#this post makes me so sad bc it was the last time! it was the last time they played each other!
Note
Whats your ace attorney fic recommendations? ^_^
HMMMMMMMM well i am a klaviergirl so this is mostly klapollo/aa4 but here are my recs :3
turnabout toast is a lovely post-aa4 nrmt fic with background klapollo. great "people trying to fix their lives" stuff and WAHHHH edgeworth... also a lot of lovely socal setting stuff (<- socal native, weak for it). phoenix being kind of a bastard but not a bad guy, which i think is fun, because it's interesting.
dirty sympathy, also by the above author. CW for abuse: the premise of the fic is that it's a retelling of aa4 where klavier and apollo are behind the scenes of all the cases collaborating to get rid of each other's abusers (daryan and kristoph, respectively), and trying to keep everything secret. it's a suspenseful read and it's like. crazy. auuughhh. makes me crazy. it's prob my fave aa fic but it takes so much out of me to reread
about him - last rec from this author. the only piece of clay terran fic i have any time for. post-aa5 klapollo sweetness with the outsider pov. so cutes
jamais vu - post-aa6 klapollo get-back-together fic where they hook up at nrmt's wedding
turnabout toilet brush - SO FUN. office farce where WAA argue over who broke the toilet brush. good phoenix pov with fun athena & apollo banter. nrmt and background klapollo
in better light - pacific rim au! trucy & apollo siblingisms, with angsty not-married nrmt, a bit of klapollo, and swag k-scientist ema skye
say it to the crowd - various minor character outsider povs on pre-relationship klapollo. i looooooove outsider pov
notes from the underworld - canon-divergent epistolary bad end aa4 au where MVK kills phoenix and maya with his taser in aa1. only reccing the first in the series since the others weren't to my tastes but the first one. wagh
turnabout from within - an aa5 prequel case! really fun. tries to be a bridge between aa4 and aa5 and is a very fun written version of an AA case. aura is there!! minor klapollo! fun aa pun names!
the thing about forgiveness - trucy and klavier talk post-aa4... wah... performers...
youngblood - daryan pov about his and klavier's relationship. very good... sad bc it's from the pov of a guy who sucks and how the love of his life deserves better than him. good stuff. klapollo endgame bc klavier deserves a decent guy as a bf
turnabout runaway - WAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's about post-OT pearl dealing with like. the trauma of all that shit with her family as best an 8yo can - by trying to run away to protect mystic maya :( babby... (this one is written by a good friend of mine :3)
there's some more in my bookmarks but it's been a few years since i read them (my aa hyperfixation was spring/summer 2020) so while they're probably decent reads i can't write blurbs
HAVE FUN HOPE YOU LIKE THEM
(anti-recs under the cut. can't resist some complaining)
(also i genuinely have so much hatred in my heart for the fic with the most kudos in the klapollo ao3 tag, it's tagged for them but they don't actually happen in it, it's a nrmt fic that wildly mischaracterizes klavier and makes him into like. an asshole sexual harasser, and the fic barely even takes the sexual harassment seriously? don't read that one. <- DONT LEAVE MEAN COMMENTS ON IT EITHER, the fic's like 10 years old or smth, don't bug the author)
(also i don't like the 100k word fic "custody" bc iirc 1. i didnt like how they characterized thalassa? 2. white ginger klavier??????????? girl)
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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.."
MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN#honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog#where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags#kyle dubas#toronto maple leafs#& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe#& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit.#this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!!#my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor#the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi#that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like#ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds#how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid#the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines#i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer#brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc#bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always#know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works#no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried.#i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs#i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick)#& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen#narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel#about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO#did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle)#OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner#if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf#simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2#one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry#liv in the replies
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When she was a little Kiko, Lulu loved to put on ribbons and appear before the world to show her precious Slorg! Sadly her owner was such a recluse that nobody noticed much, and over the years she forgot performing for others...
Until recently she found all the ribbons she saved over the years and wanted to have fun again!
