#and DARED to get distracted by what might be the first real romantic relationship shes had?

[jupiterjunebug]

Shaking the bars of my enclosure, screaming "they're fucking nineteen. The reason they are making suboptimal decisions is that they are nineteen! And going through trauma!"

[fictionadventurer]

I like your post about the Hunger Games and agree with most of it, but I still think the love triangle was unnecessary and people are right to criticize it. Collins could have very easily written Gale as the best friend and Peeta as her main love (based on endgame choices) or vice versa I don't even care since I'm not a big shipper of either. But she did introduce the unnecessary drama that overall did not add much to the plot, and it only took away focus. So I think I understand that crit.

Once upon a time, I might have agreed with you. These are good books, important books, and we don’t need to defile this war epic by shoving in teenage-hormone love-triangle dramatics. Then I reread the series, and I was astonished at how, for the most part, the love story is inextricably intertwined with the action-adventure elements. You can’t take out the love-triangle elements without creating a very different book with a very different message. That love-triangle, far from defiling the war story, elevates it into something better.

It starts almost immediately in the first book. We see how Katniss has a deep friendship with Gale, something that could turn into romance, except that she doesn’t dare to go down that path. There’s no place for marriage, and definitely not for new children, in their broken world. She only has energy for day-to-day survival. And once Katniss goes into the Hunger Games, romance is definitely off the table. She needs to harden her heart and make no human connections with the people around her if she wants to have even the slimmest chance of making it back home to her family. In a lesser book, she’d be right–there’d be no goopy romance to distract us from the hard-bitten survival epic that the Hunger Games is supposed to be.

But then Peeta declares his love for her. Suddenly, she’s part of an epic romance on national television. She wants nothing to do with this strategy–love makes you look weak. (And doesn’t that sound a lot like people who criticize the YA love triangle?) But Haymitch counters that it makes her desirable to the audience, and suddenly the thing that had seemed so burdensome becomes necessary to her survival. She needs to play the game–and once they’re in the arena, she needs to figure out if it is a game to Peeta. Peeta has already shown himself capable of manipulating the emotions of all of Panem–is it possible that he’s manipulating her?

This is the real brilliance of the first book’s romance. It doesn’t distract from the main conflict–it is the main conflict. Like so many other teenage girls, Katniss asks herself, “Does this teenage boy like me?”, but in this case the answer is literally a matter of life and death. If he loves her, she can trust him to help her survive. If he doesn’t, he could kill her at any time.

By the time she finds out that his love is real, she has to fake romantic feelings toward him to draw in sponsors. Now she’s manipulating his emotions to survive, and she can’t hope to untangle what’s real and what’s fake in this manufactured mess of a reality show. But Peeta’s influence has shown her that love isn’t pointless in the Hunger Games–it’s the only way for them to truly fight back. She chooses love for Peeta–whether romantic or not–over her own life, and that’s the only reason that, for the first time in history, two victors manage to beat the Capitol at their own game. Katniss won not by being the best warrior, but by showing love. The love story wasn’t a distraction–it was the solution.

It’s only in Catching Fire that she has to deal with the consequences of that. She was willing to die for Peeta, but she’s not sure she wants to live with him, especially since their relationship started under such unreal circumstances. She’d much rather leave the Games–and Peeta–behind and return to the life she knew before. That life included Gale, and Katniss is, for the first time, willing to consider him as a romantic partner. If her romance with Peeta was fake, is it possible that she could have real romance with her best friend?

This is the point where the love triangle comes into full swing, and I’ll admit this is the book where it’s integrated most clumsily. It seems like Katniss is taking some unnecessary risks in pursuing a relationship with Gale, and the plot sometimes comes to a screeching halt so Katniss can think about her emotions. But even if the plot integration isn’t as smooth as it was in the first book, the thematic relevance of the love triangle is still spot-on. Katniss has to think about what she wants–cling to her old life or dive into this new post-Hunger Games world? Does love have a place in this world at war? And when we think about the question in that way, the sloppy integration of the love story into the main action plot is kind of the point. Katniss may be instigating a war, but she’s still a teenage girl. She still has emotions, but she’s being forced to hide or fake so many of them that she doesn’t know who she is, what she wants, or who she wants to be. How can she discover her identity, hold onto her humanity, in the middle of a war?  

Mockingjay is where we get the answer to those questions. With Peeta imprisoned in the Capitol and the war underway, Katniss is saved from having to make an immediate decision about her romance. She echoes every romance-hating fan’s thoughts when she says:

The very notion that I’m devoting any thought to who I want presented as my lover, given our current circumstances, is demeaning.

There’s a war going on! There’s no time for love triangles! But it’s only when she’s not being forced to pursue romance with Peeta that she can really evaluate her relationship with Gale–and she’s finding that it’s not as strong as she thought. When she needs advice, she gets it from Prim, not Gale. When she needs someone who understands the trauma of killing, she goes to Finnick or Johanna. Now that Katniss and Gale don’t have the shared bond of having to care for their families–who are kept safe and fed by District 13–they’re finding that they don’t have much else in common. Katniss is mistrustful of Coin, while Gale is part of her inner circle. Katniss kills only when she has to during the war, while Gale treats weapon design as a fun challenge. This exploration of their relationship isn’t a distraction from the main plot. They’re what make the main plot mean something. This is the lens through which Katniss considers her views on violence, on war, on life, on what the point of their fight is. She and Gale literally have arguments about utilitarian principles! It’s only by exploring and then severing this leg of the love triangle that Katniss finds out who she is and what she really believes.

Collins couldn’t explore these issues in the same way if either Gale or Peeta wasn’t presented as a romantic interest. The nature of eros is desire, and the whole point of the Peeta vs. Gale question is Katniss figuring out what she wants out of life. She needs to be drawn to both of them, in the same kind of relationship, if the question and answer are to mean anything. Does Katniss want her old life, with Gale as the most important person, with his anger driving her to fight for survival by any means necessary? Or does she want a new life with Peeta, where they live for something beyond mere survival? Which man, which philosophy, does she want to devote her life to? If Peeta was the love interest and Gale was only the best friend, she could have both in her life. But you can’t resolve the trilogy’s central question by having Katniss compromise. Choosing one side means she can’t choose the other–and the only relationship that requires such an exclusive choice is a love triangle. Far from distracting from the main plot, the love triangle is what elevates it, takes it beyond a war story where the only question is how the characters will survive, and makes it into a story that tells us how the characters are going to live.

[inactive02939]

Identity: I'm Keo, i use they/he pronouns, non-binary, im ace but I'm mostly romantically attracted to women

ND: Tourette's, social anxiety, BPD, ADHD, dyslexia

Appearance: I'm quite short 5'3/160cm, short brown hair, chubby, brown eyes, wear glasses, kinda tan (but I'm white)

Style: i mostly wear comfy clothes like leggings (sensory issues), large shirts, hoodies. Mostly wear darker colors tho in summer i might be a bit more daring mostly with yellow and oranges cause it's my fave color. For shoes i either wear Docs or Funky colored converse

Personality: When i first get to know people i can be quite quiet if it's a group or they are more extroverted than me but if the other person is very introverted i become more extroverted. I'm mostly and introvert and don't LOVE being in social situations. Like i can survive maximum 3-5h with a group depending on if i like them or not. I will almost never initiate conversation with a stranger unless i know they like something i also like. I can go on RANTS about stuff i like and i mean full on hours of just rambling about my interested. I love deep conversations especially about politics and philosophy me and my best friend will spend days talking about it. I mostly perfer people that can hold a more complex conversation and absolutely HATE small talk. I'm also very very upfront and sometimes even blunt if i think it's necessary (tho not much it's more just being direct) as in like if you do something dumb i won't sugar coat it too much, in fact i think that sugar coating or telling a lie to make someone happier (unless it's absolutely necessary as in like telling them the truth will cause them to get in an even worse state) isn't nice and shows you don't have my best interest in mind. I can be a bit pushy so i encourage honesty on when I'm breaking boundaries cause otherwise the relationship/friendship would not work at all with me. I also hate people that talk talk talk about how woke they are and how much more literate or smart they are than other people cause you just look snobby to me. I'm also very left leaning politically and it does influence how i percieve people. All in all I'm quite nice but i won't shy away from telling someone to fuck off if i need to. Also another thing is that apparently i look very trustworthy so I'm known to know everybody's secrets and drama and am actually quite a good secrete keeper. Another thing I've heard people say is that because of my love of deeper conversations i can come off as a bit intimidating in some discussion.

Preference: i prefer girls but boys are ok too

you've been matched with jiro kyouka!!

although it took her a while to realize it, she really liked you.

she has a good rank; 7th place in the midterms, but she's not one to boast about it.

she likes listening to you talk. she doesn't even care if she doesn't know what you're talking about, your voice is just soothing.

she also has docs. probably a few pairs.

kyouka isn't exactly one for small talk either. she prefers real conversations, much like you.

she likes when you tell kaminari that something he's done or said is dumb. she loves it.

doesn't really pay attention to your tics. okay, you have tourettes, great, let's go to dinner. not a big deal.

but if your tics get bad she'll stay with you and distract you with a conversation. if you can't talk, then she'll put on a movie or show she know you'd want to watch. she just knows you like that.

(disclaimer: i have tourettes and know how to write for it.)

as the movie went on, you thought you'd die of boredom. you snapped your fingers and whispered a few "ooh"s and "wow"s, but nothing bad enough to discontinue the dumb movie.

almost everyone was here; kirishima on the floor, sitting with bakugo and kaminari, midoriya's squad of loud friends was on one of the couches, mina and hagakure having a conversation about which boys were cuter-- nobody was really paying attention to the movie. you sighed and sprang up off the couch, sticking your tongue out at todoroki. after watching him jokingly reciprocate, you went for the kitchen to grab a cup of (favorite drink).

as you started walking back to the common room, you see your girlfriend sipping something in a mug. her eyes widen. "you scared me, keo." she muttered before putting her cup in the sink. you see the remains of chocolate at the bottom of the cup. must've been some hot chocolate she had been sipping. kyouka sighed softly and moved her long bangs out of her eyes.

"yeah, i just came to get a drink-- this is boring the hell out of me, want to go upstairs to my dorm?" you gently jerked your thumb to the elevator.

"i thought you'd never ask." she gave her small grin and you two walked hand in hand to the elevator, finally getting the opportunity to what you really liked; philosophy!

[melanielocke]

Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 29

AO3

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @alastair-appreciation-month

Previous Chapter: Chapter 28

Next Chapter: Chapter 30

The drive to Inverness was long and uncomfortable. Will was driving his car, with Gideon in the passenger seat and Cordelia, Lucie and Tessa pressed in the back. It was a small car, and the three of them in the back only just fit, with Lucie pressed against Cordelia. Not that she minded that exactly, and Lucie didn’t seem to either. Cordelia concluded her hips were too wide for this seat, little to be done about that.

Lucie tried to distract everyone by telling them about one of her stories, but even Lucie couldn’t hide how nervous she was, and got confused halfway through the story several times. Cordelia knew that rarely happened, Lucie could keep track of pretty much everything she wrote. Every once in a while Tessa scolded her husband for going over the speed limit, to which Will replied that they were in a hurry.

When Lucie was done with her stories, they began to discuss strategy instead. Who would approach Tatiana first, how would they fight her, how to make sure she didn’t escape using dark magic?

‘If she escapes into the land in between, I can follow her,’ Lucie said. ‘And the spell needs to be finished in this world, not the land in between. That’s what Jesse said. So if she escapes into the land in between, and we keep her occupied there so she can’t get out in time, then she’ll miss the window of opportunity.’

Time moved differently in the land in between, and almost always returning from there meant more time had passed in this world. If Tatiana fled into the land in between at the last moment, she would not make it back in time and that would win them at least a day.

‘We’ll need to stop her from speaking too,’ Lucie said. ‘Do we have any tape?’

Cordelia at some point fell asleep during the trip, she must have been more tired than she thought. She woke up when the car stopped. They were on a parking lot in what seemed like the middle of a city.

Cordelia got out of the car, and walked around a bit, trying to get the stiffness out of her body. She practiced some of her movements, without the sword for now as she didn’t want to draw unwanted attention. While Lucie’s parents and Gideon were looking around for the best way into the hotel, Lucie joined her, stretching too.

‘My butt hurts,’ Lucie said. ‘I am not taking the middle seat on the way back.’

The middle seat of Will’s car was a bit harder than the rest so Cordelia could imagine why Lucie might prefer not to sit there.

‘I think you’re the only one who fits there,’ Cordelia said.

Lucie was the shortest, both Cordelia and Lucie’s mother were quite tall and had long legs. Lucie was probably also the only with hips narrow enough to fit there.

‘Fair point,’ Lucie said. ‘Before we go in, I’ve been meaning to tell you something.’

Cordelia frowned, she wasn’t sure this sounded good. As if Lucie was about to confess something bad.

‘I know you probably don’t feel the same way, but I guess if something goes wrong today, I would rather you knew. I’m in love with you. I didn’t realize until recently, but I guess I’ve loved your for years.’

It was not what Cordelia had been expecting. Even if Alastair had told her Lucie probably liked her. Even if it was what she’d been longing to hear.

‘I do feel the same way,’ Cordelia said. ‘I only realized about a week ago, but I do like you too. I just never thought you’d feel that way about me. Or well, Alastair did but I think I was scared.’

Lucie’s eyes went wide, he cheeks turned a rosy pink. ‘Alastair knew?’

‘He read some pages from the beautiful Cordelia and he did not know how else to explain it,’ Cordelia admitted. ‘I just didn’t dare believe.’

‘I think for most of the time while writing it, I didn’t realize it myself either. But I always thought you were so beautiful and brave. I just had not yet considered I might love girls. Can I kiss you for good luck before we go in?’

‘Does that work?’ Cordelia asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Lucie said. ‘In stories it happens sometimes. It makes for romantic scenes, but often I’d expect the main characters or at least the main couple to survive. But when it’s real life, it might just all go to hell and this could be our last chance.’

‘It won’t be your last chance,’ Cordelia said. ‘You have too many stories you have to finish.’

Lucie laughed. ‘If I can’t die while I have an unfinished story I’ll probably live forever.’

Cordelia put her arm around Lucie’s waist, pulling her closer, and kissed her on the lips. She’d only kissed one other person before, which had been Lucie’s brother James. While he was not a bad kisser, it was different. Lucie’s lips were softer and tasted off her lipstick, and she was shorter than Cordelia so she had to bend down a little.

‘Oh, you have a little smear,’ Cordelia said when they broke apart. ‘Your lipstick.’

Lucie started laughing. ‘Probably. But I feel like I can face Tatiana with smudged lipstick. I understand now why they do good luck kisses. This worked.’

Cordelia had to agree. She felt better, more confident. At least she’d told Lucie. At least now they both knew how they felt about each other.

‘Let’s try it again,’ Cordelia said.

After several more kisses, Lucie’s parents still weren’t back, and Cordelia decided to call her brother. She wanted to tell him he was right and Lucie was in love with her, and she wanted to tell him she’d arrived in Inverness safely. When he didn’t answer his phone, Cordelia called Jem instead, to let them know they had arrived at least.

‘Is Alastair there?’ Cordelia asked. ‘I’d hoped I could speak to him.’

‘I’m on my way to the cottage right now, but I can give him your phone as soon as I arrive. How are you doing?’

‘I think we’ll be confronting Tatiana as soon as we can,’ Cordelia said. ‘Is everything alright there? How’s Alastair?’

‘Tired and stressed out,’ Jem said. ‘But he’s coping as well as he can. I’m surprised he’s doing so well, to be honest, but I find Alastair can be very hard to read. He always seems to be hiding how he really feels, and contrary to popular belief I cannot read minds.’

Cordelia had to agree, for a long time Alastair had hidden all of his feelings, his relationship, what Father really was like. She’d always sort of suspected he hid things from her, but could never have guessed the extent. Even now, the habit of hiding was difficult to break, and sometimes Cordelia still found herself trying to hammer down his walls.

‘And Thomas?’

‘No improvement, but he’s not getting worse either. Sophie and Alastair helped him go back to bed and he’s sleeping again. I’ve arrived, I can give you Alastair.’

‘Why didn’t you pick up your phone?’ Cordelia asked as soon as she’d confirmed he had the phone.

‘I can’t find it,’ Alastair said. ‘I think I left it in my bedroom, but I don’t want to leave Thomas to look for it. Did you make it to Inverness?’

‘Yes, we’re there now,’ Cordelia said. ‘You were right, by the way, about Lucie.’

‘About what exactly?’ Alastair asked.

‘That she likes me,’ Cordelia clarified. ‘Which was nice to figure out before we potentially die.’

‘You’re not going to die, Layla,’ Alastair said. ‘Have faith in yourself. I know you can do this. Good luck.’

‘To you too, dâdâsh,’ Cordelia said.

Cordelia put away her phone when Will, Tessa and Gideon came back, arguing, Will and Tessa both gesturing wildly. Gideon looked tired most of all, and didn’t participate in the argument as much.

‘Why do I have to be the decoy?’ Will asked. ‘Why can’t I go up there myself?’

Tessa sighed. ‘Because you’re best suited for the job.’

Will smiled. ‘Oh, tell me why then.’

‘Because you’re the best chance we have at charming an old woman receptionist,’ Tessa said. ‘Gideon’s too awkward and I’m not sure she’s interested in women.’

‘Thank you,’ Gideon said drily.

Will grinned. ‘Oh, I will charm her. I will charm her with such force she’ll be lying on the floor trying to remember her own name.’

Lucie looked mortified, Cordelia started laughing, picturing the scenario in her head of Will trying to flirt with the receptionist.

‘I actually did that once,’ Will said. ‘Jem and I needed to break into another hotel where someone had trapped a couple of fairies.’

Fairies, as Cordelia knew it, lived in the woods and tended to be small. They could get up to mischief, but weren’t dangerous. Part of what Will and Jem used to do was also protect creatures like that from humans who intended to harm them, and it was an important part of what Cordelia wanted to be like. She knew some of her ancestors had only focused on protecting humans, and killed indiscriminately, and she was determined to do better.

‘Ah, good old times,’ Will said. ‘The old lady didn’t know what hit her, and Jem had every chance to sneak inside and break out those poor fairies.’

‘So, do that again,’ Tessa said. ‘We can’t all go in at the same time, it’ll draw too much attention. Lucie, you’re with me. We won’t draw too much attention together. Cordelia, you can’t wait for too long after that. You go in alone. If you get caught, pretend you were looking for a bathroom. Otherwise, pretend you belong.’

Cordelia guessed she was bound to attract the most attention either way with how she looked, but there was nothing to be done about that.

She waited outside with Gideon while Will, Tessa and Lucie went inside. Gideon looked weary, and anxious. She understood how difficult it was for him, if it were Alastair who’d gone down such a path she would keep hoping for far longer than she should. She couldn’t imagine what it was like, to watch a sibling lose themselves and become evil and be able to do nothing. Because Tatiana had shut everyone out. So while Cordelia acknowledged her pain, she also believed Tatiana had had a hand in digging her own grave, by allowing revenge and hatred to consume her rather than seeking support from her brothers who would have welcomed her back any time.

‘Go,’ Gideon said, as he looked in through the window, while looking through his phone.

Cordelia suspected he wasn’t actually looking or reading anything as he was holding his phone upside down, it just made him look less out of place. The lobby of the hotel was nice enough. Nothing fancy, it was the kind of hotel most people could afford, but everything looked clean. Of course, the real place the judge the cleanliness of a hotel was the bathroom, but Cordelia had no reason to go there.

Will was chatting up the receptionist, who was a little older than he was, but not an old woman either. From a distance, she overheard him asking questions about the city, exaggerating his Welsh accent to show he was not from around here, but was not an Englishman either.

The receptionist’s attention was on Will, and Cordelia tried her best to act natural as she walked past her and into the corridor. A little farther, Tessa and Lucie were waiting. Both acted casual, as if they were supposed to be there.

‘I’ve texted Will,’ Tessa said. ‘He’s the getaway driver in this plan, and if we’re in trouble, someone should text him or call him or whatever works in the situation and he’ll drive the car front.’

‘He’s probably not too happy about that,’ Cordelia said.

‘But he won’t be able to get himself inside without drawing attention, and he has the car keys,’ Tessa said.

Cordelia suspected Tessa also knew Will was likely to antagonize Tatiana even further, whereas she and Gideon might have a chance to calm her down. She clutched her necklace, ready to take cortana into her hand the moment they stepped into Tatiana’s room. When Gideon joined them, the four went looking for the room number Jesse had given them.

‘Nine hours until midnight,’ Tessa said.

Gideon nodded, shaking on his knees. Had he said goodbye to Thomas, Cordelia wondered? Would he be able to live with himself if Thomas died and he was here and not with him? Thomas would undoubtedly claim it was fine, as he always did. He and Alastair were alike in that manner, although Alastair was a bit more convincing when he pretended to be fine. But perhaps Thomas would want his father to be with him as he died.

