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#this is a Gabriel hate page
akari-ku · 1 year
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I’m just gonna say it, Gabriel sucks dick and not in a good way like I’m so tired of people just forgiving him? Idk if that’s the right word but LIKE HES A HORRID MF AND YALL JUST ACCEPTED THAT WHEN JIIMBRIEL APPEARED LIKE NO HE DID NOT DESERVE TO GO AND LIVE HIS HAPPILY EVER AFTER AFTER HE LOOKED DOWN ON AZI AND CROWLEYS RELATIONSHIP FOR YEARS JUST TO WALTZ HIS WAY DOWN TO HELL JUST TO GET PEGGED BY A DMEON AND NOT JUST ANY DEMON THE FUCKING DUKE OF HELL
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gg-ladybug · 1 year
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Had a revelation about Adrien’s adverse reaction when Marinette started acting like a Texan in psychomedian, and now I’m inconsolable. Nobody touch me, I think I require sedating
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fernsensei · 1 year
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you're in love when you see the colours of the sky in their eyes
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v1model · 10 months
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i got bored while skipping class
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I wish I was better at writing
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beastsovrevelation · 1 month
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Ineffable Bureucracy should've kissed. Now that's a kiss I would've been interested to see.
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baselicoc · 1 year
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a little bit of comic fanart for chapter 2 of @spider-man-2o99‘s fic the end result of my own reckless impulsivity because its a good fic guys. its a really good spider-man 2099 fic.
its a little rough around the edges but im fighting a war with the layout of page 2 so you get to see this anyway because im happy enough with it
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n0maku · 1 month
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what the
??? NOMAKU SUPPORT PAGE??
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captain-noir · 2 years
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been slowly making my thru the vc books and i can say now, with certainty that the show is in fact superior in almost every conceivable way. i think nostalgia was clouding my judgment but apart from iwtv and tvl and maaaybe qotd....these books are fucking ridiculous
#yaz reads#yaz has thoughts#interview with the vampire#not to be mean but as a body of work they have zero structural integrity#each book is a long meandering mess of the most outlandish plot and the most contrived workaround established canon to suit her whims#she hates women. like deeply.#there's a disconnect between the character she thinks shes writing versus what ends up on the page re david talbot#the interpersonal relationships bar a few like lestat and louis and lestat and gabrielle and nicky are laughable#coz they never stay consistent. its like she's afraid of anyone actually hating lestat#even armands hate is blunted coz he's in love with him#plot points and character arcs are dropped entirely between books for no discernable reason#look i maintain book 1 and 2 are modern masterpieces esp book 1#and book 3 is a fun romp#but the rest are wow some have nuggets of brilliance but are swallowed up the sheer absurdity of her plots .and i can do the absurd#i love the absurd but she treats it with such solemnity that it gets me out of the story again and again#there's obvs a huge following for the series as a whole and kudos to you who stuck by her but what was she on#when the plot is weak i can focus on the intra character drama and the characters are stale i can focus on the plot#when both are done abmysally!?#rolins and co had a great task ahead of them and i think they elevated the material#so good on them#and note this isnt me bashing her for her dark themes and subject matters i can handle all that and then some#vc is quite tame insofar as being dark for a gothic series#its everything else
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sharry-arry-odd · 4 months
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Throughout his life, Sam hated being told to "fight," as if sickness were a character failing. Illness could not be defeated, no matter how hard you fought, and pain, once it had you in its grasp, was transformational.
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, by Gabrielle Zevin
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shortmexicangirl · 2 years
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documenting my reaction to gabriel every time he appears in transmission (kwami's choice pt 1):
*adrien is crying. cut to hawkmoth's lair*
gabriel don't piss me AWFFFFF
look at this loser sitting in his little loser den go back to lusting over your wife's corpse and LEAVE ADRIEN ALONE
my god this dude is such a loser.
placing my bets that once he realises it's adrien experiencing negative emotions he'll hesitate and be like 'omg brb nathalie schedule some Happy Bonding Time with My Son for me please'
HA I WAS RIGHT
good ok he's left him alone... for now... hmm.
nathalie protecting adrien from gabe we love to see it
gabriel entering adrien's room was a JUMPSCARE my god look at this loser
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gabriel is actually such a loser. i keep on saying it but. there's no better word for him. that man is just pathetic.
that ugly ass laugh when he left adrien's room EW
*hawkmoth's lair again*
oh gabe DON'T PISS ME AWFFFFFF
GABRIEL.
oh ur kidding.
are you telling me
that the ONLY reason gabriel didn't akumatise adrien before is because HE WASN'T WEARING AN ALLIANCE???
