#this is what happens when pickleball is talked about all day

[sometimesanalice]

Like I Can (Part 1)

Summary: After yet another bad date and tired of swiping on apps, the Dagger Squad steps in to help you out by setting you up on a series of blind dates. Much to Rooster’s dismay.

Warnings: fuff, slight angst. Minors DNI

Length: 3.2K

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw X Female Reader

Part 2

(We’re kicking of Valentine’s Day a bit early❣️ Enjoy!)

“I’m all for growing the sport, but Brady buying an MLP team is ruining the integrity of the league. He may be the GOAT of football, but he has nothing on Ben John’s world-class pickleball game,” your date Max passionately states from his spot across from you at the Italian place he had recommended.

Or was his name Mac?

He’d already told you all about the CRBN paddle drama. At this point, you wouldn’t be surprised if he had already prepared a PowerPoint presentation on the topic complete with transitions and color-coded charts. He seems the type.

And he had yet to ask you a single question about yourself all evening.

You can tell he is gearing up for the next part of his rant, when your phone lights up on the table, the ringer on higher than you realized.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I thought I had this on silent. It’s my mom, I should probably take this,” you apologize to him, your phone already halfway raised to your ear.

“Hey, kid, how’s it going?”

“Hi Mom, I’m with someone right now. Is everything ok?” You let a little worry tinge the tone of your voice.

“Seriously?” Rooster drolly rasps on the other end of the line, “Are we actually doing this?”

“Oh no! Is she alright?” You wouldn’t consider yourself actress, but you think you’re really selling the performance with the way you widen your eyes and how you make your voice go a little tighter and higher.

“Yup, seems like we’re really doing this. What’s it this time, kid? Did grandma slip on a banana peel and then get run over by a reindeer?” You can practically feel his eyes rolling as he begrudgingly goes along with you.

“Oh my goodness, that sounds serious! How would that even happen?” you ask, shaking your head in in faux shock determined to really sell the act.

“Is everything ok?” Max-Mac whispers to you from across the table. 

His profile didn’t raise any red flags when you’d swiped on him. If anything, he’d seemed a bit more of the beige flag type. Your chats had been fine, he seemed fine, so why not meet up for a date?

What you didn’t realize until it was too late was that “Sports Enthusiast” actually translated to “Pickleball Fanatic”.

“Hold on, Mom,” you hear Rooster scoff as you pull the phone away from your ear. “I’m so sorry, there’s been a family emergency. It’s my grandmother. I really need to go,” you announce to Mac-Max grabbing your purse from the back of the chair. “Thank you so much for understanding. And good luck at your pickleball tournament!” you call back to him as you hustle towards the front door.

“I take it you’ve made your escape?” You can hear the humor in his voice, your antics are nothing new to him.

“Oh my god, was that seriously only thirty minutes? He wouldn’t stop talking about pickleball, Rooster. Anytime I tried to change the subject, he found a way to circle right back to it!” You tell him as you attempt to dig your keys out from where they were buried in your bag. “And then, he pulled up the leg of his jeans and said, I kid you not: ‘Don’t worry, this isn’t an ankle monitor, I’m just wearing my ankle weights.’ Who does that?”

“Just come to the Hard Deck. You should have canceled like I told you to in the first place. Bob and Coyote got back the other day, so everyone’s here. Well, almost everyone,” he says pointedly. “We’re more fun anyways. And Hangman has been harassing me about you, something about your fluke of a win?”

You’d kicked Jake’s ass the last time you played darts with him. Although in his defense, he had been pretty drunk that night and it was a less than fair game since Phoenix would distract him while Fanboy moved your darts on the board.

You wouldn’t be challenging him to a rematch anytime soon. Not unless the odds were in your favor, it was better to keep him on his toes and his ego in check.

Thankful for the princess parking you managed to snag when you first arrived, you unlock your car and toss your bag into the passenger seat before climbing in. Breathing out a sigh of relief to be done with Mac-Max once inside.

“You back in your car yet?” Rooster asked. He was such a worrier, but you can’t say it bothered you. You liked knowing he cared.

“Yeah, just got in.”

“Ok good, see you in a few. Drive safe, kid.”

Thirty minutes later Natasha was sliding a cold, frothy pint in front of you with a sympathetic look.

It wasn’t too busy at the Hard Deck yet, but it was still early in the evening. You knew it would pick up soon, and before long Penny would be ringing her bell on some rowdy unsuspecting customer.

“Ankle weights?” She asked, trying and failing to keep from laughing at your expense.

“Seriously, Rooster?” you shoot a glare in his direction, “Where’s the loyalty?”

“What? She was right there when I called you. A request that was your idea, if you remember,” he said as he walked up to you, squeezing your shoulder before sliding his arm around you in greeting. “Plus, it’s not like you don’t already tell Phoenix about all your escapades. You really know how to pick ‘em, kid.”

You’ve known Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw since before you had braces back when you were still wearing your hair in two braids. Your moms had been on the school PTA together at the time and had hit it off immediately.

He hadn’t been too happy about being forced to hang out with the kid who was couple years younger than him, especially one who was so clearly enamored with the cute older boy. While you’d outgrown that phase, for the most part, somethings stuck- like the nickname. 

And over the years you’d formed your own bond outside of the forced proximity of your mothers’ friendship.

He’d taught you how to throw a punch, the different ways to pitch a baseball, and to drive a stick shift. You’d taught him how to whistle with his fingers, to play Nerts, and to tie a tie (after asking your dad to teach you).

The give and take was easy with him, you both showed up for the other.

You were there the night he drunkenly fell through the glass patio door at Jason Cameron’s homecoming party. As one of the only sober people there since he wouldn’t let you drink, or let anyone else give you alcohol for that matter, you were the one to take him to the ER. “Don’t worry, kid,” he had slurred, pressing the Washington High t-shirt that you’d found in your trunk to his face to stop the bleeding, “Looks s’worse than it feels.” And you were the one to stay with him as he was stitched up. The evidence of that night still unmistakable on his face.

He was there for you when your parents had sat you down and told you they were getting a divorce. A hurricane of angst and grief, you hadn’t left your room for anything other than school for over a week when he’d let himself in your room one afternoon. Rubbing small circles on your back as he’d let you cry for a bit, he didn’t even tease you about the stains you’d left behind on his shirt. And then he’d herded you into his crappy car and drove you to the slightly sketchy amusement park an hour away with the Tilt-A-Whirl and the giant corndogs. And when he’d told you “It’s going to be ok, kid” on the ride back home, you believed him.

You had been there for him when his mom passed, and all during that dark period after when he was set on self-destruction after his fallout with Maverick. While he had tried to push everyone away, you were always the type to hold on tightly to the people that mattered.

And then life had sent you on different directions. First when he went to college and then when you did. Next for him the Navy, and then you with your own career, both of you always in motion. You two shared a connection the way people with a long history do, the kind where you could go months without talking but knowing the other person is always right there if you need them. Your camaraderie sustained by texts, email, and the occasional FaceTime.

A long-distance friendship for over a decade.

So when your boss had approached you about a promotion that was dependent on you relocating to the West Coast, you thanked whatever kismet in the universe had you packing for San Diego where he was permanently stationed.

The break up with your boyfriend at the time was entirely too amicable considering how long you had been together. He was nice, the sex was nice, your life together was nice. You had all but signed the paperwork for your promotion when you told him, but he didn’t see himself as a west-coaster and you couldn’t envision yourself as anything but. Whether you had stayed together all that time out of convenience or complacency, you still couldn’t say.

It was easy to fall back into the comfort of your friendship with Rooster. Although the lanky teen you had known was replaced with a mustache sporting well-built man courtesy of the Navy. One that had left you feeling confusingly flustered on more than one occasion, and forced to cycle through your mental highlight reel of embarrassing teen Rooster moments to keep from your mind from wandering.

He’d helped you find your apartment, taught you about avoiding the 15 Northbound, and showed you where the best place in town to get tacos was. The transition was made easy with him by your side as he introduced you to his team members who quickly folded you into their group as one of their own.

That was a little over a year ago. You liked this new life of yours in San Diego.

And while the dating pool of men you could swipe through was much larger, well, some things never changed.

“You don’t get it, Rooster. You’re surrounded by absurdly hot Naval eye candy all day,” you complained gesturing to Natasha, she raised her beer to you as thanks in response. “While you’re getting women throwing themselves at you because of the gold wings, I’m fighting for my life on these stupid apps where all the men on there are posing with fish. It’s brutal!”

You’d need to officially call things off with Max-Mac later, thinking to yourself how glad you were that you never gave him your real number, and instead signing up for a Google voice number. You were just not cut out for the competitive pickleball lifestyle.

“Bradshaw, why don’t you set her up? It’s not like we don’t know enough people who would be better options than these fish men,” Natasha asked, like it was the most logical thing in the world, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, Bradshaw. Tell Nat your super logical reasons for leaving your longtime friend to fend for herself.” You knew where this was heading, so you took a long swig of the beer Phoenix had brought you.

“Seriously, not this again.” His arm that was around you was removed in favor for pinching the bridge of his nose and looking up to the ceiling like it would spare him from the conversation.

“You started it, now tell her.”

“I need another damn drink if we’re going to do this,” Rooster mumbled.

“Me too,” chimed Natasha, clearly reveling in his misery.

“Make that three. I need to catch up.” You hadn’t even stuck around long enough to get a drink at the restaurant, and now you were ready to let loose a bit.

He grunts out some unintelligible thing and then stalks off to the bar shaking his head.

“I’m an upstanding citizen, I pay my taxes, I make a mean peanut butter brownie, and I always drive him around when the Bronco is in the shop for a tune up. It’s literally the least he could do,” you say to Phoenix as you watch him chat with Penny as she works to grab the fresh bottles.

“Oh, so this is thing,” Natasha says decidedly when she eyes the six beers he’s carrying back to the table, three bottles held by the neck in each of his large hands. His classic Hawaiian shirt fluttering with every step, your eyes briefly drifting down to his defined waist.

“Sure is,” you confirm, drawing out the word. Downing the rest of the beer from your pint glass before reaching for one of the new bottles Rooster was divvying out amongst your trio, “I’ve never asked him for anything-”

“That is a boldfaced lie. And you know it,” he cuts in, as he hands you a granola bar from his pocket, that he must have snagged from Penny. “You definitely asked me to set you up with Kyle Cooke from my baseball team in high school. I didn’t do it then, and I’m not doing it now,” he declared, pointing at you with an accusatory finger to further drive the statement home.

“Reasons being?” Natasha wheedled, a mischievous smirk on her face. You could tell she was eating this up, there were two things Natasha Trace loved most in this world: juicy gossip and giving Rooster a hard time.  

Ever the showman, he dramatically lifts up a finger, “First of all, everyone I know is an asshole.”

“I am offended on Bob’s behalf,” you countered, unwrapping the bar and taking a bite, annoyed. Hangman might fit the description, but certainly not Bob.

“Two,” he continues on, raising a second finger, and ignoring you completely as if you hadn’t just made a very valid point, “Let’s say I set you with a friend and then you end up hating them. Then you’ll judge me for being friends with them, we’ll argue, and eventually we won’t be friends anymore. Or even worse, I set you up with someone, you hit it off and date for a while. What happens when you break up? I’m left having to pick sides and walk on eggshells around you guys about the other person.”