(She didn't know which ribbon to wear, so she is wearing them all!)
(Lulu won a trophy!!! She is absolutely delighted and is using it to store her ribbons!)
#neopets#neoart#kiko#slorg#lulu#aquanutart#sorry to repost this! i really wanted to tell the story but i was kind of nervous to mention the bc (this is NOT in any current contest!)#so this is a little picture i made last year now that she is pink!#when i was 11-ish i used to enter her in the beauty contest with tiny pixel scribbles#in some of them she was pink and wearing a hairbow (although there were no wearables back then)#the filesize limit back then was something like 19kb so i shrank them down to like 150x150px#(i didn't know any other way to reduce the filesize) i was too young to use the boards and didn't do any advertising at all#i would check back excitedly every week and be disappointed to not get a trophy but then make a very similar scribble and enter again#finally one time she won a third place trophy because i think only three kikos were entered that week#i felt complete after that#it was always her dream to be pink and show people her slorg#so last year after all this time i entered again because i realized it gives me motivation to draw my own pets#that i otherwise don't really draw and i felt kind of sad people don't really know them#i don't like competition so i decided i was just going to treat it as a chill social event and not bother trying to win#just treat it as the way of posting or sharing content on the site itself#it was fun and social! as someone who's pretty reclusive it was fun feeling like i was getting to know other pets#everyone was super nice and the supportive community feeling between artists was really fun! love getting excited about each other's work!!#since then i've entered a few more times and i have mixed feelings about it because i get absolutely exhausted from it#because unfortunately the competition aspect does take hold of me even when i don't want it to rofl. i feel like i have to try my hardest#if it were just an art competition i probably wouldn't enter but because it's mostly a social competition i spend hours on the chat#it's a massive burst of socialization for a week and then afterwards i disappear and don't reply to messages for. months rofl#it's fun to do once in a while but i can't handle it too often. but i am happy to end up with more pictures of my pets#she has a few trophies now and can put a ribbon in each one!
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^me when i am a sensitive person
#ramblings#i hate feeling lonely#it literally hurts my heart#i have such a hard time forming connections both irl and online#idk how many times ive cried just this past month bc i felt lonely#and even when i am included in things im always an after thought#its been months but im still thinking about stupid christmas#i know the whole point isn't to get gifts#but i got one present. while i spent hundreds of dollars getting my family gifts#they even asked me what i wanted too#helped my cousin decorate for her christmas party and last minute i found out it was a secret santa#i got invited but was the only one not included in that#so yeah....#i dont have anyone to celebrate holidays with#my birthday was sad#i cried then too#not looking forward to tomorrow either#and i try to make friends and talk to people#but i feel as though i always initiate#and nobody seems interested in talking to me#which... i dont expect everyone to like me#but it really does hurt and it makes wonder what's wrong with me#also why cant my brain focus on something else#like doing something productive#its been ages since ive drawn anything#ive just been sad. that's the whole post.#bye now
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simone kessell as belle james in pine gap (2018) - episode 2 (2/2)
#simone kessell#simonekesselledit#pine gap#WAIT. for the first time in months its letting me post gifs over 5mb? nice#her sad brown eyes......... i'm going to do sth drastic#THE SHEEN OF SWEAT IN THE LAST ONE MAAM I HAVE A TONGUE IF YOU WANT THAT CLEANED UP#also the lip bite. same as lottie primal feelings fake therapy scene so i am normal (lie)#also dont ask me why i'm making pink gifs tonight it was the first colour i landed on and i liked it#the way that i singlehandedly decided its my purpose to gif simones whole (recent) filmography djfhsfs#i say recent bc. the eyebrows. sorry but that was a crime i wont put that on my blog even if its her#my post#*m.gif
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wanted to compile some more finale/other F&C grievances I'd been writing over the past few months before going into next year, some rant-like and some more coherent (under the read more)
