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#this is a dream I had what is my brain trying to tell me
seongwars · 3 days
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forget me not | iv
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Pairing: Jeong Yunho x witch!Reader AU: non-idol | supernatural Summary: Yunho should be happy--he's got everything going for him and he's set to marry the love of his life! So why is he standing outside of your shop on the night of his engagement party? Word Count: 7.5K (my bad) Warnings: infidelity, use of the k word
Fic Masterlist
a/n: my stitches reopened and I had to go back and get restitched 😬 so I spent all day in bed editing this chapter. i love reading everyone's theories and feedback is always welcome!
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The first time Haewon saw Yunho, it was at your dorm during a study session. You were both surrounded by books, notes, and various pieces of stationary scattered across the floor. While you were focusing on writing out your note cards, Haewon was dancing around the room in an attempt to “activate her brain cells”. 
She had been caught up in her own world until the sound of a knock interrupted her antics. You stood up to answer the door, and a low voice followed, mingled with a chuckle—deep, familiar, and warm.
Yunho.
He was your best friend, someone she’d heard about but hadn’t paid much attention to. But that day, something was different. He sat with a pile of books and a look of quiet concentration that intrigued her. His presence was magnetic, though subtle, and without realizing it, Haewon found herself sneaking glances at him, captivated by the calm determination in his demeanor.
She wasn’t sure when it happened exactly, but at some point, between stolen glances and shared laughter over late-night group study sessions, she started to fall for him. Yunho was kind, always the first to offer a helping hand, and his dedication to his friends and family was unwavering. He had a way of making everyone feel valued and heard.
And when he asked her to be his girlfriend, she was over the moon. 
"Did you know Yunho was going to ask me out?" she beamed, her voice laced with an excitement that made your heart sink.
You froze for a second, your pencil hovering above the page. There was a flicker of something—disappointment, maybe even hurt—but you quickly swallowed it down. 
"Maybe," you muttered, your voice light, almost teasing, though it took everything in you to keep it that way. Haewon didn’t see the way your grip tightened on the pencil, or how your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes.
"I can’t believe it," she gushed, oblivious to the turmoil behind your composed expression. "I mean, I’ve liked him for a while now, and I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way, but when he asked me…God, it was perfect."
"That’s great, Haewon" you said, your voice quieter than before, trying desperately to sound convincing. 
You fell in love with the way Yunho truly saw you, even when you tried to hide parts of yourself. He understood you in ways no one else ever had, knowing your fears, your dreams, and all the things that made you tick. Somewhere along the line, you stopped worrying about what he would think of you because with Yunho, you never had to pretend.
That’s when you knew you loved him—because the idea of life without him didn’t feel like life at all.
But how could you tell him? You weren’t like Haewon—bold and unafraid, able to voice her feelings as if vulnerability wasn’t terrifying. She was all confidence and ease, speaking her mind without a second thought, while you were cautious, overthinking, content to blend into the background.
Telling Yunho how you felt would mean stepping into the unknown. You couldn’t bear the thought of losing him if things went wrong. So you stayed silent, burying your feelings deep, hoping that somehow, you could protect what you had by keeping your secret. 
But things went wrong anyway.
You tried not to not let their relationship affect you, told yourself you were happy for them. Haewon and Yunho were two of the most important people in your life, and they deserved happiness. You repeated that to yourself like a mantra, hoping that if you said it enough, you might actually believe it. 
It hurt seeing them together, knowing that while you were happy for them, you couldn’t help the ache in your chest every time Yunho laughed a little too easily at something she said, or when she rested her head on his shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world.
The worst part was that you couldn’t even be angry. How could you? Haewon hadn’t done anything wrong; she hadn’t stolen Yunho from you, and Yunho hadn’t abandoned you. It was like watching sand slip through your fingers—nothing to hold on to, nothing you could do to stop it.
Yunho was happy, and you cared about him enough to want that for him, even if it wasn’t with you.
After you disappeared, everything fell apart in ways neither of them expected. Yunho and Haewon participated in search parties, posted on social media about your disappearance, and cooperated with law enforcement. But there were no answers, no trace of where you’d gone or why. The emptiness you left behind was palpable, a gaping hole in both their lives.
At first, Haewon believed they were grieving together. She felt the weight of your absence in every corner of her life, and Yunho, in his quiet way, did too. But then, she began to notice the way their relationship shifted. 
It was subtle at first: a slight distance in Yunho’s eyes, the way he seemed preoccupied even when they were alone. He would zone out in the middle of conversations, and even when he held Haewon in his arms, his heart wasn’t fully there. 
Slowly, painfully, she realized the truth. Yunho wasn’t just mourning you—he was waiting for you. He was still tethered to you, pulled by an invisible force that Haewon couldn’t compete with.
She never considered herself a mean girl. Sure, she had grown up in a comfortable world, surrounded by friends who were a little more tightly wounded and concerned with appearances. But now, standing on the other side of it, Haewon could see the truth for what it was. Yunho was never really hers to begin with. She hadn’t stolen him—not intentionally—but she had taken something that was never really hers to claim. 
Then there was Sungjae. 
Sungjae had never been a close friend, not really. He was more of a background figure—someone on the outskirts of Haewon’s social circle who, little by little, had weaseled his way in. He was everything Yunho wasn’t: impulsive, flirtatious, unpredictable. And it was those very qualities that ignited something in her.
The affair began quietly, like a secret Haewon wasn’t ready to admit even to herself. It started innocently enough—casual conversations, coffee outings after shared classes. They’d stay up late in the library, long after everyone else had left, talking about things that felt too personal, too vulnerable to share with anyone else. Haewon convinced herself it was nothing more than a close friendship—after all, she had a large circle of friends. What harm could one more friend do?
As time passed, the line between friendship and something more blurred. In the quiet moments following your disappearance, Haewon found herself relying on Sungjae in ways she hadn’t with Yunho in years. He became her anchor when the world felt uncertain, someone who made her feel alive and seen.
At first, it was easy to justify: she and Yunho had been drifting apart. Haewon had noticed it in the way their conversations had become shorter, less meaningful; the way they sat together in silence more often than not, the air between them filled with unspoken tension. 
But there was also something darker about Sungjae—something tied to the past Haewon desperately tried to forget. The night you disappeared, Sungjae had humiliated you, his cruel words cutting through the air as everyone watched in uncomfortable silence. And Haewon had stood by, doing nothing. She had stayed silent, too afraid to confront him, too indifferent to speak up.
Yunho had done nothing, either. His usual kind, gentle demeanor had turned into passive inaction, making excuses whenever Haewon brought up the topic like "It's just a phase" or "They’ll work it out."
“Do you think Sungjae had something to do with Y/N’s disappearance?” Haewon suddenly blurted out as the two were cooking dinner. 
Yunho froze, his jaw tightening. He knew the answer—he had always known. The last time anyone had seen you was when you stormed out of the apartment, cheeks flushed with shame and frustration. And yet, Yunho couldn’t admit it out loud. Admitting that Sungjae was responsible meant confronting his own failure, his own role in pushing you away.
“If he did,” Yunho said, his voice low, a dangerous edge creeping in, “I’ll kill him myself.”
“But you were the last one who saw her.”
