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#this is so stupid lol but genuinely it is a problem
theclearblue · 6 months
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2024 resolution is to spend more time in my living room/kitchen and get over my fear of being Percieved by the people I live with.
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aq2003 · 9 months
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there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"
#ARE THEY STUPID!#dr who#this is about ten specifically his relationship w martha lmao#m being so serious i genuinely did not. see the 'ten was on purpose leading martha on to make her think her feelings were requited' angle#until going out into the wild and reading the tumblr posts. like i genuinely did not. at ALLLLLL. its like a brick hitting my head#bc the ENTIRE time s3 ten came off to me as 'doing stuff w no romantic intent behind it but would consistently get misinterpreted as such'#cuz IIIIIIIII have done this. IIIIIIII have run into this problem before. and it sucks so incredibly bad.#i actually do want to think my og interpretation still holds water cuz like. well i could gather all the evidence but#first one that comes 2 mind would be him going 'it's like when you fancy someone + they dont know you exist' to martha. in episode TWELVE#two routes; either ten is needlessly cruel and callous even after a season's worth of building up trust and friendship w her#or he is on super 'i dont think she has feelings for me and this is a very unhappy coincidence of a line' cocaine#Or the 'she fancied me' line in s4 to donna. either he is disregarding all the good and positive impact she did him. or the fact that this#went over his head the whole time made him look back on that time w discomfort <- I DID THIS. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING#THIS ONTO HIM. AM I STUPID.?.?????#you know how mikage rgu can either be read as an incel or a gay man lost so completely in the sauce#ten is like in this same ballpark. i think. of 'emotionally manipulative and disrespects women' or 'aroacespec and missed the cues'#funniest possible options to pick from. ten my brother how did you set yourself up like this#absolutely not denying that he was toxic and unhealthy during s3 in like 500 ways btw. but well. ths is the one concwpt that#flew over my head. so completely. and i can kind of see it now but i also still find it hard to incorporate into my belief system#bc its like. brother I'M aroace and missed the cues too lol#tangential note we can trace many problems down to a writer's room filled w white people not giving#martha's character the respect/agency she deserves for the existing narrative she has. bc they pulled this w mickey too both in series 1+2#if they wanted to portray ten as manipulative then him and martha should've been given more screentime#together where martha (or anyone else) calls him the FUCK out on this. and ten would need to suffer narrative consequences of doing smth#as fucked up as that rather than his happy stable dynamic he has w donna. if they wanted to portray him as oblivious then marthas character#shouldn't have constantly been boiled down to an unrequited crush (particularly her dialogue in the s3 finale - there's a LOT more reasons#why she would choose to leave/why their dynamic was unhealthy besides ten not returning her feelings)#if you read all these tags you may be entitled 2 financial compensation#ten and martha#aspec doc tag
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minakoaiinos · 1 month
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Me when I think my dad is cool and admirable
#the previous earl lost the game lol#like i think if ciel's dad came back from the dead instead of ciel prime that ciel would have the same im the earl reaction#i don't have a reading of this narrative at all that he's trying to be his dad or wants sebastian to be his dad bc number one i think...#...vincent only looks like sebastian bc that's yana's art style and number two it also gets on my nerves the really fandom-y brain to...#...assign found family into actual nuclear family roles. when ciel's whole house now is made up of relationships that are really only...#...defined by how much they all love each other. it's the opposite of what his life was like before where he was stuck in like. an older...#...brother does this and marries this and the watchdog does this and rich people are expected to be like this and a family is a nuclear...#...kind of family unit and that's honestly what caused madam red and ciel and ciel prime a lot of their problems pre fire#now instead the people in ciel's house care about their roles as maid and gardener and chef etc only insofar as playing that role is a...#...way to have freedom for them and it's a way to do things for ciel only bc they love him. not that vincent and rachel completely sucked...#...and didn't love their kids but it was the opposite of ciel's situation now and uh i don't think he wants it back or to recreate it#i think he sees his parents and the midfords as sheep just like of the rest of the rich people he complains about#it's a category 10 albert moriarty situation#he was raised in it so he understands just how destructive these expectations are madam red had the exact problems with the expectation...#...she should get married and have kids when i don't think she particularly wanted that to the point she had to convince herself she did...#...even though it felt unnatural to her and i think that's why she was so attached to the idea of vincent but anyway comphet madam red...#...different post i have already made somewhere probably#it's the same deal for ciel i think he thinks the way the rich people govern their lives is stupid and sebastian has both spoiled him and...#...made him feel like he's above all that and honestly that mindset genuinely informs a lot of this arc and the sheep motif#kuroshitsuji#my kuro posts#ciel
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bunnihearted · 7 months
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📖🖊❄️
#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind#1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like#2) ​i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read#but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really#3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me.#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored#and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing)#i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money#then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/#ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is#im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything#4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it#everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :((#i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it#5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them#except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/#but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again.#i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333