LOSER LOSER LOSER
MY GOD
gabriel u are not seeing the pearly gates of heaven
EWWWW LOSER
oh he's actually serious
he's such a loser i cannot stand this man
i mean i already hated him but now???? he produces a visceral reaction out of me this man is so pathetic he's such a loser omGGGGGG
men will literally attempt to turn their son into a weapon of mass destruction for their side hustle as a domestic terrorist instead of going to therapy
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hekateinhell · 2 years
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Do you have a link to Anne saying she hated Gabrielle? I’m surprised to hear that, she’s a fascinating character and obviously Lestat loves her
You know what--it's been a decade plus since I read over the transcript where Anne spoke about writing Gabrielle and I completely misremembered. I'm so sorry! Anne never said she hated her (you will hear this in fanon though).
"I don't think I know Gabrielle well. That's my problem. I don't know her or understand her. In a way, I feel she is coherent and real, but a portrait of a person whom I will never have sympathy with. So I don't write about her much."
[X]
Edit: HOLD UP SOMEONE JUST DMED ME THIS
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[X]
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nionom-art · 1 year
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A few people have been asking about my Miraculous Coccinella AU, wondering if I was still working on it. The short answer is yes.
The long answer is under the cut:
So. I’ve been working on this au for a long time now. It was kind of my passion project I was keeping under wraps due to the fact that I had a lot of fun plot twists in mind and all that jazz- you can kinda see some of those plot ideas in my character concept designs above. I have full scripts and even a comic page done for this au- however- I don’t think I’ll be working a lot on this in the near future. I love the story and designs I’ve come up with, but I’ve honestly just been more interested in other fandoms and stories recently, including one about my current ocs (they have become my obsession recently).
I’ve really hated season 5 of Miraculous in all honesty (the handling of Chloe, Luka, and Gabriel is quite honestly atrocious), and I haven’t had as much interest in this au as season 5 progressed as a result. I’ve been quite frankly falling out of love with the show, making my motivation to work on this project not as high. This coupled with the fact that I’ve been rather burnt out lately has resulted in me posting less often.
I guess what I’m saying is that while I might post a few things here and there for Miraculous Coccinella (and miraculous in general) I don’t think it will be frequent or a full blown project or anything. That being said, feel free to ask me any questions regarding this au- it was my baby for a while and it still kinda holds a place in my heart. Maybe one day I’ll do something with it, but for now, I’m going to keep it on the down low. Thanks for reading if you got this far, haha.
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rcmclachlan · 1 month
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RC, PLEASE share more BuckTommy headcanons with us, everything you’ve said about them so far has been glorious.
Headcanon 1:
After Buck calls Tommy about touring Harbor and they agree on a date and time, he starts researching. Every free second he has between calls is spent watching videos that walk through what all the switches and gauges on a helicopter control panel do. On his days off, he reads pages and pages of posts on r/flying. There are no less than eight biographies about pilots on his kitchen counter dressed in the colorful fringe of all his page markers at any given moment. He devours Chickenhawk in one evening, then falls down a Wikipedia rabbit hole that starts with the article on the Bell UH-1 Iroquois and spits him out when he finishes reading about a municipality in Baku, Azerbaijan called Bibiheybət just as the sun starts peeking through the windows.
The night before he's supposed to meet Tommy, he takes a practice PPL exam for shits and giggles. He doesn't pass, of course, but he scores better than he expected to, and he can't wait to tell Tommy. He can't wait to wow him with everything he's learned.
Of course, it's all for nothing, because Eddie swoops in and steals Tommy right out from under him before Buck can even ask Tommy about his thoughts on the FAA Reauthorization Act of 2024.
Once they make their relationship official, Tommy does make good on his promise to take Buck up, and it's so fun to watch Tommy navigate the skies like the helicopter is an extension of his body, like he's barely wowed anymore by the fact he can fly, and he even lets Buck handle the cyclic for a couple of minutes.
