#this is towards my friends jester and planet who are why I say things like ‘goof’ and ‘goober’ I have never said this out loud before having

[whimsyprinx]

It’s all fun and games picking up speech and movement and other such mannerisms from friends until it’s phrases and words that no one you know says aside from the people you picked it up from

[certainstarlightqueen]

Yeah, I'm still digesting the final episode of CritRole campaign 2, and as part of that process I made a final deep dive into my feelings about Essek and his crimes. After all, this is probably the last thing I'll ever write about this topic. If you're going to be upset by "Essek apologists" or whatever other derogatory term you prefer when dismissing other people's interpretations, stop reading here. You have been warned.

In my humble opinion, the Mighty Nein and the cast are very much overreacting when it comes to Essek's crimes... their hypocrisy when it comes to Essek is off the charts and has been ever since they learned about his actions. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, I get that Americans are a little obsessed with patriotism so maybe treason is a bigger deal to some of you than it would be for me. Feel free to call me an apologist, but hear me out:

The way I see it, Essek is guilty of 3 crimes (or 3 categories of crimes if you will):

1. Treason. Stealing the luxen, which indirectly started the war.

2. Betraying the mighty nein. Primarily by lying to them.

3. Actual war crimes. We know he was was involvert with torture and there has been hinted at some other misdeeds we don't know about.

Now how YOU judge these crimes based on your own hopefully law-abiding-citizen moral compass is one thing (and mostly irrelevant in this discussion) my argument is that the Mighty Nein should not be judging him as harshly as they do. Here's why:

1. Stealing the luxen was a crime against the Dynasty, but the Nein has no particular loyalty to the Dynasty nor it's religious practices. An act of treason against a nation they're not part of just simply shouldn't affect them as much as it seemingly does. A lot of the resentment towards Essek seem to be built on the idea that he "caused the war" which caused people to die, but imo that is an absurdly black and white way of looking at it. Was that guy who shot the Archduke and sparked World War I responsible for every life lost in that war? Of course not, the world was literally at the brink of war and it was only a matter of time until something pushed it over the edge. It has been stated time and time again in game that the Dynasty and Empire are at war with each other all the freaking time. That's why as soon as the luxen was stolen the Dynasty blame the Empire right away without any sort of proof. Wars do not start because one person does one thing, they start as a result of long running political schemes and clashing interests. Like I said, cultural factors may be at play here, but to me continously insisting that Essek must atone for every single life lost in the war "he started" is increadibly childish.

2. Ok, now this is the one that actually stands out as a good reason for the Nein to be upset because in this case they were directly and personally wronged. Building up trust with someone to the point where you consider them a friend only to realise that they lied and manipulated you is a legit issue and I totally get that they would be sceptical towards trusting Essek again after that. Although it should be mentioned that Essek, in his confession, specifically remarked on how he had already betrayed their trust before he met them. Like, he was already living on a lie when they became friends in the first place. Not to mention how he apologised profusely and never did something to slight the Nein ever again...

3. This one is, in my opinion, by far the most serious crime, but also one that the Nein have very little justification to resent Essek for without coming off as the biggest hypocrits on the planet. Now torture is horrific, there is no debate about that. Sooo....remember how Nott worked briefly as a torturers assistant? How Beau tortured that guard to death with acid? How the Nein themselves in the heat of (or aftermath of) battle have occasionally done things that would classify as either physical or psychological torture of people at their mercy? As far as we know these are the only true "war crimes" Essek has committed, and under orders from the Bright Queen nonetheless. Yet Essek is the only character ever addressed as a "war criminal". Honey, you're all war criminals by modern standards. Everyone you know who is even slightly involved with the war in this fantasy land is a war criminal. Including Astrid and Eadwulf, but no one ever told them to go give themselves up to the authorities to atone for their sins or whatever. Now not all of the Nein are at fault here, Jester, Caduceus, Yasha and Fjord all seem to realise that they are not in any position to judge and they tend to go easier on Essek. Meanwhile Beau, Caleb and especially Veth are so hypocritical it makes my skin crawl. Coincidentally these three are the ones who went full on murder hobo without a second thought just a few episodes ago. Veth was literally willing to do the exact same thing as Essek and risk another war for her own personal interests. It also doesn't help that Matt plays Essek as the most melodramatic f*cker ever, repeatedly declaring himself to be the worst person in existence and never ever standing up for himself. I'm sorry, but with the exception of Caduceus, the Mighty Nein and a good chunk of their allies are shady as all heck, and the way they, by the end, borderline suggested Essek turn himself in (likely to face execution) to "atone" when everyone else is walking away without a care in the world just comes off as tone deaf.

Feel free to disagree with me, but the aforementioned is one of the reasons I was disappointed by the conclusion of C2. I had hoped for some emotional growth from the Nein, but instead they kept the broken "war criminal" reccord going, even after Essek (as the only npc willing to do so) risked his life to help save the world. Honestly, at this point I kinda wish they would just stay away from heavy topics like this in C3.... if the cast wants to play a black and white game where the "bad man is evil and also bad" then that is their perogative, but it does make the characters come off as shallow and hypocritical. You can't first say "Yeah, the Gentleman partook in human trafficking in the past, but he's a cool dude. Total bro." And then turn around and be like "Yeah, Essek partook in torture in the past so he is an irredeemable criminal who has to work real hard if he ever wants to get close to being a good person!"

Anyways, this was all I had to say. I'm ready to move on from C2 despite the bad aftertaste.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk

[pretend-writer]

Down Below (Chapter 68)

Summary: After being sent down on Earth with the other prisoners from the Ark, Y/N Reyes faces series of events and learns about survival. With new things happening around her, she is now starting a new chapter in her life.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader, John Murphy x reader, Raven Reyes x sister!reader

Word Count: 2.8k words

Warning: swearing, mention of sex, critical injury

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Raven's head rose up as she saw me leave Marcus' room. She read my facial expression, making sure that I handled everything well in there with him.

'Everything okay?' My sister asked as she walked towards me.

'I'm okay.' I forced a smile, thinking about the critical condition he was in and also what Jackson mentioned earlier. There was a slight chance he was going to make it after surgery.

'Oh, don't act like you care all of the sudden.' Abby said, arms crossed while she leaned by the wall.

'Abby, shut up.' Raven defended me, 'It's easy for you to blackmail kids and electrocuting them with neck collars. Why are you actin-'

I quickly turned to Abby, 'Excuse me? Neck collars?'

'Yeah, tell her Abby. Tell my sister how you not only blackmailed her but also me into making that stupid machine for your next fix.'

'Raven, I'm sorry!' Abby cried, guilt flushed across her face as she saw how upset we both were. 'I didn't mean for any of it to happen!'

Balling my fist, I tried to keep my anger in. It was one thing to mess with me but to manipulate and hurt my sister was way out of line. 'You laid your hands on my sister again?'

Her eyes widen, recalling the time where she slapped Raven when Clarke ran away from camp to save our friends from Mount Weather. 'It was wrong and I'm sorry. I feel guilty about what I did to Raven.'

'What you did to me was wrong but why don't you apologize to Y/N too?' Raven took a step towards Abby, 'You got everyone fooled, even Kane but you can't fool me. How dare you force her to take innocent lives?'

'You weren't down there, you wouldn't understand.' Abby claimed.

'I understand that you used her to kill people for no reason. You didn't have to force anyone to eat but you chose to threaten them. Even manipulating Kane to go against Y/N.' Raven's eyes start to water, 'Who even are you?'

'A coward. She's a coward that can't do shit for herself, uses and abuse children for anything to go her way.' My eyes start to water as I remembered the pain. 'You made Marcus hate me, thinking I was this disgusting human being. You abused my sister for your stupid pills!'

Abby's knees weakened, falling to the ground as she started to ball her eyes out. Watching her feel guilty made me feel nothing, it was hard for me to stand here when the urge to punch her kept crawling under my skin.

'Don't act like you feel ashamed about any of this.' I chuckled, I could tell I was going crazy the way my laughter came out of nowhere. 'You have no idea what pain I've been through, what Octavia went through. And for me to find out you used my sister too?'

'Y/N...' Raven tugged on my arm, watching me as I pace back and forth in front of Abby.

'What?!' I yelled, 'She ruined my whole life! She made my last six years a living hell!'

Raven nodded, tilting her head as she signaled me to go walk with her. I swallowed the large lump in my throat, fighting all the anger I had in me.

I kicked the wall before I walked off. Me pretending that it was Abby didn't work at all, it startled her a bit as she jumped up. Rolling my eyes, I walked away from her.

Raven followed me down the hall, grabbing my hand as she smiled at me. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine, Raven.' She wiped the tears off my face. 'I'm sorry she did all that stuff to you.'

'No one knows because she did it behind closed doors.' Raven shook her head, 'Just like what she did to you.'

She was right; Abby did take advantage of me knowing that I was vulnerable to do something about our situation. She even made me feel as though that it was the right choice, that forcing people to eat was a necessity to save Wonkru.

Not a day goes by where I constantly blame myself about everything that happened down in the bunker. I hate myself for going too far, putting myself in a dark path where I felt like I've belonged.

'I know you blame yourself for what happened and I may not have been there but I know you, Y/N.' Raven hugged me, 'You do everything for others. Just like how you always prioritized me after our stupid parents left. You've always made me feel like the best sister anyone can have.'

'That's because you are, Raven.' I hugged her back tightly, 'I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I hate everything that happened especially because I couldn't do anything about it. I'm so angry.'

'Yeah, I saw your face. I had to pull you out before you beat her up.' Raven chuckled, leaving our hug as she cupped my cheeks.

'I wish I can stay up here with you. We're always apart from each other since I've been locked up in the Skybox.' I sighed.

She smiled. 'Once we find out what this moon has to offer us, we can be together like we used to.'

'Moon? It's not a planet?'

'Nope! And I can't wait to do more research, all of this is so fascinating.'

I laughed, enjoying seeing my sister smile and enjoying what she loved to do best; researching science and building things. 'Okay, nerd. I guess I'll get you back to doing your thing and I'll go do mine down on the ground.'

'Yeah, go have fun on your adventure date with Sir Blake.' Raven jestered, raising her eyebrows. Her facial expression suddenly changed, seeing that I wasn't blushing like I always did. 'What's wrong with you two?'

'Nothings wrong, uhm sort of. More of there's something more with me I guess.' I couldn't figure out the words to say.

'Is this about what I told you before cryo? About Echo and him?' She instantly became worried, feeling guilty about everything. 'I'm sorry Y/N, I didn't mean for-'

'John and I slept together.' I blurted out, biting my lip as I saw Raven's eyes widen. 'Please don't make it a huge deal.'

Raven squealed, covering her mouth as she tried to process everything. 'It is a huge deal! Wait, when did this happen? Does Bellamy know? Give me more details.'

'Right after you told me about Bellamy kissing Echo and nope he doesn't know.'

'Oh wow. So you ran way from me to Murphy's open arms to open your legs.' Raven smirked, laughing out loud which made me roll my eyes.

'Yeah, yeah, laugh it off.' I flicked her lightly on her hand, 'I'm serious though. I feel something for him again.'

'Are you sure you're not just confused?'

'I mean, maybe but it doesn't change the fact that he cheated on me.' It felt to weird to say that out loud, it was even weirder to admit that I had feelings for John.

This whole thing with John might be just confusion like Raven said, but it felt too real to think that it was a fling. I wouldn't act on my feelings if it wasn't for the right reason, I could never do that to John.

'Now that you mention it, he did look like a sad puppy when you kicked him out of Kane's room earlier.'

'Now you're making me feel bad.'

'Don't. You have every right to be mad at him, especially because he never told you.' Raven admitted, 'But you have to talk to him.'

She may be right, I mean Raven was always right. But I didn't want anything to ruin what I had; Bellamy did say he wanted to take things slow.

I just couldn't do it, not right now.

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Clarke pulled the lever, exposing us to the new planet or as Raven corrected, moon, our new home. I held my breath, looking at everyone's expression to see if the place was habitable.

'You can breathe, Y/N.' Shaw chuckled as he saw I was struggling to hold my breath.

Exhaling dramatically, I ran outside. It had been a long time since I felt freedom and peace. After being in the bunker for all those years, we were rescued to be brought back to a massacre. It felt nice to finally have a new beginning.

Murphy ran right behind me, picking me up around and spinning me. 'New planet, here we come!'

'Actually, it's a moon. Raven confirmed.' I laughed, ignoring everyone else's gaze knowing that people are definitely questioning what was happening between us.

'You might wanna be careful, Y/N. Your wound on your leg is still healing.' Echo unexpectedly warned me. I didn't know how I felt about that, given the fact that she kissed my boyfriend. Or maybe even more.

As much as I wanted to be angry at Echo, I couldn't. It wasn't like she knew me and Bellamy's situation, I think. I did envy her a little bit; she was able to spend all those year on The Ring with him.

'Ah yeah. Thanks.' As I awkwardly replied back to Echo, I followed Miller into the woods.

Shaw rushed next to me, started to walk beside me as the rest of the group were behind us. 'Uh, so what's going on with you and Murphy?'

I turned to him, raising my eyebrow. 'Why are you asking me all of the sudden? Did Raven ask to stalk me?'

'Her exact words were "you're my spy."' Shaw chuckled, 'Sorry, was that too direct?'

'Yeah, you can say that.' I laughed, walking side by side with him into the forest. 'I appreciate you looking after Raven. I know you two have been through a lot with McCreary.'

He nodded, 'Raven is strong. I can say she helped me through a lot and not the other way around. I've heard stuff about you and I'm guessing the mental strength runs in the Reyes family.'

'No, no not at all. Raven and I can't be compared.' Giving him a fake smile, I was hoping to change the subject. 'Anyways, I'm really glad she has you.'

'You don't give yourself enough credit, Y/N. I've heard a lot about you.' Shaw tapped me on the shoulder, 'But I'm really glad to have her too. She's very special.'

As I smiled at Shaw, I bumped onto Miller's back who stood still in front of me. Curious of why he stopped, I turned to his gaze. 'Miller, you shouldn't stop whe- woah.'

There was a huge body of water spread across, light glistening as it reflected from the sun. A huge smile spread across my face, I'd never seen something so beautiful.

'Wow. Thank you, Monty.' Miller mumbled, turning around and looking at me. His smile was as big as mine, if not bigger. 'We definitely don't see this at the bunker.'

'Well, race you to the water!!' I laughed as I pushed Miller to the side. Cheater! I heard him yell from behind, eventually catching up to me.

Miller splashed water on me, playing and lightly pushing me into the water. 'You really thought you can beat me.'

'Meh, you only did because my leg is fucked up.'

'Don't have fun without me now!' John ran from the shore, jumping into the water as he splashed me and Miller.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Bellamy watching me with a smile on his face. The instance guilt rushed through my body, knowing that the best thing to do was talk to him about everything that was happening.

Bellamy motioned me to come over, he still had that smile on his face which made me assume he wasn't mad. I didn't really have a reason to say no, I decided to come up from the water and follow him.

'Are you avoiding me Reyes?' He blurted, taking a seat on the log. 'I- Did I do something? I know we're not necessarily dating but I don't know... I feel pushed away.'

It was hard to look him in the eyes, knowing that those secrets were hiding deep into his mind. Except I knew that he was keeping it away from me.

Biting my lips, I stared at the rocky sand. The way he looked at me, it was so intense and I could tell he wanted answers. At the same time I felt dumb, the way he acted as though nothing happened.

'How long were you going to keep it from me?'

'What?'

'If the Dark Year never happened, if Skafaiya was out of the picture and hypothetically we were still dating... How long would it have taken you to tell me about Echo?'

The look in his eyes changes instantly, that moment Bellamy knew exactly what I was talking about. 'Reyes-'

'What, Blake? What bullshit excuse are you going to pull from this?'

'It wasn't like that, okay?' He stood up as he buried his face into his hands, looking for words to say. 'W-we never had sex.'

A light laugh escaped my mouth, not believing what he just said. 'Are you serious?'

'Yes, we never slept-'

'You asshole!' I shoved him hard but that barely did anything, making it more frustrating for me. 'You're such an ass and nothing has changed since we met.'

I didn't want to shed any tears for Bellamy or at least show him that I was crying over this. Instantly, I walked away from the beach and into the woods.

How dare he say that he never had sex with Echo. Was I supposed to praise him, be happy that it just ended with a kiss?

All the talk about surviving for each other, loving each other and wanting to be my boyfriend felt like an excuse to keep me waiting for him. It was embarrasing for me to wait for him when he backstabbed me, in front of everyone that stayed at The Ring.

Bellamy tailed me into the woods, calling for my name over and over. Eventually he caught up, his legs faster than mine and my injury didn't get me far either.

'Y/N, I promise you. I promise it's not like how it sounds.'

'Do you hear yourself? Do you honestly think that any excuse is going to make this okay? You made me believe you'd wait for me when you told me to survive for you.'

'I am happy, Y/N! I'm so happy that you're here. You don't know how happy I was to see you we rescued you from the bunker.'

'Then why did you kiss Echo?' Tears streamed from my eyes, I felt deceived and tricked by Bellamy. I truly trusted him with everything to keep going for him. 'When you fought for me to stay, you made me feel like I was worth it, that I deserved to be loved by someone.'

Bellamy's face dropped, I saw in his eyes that he felt guilt. But that wasn't enough to make up the pain I felt.

'All my life I felt unworthy of love, Blake. My parents were assholes and Kane eventually left me too. John finally made me feel something until I got locked up, I thought it was a sign that maybe I didn't really deserve him.'

'Then we got sent down and that didn't go well, me and you were constantly rocky and Kane left me again at the bunker. I held onto you for so long after made me realize maybe Priamfaya wasn't the end for me, I told myself maybe Bellamy was someone that loved me.'

'Y/N...' He cried, cheeks wet from the tears that rolled down his face. 'You know I love you, I always have and always will.'

'Apparently not enough. You didn't think of me when you kissed Echo, you've done it more than once and that tells me you don't love me enough.'

'Please Y/N-'

'Stop, this is already hard for me. Just leave me alone.' Even with the tears I've shed, there were more I was holding onto that I didn’t want to let out. I just wanted to let everything out and cry, the pain was just too much.

Turning away from Bellamy, I walked towards the other direction away from everyone else. There was no way I was going back to the beach, I couldn’t face all of them with my eyes red and puffy from crying.

I walked deeper into the woods, not having any clue where I was going. There was a possibility that I could run into a new grounder on this mood, but I was too hurt to care.

