#this phase of relationships is so mind fucky

[strxnged]

me when music club president smells nice

[shipaholic]

Good Omens 2 theory (tearjerker)

Under the cut for spoilers!

I’ve been turning a couple of things over in my mind, and I now have a half-baked theory to show for it.

Thing 1: Neil Gaiman’s terrifying cryptic comment that S2 is going to break our hearts.

Thing 2: This theory by @biceratops7​ (long post, but a good one!) about the possibility that some kind of time-travel, or fluid time scenario, will drive the plot. That is, events from the past are going to change due to whatever weird shit is going down in the present, altering the timeline.

Half-baked theory: Neil’s going to pull an I Will Remember You.

Spoilers for an episode of television from the year 2000: I Will Remember You (link to episode summary on Wikipedia) is an exceptionally sad S1 episode of Angel the series. In this story, Buffy and Angel are able to finally be together due to a magic macguffin, only for time to be rewound to just before the pivotal moment that allowed their relationship to happen. Only Angel remembers that they reunited, and he must then immediately destroy the magic macguffin, erasing any possibility of being with Buffy. There’s a brutal moment, just before time resets, where Buffy realises what is about to happen, and cries “I’ll never forget, I’ll never forget -” only to be returned, mid-sentence, back to the start of the ep, oblivious to any of the events that have just been deleted from her future.

So yeah, my theory is that Crowley and Aziraphale will get together this season, but due to the fuckiness of whatever is going on with Gabriel/that box/God/who knows what else, the timeline is going to be corrupted somehow, and they will have to make the choice to delete it. Depending on how angsty this gets? Either they get reset to before they admitted their feelings and are stuck back in the ~yearning~ phase, or... I dunno, maybe their entire relationship gets cut from the timeline. (If it’s the latter, I expect them to fix it before the end of S2, otherwise it’s too complicated going into S3. I still think they’ll forget they consummated the romance, though.)

If this turns out to be insanely wrong, uhh just pretend it’s a fanfic. :p

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

aight aight, real shit; let's say you got the chance to rewrite the entirety of gossip girl exactly how you want. make a brief description of what would happen in each season. (you can decide whether there's a fourth season or not)

oh i LOVE this ask, and i am so flattered to be asked this, haha. i have SO many thoughts, i’ve been thinking about this non-stop, but i’ll try to be as brief as possible. also, disclaimer, i don’t remember all the seasons equally clearly. like i barely remember s2. haha, whoops.

season 1: i love this season as is, for the most part. i think the tone of it was actually very serious and involved? like the show was actively trying not to be frivolous with heavy topics, and the way we were getting to see the characters seemed like they were trying to bring out character depth and the complexities of their lives in very deliberate ways. nate’s whole thing with his parents gets so much focus, and it’s not something the show glorifies, it’s something that is meant to make you uncomfortable and worried for him. 

i would have nate be less of a dudebro, jenny & nate’s friendship being a little more solid, dan being a little more involved in jenny’s problems + helping her find her space, vanessa/nate to happen earlier - after nate breaks up w/ blair and realises she looks happier, i would have him not try and get back with her (lol, dude, the fact that she’s happy after breaking up with you means you probably shouldn’t be dating her.) more exploration of eric’s mental health. more dan and blair friendship. i would keep chair the way it is this season. i would not have a derena breakup - i’d have them take a break after the georgina reveal and get back together during the summer after talking about it and deciding to be more honest & open with each other. and, what the hell, i would have lily not blame serena (???) for being taken advantage of in the whole pete fairman situation. serena wasn’t sober, she was 16, that dude was in his 30s, georgina was taping her w/o her consent. how is any of this serena’s fault??? i hate lily’s reaction so much.

season 2: i... don’t remember enough of this season, sadly. it’s been too long since i watched it. i would majorly change jenny’s arc here, though. eleanor stealing her dress was majorly, majorly fucked up, and i think jenny should’ve done something then and there. also the whole thing with ‘lily is a mother to chuck’.... i would’ve loved it if lily had been like that to jenny. the girl needed it, and lily would’ve actually been able to help jenny establish connections in the professional world and whatnot. i think jenny should’ve transferred out of constance - not necessarily homeschooling maybe, but gone somewhere else. unlike dan, she didn’t even want to get into an ivy, she wanted to make it big as a designer. so. that. 

