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perseas-wellyboots · 2 months

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The Luke Castellan problem in PJO books and Fandom

I just finished rereading the pjo series for the dozenth time and I have so many thoughts about Luke and how the fandom woobified him.

Like no Luke did not have the right idea and executed it in the wrong way. He wasn't a misguided victim, although there is no doubt Kronos manipulated him. But him being manipulated does not absolve him of his wrongdoings. Hurt people can still hurt people, you can be abused and still become an abuser.

Most of Fandom's idea of Luke being a 'hero' because he did the right thing in the end is extremely doozy like ok he killed himself to stop Kronos but that does not absolve him the blame of killing innocent people.

While Luke's main goal was the destruction of Gods, that was not because he wanted the demigods to have better lives. He actively killed demigods.

In the Sea of Monsters, when Percy, Annabeth and Tyson snuck into Princess Andromeda; they saw 12 year olds being trained how to kill a 'dummy in camp half blood tshirts'. He was actively exploiting children and manipulating them into killing other children and saw nothing wrong with it.

He only considered deflecting from Kronos when he found out that he was going to be possessed by him.

He only worked and cared for him, he was so lost into power and revenge that HE became a monster.

"Oh but he cared for Thalia and Annabeth!!" I'll get into that later too

I think Luke's fatal flaw contrary to the opinion of fandom is The Urge to Prove Himself.

He had one conversation with Hermes which made him angry and bitter and Thalia even notes that after that conversation Luke got into more and more fights with monsters like he had something to prove which Annabeth didnt seem to see as a problem since he was her hero. They got into more skirmishes because of his recklessness, fighting more monsters since Luke wanted to pick a fight with each one he came across.

(Conversation from PJO, The Last Olympian)

His fatal flaw being to Prove Himself would explain why he took the failure of his quest so hard that the night he returned from the quest was the same night Kronos started speaking to him for the first time. It didn't help that when he returned from his failed quest, the campers treated him with pity.

He wanted to pull Olympus down stone by stone because He failed his quest that he didn't want to do because it was already done by Hercules once. 🥴

His endgame has nothing to do with wanting to help ANYBODY. He wanted to take down gods because he had a grudge against them and wanted to Prove that he could do it. Everything else comes secondary if it fits his agenda.

This is one of the reasons why it bothers me so much when people say that Luke had the right idea or that Percy would have joined Kronos if Sally had died like you fundamentally misunderstood the character of Percy if you think he would have joined Kronos.

He talks about "driving humanity back into caves, all except the strongest - who would serve him" THIS IS LITERALLY FASCISM???

(According to Merriam-Webster, Fascism is a political philosophy, movement, or regime that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression)

Now onto the topic of Thalia, Annabeth and Luke

First of all, I absolutely hate that 'Thalia and Luke had a thing before she got turned into a tree bit' because Thalia was 12 and Luke was 14 when they met and Thalia was 15 and Luke was 20-21ish when they meet again in TTC ugh hate that.

Now TTC, where to begin, here I used to believe Luke had already bathed in river Styx as there are some narrations where Percy notes that Luke looked worse and like his scar was reopened and would certainly explain how he survived the cliff fall but on my rereading I realised that Thalia and Luke fought when Percy was holding the sky and Thalia injured Luke so nvm then.

It is however in this book that Luke began to realise Kronos's plan for him as it is implied by the General and he starts to fear for his life.

Mind you, what did Luke think would happen if Thalia did agree to join Kronos when he knew Kronos was looking for a host of body...

Luke is many things, he is cunning, manipulative, a great swordsman but what he is not is stupid. If Thalia would have agreed then Kronos would have used Thalia as a vessel 😬

And oh boy the can of worms that is Luke and Annabeth. I've seen many Luke fans/apologists deny that there is no canon evidence of Luke being romantically interested in Annabeth BUT THERE IS?? they refuse to believe and call Annabeth an unreliable narrator because otherwise their uwu white boy would be a Pedophile. Even if he wasn't a Pedo, he manipulated Annabeth so many times to make her sympathise with her and use her emotions against her.

(excerpts from various books: TLO, TLO, BoTL, MoA annabeth's pov)

^ Annabeth was 15 almost 16 or already 16 I believe when Luke asked her to run away with him in a romantic sense and he was 21-22.

also another evidence adding to the theory of his fatal flaw having proving himself.

Now, onto the topic of CHB and Luke:

Luke being hesitant to attack camp half blood in BotL has less to do with him suddenly growing a spine (as some fans suggest) and more to do with the inevitable possession.

When Kronos informs that he will himself lead the attack, Luke advises to use Hyperion instead because he knows for Kronos to attack it in person, he would finally possess Luke.

(first one is from TTC, the other two from BoTL)

One of the last things I wanna talk about is Silena Beauregard & Luke and Luke's portrayal in the new Percy Jackson series:

Luke was 17 when Kronos started speaking to him and 19 when he left the camp. Silena was 17-18 when she died which makes her 13-14 when Luke left the camp in TLT and 11-12 when Kronos first started talking to him. Adult Luke charmed an underage girl, and promised her that she was helping the demigods and then when she tried to stop, he started blackmailing her. [excerpts from TLO]

According to the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children UK, Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. The relationship a groomer builds can take different forms. This could be: a romantic relationship, as a mentor, an authority figure, a dominant and persistent figure. They might use blackmail to make a child feel guilt and shame or introduce the idea of 'secrets' to control, frighten and intimidate.

So canonically, Book!Luke is a fascist groomer pedophile.

Now on the new Disney+ Percy Jackson show, it seems that Rick Riordan is subtly rewriting the character of Luke and removing the more problematic aspect of him (pedophile and grooming). Let me explain why I think that:

Even though in TLT the book, Luke describes Annabeth as his little sister we know how well that lasted but I don't think they are keeping Annabeth's crush on him on the show from what I've seen (though I could be wrong).

Secondly, the casting of Dior Goodjohn as Clarisse puts Clarisse on the same age range as Luke, maybe a year or two younger but in the first book Clarisse was 13-14 and she was 17 in TLO, so they have aged her up. It is my assumption that they will also age Silena by casting a 17-19 yr old actress as her.

And they have made Luke far more sympathetic in the show than the books (him not calling a hellhound during capture the flag and no pit scorpions in the finale), but we wouldn't know how sympathetic or villainous they are making him until season 2 comes out. Charlie Bushnell gives an excellent performance imo

Though this again reflects the double standards it comes to PJO, they have given much grace and praise for the changes made to Luke's character and little to no complaint for ageing up Clarisse but the hate Walker and especially Leah are given is so cruel. Leah has been so much racially targeted though I think she's an excellent Annabeth, just something to think about.

Also, before I forget-

We don't give enough flack to Rick Riordan for writing two weird age dynamics without recognising as grooming and pedophilic nature. (Lukabeth and Caleo/Capercy)

The characters are never made to realise (especially Annabeth) that an older person having feelings for them as a minor is not a normal behaviour.

Especially in regards to Calypso who may take the form of a 15 year old but is actually more than 4612 (according to the riordan wiki) and her having a crush on 14 year old Percy and 15-16 yr old Leo Valdez, not to mention how rudely she treated Leo. Also her cursing Annabeth because Percy left her. Not only is it plain nasty but she's never called out. Its actually so disgusting🤕.

Anyways this turned into a long rant but I would love to read your opinions, especially on Luke's fatal flaw.

I know for some people it may seem like I'm too hard on him but this is just my opinion.

IMO I have no problem if you like a morally bad or gray person, an antihero or a villain as long as their bad deeds aren't swept under the rug and pretend they never happened or glorify their good deeds.

I actually think villian's bad things make them more interesting.

Luke is an antagonist and a villain of the PJO series and a part of being a villain is that some people are going to hate you and that's ok.

Me personally, I was never a fan of his and that's ok.

I know some people are going to bring up the fact that Percy in MoA sympathises but the PJO characters are complicated and Luke was very skilled at making others think of his reason to destroy the Gods the way they would sympathise the most and we see that multiple times.

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undeadcourier · 9 months

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@lynettethemadscientist replied to your post “me: narratively, it's much more interesting to...”:

I’m willing to hear a humanized view of Raiders. Though I doubt it will convince me

Sure, I'll expand on this. Point of note, this is pretty West Coast/FNV-centric since that's my primary area of interest.

Let's start with defining terms since this is the piss-on-the-poor website. A raider is a bandit, someone who survives by plunder, often roaming in search of things to steal or people to attack. Many raider gangs in the Wasteland are relatively loose allegiances of a few like-minded individuals, but some are established social groups with distinct cultures. The 80s, the Vipers, and the Khans are examples of raider groups that expanded to fit the definition of a tribe—that is, a social division consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect.

The 80s, first outlined in Joshua Sawyer's rpg, are a gang of bandits that operate along the Northern California 80 Freeway and have long contested territory with the White Legs; The Vipers are organized around their shared religion, which is only vaguely described as ancient, but there are what appear to be ritualistic elements to their organization and raiding practices.

The Khans, inspired by Genghis Khan and the Mongols Motorcycle Club, value strength and martial prowess. Founded around 2141, the Khans raided and traded around Shady Sands and Junktown before they were wiped out by the Vault Dweller. Darion, the lone survivor of the original gang, rebuilt it into the New Khans, who in turn were largely destroyed by the Chosen One. Finally, Papa Khan united the fragmented bands and led them to the Mojave in 2267, where they settled. The massacre at Bitter Springs establishes that at this point, the Khans include non-combatants in their group such as children and elders, and until the NCR occupation, Bitter Springs was their home.