Soon enough, I’ve gotten out of the woods and saw a huge field, I started to become curious of how far I’ve walked from the beach. As I tried to move forward, a sudden force field bounced me backwards and I started to feel pain all over my body.

‘Y/N!’ Bellamy screamed, running over to me as fast as he can. He was still crying, his tears falling on my neck as he hovered over me. ‘Y/N!'

[cinnaminsvga]

💋 | tlhc!yoongi

the sleep deprived series (n.): drabbles that i write when i’m sad and tired

→ tlhc!yoongi ft. jungkook | 3.5K words → a/n: this was written after an anon sent me a REALLY angsty idea for tlhc and i haven’t stopped thinking about it since. also, this takes place after namjin’s wedding but before yoongi and y/n get together (in this drabble, they’re “dating” but i say that loosely because... well. they’re fucking yoongi and y/n so OFC they’re stupidly, emotionally constipated). anyway... here’s This!! rip!!

Yoongi knows he’s being childish when he leaves your shared apartment with a large pout on his face. He knows that if he just tried a little harder, he could’ve convinced you to let him stay at home instead of going to some godforsaken bachelor party. He hasn’t been to a party involving body shots and strippers since he graduated from university, and he isn’t exactly keen on returning to that particular scene either. He has always been a more wine and dine type of guy, and everyone is aware of this.

It’s a well-known fact amongst his circle of friends that Min Yoongi isn’t keen on attending most types of social gatherings. Birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, casual get-togethers… It didn’t matter what the occasion is because Yoongi is certainly going to hate every second of it. It didn’t even matter if the party was being hosted by a long-time friend; after all, sitting in a room filled with half-strangers and estranged friends isn’t exactly what Yoongi would consider a “fun time.”

It doesn’t stop people from inviting him out of courtesy, though.

Most of the time, Yoongi is able to grit through the pain of human interaction as long as you tagged along with him. You’re kind of like Yoongi’s walking meat shield when it comes to parties, though you aren’t exactly fond of his analogy when he had explained himself to you. Nevertheless, you always did understand him better than anyone else, always being his savior from awkward small talk by redirecting the conversation away from him. Or, you would quietly tug him outside to the backyard so that the two of you could pet the party owner’s dog or something.

Truly, what would he have done without you?

“I still don’t understand why you expect me to go to this party alone. You’re practically feeding me to the sharks,” Yoongi whines, not at all immaturely. He can hear your exasperated sigh through his phone speakers, though he imagines that you hadn’t been aiming to conceal your ire in the first place.

“Yoonie, it’s Jungkook’s bachelor party. You heard what that dweeb said: ‘No girls allowed’ or some shit. Like some sort of toddler. I’m surprised he even asked you to attend.”

“Are you implying that I should be barred entry because of my feminine hips?” Yoongi asks, hopeful. “Cause honestly, I was only kinda offended when Jungkook said I had twink-sized proportions, so I mean…”

You scoff, though Yoongi can imagine you shaking your head with tired fondness. AKA, your default mood towards him on most days. Yoongi doubts that fondness is going to help him convince you to let him get the fuck out of this party, though. “Save it. You’re going to that party or else.”

Yoongi sniffs, offended. “Honestly, you should be the one going instead of me. I’m not as close to that pussyboi as you are.”

“Hey, only I’m allowed to call him that,” you chide. “Besides, you already left the house. I don’t understand why you’re calling me in the first place. It’s almost 8PM and you should be at the restaurant by now.”

It’s true. Yoongi is literally already in front of the restaurant where they all agreed to meet before heading out to the “main event,” or whatever the hell that means. It could only end badly; after all, Park Jimin had been the one to organize this shitshow of a bachelor party. Things will not go in Yoongi’s favor tonight if Jimin can help it.

“I’m only here because you threatened to disfigure Kobe Bryant-sunbaenim! That bobblehead is limited edition!” Yoongi has the strongest urge to stomp his feet, though he restrains himself only so that the hostess by the entrance of the restaurant won’t call the manager on him (again.) He is nearing his 30’s for fuck’s sake! Then again, Seokjin is a year older than him and if Yoongi’s future is anything like his, he shudders to think what might become of him.

“Yoonie,” you say, voice steely and quiet. Uh oh. You’re getting genuinely angry by now, and Yoongi knows he’s pushing your buttons to their limits. However, he wouldn’t be doing it otherwise if he really didn’t want to go to this party. He hates disappointing you, but nothing on this planet could ever make him want to go through those mahogany doors and face that bucktoothed loser with stars in his googly eyes.

Yoongi sighs, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly. “I know, I know. I’m being childish. It’s just a party and I should just endure it. Although, I’m not promising that I’ll even try to pretend that I’m enjoying it. That’s beyond my paygrade, I’m afraid,” Yoongi says, picking his hangnails as he gazes at the entrance of the restaurant. The hostess’ left eyebrow twitches slightly, a forced customer service smile on her lips. Yoongi feels a sudden sense of strong camaraderie with this stranger.

“I was just gonna say that if you really can’t stand the party, then I’m allowing you an out. If you can stay there for at least two hours, then you can leave once you’ve––“

You hardly get to finish your sentence when Yoongi cuts you off, a strangled sob of relief escaping his throat. “Oh, thank you, my goddess! You are truly the apple of my eye; I shalt never speak ill of you no longer! You are heaven incarnate, my fair and beautiful mistress, the sun who has chased away the darkness––“

“Shut the fuck up, court jester,” you say, endearment dripping like honey off of your words. But Yoongi is already smiling ear to ear, hopelessly warm for some reason. If Hoseok had been around, he would have gagged at the sight of the two of you.

We’re so whipped, Yoongi thinks idly to himself.

“Now go say hello to Jungkook for me, will you? And please, if either he or Jimin do anything stupid or illegal, try to hold them back a little, okay?”

“Nope, I don’t think so,” Yoongi says, before promptly hanging up. Before he pockets his phone, he texts a short “ily” just in case he actually might have pissed you off. Either way, that will be a problem for future Yoongi to figure out.

Just as he ended the calls, a muffled crash and what sounds like a hyena being forced down a trash compactor from inside the restaurant echoes ominously through the open streets. Yoongi and the hostess hardly flinch at the cacophany, both of them staring glassily at the smoggy South Korean sky with quiet acquiescence.

“Fuck me,” Yoongi says. “Fuck me, indeed.”

*.*.*.*.*

The party is as terrible as Yoongi had imagined. Scratch that––Yoongi doesn’t think his imagination is capable of conjuring such a nightmarish scene. He’s pretty sure at least 99% of the inhabitants of this strip club were doing something slightly to moderately illegal. Case in point:

“Jeon Jungkook, I don’t think you should be doing that,” Yoongi yells over the discordant noise that the DJ is trying to pass off as “music.” Jungkook pauses in his ministrations to turn to face Yoongi, which is a feat in itself, as it appears that Jungkook’s eyes were facing opposite directions. Yoongi chooses to maintain eye contact with his left one.

“Whaaa? Why not, coconut?” Jungkook giggles at his little rhyme at the end, but his laughter sounds garbled, probably hindered by the amount of saliva pooling inside his mouth.

Yoongi points at his hands. “Jungkook. I’m pretty sure that is not salt that you are pouring over your fries.”

It takes a few moments for Jungkook to register anything that Yoongi had said. In fact, Yoongi doesn’t think he registers them at all; Yoongi has to forcefully take away the soiled plate of “mystery powder fries” away from him before Jungkook even realizes anything is going on.

“Heeeey, getchur own food, boomer!” Jungkook whines, making grabby hands at the plate before flopping pathetically onto Yoongi’s lap. Yoongi, ever the gentleman, pushes the younger off until he tumbles off the side of the booth and into a mysterious puddle spilled by one of the scantily clad “mechanics.” Jungkook, to his credit, gets up back onto his seat with some semblance of grace (which is to say, he managed to get his ass onto the couch without any additional injury.)

“I can’t believe I’m literally at a glorified children’s party. And I thought babysitting Namjoon’s little demon was bad enough,” Yoongi groans, grimacing in disgust at the mystery liquid from the floor oozes gently down the side of Jungkook’s face. “Dude. Wipe your fucking face.”

Jungkook, known laundry-fanatic and clean freak extraordinaire, promptly takes off his pristine white shirt and uses it to dab his face away. After which, he throws it somewhere behind him, right into a circle of twinks who proceed to fight over who gets to keep it. “Better,” he mutters, same dopey smile on his face.

“Just 1 hour, 18 minutes and 34 seconds left, Yoongi… I can do this,” Yoongi says through clenched teeth. He takes a deep breath, counts to ten, tries to remember what his therapist told him to do when he’s slowly losing his grip on reality. Then, Jungkook throws up all over his new leather shoes.

“Hyung,” Jungkook mutters sleepily, head lolling like he’s about to drop dead in a second. He grins dopily at Yoongi, a string of saliva dripping down the side of his cheek. “I think I’m sick.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” And so, like the kind person that he is, he drags Jungkook by the armpits, dodging sweaty strippers and drunken guests alike as he tows the younger to the nearby restroom. Yoongi contemplates bringing Jungkook to Jimin to take care of him instead, but that idea is completely dashed the moment he sees the latter drinking shots as if it were water. The risk of having two people vomit on his shoes in one night would have been extremely high, and Yoongi isn’t an idiot. So he takes the idiot draped across his back to the toilet himself.

The restroom is empty when they arrive. When Yoongi slams the door shut, it becomes shockingly quiet as the noise from outside gets dulled to a soft throb. Yoongi immediately dumps Jungkook against one of the chipped porcelain sinks, grimacing slightly when the younger causes the sink to groan precariously from his weight.

“Hyungie,” Jungkook warbles. The sweat on his brow has made his bangs stick to his forehead in strange patterns, and Yoongi imagines he could rearrange his hair to spell out “SHITHEAD” if he so desired.

“What.” Yoongi grabs a handful of paper towels and proceeds to try (and fail) to clean the carnage on his shoes. Meanwhile, Jungkook just stands there quietly, spit long since dried on his face, adding to the sheen already there. The quietness of the restroom is both jarring and awkward compared to the insanity just behind the door, and Yoongi finds himself preferring to look at his black-turned-brown shoes instead of the boy standing just to his right.

“I think I overdid it,” Jungkook admits after a while. Yoongi chances a glance upwards before looking back down at the floor, uncomfortable when he sees the surprisingly sober face of a man who had just finished drinking ten tequila shots. 

“You think?” Yoongi snorts, rolling his eyes. He inches forward towards the sink, gently nudging Jungkook out of the way to wash his hands. Jungkook has still yet made a move towards the faucet himself, but Yoongi isn’t about to offer to clean him up either. He’s already a Samaritan for bringing him to the restroom; he’s used up all his empathy points for today.

“Y/N and Tae always say that I have severely low impulse control.”

True to form, Yoongi’s traitorous ears perk up at the mention of your name, and he finally makes full eye contact with Jungkook through the mirror. “It took two people and ten tequila shots to figure it out? Geez. No wonder you almost didn’t graduate kindergarten.”

“Hey, I told you that in confidence,” Jungkook pouts.

“Not my problem,” Yoongi retorts, indifferent. Yoongi stares at him for a moment. “Jesus. You look like a fucking mess. You sure you’re getting married next week?”

“I’m pretty sure, unless Taehyung changes his mind,” Jungkook shrugs. Well, that was certainly not quite the answer Yoongi was expecting. Yoongi must not have been quick enough to hide his surprise because Jungkook laughs coldly, the sound mirthless and paper-thin––not at all like the ridiculously mirthful manchild he’s always known him to be.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet?” Yoongi had meant to say it like a joke, but his harsh tone doesn’t escape his own ears. God, he wishes he was better at this, but sue him for lacking practice at consoling other human beings.

Luckily, Jungkook takes it in stride, shrugging his shoulders. “Not really. More like… I’m in disbelief? That he’d actually… after all this time…”

Yoongi doesn’t reply at first. For as long as Yoongi has known him, the elder has never quite connected with Jungkook, for whatever reason. Hearing him speak so candidly about his feelings like this is new territory for Yoongi, and it’s strangely making him nervous. He feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand at attention as he is faced with a side of Jungkook that Yoongi didn’t think he was capable of having. Sure, you’ve told him vaguely about the problems that Jungkook has asked advice about, but never has Yoongi ever thought that he’d be doing the same. The two of them just weren’t… like that.

“I’m sure Taehyung likes––no, loves you. A lot. Anyone with eyes can see that he absolutely adores you,” Yoongi says after a while, coughing awkwardly into his fist. God, he sucks at this. Where are you when he needs you? You always knew what to say in moments like this.

Jungkook laughs again, and it’s just as discordant as the first. He shakes his head, empty smile on his lips. “It’s not that. I don’t doubt him in the slightest. It’s more like… I’m doubting myself.”

Now that catches Yoongi’s attention. Self-doubt, loneliness, fear: if Yoongi had to be an expert on anything, it would be for those three. He… he gets it. “Jungkook, if this is about feeling like you don’t deserve him, then you’re dead wrong. You’re allowed to be loved, Jungkook. Believe me, I know more than anyone what denial feels like. The two of you aren’t going to crash and burn, okay? You’ll be fine.”

Jungkook smiles wryly at that. “Thanks. But it’s not… it’s not that.” Jungkook pauses, and it looks like the words get caught in his throat. He opens his mouth, closes it. Grimaces like he’s swallowed something bitter. He takes a deep breath, looking as uncomfortable as Yoongi feels. “Yoongi-hyung, I have a confession to make.”

Now Yoongi’s confused. “What?”

“I haven’t been… candid. With you. About…” Jungkook takes another shaky breath. “About me and Y/N.”

Yoongi’s blood runs cold. He feels the sweat start to form across his palms, and he clenches them into fists to stop them from shaking. He can almost sense the disaster before it even hits, feels the floor swimming underneath his feet, waiting to devour him whole.

“What?” Yoongi repeats.

“I’ve been thinking about it, recently. It’s been years since I last even remembered it, but then it started plaguing my dreams, and it’s… It’s ruining me. I need––I need to come clean or else I might die with regret,” Jungkook says. Yoongi still doesn’t understand what he means; Jungkook is just saying words without saying anything at all, and it’s making the wait even more terrible.

“Kook, just spit it out already.”

“Hyung, I beg of you. Please don’t think badly of me but…” Jungkook slumps to the floor just then, both the sink and his legs unable to keep him up any longer. Against his will, Yoongi tumbles with him, compelled to follow him down.

“What? What? What?”

“I kissed her,” Jungkook murmurs, voice low. Whispered like a secret. Because it is a secret, even though it isn’t any longer. Not when the words have crawled out his mouth and into Yoongi’s ears, making its way to his brain where it refuses to be understood, to be processed.

“What?” Yoongi can’t seem to remember how to breathe, much less how to speak. He can’t say anything else except, “What?”

“N-not recently. A long time ago,” Jungkook hurries, fear crossing his face when he realizes how he must have sounded. “I would never cheat on––Y/N would never cheat on you––“

His words do nothing to quell the thunderous beating in Yoongi’s chest. He can only stare as the younger jumbles over his words, fat tears starting to dribble out of his eyes like waterfalls. Why is he crying? This is so wrong.

“We––when you broke her heart, all those years ago. Before she ran away to Daegu––“

Yoongi remembers. Of course he does. He doesn’t think he can ever forget.

“––she was so so sad, and it fucking hurt. It hurt seeing her like that, you know? I… I hated you for it. So much, hyung,” Jungkook sobs, hiding behind his hands. He wipes at his face, smearing his sweat, tears, and vomit with shaky movements. “And then she kissed me but it was a mistake because she was heartbroken and she just wanted to feel––to feel something? I don’t know… And then I pushed her away––“

“You pushed her away?” Yoongi interrupts, uncharacteristically calm. He thinks like he should be screaming, maybe. Or feel jealous, even. But then again, this had happened years ago, when you and he hadn’t even been… anything, at the time. Hell, he has no right to be hurt by this. He shouldn’t even be allowed to resent Jungkook for it. Shouldn’t have to feel like he won’t be able to forgive Jungkook. So then why is he..?

Jungkook nods. “I-I did, but that’s not… the whole thing. For a while, I thought that maybe…” He curls into himself, bowing his head in shame. Yoongi doesn’t need to hear the rest to know what he was about to say.

“You used to love her, didn’t you?”  

Jungkook nods again, ashamed. Disgusted with himself. “Pathetic, right?” 

But the thing is, Yoongi already knew this. You’ve told him about Jungkook’s misplaced affections for you; it had happened during a stressful time for the both of you, and you had assured Jungkook that his feelings were just a figment of his imagination. You believed that Jungkook had just been lonely, desperate for someone to cling onto especially after all that drama between Taehyung and Hoseok at the time.

“She kept telling me that I wasn’t in love with her. And for a while, I believed her. But then, when she was about to leave for America, we… we kissed again. Just to… I wanted to make sure,” Jungkook slams his fist onto the dirty restroom floor, clawing at the tiles like an animal in pain. It’s getting harder for Yoongi to understand Jungkook through his sobs, but he is afraid of even moving lest Jungkook stops speaking. It’s like watching a car crash––no matter how much Yoongi is afraid, he can’t look away.

“When we kissed the second time... She laughed. I laughed. ‘No spark,’ was what she said. I agreed because I had no other choice but to,” Jungkook admits. He exhales like his chest has been ripped open, like he’s drowning. Yoongi feels the same way.

“It would be unfair if I said anything. To her, to you, to Taehyung… but most of all, to myself. Because it would never work. It’s not… I’m not...” Jungkook coughs, trailing off. He hacks his lungs out, forehead banging against his knees from the force. He heaves for air once, twice. Then, silence.

“Jungkook?” Yoongi whispers, momentarily stunned. When the younger doesn’t reply, he nudges his shoulder. No movement. Yoongi tilts his head upwards, only to find Jungkook’s eyelids already closed and breathing steadily through his nose. The bastard had finally passed out.

“Jesus,” Yoongi sighs, letting go of the younger and letting him crumple to the floor. Yoongi contemplates passing out as well. “Jesus,” Yoongi repeats.

He sits there in silence for a while, accompanied only by his thoughts and the muffled sounds of the party outside. He doesn’t know how long he sits there for, only thinks to leave the restroom when a young couple (Jungkook’s college friends) burst in while making out, both incognizant of the odd pair slumped on the floor.

