#this Barbie is tired of being fetishized

[rottenlittlefink]

… so like,

[rescue-ram]

Had a thought on "dark fic" discourse

Like, I feel like "dark fic" gets used as short hand for either taboo fetishes or personal vent fics, both of which have their camps defending their right to exist literarily.

Do you know what kind of dark fic has no shooters? "Processing real life tragedies". Like, I'm thinking of the universal roasting the Destiel fic set in the midst of the Haitian hurricane, or how controversial fics that are like "Blorbos experience the AIDS epidemic" are.

I think that kind of dark fic- processing a real life tragedy by imagining stories within it- really shouldn't be as maligned as it is, although I get why it pisses people off. It can come off as unempathetic to the real people affected by the real tragedy- "Oh real XYZians aren't sympathetic enough, you have to imagine your little guys to care?" But I don't think it's any worse than the other two types of dark fic I mentioned, and I think they're all forms of traumatic play.

Traumatic play is a behavior seen in kids who are attempting to process something terrible that happened to them. I'm thinking of a case study I read back in the day- a little girl had been kidnapped, but was returned to her family essentially unharmed. She insisted it wasn't that big a deal. But she'd been driven in a car for hours and hours, and months after the trauma would compulsively play "Barbie goes on a road trip", where she would put her dolls in their car and circle them around the room over and over again. She hadn't been allowed out to use the toilet and been forced to soil herself then sit in the mess- and when she finally tired of driving her dolls she'd take them to the bathroom sink and compulsively wash them till their paint wore off and their hair fell out. The unusual and rigid play was her way of trying to take this terrifying situation she couldn't really understand and trying to make it small enough she could play through it over and over until she understood it.

Teenagers and adults don't usually play with dolls, but they do make art and write stories. If a sheltered teenager reads about a famine or genocide or disaster and is disturbed and writes a fic of "What if my Blorbo was there" they are trying to take the thing they don't understand and combine it with something they do understand and running through the scenario to process it. Like, is it immature and unsophisticated and tactless? Quite possibly. But are they anymore so than a mentally ill teen who writes about their Blorbo struggling with anorexia and self-harm, or the abuse victim imagining their Blorbo being victimized, or even someone exploring their sexuality by kinkifying their Blorbo? No, I don't think so!

Let's be real- I'm not going to say "all dark kink/vent fic is bad" but a lot of it is not good. So many kink fics have the barest resemblance to canon and just exist to give familiar faces to whatever fetishes the author is exploring. "Woobification" literally exists as a term to describe the process by which a character's traits are smushed and warped to make them a more sympathetic victim. Other darkfic is wildly gleefully out of character as Character A enacts all the darkest violent vengeful fantasies the author can think of. These kinds of fics aren't defended because they're better than "disaster dark fic" but they are more gratifying.

There's a sadomasochistic twinge to a lot of vent fic, either in a literally sexually titillating way, or in smushing the parts of our brain that smirk with schadenfreude or tear up in empathy. It is very obvious what psychological needs the author is gratifying, so a reader will either share in that reaction, or- even if they don't share it and even if they're judgy about it- at least understand why someone would write that kind of story. Coming across a fic set in a real world tragedy, it is not immediately what the author is getting out of this, so I think that knee jerk offended reaction of "Why on earth would you write fic set in the Holocaust???" or what have you is much more frequently expressed, and it's harder for the author to explain why because they probably don't know themselves- they probably just heard about it and their brain came up with an idea while they tried to understand it and they felt compelled to write it down.

But like, to answer the question of "who would write this"- a lot of people do! There are a lot of novels of varying accuracy tact and quality set in every conceivable war, disaster, or tragedy imaginable. And treating that kind of fic as uniquely cringe or offensive is I think limiting to authors developing the skills to tell those stories in a non-awful way.

Again this isn't to be wholly uncritical of "disaster dark fic" because I do think there's real criticism that a lot of those fics unintentionally trivialize real tragedies or center white western males over the real victims for example. But do they trivialize tragedy in a way that's unique from how other forms of dark fic can potentially trivialize rape, abuse, or mental illness, or reflect societal biases? I don't think so.

[stigmatamama]

did you see that fragrantica review of tom ford lost cherry that associated it with like dentists and medical fetishes that was probably going around the gerard fans earlier this week??? i need it but i CANNOT find it :/

I’m screaming? No I did not see that but I did just read the most insane review from user “Foldyrhands” where they mention stigmata (sick) and loving Lana del Rey as a tumblr Expat… putting the full review under the break because I’m crying lol. I’ll let you know if I see the dentist / medical review haha

There is something to be said for smelling like something you eat. Hélène Cixous writes in Stigmata: Escaping Texts that ���...eating and being eaten belong to the terrible secret of love.” To be wanted, so completely and rapturously, that your beloved consumes you whole.

In fact, romantic cannibalism has sort of been having a moment lately. Between breakout dream-pop star Ethel Cain’s self-titled character, tragically consumed by the wretched man she adores, to memes about biting your boyfriend making the rounds on all corners of the internet — it seems worth investigating, in this particular cultural moment, why people (women, mostly) want to smell like food. There is much to be said on this subject, and much of it has already upset people. There are innocent fantasies of girlhood and unsexed affinities towards baked goods tied into what might be called the more sinister gourmand-industrial complex, and it is by no means my intention to disturb these wholesome scent preferences. That said, the ways in which sweet candy perfumes intersect with gendered politics of desirability and class are no clearer articulated than in Tom Ford’s 2018 viral cherry organza Lost Cherry.

I would love to hear an earnest argument for how a perfume quite literally named after a vulgar euphemism for a woman’s lapsed virginity is not related to misogyny. It is an obvious enough influence to have eventually become retroactively opaque in the pursuit of commodity fetish. Beauty products are made to make women more desirable to men – of course, they bear coded signs of that very desirability. I also don’t mean to suggest I am somehow above this fact of life. I use Too Faced's Better than Sex mascara because I want all-day lift, but I hear the ghost of Andrea Dworkin screaming at me in Yiddish the entire time. Suggestive beauty product naming accomplishes what the toy company Mattel cracking jokes about their profit-based value system in the Barbie movie accomplishes for Mattel profits tied to the sale of tickets for the very same movie: postmodernity is defined by critique of the product embedded into the product itself. It gives you something to think about, a connection to briefly make. Wielding the power of this sexy perfume is like the excitement of losing your virginity. But then you stop there. You don’t think about it any further. Zizek has been saying this for decades. Products no longer sell you a product, and they no longer even sell you just an idea. Products sell you an entire mindset, a politic, a worldview, and they do it in ways often in seemingly direct conflict with their values in order to earn your trust. Why would Victoria’s Secret, a lingerie company, suddenly become interested in a bare-faced simple beauty campaign. Why would Dove, a company producing deodorant and soap marketed to help people smell better, care about your self-esteem? Thankfully Tom Ford Fragrances does not try and pretend it is a feminist beauty product company – but many people who consume it still somehow mentally place it on the neck of an “empowered woman,” whatever that means in the scheme of advertising.

Tom Ford himself as a designer and businessman is hardly known for his demure marketing. At its best, the worldbuilding of Tom Ford as a house has stood for the provocative in service of understanding ourselves more honestly. Like the surprisingly modern character of Samantha from Sex and the City, you get the sense that they both are tired of not saying the quiet parts out loud. That sex is a force as constant as the sun, and even the most repressed souls yearn, desire, like all humans do: in inconvenient and obscene and incorrect ways. But quite frankly, there is a difference between revealing and challenging the coded interchanges of heterosexuality, and reproducing them wholesale. Where I think this vision falls apart is when it leaves the tight control of a single room of creatives, and more or less integrates wholly into the pre-existing market for beauty products. If Tom Ford fragrances can’t even clear an f-bomb past certain production circuits, I fear for its ability to make serious waves in the cultural politics of suggestive beauty naming, or whatever loose assembly of legacy platitudes people suggest Lost Cherry might serve to provoke. This is all to say, I have seen women do better for themselves — and I want more for us.

There are two important questions at play here. Firstly: is Lost Cherry a good perfume in its own right? And secondly, does what it represents for the culture surrounding perfume consumption bode well for the general state of creativity in fragrance? Luckily enough, the answer to both of these questions can be summarized in a single word: no.

Lost Cherry opens with a blast of bitter almonds. I’ve noticed a trend among many Tom Fords (including the equally popular masc counterpart Tobacco Vanille): the opening spray is very provocative, and the dry-down is extremely conventional. In the case of LC, the initial sour profile of the cherry note fused with the bitterness of almonds recalls cyanide, and in one case, the purported smell of decaying corpses. Into the drydown, however, the nutty profile becomes sweeter and the cherry becomes candied. There is very little evolution beyond the first fifteen minutes — once it settles, it does so for a couple of hours of diffusive aspartame fruit showboating, and then it is gone.

I can understand why people call this perfume addicting. Usually, the formula for creating this effect is the combination of something widely palatable with the traces of something extremely offensive at high doses. This was the secret to most perfume in the 20th century. Jasmine was entrancing — narcotic, even — because of the traces of urine-like indoles found within the composition. Rose became sensual with the addition of civet, the perineal gland secretion of a small mammal related to the common genet. Lost Cherry uses the rich, juicy profile of a cherry accord to hide notes of alcohol and decay on the wrists of impressionable young women.

This is not, inherently, my issue with the perfume. Rather, I find Lost Cherry does far too much to achieve far too little. The notes blend together, the careful deceits fall flat: there is a reason this perfume is perhaps the belle of the dupe economy. If its formula weren’t so generic, it wouldn’t be so easy and popular to duplicate. The second reason so few fans of this scent own a full bottle is, of course, the high price point. A 50ml bottle currently retails for $395. This brings me to my second concern: Tom Ford is not entirely responsible for the inflation of the luxury fashion markets at large, but its most popular offering does absolutely embody the particularly nefarious intersection between completely unreasonable status-based prices, products lacking in conceptual substance, and second-hand male voyeurism.

Of course, when you deal in products made and sold under the luxury market, oftentimes prices are less a reflection of the material costs of production and more a material representation of a brand’s prestige and identity. You aren’t paying for the perfume inside Lost Cherry’s bright red bottle, you’re paying for the bottle itself as an idea.

You’re paying for an individual enumeration of Tom Ford Beauty, now itself an individual enumeration of the loose collection of ideas festering within the digitized remains of a woman selling cleansing oil in mid-century New York City formerly known as The Estée Lauder Companies. I do not labor under expectations that Tom Ford will lower its prices. I do, however, wish we would stop doing their marketing for them. Lost Cherry as an idea is virtually inescapable on the internet: it is recommended, mood-boarded, and, as referenced before, most often-evangelized through the recommendation of fakes. It is the idea, and you, dear reader, can only ever reach for pale imitations. You wish you could smell like this, but of course, you shouldn’t. There are several far more sophisticated cherry-based perfumes made by independent and niche perfumers. There is nothing that Lost Cherry does that Strangers Parfumerie’s Cherry Amaretto (retailing for $ 90 USD) does not do better. And much of Lost Cherry’s allure — the seductive, red-lipped ingénue, essentially lied from an amalgamation of vamp Pinterest boards — is best enacted as a self-aware subverted performance and not a marketing strategy.