I'm going to proceed on the assumption that we all agree that genocide is wrong and set aside the Khans for now, especially because they are a faction that is not immediately hostile to the player, in contrast to the Vipers, Jackals, and Fiends.

Despite their lore, the Vipers don't get anywhere near the development the Khans have and end up in the category of fodder for the player to indiscriminately kill, an act for which you can even gain karma. And this is what brings me to the point of the original post, which is... hey, what the fuck?

I understand from a game mechanics perspective that it's useful to have an unlimited supply of enemies that the player can slaughter for experience points. But, that necessarily dehumanizes the members of that group, which is extra fucked up when you consider that some of them, like the Vipers, are a distinct tribal group.

And even in the case of, say, the Fiends, who we are told are fueled only by bloodlust/dependence on chems and presumably lack any sort of identifiable cultural allegiance, I don't like that it's considered morally good to just kill them all. They're still people.

I would like, especially from a role-playing game, to have more options to talk them down, to get them help for their addictions, and attempt to reintegrate them into society. Maybe that doesn't work on every character, maybe some of them really do just revel in violence and bloodshed and don't want a way out, but I'd like more recognition that raiders aren't a monolith and don't exist in a vacuum, that these are individuals who were driven to where they are by myriad circumstances and an underlying need to survive. It's more realistic and more interesting.

The way the Khans are developed has plenty of problems, certainly, but I appreciate that there was at least some development of who these people are and how they got to be where they are, and I think that's something that's lacking with a lot of the others.

#lynettethemadscientist #raiders #fallout #fallout 2 #fallout 3 #fallout: new vegas #fallout 4 #fallout 76 #mojave correspondence

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elysiansparadise · 2 years

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When the pain is hitting again, they come to understand each side of your being in such a way that opening up to them will be something you’d love to do.

Cancer Rising: The reliable healer

The heavy memories of a pure heart forged the mask with which they face around them. The experiences of the past live rooted in the native and play a crucial role in the evolution that has led them to be the person they are today. People who often wish they were more rational than they feel they are. They have a very deep perception of the feelings of the people around them. It seeks to show the sympathy and attention that they would have loved to have. You seem to understand others perfectly and create such a relaxing environment in which they can open up with confidence, but you seem to hide and protect those wounds that are difficult for you to verbalize.

Security is something important for them, both material and emotional, they strive to be at a stable point in their lives and not let themselves be tormented by the variability of what they have experienced and their own emotions, this need comes from Leo in the 2nd house. Many of these natives, no matter how insecure they feel, will seek to project themselves as stable and as people who have things under control, because they do not want to see their ego collapse before "the need to depend on someone or need help / protection from another person." This placement makes the native have a very unstable self-esteem at the beginning of their lives, but this later becomes strong, as they actively seek to pamper themselves and do everything to see themselves in better eyes. Self-love will always come first over another person's love for the natives with this house placement. They will seek to do what is best for themselves and those they love whenever they can. They want to achieve a lot of economic stability and can become very skilled at managing finances and excel in this field. Leo in this house makes the native have a generous and shared heart at the same time, it makes them very protective of those things that they consider theirs or of great importance to them, they will not hesitate to defend everything they see as special. Their father plays a huge role in their self-esteem, be it for the better or worse.

Endowed with great intelligence and great observation skills, Virgo in the 3rd house makes them mysterious and extremely interesting people. They are not interested in small talk, they would always prefer something meaningful, but they have no problem following one of these talks. They are very astute socially, because they observe and listen carefully to analyze the kind of person with whom they are interacting, and from there they decide if opening up is optimal or not. They may seem quiet at first, but at the end of the day, Mercury is ruling this house, which makes them excellent communicators. This in turn influences that they can be somewhat nervous or anxious, which can make it difficult for them to fall asleep or calm their mind in stressful situations. These natives take their time to make a decision and evaluate the possibilities. These natives are drawn to live with or have close to responsible, rational, reliable and as supportive people as they can be. They are very reserved and regardless of whether they get along with their siblings or not, there will be things that they will not share and prefer to keep to themselves. They have no problem helping whoever needs it regardless of the proximity, politeness and attentiveness is something crucial for them. They stand out for their good memory, especially if you have done something good for them, no matter how small.

Their emotional world is complex, but beautiful at the same time, it is intense, but sensitive. It seems to be impossible to define it with just one word and this is thanks to Libra in the 4th house. The quality of a water rising is a very deep and variable personality, which many times these natives can feel as emotional turmoil, these are very difficult to understand by themselves, which makes them need and seek balance, harmony, balance but above all purity and love, this not necessarily in other people, but rather within themselves. For them comfort is a priority before other things, but good aesthetics contribute to that feeling of comfort, it is not surprising to note that many of them are interested in design, they constantly change the looks of their room or home, because after They all have a keen eye for aesthetics. Many of them seek harmonious relationships full of tenderness, loyalty and support, they are people with a truly romantic and detailed soul, they will always see not only for their own well-being and comfort, but also for that of their partner. They are soft lovers who know how to really make someone feel loved. Being ruled by Venus, this can show us one of two scenarios (or both in some cases), either having a loving family with whom a stable and sweet relationship is enjoyed, or having grown up in a very superficial environment in which the flaws of the native were highlighted. The female figures may have played an important role in the moment in which the natives developed their form of emotional expression or their needs.

The intensity with which they give themselves to their relationships, as well as their magnetic and sensual appeal are things that I like to associate with Scorpio in the 5th house. In love they will express their most devoted side, they have a ride or die mentality and although at first they like to take things slowly to get to know the person better, once they discover that the person is what they want, they give everything without hesitation, they put absolutely all of their focus on making the relationship memorable for their loved one and for themselves. They love the game of seducing and pushing their partner to the limit, of diving together into the transforming seas of love and becoming one, uniting and being one against the world. Another point to highlight is their beauty, because they have that something that attracts the eyes of others to them like magnets, they call attention to the mystery that surrounds them and the strength with which they seek to project themselves. As this is a house that represents children, they may have some emotional wounds from their childhood that they struggle to heal, becoming very protective of their inner child. This in turn makes them be protectors of children, they seek to help children and make the world a safer place for them, regardless of whether or not they want to be parents, or even like them or not, they know the importance of the period of childhood in a person and they can become very protective of children and their safety, which makes them admire them.

They are people who in their free time, alone and even in the workplace are very creative and can enjoy being active or doing something, however, many of them can start projects and have difficulty finishing them, all this is reflected in their personalities by Sagittarius in the 6th house. These people, even without realizing it, can easily help others to lift their spirits, to feel more positive about some situation no matter how dark it is. Similarly, this position of Sagittarius in the chart makes them people who are not very open with their sense of humor, however, they can be very funny and sarcastic people. At the work level, they have a lot of energy and desire to continue learning, it is very likely that their work environment is noisy and they can make many friends with their co-workers, especially those older than them. This placement makes it very likely that the native will travel a lot through their work. Their mind operates in a very unique way, they are always able to see beyond what is perceptible, they also stand out for their curiosity and inquisitive personality. They can be excellent advisers and be a teacher to those around them, especially in the workplace. They have the ability to open the mind of people and make them see things more beautifully or simply from other perspectives.

And so, without realizing it, they become the pillar of strength of those they love the most, their Capricorn in the 7th house makes them be that strong and reliable figure on which others rely, they become a person of great importance in the life of their partners, because the commitment they show is enormous and unbreakable. They take their relationships very seriously and can be very selective with the people they decide to have by their side, as there is already a lot of emotional turbulence in them. Due to this, the natives look for a person who gives them emotional stability, someone who makes them feel that no matter the day or the circumstances, they will always be there to lend them their support and that feeling of being completely protected. As this house is ruled by Saturn, some of them fear not finding this person and may have a not so positive vision of their own desires, a somewhat pessimistic vision regarding their love life and a fear of dreaming very high. They often deny themselves the desire for a dream relationship due to fears of being vulnerable or betrayed. The beauty of these natives lies in the amazing couple they are, the purity with which they approach matters of the heart and the seriousness with which they take the relationship. They want a reliable person, many times they can attract older partners either in age or maturity. Many may perceive them as very reserved and difficult to open up, because these natives fiercely defend that beautiful emotional world they have. You do not usually look for fleeting romances with which stability does not exist, you know very well what you want and over time you have learned that you should not settle for little either. One-night stands are not your thing and you prefer to choose the person next to you wisely, because you hate wasting time on people who are not worth it. You crave for emotional depthness and a strong and loyal connection.

Having Aquarius in the 8th house makes them fear the idea of being pointed out as weird people, a fear of being left out and being made to feel forgotten or ignored by the more eccentric sides of their personality. They control this fear by showing themselves as people who do not need others and who know perfectly well how to be on their own. These people can have problems with large groups of people and very strong experiences for them in terms of their friendships. Despite how chill they may seem on the outside, even somewhat indifferent in the eyes of other people, they are extremely interesting lovers who will seek to take you by surprise. They are open-minded in sex, they love to experiment in all possible ways and fill their partner with new sensations, being with them will always have something special regardless of whether it is the first time or the twentieth. They are creative in sex and dislike always doing the same thing. They are a rebellious lover who does not think much of the place, they only think of making you taste the forbidden fruit that you have been tempted from the beginning. A bit of a teaser, will always get your attention in unique ways. A touch of mischief under the sheets, mischievous and motivated to discover each of their partner's fantasies. This curiosity is not only sexual, because they also feel an enormous intrigue for everything they do not know or understand well, they love complexity and love to be mentally stimulated by the mysteries that lie in that which is not easily perceptible to the naked eye.

