#this is SO fuckign funny in retrospect

[13tinysocks]

Creepypasta/mh headcanons I can't fucking stand 🥰🥰 aka me dunking 80% of the fandoms head in a shitpost toilet xoxo if u disagree you hate lesbians xoxo

(literally made this draft 2 years ago and its still fucking true)

Fratboy toby (literally didn't finish highschool was bullied actual fucking loser 🦞)

Baby-ish tim titty sucking Toby (grown men with ass hair)

Twink Toby. (Has a hairy pussy)

Punk xvirus (where did u guys even get this he's like a sickly victorian child)

Brian/hoodie being hyper agrressive (he's an aloof psychopath imo like if u hates u he doesn't sexually assault u sry ;/ he hides your epi pen and puts shit ur allergic to in your lunch)

Dom tim/Masky (CLEARLY GETS PEGGED)

Hettie Liu (fag)

Them dating cops/investigators/military/boot lickers in general (actual criminals who love shoplifting and hate fighting over oil)

Eyeless jack but he can see with eyes or demon bullshit (fuck you)

Gay and misogynistic eyeless jack (yes, this is real)

Ben drowned. That's it I just hate every Ben headcannon.

Just wired hyper dommy rapey shit in general. I get you wanna write bdsm pointed stuff guys but rape rly isn't how to do it on God.

Yandere anything (makes everyone the same cookie cutter whacko with no sensible motive and also a generally ableist trope)

Jane loving Jeff (😀)

Jeff being suave. (Tells people to kill themselves on Twitter. Doesn't wash ass)

Offender man 🧍

Barbed cat dick jack (a lot of jack sexual hcs are so virgincore it's insane do you even realize what an anitomically correct barbed cock would feel like? Cats howl during sex because it is incredibly painful)

The phrase sloppy pussy

"""""""""""kitten"""""""""" ok virgin

Any of them smelling nice (piss in the woods don't clean foreskin)

Every headcannon (I know the truth Slenderman told me all the hot goss frfr)

[archidrews]

FAILED STEP ONE

[romans-109]

fuck shit i miss solstice

[spiritcc]

Give me that spicy n'sync lore drop. 👀

aight i said i was serious about my 90s boyband opinions, which is maybe unnecessary as it is evident that nsync nSUCKS

now what is this! you may say, is this how you frame an academically-supported objective opinion, to which i say FUCKNIG WELCOME TO THE 90S, we OBJECTIFY sleazy underage boys, we have AWFUL takes, there will be NO objectivity here, it is year 1999 and i am rebekah at your high school canteen and we are about to throw hands!! 

let me frame it all with the fact that backstreet boys, bsb for short, are on the contrary god-shaped. the pinnacle of boyband quality. my life was unironically changed forever when i watched backstreet’s back mv, followed by larger than life. it was lifechanging, among many reasons, because it actually made me feel something, when i suddenly realised that i’ve seen nsync’s two vids years before bsb and walked away taking absolutely nothing with me. this bitch empty!!! yeet!!!!!

obviously the funny nsync lore drop everybody knows about is that them and bsb were literally under the same management. like literally under the same company, with the same composers and everything, the infamous rivalry was just happening between their rabid fans. their establishing producer was a big fucking scamming bitch, there was a story very familiar to all kpop enjoyers that he kept claiming that at least for nsync their earnings were still not enough to cover the costs of their training and shit and they were kept enslaved until they actually looked at their contracts properly and realised how bad they were. both bsb and nsync got their money and freedom, the scammy bitch went to jail bc his schemes went way beyond the pop scene, after which i think nsync exploded and bsb was kept afloat somewhat due to existing momentum. aka since 2000 nsync released bye bye bye, which was apparently meant as a fuck you to their scammy manager, followed by it’s gonna be me - both their staple songs, while bsb’s most iconic shit already occurred by then and kept them strong despite yea,,,, no giant hits following. why im mentioning all this is that after the change nsync somewhat got their own sound anD IT’S SO BAD LMAO

i think there are basically three stages of nsync’s sound: their european origins (and lots of techno as a result), their second hand status next to bsb, and their own style. compared to bsb, their own sound to me was empty as SHIT!!!! i dont know how to describe it im not a musical critic, but listening to nsync before bsb just put an ironic smirk on my face, like ha these were sure the funny 90s! empty-headed pop, frosted tips, cheezy clips, all the shit. bsb blew me the fuck away because despite their own fantastic awfulness in places, there was something that made me Feel. i dont know what it is or how, even with their generic BELIEB IN URSELF BABE XOXO songs that get forgotten the second they play, i still believed them because it felt to me like they know exactly what they are singing about. there was something extremely sincere about their generic statements, supported by what are probably very hard experiences in their lives. with nsync it’s just all empty pop. with all due hatred to j*stin t*mberlake, he did say he felt like some of his band members did not feel serious about music like he did and i can very much understand this statement, they sang just to sing and it always showed. with a comparative point now i simply do not buy them.

