#this just hits a lot harder after season 5

[alwaysandforevergifs]

Loving any of us is a death sentence, isn't it?

[girlgenius1111]

we don't have to talk about it

part 2 of cool about it because you're all depressed

warnings: heavy descriptions of depression + depressive thoughts. self harm. maybe we'll make reader go to therapy in the next installment.

also i didn't proofread this purely so i can read it before bed and feel all warm and fuzzy inside

Alexia made a conscious effort to be more attentive to your mood, noticing highs and lows. You still struggled to let her in, and tell her when you weren't doing well, but it was improving. Mostly because of how persistent she was.

Alexia knowing, and just being there, was so helpful. It had been so long since you'd really struggled, and things were going well in your life, generally, so it caught you off guard when things started to worsen.

It was a few months after Alexia really learned about the depths of you mental health struggles, and both of you were incredibly busy. So busy, in fact, that neither of you really noticed that you weren't doing well. You chalked up your low energy to exhaustion from the season, and stress, and Alexia didn't think to question it.

It only hit you, what was really going on, when the Alexia left on national duty, and you remained in Barcelona. While England had been eliminated from the Nations League, you still had friendlies to play, but you'd picked up a minor concussion, and stayed behind, not wanting to risk anything for a friendly.

10 days without Alexia was not something you were looking forward too, and 10 days without Alexia, while you couldn't practice, sounded pretty awful. Maybe this is what caused your slump, or maybe it was some combination of the concussion and being alone with nothing to do. Or maybe, it was just something that happened.

You liked to think you had the depression beat, completely managed. Trying to find a cause to attribute your low mood too was your way of convincing yourself that you were fine. Normally it worked.

A few days after Alexia left, you realized what was going on. You had returned from dropping her at the airport, immediately falling asleep on the couch. You normally didn't nap, only when you weren't feeling right, so when you woke up a few hours later, you were already suspicious. This suspicion only remained over the next couple days, growing with each irritating symptom.

Leaving the house was an ordeal. You tried to get out everyday, you really did, but everything made your head hurt, and it was so much easier to stay in. And you were so, so, tired. Exhaustion that settled in your bones, that didn't fade even marginally, no matter how much you slept. You found yourself stressing over simple things, like what to reply to Alexia's good morning text, or what to eat for lunch. You made excuses for why you couldn't spend time with your teammates that had also remained in Barcelona, because none of them were Alexia, and Alexia was all you wanted.

You just didn't feel right. All you wanted to do was lay down and do nothing. Something within you ached, and you couldn't get rid of it. And with the ache, came insecurity. All the progress you'd made, letting Alexia see this part of you, vanished as soon as things got a little harder than normal. You had a lot of time to think, and think you did. About how sure you were that Alexia really didn't wan't to deal with this, with you like this.

Part of you wanted her, desperately, and the other part wouldn't allow it. It was so confusing, like all your emotions were contradicting each other. As a result, you pulled back a little. Answering her texts with shorter responses, making excuses about why you couldn't call. You told yourself that it was because you wanted her to focus on the games she was playing. Really, it was because you knew the minute she talked to you for more than 5 minutes, she'd know something wasn't right.

You were used to the decent into feeling worthless when you were depressed. It had never quite been this bad before; the regular feelings seemed to combine with the immense guilt you felt. Guilt for not letting Alexia in, and for letting her in too much. For not being strong enough to go 10 days without her, just 10 days, without completely collapsing. The guilt made you feel worse, until it was almost unbearable. Until it was unbearable. That was around day 7.

Day 9 was when you did the thing you promised yourself that you would never do again. You couldn't help it, really. Everything in your brain was screaming at you that you weren't good, weren't trying hard enough, weren't good enough at anything.

In hindsight, maybe trying to get rid of guilt by doing something that had, historically, made you feel incredibly guilty, was not the best plan. With each cut, the guilt weighing on you grew, until it stopped. Until there was nothing, you felt nothing, except the sharp sting on your thigh. You finally had a moment of peace, but it didn't last long.

Because, fuck, Alexia was going to be home tomorrow. Perfect, sweet Alexia, who took herself so seriously, and who blamed herself whenever anything went wrong.

You didn't cry, you didn't think you could, but you wanted to. As you disinfected and bandaged your thigh, you wished that you would feel the sting of tears in your eyes, but none came. Tears would have been a sign that you were coming out of this, whatever was happening to you.

You went to bed that night, not setting an alarm because you didn't need to get Alexia from the airport until the afternoon. You drifted off, buried on her side of the bed, wearing only her clothes, clinging to her pillow desperately. Every movement you made stung your leg, and you were reminded of what you'd done to yourself. You couldn't remember the last time it had been this bad, this heavy, this incapacitating. Your last thoughts before you fell asleep was how the hell you were going to keep this from Alexia.

-----

Alexia wasn't really sure what was going on. You'd seemed fine when she left, concussed and tired, but fine. As the days passed, she noticed you pull away. It was a busy break, and she had meetings on top of training and games. Her little free time was spent worrying, wondering if you were mad at her. It was the only thing she could think of, because you'd been so good about telling her when you weren't feeling right.

Her worry had grown so much that her friends got tired of how distracted she was, and told her to just fly back early if she was so concerned.

She only landed a few hours earlier, in the morning, getting an uber to your guys' apartment. Alexia was sure she'd find you mad at her, about something, and was prepared to do anything to fix it. What she wasn't expecting was to find you sitting on the couch, wrapped in one of her blankets, staring at the door as she walked in as if she'd caught you cheating on her or something.

"Ale?" you wondered, "I- I was gonna get you from the airport. Later. What are you doing here?"

Something wasn't right. You weren't mad, which she would've preferred to the empty look on your face. Normally when you guys reunited, even after only a couple days apart, you greeted her with a hug, and kisses. You were sitting, frozen, on the couch though.

"I came earlier, I missed you," she said, watching carefully as she spoke. "Can I have a hug, amor?"

At that, you seemed to realize that Alexia really was here, right in front of you, and you launched yourself off the couch, around the coffee table, and into her arms.

"Oof- hola mi bebé," she said, catching you in her arms with a huff. You clung to her, desperately, and she returned the embrace, as you buried your face in her chest. She was startled to feel that you were trembling slightly in her embrace. She tightened her arms around you, pressing a kiss to your head, before pulling away, and cradling your face with her hands.

"What's wrong? You're shaking."

"Just a long week. I missed you." You replied, but you wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Okay... if you say so. I need to shower. Want to join me?" She asked, hoping to distract you from whatever was wrong. She was well versed in how to get you to talk, and distracting you until she could catch you off guard was one sure way.

Alexia watched as your face brightened slightly, and you opened your mouth to say yes. Suddenly though, a look of panic crossed your face, your mouth snapped shut, and you shook your head.

"No, I... No I don't feel like showering." You told her shakily. You winced internally, realizing you probably could have come up with a better excuse than that. You couldn't shower with her though, couldn't let her see you. See what you'd done. She'd been with you through a lot, but never this. Never with something this bad.

Alexia was looking at you, very carefully. As different explanations for why you wouldn't want to shower with her flew through her head, an explanation that covered how panicked you had been when you said no, she settled on a clear answer. One that made her heart sink, and one that explained your odd behavior the past 10 days.

You knew you were caught, the look on her face told you that she'd put it together. She softened, looking at you so gently, it made you want to collapse into her arms.

"Mi amor-" She started, but you interrupted.

"I have to go. I have an errand to run, I need to go," You said, because you couldn't deal with this. You just couldn't. You tried to head for the door, but Alexia's grip on you was strong, one hand holding your wrist, the other wrapping around your waist, pulling you into her.

"No, bebé, I need you to stay here," she cooed into your ear and you shook your head frantically.

"No, Ale, please, I need to go," you said, struggling against her, and she felt tears pooling in her eyes at the desperation with which you spoke. Alexia didn't respond, simply kissing your cheek a few times until she felt you go limp in her arms, abandoning your fight.

Alexia picked you up easily, cradling you in her arms, and made her way to your bedroom. As she walked in, she noticed that your side of the bed was untouched. On her pillow, one of her sweatshirts was crumpled there, as if you'd been holding it as you slept. She didn't understand why you hadn't called her. You'd clearly needed her, desperately, but you'd suffered in silence. She set you down on the edge of the bed, and you stared at the floor.

Kneeling in between your legs, she looked up at you. "Y/n, what happened?" She asked carefully.

"I don't know. It just got so out of control and I didn't know what else to do." You replied, still refusing to meet her eyes. She wanted to shout that you could have called her, could have asked her for help. That wouldn't do anything, though, so she just nodded.

"Come shower with me, please. Then we can just hangout until you're ready to talk," she said, and you knew there was no other option. You nodded, and she stood, tilting your chin up to press a sweet kiss to your lips. "I love you." She told you, figuring that you might need to hear it.

"I love you too." you replied, giving her a weak smile.

Alexia took your hand, and led you into the bathroom. She turned the shower on, setting it to the exact temperature you would have, and your heart clenched at the small gesture. She turned back to you, and you felt your lip start to tremble, knowing what you needed to do.

"Mi niña bonita, it's going to be okay, I promise." She said, noticing the tears in your eyes. She gently tugged your top and bra off, trailing kisses down your chest and stomach as she kneeled in front of you. There was nothing sexual about the actions, she was simply trying to bring you any comfort she could. She rested her hands on the waistband of the sweatpants you had on, looking up at you, waiting for you to be ready.

"Are you mad?" you asked, squeezing your eyes shut.

"No. I'm not mad, I could never be mad. Not for this," she promised, and you opened your eyes, looking down at her. She was looking up at you, green eyes wide with such sincerity, you nodded, giving her the go ahead.

Alexia tugged your pants and underwear down together, carefully lifting the waistband over the bandage on your thigh. She worked to keep her face neutral, which was hard. The brown bandage covered up so much of your thigh, all of your old scars were covered by it. She bit her lip, trying to withhold her emotions for now. You needed her, which she was reminded when she looked back up at you, to see you staring at the ceiling.

"Amor, can I take this off?" she asked. Now that she knew you had clearly properly cared for the cuts, she didn't need to take the bandage off, and she wouldn't make you. She wanted to see, though, see how bad it was. She had to know, if she was going to be able to help. One cut was a lot different than ten.

You looked back down at her, taking a second before answering. everything in you was telling you to say no, but hiding things hadn't been working so well. It was what got you on the bathroom floor with a razor blade yesterday, and now, with your girlfriend kneeled at your feet, thumbs rubbing gentle circles into the skin of your thigh.

"I'll do it," you told her, taking a deep breath. You reached your hands down from where they held tight to the counter, ignoring the way they shook. You tugged on the bandage, not bothering to be gentle as you peeled it off. You wouldn't look, you couldn't. You heard Alexia's intake of breath at the sight, and you felt a tear drop from your face. You felt something featherlight touch the partially healed cuts, and you looked down on instinct. Alexia was placing a light kiss on every cut, and you couldn't hold back anymore.

Letting out a sob, you cried harder than you had in a long time. "I'm sorry, Ale, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." Alexia was up in a flash, cradling you against her as you cried. Her hands rubbed up and down your bare back as she spoke quietly in your ear.

"It's okay, you don't need to be sorry, mi amor. I love you. It's all going to be okay. Estoy aquí, no voy a ninguna. Te tengo, para siempre," she murmured.

She got you to stop crying, if only slightly, and pulled you into the shower, after taking her own clothes off. It was a blur, you knew she washed your hair, and you knew she was talking to you the whole time, but suddenly, you were sitting on the bed again, and she was carefully wrapping up your thigh.

"Feel okay?" she asked, once she'd secured the bandage on. You told her it did and she sent you a soft smile, before pulling clothes on you both. Alexia gave you your favorite sweatshirt of hers, an old Barca crewneck, and herself pulled on one of yours, a grey, ripped and faded hoodie, that she swore was the softest thing you owned.

Carefully, she brushed your hair out, tying it back in a loose braid, knowing you hated when your wet hair got your shirt all wet. She brushed through her own hair quickly, not daring to leave your side. It was silent as she did so. You were truly astounded with the level of care with which she was treating you. It made you feel like the thoughts that had been swirling around your brain for days might be wrong.