“God, you’re such a overthinker. That all sounds totally rational, you drama queen,” you look to Phoenix for agreement, but she’s busy typing out a text message on her phone.

“And three, it’s messy as fuck. And I don’t need to hear about your trophy of a one-night stand.”

Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes, “That was one time! It wasn’t a trophy it was a gold medal.”

“Wait, what?” Confusion coloring Natasha’s features. 

“One time this guy gave me one of those plastic gold medal things on a lanyard, kind of like the ones they give out at kids soccer games, after we hooked up. I mean, kicked him out right away, but I did keep the medal. It was a good confidence boost,” you shrug.  It wasn’t exactly a high point moment for you.

After that encounter you’d definitely started scrutinizing every profile a bit harder before swiping right, or at least you thought you had been. In your defense, at least Max-Mac’s profile didn’t have a fish photo, but the bar was still clearly on the ground.

“I knew you when you wore those shirts with that big mouthed monkey on them. And that’s the kind of shit I don’t need to know about. I don’t wanna be involved. Not gonna happen, kid,” his declaration resolute.

“Well, that sure is something, Bradshaw,” Natasha states, giving him a curious look.

“What are y’all over here discussing so intently,” Hangman questions as he saddles up to your little group, tucking his phone into his pocket. 

“We were just getting into the finer details of the kid’s dating life and how I am going to fix it by setting her up with this great guy I know,” she pronounces, looking all too pleased with herself. A truly self-satisfied grin gracing her face.

Natasha Trace was probably the most bad ass person you’ve ever met, so the idea of her setting you up with someone had you sitting up straighter on the stool you were seated on, “Really?”

“Who?” Rooster demands, frowning at her.

“Yeah, I mean Bradshaw clearly has his convictions, and I respect that. However, I’m an excellent wing-woman. Seriously, I don’t know why I haven’t thought about introducing you guys before. You two would be perfect together.”

Hangman never one to miss an opportunity to rile up Rooster is quick to jump in, “Just because you fly in a two-seater doesn’t make you a good wing-woman, Phoenix. However, now that you mention it, I have a buddy who might knock your socks off. Unless you’d rather just knock boots, I’m sure he’d be up for whatever you wanted,” he shooting you a wink. “I think I’ll toss my name in the ring here too. After all, I’m very good.”

“You want to make it a bet, Bagman?” Her accent always got a little more pronounced when she went toe to toe with him.

“What’re you thinkin’, Darlin’?” he drawls suggestively with a sharp smile. That ever-present toothpick being rolled in his mouth from side to side.

“You guys are not going to be making bets around the kid’s love life,” Rooster snaps.

“The big dogs are talking, Bradshaw,” Hangman taunts as he waves him off.  

“$50 entry? The dates happen here and at the end the kid picks which date was the best. Winner takes all?” You can see the competitive gleam in her eye.

“Alright, alright. Works for me, Phoenix. I can’t wait to take your money.”

“The hell you are,” Rooster barks, still trying to regain control of the quickly spiraling situation.

Well, this had certainly taken a turn.

You find yourself reaching for your third beer of the night.

And you’re even more surprised when Hangman hollers for the rest of the team to join, and before you know it your dating life takes centerstage as the subject of the bet between the group of competitive naval aviators. Many of the others deciding to join in, never ones to shy away from a bit of rivalry.  

“What do you say? You up for it?” Natasha asks, wanting to make sure you were still on board now that her original offer had taken on a life of its own.

You look over and see Rooster looking at you like you’d be crazy to get involved in their kind of chaos. You know he can already tell what your answer will be.

“Why not?” you agree cheerily as he groans into his beer.

At least you would be spared from swiping for a while. It’s what you deserve, you are an upstanding citizen after all.

Get ready for some dates! Part 2

Written as part of @roosterforme’s #Love Is In The Air TGM Fic Challenge! 

Song Inspiration Sam Smith’s “Like I Can”.

Thank you Jordan (@gretagerwigsmuse) for letting me bounce ideas off of you!

Edit: I’ve started a tag list for Part 2! Just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[askoverlordvox]

Can we get an update on what is happening right now? Time lines shifting, storylines are melting, what is happening right now Mr Vox?

Fuck me, do you have any idea how hard that’s gonna be? Here’s the thing: right now, there’s a bit of funkiness in the timelines due to a momentary distortion. When Retep died and ripped open the NRWE portal, it elongated time waves and blah blah blah, timey whimy shit, let’s talk about recent developments!

The Beach Event- this is the next Joy Event after the Promenade fiasco. Let’s do a quick roll call! Adina, as the host, had to attend. Lee slipped up the Heaven with Vienna and Peyton to enjoy the beach day. Junior, Domino, Tits, and Lefty also made it up there, with a small boost from Emily herself, who was attending with the Ass/Shamira combo. Sadie and Lute attended, and got distracted, but that will come in time. Milan made an unexpected appearance… if you wanna call it that. Uh, Ava and Timp were there, being cute. Fuck, there’s a lot of these little shits. Who am I- oh, fuck, Sera and Ray! They attended, too.

Okay, now, as for what happened there... shit, that's a lot. Lute caught sight of Peyton and had a 'friendly' conversation filled with death threats while Sadie found Milan face down in the sand and gave her a... well... it was a pep talk, but it didn't put much pep into that fanta headed idiot. Can't be too surprised, though. V got to reunite with her little Exorcist friends, Ava and Timpani. They're cute little shits together, can't begrudge them that! Oh, and that piece of shit Adina got to see her fucking Bugaboo again. Ugh, kill me. They were remarkably tolerable, though, with Lee holding Adina's leash and pulling her back whenever that insufferable ego got too big. The Shamira/Ass combo, however, managed to make enemies everywhere they went, it seems. First, Domino decided to hit on Emily, which pissed off the guardian/murder angels, and then they ran into Lee and Adina, at which point we find out that Adina is the reason Emily moved away from the palace, which set Ass/Shamira and Lee as enemies, threatening each other over that. Too much protective top energy in a small space. Oh, and somewhere in all of this, Sera decided to adopt Ray and shun Grace while also using Ray to replace Emily, which sent Emily on a short spiral that she got fucked out of while Shamira and Ass tried playing nice and accomplished fuck all. There's also a beach volleyball game between Lute and Sadie against Lee and Adina going on. So that's... a thing. Apparently, bitches can play nice, when their leash is held tight enough. Kinda ironic that a day meant to chill everyone out ended up introducing SO much more beef for a lot of folks.

Now, the beach event is still technically happening but, again, Retep's shenanifuckery messed with the timelines, so now we have some other shit going on, too. Sarai got charged by Sera after the beach day to become a guardian angel to try and shed her apprentice status, and she got some pointers from Emily on how to deal with mortals in general. She ends up meeting her mortal, Lana, and fucking up MAJORLY but that's because she's the failswan and doomed to forever fuck shit up until she accepts that perfection ain't possible. Whomp whomp.

Oh, uh, and Sadie ended up linking up with Ava at some point, tennis or pickleball? It has rackets and I play golf; anyway, that's when Ava gets clued in that Milan's been acting so fucky because she's been under the spell of Adina's venom and decides to be a good friend about it, so we'll see how this ends up.

Uh... oh! And, keep this hush hush, but, I happen to have the inside scoop about some things. When Lefty and Tits get back from the beach day, they're gonna find out that Righty is missing- and no one knows where she went! She didn't leave much of a note or anything. She even managed to dodge my cameras! They haven't gotten back yet, though, so here we are, waiting for that shoe to drop. Oh, and Ass and Shamira are about to find out the hard way that they've got some very different ideas about how to handle things.

And in between all this mess, Carmilla is harassing Vaggie into being a better mom (haha, she probably doesn't even know Righty's missing yet, man she's not getting any better at this; Charlie really needs to step up to the fucking plate) and adopting every fucking Exorcist she can find while I've been focusing on these new employment practices I got sent by Ozzie. That fucker has an amazing HR department.

The craziest thing about all this? It's not everything. I've missed so much! There's so many of them getting up to so much!

[wednesdaytoo]

@coffinbutch tagged me for this! 15 questions + 15 friends! (coffinbutch you are so brave for doing all 15 tags. im gonna take the coward's way and ask any mutual to consider themself tagged if they want to do it!)

long under here

1. Are you named after anyone?

yea! im named after my abuela who died waaay before i was born

2. When was the last time you cried?

3 days ago

3. Do you have kids?

nope! i work with kids (teenaged) and they're fine, i enjoy them, but that's plenty of Kid for me -- i don't need to have my own in my home everyday. id love to be a lesbian uncle tho! which i already kno is Not gonna happen from either of my brothers, so my only chance is my wife's younger sister haha (we were just talking abt this yesterday lol)

4. What sports do you play/have played?

hahha i don't think i've ever played a sport like Officially, like outside of PE classes. i like badminton tho, and B and i are trying to learn how to play pickleball (we suck)

5. Do you use sarcasm?

i suppose on occasion i sarcast

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

hair & clothes? face? im a simple guy

7. What's your eye color?

the inner part of my irises are yellowish-brown and the outer edges are grey-blue. ppl dont usually notice it unless theyre quite up close tho. from a few feet away i think they look grey and that's what i'll usually mark for eye color, or blue if that's not an option

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

i could go for either, but i think i lean slightly more toward scary movies, especially bc i love vampire movies so much. like when we watch a dracula movie and u have one of those "the monster is defeated! hooray!" endings, does that count as a happy ending movie?? we root for drac tho so it's a let down!

9. Any talents?

idk im pretty good at whistling !

10. Where were you born?

california

11. What are your hobbies?

movies, video games, insect/arachnid related things (catching, collecting, pinning, reading abt, etc), sewing/embroidery when the mood strikes me, reading (trying to get back into it at least!), listening to music/discovering new bands, sorting/cataloguing things

12. Do you have any pets?

3 cats (hopey, bullets, and cocoa) + a baby tarantula (avocado) <3

13. How tall are you?

5'6.5" or 168 cm!

14. Favorite subject in school?

in high school my favs were probably trigonometry and ceramics

in college i'd say science (esp entomology, ecology, botany, and astronomy) and foreign languages (i took french, japanese, ASL, and spanish)

15. Dream job?

see one of the above hobbies and then pay me $100/hr to do it :-))

no but fr even tho my current job has its annoyances, it's usually so chill. some days i just text B from work like "here's a bracelet i made today" "made u a candle today" "it was slow and i mostly just read in the library" "i drew a cute poster." two weeks ago we came in for a couple hours to decorate little pouches with custom vinyl designs on our new cricut. the next day we went roller skating lmao. even the actual "work" is enjoyable (i help students w/ their schoolwork, mostly math, which is fun to me, or entering info into forms/spreadsheets, also kind of fun to me bc i can listen to music while i do it). buuut i dont make a lot of money. if they paid me $100/hr and gave me some benefits, i'd be set!

[imarawbu]

The last three days have been a wild ride.