their old shit is of course, hilarious, this is the only mv i want yall to see of nsync and remember them like this

cackling i thought that hey, the song is pretty different from their usual style, it’s pleasant even! and what do you know, the song is a bsb reject, was given to the younger sibling instead. 

yes i do not like nsync but i do my dues and listen to their shit, and i very much do have an unironic favorite. a song that i genuinely, sincerely enjoy:

and it is a bsb reject :)) 

and this :)) is what i feel everytime i go back to listen to these songs again, because the only songs of nsync that i genuinely like were all meant for the better band and it fuckign shows. can you imagine lmao

so why do i like this song? still their early days, a good bsb feel sure, a gr9 mv in my opinion, but there is just something,,,,,,so nice about the atmosphere of it all. the boys all look sincere, the mv captures their simplicity and sicc moves (no secret here nsync were always the better dancers than bsb), they all looks so passionate about being on screen. i just watch it, listen to the song and get that yearning feeling for the days when like,,,,,can you imagine saying that,,,, there were real boybands and real pop. this is how it feels to me, there’s just something so special and simple about it that it feels almost genius. i cant even imagine bsb singing this anymore, they would not top jc’s voice here. but what i like the most about this song and clip is that it gave attention to all members, and this is where my biggest issue with nsync starts

with the no strings attached album, or what is their “new” sound, it all became jc, justin, and three backup dancers, and it is driving me fucking INSANE. since j*stin retrospectively already buried himself and we all hate him now, it already sickens me to look at this bitch who already at the age of like what?? 17??? became an opportunistic bloodsucker who was quick to drop the band, PR himself through poor britney and then fucking walk over her dead body just to stay relevant. absolutely sickening, like genuinely disgusting how every single piece of information i ever knew about him was basically his attempt to build his career while sacrificing others. all you see under nsync’s vids is cries of how jc was supposed to make it instead, not only is his voice not this fucking obnoxious, but he is genuinely a nicer person, AND allegations have it that timberlake indirectly killed his career too! after the superbowl incident, jc was supposed to perform at the next one with his tbh sleazy oversexual songs, but got removed since the organisers feared another backlash after justin. so this bitch even managed to kill his own band member!! 

i cant even watch bye bye bye as it switches to them dancing and all members wear black but justin, a little fucking king among his peasants, the only breakout star we need to look at, fuck you. that fucking pigeon nodding he always does as well fuck youuuuu. sure in bsb it’s mostly three people singing while kevin and howie are like, Contributing, but 3v2 plus how all the members are given attention and that no, they do all sing and it’s not a rare occurrence, is simply not to be compared with 2v3 and total obscurity that is happening in nsync. nsync were meant to be an a capella band, did you fucking know that, where you can hear why lance’s bass (hehe) is what keeps their sound alive, but the total dirty ass that was done to chris and joey is absolutely palpable. chris is a fucking countertenor and if their early songs were not an indication of that, his lead in a lion sleeps tonight should be a good enough of an awakening. not even mentioning i thought she knew where both him and joey show that they were fucking MILES ahead of j*stin and for what??? to be turned into backup dancers?? to spark thousands of surprised comments at their talent, with people sayng they thought these two were just lucky to be in the band like talentless background noise that they are???? what the fuck????? and their more or less final single GONE is the fattest full stop @ this embarrassment, where since justin wrote the song for michael jackson but it didnt make it into the album, he decided to give to nsync aka sing the entire song himself while the rest four get to utter GONE 4 times in the chorus?????? as the comments say, nsync was sure fucking GONE after this song and in more ways than one and i fucking hate it the most that why even have a band if 1.5 people is what you actually cared about.