Yoongi leaves Jungkook there, but not before sending a short text to Jimin to go check on Jungkook, and sending another one to Taehyung for good measure. Yoongi rushes out of the club without looking back, feeling slightly more empty than he had before the night started.

You don’t comment when Yoongi comes back home earlier than expected. You don’t even scold him for breaking his side in the agreement. Wrapped up in blankets in front of the TV, you wordlessly open up your cocoon to let him slither in beside you, allowing him to wrap his cold feet against your legs. You don’t even complain when he falls asleep without another word, just gently caressing his hair as he descends into fitful dreams. He doesn’t bring up the party the next day, and neither do you.

The following week, the two of you attend Taehyung and Jungkook’s wedding.

[ofsinnersandsaints]

only us

rating: E word count: 9197 AO3

Fjord was sitting in a back corner when Beau came over to sit beside him. She gave him an uncomfortably direct stare and bluntly asked, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Why does something have to be wrong?”

“Because you’re over here while everyone else is over there,” she gestured with her tankard to the rest of the Mighty Nein who were huddled around the front of the stage where mostly half naked men and women were dancing to what was objectively some very sexy music.

He thought of half a dozen lies and evasions, but he was too tired follow through with any of them. It had been a long ass week. “What can I say, Beau? This isn’t exactly my scene.”

“I can hang out here with you and we can get wasted,” she offered.

The side of Fjord’s lips lifted, “Nah, that’s fine. I know you’d rather be at the stage than back here with me.”

“I do want to be at the stage,” she admitted, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder and looking at him intently. “But you’re my friend, and if you want me to sacrifice a really great night with a really hot and limber chic, then I’ll do that for you.”

“I really don’t.”

“Awesome, I’ll send Jester over.”

Fjord tried to stop Beau, but she was too wily and slipped out of his grasp. “No, you don’t have to-She’s having her fun, leave her be.”

Beau ignored him and walked back up towards the stage, winding through more than a dozen tables filled will people. Fjord groaned as Beau whispered something to Jester, pointed at him, and then took Jester’s seat when she got up to make her way towards him.

“I told her not to do that,” Fjord assured Jester when she got close enough for her to hear.

“Oh, it’s okay. This gives me a chance to draw some of this,” she pulled out her journal from her backpack and the pen she used for sketching. “Besides, Beau says I’m a terrible wing man.”

He could understand that, “Sometimes when you talk someone up, it sounds like you’re hitting on them.”

“Maybe sometimes I am,” she said offhand as she flipped through the book to an empty page and began drawing figures, adding little details to their costumes. Fjord stared at her, a little thrown by her offhand comment. He’d always thought she was being nice all those times she’d complimented him…was there a chance she had been hitting on him all those times she’d talked him up? “Why are you back here?”

Fjord shifted back in his chair, looking away from Jester to the images she was forming with her fingers; it always amazed him how much talent she had. “I think this, uh, performance is meant for a different audience.”

“Like Beau?”

“Yeah, maybe Caleb.” Fjord looked up and over at the group. “Probably not Cad, but I think he just loves every new experience. He might not have any idea this entire thing is a choreographed seduction.”

“You’re not seduced?” Jester asked, looking up from her drawing.

“No, Jester, I’m not.” He watched the dancers for a moment and could understand what was supposed to be happening, and by the looks of the other audience members, what was happening for some. But for him? “It doesn’t work like that for me.”

She put her pen down and angled her body to face his. It was one of the things he adored about her, her complete willingness to give someone the entirety of her attention. More than once it had caught him by surprise, the intensity of it and the thrill of being-however temporarily-the center of her universe. “What doesn’t?”

“Uh,” he hadn’t really meant to admit that, but he felt so awkward here and Jester was someone he’d always felt comfortable with, and he wanted to keep her attention on him for just a little while longer. “You know how Beau is with women?”

“Like, how every time she meets someone who is hot she immediately wants to jump her?”

“Yeah, I’ve never gotten that feeling. I’ve never seen someone, man or woman, and immediately wanted them. So when I see something like this,” he waved at the stage, “I think it’s a cool dance, but it does nothing for me and I honestly don’t get the appeal.”

Jester studied him for a moment and he started feel awkward, maybe a little broken, and tried to make himself smaller. “I was always a little weird that way.”

“That’s not weird, Fjord.” She scooched her chair over to him, the wood making a terrible screeching sound beneath them. “Not everyone is built the same way.”

“Not according to my crew mates,” he told her and the hardness in his voice wasn’t directed at her. “Do you remember a few months back, I think it was around Hupperduke? I mentioned I’d only ever been with one person?”

“I remember,” Jester assured him.

“Well, that, uh, interaction hadn’t been my idea.”

“Your shipmates?” she guessed and there was no scorn or sarcasm on her face or in her voice. Just open compassion and interest, and it was that, more than anything physical, which made him want her the way he did.

Fjord eventually nodded and took another pull from his tankard. “They thought it would help, kind of a ‘you don’t know what you’re missing’ sort of thing, but it didn’t work the way I think it was supposed to because nothing changed for me.”

Jester was quiet for a moment before asking carefully, “Did you enjoy it?”

He thought about it seriously, because she’d asked earnestly. “It was all right? Like it wasn’t bad, but honestly, I didn’t get anything more out of it then I would have gotten on my own.”

His eyes widened, realizing what he’d said, but Jester was more comfortable about those sorts of things than he was and didn’t bat an eye. “I can understand that. I mean, I’ve never had sex but I’ve gotten myself off plenty of times and it was great. I wonder why they were so invested in your sex life, it seems like a weird thing for your friends to focus on.”

He shrugged, “I think it was because they didn’t understand it and neither did I. And you know, orcs have a reputation and the fact I was half orc without any of the rampant sexual craving was a curiosity. Then we’d get into port, go out for drinks, and they’d talk about how badly they needed a woman, if they were inclined that way. And I never had the need? Not like they seemed to anyway, and the way they talked about women…”

“Were they being jerks?” she asked, as if she was prepared to defend every woman on the planet from lascivious sailors.

“On occasion,” he allowed. “But mostly just talking about how sexy this woman was, how hot that one was, and I didn’t get it. Sure, they were beautiful but I didn’t feel that pull and they thought it was just a lack of opportunity? Lack of knowledge? That once I’d had sex it would click for me and I’d be the same as them. For a long time I didn’t understand what they were talking about.”

“Sexual attraction,” she filled in, propping her chin on her hand. “Never?”

“Uh,” Fjord shifted in the chair, picked up his drink and set it down again without drinking it. “The closest was for this lady I know. I thought she was pretty when I first met her, but I didn’t start to feel that sexual pull ‘til we’d known each other for a while.”

Jester scrunched up her nose, an instinctive reaction she quickly smoothed out. “Avantika.”

He stared at her for a while, not sure how she hadn’t realized his meaning. “No, not Avantika.”

She rolled her eyes, her posture relaxing again. “Then why’d you sleep with her?”

“Didn’t know how to say no?” he answered, but she didn’t look convinced. Fjord rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the tension between them before resting his arms on the table. “I thought maybe if I tried again it’d be different, because this time we shared something.”

“U’Kotoa?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s not the kind of thing that matters, Fjord.”

“I kno-“

“I mean, I wouldn’t jump a guy just because they followed the Traveler.”

He wasn’t mad at the interruption, sometimes the words couldn’t stay in her mouth. “I’ll remember that the next time we meet another follow of the water snake god. ‘Don’t have sex with them just because we’re tethered to the same being.’”

Jester nodded her approval and then leaned towards him. “So sex with Avantika wasn’t good, huh?”

Fjord snorted at her tone, “You don’t have to sound so smug about it.”

She smiled and they sat together, watching the craziness go on in the tavern as the dancing wrapped up. Beau went up to the tallest woman, a sturdy looking female who seemed exactly Beau’s type, and even from this distance Fjord could tell his friend was desperately hitting on the dancer.

He wished her all the luck.

“Who was it?” she asked after a few minutes had passed. He looked over at the question, raised an eyebrow because he didn’t know what she was asking about. “The woman you felt all sexy about, I mean.”

“Oh,” he looked away, focusing on his friends: Nott was stealing something from one of the dancers and Caleb was so buried in his book the room could explode and he wouldn’t notice. Gathering up his limited amount of courage he answered, “It’s you.”

When she didn’t say anything, which was so un-Jester-like, he started to feel a heavy sinking feeling in his gut. After counting to five he slowly turned his head to see Jester staring at him, her big eyes blinking at him slowly. “Me?”

“Yeah, Jester. You.”

She turned her head, her eyes not really focusing on anything and he let her work through whatever thoughts she had. Across the room someone screamed with excitement.

He probably could have timed this better.

“Oh. Well, same.”

“Yeah?” there was too much noise, he couldn’t be sure he’d heard her right.

“Yeah, Fjord,” she shrugged with one of her shoulders. “The only difference is your attraction took some time, and mine was pretty much immediate.”

Fjord shifted on his chair so he was facing her, their knees bumping against each other. “Immediate?”

“I saw you,” she said it like a confession. “Before we met.”

“I saw you, too. You were drawing a dick on the ship next to mine.”

Her grin was victorious. “That was the day I saw you too, when I was sneaking towards the ship. You were up on the deck ordering people around. You were very sweaty, and very hot.”

“Well, it was the middle of summer.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” He shrugged off the compliment, not sure what to do with it and picked up his drink. “Do you enjoy kissing?”

He sputtered into his drink, ninety percent sure she’d waited until he’d taken a swing to ask, just so she’d get a reaction. “Geeze, Jester.”

“It’s a fair question. If sex is boring, we could try making out. You’re the only person I’ve ever kissed so I wouldn’t know if you were bad at it.”

Fjord stared at her, counting to five before he trusted himself enough to speak. “It’s not that sex is boring, it’s just that I don’t need it. I hate to keep using Beau as an example of normal-“

“Average,” Jester interrupted.

“Huh?”

“People can be average, but no one is normal.”

She said it with such certainty he believed her without really understanding what she was saying. “How do you figure?”

“Well, because I think normal people have two parents, and Caleb probably thinks normal people don’t kill their parents, and Nott thinks normal people don’t collect buttons,” she waved her hand as she rattled off her examples. “Normal is nothing but a word to summarize all the things you wish to be but can never become. Normal isn’t real. So maybe you’re not average, Fjord, but why would you want to be?”

He was stunned for a couple of seconds, trying to catch up with a view point that was drastically changing by the millisecond. So if normal wasn’t a thing, and he simply wasn’t average, that was a good thing, wasn’t it? Being different was better than being abnormal.

“You still with me?” Jester asking, her voice all friendly teasing as she poked his shoulder.

“Yeah, I just think you blew my mind, Jester.”

“Cool,” she grinned. “But I didn’t mean to interrupt you, you were saying something about Beau being average.”

“Most people I know crave sex-“

“I do.”

“You do?” he asked, distracted by the admission, by the images it conjured up in his mind.

“Yeah. I just masturbate and it eases it some, but sometimes you just really want the weight of another person on you. Even if you’ve never actually experienced it yourself.”

She was going to kill him before he ever got the chance to touch her. “Well, I don’t have that craving. I mean, the whole three times I’ve done it, it was an enjoyable enough way to pass the hour, but it was hardly something I couldn’t live without.”

“But,” and she leaned forward like she was about so ask a very private or very important question. “Do you like kissing?”

Fjord laughed and leaned forward, matching her serious voice with one of his own. “Yes, Jester, I like kissing.”

“Great,” her knees rammed into his as she stood up quickly. “Let’s go make out.”

Fjord grabbed her wrist, tugging a little so she turned back to face him. “You want to make out?”

Jester’s sigh was a little exasperated but he liked to think it was also a little fond. “Yes, Fjord, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah.”

She pulled her arm, not enough to make Fjord let go, but rather to encourage him to come with her. “Then let’s go.”

Fjord stood up but didn’t let her drag him towards the door. “We should probably let the others know we’re leaving so they don’t think we’ve been kidnapped again.”

“Good point,” she closed her eyes and did a couple of movements with her fingers and a piece of copper, components of a spell he immediately recognized as Sending. “Hey Beau, it’s me-“ Fjord looked over to Beau to see her reaction. She was in the middle of flirting and jumped suddenly, looking around almost frantically. “I just wanted to let you know that Fjord and I are leaving, we’re going back to our room.”

Fjord watched Beau, saw her lips moved as she was looking around for Jester. Her eyes locked on them as she finished talking and Jester gave their friend a thumbs up. “Okay, let’s go.”

“What did she say?” Fjord asked as he let Jester push him towards the door.

“She wanted to know if she should stay with Caduceus and Yasha tonight.”

“And you gave her a thumbs up,” he clarified as they made their way through the crowd.

“Yep,” they stepped outside and the quiet was a welcome relief from the raucousness inside. “We don’t have to do anything besides make-out but it was very nice of Beau to make sure no one walks in. That would be weird.”

“Not the weirdest thing that’s ever happened in our group.”

“What’s weirder?”

“That time Molly walked into the room wearing a rug and then flashed us?”

Jester laughed, the sound bright and warm as they walked across the street towards the inn. “You’re right, that’s the weirdest thing. I can’t believe I forgot about that.”

“It was memorable,” Fjord grumbled good-naturedly. “You know, this wasn’t how I imagined this all happening.”

“Me neither,” she admitted, pushing the inn door open and waving at the woman at the desk on their way towards the steps. “In my mind, one of us dies.”

“Naturally.”

“It’s romantic,” Jester grinned at him over her shoulder. “In theory, one of us dies and then comes back to life and we realize that we don’t want to die without having had the chance to be together. Then there’s a big, dramatic kiss in the middle of a cavern surrounded by our friends who cheer for us.” She stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to face him, Fjord paused a few steps down so they were face to face. “But this works too.”

He had half a second to figure out what she was doing before she did it; Jester put her hands on either side of his face, leaned forward, and kissed him.

It took a moment for Fjord’s brain to catch up with his body. His hands were on her hips before he realized what he was doing, pulling her forward so she was a little off balance and leaning on him, her arms on his shoulders, wrists locked behind his neck.

The kiss was an easy, cool dip into a river. Nothing hurried or frantic as they found a rhythm between them. Fjord didn’t know how long they stood like that, testing the waters and learning each other, but eventually Jester’s fingers found their way into the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling just a little.

And something shifted inside of him, unlocked and slid open to release a feeling he hadn’t quite known lived within him.

Want.

Fjord moved up one step, then another, so he towered over Jester and the angle of the kiss changed. Her hands fell to his shoulders so he could feel her fingers digging into his muscle and holding on; he liked to think she was as wildly affected as he was.

“We should probably take this inside the room,” Jester suggested, plastered against him so he could feel the unsteadiness of her breathing.

“Right,” Fjord spoke in his own voice, the Vandren accent gone, because it felt wrong to have even that simple lie between them in the moment.

She smiled fondly up at him, “There you are, Fjord. I was wondering when you’d show up again.”

His own grin was a little crooked. “We have rooms 2, 3, and 6. Which one?”

“Six,” she decided instantly as she ran her hands down his arm, then linked her fingers with his. “I’d use another spell to tell Beau which room we’re in but I don’t have enough energy to do another one that powerful. Besides, I think she’ll figure out.”

Jester walked into the room and it was so familiar, this comradery, that it baffled Fjord a little. A kiss like that should change things, shouldn’t it? Instead it felt like any other night, but instead of going into a room with Cad, it was Jester.

“I’d honestly like to see her wrangle the rest of the group, ordering them into rooms,” he said as she took off her bag and cloak, throwing them haphazardly on the chair by the door.

With a laugh Jester sat down on the bed and began undoing her boots.

Fjord moved her little jacket to lay on the back of the chair and set the bag on the floor, settling on the seat with an ankle on his knee. They’d dropped all their weapons and stuff in one of the other rooms before they’d gone across the street for entertainment so both he and Jester were unarmed.

“I didn’t tell her why we were leaving,” she mused out loud. “So she might not get it.”

“Beau got it,” Fjord assured her. Beau was perceptive, more so than she let on, wasn’t that why she’d sent Jester over to him in the first place?

Jester dropped her boot and went to work on the other one. “Why are you over there?”

“Sometimes I just like watching you.”

She looked up and blinked at him, almost like he’d caught her off guard. “You’re being pretty smooth for someone who ignored my flirting for months.”

“I didn’t ignore it.”

Jester shook her head, amused. “Evade, then.”

“At first, it was because I didn’t think I worked right, you know? And I didn’t want to lead you on, or give you the wrong idea when I didn’t think it could go anywhere.”

“What was Avantika then?”

“In the kindest of terms, she was an experiment. I didn’t have to worry about hurting her feelings because I don’t think she had many outside of U’Kotoa, so in the end it didn’t really matter. I didn’t want to risk that kind of misstep with you.”

“And now?”

“Now? I’m so damn tired of pretending like I’m not half in love with you already.”

She gasped like the wind had been knocked out of her. “Fjord.”

“Again, not how I imagined this going, but I’m tired of waiting for the right time. Sometimes you just have to take the moment you’re given.”

Jester moved over a few inches on the bed, “Come here, Fjord.”

He got up slowly and made his way to the bed and sat down next to her. “Neither one of us had a gods-damned idea what we’re doing, Jester.”

“That’s true, but do you remember when we left Nicodranas? I’d never left the coast, and you hadn’t gone very far inland, so neither of us knew what we were doing, and you remember what we said?”

Fjord looked down at their hands, hers just a few inches from his, and linked his fingers with hers. “We said we’d figure it out together.”

She squeezed his hand once. “We’ll figure this out together, too. Also, I’ve read lots of books about sex, so that’ll help too.”

Fjord laughed, leaning forward to kiss her while her lips were still curved so he could taste the smile. Her hands went up and he could immediately feel her fingers in his hair once again, his own rested low on her back, near the curve of her hips.

The angle wasn’t right, it was just a little awkward the way their necks were twisted, but Jester pressed her tongue against his lips and the idea of changing positions dropped from his mind.

He surged against her, opening his mouth and running his tongue along hers to learn the taste. Fjord attempted to suck her lower lip, but forgot about his tusks and could feel the pressure of his teeth scraping along her skin. He pulled back suddenly, worried he’d hurt her. “Sorry, I’m not quite used to the tusks.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t cut me,” she assured him brightly. “And I’m not opposed to a little biting, we’ll have to try lots of things to figure out what we like and don’t like. And I’ll tell you if I don’t like something, and you can do the same, you know?”