His entire body tensed, the weight of Haewon’s accusation hitting him harder than he expected. He turned to face her fully, eyes dark and cold.
“You think I had something to do with Y/N’s disappearance?” His voice was low, hurt and anger threading through each word. He could feel the bile rising in his chest, burning with the injustice of her suspicion.
“That’s not what I said—”
“But it’s what you meant.” Yunho cut her off. “You think I’m the reason she’s gone?”
“I’m just trying to figure out what happened,” she murmured, her voice softer now, though the accusation still lingered between them. 
“All I did was walk her out, and the CCTV proved that! You have no idea how much Y/N’s disappearance is affecting me! But to even suggest that I could’ve done something…” His voice trailed off, swallowed by a surge of emotion.
“I can’t do this,” Yunho muttered, his voice barely audible now as he turned away from her. Grabbing his jacket off the chair, he headed for the door, his movements tense and deliberate. “I’m done with this conversation.”
His footsteps faltered just before reaching the door, the frustration inside him boiling over. He spun back to face Haewon, his voice sharp and biting.
“Every time it comes to Sungjae, you choose him. Why?”
“I–” Haewon’s voice cracked, but Yunho didn’t stop. The door clicked shut behind him, leaving a deafening silence in his wake.
Haewon knew it wasn’t fair to keep dragging him along when her heart was no longer fully his. But the thought of actually leaving—the finality of it—terrified her. The knowledge that once she walked away, there would be no going back was something she wasn’t sure she could handle.
And then Yunho proposed. 
It caught her completely off guard—a moment she hadn’t prepared for despite all her doubts and uncertainty. She hadn’t expected him to propose, not now. But instead of facing the truth, instead of admitting that her heart had drifted away and she was entangled in an affair with someone else, Haewon did the only thing she could think of: she convinced herself that accepting Yunho’s proposal would fix everything.
Haewon felt trapped. She felt the walls closing in, suffocating her as she tried to play the part of the happy fiancée. On the night of the engagement party, everyone around them was celebrating, toasting to their future, but all she could think about was how wrong it all felt. Her heart wasn’t in it—not fully—and she knew it.
The alcohol didn’t help. Glass after glass, Haewon drank to drown out the noise in her head, to silence the guilt and doubt. She wanted to forget, to numb herself to everything, but instead, it only made her feel more exposed.
She avoided Yunho most of the night, choosing instead to party with her friends, laughing too loudly, her smile brittle around the edges. Yunho tried to get her to slow down, to pull her back to him, to hold her close, but every time he did, it felt like the air was being sucked out of her lungs. It wasn’t his fault, but being near him only made the weight of her choices heavier.
Finally, something inside her snapped. Right there, in front of everyone. The frustration, the guilt, the suffocating pressure of pretending—it all came to the surface. She knew it was unfair, that Yunho didn’t deserve it, but she couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. 
Now, as she laid in bed next to Sungjae, the weight of her betrayal closed in on her. The wedding was fast approaching, a date circled on the calendar like a death sentence, and there was no backing out now. The dress had been chosen, the invitations sent. Everyone was expecting a celebration, but all Haewon could feel was dread. 
Yunho had betrayed you too, hadn’t he? He had stood on the sidelines, just as complicit, watching as Sungjae’s cruelty unraveled you. And yet, he had stayed—stayed with her, proposed to her, tried to build a future with her. It was laughable. 
The two of them, pretending like they could escape what they’d done, like they could forge something real out of ashes. But the truth had always been there, lurking beneath the surface. 
They were no better than the man lying next to her now.
Perhaps this was what she and Yunho both deserved—two people who had betrayed you, condemned to a life of misery together.
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Life in the Emporium was nothing short of magical surprises.
Each day began with a quiet ritual, a moment of calm before the shop's unique energy fully awoke. The first thing you’d do each morning was reach for the incense—carefully selected for its cleansing properties—and light it. As the fragrant smoke curled into the air, it seemed to reset the entire space, gently sweeping away the lingering energies left behind by the previous day’s visitors.
Above, the flowers in the hanging garden stirred with the first touch of morning light, their vibrant petals responding as if in greeting. You watered them with a flick of the wrist, though it felt more like a gesture of care than necessity—they thrived on the shop's magic more than on water.
The shop had its own rhythm, a delicate balance between the mundane and the mystical. Travelers, clients, and even the occasional spirit wandered in, drawn by the promise of wishes granted—some simple, others far more complicated. You had seen all kinds: the weary traveler who just wanted safe passage home, the desperate lover seeking a second chance, or the ambitious merchant hoping to change their fortune.
But nothing in the emporium was granted without a cost, and the price wasn’t paid in gold or silver. Every transaction required something far more precious—a wish. Not the kind made on a whim, but a deeply held desire, pulled from the very core of one’s soul.
You would watch as they approached the counter, hands trembling ever so slightly as they revealed their request. Their eyes flickered with doubt as the weight of the exchange settled upon them. Standing before you, they were caught between what they needed and what they were about to give up, realizing that their wish, once surrendered, would be gone forever.
You always asked if they were certain. If they understood the nature of their sacrifice. But the emporium never rejected a payment once it was offered. 
You had become accustomed to the shop’s quirks, trusting its ancient magic to maintain a balance that you could only partly comprehend. It was more than a shop; it was a living entity, guiding not only the customers but you, its keeper, shaping the course of both your lives in subtle, unseen ways.
Everything functioned smoothly, like clockwork—until the day Yunho arrived.
From the moment Yunho stepped into the emporium, his presence unsettled you. There was a calm assurance in the way he carried himself, grounding everything around you. Despite never having met him before, something inside you insisted Yunho wasn’t a stranger. 
You recalled the strange memories that had flooded your senses—the wind whipping around you as you sat in a car with Yunho, the sun illuminating the way the corner of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. It felt so real, as if you’d lived that moment before, but then it dissolved into something deeper, something raw. 
The emotions had gripped you before you could react, dragging you under like a riptide. Your knees buckled, and the world tilted, leaving you gasping for air. Yunho was there, of course. Even through the thick haze of your feelings, he kept you steady, his arms the only thing keeping you from crumbling completely.
Even now, the echoes of that moment lingered in your body. You could still feel the weight of the emotions that had passed through you, as if the magic had left an imprint on your soul. 
“Fate has already tied their threads together.”
Your mind raced, trying to grasp Hongjoong and Wooyoung’s conversation. 
What did that mean? What threads? Could the connection you felt—this strange, undeniable pull—be part of some cosmic plan, one that had existed long before you even stepped foot in the emporium?
But how could you accept something so profound when you couldn’t even remember him? The thought haunted you, and yet, deep down, the pull toward Yunho only grew stronger, as if Fate itself refused to let you walk away.
You sighed, taking a long drag from your pipe, leaning back as you watched a few late summer blooms drift down from the skylight’s hanging garden. Their petals fluttered like tiny omens in the gentle breeze. Fall had arrived, and with the change in seasons, the line between the living and the departed would thin, bringing even more travelers and clients from different realms. 
The bell above the door jingled faintly, drawing your attention. You glanced over, catching the sleek, shadowy form slipping through the crack in the door—a flash of fur before it darted out into the evening. You immediately knew who it was.