did you know that bsb never disbanded? they are still very much together and active, they had their personal hardships, but they are brothers to each other and for nick especially they are more of a family to him than the toxic nightmare that is his actual one. they even released a new album in 2018 and their new songs, albeit written by sh*wn mendes, are actually pretty decent. like i wouldnt listen to them casually, not my type still, lyrics still cringe bc mendes, but there is still quality, and all members are clearly experienced performers by now, and they are still passionate and strong together. something that nsync is clearly not, and the fact that backstreet has stuck together for longer than most marriages in hollywood can maybe be the finishing testament to why they are superior, and as i have mentioned many times, sincere. i guess just look at the simple numbers that are their youtube views, where >900m on i want it that way alone is more than the views of all nsync’s clips combined. nsync were the big thing at the time, but as that time passed, it became clear which band has left the biggest impact.

[tuckerfuckingdidit]

there are not even words for the Hush that fell over me when The Faves spoke for the first time off-screen

i even shut up on skype

i probably didn’t breathe for the first few seconds

I WAITED SO LONG FOR MY FUCKING CHILDREN AN DNOW THEY’RE HERE

THEY’RE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[vaguely-concerned]

TEMERAIRE LET’S READ: BLOOD OF TYRANTS, THE WILLIAM LAURENCE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT NG+ SPEEDRUN

- oh NO LAURENCE D:D:D:

I do love that one of his first realizations is that he’s definitely not dutch tho lol this dumbass remembered that he was english before he remembered his own name

- caught between OH NO TEMERAIRE (and it’s only page 9 it’s going to be one of those books huh) and laughing my ass off at the thought of him swooping into notoriously isolationist japan and yelling ‘HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN MY DAD???’

- “Yes,” [Laurence] said, unyielding, as he could not be otherwise. ahahahahaha way to summarize the entirety of old school!laurence with one fucking sentence

(I am very much enjoying this uh. ‘setback’ of his character actually? novik really did just roll him back to factory settings and went ‘now... from the top again, let’s see if you’ve been paying attention these last seven books’ haha. no one told me there’d be a test!!!!!!!!!!)

- Kaneko really has the patience and graciousness of a saint, @ laurence please... please try to be marginally less sketchy hm? (I guess his sheer obliviousness to how direly he comes across here must be why kaneko hasn’t dismissed him out of hand)

- y’know... at least laurence is in no position to have to worry about all this shit temeraire and the others are pulling. when people start talking about black-scaled celestials shaking the country to its very foundations he’ll be blissfully, innocently unaware. that’s something, I suppose... well who am I kidding we’ll 100% get a couple of paragraphs of him convincing himself this is all his fault somehow anyway

- . . . and His Majesty’s Government does not behave in such an underhanded a manner as to attack another nation with no warning or quarrel. aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh what a strange beautiful fantasy land you’ve been residing in for most of your life william laurence, hang on tight for the opium wars

- hahaha oh my god this is like a platonic version of that text post

temeraire: have you guys seen my dad??!?!

them: what does he look like?

temeraire, crying: beautiful and human and has gold buttons

- I take it all back old school laurence is such a tremendous idiot. just PRETEND you’re willing to cooperate at least you huge fuckign dummy, all you’d have to do was say something vague about how the ship can’t get too close to shore; it won’t actually help them and they’ll know it but you won’t make yourself look so unspeakably willfully suspicious

-  :( making me read things where temeraire is just hurting should be ILLEGAL actually

- NO LAURENCE STOP TRYING TO KICK LITERALLY EVERY POLITICAL HORNET’S NEST WITHIN REACH BAD BOY he is... a disaster but I love him and fear for him as a son so here I am anyway

- hahahahaha yeah wow laurence it sure would suck if you ever had to commit treason huh death probably would be preferable indeed

b o i

- i like that it took him like a week to even give a single thought to edith lol at least he remains aggressively himself

- I think temeraire basically just invented dragon baby photos and I can’t even think for how darling it is

also every dragon physician is delightful; they fear neither god, man nor huge ass patients who could swallow them in a bite

aw man I love gong su

- ahahahahahahah kiyo is the actual best I can’t breathe

KANPAI INDEED, MY LADY, MY LIEGE, I DON’T CARE WHAT ELSE HAPPENS I WOULD FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