‘She should be in here,’ Lucie said, pulling on the door. ‘Locked.’

‘Let me,’ Cordelia said, cortana in hand.

With a single motion she cut her way through the lock, opening the door and revealing Tatiana, who was dressed in old fashioned dark brown clothes, and looked like she hadn’t slept in a couple of days.

She was startled by their presence, but recollected herself quickly, grabbing a dagger and holding it in front of her.

‘How did you find me,’ she hissed.

‘You have to stop, Tatiana,’ Gideon said, putting his hands in front of him. ‘I can’t imagine how hard it was to lose your son, but that does not justify killing others to bring him back.’

‘No, you can’t imagine. I would do anything for my child. You could never understand such a thing, and that’s why Jesse will live and Thomas will die. Turn back, or I’ll kill you too.’

Cordelia took a step forward, cortana in hand and ready to attack if necessary. The sword had one dull edge, a chance for mercy, and an edge so sharp it would cut through anything. She didn’t have to kill Tatiana, but she would stop her.

‘Last chance, surrender,’ Cordelia hissed. ‘You lost your siren, you can’t win.’

Tatiana laughed. ‘Oh, can I? Good luck finding your way home, Carstairs.’

Before Cordelia knew for sure what was happening, she found herself in a forest. Not just in a forest, in the air between the trees and falling fast. Cordelia grabbed onto a branch of a nearby tree before she could fall any faster, pulled herself up and secured her position before scouting where she was. Tessa had gotten lucky, she fell onto a branch a bit lower, but had found a relatively easy route down to the ground.

Gideon wasn’t so lucky, he did crash into the tree before making his way to the ground, yelling in pain. Cordelia couldn’t tell from here if he was alright, but at least the tree had broken his fall somewhat. She was too high up to jump down without hurting herself, and in a difficult position to climb. She didn’t see Lucie anywhere.

She felt the branch creaking under her weight, and she slowly moved closer to the tree’s stem. There was another, thicker branch below her, but making it down would not be an easy exercise. She was trained in climbing, of course, otherwise she would have gotten stuck like a cat in there, or she’d fallen all the way down. But she was also heavy and most trees couldn’t hold her weight. She was a little out of practice, and right now that could be dangerous.

She hung down from the branch she was currently sitting on, hands twisted together above while hanging underneath. She could find the branch underneath her with her feet, and found some stability. From here it would be easier to get down, but she’d have to lower herself onto the branch first. She moved her grip from the branch above to the stem of the tree, carefully balancing herself until she was sitting on the branch. She let out a breath she’d held on to all that time when she was in a secure position. Now to make her way down. The branches were closer together, and she could get a little lower, and then she’d have to jump.

Beneath her, Tessa had fallen as well, but she’d made her way to her feet and seemed unharmed. Gideon, she wasn’t so sure about. Tessa was bent over him. Cordelia returned her focus to the tree, making her way to a lower branch, and putting her foot even lower. From here she could climb down until she was hanging about half a meter above the ground, from which she dropped, bending her knees to absorb the impact.

She ran over to Gideon and Tessa. ‘Are you alright?’ she asked.

‘I am,’ Tessa said. ‘A few scrapes and bruises, that’s all. Gideon has a broken arm. It needs support, but I’m not sure how.’

Cordelia undid the cardigan she’d tied around her waist, thankfully she’d forgotten to take it off. ‘Can you use this?’

Tessa sighed. ‘It’ll do, I guess. Where are we?’

‘The land in between. Where’s Lucie?’

‘I haven’t seen her. Lucie!’ Tessa yelled.

Cordelia also called her name. No response. Where was she? Cordelia suspected the three of them were in the land in between. The only time they’d escaped that place without Lucie’s magic was after killing the werewolf, which would mean walking until they made their way back into the real world. If that were even possible, they might very well be trapped.

‘I don’t think Lucie came here with us,’ Cordelia said.

***

Thomas slept most of the day, and Alastair made sure to be there with him whenever he woke. That became less and less frequent though, and Alastair was growing worried. Just after Thomas had gone back to sleep, a car pulled into the driveway. Who would be coming here?

Sophie opened the door to three young women. Of course, Thomas’ sisters were coming. Two of the girls had the same brown hair Thomas had, one a bit softer and rounder while the other was shorter and had more angular features. The third woman was Indian and Alastair remembered Thomas’ sister Eugenia had returned to India with her friend, and this had to be her.

‘We came as quickly as we could,’ Eugenia said. ‘Babs flew to Edinburgh this morning. Where’s Tommy?’

‘He’s sleeping,’ Sophie said. ‘You can check on him in his bedroom, but I think it’s best to let him rest and wait until he wakes up.’

Thomas’ two sisters left for his bedroom, while the Indian girl sat down on the couch next to Alastair. He’d been trying to read one of the family’s journals, but couldn’t concentrate. Not with the horrible knot in his stomach caused by worry.

‘You are Thomas’ boyfriend, aren’t you?’ the girl asked.

Alastair looked up from his work. He didn’t know who she was. He didn’t even know if she knew anything about what was going on. On the other hand, why would Thomas’ sister have brought her if she did not understand what was going on.

‘My name is Alastair Carstairs,’ he said.

‘Kamala Joshi,’ she said. ‘I’m Eugenia’s girlfriend.’

‘Right. I imagine Eugenia must have been worried,’ Alastair said.

He felt like he eased into the conversation a little. It wasn’t as stiff and forced as conversation usually felt for him.

‘We’d just returned from India when Eugenia received the call. She was very upset no one had told her about her brother being in danger sooner. But as I understand, your communication was cut off, was it not?’

‘What do you know of what’s going on?’ Alastair asked.

‘What Eugenia told me,’ Kamala said. ‘Something about her crazy aunt, a dark realm, and a deal with a creature that could bring back her dead son. I can’t say I understand everything. I’ve mostly tried to stay away from everything supernatural.’

‘But you do know,’ Alastair said.

‘A monster killed my parents,’ Kamala said. ‘I never found out what it was, but ever since, my eyes have been opened. At least somewhat, I can’t see the way Thomas or Barbara can. But when I first came to England, I rescued a fairy in the park from group of older boys who’d somehow seen her. It’s easier for children, I think, even without the sight. The fairy blessed me with a healing power. It’s minor, mostly I can heal injuries. I can’t cure complex diseases or anything like that. But it’s helpful, and Genie hoped I could help with healing Thomas.’

Alastair gazed down. ‘I don’t think so. His life is tied to someone else’s. If his cousin is brought to life, he’ll die, no amount of healing can save him then. On the bright side though, my sister is fighting Thomas’ crazy aunt right now. I am sorry about your parents.’

‘It was a long time ago,’ Kamala said. ‘I was six when it happened, seven when I was given my powers.’

Thomas’ sisters joined the two of them. They both greatly resembled Thomas, Alastair thought, and each other. He wasn’t sure which was which until the shorter, angular girl put her arm around Kamala. That had to be Eugenia.

‘Thomas is still asleep, I take?’ Alastair asked.

‘Yes,’ Barbara said. ‘He has a high fever, and I think he needs lots of rest. Much like when he was a child.’

Barbara soon turned her attention to Jem discussing something Alastair did not have the medical knowledge to follow. Barbara was a nurse, he remembered. She seemed knowledgeable at least.

‘So,’ Eugenia said, turning her attention to Alastair, ‘what do you want with my brother?’

Alastair was taken back, and it took a few moments to be able to formulate an answer, to push the words across his lips. Thomas had told him Eugenia could be fierce and both his sisters were very protective.

‘Genie, don’t be rude!’ Sophie called.

‘Right now, I want to save him,’ Alastair said.

***

Thomas woke up to find both his sisters sitting on chairs next to his bed. No. Oh no, what were they doing here?

‘Go home,’ Thomas said as he tried to sit up. He couldn’t. ‘Please.’

‘No,’ Eugenia said and Thomas cursed the stubbornness that plagued their family. ‘You’re in trouble, and we’re here to help. Kamala is here too, and she could use her magic on you, maybe that’ll heal you.’

‘Probably not,’ Thomas said. ‘It’s Tatiana.’

‘That’s where everyone else went, isn’t it?’ Barbara asked. ‘Dad went with uncle Will and aunt Tessa to confront her.’

‘And Lucie and Cordelia,’ Thomas confirmed. ‘Who are probably the most essential part of the plan. Lucie can command the dead and open gateways and Cordelia has a magic sword. They’re going to save me. Hopefully.’

Thomas hated that he couldn’t be of more help, that he was lying here in bed unable to do so much as get up. He’d slept most of the day, only waking up every once in a while and sometimes he feared he wouldn’t wake up at all.

‘Don’t lose faith, Tommy,’ Barbara said, stroking her thumb over his cheek. ‘You’re going to be alright. How are you feeling?’

‘Tired. Cold. Everything hurts. I shiver a lot. Like, actual, uncontrollable shaking.’

Barbara frowned. ‘Are you sure we don’t need to take you to a hospital? It sounds like you might have sepsis.’

‘It’s not that,’ Thomas said. ‘It’s the thief, Tatiana’s ritual. No amount of antibiotics can save me. Tatiana must be stopped.’

Thomas tried to stay awake for as long as he could, talking to his sisters, and later Alastair who came to join them. He was glad Alastair seemed to be getting along with both his sisters, even if Eugenia had been a little rude to him at first. Of course, he’d expected nothing less from her.

In the end he had no choice but to go back to sleep though. His eyes were falling shut, and Alastair, Barbara and Eugenia all noticed he couldn’t stay awake anymore.

‘Sweet dreams, nooré chesm-am,’ Alastair whispered in his ear before kissing him on the cheek. ‘Please wake up again.’

***

Eight in the evening. Sophie had tried to get Thomas to eat and drink a bit more, but he had not woken again. Alastair finally decided to try and wake him up. Nothing. Calling his name didn’t do a thing, nor did pulling on his shoulders. Perhaps he was in a deep sleep. Alastair could not quite convince himself. They quietly ate some of Sophie’s soup, but Alastair couldn’t take more than a few spoons. He felt tense and sick in his stomach. He needed to know Thomas was going to be alright, if Cordelia was doing well, if she was even alive.

Nine. Still no word from Cordelia, from any of them. Alastair had tried calling all of them. The only one who consistently picked up was Will as he’d been made the getaway driver. He’d been waiting outside for hours. He’d gone in and found everyone gone, confirming Alastair’s suspicions they’d gone into the land in between. He’d asked Will to call him as soon as he heard anything.

‘I’m going to check on him,’ Alastair said.

Thomas was still breathing when Alastair entered his bedroom. He was in a deep sleep, and Alastair couldn’t wake him up. He even threw the glass of water standing on his nightstand over his face. Nothing. Alastair grabbed a towel to dry him off, unable to leave him like this. No response.

Alastair blinked away some tears. ‘Don’t you dare die on me, Tom.’

A pause. Determination. ‘You’re not going to die tonight.’

Alastair returned to the living room. ‘He’s still sleeping. I don’t think he’s going to wake up. I need some air.’

Alastair went outside, but it wasn’t because he needed air. It had been too long. Cordelia was missing, something had gone wrong. If they’d stopped Tatiana, she would have let him now and they’d gone in hours ago. There was no way the fight could have taken this long, even if they’d gone into the land in between. Not to mention Tatiana could easily escape from there and finish the ritual.

Alastair felt as if he wasn’t inside his body anymore, as if he weren’t really alive. A terrible numbness at the thought that his sister was gone, that she’d failed. Perhaps she wasn’t dead, he told himself. Perhaps she was simply trapped in the land in between and time was passing much faster here for him. If that were the case, only Lucie could bring them back and he had no clue how long they had, if Tatiana was stopped, if Thomas was going to live.

He knew what ritual Gideon and his brother had interrupted all these years ago. With the knowledge from the Carstairs’ journals and the memory, Alastair had been able to piece it together and figure out how to summon the thief of souls.

He drew the circle and symbols in the sand. It wasn’t difficult. Just an incantation. He might have messed up the pronunciation of the words here and there, but he repeated the words Benedict Lightwood had said so long ago.

The thief appeared in the middle of the circle like demons often did.

‘Welcome to my circle, thief of souls,’ Alastair said. ‘I want to make a deal.’

[mirukostallbabygirl]

Finally seeing each other after the pandemic ends Hcs (Gn!Reader)

So basically I got really fucking sad

So here’s this

Contents: (quirkless au) fluff, semi-angst buildup but happy end, blood? (but it’s a nose bleed), daddy kink (bakugo)

Characters: Hawks, Denki, Sero, Miruko, Bakugo

Takami Keigo (Hawks)

He was nervous waiting at the airport

The two of you started dating on campus, but you had to go back home when cases started ramping up

He just stayed in the dorms because he had nowhere else to go, and there were a few other students that did the same

But your parent(s) demanded that you come home to stay safe

You think it was just an excuse to get you to be their “little kid” again

So you hadn’t seen eachother since it started, and it was getting to the both of you

He sat near the top of the many escalators, keeping an eye out for you while trying to scroll through his phone as a distraction

It wasn’t working

He missed you so much

FaceTiming and texting were nice, but they didn’t replace the time he had with you while you were there with him

You’d walk to classes and go get coffee, getting the cheapest stuff that they had so that you could afford dinner on the days where there were food trucks down the street

The time he spent with you was electrifying, and a year away from it was incredibly hard

There were even times where he thought that you would want to stop

It was like doing long distance, and he knew how a lot of relationships didn’t make it through that

But whenever he started freaking out, it seemed like you knew, and texted him about some silly thing your family dog did, or fuming about your parent(s)

But what if you decided it really was too much? What if you wanted to stay back? What if you got another flight to avoid him? What if...

... he was overthinking

You had texted him a picture of your plane ticket with a bunch of kissy face emojis and “I’m so excited”

His mind wouldn’t stop though

He glanced up at the escalators for the seemingly hundredth time

He took in the sight of people flooding in and turned back

Wait— people flooding in— that means you

His head whipped back faster than he thought possible

And there you were, pulling your earbuds out of your ears and scanning the room for messy blond hair

You two made eye contact for a second before bolting towards eachother, skidding across the white tile floor to get there

You met it an explosive hug, your arms wrapped around his shoulders and his around your waist, pulling your legs up around his hips

You could feel a wet spot forming on your shoulder where he had nuzzled in, and you were sure you were crying as well

You missed him so much

You pulled slightly away after a moment to look at him, take in his features after only ever seeing them through a screen for so long

His voice was wobbly as he choked out “hey, baby bird,”

You smiled, tears were streaming down your face in buckets by now, and managed out a small “hey”

You grabbed his face and smashed his lips against your own

It was ugly, and not the best kiss, but you were there together after so long and that’s what mattered most

Denki Kaminari

He checked the address on his phone nervously as he waited at the bus stop

You were going to meet him at a Ramen restaurant that you had found online

He was nervous as he boarded the train-- you two had dated for a while before the world ended, and you had a flow to the relationship

But it had been so long, would it be like your first date all over again? would it be the same? He didn’t know and he was nervous to find out

He didn’t know that you were gnawing at your lip as you walked down the street to get to the restaurant

A feeling beyond butterflies stirred in your stomach, nerves and adrenaline, and the need to see him

you were so excited you felt like you would die, but at the same time questions lingered in the back of your mind

you had stayed in contact, and he responded quickly to your messages, and you had scheduled a date literally minutes after the cases being low enough to return to normal was aired on TV

But that never stopped the nerves of meeting someone you care so deeply about after so long

You felt your phone buzz in your hand, his name lighting up your phone screen and sending electricity down your spine

it read I'm almost there :) 

you were almost there, too

it was just around the corner, and you had run past it on your jog this morning after the weird feeling of needing to know it existed nagged you, even though you had seen it a million times while walking down the street

You turned the corner just as he did and...

Promptly smashed your noses together

he wailed and you groaned, each of you lifting a hand up to grip your respective noses

But your ears perked up when you heard his voice

you opened your eyes wide to see he’d done the same, looking back at you with disbelief

he let out a small “y/n?”

your hand dropped down (after you were pretty sure it wasn’t hurt, but it felt like it needed ice) to get a better look at him

his eyebrows were high, eyes wide, and mouth agape as he took you in

you gingerly moved towards him, making sure to lean your head and angle your face away as you moved forwards

and then gently wrapped your arms around him, features soft as you put your head on his shoulder

soon his arms wrapped around you, and you both sighed, chuckling that this was your first meeting after being away for so long

you pulled away and gestured toward his nose “You okay?” a small trickle of blood dripped down and he lifted a hand up to his nose

“I swear this nose bleed is seasonal, it’s not your fault,” he laughed out as he leaned forward to not get blood on his clothes, “it is a bit of a problem, though.”

you nodded and grabbed his hand, crossing the street to a CVS pharmacy 

you hurried though aisles before finally making it to the bathroom, thanking whatever power there be that it wasn’t locked

He grabbed a handful of paper towels as you went to go buy a box of tissues that wouldn’t be so abrasive on his nose

when your returned, he was nearing the end of it, and the tissues absorbed the last of it

he looked at you and blushed, “Ah I’m sorry, our first date back and I got a nose bleed and we ended up at a CVS.”

You just shook your head and pressed your lips against his, it was short but filled with the like (dare you say love) that you had pent up over your time apart

When you pulled away you teased “You might wanna wash your face there, bud. That kiss was a little iron-y” 

Hanta Sero

It was almost cruel how you ended up alone in the pandemic

he had just moved into your apartment, and had to go away on a business trip to Spain 

You two had joked around about it-- him being able to take a trip to suck a romantic place, without you

he was supposed to be gone 2 weeks

at the end of week 1, the world went into a total shutdown

he was stuck in Spain, and you were stuck at home, alone

You kept in contact obviously, it had been years that you had been dating, but it was the most strain you two had ever been under

He felt bad keeping a secret from you but he felt like he had to-- besides, it would be great for you in the end

so he lied and said that he couldn’t call that night because he had a meeting, avoiding the subject the you said you could call earlier or later

What’s the fun in telling you that he couldn’t call was because he had gotten a plane ticket back home?

So he was sitting nervously in a plane seat, hoping you wouldn’t be upset

Meanwhile, you were moping, convinced you had finally bored him, he was going to start pushing you away 

so you microwaved a TV dinner and flipped on the cooking channel, acknowledging how sad it was that you were eating mushy food that was still cold in the middle while watching top chefs create fabulous dishes

An array of shows came on, all of them reruns from before when they could actually be on set

A show came on that you found particularly infuriating, and you sighed as you watched an inexperienced chef nearly burn down the kitchen by putting water on a grease fire

You didn't know why you enjoyed the show so much given how much the contestants bothered you, but you watched it nonetheless 

A particularly idiotic chef burned his fish to the point of no return and you were screaming out insults

“Dude, how old are you,” you accused, “you should at least know how to do this.”