They're hovering almost 6,000 feet above city limits, watching the sun set in a sweet comfortable silence, when Buck's almost had his fill of looking at the clean lines of Tommy's profile, he says, "Someday, when I get certified, I'm going to do a Screwdriver Down in a MD-500."
Once Tommy has wrestled the bird out of its sudden 400-foot free fall and back into an even hover, he grips the cyclic until his knuckles bleed white and says, teeth clenched, "Evan, unless you want tomorrow's top headline to be 'Two LAFD Firefighters Die In Massive West Hollywood Helicopter Crash,' I'm begging you to keep the dirty talk to yourself until we're back on the ground."
Headcanon 2:
Tommy has seen a UFO. He's actually seen, like, four. The third time, he'd been flying over the San Gabriel Mountains when something popped up on his radar out of literally nowhere and clipped his tail rotor, sending both him and the craft crashing into the woods. 
He doesn't remember anything that happened after that. He woke up in a windowless hospital room where someone in full military dress blues shook his hand and congratulated him on becoming the first ambassador to outer space. Then he made Tommy sign approximately eight million SF-312s and consent to be called upon "if the time should ever come." 
This is why he can't watch sci-fi movies with a straight face.
Headcanon 3:
Back in 1996, Tommy's buddies Jamal Kluger and Mitch Henney finally convinced him to go to one of the weekly school dances, mostly because Jamal was determined to slow dance with Amanda O'Shaughnessy and he needed moral support. Tommy didn't hate dances per se. Were there a hundred other things he'd rather be doing? Yes. He had a backlog of Car and Driver that really needed seeing to, but Jamal was practically his brother and Tommy would do a lot worse than dispassionately swaying with a few of his classmates to Mariah Carey in the name of best-friendship.
He'd been in the middle of trying to get Jamal's attention—not that he was ever going to notice, because he was finally dancing with Amanda and everyone else in the gym had probably ceased to exist—with his hands hovering a respectful quarter inch off Laura Lee Moore's hips, who said she'd specifically requested Dreaming of You, when the slow turning they'd been doing put him at the perfect vantage point to see Brett Bennett, pitcher for the East Woodbridge Falcons, dancing with Vanessa Wilson.
Brett was wearing a really nice button-up shirt and Tommy's gaze kept snagging on the way his arms filled out the sleeves, and he couldn't help but wonder if Vanessa could feel the calluses on Brett's hands through her miniskirt. They were probably rough and kept snagging the fabric. Vanessa could probably feel the pull of them, like velcro trying to pry apart. He watched Brett lean down to say something to her and couldn't help but think Brett wouldn't have to strain his neck so much to talk if he were dancing with Tommy. They were almost of a height; Tommy would barely have to tilt his head down. Selena crooned I just want to hold you close, but so far, all I have are dreams of you, and Tommy's heart pounded so loud he was almost certain Laura Lee could hear it over the music. When the song ended, he awkwardly backed away from her and thanked her for the dance, his gaze on Brett and Vanessa, who were still pressed close even though the Quad City DJs were enthusiastically telling people to ride a train. According to his cousin Denise, who was a grade below him and also in attendance that night, Laura Lee spent the rest of the night crying in the bathroom because Tommy couldn't take his eyes off Vanessa.
Almost thirty years later, he and Evan are hanging on the couch, half-watching an episode of Taskmaster and reminiscing about their first crushes—"Really, Evan, your teacher?"—and when Tommy tells him about wishing he'd danced to Dreaming of You with Brett Bennett, Buck presses a sweet kiss to Tommy's arm and says, "Stop making me want to time travel so I can fight an eleven-year old."
Tommy laughs and says, "It was more wanting to slow dance with a cute boy in front of everyone than Brett himself. You have nothing to be jealous about. When we were in the eighth grade, he crushed up a bunch of Altoids and snorted them through a hollowed-out pen during social studies. I've never heard anyone scream like that in my entire life. They had an ambulance come for him and he never came back to school after that."
"Sounds like a real winner," Evan teases, tongue between his teeth. "You really know how to pick 'em."
"Yeah, it's a gift," Tommy deadpans, and then wrestles Evan, who's cackling like a hyena, into the couch cushions. 