Laurence was forced to at least moisten his lips in a show of accompaniment, and hope that he had indeed buried Caesar and not praised him, or for that matter raised him from the dead one act too soon; he was not perfectly sure. He did not think he had been this appallingly drunk since he had been a boy of twelve, trying to make good on every toast at his captain’s table. I. am. dying

thank you thank you thank you for the mental image of laurence drunkenly trying to stumble through the ‘friends, romans, countrymen’ speech as well as the entire rest of the play in a one-man performance

- oh no... I would die for junichiro, baby boy who loves his teacher SO MUCH ;____________; aaaaand there are laurence’s adoption instincts, I see, right on time <3 I like how they have had one actual conversation now and laurence is like ‘ah well nothing for it then guess you’ll have to stay on my ship and I’ll have to be your dad now, brash 16 year old child’

junichiro is being Full Teenager about laurence not knowing ~*obvious*~ things and it’s a delight

- y’know this period of japanese history is always portrayed in the west as paranoia and it could probably only be done because the country was a strict military dictatorship at the time... but having read oh, any history book ever, deciding that nope nah don’t think so no europeans ever is the greatest ‘fair enough’ in human history.  (...I guess this series is sort of AU fix it fic of the period in the first place haha)

- seeing temeraire this level of straight out angry is very interesting and also very unsettling

- ooooof whenever laurence almost-remembers temeraire... stab me in the heart why don’t you

- man churki really is the mom friend of these dragons she’s the only one who has a lick of sense

- *laurence, upon clobbering several men with an oar* “Ma’am, I beg your pardon,” Laurence said to the old woman, who was still sitting ramrod-straight in the ferry over the side from him and regarding him with a flat expression of utter disapproval and not the least evidence of fear; he put out a boot over the side and shoved the ferry off with a heave

god this book is just a continual parade of glorious mental images, just this old woman glaring at him like ‘RUDE’ and “Ma’am, I beg your pardon” fdslfhsdlkjh

- I have a lot of sympathy for hammond. imagine having to navigate the extremely delicate diplomatic situation between europe and japan, with the real prospect of a war breaking out over it, while temeraire is looking over your shoulder... real dragon in the glassware shop vibe going on here, i’m sorry about your life hammond

- AUGH laurence just sort-of-remembered emily he just half-remembered he basically has a daughter someone hold me (...junichiro is so so sweet ;___;)

- bwahahaha yeah I’m sure the only reason this impressionable young kid who’s slowly becoming very impressed by you has for sneaking glances at your bare chest is manly appreciation of your battle scars laurence, well done (I mean a supremely understandable innocent teen crush to develop but stay safely out of that, kid; I trust tharkay to survive the sheer field of mayhem around this man only because he’s got like 20 years, extreme competency and a world of cynicism on you)

- aw junichiro :(:(:(

- ...laurence you need to stop making your dragon boi think you’re dead because this is hurting me. my heart lies in sad little pieces on the ground right now. you are stepping on them with tapdancing shoes.

- “I am under an obligation to Junichiro,” [Laurence] said, quietly, “who you must know has aided me for love of you. If I surrender myself and am made prisoner in this way, will your honor be satisfied?”

fdsfhsdkfsdja  *ELMO SURROUNDED BY FLAMES GIF* this is all awful they’re all such good people why must this happen why this  

(what a way to remind me why I love this stupid wonderful man so much tho uuuuuugh)

- “He is a prince of China, and my captain.” “The devil I am,” said Laurence. This might be the funniest heartbreak I have ever experienced

- good job making me cry whenever I read the words ‘principia mathematica’ naomi novik that was real nice of you

- maximus is such a solid bro. not the brightest, but by god a good 80% of that boy’s gigantic body mass is pure heart

- I love the sheer trollishness of just dropping all these hints about whatever’s going on in the US and then moving on like nothing has happened lol at least it’s deeply implied that hamilton squandered his chances at the presidency by pulling his dumb hoe act in this universe too... constants and variables friends constants and variables

- bOY for a moment there I really did wonder if junichiro was going to die, thank god for a quick google to stop my heart from leaping up my throat and out into thin air to shatter yet again on the flagstones beneath