“In that case, sitting like this is going to give me a crick in my neck.”

She giggled, “Good point. Do you have a better idea?”

Fjord looked around and when his eyes landed on the wall the bed was pressed against he had the niggle of a memory, “I do.” He swung his legs off the blanket and took off his boots before sliding back so he was pressed against the wall, legs stretched out in front of him.

Understanding what he was doing, Jester moved to where he was, swinging one leg over his so she was straddling him. “Better?” she asked as she settled, her weight on his legs. Any closer to his hips and she’d have been able to feel the beginning of an erection through his pants.

“Much better,” he put his hands on her knees, running them up her thighs beneath the skirt of her dress. “You know, when we were on the Mystake I thought about this more than once.”

She’d been fiddling with the hair at the back of his neck, but stopped and gave him a hard look. “If you mention Avantika, you should know I will kill you and wait until the very last possible moment to bring you back.”

Fjord smiled at the threat, almost believing her. He kept running his hands up her legs and wished she wasn’t wearing so many clothes. “I’m talking about after she was dead.”

“Oh, then keep going,” she said as she began undoing the buckles at his shoulder.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re wearing too many layers,” she informed him pertly as she pulled off his leather chest piece and dropped it on the ground next to the bed.

“So are you,” he pointed out but didn’t make a move to stop her.

She shrugged, barely repressing a smile as she worked at the buckles of the metal plates on his forearm. “I have my priorities, don’t distract me. You were saying about the Mystake?”

“I’d be laying in the captain’s bed,” he described, pressing kisses along her jaw and neck as he spoke, seeing if he could distract her from her self-appointed task. He tested those recently regrown tusks, scraping the edges against her neck and then soothing the spot with his tongue. When she arched her neck to the right to give him better access he could only conclude she enjoyed it. “And I’d picture you straddling me just like this-“

“What was I wearing in this daydream?” she interrupted, her eyes down as she unwound the red twine wrapped around the leathers on his forearm.

“Nothing,” he told her huskily when she started work on his left arm.

There was a small catch in her breath as her eyes flew up to meet his, her movements stilled with the metal on his forearm attached by one last buckle. It was a weird kind of power, knowing he could affect her like this with just his words.

Then again, talking had never been their weak point.

“I’m definitely wearing more than that now,” she acknowledged, her voice lower than he could ever remember hearing it. With a deep breath, she pushed off the last of his armor-and shit, if that wasn’t a metaphor for everything between them he didn’t know what was. “Tell me the rest of it.”

“Take off something first, we should at least be even.”

She pouted, but complied, taking off the leather cinch she wore around her waist and dropped it loudly on the floor beside his.

Distracted by the access to her body, Fjord reached up to touch her before continuing on with his little daydream. Her body was too wide for his hands to be able to span the width of her waist, but she was infinitely soft and cool beneath cotton and linen.

“Fjord,” she scolded, catching onto the fact that he’d gotten sidetracked.

He pulled his eyes away from the low neckline of her dress, but before he said anything he wrapped his fingers around the backs of her knee, pulling her closer to him so she was settled directly above his cock. Everything positioned right, but too many obstacles between them to make it good.

“I’d picture us just like this, with my hands on you.” He thought about how detailed he should be, how far down this line he should go, but she’d never turned away from any part of him and he very much doubted she’d do it now.

“We weren’t wearing anything, nothing separating us, so there wasn’t anything preventing me from burying my cock into your pussy.”

There was a quick inhale of breath from Jester, her thighs tightened around his in a kind of instinctive reaction. Fjord shifted his hands from her waist to her breasts, keeping his touch gentle until she reached up and covered his hand with hers, encouraging more.

He squeezed her tit, and when he released it he used his thumb to find her nipple, pebble hard beneath her clothes. Jester reached out to hold onto his shoulders, rocking against his growing erection.

This was desire, he realized with stark realization. The desperation beneath his skin, making his breathing unsteady and his hands shake. He wanted to tear the clothes off her body, get his mouth on her skin.

He wanted to taste her and make her scream.

“It wouldn’t be frantic,” he told her as he wrapped his fingers around the collar of her white chemise, a question in his eyes. She nodded once and he tugged it down to free her breasts, green skin covering blue. “We’d just rock slowly,” as an example he rolled his hip beneath her, pressing against her center again and again, “With the rolling of the ship.”

Jester was arched on top of him, her body moving quicker against his and he put his hands on her hips, intentionally slowing her down. “Did you come thinking about fucking me?”

“Yes.”

“I have too.”

The hum in his head turned to a roar, Fjord wrapped his arm around Jester’s waist and flipped them over so she was on her back, legs open and spread beneath him so he was tucked between the vee of her thighs.

When he kissed her, it was no longer languid and lovely, it was frantic and desperate and she responded in kind, tugging at his shirt and tunic. “Take this off, Fjord,” she demanded, her hands sliding beneath the fabric to drag her nails down his abs. “I want to touch you.”

He wasn’t about to deny her anything. Not right now, probably not ever.

Fjord moved to his knees, resting back on his ankles, so he could strip to the waist.

She was immediately reaching for him, sitting up so she could touch him before he’d even completely removed his clothing. “You’re beautiful, Fjord.”

Beautiful, she said. And it was the first time he really believed her.

Jester ran her hands over his chest and stomach, pressed a wet kiss to the skin above his navel, scraping her nails down his side as she did.

Fjord reached down, worried she was going to keep going down and he’d embarrass himself before he had the chance to get her off, and cupped the back of her head to bring her back up to him.

He’d been honest before, when he’d told Jester he liked kissing. Sex was something he’d always been a bit wary of, but kissing was something he’d always enjoyed. The friction of lips, the slickness of tongues, tasting someone. For him, for someone who had drowned, exchanging breaths was more intimate than anything a person could do.

Jester moved against him and Fjord pulled back to see her remove her arms from the sleeves of her top, the fabric dropping to her hips. “I just wanted to feel you against me,” she explained as if he needed a reason.

She wrapped her arms around his middle so he could feel her breasts against his chest, the entirety of his focus was centered on the contact. “Kiss me again,” and in any other circumstance he might have teased her about how much like an order it sounded, but now wasn’t the time.

Wet and dirty, he kissed her liked he’d fuck her, like he’d imagined half a dozen times over the past few months. Sure, sometimes had been gentle and warm, but there had been a time or two when he’d held himself in his hand and pictured it wild and reckless.

He was a reckless man.

“Fjord,” she breathed as he lowered his mouth, following the line of her neck to her collarbone and lower. “I know you said you were kind of whatever about sex, but I would really like it if you’d put your dick in me now.”

His laugh was muffled against her skin. “I think that’s something I can arrange.”

She put her hand on his chest, her eyes earnest and wide. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just wanted to let you know I wanted to.”

He framed her face with his hands, dropping all the masks he’d ever held up to hide himself so she’d see only honesty in his eyes. “I want to, Jester. If nothing else, I want to know what it’s like to be with someone I can’t live without.”

“Fuck, Fjord. You’re really good at this.”

“Better than your damn romance books,” he asked, keeping his voice light so she knew he was only teasing.

“We’ll see how the rest of the night goes,” she joked back, grinning as she laid down on the bed.

Fjord rolled his eyes as grabbed her ankle, pulling off one sock then another. “Can we get rid of these?” he asked, tugging on the tights she always wore beneath her dress.

“Please,” she lifted up her hips so Fjord could reach beneath the skirt and tug at the waistband, pulling it down so she was more than half naked with her torso bare and her dress hiked up to her waist.

Fjord couldn’t help but touch her, the pads of his fingers tracing up her legs to the center of her pleasure, and the closer he got to her pussy the tenser she became. “You doing okay, Jester?”

“Yes,” she pulled him down to her, kissing him roughly, scraping her incisors against his lip then running her tongue over it the same way he had done to her neck earlier. Together, he thought fondly even as he adjusted his erection in his pants, they’d figure it out together.

Jester ran her hands down his back, her fingers bumping along the length of his spine and then dipping beneath the waistband to his ass. He could feel the heat and the wetness of her against dick, through the single layer of his pants.

He wanted to rush, to be frantic and little unrestrained, but what if it was only ever like this once? What if this was the one chance he got to feel like this? He didn’t want to waste it, to throw it away, he wanted to savor everything.

And he wanted to make sure it was good for Jester. She deserved the best and she wanted him, so he’d be the one to give it to her.

He kissed his way down her neck, trying to find and remember all the places which had made her moan and whimper, squirm beneath him. “Fjord,” she murmured, her nails digging into his shoulders.

Over and over he rocked into her, his lips covered the blueberry dark nipple as he drove her up and further but he knew enough to know she’d need more than that to get off.

“I don’t-“ he stumbled over his words, so knocked sideways by her and what they were doing together. “I don’t know what to do. What you like.”

“Watch,” she whispered, her voice a low breath. “I’ll show you.”

Fjord leaned back again on his heel, stunned by what Jester was saying.

He watched her shift on the bed, reaching between her legs to finger herself.

“Fuck, Jester.”

“You can touch yourself too, Fjord.”

She teased herself, fingers brushing along the lips of her vagina, dipping into the wetness that had pooled in her slit, briefly touching her clit before moving on. “Will you play with your tits?”

Jester looked up at him through heavy lidded eyes, “Only if you touch yourself too.”

Fjord fumbled with the laces of his pants, pulling at them until he’d freed his cock, rock hard and leaking precum. He licked the palm of his hand and used it to lubricate himself, tightening his fist as he watched Jester cover one of her breasts with her hands, squeezing hard as she moved her hips against her hands.

He observed how she touched herself, and in the back of his mind it was like watching Vandren pull on the rigging, he learned by watching.

She pressed hard on her clit, her fingers twisting and playing her nipples and still she watched him, desire burning bright in her eyes. “Are you going to fuck me now, Captain?”

Here nearly came right then, held himself back by the skin of his teeth.

“You’re going to kill me,” he bit out before he kissed her hard, tongue pushing into her mouth as his hand covered her breast, doing what she had done; squeezing hard, pinching her nipples until she whimpered against his mouth.

“Too much?” he asked, forcing himself to string more than one thought together.

“I should have said this earlier,” she managed to say. “Rock is the stop word. Either one of us can say it if we need to stop or take a break or if things go too far. If I don’t say ‘rock’ assume I’m enjoying it as much as you are.”

She looked down, almost bashful. “You are enjoying yourself, aren’t you?”

He took her hand from her clit where she was still fondling herself, he could feel the slickness of her on her fingers and then on his hand as he wrapped her hand around his penis so she could feel exactly how hard he was, how much he was enjoying it. “Gods, yes, Jester.”

He took himself in hand and lined his cock up to her pussy and moved slowly, hissing a breath as she surrounded him. “Tell me if I need to stop, or go slower.”

She moved beneath him, getting more comfortable he thought, until she spoke. “I’m not fragile, you don’t have to be gentle with me.”

“I thought it hurt the first time?”

“Not always, not if you’re with someone who knows what they’re doing.”

He was only an inch inside of her but the fact they were able to have any kind of conversation when all he wanted to do was pound into her was astounding. “I think we’ve both established I don’t have any idea what I’m doing.”

“I guess you didn’t finger me so you didn’t feel how wet I was,” she raised her left hand and touched her fingers to his lips and instinctively he opened his mouth and sucked, tasting the slickness still on the pads of her finger. “Trust me, Fjord, you know what you’re doing.”

“Captain,” he corrected her before he could talk himself out of it. “If we’re being honest about what works and what doesn’t, I nearly came when you called me Captain.”

“And I like hearing you talk,” she told him, her smile a little wicked as she added, “Captain.”

“Gods,” he muttered, sliding himself the rest of the way inside her. He was still worried he would hurt her, but the sound she made wasn’t one of pain, but of pleasure and her muscles clenched around him. “You feel so damn good around me, Jester.”

“So good,” she gritted out, her hands clenched around the blankets. “Will you touch me?” she asked as she fumbled for his hand, guiding his fingers to her clit. “Right here, while you thrust.”

Fjord put one hand on the wall above Jester’s head, kept his other hand where it was as he slowly slid out of her, pressing against the nub as he did. Then he slammed back into her, pulling out one slow inch at a time.

“Faster,” she begged, trying to find more friction, more speed. “Please.”

He thought about saying no, about drawing out the pleasure and the torture, but he didn’t think he’d be able to last much longer. He stopped touching her long enough to grab her ankles, hooking first one leg and then another around his waist. “I don’t want to fuck you into the wall, so hang on.”

When he started moving again, it was with all the wild, unrestrained passion he’d ever felt.

Jester covered her breasts with her hands, covering them completely and kneading them beneath her palms, occasionally tugging at the nipples. Like a craving he couldn’t shake, Fjord needed to taste her; batting away one of her hands he covered the dark blue nipple with his mouth, careful with his tusks, and licked the hard bud before sucking it into his mouth.

“Captain,” she moaned as she tugged on his hair, a tick he was beginning to realize was her version of encouragement. “My captain,” she mumbled under her breath as she climaxed beneath him.

It took every bit of control he had not to come immediately as her pussy pulsed around him. “Fuck. I’m going to make you come again, Jester.”

“Well, I’m not going to stop you, so feel free to try.”

He reached underneath Jester and raised her up so her hips lifted off the bed, changing the angle and drove into her again and again. Fjord watched with satisfaction as Jester searched for purchase, grabbing first at the blankets and then his torso.

“You still with me, darling?” he asked, trying to sound charming through gritted teeth.

“Just barely,” she answered, raising her hips to meet his pelvis. “You’re fucking my brains out, Captain.”

“Touch yourself.”

There was a mischievous glint in her eyes as she dug her nails a little deeper into his back. “I thought you were going to make me come again. Now I have to help?”

Fjord let out a soft sound of amusement, shaking his head. “Fair enough.”

He moved quicker and harder, moving her hips a little higher to keep her off balance and clinging to him. He liked being her anchor, being the center of the storm they’d both dived into.

“You feel better than anything else I’ve felt,” he told her, slowing down so she could hear him. “Hot and tight around my cock.”

“Gods, Fjord.”

He stopped completely, “What did you call me?”

“Captain,” she corrected, trying to move against him but the angle he kept her at made it almost impossible for her to get any kind of leverage.

Fjord made a hobby of toying with her clit, barely there touches against the bundle of nerves. Almost, but never quite touching. “You’re so wet for me, I bet the people in the next room can hear how wet you are.”

He slid out and in again for emphasis, her muscles fluttering against his cock.

“Hear that, darling? How did you keep Beau from hearing when you fucked yourself? Or did you have to wait until she left the room, do it quick and dirty to get a little relief?”

Jester didn’t answer the question, but he hadn’t really expected her to. If he was doing this right, she would barely be able to form a thought, much less a response. She bit her lip and he wished he knew of a spell that would let her scream, let her be as loud as she wanted, and kept the rest of the world from hearing.

He wanted to hear her shout his name when she came.

“Did you think about me going down on you?” he asked casually, adding a little bit of pressure to her clit as he started pumping again. Jester tried to get him to go faster, tried to press her pelvis into his hand to increase the pressure but he’d gotten to a place of total control.

He could keep this up forever, just to keep her close.

“When you touched yourself did you imagine it was hands, my tongue? I’ve thought about it,” he admitted as he started moving faster, keeping the rhythm of his hand and his dick separate, never quite giving her relief. “I’ve thought about tasting every part of you, of you begging, desperate for me. Are you desperate for me, Jester?”

She nodded.

“Say it,” and this time it sounded like he was the one begging but fuck it, he didn’t care. He needed to hear it.

“Yes,” she managed, her breath coming out in a rush. “I’m desperate for you.”

“Me too,” he all but whispered. “I’m desperate for you, too.”

He let go of that control, pounded into her and he’d worry he’d hurt her but she said she’d tell him to stop if he crossed a line and he trusted her to know her own limits.

He’d reached his.

In and out, slick and easy, the wet friction a kind of blessing.

“Come for me, darling,” he crooned, pressing hard on her clit and slid deeper into her than he could ever remember being. Surrounded and drowning. “Come, and I’ll follow you.”

She stiffened in his arm, her body arching like she’d been touched by lightning, mouth open in quiet scream.

Fjord was not silent, he grunted as he drove into her, the orc blood he was always wary of boiled in his veins but he didn’t fear it. He’d never hurt her, couldn’t hurt her, and it took only a few more thrusts for him to fall of the same cliff.

He cursed a few gods as he emptied into her, his nails creating a permanent mark in the wall.

Collapsing on top of her, it took him a solid two minutes before he was close enough to his right mind to be able to form words.

“Okay,” Fjord said, his mouth near her ear as he rested his head on the mattress. “I think might understand now what the fuss is all about.”

Beneath him, Jester laughed.

In the morning, Fjord woke to Jester pressed against his back.

Her arms weren’t wrapped around him, but that was mostly because Jester slept in a small ball, curled in on herself. Currently, one of her elbows was pressing into his back.

“Jester.”

“Hm?” she asked, still half asleep.

“You mind moving your elbow? You’re going to give me bruise.”

“Then we’re even,” she mumbled, and he could feel her breath on his shoulder.

Turning over he looked at her, she was wearing a nightgown thing she wore whenever they stayed at an inn. “I bruised you?”

She smiled into his eyes, hands now tucked under her cheek. “On my hips. I don’t know if they’re visible but I can feel them.”

“Sorry.”

Jester shrugged the shoulder she wasn’t resting on. “I don’t mind, it’s a nice reminder. You’ve got a few of your own.”

“A few what?”

“Reminders,” she explained, poking his side.

Fjord moved the blanket and saw there were in a fact a few marks in his skin from Jester’s nails. Not particularly deep, but visible to anyone who knew where to look. “Will you look at that.”

“Any regrets?”

“No,” he answered immediately.

“Has your view on sex changed?”

“Well, I got more of that than I ever would have on my own,” he answered carefully.

She smiled, “It’s okay if it’s not something you want to do regularly. It can be a nice thing we do for special reasons.”

“I just didn’t know it could be like that,” he explained. “Nothing I’ve experienced has ever come anywhere close.”

“If I wasn’t so comfortable and I’d give you a high five because we both deserve it.”

Fjord laughed, “We’ll figure it out. How are you?”

She looked briefly confused, “I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re checking in with me, so I’m checking in with you,” he informed her dryly. “You’ve been reading romancing novels for half the trip and I’m a bumbling sailor who doesn’t entirely know what he’s doing.”