I love Lana del Rey as much as the next Tumblr-expat, but I also think what makes her music so electric is her self-aware vulnerability. She’s thinking and acting against her own best interests; she’s playing out self-destructive spirals, but fuck it, she loves him. You may think I’m asking too much of a cosmetic product, but the culture of self-described “empowerment” surrounding Lost Cherry and other fruity-sweet ultra-femme contemporaries does none of this. It is not performative, it merely performs. Something like Mugler’s Angel, widely considered the first gourmand perfume, was so glorious precisely because it was so vulgar and controversial. Some men drooled for it, but just as many loathed it. It was regarded as both chic and trashy, sexually ambiguous, alluring, and ostentatious. In my humble opinion, there are two ways to interrupt the very real modern cultural tradition of men wanting women to smell like food so they can better be consumed: either cut your dessert with something sophisticated and off-putting or dial the saccharine indulgence up to eleven. Part of me wants Lost Cherry to tone it down, and another wishes it would have gone all the way.

Where it presently stands, however, feels halfway between pruning oneself for male fantasy, and searching for something perfectly mediocre in your own right. My wish may be unreasonable, but I one day hope to see women justify spending entirely too much on sweet perfume for its own sake. Maybe this is how you feel about your decision to wear Lost Cherry, and that is perfectly fine. Wear it to your heart's content. I just hope that one day, we can decide on figureheads for the neo-gourmand fourth-wave feminist revolution that smell a little less like plastic on accident, and a little more like plastic on purpose.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

I think it is weird that I have come across quite a few people that have a problem with others owning vitiligo dolls that don't have it themselves. If they fetishize it and make every doll have vitiligo then yeah I can understand but how can you judge someones intention just by looking at their collection? I feel like that applies not only to vitiligo dolls but also to white people collecting darker skin dolls or men collecting only female dolls. I am mixed but am very pale in winter due to living in Austria, so nobody would suspect that half of my fam is black, from Uganda. I always pick out brown dolls or darker dolls becasue growing up I didn't have that representation of my own culture and someone called me out saying I "fetishize black people and pretend to be black and my dolls are just diversity tokens"!?

I am tired of every part of life perpetuating eurocentric beauty standards but also people being fake woke and calling out unecessary "problems". I want my collection to be diverse because it is beautiful. Every person is pretty, not just eurocentric beauty. I wish there were more differnt dolls when I grew up, that's why I want a diverse collection. I want little boys and girls or even teens and adults look at my dolls and think „Hey that doll is pretty… wait we actually have a bit in common. Are those features also pretty on me too?“ and the answer is YES! Don't shame people for admiring features they themselves might not possess because it is nice for people to get some love who do have these features. Growing up I had no choice but to look at that Eurocentric Barbie and think "Well I don't look like that and everyone thinks she is pretty so that must be what a pretty girl is". 

~Anonymous

[spideymybucky]

I’d never stan lizzo because she’s done problematic things. She’s said body positivity is only for curvy people...

And I support her. Here’s the thing, skinny girls have always had representation in the media. Yes, I don’t deny people telling skinny girls to eat more or if they have an ED, but they’ve always been perceived as healthy and the normal. Medium-sized girls, although they’ve been called fat, they aren’t. They have representation, and some just call them thick and pretty. These girls will still get clothes made for their sizes and be able to have privileges that fat girls can’t.  I think they’re all beautiful, but the beauty ends with the fat girl. They are always made fun of, and jokes are made at their expense. Fat girls can’t find clothes at stores; when you enter Hollister, they tell you that they don’t carry above 16 and order it online. Some boutiques and high-end clothes aren’t even available in bigger sizes or don’t want to have bigger sizes for women above 16.  Want to know the average size in America? 16 to 18, yet most stores don’t cater to these sizes because they aren’t for medium-sized women. Also, if you are bigger than 16-18, it's harder for you to buy clothes and be perceived as attractive or healthy.  Though every woman has the right to be body positive, at this time and day, bigger women who have rolls and big stomachs like Lizzo are still bullied and viewed as not sexy and unattractive. They are told to watch what they eat and have to think twice when they go out to eat. They have to check if a store will have their size, or it’ll be embarrassing to go there and then not even get to check if they have something you like.  Bigger women have always been ignored in our society, and I’m tired of them being called curvy. NOT EVERY FAT WOMAN HAS CURVES; THEY ALL HAVE DIFFERENT SHAPES, yet to be curvy and pretty, you have to be fat WITH A SNATCHED WAIST.  You have to have big boobs, itty bitty waist, like Ashely Graham (cause she’s considered curvy but ISN´T FAT), and have you’re fat distributed in ways that suit you. Body positivity has ALWAYS BEEN HARDER ON FAT WOMEN. Why? BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF REPRESENTATION. You don’t get to see fat women on TV; they’re always medium to a bit bigger sized.  Ashley Graham- she isn’t fat; she’s just curvy and average-sized.  Barbie Ferreira: She isn’t fat; she’s just a bit bigger, medium-sized woman.  America Ferrera, she was considered the fat one for Ugly Betty and Sisterhood of traveling pants when she isn’t FAT.  Big girls, fat girls, THEY DON’T HAVE REPRESENTATION AND THATS THE PROBLEM. These normal-sized, skinny girls and medium-sized, have been accepted to this society, but fat girls haven’t; that's why it's crucial to shift Body Positivity for fat girls. They don’t have representation unless they have “curves” and are under a size 18.  What is funny is that NO ONE understands this. Y’all don’t understand the trauma that being fat brings you in this society, the PTSD you get from it, and how it developed into various things when you grow up without representation. Skinny-medium-sized women won’t be denied jobs for their looks; fat girls will. Doesn’t matter what doctor you go to; if you’re fat, you are automatically unhealthy, and that’s what's causing you your health problems.  Fat women gave to disclose they are fat on dating apps or else they can get insulted by men when they meet them. Fat women are always looked at with a dismissive gaze; people will look at them and wonder why they aren’t healthy; it doesn’t matter if they are healthy. Fat women will be judged if they become mothers; they’ll be perceived as the ones that give unhealthy food to their kids, or because they’re fat, they won’t be able to do this or that.  None of that HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE SKINNY OR MEDIUM SIZED.  NONE OF THAT.  AND WHY AM I ABLE TO SPEAK ABOUT THIS? CAUSE YES, I AM FAT, AND I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SOCIETY MADE ME BELIEVE. I don’t have representation to look up to except Lizzo, who’s young and just a bit older than me. I’m scared of men and how they fetishize fat women, I’m afraid of eating in front of people, I’m scared of many things, yet I’m healthy and should be

living a normal life. But the bullying, the doctor visits, and all of what I mentioned have given me, and THOUSANDS OF OTHER GIRLS TRAUMAS JUST BECAUSE THEY DON’T LOOK LIKE SKINNY-MEDIUM SIZED GIRLS. SO LIZZO has EVERY RIGHT to say that BODY POSITIVE SHOULD BE AIMED FOR FAT GIRLS. They are UNDERREPRESENTED, IGNORED, FETISHIZED, BULLIED, AND DISMISSED every day. I don't see this happening to other body types... I don't care if I lose followers for this, and if you hate my response, I don't care either.

[alysemeadfad]

𝕽𝖊𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖎𝖔𝖓

Most would say its easy for a teenager to rebel at any point in time, but I find it hard to rebel in any way, most teens get tattoos, piercings, cut and dye their hair to rebel against their parents, but growing up with a mom who is tattooed, hair in fun dyed styles and piercings, I’m really just following in her footsteps she practically encourages. 

The only thing I rebel against is tidying my room and making cups of tea, cant really say I could start a world changing rebellion on that.

Rebellions i find important

1903–18 — Women’s Suffrage Movement The foundation of the Women’s Social and Political Union by Emmeline Pankhurst in 1903 began a more militant phase of the call for votes for women, which had been growing through the end of the 19th century. The Suffragettes used militant tactics like vandalism, arson, bombing and hunger strikes, with one member committing public suicide by throwing herself under the King’s horse at a race in 1913. The movement was wound up when some women were enfranchised in the 1918 Representation of the People Act, before all women over 21 were given the vote in 1928.

Suffragette Vera Wentworth in 1909, and the dress by Vaquera that it inspired

Stonewall riots 28 Jun 1969 – 3 Jul 1969 The Stonewall riots were a series of spontaneous demonstrations by members of the gay community in response to a police raid that began in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, at the Stonewall Inn in the Greenwich Village neighborhood of Manhattan, New York City.

It is said that Marsha P. Johnson was the one who started the rebellion. Supposedly, throughout the bustle of the raid, Marsha threw a shot glass into a mirror and shouted, ” I got my civil rights!”.  With this inspiration and resistance against the police, other patrons began to follow.

Present day- Me Too movement.The Me Too movement, with variations of related local or international names, is a social movement against sexual abuse and sexual harassment towards women, where people publicize allegations of sex crimes.

The Punk Rebellion

the punk involved no protests or riots, it impacted people, fashion, music, society and everything to be honest.

The punk subculture advocates a do-it-yourself (DIY) ethic. During the subculture's infancy members were almost all from a lower economic class, and had become tired of the affluence that was associated with popular rock music at the time. Punks would publish their own music or sign with small independent labels, in hopes to combat what they saw as a money hungry music industry. The DIY ethic is still popular with punks.ideology's of punks

Ideology

Punk political ideologies are mostly concerned with individual freedom and anti-establishment views. Common punk viewpoints include individual liberty, anti-authoritarianism, a DIY ethic, non-conformity, anti-collectivism, anti-corporatism, anti-government, direct action and not "selling out".

Some groups and individuals that self-identify as being a part of punk subculture hold right-wing views. The belief that such views are opposed to the original ethos of the punk subculture, and its history, has led to internal conflicts and an active push against such views being considered part of punk subculture at all. Two examples of this are an incident during the 2016 American Music Awards, where the band Green Day chanted anti-conservative, anti-racist, and anti-fascist messages, and an incident at a show by the Dropkick Murphys, when bassist and singer Ken Casey, tackled an individual for giving a nazi-style salute and later stated that nazis are not welcome at a Dropkick Murphys show. Band member Tim Brennan later reaffirmed this sentiment. The song "Nazi Punks Fuck Off" by hardcore punk band Dead Kennedys has come to be considered an anti-nazi anthem.