- in unrelated news I recently found out a bit more about the whole historical Situation in Australia at the beginning of Tongues of Serpents (incidentally, by reading Mark Forsyth’s ‘A Short History of Drunkenness’, which is very funny and quite interesting although I can personally testify that the chapter about vikings at least is completely riddled with misunderstandings or straight out factual errors about the mythology, the role of women in society and uh the entirety of how poetry worked so maybe take him with a pinch of salt lol), and now, in retrospect, I have to say Novik does a poor job conveying the sheer hilarity and madness going on at that time. Like. I was quite bored in those first few chapters, whenever Tharkay didn’t have page time. how could you make this incredible spectacular shitshow boring. it should have been easy comedy gold and not just like. misery. oh well great times, let’s return to the book at hand

- I remain utterly devoted to Lady Kiyo. livin’ life, drinking sake, giving no fucks, absentmindedly scoping out the western style ships and starting an entire modern navy for her country, getting some Theater up in here.... truly I would follow her into the jaws of hell itself, safely in the knowledge that she’d find some way to have a good time down there

- kaneko tearing up at laurence promising he’ll take care of junichiro 😭 this is so cruel to me, personally, specifically against my person, I am undone

- I like how the incan dragons are told like ‘don’t pick just one special person; you can love all your humans equally’ while the poor japanese ones are told ‘actually don’t love any of your humans very much at least not more than Honour’ lol they must have so many neurotic dragons running about b/c that when that attachment happens it seems extremely central to their psychology (and considering lady arikawa it’s not like they’re exempt from it, they’re just supposed to repress it to conform)

- laurence desperately trying to work out whether emily’s his daughter without actually asking anyone... delicious

the descriptions of roland’s letters: even more delicious

- temeraire sees the sad remnants of laurence’s robes and ‘hello darkness my old frieeeeend’ starts playing in his head... too bad laurence isn’t really in a position to experience the relief

- He is very much a one-note character, but O’Dea’s resolute dedicated fatalism is extremely funny

- hahaha poor temeraire... when you try to introduce bae to the family and they insist on being TOTALLY EMBARRASSING god

- The guilt of having caused pain to one deserving only consideration at his hand mingled with unanswered disquiet. I’m bawling laurence’s dad instincts are so pure and good even tho everything’s a bit messed up right now. like this whole paragraph is so powerful b/c you can see laurence’s natural loving impulse at war with his dad’s cold authoritarian parenting style and because his lived experience is removed he doesn’t know what is right.............. oh b o y

- oh okay I see my earlier comment about the opium wars proves unexpectedly prophetic

- it cannot be overstated how much I love junichiro or how happy I am that laurence is being so soft and patient with him. this kid has Been Through some shit

- emily roland shoulder to shoulder with laurence killing fools and he never doubts her for a moment... *chef kiss emoji*  

- the problem with these books is that there are just so many good characters and so many of them don’t get any real page time in any given one -- I’m sitting here plaintively like ‘I realize this is not the most pressing issue right now but how is demane and sipho doing. are they okay. does sipho have enough books’

- ouch memory loss isn’t stopping laurence from flashing back to victory of eagles :(

there’s something so disconcerting about knowing why laurence reacts to things the way he does when he doesn’t; novik is using that very efficiently, this is a very satisfying use of amnesia just from a writer’s POV haha

- I like how none of these suckers really have the tools (or in some cases even inclination) to understand how messed up junichiro’s political situation is in all this

they just expect him to come home to britain with them and meanwhile he’s just found out that The greatest threat to his nation (from his POV I mean china/japan relations irl seem uh complicated) has more dragons in one field than he’s ever seen in his life. it’s a rough and lonely deal being this kid in this book

- oh ouch yes hey there laurence there might have been... a little bit of treason. true. extremely justified treason tho. I mean. oh dear

we don’t have tharkay and his unique mix of deep cynicism, incisive sarcasm and surprising depth of concise moral clarity here to assist with the aftermath so this could get  u g l y

- listen what did I SAY about making me read about temeraire being miserable     :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

- SIPHO!! hey baby boy pls have some thought for your brother’s cardiac health tho

- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw the fact that laurence is getting out of this crisis so much quicker this time because of his bone-deep instinctual knowledge of how much he loves temeraire, which doesn’t need specific memories to be true and felt. god. jesus. stars above

- laurence: approaches little

little: gay panic

- [Laurence] groped after the truth of himself like a prisoner in Plato’s cave, watching shadows. *clenches fist with great emotion* fuck naomi novik why must you be such an excellent goddamn writer im in pain

- oh hay arkady

poor poor temeraire feeling like a failure in every way is so awful but also kind of funny. ‘oh shit arkady’s egg oh fuck oh crap’

- I LOVE that hammond is so clearly and repeatedly shown to be a very astute political thinker and working shit out before everyone else! he may be a dumbass and a bit of a weasel but by god he’s great at what he does!