Months later, Howie and Maddie throw a big party—which Howie's been calling Reception Redux in the OG 118 group chat—in Tommy's backyard, and he's in the middle of an unspoken chicken wing eating contest with Eddie—who's winning, and Tommy has no idea how he's putting them away so fast—when the music changes from some pop song he doesn't know to a familiar tinkle of piano chords. Howie strong-arms the mic away from the DJ and announces with a big grin that the song was requested by someone who wanted to "quote-unquote: dance with a cute boy in front of everyone."
Tommy almost chokes on the wing in his mouth, and he barely wipes the barbeque sauce off his fingers in time before Evan comes over, takes his hand, and pulls him onto the little dance floor they'd put down that morning in the flattest part of the yard. 
His heart pounds as Evan drapes his arms over Tommy's shoulders like it's the easiest thing in the world, pressing close until it feels like their bodies are merging everywhere they touch, and then starts to sway. Tommy slowly lets his hands settle on Evan's hips, firm and sure. He doesn't even consider doing the hover thing. 
As Selena sings about wishing on stars, Tommy closes his eyes and tucks his temple against Evan's, and for a moment they're in the East Westbridge Junior High School gym, which smells like sweat and cherry Lip Smackers and body odor, and across the room Jamal and Mitch both give him an enthusiastic thumbs up—and Mitch then does something obscene with his hands that has Jamal smacking him upside the head—because Tommy's dancing with the boy of his dreams in front of everyone while his stack of Car and Driver magazines sit unread and curling from the humidity. 
"If Brett Whatshisname shows up, I won't be responsible for my actions," Evan says warmly, voice soft against the curve of his ear. "Literally. I already cleared it with Athena."
I'll be dreaming with you tonight endlessly, the song promises, and Tommy opens his eyes in the present. He takes a deep breath, borrows the energy of Selena's vow, and pulls back just far enough to whisper against the corner of Evan's mouth, "Marry me."
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Words: 3,881 Pairing: Negan x Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: Alexandria, after the war, Negan is imprisoned Warnings: language (duh), allusions to past violence and flashbacks Summary: Y/N decides Negan has earned just a little bit more freedom. A/N: This is part 2 of a miniseries... lol or maybe not so mini? I'm not sure yet! Slow burn takes time to do well... anyway, first part is linked below! HAPPY WICKED WEDNESDAY! Bad Medicine - Part 1
You came in late that evening. Negan looked up from his book. Something he thought was maybe relief washed over him to see you again, though he wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe he just didn’t want another tense exchange with Daryl… Maybe he was just glad not to be alone.
You slid his tray through the slot and watched curiously as he carefully tucked a torn scrap of paper into the pages of his book to mark his place. “What’re you reading?” you asked.
“Some book Gabriel left me,” he said. “I think I’ve read it five times.”
“What is it?” you asked again.
“Some nautical whaling adventure bullshit,” Negan said, bending to pick up his tray.
“Is it any good?” you asked.
“It was the first time. Maybe a bit the second. But not anymore,” he said with a dry laugh, sinking back down on his cot to settle into his dinner.
“I can bring you some other things to read. What do you like?” you offered.
His hazel eyes shot up to you, his expression unreadable for a moment. “Now, why would do that, doll?”
You ignored his use of the pet name and simply shrugged. “Because I’d hate to have to read the same thing over and over and over with no choice.”
“Isn’t that what me bein’ in here is all about? No choice?”
You paused reflectively. “Maybe at first, as a punishment for everything you did. But now—I don’t think so.”
“Well, I’m not gonna fuckin’ turn down some new reading material if you’re offerin’.” A mischievous glint grew in his eyes. “Don’t suppose you’ve got any naughty stuff layin’ around, do you?” he laughed.
You rolled your eyes. “Negan…”
“Honestly, homemade pictures would be even better if you have the means—”
“I’m leaving,” you growled, turning to go.
He laughed heartily and you were surprised that your steps faltered at the sound. “Come on! I’m only kidding! Ish…”
You turned back around and shot him a look.
“Here’s a question: what’s the deal with you and Daryl?” he asked, taking an exploratory bite out of his sandwich.
Your eyebrows lifted. “Seriously? That’s what you want to talk about?”
He shrugged. “Well, this whole Gabe-Siddiq-Rosita love triangle has me on the edge of my seat. Can you blame me for hoping to scrounge up another such juicy morsel? You know I love a bit of drama. It’s a real-life telenovela.”