oh nate my love. i’d get this trainwreck of a boy some therapy. while i hate that the catherine thing happened, things like that do happen all the time, and i’d be interested in sort of handling the aftermath of it in a responsible way. i would not have... a lot of serena’s arc and decisions (from what i can remember) were really random in this season. i’d have her break up with dan at some point. and vanessa would need a new subject for her short film, and she’d choose serena.

nate doesn’t really date anyone, this season. but he and jenny open up to each other abt having gay crushes on people who treat you like shit - jenny’s thing with agnes - nate rescues her when they’re taking those pictures in her flat and let’s say she doesn’t go back to agnes. instead of kissing her, nate talks to her instead, and tells her about carter, tells her about chuck. and jenny talks about her feelings for blair, her feelings for agnes. and both of them sort of go... “it sucks, but all we can do is try not to become the kind of people we hate, right?”

dan pines for nate. majorly. massively. obviously. i think the only person who really notices is blair, and this would lead to new hijinks and shenanigans. also!! i do not want chair in s2. maybe it can go there for a bit but definitely not to the extent in canon. i want blair to have the same moment of being unable to deny her cruelty / needing to be accountable that she did in that ‘age of dissonance’ play. and. this sounds fucky but i want the dan/rachel stuff to stay as it is, and later, in s4, for dan & serena to talk about rachel & ben respectively and be like ‘hey, this was a fucked up thing to happen to us, wasn’t it?’ 

i would also like to get to know blair’s “minions” better as people. i mean. they all seemed hella fascinating to me, and the show’s decision to make them superficial and unidimensional was very depressing.

season 3: hot garbage, throw canon away. when chuck goes away to paris or wherever, let him not come back. goodbye, dude! dan, blair & vanessa friendship at nyu is so, so important to me. also im losing my mind always at how vanessa and serena catch dan on that walk of shame and they’re both like ‘college is a time for experimentation!’ and nobody does anything even slightly bisexual (unless you count that threesome later, which, blah.) a serenessa / date dynamic in college would’ve been great. dan transferring to columbia like blair does and rooming with nate and just, the gayness of it all. dan & blair become really, really close, and d&b&v watch movies + go to art exhibits together and are all SO DAMN PRETENTIOUS. serena finds it sexy, nate finds it terrifying. 

the william stuff would be interesting if he were actually held accountable. like that man has no right being a doctor, and medical malpractice needs to be brought up. and jenny’s whole arc this season makes me so sad. i think it would’ve been interesting if she’d been a ‘queen’ and ruled alongside eric, and just, the two of them forcing people to be nice, sort of like they try to do with people who are mean to nelly in s2 i think it is? but also.. jenny out of constance is very good, and i think i mentioned that earlier, haha, whoops.

season 4 : serenessa breakup, for whatever reason, probably to do with the william fuckery, because i think vanessa would react in similar ways to nate (”serena, i know he’s your dad, but we have to do the right thing” / “it still wasn’t your call to make” / “he’s a certified doctor, serena, a man like that has no right -” / “god vanessa, you really don’t get it, do you?” ). uhhh i would actually... if i had to choose i would honestly go blairnessa >>>>> dair. i love how blair & vanessa can keep each other on their toes and hold each other accountable. like? blair’s classist or racist and dan’s just like, *smiles*. vanessa would actively be like ‘hey, stop that.’ (this is one of the few actual criticisms i have about d/b as a relationship, RIP.) 

(edited to add: yeah, i think blairnessa WOULD be a sustainable relationship, more abt that here! )

yes to the milo arc, but dan gets to keep milo (his friends threaten georgina and go all ‘you made him sign the certificate. don’t make us take you to court’ because i love these morally grey assholes but also because g DID trick dan into thinking milo was his and dan was ready to reshape his whole life around that kid which is more than georgina was willing to do. plus endgame: jack/georgina are not parents i want milo to have.) i would also have more of a rufus & dan fallout over the milo thing. i think rufus would be really nasty about it all tbh.

the dair arc for blair and vanessa! let the juliet stuff happen, but let it be less awful + let it be seen as Bad + let serena get help & not forgive her for it. let serena NOT date ben after, what the hell. i want d&s to talk about their shared feelings for high school teachers and to realise, in retrospect, as adults, that what happened was crossing lines. let blair and vanessa suddenly drop dan and do the movies + galleries stuff on their own. and dan’s like ??? but he’s busy being a parent with nate supporting him. dan’s drama is very much parenting things. there would be some nonsense involving nate’s family pushing back, because ‘we stood by while you dated him, nate, we thought it was a phase. but raising a child with another man? this is unacceptable.’ i would like nate to get disowned by the family, and need to find his own feet. and to get a REAL SHOT AT HAPPINESS away from that terrible environment.