- laurence wouldn’t have changed anything if he could u guise. I . that. hm. oh

- thARKAY

.........arkady I am only a human and a small one at that but I will find some way to climb up there and wring your neck

(how cute is it that apparently jane roland realized she needed someone to find laurence and was like ‘well I need someone who can take care of themselves and knows the area and speaks dragon and Understands the chaotic ways of william laurence and also has looked uncharacteristically like a kicked puppy at the very mention of his name ever since being forced to leave him behind in australia.... hey tharkay you want a job’ fhkjshdfkalhsd)

- I’m very glad I googled ahead and spoiled myself a bit on this, because if I just read this part fresh I would have expired on the spot

- MISSION GET MY BOY BACK SAFE FOR GOD’S SAKE is a go

- general chu is pretty cool for an old dude you feel me

- . . . and Laurence knew him; knew him and knew himself.

ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahhha

haha

what... what pure undiluted soulmate nonsense is this. what. how. WHY would you do this

- I think I said something offhandedly in my victory of eagles reactions about how tharkay makes laurence remember who he is. I. thought I was exaggerating slightly for dramatic effect at the time. um wow

- I am having the sort of feelings about I need to write fiction about because my ability to express it any other way is failing me. That’s just about the highest praise I could give, really, Novik sure knows how to plant interesting seeds in her stories lol

- for the record this is not how I wanted him to end up in laurence’s bed

(im not thinking too much about how he got hurt b/c if I do I’ll start crying and that’ll just be embarrassing for everyone)

- “I hope you will forgive my mentioning it, Will,” Tharkay said, eventually, rousing Laurence from his reverie. “ -- I recognize there is a certain pot-calling quality to my doing so under the circumstances, but have you noticed that the top of your head appears likely to come off?”

a) my love for him is just. so pure. so complete. so deep b) consistent first name basis; the one sure way to make me swoon c) the implication that he’s just been quietly watching laurence while he was lost in thought... im so soft

- oh god laurence very gently helping out demane and roland because he remembers now....... i cry and my tears are blood welcome back buddy

- “I am of the opinion,” Tharkay said, “that you ought not assign to free will something more likely the consequence of a sharp blow to the skull.”

he truly is the gift that keeps giving. an endless cornucopia of sarcasm and delight. we do not deserve him.  

- [The man he was eight years ago] would not have valued his own feelings, on such a matter, higher than the law and the discipline of the service. *AIRHORN AIRHORN AIRHORN* there we have it folks that’s literally his character arc spelled out, he would have done SO MUCH BAD SHIT because he thought his own feelings didn’t matter and yet he chose another direction, stupendous, brilliant, revolutionary

also him trying to get his support across to both of them in as roundabout and discreet way as possible... laurence you beautiful disaster

- im just so happ. so happy. so happy temeraire has his dumb dad back

- oh so the russians think the BRITISH, of all people, are too soft on their dragons... ruh-roh

- sdfskadlfj yes good tharkay the ROBES (also the implied depth of fond schadenfreude-tinged amusement contained in that ‘those particularly magnificent robes’.... *prayer hands emoji*)

laurence is like ET TU BABE?????

I think this is very delicate gong su speak for ‘please do not be a dumb bitch your majesty’

hahaha chu knows what’s up -- I am growing desperately fond of him, please don’t have him suffer any cop-one-day-from-retirement style accident

- “If I may cut your Gordian knot,” Tharkay said, with a glint in his eye. fdsklfhsdkflhdsakjfhdskjh remember back in black powder war when he was all closed off and phlegmatic and purposefully distant... and here he is... with a glint in his eye and a crazy ass plan that requires other people and that he actually shares before pulling it off and calling laurence by first name in public......... we’ve come so far

- Also this means he’s close enough to Laurence’s height and build that he can wear his clothes without it looking weird, which is nice to know because Laurence is sometimes more preoccupied with describing what men are wearing than, y’know, what they look like lol. (probably not quite as broad in the shoulders, tho, since it’s pointed out every time laurence is described that he has shoulders like a linebacker)

- temeraire: eXCUSE me god didn’t do this the emperor of china did???!?! rude???