You rolled your eyes but paced back toward his cell and took a seat in the wooden chair outside it. “Daryl is… I consider him my brother,” you said. “And I’d die for him. He’s family.”
“You sure he knows about this bein’ ‘brotherly’ love?” Negan laughed. “He gave me quite a talking to about you earlier…”
“Considering your past, can you blame him?”
“No,” Negan admitted. “No, I can’t… So, no hanky-panky there, huh?” Negan asked, leaning forward to study your face as if trying to confirm what you’d just told him, still smiling. “Too bad for him… Guy could probably use some, right? Help chill him the fuck out,” he laughed.
You shot him a disapproving stare and he tried to look apologetic with only some success. “Are you through?” you asked, your tone bored.
“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for the meal,” he said. You climbed to your feet, nodding.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? We’ll do the same thing. There’s more to do over there.”
“You got it, boss,” Negan acknowledged. “Hey—Y/N—I know I can be an asshole, but I really meant what I said earlier. Thank you.”
You only nodded and gave him a tight smile.
And that was how you and Negan continued, for quite some time. It took you over a week to get the area completely cleared and the rescued medicinal plants transplanted. After that, you ended up having Negan build the new raised beds and help you install them. He could be surprisingly handy when he wasn’t busy cracking jokes and he seemed genuinely grateful for something to do to pass the time. It was surprising how easily the two of you got into an almost comfortable routine. You often were reminding yourself that all you were doing was building rapport so you could help Negan make progress, whatever that meant… It still seemed to be some vague, shapeless idea in your mind, but the thought of Carl and Rick and your loyalty and sense of duty to help Michonne kept you going.
Finally, with that project done, you decided it was time to start venturing outside the walls. Considering how well things had been going, Daryl couldn’t disagree with you anymore, though he did continually feel the need to remind you not to let your guard down. He also requested that you stay close to Alexandria when you ventured out, something you agreed to as sensible, at least to start.
Afterall, if Negan really was to someday assimilate back into this weird version of “society,” this step-by-step, gradual building of trust and rapport seemed like the way to do it.
_ _ _ _ _ _
You lightly tossed a canvas pack at him after swinging the cell door open and he caught it against his chest, giving you a curious look.
“Think you can handle going outside the walls today?” you asked him.
Negan looked surprised. “With careful supervision, I’m assuming?”
“Obviously,” you said.
He nodded, still looking a little stunned. “You trust me enough to take me outside the walls?”
“Enough,” you agreed, cocking one eyebrow.
Negan let out a low laugh. “Alright… What’s the plan then for today, warden?”
You rolled your eyes. He’d taken to calling you that since you’d given him a few stern looks in response to his usual pet names. “Foraging,” you said simply. “We running low on a few things.”
Negan stepped out of his cell with the bag slung over his shoulder, his canteen now stored inside alongside the smaller bags you’d tossed in for keeping gathered ingredients separated. “And I’m serving mostly as the pack mule?” he asked, watching you brush past him closely to swing his cell shut behind him. Was he imagining it or had your hand brushed his arm? Probably imagining it…
“Pack mule?” you repeated. You held up your own pack to show him. “No. I’m gonna collect mine into my bag, and you’re gonna store whatever you find in your own. I’ve been teaching you plants for a couple weeks now. I thought we’d see what you’ve learned,” you explained. “Unless, you’d rather stay here and—”
“No,” Negan interrupted you, almost a little too eagerly. He laughed a little nervously and the sound was deep and had a slightly gruff edge to it. “No,” he repeated, less eager. He ran a hand back through his hair and shrugged. “I’d rather not sit in my cell doing fuck-all, thanks.”
You smiled at him a little and he tried to ignore the way his heart jumped in his chest. Uh oh. What was that? Surely that was just because you were the only woman who’d smiled at him in maybe… six years?
“That’s what I thought,” you said. “Come on.”
Negan followed you through town toward the gate and you both tried your hardest to ignore the not-so-subtle stares. You should have been used to it by now, but whenever you stepped out with Negan beside you, you felt as if you were on display. The man may as well have been wearing a sign advertising his past crimes. There would never be any complete escape from his reputation and past. All you could hope for was a tiny seed of redemption… and some days even that seemed hard.