Jester gave him an unamused look, rolling her eyes. “You have to stop doing that Fjord.”

“Doing what?”

“Talking yourself down.”

He knew it was a knee jerk response, and not the healthiest, but it was one of his oldest habits and it would take a long time to break. “Sorry, I’ll work on that.”

She didn’t look like she believed him but she gratefully let it go, though he imagined it was a conversation they’d have again later. “But to answer your question, I realize romance novels are not exactly reality. I wasn’t expecting that. But it was really, really good, Fjord. Like cinnamon pastries from Nicodranas good.”

Fjord snorted. “Anyone else might be confused and bewildered by that statement, Jester, but I’m going to take it for the compliment it is.”

“Good.”

He thought about kissing her, she was so soft and warm-the warmest Jester ever got anyway-but before he got a chance to follow through on the thought there was a loud, indignant banging on their door.

“Hey, assholes! Are you awake?”

Jester broke out in giggles, meanwhile Fjord mentally shifted, using Vandren’s accent to yell at the grumpy voice on the other side of the door. “Piss off, Beau.”

“We’re going downstairs to eat, are you lovebirds going to join us?”

“We’ll been down in a minute, Beau,” Jester called with more friendliness than Fjord felt at the moment. “Thank you!”

Fjord heard something like a grumble before he heard retreating steps, louder than was strictly necessary. “We probably should head down.”

“We worked up an appetite last night,” she added sagely, a smile in her eyes as she looked at him. “Do you ever get horny?”

“On occasion.”

“Well, if you ever get in the mood to do this again, I’m game.”

He thought about the selflessness of the offer, because she could have asked a different way that made him feel obliged or guilty, but instead she offered herself and her time and her affection whenever he was interested. “Same, Jester.”

“Really?”

“Look, I might not have the same kind of sweet tooth as you, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to eat a pastry when it’s put in front of me.”

She grinned and wiggled a little in amusement. “Are you going to eat me, Fjord?”

He tried for nonchalant as he shifted on the bed to look up at the ceiling, but he was probably blushing at least a little. “It’s on the list and we didn’t get to it last night.”

“Are we making lists of stuff we want to do?” she sounded excited and he couldn’t help but smile. “Because I’ve kind of had a mental one going, but I can write it down so we can check stuff off as we do it.”

He grabbed her wrist when she sat up because he thought she was going to rummage around for pen and paper to immediately make the list. “We should probably get dressed and head down now. The list can wait.”

“Okay,” she turned to look at him, a rare hint of hesitation in her eyes. “Are we a thing now, Fjord?”

“Yeah, Jester. We’re a thing.”

“Good,” she leaned forward and kissed him, quick and friendly. “Can you get my leather? I think it’s on your side of the bed with the rest of your armor.”

Fjord got up and fixed the pants he’d slept in and then started sorting through the clothes, tossing Jester’s things towards her, and they kept up a string of conversation as they got dressed and headed towards the stairs.

He stopped before descending, Jester nearly running into him. “What? Is something wrong?”

“A lot of shit has gone down in my life,” he explained, staring at the steps. “The day I met Vandren, I didn’t realize how my life was going to change. The day the ship went down was just like any other. Most of the time, in the moment, you don’t realize your life is taking a turn until years later. It’s weird to know.”

“Know what?” she asked softly.

“To know the exact moment, the exact place, your life changed for the better.”

She looked confused until Fjord moved down a few steps so he was standing in the same place he’d been last night when she’d kissed him. When she realized what he was saying, her face softened, and she once again put her hands on his face. There was a host of lavender starlight in her eyes. “I didn’t say this last night, but I want you to know, me too.”

“Me too, what?”

“You said you were tired of pretending you weren’t half in love with me. Me too.”

“The tired part, or the half in love part?”

“The half in love part,” she answered with a smirk. “I never pretended I wasn’t in love with you, Fjord. In fact, if you ask the rest of the group, I think they’d say I was pretty obvious about it.”

He rested his hands on her hips, the touch not yet familiar, but comfortable just the same. “It was kind of hard to believe.”

She shrugged, completely unconcerned. “I’m not worried, I’ll convince you sooner or later,” she wagged her eyebrows. “I’m very charming.”

Fjord chuckled, grabbing one of her hands, “I look forward to it. Come on, I’m starving.”

Together they walked down to the small dining hall, a tiny room tucked into the side of the building exclusive to the inn’s residents. The Mighty Nein was taking up half the space.

Caleb didn’t look up from his books, and Nott was too busy eating to notice anything.

But Caduceus, Yasha, and Beau all looked up at their entrance, three sets of eyes looking down at his and Jester’s held hands. Beau was the only one who reacted, she looked them up and down, and Fjord had the distinct feeling she was checking to make they were both okay.

With a nod, as if acknowledging something to herself, she moved her chair so Fjord and Jester could squeeze in at the table. “Is that a piece of Fjord’s armor?” Beau asked when Jester sat next to her. “Is it part of his armor if it’s just random rope that doesn’t serve a purpose?”

“Hey Beau, what the fuck is the purpose of the ribbon tied around your staff?”

“Don’t be mean,” Beau quipped back, “Some of us had a good time last night, and some of us got turned down by hot dancers and had to listen to Caduceus snore.”

“I always kind of liked it,” Fjord commented, draping his arm along the back of Jester’s chair.

“Great, then you can go back to sleeping in his room,” she challenged, crossing her arms with a knowing smirk.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“I hate you,” she announced before getting up with her plate and going towards the breakfast buffet set up at the far end of the room.

“You know, I never had a sister, but I imagine she’s what it would be like. I don’t hate it,” Fjord mused out loud. “Did you cut off a piece of my rope?”

“Yes,” she answered as he grabbed her arm and looked at the small piece of red around her fingerless gloves.

“Without asking?” his voice an overdramatized scold.

Jester narrowed her eyes at him, “If Beau hadn’t pointed it out would have you even noticed?”

“You know what, I’m hungry,” he picked up his plate, and immediately Jester picked up hers and held it out to him with an expectant look. With a exaggerated grumble he took her plate and headed towards the food.

He wasn’t about to deny her anything.

[ask-chaos-kin]

Chaotic Adventures in Babysitting Chapter 6

Almost to the final chapter! Co-written with @royalbabble

The Freaks still in the base had collectively decided to watch a movie to both unwind from Nightmare Medic and to take their minds off of Jesters outburst. Brutal decided to leave on another murder spree with Gentlespy. Pure was observing Pancakes can out of the side of his vision, wondering if he was taking longer than normal to heal or he was too embarrassed to come back out.

“Wonder what happened to the three while we were gone. Ya know, while they were inside the artifact?” Spyper asked aloud.

“We had to chase after Rose almost the whole time,” Pancakes answered from his can. Just as Pure thought, he was too embarrassed to come back out.

“I’ve been in Jesters artifact once before. I know you weren’t just looking for Rose,” Pure said, “You got on a few rides didn’t you?”

“One ride with Roseflame. Tilt-A-whirl. After me and Roseflame dropped 300 feet onto a bouncy castle,” Pancakes came out of his can to explain it.

“Ah, the High Drop,” Pure said.

“Why the hell do they even have that thing? Scared Roseflame to near death,” Pancakes commented.

“Jester likes falling for some reason,” Pure shrugged.

“Wait, Roseflame’s afraid of heights?” Intelligent Heavy asked, now tweaking the cube with some other random machine parts. 

“I was surprised too but yeah. Pretty bad too. Don’t have anything left of her grabbing my arm, but it was pretty similar to being held down by Painis,” he mentioned.

“Then why does she fly around if that’s the case?” Spyper asked, reclining beside his friend. 

“As far as I’m aware, she both doesn’t look down and she only focuses on where she’s going, not how she’s getting there,”

“Ah,” Spyper said, fixing his vest. 

“Kinda feel bad for her,” Pancakes stated, joining the others to watch the movie. 

“Wonder if Jester knew. They seem to know everything that goes down in their artifact,” Intelligent Heavy said, affixing the machine part to the cube.

“What are you doing over there anyways?” Spyper asked, leaning over to his friend.

“I’m trying to see if I can recycle the cube to harness Jesters magic again,”

“Will that even work?” Spyper doubted, watching as his friend used thin tape to graft the machine part onto the cube.

“No idea,” That’s when the silhouette of another Scout approached the door. Since no truck was heard pulling into the driveway, it was either Wolves Bane, Roseflame, or Anthony. Pancakes got up tentatively and went to answer the door, only to hiss in worry and disgust at the sight.

“You look like you need an ER,” Pancakes let a very bloody and battered Roseflame into the base.

“096 isn’t as hard to deal with as some others, he was just pissy because so many HECU members saw his face,” She answered, her voice was hoarse and filled with slight pain. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know any healing spells would you Pure?” Spyper asked the priest.

“Unfortunately, no. Jester does, but they can only heal shallow wounds,” Pure sighed. 

“It’s fine guys. Worse comes to worst i’ll respawn on the roof,” She dismissed it as Pancakes helped her to the couch. 

“Heard you got the High Drop,” Spyper said, leaning forward on the couch. 

“Yeah… Wait how much did you tell them,” she looked to Pancakes with slight anger in her eyes.

“...That was supposed to be kept secret wasn’t it?” He responded. She didn’t have the strength to punch him so she slumped into her jacket to bury her face.

“You fucking suck...” she crowed out though she was muffled by her jacket.

“Surprised Jester didn’t say anything about that. They hate scaring people,” Intelligent Heavy said. Pancakes shot him a huffy look. 

“Oh, they should be apologizing soon,” Pure said. 

“They don’t have to, it’s my fault Pancakes even decided to try using their artifact. I’d consider it a lesson taught,” Roseflame stated before going into a coughing fit. Pancakes rubbed her back, trying to soothe some of the internal problems.

“Easy, easy,” He calmed her down, trying to prevent a slow death on his hands. Especially someone he knew and trusted. 

A fssh sound came from the other room.

“And that should be Jester. In three, two, one…” Spyper counted down, and right as he hit one Jester came darting into the common room, sparks and smoke following them as they skidded to a halt. 

“-WAIT HANG ON DON’T DIE ON ME,” Jester panted, breathless. They stumbled over to Roseflame and nearly face planted into the floor as they went. Pancakes immediately jumped back into his can.

“Not dying yet, slowly. But not yet,” Roseflame chuckled a bit before coughing a bit more. Jester scrambled up and managed to stand upright.

“I can’t do much, but I can patch up the shallow wounds,” They said, still catching their breath,

“I’ll be fine Jester, honestly I’ve dealt with worse,” Roseflame tried to wave them off. Pancakes had absconded by the time Jester had burst the door open to rush to Roseflame.

“You’ll be fine!? Look at you! You’re clothes are soaked with blood, you have cuts all over your body, and you look like you’re two heartbeats away from death!” Jester protested. 

“Again, I’ve been through-” She paused to cough a bit more, “worse,” 

Jester scowled, clearly not going away any time soon.

“Stay still, i’m healing you,” Jester said. They extended their hand out towards Roseflame and a spiral of blue sparks began to swirl out from the palm of their hand. Dancing sparks scattered from their palm and to their fingertips and jumped away from their hand in a sort of mist that came to rest over Roseflame. The sparks started to disperse themselves, making their way to whatever shallow wounds and bruises they could and sealing them up, stopping the bleeding from those injuries completely and removing the soreness from where the bruises had been. The sparks managed to slightly cauterize the larger injuries to prevent further blood loss, but were largely unable to seal the more brutal wounds. She righted herself after the healing process was done.

“Thanks Jester,” she gave them a smile. “Though I came back to talk to you,” She started to stand up. 

“You’re gonna need more than some magic for what you went through,” Spyper said, getting up, “This is a mercenary base, right? Where’s the Medics Infirmary?”

“It’s underground. I’m fine though, honest,” Roseflame stood up and tried to walk around to show she was fine, though she stumbled quite a bit while walking at a snail's pace.

“...Ok i’m getting the bandages,” Spyper said bluntly, walking off. Roseflame groaned in response to the action and returned to the couch.

“You really should just rest for a bit,” She heard Pancakes tell her from his can.

“Fuck off tin head,” She snapped. She grabbed the can and hurled it down the hallway, Pancakes panickedly yelling from it as it sailed through the air. He ditched the can and landed on his back as his can hit his chest.

“Listen here pissy,” he groaned picking up his can before getting up himself. The moment he stood up he immediately regretted coming out of his can, because now he found himself standing right in front of a still miffed Jester. He gulped as he weighed his options. Running away would result in him never being able to see Chaos possibly ever again, going back into his can he’d be easy to just toss out the door. He didn’t know what to do other than stand his ground and hope Jester didn’t kill him.

“H-hey, didn’t know you were still here…” He squeaked out, his voice cracking at the beginning. 

“Where else did you think I would go?” Jester said harshly. 

“I-I don’t know? I just thought that-” he was trying to back away from the angry Jester while looking at them. Jester opened their mouth to say something when it suddenly snapped shut. Bewildered, Jester whipped around to look at Pure, who had one of his hands raised at Jester, imposing his basic telekinesis onto the Freak.

“That’s enough Jester, you’ve made your point,” The priest chastised, letting go of Jester. Pancakes made his way over to Roseflame still wary of his situation. Roseflame glared at him as he sat next to her. He simply helped her position into a more comfortable sitting position without saying a word. 

***

Not long after the two were asleep, Roseflame was laying with her head on Pancakes chest and her upper body along his stomach and thigh area, while Pancakes laid in a slight degree with his right arm draped onto Roseflame’s side. From the shelf that Pancakes had been resting on earlier, Jester sat, shrunken down and sullen from the scolding they’d received from Pure. They glanced down at Pancakes and Roseflame, both fast asleep and resting by the looks of it, peacefully. Even though they were still angry at Pancakes, they couldn’t help but crack a smile at it. Nothing like platonic cuddling to raise the spirits. 

Spyper returned to the room with bandages from the Medbay. He removed the blanket off Pancakes and Roseflame to patch up her wounds.

“What did she even fight? These things look like she fought with Heavydile,” Spyper commented while patching her up.

“Nah, something called SCP-096,” Jester squeaked from their shelf. 

“Doesn’t sounds too intimidating,” Spyper shrugged. Jester shrugged with him. 

“You know, I've never actually met Heavydile-”

“No,” Was all Pure said

“Heavydile is twice as feral as Painis, you don’t want to meet him,” Spyper clarified.

“Painis wasn’t even as bad as Hoovydundy. Heavydile can’t be much worse,”

“And you’re also completely inedible and the most friendly Freak this side of the planet. Of course Hoovydundy or Painis weren’t so bad. Neither of them can actually hurt you,” Intelligent Heavy chimed in. 

“Heavydile eats people and freaks, he’s not even close to human. He can barely talk besides aggressive yelling,” Spyper finished. He placed the blanket back on the two resting teenage freaks. “They’re cute like this,” He commented off hand.

Pancakes shifted in his sleep putting his other arm on his stomach, his face was slightly upset. Must have been having a bad dream. Minutes had passed since then and Pure was keeping an eye out for Chaos by the window.

“Still hard to believe that Roseflame is afraid of heights,” Spyper commented in general.

“WAIT WHAT!?” Jester cried, their squeaky voice peaking their lungs, making a very painful and shrill sound as a result. They fell off the shelf and smacked again the floor in a very tiny puff of sparkles before they shot up into the air at Spypers face, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE’S SCARED OF HEIGHTS!?”

“According to Pancakes, She’s horribly afraid of heights. She’s embarrassed by that fact, but she is,” Spyper explained calmly, “She apparently held onto him with a death iron grip when they were at the top of the High Drop,” 

“OHMYGODSHEWASONTHEHIGHDROPANDSHE’SSCAREDOFHEIGHTSOHGODWHATHAVEIDONE,” Jester yelled wildly. Spyper tried to calm them down, but to no avail. The panicking Jesters screaming and yelling woke the two teenagers up from their platonic napping.

“What’s going on this time?” Roseflame asked aloud, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. Pancakes stretched a bit before returning his arm to Roseflame’s side.

“ROSEFLAMEI’MSORRYIDIDN’TKNOWYOUWEREAFRAIDOFHEIGHTSTHEARTIFACTSHOULDN’THAVEEVENPUTYOUTWOUPTHEREINTHEFIRSTPLACE!!” Jester cried, panicked. The two stared in confusion for a second as they watched Jester panic.

“Put us up where?” She asked, still confused from the screaming and groggy from the nap.

“THE HIGH DROP!!” Jester yelled, throwing up their hands. 

“Oh yeah, that thing. Yeah that sucked horribly, thanks for that,” She flopped her head back onto Pancakes chest, he groaned in response to her softly flopping onto his middle. Jester threw their hands over their face and yelled while continuing to apologize profusely. Neither of them could continue to sleep so they both proceeded to stand up and stretch.

“Jester, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting to go from ground level to 300 ft. Also, why the hell do you have it be a free fall to almost uncertain death? That’s my only thing about it, why the free fall?!” Roseflame questioned in an aggressive tone.

“I want that answer too,” Pancakes stated in a calmer tone.

“I like falling,” Jester said sadly, “I don’t know why, I just like falling from high places,”

“I mean, I like spinning at speeds that are the closest to max speed,” Roseflame shrugged.

“Also you’re mad at us, why are you apologizing to her so much?” Pancakes asked, confused.

“I’m mad at you, not her,” Jester retorted.

“Why not both of us? I’m just as guilty as he is for the whole mess,” Roseflame commented.

“Did you open the cube? Did you use my magic? Were you the one that accessed my artifact?” Jester asked. 

“No, but I gave him the ideas,” Roseflame answered bluntly, “Hell, if it wasn’t for me, Rose wouldn’t have been by herself on the Ferris Wheel when you arrived. If you should be mad at anyone for that shit show, it’s me,” She stood her ground.

“No, I’m not. You may not be entirely innocent here, but you’re not the one who did any of this,” Jester reiterated, growing back to their normal size.

“Still, don’t throw all your anger at him,” Just then everyone could hear a truck pulling up to the house along with distant rolls of thunder. Pure went to go help his adopted daughter carry things inside. Rose was the first one of the three inside the house and was confused to see the scene in front of her.

“Hey Rose,” Pancakes greeted her,

“Are you still fighting?” She asked as she walked over to the three.

“Kinda, it’s complicated,” Roseflame explained to her.

“Why?” Pancakes and Roseflame had no idea how to answer this one. Rose tugged in Chaos’ pants to get her attention and then looked to Pancakes and Roseflame.