“Hmm, I’d say around 38.” you heard a voice speak from behind you

your head whipped around so fast you were scare you would get whiplash

“W-why are you here?” you asked, too stunned to believe your eyes

“Wow, you sound so excited” he let out a chuckle, nervous now at your response

“what? oh-- no no no...” you rambled out, scrambling up to crawl over the back of the couch

he relaxed once you wrapped your arms firmly around his waist, your knees digging into the cack of the couch and ass sticking out in the air as you gripped him to make sure he was real

He grabbed onto your wrists to place them on his shoulders, then grabbed your hips to pull you off the couch to wrap around his waist

you hadn’t noticed you were crying until you got choked up when trying to say “I missed you”

“I missed you too” he managed, voce cracking in emotion, as well

you slid the palms he placed on his shoulders around his neck, pulling him closer to press your lips against his

You started gentle, but the need and excitement sped the two of you up

slow lips turned into clashing teeth, and gentle hands on your waist turned into groping

he pulled away for a second to sigh out “I’m so glad you aren’t mad”

And all you did in response was pull him closer

Rumi Usagiyama (Miruko)

Rumi was a big deal

She’s famous for a lot of reasons-- but one of the many was how many generous donations she had made towards finding a cure for Covid-19

You two had been dating for a while, so much so that you had talked about moving in together

the only reason you didn’t was because she didn’t want to thrust you into the spotlight 

But when you couldn’t even see each other, you so wished that you would’ve fought her on that a bit more, gotten her to let you, convinced her that you were ready

but you hadn’t seen her in so long, and she was so busy, and even after the vaccine was administered to all of the population, you hadn’t set up a plan to meet

so you sat in a bar, glaring down at your second rum and coke of the evening-- you felt like shit

Bars had stopped running during the pandemic, and the screens that used to play sports obnoxiously loud now play the news, the fucking news

You were seriously concerned about the world

But that was the only distraction you had, so you watched the headlines fly by, a fire was extinguished off of the highway, mountain climbing was the new “hottest pace to be this year”, and some TV show host made an apology for an inappropriate joke

then you saw the face of your... girlfriend? could you call it that? you still talked but she didn’t seem like she wanted to see you

but you saw Rumi in the street outside of a bar downtown

Wait... you were in a bar... downtown... and Rumi was passing by the window to your left

You shot up, mind not fully working as you sprinted out the door

“RUMI?!” You screamed a little too loud

She perked up at your voice, turning around and cringing as she saw the fleet of cameras coming to harass her getting nearer

So she grabbed your arm and dragged you further down the street, deeper down until she made it to the destination she had been going to

You hadn’t realized that the bar you were at was so close to her office (ok, you did know that, but you didn’t want to admit that you had hoped this would happen)

She continued pulling you up the stairs, and your drunken giggles echoed through the empty staircase

Finally making it past her door, she pushed you against the wall and kissed you— hard

There was no preparation, she just pushed your mouth open, forcing her toungue out to lick at your bootom lip, moving in slightly before pulling out, moving in a cycle of this

Her hands gripped at the sides of your face keeping you close to her

You submit to her, only breaking away when she wouldn’t let you breathe for too long

She pulled away finally, a faintly noticeable blush on her face as she stepped away

Leaving you drunk in many ways— not just on alcohol

You were dazed from such sudden passion after going so long without it

You decided you would fight for more of that from now on

“Uhm.. well, I missed you” she mumbled out, feeling stupid now for assuming you shared her desire earlier

You moved over to sit in one of the chairs in front of her desk “you don’t even know how much I missed you” you stuttered out

Her shoulders relaxed and the fake grin she had on turned into a real one

“That was too long without you” she continued “I thought I was going to lose my mind, and I’m sorry I didn’t arrange to meet up sooner I’ve just been so busy but now I promise I’ll make time for you but it’s been really hard going bac—“

You cut off her rambling by pressing a quick kiss to her lips

“You know how you can make it better?” Your words were still slurred from earlier and they were quiet, but you knew she could hear you

She mumbled out a meek “what” before you were whispering in her ear

“Let me move in with you”

“I would love that”

Katsuki Bakugo

(Lol ok so ik this isn’t about his parents— but this was too funny to not use it, so here’s bakugo truly taking after his mother)

he had been making you call him daddy ever since you did it as a joke on FaceTime

At the start, he just said that you should do it for fun

But he grew more confident as time went on, and he had started making you beg “daddy” for things

And you didn’t hate it

But what you knew would be bad is if either of you let it slip in front of your parent(s) who insisted on tagging along with you to the station

You had decided to meet at the train station that was about 30 minutes from where both of you sheltered for the lockdown— he was taking the bus down from the north and you were driving with your parents up from the south

You got there and immidiately started scanning for your impulsive boyfriend

You had a plan to get to him before your parents could

So that you could reinforce what you had stressed over text many times— don’t. Say. Daddy.

Then you saw spiky blond hair sticking out of the crowd and started running

Hoping your parents would see it as you excuse let running towards him rather than out of the need to get to him in time

He turned to you as the crowd parted to let you jog towards him

He smiled and pulled you close, pressing your lips together when you got close enough

But he frowned when you seemed preoccupied and pulled away quickly

“Okay, I love you, but I’m serious about the daddy thing” you whispered daddy, you weren’t usually ashamed of it but it felt weird with all of the people that could overhear

“What are you shy” he cocked an eyebrow, moving to pull you close again

But you insisted “seriously, they’ll whoop my ass if they hear it— a they think I’m still a little kid”

“Oh no. Only I’m allowed to hit that pretty little ass of y-“

You shoved your hand over his mouth hissing out his name, giving him one last death glare before your parents catched up

“Hello there” he greeted them politely

You were incredibly relieved that he seemed perfectly normal and that his usual temper wasn’t coming through

Your parents had met bakugo before, but this was a whole new level of stressful as both your first time seeing him after so long, as well as the first time since your new dynamic came into play

But the exchange went well, and your parents were waiting on the platform as the two of you boarded and the t turned away

He waited until you were settled in the train to tap you on the ass, and slide his hand in your back pocket, muttering how much you were blushing into your ear

[manicr]

X-Factor: Daken

Since I did a development analysis on Daken in X-Men Blue, it feels only reasonable to do one for X-Factor, especially considering the the latest issue (#8). I had thoughts that I articulated in the tags, but I think I should try to put them together and look at Daken as a character in the whole of X-Factor.

Firstly, Daken isn’t recruited into the team, he persistently volunteers despite the objections of the team. He is presented passed out on the bar floor, drinking to deal with his feelings. Word of God states he’s depressive again and Laura being in the Vault is a big factor in that. Daken later confesses that he’s been “playing nice”, implying what he did was trying to be good and finding it a role, rather than natural.  His drive to join the team seems to be desperate to distract himself from his negative feelings, needing purpose and preoccupation.

However, very in-character, he excuses himself with flippant commentary, and the fact that he finds Aurora attractive:

He, as in XMB, makes himself useful to the team with his powers and instincts, despite them not being welcoming of his presence. He persists and tries to reach out to them, even if only a little, like he’s learned to do with his sisters and what we saw in XMB. He even calls them out on their bullshit against him, and tries to “be good”. The team still doesn’t trust him, and are bothered both by his flirtatiousness and his past villainy.

He actively pursues Aurora and gets himself thrown out of Mojo-verse, however his interest isn’t just romantic/sexual, but he wants to solve what happened to her when she died. He knows she’s not telling everything. He tries to be kind and reach out to her, not forcing her to say, but curious -- maybe having his own hypothesis on what happened. He knows something is off, and can’t let it go. Seems to care enough to want to help her.

Now were three issues in and Daken has been trying his best to help, reach out and fit into a team that is not very welcoming or accepting of him. Aurora is a fixed point of interest for him, and he tries especially with her. She seems flattered by the attention at this point.

Then the X of Swords event happens, essentially without Daken though he fights in the background, and we get our first major time-jump. That jump seems noticeable in text, as there seems to be a greater comfort and trust in the team as a whole, not just towards Daken.

At a party in the Boneyard, Daken talks with Polaris, trusting her enough to ask her if the kindness he sees is real It is, and it’s a bit of an alien concept to him still. He equates it with lack of intelligence “simple-mindedness” or faking it as an act to get ahead/mask whatevers beneath. Polaris mentions his childhood trauma.

Daken also takes some ribbing from Lorna regarding his past and glum attitude, but laughs it off, but we get some foreshadowing through it. Daken’s trauma regarding snow is tied together in XF, harking to a Dark Wolverine era trauma of him  as a child being forced to ‘train’ in snow by Romulus. It’ll repeat itself in XF again.

We also get to see a little of what Daken does on his spare time, drawing with charcoal: having finally found some other outlet than fighting, fucking and drinking for his feelings.

He also reaffirms his interest in Aurora, as well as his familial affection for Polaris. He shows off growth in being able to have different types of affection, to have family that he cares for when back in his own series he refused social bonds like family (in ref. to the Fantastic 4) and saw them as based on fear, social obligation, and naivete.

Themes of being trapped, trauma and abuse are repeated in XF by different characters -- it applies to all of them in different ways. The letter “Why didn’t you just leave?” that speaks of this.

It echoes trauma that Daken needed to deal with himself under Romulus control -- even when he was physically away from him. His character arch has been to find himself, and not just flippantly in his eat-prey-killing comment, but also a way out of the trauma of abuse and making himself ‘smaller’ lesser to fit with the living weapon Romulus wanted. To find and dare to feel, to feel worthy, and not fear some punishment from his abuser. Of course, this applies to so many characters in X-F, both sub-textually and directly like with Siryn and Shatterstar.

One of the major relationship changes now in the book is Daken and Northstar’s relationship. Northstar confides and trusts in Daken as a team-mate from previously having refused it. Daken in turn takes his orders and seems to want that trust:

This culminates in Northstar rescuing Daken when he was trapped and beaten by the Morrigan. And according to Aurora, Northstar is behaving towards Daken as a person he doesn’t want to lose, by yelling for him and checking on him. He explicitly cares for Daken now, even with the protectiveness he still feels for Aurora. The dying in the snow theme repeats it self.

Then there is Daken and Auroras long conversation about his powers, her feelings and his feelings. He reveals the limits of his skills and she insists on understanding, which seems to make him feel better about it. She empathizes with the burden of his skills, seeing the drawbacks.

There’s a lot of subtext regarding his relationship with his own powers, he outwardly uses them shamelessly but at the same time this implies that it’s far more fumbling, uncertain and emotionally harrowing for him. And that he’s willing to see that and feel that rather than see it as his right to do whatever or refuse his powers utterly.

The Morrigan fight is overlayed with a speech about trauma, highlighting how it directly relates to Daken. He’s traumatized. He’s been abused. He’s been rewired to be dysfunctional, to hide his pain and the suffering. And it makes him feel worthless, unloved, and that no one cares, has never cared.

Later, Daken acknowledges how poorly he felt, how helpless, and how suicidal it made him feel. Even if he thinks its hypnosis rather than his own real feelings. His description fit in with depression and trauma-related issues, the feeling over never reaching shore, of drowning, and helplessness combined with the negative-self talk, that no one cares, loves him, or will be there for him since he’s worthless and a burden. But also how he looks to Aurora for comfort to deal with that.

Generally this issue irons out issues of consent, the genuineness of both their feelings as well as Daken being more like a real friend and family member to the team, but also about revealing his trauma. To show that he is not alright, despite his flippant flirty exterior. He struggles with his past, his trauma and his feelings about himself, and the belief that he deserves to be loved, cared for and to belong. This is repeated in issue #8 which hammers these themes home once more. Daken is not alright, but he wants to be.

This is growth from early Daken who didn’t even want to admit to himself that he was abused and molded by Romulus, and using rage and hurting others as a way of dealing with his own feelings, as well as using others and himself because it didn’t matter, he didn’t and no one else did either.

The in the snow theme is repeated and his fervent desire to be saved, from everything, himself as well as everything and everyone that might harm him. He seems to believe that being loved by Aurora will save him. Which is not the healthiest approach to dealing with trauma but a very common one, latching onto other people, because he doesn’t yet have the sense of self or self-worth to believe in it unless someone else does too. This for most people a necessary step towards growing and getting better.

He also is still stuck in the abuse-trauma-victim cycle and blaming himself for being harmed, seeing that he’s somehow not being good enough and that’s why he’s being hurt. “I’ll be good” are the words of someone who has been hurt over and over again by someone who made them believe they somehow deserved it. That they were ‘bad’ and needed to be punished.

...then he is faced with the fact that he truly does believe this about himself, that he’s not over it, that he’s not yet free or saved from the feelings that the trauma left behind.

But then... he dies, self-sacrificing to save his team mates and the information they carry, knowingly risking up to a week of his memory and experiences. He uses Aurora as a morality pet, to prompt himself into action, excessive such even.

He is resurrected without the memory of any of this to the point BEFORE Northstar came for him. He knows he lost that. He knows from reports that he lost things, even if not the extent of it, and now the hurt and pain from DAYS in the snow is fresh again, without any help from Aurora to process it nor knowing for certain that she loves him, without being proved that his team cares and came for him in the end. He might now the latter in paper, but that’s not the same emotionally speaking.

So, he’s angry. He knows he’s lost things, he’s been hurt and killed. But he doesn’t have the comfort of resolving these things with his team like he did, not with his habit of hiding his pain, and feeling like a burden. So he fights instead.

So, where have we ended up at the end of issue #8 of X-Factor?

Daken has been accepted by his team, because of all of HIS hard work, reaching out and kindness

Daken has opened up about his powers and his suffering (though lost half of it to the mind transfer time gap)

He has established a relationship with Aurora with clear consent, affection, but not yet full transparency of their mutual pasts (again some lost from his perspective)

He is starting to realize that he’s not yet ‘over’ his own trauma and that he’ll need to continue working on it (some lost)

Daken isn’t a perfect character nor perfectly written, he was abused and shaped by that abuse and trauma into something vicious, that he didn’t dare change from for a long time. Instead he tried to enjoy it, to revel in it, rather than face the pain and grow. He hurt and killed a lot of people, including himself, and it’s takes years of development for him to start to grow past that old self. Getting away from Romulus was only the first step.

He needed people to make him see how fucked up he was and to motivate him to be better, from Johnny back in Dark Avengers, then Laura and Gabby, and then trying on his own, attaching to Donna for a while, before teaming up with the X-Men and then X-Factor and Aurora as support for himself. It’s pretty clear that on his own, he can’t do it, he needs help, support, structure and purpose -- as do the majority of people. I’d also recommend therapy, but he’s not there yet.

One day he might stand on his own feet when it comes to feeling good about himself and managing his own life. But right now he’s in a place where he needs a strong support system, not just his family and lovers but also friends.

[karezzasstuff]

The Karezza Method: 5 Reasons Why This Spiritual Sexual Experience Is Worth Trying

When it comes to sex, we often don't just use the orgasm to indicate how successful it was – we also see it as the ultimate goal of sex. Time to check out the karezza method.

Where does the karezza method come from?

KAREZZA METHOD

The Karezza Method: 5 Reasons Why This Spiritual Sexual Experience Is Worth Trying

When it comes to sex, we often don't just use the orgasm to indicate how successful it was – we also see it as the ultimate goal of sex. Time to check out the karezza method.

Where does the karezza method come from?

Karezza is a slow, sensual way of making love, where the climax disappears completely from view, leaving room for emotional connection and more intense affection. The karezza method has ancient spiritual roots, but became known in our era thanks to the publication of Alice Bunker Stockham's 1903 book, Karezza: the Ethics of Marriage.se Stockham coined the term karezza based on the Italian word carezza, meaning "to caress." ' stands for.

The idea behind the karezza method is to deepen sexual and emotional bonding, says clinical sexologist Randi Levison. The method “teaches couples to pay attention to each other's entire being, not a single body part,” she says. “The point is to relax and be present in the now.”

The method is also known by its Latin names, 'coitus reservatus', although strictly speaking that differs from real karezza; coitus reservatus refers to the penetrating partner abstaining from orgasm while continuing to stimulate the receiving partner to have it.

As with tantric sex and other more sensual sexual practices, karezza has become popular in recent years with couples trying to find their true intimacy and connection in their relationship.

Benefits of the karezza method:

1. You explore other forms of pleasure than the orgasm.

For many people, sex is mainly about having an orgasm, which can actually lead to you getting distracted and not really enjoying the sex. If you take this goal away, then you are free to focus entirely on the sensations, without worrying about what it "builds up" to. As Levison said, the goal is to be fully present in the moment.

For people who get stressed out during sex (which is usually due to the idea that your sexual performance isn't enough), letting go of the O target can be a burden off the shoulders. When sex is about the journey and not the destination, it creates the space to truly enjoy what each sensation is in itself, without fear of where it leads.

It creates more affection than other forms of sex.

It does so because it encourages couples to take their time caressing, touching, kissing and cuddling with each other. These actions stimulate the production of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter that creates feelings of attachment and love. By fondling each other for longer and longer, "we feel good, happy and painless," says Renee Adolphe, a sex and relationship coach who is well acquainted with karezza.

You learn to feel each other better.

“As a sex therapist, I recognize that a couple's sexual behavior is usually a symptom of what's going on in the rest of the relationship,” Levison explains. At karezza “you experience a sense of convergence… of complete unity with a partner or the experience of being on the same frequency. This unity is inherently harmonious, and when you experience harmony during sex, it usually spreads out of the bedroom on its own.”

In other words, the time you spend bonding during karezza could be the healing balm for your relationship.

It connects sex and spirituality.

Karezza began as a highly spiritual practice, daring to admit that sex is a central element of spirituality. In his important 1931 text, The Karezza Method, J. William Lloyd writes: “Sex is very close to the soul. Anyone who touches sex touches the secrets and center of life… The voice of sex, in its power, is like the voice of God.”

For the people who have learned to separate sex and faith, karezza can be a way to start reconnecting the two.

It is equally applicable to people with disabilities or chronic sexual pain.

For whom penetrative sex is not an option due to a disability or a condition that makes sex painful, the karezza method offers another way to enjoy your sexuality with a partner that is suitable for almost everyone, because it is about fondling and hugging your partner, not about penetration.

Positions, methods and tips:

Create a conscious, sensual space.

Lloyd emphasizes the importance of the right environment for karezza – ideally an intimate, romantic atmosphere in the bedroom.

“If you are novices, choose a time when you are both completely alone, without rush and when you will not be disturbed. Focus fully on your love and joy and the way you merge into oneness. Provide a warm room, with delicate and beautiful decorations; and let clothes get in the way as little as possible,” Lloyd writes. Adolphe has an addition for our modern age: “Make sure you have plenty of time, and make sure your telephones and television are turned off, because you want to be fully present being in the moment.”

As a couple, determine your intentions for the sexual session.

If you're just starting out with karezza, it's helpful if you and your partner go into the sexual session with a certain mindset about what kind of experience you're trying to create. Remember that the method is intended to connect with the whole body, not just the genitals.

“Karezza requires mental preparation,” Lloyd writes. “You must first have the understanding and conviction that the spiritual, the caressing, the soft side of the relationship is much more important, and also produces much more pleasure, than the purely sexual, and that the sexual should be secondary throughout the relationship. on this loving side; it is her means, her mediator, her fodder. Sex is certainly necessary to bring out all the good, but only under the strict guidance of and for the glory of love. … Make sure both of you think more about your love than your passion; convert your sex passion into heart passion as much as possible.”

He also emphasizes the importance of starting from a place of tenderness, rather than a sense of intensity or sexual arousal. Think relaxing hygge vibes instead of burning passion vibes.

Start slow and sensual.

Start by massaging your partner's body, or by running your fingers tenderly over their body. Pay attention to places you might normally ignore during sex. Caress your partner's face, their neck and shoulders, the sides of their waist.

Place a strong emphasis on communication. Ask your partner what feels good and how the sensations in their body feel. Tell each other where to keep their touch as you explore each other's bodies. Be direct about what gives you the most pleasure.

Compliment each other.

“As your hands caress her, tell her how beautiful her face is to you – her forehead, her hair, her lips, neck – her arms, hands, bosom, waist, the smooth curves of her limbs. Be eloquent, poetic in her praise,” Lloyd writes. “The Beloved can never be over-praised or appreciated by the Lover. Take some time for these preparatory caresses.”

Don't be afraid to make it intimate!

(Lloyd's advice is clearly aimed at men with a female partner, but can of course be used with ease regardless of your gender or sexual preference.)

Stroke their penis or vulva.

When it feels right, move down to caress your partner's genitals with that same tender touch. But remember, you're not working toward orgasm, so move slowly and watch your partner not get too close to climax. Move elsewhere if that seems to be happening.

“Keep your mind on love, not passion,” Lloyd reminds us. “Be completely relaxed physically… hold the thought of Peace.”

(Tantric yoni massage or tantric lingam massage are perfect to try during karezza.)

Use positions where you can see each other.

When you feel ready for penetration, don't switch to reverse cowgirl positions, but stick to karezza-friendly positions where you maintain eye contact and physical closeness, such as the lotus position, rocking chair, or missionary position.

If you find yourself nearing an orgasm, pause the current activity and return your focus to the fact that karezza is about emotional bonding, not climax. (For those with a penis, it may help to practice semen retention in addition to the karezza method.)

Take it easy.

Karezza is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't think you can practice it quickly in between.

“The most important thing is to be loving, benevolent and patient with yourself and with your partner. Slow, tender and affectionate are keywords to help you on your karezza journey,” says Adolphe.

The karezza method can ultimately bring you and your partner(s) closer together and increase your capacity to enjoy sex. It is a space where you are mindful of your partner, where you explore this new way of connecting with the other.

SOURCE: https://www.nieuwetijdskind.com/karezza-method-spiritual-sexual-experience-het-tryen-waard/

Recently I had it in a log WHAT MORE DOES LIFE PROVIDE TOGETHER. But there is more to enjoy all of this. And it actually comes at the right time. It ties in nicely with the previous one. Sex is much more like I wrote than the act itself. Feel each other caressing each other. Bringing you to a climax with your whole body but not through penetration. The whole body plays an important role. From your hair to your smallest toe. There are erogenous zones that play an important role in the sensual. It's all about love. Give and receive love. This can be done with clothes on up to a moment. You feel you share you give and get. Without there being any point to penetrate right away. To pull the clothes off each other's body. Looking at the other person can also make you feel a lot emotionally. Now with this it is really knowing and being able to control your body. And you have to learn that step by step. Just like you have to learn everything.

AUM NAMASTE BUDDHA BRUNO

Om Shanthi,

one must be able to connect spiritual and earthly

AUM MANI PADME HUM

That is love

Aum Shanti

Luminous but also purity and clarification.

You can let go of so much when you are so busy with each other.