- pffffffffff tharkay and chu being jaded world-weary bros for a second there... this is what I read these books for folks

- NOOOOOOOOOOO chu this is the one thing I asked you NOT to do D: temeraire being sad and scared about it is slowly murdering me, thank god laurence is back online for him

- dunno this napoleon dude sounds pretty great and all but this also sounds suspiciously... like trying to invade russia in the winter time. immovable force and unstoppable object or something. I mean I don’t read history so I don’t know. might be a great idea. who’s to say.

- I see that tharkay and laurence have reached the ‘communicating complex information solely through eyebrow movements’ stage of their relationship. *drinks this excellent excellent OTP juice with both hands*

- god I love how cool temeraire!napoleon is, in a strangely believable way. he’s just so weirdly charismatic and novik is SO GOOD at setting up a situation so you understand just how brilliant a move he’s made whenever he seems to be backed into a corner and turns it all around. I kind of want him to win at this point (though tbf all of europe fucking sucked at this time so like he doesn’t have to doll it up TOO much to look better by comparison haha)

- boooyyyy Laurence is P I S S E D (also him being like ??? :D that the general basically agreed with him lol)

ALSO also the fact that laurence does not realize that he’s like the fucking horror story all the major authorities around the globe tell each other at night... fjksdfhsdkjlhf

ah russia. truly consistently one of the most shit places to be a peasant or apparently a dragon through so much of history.

- junichiro Y__________Y no wonder laurence is so protective of him, he’s finally met someone as stubbornly stupidly ~*honorable*~ as himself. godspeed bb boy I wish you only the best even though I know your story line is never properly brought up again

- I ship... roland and demane... so much. like with my heart. she’s so young and earnest and curious and misses him so much and casually scandalizes alice about it fsjdakfjhds

- well I mean. dragons eating people is clearly not  g r e a t  but also... karma. y’know?

- this is a lot of words to use to convey the sentiment ‘oh they are all so fuuuuuuuuuuuuucked’ naomi novik

(feels a little like she wrote herself into a corner here tho -- she’s set up such an impossible situation, in RUSSIA in the WINTERTIME, that I’d need a hell of a lot of convincing to believe they get out of it)

- aaaah okay I really enjoyed this one too, especially the first half! I feel like this series is often at its most inspired when it sticks to a tighter character focus (for example I still vividly recall the part in the first book where Laurence stays in his father’s house and it’s Bad. relatedly........ F U C K lord allendale), and this brought that in spades. I love this series so much, it’s shamefully underappreciated in the speculative fiction world.

also it brought *me* to my knees with a simple “Tenzing,” [Laurence] said, which... holy shit. fuck. damn. that’s my personal recommendation of this book, tbh, even beyond my wish for this series to be more appreciated within the genre: Tharkay was there and it was very gay and non-obnoxious soulmate vibes???? I never even thought it could be done but here we are

This is probably going to be my last reaction thingy for the foreseeable future, since my local library doesn’t have book 9 and honestly... having read a few summaries of what happens in it I’m not that keen on reading it? That’s not the ending to this story I want, so I’ll just live over here in denialville, I-realize-the-author-made-the-choice-to-not-make-further-use-of-Lien-AKA-THE-coolest-antagonist-in-this-series-and-indeed-did-not-wrap-up-numerous-character-arcs-or-plot-lines-but-I-don’t-like-this-choice-so-I’ll-ignore-it

(actually I do sort of appreciate the idea of not having one grand final duel or something, because that’s not how it usually works in real life, but that she’d just shrug and not mercilessly hunt for the revenge she’s so clearly motivated by when everything she loves is falling apart around her again... that’s too much of a letdown to bear, really)

let me just... live in willful ignorance and pretend anything could happen from this point onward haha.

- let me give a final shout out to my boy gong su, who’s been hanging around since book 2 (!) and yet we do not know One Single personal detail about him for certain except that he sure knows how to handle knives. that’s some good spy shit right there, he knows what he’s about

[criticalrolo]

2, 14, 16 :)

2: vex’ahlia or jester?

Vex was my favorite from C1, I just love her story and her design and I really liked so much about her, it’s gotta be her

14: kashaw or shakäste?