Alexia made the bed, then, knowing you preferred to lay on top of the covers with a blanket during the day, before laying down, and opening her arms for you to join her. You crawled up the bed, settling down with your back to her chest, lacing your fingers with hers, and pulling her arms to wrap around your body.

It was calming, feeling the rise and fall of your girlfriend's chest under you, feeling her chin rest lightly on the top of your head. Alexia wasn't sure what to say, where to start. She had so many questions. Luckily, it had seemed you'd found your voice, as you spoke.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was bad again," you rasped, throat somewhat raw from crying.

"Why didn't you?" she questioned.

"It wasn't on purpose at first. And then suddenly it was so bad and I didn't want you to know. I was worried it would be too much. I felt so guilty, like I was letting you down by not calling, but like I couldn't burden you with it."

Alexia hummed in response, thinking carefully about her next words. "Bebé, did you really think I'd be mad at you?"

"Yeah. When I get like this, I just. Convince myself that I'm not good enough for you, and I'm so scared that if I mess up, you'll leave."

"I'm not leaving. Ever. No matter what," she promised. "Can you tell me why? What were you thinking that made you do that to yourself?" You took a deep breath at her words, and you felt her arms tighten around you, just slightly.

"I felt like a bad person. I couldn't even make it 10 days without you, I was such a mess. I couldn't feel anything, but this insane guilt, all I could hear was my brain telling me that I'm not good. I just needed it to stop." It was the most you'd ever told anyone. You felt Alexia deserved an actual explanation, and you trusted her. You really did, even though sometimes it seemed like you didn't. It was you that you didn't trust as much.

"Did it work?"

"For a bit. Then all I could think was that you were going to be disappointed in me." You felt her shake her head behind you.

"Never. You are good, mi niña, you are so good. You are kind, and thoughtful, and you always make me laugh. When I get to make you smile, it's better than scoring 100 goals in Camp Nou. You are the most important thing to me."

"And it makes me chest hurt, to think of you doing this, to think that your thoughts were so bad, you didn't feel like you had another choice. You always have another choice, mi amor. You can always call me when you need me. When you feel like that, and your brain isn't being very nice to you, I will remind you every time that it's wrong." she paused.

"And I don't want you to feel like you need to hide it from me if you hurt yourself. I want to know, because I love you, and I care about you, and I want you to be safe, and happy, and healthy. I'll never be mad, mi amor. I want to help, but I can only do that if you let me, if you trust me," she finished, wishing she could see your face.

"I trust you. I promise I do, I just got so scared that it would be too much this time."

"You will never be too much for me," she responded firmly.

"I promise that if this happens again, I'll tell you. I promise," you repeated, promising yourself as well. Alexia kissed the top of your head in response. You shifted on top of her, rolling onto your stomach, resting your chin on her chest to look at her. Her thumb came up to gently wipe a tear off your face.

"Thank you. I know you said you don't mind, that you aren't mad, but you don't have to be as perfect, as patient, as you are."

"You are perfect, mi niña, you'll always be perfect. My most perfect girl," she said. You couldn't find a trace of doubt in her face. You looked up at her for a few more seconds, and she looked down at you, watching as you decided whether or not to speak.

"What is it?" she asked gently, watching as you fought back tears once again.

"It's stupid," you replied, and she raised an eyebrow at you. "I was clean for 4 years, and now I'm not. I have to go back to day 1, Ale, and I don't know how." You told her, vulnerability clear on your face.

"That's not stupid, not at all. We'll do it again, together. It'll be easier this, time because I'm not letting you do any of it alone. We'll get you to 4 years again, and 5 and 6. And if you slip up, we'll deal with that too. You aren't doing this by yourself, we'll figure it out. I promise."

"How do you always know what to say?" you asked, sniffling.

She chuckled lightly, and it was the first real smile you'd seen on her face since she'd walked through the door. "Because I know you, and I know how your brain works. I know that it's telling you, all the time, that I'm going to leave. All I need to do is promise that I'm not going anywhere, because I'm not. Being here, it's the easiest thing in the world, because you are so easy to love, so easy to be with."

Alexia tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, looking at you with an adoring face that you couldn't help but return. The force of her love for you tended to knock you off your feet, sometimes. You only really believed it, believed her, because you knew it was how you felt about her. You saw your love for her reflected in her eyes at you, and if anything was going to get you through this, it was the knowledge that she wanted to be here. That she loved you, no matter what. You knew she'd make you love yourself again, whatever it took.

-----

try to end one of my fics without both girls going to sleep challenge. i hope everything made sense. i feel like it's really hard to describe how i feel when i'm depressed, and i don't want to make it so specific that people will have a hard time relating. anyway, if you read this and it resonated with you at all, i hope you're doing okay. And if you're not, you will be. i promise. <3 i love you all

[kitkatopinions]

@kitestarry Thought I'd answer this comment in its own post. :)

Ghira and Kali are very much so stereotypical "Mom and Dad" characters imo, where Kali is kind of nosy and she's comforting and she's given that "no she can hit people with pans too" thing that people give Supermoms since like 2000 so they can say they're strong women without having to do any work, and Ghira is like overprotective and tells Blake she isn't wearing enough clothes and hates Sun because he's a boy who's interested in his daughter. And I don't like the stereotypical "Mom and Dad" characterization in any setting really, but since they're only featured in two seasons and are honestly not even sort of the focus of Blake's 4-5 arc (which is much more about her, Sun, and Ilia,) they're very paper thin characters I feel like. So there isn't much else to them. But on top of that, the RWBY writers do this thing where they'll make the teenage characters do dangerous stuff but do not care to write the "caring" parental figures in their life to actually do anything about it. Like, with Willow you can at least be like "well she's an alcoholic who had an abusive husband" which doesn't mean that her complete lack of presence until V7 and her lack of action in protecting her children is fine, but it makes more sense. And when then sixteen year old Ruby left home to go after Cinder and supposedly like a year later Tai still is completely not around, we could at least say "well, he knows she's with Qrow and he might not have known how serious everything was" which isn't a good excuse, but it's at least something. But, I believe Blake ran away from home five years before the start of the show, which means she was like twelve! And she ran away to be part of a group Ghira thought was dangerous and morally wrong (which is why he left in the first place.) Like, we don't know if Blake had a good place to stay for that whole time, if she ever went hungry, and the show fully tells us she was in a bad and unsafe relationship for part of it. And where were her parents? And then the Fall of Beacon happens after Blake is on TV during the Vytal Festival, and the whole thing just makes them feel like very uncaring bad parents. There's also Ghira's whole peaceful protest 'be nice to your oppressors and they might like you' 'we need to stop faunus violence' thing. Like many Faunus characters, Ghira's a mouthpiece for the severely badly handled fantasy racism plot. It's bad on Blake, but since she has a lot more character and role outside of that, it's easy enough to just clip it out for her for me. But because Ghira has been such a small role, it's a lot harder to dismiss for him. Like if you removed that sort of thing from Ghira's character, all that you'd have left is 'over-protective dad who doesn't care about finding his twelve year old runaway but will comment on her belly shirt when she comes home."

But also, I don't write for them to be honest. Writing for characters oftentimes makes me like them more because it helps me dive into the character concept more than the oftentimes lackluster execution. There are a lot of characters I didn't like that much, but then when I write for them, I find myself really enjoying them. But my sister and I first started writing for RWBY after volume six with a fanfiction that was an AU branch off starting at the end of V5. And the only fanfictions I've written either are branches off of that branch off or are Team STRQ era fics. So... Ghira and Kali aren't really part of things in my fics ever.

So yeah, it's a combination of them being thin stereotypical parents with very little interest to them, their apparent lack of care when their twelve year old ran away, and just never writing for them so they don't get the same treatment of me fleshing them out myself that other characters who are just as thin in canon might get that make me like them more.

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | November 20th-26th 2023

107 DAYS UNTIL SEASON 7 PREMIERE!!! I'm so excited!!! 😃

Also! I just hit 100 followers! Thank you guys! I hope you enjoy my recs :)

Complete

Ruin Me Like Castle Walls and Burn Me Like a Village by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (PWP, Dragon Eddie | 6K | Explicit): When a call goes wrong, Buck sees a new side to Eddie, and starts to realize a lot of things about his best friend. And himself.

🔥 The Monsterfucker's Symphony by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (PWP, Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, Mermaids... and more | 57K | Explicit): A collection of smutty oneshots featuring Buck or Eddie (or both) as a non-human creature.

🔥 and here, too, am i by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Future fic, Married Buddie | 41K | Teen): Six months into their marriage, Eddie is still struggling to decide whether or not he wants more kids, when he knows Buck does. The universe may not scream, but it certainly talks.

you’re everything that I want, but I didn’t think I’d find by Daffi_990_ao3/ @daffi-990 (Post-S6, Proposal | 2K | Not Rated): Eddie is so in love and proposes to Buck on Christmas Eve. (sequel to come close, let me be home)

all i ever wanted comes right down to you by Iover_of_mine (I_almost_do)/ @lover-of-mine (Getting Together | 3K | General): Eddie is very dramatic in his pining and Buck overhears something that changes everything.

🔥 stranger sunlight, still by mmtion/ @mmtions (Catfishing/Secret Identity | 64K | Explicit): When the 118 find out about Buck’s secret thirst account on Instagram – to raise fire safety awareness, obviously – they make fun of him the appropriate amount and move on. Eddie finds it a little harder to do the same. Of course, Eddie would never invade Buck’s privacy by searching for and finding the anonymous account. Or looking at all the uploaded photos late at night. Or even directly messaging Buck’s secret account. That would be weird, because he’s certainly not planning on doing anything about his newfound attraction. However, anonymous account @elbombero118 has no such limitations.

🔥the evan buckley matchmaking agency by mmtion/ @mmtions (Season 5, Feelings Realization | 28K | Mature): Buck tries to set up Eddie. It goes well for absolutely no-one involved. 

wanna lose my mind in a hotel room with you by 42hrb/ @exhuastedpigeon (Post-S6, Getting Together | 4K | Explicit): "Think you’ll ever have that kind of love?” Eddie asks as he leans against the wall with a beer in his hand at Maddie and Chimney’s engagement party. He’s got a fond look on his face, if not a little wistful as he turns to face Buck. “I hope so,” Buck says with a small smile on his face. He’s pretty sure he’s already got half of a love like that standing next to him, he just isn’t sure if it’s reciprocated. “I-I really hope so.”

hiccuped endlessly trying to giggle by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (PWP | 2K | Explicit): Eddie hiccups. “Just tell me,” he groans. “Come on, how bad could it be? Hic!” “Rectal massage,” Buck says, the words tripping over each other like he just wants to get them out as fast as possible. “Apparently, there was a guy who stopped hiccuping after rectal massage. And this is in, like, Healthline, so it’s probably legit—”

impossible to know (if after this we can still be friends) by lecornergirl / @clusterbuck (Getting Together | 1,7K | General): Hen sighs. “This better be an emergency.” “Does Buck turning up on my doorstep and saying he’s in love with me count as an emergency?”

this is gonna be one of those things by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): It turns out he only has about three seconds of proper bull-riding in him before he’s tumbling to the floor. Hen and Chimney are bent double with laughter, but Eddie only looks at him, smirks, and says, “You’re doing it wrong.” “Like you’d do any better,” Buck shoots back, and Eddie gives him the most unimpressed look.  “You’re forgetting something,” he tells Buck as he mounts it. “I grew up in Texas.” 

my hands are shaking from holding back from you by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (S5E18, HenRen Wedding, Getting Together | 2,5K | Teen): So now Hen and Karen are renewing their wedding vows, and Buck is—Buck is a lot of things, but he’s mostly worried about the concept of Eddie in a suit. Buck is, after all, only one man. He’s a little worried it might be too much for him to handle.

Podfic

🔥 [Podfic] dream of some epiphany by MistMarauder/ @mistmarauder from a fic by extasiswings/ @extasiswings (Canon Divergent, Pre-Canon, Pen Pals | 45-60 mins | Mature): Evan Buckley is lost. It’s happenstance that he wanders into the navy recruiting center. Buck leaves ten minutes later with a set of printed instructions for sending his first letter, assured that he can drop it off whenever he’s ready, and a name. Staff Sergeant Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz.