#yabyum #joy #karezza #nirvana #yoga #love #meditation #unconditionallove #tantra #maithuna

Karezza - Liefkozen howto:

#karezza #yabyum #Nirvana #How #moksha #yoga #samadhi #maithuna #tantra #satori

[perditaalottachocolate-blog]

Caterwauling in the Rain

Summary: Marinette and Adrien share their very first kiss after their very first date. Chat is so overjoyed he’s ready to burst into song, albeit not all Parisians share the sentiment. Ladybug comes to investigate the complaints about a feline caterwauling in the spring rain. Luckily, it’s just her very wet boyfriend. A Miraculous Writer Zine​ story.

A/N: This is my piece for @mlwriterzine . I’m so happy I can finally share it! I feel honored to be among the chosen authors. I want to thank everyone, who made this zine possible, it was an amazing adventure! Make sure to read works in the zine collection, they're all a m a z i n g !

AO3

The whisper of wind in his ears, the tap of boots on the tin roofs, the pigeons nesting among the chimneys, cooing to the spring in his step. Chat Noir ran high over the streets, reveling in this late April evening, basking in the fading light of day. 

 Everything in his path was blooming recklessly, fueled by sunshine, turning the warmth of spring into an opulent palette of greens, whites, yellows, pinks, and every other color one could think of.

 It wouldn’t have been far from the truth if Chat claimed he floated on the breeze. It certainly felt like it. Butterflies, the good kind, not the evil purple ones that’d been giving them so much grief, fluttered happily in his stomach. His chest swelled with affection as if it tried to contain all the smells and scents at once.

 His heart was so full he was ready to burst into song any second now. And snugly pressed to his chest was none other than the bravest, prettiest, awesomest, and the most amazing girl he knew. The love of his life, sans the spots. Marinette Dupain-Cheng. His Lady. His girlfriend. His everything. 

Her hair tickled the exposed skin under his chin, but he was too focused on carrying his precious cargo to utter a chuckle. It was her who giggled happily instead. 

 “I really could have gotten home myself, silly Kitty,” she murmured to his sternum. Only his enhanced hearing allowed him to pick up the words over the rush of air and the buzz of traffic. 

 “A gentlecat always walks the lady home after a date,” he countered, allowing a little bit of flirt to seep into his voice.

 A date! he thought excitedly, his heart skipping a few beats. The very first real one, official and everything. Not that anyone paid attention to two goofy teens sharing an ice cream, walking down the banks of the Seine and doing all the carefree, silly things teens did. Bantering, picking flowers, playing tag just because. Holding hands, stealing glances, blushing. Basically half of Adrien’s bucket list went down on that date, more than he could ever hope for. It was still very fresh—the romantic side of their relationship, just like nature herself, coming to life with spring—yet he doubted the excitement of enjoying her company on both sides of their masks would ever ebb.

 Alas, their time had run out all too quickly. For unfathomable reasons their parents set a curfew and warned them not to break it. Yet Adrien refused to leave Marinette to return home by herself. He announced his arrival at the mansion, claiming he was exhausted after a busy day, and dashed off to his room. The door barely had time to close behind him when Chat Noir was already leaping through the window. He scooped Marinette into his arms and vaulted them high and away from the prying eyes of pedestrians. Just a little run and they were already on the little balcony of 12 Rue Gotlib.

 It wasn’t dusk yet, although darkness already settled over the city thanks to the rain clouds that flocked from the west, keeping the last rays of spring sun to themselves. A silver half-moon peeked tentatively over the rooftops, picking up the slack. 

 Unexpectedly the sight filled him with nostalgia. “Anything can happen at half-moon,” Chat recited absently. He didn’t remember where he’d heard the verse. 

 “Anything?” Marinette frowned in confusion. After all, they had just spent a delightful afternoon together. Why would his mood turn wistful so suddenly?

 He decided to play it off. He grinned cheekily. “Like maybe … a kiss?” 

 He was pushing his luck, he knew. They hadn’t reached that milestone yet, still tiptoeing around each other after the accidental reveal, still testing the waters, although neither of them was oblivious to the other’s feelings anymore. 

 To his astonishment Marinette fixed him with a coy smile and threw her hands around his neck. She climbed to her toes. “Maybe,” she whispered, her lips a hairbreadth away from his. Her eyes twinkled in the moonlight. 

 Chat released a ragged breath against her mouth. He shuddered from head to toe as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him. His body screamed for her, longed for her presence. But he wouldn’t dare to make the first step. He always followed her lead. He had to be sure it was what she wanted, even if he knew it wasn’t in her nature to tease him like this. 

 And then Marinette was kissing him. Sweetly, tenderly, with just a hint of passion simmering underneath. The gentle caress shrunk his world to just her and this moment.

 He was sure he died, his heart flatlining out of sheer euphoria, his neurons fried from overjoy, his body coming apart at the seams. He floated to heaven and then her kisses brought him back to life. Back to the warmth of her embrace, to the flowery scent of her skin, and to soft kisses he knew he would never have enough of.

 All too soon she withdrew, leaving his lips tingling and cold. He stumbled, dizzy with love in his heart and springtime in his lungs. 

 She must have thought he was being dramatic, because she ruffled his already wild mane.

 “Goof,” she giggled. “Go home, before you catch a cold.”

 “A cold?” He knitted his brows. “Why would I catch a cold now?”

 “It’s raining, you dork.” Marinette bopped him on the nose and turned her hands up. A few plump droplets splashed on her palm.

 Huh? How long did that kiss take? He hadn’t noticed when the rain started. Either those clouds had been moving faster than he’d thought, or he might have been more distracted than usual. Lately he tended to get tunnel vision in Marinette’s company, tuning out everyone and everything while soaking in her presence. 

 From behind the deck chair Marinette produced a black umbrella. She pressed it into his claws. “This is no dew, Kitty. It’s going to pour heavily soon.”

 “Really?” He chuckled. She walked straight into this one. “I’m purring already, my Lady.” He grabbed her hand and put it to his chest. Then he released a rumble worthy of a thunderstorm.

 “Besides, where I stand, the sun is shining all over the place.” He dropped the cheesy line with a flourish.

 “See, you’re already delirious,” Marinette replied matter-of-factly. “Also, yes, I’m very proud of you for getting the ‘Singing in the Rain’ reference, you dorkasaurus,” she added, seeing his pout of indignation. “Now go, before you get wet for real.”

 “Didn’t you mean furrrrr real?” he started, but dropped it immediately when she set him with one of Ladybug’s finest glowers. “A kiss good night, purrrhaps?” he asked hopefully.

 Marinette grabbed him by the bell with such force, his hand slipped on the umbrella’s handle. She pressed her lips to his, but with more fire than sugar this time. 

 Snap! The black canopy sprang to its full size, startling them both.

 “Sorry! Sorry!” Chat exclaimed, but Marinette just shook her head, launching into a fit of laughter. It was impossible not to join her.

 “This umbrella is absolutely terrible,” she wheezed, clutching at her belly. “The ultimate killjoy.”

 “You mean this is …” He trailed off, finally giving the umbrella a thorough look. Sure enough, he soon found the loopy ‘Agreste’ carved into the handle. “Oh, wow,” he whispered reverently. Marinette had mentioned the significance of that first rain they’d experienced together.

 “Yup. And I want it back, mind you,” she added. 

 “This is an Agreste umbrella. You’d need to marry me for the name to check out, Princess.” Chat shot her with a toothy grin.

 “Did you just propose on the first date, Adrien?” She raised a brow. “You might want to save something for the second one.”

 “Ooops.” He feigned a horrified gasp. Incidentally, that absolutely had been on his bucket list. This was Marinette after all. “I’m gonna have to google some new ideas. But anyway, your answer would be …?”

 Marinette shook her head again and thrusted her hand into his face. “You’re impossible. Just go home already before we both catch a cold.”

 Right. He hadn’t noticed her shivering in the cold evening breeze, and the rain probably wasn’t helping. 

 “As you wish, m’Lady.” He bowed. “See you tomorrow?”

 “Tomorrow it is, my Prince,” she replied with a curtsy, raising the imaginary fabric of a long dress with her fingers. Then with one last playful wink, she disappeared through the skylight. 

 Chat sighed in contentment, drawing in the chilly, humid air. He didn’t feel even a little bit tired, more like ignited after the spectacular afternoon of romance, flirting, and banter. He leaped to the railing and elongated his baton so that it hit the pavement. Then, like a leather-clad Mary Poppins, he floated down, startling a few passersby. 

 “Du-dudu-du, du-du-dudu-dee-dudu,” he hummed under his breath, setting into a leisurely stroll. The rain picked up a heavier rhythm, just like Marinette predicted. 

 “Du-dudu-du, du-du-dudu-dee-dudu.” He continued letting his inner Gene Kelly come out and play. He always wanted to perform that song, ever since he’d watched the movie with his father ages ago. And what better place to do so than the Parisian streets, a classy background to the classic number?

 He already felt the tune bubbling in his throat. He couldn’t contain it any longer even if he tried. With a theatrical shrug he folded the umbrella and propped it against his shoulder. His lips stretched into a dreamy smile when he set off again. Then came the song.

 “I'm siiiingin' in the rain, just siiiiiingin' in the rain.” His voice carried over the street, earning him a few confused glances. He gave his audience a little wink. 

 “What a gloooorious feeling, I'm haaaaaappy again,” he claimed, jumping onto a lampost. “I'm laughing at clouds. So daaaark up above. The sun's in my heart ...” Chat’s smile turned into something more smitten as he gazed upon a certain balcony looming in the distance, “… and I'm reeeeeady for loooove.”

 “Let the stoooormy clouds chase everyone from the place.” He waved at a couple making their way through the rain, hiding under an already-soaked newspaper. They chuckled at his antics and clapped, rewarding his performance. 

 Encouraged, Chat turned his face to the sky while throwing his arms to the sides in a truly musical fashion. “Come on with the rain! I've a smile on my face!” 

 He resumed his walk, nonchalantly swinging the umbrella in large circles. “I walk down the lane, with a haaaaaaaappy refrain. Just singing, singing iiiiiiiin the rain.”

 Chat spotted a few phones aimed at him and chuckled inwardly. People always looked for a scoop. Alya was going to be so angry she missed this. He could almost hear her gritting her teeth. Let's give them a show, he thought as his feet carried out the routine, a mix of waltz and tap dancing. 

 “Daaaaaancing in the rain,” he howled. “La-daaaa-da-da-di-daaaaAAA. I'm happy again.” He grabbed the umbrella as if it were a ukulele and struck a chord, making an elated face, as if he were Luka’s more handsome twin. “I'm singin' and dancing in the rain.”

 More tap dancing followed. Chat finally found a way to release all the pent-up energy that had come from the afternoon spent with the love of his life. He tapped, he stepped, he pirouetted, for his joy and for the entertainment of a significant crowd that had gathered to witness his performance. The umbrella was his partner, his pendulum, his microphone and staff. Oh, how versatile a prop this was! Chat leaped like a very wet ballerina, jumped over the puddles or right into them, frolicking in a totally unfeline manner, splashing the water onto himself and all around. A reckless, unstoppable dancing and singing machine.

 Slosh! A wall of cold water washed over him, effectively ending the show. He wiped the liquid from his eyes only to see a very familiar red-clad figure holding a polka-dotted bucket, which must have been the source of his unexpected and involuntary shower. 

 Concern marred Ladybug’s face. She breathed heavily—she must have been running fast to get here. But why did she have to be such a … what had Marinette said? Ah, an ultimate killjoy.

 “Why did you go and do that?” he complained, frowning in accusation. Water dripped from his soaked hair right into his ears. Both pairs. 

 Ladybug narrowed her eyes at him. “The neighbors were complaining about some caterwauling felines and I decided to investigate in case there was an akuma,” she said. 

 Chat shook his head, trying to get rid of the ear leak. “Well, was there?”

 His partner raised a brow and smirked, taking in his drenched form.

 “Oh.” It suddenly dawned on Chat that maybe performing a musical number in a city regularly haunted by mind-controlling villains wasn’t the best of ideas. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly, then shivered. “I’m cold,” he added.

 “Awww, poor kitty,” Ladybug cooed. She relaxed her shoulders, no longer alert. “I need to take you home.” She tangled her yo-yo around a chimney, grabbed him at the waist and in the next moment they were already soaring over the streets. 

 She stopped on a roof a block away from the mansion. Her timing was perfect, as usual.

 “AAAACHOOOOO!” Chat’s sneeze was so powerful Plagg flew out of the ring, taking the leather suit with him. The little kwami didn’t look happy in the least. 

 “Awww, shucks.” Adrien trembled. “Now it’s even colder.”

 “You don’t say,” Plagg grumbled. He was dripping wet. 

 Ladybug sighed in disbelief. She scooped the sprite into her hand and hid him in her pigtail. Then she proceeded to lift Adrien princess style and set off in the direction of his house. Unseen and undetected by the mansion’s security system, she slipped through the bathroom window and into the warmth of his room. 

 A true hero, the epitome of helpfulness, she grabbed a blanket from the bed and wrapped him tight. Then, with a towel she had taken from the bathroom, she gave Plagg the same treatment. 

 “I’m gonna leave you to change and go to sleep,” she finally declared. “No more clowning!” She pointed a finger at Adrien.

 He gave her an innocent blink. Alas, Ladybug seemed to be immune to his charm. Or maybe it was just late for her. After all he had caused her to leave the dry room and investigate an alleged akuma attack. He decided to step up his game.

 “Maybe a good-night kiss?” He fluttered his golden lashes hopefully. That always got a nice fluster out of Marinette. 

 “Haven’t you gotten like two already?” she frowned.

 “Nuh-uh, that was Chat. Adrien didn’t get any,” he complained. “Besides”—he fixed her with the delightful smile of a teenage heartthrob, his voice lowering to a murmur—“three is the charm, as Lady Luck should be perfectly aware.”

 Ladybug tapped her lip thoughtfully. “Well,” she drawled, stepping closer, “you do make a compelling argument …” Then she closed the space between them.

 Meowrrr, the cat in him uttered. Three was definitely the charm.

 - The End - 

[south-park-meta]

Cataglottism – Kissing with tongue. RandyxSharon

There's something good to be said about a small town, and that's that you know everyone inside out and backwards. You know enough to have opinions on people you've never met, though the odds are you'll meet them eventually.

For the most part Sharon's opinions on people have never been the kind to change, whether she knew them firsthand or second. She's always trusted her gut. She's always felt like she's known right from wrong, whether that was found in something intangible or personified. She's never liked to second guess herself. Likely no one does, but she thinks she likes it less than most. Second guesses mean you might have made a mistake. She's a Catholic, raised the strict sort; her parents tell her it's actions that matter, not the intent, hide away your thoughts. The right thing to do is stick with her guns, always be dedicated, always be sure.

Randy's one of the only people she's ever changed her mind on. He's a year older than she is, and she only sees him in passing. He's got a loud enough personality she hears it without talking to him, and it's not what she likes to hear. He takes on dares readily, he'll chug glue or hot sauce and laugh while fanning his mouth. He'll sell his class on causes and shrug his shoulders and drop them two weeks later. He's in more than his fair share of fights, willing to brawl with anyone he thinks deserves it. The things she hears say he has no self respect and no real convictions. Violence has always bothered her.

Her brother, Jimbo, is five years older than she is. It's just enough of a difference that they aren't close the way siblings are meant to be close, like the best friends she sometimes wishes they were. But their parents aren't exactly parental, either; spare the rod and spoil the child, and all, and Jimbo puts pegs on his bike so she can stand on the back to come with when he goes to his friends' houses, and later always has room for her in his pickup once he starts driving. He's a hands-off kind of babysitter, but it's better than going home. The first time she talks to Randy is on one of these trips, when Jimbo takes her to see his friend, Mike. Mike's little brother, David, has some friends over, too, and one of them is Randy.

Jimbo and Mike take off down the hall. The younger boys are all sitting on the couch when she comes in. They've just started high school and don't get girls yet. She’s at the end of middle school, which is enough for them to see her as a kid, but she’s also only one year younger, which is enough to see her as a girl. They all offer up their spots on the couch for her. She rolls her eyes and sits on the floor. For the most part they ignore her as they make dumb jokes, but sometimes Randy will go, “Hey, Sharon!” or David will throw a little something at her back; she sees Randy give him a little shove out of the corner of her eye when he does. She reads an old TV Guide that Mike's parents have out on the coffee table. Then Jimbo and Mike start making noise from the bedroom in the back. She knows what they're doing, but in a way that's still a bit abstract in her mind. Her parents never have talked about sex. She’s picked up what she knows from her friends, who know only about as much as she does. She knows, though, that if Jimbo were doing this in their house he’d be packing his bags that night.

That's when Randy sits next to her and says, "So. Your brother's kind of...funny, huh?" in a tone like he's trying to be her friend. Or maybe like he's trying to console her. It would be an innocuous word except for the weight it carries.

Her nostrils flare. "You say that to his face and see what happens," she says, "He's going to be in the Army." He'd started the process just that week.

That's not the thing that changes her mind on Randy-- it makes her think he's worse if anything, and she steps outside to sit on the porch until Jimbo's ready to go. But it's the moment before the moment that she changes her mind.

Because there's something bad to be said about a small town, and that's that you know everyone inside out and backwards. Secondhand, if not first, and everyone hears about it in the end. When a few high school boys want to kick Jimbo's ass a few weeks before he goes to basic training, it so happens that Randy's one of the ones in the audience. The three boys that fight her brother are all at least sixteen, and even if they weren't it's not like Randy would be expected to do anything except mind his own business. No one else who's watching does. But he hops on in and fights with her brother instead of against him. Her brother's a good fighter. Randy's not, exactly, but he leans into punches to control the impact instead of trying to get away from them, and not that many people are willing to fight the instinct to avoid. Jimbo wins. He's a little pissed about it, says he could've handled himself and didn't need a fucking freshman helping him out, but he still takes Randy back to their house to steal a couple of beers from the fridge.

"I thought you'd be on the other side," Sharon says, sitting on the swing set in their backyard.

"Oh, yeah?" Randy asks. He's sitting on the second swing. He's definitely too tall for it. He doesn't sound offended. He takes a drink of the beer her brother gave him.

"You called Jimbo 'funny'," she reminds him.

"Well uh-duh," Randy says, "He was fucking Mike. That's some real....funny stuff." She has the feeling he would be saying a word other than 'funny' this time if it wasn't her brother. She also knows it's a word she's heard all over town, casual and normal, that still makes her insides squirm even as she ignores it. Jimbo himself says those things about other boys, and not nicely. "Doesn't mean he needs his ass kicked for it. 'Sides, it wasn't even a fair fight."

She hums. "Aren't you too young to drink?" she asks.

"What're you, my mom? God."

Somehow the way he says it makes her smile. "No," she says, "But I bet your mom's going to be mad about that black eye you've got." She chews her lip and suggests, "I can get my makeup, to try and cover it." She never wears it; her own mom would be mad if she did. She just tries it on in the mirror sometimes.

"I don't have to cover it," Randy says, "They don't care."

Either of his parents, then, instead of just his mom. He doesn't sound bothered by it, but it bothers her.

That's when she stops disliking Randy Marsh.

When he finishes his beer he invites her to a clubhouse that weekend. She accepts.

It's not finished yet, when she gets there. Gerald Broflovski and Stuart McCormick are the ones building it in Stuart's mom's backyard-- that's one of the kinds of secrets they wouldn't discuss in Sharon's family; that Stuart's parents are divorced. For what it is, the clubhouse looks good. They've been working on it over a year, apparently, begging for defective wood from lumberyards and construction workers and getting palettes to pull apart with crowbars for free from supermarkets. It means the wood's a little warped and not everything's been sanded, but it's big, impressive for having started at thirteen. Randy's the odd man out, she can tell. He says how good everything's looking and Gerald and Stuart share a look and a laugh, and Gerald says "Yeah, we know," in a pretentious sort of way. Randy doesn't seem to notice.

A few more girls and a few more boys show up, and they play spin the bottle with a chipped beer bottle they grab from the grass in the backyard. She kisses Randy for the first time then, crawling into the middle to meet each other on a floor made of palettes. She gets a sliver in her right knee for her trouble. The kiss ties her stomach in knots and just about makes her hurl, in a way she hasn't since she kissed Brian Haywood in third grade, and she's glad for the pain to distract her.

They don't exactly date. Not seriously, anyway, with labels. But she'll sit with him to eat lunch and they hold hands on the walk to school sometimes, and they go that way, untethered, for a while.

The first time they date, for real, is when he asks her to prom and she says yes.