As careful as I try to be sometimes I cannot hide everything and that's what happened, I have been using Reddit more recently and he found my account. I accidentally left my computer open because I was distracted by daughter. Long story short, threats telling me I'm mentally ill and need to be medicated or locked away. The divorce is going to be this time next year.

He always spends hours coming after me when he thinks he has "caught me." Lots of abuse, acting like I'm the entire problem, how he's not mistreating me in any way and anyone in the world will say so even if they hear the recordings I have. That all he is asking is for three meals to be cooked by me a day and I just want an excuse to sleep more and be lazy. How I'm an unfit mother and I should give my daughter to him so he can abandon her with his sisters to take care of.

How it's so obvious Allah is punishing me and rewarding him because he was planning a secret trip for our next anniversary that's obviously not going to be happening now. That he was about to pay for it yesterday but decided to wait. Etc. threatened to call my dad, did call my dad when I called his bluff but of course didn't say anything to him. Called one of my friend's husbands, because he really had problems with thinking she's secretly advising me (she's not). Told her husband, who obviously told him to speak to an Imam.

Threatening to tell his own family now, since they obviously won't listen to me and according to him his behavior is acceptable by their standards. Besides everyone already knows how "bad" his situation is because he's been making his own breakfast for so long Even though his family has always asked why he never makes me breakfast when he's talking to them everyday.

I did tell him some about F's message I received and how I thought this person mentioned something to him back in May. I gave him some vague details about what was in it but said I deleted the message and didn't have the number. Based on the people I told him who saw my original post, he knew who it most likely was and said this person is clearly an angel and I should have listened to his advice because Allah is punishing me.

In the meantime, since he found out my parents know, I'm supposed to convey to everyone that we are "fixing" things. He's going to make me call my parents and tell them tomorrow. Even though this is technically a second talaq. I'm still expected to be a slave, like before, if I want him to keep paying for everything. I told him the constant insults, threats, and what not needs to stop. He agreed to that.

I don't want to do another month much less another year but nothing ever works out nice for me anyways. I turn 26 this month so maybe I will be out by the time I turn 27. Maybe there will be more of a possibility we can stay living here.

That night after my daughter went to sleep but I hadn't been able to move her to her crib yet. He comes out and tells me he's been doing "research" and he's not a misogynist but he might be a narcissist. Which is hilarious because he thinks he's a narcissist because he thinks he's the best player in his pickleball game but can't win...

He gets into something I mentioned that he saw the other day where I mentioned his behavior during pregnancy so I had to explain why what he did was wrong. For example, telling me he was having someone over to the house after I got home from work and told me to either get dressed and look presentable or go stay in the bedroom. I was exhausted and in my third trimester so I usually went to the bedroom because sitting up much less standing was painful and I'd already worked 8 hours with an hour commute each way.

I am just tired of everything. He is not understanding or trying to manipulate to convince me that this is not over and we are still trying to fix the marriage. Which isn't really anything new but he knows he doesn't have control over me the way he used to and he knows the two things I care about are my daughter and the house. He's been threatening me to call CPS because I don't take care of her. For example, she will get angry and have a toddler fit that involves hitting her head on stuff. I can't always stop her obviously. But what does he do for her exactly, well according to him he has no responsibility except to pay bills, so.

The next morning he starts another fight and suddenly he cares for my daughter and is convinced that I'm somehow trying to get remarried already and once I remarry and move that she'd get molested by the new husband. Since remarrying is the only real option I have other than staying with him, according to him. How I should give her to him (and he'd bring his sister over here because now suddenly he wants to stay in the US) and go get remarried.

He said he was sorry for that behavior and it got around to his behavior since she was born. And I know he doesn't care nor will he ever understand what the problem is in his behavior after she was born up to now. So he got all upset because according to him, he's only asking me to do my "duties" etc.

He woke her up. It was 1 am at this point, I told him since he woke her up he should put her back to sleep. This turned into another fight and him threatening to sell the house and quit his job so he doesn't have to pay child support, because I "shouted" at him and other "disrespectful" behaviors and Allah will punish me, etc. I finally got her back to sleep at 3.

Next morning he continues the conversation about how difficult life would be if I am a single mother living in "trailer trash" like I did with my ex. How he doesn't ask for much except for me to do my duties and make breakfast. That I need to think of what will happen if I decide to fight instead of "peaceful separation" that I will lose and so will my daughter. That I have to tell him if I'm talking to someone or planning something or trying to meet other men.

How I took what he said so seriously when he threatened to abandon us, or when he tried to get me to let him go out with other women, or that he doesn't care about Inshirah. That's just all talk and people in his culture do that, he wasn't actually serious. How I have "hurt" him soo much because I told people what was going on and also told my parents, how that's so much worse than anything he has ever done to me, and how I'm just ruining his and my daughter's life and Allah will punish me. How I will be like all those other white reverts and have 3-4 marriages and then end up some old woman and kill myself.

This morning it continues.

He spent the whole morning accusing me that I am already looking to get married again so that I can divorce him. I told him to give me evidence since he keeps accusing me, he has none. His strategy then switched to saying that I want to make an account or something to start looking for other men.

Then tries to convince me to stay for longer than 12 months so he can see my daughter go to school... how my plan to get a job and other stuff to try and maintain the house payments on my own will never work...or even if I can pay he will just out right insist we sell the house instead of me taking over payments because I'm stealing my daughter away from him and anything other than him getting full custody of her would change his mind. I reminded him if he wants to play dirty, I have plenty of evidence of his behavior with her which would most likely result in limited supervised visits or termination of his visits.

Then out of nowhere he admits what he has been saying to me is wrong, that this is stuff no one should ever say even if they think it, etc. He mentioned talking to his mom and told her he called me a word in their local language that means extremely lazy, and she got angry at him and why would he say that to anyone. (He had been talking to his family, as he does for a few hours every morning. Today was extra long and he was outside so I could not listen, this was before everything in this conversation happened, he was outside even before I woke up.) That I should have told him it was wrong (I did) and he realizes what he did now, and I'm too good for him and putting up with him. And he wants to know how he can make it up to me what he said, that he might cry, etc.

Back to the lovebombing phase I guess.

He's been very nice to me, offering to help, saying he's so sorry, asking if I want anything. Very different than he's been in at least a long time.

I don't really know what to think.

[steelmagnolia12]

The worst part of being friends with someone who ghosts you out of the blue is that I have all this useless information about this person taking up space in my brain. Everywhere I go, I see reminders of him.

I walk by a pickleball court every so often and think about all the games we used to play.

I go to a baseball game in my city and it reminds me of him being a former baseball player. I wonder if I’ll run into him, knowing he has season tickets.

I order chicken tikka masala and it reminds me of the dinner he cooked for me.

A watch commercial comes on TV and I wonder if he’s still doing vintage watch repairs as a hobby.

Golden retrievers are his favorite dog, and of course I see them quite often and it reminds me about the time we took his brother’s golden out for a walk at a local nature preserve. It sounds unexciting, but that was one of the best dates (and best day) I’ve ever had. Something about the simplicity, and the easy and natural connection we had was wonderful. I’ve always said that I know I found the right person if I can have fun with someone doing something as mundane as grocery shopping. And I felt that with him.

His birthday was on May 2*, but I did not text him. It took every ounce of self-control not to, because the rational part of my brain says why should I give my energy and love to someone who doesn’t return the same feelings?

The truth is, being with him was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I didn’t expect to feel that way, but I cared about him deeply. It’s been months since he suddenly dropped out of my life with no explanation, but I still think about him every day when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep.

It’s scary because I thought he was the perfect person. Kind, funny, goofy, easy going, intelligent, generous and all around such a joy to be around. I felt this overwhelming sense of comfort, ease, and pure happiness just being around him. We didn’t even have to talk. Being in his presence was more than enough for me. Maybe I had rose-colored glasses on, and that’s what makes the split even more devastating. I didn’t see any red flags or even the slightest warning sign this was going to happen.

He always seemed interested in me and our friendship (situationship?). Until he wasn’t.

Looking back, here are the only potential red flags I might have overlooked:

- He didn’t text me on my birthday, even when I told him when it was the week before - He would take 5+ hours to respond to my texts - Didn’t invite me to a holiday party he hosted for his friends

Why would this guy call me sweet, beautiful, smart, etc. - all these nice these about me if he didn’t like me? Was it all a lie? The last day I saw him we had pizza for dinner, and watched Jake and Amir. He went away on a trip, and never saw or heard from him again. What the hell happened, because I have no idea.

I’m terrified my intuition is off. I’m terrified that I’ll meet another person I love, and they’ll abandon me like he did.

Maybe I was a fool to think we ever belonged together. He’s the affable, all-American guy next door. And I’m not the pretty blonde, loud, former sorority girl type that he probably likes. I’m never going to be that girl. I never fit into his world.

It’s sad that I poured my heart and feelings into a person who didn’t mean what they said. That all of the experiences I had was one-sided. That I liked him so much more than he ever did for me. It makes me feel stupid and worthless that he could just toss me away, while I’m still clinging onto memories of him.

I hope one day I can look back on all of this without feeling pain. The good times were good, while it lasted. I’m trying to appreciate that.

[tnerb90]

01 March 2023

Here we go. 

In my last post (same day), I talked about lessons learned. Now I want to review where I stand. 

Okay. As I alluded to, I left my job at PV around April 2021. And started at Conquest in May 2021. Stress-wise it’s night and day. It’s still a new field for me and there are times I get queries and feedback, which is stressful, especially since I’m a harsh critic of myself to begin with. But on the whole, it’s not even close how much better this job is. For many reasons. Okay, so the underlying stress has been much better. However, I guess I got pretty lax over the last year too. I stopped “dieting”. Stopped exercising. There was a long stretch between like June and December where I barely moved at all. I would sit at my desk all day, go home and smoke, sit on the couch until I went to bed. A few things happened that pushed me to make a change yet again. 

1. We went on a cruise in July and had this excursion to hike up a waterfall. I barely made it. I was panting, sweating, legs were dead. It was embarassing really. Same with just walking around in general. I felt like it was too much. Not cool. Also, felt uncomfortable in my clothes. Belly sticking out. Suit was tight etc. I just didn’t like it. At all. 

2. In September, I worked up some courage (or maybe it was arrogance) thinking I could roll out of bed and start roller hockey. It honestly scared the F out of me, because I couldn’t skate anymore. My balance, my leg strength, my heaviness. It just wasn’t working...  I could barely tie my skates 1st of all. Then when I did start skating, I had about 45 seconds before my feet were in so much pain that I had to stop. I played 1 game (maybe 4 shifts) and stopped after that. I also had knee pain from pickleball with Ashton. 