“I know what happened,” Rose said quietly.

“You do?” She asked in slight confusion,

“What?” Pancakes and Roseflame said in unison.

“She apparently knows what happened with the whole Artifact situation,” Chaos then had Rose tell Jester what happened with the whole situation.

“I wasn’t really asleep when Aunt Lily left. I was in the kitchen and I heard Pancakes say that he was gonna use the artifact to spy on you guys. I never heard Roseflame give Pancakes any ideas. It was all Pancakes,” Rose explained. Chaos looked to Pancakes in slight shock.

“Why would you want to spy on us?” She asked him.

“We were worried about you, we knew everyone else could handle themselves but you could have gotten hurt out there,” Pancakes answered simply.

“So it wasn’t Roseflames fault at all,” Jester said, crossing their arms, “We were all alright. I had Nightmare distracted for most of the mission. He never even saw Chaos,”

“Well think about it Jester, they had absolutely no idea of knowing that fact. Besides, he’s still a scout. Name 5 times he’s had an idea that didn’t end like this,” Chaos stated, Pancakes couldn’t argue with her about it.

“Doesn’t mean I suddenly can’t be angry with him,” Jester bit back, “How would you like it if someone broke into your room and began going through your things? Because that’s what this whole ordeal was,” 

“I do, everytime we leave, Someone’s fucking with my stuff Jester,” Chaos snapped, her eyes flashing purple as she advanced towards them.

“Then you know EXACTLY why i’m angry here!” Jester snapped, their own body lighting up with sparks. 

“OKAY ENOUGH!!!!” Roseflame screamed, the power shutting off. Chaos, Pancakes, and Jesters throats now at the mercy of Slenderman. Roseflame’s eyes changed to a state similar to Wolves Banes. Only instead of orange, they were white and filled with a piercing rage.

“The three of you need to knock it off. NOW!” Roseflame’s voice boomed to life with rage. The three where at her mercy now. While all Spyper, Rose, Pure, and Intelligent could only stare in horror at the monster Roseflame summoned. Jester struggled for a moment and took a deep breath in, and within a second their form poofed into a cloud of blue smoke, only for them to reappear somewhere else. Jester raised their hands and invoked their own power, hoisting the monster up and subduing it in a cloud of sparkling smoke, but it was apparent they were struggling to keep the monster in place. With a flick of Roseflame’s wrist, they were back in a tendril of the monster.

“You’re not getting out of this Jester, everyone else here is fine. YOU, CHAOS, AND PANCAKES NEED TO MAKE UP! I’ve already seen so many people hurt each other here! Do you really want it all to happen again?!” 

“THAT IS ENOUGH!!!!” Pure roared, using his telekinesis to sever the tendrils that held Chaos, Jester, and Pancakes. He turned to Roseflame and shoved her back into her seat, jarring her enough to make the monster she’d summoned disappitate into a cloud of black smoke, the power flickered back on as the tie was severed. Chaos and Pancakes tried to regain the breath they had been losing in the grasp of Slenderman, “Jester, i’m going to say this right now. You have every right to be angry at Pancakes, but that does NOT give you any room to start throwing a tantrum! You’re an adult, behave like one! Pancakes, don’t EVER touch Jesters artifact without their permission. You know good and well how important it is to them. Chaos, this matter does not concern you in the slightest so do not involve yourself where it is not needed. And Roseflame, you have absolutely no right to start strangling people on a whim just because you’re mad. That’s what toddlers do, and I know full well that you’re not a toddler,” Pure snapped, turning to everyone in the room as he addressed them. All four of them were shocked into silence that quickly turned into shame and guilt, they knew what they did wrong. 

Rose was behind Intelligent, on the verge of tears. Jester glanced over at the tearful child and felt a pang in their chest. Scaring people was the very last thing they ever wanted to do, yet they had managed to scare two people in one day. Pancakes guilty slunk back over to the couch and sank into the sofa, not saying a word. Chaos awkwardly shuffled out of the living room, and Roseflame sat silently, slumping into the chair. Rose then finally started to cry and everyone felt ten times worse. 

And Jester felt their entire world come crashing down.

Jester brought their hands to their face and began to cry themselves, apologizing profusely to Rose as their body began to release some sort of blue aura that radiated sadness. Rose looked up to Jester for a moment before going to their chest and hugging them.

“It’s not your fault, we just need to be nice to each other instead of being angry,” She tried to dry her eyes while hugging Jester. Roseflame and Pancakes looked to each other, they had an idea how to make up to Jester as well. Roseflame got up and made a slight detour into Rose’s room to drop something off in her bag. Once Jester saw it, she knew they’d cheer up. 

There was a knock on the living room door, and it opened to reveal Brutal and his partner in crime, Gentlespy, waltzing into the house whilst covered in blood from their murder spree, only to stop confusion on why everything was suddenly a huge mess.

“What the hell happened while I was gone?” Brutal asked turning to Pure.

“Arguments,” Pure said, rubbing his temples, “I took care of it,” 

“Let’s hope that the child’s visit isn’t too long then,” Gentlespy commented, “Brutal told me about the situation,” Everyone could only hope so.

[blodreina-noumou]

I had fun with 6x02. It was angsty “why can’t our kids just get along” fun, but still fun!

The Big Things I’d be down to discuss:

1 - We got tiny little crumbs about Alpha/Sanctum itself, the people who live there, and how/why they’ve lived on this moon for the past century or so. The backstory with the very obvious Bellarke stand-in (that had to either be the best or worst little nod ever for shippers), including the sudden and unexpectedly violent death of Sanctum Clarke (I know she has a name I just forgot), shows us that the people of this world have been dealing with the eclipse psychosis for a long time, which definitely explains the kids’ books and general “this is a thing that happens sometimes” attitude of the people we’ve met. The mother, father, and daughter of that group are the Lightbournes (no idea how to spell that yet), who are seemingly worshiped in this world. How did that happen, when Daddy Lightbourne went nuts and murdered his wife and daughter? Jumping to the present, one of the lines between the older hijacker woman and her dying daughter - “the bodies, you have to make sure -” “I’ll take care of it” - definitely makes me think that there’s something about death/corpses on this planet that we don’t know yet. (Which makes me think of poor Shaw, quickly buried in that grave by that random field.) Both women seemed very concerned with recovering the bodies of their husbands, beyond the usual “respecting our dead” worries. And finally, that ending. The little girl, Rose, seemed to be dressed a bit more “royally” for lack of a better word, than the other children. Maybe it was just a design choice to make her stand out - if she’s got a name, she’s gonna be important. She had those “wise young leader” vibes though. The most interesting thing - her asking Clarke if they’re there to “take them home” and Clarke responding “isn’t this your home?” Sanctum believes they’re going to be rescued, I think we can safely guess that this is a big part of what makes them culty. So what are they going to do now that they know a rescue is impossible, because Earth is dead? Why do they still want to go home - to reconnect with a world an indeterminate number of lightyears away, where none of them were born? Why? Is it something about Sanctum that makes them long to return - something more than just the Eclipse Psychosis?

2. My favorite interactions were between Murphy and Clarke. I think something significant happened between them when Murphy finds Clarke holding that knife to her own throat. I think Murphy has a moment of realizing, “oh, maybe Clarke hasn’t let go of her baggage, maybe she carries more guilt and self-loathing than she shows us.” He gentles a lot as he talks her down, tells her that the radio she’s hearing all of those terrible things from isn’t even on. I do think they have a better understanding of each other now, and will probably snipe at each other less. Probably. Maybe. I appreciated Murphy telling Clarke that her taking some responsibility for being “the bad guy” was “a good start.” I do think Clarke needs to make serious strides towards apologizing properly, and she came closer than she had before to doing that in the argument she and Murphy had while they were locked up in the school. She was passive aggressive, but I think part of that is her frustration that anyone would think she doesn’t regret the things she’s done. She’s lost so many people who are important to her, and, given what Delusion!Abby said, Clarke also clearly blames herself for all of it. I think part of why she can’t apologize to anyone is because it’s hard for her to live with herself without justifying the why of those lives lost. She has to remember what she did it for, who she did it for, or she’ll lose it completely and surrender to her darkest, self-destructive impulses. This episode helped me with Clarke a bit, I’ll admit it. I hope this isn’t the only thing we’ll get, but I’m not holding my breath.

3. The different reactions everyone has to the psychosis is worth a hundred metas and at least twenty crack posts. I wanted to make a “tag yourself” meme about what everyone does (Echo “nopes” herself right out; Emori flips and attacks her “it’s complicated” lover; Bellamy becomes an Angry Rage Dad; Jackson and Miller try to protect each other to death; Clarke just hates herself (I don’t even have a good joke for it, it was honestly pretty sad); and Murphy would just be “????”; a bonus would be Octavia, who managed to behave as if she was under the Eclipse Psychosis, but it turns out our girl is just Losing It For Real Now, No But Like For REAL For Real - but I’m not good at the image-making thing, so anyone who sees this is free to steal the idea and adapt it to their own interpretations (just lmk ‘cause I wanna see it)!

4. Was Murphy affected? By the time Emori, Jackson, Miller, and Echo are all down for the count, Murphy becomes the voice of reason for Clarke and Bellamy. He has to protect himself, and them, from themselves and each other, and he does so in a very level-headed way. He isn’t shaking off the delusions like Clarke does when Murphy and Bellamy are fighting. He isn’t raging and ranting like Bellamy is. His craziest moments come from believing that he’s the only sane one left. Yet he shoots at Bellamy and Clarke, and clearly seems paranoid that they’re out to get him at certain moments. So what gives? Which parts were potentially Eclipse Psychosis, and which parts were just Murphy? I’m inclined to believe his needling of Clarke is 100% Him - given how he stomps off from their little fireside chat in 6x01 (that smile was sarcastic af y’all, not him really being like “you win”, he was pissed), I don’t think he’s able to hold himself back from speaking his mind to Clarke about her decisions, once they’re both tied up and stuck in the same room together. So when he shoots at Clarke and Bellamy, do we think he’s trying to protect them from themselves, or does he genuinely want to hurt them? So much to analyze. 

5. Speaking of Octavia, I am both elated and devastated to see that Niylah is pretty much her only friend right now - it makes my Niytavia heart happy, but it’s rough to see Octavia struggling so much, and being so alone in it. It’s clear Niylah is so scared for Octavia, and might be the only one who really sees how much she’s hurting. She’s the only one who recognizes that Octavia is egging everyone on, trying to get them to fight her, probably even kill her. Octavia is lashing out so much right now, and it’s definitely not a good look. I think it’s the only thing that makes sense for her character right now. She lost everything - all of the honor and respect and (yes) power she had, all of the hope she had for finding redemption in Eden, all of her closest friends and supporters (with the exception of Niylah - also, side note, I hope we see Indra and Gaia soon), and her brother. She’s never been good at actually reflecting on her mistakes. Now that she feels she has pretty much nothing to lose, of course she’s going to lash out and act like an angry kid throwing a tantrum, baiting people into punishing her. She wanted to die in that gorge - she believes she deserves it. Now, in her own words, “none of it makes sense”. I don’t know how much darker and angrier she’ll have to go before she finally confronts Blodreina, and all of the reasons she had to become her. She has to accept what she did, and forgive herself, before anyone else will.

6. What will the fallout from the Bellamy/Murphy fight be? Everyone was throwing out some sharp barbs, but Bellamy’s comment about Murphy being a court jester, and how that was “barely” better than useless was a low blow. It’s also a long way from the premiere last year, with Bellamy pinning Murphy and refuses to let him up until Murphy says he isn’t worthless. Will they brush by it as Eclipse Angst, or is this indicative of bigger problems between Murphy and Bellamy down the line this season? Bellamy definitely wakes up looking hella guilty about how close he came to killing both Clarke and Murphy. Does he really feel that way about Murphy, does he see him as an equivalent threat compared to Clarke? Why, and how?? Not to beat a dead horse, but Clarke has been pretty traitorous lately and has been much more dangerous to trust than Murphy has, for Bellamy for sure. Clarke’s own self-destructive thoughts seemed to be the genuine truth, what she believed about herself. Who’s to say we can’t assume Bellamy was being equally genuine about Murphy?

7. What’s going on with Murphy at the end there? Before he went into the water, he was mostly okay. After he comes out and passes out for a while, he’s suddenly near-death, with crazy black shit visibly running through his veins? I’ll admit I’m a little scared for him! I’m sure he’ll probably be fine, but the source is what unsettles me - the biggest difference between the three of them by that ...pond? puddle?... is that Murphy went under and inhaled a lot of water. Is even the water toxic when the eclipse is going on? That’s going to mean that the Sanctum people, who clearly have some safe place to go to during the eclipses, will have a lot of power over the safety of everyone on the planet, even more than we originally suspected. So our traumatized heroes are going to have to adapt and assimilate to this new society, and we really have no idea what that’s going to look like yet. We’ve already gotten some hints that it’s weird and culty though, and culty things have never boded well for our characters. Has it been mentioned how often these eclipses are? I don’t think so. We know they last two days, but not how often they happen. We also don’t know much else about the dangers in the world, and what life is like for other parts of the moon’s surface.

8. The parallels between Clarke and Octavia so far this season are delightful and frustrating. They both have so much in common, and it’s interesting to see the different and similar ways they’re reacting to the terrible things they were forced (and chose, at times) to do as young, inexperienced leaders. They both don’t think they deserve to be alive. They both have tried to hurt or kill themselves because of that. What frustrates me a bit about 6x02 is that it feels like a reversal from the way we saw Octavia at the end of 5x13. Octavia seemed ready to accept responsibility in that gorge “Wonkru is dead. I broke it.” and Clarke seemed more willing to stand by her convictions as a Mama Bear. Now Clarke is slowly starting to accept some accountability, and Octavia is calling out everyone for their “sins”. But I think on some level, they’re both motivated by the same self-destructive self-loathing. Both Clarke and Octavia attempted to sacrifice themselves (Clarke at the end of s4, Octavia at the end of s5) for the sake of their people, and also in an attempt to make up for how fall they’d each fallen from their own moral centers - they both wanted redemption and absolution for the terrible things they’d do to other people for the sake of survival. Both of them were robbed of this opportunity when they survived their attempts at martyrdom, yet their attempts do save the people they love. They’re both pretty much in the same place at the beginning of s6 - on the edges of their groups (although Clarke has been treated far more warmly by ReconKru than Octavia has been on the Eligius ship), feeling alone except for one special girl (Madi and Niylah respectively, although also Bellamy was being pretty nice to Clarke before the Psychosis thing happened), and they both have so much blood on their hands. Both have lashed out to an extent, but both have also directed their anger and guilt inward, and against themselves physically. I don’t know what the intention is behind these parallels yet - both women need a lot of peace and time to heal from what they’ve been through. Will they both actually be allowed that, on this show? I doubt it. That scares me, because as much as I complain about Clarke, I’ve never wanted a tragic ending for her. But if it comes down to a choice, I think y’all know what my bias would be. And right now, Octavia looks more likely to meet that dark end than Clarke.

This is long enough, so that’s it for now! Let me know your own thoughts!!

[plounce]

hugely nerdy and self indulgent cr2/doctor who crossover widomauk rambling, as promised. under the cut you will find: caleb the time/space travelling atoner, nott & jester & fjord & beau the companions, molly the jack harkness/river song figure, and as always: ludicrous romantic tension.

caleb is the doctor because it’s the most obvious choice and sometimes the most obvious choice is the most suitable, and also the easiest. repentant, keeping other people around for their utility and how they keep him human, kind of a pushy know-it-all weirdo bastard, etc. the whole doctor deal. destroyed his whole planet! but probably for less noble reasons. oh caleb you bastard etc. is currently trying to gather the tools and knowledge from across space-time to “fix” his mistake.

nott, jester, fjord, and beau are his companions. nott was his first companion, because she's what really opened him up to the idea of having someone with him, someone that can keep him in line and human, and that it's good to have a friend instead of being alone.

after nott leaves (probably doesn’t die? just. Has To Leave for some reason, she’s okay) caleb is despondent and HERE COMES JESTER! GAP YEAR! and also on the run, but that’s less important. she’s an alien! jester and fjord’s tenures overlap slightly, and then jester leaves to go back to her mom. later on caleb abandons fjord back home after fjord almost Awakens a very bad being to obtain Great Power and caleb is like yeah... this dude should not be around me and the power i have, i’m bad enough already, two of us hopping through spacetime is. not a great combo for all life in the universe

he’s not looking to have another companion after that but look who it is! beau. and beau doesn’t want to be there and caleb doesn’t want her there but she’s STUCK in the tardis for some scifi reason and ZANY ADVENTURES AND ETHICAL CONUNDRUMS ENSUE and she’s the best companion (she’s caleb’s donna). they fight so much and caleb appreciates it. beau like... realizes that she has power in her life! she can affect change! she’s meaningful and can achieve great good! and she turns out really cool and good. hell yeah beau i love her

molly is a sort of jack harkness/river song figure, except better because i’m not steven moffat. jumping around spacetime with a vortex manipulator to have fun and see everything and indulge in all the luxuries the universe has to offer, popping in and out of caleb’s timeline in haphazard, shuffled order. it’s always sort of ambiguous if they’re in a romance or not? because they’re trying to avoid unstable paradoxes and oversharing information, but there’s lingering looks and dropped hints. they eventually start keeping little timeline journals to figure out when the other is. (if you know penumbra, throw in a dash of peter nureyev as well.)

when caleb first meets molly, molly’s known him for a good long while at that point. nott’s with him at that point, and when he meets her molly's face lights up and he goes "so THIS is nott the brave! i've heard so much about you! mostly good things." because in molly’s timeline, this is the first time he’s met the famous nott! up until then, from his perspective, nott had left the tardis. and nott is like ........who? the fuck? are you? and caleb is also like........ ah fuck this is weird. ok. ok

molly travels with them for a month or so, and then bids them adieu and flounces off to live his own life. “it’s what we do,” he explains to nott and caleb. “i live my life, and you live your life, but it’s always so good to see you.”

right before he leaves, he pauses and considers caleb, a hand tapping his chin and a smirk curling up his mouth. then he leans in and drops a peck on caleb's lips. "you told me i do that when i first leave," molly says, winking. caleb isn't quite sure if molly is telling the truth, or if he's just making up an excuse as to why he kissed him, but he's bright red and he can't really react or even process it. because he’d noticed molly was pretty - how could one not - but he’s never even considered having romantic relationships, what with the weight on his shoulders, but - but???????

then molly says, "i'll be seeing you later, mister caleb." and he walks into the packed spaceport they’re in, and caleb is standing there stunned, and then nott returns with two cups of coffee, and she looks at caleb's face & posture and the last flicker of riotous color disappearing into so many people, and she goes, "what just happened?! what did he do?! do you want me to follow him?! make him pay?!" and caleb absently reaches up to his mouth, then curls his hand into a fist at the last moment. "no... no, nott. let's go back to the tardis, ja?"

the next time caleb sees molly, it’s a month after that. so caleb has known him for two months. but molly says he’s known caleb for a long, long time, and looks at him so sweetly and caringly for a moment that caleb has to look away. molly asks how long caleb’s known him, and caleb says “two months.” and molly goes “oh!” and seems to consciously put whatever feelings he has in a little box in his head, and acts very normally and courteously towards him, seems to purposefully distance himself from him. there’s still some lingering looks and unconscious touches that he can’t seem to help, and everyone knows what’s going on, but caleb just does his best to ignore it and everyone else doesn’t acknowledge it. it’s a weird, kind of awkward situation.