WIP

🔥 Both Blade and Branch by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S6 | 9/13 | 43K | Mature): The chances of being struck by lightning twice are incredibly minute, but Buck still manages to pull it off. During a double date with Marisol and Natalia, nonetheless. Eddie manages to resuscitate him, but as Buck recovers from yet another trauma, Eddie can’t help but notice there’s something very different about him. He’s not quite sure what version of Buck he got back.

in my head by yourcatfishfriend/ @your-catfish-friend (Friends With Benefits | 6/8 | 23K | Explicit): Buck is confidently bisexual. Eddie isn't sure. Buck helps him figure it out.

[kyliafanfiction]

Babylon 5: Born to the purple (finally having time to do this on the day)

*The whole 'G'kar is a horndog' thing gets kind of ignored after Season 1, which does make sense (it sort of comes back in Season 5, for one scene), but it was a thing earlier on, including in this line where G'kar agrees with 'all things in live females are the greatest'

*K'odath's disbelief that G'kar would be there raises questions about Narn society and G'kar's repuation back home *God, this episode hits harder in Hindsight *I love how Arcy B5 got later on, but I also like the opening to Season 1, because it lent itself to the more episodic feel of Season 1

*Oh yeah, this is the episode with Ivanova using Gold Channel

*Vir's use of the weird Gameboy like thing is hilarious. We never see that again, probably because he learns to do it back in his quarters. *B5 throws words like 'Sector' and 'Quadrant' around without much of a real sense of place and size. No clarity as to where these places are. *This episode tells us so much about Centauri society, and really drives home where Londo sits at this point. *MOON FACED ASSASSIN OF JOY *I don't think I've ever noticed the narn playing Vir's game before when I've watched this episode. *G'kar being so thrown by Londo's Mood *THIS ASSHOLE. And plot thickens. *God, it's so heartwarming though, how much he cares about her. This is not just some 'I want a pretty woman' thing. He really does love her *Londo's password is so very him at this point in his life. *I just wish Talia had been taken to dinner by Ivanova here. *cries in shipper* *Ivanova being protective of her console feels so in-character you forget... *"Figment of your demented imagination" *I do feel like Mollari's cipher should have requried a specific tone too, but I guess a voiceprint is pretty secure *Don't Give Away The Homeworld :rofl: *"get your feet moist" I love it when Londo and Vir get earth sayings wrong *Just a casual use of a tazer in public *I get that slavery is legal in Centauri space, but how is it legal on B5?

*damn that is a fancy bug. *Trakkis, when a man says "get out" in that tone, you GET OUT

*Vir walks in with such a swagger *Negotiating via subordinates is hardly unheard of G'kar. *"Don't give away the homeworld" *You know, I get it's conservation of Characters, but these Ambassadors really do need bigger diplomatic staff. And more competent ones. Ones you can actually trust to do the job *Then I hurt Him *"My good and dear friend" ah, Londo of this season. Such a decent guy, in a lot of ways. :rofl: *Londo's failure to talk the guy around is hilarious. But sinclair's deceptions *And here it is. The other key backstory element for Ivanova **cries* fuck. *Sinclair's strategem is so risky, I'm surprised there were no downsides. *"Coming from you Ambassador, that's a real compliment" *And the thing is, Talia has a point. The Psicorps rules about these things are there for a good reason. But this is one of those things where you'd think warrants could exist. But apparently there just is no room for that? *Not that they could get a warrant in this context but *I do love the 'don't think of an elephant' trick she pulls on him *G'kar saved Londo's career, and he's gotta hide that fact so much. :rofl: *I do wonder what exactly is in those Purple Files *I love that Garibaldi knows not to press her about it. Just "it won't happen again" *God, Londo... the ending.

[starseneyes]

Chenford REWIND- Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 5

"The Fugitive" or "The One with the Chick Raised by Wolves"

Believe it or not, this is one of my favorite episodes of the season, thus far (and in real life, we've just had 5x11 air).

SPOILER ALERT: While I try to write these as though I don't have knowledge of the future, it might come out, and I try to tag when it does. I will definitely spoil this entire episode, and reference past episodes.

Everybody ready? Let's have some fun and dive in!

"I got it, I got it, I got it. Are you alright?" "Yeah, I'm fine. I just, uh, tweaked my back on take down." "You're not fine. You're in agony. We're taking you to the hospital."

Wife energy, right there. Tim doesn't like to make a fuss about himself, and he'll tough out a lot of stuff. But Lucy knows the difference, and it makes sense that she's the one to put her foot down, and the one he can't ignore.

But he's gonna try.

"No. Call Grey and tell him Tim is not here as a supervisor. He is here as a patient." "I told you, I'm fine-ahhh!Okay. I'm not fine. Get me the doctor."

Boy was about to hit the floor if not for Aaron and Lucy grabbing ahold of him. And scope the look Lucy gives Nolan. "You see what I'm dealing with, here?"

"Oh, hey, I'm just searching for bad guys." "All clear, here."

Cat. Fight. I mean, Ashley's claws were out on that one. And, to be fair, Lucy isn't in there looking for bad guys. She wanted to check on Tim because she cares.

You can see the second she spots Ashley in the room, she tries to backpedal, but she's already in the room.

"Wait, so Nolan's leaving someone on every floor?" "Yes, we've been cops for more than ten seconds. We can handle this."

Tim addressing her gives her the permission she needs to finish stepping into the room. Even if Ashley doesn't want her there, Tim wants to talk to her. And that's enough to coax her in.

"Hey, doc, what's the word?"

Tim invites the doctor to speak openly in front of the whole room, which he does.

Ashley looks flabbergasted that Tim was shot, and I can't help but giggle about the fact that Lucy said back in the early seasons that Tim had been wounded 5 times in the line of duty. Oh, Ashley, honey... you're not cut out to date a cop.

"I was shot. It wasn't a big deal." "I saved his life first day on the job. It was a huge deal." "Back to the fragment."

I love how he says that to Lucy and she smirks at him.

"Hold on, what are the risks?"

Coming in with the wife energy, Lucy wants the details before she lets this doctor lay a finger on her husband. Lucy takes a step closer to Tim, subconsciously protective, but now in an even line with the doctor, too.

Lucy's not a bystander, anymore. She's driving the conversation.

"We are talking about the spine, so it is risky. But it's laparoscopic..."

Look at Tim and Lucy looking at one another on that. He's not looking at his girlfriend. He's looking at his wife.

But as the doctor departs and Lucy shifts on her heels, she wants so badly to be the one by Tim's side and helping him through this. But the Blonde Bitch has parked her unwanted behind on the bed, wedging herself between Tim and Lucy, practically forcing him to look at her.

Honey, if you have to get between him and another woman to get him to look at you, he was never yours to begin with.

Lucy reads the room and awkwardly excuses herself as Tim grips hands with the Serpent... but his eyes drift back to the door and the void left by Lucy's absence.

Because the closer they get to one another after their "breakup", the harder it is to ignore the warmth he feels in her presence, the way he wants to hear her say his name, the thought of those lips parting at the touch of his, again.

Tim's got it bad, but he's trying so hard to do what he thinks is the right thing by staying with Ashley. Someone once mentioned that Tim has never left. Isabelle left him. Rachel left him.

The only thing Tim ever left was his father, and that's because he wants to be nothing like him. But when it comes to romantic relationships, Tim's not the one to leave.

I think he's so terrified that he isn't worthy of love... all those anxieties and fears from his childhood playing in. So, he'll stay. He'll sacrifice too much of himself.

But everything in him is aching for Lucy, much as he tries to push it away.

"You need to get back to the station immediately." "What? Why?" "Because if we're both out of commission-" "Based on seniority-" "Smitty's in charge."

Boss Bitch Lucy Chen is activated! Let's be serious, it says a lot about both Tim and Grey's confidence in Lucy that instead of sending in any P3 (including Nolan) to take over the running of the station, they send Lucy.

They send a P2 who they know is more than capable of filling in for not only two Sergeants, but running the precinct as Watch Commander.

Lucy Chen is the moment.

"You know, with your injury, you could retire right now, if you want."

What. The. F*ck. Who do you think you are sliding into Tim Bradford's life trying to wrench him from the job he loves to fulfill your selfish fantasies. Gee wiz, lady!

Relationships are a give and take, right? We give some. We take some. We find middle ground together.

Baywatch Bitch is taking advantage of Tim's inability to hold the rope during this particular game of tug-and-war and yanking it across the middle line. This will not stand.

"We could even move out of LA. I mean, I could be a lifeguard anywhere." "So long as there's a beach." "I hear Bali has a bunch of those."

You Bali-Bound Bitch better back off.

"This is so exciting." "No. I haven't decided anything."

She's planned their entire lives without consulting him once, and it pisses me off mostly because she doesn't know him at all. Tim loves LA. He didn't leave it for Rachel, and he ain't leaving it for you.

She's already told him she doesn't want kids and doesn't want to get married (two things Tim would love with the right woman). She is a freaking lifeguard when Tim doesn't even like the beach.

And now she wants to wrench him from everything he knows and loves to plant his ass on a beach in Bali!? What does she think he's going to do? Drink mai tais and work on his tan?

Pass Tim a remote, some whisky, and get the sand out of his private areas, because that ain't happening, chica.

"Anyone else hungry?"

It's not quite the equivalent of Chris humming the song, but it's just as thoughtless. You're literally in a room with a man with food poisoning, you leech!

"Can you tell my sister, please? Do not tell Chen. She's got enough on her plate."

Look, I know his girlfriend was right there, but he just mentioned the two most important women in his life... Genny... and Lucy. Even though he thinks Lucy rejected him, he knows she cares for him.

And I think as they spend more time together in these episodes, he's starting to see their relationship differently. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she does feel something, too.

Because she came into his room looking for him. Yes, his girlfriend clocked out to be with him. But Lucy wanted to be there with him, too, in that moment. And we all know which woman he'd prefer.

They are back to their borderline-flirty banter ("It was a huge deal" "Back to the fragment"), and they are returning to the default level of ease between them—which only magnifies things for Tim.

And in this moment, he can't risk that he's right. If he's right, Lucy could be torn between her duty and him. Some part of him knows that.

I had a friend who went on their honeymoon and came back to find out one of their parents had suddenly died. They were thankful that their family waited to tell them, because there would have been no way to come home early and do anything about it. Not all people are this way, but she was.

Tim's taking a similar approach—get through the crisis before looping Lucy in, because there's nothing she can do, and she's really needed elsewhere.

"Never thought I'd be so happy to feel pain in my life. You okay?" "No. There's something I have to tell you." "Ash."

Oh, gut me right now. Tim's using a shortening of her name (a trademark of his with his ladies) and she's taking his moment of coming out of surgery to make it about her.

Have you ever been through surgery? I've had both laparoscopic (which isn't what Tim ended up with) and life-saving-emergency surgery, in addition to others. And anesthesia doesn't work correctly on me, so coming out is always interesting.

The last thing you need when you're just coming out of surgery is someone making the moment all about them.

You need comfort. You need someone who will be there. You don't need cheap confessions about something you should have addressed before you started dating.

I've often said that communication is key to a relationship, and I mean it. These two aren't even speaking the same language, right now.

"Are, are you breaking up with me?" "I'm sorry." "I just got out of surgery." "I know."

Skank. Ass. Ho. Look, I wanted Ashley out of the way to make room for Chenford as much as anyone else, but Tim does not deserve this. Narratively compelling? I suppose. But, character-wise I'm breaking for Tim.

He has avoided the woman he's falling in love with because he thought this was where he needed to be. When you know someone isn't an option, you can't spend your life pining for them. You move on. You make a way. You build a life.

And now Tim realizes all that was wasted because Ashley never wanted to be with him in the first place. There was something about him she liked, and she tried to mold him into the ideal partner. But that wasn't Tim.

"I still love you."

No. No you don't. You never did. Because loving Tim Bradford is loving all the parts of him, and not trying to shape him into a smooth circle without resistance when he was born a star. Sharp edges, sure, but straight lines and a true shine that's been dimmed too much by life's cruelty.