VIV WESTWOOD

Rejecting the hippie ethos that was fashionable towards the end of the 1960s, Westwood and McLaren created clothes that referenced youth culture's recent past, selling rock'n'roll fashion in a shop unit at 430 King's Road in Chelsea. In 1974, the shop took on its most notorious identity: SEX, with Westwood and McLaren designing fetish wear that they sold to prostitutes, those with 'underground' sexual tastes, and young proto-punks brave enough to take a seriously edgy look out onto the street. The pair enjoyed shocking people, designing garments and shoes that referenced 'deviant' sexual practices, including rubber dresses and stilettos bristling with spikes.

How punk influenced me, because it influenced the world

My take on rebellion

Westwood inspired tights.

after watching a documentary on vivien westwood and the birth of the punk revolution i created some westwood inspired tights as a little spontaneous brainstorm, did not develop any further on the tights.

i used a pair of brand new white tights and put holes all in them, this is non conformist as if a regular pair of tights had a hole you would bin them as they were no good any more, but purposely putting holes in is quite rebellious in that aspect, i used sharpies to draw triggering symbols and words such as a swastikka and ‘punk fag’ .

crayon drawings

i used crayons to create these images as i thought it was a more rebellious medium and its created for kids so that is non conforming and it gives a rough diy finish look making it look slightly unfinished

i created a lesbian nun, this was a spur of the mind thought whats socially good and respected? a nun? whats the opposite of what a nun preaches, homo behavior. 

here i did a little barbie series drawing from observational on one and on another from mind and another from an image which i created by burning a barbie ehich is quite a rebellious act in a way. 

Collages

i decided to do some collages as its a way of just slapping ideas out in a visual format, my first one was using a fashion magazine and i realized this was the way to go so i printed some punk imagery and even used my own crayon drawings to create more collages.

photo shop

i wanted to mess with these collages more on a digital format so i put them in to photo shop to play with them and generate more ideas this was giving me a poster vibe which reminded me of punk posters.

 Final ideas

i used images from the new york trip to create a vision on photo shop, using a light of the american flag,sign posts, bins with posters on them.a clip art image of a chain and lock,street art and stickers i saw on poles in the street which is another form or street art which is quite rebellious as its not socially acceptable to vandalize and graffiti on public areas.

i took a few elements from the last board and included them in this vision board, i really wanted the main focus to be on the pipe that says “the rich killed nyc” i feel like it has a deep meaning behind it and it is quite rebellious as it reminded me of the punk rebellion in the uk as it was mostly lower class working people who used art, music and fashion to rebel against society and social constructs and actively non conform to the “rules” in a way. i also used a sticker that says jesus loves you and i crossed it out and wrote hate you over the loves you part as that is fitting to my rebellious visions.

in this board i again used “ the rich killed nyc” pipe as that’s my main surrounding element, i uses another pole with stickers on though you cant really tell what the stickers are, it just fits the aesthetic. i used a statue of liberty as she is known as a symbol of freedom, and along side it i used a photo of a photograph i saw in the modern art museum where this person had dyke tattooed on their neck which is a derogatory word to gay women, and that’s quite rebellious to take a bad word and own it by tattooing it on your body .

in this board i moved away from “the rich killed nyc” pipe as i felt i needed to come away from that one element for one board and to broaden my ideas. in this one i used a sky line image i took when on the ferry to liberty island, i changed the colour to black and white as the original colours of the image are quite blue and orangy, i used a sign post that says one way as it for some reason reminded me of like “one way to hell” or something and that there feels like there is no choice or individuality in the phrase “one way” . i used text over the sky line that says “the rotten apple” as new york city is known as the big apple and i thought, when i was there it did not remind me of a big fresh beautiful apple as the homeless people on the streets and the graffiti that has no artistic intent, so it was more of a rotten apple in a way. i used an image of the american flag i took on liberty island as i used an image of an american flag light, so i thought i could link back to that idea and use an actual flag, as its to represent freedom. i also used a art piece from the modern art gallery which was just a male mannequin wearing a bra which does not fit the social constrict of what men should wear there for its quite rebellious and opposite to the one way system. 

in my final board i included the american flag, a chain over it completely doing the opposite of what the flag means which is freedom, i used the bun that says don’t be afraid of anyone with an edited red paint drip on it which kind of looks like blood, i used text that says “ the rich killed nyc” as i loved that phrase bit i over used the pole in the other boards and i liked that my main message is that the rich killed nyc, i used an image of my dr martens that i took while my feet were up against a pole as i sat on a tube, showing anti social behavior basically which is stereo typically rebellious,and also dr martens were quite fashionable in the uk punk rebellion so i’m hinting to my idea that was inspired by the uk punk rebellion, and finally i have a set of traffic lights which are about order and control, the light is also on red which signifies danger, and the word stop which fits to my idea.

[noloumna]

Not an anti-recommendation but more... cause the other anon touched on mlm fetishzation. Like... I see it SO much in fandoms of all kinds. Even if the characters are not canotically LGBT. You have two hot men and fans MUCH shove them together and write smut like you would with your Barbie dolls when little. And not often is the actual chemistry, romance and struggles as a couple are touched on. And I just... am tired? of it? it's creepy af? why does no one call it out? That's my Ted Talk, thanks

it’s okay, anon, you can say voltron. ♡

in all seriousness, you are so right! in the words of aspa ( @revolutionaryutena ), “gay/bi men never have spaces to share their own works, it’s always filled with fetishized work of mlm made by and for women.” it is creepy and uncomfortable, especially for mlm. fandoms are naturally problematic, and when you give people like that a platform, they are going to, unfortunately, use it, therefore hurting the people they say they’re representing. it’s disgusting and you’re right! they need to be called out! it’s a huge flaw in nearly every fandom, and it should be more openly discussed.

( don’t even get me started on mlm men of color being sexualized more so than their white counterpart or people shipping together real life actors and making them extremely uncomfortable. fandoms are a mess. )

[spaceshipkat]

rambling thoughts on the us kingdom of ash cover skinny alien: 

i can’t even properly verbalize how wrong the model on the k0a cover is bc it infuriates me that much, so this is undoubtedly gonna be a kat ramble™. gird your loins. 

there are already more than enough atrocious body image messages pushed in sj/m’s books as it is, so why did they have to fucking rub it in on the cover? some girl is gonna look at that, think about wanting to be like alien with her barbie waistline and chicken legs bc alien gets a crown, a throne, an adoring court, and a hot fae mate, and proceed to starve herself. 

this is why i am so vocal about the bullshit that sj/m puts in her books about body image. this is why i am so vocal about how wrong it is to put thin models on the cover. this is why i am so vocal about the messages that sj/m spews when she writes something like cassian’s comment about nesta still being beautiful with big breasts and flaring hips despite being anorexic. here’s an example from my own experience with anorexia that directly relates to t0g. 

major trigger warning for anorexia! please, please, please do not read the rest of this post under the cut if you still suffer from anorexia or think you might relapse. i know from experience how just the mere mention of weight loss can be triggering and i want you guys to protect yourselves. <3

heir of fire came out in 2014. when i read it, it was around the time i dated my abusive ex-boyfriend (henceforth known as Foot Fetish on my blog). in the first chapter of h0f, sardines is sitting on a rooftop drinking wine and comments that she consumed nothing but a loaf of bread (i can’t remember if it was every day, or just whenever she could afford to buy it) and wine. thus, she ended up losing a ton of weight from it and talked about it a lot. 

me, being anorexic, thought “i should try that!” so i did (sans wine bc i don’t drink thanks to an alcoholic parent). i copied sardines’ “diet”, lost some weight (i’m 5′4 and dipped below 110 pounds after this, though i can’t remember the exact number; this was actually was my lowest weight in my entire bout with anorexia), and Foot Fetish told me that i was perfect bc i was so thin with nice boobs. but i was so dehydrated at this point that, when i went to the doctor bc i didn’t have my period, the nurse was trying to draw blood but my blood wasn’t thin enough to be easily drawn out. the nurse ended up having to do a lot of tricks to get enough blood for testing. she then proceeded to tell me i was dehydrated and that i needed to drink some water (without ever commenting on how thin i was), but bc water wasn’t as filling as a carbonated beverage, i went out and bought a diet dr. pepper instead of a water bottle. “it’s a liquid,” i reasoned, and would keep me fuller longer than water would. problem solved.��

all of this--every single bit of that paragraph--happened as a direct result of sardines commenting on her weight loss from drinking wine and eating bread. that is why the messages contained in sjm’s books are so goddamn dangerous.

and y’know what? i’m going to tag @worldofsarahjmaas in this. no idea if they’ll see it, but they need to. they need to know what goddamn filth they allow sjm to publish and push at young, impressionable girls (and i was fucking nineteen at the time!). there is nothing okay with this, and i am so goddamn tired of having to repeat myself about things that should be as fucking plain as the nose on your face.

/end rant

[wincestshippingtrash2]

Writing Uncomfortable Subjects

Some thoughts on this post, 

“ you’re not entitled to a constant stream of uninspired feel-good pap. not in your music, not in your television, and certainly not in your books. “

A constant stream of feel-good pap is the very petri dish in which odious thought processes are allowed to grow unchecked. This feel-good pap is the Soma of Brave New World. Give the Proletariat their happy drugs, in this case, meaningless media rife with pretty people with petty problems and impeccably whitened teeth, and they won’t question the rising shit-storm of discontent, maltreatment of the lower classes, or other unpleasant subjects like sexism, racism, and homophobia.

Interestingly enough, despite the extreme right-wing assertion (kowtowed to by Bumblr) that erotica is a terrible, no good, awful, and very bad thing, the place where I curtail certain uncomfortable subjects the most stringently is in erotic writing. In spite of the fact that characters in the Naughty Netherworld universe are always banging, group sex is far more common than one-on-one couplings, and much of the action takes place in an arena where wild BDSM play is acted out for an audience, there are a few things that will never be described explicitly in these otherwise uninhibited tales.

These things are:

Any kind of non-consensual sex

Any kind of dub-con encounters. Even though there is no shortage of bondage, the characters are one hundred percent on board, and it’s obvious.

Sex with minors. 

These stories are very inclusive. I hate labeling them as “interracial,” which is a keyword that I do use when publishing on Kindle. I also hate feeling that I need to include a label such as “BBW.” People of all races are just people, and large women are just people. Unfortunately, we don’t yet live in a world that is quite so inclusive, and so I do feel the need to use what I deem fetishizing keywords to promote the Naughty Netherworld brand.

One of my main reasons for using such keywords is to let people know that these stories are for them. I would not be the first person to be sick and tired of trying to find a good romantic or spicy erotic read, only to discover that it’s rife with Barbie and Ken lookalikes with a few department store manikins thrown in as supporting characters. I want a realistic selection of people, even if some of those people happen to be shape-shifting alien sex fiends.