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deityofhearts · 6 months
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I think the worst part is that i still love and care about people even when it hurts and i wish i didn’t
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sillysymbol · 10 months
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All of the anons in your ask box are weak as shit i for one am having a blast seeing your riverdale art and experiencing the weekly reblog attack where i get to see more riverdale on my dash in one afternoon than ive ever experienced in my life. Stay silly o7
YES THANK YOU OTTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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kimmkitsuragi · 6 months
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truly but does anyone notice but does anyone care
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widevibratobitch · 7 months
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#vent post vent post lalalala#i wanted to post some pictures from my weekend trip with my friends before its too late but then i saw my fucking face and now i wanna kms#like oh my god. oh my god this is really truly the face im stuck with forever and ever and ever till the day im fuckin rotting in the groun#incredible how unfair life can be lmao (<- girl who is having such incredibly superficial stupid fucking problems but is otherwise#quite privileged but of course that will never be fucking enough for her because she's soooooo fckn stupid and selfish and annoyinggg lol)#i dont know why im so obsessed with it now#like i genuinely remember KNOWING that im kinda ugly (and fat) in high school and being like 'so what lol idc'#so WHY is it such an issue now?????#idk. i just kinda wish i was dead every time i look at my face and realise there's nothing i can do to change it#i can dress in ways that will cover my ugly ass shapeless body. maybe i can even go back to my ed properly this time#and lose some weight. for a time. before i gain back twice as much and the circle begins anew lol#but my face is not gonna change no matter what i do lmao unless i fucking scrape it off with a grater or smash my head into pieces#and like. even if i do get that rhinoplasty (its not gonna change my faceshape anyway. nothing i can do to fix THAT fuckin atrocity)#every time ill look in the mirror i will only be reminded that its fake. and that my natural face was disgusting enough it had to be cut up#to be fixed somewhat.#i just wish i had ONE. just ONE nice thing about my body. literally just one its not even funny lol#and its so fucked up when you look at my mom who was so insanely fucking beautiful when she was my age. like. i cant blame her#cause how could she have known that the genes she'll pass on will not result in anything good lol but also i feel like such a failure#like its not really my fault i got the genes i got. but yknow.#anyway im tired of always being the ugliest person in any group im hanging out with. my cousins? check. my hometown friends? check.#my uni friends? my GOD check (how ARE they all so pretty and skinny??? insane).#god i wish i were dead. like fr fr. im not actively suicidal since i cant bring myself to *do* shit anyway. but i just wish i never existed
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pepprs · 1 year
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lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol
#purrs#grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like.#god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class#(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and#ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w#wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and#also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years#ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s#social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the#classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two#instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING#THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they#don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the#same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody#noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ <#<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th#that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t#telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have#to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍#delete later#oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t#even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me#that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off#into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and#their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3#* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️
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nomaishuttle · 10 months
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nurses stop being cunts challenge difficulty level fucking impossible apparently
#i was waiting outside my kast room 4 today its assisted living so full clean#he had told me just needed to use the bathroom and then hed be out he was rly friendly#this fucking nurse (who is one of the ones who will just Ignore me when i say hi in the hallway. bc im housekeeping. lol.) comes up and is#like Why are you waiting outside jmmediately in a bitchy tone of voice and im like oh im just waiting on this guy to finish usjng the#bathroom so j can clean 👍 and shes like Ill get hjm out and im like oh no hes ok he said he just needs to pee and she looks at me like im#fuckjh stupid and is like He cant leave on his own 🙄🙄 like. ok. he isnt one of my regular rooms i do not fucking know the guy and hr said#hed be right o8ut. but fucking whatever. she gets hkm out i start cleaning i take his laundry bc hes assisted living we take all their#laundry and dee tolde he was all laundry. the fuckjng same nurse comes in and says Why did you take his laundry and im like what. bc like..#thatsy hov like liteeally. and shes like we dont take his laundry why did you take his laundry#and jm like i didnt fuckjng know dee told me hes all laundry so j fuckjng took all laundry.#and she just KEEPS SAYJG WE DONT TAKE HIS LAUNFRY. AFTER IVE ALREADY FUCKING PUT HJS LAUNDRY BACK. and finally shuts tyhe fuck up bc i#start ignoring her. im cleanig a counter ajd she fuckjng grabs my shoulder and says Come tell me when youre done 🙄#like. do i look like a fucking messenger. im not gonna hunt the fuckig building for her especially when she wants to act like a cunt. and#i heard her talking shit abt me in the hallway with another nurse like im ngl i fuckjng hate you. what is your problem lol.#she was literally saying j didnt know how to do8nmy job like#1. touch me again try it 2. is your job telling me how to do mine. no im pretty sure your job is being rude to residents#<- im not just sayjng that ive seen the way she inthteracts with residents and shes like genuinely mean sometimes. and like Really bossy#like#obv i get being bossy bc some of the assisted living patients are a bit scattered so they need direction but she like. idk..