“Wooyoung,” you called out. The cat froze mid-step, his tail twitching with surprise. Slowly, he turned his head, his onyx eyes gleaming mischievously in the dim light.
“Don’t even try it,” you added, placing your hands on your hips. He blinked at you, feigning innocence, but you weren’t about to let him slink away without answers this time.
The cat stretched lazily, as if he hadn’t just been caught trying to sneak out, then padded toward you with that familiar, too-casual saunter. By the time he reached you, he shifted back into his human form with a dramatic sigh, ruffling his messy hair as if you’d truly inconvenienced him.
“I was just stepping out,” Wooyoung said, giving you that infuriating smirk of his. “Needed some air. It’s stuffy in here with all this—" He waved his hand around vaguely, “—magic.”
You couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of it. “You are magic, Wooyoung.” Your tone was teasing, playful. “Haven’t you had enough of the outside world and tormenting humans for one lifetime?”
“I’m a cat. Gotta see what the world’s up to,” he shrugged. 
There was a beat of silence, and you took a breath before speaking. “I heard your conversation with Hongjoong last night.”
Wooyoung froze for the briefest moment, his eyes widening just slightly before he masked it with another lazy grin. The shift in his demeanor was quick, but you’d known him long enough to recognize the flicker of panic he tried to bury. 
"It’s not polite to eavesdrop," he teased, his voice light but edged with a subtle wariness.
You weren’t about to let him wiggle his way out of this one. You had seen the way he was squirming, avoiding the real issue, and this time you needed answers. 
"What does fate have to do with me and Yunho?"
His smile faltered, a crack in his usual carefree facade. Wooyoung shifted uneasily, searching for the right words to soften the blow, but knowing there was no easy way out. He could feel your frustration mounting, the tension stretching unbearably thin.
"It’s... well, it’s like this," His voice lowered, and for once, he sounded serious. "Hongjoong thinks you and Yunho are bound together in ways that we don’t fully understand. It’s something that’s deeper and older…something that humans refer to as soulmates."
Soulmates.
It sounded ridiculous, unbelievable. You and Yunho, tied together by fate? He was just a traveler, someone the shop had revealed itself to. There was nothing special about him. 
"How?" you scoffed, shaking your head as if the mere action would dispel the ridiculous notion. "He’s a stranger, Wooyoung.”
Wooyoung shook his head, his eyes never leaving yours. He shifted uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at you. 
"Well… the thing is you have met him before.” But the thing is... you don’t remember. Because you can’t, Wooyoung wanted to say. 
"What are you talking about? Then why can’t I remember him? What did I forget?"
Your chest tightened. The frustration, the confusion, the pull you’d felt around Yunho ever since he first entered the shop—it all started to transform into something deeper, something more unsettling. It was as if a fog was lifting, revealing shadows of memories you couldn’t quite grasp.
He let out a long breath, rubbing his face. "It’s complicated. There are things...about you, that you don’t remember. That you chose not to remember."
Your mind raced. Memories? With Yunho? The man you barely knew, who had walked into your life like any other traveler? It didn’t make sense. None of this did.
"If I erased him from my life, then maybe I had a reason," you snapped, the words tasting bitter. Wooyoung winced but didn’t argue. 
"Fate doesn’t just disappear because you forget. He’s still tied to you, even if you can’t feel it." He paused, his eyes searching your face, hoping for some sign of understanding. "Maybe it’s why the shop revealed itself to him. It’s fate, pulling you back together."
You could feel the ground slipping from beneath you, your grip on reality loosening with every word he spoke. What Wooyoung was suggesting—soulmates, forgotten love, fate—it sounded like something out of a dream, a fantasy too far removed from the life you knew. 
"Why does it matter if I’m connected to him or not?" you continued, your throat tightening as the question lodged itself there, too painful to speak.
The air grew heavy, thick with tension, as if the walls themselves were reacting to the storm brewing inside you. The shelves rattled, and the shop’s energy pulsed erratically, reflecting the confusion and fear you could no longer keep at bay. The lanterns flickered wildly, casting frantic shadows that danced along the walls, twisting in the growing unease.
You tried to steady your breathing, to calm the chaos within, but your mind raced with unanswered questions, with the gnawing suspicion that Wooyoung was right, and it terrified you. 
Wooyoung’s face fell, the spark of his usual wit dimming into something darker, something almost sorrowful. He shifted uncomfortably again, as though he wished to be anywhere but here, at this moment.
"Because no one wants to see you hurting, Y/N,” His voice was barely above a whisper, thick with regret. "You were in so much pain that you thought forgetting him and becoming the keeper would make it stop."
That name again. Y/N. It echoed in your mind, a foreign weight on your chest. It felt like a name you should know, but it slipped through your grasp. A name tied to a life you no longer remembered. 
"That toy," he continued, "it triggered something, didn’t it? The memories—the emotions—they were too strong. And when you felt that, your magic went unstable. The shop could barely handle it."
You shuddered, the memory of that moment still fresh, still raw. But one question clawed at you, louder than the chaos you’d unleashed.
What had been so unbearable that the only answer was to forget?
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“Why is it so cold?” you groaned, bouncing on your toes and rubbing your hands together, trying to get the blood flowing. 
The train station was always drafty, but today it felt like the cold had settled into your bones, refusing to leave. You shivered and glanced around, surprised to see no snow on the ground. It was odd—this time of year usually meant blankets of white everywhere, the world covered in a quiet stillness. Yet now, all you had was the biting wind and a gray sky threatening snow that never seemed to come.
Yunho stood beside you, his breath puffing out in small clouds as he huddled deeper into his coat. He laughed softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he looked at you. 
“You’re always cold,” he teased, nudging your arm with his elbow. “Should’ve worn more layers.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re practically a furnace,” you grumbled. 
The two of you had decided to take the train home for the holidays after your first semester of university. You were both exhausted—finals had drained whatever energy you had left—but there was excitement in the air as Christmas approached. 
“I’m surprised there’s no snow,” you mused, gazing up at the dull, overcast sky. The clouds hung low, thick and heavy, but still no sign of snowflakes falling. “Feels weird, doesn’t it? Christmas without snow.”
Yunho hummed in agreement beside you, his hands tucked into the pockets of his coat as he followed your gaze. “Yeah, it’s like something’s missing. Hopefully, it’ll snow while we’re home.”
His voice was hopeful, and you could see the small spark of excitement in his eyes. Yunho loved snow—it wasn’t just the beauty of it, but the way it brought a sense of stillness and magic to the world. The kind of magic that reminded you both of simpler times, of building snowmen as kids and staying out too long until your fingers were numb.
The next morning, Yunho’s wish came true.
Snow. Fresh, untouched snow covered everything. The rooftops, the streets, the trees—it all glistened under the early morning light, as if the entire world had been dipped in magic overnight. 
This was the moment he’d been waiting for, the moment he hoped for when you both had been standing at the train station, wondering if Christmas would even feel like Christmas without snow. Now, it was here. His wish had come true.
But more than that, he wanted to share this moment with you.
You blinked up at the sky, a few lazy snowflakes still drifting down, landing on your lashes and melting against your skin. Yunho stood beside you, watching the way your eyes lit up, the way you took in the moment like it was something precious. 