The dreamy Pisces is in the 9th house, which makes them yearn and deeply desire to connect with everything that is distant or unknown to them, especially other cultures. The idea of travel can deeply fascinate them, and they are likely to take and benefit from foreign trips, especially spiritually and emotionally. They dream big and can have varied interests, art can be something that really brings out very positive feelings for them, whether it's seeing it or doing it. These people want to grow spiritually and love the idea of exploring different fields of spirituality. They can feel a lot of empathy for controversial issues that occur in other countries, and can be emotionally affected by the problems of others. Their empathy and emotional intelligence allow them to connect deeply with others and make them feel well understood by the native. They may decide to study or have the desire to study something that allows them to support others, from something like psychology to understand and help others in their most difficult moments, to something more methodical like financial science to help manage and control income and expenses of a company. In their college days you may have been very confused about practical goals.

It is curious how these natives with such a sweet and tender heart do not usually give that impression at first, since many are slightly intimidated by them and the subconscious force with which they project themselves, we attribute this to Aries in the 10th house. They are ambitious people, fire runs through their eyes and an aura that directly asks you to respect them makes your skin crawl. These natives are true hard workers, full of inner fire that moves them to achieve everything they long for in the bottom of their huge hearts. Aries in this house makes the native usually have differences with people older than them, even ego wars in which they seem to be more capable or mature than the rest. They are people who can easily reach important positions in their work, and being a fire sign in this house, makes the work environment of the native very active and angry, which will ask him to develop a quick mentality that respond astutely to what is happening around you.Their goal is to be someone who stands out in their work area, their high self-esteem gives them the mental strength to realize that their hard work is worthwhile and worthy of admiration.

Loyalty is of the utmost importance to them and I would dare to call them the living representation of it, I decide to attribute it to Taurus in the 11th house. They are very cordial with people, after all the charm of these natives is guaranteed by having Venus ruling this house, however, despite being polite and lovely they are quite selective with the people they surround themselves with, because for for them, the theme of friendship is very important and they only seek to be with those who can provide them with a sincere, constant and beautiful friendship. They usually play the role of supportive friend, they love being there for their friends and that they know they can rely on them. They are very attentive people with their friendships and will easily and quickly notice when there is something wrong with their beloved friends. They usually look for friendships with which they can last a long time and in which everything operates harmoniously, who receive exactly the same as they give, since balance is crucial when it comes to showing affection and attention. Being also the house of ideals, they are people who dream and aspire to tangible and realistic things, they always try to keep their feet on the ground without losing that dreamer spirit. They fight and work hard to materialize their desires and dreams and some of them can be somewhat stubborn when someone tries to make them change their minds, as they are deeply rooted in their way of seeing things. The venusian quality of this house makes them be accepting with others' ideals though.

When the nights arrive, thoughts absorb every bit of vitality in that heart that stands firm trying to keep beating, a heart that despite its wounds and those chains that tie it to the past struggles to stay stable, not only for itself, but to support and be there for their loved ones. Doubts invade your mind like rivers of rapid currents, it seems difficult to get out of alive from those suffocating currents of water that prevent you from breathing properly, the fear that your voice when asking for help will be forgotten or ignored the pull backs of being able to ask others for support. "I want to be for you the home that I felt was taken from me." The words that they say and the affection that those with Gemini in the 12th house emanate make them unforgettable, since they achieve that task that they feel is very far from fulfilling, they give you comfort, they make you feel completely understood and supported, they offer you an unparalleled companionship, and before you know it, both become one, you no longer carry your heaviness on your own, your voice begins to have value and your words are suddenly the most effective medicine for that misunderstood heart. They have a peculiar and unique as well as beautiful and empathetic way of exploring the emotions of those around them. There is something healing in their presence, there is something magical, sublime and comforting in that smile they give you, easily giving some light to the darkness of your soul. "But what about me? Who can do that for me? Will I always have to feel alone when I walk into a room full of people?" Not everyone deserves to enter and have even a drop of that delicious concoction that is your love, but you doubt it. That's why you build so many walls around you, the fear of being stabbed in the back, that whoever loves you the most hurts you with words heavy as iron. You doubt whether to say what you think, or even what you feel, because when you did, many did not value it. Don't hesitate anymore, my darling. You are not the problem, do not let your valuable mind and sweet heart be corrupted by the harshness of that dark part of the world.

#cancer rising #cancer ascendant #canser asc #cancer in the 1st #astrology #natal chart #birth chart #astro observation #astro note #astro observations #astrology notes #astro notes #astrology observations

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neuroticbookworm · 3 months

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Another Thai BL, another Asian parent-child conflict that enrages the audience and yet, is extremely nuanced. I’m gonna try and speak on it as an Asian kid who grew up in the East, but currently lives in the West, carrying complicated feelings on the Asian parenting I received.

I’m seeing a good discourse in the tags from @lurkingshan, @respectthepetty, @bengiyo, @heretherebedork and @williamrikers, among others, on the hypocrisy of a dad who hit his son in anger and is now lecturing him on the importance of controlling one’s actions when angry. I agree with everyone that the dad is being a hypocritical piece of shit. But I do not think that this is a failure in the writing of the show. Quite the opposite, actually. Because of how Ten responds and acts in the face of this hypocrisy.

Ten comes across as belligerent and confrontational in every interaction he has had with his dad, but it is never uncalled for, and he never seeks it out himself. He tries to stay out of his dad and his stepmom/his dad’s girlfriend’s way as much as possible, and only responds in a defensive manner when provoked. And in today’s episode, he even kept himself open enough in the conversation with his dad, despite his anger, to concede and accept a very good point when raised. Ten understands his dad’s hypocrisy but refuses to stoop to the same level of pettiness because he knows being a good partner and a good friend is more important than being right. This is a mark of excellent writing, in my opinion. The main character is fiercely loyal to his partner and his friends and does not let his baggage with his dad cloud his course of action.

I also see calls for an apology from the dad already brewing in the fandom. And I understand the instinct to want that. It is always so satisfying when mistreated children finally get the apology that’s been long overdue. But it’s rarely this simple in an Asian household. Times are changing faster than most people can in a lifetime, and there are systemic, cultural flaws in how an Asian society understands and teaches parenting. And if we factor in the social, economic, religious lines that heavily influence how an Asian person forms their social circle, it would’ve left these parents with little to no peers who can tell them what they’re doing is wrong. Parents striking their kids is clearly considered evil nowadays, but only a few years ago, it would’ve been a perfectly acceptable response to control a bratty child, on and off screen (and it still is in some Asian cultures).

Now, NONE of what I said above is an excuse to write off the behavior of Ten’s dad as acceptable, just because it’s very Asian. As an Asian who grew up in the East, the demand for an apology does not particularly resonate with me, because Ten and his dad both know that their problems are not gonna go away as soon as Ten’s dad apologizes. Because:

If Ten starts demanding an apology for every shitty thing his dad has ever done, where should he stop? Should he demand an apology for the time his dad probably struck him as a kid when he was trying to get him to memorize multiplication tables, as is wont of every Asian parent ever (it is such an ubiquitous experience to Asian kids everywhere that there are reels with millions of views on IG, referencing this experience. Does this mean every Asian parent is evil and must be put on trial by their kids? Holy moly, think of all the money therapists would make if every Asian kid in the world decided to call out their parents on their shit. Entire economies would crumble to dust from the sudden disruption in cashflow.)

Is an apology going to comfort Ten? Asian parenting warps the sense of self of both the parents and the kids, because of the levels of abject sacrifice involved in it. It is extremely possible that Ten’s dad had worked day and night to provide well for his family, for his son, before Ten’s mom fell ill. It’s the same choice he made for his wife, but in this case, it paid off, because now Ten is financially well taken care of, and he is privileged enough to pursue a career in medicine. If Ten demands an apology from his dad for not being there when his mom was dying, do we know for sure that when he gets that apology, his mind won’t conflate the sacrifices his dad made for him, thus making him feel guilty for forcing someone who clearly cared about him enough to work hard for him, into defeat (look at this rich soup of Asian parenting misery, yum yum yum. I know it’s delicious because I’m paying my therapist weekly to make the broth less spicy).

The dialogue in the show whenever Ten’s mom is brought up and discussed is always very carefully worded:

Not “because you did not act”, but “because you took so long to act”. Looks like Ten’s dad made a choice that ultimately did not pay off. He cared, and he wanted to do something to save his wife, but whatever he chose to do ultimately did not help. And now she is dead and he has managed to not help and comfort his wife in her final days AND unwittingly traumatize his son with his absence. The show has painted this storyline with enough nuance that I don’t believe we are meant to read Ten’s dad as a simple villain, but rather a father who does care but has made some serious mistakes. This situation is so emotionally complicated and realistically, it’s gonna take years for both of them to find a middle ground. Ten is gonna have to grow up and make a few mistakes of his own in life to develop proper empathy for his dad, and that’s gonna put a couple things into perspective for him (I’m not saying Ten is bound to make mistakes because he is bad. He is going to because shit happens in life and human beings always do better in hindsight than in the moment). And the dad is gonna have to grow old and let his aging body humble him a little and shrink his ego enough to see that he had failed his son by not being emotionally available to deal with their trauma, together.