No, you aren't the one for him, you cavernous moon, leeching your light off of others.

The one who will truly love Tim Bradford shines like a brilliant sun and as he will bask in her light, she will reinvigorate his. That is the woman he deserves.

"If there was any chance you were going to retire."

REALLY!? You just told him you were breaking up with him, and now you're going to try to dangle a carrot to bring him back? Bitch, please.

Tim's done with your Whole 30 lean life and he's ready for some breadsticks, rolls, and croissants with someone who truly understands him.

Now, get the hell out.

"Oh, uh, how was Tim's laparoscopic?" "Yeah, umm... He ended up needing emergency spinal surgery."

Absolutely no one should be surprised that Lucy rushed to Tim's side. She's off-duty, and gets to spend her time however she wants. And she wants to be with Tim.

"Hi." "Hey."

It can barely be heard, and it isn't even subtitled, but they have an almost breathless acknowledgement of one another as she walks in—wearing the damn ring.

Look, y'all have put me on ring watch like woah, and I love that when Lucy arrives very much in Worried Wife mode, she is wearing that ring.

"Are you okay? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Lucy is so worried about him, and she's asking the right first question. The second one isn't because she wants to be selfish... it's because she feels terrible for not being there sooner, not checking on him sooner, not being aware of what he needed when he needed it.

"I'm good. I'm good. Doctor said I'm going to make a full recovery. And I told everyone to keep you in the dark." "Why?" "I didn't want you to worry."

Oh, Tim Bradford. I know you're still a little loopy from the anesthesia, but I love how earnestly you just said that. The Velvet Voice is in full effect on that line, too. Tim didn't want his wife to worry.

"So, just to be clear, you thought you might be paralyzed, but you were worried about me?"

That is exactly what he is saying. Because there is no one in his life who matters more, and some part of him knows it's the same for you, even if he's too afraid to believe it.

Tim will believe the opposite until she point-blank tells him. He needs affirmation more than he'll ever admit. Because everyone leaves him. I mean, Lifeguard Leech just did it in a recovery room. Psychopath.

But that's not Lucy.

"You know what, slow your roll, Chen. Clearly, I mis-spoke. I was worried about the station. I knew you'd be too concerned about me to take over Smitty." "Mmhmm."

Lucy knows the truth, here, even if she doesn't know all of it. Tim was worried about her. He wanted to watch out for her, to limit her distractions, to keep her from worrying and stressing out about him. He doesn't want to be a burden to her, especially now.

"Heard you saved the day, though" "Being Sergeant's not so hard. I don't know why you're always complaining." "Really? Just smooth sailing?" "No. It was awful. How do that many things go wrong in one day?" "And that wasn't even a particularly bad day."

The difference is stark. Tim woke to Ashley and a wave of her own fears, self-doubt, and manipulation staring him in the face.

Now, lovely Lucy stands beside him. She's jabbing him. She's making him smile. And he's complimenting her more openly than I can remember.

This is right.

"Where's Ashley?"

She was vaporized by the angry mob of Chenfordians hiding outside in the parking lot. May her ashes never re-form into a walking life-suck.

"Yeah, uh, I sent her home. She was exhausted."

They just broke up, and he was enjoying the last few moments. No need to bring up all that fresh heartache.

But, for Lucy, that's all she needs to take her rightful place by Tim's side. It's where she's wanted to be all day... and now that Ashley is gone, Lucy doesn't have to be the one to go.

And Tim didn't expect that. Remember, Tim is always expecting the worst, and he has convinced himself Lucy doesn't feel anything for him. He expects her to walk out and leave him, too.

But that's not Lucy.

"What are you doing?" "I'm keeping you company." "You don't have to do that."

Tim's voice drops back into its velvety register... because this is personal. This isn't a work associate checking on their supervisor. This is Lucy staying with Tim. She's already worked a full shift, and this is her off-time when she could be relaxing and doing whatever she wants.

And what she really wants is to finally be there for Tim.

"I know."

Watch the way Tim relaxes into that, a soft smile spreading across his lips, his eyes glittering at the sight of her. So much of what he loves about her can be summarized in this simple act of compassion, kindness, and love.

Lucy doesn't ask Tim to sacrifice anything to earn her love. She offers her own freely, even if at this point it can't be romantic. (Chris... you can exit stage left any time, now)

And fans go wild at the parallel to their first dance... to Tim being the one to say "I know" (again, in that Velvety Voice).

Tim has been hurt so badly today, both physically and emotionally. But in this moment, he's choosing to live in this moment and enjoy Lucy's company rather than lament what he lost or dedicate energy to focusing on his heartache. Lucy is the balm his soul so badly needs.

I also need to note with this episode, it's sensational to see Lucy shine separate from Tim. Not that she hasn't always been bad*ss, but now everyone knows it and is acknowledging it.

The officers stayed for her because they respect her, like Nyla said. Tim and Grey chose her because they knew she could handle it. And when Grey relieved her of her Watch Commander duties, he noted how everyone was complimenting her.

We needed this. We needed to see all the others at the station value her for who she is ahead of anything that may (or may not) happen with Tim. She needs her own reputation to stand on, and this helps solidify it, I think.

I considered if I should chunk out 6 & 7 within this one, but 6 is SO rich and 7 is SO thin that I think I'll pair those two, instead.

As always, thanks for reading! Having a lot of fun knocking these out and deep-diving a bit with Chenford!

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

NCT Spooky Season [Day 2]

Tombcraft

TW: Undead(?), Slight Body Horror Genre: Romance Pairing: Park Jisung x Reader YN Pronouns: Not specified Word Count: 1.0K Prompt: "Can I put my tomb next to yours?"

[NCT Masterlist] | [NCT Spooky Season Masterlist] | [Yesterday] | [Tomorrow] [Ao3 Link] | [Wattpad Link]

Notes: Spooky season is officially here! And since I skipped 20 days of NCT for Christmas last year, what the hell, why not do spooky season instead? Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

It was the hottest game on the market right now, Tombcraft. You play as a living person designing their tomb for once they kick the bucket and head to the afterlife and, for organization nuts like you, it was simply perfect.

Or maybe it just gave a breath of life to those who no longer had it.

"Gosh, I missed having bright eyes like that," you watched your character move about their freshly decorated tomb and, to the corner of your screen, you saw the join request from your boyfriend, Jisung. You rolled back on your chair. "Jisung? I'm literally right behind you, you can just ask," you laughed.

Both you and Jisung actually died quite a while ago, freak accident, go figure, turns out when you get hit by a truck you don't get isekai-ed into a new world, nah, you just die. Luckily, you both were buried together so you ended up popping into the after-life at the same time and now you were existing just as you had lived. Living in a small crypt and in debt, turns out your life's debts are simply transferred to your death. And yours combined with Jisung's was just a trainwreck, if you knew you'd still be working a minimum wage 9-5 in the after-life maybe you would've tried harder to stay in the land of the living.

Jisung, though, seems to have no regrets. If anything he got bolder after being separated from the mortal world, and such was clear when he asked you to live- er- rest in the same crypt and now you've just been chilling playing this video game together. He looks around and smiles.

"Just in case! Sometimes you get so in the zone," he says, adjusting the screws in his head, "well?"

"Yeah, duh," you accepted his invite and Jisung's character appears on screen.

"Whoa, your tomb is so nice," Jisung comments. "Wish our house looked like this," he looks around your shared room and it was, as most crypts are, desolate.

"Would be nice to afford our own tomb," you sighed.

"Hey, wait, actually! Would it be cool if I put my tomb next to yours?" He asks.

"Stop! We could be neighbors!" You grinned. "Do it!" And, in seconds, his character successfully transfers over to your world and he takes the empty lot next to your tomb.

"Oh, darn, I didn't think this through," he says, staring at the literally empty lot, "the burden of creative freedom," he sighs.

"Hey, let's build a tomb together!" You offered, "it'll be fun! The one I'm in was one of the premade ones," you navigated your character to the empty lot, watching your two avatars interacting.

"Yes, that would be great," he says, "I was thinking of doing a classic mausoleum type?"

"Whoa, that's classic, classic," you muttered. "We have the funds, why not go gothic church?"

"Oh, I've always wanted a gargoyle!"

"Me too!" You beamed. "Wait, let me sell my tomb so we have enough."

"Maybe we should hold off on that for a second," Jisung waves his hand, "we still need a place to live for now," he says.

"Ooh, are you asking to move in with me?"

"(Y/N), we've been buried together for, like, ages."

"I know! But I still get giddy talking about it! Makes me feel alive, ya know?"

"I don't, actually."

"Oh, right!" You both laughed.

"I wonder what the others are up to," Jisung hums. "I miss our old friends," you heard the hint of sadness and you snapped your fingers.

"Wait, Jisung! This game has an option where we can play multiplayer with the living world!"

"Are you serious?!"

"Yeah! Let's try getting into contact with one of our old friends," you opened the search tab and Jisung wheeled over to you. "Let's try Mark, he'll lose his head when he sees it's us!" You put his name into the search bar and after a few minutes the user 'Tigrrr' popped up. You opened the chat with him.

YN: Mark, it's (Y/N) and Jisung!

MK: HUH??? No way, whoever you are I'm gonna block u

YN: NO DON'T IT'S REALLY US

MK: Sure!

"Quick! Type something only we would know!" You slid the keyboard to Jisung and he went to work.

YN: Hyung! It's really us! Remember that day before we died we went to the beach together and you got really drunk and told us that you thought that almond milk came from cows who only ate almonds?

MK: omg

MK: send a pic rn or i won't believe u

YN: dammit mark

"Get over here," you pulled Jisung closer to you and took a quick picture and sent it.

YN: (Image)

MK: OH MY GOD IT'S YOU TWO

MK: Ew, you're missing a chunk of flesh on your face, (Y/N)

MK: I GOTTA GET THE GUYS

YN: Okay!

"Wow... that went smoother than I thought," Jisung hums. "I hope they don't mind that we're like... dead."

"Wow! Rude!" You pointed at the comment he made.

"I mean... you are missing a chunk of your face."

"Because you bit it off!"

"I tried to kiss your cheek!"

"And now it's gone," you puffed your cheeks(?) and crossed your arms. Jisung sighs and wraps his bone arms around you.

"And I'm missing my arms."

"Yeah... if only we had enough to replace them," you nuzzled(?) into the bone. "Anyway, looks like we got more people joining our server!"

"Yes! Finally!" Jisung scrambled back to his chair, ready to commune with the living.

General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms @sadcoffeecritic 

NCT Tag List: @cherrylovr @minjiville 

If you want to be added to either tag list or removed just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!

[anghraine]

Fic author interview (meme)

I was tagged by @incognitajones! Thank you very much <3

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

222, though some are very closely interconnected.

2- What's your total AO3 word count?

1,193,545, says the AO3 statistics page!

o_O

3- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

LOL, I had just automatically rearranged my stats graph to rank fics by kudos instead of hits. It's:

Season of Courtship (inevitably), a Darcy/Elizabeth canon-compliant engagement interquel I wrote as a teenager;

But Thou Didst Not Leave His Soul In Hell (always a pleasant surprise), a short AU in which Luke convinces Anakin/Vader to flee the Empire with him;

per ardua ad astra, a Rogue One+ANH Jyn/Cassian AU in which Jyn, Cassian, and Bodhi escape Scarif only to get trapped on the Death Star and forced to pass themselves off as Imperials;

we get dark, only to shine, a longggg yet unfinished AU of The Borgias in which Cesare and Lucrezia begin their affair during S1 instead of S3 (CW for canon sibling incest, murder, etc).

Contradictions and Varieties (baffling), a short Darcy/Elizabeth AU I wrote for a fest in which it takes them slightly longer to get together.

4- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try, especially with fics I'm actively updating, but I'm always behind on it. I mostly just get distracted and forget.

5- What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, interesting question! I don't write a lot of angsty endings, but there are a few options, and I think it probably would have to be the gift of men, a short (~1k) Fourth Age fic in which Eldarion goes along with a politically convenient marriage to one of Faramir and Éowyn's daughters, and falls in love with her, only for her to die of old age while Aragorn and Faramir are still alive and Eldarion remains young.