As you approached the gate, Negan cleared his throat and glanced over at you.
“Hmm?” you hummed, absently waving to Rosita who was on the guard platform.
“So, Daryl was okay with this?” Negan asked and you shot him a weird look.
“What does Daryl have to do with anything? What is your obsession with him?” you asked.
“Uhh—he fuckin’ hates me and threatened to kill me if I tried to hurt you or—do anything he perceives as being out of line,” Negan admitted. “You can see why that’s of slight concern to me,” he finished.
“Makes sense,” you said, not at all surprised. “But Daryl trusts my judgement, so when I told him I thought you were ready for slightly more freedom he was fine with it and so was Michonne. And if we aren’t back by dark, they’ll come looking. They know exactly where we’ll be,” you explained, stepping out past the gate with Negan just behind you. The metallic rattle continued until you heard the familiar slam and clunk of the latch, indicating you were firmly outside the walls. You looked over at Negan and he had a queer expression on his face, his eyes flitting over the scenery ahead. “It’s been a minute, hmm, since you’ve seen outside,” you commented.
He nodded, his hazel eyes finally landing back on you. “Yeah,” he said. He pulled in a deep breath, filling his lungs to the brim and then let it out slowly.
You thought he almost seemed emotional and you again marked the vulnerability you were seeing in him. This Negan seemed far different from the one who had brandished the baseball bat… “Come on,” you said, nodding your head toward the tree line.
Negan hesitated. “Hey, uhh… What if—” he stopped, breaking off abruptly and you gave him a curious look. “Just—I can’t exactly defend myself if shit goes sideways out here, can I? You’re certainly not gonna hand me a knife,” he laughed dryly.
You smiled vaguely. “I’ll protect you, Negan,” you said. For some reason, this made him laugh and your eyes shot over to him. “What? You don’t think I can?”
“No, it’s not that. Not at all. It’s just—bit of a role reversal from my Savior days, isn’t it?”
Your face grew sad, the smile fading, and the look in your eyes grew more distant. “You weren’t a savior, Negan. The only person you were really saving was yourself,” you said decisively.
“I kept a lot of people alive in the Sanctuary before your group showed up,” he retorted.
“Alive?” you repeated, rounding on him. “Alive in the same way we’ve been keeping you alive in that cell. Maybe alive, but not living. How often did you even think about what the lowest of the workers were going through? Scraping for points, wondering if they’d have enough to feed their kids, let alone themselves. I bet you didn’t think of them even once a day. You were too busy indulging in whatever the fuck you wanted.”
Negan’s brow dropped low over his hazel eyes and he looked reflective, as if truly considering the weight of your words. When you started walking again, he followed behind you in silence and you could feel a tension between the two of you for several long minutes. But by the time you started pointing out plants to him, it had diminished.
Negan was a fast learner and it wasn’t long before you both had a few of the small foraging bags full of herbs and mushrooms. You’d only had to correct him a couple times on his identification. (“Not those unless you want to go back to being in your cell all the time, Negan,” you’d said. You scraped your nail down the stem and it suddenly bruised bright yellow before your eyes. He’d flinched and dropped the poisonous mushroom, an easy to make mistake for a new learner. “Fuck me! No, I sure as shit do not,” he’d said, casting an apologetic look at you. You’d given him an encouraging smile and told him it was alright.)
He found himself laughing and shaking his head suddenly, tucking another small bag into the canvas pack.
“What?” you prompted him.
“Just—look at me? I’m out here following you around in the woods picking mushrooms and leaves like a fucking Disney princess. Life is wild,” he said. His hazel eyes were crinkled in a smile and you took in the sparking nature of the light in them and the genuine ease of him just existing in that moment. The salt and pepper in his beard was more noticeable now that he’d been keeping it neat and trimmed again and it wasn’t lost on you that the somewhat slumped posture of his shoulders seemed to have lessened lately.
You sighed and nodded your agreement. “It sure it,” you agreed. “If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be out here with you, I’d have taken it as a threat.” You turned back to the plant in front of you and plucked a few more leaves before glancing over at him again. You were surprised to see that his eyes were still on you. “Do you miss it?” you asked him suddenly. You were still down on one knee on the leaf litter and he was standing above you, his tall, lean frame stretching upwards. An involuntary flash of the line-up suddenly burst in your mind, hot and red, and you nearly fell over, all your breath leaving in a rush. You put a hand down to steady yourself and Negan watched your head drop and your eyes squeeze closed. Your other hand drifted to the handle of your gun, as if you were reassuring yourself it was still there.