I’ve been watching Kim’s Convenience, a Canadian sitcom that follows a Korean-Canadian family and their shenanigans. I’m only on S04E02, but there is a father-son conflict at the centre of this show that is still not directly addressed by both the dad and the son. It’s been years (almost a decade, I think) since the son has been driven out of his home by his dad for a dumb mistake he made as a teen. And the way the show works on it is so infuriating, because it is so Asian. It is rarely addressed aloud in the presence of the dad or the son, lest it leads to anger and screaming and storming off. The path to reconciliation is built with mom calling her son for help to fix something in their home because his dad is too stubborn to ask for it. With the son visiting the hospital when the dad had to undergo surgery, and having their first real conversation in years which the dad forgets after waking up from the influence of pain drugs. With the daughter’s old phone passed down to the dad with her brother’s number on it, which leads to them texting each other. It is all extra frustrating for me because I’m extremely straightforward in my conversations with my parents. I do not like ambiguous endings to verbal conflicts because they are a ticking time bomb and I do not have the capacity to forget its existence and let it tick away in the background. But, I understand it when my friends, and Asian characters in TV shows, don’t want to force things out in the open if it can be swept under the rug for the time being, because peace of mind in Asian households is fleeting and you would be wise to take what you get.

Good TV shows can best serve their audience when they serve their characters, and stay true to the experiences of the people they are trying to represent. My teen ass was regularly shocked, appalled and intrigued by the sexual liberation promised by Western media I consumed while I was in school and college. I was surrounded by a sexually repressed society that was convinced that the only moral way to enjoy pleasure was after marriage with your partner. And very predictably, this means a lot of dead bedrooms, unhappy marriages and kids growing up with no real understanding of what romantic love looks like. I would’ve never had the courage to move my entire life to the West, if the Western media I watched had not represented its people in all their messy, horny glory, albeit with a rose-tinted lens on gender, race and sexuality.

Some Asian parents in media need to fall at the feet of their children and apologize. I remember being absolutely fucking enraged while @lurkingshan and I watched Double Savage at the behest of our friend @waitmyturtles, and in the finale, Korn was the one who fell at the feet of his absolute piece of shit of a dad to apologize for FUCKING NOTHING. And after Shan and I were done surviving that show, I remember telling my friends that most Asian media does not have strong writing whenever Asian children need to defy their shitty parents and come to terms with their destructive parenting, because chances are, most Asian creators would not have successfully done it. Hence, intergenerational trauma (gasp! It’s all connected!).

So. I would never demand to see Ten’s dad apologize to him to consider Cooking Crush a successful show, because that is not the cultural context this story operates in. Would I enjoy it if he does? Hell yes. Would I be mad if he does not? No, because Ten is proving him wrong time and again, and that’s a constant reminder from the narrative of who is in the right.

#cooking crush #cooking crush meta #off jumpol #gun atthaphan #tenprem #thai bl

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athanasius-symposium-of-writings · 3 months

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Green Carnation

Chapter One

I promised a male version of "The Economic Difference Between The Miner and Mine Owner's Daughter" for male readers. Please, oh please do read the tags! If this makes you uncomfortable then move on. I gave a warning in a previous ask about making the male version of this story and subjects it can touch.

Rated Explicit | Warnings: Period-Typical Homophobia, Historical References

Chapter Two

Muscle and blood, bones of iron, and the will to move mountains; are the traits you swear to see in Norton Campbell. He is the youngest of this group, seen as the weakest, yet you have seen the reports of the work output and Norton is one of the top miners. You have seen him work when observing the mining site with your father, you have never seen him leave the mine unless to eat or sleep and everything in between.

Maybe your approach to him was wrong, you only wanted to ask him some questions, or maybe you poked the wrong bear.

Now here you are in a fist fight and barely two swings in you are stumbling around. Your nose is bloody, your eye swollen near closed, and spit out blood before running at him again. The man is a scraper, the one who your father would bet on if Norton was in a fight clubbing as entertainment. The man is all muscle and blood, with bones of iron.

“Stay down!” You had fallen on the muddy ground, “I said stay down!” On top of you with knees pinning down your arms and his fist raised ready to strike. You struggled, at least you think you did, it is hard to tell given you can't feel much.

“Enough!” Shouts the foreman who finally shows up, he probably was just watching. No one likes your father so seeing his son get his ass beaten probably made everyone's day. Two miners pull Norton off you and he lets them willingly, “Get to him to the infirmary,” Shouts the foreman, and a miner helps you up and literally starts dragging you over to the infirmary tent.

“As for you—”

“Let him go.” Speaking up, “He did nothing wrong, understood?” You move to turn in the direction of the small group of men.

“But sir—”

“Understood, foreman?” Assertive this time, “He needs to go into the infirmary too.”

“Yes, sir.”

You look at Norton, the man is cold as the coal he digs, and then you look away, moving off the miner who was assisting you to walk on your own. Pride, maybe, you can stand on your own and take your hits.

The infirmary is quiet as the nurse overlooks you both, you being the worst out of two.

A patch over your eye, bandages over your ribs, and bandaids on the cuts on your hands and fists. You look like you just boxed with a professional boxer! Norton on the other hand needed some ice, a few bandaids for some cuts, but no worse for wear.

You hiss in pain as you sit on the medical cot then look at Norton who is in front of you sitting at the end of his cot. “Why?” You hear him say it loud and clear.

“Why what, Mr. Campbell?” Fixing your position to be comfortable.

“You could've let them deal with me. Pay one of them to fight me. So why?”

“It was between you and me. You don't like me but nothing you said prior to the fight that wasn't wrong.” The working conditions, the equipment, and everything else in between are a problem. Sure most of the grievances are with your family, and the company too, but the problem is not going to be solved right away. Again this is your father's company and only upon his death will it be yours. “And my offer still stands.”

“Stop trying to butter me up, I ain't being your lapdog.” Crossing his arms over his chest.

“Not a lapdog, a business partner. Equals.”

But being equal with Mr. Campbell is not quite easy given his background; the hatred for those like you, the rich who too often use others to create their stairs to success. Maybe you hoped to make him your business partner, helping give him his footing in this new social and economic status, and maybe just trying to be a friend would lessen the hate-- Towards you at least. You genuinely wanted to make a change in the company, to help the estranged relationship between the employee and the employer; you started to see Mr. Campbell as more than just a man full of anger. His greed is not without reason, when one has nothing he wants everything, you cannot blame him but it worries you.

Fool’s Gold is a material called pyrite that can be used for things like paper. Norton Campbell was livid, the sort of livid that has him ready to break something, until you explain the other uses of ‘Fool’s Gold’.

“Now will you please not break that vase, it is cheap but rather nice. I like to have it as part of the decoration.” You say while leaning against the desk in your study. Well, in your late father’s study before his passing, nature causes.

He looked confused and then realized what he was doing. Norton knows how unstable he can get, seeking mental help for it would be a good idea but he fears he will be locked away. Only you are aware of the voice in his mind after Golden Cave, the mine closed down due to “unstable tunnels” rather than the truth of something is down there. It is not spoken about.

“You must want something out of his,” Placing the vase back and adjusting it to its previous position, “Nothing is free.”

“Please, Mr. Campbell we've talked about this,” Crossing your arms as you sigh while shaking your head, “We are partners,” Explaining yourself again, “When no one else would speak up about my father's treatment of the miners, you did. Both with that mouth of yours and fists. I respect that. I respect you.”

The Prospector scoffs, “Respect. Three years as partners and I still cannot believe getting your jaw rocked suddenly inspired this.”

“Not like I can marry you and take your last name to further prove that I—” You go quiet. Both of you are with him staring hard at you. “Bad wording. Still, I mean it, respecting you.” Dropping your arms from your chest and pushing yourself off the desk, “I need to go get ready.”

Right. Family dinner with that wife of yours. Norton swears she is cheating on you.

“Mr. Campbell?” Stopped mid-way of passing by him, a firm grip on your arm, he moves in closer whispering in your ear. You go still, looking down at the floor in mortifying shock, “H-How?” You were careful! There is no way he could have known! Hell, you are happily married!

“So I'm right?”

A green carnation. It is resting on a suit you wore to the funeral of an old friend. Norton Campbell is very observant, he may not be book-smart, but he is street-smart. Growing up around all types of people, he has seen a lot of things growing up.

Including the green carnation, he saw some men wear where he worked at the time. He would get paid in bread leftovers from a bakery and maybe a coin or two for doing deliveries.

He saw what he believed was a woman and a man wearing a green carnation. Later on, he learned that the bakery had a secret bar called a molly house. By then, he was a young adult, and his deliveries took him to that bar. Shipment deliveries of alcohol and such. He could care less about what anyone did, he wanted money.

If his father did not owe so much in debt, Norton might have still been a delivery boy or a bartender.

When he drove your wife and you from the funeral, he offered out of pity, he saw the flower.

“Where were you really going tonight?” He has you brought back to the spot against the edge in front of the desk, “Your wife is going out too.”

“... Why? Are you going to extort me?!” Clearly upset.

“Huh,” Caging you in with height, size, his arms on each side of your body, “Geez, why bother? You already gave me what I want. Anymore and you should be my wife.”

It is not like he could not imagine you groveling at his feet while Norton calls you ‘Mrs. Campbell’, he has a few times given how often you and him are together. It is like you both were of one mind often, inseparable. Your wife teased it, but he saw how flustered you would get when you think he did not notice.

“Tonight you are going to take me to that spot I know you like to actually go to with your wife.”

“Norton please this—”

“I want you.”

“Don't… Don't say that.”

“Fine.” So he shows you by pushing you down on the desk and kissing you. Not a romantic, no, Norton has you pinned down making you take every bit of raw desire he has for you leaving you stunned and completely in his grasp.

When he finally lets you breathe, you both are breathing hard– Him more so than you– Staring at one another unsure where to go from here. You more so than him.