Most of the night is good. Some of it isn't. Right at the end Randy gets in a fight with Tom, a boy who's had a crush on her for years, who she never gave a minute to even when all she had was sitting with Randy at lunch. They go to Randy's car afterwards, and drive out to the country a ways to sit. "I don't know why you do that," she says, "Get in fights." She'd liked it, though, when he fought to help her brother. And Tom's an asshole, the kind of boy who's pulled her pigtails and made comments about her breasts, and she doesn't really mind that Randy's fought him tonight, either. Sometimes, especially in the future, her tone will be more judgmental, or annoyed. Right now it's mostly honestly confused.

"Aw, I don't know," Randy says, earnestly. She likes him when he's earnest. "To feel something, I guess."

"Randy. Everything you do should make you feel something. We're on a date right now, doesn't that make you feel something?"

Randy gives her a very funny kind of expression, like he's missing something. Like he hasn't realized until that moment that he shouldn't have to be outlandish to have emotions that stick. "Well. Yeah. Kind of," he agrees.

'Kind of' isn't exactly romantic. But she can work with it. She grabs his tie and pulls him in for a kiss, and his lips part against hers. Her point takes a long moment to make, her tongue moving against his, her fingers letting go of his tie and curling up in his shirt. "Doesn't this make you feel anything?" she asks, but their mouths are together again before he can answer her.

Again they're pressing into each other, tasting each other, mussing up hair and clothes, before he gets out a, "Yeah. I do. I feel something."

It makes her feel something, too, it makes her feel in love, which she tells herself is silly, since she and Randy haven't had much of a real relationship. They've had friendship with kisses and this one date. But she goes with it. She's never liked to second guess herself.

[orionsangel86]

Sam & Eileen - A Supernatural Romance.

I am quite clearly over the moon about 15x06 and Sam reunited with and bringing Eileen back from the dead. I was so over the moon in fact, that I burst into tears when Eileen stepped out of the bathtub and took Sam’s hand. That was… wow. 

That was the most romantic moment in this show since 13x05 “it’s never too late” (also a return from the dead!)

So I was inspired to write an homage meta post celebrating Sam and Eileen’s romance looking back at everything canon has given us on this epic pairing.

It turns out, despite all my usual grumbling, there is still one het ship out there that I can totally get behind, and no one deserves love more than our dear Sam Winchester.

11x04 - Baby

This is where I believe the story started for Sam. 

“You don’t ever want something more?”

(x)

“You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?”

This question, from Sam to his brother at the start of Season 11, has shaped so much of the subtext in the seasons following. It’s significance to the Winchesters individual development arcs, their hopes, their dreams. It blatantly spelled out for the audience what both these boys desire and what they deserve for each of their endgames.

Not a white picket fence, not the apple pie life, just something. Something that suits them. Something to share with someone else, romantically, who might fit that particular box. Let me be very clear here and stress that Sam certainly wasn’t talking about him and Dean finding that something with each other.

Dean’s journey towards finding that something has been building for even longer than this particular moment in canon, with the other stand out scene being his confession in 10x16 where he talked about having things, people, feelings, that I want to experience differently than before, or maybe even for the first time. Dean’s journey is something we have discussed at length, and as every meta writer in fandom knows all too well, it only leads in one particular direction - towards a certain dreamy blue eyed angel. 

Sam’s journey has not been discussed as intensely as Dean’s, but 11x04 did lay groundwork for the writers to build upon. It hasn’t been as smooth or as obvious in the subtext as Dean’s either, with certain writing decisions appearing to come out of left field and confuse the path. But it seems that Dabb has course corrected and brought us back on track. 

This episode was the first time in canon in a long time that we heard Sam textually voice his desire for a romantic relationship of some kind. I therefore immediately got excited and locked this moment away in a pocket in my heart to pull out again if ever the show would introduce a character who could fit those requirements for Sam. 

The show did not disappoint.

11x11 Into the Mystic

GOD I forgot how full of delicious layers this episode was! It was written by the same writer who wrote 11x04. Robbie Thompson clearly had something in mind for Sam when he first wrote that script, and he gave it to us (and Sam) in this episode.

Eileen is introduced in 11x11 as another Hunter on a quest for vengeance - to avenge her murdered family.

It isn’t a surprise that we basically immediately shipped Eileen with Sam after this episode first aired, because her entire backstory is written to compliment Sam. Within the first 5 minutes of getting to know her, she already fulfills the requirements from Sam’s wistful speech in 11x04. She is a hunter, she is someone who understands the life. But more than that, she is all of the following:

She is on a revenge quest

She has murdered parents

She was raised by a Hunter or rather “trained” to be a Hunter rather than raised (in a scene which implies a similarly strict hunter upbringing to Sam and Dean)

She continued hunting alone after her guardian died

Her grandfather was a Man of Letters, making her a MOL Legacy, just like Sam.

Her mother was a lawyer, so she makes a joke about studying law which prompts further bonding with Sam due to his Stanford law education.

Eileen catches Sam’s eye almost immediately, and it is surprising I didn’t pick up on that on my first watch at the time, but Eileen is literally disguised as the cleaner in order to go unnoticed. Sam had no reason to be suspicious of her, and I think at the time we all assumed that he just wanted to question a potential witness - but even so, there was no need to interrupt Mildred to go speak to her. Could Sam’s distraction have been a bit more than strictly professional? In hindsight I’m gonna go with YES.

Their next meet is cute simply because by this point the audience is misled to think that she is actually the banshee. The ominous music tones, the shots of Eileen watching the Winchesters from a window. We believe that she is the villain, and then when she uses magic to pin Sam and comes at him with a dagger it’s practically a romantic trope used in enemies to lovers fics. A case of mistaken identity (another trope) and Sam and Eileen are able to reveal each of their truths. They bond immediately with both Sam and the audience learning all of the above. the checklist requirements indicating their compatibility is so blatantly obvious its almost too on the nose. But then het romance always seems that way doesn’t it?

The real kicker in this episode that made my heart sing at the time was this:

“Feel free to drop me a line if you ever need anything. Or even if you just wanna hang out”

“you can’t call me though, I mean you could call but I won’t answer.”

(x)

FIRST OF ALL - HOW DARE YOU KILL ME WITH FEELS SAMMY OVER THAT GORGEOUS SMILE

Sam’s line here though was SUCH A LINE. “Or even if you just wanna hang out”

I see you Sam Winchester. Hoping for Netflix and Chill right? I know you have Netflix. You gave Cas your password. :P

This little interaction at the end of this episode was pure flirtation and it was gorgeous to watch (and to rewatch, with hindsight, knowing what happens in 15x06 to totally deepen their relationship. Urgh. I guess I really am a sucker for a good old fashioned Supernatural Love Story!)

The other big takeaway from this episode is that meeting Eileen rejuvenated Sam. He starts the episode unable to sleep, haunted by his Lucifer trauma and feeling so down and broody that Dean steps in constantly to ask if he’s okay and try to engage in talking about feelings (always a bad sign for a Winchester to get to the point where they feel they need to ask the other to talk about feelings!)

But the end of the episode marks a significant change in Sam. He smiles, he opens up to Dean, he textually states that the case helped him. He opens up a keepsake box (that we never knew he had before this episode) and puts the retirement homes leaflet in there - an indication that he actually has hope that he might live to see a happy retirement (a wonderful sign for someone who just 40 minutes ago was acting like a total nihilist.)

The case alone wasn’t some spectacular revelation, so what else could have possibly caused Sam’s change of heart? The answer is obvious. Eileen did. She acted like a beacon of light this episode for Sam, and in a perfect bookend to how the episode opened, Sam curls up in bed, turns off his light, and is able to sleep. It is only Dean who spends the night restless and haunted.

This was the first time that Eileen acted as a “win” for Sam just by meeting him.

Unfortunately, we don’t meet Eileen again until a whole season later in

12x17 - The British Invasion

This episode is a far cry away from 11x11′s layered genius. Messy, overly plot heavy, too many various character stories causing mental whiplash, too much focus on unnecessary side characters, LUCIFER existing in general, an unnecessary sex scene between Mary and Ketch (eww), a bloody death scene, and moments of utter stupidity from the lead characters.

In other words it’s a CLASSIC BUCKLEMING.

Do yourselves a favour and if you ARE planning on re-watching this episode, just skip to the parts with Dean, Sam and Eileen (the Dagon and Kelly stuff is relatively good as well - the rest is utter garbage).

Anyway, pushing aside my hatred for the terrible duo for a moment, I will say that as per usual, what they lack in subtlety and intelligent subtextual layering, they make up for with a sledge hammer to the face in terms of trying to get a point across. So when it comes to Saileen in this episode, well, it might as well be canon already.

Practically every time Sam and Eileen interact in this episode, they are framed as a flirtatious couple in the early tentative stages. The smiles and playful flirting, the smirks when one does something to make the other proud. It is very clear, even if it is still technically subtextual, that both Jared and Shoshannah are playing this like these characters are attracted to one another, and are building on that relationship.

Hell, even Dean teases Sam twice about Eileen in this episode (though once was in a deleted scene that they should have kept instead of the Lucifer crap):

(x)

What we also find out from this opening scene, is that Sam and Eileen have been communicating off screen since 11x11. It is textually confirmed that the two of them have been developing their relationship previously, and we just haven’t seen it. Did Eileen visit the Bunker previously? Because she certainly seemed comfortable there this episode. Have her and Sam cuddled up to watch movies previously? (We know another pairing that textually do this even though we’ve never seen it on screen - Dean and Cas). Dean feels comfortable enough to tease his little brother in that playful typical sibling way, so clearly Eileen at this point has become a more frequent character in Sam’s life. It’s just a shame we as the audience have never seen anything of it until this episode. 

This episode might be the first time we have seen her again since her introduction, but it certainly isn’t the first time Sam has seen her since. This is canon.

The rest of this episode continues this theme of displaying with zero subtlety that Sam and Eileen have something more than friendship. One of the easiest ways to truly see the effect of this is just watching Sam in scenes with her compared to Sam at any other time. Like in 11x11, Eileen manages to light Sam up and have him grinning like a puppydog. It’s kind of adorable and also quite shocking when you realise how rare it is to see Sam smile (or any of the characters in this angstfest of a TV show for that matter.)

Just look at the above cheesy smile in the car scene. Look at Sam’s bashful face here when Dean teases him in front of his girl:

(x)

Look at this smug face when Eileen snaps back at the irritating guy:

(x)

Jared hits every mark playing a loved up Sam Winchester. 

By the end of this episode, a tragedy strikes and Eileen is scared off. Their relationship here ends on a comforting hug, because meaningful relationships in this show are almost always first signified with comforting hugs following traumatic events, and tentative hand holding.

The way he strokes her hair gently is just SO touching and intimate.

(x)

When all is said and done Eileen leaves, terrified of the British Men of Letters. When Dean asks Sam where she was, he tells him she went back to Ireland, and Sam looks so dejected at that thought. I don’t see how anyone can possibly read his reactions towards Eileen as anything other than romantic affection.

As a bonus point - I will mention that due to Bucklemings sledgehammer approach, it is quite clear that Eileen plays a Cas mirror in this episode. All of her scenes with Sam are paired off against Dean who spends this entire episode trying and failing to get hold of Castiel. In the Winchester’s final scene, Sam greets Dean in the morning and immediately asks his brother about Cas. Sam does this a lot in season 12, because Dean’s concern for Cas is present throughout every episode in which he is absent. Dean admits he is worried, but changes the subject, instead asking Sam about Eileen (note that it is the next morning so Dean assumed she had stayed the night).

Both brothers revert to the other when it comes to their respective partners. Sam leaves it up to Dean to contact and worry about Cas, and Dean does the same with Sam about Eileen. By this being a common pattern throughout pretty much all of Carver/Dabb eras, both brothers subtextually acknowledge that they each have a strong emotional connection with their respective potential romantic partners and therefore any contact or communication about each partner must come from the brother closest. 

12x21 - There’s Something About Mary

Another Buckleming episode and the less said about this one the better. I won’t even mention the extremely insulting and inappropriate way to kill off a disabled character (almost as bad as killing off a lesbian by having nazis butcher her) I also won’t comment on the letter that Eileen sent Sam which whilst it did have romantic undertones, was clearly written by a 12 year old girl and did not marry with Eileen’s character at all (Eugenie showing her misogyny again).

The one good thing that came out of this episode (the only good thing) was Jared’s understated grief over Eileen’s death. 

(x)

(x)

His performance dealing with her death in this episode was beautiful. It was understated, but clearly portrayed as heartbreaking. Unfortunately Sam had to push it down and bottle it up. 

Eileen’s death was a huge shocker to us all as it didn’t make any sense at that point to cut short a story that seemed so clearly to be on a specific trajectory. We often talk about how Eileen’s romance with Sam at the time was tied to Dean and Cas, and that their relationship paralleled Dean and Cas’s in the narrative. This is all true, especially the death of Eileen coming as foreshadowing for the death of Castiel at series end. Just looking at that above gif of Sam where he looks at her corpse bears an extreme resemblance to Dean pulling back the sheet and looking down at a dead Castiel in 13x01.

However much I squee and love that these relationships are clear mirrors of each other though, I need to stress how Saileen, how Sam and Eileen’s canon relationship, is so much more than that. They may have mirrored Destiel, but they are also totally different, on a different course, and with a totally different backstory. Eileen doesn’t exist just to give Sam his own version of Cas to run off with. She is not there just to push up a separate ship. Sam and Eileen’s romance stands alone in this story. It may mirror DeanCas at times, but its purpose is not for DeanCas. It’s purpose is for Sam and Eileen. 

Right from the start she ticked all of Sam’s boxes, and the clear attraction between them made it obvious. Yet Eileen was not written to just be a love interest either. She is an ally, a capable hunter, who is written deeply, with her own trauma’s and tragic past. Yet she keeps fighting, all whilst owning her disability and making it work for her rather than hold her back. She is hardly a Lisa, or an Amelia, both of whom had zero depth of character and were more or less written to look pretty and concerned as the Winchester boys basically treated them terribly. Eileen stands out as an individual character far beyond her relationship with Sam. She was full of potential which is why her quick death was an absolute travesty. 

Eileen should not have been killed off. I believe even the writers are well aware of that, and this is why they brought her back. 

Which brings me to:

15x06 - Golden Time

We knew long before this episode aired that Eileen would be back as Dabb revealed her return at SDCC. He made comments at the time ensuring that any characters he brought back would not be fanservice, that they would be characters chosen because the writers felt their stories ended too quickly, and that they had more stories to tell. Something I believe that DabbBerens are doing in particular in this season is righting the wrongs of the past. Eileen’s death was a clear “wrong” and I think its highly likely that DabbBerens’ were aware of this and saw Eileen as a no-brainer to bring back. As I said at the start of this post, Dabb is course correcting, getting his endgame plans back on track, and ensuring that he hits certain markers in order to do that. 

Once again, we are at a place in the story where Sam is grieving, and suffering deeply from all of the loss and trauma that he has faced. Being God’s personal puppet, losing his mother, losing his son, and losing someone he was close to in Rowena by his own hand, has left him in a dark place. Sam’s arc in early season 15 plays out very similarly to Dean’s arc in early season 13. A Winchester in desperate need of a win.

Eileen was Sam’s win in this episode.

Given the time that has passed since Eileen’s last episode, and how the narrative has progressed since then, I was worried that Eileen’s return would seem like fan service, and would therefore fall flat (I felt this way with AU!Charlie and never warmed to the character because of it). I was also worried that whatever potential relationship might have been building between her and Sam in seasons 11 and 12 might not have shone through in this episode. But thankfully the writers played it pretty damn perfectly and Eileen’s return wasn’t just a small side plot to an otherwise jam packed episode (like Kevin’s return in 15x02). No, her story was the A plot as Sam devoted himself to finding a way to save her from a terrible fate.

My concerns about their potential romantic relationship not being played as it was in 12x17 were also completely unfounded. From the moment Sam saw Eileen’s ghost whilst on a jog the romance was immediately back and I have no doubt that Jared and Shoshannah are once again fully playing up the connection and romantic attraction between the two. 

I am so convinced of the romance being put across here, and I want you to see why I adore this so much (in case you don’t already see it). So here are my biggest and most important takeaways from Eileen and Sam’s scenes in this episode and WHY I feel these stand out as significant elements towards proving the writers intentions for this to be an endgame canon relationship:

1. Aside from the obvious similarities between Sam and Eileen that were written into 11x11 in order to ensure that Eileen was able to stand as Sam’s equal, the one other thing that we have long discussed that Sam needs in a partner is someone who at least somewhat understands the trauma and pain that he has experienced in his life. Sam has predominantly bonded with people via shared trauma. Before her death, Eileen had had her fair share of traumatic experiences growing up in the tough hunter lifestyle, but spending an eternity being tortured in Hell is a different level of trauma entirely.

This episode cleverly once again elevated Eileen to the same level as Sam. They are equals now, both through good and bad experiences. Eileen was dragged to Hell, and only escaped when Chuck released the souls. Given that 1 year on Earth is 100 years in Hell, this means that Eileen was in Hell for 250 years give or take. Her trauma, her pain over this, is something that she can’t talk about just yet, but this significant connection between her and Sam was textualised clearly:

SAM: “I’ve been there too. Hell… long time ago. You try and forget but it gets inside you. Talking helps.”

EILEEN: “I can’t. not yet.”

SAM: “I understand”

And he really does. It is something that we can argue is a shared suffering that can create a (forgive me for this) profound bond between two people. The only other people who can understand just what he has been through were Dean (via years of Hell torture), Cas (via shared Lucifer possession), and Rowena (via shared Lucifer torture). Eileen now makes that very small list.

2. The other big factor that this episode made clear to point out textually was that this is not a Chuck manipulation. This really is Eileen, and her return from death is not part of Chuck’s story: 

SAM: “Rowena got it, she didn’t know the details but she knew the game was rigged so this. Magic. This is how she kept control.”

The reason I do not believe that Eileen is part of Chuck’s manipulations is this very pointed line right here about Rowena. Along with many other things in this episode that indicate that it isn’t guided by Chuck, Sam specifically clarifies that Rowena used magic to maintain control over her own universe.

Whilst I fully believe that Rowena will be coming back as Queen of Hell (because whatever happens to Heaven and Hell at the end, they will need balance, and someone to play caretaker and Rowena has just been set up for this role far too perfectly for me not to at least consider the option), this episode so beautifully respects and honours her character, to the point that Rowena, even in her absence, is able to control and play architect to all that happens. Rowena effectively is given Chuck’s role over this particular narrative, but instead of being framed as something villainous, it is portrayed as a precious gift that she has given to her protege Sam.

Rowena rigged the system for herself, as Sam textually explains. Her use of magic, was her way of escaping Chuck’s control, and it is through Rowena that Sam is also given this power. The power to bring back someone he loves - who was most likely taken from him by Chuck’s own dark and poorly written story (yes I do believe that Meredith was throwing shade at Buckleming in the deep subtext - pretty much all the other writers do this all the time if you pay close enough attention :P)

Rowena’s journey from villain, to reluctant ally, to friend and then finally to family, is one of the most beautiful and epic journey’s on the show (rivalled only by Castiel in my opinion). She remains one of my all time favourite characters, and her tribute in this episode, that even after death she could bestow such a precious gift to Sam, is one that I think will remain one of the more touching stories this show has given us. This is yet another reason why I believe that Sam and Eileen are endgame. Because it is a gift from Rowena, and I believe it is a gift that will be honoured by the writers.

3. It’s a small moment, but it is IMPORTANT. Sam confirms that he was teaching himself ASL after he met Eileen. In a moment of adorable flirtation Eileen beams at him and a bashful Sam smiles and bounces on the spot like a giddy schoolboy. This is yet another reveal of moments in the lives of the Winchesters that we just don’t see in 40 minute episodes. That it is canon that Sam spent hours of his life teaching himself ASL so he could more effectively communicate with Eileen is so precious. There is no way to argue how much she meant to him. 

But it isn’t just evidence of Sam’s affections, it proves to be a useful tool to the hunt in this episode as well. When Sam is unable to speak due to the witches curse, he is instead able to sign “My brother” to Eileen so that she knows to go and get Dean. It is Sam’s knowledge of sign language, which he learned due to his affection and interest in Eileen, that saves his life in this episode. 

One point that I HAVE to mention here is how the writers gave so much thought to their depiction of Eileen as a deaf person, and how wonderful her return is as representation for deaf and hard of hearing people everywhere. In both this episode, and also in her first episode 11x11, her disability was not treated as a set back, but as a tool that enables her to get ahead. The only time the writing displayed an insulting and frankly ableist light was Bucklemings 12x21 which isn’t really surprising. We expect such things from Buckleming. The other writers have proven how much more compassionate and caring they are.

The idea that Sam Winchester could end up falling in love with a beautiful, deaf woman in Eileen is practically unheard of in TV media. When do the protagonists ever end up with anyone less than “TV perfect”? It is groundbreaking that Supernatural in it’s 15 seasons has grown so much and come so far. That it started with the fridging of two women, that it’s cast remained predominantly white men throughout its entire run, that it was blackened by excessive misogyny in its early days, as well as ableism via the treatment of Bobby Singer’s paralysis in season 5. 