“i don’t want to make caleb uncomfortable,” he tells nott at some point. “the poor man has enough stress in his life already. i just try to bring some laughter and light into his life when i see him.” caleb and molly almost have a talk about some things, but they get interrupted with no small amount of Dramatic Irony, and then...

that adventure closes with molly dying to save caleb and nott’s lives. stands in front of the evil alien of the week, scifi weapons flashing even as he’s near death, listing to one side but still spitting out curses and quips, just enough time for the safety of an airlock door to close in front of caleb and nott. and when that door opens, the room is empty except for a huge sword plunged through molly’s chest and into the floor, and molly is already cold. his coat is in tatters and his eyes are still open. there were no goodbyes.

they push his body out to drift in space, free and untethered. they take his coat and hang it up in the closet of the room molly stayed in for that first month, because molly loved that coat and they can’t just... let it freeze in the vacuum of space.

caleb is tempted to save the little journal that molly said he kept their timelines straight in, is tempted to read it and learn and know and have control over that so he can stop it from happening so molly doesn’t die for him or get involved with him - but nott stops his hand and says third rule: no unstable paradoxes. and caleb nods, and huffs out a weak laugh at the callback to his crash-course time travelling guide, and leaves the little book in molly’s pant pocket.

the next time he sees him he's shocked - he stands stock still as molly lopes up to him, and molly goes "mister caleb! so excited to see you, hello darling! lovely as always to run into you. let's compare notes, shall we? line ourselves up?" and caleb stops - stutters backward - and then walks away, heedless of molly's confused, unknowing "caleb? caleb, what's wrong?" and he goes back to the tardis and tells nott they have to go somewhere else. they can't stay in this time and location. they have to leave. caleb can't let molly interact with him again. he can't. he's too dangerous. not after he got molly killed, and nott barely escaping with her life.

so time goes on, and nott helps caleb continue on, and one night as they float through an asteroid belt she quietly says, "it's okay to be sad about him. even though you know he's kind of okay, right now and before and after. everyone dies, caleb." and caleb doesn't say anything, just fiddling with the console.

"did you love him?" nott ventures.

caleb sighs. "nott, i barely knew him. we'd only met twice."

nott shifts uncomfortably where she's perched among the columns. "well, it seems like you probably will, judging by how he was, yknow, looking at you and touching you. hugging you and all that. yeah. and, yknow. you should let yourself have that. because you're going to. or something like that. whatever, time travel is weird."

and caleb weakly chuckles, then sighs, and slumps against the controls, and stands there for a long, long moment. then he says, "we should get some sleep. i'll take you to one of the best vineyards in the six nearest galaxies tomorrow, i promise you."

the next time caleb sees molly isn't for a long time, and caleb despairs that he wasted his last look at molly with running away from him even though he knows that’s not how their timeline works, but it goes to the back of his mind as he continues learning and having adventures and gathering the knowledge and the tools he needs for what he wants to do.

nott leaves, and jester arrives. and then one day they’re in a packed, crowded market square on a trade planet, and jester is calling caleb over to a little stall by a tent and there, sitting at the counter and fanning cards in front of jester’s eager eyes, is molly.

caleb is so relieved to see him, to apologize for how he acted before and to see a dead man walking and to apologize (even though he can’t say why - but he remembers molly commenting you’re always saying sorry to me for things i have no idea about and you always refuse to tell me! it’s kind of cute. a little tic you have.), but molly doesn't recognize him. molly is chattering away with jester, schmoozing, trying to get her to come to fletching and moondrop’s space-travelling carnival of curiosities, and jester is tugging on caleb's arm saying pleeeease please can we go caleb pleeeeeeaaase it sounds soooo fun!

molly winks, glitter drawn in swirls on his face, and caleb notices he doesn't have his coat or all of his tattoos and scars yet, and there’s no spark of recognition in his eyes. "caleb, is it?" molly says, and caleb's breath catches in his throat. "i'm sure at least one part of our collection can put a smile on that handsome face of yours."

blah blah blah it continues on. there’s an adventure, gustav gives molly his vortex manipulator after the carnival gets shut down and molly travels with caleb and jester for a bit while he figures out how to fix it. then he does, and strikes out on his own. and then things weave on from there, and caleb is always afraid that this is the last time in his timeline that he’ll see molly, and he’s tightroping between wanting to savor it and wanting to push him away and wanting to deny that there’s anything there.

hm... i imagine yasha is like. from a planet that is kind of. daleky? caduceus is a cool alien with a fixed-point shop and stuff. angel. i’ll add more to this post if i ever think of anything. yeehaw!

[moonblooch]

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning : No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series)

Characters: Fjord (Critical Role), Jester Lavorre, Caleb Widogast, Nott (Critical Role), Mollymauk Tealeaf, Yasha (Critical Role), Beauregard (Critical Role)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, based loosely around the time of the sequel trilogy, dubious usage of star wars canon slang, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Language: English

Fjord, Jester and Beau crash land on the planet of Trostenwald and get a whole crew for the price of one mechanic. 

“So Fjord, what exactly are we looking for?” Jester asked.

They were stood in the doorway of a small cantina on Trostenwald, surveying the scattered patrons. The place was fairly empty, though the breakfast rush would likely end that soon; if they could get in and out before that happened.

“Well Jester, I was thinking we need someone to repair our ship.”

She nodded, eyes cast down. “I’m really, really sorry about the ship Fjord.”             

The image of the ground rushing up to meet them flashed through Fjord’s mind.

“It’s fine Jess, I’ve seen worse landings than that. Besides, I’m sure Beau’ll have everything upright by the time we’re back.”

They walked to the counter, where a harried looking human was wiping down every surface with all of the enthusiasm of someone about to finish her shift. She paused, looking up as they approached.

“How can I help you dears? What can I get you?”

“Just some rations for now I’m afraid.” Fjord replied, swinging himself onto a stool. “And some information about the area if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Of course, I’ll sort your food first; you look like you’ve had a hell of a jump to get here.”

Once more Fjord recalled his scream as they shot through the atmosphere.

“You could certainly say that. Speaking of,” he leaded forward, “you wouldn’t happen to know any decent mechanics would you?”

“Rough landing huh? We get plenty of those round here.” She said sliding a ration cube to each of them. “That’ll be five credits love.”

Fjord handed held out a credit chip and she scanned it with a handheld which was probably older than she was.

“As for your mechanic, well, you didn’t hear it from me,” she whispered, leaning in, “but that man in the corner might be your best shot. He’s an offworlder, not guild affiliated or anything; that’s why I’m not telling you this, but I’ve heard that he’s good and doesn’t ask questions. People have been singing his praises since he got here.”

Fjord followed her minute gesture to the corner-booth, where a scruffy looking man was hunched over a mug of caf. He had a lolth-cat sat on the bench next to him which seemed to be doing its best to stick its head into his mug, but had yet so succeed. He appeared to be conversing with someone, out of view from their angle.

“Are you sure?” Jester asked, a little louder than would have been ideal. “He looks like a slythmonger or something.”

“Sure as those tails on your head miss; he fixed the caf-dispenser just this morning. It used to make this awful screeching noise. I don’t know what you’ve got that needs fixing but I’m pretty sure I heard him talking to an Azumel about an old Hunter last night and he seemed to know his stuff.”

Fjord found himself nodding.

“Do you know what his rate is?”

She gave a light shrug.

“He just asked for two decent breakfasts when he fixed the caf machine for me, you’ll have to ask him yourself.”

“Maybe we could take some food, you know, to get him to talk to us?” Jester suggested. Turning back to the human she asked, “Hey, do you have any feen?”

“I’m afraid not miss, but I’ve got a sack of mallow powder out back that I’ve been trying to shift for ages if you’re after something sweet. It’s yours for ten credits.”

“Done!” Jester replied, brandishing her credit chip. Her freshly forged credit chip, if Fjord recognised it. He held his breath as the scanner ran over it, but seemed to detect nothing amiss.

“Alright then miss, I’ll just go get that for you. If anyone comes in could you let them know I won’t be long?”

At Jester’s nod she slipped through a door behind the bar. Fjord placed a light hand on Jester’s shoulder.

“I’m going to go talk to this guy, alright? Come over when you’ve got the mallow powder.”

Jester nodded again, sending him off with a wave. As Fjord approached, the man at the table seemed to tense up, curling in on himself with each step that Fjord took towards him.

“Excuse me,” Fjord began when he finally drew level with the booth, “d’you mind if I join you for a bit?”

“There are other tables.” Came a voice from the hunched figure sitting across from the man and his lolth-cat. They were small, smaller than most children even, although their voice fairly clearly demonstrated that this was not the case, and had a hood pulled over their face.

“Einfach da, Nott.” The man said, before turning to Fjord. “What is it you were wanting to talk about?”

“Ah, I apologise if I’m interrupting anything. I’m looking for a mechanic and I heard you might be able to help with that.”

“Maybe so, what is it that you need fixing?”

“Well, uh, my crew and I just landed and on our way back to realspace we encountered a few technical issues. I was hoping you’d maybe be able to take a look at them.”

“I would certainly be able to look at it, aber I imagine you would want for me to fix it if there is something wrong.” The man stroked his chin. “I would not be unwilling to do this, but you will understand if I am widerwillig to do this for a person who has not yet introduced themselves.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that,” Fjord held a hand out, “my name’s –”

“Fjord!” Jester called, staggering over to the booth almost entirely hidden behind the colossal sack of mallow powder she was holding. “Look at how much I got us! Do you think we can fit this in the kitchen?”

She set the sack down on the table with an audible thump.

“Oh,” she exclaimed, peering around the sack, “I really like your cat! Can I pet him? What’s he called? Oh, and what’s your name?”

A smile settled across the man’s features.

“You shouldn’t have asked him that.” The hunched figure on the other side of the table groused. “He barely talks about anything except that cat as it is.”

“Hush, you.” The man replied, scratching the lolth-cat behind its ears and turning to face Jester. “His name is Frumpkin, and you can pet him as long as he allows it. My name is Caleb Widogast.”

He offered a hand to Jester, and that was when Fjord noticed that his arms were wrapped almost entirely in medical tape. A few of the pieces were trailing, having come unstuck, and it seemed to be stained in several places, though it was impossible to tell if these were from injuries or the sort of fluids which occurred in machinery.

“I’m Jester.” Jester replied, taking his hand with both of hers. “This is Fjord. Can you please help us with our ship?”

He seemed to consider for a moment.

“I will ansehen it but if you would like for me to fix it then I shall need something in return.”

“What was that word?” Jester asked. “I don’t think I’ve heard it before, ans-han?”

“Oh.”

Caleb reached into one of the many pockets on his jacket, this one close to the lapel, and pulled out a tiny four-sided pyramid. Each side sported several flickering lights, and a seam along one edge was cracked open just widely enough to reveal the circuits inside. Caleb blew into this, then examined it for a moment. Seeming satisfied he returned it to its correct pocket.

“Malfunctioning translator, sorry.” He said, attention once more on Jester. “It is an old one,  I had to do a lot of the fine-tuning myself, so it can sort of, er, glitch I think is the best word, if I speak too fast or put stress on a word. I do speak Basic, but the dialect I learned to speak is unfortunately rather specific, a translator saves a lot of explaining you know?”

“Oh, I understand.” Jester replied, tapping her headband. “The translator in here makes my voice a little strange too sometimes. And there are some words it just doesn’t get, you know?”

“Absolutely, idioms are a gottsverdamnt nightmare with this thing. As is cursing. What I was trying to say was that I would take a look at your ship and that we could take it from there, yes?”

“Well sure.” Fjord replied. “What’s your price?”

“That would depend on what needs fixing, but my friend and I,” Caleb gestured between himself and Nott, “need safe transport off this planet. It must be discreet. Can you provide that?”

“We can certainly try, where are you reckoning on going?”

“Anywhere in the outer rim.” Nott answered. “Further out than here at least, if not all the way out.”

“We can talk about the specifics when we are in a more private setting.” Caleb added. “But first, I would like to see this ship of yours.”

He drained the last of his caf and stood, still remarkably hunched over (though this was presumably not helped by the fact that the lolth-cat draped itself across his shoulders). Nott scrambled her way onto the table in order to help him strap some sort of pack to his back, allowing Fjord to get a closer look at her.

As widely travelled as he liked to assume that he was, Fjord had to admit that he had never seen anyone who looked quite like she did. Her hooded robe seemed to be covering her almost entirely, but what slivers of skin were visible were green (lighter than his own, but still very much green). Each hand appeared to have four fingers, unless she was wearing unusual gloves, and the lower half of her face was covered by a mask. If Fjord was pushed to guess, he would have said that it was a breath mask, but it was not visibly attached to any kind of tank. Over the top of this mask peered two amber eyes, constantly darting about the room as if she was expecting something to jump out at any second.

Once Nott had secured the final clasp, Caleb gathered up a second bag and slid out of the booth, offering Nott a hand to guide her down from the table.

“Well,” he said, looking to Fjord, “lead on.”

Jester kept up a constant stream of chatter on their way back to the ship, holding the sack of mallow powder in one arm and excitedly gesturing with the other. She stopped when Nott held up a hand.

“We’re being followed.” She hissed, turning slowly to face the direction they had just come from. Fjord followed her gaze, seeing two figures behind them and moving closer with purpose. He felt his hand twitch, almost involuntarily, but managed to keep it still. There was no need for that sort of scene yet.

Of the two figures approaching them, only one could have passed for human. Perhaps they were human, but something about their proportions, the slightly lumbering way that they were moving, suggested otherwise. The other was most likely chiss, though a lot closer to purple than average. They had been talking to their taller companion, but stopped abruptly when they noticed that Fjord was looking at them.

“Well hello there.” They called, slight accent betraying the use of a translator, as they strolled towards their group. “Not to be rude, but I believe that we overheard that you might be heading off planet soon. Got room for two more?”

Fjord fought the urge to close his hand again.

“We can pay.” The larger of the two said, not caring to elaborate.

“And we’re handy with most any weapon you can think up, if you need that sort of thing.” The chiss said, a smirk catching the corners of their mouth. “The name’s Mollymauk by the way, probably should have led with that. Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to my friends, and the delightful lady beside me is Yasha.”

Yasha gave them a nod.

“I’m Jester, this is Fjord,” Jester answered before Fjord had a chance to come up with a halfway decent alias, “and this is Caleb and Nott.”

“Why do you need off-world so badly?” Nott asked. “We can’t take someone who’s got troopers after them.”

“I think I’ll decide who I allow on my ship Nott.” Fjord interjected. “But is there anything we oughta know about before we consider your request?”

“We came here with the circus a few days ago, and we need off-world because one of the other performers seemed to think that the locals wouldn’t notice if he ate someone.” Yasha said, in a voice flatter than the statement truly deserved.

“You were travelling with cannibals?” Caleb asked, slowly starting to walk again. Fjord followed suit, noticing Jester and Nott do the same out of the corner of his eye.

Mollymauk shrugged as Yasha and they followed.

“A cannibal, and, in Kylre’s defence, I don’t think it technically counts as cannibalism. It’s not as if the victim was the same species.”

“If you guys were with the circus, does that mean you can do anything cool?” Jester asked, presumably not overly bothered by what was definitely cannibalism, species be doshed.

“Yasha can scream like a fleft-wauf, the resemblance is uncanny. You ever want to see an entire bar of people shit themselves in the space of three seconds? She’s the one for the job.”

Yasha rolled her eyes, which Fjord could now see were a peculiar shade of pink.

“He can tell fortunes.” She said. “I think that’s more impressive.”

“Ooh, how does that work?” Jester asked.

“I attune myself to the Force and reach into the future of the person I’m reading for.” Molly answered.

“That is not how the Force works.” Caleb muttered.

“Oh but it is.” Molly grinned, argument clearly already prepared. “I would know; my ancestors were a secret sect of the Jedi order, I’ve even got the sabres to prove it.”

He swept his coat back to reveal two cylindrical objects, which might have been lightsabres but which Fjord could not see well enough to tell before Nott shot forward to tug the coat closed again.

“Put those away! Are you trying to get us killed?” she hissed, looking about them frantically. “Honestly, you kids these days think just because that di’kut Vessar took out Darth Thordak with one of those things it’s like order sixty six never happened.”

“Folks, could we maybe talk about the particulars when we get back to the ship.” Fjord whispered. “Ain’t exactly a safe conversation topic when we’re out in the open like this; not on a planet this close to the Interior.”

Molly raised his hands in surrender.

“Of course, my apologies.”

They made their way back to the ship without much further trouble, and if Fjord was paying more attention to every Stormtrooper they passed then none of the others remarked on it. What they did remark on, once it came into view, was The Mistake.

The Mistake was a Far*Reach IV PQR, which had been modded to high hell at some point in its younger days. Maker only knew what half the mods had been for; it wasn’t as if any of them worked any more, and nor did most of the guns, hence the name.

“That’s your ship?” Mollymauk asked, eyebrows fast approaching his hairline. “I’ve never seen anything so obviously stolen in my life.”

“We didn’t steal it.” Jester protested.

“Then clearly whoever sold you that thing stole from you.” Caleb shot back. “That thing flies?”

Jester waggled her hand and made an “ehhh” noise.

“Like I said, we encountered a few, uh, technical difficulties on the way down.” Fjord said. “It certainly used to fly.”