#sorry- you can scroll away if not interested I just needed to be in my disgruntled zone for a minute but not really debate 😔#I refrained from posting a few of the thoughts at the risk of sounding too salty online#it always makes me sad bc the last thing I wanted to feel towards this is bitter#like I'd much rather be happy with what was done than to gripe over it but it's really hard to#even the scenes I did enjoy from the finale are hard to look at knowing what it ends up as ( ´_｀)#adventure time#fionna and cake#petrigrof#simon petrikov#betty grof#at#my post#I'll most likely have additional thoughts next year but I figured I'd post the 2023 thoughts in 2023#I really do love these characters lots so that's probably why it hurts so bad#also I'm sorry for the negative posting- I promise I prefer not to I just needed to get this off my chest 😭
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doodles of the chaos duo ft. big brother john
#john laurens#historical john laurens#james laurens#henry laurens jr#laurens family#laurens siblings#laukids#my art#*clenches fist* THEM. i love Them.#i love doodling their sibling dynamics so much i feel like they have that sweet balance between chaos and tenderness#john lets them do their shenanigans for a bit but kinda regrets it afterwards but kinda not#ive been working on a redraw of one old drawing of the three of them going for a walk somewhere while in europe#and this was the doodle section but i kinda got carried away and wanted to post the doodles alone !#also i dont know when was the last time harry saw jemmy bc they used to be away from each other from time to time for school#just thinking about it makes me SAD so im not gonna think about it that much#so just. wholesome doodles#hope you enjoy them :] 💕
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ok watched the episode. killing myself
#many many thoughts but i need to sleep for once so they shall be posted tomorrow#send asks if u want hopefully i’ll be able to do an answering spree tmrw!#god knows i’m due for one lolol#also sad the ljke 6 episode prediction streak was finally broken but hey now y’all know the other ones were legitimate and i do not in fact#have secret access to screeners/am part of the writing room/secret identity is jesse armstrong#as has been proposed many a time#sadly no i am but a random girl which means i unfortunately do not know everything#rip me#i do have a Thought for endgame tho that does feel succession-y but honestly i’m not gonna feel confident in any prediction for next or#ep bc it is The Last Fucking Episode and i don’t think i’ll be able to even remotely guess how they end it#but a thought perhaps about the deal has indeed entered my mind…..#ok good night time to make like tom and go the fuck to bed#succession
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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my favorite teacher plays dnd and bg3 do you know how crazy that is to me
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LOTS OF THOUGHTS HII GOOD NOON TODAY WAS A REAL FUN DAY#I ALMOST BROKE DOWN AND ALSO I KINDA VENTED AND G#UH. WHY IS TUMBLR WEIRD AND CLOSING MY POST. ANYWAY!#i did vent to my friends abt annoying classmates (aka annoying ppl who are irresponsible) that bring me and my friends and groups grades#down. and yeah. but i bonded a lot w various frienda and and and fun day and and and I LEARN ^^ AND#things are quite bad sometimes but sometimes they aren't actually that bad and idk school is just really fun i'm almost sad#just really happy with where i am rn and my friends are noticing too sniffs ..... noticing how i'm talking more or whatnot#and more comfy and whatnot and hey it did take like. quite a while. but still! just. really happy#bcs this Quite A While was either basically immediate but in the making (two friends) or gradual but always getting there (group in class)#and etc !!! like hey maybe some friends online or irl i am not talking to as much atm but there's the comfort that we still greatly care#for wach other. and whatnot. and there's just a lot and damn if i gave up this wouldn't be happening lol my point is things do get better#and a lot of it tbh is on how you improve and see things (???) idk but damn i'm just rlly proud of myself#I COULD STILL DO BETTER mbut idk all of this is me and im just rlly secure in that and i have been since the longest time ngl. im amazing#yeehaw ANYWAYYYYFGEGKR BG3 I STARTED A DARK URGE RUN LAST NIGHT YE GODS ITS A BIT SCARY TO ME BUT I LOVE THE BLOOD#im trying to fight against it bcs im using my main tav but boom make him a durge guy so ^_^
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only 6 more days for 12th grade to officially finish and my exams to be over. perhaps jaeyunverse comeback with a long fic ????? 😳