Honorable mentions: Set On This Path (Luke and Leia are brought up in the Empire + fusion with the story of the bloodbending brothers in B1 of Legend of Korra, complete with murder-suicide) and the last day (a chirpy epistolary fic that takes an abrupt turn after the genocidal attack that begins the Guild Wars games).

6- What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Um, just considering the ones that have endings, to be fair, and ... hmm, that's harder. A lot of happy endings! Probably the ones that are happiest for me, personally, are First Impressions (m!Elizabeth/f!Darcy re-telling of P&P) and whatever we deny or embrace (f!Cassian/Jyn).

7- Do you write crossovers?

Not often, but sometimes! Like now.

8- Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes! I've gotten hate more than once wrt Season of Courtship in various versions (even before it become so overwhelmingly the popular favorite of my fics). The rest has been on other fics and mostly on ff.net.

TBH the subtler stuff bothers me more than outright hate (corrections based on adaptations or fanon or expanded universe material I already said I wasn't using, concern that I might switch permanently to a new format I'm trying out, etc).

9- Do you write smut?

Very rarely. I respect people who can write good smut (hi incognita!), but I'm definitely a fade to black sort unless the ship is already so out there that I'm long past feeling self-conscious about it.

10- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. It's happened a couple of times, but the main one was someone who stole a few Austen fics from various people and tried to piece them together into something they could sell on Amazon. One of the fics was The Rich Are Always Respectable (not what I would choose to plagiarize if I were going to, but ... okay).

11- Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several times. I think it's cool!

12- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I wrote a short fic with my friend @tulinlina many years ago :)

13- What's your all-time favorite ship?

Darcy/Elizabeth. Truly this ship is the terror of the seas!

14- What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Oh, man. This probably requires more self-knowledge than I really have. Um ... I hate saying it, but we get dark, only to shine is likely this. I had so many plans for where it was going to go, but I'm just in a very different fannish place these days.

15- What are your writing strengths?

It feels weird to say, but I think I write solid dialogue (it's certainly my favorite thing to write!) and fairly clean prose in general.

16- What are your writing weaknesses?

Description is my truest nemesis—I tend to place scenes in just empty or vaguely described space. Fight scenes and that sort of thing are really difficult (for related reasons). Finishing things—my stuff nearly always grows out of control and it screws up pacing and so on.

17- What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

A little goes a long way, IMO. I did a bit of it in my fic about Leia and Cassian and Alderaanian, in tongues and quiet sighs, so I can't judge it too hard, but it's very much something to handle with care (especially with conlangs—Tolkien fic can be pretty grating this way).

18- What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Tolkien! My first attempt at a fic was a Faramir-goes-to-Rivendell-instead-of-Boromir AU that never got very far.

Well, my first serious attempt at fanfic, that is—I wrote original stuff for years before that, and I guess technically I tried to write Trixie Belden fanfic when I was about 10 ... and the original stuff spun off from a piece that was basically a Secret of Mana fanfic I wrote even before the Trixie Belden stuff. But in terms of something written within a fandom community, the Faramir fic.

19- What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Hmm. I'm not sure, actually. I mostly just write stuff if I feel like it. Oh—it's cheating, but I've barely written Korra/Kuvira even though I adore the ship. I'd like to write a proper Korvira fic someday.

20- What's your favorite fic you've written?

This changes pretty often, though there are always a few that come up when I'm asked. At this moment in time, probably The Jedi and the Sith Lord, the third (sort of) of my f!Luke Skywalker fics, and the one where the story finally swerves off the canon tracks and becomes its own thing. Maybe (probably?) not my best work, but the Lucyverse is my baby and I think TJATSL is my best work in it.

Tagging: @elwing, @kareenvorbarra, @heckofabecca, @veliseraptor, @rain-sleet-snow

[coraniaid]

Most of the notes I made for myself while watching Passion were complaints or criticisms, but I do think it’s worth saying up front that I honestly love this episode.  For all its flaws I completely agree with the popular critical consensus on this one: I think it’s a genuinely great episode of television.  One of the best parts of the high school seasons and quite possibly the highest peak the show has managed to hit so far.

In a lot of ways it picks up where Innocence left off.  Both episodes lean heavily into the metaphorical reading of the newly soulless Angel as an older boyfriend who turned out to be a creep after Buffy slept with him (“Don’t tell me,” says Joyce early on.  “He's not the same guy you fell for.”).  Both episodes work very hard to show us that Angel is not redeemable – first with the Judge last season declaring him “clean” of humanity, now with Angel killing Jenny.  But Passion hits a little harder, I think, because there’s no counterpart to that rocket launcher scene.  The good guys don’t get to enjoy even a partial victory here.

Other thoughts:

I think this is a surprisingly good episode for Joyce, in a way we don’t typically really get until Season 3.  It hits the right balance between showing that Buffy and her mother struggle to communicate but that this doesn’t mean they don’t bother deeply care about each other.  Buffy’s concern for her mother is paramount throughout the first half of the episode (and Giles’ insistence that she can’t tell her mother about being a Slayer is more than slightly hypocritical, given that we’ve already been told that his parents always knew about him being a Watcher).  

Of course Joyce herself isn’t perfect – she doesn’t know the whole story, and yes Angel only tells her that he slept with Buffy because he knows Buffy well enough to anticipate Joyce’s reaction – but however bad The Talk goes it doesn’t feel like this really had as much of an impact as Angel would have been hoping for.  It doesn’t seem to have really damaged their relationship.  I believe Joyce when she says she loves Buffy “more than anything in the world” even if (she thinks) Buffy’s trying to shut her out.  And I think this particular conversation, and the way Buffy can only say “you’re not” when her mother suggests she’s “grossing her out” is the sort of thing Season 5 is calling back to when, three years from now, Buffy will tell Giles that “my mom is gone … and I loved her more than anything … and I don’t know if she knew.”

(I think the shot of Joyce hugging Willow when they get the call from Giles is a nice touch too.  That whole scene from Angel’s perspective is so good, isn’t it?  The whole framing device with his voiceover too.  It should probably be kind of cheesy, but it’s not.  Maybe it helps that I just think Angel is a really fun villain.)

Speaking of that scene: everything between Willow and Jenny is so sad knowing what’s coming up later.  I remember being slightly surprised, back in Season 1, that Willow didn’t seem to immediately warm to Jenny despite their mutual interest in computers (“how come she’s in the club?” she protested in Prophecy Girl).  But I think the show has done just enough by the halfway point of this episode to make it seem credible that of all the Scoobies Willow in particular would be hardest hit by her death.  (The juxtaposition of Willow being excited and eager to take over Jenny’s teaching responsibilities at the start of the episode and then how somber she looks when she is taking over for her at the end is particularly good.)

It rankles slightly, in the way I’ve complained about before, that the script still reduces Jenny to “Giles’ girlfriend” at times and that one of the reactions to her death – by somebody who knew Jenny! – is “poor Giles”.  Nobody even thinks to suggest that Angel might have killed Jenny for some reason other than hurting her boyfriend.  Equally Giles seems unnecessarily dismissive of Buffy’s concern about the fact that Angel has been sneaking into her room at night at the start of the episode.  But the scene with Jenny’s boyfriend attacking Angel in the factory (after the rather complacent advice of “you mustn’t let Angel get to you.  No matter how provocative his behavior may become”) and then Buffy coming to save him, giving up the chance to kill Angel herself to pull him out of the fire, is so good I’m almost persuaded to overlook it.

And the mere fact of Jenny Calendar’s death itself – despite the weird retcon about her past and the fact the show insists she betrayed the Scooby Gang while showing us she didn’t, despite the fact they bury her under a name she never used in the show, despite the fact that after this season ends Jenny’s name will only be spoken on screen twice, despite the fact it establishes the precedent that will later be used for any number of increasingly questionable ‘shocking’ deaths in the Buffyverse – despite everything, it’s still utterly heartbreaking.

Jenny isn’t the first recurring character the show’s killed off, but she’s the first recurring character of any significance (with apologies to Jesse and Principal Flutie).  Or, I suppose, technically she’s just the first recurring character of any significance who dies and doesn’t get better.  The first recurring character who won’t be coming back.  The first recurring character that Buffy and her friends show any sign of missing.  And the first recurring character that the audience will care about losing.

I just think this episode could have been even better if the writers themselves cared about Jenny Calendar at all.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Breaking down the comics: Committee of Three (Issue #4)

Moon Knight, Issue #4: A Committee of 5

Written by Doug Moench and drawn by Bill Sienkiewicz

I’m back! Took a little break to get caught up on some more modern Moon Knight and now I’m ready to jump back into the past! 

Now this is an interesting one because “The Committee” was the original group of people that first hired Moon Knight to hunt down Jack Russell (Werewolf by Night). But back then, he and Jack took down the Committee. What could they possibly want with Moon Knight now? Let’s find out! 

"Life is seldom easy for the mysterious man called Moon Knight--And it's about to get a whole lot harder! Five seasoned hit-men are out for his blood! They are a committee of: 

One: Boom-Boom, explosives expert. 

Two: Razor, blade freak. 

Three: Ice. Sniper assassin. 

Four: Dragon, karate black belt. 

and Five: Bull, just plain animal!

All five are professional killers--and they enjoy their work. So it's rather simple really, either they're put out of business--fast--or the shadows will soon run red and echo with ghastly laughter." 

I feel like Moon Knight faced a lot of professional assassins in the early runs. The one with them in the snow, then the one with him in Israel...  

Also, LOOK AT THIS ART! I love this! Look how they put the words in his cape! 

Also LOL. 

We see Moon Knight landing awkwardly next to Rockefeller ice rink while a sniper lines up a shot. He takes aim and fires and we see Moon Knight fall! 

He runs down to the rink to check the body. He needs proof of the kill for his bosses. But there is no body! 

Moon Knight drops down behind him. 

"Still alive--If you believe I have nothing worse than a bullet-hole through my cape... Or still dead--If you prefer to believe that I really AM a ghost. Take your pick, Annie Oakley." 

I miss the days when Moon Knight really had a hard time convincing himself that he was alive. He played up the ghost angle so much. 

He charges the gunman only to have the gun go off in his face, blinding him! Good job. 

The sniper takes the opportunity to smash him in the head with the butt of his rifle. ....Moon Knight sure did take a lot of blows to the head in his early years. 

Lucky for him, the gunman is still rattled by the whole ghost thing and flees in a panic, rather than finishing him off. 

Recovering, Moon Knight wonders how long the assassin has been stalking him and who sent him. 

On the other side of town, The Committee meets to get an update on Moon Knight's status. 

Ice, the gunman, tells them that he had him but he's some sort of "spook"! 

Ah! It IS the same Committee that hired him to hunt Jack Russel back in his first appearance of Werewolf by Night!!! 

One of the guys was apparently on vacation and missed the memos so he asks who they're going after and why. 

I love a good excuse for exposition. 

"These five gentlemen have been retained to dispose of our personal Frankenstein monster. You DO recall our creation--Moon Knight-- Don't you? He nearly destroyed the original Committee. Now that we've reorganized, we owe it to the committee's honor to settle the score." 

The assassins review their plans. 

The dynamite guy, Boom-Boom, plans to blow up Moon Kight's vehicle. (Not the cab! Or maybe the Chopper?!) The rest just want to get up and personal. 

The guy that was on vacation takes a minute to ask if going after Moon Knight is actually a good idea or not. You know... considering... 

The other guy is angry at Moon Knight for taking their money and not delivering the wolf. Also because he turned on them and pretty much nearly wiped them out. 

This is just a petty revenge mission. 

Back at Grant Mansion! 

We find Marlene working out and Moon Knight changing out. 

"Well, aren't you the bundle of joy this morning, Mr. Grant? Or is it Mr. Lockley? Spector? Moon Knight--?" She takes playful jabs at him. It's...It's early in the comics so I'm not going to harp on this. Early enough where he himself really doesn't know what's going on and the others are still just him pretending to be someone else. 

"Every identity has its place, Marlene, and every identity IN its place. We're in Grant Mansion--Ergo, I've just become Steven Grant." He's a bit snappy about it. He's still trying to compartmentalize and in deep denial. 

"Okay, Steven. Bad night?" 

