#this post literally deserves 50000 notes

[cowes]

two bad bitches doing insane, evil shit the night they died.

[cupcakeshakesnake]

I rate different versions of two POTC characters

Recently I found out that Pirates of the Caribbean has a manga series of its own. And some comic books. And a LEGO game, though that wasn’t as big a surprise and was honestly more pleasant than not.

ANYWAY here I will rate the different Cutler Becketts because it was quite a ride for me.

I will also rate the different Norringtons if I end up feeling like it while writing the post. (Note: I did end up doing this.)

Movie Beckett

The original. 2/10.

Might be a good character story-wise but overall very hateable. Smug asshole.  Everyone loves to hate him. (Which means the actor did a great job.)

If he existed IRL I'd want to be 50000 miles away from him. Apparently his past is really messed up but you don't find out about any of that through the movies. Might have been a better person if he had a better childhood, but then again the same goes for a lot of villains.

On the list of characters I consider interesting, he is right down there in the burning trash dump with Cave Johnson. Maybe even lower. At least he accepted defeat when the time came and went out with some dignity.

Manga Beckett

AbSoLuTe fUcKiNg CyCLe pATh.  0.5/10.

Might as well be the reason I started this post.

Why is he like that. Why does he have eyeliner. Why is he so... anime villain-y.

He's supposed to be someone who keeps his face straight. Why does he seem to be constantly expressing with every single facial muscle that he is batshit insane.

Movie Beckett at least drinks tea like a normal person. This guy looks like he'd shove the entire teacup into his mouth and just munch it whole while staring directly into your eyes. Also his version of Mercer lacks eyebrows for some reason.

He gets half a point because there are some characters who were, unfortunately, butchered even more than him.

Lego Beckett

Gremlin. 5/10.

He's kinda goofy compared to the other three and also absolutely tiny. He literally strains just to see the camera half the time. You cannot help but laugh at this man. He is also considerably less harmful, given the... nature of the Lego world... and that the worst he can do is order that a bunch of fruit (plus the occasional livestock) be thrown at people.

The only regret - quoting @nebbychan - is that they didn't make his wig taller to compensate for height.

That one comic book Beckett 

The not-Beckett. -10/10. Note the minus sign.

That's just not him. There's no way you can convince me that's him.

It feels a bit like the artist went out of their way to emphasize the characters' appearances but this here is not how caricature works. Maybe they were looking at a different person.

That's not him. That's Pirate Extra #23 in a wig.

That being said, Norrington looks pretty horrible in here too - more on that later.

Alright, now for Norrington.

Movie Norrington

The original. 10/10.

An honorable man. People love to love him. Did not deserve what he got.

Not much to say.

Manga Norrington

Evil Twin Nottington (quoting @dirgeofcerberus111). 3/10.

Why does he look like a one-off side villain from the Hobbit movies. He deadass has that evil grin stuck on his face throughout most of the book. And that up top is NOT what he said in the movie.

Instead of anger stemming from the sense of being wronged and losing everything, this man right here is fueled by bloodlust. Dude looks like he'd murder Will Turner in cold blood without the slightest quiver in that manic grin. Set this guy up on the Dutchman and he could throw Davy Jones overboard.

Losing his ship didn’t just make him a wasted drunk; it turned him into an entirely different man on a molecular level.

What is this man.

Lego Norrington

Carrot man. 6/10.

Sorry my dude, it might not be your fault that you were mistakenly delivered a carrot on your promotion day, but I am going to remember you as 'carrot man' because of that nevertheless.

For some reason, he lacks hair save for when he is not wearing a hat. Unlike Beckett’s, his wig is a magic wig that disappears when placed under a hat.

He looks unnecessarily mean-spirited in Dead Man’s Chest. When he gives Davy Jone's heart (which, by the way, wears a miniature hat. Yes, the heart wears a hat) to Beckett, he's not a wrecked man trying to regain some honor and a smidge of his past life. He's like 'Oh yeah give me that admiral sword, hand it right over.'

But he also slaps Davy Jones with a fish and kind of almost survives if it can be called that, so he gets some points.

That one comic book Norrington

Tames Jorringnon. 0/10.

Barely recognizable. Makes me wonder if they kept the wig because otherwise it would be nearly impossible for readers to understand that this is indeed James Norrington, the wig man.

They did somehow remember to take his prominent nose into consideration, but said fuck it to everything else.

Who is this.

No.

-

I tag those who suffered with me: @dirgeofcerberus111, @casual-dark​ @directorhachi​ and @nebbychan​.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

the untamed is on netflix, right? i think i've seen it. i'm enjoying your posts about it and my mom would love if i watched a chinese show (it looks chinese, i might be wrong though) but i'm kinda short on time so please pitch to me why i should watch it so i will be convinced and look past the lack fo time

Anonymous asked:

ok the untamed looks cool af how doesone watch it 

A L L R I G H T I’m finally going to make a rec post, I’ve put this off long enough.  You’ve definitely already started to watch it, clever, so please forgive me for using this as an excuse to pitch this show.

So, for starters, Anon, The Untamed is indeed on Netflix!  It is in Chinese!  If you (like me) do not understand Mandarin Chinese, the Netflix English subbing is…fine, it’s fine, but I recommend poking around in the fandom because every single form of address is changed to the character’s full name.  And maybe I just spent too much time doing translations for my old Spanish and Chinese and especially Latin classes, but I think there are some things that, A, shouldn’t be translated or, B, should be translated awkwardly over being translated incoherently.  