“Hey—” Negan said, concern thick in his voice. “You okay, doll?”
You gathered yourself, gulping at the sudden tightness in your throat, and then stood up quickly, nodding. “Yeah. I’m fine. And don’t call me that… I think—I think we’re about done for today,” you said hurriedly, tucking the supplies back into your own pack.
He nodded, his brow still heavily furrowed. “Okay,” he said, his voice unsure. But he fell into step beside you again. The tension in the air had returned. Negan let it stretch for a minute before he broke the silence, genuinely feeling his concern like a tightness across his chest. “You aren’t gonna tell me what that was about back there?”
You didn’t turn to look at him, but you could feel his eyes on you. You focused straight ahead instead, and navigated stepping over some fallen wood while you answered. “No,” you said simply.
“Okay.” Negan forced himself to pull his eyes away from you, nodding, and fell silent again. Neither of you spoke on the short walk back to the gate nor all the way back to the cell. You finally looked up and met his eyes again as he handed you the pack he’d had slung over his shoulder, now full of foraged tidbits that would make life just a little bit better or a little bit more enjoyable for many residents.
Negan studied your expression, and he thought you looked sad. There was really no other word for it. His hands slipped into his pockets and he stepped back into his cell just far enough to allow you to close the door, not taking his eyes off you. The bolt locking him in echoed in the space.
“Thanks for your help today,” you said, meeting his eyes one more time.
His brow furrowed even more heavily over his eyes. “Sure,” he said, nodding. “Not sure you should be thankin’ me, though. Probably should go the other way around.”
You didn’t really acknowledge his response, just added his canvas bag to your shoulder and licked your lips nervously. “I’ll make sure you get lunch soon,” you said.
Negan watched you turn and leave, puzzled and frankly a little worried. His fingers curled around the cold iron bars of his cell as the outside door slammed behind you.
Once you were back in the sunshine, you made your way toward the pantry with the bags, with a detour to find Daryl at Aaron’s house. He was just where you expected he’d be, working in the garage.
He turned at the sound of your footsteps and straightened up hurriedly when he realized it was you and perhaps because he sensed something or read it on your face. “Hey,” he drawled, wiping his hands absently on the bandana from his back pocket. “How’d it go out there?” he asked eagerly.
You nodded thoughtfully, chewing on your bottom lip for a moment. “Good,” you said. “Pretty good…”
His eyes narrowed. “Ya sure?” he prodded you. “Somethin’ happen?” He was already bristling, ready to go punch Negan across the jaw if he needed to.
“Not exactly,” you said hesitantly, fiddling with the strap of your bag.
Daryl frowned. “What’s that mean?”
“I mean—he didn’t do anything. I just—I had a flashback,” you said, your eyes growing a bit distant. “To back then. At the line-up,” you murmured, ducking your head and blinking fast to clear away the tears in your eyes. “I was kneeling down, picking tea leaves off this plant and I looked up and he was sort of standing over me and it just—it triggered something,” you admitted.
Daryl looked deeply concerned, the line between his eyebrows deepening. “Was it somethin’ in yer gut? Did ya feel… unsafe?”
“No,” you said, almost urgently, looking up at him and catching his blue eyes again. There was a touch of faint disbelief in your own voice. “That’s the thing. I don’t feel unsafe around him now. It was just something about the angle. I looked up and he was standing there and—” You broke off and sighed again. “I don’t know…”
Daryl leaned forward on his hands on the workbench between you. “Well, it ain’t like all that past shit just goes away,” he said. “I couldn’t do what yer doin’,” Daryl admitted. You gave him a curious look and he nodded. “If I walked him out into the woods, he wouldn’t be comin’ back.”
You let out a dry laugh. “Yeah… Anyway, I just—I hate to ask you…” you hesitated again.
“Ask me,” he said. “It’s alrigh’.”
“Would you mind just getting lunch together and taking it to him? I think I just need a break for a little bit. Or I can ask Michonne,” you added.