I want to read about the five-foot-tall, 100-pound elf prince falling in love with the six-foot-tall, 400-pound human baker who has lost her belief in magic. (This is one of the few monogamous couplings in the Naughty Netherworld sagas.) 

I want to read about the geeky ginger film fan and the strong, sinewy Japanese vampire (both male) falling wildly in love and enjoying introducing newcomers to their extremely spicy world together. 

I want to read about the powerful, six-foot-tall, dark and intimidatingly beautiful mad scientist and sorceress redeeming herself to her tiny and deceptively strong, smart as a whip Asian wife. 

However, these characters weren’t out there. So Team Netherworld created them.

Do subjects such as racism, sexism, and homophobia make appearances in these stories?

Yes. In Carnal Invasion VI, Kali and Nyx recall their first meeting. Nyx, who is, in reality, one of the shape-shifting extraterrestrials, adopted the form of a badly burned “comfort girl” and she and her fellow extraterrestrials rescued the trafficked women and girls from the “comfort station”. In the same book, Kali recalls allowing herself to be taken prisoner in a death camp where she uses her powers to raise the dead and destroy the place. She suffers abuse at the hands of the guards. 

Due to the explicit erotica inherent to these stories, there were no exact descriptions of the abuse endured by Kali at the guards’ hands. Had this not been an explicitly erotic story, the offenses against Kali would likely have been described in greater detail. However, I wanted to be sure that no-one would be tempted to confuse sexualized abuse with erotic bondage and role-playing.

I like to think that the Naughty Netherworld stories are feel-good stories--very joyful, smutty stories for a mature audience. The characters in these stories are much more accepting of those who are not considered conventionally attractive than real people are. In spite of occasional heavy subject matter, the general spirit of these tales is a fun-filled sexy romp among dirty-minded friends.

However, there are those who would say such stories should not be allowed. Some would frame the work as being “sinful.” Some might postulate that homosexual activity is “unnatural.” Still others might be opposed to the “mixing of the races.” Some might be angered by the idea of women in positions of power. Some might proclaim that describing larger characters as sexy and desirable is “glorification of obesity” or some such rubbish. 

People of various sizes, shapes, nationalities, and races exist. Not everyone looks like a fashion doll or an impossibly thin, heavily Photoshopped model. In fact, the majority of people do not bear any resemblance to the glossy images we have been told we are supposed to resemble. Human sexuality has a spectrum. Not everyone is heterosexual, and being heterosexual is not morally superior to being homosexual, bisexual, or asexual. 

People are not perfectly unblemished. People can have scars, moles, crooked teeth, funny noses, wrinkles, structural anomalies, any number of so-called “imperfections.” Not all people are perfectly able-bodied. Some have lost limbs. Some have conditions which impair their mobility. Many deal with invisible impairments, including psychiatric conditions. A fair number of the characters in the Carnal Invasion series are working through PTSD due to past abuses.

The point being that feel-good stories are all fine and good, but stories are not there just to entertain, they are there to educate. If every story was completely sanitized of any uncomfortable topic, the literary world would be gutted. We would be left with nothing but a bunch of meaningless, watered-down twaddle.

Evil characters who do bad things SHOULD make you angry. They should make you think. 

A world where no-one thinks is a dangerous place indeed.

~Cie~

[debooted]

Night Bird Chapter 5

Donna had one hand on the back of Night Bird’s boot and her other hand across the top.  She was tired from pulling, so Donna planted her heels to the floor and began to lean backwards using her own body weight against their captive.  It was almost like leaning back and holding on to a ski rope she thought.  But this was no ski rope!

She could feel the shape of the girl’s foot through the leather of the boot.  She could occasionally feel the girl ball her toes up and try to pull her foot free from the boot, but to no avail.

………‘you’re gonna pull my fuckin foot off……PLEASE……..’

Wendy was using a different technique.  She pulled but also continually twisted and rotated the girl’s foot, putting even more pressure on their captive’s ankle.

………’you’re breaking my ankle……..my KNEE-hee…….,

All this while Carrie and Barbi simply held onto Night Bird’s arms watching the two seniors essentially do all the pulling as their prisoner continued to cry out in anguish.

And then with no warning, Carrie loudly yelled, ‘ENOUGH!’  And with that both PE coaches dropped Night Bird’s arms.  Night Bird’s back and head hit the floor with a thud as Donna and Wendy were both sent stumbling from pulling a girl who was no longer being held against the force of their pulls.

For the first time today since falling from the table into Charlotte Parkers arms, Kamberly wasn’t being carried, held or pulled.  But there was zero chance that the girl would get up and try and to escape, she was passed that point now.

Kam slowly rolled over onto her left side and brought her knees to her chest and sobbed.  After laying there for a second, she pulled her left knee up closer to her chest and began to reach down toward her left ankle.

This was the ankle that Wendy had been working on so diligently.  Kamberly, still laying on her left side reaching for her left ankle, began unzipping her left boot.  Once unzipped, she wiggled her socked left foot free and clasp her hands around her ankle

Donna felt her heart speed up, she had a fetish for attractive girl’s feet and she had been looking forward to debooting the girl herself.  Donna took a breath as she watched their prisoner massaging her own ankle.  Night Bird’s leggings were not footed, they ended at her ankle.  Donna looked at the tight short sock that was now visible.  It accentuated a shapely but small foot.  Donna had promised their captive that she’d be working on the girl’s feet soon enough and now with Kam already taking one of her own boots off, Donna knew the time was drawing very near.

Kamberly was a mess.  Her faces covered in perspiration, tears and bits of smeared make up.

Kam tried to sit up and immediately exploded with a loud’ OWWW’ and grabbed at her lower back.  Then the girl sunk back into the floor, again laying on her left side in an almost fetal position.

Carrie looked at Donna and Wendy and said, ‘Barbi and I have some things to discuss, you two watch her.  From the looks of things, she’ll be easy to watch.’

Donna knelt down and picked up Kam’s left boot.  Never in a million years when this day first started would she have thought she would be holding one of Night Bird’s boots.  But she had it and looking at the girl on the floor, it was obvious they also had Night Bird as well.

Then the unexpected happened.  Night Bird reached up and pulled off her make and tossed it aside.  Then the dazed young girl with her face full of anguish , tears, sweat and smeared dark mascara looked at both seniors, ‘None of this matters, mask or no mask, I’m not ever leaving this place without some help.  Wendy, please help me…….both of you please.  I’m hurt but I know it’s gonna get a lot worse for me.  I’m barely older than you guys and I don’t want to d-die…….but I can’t keep doing this……please!  Do I look like I can take any more of this?’

Wendy smirked, ‘well shit, I think I remember you.  You were a cheerleader here a few years back.  You’re the one they’d always throw up in the air.  A few years later and you’re still getting tossed around………pathetic!  The truth is now that I see you, we had a class together, but I don’t ever remember you even talking to me.  Maybe your bitchy cheerleader friends will come rescue you.  Donna and I are enjoying hurting you too much to help you. And those coaches aren’t letting this go.’

Donna, still holding the left boot, then knelt down beside Kamberly.  But before Donna could address their captive, Kam, still laying on her left side, slid her booted right foot near Donna.  Donna had wanted to deboot Night Bird since first hearing about her, then tonight she had finally crossed paths with her and she had looked forward to debooting her all night and now the girl’s remaining booted foot was just an inch in front of her.

Kamberly, still grimacing in pain, ‘take it, you can have both of them. The only way I make it out of here alive tonight is if one of you guys help me.  I’ll do whatever I gotta do……..just help me.

Donna responded to the offer, ‘what if I take it and still don’t help you……pretty foolish of you.

Kam exhaled, still on discomfort, ‘you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do to me but I’m trying to at least cooperate so maybe you’ll see that……you’d see that you may want to help me.’

Donna then reached down and grasp the same boot she had been pulling on just moments earlier  but this time she began slowly unzipping it.

Kam’s shoulders, lower back and left ankle all hurt very badly.  And she was now giving up her right boot to a girl who seemed to want to touch her feet.  It was a humiliating experience.  These girls obviously enjoyed dishing out pain but it was also obvious that Donna also enjoyed the idea of playing with Kam.  She had unmask herself, she was giving herself to two girls that were without a doubt very dangerous but were her only hope of survival.  She had thought she could connect with Wendy since they had shared a class together.  She had thought by unmasking herself and making that appeal to Wendy maybe the girl would be moved to help her.  However, Wendy seemed unmoved bu it all.  So now her last chance seemed to be to give herself to Donna and see if Donna possessed any sympathy for her situation.

Then with a whoosh Kam felt Donna pull the right boot free.  Kam normally would hate the idea of having someone touch her feet, but tonight she’d been stretched to the point of almost being torn apart, tonight everything was different, tonight she would do anything to not have to feel anymore agony.   She’d do anything for a chance at survival.

Kam raised her pouty face to make eye contact with Donna.  She could see Donna was focused on her shapely socked foot, so Kam hesitantly exhaled and asked, ‘what now?’

Wendy’s voice echoed through the gym and she yelled out to the coaches, ‘you two may want to get over here and break them up, I think they’re becoming a couple.’

Both Kam and Donna exchanged shocked looks as the two imposing coaches quickly ran over to the two girls.  Carrie grabbed two handfuls of Kam’s hair and jerked her off of the floor into a standing position.

‘SHIT!  My ankle’, Kam cried now that she was being forced to stand.

Carrie then immediately bear hugged the small framed girl from behind and sternly said, ‘let me help you take your weight of your ankle…….is that better’, Carried asked while squeezing Kam as hard as she could.

‘OHHH, aahhh……Donna, please…….’

Barbie standing next to Donna, who had just stood back up now holding two boots and a mask, ‘why is she crying to you and why the shit are you unmasking her and taking her boots…….’

Donna fumbling for words to say, ‘she took off most of it…….I just , you know, I just……’

Barbie snapped, ‘I know what you’re into but you need to stay in your lane.’

Carrie ignored her prey’s cries and said’, I like hurting her and she damn well was going to hurt us.  I say we take it up a notch.  Let’s get her to Shop class.

Kam’s ribs were hurting and she was struggling to breath from the force of the bear hug but she felt a wave of nausea hit her at the mention of shop class.  The only things I there were tools, motors and other assorted items that could really be used as torture devices.

‘WAIT, please………a-ha, this hurts……..please God……….’ Kam cried as Carrie still bear hugging her victim while also waking out of the gym with her………..down the hall that would lead to shop class.

Barbie and the two girls watched as Carrie drug Kam out of the gym with a very tight grip around her sides……..’STOP THIS…….God……..’

Barbie motioned to Wendy, ‘you still in this with us?’

Wendy responded, ‘well hell yeah, you know I like to inflict pain, and now that I know she’s an old cheerleader here, I’m all the more happy to make the little bitch cry.’