I digress.  My thoughts about maintaining forms of address in their native language for the sake of clarifying levels of respect/etc are not relevant here.  Chuck a note in my inbox if/when you get confused about everyone’s three names and I’ll write/link you a guide.

POINT IS.  The Untamed is an adaptation of the novel Mo Dao Zu Shi, which is generally translated as “The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation,” and my quick pitch for it is: There’s a plot, sure sure, it’s the story of Wei Wuxian (his fall from grace to Most Hated Person In Magic!China, and then his resurrection and efforts to solve a murder), and if you like character-driven fantasy narratives you Will Like This

B U T

You know that post “but is he…you know…your narrative foil?”  That’s this show.  If what you crave is “one character committedly pines over another for twenty years even when the entire world hates that person,” please let me interest you in Lan Wangji, the love interest.  They have a kid together.  It’s a great romance.  Literally what else do you want from me.  I love a narrative foil, I love a tragedy, I love an epic love story, I love a found family.  And good GOD do I love a character who self-destructs in an effort to do the right thing.

Wei Wuxian isn’t evil.  He’s not even especially malicious.  But when the chips were down and he needed to survive, and to save people, and to figure something out, he took the only avenue left to him, and it was—it was inevitable, really, that it make him the villain of the piece.  He saved a lot of lives.  Everyone except Lan Wangji hates him for it.  He’s already thoroughly despised by the time he starts actually doing things that are objectively bad.  Talk to me about it forever.

My usual list of free-form associative Things I Like That You Will Probably Also Like under the cut:

Wei Wuxian!  I know he’s the main character but I love him so much that he gets a bullet point!  He’s the kind of lighthearted goofball who’s perfected the “I Would Honestly Die Before Showing Emotion To Anyone, How Dare You Imply That I Am Not Sincere In My Perpetual Good Humor” mask, and it hits like a sledgehammer when that mask cracks.  I would watch this actor flip between smiles and homicidal rage all day.  He gets a hug from Son Boy in the last episode and I almost cried.  50000/10.

Lan Wangji!  A great love interest!  Noble to the core!  Incredibly bitchy!  I want five more just like him!

This is where I mention that China has strict censorship laws, so, despite the fact that they kiss and have sex and get married and the whole nine in the book, the show is all Intense Staring And Love Declarations Where They Never Say The L-Word.  But like.  Please trust me, it’s actually So Romance.  If anything I think I like the  romance in the show better.

Wen Ning!

I don’t have anything else to say about him, I just love him so goddamn much.  He and his sister Wen Qing are stars and the rest of these sinners don’t deserve them.

COMPETENT. VILLAINS.  I’ve spilled a lot of ink on this one lately, but I love competent villainy, I love villains who have Goals and plan to Achieve Them and actually pull it off.  Jin Guangyao, the big bad of the “present”(the part where Wei Wuxian is resurrected and kicking around trying to solve a murder), is actually phenomenally good at his job and I support him even though I enjoyed watching him go down in flames.  There are enough villains in this show for everyone to have their preferred type of villain, from Devoted Right Hand Man to Megalomaniacal Overlord to Freewheeling Engine Of Death.  GREAT villains in this show.  Which brings me to…

YI! CITY! ARC!  I’m not going to tell you that much about it, but it’s dark and tragic and features my very favorite villain in the entire show, Xue Yang, who is just.  *chef kiss*  A horrible monster of a man.  An unapologetic, cold-eyed shriek of a villain.  The very best at what he does, and what he does is absolutely horrible, and I would watch an entire series about this five-ish episode arc.  Also, I’ve adopted Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen from the Tragic Ships Shelter and someone should toss me a headcanon ask for them.  Any AU your little heart desires.  I love them.

THE MAGIC!  I know it took me a long time to get here, but it’s a very character driven show and I am a very character driven person and I just wanted to yell about characters for a minute.  But anyway, I’m told that the Untamed is a great onboarding point for this genre of Chinese fantasy novel, because they do a really good job of making the necessary points accessible.  I had no familiarity with wuxia/xianxia/etc when I started watching this and everything about cultivation made sense to me, or at least enough sense to be going on with.  It’s very lovely and fascinating and it’s where they put their Entire Non-Clothing Budget.

This is where I mention that their effects department clearly used their entire funding for, like, cool sword stunts and beautiful clothing.  The wolf puppet in particular is just.  Almost adorably terrible.  If that’s going to severely impact your enjoyment, Idk what to tell you, man.

Related to the above, I love plotlines about characters losing control of their magic.  That’s all I’m going to say about it.

Unreliable narrators, baby! They set up a lot of concrete facts about Wei Wuxian in the first two episodes that become obvious as complete bullshit as you go on, and it’s very satisfying to watch!  See also, Nie Huaisang, the most unreliable narrator of them all, whom I adore.

Beyond all those things…it’s just got a lot of great relationships in it.  It’s hugely driven by the affection people have for each other, or the places they feel they’vebeen deprived of that affection.  It has a lot of iterations of the same relationship in wildly distinct ways, if that makes sense—offhand, there are maybe four major sets of siblings, five if you count the Jins, and they are all radically different and insanely compelling.  The basic structure of Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji, the “black cultivator/white cultivator on a crusade to change the world” thing, appears a lot of times, and goes horribly awry in a slightly different way for all of them.  That kind of in-universe repetition of themes, doing the same thing over and over again looking for the Right Path, is one of my favorite things to appear in a story—see also, the Kencyrath (twins, Dreamweavers, Knorth lords, loyal Kendar, etc), the Animorphs (warrior teams, deaths on the field, etc), any number of other things I yell about.

TL;DR: The story is great and the cultivation is fascinatingand the schemes are elaborate, but