he has been taking care of for 5 year, its the size of my head and when we put it in the 75 gallon it because the main pice of the tank. What we found out later was that Big Mama had made her family in ut and we have abou 20 BABY GOLDEN APPLES IN THERE ALONE!! He also gave us an anibius fern which i put in my betta’s tank and after getting to college and living hear for a few weeks i found out there were eggs on it because I KNOW HAVE MANY A BABY GOLDEN APPLE. these ones tho r much smaller than the moss ball ones, mine being hatchlings and those being the size of a finger nail. But anyway they have grown large enough where i can tell they r not pest snails and i will be rehoming them to other fish keepers in my dorms once they get a little bigger.

My mom has 3 hairless guinea pigs. Did you know that at petco people tend to walk in and drop off pets they “just dont want any more”? Well it hapoens a lot and my mom fell in love with them instantly. We have Billy, the oldest, Piggy, the middle in age, and sweet baby Bear who is small and young. They are all good boys and are doing very well so far in their new home! My mom had already owned billy and was looking into getting him friends, (guinea pigs live friends! They actually should be kept in atleast pairs but we were not aware at first, now we know better) all three of them are being slowly introduced! Bear and Piggy already live together but we dont want to rush this process and put billy right into the mix, that would probably be the worst think. They are slowly beibg acclimated to eachother.

I guess you could say i love pets because they are sweet and wonderful. I keep most of them because i know i can care for them, that i have the space, and the resources. I have the time and the will to foster a loving home for all my pets, and so does my family. Animals are a big part of my life and i love all of them with all my heart.

My future plans? Well nothing soon! Im in a dorm so Cosmos and his snail friends are all ivr got planed rn. But i hope to, onece in the distante future, get a tank with a school of danionella dracula in it, they are tiny fishb only getting half an inch in side. But id need a good tank for them since they school about 12 and id like to do the whome thing live plants (i also want one of those rimless aquatiums hnnnnnnnngh) i hope to upgrade cosmos to a larger aquarium b currently hes in a 2.5 which is enough for a betta, sure, but id rather he be in a 5 gallon. But really? I just wanna go home n be with GiGi more than anything.

Thank you for the ask!