Barbie then motioned for Wendy to follow Carrie down the hall.  Then Barbie addressed Donna, ‘Wendy’s a tough bitch.  She has no feelings no remorse.  She’s special to us.’

‘Are you upset me coach?’, Donna asked.

Barbie reached for one of the boots that Donna was holding.  She held it in her hand for a minute looking at it then said, ‘before today this whole Night Bird thing was just a weird story in the press, one encounter with us and you’ve got her boots and mask.’  Looking at the sole of the boot, Donna said, ‘a five and a half huh?  She’s a tiny thing, but baby girl fucked up tonight.  You like hurting her but you also seem to LIKE her a little.’

‘I like watching pretty girls in trouble, struggling, I just always have.  I like, you know……’

Barbie handed the boot back to Wendy and said, ‘you like pretty girls struggling, you like their pretty little feet……all that’s fine, just don’t start liking them enough to want to help then. The bird bitch brought this on herself.  She had intentions of fucking Carrie and me over.  So this creates a test, Carrie wants to see if the two of you can pass the test.  We need to know that both of you can break someone down, someone that was trying to hurt us.  That’s the test.  Wendy is passing…….you need to pass too.  So you can play out your fantasy game with this girl but don’t start wanting to help her. ‘

‘Yes mam.’

‘Let’s go to the shop classroom, I think you’ll like what we’ve got planned. Since you got her boots off I think we’ll introduce her little five and halves to the end of some jumper cables.  The little things a screamer, it ought to be fun!’

[irontechdollfactory]

Why do men buy sex dolls?

Why do men like sex dolls? Why do they spend thousands of dollars on lifelike silicone dolls instead of pursuing real women?

Below are quotes from real sex doll owners on why they bought a taboo sex dolls.

Top 3 Reasons: For a better sex life. For companionship, and to fight loneliness. To satisfy a specific doll fetish. Quotes from Doll Owners:

“For me, I’m just tired of being alone. Already been there my whole life, don’t want to live out the rest of my life that way too. I figure a fake girl is better than no girl at all. Aside from that, any girl I could realistically be with wouldn’t look nearly as good as some of the dolls folks are selling out there.”

“I just got tired of being alone. Most of the women I went out with got pissed when race season got here and I went to work on race cars on most weekends. And I don’t want all the head games that real women bring with them.”

“It seems that the entire dating/marriage concept has become sort of a death-trap for males. No matter how you try to play it, she will always hold all of the cards and will most likely use them at some point.

Dolls are a good sensible alternative. Women with sex dolls meet their needs well enough for the arrangement to be sustainable.”

“I was married for 25 years, most of the last ten years were unhappy, now that I’m single again the last thing I want is a (real) relationship. Fake Male Sex Doll don’t complain, there always there, never have a headache. dolls win.”

“I started with a latex balloon fetish in my youth. Real dolls men like expanded into inflatable dolls then silicone dolls. The dolls are not a substitute for a relationship, they are just for a kind of fantasy.”

“Never had a girlfriend, tried online dating for years with zero success. I had reached a point in my life, where I thought the same as you. Having a doll is better than having no female presence in my life at all.”

“My social life is almost nonexistent… Working at night and sleeping until the crack of noon with enough time to eat, get a small work out in and shower after, then head to work… No time to look for a relationship, tried online dating to no avail, and some major trust issues(from very bad experiences) have lead me to wanting a doll”

“To capture the beauty of female expression in photographs. I have always admired what some have done with their photography of them.”

“Playing w/ my GI Joe, Stretch Armstrong and so on were fun as a kid, but THE REAL FUN started when my cousin asked me to play w/ her & barbies ( I had Ken ) …. Ken got naughty w/ the Barbies when she was away!”

“With dolls, I can be myself. I don’t have to put up a façade to trick them into wanting to be with me (which I was never particularly good at anyway). They’re always there for me, they don’t judge me, don’t pressure me to change into what they expect me to be. Granted, they’re no substitute for real human interaction, but I have my friends and family for that.”

“I have always wanted some type of sex doll ever since I was a kid and know do blow up dolls feel good. I use to buy Barbie dolls and then make them anatomically correct. I have a collection now. Went through a phase of inflatables but always desired something more real.”

“I just got tired of walking into an empty house after a stressful day at work. All I have to do is see sex dolls that look like real people smiling in the corner and know everything is going to be ok. I know my house is still empty but at least with my dolls here it does not feel empty.”

“I’m married, but get way less sex than I’d like. Doll sex not only makes up the difference, it satisfies many itches that married sex won’t: Sex acts the wife doesn’t do with me and some I’d be afraid or embarrassed to even ask for.”

“My fascination with beautiful realistic mannequins, women’s fashion, futuristic movies about androids, and the fleshlight led me to this.”

“Not sure, I’m a good looking guy, and can pick up girls with no problem. I think its all in the fantasy, I was always into anime and i guess it grew from their. most my dolls are Asian or have the anime look to them.”

“I wanted a companion. Real dolls for women are important and we can hug them into sleep. Or not feel lonely when I play computer games. I find her too cute. The elf model that I have bought.”

“I bought my first doll (an inflatable) to “practice” with since I had issues with lasting power in bed. When I got comfortable enough with that (it took about four years) I actually didn’t really meet anyone who I wanted to get involved in, and living on the west coast you never know what kinda disease somebody could be carrying around. Dolls have the advantage of being clean and available, so they become a natural progression step.”

[laymlone-blog]

Fatphobia (20.12.19)

Fatphobia is a systematic dehumanising of fat people that takes on different forms from media representation to microaggressions. 

Usually, people try to say ‘nicer’ ways for fatness like ‘curvy’ or ‘plus sized’. Plus sized is particularly problematic. 

If I am plus sized - what’s so plus about it? The extra, like something you can just take on and off. Ever heard of the “dream measurements”: 90-60-90 (hip/waist/breast) with about a 6’0ft/180cm height? That’s the bullshit standard for female supermodels. 

Google: Twiggy

Some people have never walked into a shop and found nothing in their size and it shows. 

The racial aspect of fatphobia lies in biological essentialism, and especially the creation of ‘BMI’ (Body Mass Index).  BMI was invented in the 1830s by Lambert Adolphe Jacques Quetelet, a Belgian astronomer, mathematician, statistician and sociologist. This was the same time people were putting forth bullshit ideas about ‘criminal types’ - equating looks to criminality. It specifically targeted disabled, poor and dark skinned people.

BMI is a mathematical formula (BMI = weight (kg) / height)  based on an ‘ideal’ human body; in this case, a Caucasian, able bodied, cisgender Male. This was used in the 19th century as a measurement of fitness to sterilize POC, Indigenous people, disabled people, poor people, immigrants and other marginalised minorities. 

It’s connection to eugenics leads on to the next point of health and fatness. 

The connection between fatness and unhealthiness is forced and upheld by rigid norms in households in the western world. With things like ‘Fat Camp’ being implemented in America to deal with the capitalisation of poverty by the fast food industry, fatness is strongly seen as a negative. 

To some assholes, a fat person is barely a person, they’re a walking heart attack waiting to happen. 

A good quote from @ lex_about_sex on Twitter:

“I feel like the go-to-stock response about fatness “you can be fat and healthy” that’s true - but 

Fatphobia is not genuinely about the concern for health and that response legitimises it as a concern

It’s okay to be unhealthy! Unhealthy people deserve respect too!

Instead of continually vesting in the poor healthy/good healthy binary let’s unpack “why” we think it’s okay to debase people for being unhealthy and how it really is ABLEISM which is ultimately a byproduct of capitalism which measures validity via “productivity””

^^ I love this. 

Fatness is fatness - whether it is healthy or unhealthy, a fat person deserves to be treated like a person. 

Now, the stigma, how does it build up? What does it look like?

Let’s think about stereotypes of fat people in media:

The rich, fat asshole who doesn’t give a shit about anyone

The comedic female side character who takes all the shit and probably has good one liners

The old, warm granny

The Black, fat woman who knows how to cook up a feast

The angsty fat girl who sees her fatness as the main thing stopping her from doing anything

The really girly and frilly fat girl who’s bubbly personality makes up for her fatness as ‘ugly’

The guy who likes fat, salty girl because he has a fetish

The fat guy, who happens to be disabled in some way, in some wierd adult cartoon show and has a tendency for violence and being ‘unintelligent’ and has a ‘hot’ wife and kids

The fat kid, who lost weight and is now hot and desirable - ‘the ugly duckling’

The fat person with no morals and probably gets eaten by the end of the story

A bully who is bullying others because of their insecurity about their fatness

The rich, fat king/noble who feasts whilst the peasants are poor, frail and starving

The beer belly abusive step father

I honestly can’t think of many others. 

But yeah, we have these images instilled in us. 

Other shows obsessed with weight loss and gain: Biggest Loser, Supersize Me etc. 

When is the last time you saw a fat girl being completely and utterly happy about her size without being frowned upon? When was the last time you saw a sexed up, healthy version of a fat guy? 

You see so many ads telling people to lose weight, but what about putting on weight? Except pregnancy - which then tells you to lose the weight you gained during pregnancy with a ‘bounce back’.

Skinny people being afraid to be fat, and fat people being afraid to be fat. 

Fuckkk, the skinny characters eating whatever they want because they have a ‘fast metabolism’ but if a fat person ate the same things - ‘they could lose weight by cutting that junk’. Fuck that. 

Oh, getting on a weight measure scale and FEARING putting on weight. The skinny one looking in the mirror and grabbing at a slightly tubby stomach ‘oh my god, I am SO FAT’. 

One thing I want to touch on briefly is the gender aspect, yes it’s difficult for men, women and non binary people. But, the way young girls are brought up, spoonfed media about fashion, girl power and skinniness, thin barbies to play with instead of cars etc. Women are under the misogynist stereotypes. Men have different pressures on them, but fatness is also masculinised. What I mean is that there are different expectations for ideal bodies, but men are (mainly white guys) encouraged to take up space via their bodies, voices and presence whilst women are expected to be as small as possible and be desired by dudes. 

So if fatness is somehow masculinised, what does this do to feminine bodies? It makes them invalid. It creates a sexless idea around fat women. The objectification of feminine bodies disempowers fat women from two angles. 

However for MOC who are really pressured to keep a slim, ‘fit’ figure to be classified as a ‘man’. Fat men are a product of gluttony by over masculinity - they get what they want but have got too much. The stigma around dark skinned, fat men is shown in representation of Black/Brown men being large and angry, abusive or on the other angle being emasculate and feminine. 

It differs when including gender, disability, class, race etc. 

Fatphobia at its core is a White, middle/higher class, able bodied, heteronormative, patriarchal tactic to objectify certain bodies and dehumanise people that doesn’t fit their ‘ideal’ for productive citizens of a capitalist society. 

Fat Acceptance movement has been going on since early 2019. It’s not about ‘liking’ or ‘glorifying’ or ‘beautifying’ fatness; it’s asking to respect fat people. 