season 5: i want this to be a good serena season. let her find her calling doing creative things. let her and carter travel the world. let her just be whoever she wants to be. let her and vanessa patch their friendship up. let her have an open relationship with carter, let her have a lot of sex with a lot of random people and not feel guilty about it. let her really really blossom. i want more eric! maybe he’s in london with jenny, and she’s working on her fashion stuff, and he’s realising that he really wants to be a counsellor. 

some time-skips, maybe. i really want to see dan’s whole thing of being a parent. sending milo to kindergarten and spending the whole time milo’s gone on edge and anxious about everything that could go wrong, while nate comforts him. let nate try to get a job because he no longer has a trust fund, and navigate everything that comes with that. let vanessa be there for him. why the fuck am i phrasing my sentences like this - can you tell that i studied physics once?? oh well.

blair & vanessa handling a lot of things. vanessa meeting harold!! vanessa’s parents being disapproving of blair, but ruby standing up for her. blair & vanessa planning their future properly. blair & vanessa babysitting milo and talking about kids. 

and there can be drama too, there should always be drama. but i would like wholesome stuff at the centre of it too, you know? the ivy/lola nonsense can go on in the background, i don’t actually care that much. as long as ivy doesn’t go around fucking people’s fathers for no understandable or discernable reason, i don’t really care lkdhlfdkhg. (it was just so inexplicable and so random!)

season 6: uh, i don’t know. this was a bad season for everyone in canon, except chuck. i would throw it all away. i would actually love if we had pre-series rufly instead: every time those two bring up their past together i’m like 👀 because it sounds like a dream. or focus entirely on jenny and eric and their life. i am obsessed with jenny and eric being... sort of queerplatonic, sort of like, best friends. there’s no romance and no sex between them (eric’s canonically gay, and jenny’s a lesbian because i said so) but i think the way jenny and eric are is very, very life partners in a way that isn’t romantic OR sexual. so they’d have a little place together and would support each other. and just. what are they up to now? also. kati, iz, penelope, hazel, nelly... what r they doing now? one of the few things i actually liked about s6 as it was was that nelly was that reporter and that she’d found her people in yale. nelly yuki getting a happy and fulfilling ending and being a successful woman was so good and we actually got a little bit of that. i’d like more of that, for the rest of the girls, you know?

[jammyjess]

Hey friends!

I found King Falls AM at a time in my life where I felt scared, hopeless and alone. I didn’t want to be here at all, and I thought for the most part I’d never be happy again. I’m still most of those things, but every day in King Falls makes that a little easier to be okay with. I thought long and hard about what I could manage for this, but most of all, I just wanted to say thank you. So. Here goes.

Thank you for Sammy Stevens, who is my favourite kind of character. He’s sassy and pretty and humble and full of love.Thank you for his cynicism and snark, but also for his ability to push aside his own beliefs and ideas and wants when it matters. Also, for letting him Suplex Grisham, because that was pretty neat! Thank you for the way he relates to the people around him, but especially to Lily. For a character who makes mistakes and actually tries to learn from them - he doesn’t always get it right, but he tries, and that’s so important. He’s made me laugh, he’s made me cry, he’s made me want to scream. I adore his backstory, it means more to me than I can say, but also thank you for the way you handled the events around 75. It was so meaningful. I love him with everything I have, which is why it hurts me to thank you for his pain, which is so unbelievably relatable to my own. For my own hurt that comes out of his mouth. The kind of hurt that transcends circumstances. I was in a dark place before this show, and parts of me are still there, but watching Sammy grow, and change and heal has meant everything to me. It gives me hope for better days. For Sammy, and for me too. Thank you for giving him the courage to stick around, and for giving him hope. Thank you for Benny Arnold. Who I can’t write about coherently without bursting into tears. He’s messy and flawed and just absolutely gorgeous. Seeing him grow through the years has been an absolute joy, but most of all, I love his ability to remain untainted by the horrors he’s been through. He’s still got the same heart, and it’s the best heart there is. I love his passion, his hope, his resilience. His belief in everybody around him. He remains unapologetically himself through everything, and I adore him. He is The Good, and I’m so glad we have him. Noah brings such complexity to him too, and I can listen a thousand times to a single episode and continue to feel all the things. 