“Sweet doshing Maker grant me strength.” Caleb muttered. “You are lucky that I am very familiar with the work of the Loronar Corporation, most mechanics would run screaming from that thing.”

“I still might.” Nott groused.

“I think that this is more of a job for Frumpkin mein freund.”

Before Fjord had had the chance to consider what engineering qualifications a lolth-cat might have, the closest door of The Mistake was flung open, revealing Beau and an alarmingly thick haze of smoke. Her usually black robe was soaked with a splatter of some kind of fluid which seemed to be slowly bleaching the fabric. Her face seemed to have been spared from it, although she did sport the indented outline of goggles around her eyes.

“Might want to leave that for a few ticks.” She called out to them between coughs. “I think something in the engine room just blew up.”

“Good thing we bought a mechanic back with us then.” Fjord replied, wrinkling his nose as the smoke reached them. At this, Beau appeared to notice the group amassed behind him.

“What, all four of them?”

“Just the one with the lolth-cat. One's a package deal with the mechanic and the others want a ride out of here and say that they’ll pay.”

Beau squinted at Caleb as she walked up to them, tilting her head slightly to the side. She leaned into his space, sniffing, even though Fjord knew that humans couldn’t actually use smell to determine anything (and even if they were able to she wouldn’t have been able to smell anything over the smell of the fuel on her clothes). Caleb shrank back, looking down at her with what might have been alarm.

“You sure?” she asked.

“The waitress at the cantina said that he fixed her caf machine.” Jester chirped. “Also she sold us this huge bag of mallow powder.”

“Caf machine is very different from an engine.” Beau’s eyes narrowed even further.

Frumpkin bristled and Caleb’s face suddenly arranged itself into something sterner and he leaned forward once more, inches away from Beau’s face.

“You are not wrong, but the fact that I am able to fix engines qualifies me to fix something much simpler. Whether or not I can fix your engine specifically is something that we will not know until I can look at it, but I would advise that if you want to smell of anything apart from tar-fuel for the rest of your life that you stop leering at me and let me get to work.”

Beau looked down at her clothes.

“Ah, dosh! Hey Jessie, did you see any sort of cleaning station around here?”

“I think there might have been some showers at the cantina, do you want me show you?” Jester replied, handing the mallow powder to Mollymauk, who staggered under the weight for a moment before passing the sack to Yasha.

“Yeah, that’d be great. Can someone bring me some spare clothes?”

“I’ll send one of the others along in a little while, you go get cleaned up.” Fjord assured her.

“Wizard, thanks.” Turning to Caleb she asked, “What was your name again?”

“Caleb. Caleb Widogast.”

“Right, Caleb-Caleb, good to know. You’re gonna need these.” She pulled her goggles off her head and handed them to him. “The light in the engine room has been busted almost as long as we’ve had the thing. Break them and I kill you.”

“Understood.” Caleb replied. “Have you not been able to replace the light? It is a simple fix.”

“Fjord is the only one tall enough, and he won’t go in the engine room because he thinks it’s haunted.” Jester answered him as they turned to leave.

Fjord could see the corners of Nott’s eyes crinkle in what was presumably mirth and did his best to quell the fear that was beginning to establish itself in the pit of his stomach.

“I’d have been less inclined to come to that conclusion if somebody hadn’t hidden in the dark and jumped out at me screaming, Beau.” He called after their retreating backs. Beau flipped him off over her shoulder and he couldn’t help sighing.

“Right, Yasha, Molly. You want to earn passage out of here? You can start by cleaning up the trail of fuel Beau will have left through the ship.” He turned to Caleb and Nott. “I’ll show you where the engine room is, and if you can fix whatever’s in there then you can take the engineer’s quarters for the time you’re with us. Might have to clear it out a bit but we’ll worry about that when we’ve fixed it.”

Caleb gestured to the ship with his spare hand.

“Lead the way.”

Notes: This was based very loosely on this post but veered wildly off in a different direction to the point where I wasn't sure that gifting it would make sense. But if either of the contributors to said post are reading this, please feel free to consider it as such.

I do not own any of the characters or concepts which appear within this fic, I'm sure that I don't need to tell any of you this but please support the actual properties that inspired it (Critical Role and Star Wars).The title is from Weird Al Yankovic's "The Saga Begins", which I also don't own, and I'm sure that you'll already be familiar with, but if not go check that out as well.

[hereticaloracles]

Lunar Eclipse in Leo- Libertine

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”  – August Wilson

Effective Date:  February 11, 2017 at 1:43 am UT at 22 Degrees Leo

Helios’ Astrological Angle on the Lunar Eclipse in Leo–  Okay, so this Eclipse. Lordt. This Eclipse is absolute magic, wrapped in a screaming anxiety attack. You will fear it at first, and who could blame you? Honestly it looks like a flaming car crash barrelling towards you, and trying to run headlong in the other direction is a perfectly natural reaction to that! Eclipses are always viewed as Harbingers of great change. This time it’s a Lunar Eclipse, so the change is internal and emotional. How fitting is that? After all we have been through lately? We are all emotional right now, sometimes for absolutely no discernible reason. It is totally normal. This eclipse is very much focusing on the completion of a cycle that was started last year. You did the work, and now you need to take another big step. What it also represents is that you are taking yourself far too seriously– Relax and stop believing your own hype! Your fear is ruling you, and holding you back. The only way to beat your fear is to take away its power by laughing at it- fear requires you to take it seriously in order to rule you. Embrace the path of the Fool, the cosmic jester. Life is not so serious- in fact it’s the biggest joke there is!

This Eclipse wants to save your life, and you have to let it. Let go.

Artemis’ Tarot Take on the Lunar Eclipse in Leo- Eclipses are powerful things, and they compel us from far, far away – like the moon itself.  You may have been wandering, stuck and alone in your head for the past few months.  You thought you had things figured out and then BAM something hit you out of nowhere and you are back at what you believe is square one.  Once you let go, once you allowed yourself to follow some strange path that seemed to make no fucking sense the further you walked along it, the closer you got to that land-marker that lit up the whole god damn world for you.  I know the last few months have been emotionally crushing, but we NEEDED to cleanse before we walked through the fire – or we wouldn’t make it through with all that residual muck of our past clinging on like a parasite.  Unfortunately we have to pay the toll for all our mistakes before we can cross the bridge.  A lot of you have left behind lives of convenience for lives lived from the heart.  This lunar eclipse will be your reward – your crown – and your divine grace.  This full moon will remind you why you did what you did.  So get ready for some divine inspiration.

The Sun, Moon, Jupiter, Saturn and Uranus– It sounds trite, but this eclipse is all about illumination. Wherever it falls in your chart is where you are going to get this major insight, and it is where you will finally wake up and get it right. A fog will be lifted with this eclipse, and you will realize what you have been doing wrong and how to fix it. This eclipse is not unkind, not in the least, not even with Saturn and Uranus being the main players. No, this eclipse sees the planets in some of their most compassionate roles we have seen in months, maybe years. I am honestly not sure what broke with them, but it is most definitely a welcome change. There is a real air of purification here, showing that the way forward is by refining and perfecting your life. This may feel like it is a heaven-sent message, but it truly comes from within you. Everything about this eclipse is self-centered, meaning becoming centered in oneself is the way to win here. Once your inspiration hits you, hold on to it. Do not forget, and keep trying to bring yourself to that place. Remember how it feels, that awakening within you, and keep that feeling. Coming from that emotional place will guide you through the storm that surrounds you, enabling you to avoid that which seeks to pull you under it’s waves.

Stop trying to destroy yourself. Where has self-flagellation gotten you? Your penance is served, and your debt is erased. It is time to move on from your punishment, and it is time to truly live your life. This is classic re-invention of life type of Astro, and as with all astro, the magic only works if you choose to use it. If you let this opportunity slip you by, don’t come crying to me when the lessons start up in Scorpio season, saying how you missed out! Let what needs to die, die already! Quit trying to give it CPR! Your frustration is coming from change not coming fast enough, but without you making room for it how can the change come about? You cannot keep striding your past and your future, you have to give yourself permission to jump into your destiny with both feet. Quit dithering and get to moving! You know what it s that you need to do, now give yourself permission to do so.

For this eclipse, you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet, instead of using those around you as a crutch. You do not have to cling to others in order to succeed. Stop being a parasite, you need to evolve. You are the real deal, my friend, and it’s high time that you started acting like it! You’ve been talking a big game, now you need to put your money where your mouth is. At the moment, no one takes you seriously, and this is the only way to change their opinion- prove them wrong. Do better, and the people who you want to notice, will. Becoming the change you want to see in the world starts within yourself.  (Minor Planets used: Eris, Hekate, Atropos, Damocles, Haumea, Ixion, Hygeia, Sisyphus, Narcissus, Echeclus, Chaos, Orpheus)

The Sun (The Chariot), Moon (Queen of Swords), Jupiter (2 of Cups), Saturn (3 of Pentacles) and Uranus (The Fool)-  So this entire full moon is reminding me of a giant flaming ball of inspiration.  There will be a grand trine in fire between Uranus, Saturn and the Moon, and there will also be a delightful sextile between Uranus and the Sun and Saturn and the Sun – fire and air.  I’m betting some creative energies, along with the sexual energies (see Mars and Venus below) will be turned up to 10 this weekend.  I can’t tell you enough how fucking happy I am to look at this chart after the hell-fire we have been experiencing since Scorpio season.  This is DIVINE fire, the good kind.  The kind you need in order to take on major challenges, boost your self esteem, and cut through the bullshit.  The sun will be motivating new ideas, fresh perspectives, and an air of rebelliousness.  This sun/Uranus sextile is like an alarm clock in our ears telling us it is time to GET TO WORK.   But a sextile is easy energy.  You will WANT to wake up.  And the sun sextile Saturn; you will WANT to get to work.  Your intellect (sun in Aqua- air) will get that fire injection is so desperately needs from both the father of rebellion and the father of restriction.  So we will have both of their blessings to move ahead (fuck yes).

You will realize that you have been sleeping – aye dreaming – long enough and it is time to get on with your day.  The Chariot and The Fool are clearly indicating that we must ignite our engines and jump into our future, no matter how much anxiety may be brewing underneath.  Hopefully the other planets will give you enough fire UMPH that you don’t even think about taking that step – you just do it.  Fuck, things will look TEMPTING and exciting for once, and you’ll want nothing more than to liberate yourself form the wreckage of your former life.  This is the final step of our grieving process.  Remember, as Yoda said, there is no god damn fucking “try,” only “do.”  This is the kind of moon this is.  We are about to spill our lifeblood (2 of cups) into the chalice of higher understanding, and for once we are not going to sit back and be told who we are.  “YOU DEFINE WHO YOU ARE”, roars the lion.  Even if you weren’t planning on starting a project, it is going to land on your lap (seriously, probably out of fucking nowhere).

Even though everything is inspiring, the moon is still about her tough love (thanks Queen of Swords).  Your inner world wont stand for laziness, wont stand for you sitting in the background, and wont stand for you not taking a stand.  Even if you didn’t think you had to stand up for yourself, you’re gunna have to (Leo full moons are also very, very DRAMATIC).  Take your crown, don’t think too much about it, and ACT.  If you see injustice, you will be called to ACT.  Leo takes care of his own, and he will devour you if you cross his friends.  This is the kind of force this moon is asking for.  You must stand up for what is right, and there you will receive grace and the map to your next destination.  Fire signs are all about action, and with the Sun in Aqua beneficially aspecting innovation driven Uranus, your mind will be quick to hop on board with no arguments this time.  This moon is giving us our DESIRE and PASSION back if we purge the last of our dead weight.

Mercury and Venus– Anxiety is kind of the hallmark of an eclipse, and this one is no exception. You can blame Mercury for that, and Venus isn’t helping matters much. The anxiety comes because there is something coming up for you that you do not wish to face, and you know exactly what it is. You cannot live your life in the shadows, you must own all of who and what you are. It lies and tells you that it is the safer route, the better choice, but these two are not having any of it. What you want and what you are doing have to align, and if they do not, then you need to rebalance yourself. Make yourself a priority in your own life for once! You need to choose what it is that really matters to you and chase after it with all that you have. No half-stepping! Have the courage to show the world who you are. (Minor Planets used: Crantor, Elatus, Sphinx)

Mercury (Page of Pentacles) and Venus (6 of Cups)-  We have another lovely sextile here between Venus and Mercury, and finally a sort of pleasantness to life even though shit is going bonkers.  Venus is telling you, “FUCKING ENJOY YOURSELF.  I am giving you lots of opportunities for this, and I am amping up your sex life.  What else do you mortals want from me?”  The ability for joy is so transient, and any time you are not in direct conflict should be a time of ease.  Your mind wants to get to work, and Venus wants to play, and I see no conflicts here…  Work doesn’t have to be dull and dreary.  Fuck, Mercury will be in Aquarius and Venus will be in Aries, meaning fucking try something new.  Experiment a little with your work, have fun with it, and ideas will flow like they have never flown before.  I don’t care how routine your existence seems to be, it is literally your perspective that makes you melt into that routine instead of engage in it.  Look at the world through the eyes of an excited child ready to experiment with everything she touches.

Don’t dive so far into the pleasure that you forget the work part.  There is always a warning not to be “naive” when the 6 of Cups is pulled, and in the realm of Venus, that means don’t let momentary pleasure get in the way of your values and future goals.  It is time to express your desires (hello Venus), but remember to bring your brain (Mercury) along for the ride.  It should also be said that the mind (Mercury) will get dull and far too cold without the infusion of passion from Venus (So yes, heart and mind playing together, neither leading the way, like tag team wrestling or some shit).  These two are essentially our “checks and balances” of this lunation.

Mars and Neptune– Inspired action. That is the keywords for these two. Big changes are happening for you, and you must rise to meet them, even if it feels like an impossible task. Your natural reaction is going to be to hermit and try to hide away from this eclipse, because it is going to bring up some hard truths for you. This will scare you, and you are not going to want to face it. You must.  What needs to happen is that you need to stop being afraid of your own shadow. Your self-imposed exile has to end NOW. What the astro wants, no demands from you is, total participation in your own life. Trying to skate through like a car on neutral sliding on a patch of ice is death, and that is what you are doing. If you shift gears, you can save yourself still, but you aren’t making any moves to as of yet! This astro is scared for you, and wants you to succeed, but you are unconsciously holding yourself back from doing so. You are your own worst enemy right now, and if you can accept the truth in front of your face that you are not making the right moves and resist responding with a bruised ego, but instead choose to adjust yourself, than you will get the crucial guidance that you need. (Minor Planets used: Asbolus, Amycus, Altjira, Circe, Terpsichore, Kassandra, Icarus; Chariklo)

Mars (10 of Pentacles) and Neptune (High Priestess)-   Well well well, why are all the cards so god damn archetypal?  It seems like everything is calling on it’s higher form, and things are actually working in our favor right now…  uh, too good to be true?  Sometimes amazing things do happen, Heretics, and brushing them off as fantasy when they are here because of YOUR making is dropping an opportunity.  Neptune is being kind of quiet during this chart, but the High Priestess reminds me that so much is going on underneath the surface.  The things that are going on cannot be spoken of…  This gives me both the chills and a sense of divine orchestration.  The High Priestess as Neptune tells me that dreams have been getting a bit strange or intense for everyone, and that we should pay very close attention to them.  We are receiving a fuck ton of messages from our subconscious right now, and this will come in flashes of insight, through the dream realm, or from our intuition.  Again – pay very close attention to what your subconscious mind is trying to tell you right now because it is tapped in for sure.  Life around here has gotten, well, strange, and everyone is full of an ambition of a different nature.  People are starting to realize that the idea of redemption and success that they have been fed are far from satisfying.  It is becoming very apparent that real hard work with integrity gets you nowhere in a society that celebrates undermining your peers to get ahead.  Mars is outraged, and he is coming for what is his – just like you are.  We may not know exactly what it is that has been taken from us, but we are damned if we aren’t going to fucking find out.  

Pluto– Here we have the unsung hero, maligned as a villain. While Pluto has been the source of our problems in the last few years, here he is providing us with the strength that we need in order to survive the times when he doesn’t have all the power over us! Pluto has become our backbone, the foundation of who we are. What he has done is exposed our souls, and enabled us to see who we are, by ripping away the false idols and ideas that we tried to cling so desperately to. Pluto showed us the truth, and we wear him as a shield now. The truth that we accept can never hurt us. In one of my favorite book series, there was a Macguffin called the Sword of Shannara (the same title of the book it made its debut, imagine that), which would pass right through flesh if it was tried to use to cut or hack away at someone. You would think such a thing was worthless, save for a neat party trick, but it had the power to defeat the big bad and avoid a war- What it had power over was truth. The big bad cloaked himself in fear and lies, and used it as his power; He became what he was because of his fear and sought power to rid himself of fear, but he used fear as a weapon. The sword cut through those lies and revealed what was beneath, but before it could be used, it always showed the user the truth of themselves first. Sometimes it broke those who tried to use it because they could not accept the truth of who they were. Make peace with him, and yourself. (Minor Planets used: Cyllarus, Deucalion, Eros, Phaethon)

Pluto (King of Cups)-  Talk about a guy that is viewed as a bad guy but is really just trying to help…  Fuck, all of this pressure to confront ourselves and confront those around us may seem like it is making things worse, but it is actually peeling off the ugly top layers and giving us a juicy center.  Pluto is attempting to expose – pull off the emotional layers even further – and he asks you to keep your cool and trust him.  Uh, are we going to trust this guy?  Pluto?  Of all the planets?  Why yes.  Pluto wants to give us redemption.  He is our “hero’s journey,” and without his trails we wouldn’t be refined enough to step into our path.  We would literally be crushed by the weight of what we are suppose to be if we do not go through the trails of stripping ourselves of what we are not.  So yes, keep it together, says Pluto, keep the storm of emotions under check because this purging by fire is necessary right now.  He wants us to inspect our shitty views on essentially everything, so there will be plenty of situations that will come your way that will give you the opportunity to do this.  It will be up to you if you retreat back to habits and empty idealism, or if you actually see why you are making the particular stand you are making.  Fuck, this is good, we can’t educate ourselves enough on the stances we take.  Even though things may turn into a post modern soup because of this, trust in the process.  Trust in each other as well.  We are all going through this though some of us are far more vocal about it than others.

  FULL MOON LEO CHART

Lunar Eclipse in Leo- Libertine was originally published on Heretical Oracles