"Routine. Seen Frenchie around?" 

Frenchie has a place in the committee so he can keep track of their movements. This dates back to WBN. 

Frenchie tells him that they've reorganized but he hasn't attended enough meetings since to know what's going on. But he has a feeling that something is going on behind closed doors. 

Steven tells him that someone tried to knock off Moon Knight and they weren't an amateur. 

The Committee predates Marlene. Or at least they never brought it up to her. 

She asks just who these guys are that want him dead so badly. 

Frenchie answers for them. "Several years back, Marlene, I learned of a group of international financiers...So I told Marc and we decided to investigate... posing as a French industrialist, I infiltrated them... I told them of a mercenary named Marc Spector who might take zee job, were he provided with anonymity and suitable weapons." 

Marc approved the plan and they went back to the committee to introduce Moon Knight, who up to that point hadn't been a household name. Only Bushman had delt with the Moon Knight. 

They detail about their efforts fighting the wolf. 

"At first it seemed like killing two birds with one stone--Getting to zee bottom of zee committee's crimes while ridding zee world of a monster. But when he saw zee tortured humanity of a young man named Jack Russell locked behind zee horror, he freed zee werewolf and together they destroyed zee committee. This was before Marc became rich as Steven Grant, so he took zee committee's money--ANd left zee werewolf go free to find his own fate." 

REALLY?! THAT'S where they got the money from!? What happened to all their money made as mercs? Did they blow it? No wonder Steven's so pissy all the time. He's worked his ass off to make their millions and Marc is just out there blowing through it. 

The next day, Jake hits the streets to see if Crawley has any tips. 

He does his usual 'gmorning to Gena and asks about her boys. 

Then he immediately sides up to Crawley: "Any hitmen in town Crawley?" 

Apparently there are five and they all hit the same nightclub in Queens. That's convenient. 

He hires Gena's boys to find out the names of all the assassins and if they'll be back at the club. 

He loves those kids. 

He calls up Marlene and tells her to have Frenchie attend the next committee meeting. He also tells her to "practice your bump and grind, Lady." 

Jake's got a way with words. 

Oh no. OH NO. I know what issue this is. 

The...The night club... It's an airplane. They have a theme. 

Gena's sons go to the club to get info. 

At the committee meeting, Frenchie busts in pretending to be pissed off not to be included in the previous sessions. 

"We were concerned that you might object." 

"Why shold I care? I knew zee mercenary Spector, oui, but he was hardly a FRIEND." 

Up on the roof, Moon Knight listens in on the meeting as they inform Frenchie of the details. 

In the club, the boys get into a bit of trouble but their manage to not only get out of it, but to also get the info they need. 

Outside, Marlene is applying for a job in the club. 

Yeah... It's...It's this issue. 

The meeting over, Moon Knight switches to Lockley to get the info from Gena's boys. 

A lot is about to happen here folks. Just…Just get ready for this. 

(early Moon Knight tumblr fandom… If you know you know.) 

Here we see Moon Knight startled by some firecrackers. He knows it’s a trap. But we see a cat sniffing at a box while Boom Boom waits. 

IN A RARE EVENT. Moon Knight is not left fighting a random animal, but being saved by and saving that animal. 

Boom Boom makes a run for it and Moon Knight stops another dynamite stick from going off with some sharp Crescent dart action! But Boom Boom manages to give him the slip and get away. 

He takes defeat so gracefully. 

So next day he heads out as Jake again. 

He patrols the streets in his cab looking for news. 

I just... I love Jake. 

We see Jake come into the mansion to see Marlene heading out to her new job at the club. 

Dealing with Marlene, he's instantly Steven. Then the phone rings and it's one of Jake's contacts so he's Jake again. That pose is 100% Jake. 

Early issue we see them just cycle through easy peasy but still acting like it's pretend. But it's SO obvious when it's with Marlene. Jake really has no interest in Marlene as anything more than the lady his headmates care about. 

It’s something I’ll contend with over and over again. Especially as the much later comics decide that Jake was really the one dating Marlene… But that’s an argument for another day. 

We head over to the Madison Square Garden where Marc and Frenchie attend a boxing match. 

They spot some that look like they might be the other assassins and move to follow them. Steven heads to the bathroom to change. 

There's so much going on here that I love so much. 

Steven changes in the bathroom. So a tuxedo man walks into the public bathroom... Probably in a stall... ANd changes into Moon Knight... 

He left his tux in the bathroom. Probably on the floor or in the trash? 

The jab that Grant can afford it. Poor Steven. 

The champion boxer being like "Oh man. That's one fast cat. I don't want to tango with that dude." 

Also him asking "Wonder if he's got any color under that white mask..." Implying that Moon Knight's so cool that he hopes he's a black man. Which I can respect. He’s got some style. 

Then we have Moon Knight jumping into a typical rich person car to tail a cab. 

I miss these simple Moon Knight days… 

In the next panel we find that he didn't even ride IN the car, but hung onto the side as Frenchie drove. 

"Twenty minutes later, North of central park, Moon Knight vaults from the Limo's running board..." 

Moon Knight knows that this is another trap. It's a dark and abandoned building. 

Yup. As soon as he's inside, he's ambushed by Dragon, the karate guy and the knife guy. 

Karate guy pulls out his nunchak. Moon Knight also turns his truncheon into nunchak. 

It's the first time we see Moon Knight's new weapon and it remains in the comics for a very long time after this. I love seeing his weapons advance in the comics! 

He takes out the knife guy quick then turns to the Dragon. 

He comes at Moon Knight, who doges each attack then lands a blow, taking out the blackbelt. 

Which is hilarious because he's just a blackbelt in karate. We know at this point that Marc Spector had to learn a lot of different fighting styles in the Special Forces, not to mention his early street Boxing days as a young man. A simple black belt really has nothing on him. 

Two down, he gets clocked in the back of the head by the Bull. 

Moon Knight lands a few hits but he's still dizzy from the blow to his head. (again with the head). 

Frenchie rushes in with a gun and scares off the Bull, who busts through a wall and dissapears. 

"I'm getting just a little sick of this, Frenchie--That guy hits like a truck. Why didn't you stay with the limo?" 

"I got Board, Marc." 

I love Frenchie... 

"Now there's a refreshing complaint...But taking there two to the mansion for safekeeping--Blindfolded--Oughtta keep you busy. Then get over to tonight's meeting of the committee." 

Back at the club, Marlene has made it in with the head guy of the assassins, Ice, pulling her charms. 

Sitting down for a private drink, they are interrupted by a phone call. It's from Bull!

Seems Bull and Boom Boom have decided Moon Knight is more than they really want to deal with. 

"We're quittin'. Gonna put the squeeze on the committee instead--easier to just take the money than earn it by tacklin' Moon Knight again. You shoulda seen the way he took out Razor and Dragon! 

He's too much, Ice! He's got helpers everywhere--They found Eddie tied up in the back room of Inn Flight--Coupla kids took his gun! They'll pick us off one by one! He's got spies everywhere I tell ya!" 

Whoopse. Ice takes note of Marlene who is still sitting right there. 

Ice tells them to do what they want. He's still got a job to do. 

He tells Marlene he's got a meeting to get to, but she should stay there and wait for him. 

Marlene quickly leaves to a payphone (despite a phone being right there in the office. But I guess.) She calls Jake's cab phone to tell him what she just heard. 

Ice was waiting and watching the phone. He now knows Marlene is one of the spies. 

Back at the main office, Boom Boom and Bull make their play against the committee by rigging the whole building to explode! 

Outside, we see Ice climbing the outside of the building next to the warehouse to claim the money for himself! 

On the otherside, Moon Knight starts to scale the building itself! 

Boom Boom and Bull snag the money and move to make a run for it, but Ice has padlocked the exits! The building is set to explode in five minutes! 

Moon Knight figures it out and notes that Frenchie is also trapped inside! 

Ice makes it to the roof on the other building and spots Moon Knight on the roof, putting him back in his crosshairs. 

Bull manages to bust through the door like before, but Frenchie is still deep inside the building. 

Just as Ice takes his shot, the building explodes and collapses, sending the bullet right over Moon Knight's head as he falls with the building. 

Gotta love that glider cape. Also gotta love Frenchie’s smarts. 

Moon Knight makes a break for Bull. 

As he runs, Ice opens fire again. 

Moon Knight dives through the bullets, still after Bull. 

Yeah he...He takes another blow to the head, knocking him to the floor of the little motor boat. 

Moon Knight rolls, trying to knock Bull over. Unfortunately, this puts Bull right into Ice's bullets and he takes one to the chest. 

The boat crashes, sending Moon Knight flying. He's having a good night. 

Laing stunned on the dock, he's back in the crosshairs. Just before Ice can take his shot.... 

Marlene kicks the gun away! 

And we see Moon Knight again, a sad wet cat crawling on the ground. He does this a lot. 

"Like a ragged creature escaped from hell, he stands on the roof, the precious rifle clenched in granite hands..." 

Moon Knight snaps the riffle in two over his knee. Then he knocks Ice out. 

The cops later find all the remaining assassins on their door steps with a note "Night deposit" nailed to the door with a crescent dart. 

He's got class. 

Back at the mansion, Grand invites everyone over for a feast. 

Which is funny considering that it's not till a later episode that he reveals himself as Jake and Steven and Marc and Moon Knight and that he's rich. But who's keeping track of continuity? 

Grant reveals all the money that was supposed to go to the assassins from the committee. He divides it up among the friends, with a good amount going to charities. 

I love this issue. It’s fun, it’s quirky, it’s an early issue that is still trying to establish who everyone is and how the dynamic functions, and you have a LOT of Moon Knight getting hit in the head or having the bad guys get away with him getting frustrated over it. 

It’s got so much character! And maybe this is just me coming off of reading…the worst issues ever (Bemis, Aaron, Bendis)... But this was much needed. Really refreshing. Even the art style is so clean and just full of everything I love about Moon Knight. 

[ladymariayuri]

your m+ posting always makes me wanna try it but it still scares me so hard as someone who rarely does dungeons and has never done m+ before (even tho i’ve raided a lot and am fine w that). do you have any tips on how to get started w m+ or anything for people new to it?

OMG YAAAAY okay i can actually give you tips that helped me because i didnt do a single m+ dungeon until late bfa, and i didnt do anything above a 10 until shadowlands season 2 which was also the first season i started doing like "high" keys if you want to call it that. but i always really wanted to try it all of legion and most of bfa i was just so scaredpilled and terrifiedmaxxing. ok anyway AUTISM BLAST READMORE OF DOOM