The two of you stood there for a while, wordlessly watching the snowfall together. It was the kind of stillness that felt sacred, the kind that only came with the first snow of the season. 
As Yunho glanced at you, his breath caught. You weren’t doing anything special—just standing there, bundled up in your oversized hoodie, your hair slightly messy from sleep, your cheeks flushed from the cold. You weren’t trying to impress anyone, least of all him. You were just you, in the most effortless way, and somehow, that had always been enough.
There was a simplicity to the moment that felt different, more profound than he expected. Last summer, when you’d spent long, sunny days together, he’d thought he understood what he felt for you. He cared about you more than anyone, maybe more than he should’ve let on. It was a love that had grown quietly, steadily, and was beginning to envelop him. 
It was too easy to love you. Too effortless, too natural, as if his heart had always been meant for you. And that’s what made it so dangerous.
He knew that sometimes, love—no matter how powerful—wasn’t enough. The thought of risking what you had—this simple, effortless connection that meant everything to him—for something as unpredictable as love felt like falling into the ocean.
And Yunho wasn’t ready to make the jump. 
He groaned, pressing the heels of his hands against his temples as if that could somehow ease the pounding in his skull. His head felt like it was being split open, a dull, relentless ache that refused to let up. The events of the previous night were a blur—fragments of conversation, too many drinks, and the sinking realization that he’d gone well past his limit.
He’s supposed to head back to Seoul today, back to his life and the steady rhythm of work that usually kept his life in order. But there was no way he could face that right now, not with the amount of alcohol that had been consumed. 
The events of last night came back to him in disjointed, hazy flashes. He remembered the way your fingers brushed against the plush toy, followed by the sudden paling of your face right before you collapsed to the floor. 
Yunho’s heart had nearly stopped at that moment, the world around him crashing into stillness. The usual hum of the emporium faded into nothing, the vibrant colors of the shelves and strange objects blurring into meaningless shapes. 
His legs moved before his mind could catch up, and he was running, sprinting toward you as if the very air had been torn from his lungs. The world shrank, narrowing to the sight of you lifeless in his arms.
"Y/N, stay with me," he whispered, panic thick in his voice as he cradled your unconscious body. It was the same terror he’d felt the day you disappeared, the same helpless, gut-wrenching fear that had kept him awake at night, haunted by the thought that he’d never see you again.
Yunho held you like his entire world depended on it, his arms wrapped tightly around you, desperate and unrelenting. He pressed his forehead against yours, as he cradled your head against his chest, the warmth of your skin barely noticeable as panic surged inside him.
“I’m sorry, just please, please don’t leave me,” he begged, his voice barely holding together. His fingers tightened their grip on you, trembling with the fear that if he let go, even for a second, you’d slip away for good.
He couldn’t lose you, not when he had just found you again.
Then came Wooyoung’s revelation. You had chosen to disappear from his life. It wasn’t an accident, or some cruel twist of fate. You had asked the shop to erase your memories—all of them. He could still hear Wooyoung’s voice, bitter and sharp, recounting the details, but the exact reason why Wooyoung had been so angry at him was lost in the fog of the night.
He remembered the sting—the way the door slammed behind him, the coldness of the night hitting his face as he stood there, dazed, confused and frustrated. You were alive, bound to this strange realm by forces he didn’t fully understand. But worse than that, you had willingly cut him out of your life.
After that, things blurred even more. He’d ended up at a bar, the numbness setting in as he ordered drink after drink, trying to drown the sea of emotions that threatened to consume him. Somewhere along the way, Yeosang had joined him, and Yunho found himself pouring his heart out—his frustrations, his guilt, his failures. He had ranted about the weight of trying to be the good guy while everything around him crumbled.
Now, in the harsh light of day, the weight of it all hit him with a different kind of intensity. His heart felt heavy, and he had no idea where to go from here.
Yunho sat up, staring at his phone as if it might give him the answers he was too afraid to ask for. His thumb hovered over Haewon’s name on the screen, trembling slightly. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say—he didn’t have a plan, only a sinking feeling in his chest that told him he couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine. 
The line rang once, then twice. By the third ring, his heart had started racing, the weight of everything he had to confront pressing down on him like a vice. When it went to voicemail, Yunho’s stomach dropped.
“Hey, it’s Haewon! Sorry I missed your call, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you soon!”
The artificial cheer in her voice made his skin crawl, and for a moment, he couldn’t speak. He could almost picture her—smiling, carefree, the version of her that had loved him wholeheartedly. But that wasn’t who she was anymore. That wasn’t who they were.
"Hey..." he finally whispered, “give me a call when you get a chance.” Yunho waited for a beat, as if hoping she might pick up at the last second, but the line remained silent, empty.
“Yunho? Aren’t you getting ready to head back?” His mom’s voice was gentle, but it startled him from his thoughts. She appeared in the doorway, concern etched in the lines of her face. 
He didn’t respond immediately, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I don’t know if I’m going back,” he admitted softly, his voice thick with uncertainty. 
His mom walked in, taking a seat on the edge of his bed, her presence warm and calming. She had always been able to read him better than anyone, even when he was trying his best to hide. Mrs. Jeong didn’t say anything for a moment, just letting the silence hang between them, giving him the space to breathe.
“Tell me more.”
Yunho sighed, running a hand through his hair, feeling the weight of everything he’d been holding in. It was strange—he felt like a teenager again, venting to his mom about his problems, but this time it felt more suffocating. The future he had thought he wanted, the life he had worked so hard to build, no longer felt like his.
“I’m hungover. I’m miserable. I don’t want to marry Haewon. I’m not happy with my job or where I am in my life. Mingi is my only friend, Yeosang kind of hates me, and Y/N…” He let out a watery chuckle, the sound laced with bitterness. “She’s gone.”
There it was, the truth laid bare—the reality that had been gnawing at him for months, too terrifying to confront. The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of everything he had been trying to ignore.
Mrs. Jeong’s gaze softened as she listened, her heart heavy with a mother’s instinct to protect, but knowing she couldn’t fix this for him. She reached out, placing a hand over his. 
“You’ve been carrying this for a while, haven’t you?” Her voice was soft, laced with a sadness that only came from witnessing the quiet battles of someone you love.
Yunho looked down to their joined hands, his throat tightening. The words he had held back for so long hovered on the edge of his lips, threatening to escape. 
“I thought I could handle it. But—" He paused, his fingers gripping hers a little tighter, his chest heaving as he fought to keep the floodgates closed. 
"I don’t want to keep pretending I’m okay,” he continued, voice cracking slightly. “I’m tired, Mom. Of the job, the engagement, everything. It’s like I’m suffocating, and I don’t know how to breathe anymore.” he replied, quieter now, almost like he was talking to himself. It was the first time he’d admitted it out loud. The fear that had been chaining him to a future he didn’t want.
His mother exhaled softly, her brow furrowing as she absorbed his words. After a moment, she squeezed his hand and spoke gently, her voice calm but firm.
“You’ve always been so considerate. Always thinking of others. But have you thought about what you want? Truly want, not just what you think you should want?”