Simple basic, fucking respect and inclusion. 

It’s not encouraging skinny people to be fat, it’s saying: it is ok to be fat.

What, you're gonna see a women empowerment post, and say it’s telling men and non binary people to be a woman? Of course fucking not.

It’s about R E S P E C T. Respect. 

Say it again: respect.

Okay, so what can you do?

STOP using ‘fat’ or fat references as insults 

STOP commenting on people’s weight

STOP only including thin people in ‘inclusive’ events

Remember where you have seen fatphobia in your life

Call out your friends on their bullshit

Follow fat people on social media (actively)

Look at the racks when you shop, and see what bodies it prefers and think about it

Don’t determine health by appearance

Throw away your fucking scale

Weight loss doesn’t equal fitness journey

Fuck you and your unsolicited health advice

Don’t buy bigger clothes if there are clothes that fit you right there 

Call it out when you see it

Follow the hashtags fat activists use: #fatacceptance 

It doesn’t matter if a person is healthy or not, just fucking respect them. 

HASHTAG: #fat and angry

Resources:

https://www.them.us/story/these-fat-men-in-fashion-are-tired-of-being-left-out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkWjdnc77Mw

Sykes, Heather, and Deborah McPhail. "Unbearable lessons: Contesting fat phobia in physical education." Sociology of Sport Journal 25.1 (2008): 66-96.

Al-Adawi, Samir, et al. "Culture to culture: Fat-phobia and somatization." Handbook of behavior, food and nutrition. Springer, New York, NY, 2011. 1457-1473.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/sep/03/diet-advice-and-tiny-seats-how-to-avoid-10-forms-of-fatphobia

https://www.dazeddigital.com/fashion/article/44828/1/plus-size-mannequin-nike-telegraph-fat-woman-fatphobia

Forth, Christopher E. "Fat, desire and disgust in the colonial imagination." History Workshop Journal. Vol. 73. No. 1. Oxford University Press, 2012.

Strings, Sabrina. Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia. NYU Press, 2019.

Russell, Constance, et al. "“Fatties cause global warming”: Fat pedagogy and environmental education." Canadian Journal of Environmental Education (CJEE) 18 (2013): 27-45.

http://ravishly.com/fat-camp-survivor

https://www.plasticsurgery.org/news/press-releases/new-statistics-reveal-the-shape-of-plastic-surgery

Monaghan, Lee F. "Body Mass Index, masculinities and moral worth: men's critical understandings of ‘appropriate’weight‐for‐height." Sociology of health & illness 29.4 (2007): 584-609.

https://elemental.medium.com/the-bizarre-and-racist-history-of-the-bmi-7d8dc2aa33bb

https://youtu.be/HXGwJevjOfs

https://cocainemodels.com/requirements-modeling-height-age-measurement/

Norman, Moss E. "“Dere’s Not Just One Kind of Fat” Embodying the “Skinny”-Self Through Constructions of the Fat Masculine Other." Men and Masculinities 16.4 (2013): 407-431.

Bailey, Courtney. "Supersizing America: Fatness and post‐9/11 cultural anxieties." The Journal of Popular Culture 43.3 (2010): 441-462.

Usiekniewicz, Marta. "“Dangerous Bodies: Blakness, Fatness, and the Masculinity Dividend." A Journal of Queer Studies 11 (2016): 19-45.

[irontechdolluniverse-blog]

Why do men buy a silicone sex doll

Why do men like silicone sex dolls? Why do they spend thousands of money on lifelike silicone sex dolls instead of pursuing real women?

Below are quotes from realistic sex dolls owners on why they bought a sex doll.  

Source: dollforum.com

Quotes from Doll Owners:

My social life is almost nonexistent... Working at night and sleeping until the crack of noon with enough time to eat, get a small work out in and shower after, then head to work... No time to look for a relationship, tried online dating to no avail, and some major trust issues(from very bad experiences) have lead me to wanting a doll"

"To capture the beauty of female expression in photographs. I have always admired what some have done with their photography of them."

"With dolls, I can be myself. I don't have to put up a façade to trick them into wanting to be with me (which I was never particularly good at anyway). They're always there for me, they don't judge me, don't pressure me to change into what they expect me to be. Granted, they're no substitute for real human interaction, but I have my friends and family for that."

"I have always wanted some type of sex doll ever since I was a kid. I use to buy Barbie dolls and then make them anatomically correct. I have a collection now. Went through a phase of inflatables but always desired something more real."

"I just got tired of walking into an empty house after a stressful day at work. All I have to do is see my doll smiling in the corner and know everything is going to be ok. I know my house is still empty but at least with my dolls here it does not feel empty."

"I'm married, but get way less sex than I'd like. Doll sex not only makes up the difference, it satisfies many itches that married sex won't: Sex acts the wife doesn't do with me and some I'd be afraid or embarrassed to even ask for."

"My fascination with beautiful realistic mannequins, women's fashion, futuristic movies about androids, and the fleshlight led me to this."

"Not sure, I'm a good looking guy, and can pick up girls with no problem. I think its all in the fantasy, I was always into anime and i guess it grew from their. most my dolls are Asian or have the anime look to them."

"I wanted a companion. That I can hug into sleep. Or not feel lonely when I play computer games. I find her too cute. The elf model that I have bought."

"I bought my first doll (an inflatable) to "practice" with since I had issues with lasting power in bed. When I got comfortable enough with that (it took about four years) I actually didn't really meet anyone who I wanted to get involved in, and living on the west coast you never know what kinda disease somebody could be carrying around. Dolls have the advantage of being clean and available, so they become a natural progression step."

“I love the fact that she’s always here and never refuses when I’m horny. Sex with a doll is obviously not exactly like with a real woman, but the feeling of being inside her is intense and more satisfying that some live women I’ve had. And OMG, she is beautiful! Much prettier than I could reasonably hope to get at my age without paying for hookers. And completely drama-free!"

Three Top reasons:

Firstly,for a better sex life.Secondly,for companionship, and to fight loneliness.Last but not the least,to satisfy a specific doll fetish.

With the doll industry grows and thrives，Real love sex dolls can provide with all the same joys that your spouse or partner may offer you in your bedroom. There are times when your spouse or partner is not always available, when you want action in the bedroom. Therefore, the best solution is to have it with a real silicone sex doll what your heart desires.

[barblebapkins]

all 👏 the 👏 asks 👏👏👏

at first im like “i wanna answer ALL of these!!!” but when it finally happens its more like “i have to answer ALL of these,,,,,”

Fresh milk - What is your age?

i am a 22 year old yungman

Teeth - What is your gender identity?

male

Honey - Do you have a nickname?

online, its barble, booble, bibble, barbie, ect ect. irl, i’m usually just called Ry, tho a new manager has started to call me Ry-Bread and i fucking hate it so much

Breast - Do you get along with your mother?

i wish i did, i’ve tried to fix stuff with her so many times but she always manages to ruin shit again

Angelhood - What is one of your favorite memories?

staying up until like 7:30 am watching all of the 2012 berserk movies with two of my friends, i was emotionally scarred and dead tired the entire next day

Tranquil - Who do you laugh the most with?

probably my brother, lil shit is fun to hang around with

Adieu - Who do you dread saying goodbye to the most?

anyone really, i love all of my friends and family, wouldn’t wanna lose any of them

Wax - Can you keep a secret?

of course what kind of person cant

Tinderbox - What do you cherish most?

my computer but really, all of the people that call me their friend/loved one. as introverted as i am, i thrive off of people being close to me.

Paper - What is your favorite novel?

the other survey asked me this lmao, i havent read a full book in a long-ass time, but the best one i’ve probably ever read was Green mile

Box office - What is your favorite film?

again i havent been caught up on movies in a long time, but i love love love UP and a few movies from the MCU

Stage - Do you have a talent?

hahaha

Tiger - What is your bravest moment?

probably uh like, when i first got my job at five guys???? i 100% lack confidence in myself so when i finally applied and got accepted it was like the biggest step i ever took in my life

Treasure - What is your brightest characteristic?

my charismatic, attention-drawing presence /s

Morale - Is your castle made of glass or stone?

what???? this question is so unclear?? i guess it means how fast i am to give up and be defeated, in that case its more like a castle of air

Wolf - Do you have an inner monster?

i have a somewhat short temper which doesnt mix well with how easy it is to make me uncomfortable, and i’m super paranoid about everyone around me at all times and what they think about me lmao whoops

Seven - Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, or Pride?

sloth i guess cos i havent done anything with my live

Trick - White lie or deceit?

another weird question, this is like “is it worse to lie a little or lie a lot” ?? white lie i guess

Illusion - Do you have a secret?

who doesnt

if you want me to tell you, i’m not gonna u FOOL

Heart - Are you in love?

i was a few months ago, not anymore

Mary - Are you a virgin?

DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS YOU PIECE OF SHIT QUIZ

Bedroom - How would you define your sexual orientation?

i dont even know anymore dude. i’m teetering on the edge of ace and demi, tho i don’t know a lot of people that consider demi a true, full orientation.

Pink - Panties, bloomers, or lingerie?

this question makes me think this quiz was made with feminine identities in mind.

Rope - Do you have a fetish?

i dont know?? not that i know of

also “Rope” DSKVLHJSK

Tobacco - Do you smoke? 

ew nah

Wine - Do you drink?

sometimes, not often at all though. when i do, captain morgan and coke 👌

Whisky - Do you drink alone or socially?

i prefer to drink alone, or at least not out in public, cos the people i’m with usually try to persuade me to drink more than i’m comfortable with.

Poison - Do you have an addiction?

video games, and since i started working, i’ve also been spending a bit more on said games than i mean to. it’s killing my car savings a bit.

Taboo - Do you have any tattoos?

nope, don’t ever plan to. don’t see the use in it

Metal - Do you have any piercings?

see above

Stitches - What kind of clothing do you wear?

i used to wear a lot of collared shirts and clean, dark blue jeans cos i liked looking professional-ish, but i got over that and just wear a lot of t-shirts now

Eau de toilette - What is you favorite scent?

anything baking honestly

Murmur - How do you deal with drama?

if it’s my place to resolve it and i feel that i could, i try to, otherwise i avoid it cos i dont need more of that shit in my life.

Hiccup - What makes you nervous?

more than anything? people giving me weird looks or making sarcastic comments. it always sets off my “WHY DID THEY LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT/SAY THAT TO ME WHAT ARE THEY THINKING ABOUT ME DO THEY HATE ME DID I DO SOMETHING TO THEM OH MY GOD” alarms

Gazelle - Do you participate in the arts?

nop. rarely i open photoshop and Shitpost™ but thats about the extent of it

Anomaly - What do you find unique about yourself?

who knows??? maybe other people see something but i sure dont

Cedar - What is your favorite season?

i like the more mild seasons, like spring before it gets too balls hot and buggy, or autumn before it gets too fucking cold

Balm - Who was the last person you kissed?

probably my dog because i LOVE her, other than that probs my mom

[missingteethblog]

04/25/2020 - 23:07

I finally had a day off today thank GOD. Work is exhausting me, they’re expecting me to work as if I’m a full time employee, when in reality I’m a part time, minimum wage student who’s trying to graduate this year. It’s very stressful and I’m getting really tired of it.