“Be a good boy and listen.”

#idv #reader insert #idv prospector #identity v x reader #identity v #idv x you #idv reader insert #idv x reader #idv norton #norton campbell x reader #norton campbell #norton campbell x you

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literary-illuminati · 3 months

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2024 Book Review #5 – The Tusks of Extinction by Ray Nayler

I read Nayler’s The Mountain in the Sea last year and, despite thinking it was ultimately kind of a noble failure, liked it more than enough to give his new novella a try. It didn’t hurt that the premise as described in the marketing copy sounded incredible. I can’t quite say it was worth it, but that’s really only because this novella barely cost less than the 500-page doorstopper I picked up at the same time and I need to consider economies here – it absolutely lived up to the promise of its premise.

The book is set a century and change into the future, when a de-extinction initiative has gotten funding from the Russian government to resurrect the Siberian mammoth – or, at least, splice together a chimera that’s close-enough and birth it from african elephant surrogate mothers – to begin the process of restoring the prehistoric taiga as a carbon sink. The problem: there’s no one on earth left who knows how wild mammoth are supposed to, like, live- the only surviving elephants have been living in captivity for generations. Plop the ressurectees in the wilderness and they’ll just be very confused and anxious until they starve. The solution: the technology to capture a perfect image of a human mind is quite old, and due to winning some prestigious international award our protagonist – an obsessive partisan of elephant conservation – was basically forced to have her mind copied and put in storage a few months before she was killed by poachers.

So the solution of who will raise and socialize these newly created mammoths is ‘the 100-year-old ghost of an elephant expert, after having her consciousness reincarnated in a mammoth’s body to lead the first herd as the most mature matriarch’. It works better than you’d expect, really, but as it turns out she has some rather strong opinions about poachers, and isn’t necessarily very understanding when the solution found to keep the project funded involves letting some oligarch spend a small country’s GDP on the chance to shoot a bull and take some trophies.

So this is a novella, and a fairly short one – it’s densely packed with ideas but the length and the constraints of narrative mean that they’re more evoked or presented than carefully considered. This mostly jumps out at me with how the book approaches wildlife conservation – a theme that was also one of the overriding concerns of Mountain where it was considered at much greater length. I actually think the shorter length might have done Nayler a service here, if only because it let him focus things on one specific episode and finish things with a more equivocal and ambiguous ending than the saccharine deux ex machina he felt compelled to resort to in Mountain.

The protection of wildlife is pretty clearly something he’s deeply invested in – even if he didn’t outright say so in the acknowledgements, it just about sings out from the pages of both books. Specifically, he’s pretty despairing about it – both books to a great extent turn around how you convince the world at large to allow these animals to live undisturbed when all the economic incentives point the other way, a question he seems quite acutely aware he lacks a good answer to.

Like everyone else whose parents had Jurassic Park on VHS growing up, I’ve always found the science of de-extinction intensely fascinating – especially as it becomes more and more plausible every day. This book wouldn’t have drawn my eye to nearly the degree it did if I don’t remember the exact feature article I’d bet real money inspired it about a group of scientists trying to do, well, exactly the same thing as the de-extinctionists do in the book (digital resurrection aside). The book actually examines the project with an eye to practicalities and logistics – and moreover, portrays it as at base a fundamentally heroic, noble undertaking as opposed to yet another morality tale about scientific hubris. So even disregarding everything else it had pretty much already won me over just with that.

The book’s portrayal of the future and technology more generally is broader and less carefully considered, but it still rang truer than the vast majority of sci fi does – which is, I suppose, another way of saying that it’s a weathered and weather-beaten world with new and better toys, but one still very fundamentally recognizable as our own, without any great revolutions or apocalyptic ruptures in the interim. Mosquito's got CRISPR’d into nonexistence and elephants were poached into extinction outside of captivity, children play with cybernetically controlled drones and the president of the Russian Federation may or may not be a digital ghost incarnated into a series of purpose-grown clones, but for all that it’s still the same shitty old earth. It’s rather charming, really.

#book review #the tusks of extinction #ray nayler #sff #cli fi

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idle-daydreams · 2 months

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Your writing is so beautiful, may i request fyodor with a reader who knows a lot ? She knows almost everything in the world and can talk about it for hours , from science to spirituality but the thing is she is a little bit naive and easy to be fooled .

P/s : i don't know if you still take requests so feel free to ignore this 🥲

[A.N.: Here you go! I hope you like it. Also, obligatory apologies for being late]

This is also kind of in honour of Fyodor in the new chapter :)

Tw: Mild yandere, mild controlling (this is actually pretty mild considering its about Fyodor of all people)

“You know, I sometimes wonder if there are beings other than regular humans amongst us,” you said.

Fyodor smiled. “And what has brought that question forth, my little dove?” he asked, sitting beside you on the bed.

You’d been living with him for a while now, in a secluded little house on the outskirts of Yokohama. While you’d initially been hesitant about moving in with him, you’d lost your apartment in a fire, and finding a new place had been surprisingly hard. You worked remotely, so commuting time wasn’t a problem, and the rent was cheaper than living closer to the city centre, so it had made sense economically.

And Fyodor was the gentlest man you’d ever met in your life, so it wasn’t like he could hurt you.

“I don’t know,” you said, kicking your heels as you leaned back against the headboard. “Or rather, I do, but - I was reading this book ‘Flatland’, about a two-dimensional person who lives in a 2D world, who’s visited by a being from the third dimension. It got me thinking: what if there are fourth-dimensional people walking amongst us right now?”

“A fourth dimensional being?” Fyodor shrugged. “I assume they would look quite odd, for one.”

“That’s the whole thing,” you said excitedly, “you wouldn’t be able to tell. To us, the 4D person would look just like a regular person. They’d only just phase in and out of our plane of existence.”

“Like a sphere growing larger and smaller in space.”

“Exactly!” You sat up excitedly. “Have you read the book too?”

“I have not. You simply explain things so well.”

Your smile faltered a bit at the teasing note in his voice. “You’re making fun of me,” you said. “I know I didn’t explain it that well.”

“I will admit I have come across some of those ideas before.” Fyodor patted your hand before brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. “After all, it is known that some people out there have supernatural abilities, that are different from regular humans.”

“Oh yeah, the Ability users. Yeah, I’ve heard of them too. Never seen one in real life, though.”

Fyodor’s lips twitched. “They are very rare,” he said. “Though it is impossible to tell their true number.”

“I wonder if they are from some other dimension.” You tapped your chin. “I’ve seen some of them on social media, and they look quite ordinary. But their powers are said to be extraordinary. Some of them can even bend the laws of physics.”

“A perversion of the natural laws of this world.” Fyodor cocked his head to the side, and added in a curiously soft tone: “What would you do, [Y/N], if you met one?”

“Me?” You laughed. “Well, I don’t know, I’d try to get to know them, try to understand what they’re like. They haven’t pin-pointed the cause of their abilities; the prevailing theory is that it is some kind of genetic mutation, though some scientists say that its due to environmental factors that affect them in the womb.”

“Would you be afraid of them?”

“Afraid?” You pursed your lips thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Maybe? I suppose it depends on the kind of person they are. I mean, at the heart of it they are people, aren’t they? They’re capable of good and evil just like the rest of us.”

To your surprise, Fyodor chuckled. “You are truly kind,” he said, reaching out to caress your cheek. “You have a beautiful heart.”

You reddened, touching his hand softly. His hands were cold - he was always cold, thanks to his anaemia - but for the slightest moment a tingle passed through your fingertips, like the static of socks on a carpet. You flinched but Fyodor tightened his grip, pulling you closer.

“Yes, a very beautiful heart,” he repeated. “But it does worry me. You should be afraid of them, [Y/N]; you should be afraid of them indeed.”

“Why?” you said, wishing he wouldn’t hold onto you so tightly. “Have you ever met one?”

“Would you need to meet a wild animal to be afraid of one? Would you wish to experience being robbed before you consider it a bad experience?”

“No, but-” You bit your lip. He had a good point. Fyodor always made good points, common sense ideas that you usually didn’t think of. It would have been annoying, but he never made you feel bad about it. Not too bad, anyway.

As if reading your thoughts, Fyodor ran his fingers through your hair. “It is all right, my dove,” he said. “It is not as though they are pounding down your door. But it is something to think of, yes? Danger exists everywhere, but more so in this world that we live in now.”

“I guess.” You pouted. “You know, you always see the cynical side of everything. It’s not very nice.”

“Oh, I am not nice. You are the nice one, while I am the jaded one. It is why we are so suited to each other.” He sat up, straightening his clothes, a sign that he was leaving. For some odd reason, your heart tightened in your chest at his innocuous actions, even though you knew he was only going downstairs to his office.

“Do you have a lot of work today?” you asked. “I was hoping we go out for lunch, and then get some groceries and-”

“No. We won’t be going anywhere today.”

“Oh,” you said. “Then I’ll just go alone.”

“No. I do not like to be alone in the house.” He turned to you with that soft, sad smile that was so characteristic of him. “You know that too, don’t you, my dove?”

And before you could argue the point, he planted a soft kiss atop your head and exited the room, leaving you alone. You frowned - you couldn’t put a finger on it, but you didn’t like it when he behaved that way - but dismissed the thought. After all, Fyodor was a good boyfriend in every other way. He was neat, responsible and far more intelligent than most men. So what if he was a little emotionally distant?

After all, you figured, it’s not like he’s got me trapped here. I can leave anytime I want.