It wasn’t something Yunho had ever allowed himself to consider fully, and even now, the thought seemed almost too outlandish, too selfish. But the way his mother looked at him, with such understanding, made it feel less frightening, less impossible to confront.
“You’re allowed to want something different, Yunho. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to choose yourself.”
Her words struck something within him, unraveling the tightly wound rope of expectations he had tangled himself in for so long. He hesitated, his heart pounding as he dared to voice the question that had haunted him for months.
“So you wouldn’t be upset if I called off the wedding?” His voice was small, almost as if he were afraid the very mention of it might cause everything to collapse around him.
His mother shook her head, her expression soft and reassuring. “Of course not, Yunho. Haewon is lovely, but…” She paused, choosing her words carefully, as she looked at him. “I always felt like she wasn’t the one for you.”
Yunho blinked, surprised by the admission. His mother had never said anything like that before, and in all their talks about the wedding, she had always been supportive, never giving any sign that she might have doubts of her own. 
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” he asked, almost incredulous. 
“Because you’re finally listening to yourself. This is your life, not mine, not anyone else’s. It wasn’t my place to tell you how to live, Yunho. I wanted to believe that you knew what was best for you.”
“And if I quit my job?” he asked, testing the waters, anxiety sparking in his voice. 
“Gunho would be thrilled,” she laughed. “You know, he was absolutely livid when you took the finance job over the Tigers. I’ve never seen him so upset with you! He ranted for weeks about how you were wasting your talents behind a desk instead of being out there building the ultimate dream team.”
His mother’s laughter faded, replaced by a more serious expression. “We’ve all had our hopes for you, Yunho. But those were our hopes, not yours. Life’s not a straight line. It’s full of twists and turns. You don’t have to stay on a path that doesn’t feel right anymore.”
There was something comforting about the idea, the notion of stepping away from the path he had chosen, back to something that felt more like home—more like himself. Sitting with his mother, he began to wonder: What if it wasn’t reckless? What if choosing the life he truly wanted wasn’t some wild, selfish fantasy? What if it was okay to dream again?
His mind wandered to you, to the quiet snowfall and how the snowflakes caught on your lashes. He thought of that summer, driving to the beach, the wind in your hair and the sun beaming down on you, like the world itself couldn’t touch you as long as you were together.
He thought of meeting you for the first time at six years old, running across the street and greeting you as if he’d known him your entire life. It was as if he’d found his other half that day, the person who made him feel complete even in his innocence.
But then, more painfully, he thought of meeting you for the first time again. Only this time, you hadn’t known him at all. 
With you, there was no need to fill the silence. Everything felt easy, natural, like you were meant to exist beside each other. You were his best friend, the one person who made him feel like himself. And suddenly, Yunho knew. 
It was you. 
The version of himself that existed when he was with you—that was who he truly was. It was a terrifying realization, but at the same time, it was the most certain thing he’d felt in a long time. You had always been the one constant in his life, the one person who made everything feel okay, even when it wasn’t.
And he didn’t want to lose that. He didn’t want to lose you.
He wanted a future with you.
Yunho swallowed, his pulse quickening, but for the first time in what felt like forever, his mind was clear. 
“I think…” he began, his voice steady, resolute, “I know where I want to go from here.”
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Pushing open the door, the familiar chime rang through the shop. It was empty, save for you, and Yunho’s breath caught when he saw you standing behind the counter, bathed in the glow of fading daylight. 
He glanced over at you, watching the way you moved, how you seemed so different and yet so familiar. The person standing in front of him was still you, the same person he’d known since childhood. The memories from childhood rushed back again—the snow, the summer sun, the first time you played baseball together. It all made sense now, in ways it never had before.
“Yunho,” you greeted, your voice carrying a warmth as you lifted your hand with a graceful flick. The scroll hovering beside you shimmered for a moment, then dissolved into the air, disappearing as if it had never existed. 
“How are you feeling?” Yunho asked quietly. There was something boyish, almost shy, in the way he looked at you, like he was a kid again, standing in front of his crush, hoping for something, anything, that would tell him he was making the right choice.
“Better. Thank you for being here the other night. It seems like you were a big help to Wooyoung.”
"I'm glad to hear that," he murmured, his voice soft as his gaze lingered on you, his eyes softening as if he were seeing you for the first time all over again. There was a quiet admiration that he couldn’t quite hide, no matter how hard he tried to keep his emotions in check.
"I uh…" he hesitated, his eyes flickered away for a moment, as if searching for courage in the silence between you, “I’m leaving for Seoul. Just to take care of some things. I wanted to see you before I left.”
You tilted your head, curiosity lighting up your eyes, the corners of your lips lifting in that familiar way that made his heart stutter. A playful yet gentle hum escaped your lips. 
“Oh? And why’s that?”
Your question hung in the air, teasing him, pulling at the tangled mess of feelings he'd tried to bury for so long. He looked at you, a faint flush creeping up his neck as he struggled to find the right response. 
“I—” he started, but his voice faltered. His pulse quickened, and for a moment, he felt completely exposed. “I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”
The air around you seemed to still, the gravity of his admission settling like dust in the corners of the emporium. The idea of leaving felt wrong to him, and yet it was inevitable, something he had to do. 
Your eyes softened with understanding, feeling more like home than any place he could go. Something in your gaze recognized him, sensing the invisible thread that tied you together. 
“No matter where you are,” you said quietly, your voice carrying the same calm assurance that had always soothed him, “the emporium will always be within reach. As will I.”
The words were simple, yet they held a promise—a promise that went beyond physical space or memory. The emporium was never bound by the ordinary rules of the world, and neither, it seemed, were you. Your small, understanding smile made Yunho feel that, despite the uncertainty, everything would be okay.
“Besides,” you continued, a playful glint flickering in your eyes, “I can always ask Wooyoung to lend a helping hand. He knows the way.”
“That cat does nothing but bully me,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, recalling how Wooyoung had made him a target of mischief.
Your laugh filled the space between you, a sound that seemed to chase away the heaviness for just a moment. Though Yunho tried to maintain his frown, the corners of his lips betrayed him, lifting into a reluctant smile. 
Even though you didn’t remember him, it didn’t matter. There was something deeper between you, something unshakeable. And that, in its own way, gave him the strength he needed to leave.
You stepped forward, that invisible thread that had always seemed to exist between you tugged at your heart, drawing you toward him. It was a connection that transcended words, possibly even space and time. Yunho’s eyes lingered on you, their quiet intensity making your heart skip a beat.
“The next time I come into the shop,” he began, his voice low, “I’ll be ready to make my wish.”
You searched his face, trying to read the depths of what he meant, but all you found was that same gentle fervor staring back at you. 
“You’ve thought about it?”
“I have,” he admitted. “With everything that’s happening, I think I finally know what I want.”
The weight of his words settled between you like a promise. Whatever his wish was, it wasn’t something to be rushed—it belonged to the future, a time when he was ready to claim it. And somehow, you understood that.
“I’ll be waiting,” you whispered, though you knew Yunho heard it.
As he turned to leave, a sudden thought gripped you, pulling you back from the brink of your goodbye. “Yunho… before you leave…”
He froze at the sound of his name on your lips, his heart fluttering. Every breath, every glance, vibrated with something unspoken, something powerful.