#1 thing i would recommend is doing a youtube binge of a bunch of guides for the current season's dungeons thats aimed at newer players or people unfamilliar with the m+ environment and then going in on a regular mythic or a +2 until you personally feel comfortable and think you have a grasp of whats going on. you can watch as many guides as you want but nothing's going to teach you like throwing yourself in there and doing it for yourself. idk if youve done dawn of the infinites before it was turned into m+ (or at all) but it had a few more mechanics and quirks for some bosses and they were a LOT harder at the time (morchie, chrono lord deios, and manifested timeways come to mind). my first time doing it my friends literally summoned me after the first boss because their tank dropped group and needed one and i had to learn everything on the fly with them explaining it over voice and while it was horrifying it was a good learning experience. for this season specifically, this video is a decent "cheat sheet" for all of the bosses and their mechanics that you can just skip through for a general idea of things, and this playlist consists of videos for each dungeon that are super in depth and basically explain what's going on from dungeon entrance to dungeon end. trash packs, dangerous abilities, what each role should be focusing on, bosses and their mechanics, etc

you said you already raid so i don't have to preach the whole "know your class" thing but m+ is an entirely different beast from raid requiring a different mindset and your personal responsibility pretty much skyrockets across the board. tank is pretty chill in raid but in m+ it's much harder because you have no cotank and you're the one calling the shots and setting the pace and you're sort of expected to know exactly what you're doing and how you're going to do it and if it deviates at all from what they expect you better be able to prove it wasn't a bad idea. i dont heal in raids so i dont really know how it is but i can't imagine that going from 5~ cohealers to none makes you feel any better and being able to compensate for everybody else's mistakes that aren't a literal 100-0 oneshot is pretty much required and very much not for the weakhearted. as dps you go from one in a million to expected to do your job because a dps in m+ who doesnt do their job (ccing, not getting hit, using defensives) is a lot more noticeable and problematic than a dps in raid who doesn't do their job because a bad dps in raid is just mildly irritating but a bad dps in m+ can make or break the run

across the board for all roles i think the #1 mindset change to adopt is a much heavier focus on mob control and having the proper utility to survive both mobs and bosses. this usually boils down to taking every cc talent you can spare the points for and sometimes sacrificing damage to take a talent point in being able to dispel diseases, or purge etc. you can usually get away with not taking the right utility talents in raid unless it's something like stampeding roar or darkness because you probably have somebody else who can do it for you. you can't really get away with that in m+ because you're running into situations where you have to interrupt or stun or purge or slow or knockback or run away or heal yourself or press your immunity button from the moment you put the key in until the last boss dies and you often have to exhaust every button available to you as soon as it's ready. sometimes its not enough, sometimes everybody's all out of buttons, and you just have to survive until things die. if you watch m+ streamers at all then you already know things are just constantly happening all the time and it never stops but most streamers play in coordinated groups with voice chat which reduces the difficulty of these dungeons by like 50% imho. if you're pugging then you have to play the game like everybody else in your group is a fucking idiot (which is just going to be true most of the time) and plan around the possibility that you have to do the job of 5 people

if you want to know what other people are running or what the best setup for your class is in m+, i recommend cross referencing between the m+ sections of both icyveins and wowhead, your class's discord, and subcreation.net and seeing what seems to be a common denominator between all or most of them. emphasis on cross referencing because most of these have their flaws. class discords are objectively super helpful and up to date but are usually full of freaks detached from reality who are physically incapable of doing anything except circlejerking. subcreation is a data website that just shows what most people are rocking irt talents/gear, and while i personally use it religiously many people advise against data websites because they don't give the big picture on why people are running x and/or y. i dont see a problem with that, it's just best used in tandem with other resources. i don't have any negative things to say about wowhead or icyveins, they're just authored by different types of hosts (wowhead guides are often maintained by one person who's really good at what they do naturally, icyveins guides are the product of class discords and thus are sort of a group effort). i personally like to refer to wowhead more because there's a lot more little comments and notes by authors explaining the rationale behind why x is good and y is bad or maybe if you're this type of player you'd prefer this instead of that. again, you might know all of this as a raider, but idk the extent of your raiding experience and it doesn't hurt to bring it up just incase. here's the subcreation page for havoc dh, which is my main, to give you an idea of what that website provides. i think an underrated benefit of subcreation stems from it "hiding" all of the talent points that are taken 99% of the time, so anything that remains is usually a flex point for a reason you have to figure out through the other resources listed. to use havoc dh as an example, the flex points in the class tree are usually just different choices made with utility (aoe fear, longer throw glaive or throw glaive that slows enemies, longer spectral sight etc), but in the spec tree there's only one flex point, and there's 3 different options that all fill the same niche (your burst aoe button) but are WILDLY different in how they play. i know why theyre picked and when, but if i didnt, id probably look at icyveins and wowhead. and to use havoc dh as an example again, glaive tempest is rarely mentioned on those websites compared to fel barrage and essence break, and if i wasn't very familiar with the class i'd be a bit confused. so that's where i'd go into the class discord and literally ctrl-f "glaive tempest" lol. i think this is honestly more relevant in m+ than in raid because raid is going to be focused on single target builds 99.9% of the time, but you need a mixed damage profile in m+ and that just naturally leads to more diverse builds that do different types of damage. the same thing can apply to healing and tanking though. m+ healing has a higher emphasis on "on-demand" spot healing, 1-5 target group healing but no more than 5, and damage is going to be more relevant here than in raid. m+ tanking will start to prioritize generating as much threat as you can in a very short amount of time to multiple targets, anything that will help specifically make you tankier vs multiple targets for an extended period of time, and crowd control, which is usually not something you see in raid.

do it scared. if youre scared to do it bad you still have to do it scared. there's no way to stop being scared than to do it scared. tell people you're still learning mechanics in a +2 and they will either not care in the slightest or be more than happy to explain things

a quick "shit, thats my bad" is like an irl soothe. will instantly diffuse any potential conflict unless somebody's just a cunt. then they're not worth your time. make a macro to say "oops mb" if you have to. it shows that you're not a dick and you are cognizant of your own abillity to fuck up and are therefore aware of what the correct thing to do was

in turn, dont be the cunt unless somebody is a cunt to you first. flaming people is worth it approximately 1% of the time. you probably aren't inclined to do this while you're still scared but wanting to punch your monitor because some dipshit just failed the easiest mechanic in the world is eternal in both raiding and m+ once you know what you're doing. there will come a point where somebody dying at a bad time to stupid shit is going to ruin the key. (thankfully you don't reach that point until the mid 20s, but people will act like that's true much sooner than that). they probably know they fucked up and you likely don't have to say anything more than "gg". there is also a point where it is expected of everybody to be able to do things with a moderate amount of intelligence. if somebody dies to a very easy to avoid ground aoe multiple times that most everybody in your group forgot could even one shot because it's that easy to avoid, yes, a little bit of "wtf are you doing you idiot" could be warranted. if you're the one dying to stupid shit, pull out the "mb dunno whats up with me right now" and clear your head. if somebody else is the one dying to stupid shit, accept you can't do anything about it besides be mildly irritated.

build good habits for mechanics early. unfortunately in a +2 and honestly for most keys until the high teens / low 20s depending on your gear, shit is just going to tickle and you're not really going to notice it. other people also just aren't going to do mechanics most of the time unless it is an actual intentional pass/fail that will most likely kill you or wipe you on every key level. i think the best way to circumvent this is to treat every swirlie like it will kill you, like every frontal will kill you (unless it's a designated tank frontal and you're the tank, and even then, treat it like it will kill you and mitigate it), like every unkicked cast could kill you, so on and so forth. obviously this is much easier said than done.

sort of related to the previous point, i also believe that you don't really learn to respect a mob or a boss until it turns around and slaps you for 2x your health bar. it's like a fun hidden reputation bar. you start a +2 tyrannical black rook hold with the risen arcanist being at 0/10000 "what does this guy even do" and one day in your first +25 bolstered fortified black rook hold the risen arcanist will arcane blitz you for 7 million damage when you have 800k hp and suddenly you're 10000/10000 "im going to have nightmares about this mob for the rest of my life" and you will have learned a valuable lesson. then, and only then, do you understand on a fundamental and atomic level why the risen arcanist must be treated with the respect that it demands, and what cooldowns you have to reserve for it in the next run. this is just a part of putting in the reps and doing it scared and just jumping right in. you will learn over time what mobs you HAVE to respect and which ones are allowed to get a few casts off or live a bit longer in favor of the more threatening ones. you will also learn which boss abilities are just a rough slap across the face and which ones are Literally 9/11 which will just instantly fucking kill you with no hope of ever surviving without pressing your biggest defensive, which sometimes means you just have to rawdog the slaps across the face so that you dont get instantly fucking killed by Literally 9/11. guides will always tell you this sort of thing and what to watch out for but just like how you dont really learn mechanics from reading about it, you dont learn that a +25 tyrannical iridikron's stonecracker barrage is just going to fucking kill you if you dont do something about it and it probably will kill you even if you DO do something about it and that's just the reality we live in and your next step is to find out if you cuold have done anything more to prevent it.

ok thats enough typing from me. if you ever have specific questions you can always send an ask again. i wish u luck i lov dis game mode i hope u enjoyed my autism wall of text <3

[morning-softness]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks to @crit20lesbian for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

Eighteen

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

166,316 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Magnus Archives

4. What are your top five fics by kudos

Netflix and Chill- (TMA, JonTim, 3k, Precanon) Tim and Jon watch Netflix and chill. They do not have sex.

Love, Or Whatever You Call It - (TMA, JonMartin, 20.5k, No Age of the Beholding AU) After Jonah's ritual fails, severing Jon's connection to the Beholding, Jon and Martin try to put the pieces of their lives back together. Adjusting to normal life again after everything is hard, and exploring their new relationship is even harder, especially as Martin realizes he might be aro-spec.

Archive Shenanigans - (TMA, Gen fic, 1k, Season 1) All the assistants are the hot assistant, or Tim says Hot Martin Rights and Hot Sasha Rights and even Hot Jon Rights.

Are You Calling Me ‘Darling’? - (TMA, JonMartin, 2.5k, No Age of the Beholding AU) Jon likes it when people call Martin his boyfriend. Martin…doesn’t.

Here Might You Bless Me - (TMA, JonMartin, 4k, Safehouse Era fic) Martin’s changed after Jon pulls him out of The Lonely, and he’s sure that Jon won’t want to stick around once he figures that out. After all, it turns out Jon has a lot of love to give, and who would want to waste their love on someone who can’t return it? Jon convinces him he’s not going anywhere.

Note: Most of these fics are in my top 6 for hits as well as kudos, but I was really surprised to see Archive Shenanigans make the list. It was the first TMA fic I published, 1k of pure unpolished fluff and comedy, but for whatever reason it has a much higher kudos to hits ratio compared to my more-read fic.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do my best to respond to them, because I want people to know that I read and treasure all of their comments. Sometimes it takes a while though, because I want to give a thoughtful response.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Can’t Have You, Even As An Enemy. It’s a fic where Jon and Tim share a hotel room on the eve of the Unknowing, and talk about (or mostly talk around) their issues. The angst is that it’s written with the intention of being canon compliant, which means that Tim will still die in the explosion, and the best that can be hoped for is that this conversation will give Jon a bit more closure.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write mainly hurt/comfort, so most of my fic has a happy—or at least hopeful—ending. The happiest might be Can’t We Just Wait Together? (Or Five Times Jon and Tim Didn’t Have a First Date, and One Time They Did), since it’s a 5+1 fic where the final chapter is entirely fluff of Jon and Tim going on a date together.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. I have comment moderation on just in case, though.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Not yet, anyway. Funnily enough, my fic with the highest number of kudos is about Jon and Tim not having sex.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No. The closest might be Listen to the Voice that Told Me where I borrowed the obedience curse mechanics from the book Ella Enchanted, but it’s not really a crossover of the world or characters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I do have a few that were podficced, though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I tried, but we only got one chapter in before life got in the way. Maybe someday…

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Jon and Martin, followed by Jon and Tim.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a Melanie-pov AU where she joins the Archives in Season 2 after she realizes something is wrong with Sasha. I wanted to write it as a choose-your-path style story, because I think it’s easy in hindsight to say decisions characters made were wrong, but a lot harder to decide what the right decision would have been, so I wanted to explore a lot of different ways the characters could have messed up with Melanie added to the mix (and maybe a few ways things could have worked out better). I don’t want to say it will never happen, but it’s a big and complicated project so it definitely won’t happen anytime soon.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve had several comments from readers attesting that I’m good at conveying emotion—particularly negative emotions—in a way that feels real and relatable. I’ve also been told that I do a good job portraying character dynamics.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

My biggest problem is that since my writing is really emotions-based, once I’ve hit the emotional high points, it’s no longer interesting to me. Which means with longer fic it’s a struggle for me to actually continue through the falling action to the denouement instead of just stopping right after the climax. (I’ve had two getting-together fics now where I initially wanted to end right after the love-confession scene and had to be convinced by my Beta reader that readers would probably want to see at least a scene or two of the characters actually being together now.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I usually don’t. I definitely think it can add another layer to characterization, so I’d like to where it makes sense for the characters, but I think it needs to be done carefully so that 1. The dialogue sounds natural for native speakers of the language and 2. People who don’t speak the language can grasp the overall meaning of the exchange through context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Magnus Archives

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Since I’d like to think my writing skill is consistently improving, my favorite fic is always whichever I’ve most recently completed. That said, I have a soft spot for Here Might You Bless Me, which made the Top 5 Kudos list above. It’s a JonMartin safehouse fic I wrote back in December 2020, where Jon reassures Martin that he is loved even if he can’t return the feeling in the same way. (And Jon uses one of my favorite Edna St. Vincent Millay poems to do so, because I wrote this before I got to Episode 165 and found out that Jon apparently disliked poetry in general, and not just Keats.)