#yandere fyodor dostodevsky #yandere fyodor #yandere bsd #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #bsd imagines #yandere bungou stray dogs

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transmutationisms · 2 months

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been thinking it for a while but it is both an interesting and frightening thing to see more and more people in their 20s who are usually self-professed hard-leftist progressives get more and more into emotionally-driven, kneejerk 'takes' about how everything new to them is bad and evil and 'this generation' (usually people younger than them who they seem to base all their opinions on from some teens dumb tiktoks they see) is stupid and doomed and the world/'our culture' is constantly degenerating, etc. many of the people who think of themselves as radical leftists are coming out with more and more barely-formed, incoherent and emotionally-driven reactionary ideas, and respond to any criticism of these ideas with defensive appeals to disgust or a general sense of 'everyone just knows this is bad!', bypassing needing to think over their own ideas or articulate the reasons they hold them entirely in favor of reactive outrage.

it feels to me like were watching in real-time how many of us will progressively turn into reactionary liberals or right-wingers - something many of these people have observed in older people, in their parents, but believe will simply not happen to them on account of having good intentions and progressive views, which they think means they dont need to watch themselves for impulsive, reactionary thinking, and even that their kneejerk reaction to anything is automatically the correct one because they themselves are already inherently good. of course it starts with generally inconsequential takes, its not like saying 'the tiles are ugly' automatically makes you a right-winger, but i reckon the festering of such modes of thinking shows the cracks in the foundation of many peoples professed political and social beliefs.

point being, i think there certainly are discussions to be had about the ways architecture - both as a tool that serves a material need and a form of art - changes, and what we may be losing to capitalist priorities on that front, but if the only argument people are making are "its ugly and degenerates our once beautiful culture" and their defense to anyone addressing how that sounds ends at "well its still ugly!", im thinking that kind of reactionary opinion-forming is going to seep into other, more important matters sooner than they may think. sorry for the long ask!

yeah i mean i definitely don't think this is a new problem or a generational one, it's just liberal idealism, but yes this is exactly why this type of aesthetic discourse irritates me so much lol. like i've said this before in regards to clothing but aesthetic signifiers gain their meaning in a social context and conditionally. if your analysis is "it's ugly and therefore bad" you're not only attenuating an actual read of what's being signified and why, you're also just veering directly into the most boring ass "everything is worse now and change threatens me" conservatism. the idea that ugliness and beauty are not transhistorical or transcendental truths should ideally be like, a starting point to both questioning other socially mediated constructs and to then moving toward a theory of asethetics as products of social discourses and economic conditions but instead people just cannot ever fucking resist yelling about how much beige or concrete or whatever the fuck is "soulless" or "lacks artistry" agabshxhsg it's so fucking cornball. get over yourself

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timetorace · 2 years

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𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭

Hi, this is a enemies to lovers one shot. Hope you enjoy it. Y/S/N= ship name with Carlos. niña bonita = pretty girl.

requested by: @alexiabuono

ship: carlos sainz jr. x fem!reader.

summary: you two can’t stand each other, especially after he apparently broke your best friend’s heart but somehow, everyone ships you. (You can read the full request here).

warnings: choking, fingering, oral (f & m receiving), hair pulling, unprotected sex.

word count: 5.9K.

You had known Carlos almost all your life. You started karting together when he was a kid and you had quickly taken a liking to him. The boy kept a low profile despite being the son of a great rally driver, simply going to work and meeting expectations without bragging. Before Fernando Alonso arrived in Formula One, there weren’t that many Spanish drivers who had made it that high up the grid, so it had been a surprise when two more spanish drivers joined the top category. First Carlos had done it and a couple of years later you had followed him too.

Your opinion of him quickly changed when he started dating your best friend Irene and things didn’t end so well between them. Now, Carlos had never talked about it, but Irene had told you how she had broken his heart and that was enough for you to hate him intensely. Although you had known Carlos for a long time. Irene had been your friend since you were both little girls and had been together for the last 20 years, almost as long as you had known Carlos.

Their relationship ended as soon as it began. Six months worked for everything to blow up and the chaos to begin. The problem with Carlos and Irene’s breakup was that sent the fans down the spiral of speculation. You almost felt like a member of a boy band seeing the way the racing fan base had grown. At first, it was mere curiosity about the reasons apparently you and Carlos had known each other since they were children but did not speak to each other, obviously his breakup with your best friend had something to do with it, and then the fact that you had made no effort to hide your dislike for him at press conferences where if you were asked about him you would go off on tangents or not answer at all. It’s not that you didn’t like him, but Carlos had broken your best friend’s heart and Irene was crying on the TV show where she works, throwing hints at Carlos and posting posts on Instagram that implied a lot of things. This, of course, was the fuel for all the fans who were putting together a soap opera between you and Carlos after his thing with Irene.

The first time you realized something was happening was when you were in Australia signing a couple of autographs when you saw a huge sign that said ‘I ship (Y/S/N)’. You did not understand very well what was happening. It seemed part of your name but it was not spelled correctly? So when you finished signing autographs, you leaned in next to Pierre.

“What does that mean?” you asked Pierre under your breath as the three of you walked back to the garages.

“That’s your ship name” He answered, and you frowned.

“Ship name?”

“For Carlos and you”

“What?” You asked in a small cry without being able to avoid it “When have said more than two words with Carlos in public that justifies having a ship name with him?”

“It’s because the fans found out that you guys were friends when you were kids-“

“We weren’t friends” You interrupted him

Pierre rolled his eyes “Then it seems you stopped talking to each other and then people are speculating about what happened”

“How do you even know all this?” You must have been on the other side of social networks because, in your beginning, not even the smallest sign of all had appeared to you.

“It’s all over the internet” He replied before letting out a laugh “I know because ‘liked Pierre Gasly’ too” he added referring to the joke. At least he had taken economic advantage of that. You didn’t see yourself making some t-shirts with your ship name.

After Australia, you made a mistake. You went to Tumblr and investigate further on Twitter. That was your first mistake because Pierre had not been wrong. Literally, you and Carlos were all over the fan accounts and the ships of the other drivers. You had always teased Max that Lestappen had some sexual tension simply because you loved messing with him. How did you become friends with Max? Well once when you were both still racing go-karts you had an accident and he thought it would be a good idea to yell at you about it, you yelled back three times louder and you had been friends ever since. Mainly because that day you had earned his respect even though you thought he was an idiot. Also, you had always known that you had a ship with Max, but you definitely didn’t know that the fans thought that what you and Carlos had was a childhood love. The very idea was ridiculous; how could you be in love with him after what he had done to your best friend? He had treated her like a piece of trash by leaving her and letting himself be photographed with another girl just a week later. You wouldn’t do what Irene would, but if he had cheated on her as she told you, then he deserved to be roasted by Irene in the press. Carlos had already let you know what he thought about you answering the journalists like that.

“Why do you answer them like that? You know all you do is fuel the fire, right?” He told you after a press conference.

“They are the ones who believe that you and I have a secret intense romance” You shrugged. You couldn’t even be bothered to hide how much you didn’t like him.

“Let me see, so you feed the rumor by showing them how much you hate me?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, you cheated on my best friend so you’re pretty high on my hate scale,” you replied, and Carlos just rolled his eyes. You growled at her. How could she treat your friend with such discouragement?

At the next race, things with the fans got more intense. When you arrived at the hotel, when you arrived at the paddock when you were strolling with the golf cart from one place to another, some fan always had something clever to shout at you, which of course made Max crack up with you.

“(Y/N)! Marry Carlos already!” someone yelled at you in the crowd as you and Max signed a couple of T-shirts.

“Yeah sure, the day hell freezes over,” you muttered in response, and Max next to you burst out laughing.

A few minutes later another person shouted again “(Y/N)! If you don’t want Carlos, give it to me!”

“I’ll give it to you with a bow and everything whenever you want,” you responded with a shout, making most of the crowd giggle.

“Hey (Y/N)! How big is Carlos?” You let out a growl. You knew she wasn't talking about his height. Why the fuck did they think you knew that stuff? Max let out a laugh that could probably be heard all the way across town.

“What the hell?” You mumbled signing a cap “I don’t know, ask him, dude” you added to yourself as you and Max finished signing and headed to the paddock entrance.

“I’m going to bother you for this forever,” Max told you, making you glare at him.

“I don’t understand why, of all the people, the fans decided I have a thing for the one person on the entire grid I don’t talk to.” You complained, swiping the card to get into the paddock.

“Hey” you saw Carlos approach you and Max with a jog.

“Oh great, get lost” You weren’t in the mood for any picture someone could take off them for fans to speculate on.

“Are you OK?” He asked, placing his hands in his pockets.

“Do I look ok? They just asked me what I think of your cock” You grunted and Max next to you let out another laugh “I’ll never be able to erase that image from my head” You shuddered before Carlos took your arm to that you would stop walking and Max was chatting with one of his engineers.

“Are you OK?” He asked again, and you looked at the grip he had on your arm, which made Carlos instantly let it go.

“We are not friends, so why are you worried about all this?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I’m sorry my affair with Irene got you into this situation.” He apologized, running his hand through his hair.

“Then you wouldn’t have messed with my best friend in the first place”

“Believe me, I’m sorry about that “

You stared at him with raised eyebrows. The audacity that he had to admit that in front of you “Wow, you are a thing”

“Ok that sounded bad”

“So you think?”

“Things are not what you think,” Carlos said, and you rolled your eyes. That was the oldest excuse in the whole world, pretending that the other person was hiding something when Irene had told you every detail of what had happened.