Kashaw! His dawning realization that his friends are all fucking dumbasses and his story being married to his evil goddess is so fucking good and his whole backstory is just..... BRUH it’s so good I would read a whole book about him

16: clarota or lorenzo?

Clarota because it was so fuckign funny in retrospect... the girls yeeting off on the carpet and coming back with a damn mindflayer that they found, and then later everyone trusting him over KIMA, A HOLY PALADIN that they were sent to rescue... GOD it was so funny. lorenzo was just tragic rip

[alienbracesarchive]

I wrote this a few months ago its my first experience with Psych’s that aren’t LSD

i used to get so personal on here i miss that, right now two of my friends are kinda losing their minds.. yes from acid but also because they got lost in the sauce because of this bitch thought tripping 3 times a month for first year with them was totally a good idea i fucking hate the fact that i can see right through people like i meet a load of new people and in 3 weeks cut them off because ive realised they’re trash and their priorities do not match mine at all... 

Musicians are a different breed lets call this guy dani’s lad.. hes in a local band and ive seen him at work once then at this really cool bar when he was with family? Was so strange seeing someone out of their completely drunken state doing normal things.. when we met up with them on friday or Saturday night he handed me what seemed like an expensive guitar and asked me what i can play i played the intro to ‘crystalised’ by the xx. He was impressed and i so badly wanna costume design for them because their style is lowkey punk high key indie and yeah they’re just awesome and their job has helped them travel so much like idk we’ll just have to wait and see..

I've missed Dani and shes moving up here so imma stick by closer friends who don’t do psychs .. they're way more chill and yea i just need to be around people who can handle themselves and their own mind idk. So glad Johns rationality rubbed off on me its the only way i came back from an ETH-LAD trip in november when we were supposed to have the forest rave but had a house party that got shut down in the end.. like we’d been smoking Jerry’s weed (basically skunk no other way to describe this shit) in the old flat so the Eth-Lad was a bit strange to get the hang of  but in retrospect i think im just funny taking any Tryptamine that i havent dealt with before (i likes me my LSD) . ”Anecdotal reports suggest that while it produces similar effects to LSD at low to common doses, it displays a notably divergent effects profile at higher doses, sometimes described as producing "algorithmic" and "warped" visual and auditory distortions, combined with a more "introspective" and "analytical", if not more "neutral" head space.”- Psychonaut Wiki ^^ SO yea this is what im talking about i got really in my head with this drug and at some points i wanted to scream FUCKIGN HELP YOU GUYS!! but when i went to talk to anyone about how i was struggling and thought i was losing it i would stutter.. like i physically couldn't get the words out this was scary and i started to think about how im the mom friend af and it felt like i was sober and everyone was fucked .. tbh i should've just drank because acid makes alcohol taste different and maybe i would've slept but yeah night goes on into day.. we head to other friends house and we’re smoking and chilling and everyone starts to fall asleep and i cant.. i literally couldnt sleep.. the same thing happened with Ket.. i literally could hear cars and doors closing from 3 blocks down.. but yea in the end i decided to super clean the flat and just run around keeping myself busy and my mind at ease the album Jeffrey - Young Thug practically saved me and helped guide me on this intense comedown from ETH-LAD .. CHECK YO DOSAGE KIDS.. also have a trip sitter or someone you can go to their house if you're feeling weird TRIP SAFE MY LOVELIES :*

[zenyattasperceptrons]

malakhvent replied to your post: also[[MOR] as horrid as that convo went im kinda...

mmMMMYEAH i know+understand that feeling of like… worrying abt them in your absence? esp if they’ve had a difficult life too or whatever the hell, or you know there Might Be Reasons for the way they treated you but like. those reasons aren’t a justification and as much as talking w abusers fUCKIGN SUCKS sometimes the reminder that theyre a piece of shit is helpful.

YEA LIKE........ IDK i guess its kinda funny in retrospect, or , uh, something that means something like those words cause just

re: “children always start seeing the worst in their parents after they move away” (which, still, ex-fucking-cuse me?)

re, worrying that im piling too much on and demonizing people

and then talking to them being like “okay maybe we can have this conversation” and it turning out SO SO MUCH WORSE THAN YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD

LIKE,

OH!

my brain isn’t telling me these people are bad for no reason! my brain is doing the opposite of that! WHICH MEANS... IF I DONT WANNA FEEL SYMPATHETIC....... THEN THATS....... FINE