Supernatural has faced heavy criticism throughout it’s run, but it seems like the writers have listened and are learning. By allowing Sam and Eileen to have a happy endgame, they are doing a wonderful service in truly putting this show on the map for progression and representation - They just need to make sure that they follow through on that other big important thing too…

4. Rebirth and new beginnings. I am reminded of 13x05 and the brilliant Steppenwolf song “It’s Never Too Late To Start Again” as I rewatch the bathroom scene for the hundredth time. If the rest of the episode hasn’t already had you crying out how desperately these two should be together I fully believe it was Meredith’s plan (along with the entire production crew and Shoshannah and Jared), to have us all bawling our eyes out in happy tears that Sam and Eileen get to be together now!! (well, I certainly cried. A lot. and ruined my mascara. and squeaked at such a high pitch only dogs could hear me. The only other time I have had that reaction was in 13x05… oh, and 12x19. It’s RARE okay!)

I think the most significant point here is the touching of hands, which calls back to an earlier painful moment in the episode when ghost Eileen reached out to try to comfort Sam as he despaired about being a cosmic joke, and found she wasn’t even able to touch him. 

It is a romantic trope that was most famously used in the film Ghost, where touch was a big part of the on screen relationship. Supernatural displays this same trope rather perfectly here when the big win of the episode takes place, and Eileen emerges from the bathtub alive and whole, and tentatively reaches out to take Sam’s hand again with vastly different results.

(x)

Sam is so hesitant to touch her back, so fearful that this isn’t real, that he isn’t being allowed this. The overwhelming sense of relief and warmth that radiates from him when he finally does take her hand was exactly what made me burst into tears. The moment is so extremely breathtaking, so intimate and touching that your heart just aches for them to have that happy ending. It’s rare that Supernatural gives us moments like this, but when it does give them, when it allows its characters a win, they are immediately memorable and stand out as bright spots in an otherwise dark show. It’s moments like this that make watching these characters suffer so much worth it in the end.

The hug that comes after the touching of hands is just as intimate. This is portrayed as a lifeline. Something for Sam to grasp onto and breath. Something that inspires him to change his outlook, to gather his determination, and to convince his brother to join him and fight for the happy ending that both of these boys so desperately deserve.

(x)

The entire bathroom scene was a testament to how well Supernatural can work romance into its narrative. How these talented creators can easily provide us with a romantic scene to tug on our heart strings. Anyone screaming that romance doesn’t belong in this show I will now point at this scene and tell them exactly how wrong they are. This scene is EXACTLY what this show needed. 

For anyone denying the romance here (yeah funny how the bronly’s are so anti Saileen - I wonder why...) I’ll spell it out for them:

This is how you set up a romantic scene in TV Production:

1. Candlelight. Check.

2. Soft focus (dates back to the 1930s when films would use soft focus to portray the dreamy emotional uplift of happy couples in love - see Meet Me In Saint Louis for a very clear example). It is almost always considered a filming technique to portray romance. Check.

3. Chivalry. As if any of us didn’t expect Sam to be a perfect gentleman! But the fact is that the way he turns his back and waits with bated breath to see if the spell had worked is shown as anything other than platonic. He is almost shy, knowing that if and when she emerges from the water she will be naked, but he turns to preserve her dignity. Check.

4. Leading on from that, this is literally a naked woman emerging from a bathtub whilst Sam awkwardly stands in the room. It could have been highly sexualised. They could have used that god awful 70s porno music they like so much in this show. Sam could have made a joke to dispel the tension. If this was a platonic friendship, any of these things would have given it away. The fact that none of this happened, that the scene remained tense and intimate but not overly sexualised only further validates the romantic reading. I mean LOOK AT THIS:

CHECK

5. The music. Music is such an important part in any story. It always plays a vital role in signifying the correct atmosphere, and the correct tone of a scene. We talk about music a lot in relation to Dean and Cas and the sweeping melodic notes that usually compliment any heightened emotional DeanCas scene. The music during THIS scene though? Well it was beautifully romantic in every way. If in doubt, just go back and listen to it with your eyes closed. Play this music track over another random scene of two people sharing a moment, and it will make the scene read as romantic. I guarantee it. 

CHECK AND MATE.

Overall, this episode was the most romantic and most intimate Sam and Eileen have ever got yet in canon. It is a clear indication that their relationship is heading in a positive direction. I couldn’t be happier with how the writers are portraying this and am jumping for joy at the thought that Sam might actually get what he desired all those years ago during 11x04 when he tried to bring up the topic to Dean in the Impala.

We know from promo photos, that Eileen is still staying with Sam in 15x07. That she comforts him. With images like this to go on:

I’d say with some confidence that we will get to further watch their relationship grow, and I couldn’t be more excited for it.

I fully expect there to be darker moments coming up, and potentially Eileen will be sent away for a period of time (my money is on Chuck “dusting” her the way he did with Becky in 15x04 because I don’t believe that kills people and I do believe that they can be brought back from wherever he sends them too - plus “dusting” makes me think of Avengers Endgame which I find amusing because the “dusted” all returned at the end. I wouldn’t be surprised if Supernatural played around with that as it so often likes to play with pop culture references). I think that post Mid Season Finale we will be back to a period of utter loss and despair for the Winchester boys, and that therefore those who they feel strongly for (aka Cas and Eileen) will have to be separated from them.

However, the point is that it is always darkest before the dawn. In this story, 15x06 has laid the groundwork for Eileen to be Sam’s romantic endgame. It’s now up to Sam, and Eileen, to make sure they fight to get what they both so desire.

Bring on the finale show.

(If you liked this meta run through of Sam and Eileen’s building relationship, please leave a comment for me. It took forever to complete! Also, please click the links under the gifs and go give the gifmakers some love! The gifsets I have used are all wonderful and deserve your reblogs. (Gifs that don’t have links are my own)).

:)

[outshinethestars]

The Single Greatest Act of Hypocrisy in European History (Hetalia fic)

So, the Berlin wall was down, everyone was reunited, everything was awesome.

Prussia himself was perfectly happy, far happier than he ever expected he could be (Prussia didn’t know why he wasn’t dead, and he didn’t know if he would die, and he didn’t know if his living was hurting Germany somehow, and he didn’t know if his being alive meant that something catastrophic was about to happen to Germany, and he had never been perfectly happy and at peace before and he didn’t know what to do with himself and-).

However, in this modern world of happy perfection there was one great, glaring imperfection .

Hungary and Austria’s love life.

Or rather, lack thereof.

When Prussia had asked Hungary about it (yes, really, he’d asked, okay maybe not directly, but she’d known what he meant) she’d said something about times changing and moving on, and how they were their own nations now and who knew what the future would hold, a relationship could complicate things.

And it had been quite a long time since they were married, and it honestly hadn’t been the happiest of marriages then.  It wasn’t like Hungary needed Austria, seriously, it was Austria who needs him, but Prussia could tell by the way she laughed about it that she still loved him, and sure she was perfectly fine without him, but she missed being with him.  She just wouldn’t admit it.

And of course, Austria, the idiot, had no idea.

The problem, in short, was communication.  Austria and Hungary needed to talk about their feelings (don’t laugh).

So, this wasn’t the first time that Prussia had done this.  It wasn’t even the first time that he had done it to Austria.  Prussia had, in fact written countless fake love letters to Austria over the centuries, posing as all sorts of people, much to other people’s anguish and Prussia’s own amusement.

Prussia had never, however, done this with good intentions before.

It somehow made the whole thing feel morally iffy.

But Hungary was pretending that everything was fine when it wasn’t, and Austria was pining.   He wasn’t even trying to pretend not to be pining, because Austria, the melodramatic sop, let his emotions dribble all over the place.  Not, like, loudly, because he was a gentleman, or whatever.  But his pining drooped everywhere, annoyingly obvious if you knew him at all, which Prussia unfortunately did.  He was pining so piningly that his whole country was covered in Essence of Pining, a miasma so thick that it threatened to leak over the border. Ew! Gross! No!  Something had to be done.

Enter the Awesome Prussia.

Prussia was very good at what he did.  The handwriting forgery was not the easy part , but it was the part that Prussia was so practiced at he could almost do it in his sleep.  He’d forged the handwriting of almost every nation in Europe, as well as nations outside of Europe, people who weren’t nations, etc.

The trickier part was the actual content of the letter.  Prussia had written these before, but never like this.  No, this time it needed to be sincere .  No clever insults that are only apparent on second or fourth reading, no subtle undertones that imply that the sender is an idiot, only deep, genuine heartfelt love, the love that both parties felt, but were too stubborn to come out and admit.  Idiots.  (really, don’t.)

The letter to Austria was by far the easier of the two, even though Austria was about as attractive as a damp rag.  Less attractive, actually, damp rags are useful.  Still, it wasn’t too hard to write a fake love letter to him, firstly because Prussia had done it before, and secondly because because as far as Prussia could tell Austria didn’t have the good qualities God gave damp rags, any good qualities he could think of to mention were ones Hungary had told him about, and finally because he knew Hungary pretty well, so impersonating her wasn’t too hard or, like soul-crushingly horrifying or anything.

Hungary, on the other hand, had innumerable good qualities, and Prussia had no idea which ones of them Austria actually appreciated.  And furthermore, writing to Hungary involved impersonating Austria.  It involved getting into the headspace of Austria, it involved getting into the headspace of Austria deeply, amorously in love with his best friend.  Ew!  Yuck!  Who would ever want that ??? Also, Prussia had only written Hungary a fake love letter exactly once.  It was supposedly from Poland, the fallout was fantastic, and Hungary had made him promise, on pain of terror, Never to do that again.

… This was for a good cause, though.  Hungary would forgive him.

… … Right?

He didn’t really need to send a letter to Hungary.  She could see Austria’s egregious pining as well as anyone else.  But still, there’s a difference between knowing and being told outright.  Just because someone knows you love them, doesn’t mean you don’t still have to tell them.  Austria was a wimp.  (...)

Anyway, Hungary wouldn’t be any less furious with him for writing a fake love letter from her, he’d never done that before.  Might as well go all in.

The letter came on a sunny spring morning.  The sky was blue, the birds were singing, everything was beautiful and as it should be.

Hungary’s heart stopped a little when she saw Austria’s familiar handwriting on the envelope.

It was a love letter, and it was so incredibly romantic and heartfelt, that she teared up a little in spite of herself.  She read it through, and then read it again.  

Some highlights include:

“I think of you often.  I think that I have never stopped thinking of you, you who have always held my heart in your keeping.  But now that there are no barriers between us, no physical ones at least, I cannot seem to think of anything else.  My thoughts are always turned towards you, and it breaks my heart to wonder if you ever think of me in return.”

And:

“Though it’s embarrassing, I’ll admit that I spend hours of every day staring out my window, the one that faces you.  I miss you so very dearly.  All my music is mournful, yearning music now, I try to play more cheerful things and my heart is not in it.”

It concluded:

“I don’t know if you have feelings for me still.  I know that we were not married long, and our marriage was not always a happy one. I only write this to tell you how I feel, and to ask: are you willing to try again?  

If you have moved on, if you have no romantic feelings for me, I will understand and accept it.  I cannot promise not to be hurt, but I know such feelings are selfish, and I will hope and endeavor to one day be a better friend to you than I was once a husband.

Yours eternally,

Roderich Edelstein.

Hungary thought of all the reasons she had to not to pursue a romantic relationship.  They all seemed so hollow and empty in the light of Austria’s letter.  She wanted to speak to him in person.  She called him.

Austria, meanwhile, had received his own letter.  He had suspected it was some cruel joke of Prussia’s at first, but upon reading it all doubts left his mind.  The letter sounded like Hungary, it felt like Hungary, and it was such a very kind letter.  He didn’t think that Prussia was capable of such kindness even as a joke.  He had read the letter five times and paced around his house with it held tightly to his chest, as if he could inscribe its words on his heart.  He hadn’t dared to hope.   He had no idea what to do with himself now.  His phone rang.

“Hello,” he said, not sure yet if he was relieved by the distraction or annoyed by it.

“Hello Austria?”  It was Hungary, her voice uncharacteristically shy, “I would like to speak to you.  Could I come over to your house this afternoon?”

“Yes, of course, yes!”  Austria said.  In his heart, he was agreeing to a proposal of marriage.

“I read your letter,” Hungary said, taking it from her pocket.

“My letter?” said Austria, “But you wrote…”

Both of them realized in the same moment.

Prussia will Pay , Hungary thought.

It was like a swooping empty feeling, the realization that all those things in her letter, all those things that had made her heart warm and her eyes tear up, had been empty, hadn’t been real at all.  And almost worse than that, it was a betrayal.  She would never have dreamed that Prussia would do this to her, not like this, not with something he knew she cared so much about.

“Give me yours,” she said to Austria.  Wordlessly, he handed it to her.

She began to read and… She couldn't be angry anymore.

Whereas the letter Prussia wrote impersonating Austria was sweepingly romantic, hers was much more frank.  It detailed her feelings, all of them, as if Prussia had looked inside her mind and scooped them out of her.

“But what do you see in him,”  Prussia had asked her once, it must have been close to a century ago now.  Here were all her answers. Sprinkled in lovingly between all her present hopes and fears.  All the things she’d told him in conversation, and all the things in between that she hadn’t said, but he had recognized all the same.  He had remembered all of it, understood all of it, and put it all into words for her.  She thought it might be, in it’s twisted, Prussia sort of way, the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her.

It ended thusly:

“I’ve told myself so many times over the past few years that I don’t need you.  And in all honesty, it’s true that I don’t.  But I think that we, as nations, sometimes get too swept up in what we need.  We forget that it’s alright to want things, that what we want matters too.  I don’t need you, but I want to be with you.  I’ve decided that what I want, what we want, is important enough to overcome any difficulties that might come.  

With love,

Hedervary Erzsebet”

He’s right,   Hungary thought, he shouldn’t have chosen for me, but he’s right.

Austria cleared his throat cautiously, “You read this,” he said, holding the letter she’d received in his hands, “and then you came to see me?”

Hungary smiled at him.  What did it matter that it had taken Prussia’s meddling to get here, they were here now.

“I meant this,”  Hungary said of the letter she’d just finished, “every word.  I didn’t write it, but I should have.”

“I would have written this too,” Austria said, “if I’d gotten up the courage.”

“Please, as if you could come up with something as romantic as “ your smile is like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, it warms me to my very soul,”’  Hungary laughed. Now that she didn’t feel quite so lied to, the whole thing felt ridiculous,  “Do you really stare out your window in my direction for hours every day?”

Austria blushed, “That could have been an exaggeration.”

“It could have,” Hungary agreed , “but was it?”

“No,” Austria admitted.  Hungary grinned at him.

“You’re adorable,” she said.

“How did he know about this ,” Austria said, hints of outrage coming back to him, as the situation truly sank in.  He pointed to a part in the letter that read,

“ I wrote a piece for you.  I didn’t mean to, it began as something else, but as I wrote it, and as I played it in my house, in the loneliness, every note was for you.  So I scratched out the title and wrote For Hungary at the top of the page.”

“I imagine he broke in and went through your things,” Hungary said.

“He did break in and steal all my underwear once.  And,” Austria added thoughtfully, “Someone has been cleaning the house while I’m not looking.  I thought it might be you?”

“Austria, I love you,”  Hungary said, and oh how easily she said those simple words now that it felt as though her soul had been laid bare, “But I don’t love you nearly enough to be that deranged.  Apparently Prussia does, though.”

“Prussia,” Austria sniffed, “is simply deranged.  I think I’ll start making messes on purpose now.”

“No you won’t.  I’ll be coming here often, and I refuse to be in a pigsty.,” Hungary said.

Austria sighed.  “I suppose I won’t then,” he said,  “Really, though what was the point of all this?”

“The point,” Hungary said, “Was that we, or, well mostly me, were being ridiculous, and he put a stop to it.”

“What, and there’s no ulterior motive?”  Austria scoffed.

Hungary shrugged, “You can keep reading the letters until your eyes bleed, but I doubt you’ll find any.”

Austria shook his head,  “My love life was rescued by Prussia ,” he said, “I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from the ignominy.”

Hungary laughed, “I won’t tell,” she said, “It is an irony, though.  Prussia would die before he’d admit he has emotional needs.  Now, come play me the music you wrote for me.  I’ve been wanting to hear it all day.”

[allicekitty13]

Going Down With My Wings On Fire,

Read On AO3 Read On FFN

In heaven and the underworld there are rules, one of the most strictly enforced is angels and demons are forbidden to become romantically entangled. Alice and Jasper never had a chance.

Heads up, look alive. The more that I stare into your eyes. The more I get lost in your face; I'm warning you, babe. A red line, danger zone. Point of no return coming real close. Pulling me in, I'm afraid, I'm warning you, babe. -Time Bomb, Walk The Moon

Alice was exasperated; she was passionately in love with an angel of all things. The thought made her feel nauseous until she thought about how simple it was to get lost in Jasper's golden eyes, the sweet taste of his mouth on hers, or how at ease she felt when he held her. Who could have possibly known her direct opposite, a being she was forbidden to love, would be the one to bring comfort to her ancient soul. Alice shook her head, clearing the overwhelming thoughts; those were for later. Right now, she had a bigger problem, Isabella Swan. 

Alice was a swayer for the underworld. When a neutral soul passed away, it was her job to persuade them to spend their eternity in the underworld. Swayers worked in pairs, a demon with an angel attempting to convince the soul to move to the underworld or heaven, respectively. For decades, her partner had been an angel named Rosalie; they made an exceptional pair, having built up an almost tentative friendship. However, Rosalie had recently been promoted and consequently replaced.

Jasper was fresh out of training. He'd shadowed on a few assignments before Rosalie moved on. Still, their first official assignment as a team was Isabella. Jasper's lack of experience dealing directly with mortals, as well as his insistence on doing everything by the book, had initially driven Alice crazy. They had immediately butted heads disagreeing on the best way to inform mortals that they were now, in fact, deceased.

"Bella, it's nice to meet you; my name is Jasper. This is my partner Alice." He gestured to the small demon who sat legs crossed on a table, filing her nails.

"Yeah, um... where am I?" 

"You had an accident, Bella. I'm so sorry."

"An accident, so this is like a hospital."

"No, you fell through a window." He placed a sympathetic hand on Isabella's shoulder.

"Then where am I? What the fuck! If I fell out a dang window, shouldn't I go to the hospital? Who are you, people? What is wrong with you!"

"Ya dead babe, welcome to purgatory," Alice had interjected in a disinterested tone, not even glancing up from her nails to look at the human.

Later that night, they went to a bar in the neutral zone of purgatory for a drink. Jasper chastized her almost immediately after they'd sat down with their drinks, a whiskey on the rocks for Alice, and a glass of champagne for Jasper. He cited the training manual all swayers received, rambling on about how it clearly stated mortals were to be informed about their deaths gently to prevent shock. 

"Fuck the manual," She had laughed. "I've been doing this job for 800 years; you've been at this what? Like two months, you haven't even had your training wheels off for a full day. I think I might have a better idea of how things should be done than you.”

Most jobs lasted a week or two max; Isabella, however, was proving to be difficult. They'd been working on her for two months, both putting forth their best efforts yet neither gaining any ground. 

"See this, Bella," Alice materialized a milkshake. "Get a taste of that."

"It's good; what is it?" 

"Mint Oreo, M&M's Cheesecake. Can't get that in heaven, gluttony is a sin."

It was the third week when Jasper and Alice had crossed the forbidden line. While they had started their partnership at each other's throats at nearly every turn, it didn't take long for them both to become comfortable in the other's presence. Their arguing quickly became snarky flirting, evolving into racing hearts, stolen glances, and feeling that they both tried to bury deep inside, neither succeeding. 

Alice had been going over some paperwork in their shared office after another unsuccessful day of attempting to sway Bella. "You look tense." Jasper had said, leaning over her shoulder to get a look at the report she'd been working on. 

"Of course, I'm tense; this girl needs to pick a side so I can move onto a new assignment... to a new partner."

"You're going to request a different partner... I thought we were really getting along?"

"We might be getting along a bit too well." She smiled up at him, "I'm likely to cross a point of no return if I don't get away from you soon."

"What if..."

"What if what?" She asked, suddenly very aware of how close his face was to her own.

"It goes against all logic, but gods help me, I want to cross that line, Alice."

"Oh... well, in that case." She grinned nervously, moving in as close to him as possible, bumping his nose with her own, their lips mere centimeters apart. "This is your opportunity to cross it." 

This was a cumbersome issue that neither of them knew what to do about. On the one hand, Jasper and Alice both knew they were in love and wanted nothing more in the entire afterlife than to be together. On the other, relationships between angels and demons were expressly forbidden. It was one of the very few cardinal rules strictly enforced by both sides. They usually skirted around the topic enjoying secret dinners, Netflix nights, and sleepovers at Alice's apartment in the underworld. Alice had dared broach the subject on one occasion.