Thank you for Emily. For making a strong, intelligent, badass women who’s also soft and desirable and loving. For letting her write her own story and for letting her be more than a prize to be won. She’s so good natured and considerate and thoughtful, and even in her worst moments she never loses that. Every moment she appears is wonderful and Jess KILLS IT every time! I’ve especially enjoyed phase two Emily, as her relationships with other characters become more integral to the story. Thank you for speaking out against the Frickards of the world through her, because it hurts and it’s hard but it’s so important. Using your audience for good means so much. Thank you for the thoughtfulness and care with which you consistently apply to sensitive subjects. For day-to-day happiness, for happy places and for months of quiet kindness without ever being asked. 

Thank you for Jack Wright. For the reminder to choose love (even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard.) For the reminder that we’re all worthy of love, in all its forms. The affirmation that nobody corners the market on sadness, but also that we don’t always have to go it alone. That grief is universal, and that’s not always a bad thing. For quiet moments of humanity in the midst of absolute tragedy. For vulnerability, for heartbreak and moving forward together. For forgiveness and acceptance, and humility. 

Thank you for Dwayne Libbydale, who’s a special kind of chaos. I am again lost for words, but I love him, I love him, I love him. 

Thank you for Pete Escobar Ed Edwards Yardboy Myers and his funyuns and disdain and snark (even if me saying I love him means he’ll never listen to this show again.) Thank you for PHENOMENAL journalist Lily Wright, who is an absolute delight! She feels like the personification of grief, loss and trauma, but at the same time so, so real. Her reluctant acceptance of King Falls as home is beautiful, and I hope she gets ALL THE HUGS really soon. She’s not afraid to speak her mind, even if it means alienating the people she loves. Her shaky vulnerability with Sammy, Ben and Emily is so good, and I’m so excited to see where the future of Lily Wright lays. King Falls Chronicles was some KILLER story telling, and Candace was the icing on the cake. The acting chemistry she has with everybody is absolutely on point. I’m so glad we get to keep Lily. That she’s found home. Thank you for #DeputyDead. His unwavering optimism and willingness to see the good in everything and everybody is absolutely wonderful. 

Thank you for Debbie and RoboTim, who I still believe in, despite all evidence pointing to ‘don’t do that.’ Thank you for Maggie Masterson, an Actual Icon. And for our Man’s Man’s Man and his lil Kingsie Bab. For Regan who is a sweetheart and Chet who I hate to love.

Thank you for villains that fill me with white hot rage. Who’s actions are explained, but never excused. For Frickards and Gundersons and ShadowFUCKS and HFB3’s and Leland Hills and Ernies and Grishams. They’re different levels of despicable, and I adore hate them all. 

Thank you for ridiculous caricatures ; the Gwendolyns and the Cynthias and the Jacob Williams. Thank you for SPORTSBALL (CHOP. DAT. WOOD.) and WALL CRABS and GARBAGE BEARS and DANGER NOODLES  and every other ridiculous Benism. 

Thank you for Teareal and serendipity and redrum roses and for the inability to see the word ‘ghost’ and not correcting it to APPARITION. Thank you for Dan & Larry and boy band battles and Doyle’s Conspiracy Cavern and Devon Hamptonframptonshire. For Golden Owl, Finn and Gator Jack and Alvin and every other ridiculously loveable character you’ve created. Some of them barely last longer than an episode, but their chaos will fuel me for a lifetime. 

Thank you for Mary Jensen, who is the mom I wish I had. All moms are champs, but Mary is perfect. Thank you for Betty and Nancy and Loretta and Marigold. All who I expect deserve the praise they’re given. 

Thank you for Herschel and Cecil, who are cranky old bastards and who probably shouldn’t fit together, but they do so effortlessly. The care and compassion they have for each other is inspiring, and I too hope to have a friend like that someday. Trent is wickedly skilled, and I’m sure he hears it so often but!!!! 

Thank you for BE WELL BUDDIES and silly puns in the titles, and short jokes and RoboTim mixups and Science Institute break-ins with vigilante superheroes and mysterious callers. Thank you for love through overnight oats and moustache talk and non-binary pals. For a willingness to grow and change and learn and laugh. For the electrolocaust and my favourite threesome and for sammiversarys. For Ben posting Sammy’s bail, and heart-to-hearts in jail cells. For stupid bets and bensplosions and the fucking kickball story. For creepy dreams and technical terms, for badly timed BEEPS for awkward flirting and on-air confessions. For idiots who can’t keep secrets, let alone not talk about them on air for more than five minutes. For missing hikers and weird shadow tornados and notebooks and shooting down UFOs and death by damnation. For the SECOND BEST small town in American Celebration, for Christmas Gifts for Ben’s Mom and Jupiter Jaundice. For Ben’s monopoly tactics and Sammy’s audible eye rolls, for prophecies and ‘legend-has-it’s and for love and love and love.