“Who are you?” you asked, your voice soft, tentative. “To me?”
<< iii | v >>
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taglist: @babymbbatinygirl @intowxnderland @hwasa28 @thedistractedwriter @beabatiny @lovelyglares @spenceatiny18 @tiny-apocalypse @sunnysidesins @heyitsmetonid @jwone @laurenwidjaja @potatos-on-clouds @xuchiya @syubseokie
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dullgecko · 2 days
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Been thinking about the sick Riz ordeal more (mainly due to your idea of Sklonda showing them Riz's baby pics - this is one of the first times they've seen a baby goblin and they all agree they are adorable
Also, my brain keeps telling me during this, Riz would have fever dreams and wants Baron to be the subject but I can't think of what he'd do. Riz knows his party is at this apartment so it does counter the "they'll leave you behind" thing a bit.
Fig and Fabian were still flipping through the Gukgak family album when the rest of their party returned with food. Gorgug and Adaine portioning out an absoloute mountain of takeaway into separate dishes to share out among the team and Sklonda.
The goblin woman disappeared into Riz's room to check on him and see if he was up for eating any food, Sklonda returning a moment later frowning and shutting the door completely behind her. They had pulled an extra bowl out for Riz's portion as well but his mom just shook her head when Gorgug held it up questioningly. The half orc putting it back away in the cupboard without saying a word.
"Still bad?" Kristen had to swallow around a mouthfull of food to talk, the cleric trying to read a small book over Fabians shoulder as the fighter flipped through it silently. His own food getting ignored as he was currently engrossed in an incredibly dry, but apparently accurate, goblin biology pamphlet that Sklonda had pulled out of a drawer for him.
"His fever is a little worse, we might have to wake him up to take extra meds if it doesn't go down soon." Sklonda took her portion of food from Gorgug, the goblin devouring it in about three seconds before moving to put her bowl in the sink. She had to smile a little bit when none of the kids even batted an eye, most Solesians found goblin eating habits weird and would stare but they hadn't even looked away from what they were doing.
"If it's that bad shouldn't we take him to the hospital?" Fig asked, picking at her portion to try and remove the onions. The vegetables getting deposited into Fabians bowl since he didn't seem to be paying attention.
"Tch no. They don't know what they're doing. The last time he was sick they recommended we take him to the vet." Sklonda scoffed, rinsing her bowl out in the sink and nearly dropping it when a loud bang followed by a thud issued from Riz's room.
Fabian was the fastest to react, dropping the pamphlet on the floor and opening the door within two seconds. The smell of a recently discharged arcubus still hanging in the air as he took in the scene inside. Riz was sitting on the floor beside his bed, arcubus in hand pointing at a spot about three feet above the matress, with a freshly smoking hole in the drywall from where he'd fired his weapon.
Riz was breathing as if he'd just run a marathon, the goblin turning his head to glance at the confused half elf as he quickly backpedalled away from the bed towards him and tried to stand. The goblin nearly tripping over his own feet in a panic as he attempted, and failed, to hide behind the fighters legs. From his party's point of view the effect was somewhat odd, Riz clearly trying to stealth repeatedly in his allies shadow and failing every time making him waver in their perception a bit.
"Oh fuck, Riz you okay?" Fig ditched her food along with the rest of her party, the archdevil just the fastest other than Fabian to respond to the noise as she crouched down in front of the hyperventilating rogue.
Riz just clutched his chest as if he was in pain, shaking his head by way of answer as he tried to calm down. Fabian still hadn't moved from his spot in front of the goblin, single eye scanning the room for anything odd before shutting the door to the bedroom again.
"The room is clear, nothing that I can see anyway." he crouched down, carefully prying the arcubus out of Riz's shaking hand and handing it off to Sklonda when she came close. "Hey. You're okay, there's nothing there."
"You didn't-" Riz gasped, flicking his eyes over to look at Fabian "-see that?"
"There was nothing there."
"Okay... okay." Riz squeezed his eyes shut, baring his teeth as he rubbed a hand over his chest again. Breathing only starting to calm down when Kristen stepped in close to press a hand against his forehead, the cleric pushing through some magic to help sooth whatever was making him hurt. "Thanks. I'm okay. Chest hurts. Got spooked."
"You shot a hole in the wall." Fabian lifted Riz up under the arms, stepping over Fig who was still crouched in his way and shifting their rogue to sit on the couch rather than the floor.
"I was trying to shoot a hole in Baron." Riz muttered, taking a glass from his mother when it was handed to him and sipping at the bitter medicine inside.
"You're having fever halucinations honey... i'm going to hold onto this until your temperature comes down a bit." Sklonda made sure the safety was engaged on Riz's weapon, the goblin woman ducking into her own room to put it away until later.
"Okay." Riz pulled a face, downing the rest of the medicine and muttering a quiet 'thanks' when Fabian took the glass off of him and took it away. The rogue skootching back on the couch to curl up in the corner rather than heading back into his room for the moment.
Adaine had moved over to check inside Riz's room when Fabian had gotten out of the way, Gorgug joining her to use mending to patch the hole he'd made above his bed though it didn't do anything to clear away the drywall dust that had gotten everywhere. Nothing was wrong as far as she could see. The closet was shut, Riz's breifcase was closed and under his desk and the window was locked.
Once she was sure there was nothing unseen lurking inside she came back out, Boggy getting placed gently in Riz's lap as she sat on the couch next to him. "You can look after him for me for a while. We'll clean up the mess in there but you should get some more rest." She pat Riz's leg near his ankle, the goblin nodding and rolling onto his side to curl up around the familiar and drop back to sleep for a while longer.
----------------------
Riz had only been partially roused from his slumber when his mom came to check on him, Sklonda touching his shoulder gently before pressing a hand to his forehead to check his temperature.
"You okay honey? Think you'd be up to eating anything?"
Riz groaned, shaking his head and rolling onto his back rather than staying curled on his side. One arm getting flopped across his eyes as he thought about the question before shaking his head to answer no.
"Alright. Let us know if you want anything later okay?" She gave the forearm flopped over his eyes a fond pat, Riz hearing her exit the room and shut the door completely when she left this time. Since his party arrived it had been open just a crack but now he was left in total darkness.
He let his arm slide off his face so it was draped around his head on the pillow instead. Eyes dropping shut again as he tried to fall back into a deeper sleep.
Riz wasn't sure how long he was lying there before he felt his matress dip slightly, panic welling up as a weight settled on his chest and made it harder for him to breathe.
"You are dying Riz Gukgak~" A familiar voice whispered close to his face, Riz's eyes shooting open to be greeted by cold empty sockets set in a pale white mask. Baron cocking his head to the side as he moved a hand to rest it on Riz's throat, the goblin strarting to hyperventilate slightly as he found it hard to move.
"You are in pain yes? Suffering? You wil die anyway from this but I could make it quick."
Riz bared his teeth, shaking his head minutely from side to side as he tried to will his arm to move. His arcubus was under his pillow, all he had to do was move and he could defend himself.
Baron tutted when Riz bared his teeth at him, moving his other hand to join the first and digging thumbs lightly into Riz's neck. The nightmare creature leaning in closer unti it was only a few inches in front of the rogues face as it started to squeeze, Riz's heart rate picking up further in pure panic until he felt like something had a grip on his chest as well.