3. In December, we had a company holiday party, where we went to IoA. I had been dreading it because I still hadn’t been back since the Harry Potter thing way back in 2019 when this started. And I was even heavier at that point. I know in Nov, I had reached 327.5 at one point. And that was before Ash and I went on another cruise together, so I’m sure by then it was even higher than that. Anyway. Walking around the park on its own was nervewracking because I didn’t want to seem like a fat loser sweating and out of breath from walking around. I went on my own for a while, due to fear of not fitting onto the Velocicoaster so I ghosted my group. Tried another couple of rides. Couldn’t go on Hagrids. I rode flight of the hippogrif and thats it....alone. It was a low point. I ended up running into my coworkers (as I was trying to leave the park alone and go back to the hotel) but ended up being convinced to sit for lunch with them. A few wanted to go ride the Hulk. I figured I  could fit on that one at least, since I had ridden a coaster at Seaworld a year back and it was fine. But I didnt fit. We got the front. I had to walk of shame. It was bad. I chatted with Dr. Patel a bit and told him I needed to lose weight. He asked me what my plan was? That was a big moment for me. I was honest with him. I had no plan... I didn’t even know what to do anymore. He encouraged me to start walking, just 10 mins at a time. He invited me to go to his crossfit gym at 5am’s but of course there was no chance in hell I would take him up on that. But just the fact that he was so encouraging and cool about it. Just start walking. What’s my plan? He’s available if I need help. 

So I guess those 3 things did it for me. Not being able to hang with my fam or fit into my clothes on a vacation. Not being able to play hockey. Not fitting on rides again and isolating myself from coworkers because of my weight/ lack of fitness.  Enough was enough. I had to do something. But not yet...of course I waited until January. And even Jan. 3 technically. I smoked all my weed. Commit to going for walks. Etc. Came up with a new plan for my diet and exercise. 

Jan 1, I was 324.5. I had a regular session with Ritta until the end where she got kind of real with me. Made me lay out the plan I had. Encouraged me to get support. It’s cheesy, but it really meant a lot that she didn’t just let me get away with “I got this, don’t worry.” Between her and Dr. P, I think I connected the dots there and realized support would really benefit me. 

I got down to about 318 in early February. That’s when I started seeing a personal trainer and a therapist. Yes, it’s true. I sought help.  It’s been a few weeks now since that, and I’m down to 310 today. So it’s on again. But this time I have help. In Jan, I actually started IF again. Keto again. I’m such a dummy. Ok be nice. I’m such a.... silly goose...? Anyway. I read a ton and listened to podcasts, and read about binge eating etc. And here we are. When I started IF and Keto again, I realized how much irritability and anxiety etc.  I was having again. I realized I had a lot of underlying shit I hadn’t worked through yet. And this is the most honest, productive in therapy I’ve been in a long time. Maybe the pressure being off that I’m not a counselor who needs to know it all and could just be a a human. Also, started working with JS. He’s been great too. Encouraging, patient, but firm and he is working me hard. I’m working with him 2x per week and at first it was hell. It was so much, squats etc. But I’m getting to a point where I’m recovering faster and feeling better while doing the work. He’s teaching me a lot of new exercises and proper form. It’s a challenge for sure. But I’m so happy I’m doing it. My energy has been good, especially when I sleep. My anxiety is getting better. But again, 2x per week. I know I can do more. It was perfect for the first 3 weeks because it gave me enough time to rest and recover and so far, I haven’t gotten hurt. If I can build up to cardio and another strength day or 2, I’ll be buzzing. Dietwise, I’m counting cals again, which I’m undecided on. But I know I have to control my eating somehow to lose weight at a rate i’m happy with. And this time, I’m wayyyyyyyyyyy more lenient with myself if I “slip” e.g. got ice cream on Vday. Got pizza several days for lunch at work, etc. and this time around I have a much better mindset. I just finish out the day normally. If I go over on cals, I go over. I’m focused on nutrition mostly. Protein, fiber, healthy fats, whole grains, fruits, veggies. Essentially I’m making those things the bulk of my diet and going from there. If I have cheese, white flour, halushki, etc. so be it. Don’t get me wrong, I do kind of guilt myself about it, but not nearly as bad. It’s not as dire anymore to be perfect. I just need to be consistent. Ok. I have to shit and it’s 15 mins left in the work day and I have a tx session right after. So g2g. Thanks for listening. Peace. 

[bunkershotgolf]

PGA Tour-LIV Controversy—An Adult in the Room

By ED TRAVIS

It’s always refreshing when someone you respect agrees with you…or is it the other way around? In any event, when the number one ranked golfer says what you are thinking it’s nice to know you aren’t completely alone. Rory McIlroy takes a leadership role in the world of professional golf with a sensible suggestion to solve the unsustainable and stressful current situation.

“There’s a few things that I would like to see on the LIV side that needs to happen,” McIlroy said. “I think Greg [Norman] needs to go. I think he needs to just exit stage left. He’s made his mark, but I think now is the right time to sort of say, ‘Look, you’ve got this thing off the ground, but no one is going to talk unless there’s an adult in the room that can actually try to mend fences.’”

For those who may have been spending the past few months perfecting their pickleball serve or training 16 hours a day for a WWE comeback, LIV Golf is a competitor to the PGA Tour and DP World Tour, the former European Tour. It is a disruptor to the otherwise usually staid week to week tournaments run by the established tours.

Again, in case you have not been following the controversy, LIV Golf gets its money from the Public Investment Fund which is the sovereign wealth fund of the Saudi Arabian royal family with Hall of Fame member Greg Norman as front man.

It has become clear two things about LIV Golf stick in the craw of many observers.

First is the over-the-top signing bonuses paid by LIV to lure PGAT stars. Fan-favorite Phil Mickelson reportedly received $200 million and several other players getting their share. The list includes Dustin Johnson ($125 million), Bryson DeChambeau ($125 million) and Sergio Garcia who also banked $125 million while British Open Champion Cameron Smith had to settle for $100 million. Not unsurprisingly those taking the LIV money lost their right to compete on the PGA Tour with their status in the majors still to be determined.

Certainly, no one begrudges players winning huge sums because of their playing skill but it would appear the line is drawn with payments based on reputation alone. The LIV play is not a tour…at least not in the way most think of as professional competition. In fact, LIV is closer to a series of exhibitions, 48-player fields, 54-hole events with no cut and a payout to each player regardless of how they score plus a team competition with separate winnings.

For contrast Scottie Scheffler the PGA Tour 2021-2022 leading money winner (25 events, 4 wins, 1 major) won $14 million while LIV’s top performer Dustin Johnson took home $35.6 million in an eight-event season.

Luring stars away from the PGAT simply lessens the product without a commensurate gain for fans not to mention the local charities who receive substantial donations from every tournament. LIV has no broadcast contract leaving those interested to watch on the LIV social media channel and onsite event attendance has been minuscule.

Another issue LIV doesn’t address is the source of the money namely the Saudi Arabian regime. Even considering Saudi’s sizable percentage of the proven world oil reserves and all the critical political factors, the Kingdom’s dismal record of human rights abuses is an almost overwhelming point of contention.

Norman has also become the focal point in the argument and seems to relish that spot. From the initial announcement of the LIV series, it was clear the Aussie and former ranked world number one was on a mission to “get” the PGA Tour. This likely can be traced back to the early 1990s when Norman’s proposed world tour was vetoed by the PGAT. On top of that, today Norman doesn’t seem to be working towards any solution, simply making matters worse with antagonistic comments.

Don’t forget that according to Norman’s early statements, LIV’s goal was to grow the game by creating additional playing opportunities for a select number of players. This has not been accomplished since the defectors have lost their membership on the prevailing Tours and in fact an acrimonious competitor to the established circuits has been created

It is becoming clearer, unless a solution can be found golf fans and the many charities supported by the PGA Tour are going to be the losers.

McIlroy’s call for Norman to resign from LIV would be a good first step and bringing “an adult in the room” to open a dialogue between the sides is the only reasonable path.

[su-univeralai]

White Lotus = Pickleball Hooligans

For my pickleball moots out on the interwebs

[xiaq]

That’s so cute that you’re dating your friend! ☺️ I’m curious though, how did that transition happen? Did you go from platonic friends to dating or was it like a flirty, I’ve always liked them as more than friends to dating? How does one even start that conversation to tell their friend that they like like them

What started as a quick answer has now turned into a small novel with a whole lot of sappy drivel at the end. So uh. Enjoy.

Once upon a time, X moved to Dallas, but dearly missed her rock climbing friends back in Austin. So every other month or so, she’d go back for a long weekend visit and climb. B was one of her climbing friends over the years she spent in grad school. She had a low-key crush on him because he was a genuinely good person (climbing with someone tells you a lot about how they handle physical challenges as well as the full spectrum of human emotion), but she didn’t think he had the slightest interest in her. When the pandemic hit, she moved back to Austin to finish grad school remotely. Due to the pandemic, she had a small group of friends who more or less isolated together; she and B started spending more time together— climbing, hiking, game nights, and playing D&D (you also learn a lot about a person through a campaign!), and generally hanging out and talking. She might have actually Attempted (likely terrible) Flirting was it not for her imminent move to Colorado.

They stayed in contact during the year that X was in CO, and after the relatively disastrous end to the nearly 5-month relationship she had while in CO, B gave her an A+ hug her upon her return to Austin over Christmas break. He also was extra nice to her during D&D despite the fact that their characters were usually fighting (She played a chaotic neutral thief-turned-bard. He played a lawful good ranger). He (and all of her climbing/D&D friends) (with varying levels of tact) did their best to cheer her up post-breakup and it was very sweet.

They started texting a bit more once she returned to CO, and he visited (with one of their other climbing friends) before she moved back to Austin. She still didn’t think he was interested, and after her prior relationship, she wasn’t interested in dating anyway (she actually said to her BFF, K, at that point, that she wasn’t going to date anymore and it was a relief to stop caring about what other people thought about her/expected of her. She cut off her hair and dyed it purple and told her dog it’d just be them from there on out)

Except, once she moved back to Austin, she was spending an awful lot of time at B’s place. At the end of a climb, he’d invite over for dinner, or to swim at Barton Springs. And then there weren’t even climbs involved and he was inviting her to play pickleball or watch hockey playoffs. It was a lot of time. Like, a lot. More than she was usually comfortable spending with someone because she liked her alone time and very quickly got “peopled-out” and needed to recharge by herself (preferably with a book). Except she didn’t get tired of spending time with him. But aside from hugs goodbye that tended to linger, she still didn’t get any indication from him that he was interested in a romantic relationship (ok, laying it out like this, I do feel a little dense, now).

Finally, after dinner one night, he carefully told her that he was interested in making their relationship a romantic one. X was conflicted. She’d liked him for a long time in that abstract it’ll-never-happen-so-it’s-ok-if-I’m-a-little-infatuated way and realizing that it COULD happen was pretty damn scary. Especially because she had some…not healthy expectations about what a relationship would entail, at that point. She laid out her concerns (tried to talk him out of it), and he validated those concerns while also telling her exactly how he’d like to approach them while pursuing a relationship. She was too selfish to say no. Because over the years she’d seen him in all sorts of situations and she’d talked to him about everything from religion and politics to moral/ethical dilemmas to the inadequacies of the film adaptations of the Marvel universe. And he'd seen her in all those same situations and apparently still liked her even when she was at her sweatiest, grumpiest, sleep-deprived worst, so she had a whole lot of evidence that they were compatible. Also, she really wanted to kiss the freckles on his nose and that’s not really a friend-sanctioned activity.

A month in, she was pretty sure she was in love with him.

Two months in, she was definitely sure.

