#this song is legit about being sad that ur ex has someone new so

[lilyrizzy]

75!

don't you lock when you're fleeing, I'd like not to hear keys

----

Daniel used to promise he'd take Max to Perth.

The first time because Max had been too honest like always in front of Daniel, but there had also been a camera crew, a journalist shoving a microphone in Max's face, asking questions about what he would do with his winter break.

"What do you mean you haven't been to the beach?" Daniel had asked with a laugh, but his eyes had looked strange. Like he was worried. "Are there no beaches in Belgium?"

Of course there were. Victoria would make collections of shells from the ones she and his mum would visit, presenting them proudly to Max the next time she saw him. "Your present," she would say, and Max would pretend he'd been there, elbow to elbow at the shore with her, searching for them.

"I did not go on many holidays," he had shrugged to Daniel. Only to be told, as if it could ever be that simple,

"Well shit, we have to get you to Perth then, Maxy. You need to see the sea."

He'd mention it to Max every so often. Even after he kissed Max for the first time and found out he was bad at it, the way Max was bad at everything he'd never done before. Even after the first time Daniel made space for himself inside Max, even- Even after Daniel knew he did not have to say too-nice things to get Max into bed, he'd still talk about it.

What they would do in Perth, the things they would see. The people Daniel would introduce him to, even though Max wanted to tell him he thought it would be best if it was just them. At the end, he'd been glad he hadn't said this because that's what made it all be over.

The last time Daniel asked Max to go, the Qantas Airlines page had been loaded up on his iPad, and he'd asked, a little angrily, for the reason behind the "yeah right," Max has answered him with. When Max had told him what he thought Daniel already knew, that "people of course cannot know," he'd thought it would be okay. Daniel had said that, said "okay, Maxy."

Then a week later he'd told Max, "I don't think we should- If there's no real future here, Maxy, what's the point?"

Max had been angry and sad, but mostly hopeful that Daniel would miss him too much to stick to his stupid decision. Why did two weeks in Perth matter so much, when Daniel could spend the other fifty with Max, like always?

Then two months later, Daniel brought a girl to the paddock. Somebody pretty, somebody who smiled at Daniel all the time, just like Max, but who also held his hand walking through the paddock the way Max never could.

Somebody Daniel can take to the beach.

< send me a number & i'll write you something based on that song on my 2022 wrapped playlist! >

[badanimereviews]

summer 2019 anime sum-up

lmao i realized i never did this and posted the fall season b4 this.... oops

kimetsu no yaiba: tbh started out kinda meh. and now it’s turned into one of the new big shounens. i was not expecting that. nearing the end got rly good and i was rly looking forward to more episodes! tanjiro gets cooler and cooler! animation is rly nice (thanks ufotable) and the way tanjiro’s water is animated. like. aesthetic asf. it’s so good. i love black-haired emo dude and zenitsu (my spirit animal) and ofc nezuko she is adorable im c r y. side note: the hashira? i think they’re called? some of the ugliest fkn characters i’ve seen in ages like flame boy? stone boy? i HATE them. and the gem dude too like man get a new tattoo artist on god.... he needs it.,,,,,,and inosuke is so pretty it’s unfair

dr stone: ok man dr stone rly went off. tbh. i’ve always been a whore for chemistry since reading the flavia de luce series (btw, i want more books of) and watching this just tickles my noodle brain in a good way... who needs prozac when i get a shitton of serotonin from watching senku dick around....  (btw what is going on with what’s his face and the girl. yuzuriha????? i can’t remember. i love senku don’t get me wrong but i need their perspective too... bc i hate lion dude... so much.... dick....) again i will repeat that i am a whore for chemistry so i get oFF on this. backgrounds are amazing/ animation so nice n clean (most o the time lmao). i thought i would hate the black n white haired trickster boi and ms yellow ponytail and suika but no! dr stone is such a good show that they are now great, loveable characters. also i am senku and chrome’s whore so jfc. man, i love the explanations of all the chemistry shabang, but some things i think would be better if explained! like senku doing physical labour at the beginning- ex. making all those pots and building that shit by hisself. i know he weak af. yes he smart but like. construction? difficult. pottery? even for me the artist . difficult. and that shed of his was filled to the brim. HOW. anyways, i love this so much i am crying constantly

just realized i didnt need to write about dr stone. oh well. 

danmachi 2: wtf yo. haruhime is so pretty but not a fan of her personality! bell still cute af and still don’t rly like aiz! animation good as always, and my god i shit myself whenever the argonaut theme starts up bc that is ? one of the best pieces of non-sawano hiroyuki pieces i’ve ever heard? addicted to it. and the opening! love the dynamics, the brief ‘rain’ scenes like when mikoto slashes the raindrops and just her motion basically? as an animator that is what i aspire to accomplish because i just love that. tiny little scene. 