It was at that point that he managed to will his arm to move, gripping the handle of his weapon and bringing it to bare against Barons ribcage and fireing. The bony white form jerking and letting him go which allowed him to scramble gracelessly off the bed into a heap on the floor as he tried to backpedal away. Arm keeping his weapon trained on Baron when it recovered from the attack and turned to face him again.
A sudden light from the doorway made Riz jump in surprise, Fabian staring directly at Baron but doing nothing as the goblin scrambled to get behind him. Not noticing that his breifcase was tipped over and open under his desk in his haste to get somewhere safe. He needed to hide. He needed to disappear so he could get advantage and attack again but his heart was beating so fast that he felt that everyone could surely hear it and it fucking hurt.
He heard Fig when she came over closer and asked if he was alright, not quite about to get words out with how hard he was breathing and simply shaking his head. Registering that Fabian had shut the door without doing anything and glancing up at him in a panic.
"The room is clear, nothing that I can see anyway."
The room was not clear. He'd been staring RIGHT AT Baron when he opened the door. Did he not see him? Even so he allowed the fighter to pry his weapon out of his hand, his joints creaking a bit because he'd been gripping it so hard.
"Hey. You're okay, there's nothing there."
"You didn't-" Riz tried very hard to take a deeper breath, desperatly hoping that Fabian was telling the truth but he had to check anyway. "-see that?"
"There was nothing there."
"Okay... okay." He pressed his hand harder against his chest, he felt like he was having a heart attack and his vision was starting to spot around the edges so he squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe Baron hadn't been lying. Maybe he should have accepted the quick option if dying would hurt this much.
His thoughts were interupted by Kristens hand against his forehead and a sudden wash of soothing magic across his frazzled nerves, heart rate finally starting to slow down after a few seconds and making him feel less like he was on the verge of heart failure. His chest was still sore but he could feel some of the last vestiges of his fear fading away as the magic suppressed it.
"Thanks. I'm okay. Chest hurts. Got spooked."
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egglygreg · 1 year
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Ok, so I had this dream last night right? And it was mostly nonsensical and weird and silly, but there was this moment...
#I was the winged fairy girl at this point during a big battle#someone sliced me right down the front through my corset and dress#it was inspired I think by that fight in Zorro between Zorra and Elena#except NOT flirty dude was trying to kill me and sliced a wound down my chest#not super deep but still#and then this other guy#the one in the drawing#defected from the enemy side killed the other dude and very distressed tried to help me#which involved a very funny moment of him pulling my hands back to see the wound and realising my corset had been cut clean through#and us both getting extremely embarrassed and him pulling the corset back together and telling me to keep pressure on it#literally the most YA romantic comedy moment I've ever experienced#I think the main influences of this dream were that I recently watched a youtube reaction vid of someone watching Zorro for the first time#A drawing someone I follow did of that popular YA fae novel that I've never read#and looking at tangled concept art#and actually definitely the first aid course I did this week#because I remember them talking about how you need to cut clothing off someone to put the defib pads on their chest#and I was uncomfortable with the thought of someone having to do that to me#AND the fact I was paired with a cute guy I'd never met and we had to practice putting each other in the recovery position#which was SUPER awkward#so clearly my brain was like You know what would be fun? an even MORE awkward and painful scenario!#but make it fantasy!#ellennart
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lulubeanie · 4 months
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Psychonauts dream.. Compton was there and hanging out with Ford :]
#duck speaks#they were going through a brain that was elementary school themed (like an elementary school but if it were weird mostly)#Otto and Bob had apparently already went in but they got lost or something so they went to find them and get them out#Helmut and Lucy and Cassie were sitting this one out I think. having fun elsewhere#a lot of the dream was like. going through a the halls and looking in the rooms (while also trying not to distract the kids)#or sometimes when you went in a room it would teleport you into a seat and you'd have to answer the questions correctly to get out#if you did something wrong it would restart I think#in one of the rooms though there was a flower pot with like.#a toy flower that had been grown really tall and large so that it could reach an open ceiling panel#oh I forgot to mention that this brain would make you small. shrunk#also for some reason Compton was leading this and Ford was following and doing what he said ?#he was kinda nervous and seemed like mostly he was winging it but Ford trusted him#anyways.#they figured that probably Bob grew that plant. which means him and Otto probably went up there#when they got into the ceiling it switched to be like. a neighbor and bus drop off ?#and they were in the bus but there was no driver. Ford took the driver's place and Compton would tell him which way to go#they drove around and helped kids (one of them brought their dog on the bus and it ran out the door and Compton had to go get it back)#but Bob and Otto weren't anywhere to be seen#I think they saw another plant somewhere but I woke up before they could check it out#I hope they found them wherever that one wouldn't taken them#psychonauts#<- forgot that#this is just what my dreams are like btw#they're beautiful and vivid and colorful and they always tell me some kind of story :]#and characters love to be in them also
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aceofstars16 · 8 months
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It’s 7:30 in the morning and I’m exhausted but I don’t know if I’ll be able to fall asleep again any time soon….
It’s like I was *just* starting to heal from having my heart and trust shattered 3 years ago, and now it’s happening all again, only this time I don’t have the church to go to for comfort/prayer/encouragement. And instead of a friendship I had for 2-3 years, it’s a church I’ve been going to for TWENTY TWO YEARS
I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone, this can’t actually be happening, right?
(I’m not okay, I keep crying and I just want to wake up from this nightmare)
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lonely--seeker · 5 months
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I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
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Have you ever gotten so furiously spitting mad in a dream it wakes you up?
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fashnotfound · 7 days
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hell is a dark, watery room full of elevators that take away your friends, and you must climb the stairs to the top, alone.
//
a doodle based on a weird, frankly scary dream i had the other day
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elisedonut · 11 months
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Good morning
I had a dream that i wrote another Luna and Percy fic and got a comment about needing to tag it Percy/Luna but I was like
But it wasn't meant to be Percy/Luna
but then they were like
well it reads as Percy/Luna
but i was like
Luna is a 3 inch tall fairy what do you mean???
and then i woke up
i dont even know what this fic was about other then Luna was a fairy
but anyway that got me thinking if you personally wrote something intended to be platonic and someone started commenting claiming it should be tagged as a romantic pairing would you do it?