Tagging @three-magpies-in-a-trenchcoat, @rookfeatherrambles, @chrisis-averted, @wordsintimeandspace, @suttttton, if you’d like!

[abyssallector]

It does feel like sometimes the writers either didn't have the creative freedom to do what they wanted to, thus some episodes having to sacrifice character arcs for the sake of action or even toy marketing (damn you Nick!!) Or the writers sometimes didn't GET get the character, in this case Mikey, B team sometimes felt a bit flat or one dimensional compared to the characters arcs Raph and Leo got for this reason.

Yeahhh i love the B-Team and they have my favorite dynamic but they are severely lacking in the development department. Thinking about Donnie though, I swear they were trying to do something with him in season 2? Like with his conflict with Leo, and how he was gradually working up to being more assertive with his ideas and plans. But once season 3 hit, it's like it Never happened. B-team antics are always fun and all, but throughout the farmhouse arc it didn't really seem like they were particularly bothered by the bleak situation they were in, only really reacting to Immediate Danger In Direct Eyesight.

Theres this one moment in The Fourfold Trap, that I think about so often. After the anti venom to cure Karai doesn't work, Leo goes to Donnie and tells him to "Try harder", and that sets donnie OFF. "TRY harder? I always have to find the solution. You're LEADER Leo, YOU find the answer!" Like how are yall gonna make him say this and then not do anything with it bro HAHAHA

They do this with Mikey a lot too, and I can give you an episode that sooo blatantly shows the difference in how they treat Mikey and Donnie as character vs Leo and Raph, Season 4 Episode 5, Riddle of the Ancient Aeons where they're on the angery rage planet . Everyone is tense, but generally they get more easily provoked by anyone they have preexisting angst with. Donnie spends most of his time bickering with Only Casey. But Mikey snaps and yells at Raph, "I'm tired of you always picking on me! Ever since we were little, you've been giving me shell wedgies, wet willies,, and reptile rugburns, and-" then he's promptly shut down by Leo. LIKE when first saw that scene my jaw was DROPPED there's so much to unpack there helllo?? But then they just ignore that he said this entirely LMAO . Can I post clips?? How do I post clips

Boom I got the whole ass thing. Buddy said that with his whole heart

When Raph snaps at Leo about him always being Splinters favorite, that's where the episode takes a moment to have those two hug and reconcile. It's genuinely a really sweet scene, but like... yeahh.... the bias is kinda real yknow. It makes me sad that there's any possibility that they sacrificed the B Team character arcs because there's good stuff to work with here, if they could just afford the time and attention

[clotpolesonly]

i carve my name...(wip)

oh that one!!! that one is a very angsty sad gen Sciles thing that i started for an event like 2.5 years ago, and one of the very few things that i picked a title for before finishing it cuz i neeeeever do that 😂 (alternate title option was "such a shame that we play strangers") i think it's set fully post season 5?? season 5 was fucking rough for them lmao and i wanted to explore just how much that season broke their friendship

He doesn’t say anything now. Scott knows he’s awake, so he doesn’t bother pretending that he isn’t. For a long few seconds, they just look at each other. Then Scott looks away. He shifts on his feet. Through the darkness, Stiles can just make out the way he opens his mouth and then closes it again. Stiles finds the energy to push himself upright. He rubs at his forehead and says, with a tiredness that goes far deeper than just a lack of sleep, “Is something wrong? What’s happening?” “No,” Scott says. “No, there’s nothing— Everything’s fine, I just—” He trails off, and Stiles lets him. Scott’s hand comes up to run roughly through his hair. Silhouetted against the streetlamp outside the window, Stiles can see that it’s shaking. Scott lets out a sharp breath and meets Stiles’ eye again. “I just miss you.” The words sit heavy between them. Stiles feels like they should mean more to him, like they should hit him harder. But he’s having a hard time feeling much of anything lately, these last few days especially. He doesn’t know what it is, but everything is five steps away and he doesn’t have the strength to reach for it. Scott is five steps away. He’s right there, and isn’t this what Stiles has wanted? Isn’t that what he’s been fighting for this whole time? Not to lose Scott? He still wants that, doesn’t he?

[...]

Scott shifts beside him. “Do you remember that game we used to play?” he asks, barely more than a whisper. “When we were kids?” Stiles’ breath catches. He swallows. “Yeah.” “Can we play it again?” Eyes already stinging, Stiles lets them close. “Yeah.” It’s another minute before Scott says anything else. He used to be quick on the draw, back when they were kids, always full of words bubbling up and spilling out. Even the stuff he would never tell anyone else, he didn’t hesitate to tell Stiles. And that was the whole point of the game, wasn’t it? They started playing it after Stiles’ mom died and his dad insisted he needed to “talk to someone”. He meant a therapist, but Stiles threw a fit. He didn’t want to talk to someone, and he definitely didn’t want some old guy asking him a bunch of invasive questions and telling him how to feel. “You can talk to me instead,” Scott said then, earnest as anything. “I won’t even talk back at you! I’ll just be nobody, and I won’t ask you any questions or tell you anything. You just say whatever you want to. I won’t even look at you, if you don’t want.” It doesn’t qualify as a game, really. But they played it a lot, in those months after he lost his mom. And they played it again, after Scott’s dad left. Whenever one of them had feelings they didn’t want to admit to anybody, the other would be nobody for a night and just let them talk until they’d talked themselves out. No questions, no responses, no eye contact. Just words in open air, heard but unacknowledged. It wasn’t therapy, but it worked for them.

it gets really sad from there ok even i'd forgotten how goddamn heartbreaking this WIP is, i really should get back to and finish it someday, if only to provide myself with some fucking closure akdljfgh

.

ask me about my wips!

[twilightmalachite]

2×2 - Children on the Streets 1

Author: Akira

Characters: Yuuta, Shinobu

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Actually, why do you continue being an idol if you’re so dissatisfied, Yuuta-kun?"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Spring

Location: Downtown

Two days later, on the third day of shooting 2×2 episode 5, noon…

Shinobu: … …

Uu, uuu, uuuu…

Yuuta: Shinobu-kun looks like a wandering zombie during an apocalypse…

Shinobu: It’s so hard~, usually… My standard of living has dropped to the lowest level possible.

Yuuta: W-well things are going surprisingly well, right? Better than we expected!

It’s like riding a bike! Thankfully we lived in extreme poverty for the fourth episode, so we knew to find dollar stores and thrift shops to buy our essentials—

We then save money for that using our idol skills we honed at Yumenosaki and ES, a.k.a., performing on the street and asking money from those who pass by!

Since ES is nearby, there are often performers around town, which helps a ton. Passerbys are used to them, and typically give a bill or two.

Shinobu: Because ES promotes music, or rather, idol activities.

If this were the Special Music Zone, for example, that centers around “that”, we could have made money more efficiently, but…

Yuuta: We really don’t have either the money or energy to travel that far out… We’ve been doing a lot of street performances with the sun high in the sky, so I’m seriously starting to hit my limit.

Shinobu: And I wonder if it’s even harder on me… Uu~, maybe it’s a genetic thing, but no matter how hard I train, I can’t build up physical strength.

Yuuta: We both have our genetic disadvantages, don’t we?

Shinobu: And to make things worse, our beds are atrocious, so we can’t recover our lost energy at all…

Yuuta: We were able to eventually save up enough money for a decent cardboard house, but…

There was a horrible draft in the end, and the blanket from the thrift store wasn’t enough to keep me warm.

Shinobu: Though if the temperature gets too low, we’ve been going to a cheap public bath to wash up and sleep in the break room.

Yuuta: We get two birds with one stone with that. We used to use those places when we were kids, I’m so glad those cheap bathhouses haven’t gone out of business~!

This is a show about idols, after all, we have to keep reasonably clean.

Shinobu: So every day, we make sure to wash our clothes at a laundromat and our body at a public bathhouse or internet cafe shower room.

It’s more than a matter of looking good, we also gotta keep clean so we don’t get sick, usually.

Yuuta: Living in the streets seriously is so tough. It’s just staying alive, but it’s so tough.

I seriously don’t know how we did it back then.

Shinobu: Yeah… I can say this from my heart now that I’ve experienced the hardship myself, it truly is amazing. It’s commendable.

At that time, you and Hinata-kun were just small children who still needed the protection of their parent.

Yuuta: And we ran away from that parent~. Didn’t we just reap what we sowed in a way?

Shinobu: Seriously though, I don’t know how you did it.

Yuuta: Aniki was strangely talented with these things, and I recall being able to live in this area rather comfortably.

But, back then too, Aniki was also just a small child, the same age as me—

He must’ve been having a really hard time, I just didn’t realize it… I’m sure.

Shinobu: Fufu, Hinata-kun’s done a lot for you, hasn’t he, Yuuta-kun.

Yuuta: Uu~… I didn’t ask for him to, though! He did it all on his own, meaning it was all just for his ego.

Aniki must have just been happy because was able to do what he wanted to do.

Whenever I wanted to do something, he wouldn’t let me. That is what was tough, you know!

So this time around, I’m rather satisfied. I’m able to do what I want, without anyone getting in my way or denying me.

Shinobu: But the burden of that’s being pushed onto me.

Yuuta: What? You have complaints? You know, if you don’t like it you can just quit, 2×2 is our show after all—Meaning you have nothing to do with it, Shinobu-kun.

Shinobu: That’s not an option… To abandon a job once undertaken goes against the code of a ninja.

Yuuta: Sounds inconvenient and a lot of work to me, but do what you want to do I guess, ninja.

Shinobu: Actually, why do you continue being an idol if you’re so dissatisfied, Yuuta-kun?

If you hate it so much, why don’t you just quit?

Yuuta: … …

Shinobu: Ah… S-Sorry. I said a bit too much. Living marginally like this has put me on edge.

Yuuta: No, nevermind that. Look, over there.

Shinobu: Huh…?

Hmm? Over there, could that be—

Yuuta: —Aniki!

That bastard Aniki~! I thought since we were having such a hard time, surely he must have been as well!

What is this? Why on earth are those guys looking so happy!?

[ ☆ ]

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[unofficialadamtaurus]

So uh. May I ask for your thoughts on the recent chapter 👁️👄👁️

For the love of god, can they please put specific trigger warnings. This is a genuinely disturbing episode with seriously triggering themes and events. "might be distressing to some viewers" is NOT going to warn anyone about Oscar getting murdered and bleeding out on screen, Little getting stomped to death, Ruby getting beat to shit and offing herself, or the Neo vore.

The Ruby walking with the spotlight was just odd and pulled me out of the story. Other than that, this was the most tonally consistent episode all season, and it hit all the harder for that.

Torchwick my beloved.

I like the very brief explanation of Neo's backstory via paintings for those who haven't read the book. It's not a lot but you can get the gist.

I like that the cat is evil and the transformations were cool. Going in through Neo's mouth and the focus they put on that was not.

Get her ass, Ironwood.

Genuinely forgot Lionheart was a character, took me a second to recognize him.

Yang, buddy, why are you such an asshole to your own sister? Why do you have zero empathy?

Cannot believe WBY went in through a busted wall, saw Neo standing over a downed and defenseless Ruby, and just stood there for several agonizing seconds while Ruby drank the tea. Y'all have guns. Shoot the cup out of her fucking hand if you have to. Glyph it to oblivion. Do something.

Actually, I went back and counted. 15 seconds between them entering and Ruby starting to drink. Another 5 seconds for Yang in particular to stare in horror. This is the Hound and Oscar all over again, but worse.

Body horror cat Neo was also neat, but again, really really disturbing.

They really just admitted that Neo was an empty character on-camera. A little funny. Mostly sad.

Just...why are we presenting suicide like this. Like it's Ruby's only choice, like her friends don't care why she blew up at them just that she did, like they have no sympathy, like even if Ruby had stopped to talk they wouldn't have listened. They had so much time to say or do something, anything, and they did nothing. From a writing perspective it sucks and from a character perspective it's damning. There is absolutely no care put into the topic of suicide and I shouldn't be surprised at this point after everything else this show and company have done.