Three months in, she is the happiest she’s ever been in a relationship. She’d always heard that relationships were work, and they are! Two people negotiating life together will always take work. But she always thought that the simple act of being with someone was also supposed to be work. She’s realized that’s not the case, now.

Because being with B is easy. It’s like having a best friend who you go on adventures with, but then at the end of the day you also get to lay on top of them while you watch the Olympics and they’ll pet you and give you a mohawk and talk about how you’d make a very lovely troli doll, and then you hold hands while taking the dog for a last nighttime walk. And when you get back, you clean the kitchen together and intentionally get in each other’s way so you have to stop to kiss for a bit with soap suds on your hands, and later you shower together without being anxious because you know that when they touch you it’s because they just want to touch you, not because they're going to demand anything else. And you go to bed and they sprawl on top of you like a particularly warm, fond, anchor, and ask you about obscure literary or history facts, or you ask them about places they’ve traveled or favorite memories until your voices are rough and you’re ready to sleep. And in the morning you wake up with your best friend. With your foreheads pressed together and your legs tangled and maybe you have sex, but maybe you don’t and it doesn’t even matter because the important thing is that you get to spend another day together.

Okay, I’m getting off track, here. But that was the transition in a not-so-brief nutshell. And I don’t know how one is supposed to start the conversation, but B started it with, “Have you ever thought about us dating?” Best question I’ve ever been asked, tbh.

10/10 do recommend dating a friend.

[diarrheaofthekeyboard]

Confluence of Updates

7.26.2020

Writing on Writing

In addition to weekly therapy since November, I have been watching School of Life videos on YouTube. The latest video I watched helped confirm for me that I’m on the right path. I’m never going to eliminate my Inner Critic or ever feel completely comfortable with myself. I think if I did, that would be something extra-human. Neither are realistic goals. This particular video’s intent was to get people to write a journal. In a nutshell, you can’t keep it all in. Give yourself a daily mental outlet where you can release your thoughts and you’ll have less mental anguish. Well, here we are! Glad I’m on the right path. 

This may be the reason Sunday nights have recently become the most difficult for me. Brain won’t turn off, but it’s because I haven’t had what I’m trying to turn into my daily routine of walking in the morning and writing at night. The out I’m giving myself is this is all new and it takes some growing pains to get it right. 

Writing on Walking

I try not to spend money these days but any new venture is going to have some startup costs. My sneakers should be good for another month or so if I stick with it. I’ve been keeping my mask in my pocket, but that makes it difficult to pull it out when I actually see people, so I bought some neck gaiters I can pull up to be a mask. But the two big things were new headphones and shirts. 

The headphones are a big deal because of “the thud of footsteps”. As you may have figured out by now, I actually listen to music. It’s not just a beat or a background to keep me going. I’m actually interested in hearing it, reacting to it emotionally, having my own internal dialog about it, and just plain enjoying it. I can’t do that while walking because I hear the thud of my own footsteps with my headphones on. Happens with my Amazon Basics on-ear headphones, which are actually super awesome Monoprice headphones, and it also happens with my Sony earbuds I bought for phone calls. Turns out the Amazon ones are on-ear, closed back. And with the way earbuds have been redesigned, they create a closed back type effect. 

So I made an educated guess and took a chance on some KOSS open air, on ear headphones. Remember the shitty headphones that came with your Walkman? Those were open air, on ear headphones. Those are the ones I used to listen to Megadeth at top volume on in the back seat of my parents’ car so I didn’t have to listen to their shitty lite-fm radio. I found some good ones from KOSS that won’t make my ears hurt after listening to them for 30 minutes and they arrived today. Put them on, took three steps, no thud. Yeah, you can hear the music if you really get close to me. But it’s not like I’m crammed onto a subway around here. Monday will be the real test but so far it seems like $30 in Amazon points well spent. 

Now you may ask yourself, “why are new shirts a big deal?” I think it’s about self worth and there’s a bunch going on here. 

To this point, I’ve been wearing whatever t-shirt I want to walk. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with them. But they’re yer basic men’s printed band shirt or otherwise printed shirt. So they trend kinda heavy and not too comfortable. But you’ll be able to wear them through armageddon. Some of them are 10 to 20 years old. So there’s a lot of personal history and/or bullshit associated with them. Not only because of whatever is printed on them that I obviously liked. But also because of where/when I’ve worn them and how they’ve been associated with certain places. I don’t want to get rid of them or necessarily stop wearing them. But I do kinda just want to put them in a box at the bottom of my closet and start over. 

Then there’s the deserving part. I have more than enough varying degrees of uncomfortable shirts, I should just wear them and be done with it. I’m not good enough for new shirts. Especially some new shirts that are obviously designed for workouts and sports. I’m about 40 pounds overweight. I need to lose half that weight first and really get into a routine before I’m approaching good enough for new shirts. Otherwise, I’m just some pudgy poser. 

And I’ve been listening to this bullshit from my internal dialog for the past month, as I have been walking around my neighborhood. Well, we’re almost at the end of the month and I’m still going. And as I’m putting them in the cart and buying them, a 14 year old memory trying to get me to stop pops up. 

From ‘05 to ‘08 I played guitar in an off-off-off Broadway production of Oedipus. We actually did all three plays during that time. And the best way I can describe the production is “What would happen if George Orwell wrote Oedipus, and it played out on American Idol?” In 2006, we played for a week at the Fringe Festival in Brisbane, Australia. My anxiety nearly fucked me on getting a passport, but I was able to get over that. What really fucked me was the NYC blackout of that year, which hit my area for an extended period of time. 

One of the wonderful things about NYC is the laundromats have drop off service and will do your laundry for you. So I dropped off my laundry a few days before I was going to leave for Australia. Well, the fucking blackout took out the laundromat, with my clothes still inside. So I left for Australia with my guitar equipment and an empty suitcase. For some reason, I had insisted I wanted to fly JetBlue from NYC to LA, which meant I needed to take a cab to LAX. This turned into a blessing in disguise because the driver agreed to stop at Target while I ran around the store and bought whatever I thought might look ok. 

The black shirt I bought to wear onstage was an activewear shirt. It was kinda stretchy, but I figured it would hang loose. And of course it didn’t and we’re about to get onstage and I look like a fucking Ring Ding shoved into a muscle shirt. Everyone in the entire cast laughed at me. Finally, the drummer was nice enough to change shirts with me and he wore it. Later on that trip, he gave me the worst purple nurple ever. So this is what’s going through my mind in fucking Costco, and why I didn’t deserve new shirts. But I bought them anyway as a fuck you to that memory. 

And you know what? I took them out of the package and they smelled like chemicals. So I washed them and the neck gaiters and left them out to dry. Then I changed into one of the shirts to play pickleball with my kid yesterday afternoon. AND IT WAS PERFECTLY FINE. Yeah, I’m probably dumb for buying black shirts and I should have bought the white ones. But that’s toxic “oh black looks harder than white” for you/all band shirts are black/get ripped in a year and wear them onstage too. 

To top it off, we went to the pool this afternoon and after I showered, I put on one of my regular t-shirts. And it kinda felt constricting. I can’t wear the black shirts everywhere because they’ll smell like BO in 30 seconds. But I’m going to wear them a lot, and not be embarrassed about them. It’s ok to be comfortable. 

Whither, Music. 

Unsurprisingly, Bernstein’s lectures have led me to bite off more than I can chew. I haven’t been walking on weekends, so I haven’t been listening to him. But I did find a bunch of books I’ve either read too many times or not read enough, and pulled them out. They are:

Aaron Copland - What to Listen for in Music

Howard Goodall - The Story of Music

Glenn Kurtz - Practicing

Philip Toshio Sudo - Zen Guitar

Pat Pattison - Writing Better Lyrics

I haven’t really read anything other than news for a long time. Or I buy books, read some, and never finish them. This is obviously detrimental to my mental health. So like with walking and with writing, I’m going with what interests me. I’m not trying to be busy all the time, but I definitely want to keep from punishing myself like I have done historically. 

I started on Copland’s book last night. I read 25 pages, and that was only the Forward and Preface. So tonight I’m looking to get into at least the first chapter. 

I’ve also been watching some other YouTube videos, particularly “Now Hear This” which is a PBS show about classical music, and another series I found about “how to listen to classical music” from a channel called Inside the Score. Last night I got my Ford Prefect on, and listened to Beethoven’s 5th. Today, I’m listening to Holst’s “The Planets”, which of course is the Leonard Bernstein version. I gotta say, these new headphones sound pretty good. 

Lastly, I’m waiting on the book to Bernstein’s Harvard Lectures, which I will pick out every last piece he talks about, find it on Apple Music, and create a giant playlist. I hope the runners on the American River trail like classical music. They’re gonna hear a lot of it in passing.

[sheilasministry]

Jesus says its a day of time where I will be here or not. I want to be out playing in some sport but its late & I don’t have a place to go but I might be in my own court practicing for the fun of it with my ball machine. I have no time for me to be here earlier in the day its rush here rush there & then out for me to be with a friend for her Birthday today. It was fun but its always a bit more like a transparent image of me being old in front of someone who is fun to be with but a sweet heart at the same time. Youth is fun but not so much when we have to say it many times about what we were discussing but now they realize I was talking about certain people & not all people. However it was a fun time & we are going to get together for some tennis in time but first I have to have my timing back for tennis before I will hit with anyone again. Its not good to have someone say Im old now but thats only my age they heard for the first time today. Ok I was the same way at an early age of about forty or younger but in time like all of us  now 65 plus it was us saying Im not going to get old but it happens & we say: Im not that old. I feel great. I still do what I did when I was young & now Im still out jogging & playing pickleball. Now Im going into tennis again with my first ever tennis lesson coming up. I will be back to playing racquet ball soon & then I was going to give squash a try but no one is at my club now to help me with that sport but I can still do my jogging & my exercises that I do daily for six days a week & now I can say on my seventh day of the week I play pickleball like crazy. Its awesome to know that God says not one thing to me about not being in my own Church. Im good with me being here with me with God. Its not much fun to be in a Church for me. Im not sure why but I do watch what people say & I hear the same story & if the Pastor says to raise your hand to Pray for someone I do but its the same for all to hear me & then they just walk away but they know that God is not with just me. I say this to all around me like crazy but they are not watching me they are watching what I say in my life about things going on now with the Flag that God gave us & they say to say race is a good thing to say it will be in my life to sit out on the National Anthem for all to see & then that person or people will go along with it. I say this to anyone around me now who says that the NFL is a great place to see or watch on tv as in football: Don’t be around me if I see you sitting out on the National Anthem for God to say He gave us that Flag for Him to be Worshipped & to say my uncle died very young for us to have FREEDOM in this Country we call America. So go home to your life & be with God like CRAZY to say He will not let anyone in football let God be ignored when it upsets me like crazy to say it to my friends who say NOT one word to me in agreement because they like to watch football. Fine but don’t say you can’t agree & then go ahead & watch football. I like the thought of evenness in a way with people who say it right or correct to anyone around them that makes sense in this world again. America has left itself out of Gods way of doing it right for Him to be Glorified. I say this to me now: God will do what He does to involve me but not much for now. I will say many have a way with Him but I have my time with God like all the time. If you do to well good for you. If you don’t then don’t be with me at all or just say this to me before you say hi to me in time: Ok I believe in God but its ok to say it to yourself & not to you. I know that but at least acknowledge something I say about God to get into a GREAT conversation about God Being Jesus for a bit of time to have more time & then to say: Hey lets do this again. I will & PRAISE GOD JESUS this person says its me to say it to her for the first time in a loooong time for them to say a word about Christ God Jesus Being God to with God Jehovah & The Holy Spirit. I can’t wait to be home in Heaven when Im done here. Do you know what that means when I say that?Well if you don’t then get busy & say His Name as much as you can & don’t say you will beat me God says its a done deal for me to actually win in my time here saying His Name so much daily that I will say this to me now: Ok go to my room & Pray for me to be out soon but not in a Church but doing something I want to do. Ok God Jesus I will do that now. I already know I can do that today. That is what God wants me to Pray about. Ok here I go & you go into your life with or without God with you. I choose God to be with me like crazy.