Laying in bed, Alice was playing gently with Jasper's golden curls; she'd felt insecure for a few days. At this point, she was head over heels in love with the angel and had begun to worry he didn't reciprocate her feelings as intensely. After all, they were in an insane situation committing a crime that no one had dared touch in all the history of the universe. "Jazz?" 

"Hmm," He hummed, content from next to her, eyes closed as he relaxed with a serene smile on his face, enjoying the feeling of her pressed against his side." 

"I don't want to push you away, but... this can't end well. I would understand if you don't want to do this anymore." She held in a breath waiting for him to respond, terrified that he would take her up on the offer to flee. She was terrified of the consequences should they, inevitably, be found out. The offer was her last hail mary before falling too deep to escape. 

"Alice," Jasper chuckled, pulling her closer to him and planting a kiss on her head. "I think we're both fully aware of the dangers here. There is nothing anyone could do that would get me to leave your side." 

"Aren't you afraid?" 

"Of course, I'm afraid. But you're worth it."

This left the duo in the present, with two problems: a secret forbidden relationship and an extremely difficult mortal.

"Bella, you need to choose." Alice sighed in annoyance, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Yeah, here's the thing. Heaven and hell both sound like great options, but you two are better than Netflix." She leaned back in the chair, placing her hands behind her head. "Gotta say, I kinda ship it."

"What is ship it?" Jasper asked with a tilt of the head.

"Bella thinks we should fuck."

"Well, I'm fairly certain you already have if blondie's blush is any indication." 

"You can't stay in purgatory forever, Ms. Swan." Jasper ignored Bella's transparent attempt to distract them from the issue at hand. 

"But, you're both such good salespeople." Bella spun around in her chair. "The bitchy pixie says I can enjoy whatever I want down in Hell."

"The underworld," Alice corrected.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I can enjoy anything I want that isn't inherently pure, but I have to be tortured twice a day. So like, pretty similar to earth. Sounds great, but been there done that ya know."

"There are no puppies in the underworld; your file says you love puppies." Jasper prodded.

"Yeah, I was getting to that, McCherub. You tell me how heaven is super lit, as long as you're cool with living the rest of eternity without any of the sinny things. Does the fate of my literal eternity come down to puppies versus milkshakes?"

"Well, I did try to tell you that heaven is a bit too great. Think about it; the bad makes the good worthwhile. You'll get tired of having everything you want all the time forever. I know you watched 'The Good Place' Bella; I also read your file. They hit the nail on the head with what heaven is like. What's a little torture if it means actually enjoying those milkshakes. What good are all those puppies if you become so numb to joy you can't appreciate them? The puppies deserve better than that Bella; the puppies deserve enthusiastic adoration!" 

"Yeah... but torture doesn't exactly sound fun, my dude." 

Jasper and Alice exchanged a look of shared exasperation, "How about we pick this back up tomorrow." Alice suggested, redirecting her attention back to Bella. She snapped her fingers, not giving her a chance to protest transporting the annoying brunette back to her quarters. With a long tired sigh, she propped herself up on the table Bella had been sitting behind just moments before, rubbing tiredly at her eyes. 

"Are we sure she's a neutral soul? Because I swear to gods, that girl is an ace candidate for the underworld."

"Alice," Jasper chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her waist, peppering loving kisses along the side of her face. "We've been over this; she falls absolutely within the karma range for a neutral soul."

"Maybe we should bring in a third party? I wonder if Rosalie would be willing to come down for like a day... she was always so good at this."

"Wouldn't that tip the scales in my favor?"

"I honestly don't care at this point; I just want her to move on to an afterlife, any afterlife." 

Jasper was about to respond that they should go back to her apartment for a 'movie' when the door opened and in stepped James, Alice's boss. This was very unfortunate as Alice was still sat on the desk, Jasper standing between her legs. His arms were still embracing her, and he'd chosen that moment to press a kiss to her jawline. 

"Oh... Oh my, gods." James gawked at the pair in such a compromising position, jaw agape. The couple stared back at him, eyes wide frozen in terror. James eventually shook his head, bolting from the room, leaving the door wide open. Curious onlookers peeked inside, wanting to see what had shocked the notorious demon. James had run for the guard, a group of only the most skilled angels and demons. Their job was to enforce the laws of the afterlife. 

"Fuck." Alice gasped softly. The condemned couple stayed in that position, holding each other tightly, savoring what they both knew would be their last moments together. Undeterred by the gathering crowd at the door, they were doomed now regardless of who saw.

"I love you, Alice." He had whispered into her ear, a private sentiment meant only for her. The clock was ticking as everyone in the office heard the sound of hurried footsteps making their way down the hallway. The guard was on their way.

"I know." Alice choked out, clutching onto him with all of her strength, wanting to be as close as inhumanly possible in their final moments. She sobbed openly into his chest as he rubbed little circles on her back with his thumb, his face buried in her hair. "Aren't you supposed to tell me it'll be okay? Isn't that what angels do?" 

The guard was only a few doors down now. "I care too much to lie to you." Those were the last words he would ever say to her. The guard had finally arrived. 

Alice and Jasper were pulled apart and carried away by the masked enforcers of the law. They were dropped unceremoniously in the great hall. The highest-ranking angels and demons lined the left and right sides of the room, respectively. At the head of the hall, on two thrones, sat the kings of the afterlife. Carlisle, who ruled over heaven, sat kinglike in his elaborate chair. Aro, whose domain was the depths of the underworld, leaned casually against his own.

"My dear Alice," Aro stood, striding over to stand in front of her, making tsk sounds as he walked. "One of my best agents. A pity, honestly, to lose someone so very talented over a silly tryst with an angel. Wouldn't you agree?" Aro looked over to the demons gathered in witness, all of whom nodded in agreement. He placed one hand on her shoulder and bent his head down to look her in the eyes. "I'd like to give you a choice, and please do think it over very carefully. Cut him down where he stands, or endure the very... creative punishment I've devised just for you."

"I refuse." Alice held her ground unblinking with staggering confidence that sent a chill down Jasper's spine. If they weren't both about to face the infamous punishments of the gods, he might have found the display to be an extreme turn on. "If he goes down, I do too. I will not betray the one I love." 

"Then, so be it." Aro flicked his hand at her; she was immediately engulfed in flame moments later, only ash remained where she had stood just moments before. 

"Au revoir, Carlisle." Aro nodded in the direction of the other god. "Until next time." With a snap of his fingers, he, with his entourage, disappeared in a plume of smoke, leaving Jasper alone with Carlisle and the angels.

"Jasper, my child." Carlisle remained seated, hands knitted together as he looked down at the disgraced angel before him. "Have you anything to say for yourself?"

"I love her." The simple response held an enormity of weight that echoed Alice's statement. Carlisle needn't offer him an opportunity for redemption; he would choose to go down with the demon who'd captivated his heart every time.

"You'll have to be punished."

"I don't regret a thing. I never will, no matter what my punishment may be."

Carlisle shook his head slowly, offering nothing in response; with a flick of the god's hand, Jasper's wings began to burn away, the ground beneath him opened up, and he began to fall.

[shy-magpie]

RQG 153

And we're 30 seconds in and I just got hit by the realization Azu isn't going to see the sky for a week. I know its not under water in enemy territory but that also means she doesn't have a mission to distract her. I love Cel! Zolf tries to do a leadership and prep them for what to expect (since they don't need the element of surprise this time) so Cel changes form because rats are more easily entertained. Alex has to come in with the restrictions but still a nice way to remind Zolf this is not the nice neat chain of command he remembers. Yeah reverting is better than "ha ha you're now a rat all week". OctoCel! Nice! Zolf is declaring Family Game Night. Speaking of leadership, Hamid remembers this isn't season 1 and thanks Zolf instead of asking the reasonable but not productive questions of where this was last time. Alex points out the space issue again. Still not sure if he did this on purpose as a way to poke at the party and see how they react or if he just didn't design the space big enough last time and refuses to retcon an extra cell into the basement. TBF if there had been 2 cells last time, Hamid & Azu sharing wouldn't have made sense and if they couldn't hug the fandom might have never forgiven Zolf & Wilde. Oh Cel can change 4 times a day Zone of Truth or Dare Not sure if he is joking or not but Zolf getting out of conversation by melting into a wall is an image Thanks Lyd! Hamid "is fine and he can snuggle up with Azu". Thanks Bryn! Barnes makes Carter switch  so he can get some sleep Hamid is such a good person. He isn't trying to charm or justify, it isn't about abstract team cohesion. He just gives a sincere apology for not following the rules because even if he doesn't understand, he does trust that Zolf wouldn't hold him to them without reason. Zolf is great too, and tells Hamid it isn't needed Zolf has grown so GD much! He just cited his leaving and prompted Hamid to ask any questions. Oh I want everything on those 18 months but maybe Hamid shouldn't press when its so hard for him, especially when he can't leave the room if things get rough? I am so conflicted. Thats my little leader, immediately switches the focus to working together again. Ow "honestly we were never that good at working together anyway" so no rosy glasses on Zolf. Helen's gasp is, as ever, a mood Zolf still has that negative charisma. I can't explain how much I like that his mental health kick didn't turn him into a different person. Him tripping over his tongue on things like this is part of why he isn't a Zolf in name only, like I feared when I found out we were getting him back after his breakdown. Aw Azu & Cel offer them the illusion of privacy as Hamid  pretends he isn't hurt. I love Cel's hammock and their shipping. Pausing before it can be jossed, don't think he can duck this time. Called it. Okay but he did admit he cares about Wilde just not romantically and canon doesn't have to see eye to eye with fic. Carter tried to date Wilde? Or at least pursued him? God bless Hamid is cutting straight to the rank issue. Look I know I have a proper thing about rank and that respecting Hamid's growth means not treating him like season 1, but people need to know who is calling the shots in time sensitive, dangerous situations. The proper response to the suggestion they fight it out is not to point out logistical barriers Zolf points out that if Hamid actually fought they would all die which is a heck of a double edged statement. It respects his power while pointing out the collateral damage. Then he points out he would win in a no magic fight which is true but if Hamid doesn't already have a complex about his self worth & magic I'd be amazed. Azu tries to declare they aren't doing this while Hamid comes in with the lore. Because Bryn loves the listeners and wants us to be happy. Ooh if the claws aren't magic magic what about the rest? not that I want him to get pissed enough to breathe fire or whatever it was that got him scaley but at least he can't isn't relying on his wits if they encounter one of these fields in the field. Is Carter being Carter or is he stealing Wilde's bit of uniting the party in hating him? The irony that explaining why Zolf should lead is the single best proof of Hamid's leadership skills is not lost on me. A real leader puts the good of the party above any desire for rank or power. Not sure if this counts as yelling should probably mark as starting around 10 minutes in for CWs Ok I don't know why I am so pleased and surprised at these two having a direct conversation with past incidents as examples using clear language like "I was frustrated". I mean lord knows RQ told toxic masculinity to take a hike from the beginning so maybe its less surprised than grateful? They don't agree but are clearly more concerned with understanding than with getting in a pissing match. "...And I guess I'm not that old because I haven't lived through the 18 months" Look at him learning to stand up for himself while still being fair to the other side. How can you not love him? Bless, Hamid is worse than me, if I talk quick enough the right words will come out before I run out of courage right? I love the peanut gallery. Oh dear that's a tone on Zolf I'm just going to take a moment before the "but" comes in. Zolf is being fair, I don't necessarily agree but he is being fair and sounds willing to listen. Hamid spells it out in small words that the flippant tone is a coping mechanism. Zolf wants to move on to the rest of the party now that they've said what needed to be said to each other. Yeah sorry Carter, Hamid isn't going to let Zolf get lost in his own head any more than Zolf is going to let Hamid run into danger because if he thought about it he would freeze. And Carter & Barnes are sharing all the tricks. Guess Hamid isn't the only one who does better if he can merc a guy after a hard week They are having a direct conversation about Zolf leaving! Backstory! So it was a debt more than a calling Brynterval, useful I needed a laugh break too and this way I don't miss anything. They are keeping up the relationship metaphor for all its worth. It really does work though. Azu quit alluding and tell us your story. Aw he's retelling Dover! I ever tell you guys that's when I quit waiting for him and or RQ to show their bad side? The damn romance novels were like a promise they weren't going to betray the story over "what's expected". I was so braced for that stupid "pick a fight with the toughest guy in the yard to buy respect" trope. Instead they just said nope: no prison fights, no guard abuse, his biggest danger is developing an addiction to cheap books. Thank you Cel! Hamid mentioning Mr Ceiling reminds Zolf that still have Shoin's brorb. Oh the diary Zolf has more Campbells Cel is awesome and asks if Hamid want to talk about Aziza Liliana finally got mentioned, realizing Hamid was the last to know about that part of the story hurt So they might be a hivemind Carter has a nice little cache in the cell of daggers & a wide variety of booze. Carter suggests they should get so drunk their minds aren't worth hiving. Oh Cel & the Elvish mead Carter is drinking the Orcish whiskey to make a point Yeah, yeah, how the heck Hamid came through not only his life preseries but this adventure with a healthy relationship with alcohol is beyond me. Not a patch on his experience and I'm teetotal. That's arguably why it's important to have though (plus if they went anywhere with an alcoholism plot I probably won't be able to listen) Barnes has the rum and is Jeff Goldblum posing. I love one(1) low charisma man. Zolf is trying to draw Azu & Cel into conversation. Azu backstory time! A vision of Aphrodite in her dream led her to follow a wandering paladin. Little leader tucks Carter in Azu asks for Cel backstory Cel is around 97, and they were raised in America. Their Dad was a merchant sailor. The trade cut off and defenses failed destroying the town. Its time to give Hamid crap about capitalism. Zolf tells Barnes to leave off. Zolf joined the Navy because he "killed his brother"!?! Wanna try that again with details? Oh Zolf honey it was an accident. Hamid hugs Zolf while he talks. Zolf says all that then knocks stone out of ceiling in a demonstration of his powers. Hamid remembers Zolf wasn't in Cairo and starts describing the prank gone wrong and I'm just gonna take another sec because if Zolf doesn't take this the right way its gonna hurt. Did Hamid just quote Grizzop at Zolf?   Cel just declared they are staying with the party Just barely through the first quarantine episode. We might hit the same ratio as the dungeon after all. Gosh I love that theme tune

[convivialcamera]

On Deadline: Jump

Previously

My entire universe had shrunk to the tip of a pin.

Every atom in my body was attuned only to the spot where Jamie’s blunt finger was delicately but insistently caressing my clitoris as I lay spread before him, feet dangling off the side of the bed and into oblivion. My blood rushed and my skin heated. My entire body tensed in a desperate attempt to keep still enough that the sudden jerking of my hips wouldn’t dislodge his finger. I held my breath deep in my lungs, straining, wanting, needing, burning.

Elbow tucked into my side, I reached up and grabbed at my shoulder, digging my fingernails into my collarbone in a last-ditch attempt to hold on.

And then, the chaos I was reigning in broke free. I exhaled on a small moan, and as I sucked in air the first wave of release hit me. After that I was lost.

When I came-to moments later, Jamie was gently running a finger down the inside of my splayed thigh and grinning like a cat that got the canary.

“You’re way too easy,” he said, a smirk barely concealed in the corner of his mouth.

“Shut up.” But I couldn’t help but grin myself, buoyed by the pleasure and contentment of orgasm. Jamie curled up beside me, resting his red mop just above my navel. I ran my fingers through his curls and caressed the curve of his ear. We stayed there, silent, for a long time.

As I gently floated in a state of semi-consciousness, Jamie’s breath tickled my stomach. Through the fog, it occured to me that he was talking. 

“...that we could hit this wine bar later,” he said, “and maybe make a night of it.”

“What? Like a date?” I raised my head to look at him, propping myself up on my elbow.

He twisted his neck to look back at me. “Yes, like a date.” 

I flopped back, a silly, wide smile overtaking my face. “Alright, then.”

I had the day off, having worked the Sunday before, but Jamie soon slinked away from my bed and back to the newsroom. I languished between the sheets, carefully cataloging every single moment that had passed between us. There was an easy intimacy between us that went beyond all the sex or even our shared profession, and I admitted to myself that I reveled in it.

I spent the day napping, mostly, although I did run out to buy a vacuum, since I had left the marital vacuum with my almost-ex-husband. I was loathe to think of Frank, I smugly told myself, as there really should only be two people in a new relationship. I tried to put him out of my mind, but he lingered. Why had I fallen in love with him? I wondered as I stood in front of the vacuum display, comparing models. What had made Frank stray? I pondered as I paid the clerk and lugged my purchase out to my car. Was it my work, or was it something irreparably wrong with me? I questioned as I drove back to my apartment. I didn’t have any answers, but something told me that with Jamie, everything was different. 

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, Beauchamp, or maybe you just like fucking him, I thought.

By the time Jamie arrived at my door that evening, beautifully windswept from his ride over with just a hint of helmet hair, I had showered, shaved, plucked and primped within an inch of my life. To my distinct pleasure, my date looked like he had been temporairly struck dumb.

“Dude, it’s just a nice top.” I handed him a bourbon, neat, as he openly stared at my chest. It was a vibrant red and rather more low-cut than what I wore on assignment. 

He sucked down the drink like it was water. “Is that what you call it?”

“Yep.” I sipped my own drink like I had all the time in the world. I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to say anything else about it. He immediately recognized the challenge, and demurred with a shrug. 

“You ready?”

“Yeah.” I glugged down the last of the bourbon and grabbed my black moto jacket. “Let’s go.”

The bar was in an old candy shop in a small historic district downtown Leoch. The walls were brick with the paint flaking off, and it was filled with little nooks and industrial furniture and illuminated only with candles. A sprightly little hipster seated us at a tiny table beneath an arch in a secluded corner with a single votive candle and two of the tiniest glasses of water I’d ever seen. Menus were attached to clipboards, and I studiously examined mine, avoiding Jamie’s gaze. 

I picked a pinot noir at random when the server came around, while Jamie ordered a sweet rosé and the biggest cheese plate on the menu. 

“It’s refreshing,” he said at my smirk.

“I’m sure.” I swirled my own wine and took a sip. The alcohol rushed through my bloodstream and heated my stomach.

Jamie rolled his eyes at me, and put his hand on mine. “It’s easier if we touch, isn’t it?”

It was a startling observation. I squeezed his hand, and felt the nervous energy between us dissipate into the ether. 

“Well, why don’t you tell me something about yourself?” I asked.

“What do you want to know?”

I cast about for a subject while I cut a hunk of Brie and smooshed it into a slice of baguette. “What’s your family like? Other than your uncles,” I qualified quickly. “Like, your mom and dad.”

“My parents are dead, Claire.” He said this softly; it pained him to tell me. 

“Oh.” I exhaled. “Mine too. Car crash when I was five.” It was an old wound but a deep one that still ached when pressed. The warmth of his hand sustained me. He paused, as if deciding. When he opened his mouth to speak, I blurted: “You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s OK. My mom died when I was eight. And Dad, he had a massive stroke my first year of college.”

“Sucks,” I said without thinking. Jamie gave me a look that clearly said “duh,” and I giggled. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“I think you’re the only one that could have said that to me and not get punched in the face,” he said contemplatively, drinking his wine. “Because you know what it’s like.”

I gave him my own look. “It’s a shitty club.”

Jamie loaded a baguette slice with blue cheese and a dried apricot and stuffed it in his mouth. “You told me a while back that you’re not from anywhere. What the hell does that mean?”

I smiled. I had told him that the day we met, the first time he called me Sassenach. “My uncle raised me. He was a photographer too — on staff at Nat Geo.”

“Holy shit.” 

“Yeah, and in, like, the ‘80s, when the job was basically globetrotting with a camera. I refused to go to boarding school so I went with him, just about everywhere.”

“You come by all this naturally?” Jamie waved at me, indicating tip to toenails.

“Sure. All my belongings fit in a duffel bag and I didn’t go to a real school until college. So, yeah, I’m not really from anywhere.”

“That’s a hell of a childhood. I just grew up on a farm.”

“Like, cows and corn fields?”

“And horses,” he said.

“Race horses?”

He blushed. “Some. My sister Jenny and her husband breed and train them. She breeds merino sheep too.”

I could tell he was downplaying the race horses. “Are you and Jenny close?”

“As close as we can be, since I live here now,” Jamie said, but he evaded my gaze, which made me think there was more to that story. I itched to press him further, but didn’t want to bring the specter of tragedy back into our conversation so I turned to lighter things. 