#first order of business will be to finish that damn jeno fic#then i will work on one of the valentine’s event fics who’s masterlist i posted Last Year 💀#i will prob make a poll for that bc idk which one to write 😭 i have 4k for the heeseung one but i’m STUCK#i have 4k for the halloween special fic i started in 2021 ummmmm maybe i’ll buckle down on it too#THE ALICE IN BORDERLAND AU???? i have the entire plot but it is going to be So Long i just know it.#i hope i can finish my current wips before any other long fic ideas come to me 😭#i have to finish the stupid headcanon series too what was i thinking when i started it#IM TERRIBLE AT HEADCANONS#fffff i only have a few weeks of peace after boards 😭 i have to start grinding for my other exam in june once april starts#i hope i can be more active on this account and actually get some writing done bc ngl i have sm plans for the small vacation i’m getting#but i wanna be delusional too 🫡#also i have so many unfinished projects here sometimes i feel like abandoning this account completely#and this place is lowkey dead in terms of activity ngl 💀 i will have try to revive it#but then i remember that i put effort into building this blog so seeing it go to waste would be sad#plus i Really do not want to repost my fics for a third time ppl will call me crazy
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the thing about spn is that i cannot interact with the fanbase bc it actually hurts my feelings that people dont like sam
#and also bc the fanbase is insufferable#me included#but fr every single time i see one of those fmk or 'whose your favorite character' posts and sam is ALWAYS in last or the one killed#it like#actually makes me sad#and thats not good ssknskdjfnwkejn considering it's just a dumb tv show#but yeah sam is THEE character of all time#i love him so much#regardless#i am an adult#this should mean nothing to me#lea speaks
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I wish GI wasn't trying to push people (kinda specifically longer players) away from the game, like damn. I really hope new players are watching closely and not just deciding "there are haters" or "complainers." Some of the things, like the age old where's the end-of-game road map, have been actual game needs that haven't been addressed for years. Game needs, guys. Idk, if you still call some people haters/complainers, then I'm probably gonna call you a bootlicker lol
#also three pulls for three debate clubs is actually insulting and no. we were not happy about it last year either#i hope the CN community causes such a ruckus that they fix the artifact loadout bullshit#GI actually needs to apologize and ive said some wild things elsewhere like they need to give a free 5* character but honestly i just want#to see that theyre are listening to the fucking players. we fund their game and/or promote it with playing and community on platforms#they wouldnt have BILLIONS of money without the pkayers and they are not doing QoL things or fixing busted characters or the artifact#loadout that is going to be more trouble than useful. end of game information. lost weapons to timed events - im lucky i have cinnabar#spindle in case i get Albedo but i dont have that Festering sword or Jade Cutter? and both are apparently great for Furina and im pissed#that they just wont be available ever again. they heed to put them in the shop like they do the skins and im so serious about that#theres so much more#it just makes me sad bc i do really like genshin but im probably gonna move on after this all blows up or when nothing happens at all#genshin impact#my posts#oh right my frustration is with the community on the mihoyo app bc even just saying you think this is a good thing will bring in the REAL#bootlickers telling you youre ungrateful for three debate clubs lmao. i have never called it copium before but i think that if youre calling#players ungrateful for being mad that GI's appreciation for a year of playing and/or spending money is worth three 3*weapons then youre a#boooootlicker with a sad fucking addiction. seriously cope harder bro lol#i really just want them to fix the artifact loadout that shit is buuullshit. and of course i want Aloy’s constellations. they should have#been there September 2021 ffs. and i like Dehya. i like playing her too. im not meta enough to notice things i guess but hyv should have#listened to players about her.#this shouldnt be a staff of homa moment guys. that bullshit actually made change happen for the better like why are you mad at the demand#QoL things???? why are you just ok with no actual patches patching anything???#ok i gotta be done. the tags are the actual post damn lol
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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