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constantvariations · 2 years
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Jaune and Blake's roles are useless. Bumblebee is useless as a ship. Bumblebee is an abusive ship. Blake has privileges. She is WHITE. Fandom can make her a dark-skinned girl out of her all it wants. She will always remain a white girl with rich parents. Blake has a big house. She has never gone hungry. She had access to a comfortable island life without the grimm. Whereas Yang and Ruby grew up in a place full of grimm and even suffered from them. Blake is almost like Weiss, but she's worse. Blake has prejudices against people in 1v and is unapologetic about them. But Blake poor meow meow everyone owes her an apology for racism and her suffering. Her suffering that didn't happen. Blake has protective and kind parents. Her parents were not depressed or alcoholics. Her parents did not die or go missing. Blake has the perfect family. Blake has a perfect partner (I don't think Adam sent her on dangerous missions) Blake is a good white princess who decided to play activist and ran away when she realized it wasn't a game. I suspect that Jaune also has the perfect family. There is not a hint that he was bullied in his family. He has no hints that he was forbidden to practice. It doesn't make sense for Jaune to run away from home to play the hero. Weiss had to work her way through sweat and literally blood. Jaune just forged documents. If he wanted to be a hero so badly, he should have started training at home. Or he should have gone to Signal (like Ruby) . If he's a descendant of heroes, he should have been trained since he was a kid. But he doesn't do anything. Jaune is like Blake. He just decided to play hero. He doesn't want to make people's lives better (like Ruby). He doesn't want to overthrow his father (Weiss). He doesn't even want to run away from his past and start a new life (Blake). He doesn't want to make a profit (Yang). He just wants to play the hero. He wants to be famous. He's useless.
It is incredibly unfortunate that Crwby decided Blake's backstory was going to be island princess instead of orphan activist, but I don't think it's fair to say her life is perfect because she didn't suffer discrimination directly - which is a take that is entirely up to interpretation depending on how you converge her V1 speech ("You could say I was born into the White Fang [shown with ratty clothes as a youth at a protest]) with her V4 lifestyle (daughter to the head honchos, big fancy mansion on an island with ((supposedly)) very little space, etc). Even if you're at the top of second class... you're still second class. The best a Faunus can ever hope for is silver while the humans get gold from the get-go
Blake Belladonna is a tool of a narrative, written by people who shouldn't go near racial issues with a 100 ft pole. It's not her fault that she is a white girl that somehow has Indian parents, nor is it her fault that her storyline is absolute ass at best. It is Crwby's fault that her pacifism methods/activist history/de-radicalization arc amount to... nothing
A person doesn't need to be personally affected by discrimination to take action against it. The suffering of one is the suffering of all. If everyone only did things according to how it affected them personally, the world would be an incredibly dark place indeed. (Just look at the discourse surrounding the Dragon Age 2 companions. Ugh)
As to Blake's personal suffering... it's really hard to say anything concrete. The narrative of RWBY doesn't give us anything solid, and what little it does give us gets contradicted (see aforementioned V1 speech vs V4 presentation). The only thing we can say for certain is that she suffered at the hands of Adam as a romantic partner, which is Crwby's way of side-stepping the racism thing they created. So, technically, she has suffered as a woman in narrative, not as a Faunus nor a Faunus woman (a la misogynoir)
While there might might be some precedence of emasculation while growing up with an abundance of sisters while being the only boy, but other than that, there is little to suggest what Jaune's family life was like. We don't know the reason he had to forge his transcripts - was it because he failed his classes at a prior school? Did his family forbid him from continuing the legacy for some reason? Did Jaune do it for the funsies? - and therefore it is impossible to determine why he took the path he did, and if there were any alternatives he failed to pursue
Jaune, like Blake, is a poorly wielded tool of the narrative. The writers wanted him to be both Super Special (long standing legacy, cool heirloom weapon, harem protagonist) and the Audience Stand-in (doesn't know shit about Aura or Grimm or... life in general), which makes him an absolute Frankenstein of tropes. Once again, it is not the fault of a character that they're written to be absolute ass
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cospinol · 2 years
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nano week one wrapup time! (*´꒳`*) frankly a slightly harrowing start, just in terms of spending 3-4 solid days doing nothing but moving the two parts of the intro chapter back and forth and back and forth and also completely overhauling the basic concepts of the meetcute and actual plot setup while I was at it. it’s still a pretty bad chapter (and I think a lot of the info in it is not even necessarily correct vis à vis current plot direction, idk that the description of naga’s actions in it makes sense so we might need another pass to take that out entirely… I was attached to him being the thing that motivates Hyou to take the job at all but since the rest of the setup has leaned into the whole situation being mere’s fault exclusively and naga doesn’t appear onscreen it might be better just to cut him entirely) and at some point I’ll probably go back to move the middle flashback section to the beginning again but At Least It’s Done Enough -_-b I was also hoping to make it to the first crime scene scene today and did not, but we at least got thru the last convo at the base and are on the way there, which is the last point we had to clear to be free of the absolutely minuscule ‘intro’ portion of the outline. large parts of the outline may still have to be rewritten if I keep feeling this iffy abt writing the stupid court martial scene though. bwaaa
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jrwiyuri · 2 years
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Guys I’m ngl I forgot supporting mspec lesbians was even considered to be wrong by toxic twitter standards I thought the bi lesbian Lizzie post was just epic
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mainfaggot · 8 months
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emotional rollercoaster todayyyyy
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lovecrazedpup · 10 months
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woo
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sinecosinewheel · 1 year
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hiiiii finished the owl house thoughts in the tags
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