I told him about my uncle, Quenten Lambert Beauchamp, the archaeologist-turned-photographer who raised me, and my wandering childhood that spanned six of the seven continents (we went to Antarctica, but hadn’t made it to Australia). As I talked, Jamie listened intently, asking questions now and then, especially about Uncle Lamb’s assignments. As the cheese plate slowly disappeared between us and another round of drinks arrived, Jamie spoke of his sister and her husband, who was also Jamie’s oldest friend, and the trouble they got into as kids on the farm. He was a born storyteller, charming and funny.

I was telling Jamie about the time Uncle Lamb locked me in a temple to the Roman Goddess Vesta when I was 16, when Jamie’s eyes suddenly went wide and his ears turned so crimson I could see it even in the dim candlelight of the bar.

“Don’t turn around, but I’m pretty sure Geillis just walked in,” Jamie said in a low voice, as if he was afraid speaking her name aloud would summon her to us.

Unable to help myself, I peeked over my shoulder, and sure enough I could see Geillis’s bright blonde curtain of hair as she chatted with the hostess and was led to a table for two on the other side of the bar. I turned back and rolled my eyes at Jamie to tease him a bit. “Yep, that’s her. What of it?”

“Don’t you think it might not be the best idea for the entire newsroom to know we’re, you know…” He made an indistinct noise in his throat that made his meaning perfectly clear.

I raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, deciding if I should say the thought that immediately popped into my mind. “I’m sorry,” I said, the devil on my shoulder winning out. “I watched you slobber all over an intern in front of the whole staff and you’re worried about being spotted having a glass of wine with a colleague?” I smiled innocently at him.

Jamie opened and closed his wide mouth a few times, flabbergasted. “Geillis is an opportunistic gossip.”

“I don’t have anything to hide.”

“And anyone who saw you in that shirt would know this is more than a glass of wine.” He suddenly looked smug. 

I began to roll my eyes at him, but I was distracted by a tall man with dark hair and strong bones walking into the bar through the back door. I leaned back, and pulled Jamie into the shadows. Dougal MacKenzie made a beeline for Geillis’s table, and Geillis smiled broadly when she spotted him. 

“What are we looking at?” Jamie whispered in my ear, sounding bewildered.

“Any reason why your uncle is macking on Gellis at the most romantic spot in town?” I whispered back, as we watched our boss greet our colleague with a very familiar kiss and sit down.

“Can’t think of any, other than the obvious,” Jamie said. “Maybe we should get out of here.” He flagged down the server with one hand, and ran a suggestive finger up my thigh under the table with the other.

“Maybe head back to my place?” 

“I’d like nothing better.”

[mimisstudy]

Ash - character study

We are doing a new project called ‘write what you know’ which means writing a film about something that has happened to you or around you. Mine is about why people don’t report things straight away as this is something I see complained about a lot with #metoo

Ash is the main character ~17, and based on me. She lived with her dad who emotionally and sexually abused her, and then moved in with her mum when she was ~16. 

this is a super long post btw

Personality

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic - considers herself a realist, prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

Are they introverted or extroverted? Introverted - was great at making friends as a kid but really struggles to since living with her dad.

What bad habits do they have? She keeps things to herself far too much - she wasn’t allowed to talk to her dad as he would make it about himself and so, despite not living with him anymore, she still internalises until she can’t anymore

What makes them laugh out loud? Shitty puns

How do they display affection? Giving gifts - listening to what they like and giving things related to this

How do they want to be seen by others? Smart (was always told she was smart so doesn’t want to seem dim)

How do they see themselves? An idiot, weak, a bad person. Then she moves. Smart, funny, kind, brave, creative/inventive

How are they seen by others? Funny, kind, smart, gentle

How competitive are they? Competitive with themselves, doesn’t care so much about competing with others but hates when she does something worse than she has before. 

Do they make snap judgments or take time to consider? Indecisive but once set on a plan, she will do it to the max.

How do they react to praise? Struggles to, not used to it

How do they react to criticism? Also struggles as not used to it. Never really praised or crisitised, just sort of blends in

What is their greatest fear? Wasps. Being abandoned. 

What are their biggest secrets? The abuse

What is their philosophy of life? Fuck it, might as well try.

When was the last time they cried? A wasp landed on her while she was on a hike and she had a panic attack

What haunts them? Her dad. she is starting to see him on the streets and in her dreams.

What are their political views? Prioritising people's safety and well-being over the economy

What will they stand up for? Equality, environment, women's rights, sexual assault

What quality do they most value in a friend? Honest / real

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? Their past, though she wouldn’t actually change it. Or make themselves more confident

What is their obsession? gardening

What are their pet peeves?

What are their idiosyncrasies? Autistic. Stampy feet flappy hands.

 Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? Small - Taylor (sibling), mum and dad. Lots of extended family but she has moved too much to bond with them.

What is their perception of family? Used to hate her mum but now appreciates her. Loves Taylor but weird sister relationship as they didn’t grow up together

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? Taylor, 3 years older.

Describe their best friend. Does not have any - struggles to bond with people long term

Describe their other friends. Mainly extroverted people that talk for her. 

 Past and Future

Did they grow up rich or poor? Not obviously poor (she wasn’t aware of it) but far from rich. Under the poverty line a few times but didn’t go to food banks

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? Felt nurturing but was rather emotionally abusive

What is the most offensive thing they ever said? ‘I would like to live with mum/dad’

What was their first kiss like? Awkward school dare - she’s not that into dating but did hook up with someone while in a depressive episode to avoid thinking

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? ‘Basically everything ever’

What are their ambitions? To help others get through what she did. set up her own music label

What advice would they give their younger self? Say no clearer

What was their childhood ambition? Be a musician

What is their best childhood memory? Camping at Tolpuddle music festival and the way the musicians interacted with the audience. 

What is their worst childhood memory? The dad experience

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? No. She would talk to her blanket though.

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? No. She is aro/ace, she thinks

Are they in a relationship? No. 

How do they behave in a relationship? She has only been in one proper relationship and this was a depressed escapism one - she was sleeping with her as a distraction from her life but wasn’t sexually or romantically attracted to her. she was nice to her but was mainly there for the sex - though she is terrified of insulting people so was still respectful and kind

Has your character ever been in love? No

Have they ever had their heart broken? By her family, yes

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? Disassociating - she struggles to speak and is very slow. She also stims a lot which leads to rubbing her skin raw and has many scars because of this. 

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? Neither but her tongue if really having to.

What is your character’s kryptonite? Loud people/sounds

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? Her blanket that she has had since she was born

How do they perceive strangers? No one is trusted until they do something big

What do they love to hate?  Sound design

What are their phobias? Wasps

What living person do they most despise? Certain political leaders and CEO’s that are fucking up the plannet

Have they ever been bullied or teased? No - they aren’t really noticed at all. Taylor used to tease her constantly though - mean, even for a sister, but they are far better together now.

Where do they go when they’re angry? To her garden plot. She has one away from the house.

Who are their enemies and why?  She doesn’t pay attention to anyone enough to hate them that much.

 Work, Education and Hobbies

Do they have a job? Yes

What is their current job? Editing music videos for a band that she knows from secondary

What do they think about their current job? She likes doing it but hates that she could mix the songs better than them - they wont let her change anything though

What are some of their past jobs? They worked at the sweet shop round the corner for a few months before she moved in with her mum.

What are their hobbies? Mixing, baking, minecraft, gardening

Educational background? 7+ (the new uk grading system) in all subjects at secondary. Working on a music and media course at college - predicted distinctions.

Intelligence level? Very smart but struggles understanding basic things often

Do they have a natural talent for something? Baking but she doesn’t enjoy it so doesn’t do it often. 

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? Swimming - she’s good enough to not drown but mainly enjoys just floating around

What is their socioeconomic status? Working class. Her mum is slightly more well off (upper working) but both parents kept their money troubles to themselves.

 Favourites

What is their favourite animal? Snakes

Which animal do they dislike the most? Wasps

What place would they most like to visit? Havana, Cuba due to all the music that has originated there.

What is their favourite song? We’re going to be friends - the white stripes

Music, art, reading preferred? Music

What is their favourite colour? Green

What is their password? Chrysanth3mum

Favourite food: Bolognese but the pasta separate.

Who is their favourite artist? The Crane Wives

 Possessions

What is on their bedside table? (Kubrick was obsessed with bedside tables, he thought they spoke the truth about an individual). Three books: one on music theory, Percy Jackson but she’s barely got through it, and one on gardening. A bedside lamp. A mug. Her glasses. A spray. A hat. Sweet wrappers. A pen and pencil. Her journal, open.

What is in their bin? A years worth of receipts after she finally emptied her wallet. Seed packets. Tissues. 

What is in their purse or wallet? Lots of receipts and business cards. A few bank cards. Lots of change but no notes.

What is in their pockets? Her phone and earplugs. Her jacket pockets are stuffed: rocks and shells she likes, seed packets, tissues, gloves, various bits of rubbish she has picked up, pens, a tiny notebook

What is their most treasured possession? Her hardrive

 Spirituality

Do they believe in the afterlife? She hopes is doesn’t exist - the idea of still being alive after you die is horrifying

What are their religious views? She was into all the spiritual wiccan things at one point but fell out of it during her last depression spell. She still uses crystals and tarot cards though.

What do they think heaven is? Heaven is in the moments of bliss

What do they think hell is? The world we are currently living in

Are they superstitious? She thinks other things are out there and around us but she isn’t scared of that. She likes to leave apples outside for the ghosts and fae

How would they like to die? Either by her own hand (again, depressed) or drowning. Old age would also be nice.

What is their zodiac sign? Taurus

 Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? Not listen to them

When did they last lie? ‘No, its fine’ - when asked if they wanted to talk about what he did

What’s their view of lying? Lying is bad, it’s just really confusing. That being said, she is okay with it when you are doing so to protect yourself

When did they last make a promise? They don’t make promises

Daily life

What are their eating habits? They won’t eat things if they are in the wrong order. Eating is boring so she wont do it unless she is actually hungry. She has lots of ‘bad’ foods - tomatoes (puree is okay), cucumber, bananas, mushrooms, dates, oranges (orange juice is okay). Fizzy drinks. ARFID

Do they have any allergies? no

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? Hoarder. Everything looks like a mess but it all has a reason for being where it is.

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? Clean teeth, shower, water, food, pack bag, get dressed, clean teeth, check the lights and plugs, college.

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? Edit and then do some gardening

What do they do on a Friday night? Make pizza and play minecraft and drink

What is the soft drink of choice? She doesn’t like fizzy drinks. She will have ribeena

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? Blackberry liquor that her mum makes for social drinking. She has a habit of getting very drunk with vodka and smoking to dull her mind

Miscellaneous

Who is their hero? Elton John

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? She doesn’t celebrate halloween and instead tries to do Samhain rituals.

Are they comfortable with technology? Yes but she does tape over her camera and is always using a vpn

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? Taylor

What is their greatest regret? That they didn’t say no enough. Thinks about the butterfly effect constantly though so wouldn’t change anything in her past if she could.

What would they do if they won the lottery? Split the money between her, her sister, her mum and a little tiny bit for her dad so he doesn’t hate her. She would set up her own music label and get a farm but almost the rest of it will be for setting up charities/donating. She wants one charity for helping victims of abuse, another to go to an orphanage, and then to alazhiemers and autism charities. 

What is their favourite fairytale? Snow white and rose red

Do they believe in happy endings? No

What is their idea of perfect happiness? Sat on her farm, her music playing softly in the background, many cats and goats and chickens, and a bowl of soup. 

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? They would stay right where they are. Although, she would quite like to tell the guy that came up with autism to not be a sexist twat.

What sport do they excel at? They are weirdly good at golf but don’t like it as it is such an unnecessary use of green space

What sport do they suck at? Frisby 

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? Invisibility or the power to change chances

[sopewriters]

A Valentine’s Date

Pairing: Stupid Jeon Jungkook x Reader (Ugh why does he have to look so good T^T) 

Genre: Romance

Wordcount: 2k

Summary: So, you and your fake boyfriend decide to spend a Valentine’s evening together doing a lot less than what most actual couples normally do. Yet, this is the most fun you’ve had in the longest time and gosh, since when did looking at Jungkook’s stupid smile get your heart to flutter like this? 

Could this fake relationship have actually led you to find something real?

Notes: This was a great distraction from the history paper I have due tonight! Sorry for taking so long to complete @kwritersworld Spring Fic exchange. I hope you enjoy this @jinniesbby! Also: this is lowkey based off of this anime called Wolf Girl and Black Prince! It’s been a while since I’ve written anything so I’m sorry if it’s trash ;-;

This is it. 

It’s the month of February and even though you don’t give two shits about Valentine’s Day or exchanging gifts or getting dinner at a fancy restaurant or doing any of that stereotypical things that couples do, you have to at least act excited about it. 

Unless you want to get caught in your lie and be shunned by the few people that you’re friends with in your class. Nope, you might be the girl who cried wolf but you’re definitely not going to let yourself become the weird loner of your class. 

“Are you ready yet?” Jungkook asks, leaning against the doorway of your classroom and you nod, packing your things into your bag before slinging it over your shoulder and walk up to him.  

“So, are you doing anything for Valentine’s Day?” You ask, hopeful that maybe he has something fun in mind that the two of you could enjoy doing. Though you may not have any love for that particular day, you figure you wouldn’t mind it all too much if you are doing all these things with him. 

“Ugh, probably staying in and watching a movie.” He groans, eyes rolling out of exasperation at the mere mention of the day and while you do relate to the sentiment, you’d be lying if you say his unexcited response didn’t disappoint you. “I don’t know why everyone gets so excited about it. It’s cold outside and there’s people everywhere.” 

Well, he’s not wrong but this is certainly going to be a pain to deal with because you did promise your friends to send them a photo of you and your ‘boyfriend’ tonight. 

“Why don’t we do that?” He looks at you like you’ve just uttered the weirdest thing, which again, he’s not wrong about but you don’t care about it at the moment, “You could come over and we could order in some food and watch a horror movie or something?” 

He pauses for a bit, the air silent between the two of you as you walk home before he breaks it with a sigh which is followed by a groan. 

“Fine, whatever. I’ll pick up some fried chicken and you can get us something to drink.” He rubs the back of his head rather aggressively and you wonder how his hair haven’t fallen off yet. “Don’t pick up something cheap though.” 

“I never do that.” You cross your hands over your chest and you pout when he giggles at your annoyance and gosh, since when has your heart started to flutter like this around him. 

“Oi, did you catch my fever from last week?” All of a sudden Jungkook’s close to you, hand pressing against your cheek. You can feel it burning with heat as his warm, large palm slides over your skin, making your eyes widen as you stare at him. 

“D-Don’t just do that so suddenly, you idiot!” You manage to splutter out the words after a few seconds, pushing him away before wrapping your fingers tightly around the straps of your bag, “Ah, whatever. I’m almost home now so I’ll just see you then.” 

“Whatever, just don’t get me sick again.” He groans as you roll your eyes at him before parting ways with you and you stand there for a few seconds, stunned with your hand pressed against the cheek and eyes wide. 

How did things change between the two of you like this?

You ask your mother to pick up some coke and apple cider when she goes out shopping the day before Jungkook is supposed to come over and thankfully she also brings some cake for you to share. Conveniently enough, she also has a work shift at the time Jungkook’s coming over so you don’t have to worry about having him in your room. 

You set everything up out in the living room, placing the bottles on the coffee table with two glasses and the box of cakes alongside with it. Now, all that’s left--

The doorbell rings, signalling his arrival and you shoot up from where you’d been sitting on the couch--fuck since when have you been so whipped for this absolute idiot--and walk over to the door. 

“Agh, what took you so long?” He groans, rubbing his arms to get warm again. You stand there watching him with an odd look, because he’s just so weird, why?

But then you see him holding a bag of food from your favorite restaurant and the thought of hot fried chicken and french fries has your mind calming... for now. You’ll give him his beating later. 

“What’re we watching?” He plops himself on the couch, placing the food on the table and you close the door before sitting down next to him. “I hope you didn’t pick something lame.” 

“How dare you come into my house and start insulting me--” Before you can continue on with your ranting, he picks up a piece of the chicken and shoves it in your mouth, making you glare at him. But, when you taste the chicken, well, let’s just say it’s hard to not be in a good mood. 

“I picked Annabelle, not the first one, that was trash- it’s the second one.” You answer after you finish eating before smacking his shoulder, “If you shove food in my mouth again, I swear I’ll kill you Kook.” 

“Don’t put me in a situation where I don’t have a choice but to do it.” He remarks before uncapping one of the bottles and pours it out in a glass while you play the movie on the TV. “Do you want take that picture now or later.” 

“We can do it later, it’s still pretty early.” You grab the box of chicken, opening the sauce packet before drizzling it carefully over the food. Ah, you feel absolutely blessed to be eating this--

Wait. How did he know that this is your favorite place to get food from?

“Kookie,” He turns to look at you, “Why did you get the stuff from this restaurant?” 

“Didn’t you say it was your favorite or something?” He answers casually, like it’s no big deal for him to have remembered something you’d mentioned maybe once or twice at the most. “It was on the way too so it was convenient. Why? Do you not like it?” 

“N-No, no it’s good!” You prove your point by stuff more of the chicken into your face, hoping that it’ll dissuade him from asking any more questions and well, it works because he’s now looking at you with equal parts of disgust and confusion. 

“Let’s just focus on the movie, yeah? Stop being so weird.” He groans before pouring out a drink for you, and surprisingly, it’s exactly what you wanted, and he slides it over to you. 

As the two of you eat, your mind wanders off to think about all the weird thoughts that’s been going through your head because seriously, you got into this for convenience but now...

Now things are starting to feel different and the way you look at Jungkook is different. So is the way he looks at you now. Previously if anyone had asked you what you thought of Jeon Jungkook, you’d call him a total idiot who may be a star athlete and student but is shit at interacting with people. But now, well, you’d still call him an idiot but a handsome, smart, kind and caring one. 

Could this be the famed first love?

Once you finish eating, you clean up the boxes and plates since you’ve already seen this movie so you don’t care about missing any of the jumpscares. Jungkook on the other hand, is huddled up on the corner of the couch with a pillow in his hands, holding it tightly as he stares at the screen with wide eyes. You don’t understand why he likes horror movies so much even though he gets so unbelievably scared of them later. 

When you come back, you decide to start having the cake but only manage to get a single bite in before Jungkook decides to speak up. 

“Do you wanna take that picture now?” He offers, grabbing the remote to pause the movie. 

“Might as well.” You nod, figuring that you might as well get it done with now before your friends start blasting the group chat. 

He switches on the lights and you grab the phone before opening the Snapchat app, putting on a cute couples filter. 

“So, how do you want to do it?” You ask and he answers by pulling you into his arms, your head resting against his chest while his arms wrap around your waist. 

“This should be fine, yeah?” He remarks, moving forward to tuck his head onto your shoulder and gosh, does he have to be this close because you feel as though you’re about to combust. 

You can’t say anything though because you don’t want to come off as weird so you try to calm yourself, answering him with a nod since you don’t trust your voice right now. 

He takes the phone from your hands, getting it at a good angle before clicking a few photos. Then, he asks, “Should we take a more romantic one too?” 

You figure you probably don’t have to but you wouldn’t mind it, mind growing heated with anticipation and excitement as to what he means by romantic. 

‘S-Sure--we could.” I murmur, smiling nervously and then, you feel the softness of his lips pressing against your cheeks, your eyes wide as he snaps the photos. 

“Why do you look so surprised? Huh, you actually look pretty cute.” He chuckles when he brings the phone close to see the pictures he took, grinning as he hands it back to you and you pout shyly, smacking his hands away from you. 

“Shut up.” You groan, grabbing the pillow and holding it close to you as you bite your lip to get your heart stop beating so fast. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything earlier but,” He grabs your hand and pulls you forward so you’re close to him again, “You’ve been acting weird lately. Is there something wrong?” 

“N-No--I-I just,” You stutter out the words before figuring that being honest is probably the best way to go rather than continuing to be confused and worried about your feelings the way you’ve been the last few weeks. “I think I like you, for real.” 

His eyes widen in surprise and he lets go of your hand that he’d been holding onto. You grip the pillow tightly in anticipation of his reply and you worry if you’ve ruined even the friendship you had with him. 

“I uh wasn’t going to say this but I think I like you too.” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, head turned to the side as he murmurs the words in a soft tone, “I mean, I would’ve gotten tired of this whole fake relationship thing a while ago but, I think there could be something real here.” 

You pause, looking up at him with wide, hopeful eyes and the warmth that’s filling your chest right now is calm and soothing. 

“Can I... Can I kiss you?” You ask, reaching forward to place your hand on his cheek so you can get him to look at you directly as you smile softly. 

He nods, his own hand reaching to rest on the back of your neck as he tugs you forward and the next thing you know, you’re feeling the warmth of his lips against yours, moving softly and slowly. 

And with every kiss and confession of love that follows after, you know now that this idiot is most definitely your first love. 

Written by: Sangria~