Thank you for the mysteries, and for the constant need for MORE. You do cliffhangers so wonderfully, and I feel like I’ve never anticipated anything so keenly in my life. Tim Jensen, The Dark, Merv, Death by Damnation, The Rainbow Lights, The Zombies. 

Thank you for Cameron Chambers??? How does he do it?? I have no idea, but I hope he keeps doing it. Especially all them Christmas BOPS. Legendary. Jazz-Hands worthy! 

Thank you for making Zombies the F- plot. 

Thank you for the Eagle Screech in the DALE’S DOLLAR TREE ad. And all the other ads too, I guess. I don’t understand The Fucky List, but thanks for that too! Thank you for JACK IN THE BOX JESUS which has caused my internet to constantly recommend me eat at Jack in the Box, despite the closest one being literal continents away.

Thank you for continuing to choose this. For being open to sharing so much of yourselves with us. Thank you for fan interactions and live listens, Q&As and twitter replies and twitch streams and retweets and Beyond the Falls. Thank you for the love and care you show us all, which above all feels genuine. 

Thank you for being the catalyst for a community where I finally feel like I belong. Like I’m important. Like I matter. Thank you for being the reason for hours and days and weeks and months of in-jokes and teasing and theories and head canons and screaming and food talk and love. For so much kindness. And acceptance. For a space to be myself without fear. For people I feel like I’ve known lifetimes, and for whom I hope I can love for lifetimes more. For people to cheer on, and cry with, and poke fun at. For stupid nickname changes, and memes and words in reactions. For making me feel like i’m part of something much bigger than me. For a place to be passionate without judgement. For a place to just be. For friends. For family.

Thank you for the push I’ve needed to create again. And for all the others you’ve inspired too. 

Every moment inside King Falls have been an absolute blessing, but the impact it’s had on my life outside of it is absolutely everything.

Congratulations on (almost) 100 episodes. What an adventure it’s been. I’m so excited for everything the future of King Falls holds, but most of all; Thank you for making this fuckin’ mean something.

[holaafrica]

New Post has been published on http://holaafrica.org/holaa-in-a-hot-spot-advice-on-loving-an-older-women-in-accra-cheating-with-dk-and-being-sex-starved/

HOLAA in a Hot Spot: Advice on loving an older women in Accra, cheating with d**k and being sex starved.

‘HOLAA in a Hot Spot. Answering all your burning questions so life doesn’t show you flames.’ To submit your question click here.

Hello HOLAA in a Hot Spot,

I am a 23 year old woman living in Accra. I have been having sexual relations with much older woman for the last 6 months and, even though it started as a secret fun thing to do (she has a husband living abroad) I think I now have feelings for her. I have tried to initiate more time with her but outside of the sex she does not seem to want to hang out.

How do I ask what we are without scaring her off or messing up the sex?

Young and fallen in Love

  Dear Young and fallen in Love,

I cannot guarantee that having this conversation with your lover will not scare her off. However it seems that you and her need to have a conversation about the emotional boundaries of your relationship.

As a poly-positive person, I do not think that her being married is necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes queer people make decisions to live hetero-centered lives for safety and security. It is not entirely foreign for queer women to enter heterosexual marriages in order to protect themselves against homophobic families and communities.

However, the boundaries of every relationship need to be negotiated in order to avoid people catching feelings which cannot be reciprocated, which seems to be what has happened here.

Firstly you have to have to do some emotional honesty with yourself and sit down and ask yourself what you want from this relationship. Once you have established what YOU want then you have to ask yourself what will happen should your older lover not want the same.

Conversely also consider the situation where your older lover wants the same thing as you. Do you think you are emotionally capable of being with a married women? Although I am poly-positive, polyamorous relationships rarely work where one of the partners have not consented/or been made aware of the arrangement.

Once you have considered these possible outcomes, I would advise that you sit your older lover down and have a conversation about what she wants. A boundary conversation will help make decisions from a space of emotional clarity and honesty.

Boundary conversations are always hard and she might not receive it well. But you have to get into the practice of establishing emotional boundaries and expectations in your relationships as early as possible. This will help you to avoid emotional manipulation and toxicity in future relationships.

