#this has been such a hard week huh

[platonic-qpr-selfshipping]

making my own canon even if no one else likes it (i am too insecure about my headcanons so I just assume no one agrees with them instead of trying to share them)

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

[kazuhas]

HUH YUNJIN 'Easy' @ MCOUNTDOWN ( 240222 )

[bacchuschucklefuck]

[pussymasterdooku]

have about 60% of a single functioning hand these days and got tired of humiliating myself trying to open pill bottles when eva’s in the office so she fixed me up good with Easy Open Mini Ricotta Container Filled With Ritalin And Ibuprofen. accessibility win!

[mossflower]

genuinely though. i'm realising that i only have two modes of living and they're busy 24/7 and depression spiral. in principle i love having loads of free time but it is straight up not good for me!! which sucks!!

[damnprecious]

I cooked dinner from scratch for the first time in forever

[tamagotchikgs]

last night i was poking around in my mouth as u do and i reached back where i had always felt this hard thing w my tongue for awhile now but was like ah maybe it's just like. my gums being inflamed in the back or smthn BUT,, no i poked that thing with my fingernail n it is a tooth that is a whole ass wisdom tooth

[britneyshakespeare]

He won't leave my fucking friends alone.

[saintirulan]

hiii just wanted to say i'm loving the updates abt your time in Japan!! i hope u continue to have a lovely experience there <3 obvs i don't know any details abt some of the things you've mentioned but seeing your tags recently i'm really glad you now have something nice to focus on xx

hiiii dear sweet anon <3 this message was so cute istg 🥹💖 i thought the posts might be annoying but then again i really want to document this period of my life as much as possible and this blog has really been my little corner of the internet so yea 🥹 and my experience so far has been nothing short of super lovely and definetely life changing, trying really hard to make the most of it!!! and yea uhm so you witnessed my mental breakdowns in tags ooooop 🫡,,, but yea being here & the people here are definetely helping me process and put things into perspective. i was very emotional before and ruminating a lot but yea now i'm mostly over things that happened and just being a busy bee, a social butterfly (as much as im able to) and feeling so happy!!! thank you so much for the kind sweet words, i hope you're going to have a lovely time wherever you are as well 💓💓💓

[belligerentbagel]

my chemical romance plays in twelve minutes 

adding my quiet contribution towards manifesting another Gender tonight 

[motherhenna]

god this is so miserable my psych wanted to start me out at 10 mg lower than the accidentally effective 50 mg of adderall. So I've been feeling the old brain fog depression and executive dysfunction slowly creeping back for the last few weeks and it's really making me realize how fucking debilitated and non-functional I used to be. Thankfully my next prescription is coming up soon and he agreed to bring it back to 50 but god I think I'm gonna have to be medicated like this for the rest of my life bc I can't go back

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[ripclaudia]

i just cried twice because of tiktoks my mental stability is wavering my friends

[rosykims]

having elspeth's whole blight schedule planned to the last minute detail has opened my third fourth and fifth eyes all simultaneously but on the flip side it means ive also inadvertantly cockblocked her from her mans until like. ⅗ of the way through of the game lol

[noxtivagus]

SHADOWBRINGERS.... listening to the song again n oh god i love the lyrics so so much we r ignoring the fact that i have to wake up in like less than 4 hours