like irl i want to say i probably wouldn't like my intention is what matters kind of vibe but i also have a hard time distinguishing platonic/romantic love so i could see myself second guessing and caving because I'm a push over
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marsilainen · 9 months
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Y'all tell me why on earth I had a dream where Carlos Sainz was outside my house setting off some fireworks which was apparently not allowed at that time because then my grandfather of all people went outside to talk to him only to have Carlos Sainz fucking ATTACK my grandpa like I was screaming to my brother GO HELP HIM PLS but by the time we got there it was over and my grandpa needed stitches so I proceeded to slap the fuck out of Carlos 💀
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samuraisharkie · 5 months
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due to Life Shit I kind of stopped drawing much about a year or two after I graduated high school bc I just kind of didn’t have the time or mental/emotional/physical capacity to fit it in, despite art being something I really want to be a part of my career. It kind of makes me sick to realize how much muscle memory I lost just from that time (I had only about a year and a half total of absolutely no art but that was enough. doesn’t help that during that time I seriously injured my hands) considering I’ve been drawing my entire life. I really wish things had not gone that way and that I could have kept going, but expectations were on me to do something else and any time I sat down to draw was treated as wasting time. There’s also something weird about recovering from severe trauma that kind of adjusts how you engage with a hobby you used as a coping mechanism, which Art very much was. I almost never drew vent art, but I used it to focus on something and make myself happy and proud of work I actually could do, and once I was out of the environments that funneled me into drawing (being forced to go to church, school, anything involving sitting down for a long period of time) I found less time to actually have an excuse. Someone bought me a single college course of art classes right out of high school, and I think that was where I COULD have had the opportunity to really get started if I had actually had the money to continue and the college hadn’t been so far away. After that course ended I didn’t have that excuse anymore. I used to draw in DeviantArt and Discord art groups, but those began to fall apart and soon I didn’t have that option either. After that I doodled but didn’t really create Full Pieces unless some friend asked it of me, and it was never a commission bc I’d never trained myself to get that sort of shit done without taking too long, so I’d always do it for free. So even that wasn’t a big motivator eventually. Now that I’m struggling for work after becoming more physically disabled after COVID, all that time I could have spent honing my art skills so I could do SOMETHING with my art really is weighting down on me. I have the option to do freelance work, illustrations, pet commissions, even things like cards and cookies. I’ve seen these avenues open up for me gradually, but I’ve lost the skills I built up that I need to actually make something I’m proud of. I’ve taken to tracing old art to try and remember my thought process and my “style”… but my memory was bad BEFORE the covid, and it’s worse now, and my brain fog makes it hard to focus even if I could get back on the train of thought. I don’t remember the construction that would be in my mind’s eye. I barely can keep a clear vision in my mind’s eye anymore, worryingly. I never had a crystal clear imagination, it was always sort of abstract, but I could see the lines, I could construct a scene. Now I have to focus hard to get any sort of detail clear in my head. It’s like if you tried to look directly into someone’s face in a dream, or put in a prompt in neural blender. So I have to adjust to performing the entire thought process physically, slowly and tediously trying to figure out what I’m imagining before I can really get started. Those old art tutorials for constructing shapes and bodies and such just aren’t coming naturally anymore so I have to dredge deep into my mind to remember which advice helped “click” the best and knowing it might not do it this second time around. It’s like if you forgot how to ride a bike. It was something natural to you, you could even get started haphazardly and distracted and still be able to tell where you were going and not fall over or trip on yourself, but now it’s like you have to focus on each step and it constantly feels like it’s taking everything you have to not crash. I’m glad I can start drawing again, but it hurts that something so huge in my life has been turned into this. I’ve ranted about it before it’s just easier to notice when you’re not sketching out people’s pets or doing super stylized doodles.
#I didn’t know you could max out a ‘text block’ on tumblr also. my indication to stop LOL#long post#vent#kind of. I’m not like super angsty abt it I’m just sad that I have to spend more time remembering#instead of actually accomplishing anything with my dreams. I’m 26 and there’s 18 year olds living my fucking dream yknow#I know you don’t have a certain age requirement for art but I also know you never stop improving#and being set back before I was even proud enough to set prices for my work is kind of devastating#I just love art. I want to be an animator or something involve with creative concepts.#I want to make things I’m proud of. but what used to come easily now feels like chewing nails#the metal ones not the cartilidge. anyway#I know I’m kind of hard on myself but it’s hard not to be when you’re surrounded by people with such talent#and it feels like you’re running behind when you see people getting to their dreams so much sooner than you.#I know it’ll happen but it hurts sometimes remembering what I used to imagine id be doing at this age#and realizing past me probably had more of a chance at these careers than I do right now bc of brain damage and physical and mental issues#it’s not confirmed if I have brain damage but like. I can tell something is different.#it’s not like they’d be able to diagnose it by now or even that it’d change anything#I just have to keep going and keep trying. it’s just discouraging and frustrating#I wish I could summon all the memories from my brain back up so I could feel happier about my art#I’m happy to have the chance to start drawing again don’t get me wrong. I still like to draw. it’s just.#I can tell the difference between how it was and how it is now and it makes me mourn#ough I wish I still had a therapist lmao. Deb get the fuck back here you traitor.
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semiotomatics · 6 months
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slept like 15 hours, which is great, but also (seemingly) spent that entire time having one long, incredibly vivid nightmare, which is. not so great
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eldritchships · 11 months
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Having a dream about an F/O but without the F/O actually being there feels so needlessly roundabout
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eggmeralda · 1 year
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listening to my february-june 2022 playlist which led to ⬇️
#oh my god it was sooooo gooooooood#what do you mean there were 12 months. no there weren't. 2022 ended in mid august. perfect year with no bad months at all#anyway i'm thinking about the 2022 that exists in my mind (january-mid august) it was so good#i listened to. so many albums. and got introduced to so much music#specifically down the route of electronic stuff like eurodance and techno and happy hardcore and that#and also down the route of i guess more atmospheric stuff? like shoegaze and dream pop and droney noisy stuff#and then there was. The Hyperfixation. call me bitter bc i was experiencing extreme truffula flu brainrot aHAHAH- *is shot*#one of the hyperfixations of all time. it was so intense it gave me agoraphobia#okay i had agoraphobia anyway but my camp entre obsession did contribute to it a bit#bc it released so many chemicals in my brain it would just give me anxiety#okay but the actual agoraphobia was so weird like what was going on there#i was so scared of eating food that might annihilate my digestive system i just wouldn't eat. and wouldn't leave the house#i mean i did leave the house but only if i had to and i DID NOT enjoy it and i would start zoning out if i was out for too long#and i did eat but it was limited to like. porridge and bread and for some reason sushi. like they were the only foods i didn't fear#what was wrong with me#then i got over it by the summer. like the slight fear comes back sometimes for a few weeks but it'll never be as bad as it was then#my god the summer though. unreal time#july we have such a complicated history but you did a great job in 2022#the swag archive..........the career awakening...........(don't tell my 22yo self trying to apply for archiving jobs is the absolute worst)#(let her have her dream)#omg speaking of the dream. and also swag. the night i found out swag was asexual. wtf. great night#i guess it was a mixture of always being in search of a canonically asexual character that i was interested in since i was 18#like there was todd chavez but i wasn't like Obsessed with him or anything. and i can't think of any other character i knew#and then i find out just as I'm going to bed that the character that has been absolutely obliterating my soul for the past 6 months#is canonically asexual?? so then i didn't sleep for another 2 hours#unreal night#I'm running out of tags but anyway i love you first 8.5 months of 2022 i love you 2nd year of uni i love you camp entre truffula flu#i love you every album i listened to then i love you job i had at that sweet shop i even love you agoraphobia no i don't you were awful#but you were part of the vibe. anyway 2022 jan-aug my beloved#ramble
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jonny-b-meowborn · 1 year
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It's kinda frustrating but in a funny way how often my brain is more genuinely creative while I'm sleeping than when I'm actively trying to come up with things
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O_O <- they have just remembered one of the outlandish scenarios they'd predicted during exile arc
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