Lastly, without sounding morbid, you’re 23, relationships should not overburden you, they should be about discovering yourself, establishing what YOU like and do not. At your age you’re supposed to be discovering yourself at the emotional, spiritual and physical levels. You’re supposed to be learning from YOUR mistakes not the mistakes. You are definitely not supposed to have the decisions of others imposed on you.

***

HOLAA in a Hot Spot,

I have a confusing confession, whenever I date a woman I always cheat on them with a man even though I hate the sex I have with men. I do not want to have penis inside me but I cheat on EVERY single woman. Why do I do this? What is it that makes me keep going back and how do I fix it?

Please help me understand this,

Confused Lesbian

Dear Confused Lesbian

There a multiplicity of issues which I’d like to address in relation to your question. First and most immediate is the question of safety and protection. It is entirely selfish of you to be potentially exposing partners to the level of health dangers you are exposing them to.

Your cheating might be exposing your lovers to a number of sexually transmitted infections. Your behaviour is fucky. Further cheating in this way amounts, in my mind, to abuse. Your partners have not consented to a poly relationship, your cheating exposes them to a number to health risks that they are not aware of and are therefore not able to protect themselves against.

Now that’s out of the way, lesbians sleeping with men is not unusual. Queer womxn sleep with men for a variety of reasons, mostly survival. Strategic heterosexuality helps Queer womxn protect themselves from homophobic family and communities. We live on a continent where a boss can fire you for being homosexual.

Your cheating might be a result of your internalised homophobia. There are a variety of reasons why people cheat. The cheater might not know what they want or they might want to know whether they are with the right person. Sometimes people cheat because they are fearful.

If I had to give you a direct answer, I would say your cheating shows signs of indecisiveness and might come from a place of fear. Because of the narrative of impermanence around being gay/lesbian/bisexual i.e. that it is “just a phase”. It is often difficult for lesbians/gays/bisexuals to believe in the legitimacy of their relationships. This often makes commitment difficult. This can cause us to “act out” in various ways.

I would suggest that you do some introspection and figure out why you cheat. You might gain some insight if you are able to identify the stage in your relationship at which you begin cheating. It might be that you begin cheating when a relationship shows signs of maturity and commitment.

This might mean that in your relationships with women you need affirmation from your partner that she is still committed to the relationship and still wants to be with you. You will have to learn to ask your future partners to be more affirmative about their commitment to you.

If you want to address your behaviour you will have to be honest to yourself and give yourself the time to understand why you act the way you do and the motivations behind those actions.

***

Good day HOLAA hot spot,

I met the most magical woman and for three months we have been talking, flirting, hanging out, making out and cuddling. It is so nice being around her but the lack of sex is getting a bit much. I am being patient and calm but I really want to f**k. I think she does too but we it seems we are both waiting and too scared to ask. How should I bring it up without looking too thirsty?

Thank you in advance for your help,

Needing that sweet drink

Dear Needing that sweet drink

You need to talk. The beautiful thing about being lesbian/Queer is that, heterosexual rules around “thirst” do not apply to us. In addition it really is okay to be thirsty that is exactly how your body is designed to respond to sexual stimulus – which you are having a lot of.

Good sex is about communication and it will be mighty difficult to move beyond this stage without having a conversation with your partner/sex-buddy about sex. Because of the nature of Queer sex – we have bottoms/Tops and Studs/Femmes, “don’t touch mes”/Dykes/Aggressives/Kuchus/Trans* – we have to have to have THE sex conversation.

The sex conversation covers a lot of things including what your partner is comfortable with/what they enjoy and what they don’t/what sex role they prefer and what sexual acts they want or do not want.

However you begin the conversation you must be clear about what your expectations and boundaries are. Consent in sexual interactions is incredibly in order to ensure that both of parties enjoy the experience.

You can begin the conversation a number of ways. My partner suggests you just blurt it out – her exact words are “She must just let her partner know, I’m sexually attracted to you and I want you.”

I would advise, if you are still fearful, to perhaps send her a text. A text allows you to express yourself safely without being overwhelmed by the anxiety of being in front of her.

Do not be afraid to seem/look thirsty, she might actually find your thirst desirable. The great thing about a person thirsting over you is that you know they want you and being desired by someone who matters to you in affirming.

Go forth and spread the thirst.

MaThoko and others are here to answer your questions on the podcast, videos or right here on the site so submit them here. For more about HOLAA in a Hot Spot click here.