[vickisventures]

The Invasion

(These are pictures from a day trip to Ft. Hays State Park.)

This will probably be my last blog for a bit. We have only 2 weeks left here and then we’ll be traveling. We are so excited to see the countdown begin. The city park where we are at is thinning out. After this weekend, there will probably only be 4 of the 10 spots filled in our section of the park. DigiKey even feels quieter. With so many workampers leaving, things are busier though and the offer of overtime is starting to come back. This last week we arrived on Monday to our “super bay” to find 2 other girls there. Both said they were assigned to it. One only works Sunday-Tuesday so we hadn’t seen her and the other one had been on vacation and said she was promised that bay when she returned. So we figured it was only a matter of time before we got the call to move elsewhere. It came around our “lunchtime” and our supervisor told us there’d been a mix-up and that we were supposed to go to KG to work. That was the bay that we had been at for a day and a half that I didn’t like. So, grudgingly, we moved back there. The first day was a disaster. There was stuff all over the place and it’s not a big area anyway. A guy told me what they call that bay but it’s something I can’t repeat! Thankfully on Tuesday when we returned, the product had been put away and things were fairly organized and so we did some more organizing to make it more user friendly for us and the day went fine. The rest of the week, we remained busy and were able to keep the bay how we like it- clutter-free. It’s only a 2 row (4 shelf) bay but with that comes a small work space and a feeling of claustrophobia at times. Steve and I survived the week and assume we will be there for the next 2 weeks but I would not place a bet on it! I have learned that at DigiKey.

I can’t believe we waited so long to do it, but we finally bought a small humidifier for the RV. We really should have gotten one when we were in S. Texas. I remember looking for a used one but never found one that would work for us. It’s amazing how much water can fill the reserve in a short amount of time and it’s not especially humid right now. It has been raining more lately which is why we finally got one on Amazon. I think it’s one of those “must haves” for RVers. You think you won’t need one, but you will. I’m doubting we’ll need it much in Arizona but even there you can have those days…

One week later: We survived another week, but we didn’t survive the Asian Beetle. Last year we got an infestation of the stink bug and it just about drove me to drink! I would wake up and find one of those nasty bugs staring at me from the ceiling and it’d scare me to death. I had read plenty about people having the same type of situations with this ladybug like insect. For those of you who are not familiar (and be glad) with the Asian Beetle, it looks like a ladybug only it’s orange instead of red. It loves to find warmth to escape the cooler temperatures. Like the stink bug, if you kill one, it’ll leave a liquid/smell behind that draws its “family members” to it and after a while you can have a real issue with them. I have heard of people having hundreds of them and finding them everywhere…in the slides, in the rolled up awnings, in the A/C, etc. So I’m not exaggerating when I say, you don’t want them even if they look cute. I started seeing them about a week ago and told Steve. I tried to express the seriousness of this situation to Steve and I don’t think he quite got it. After we started seeing them more and more, inside and out, I think he finally got the picture. One day, they were swarming. I was out walking Aspen and when I got back to the RV, I was afraid to go to the door because they were everywhere. I grabbed the broom and started to brush them off the door so we could dash inside but as soon as I’d brush them off, they’d come right back. They were even attacking me. I finally gave up and just picked up Aspen and we ran inside. Some came in with me…on me…but we lived. I jokingly told Steve we might have to call our supervisor and tell her we couldn’t make it to work that day because we were being held hostage by beetles and couldn’t leave our RV. It was really awful. The next day, I told Steve, I couldn’t take another infestation and so he called the Express Pro (our employers) office and asked if we could move to another RV park in town. They said “yes” and so yesterday, we got up early and packed up as quickly as we could and moved to the other park before we had to report to work. They said they had some of the beetles there too but we really haven’t seen too many. Now I’m not saying we don’t still have a problem with them. I’m sure we brought plenty with us even though Steve did everything possible to leave them in St. Hilaire. There was just no way of getting rid of them completely with how they like to hide in places. Today we bought some spray that is supposed to kill them and Steve just got through spraying inside and out. Hopefully that will take care of the situation and we will stop seeing them soon. In the meantime, we just use our hand vac to sweep them up. We only have 1 more week here and I don’t want to bring the problem with us! The park we moved to is nice. We actually have WIFI (thus the ability to write this blog without wanting to scream) and cable and a nice big site. We are maybe 2 miles from Digikey, another plus. This is where we wanted to be in the first place, but it was full when we arrived. Now that winter is approaching, spots have opened up. We’ll enjoy it for a week!

We had our 3-month evaluation on Friday. They showed us our pick averages and repick numbers. Lisa was very happy with our numbers and so were we for newbies that keep getting moved around to different bays.

Aspen was supposed to have a grooming appointment today. We drove to Grand Forks and dropped him off. I got a phone call about 30 minutes later from the groomer saying he’d had an attack and fallen over and she was afraid that grooming him would stress him out too much and she wasn’t willing to take that chance. I tried to tell her that he has those from time to time but she was too traumatized and said she’d trim up his face and clip his nails but asked me to come get him. He has been having these “attacks” more. It’s hard to decide whether we should take him to the vet and hope there’s something they can do for him or just let him be. It’s so hard when you are a full timer and don’t have a vet who knows your pet.

Lastly, we have decided to change our winter plan. I saw an ad on Workamper News of a job that sounded interesting. I wasn’t really looking for anything because I was looking forward to returning to Mesa Regal, but we decided it wouldn’t hurt to send our resume and see what happened. I figured the position had already been filled anyway. The next day, we got a response from the GM saying he’d like to talk to us so we called him and talked about the position and he offered it to us. We bounced it around for a day looking at the pros and cons but, in the end, we decided it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Let me reiterate, we never see jobs like this offered in the winter, which is why we felt like we should put in our resume. We are working at a resort in Apache Junction which is still the Phoenix area. Two of the cons are it’ll be a longer drive to get to most of Madison’s softball games and we really prefer Mesa to AJ. It’s called Roadhaven Golf & Tennis Resort. It has around 1062 sites and they are owned by the residents. It has about all of the activities you would expect of a large Arizona resort: pickleball, 3 pools, crafts rooms, fitness room and exercise classes, etc. Our job will be to manage the hospitality office. We had to ask what that entailed but basically we will be dealing with people who are interested in the resort and either want a tour or have questions. We are responsible for finding volunteers to cover the office hours when we aren’t working it and we also will give prospective owners information they need in order to investigate properties for sale. We also will help the activities director setting up and tearing down for some of the major events. We will each work 25 hours/week and we are going to try to make sure we have volunteers for the days Madison has games so we don’t miss any. We will see how it works…we have until February to try to get it worked out anyway. I’m sure we’ll have some issues since we are “management” but we are going to give it a shot. This is the amazing part: they pay for ALL hours worked AND the site and all utilities are free. Unheard of for winter workamping jobs. We earn PTO as well. We have hopefully learned not to accept any job solely based on the money and we had to check ourselves, but the pros seemed to outweigh the cons on this one so we gave Cal-Am/Mesa Regal the bad news. We still start November 1.

So that ends our time at DigiKey and this blog post!

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

GOP BREAKTHROUGH: EARTH NOT FLAT AFTER ALL

What? Utah Congressman John Curtis has just said Republicans really do care about climate change. Subversive and traitorous talk like that could get him hanged in West Virginia or Wyoming because Real President Trump said it's all a big a hoax. So what's up with Curtis, who just launched the Conservative Climate Caucus. “Republicans do care about this Earth... We, too, want to leave this Earth better than we found it,” he said. But there is, of course, a catch: Caucus members will press for private-sector solutions and labeled as sacrilege cutting back on fossil fuels. Why kill the economy just to save the planet? The caucus already has round-filed President Biden's goal to cut emission levels in half by 2030, because it's just un-American. Republicans, Curtis said, “will show the need to depart from the shaming-culture found in today’s climate dialogue... ” Yeah, no more coal-shaming and no more tie-die Earth Day B.S. Still, it is PROGRESS because until now any Republican uttering the words, “climate change,” would have their image photo-shopped onto Nancy Pelosi Christmas cards and mailed to constituents with the caption, “Climate change is real and Earth is not flat.” God rest their souls.

SUPREME COURT: F-YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON

It's official, kids can now tell their teachers and principals to F-off on Snapchat. (We are not making this up.) The case in question involves a 14-year-old girl who posted this after failing to make the varsity cheerleading squad: “F — school. F — softball. F— cheer(leading). F— everything.” Bad went to worse when school officials yanked her off the JV cheerleading squad as punishment. But wait, what about free speech? Her parents filed suit in federal court, arguing that school officials can't impede free speech outside school. The Supreme Court agreed, citing the First Amendment. So the staff here at Smart Bomb decided to consult our F-bomb experts, Wilson and the band. Nobody told them the First Amendment protected the F-word back in the dinosaur days when they were in high school. When Wilson dropped the F-bomb, he was punished with endless hours in study detention making paper airplanes, because back in the day it was not in common usage — only hardened criminals and cowboys in bars fired off the F-bomb. Times have changed and now 14-year-olds throw it around like jellyrolls. Soon, F-you will lose all of its obscene sting and phrases like: “F-you and the horse you rode in on,” will be like, “Gee good to see you and your nice pony.”

JAN. 6 — FORGET WHITE SUPREMACISTS, IT WAS THE FBI

Ah hah, the truth comes out. The Jan. 6 insurrection was planned, orchestrated and carried out by the FBI. We know this because Tucker Carlson got the legal papers that say exactly that. The charging documents for some 500 rioters refer to “un-indicted co-conspirators” and everyone knows that is government speak for Federal Bureau of Investigations. Now, about Antifa and Black Lives Matter — of course they were involved, it's just that only white people show up in the videos because those black rascals were in disguise. Next, them people are coming to take away your house, Rudy Giuliani said on Laura Ingraham's Fox News show. And now New York has suspended Rudy's law license because, they say, and we quote: “He lied his ass off about Trump winning the election.” Anybody can see what is happening here — the Deep State is taking over the government and stealing our freedom to lie our ass off. And that's not all, as Ingraham explained it: the military is trying to root out conservative Evangelicals in its ranks. This is nothing short of a grand scheme called “critical race theory” to get rid of all caucasians. White People Matter and they're tired of being trampled on by minorities — it's not fair. White people want their freedom back.