Crywank did a livestream concert this afternoon and even though it was only half an hour, it was incredible. James is really expressive when they play and you can really hear the emotion in their voice and in the way they play the guitar, it’s very beautiful. I tweeted about it and they replied to my tweet, and that honestly made my night. The bar for the fag is set so low LMAO oh lord. I’m also starting to think that Crywank is a hyperfixiation right now (I am very aware that this isn’t the appropriate word, but I don’t have any other accurate way to describe it). I learned how to play Welcome To Castle Irwell on the guitar today so I might fuck around and make a cover of it.

The Mondo Barbie Book Club groupchat is great so far. Everyone ordered copies of Mondo Barbie and once they all come in we’re legitimately going to be a book club. For Mondo Barbie. What a time to be alive. Everyone in the chat is so nice, I’m so glad it exists. Usually i hate groupchats because they overwhelm me and I never talk in them, but this one is pretty tame (I don’t wake up to like 100 messages) which means I can actually talk in it. It’s like we’re a tiny, underground family all brought together by this explicit and pornographic collection of Barbie short stories and analogies. Bizarre.

I really want to start writing songs, but I’m worried that my ideas will be seen as copying Crywank (and I really do not want that). Here’s a list of song ideas (directly copied from my notes app) that I have so far:

- The Worms’ Mass Burial Site (about purity as a child and having that destroyed as I got older - burying the dried up worms that my sister and I collected after a huge rainfall and burying them to honour them at 8 vs realizing it is a mass burial site at 18)

- Fuck You, Julia (as the name describes - talking about how my awful and shitty behavior gave me actual trauma over being called selfish (more specifically, my mom calling these episodes “the Thomas show” and saying that not everything’s about you))

- I Forgive You, Julia (or It’s Okay Julia, I Forgive You) (accepting who I used ti be as a result of gender dysphoria and being really mentally ill and forgiving my younger self)

I would love to call the first (or in general) album “A Very Crudely Drawn Self Portrait”, definitely fitting for the first album or EP. I even already have cover art that I drew at work for it. Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that’s why I make shit art on company time. Perhaps this is the beginning of a new era, or perhaps it’s just a fantasy that I will briefly live and then kill (like most things I do). I’m also starting to get back into visual art after a 3 year art block caused by depression and other mental health issues (but mainly depression).

The third floor of my house also smelled like weed today? For some reason? I haven’t smoked since 4/20, so maybe my sister was smoking some? I didn’t ask because I didn’t want her to tell my parents about it, so I guess it will forever be a mystery. My room vaguely smelled like weed, but not as strongly as the upper floor. Very bizarre. Really want to know where it’s coming from. 

Also had some wholesome interactions with a couple people on Omegle this evening; one person wanted to play me some songs which was very nice and calm, I talked to a throuple from Australia (which was awesome because I’m also polyam), and with someone with the same fetish as me. Overall terrible experience as usual (it’s 90% horny on there and I don’t understand it) but these interactions made it nice. :)

Currently listening to Pr8y Boi by Crywank on loop.

[gossipnetwork-blog]

How Women, Tech Took Over Porn: Inside the 2018 AVN Awards

New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/how-women-tech-took-over-porn-inside-the-2018-avn-awards/

How Women, Tech Took Over Porn: Inside the 2018 AVN Awards

From #MeToo to cam stars, this year’s Oscars of the obscene showcased the future of porn

Here’s a Black Mirror pitch: You pay several hundred dollars to attend the world’s biggest porn convention and awards ceremony. You travel to Las Vegas, where the air has transformed into mentholated nicotine vapor and no one will validate your parking. You do this in order to meet porn stars in the flesh, to see them onstage celebrating the Oscars of the obscene, because – even though, according to Scientific American, half of us are now creating our own sexual content on our personal devices – there’s something superhuman about sexual celebrities.

Death of a Porn Star

When August Ames killed herself following controversy on Twitter, it revealed a schism between the gay and straight communities in the porn industry

But when you arrive at the convention, in place of your 1990s dream of impossibly proportioned stars in bedazzled Lycra posing for Polaroids, what you see is a 15,000-square-foot hall teeming with hundreds of beautiful, semi-clothed models of all shapes and styles, grinning into their laptops. You try to talk to a young woman in heart-shaped pasties and booty shorts, but she’ll only give you a few seconds of attention before she’s back to clicking her shiny gold nails across her keyboard.

Here’s the twist: This ain’t no dystopian nightmare. Attendees of the 35th Annual Adult Entertainment Expo and Adult Video News Awards were treated to precisely this display of tech-mediated intimacy. Plenty of big names were in attendance – stars who had led more traditional adult-film careers – but they were outnumbered by scores of up-and-coming models who primarily built their own businesses using cam shows, original clip stores and monetized social-media platforms. The mass availability of easily pirated streaming video may have decimated the porn economy, but it seems that women are the ones adapting, finding fresh ways to connect directly with consumers. As these models gain more economic influence, they are also raising the bar for consent conversations throughout the industry.

The last time I was at the AVNs was in 2012, when I was nominated for producing and directing a niche site called QueerPorn.TV. My Bay-Area scene was proud to think of ourselves as the forward-thinking weirdos, exemplifying the characteristics of the queer porn genre: body-positive and diverse, with a riot-grrrl aesthetic. We were nominated in the somewhat self-contradicting category Best Professional Amateur Site, and were miffed when we lost to Clips4Sale, a platform which had been around since 2003 for creators to upload and sell short original videos. Here we were, indie smut with a vision, and we lost to a tech host?

Now, it seems as clear as a Bellagio fountain that clips stores were the future of “professional amateurs.” While much of the male-dominated porn studio system is fighting against stolen content, independent female artists have been able to establish a sustainable business, producing their own content and marketing it to a small but loyal fan base.

One such artist is Bratty Nikki, a leggy, half-Mexican, half-Irish woman with a frosty reality-TV aesthetic: blonde extensions, impossible nails, skin-tight miniskirts and designer spiked heels. She sat on a gleaming white couch in an enormous booth on the expo floor, calling attention to her shirt, which read; “Never underestimate the power of a girl who knows what she wants.”

“Never underestimate the power of a girl who knows what she wants,” says Bratty Nikki. Roger Kisby for Rolling Stone

Nikki is the executive vice president of IWantEmpire.com, an umbrella company that includes IWantClips, IWantPhone, IWantFanClub and IWantCustomClips, with more in the works. Hers is one of many companies vying for dominance in a sort of clips market arms race. Nikki got her start seven years ago working as an online financial dominatrix, offering phone and cam sessions to clients in which she expressed a personality she tells me isn’t really a character. “I am a greedy brat,” she says. “I believe that I deserve the best out of life. My fans love that I’m confident enough to say, ‘This is what I want and you’re gonna give it to me.'”

She started IWantEmpire with her husband, entrepreneur Jay Phillips, because she felt other host sites were underestimating her as an artist. Like other platforms, they take a cut of the profits, but the artist sets their own price and decides what and how much they want to upload. Their brand expanded to offer a store for consumers to order custom clips, and a fan club where artists can monetize social media-like “lifestyle” content. As it turns out, kinky consumers are willing to pay for content created by people who understand precisely what they’re looking for.

Like many fetish clips, Nikki’s videos don’t include sex or even nudity, just specialty monologues in which she teases, chastises and degrades her devotees. In the larger-than life video projected over us in the booth, she wore skinny jeans and a tank top, standing in an apartment entryway holding shopping bags. “Yes, I’m leaving you,” she spits at the camera with an exaggerated eye roll. “I’ve already maxed out your credit cards. Taken a bunch of vacations with my girlfriends that you paid for. You’re going to be sitting home alone tonight crying into your pillow as you hate-jerk your little cock.”

The audacity of financial domination is a perfect fit for naturally bossy women. Haven, a Haitian-American dominatrix from Orlando, says that when she was go-go dancing and camming she didn’t take direction from clients very well. When she discovered that she could make fetish clips online, it was a way for her to make a career off her genuine demeanor. “I really don’t want to talk to you; I really just want your money,” she deadpans. “That’s me, wholeheartedly.” Now she films around 15 short clips every Sunday, improvising on topics like small-penis humiliation or jack-off instruction. She spends the rest of the week editing footage, scheduling uploads, writing marketing copy and promoting her brand on social media.

Fans mill about the floor of the AEE. Roger Kisby for Rolling Stone

“It takes a lot of work to make this look so easy,” she says.

I tagged along to an afternoon of clip shoots at a local film studio run by porn director/performers Madeline Marlowe and Will Havoc. Havoc was pulling a red and black leather harness over his tattooed chest, preparing to shoot sex scenes with two porn stars named Riley Nixon and Arabelle Raphael.

Riley, who was nominated for Best New Starlet at the AVNs, wiggled into a canary-yellow latex two-piece and platform heels. As she filled out her legal paperwork, she kept squatting and yanking on the rubbery crotch of her outfit. Even though she was following a conventional route to adult film fame, signing at the Penthouse booth and shooting for notorious gonzo studio Elegant Angel, she also sold Skype shows, custom clips and signed Polaroids on her personal website. She would post today’s footage on her own ManyVids and OnlyFans pages, where fans can pay a monthly membership for access to exclusive content.

One advantage to making her own content is that she has more leeway to maintain her preferred androgynous style and buzzed head ­– some mainstream studios still won’t cast models with short hair or tattoos. “I’ll wear a wig to play a character, but I don’t want to have to wear a wig to play the role of a woman,” she complains.

Arabelle has had to deal with her own hair troubles in the industry. She’s a French-Persian Jew, and long ago grew tired of being expected to straighten her hair and use skin-lightening makeup to work with certain directors.

“I was being cast in really racist roles,” she says, “and basically told I was not good enough.” She took time off to build her own membership site, a Clips4Sale store, and an OnlyFans following, discovering unprecedented financial and emotional success. “I had no idea I was a good performer and that people wanted more content of me,” she says. “I left my hair curly, got as many tattoos as I wanted, shot with who I wanted.”

Riley, Arabelle and Will showed one another the results of their standard STI tests on the secure Performer Availability Scheduling Services database. They negotiated sexual boundaries and preferences while doing their own costuming and makeup. With low production cost and the creative advantage of working with friends, they’re each an individual porn studio unto themselves.