“S’alrigh’. I’ve got it. Michonne is busy with the kids. Soon as I finish up in here, I’ll pull somethin’ together.”
You look relieved. “Thank you,” you sighed.
“S’nothin’,” he said. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment and you could tell he was on the edge of saying something. “Ya dun have to do this, ya know. If it’s too much—he can rot in that cell for everythin’ he did. Fuck him,” Daryl said pointedly, throwing in a small smirk as he said the last two words.
You had to laugh a little at that. “Yeah, I know. It’s okay. I don’t give up that easily. I’ll be good by the time he needs his evening meal. Thanks, Daryl.”
_ _ _ _ _ _
Negan looked up, hesitant, as he heard the outside door open. He was expecting to see Daryl coming in again. He couldn’t stop turning what had happened outside the walls in the morning over and over in his head. He scrutinized his own behavior and yours. He thought through all the conversations… but he’d come up empty as far as any reason as to why you’d abruptly ended the field trip or why Daryl had brought him lunch instead of you. He was annoyed by the tight pit in his stomach. His lunch sat untouched still, right where Daryl had pushed it through the slot into his cell.
But it wasn’t Daryl coming in with his dinner. It was you.
Negan had nearly jumped to his feet before he could stop himself. “Hey,” he said, the same novel dangling at his side. You stopped at the bars of his cell.
“Hi,” you greeted him. You looked down at the still full tray just inside the slot and then back up to meet his hazel eyes. “Not hungry today?” you asked, cocking one eyebrow at him.
He shrugged and took a few steps toward you. “Honestly? I was a little worried I wasn’t gonna see you again,” Negan admitted. His tone wasn’t jesting or sarcastic. “After this morning, you know… outside the walls.”
“Mmm,” you hummed, nodding. “I see.”
He laughed a little and shook his head. “There’s that therapist response again.”
“Well, do you want this? Or should I save it for tomorrow,” you asked him, looking down at his still full tray on the floor.
“You can save it. I’ll eat my lunch. Less work for you tomorrow,” he said.
You nodded and set the tray aside on the chair outside his cell for a moment. “I have something else for you,” you said, digging into the bag hanging from your shoulder. Negan watched curiously as you withdrew several books. “I raided the library. I tried to pick some things I thought you’d like but—I realized I have no idea what you’d actually like… So. I guessed,” you said.
You gave him an expectant look and he came to the cell door. You passed each book through the bars to him one by one. Negan was highly aware of your fingers being only inches from his. He could have brushed your hand with his if he’d wanted to.
“Thanks,” he said, new books in hand. “You didn’t have to do that.”
You nodded. “I know.” Your response drew another gruff laugh from him.
“I’ll go put this aside,” you said, collecting the tray again. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Negan.”
He hesitated just a moment, gulping at the lump in his throat. “You don’t need to tell me what happened out there… Of course you don’t. You don’t owe me anything. But right before, you were asking me if I missed it,” Negan said. You’d turned back to look at him again, curious. “Do I miss being the fucking King of the Castle?” He paused and his tongue swept out over his bottom lip. “Yeah. I do,” he admitted. “I miss the freedom. I miss people paying attention to me, listening when I fucking talk, getting me whatever the hell I want… But I don’t miss all the bullshit that came with it and what I had to do to maintain that power.”
There was a strange expression on your face and then you sighed. “I guess that’s something,” you said softly. “See you tomorrow, Negan.”
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apoemaday · 2 months
Text
Twigs
by Taha Muhammad Ali tr. Peter Cole, Yahya Hijazi, and Gabriel Levin
Neither music, fame, nor wealth, not even poetry itself, could provide consolation for life’s brevity, or the fact that King Lear is a mere eighty pages long and comes to an end, and for the thought that one might suffer greatly on account of a rebellious child.
My love for you is what’s magnificent, but I, you, and the others, most likely, are ordinary people.
My poem goes beyond poetry because you exist beyond the realm of women.
And so it has taken me all of sixty years to understand that water is the finest drink, and bread the most delicious food, and that art is worthless unless it plants a measure of splendor in people’s hearts.
After we die, and the weary heart has lowered its final eyelid on all that’ve done, and on all that we’ve longed for, and all that we’ve dreamt of, all we’ve desired or felt, hate will be the first things to putrefy within us.
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