Post script — Well, pickleball fans, that about does it for another rousing week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of overgrown frat boy Tucker Carlson's drivel so you don't have to. (e.g. Gen. Mark Milley, is a stupid pig.) Carlson has perhaps the most watched “cable news” show among the 25-54 age group, drawing well over 3 million viewers. Breaking News: The Manhattan D.A. may charge the Trump Organization with fraud felonies that could shut down the whole fraudulent enchilada. Funny thing, Carlson hasn't mentioned it. Fortunately, The Donald still has his day job as Real President in Exile, which does provide a tidy income as long as all the “Trump Won” crazies keep donating. Meantime Jared and Ivanka are on a slow boat to China or hiding in Monaco — totally under the radar. Even they think that daddy is bonkers and don't want to catch that virus. Hey, wasn't your dad the guy who kept saying he was president? Too late to put that genie back in the bottle. Yep, he's going down in history as the Walter Mitty of Mar-A-Lago. Still, who knows, if Republican legislatures across the land can screw with voting restrictions enough, maybe he could steal Bill Clinton's moniker as The Comeback Kid.

Don't worry Wilson, that probably won't happen. Anyway, we've got other pressing things to worry about, like hot hot heat. Do you and the guys in the band have a chilling number for that:

Hot town, summer in the city Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty Been down, isn't it a pity? Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city All around, people looking half dead Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head But at night it's a different world Go out and find a girl Come on, come on and dance all night Despite the heat it'll be all right And babe, don't you know it's a pity That the days can't be like the nights In the summer, in the city In the summer, in the city (Summer In The City — Lovin' Spoonful)

[andrewdburton]

Finding a millionaire money mentor

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

You've probably heard that saying before. It's from motivational speaker Jim Rohn. He used it as a way to encourage people to learn and grow from others' experiences, habits, attitudes, and so forth. He wanted folks to seek out and spend time with people of high quality.

Unfortunately for most people, this advice can be difficult (if not impossible) to implement.

That's because we tend to group with like-minded people, which includes hanging out with friends with similar levels of success. Those who are unmotivated often spend time with others who are unmotivated. And those who are motivated by achievement tend to associate with others at a similar level.

When you resolve to improve yourself — to become smarter or fitter or wealthier — it can be tough to find new friends with a similar desire. It can be difficult to change the five people you spend the most time with.

Today, I want to talk about finding a money mentor.

Seeking a Money Mentor

Let's say you're a new business owner and you want to hang out with successful business people to learn their secrets. Do they want to hang with you? Probably not.

Even if you knew five successful business owners, it might be tough to get them to share their experience. That's because — you guessed it — they're probably hanging out with other successful business people.

Or let's say you want to learn podcasting. What are the chances you'll create a mastermind with Tim Ferriss, Joe Rogan, and three other high-flying audio experts? Your odds are slim. Honestly, your odds are zero. These folks are out there being friendly with each other in the stratosphere. They're not likely to spend their time with a new podcaster who is just starting out.

Or say you want to date a lovely, fit, out-going, friendly, charismatic lady or man but you're awkward, out of shape, disagreeable, and surly. You aren't going to connect with a single person (pun intended) like this — much less five of them!

I even see this principle at work in the pickleball world. [J.D.'s note: John is a pickelball fanatic. When I had lunch with him in July, we had to schedule around his multiple pickelball matches that day haha.] New and inexperienced players want to play with much better players so they can get better. But the better players want to play with each other (for the challenge).

Unfortunately it's the same way with money. And no one knows this better than me.

I was young when I first heard Jim Rohn's adage about being the average of the people you spend the most time with. At the time, I was interested in growing my wealth. “I need to find some friends who know something about money!” I thought. “I need to find a money mentor — or five.”

I started paying attention to people in my life who fit that description.

First, I looked to my family but there was no one who made the cut. We were lower middle-class most of my life and generally lived paycheck to paycheck.

Next, I turned to my friends and saw a group just like me — a bunch of people who were clueless with money.

Finally, I considered work acquaintances. But again, I couldn't find anyone I thought I could confide in who was good with money. Most of my co-workers had high salaries, but they didn't know how to manage the money they earned.

Ultimately, I decided I'd dig deep into my “network” (which was razor thin to begin with). I wanted to make a list of people I knew even slightly who were wealthy and/or good with money.

I still remember everyone on that list to this day. Here it is:

__________________

That's right: No one. My list was blank.

And how was I even supposed to know a wealthy person? I was a fresh-out-of-graduate-school executive who was fresh-out-of-small-town-Iowa a few years earlier. If it was possible to have a negative number of network connections, I was there. If it was possible to be greener than green, that was me.

Five Wealthy Friends

I had to create my own group of five wealthy “friends”. (I put that in quotes for a reason which will become clear in a moment.) Here's where I found them.

Books

My first wealthy “friends” were money manuals. I started to devour and apply almost any money-related book I could find. My “best friend” happened to be Thomas Stanley, who wrote The Millionaire Next Door. I read his book, applied what he said, and my wealth grew.

I found other friends in books, as well. I read everything I could from every type of author.

Of course, I had to plow through a lot of junk to mine the gold nuggets. Even as a newbie, I could tell what was trash (like “no money down” real estate books). In time, the good stuff stuck with me.

Magazines

Remember magazines? They were like mini-books you could have mailed to your house each month. (Oh, the good old days. Ha!)

This was in the olden days before the internet, so magazines were my only option for money articles. I subscribed to three money magazines for many years: Money, Kiplinger's, and Smart Money.

Again, there was lots of junk (e.g., each month there was another “Seven Great Stocks to Own Now” sort of article) but I navigated my way through the crap and kept some good stuff.

Other Money Novices

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king, right?

Well, believe it or not, my wife and I started coaching people at our church early in our marriage. We didn't know much, but we knew more than most. We did budget coaching: how to set up a budget, how to track spending, how to balance the budget, etc.

My wife and I actually got pretty good at this. We could take a family with minimal income and wild spending, then steer them to a balanced budget within two or three hours. Of course, there were hard choices for them to get to that point…

We saw some hideous spending practices, and we had multiple discussions with people trying to communicate Needs versus Wants versus Desires. (So many would try to justify Wants and Desires as Needs — like getting your nails done once a week was a Need. Yikes!)

Anyway, these people taught us…but in the opposite way of what we expected. They showed us what not to do with real life examples.

Writing

Over time, as our little bits of money knowledge accumulated, I developed a side hustle as a personal-finance writer.

You see the irony in this, right?

I held myself out as an expert — as did the magazines I wrote for. It works the same way with journalists these days. Perception is reality, right?

I did know more than most about money, and the publications I wrote for were more general interest versus hardcore money magazines, so it wasn't like I was giving advice on complex tax subjects.

Despite my shortcomings, I happened to be a great marketer (which is what I did for a living) and a decent enough writer (my wife was a brutal editor and made my stuff better, though I fought her changes most of the time) to keep myself pretty busy.

The financial writing became a side hustle. We did this for a few years, using all the money we earned to pay off our mortgage. (In those days, the rates were 8% or so, which made paying off your mortgage much more of a no brainer than today.)

While I wrote, I also researched and started to develop my own philosophy of managing money. My money knowledge and financial habits grew and developed.

After several years, we had our home paid off. This led to a 20+ year run of no debt. So I guess we were better off than most.

Blogging

Many years later, blogging became a thing. I started writing on the web in 2005.

This took my writing and money skills to a whole new level. Now people could comment on what I posted. They could (and did) ask me pointed questions about what I wrote.

This forced me to whittle down what I believed and what I didn't. If I got off track even a bit, my readers let me know it.

This also set the stage for my current site, ESI Money. After so many years of refining my message, I was able to focus my writing on what really mattered and throw away much of the rest.

Of course, these days there are a gazillion blogs and many financial sites, and I read several of them. That's how many people get their financial information. Unfortunately, a large portion of these are written by people with limited financial knowledge and experience.

Nowadays, anyone looking to grow in financial wisdom can hit the web as well as partake in any of the methods I employed. There's a wealth of information out there if you have the time to sort the wheat from the chaff.

But doing so is still a far cry from having five actual friends who are experienced with money — people you can talk to, ask questions of, get responses from, etc. Reading about money isn't the same as having a real-life money mentor.

Besides, people crave person-to-person mentorship in their lives. I know this because they tell me. I hear about it day in and day out.

Connecting with Millionaires

Several years ago, I started interviewing millionaires.

I didn't do it because I wondered what they did to make themselves wealthy. By this time, I understood the keys to wealth.

Instead, I wanted to hear these millionaires tell their stories in their own words. And I wanted to share a new story at my website every week. My hope was that these wealthy men and women would re-iterate that the keys to wealth boil down to a few basic principles. And they did!

To this date, I've published 202 interviews with millionaires at my website.

J.D.'s Note After I sold Get Rich Slowly (and before I bought it back), I wanted to create what I called “The Millionaire Project”. My idea was simple. I would travel the country to film interviews with wealthy people. I'd ask them how they made their money — and how they managed to keep it.

I never followed through on my project, obviously. So, I was excited when I learned that John had begun his own series of millionaire interviews. It's not exactly what I had envisioned, but it's close. (And honestly? In some ways, it's better.)

Shortly after I started publishing these stories, the requests began coming in.

People wanted to connect with millionaires (me and others) for feedback on money issues. They had questions. They wanted advice. In essence, people were seeking to add a millionaire money mentor to the group of friends they spent time with.

Here are some typical comments I received:

“Can you give me your thoughts on this?”

“Can I get more specifics on how you invest in real estate/dividend stocks/etc.?”

“How can I find someone to review my financial situation? I don't know anyone good with money. Will you do it?”

“Hi Millionaire 192, I loved reading your story. It’s inspiring and where I would love to end up eventually with my real estate investments. Would you be willing to talk over the phone about your real estate strategy? I’m happy to pay for your time.”

“I have read, and re-read your story and am very inspired. I wish I was friends with you so we could talk finances on a regular basis. lol.”

At the same time, millionaires were sending me notes wanting to “connect down”. Some of these folks were eager to “pay it forward”. They were willing to be one of the five wealthy friends that people need.

That's when I knew I had to connect the two groups.

The Millionaire Money Mentors

After months of thought and planning, I created the Millionaire Money Mentors program.

People kept telling me they had NO ONE in their lives that they could talk to regarding finances. Now they do. 😉

The Millionaire Money Mentors program is exactly what it sounds like: a way to connect with (and ask questions of) millionaires — and other members of this program. It's an online community dedicated to wealth building.

Members currently have the ability to connect with over 60 millionaires. These money mentors are willing to share their experiences in how to earn more, save more, invest better, and save time doing the right (and avoiding the wrong) money moves.

I hope that you already have a group of wealthy people you can meet with to share your plans and ask for feedback. Even one such money mentor would be amazing!

But if you don't have any wealthy friends, perhaps the Millionaire Money Mentors program is worth a try.