Will Havoc, Riley Nixon and Arabelle Raphael film a scene after hours. Roger Kisby for Rolling Stone

Porn stars work hard and party hard, and sometimes they work while they’re playing. Late that night, I was invited to a private sex party with a hard-to-obtain address. A Lyft took me away from the light pollution of the strip to an edge of town tract housing development. Through the unfurnished living room, past an ominously neon-lit pool, was a warehouse filled with porn stars smoking blunts and offering one another bumps in their rhinestone-encrusted nails.

Hired stars ascended to a sort of wrestling platform in the center of the room, performing exaggerated lubed-up sex for onlookers to the rhythm of deafening drone metal. My friends, a polyamorous “family,” decided to find a quieter room in which to play. As I enjoyed a beer and watched sex-worker activist Siouxsie Q fuck her curly-haired boyfriend Michael Vegas, an AVN nominee for Best Supporting Actor – as her Barbie-blonde pro-domme girlfriend Bella Bathory was eaten out in a nearby chair – it occurred to me that we were doing exactly what porn fans assumed we must be doing. I felt like I had ringside seats to watch NBA superstars play a pick-up game.

As the four-day convention wore on, the all-night partying didn’t threaten to slow anyone down. The AEE still makes the classic circuit demands of conventional porn stars, each scheduled to appear for three- to five-hour shifts, where they were to sign and sell eight-by-10 glossies, allow hands around their waists and shoulders, smile, twerk, tell fans how their favorite position is still reverse cowgirl, princess wave, talk to men like they’re babies, talk to men like they’re dogs. But it was the cam models who had the boundless energy, who behaved like Vine stars or friends at a slumber party that just happens to be surveilled. They hovered over their screens, promising to spank one another in exchange for tips; the ding of virtual tokens being earned echoed the slots at the nearby casino.

The models had each brought their own laptops, colorfully branded with their stage names. Most of them had elaborate production rigs including flattering ring lights, bulky webcams and phallic microphones. Cam models perform all kinds of explicit shows when they broadcast from their homes; but, due to city-wide nudity laws, they couldn’t wear less than pasties and a thong at AEE. That meant no dildo shows or live sex. Yet their chirpy conversation still had value for the members watching from home, some of whom had actually financed the travel for their favorite model.

Performers at the FreeCams booth. Roger Kisby for Rolling Stone

At the booth for the webcam company Chaturbate, both men and women were making cameos on one another’s screens. This seemed to be in defiance of the porn convention that objects of desire should be separated, lest a consumer’s taste be offended or boner deflated by something they weren’t expecting to see.

A male model named Leon with One-Direction hair and powder-blue briefs explained to me that one of his online fans had just told him he was enjoying watching all the broadcasts because, “It’s like seeing all of the characters from my favorite TV shows in a crossover episode!”

I approached a group of giggling young camgirls in pastel-colored wigs. They were teasing a group of bystanders, telling them to tune in to their group cam show later that night “to see some real action.”

I asked them if they were hoping that in future years they’d be as famous as the porn stars in the Wicked or Evil Angel booths? Did they want everyone to know their names?

One of the models shook her head vigorously, making her unicorn-horn headband wobble. “The more famous you get,” she pointed out, “the more people will pirate your content.”

Her friend, who was wearing a mesh leotard with skeleton hands covering her nipples, agreed: “We make more money when only our fans know who we are.”

MyFreeCams performer Lil Miss Angel at the 2018 AEE. Roger Kisby for Rolling Stone

With the national conversation surrounding #MeToo, it was no surprise that the sex workers at AEE were ready to address the topics of harassment and bodily autonomy. Members of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC) handed out colorful “What Is Consent?” flyers, which illustrated how consent is “informed” and “freely given,” and that it “can be revoked at any time.”

For the second year in a row, every single convention attendee – fans and exhibitors alike – was required to sign a Code of Conduct form that outlined, for example, the difference between a consensual public picture and a violation such as an upskirt.

The Code of Conduct described a zero-tolerance policy towards “stalking, unwelcome physical contact” and “offensive verbal assaults,” emphasizing that guests were “welcome to use the restroom that match their gender presentation or identity.” This last stipulation was especially welcome from the trans community attending the awards, as two years ago several performers accused Hard Rock security guards of disrespecting a gender non-conforming attendee.

Some participants were aware of ways they could make their models more comfortable. Best director nominee Greg Lansky, a delightfully flashy French pornographer in a red Givenchy tracksuit, says that he literally elevates his studio so that fans can see women “on a pedestal.” His security teams knows which performers are ok hugging and touching their fans and which aren’t.

“I’m trying to make these girls feel good about what they do,” he says. “They all worked really hard to get here.”

With security at all corners of his booth, with its Instagrammable gold couch and open bar, Lansky believes fans get the message that women deserve respect.

“It’s hard for me to go anywhere [in the hotel],” says Jessica Drake, a Best Actress nominee, from the relative privacy of her pristine media suite. “Guys congregate in groups of 30 and just stand there. They circle you. I’ve become a master of taking a selfie and restraining them at the same time.”

Director and performer Joanna Angel, owner of the alt genre site Burning Angel, says she’s never had a bad experience with a fan at AEE. “The fans are traveling to be here,” she says. “They’re really looking forward to this. People wait in really long lines to come see you.” The only time she’s seen nonconsensual groping is from men at the bar after the convention, whom casino security quickly ejected. “I wouldn’t even call guys like that fans,” she says, just entitled jerks.

Ron Jeremy, who has been considered more of a walking novelty than active performer for many years, was banned from the convention and awards show following his claim that groping is a part of the job of his pubic appearances.

In a statement to Rolling Stone, AVN CEO Tony Rios commented, “Ron Jeremy admitted guilt to specific aspects of our code of conduct policy. We discussed this with Ron, and he was not allowed to attend the convention and awards show.”

However, performer/director James Deen, who was accused of on-set misconduct as well as intimate partner violence back in 2015, was nominated at and attended the awards.

Rios clarified, “We did not prohibit people from attending based on accusations.”

Siouxsie Q, who was recently elected secretary of APAC, is upset about what she sees as double standards, where the young, powerful Deen is still welcomed while aging Jeremy is put out to pasture.

“I think we see similar trends in Hollywood. These accounts of Harvey Weinstein’s predatory behavior aren’t coming out during the height of the Kill Bill franchise, but rather in the soggy aftermath of Paddington Bear 2,” she says. “As someone’s star dwindles, people are more willing to watch them fall.”

Deen’s attorney Michael Fattorosi characterized comparisons to Jeremy as “inaccurate and unfair.” In a statement, he said, “James was never investigated criminally, nor were there ever any lawsuits filed against him by any of the accusers. Nor did James ever admit to any misconduct on his part.”

And unlike other industries where powerful men continue to be reckoned, those in porn face powerful taboos. “It’s challenging for adult performers to speak out regarding any abuse that occurs; it is because it perpetuates stigma and allows for society to tell us we asked for it,” says Tasha Reign, an APAC chairperson.

Siouxsie Q agrees that stigma plays a huge role in consent controversies within the sex industry. “As long as sex workers have as much difficulty as they do when reporting and prosecuting sexual assault,” she says, “there will continue to be a culture of silence, victim scrutiny, and inconsistencies in how the industry responds.”

Janice Griffith was nominated for the Best Actress award at the AVNs. Roger Kisby for Rolling Stone

“What do you think of this dress? It’s very ‘Times Up,’ but is it whorey enough?”

Janice Griffith, a Best Actress nominee, is in her hotel room preparing for the awards. It’s true that her black cocktail dress is not as provocative as some of her colleagues’ revealing red-carpet looks. The teal undertone in her ombre hair is fading. She’s Indo-Caribbean, Angelina Jolie-skinny, and speaks with a husky authority. She barks at her date not to interrupt her, impulsively dumping out a jar of candy because there’s nowhere else for him to pour her a fresh vodka cocktail.

None of Janice’s friends in attendance know how to roll a joint. I’m happy to oblige, so she gratefully hands me a packet of rolling papers the size of a hot dog and a sack of sativa the size of my laptop.

“Our biggest issue is that we treat an industry of freelancers as if we’re an industry of employees,” Janice says. Despite the efforts of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee and Free Speech Coalition, in her view, porn is currently too under-regulated for meaningful accountability.

“When men make women uncomfortable, we brush it off,” she says, “because we know people will write us off as being over-reactive or emotional.”

I visited many porn star rooms and saw both their self care safeguards and true psychological states – Sephora explosions and Cosco-sized boxes of Tangerine Emergen-cee, elaborate dabbing rigs and electric kettles. Janice had brought Complete Works of Kierkegaard.

Harli Lotts, co-host of the AVNs, dons a suicide awareness and prevention ribbon on the red carpet. Roger Kisby for Rolling Stone

As the red carpet wound its way through the Hard Rock, gamblers and bar patrons scrambled for a glimpse of the stars. While many pornographers opted for prom-worthy gowns and suits, their outfits nodded to their profession with bare midriffs, waist-high slits and undulating décolletage. Some wore little more than fringed bikinis. Lance Hart, founder of the PervOUT network, stood out in a stripper-style policeman’s shirt and fishnet stockings; he was handcuffed to his date Charlotte Sartre, who revealed on Twitter that she was not wearing anything underneath her slinky black dress. Abella Danger, last year’s Best New Starlet, shimmered in a transparent bodysuit adorned with strategically placed green and pink crystals.

The AVN awards show was predictably raunchy but surprisingly sincere. Co-hosted by comedian Aries Spears, Australian performer/director Angela White and camgirl Harli Lotts, the event’s biggest draw was hip-hop star Lil Wayne, who performed two high-energy sets with a drummer and DJ. The teleprompter dialog meshed well with the talents of porn star presenters, who were well-practiced in the art of the arched eyebrow and exaggerated wink.

White set a record by winning fourteen awards, the most AVN wins in one night. Clutching her Female Performer of the Year trophy to her remarkable cleavage, she emotionally thanked her co-stars for “allowing me to be vulnerable.”

Tommy Pistol, the Best Actor winner for a film called Ingenue, praised the industry for being a “fucked up family.”

Yet Spears, a MADtv alum, did not seem to pick up on the changing attitudes in the room. “Your personal space should not be invaded,” he declared, before utterly failing to read the room. “However, you bitches look delicious tonight. If I should come up to you and beg you for a blowjob, can you blame me? I am a hot blooded heterosexual male in a room full of professional cocksuckers.”

Eventually, the celebration came to an end. The false eyelashes were peeled off, the hangovers medicated with Ibuprofen and brunch. Pornographers’ minds return to their business, and to the social challenges they continue to face.

“We demand so much from porn stars,” says Bree Mills, a lesbian writer and director. “Performers who have made successful careers could be mentors. Give them infrastructure. Get them an appointment with an accountant, get them health care. They get the stigma stamp on them harder than anybody. We have to take care of them.”

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