“Things are exactly how I think,” you replied, “And she’s my best friend so I’m standing by her” you finished before turning around to enter the hospitality.

Two days after the race and while you were at home, you entered Twitter and saw how it was flooded with the same photo of Carlos and you. It was a grainy photo, clearly taken by someone on his phone, however, it showed the two of you talking very close together and it had just been taken when he grabbed your arm, so it seemed like you were doing something else. Great, now you couldn’t even enter your social networks without receiving comments about Carlos and you.

“Omg, those fans were so rude. Is he comforting her?”

“Yes Carlos, get your girl”

“Enemies to Lovers is a thing, (Y/N). Fuck him already.”

“Isn’t she Irene’s best friend?”

“I live for them, the best couple of the grid”

“Up (Y/N)! Down Irene!”

It was crazy how everyone seemed to be involved in a romance that wasn’t real and was based on speculation. While you were watching a movie, someone knocked on the door of your apartment. When you opened it, Irene came in like a storm.

“Those photos of you and Carlos are liquid gold,” she shrieked, turning to look at you “We have to think about what we are going to say next”

“We? I won't say anything about it, Irene,” you replied frowning “Mainly because nothing happened in the first place”

“Oh honey, it doesn’t matter what happened but what they think happened,” Irene answered “Like the marriage proposal”

“What are you talking about? He asked you to marry him”

“Oh no, he didn’t, honey, I told him we should get married,” Irene told you as she typed something on her cell phone “Why look at me? Who wouldn’t want to marry me?”

“Apparently he” You muttered so low that Irene didn’t even hear you.

“But he didn’t want to marry me, so he had to learn the lesson”

“So everything you said about him cheating on you when you were engaged is a lie?”

“Oh no, that’s true, but it was only a matter of time before I convinced him, but a month later he was already with a whore”

“A month? I thought you said one week later,” Something didn’t add up in that story.

“Well yes, we weren’t officially over yet when he was already with that whore before even thinking about marrying me,” she said with a small pout.

It sounded like Carlos had literally run in the opposite direction from Irene as fast as he could. “You made everyone believe Carlos was a cheater just so you could get free publicity?”

“Didn’t you hear me? He didn’t want to marry me!” Irene squealed with a snort hitting her heel on the ground as a sign of impatience “Then he broke up with me and a month later he was dating a whore,” She definitely hadn’t understood that Carlos wasn’t interested “He wanted to make me look like an idiot”

“A month is not the same as a week,” you pointed out.

“The details don’t matter, only what they think” Irene crooned “Look at me, less than a year later and I have more work than ever” The portals, magazines, and brands had known Irene after all the scandal with Carlos, basically she was going used as a catapult to success.

“Did you use me so you could still have speaking material on your show?” You asked, suddenly worried because your friend, the person who knew you since you were six years old, would have put you in the middle of all that trouble.

“No honey, of course not, I would support you anyway,” Something told you that was a lie. Irene had always been selfish, if she had something she rarely shared it and was very jealous, besides, she didn’t like the races but the boys she could find there “But a girl has to use all her resources, doesn’t she?”

“You lied about him, you made him look like a womanizer and a cheater,” you murmured, suddenly feeling bad for Carlos. The gossip press had roasted him for months after Irene’s breakup and still did, mainly because of her, but in part, you had also collaborated with all that media circus. Suddenly, you felt dizzy from so much information.

“Oh honey, you don’t know him there, he’s one” Irene answered while typing on her phone “I have to go, I’ll call you later,” She said and when she closed the door behind her, you never felt so relieved to be alone. Irene’s presence was always overwhelming, but now you felt sick after her visit. She had used you. You had been a means to achieve what she wanted. Now you understood why she kept insisting and accompanying you to the races, even though she was sad. Carlos. You had been a bitch about something that had never happened. The feeling of guilt that invaded you then made you pick up your phone intending to send him a message, but finally, you didn’t send him anything.

However, you decided that the new information you had learned didn’t matter. You and Carlos would still not speak to each other anyway and everyone would still believe that you were secretly together. It was the same as nothing, so why should you care how he felt? At the next press conference in Monaco, you just made a joke about you guys and the rumors which got the entire room laughing and earned you a weird look from him, probably surprised you weren’t grunting in public when you heard his name. For the rest of the conference, you could feel his eyes boring into the back of your neck.

“What was that in there?” He asked, reaching out to you as you walked through the paddock after the conference “Why are you being nice to me suddenly?”

“Nice to you? Are you high?” You asked him with a frown. Of course, you refused to admit that you were cutting him some slack.

“Last time I checked, no.”

“And you need to check that?” you asked, raising your eyebrows

“Don’t change the subject”

“I’m not being nice to you” You signaled to roll your eyes

“But you’re not being a brat either, so it’s technically the same thing?” Carlos shrugged.

You turned to look at him with raised eyebrows “Did you just call me a brat?”

“You are, your scenes at press conferences speak for themselves”

“Scenes? It was my way of deflecting questions,” You complained, “Sorry if I’m not a PR expert”

“And you put the spotlight on us you got the exact opposite” He pointed and you hated with all your being that he was even slightly right in what he was saying.

“There is no us, Carlos” Because that was true. No matter how many rumors there were, you two couldn’t be further away from that.

“If you wanted me all to yourself, you just had to say so.” He called you before you entered the garage.

You turned to look at him and rolled your eyes “In case you hadn’t noticed, I wouldn’t lay hands on you for all the money in the world, Sainz”

Two days later, it was Sunday and therefore, the day of the race. By then, no one on the internet could stop talking about a photo they had taken the other day at the press conference. It was a photo of you and Max laughing and you could clearly see Carlos looking at them out of the corner of his eye. You were laughing at how ridiculous Max seemed to fall asleep in the middle of the conference and how it didn’t even seem to bother him that everyone noticed. The problem was that the look that Carlos was giving you in that photo had been interpreted in multiple ways, but the most popular was that you, Carlos, and Max were in the middle of a love triangle. Speculation had gotten wild and was already bordering on the ridiculous. While you were waiting to get into the corresponding car for the parade, you leaned against the wall and closed your eyes, enjoying the rays of the sun hitting your face. It didn’t last long, because a few minutes later someone stood in front of you, covering you from the sun. You opened one eye to see who it was and found Carlos staring at you.

“You, my friend, you need to get a hobby that doesn’t include chasing me or teasing me,” you muttered

“Do you think I’m chasing you?” He asked, leaning against the wall next to you.

“How do you explain you are always where I am, then?” You asked, raising your eyebrows.

“Why do we work together?” It was a good point, but the paddock, the garages, and the whole damn place were huge for you guys to always end up talking about.

“Why can’t you leave me alone?” You asked with a growl of annoyance, “How can you stay on your side of the paddock and I’ll stay on mine?”

“Wow, your two personalities are like fuck you and fuck me”

You saw that the parade was about to start so you stood up in your place “Unfortunately for you, you only get to see one of them”

“I really hope is the one that involves the bed,” He replied and you raised your eyebrows. Now he was smarty?

“Are you deaf? I already told you yesterday, that I wouldn’t lay hands on you for all the money in the world,” you mocked, walking towards the car that belonged to you.

“See you at the finish line” That sounded like a promise. Bold of him to think that he was going to even touch you a hair.

“You’ll have to get to me first” You challenged him “Good luck with that though” You finished before letting out a laugh.

That day had been your day. Not even Max had caught up with you and he ended up not finishing the race because of an engine problem. You win. You fought tooth and nail against Charles and Lewis, they hadn’t given up but were there. Your first win in Formula One. That felt exciting on another level. You felt powerful and obviously, you went out to celebrate like a champion.

“Oh c’mon, don’t be grumpy,” You said to Max sitting next to him in the VIP section of the nightclub. Your feet were already hurting from dancing so much and alcohol was already coursing through your veins.

“If it wasn’t for the fucking engine,” he complained

“I know” You patted his thigh

“I don’t know what the fuck is happening to us this season.” It was the third DNF for Red Bull that season and they weren’t even halfway through it yet.

“They’ll figure it out I guess,” You shrugged “I mean; I hope you don’t, so I can continue my streak,” you joked.

“Shut up,” Max groaned before taking a sip of his drink “I’m glad you won”

“No, you’re not” You replied. He didn’t enjoy losing.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” he clarified.

“Yeah, that’s more like it,” you agreed before you both burst out laughing.

Then you saw him. Carlos was staring at you from across the club. Was he licking his lower lip and looking at you? You adjusted the straps of your dress, feeling a little uncomfortable at his scrutinizing gaze. It didn’t matter if you were talking to someone else, you knew that if you turned to look, he would still be there watching you. It was awkward and, to be honest; he was getting on your nerves. Every time you leaned in to speak to Max or when he placed his arm on the back of the couch behind you, you looked up at Carlos, and, almost as if in response; he ran his thumb across his lower lip. The gesture was hot. You had to admit that. When you saw him heading towards the bathroom, you simply went after him and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door. When he came out, you took him by the arm and threw him in the darkest part of the corridor.

“I don’t like your games” You snapped at him pointing a finger at him “Whatever you’re trying to do, stop”

“What games?” Carlos asked and you groaned. Now he wanted to feign innocence? He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Those looks”

“What? Now I can’t look at you?”

“You know what I mean,” You snorted “You look like a stalker”

“Nothing, I’m just surprised to see you so close with Max” There it was. He was jealous. You didn’t understand why, but you couldn’t miss the opportunity to make fun of him.

“I’m sorry, anyone who heard you would think you’re jealous of Max, Sainz”

“Oh, I’m” He admitted, which made you raise your eyebrows.