There are several additional benefits to membership in addition to the millionaire-to-member connection. There are expert Ask Me Anything sessions every other week (Sarah Fallaw — Thomas Stanley's daughter — and Wes Moss are just two of our upcoming guests), a Millionaire Book Club, and more! (Not to mention we have a long list of potential future add-ons).

If you think you're interested, I invite you to try it. There's a 7-day money back guarantee so there's really nothing to lose. Plus, membership is affordable (GRS readers have a special price for the next few days) and includes bonuses worth more than the annual cost. I tried to make joining as much of a no-brainer as possible from a value proposition standpoint.

And FYI, it's not just me who loves the site. Here are some comments after our first full week of being open:

“The value of the site is amazing! I have learned so much. I only wish I had more time to read everything!”

“I believe the price of admission to this site is already undervalued! The value of the content more than covers the cost and then factor in the ability to ask questions.”

“Super excited for every one of these (AMA discussions). Thanks and great work putting together this list of incredible people. Well worth the price of admission.”

I hope you stop by and give us a try. But if not, I do suggest you find and connect with a money mentor in Real Life. I took the long and winding road to find my five money “friends” — and even that tough journey was very much worth the effort for me.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/finding-a-millionaire-money-mentor/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[pianocamper]

Practice. Inspiration. And Pickleball.

Friday, September 21, 2018

The hurricane finally caught up with us in Vermont. A steady rain started late Tuesday night and continued most of the day Wednesday. It was perfect weather for practicing piano, however. I played the piano in room 25 all day. Sipping coffee, I sat by an open window, and listened to the rain, and played my pieces over and over. Tragically, floods have raged on in the Carolinas in the days since Florence made landfall. Many people, as well as farm animals, have died. Rivers are still rising. They say the worst is yet to come. Coal ash ponds are being breached, carrying arsenic, lead and mercury into homes. Hog lagoons (that’s a new one for me), storage pits filled with pig feces, are overflowing and contaminating the water supply with E. coli. I’m fortunate to be here, enjoying an all day gentle rain.

With the rain came a very noticeable and welcomed drop in the temperature. Today is officially the first day of Autumn, and it really feels like it. The leaves have just a hint of yellow and orange. Branches on the trees have been in constant motion all day, as if Mother Nature is trying to shake the fall colors loose. I pulled out my hooded sweatshirt from the suitcase this morning. Sweatshirt weather. My favorite.

We’ve had a series of great lectures this week. Polly gave a interactive lecture on musical phrasing. Phrasing is what turns piano notes into music. Joan took us through the evolution of the nocturne, night music. We journeyed from the Bel Canto tradition (beautiful singing) of 16th century Italy, to Opera, to John Field, through Chopin, to modern day. George Lopez, perhaps my favorite speaker at Sonata, talked about how the piano as an instrument has evolved over time from a percussion instrument to one that sings. He talked about how it literally sits, like an obstacle, between us and the music. I loved the story he told us about a dream he had as a child. In the dream, he was looking down from above as he received a lesson from the great pianist, Arthur Rubinstein. George said he woke from the dream as it quickly evaporated, the way dreams do, leaving him wondering what the dream was all about. As fleeting as the dream was, it has stuck with him, and somehow inspired him over the years. He then talked about Archimedes, the father of mathematics and his eureka moment. He then described a sublime moment he experienced years ago, where he played a concert in a crumbling old church in Italy. The house was packed, there was a hand-lit candle chandelier overhead. His performance was exquisite. Sublime. A sublime moment, according to George, is a “eureka moment for the soul.” His whole lecture was so inspiring to me. It made me realize that this week at camp is sublime. And, like his childhood dream of Rubinstein, the week is evaporating almost as it happens. I am left wondering how I will continue to be inspired throughout the coming year.

Like a Schubert march, the week has stepped right along. On Wednesday, Polly took a bunch of us out to her pickle ball court in town for a quick tutorial and a match. It was really fun and unexpected. Pickleball is kind of a cross between tennis and ping-pong. It is the opposite of piano, and was a welcomed break from the routine. I’m already hooked.

Today is Friday. The duet concert is tonight. I’m performing A French Waltz with Carol Ricker. Hoping to add levity to the evening, Dolores, Leslie and I are also performing what we call, “Torn: A Medley Of Songs About A Complicated Relationship.” I am leading off by playing and singing a portion of Torn Between Two Lovers, the Billboard #1 hit from 1976. I’m pretty sure no one has ever played that one on the Sonata stage. Dolores and Leslie will then join me and sing a back and forth of The Nearness Of You. In response to their question, “Why are you doing this to us?”, I close the performance with You Go To My Head. It should be fun. Tomorrow is our final concert. A few of us are playing Pickleball in the morning, then it’s back to the house for a final practice session. The limo will take me back to the airport in Albany at 4:20am on Sunday morning for might flight home.

As the week comes to a close, I am feeling very satisfied. A great deal of effort went into preparation for this week. I am already looking forward to preparing for next year. More Grieg and Brahms. A little Scriabin, perhaps? And, just like a my kids when they go to sleep-away camp, I’m feeling really homesick. I will take home lots of memories of a great week away. I hope to see all my Sonata friends again. As always, I have been inspired. Seeing Bill and the kids at the airport with signs and balloons on Sunday afternoon will be sublime.

[cryptobully-blog]

How to lose a lot of money in the stock market

http://cryptobully.com/how-to-lose-a-lot-of-money-in-the-stock-market/

How to lose a lot of money in the stock market

A 40-ish colleague approached me at my desk in the middle of the March market turbulence and announced that he was selling equities and buying bonds.

Long pause.

Okay, I said. And when are you getting back in the market? Tomorrow? Next year? Later today? Never?

I didn’t get an answer.

I told him if he stuck with bonds — or gold, or real estate, whatever he was thinking of — he would be working until he is 90.

My philosophy on trying to time the market is simple: don’t. I am what is known as a buy-and-hold investor. We stomach the downturns but ride the market’s inexorable, long-term rise upward.

Not everybody agrees.

Rob Arnott is founder and chairman of Research Affiliates, a big institutional investor that practices what is known as “tactical asset allocation.” That’s Wall Street-speak for buying and selling stocks when you see something that others have missed.

His strategy involves market timing to some extent, although Arnott said, “We don’t think of ourselves as market timers because we don’t try to pick the tops and bottoms. We try to pick the markets that are priced to give us the best long-term returns.”

Arnott said that with U.S. stocks priced at 32 times their earnings, and with value stocks from emerging markets priced at one-third of that, it might be smart to sell the U.S. market and invest in emerging market value stocks.

[The Northwest Washington lifestyle trap: $500,000 in income and still can’t save]

“If you believe that markets can become overpriced and underpriced, why not be tactical?” he said. “But be patient. If you are tactical, you are going to be wrong for extended periods.”

Another reason to buy and hold is the competition. People much smarter than me are working day in and day out, eyes fixed on their Bloomberg machines, poring over company reports, watching CNBC, crunching data and creating algorithms, all to beat the market.

Mortals like me cannot time the market. Others are in my camp.

“The best policy for portfolio management is one of benign neglect,” said Christine Benz, director of personal finance at Morningstar. “Your portfolio is like a bar of soap — the more you handle it, the smaller it gets.”

Somehow, I have been programmed to think like Benz. When stocks dropped more than 50 percent back in 2009, I sucked it up and did nothing. Well, almost nothing. I started buying shares in the Vanguard 500 Index mutual fund as it careened downward.

My thinking was that it may go a lot lower, but it will eventually come back. Eventually. And being 53 or so at the time, I had at least another 10 years, maybe 20, to wait for the tide to come back.

”Most people don’t behave like that,” Arnott said. “If you are a patient, long-term investor, of course, you can tell when markets are getting frothy or when fear is utterly rampant. But most people trade the wrong direction and the wrong time, and they fund the success of those that have a discipline and stick with it.”

Some thought the tide was going out two weeks ago. The Dow Jones industrial average dropped 1,400 points in the five days ending March 23 on fears of a trade war. The 5 to 7 percent retreat was the biggest loss in more than two years.

[How this retailer started with pickleball paddles and built a $33 million business on Amazon]

Did you sell on Friday, March 23?

Over that weekend, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin went on television to say they were trying to work things out on trade with China.

The Dow soared nearly 700 points Monday.

“We can’t say people can’t beat active money managers,” said Don Bennyhoff, senior investment strategist at Vanguard Group. “The odds are very difficult. If I was talking to my dad, I would tell him to think about all the mutual fund managers trying to pick stocks and trying to beat their benchmarks. Those same professionals have tools and resources and experience that most individuals don’t. And they still have a difficult time outperforming the market.”

The tricky part is knowing when to be in and when not to be in. Or when to buy a stock or when not to.

Who could have predicted software giant Microsoft would climb 7.6 percent Monday, the stock’s largest one-day percentage gain in nearly three years? A day later, Microsoft gave most of that gain back. I suppose you could have seen it coming if you read an analyst’s report Monday calling for the share price to rise more than 50 percent.

“Individuals who take time . . . can watch one or two stocks and get to know them very well and actually do better than a professional,” said Steve Williamson, vice president of the National Association of Active Investment Managers.

“Do I think an individual can play the market? Of course,” Williamson said. “Do I believe an individual should sit in a mutual fund or index fund for 20 years and then cash out? No. That is not a prudent way to invest.”

“Attempting to move in and out of the market can be costly,” a recent report from Fidelity Investments said. “If you could avoid the bad days and invest during the good ones, it would be great — the problem is, it is impossible [italics mine] to consistently predict when those good and bad days will happen. And if you miss even a few of the best days, it can have a lingering effect on your portfolio.”

But the case against timing can be pretty persuasive. Let’s take the 20 years between Dec. 31, 1997, and Dec. 31, 2017.

[Kevin Durant, tech investor, has a new start-up target: Students with dreams like the ones he had]

If you put $100,000 into the Standard & Poor’s 500-stock index on the last day of 1997 and left it there, it would be worth more than $400,000 today, according to data provided by Jeff DeMaso, director of research at Independent Adviser for Vanguard Investors, which is not part of the Vanguard Group of mutual funds. But if you somehow missed the 10 best days of those 20 years, your return would be cut in half, to $200,000.

Picking those best days is hard. The best days and the worst days are usually clumped together, like the craziness of the past two weeks.

The eight days when the S&P 500 saw the biggest gains during the past 20 years occurred in a very small window between Sept. 30, 2008, and March 23, 2009. Seven of the 10 worst days came during an even shorter time frame: Sept. 29 to Dec. 1, 2008.

Think of that. You had to stomach nauseating downturns in the middle of the Great Recession and then pick yourself up and throw money at stocks right when mankind thought the end was near. “People talk about missing the best or worst days,” Bennyhoff said. “They don’t often talk about how close the best and worst days are.”

Nevertheless, the returns are tempting. DeMaso said that if you were smart enough to get out of the market just before the 10 worst bad days of the past 20 years, your $100,000 would be worth $850,000 instead of $400,000. If you miss the 10 best and 10 worst, you are ahead more than $400,000 — about the same as you are if you just buy and hold.

What do I do? I ride it out. My feeling is the market will go up two steps and then back one step. Then up two, back one. Over the long, long run, a buy-and-hold strategy will put me ahead.

Markets