“It’s not that he’s in your business but Max is my best friend. I wouldn’t cross the line with him” Not that you had or owed him any explanation, but somehow you were giving it to him.

“didn’t look like that”

“He has a girlfriend”

“And?”

“I know you have trouble understanding it, but not everyone likes to cheat on their girlfriends,” you responded by being smart. You knew perfectly well that it was more than likely that things had not happened, as Irene had told you.

Your words made Carlos take a step towards you and corner you against the wall “Watch your mouth,” He murmured, leaning over you.

Who did he think he was to tell you what to do? “Or what?” you replied.

“Or I’ll have to do something about it” Carlos captured your lips between his in a wild and hungry kiss with no kind of warning. You definitely didn’t see that coming. It was intense, and it was a mere question of domination where he and you fought to see who had control. He passed his hand around your waist and you pulled him towards you by the nape of his neck. He took you by his thigh and gently lifted your leg to hug his hip. You felt the brush of his cock against the fabric of your panties. Despite the TV between you, you could tell that he was hard and that your panties were wet. You hated to say it, but no one had ever kissed you that way, so wild and so visceral. He ran his finger down your slit over your panties, but you still knew he had felt how wet you were cause he bit your lower lip between the kiss. You moved your hips against his finger. How the hell did you end up like this? You were both struggling to catch your breath, but you eventually broke up. You both stared at each other for a moment, trying to catch your breath.

“I’m pretty sure you are wet enough to wait” Carlos’s voice sounded hoarser than usual but you liked the way it sounded. When did you start to like something about him? Before you could think of anything to say, he was already walking away, back into the crowd.

After what had happened, you couldn’t stop looking at Carlos’ hands, who was now sitting next to Max, having a casual conversation with him. Had he sat there to control more closely what was going on? And you decided you were too sober for that shit. So you started drinking at a fast pace and it couldn’t end well because after a while Max dared to take the glass away from you so you would stop drinking. You kept thinking about Carlos’s words and you were more than aware of the moisture between your legs. You couldn’t deny that it was because of him.

It probably wasn’t the best idea, but you couldn’t walk to the hotel in that state if you didn’t want someone to post a picture tomorrow of you walking drunk through the streets of Monte Carlo. It made sense for you to go back to Carlos because you were both staying at the same hotel. Max lived on the other side of Monaco and, according to him, you couldn’t go back to the hotel alone without proper supervision. Moron.

“Ok, you need to fuck me or stop looking at me like that,” you told him as if you were talking on something random as you both walked into the hotel. You were too drunk to process what that whole situation meant when he kept looking at you.

“I see that alcohol makes you have an attitude” He pointed, and you stuck your tongue out at him

“Words, words, words, and no action,” you crooned, calling the elevator button

“I swear to god you’re a brat.” He rolled his eyes.

“You gonna complain about my attitude or fuck it out of me?” You asked him, entering the elevator and turning to see him. Tomorrow when you were hungover and sober you were going to hate yourself for sure for even opening your mouth and then you were going to kick Max’s ass for letting you go with Carlos. “I’m pretty sure I deserve a good spanking too” You winked at him.

“Yes, you do,” He answered, entering behind you and pressing you against the wall of the elevator while you giggled. How silly your laugh sounded. You sounded like a little girl.

“How drunk are you?” He asked, taking you by the waist.

“Not enough” You cocked your head slightly to look at him. Was he asking you why he didn’t want to fuck you if you were drunk? After what he had said before at the club? “You better not be thinking about backing out”

“Is that a threat?”

“I don’t need you to be a gentleman right now” You appreciated that he was trying not to go overboard with you but you really didn’t want to keep talking because the more you did, the more you thought back about what the hell was going on.

“I wasn’t planning on being one,” he murmured back before the elevator doors opened. You knew that was a lie because of the way he was, but you would have to prove your theory. You walked the path of the corridor that led to your room in silence when you both reached your door and you took the card from your bag to open it.

You turned to look at him “Kiss me” You had run out of clever phrases to say to him. It was a simple request and Carlos seemed to comply because, after a few seconds, his mouth was on yours once again. He closed the door behind you with his foot before pushing you against it. With your back against the door, you wrapped your legs around his waist. His mouth moved down to your neck and then to your shoulder as he alternated kisses with soft bites with his teeth. He gently slid the straps of your dress off your shoulders, exposing your boobs. You unbuttoned his pants to take them off, but that was as far as you got. As his lips moved over your tits, so did his hands and his fingers moved to the sides of your hips to slide your panties down your legs to remove them. He took as much as he could into his mouth and he sucked hard before withdrawing, leaving your nipple between his teeth. You felt how his finger slid through the lips of your pussy, testing your moisture. You moved your hip against his finger. His hands slid up your legs to your knees, and he knelt beside you, placing your legs on his shoulders. You knew what was coming next, and you shuddered in anticipation.

Your lower back lifted from the door as you felt his mouth all over you and he started licking you up and down. His fingers slipped inside you and his mouth gently sucked on your clit, teasing you with careful touches just where you really needed him to touch you. You heard a gasp coming from somewhere in the room and realized it could only be yours. The way he looked at you as he licked your pussy, even when you looked away from him because you couldn’t help but throw your head back. When you looked back down, he was staring at you. With your thighs parted by his firm hands gripping you hard enough to leave marks, Carlos devoured you. You almost wanted to cry with pleasure, each regret, each blow, each nervous touch brought you a little closer to orgasm. When you felt you were on the verge of orgasm, you took him by the hair, nuzzling him closer to you, earning you a growl from him. With the heat that had been building in your belly and the wetness between your legs, you warmed when his tongue catapulted you to orgasm.

You were barely recovering with your head still wrapped in the fog of orgasm when Carlos grabbed you around the waist and carried you to the bed. You weren’t sure you could use your legs anyway, they were made of jelly. He yanked off his pants and underwear before you nuzzled his chest so that he lay on his back on the bed. Between his legs, you knelt. You would never admit it out loud, but Irene had told you what sex with him was like, and you hated to even think about it. But the bastard’s cock was bigger than usual. You took his cock in your hand before wrapping it between your lips. The moan he let out suddenly seemed like the hottest thing you had ever heard. You worked the rest of his cock with your hand, including his balls, which caused him to pick up his hair with your hand, tugging gently. After hearing him moan, you wouldn't see him the same way. You took his cock deep in your throat, causing you to gag slightly, but you repeated the movement, anyway. You knew he was on the verge of cumming, but instead of him, he pushed you back onto the bed without letting you finish the blowjob.

“Condom? I don’t have any” He asked looking over at your nightstand. You weren’t planning on having sex in Monte Carlo with a stranger to need protection, so you had brought none.

You shook your head “Pill” simply gasped, still trying to catch your breath. You were on the pill since you were a teenager.

The smile he gave you made you flinch slightly. “Better,” he murmured back. Perhaps...? Was he admitting that he wanted to fuck you without a condom? You had never done it because you had not had a stable partner that lasted more than a couple of months and you were suspicious enough not to want to risk it. However, you trusted Carlos enough to not have a problem with that. Besides that, the very idea of having unprotected sex with him was incredibly arousing.

His eyes lit up as he guided your cock into your cunt, resting just the tip between your folds before moving it to force your clit drenched in moisture from the previous orgasm. You let out a small moan before giving him a look to cut the fucking games off and get down to business. Of course, he didn’t and stuck the tip of your cock inside you one more time, only for you to throw your head back in exasperation.

“Use your words,” He murmured, repeating the movement.

“It’s just-I-” You moaned in exasperation “I don’t have any”

“Did the cat eat your tongue?” He scoffed “I think you should start finding them quick”

Damn bastard, he sure loved hearing you beg, but at that moment, you wanted to cum much more than you cared about your pride. You needed his cock more than you wanted to hit him for playing with you like that.

After a few seconds, you let out a gasp “Please?”

“Yes, that’s better, niña bonita”

He slid his cock inside you to his balls in a single thrust that took you to heaven. You let out a little cry of surprise mixed with a moan of pleasure because you didn’t expect that movement. You had to close your eyes for a moment to revel in the way his cock worked its way inside you and how your walls tightened around it. After a moment, he moved inside you, and with one hand; he lifted your leg to place it on his shoulder while with the other; he rubbed your clitoris. The angle your leg was at just made you feel like his thrusts were reaching deeper inside you.

Carlos stopped caressing your clitoris to surround your neck with one of his hands. He was deep inside you and you were sure that your moans had already turned into little screams a while ago. Your back arched with pleasure. Carlos caressed the skin of your neck gently before you took that forearm and squeezed it. He must have taken that as a sign because he applied a bit of pressure. You tried to moan, but all that came out was an almost gasping sound as you felt his pace pick up. His thumb caressed your lips as he continued to apply pressure and you let out a little yelp or at least tried to because it came out a bit strangled. The walls of your pussy involuntarily tightened around his cock when you were already on almost there. Carlos let out a throaty growl, and the sound sent you into orgasm. A few seconds later, he came after you while your pussy continued to cringe around his cock. He removed your hand from around his neck before rolling next to you. Your lungs were begging for air, your brain was a complete mess, and your vision blurred until you could catch your breath. You felt Carlos’s semen rolling down your thighs.

“That was...” You gasped after a moment.

“Incredible? Impressive? A piece of heaven?” He suggested and you let out a laugh.

“I was going to say overwhelming, but all that too” You agreed tilting your head slightly to look at him. The way Irene had described sex with him? It wasn’t even close to what you had just experienced, and you were damn sure you were going to repeat it.

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