arifureta: this would have been so much better had they dragged out mc’s op-ifying process! made him suffer more! i explained this briefly in my ‘first thoughts’ post for this season, but story-wise and pacing-wise his power-up could have been so much more deserved and gratifying. think shield hero- loser suffers, gets angry, slowly builds up power in an epic payoff! would have been so epic too. and also if they’d made his gained powers less.... crazy nerfed. again: HE SHOULD HAVE SUFFERED MORE AND THIS WOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER SHOW. harem thoughts: yue- meh. sucky char honestly. shea- my fav girl, she is a great character don’t judge- sexy and love her personality and love her character design and love how much fanservice she gets lol. panty flash ftw. dragon girl- discount darkness honestly , tho nice design. and mermaid girl- yuck, annoying,  DO NOT like the ‘papa’ trope! (ahem sao.) it’s gross. also just fuck mc’s classmates honestly- paladin dude sucks ass, healer girl OOF that last episode ruined her, samurai girl is ok i guess. hate ai-sensei too like shut UPP annoying ass HOEEEEE (postscript: opening=very epic too)

kanata no astra: plot twist? check. trillion well-done plot twists? check. this was done very well. i am so happy. all those plot twists and turns would usually suck in any regular anime- but this was written with GODLIKE ability. thank you, lerche. legit, this was such an enjoyable ride, i eagerly awaited each new ep! typically i hate space-related stuff but like! survival stuff gets my goat.... like this was good- (tho maybe more technical-stuff in the survival theme would make it so cooler) what shocked me the most: (spoilers alert) didn’t end up hating quitterie or funi. (tho the puppet made me want to strangle smth) luca’s gender had rly confused me but i’d decided on him being a boy- so basically that reveal left me like WHOA. i died. did luca rly have to show emo boy their tity tho... kanata losing his arm gave me the yeeeks, charce being the traitor was made sO WELL into a surprise even tho i’d kinda already suspected him<- like that was just fucking amazing writing there. gj. and ares the princess! ok man! shocked! AND also the whole clone thing, just fucked me right up. up the ass. like there are probably more plot twist layers in this than a fkn ogre has.... anyway shrek aside, yun?’s character arc was very pleasing, i think that was done very well! and the ending made me UwU like BRO? goals tbh. yeah this is a hidden gem and is just so good, so well-written overall. 

cop craft: didn’t have high expectations. i am now,,, quite,,, shocked &,,, blown away. sweetheart this is a good fucking show. so why @ livechart.me DOES IT HAVE 7.40 STARS WHEN FKN ARIFURETA HAS 7.72. can someone explain this to me? i’m outraged. LIVID.  matoba and tilarna were amazing characters btw! loved their dynamic! briefly i thought it might get romantic! nope, it didn’t, so it’s all good. actions scenes were epic, tilarna’s design and outfits were so much nicer than i thought they’d be like. she is so cute. and the op- man, if that is not such a bopper vibe then idk what is. i could watch it forever. it deserves so much more than what it’s got rn.

naka no hito genome: (serious question: is this considered some sort of isekai?) genome gave me btooom vibes honestly but like- this is SO much better than btooom and most game/trap/ kinda shows. fkn BOP of an op, especially the sequence at the end with short clips of each character in action (nutt). paka-san was a good boy and he deserves irl merch. i fell in LOve with all the characters (bubble boy= hot, akatsuki= ok meh actually kinda boring, karin= hot and i want her to punch me, ruromori= beautiful 12/10 would let her stalk me, sleepy eyes boy= baby + dazai vibes and hot af, twin boy= also hot, onigasaki= hot and love him so much, and loli girl= her light grenades got annoying but nice char design) anyways yeah more of this would be epic. i wanna see sakura and her twin reunite, and how they get out basically! also animation quality was very good which is surprising considering it’s a silver link anime.

kono yo no hate de koi wo utau shoujo yu-no: i include the whole title bc this is a good anime. (also livechart.me why 7.27 stars i will fuck you up) only meh part of this is the return to earth from dela granto bc that was like a culture shock and honestly at that point i’d forgotten a lot about what had happened on earth and didn’t care as much. btw, f ayumi and f the other brown-haired oneesan. mio and kanna ftw. obvs i didn’t understand the sayless x takuya thing like dumbass horny teenager . why u gotta creampie the worst girl. u have mio. bruh. (tho mio x ‘oyabi!’ boy is a great ship) also, takuya’s mom? keiko-san? idk if you’ve noticed but that’s literally my name so yeah just glad to finally have some keiko representation. altogether goodass anime. the time travel/ rezero esque reset thing almost got me but this was done well. so no problems. both ops very good. first song was bae, second also bae (just realized it’s by konomi suzuki, one of my waifu idols, so yea nice) and ed2 also so pretty! also yu-no’s design was rly pretty, the outfit colours, and her pigtails rly suited her :)

granbelm: sorry this is the last one lol this was a long ass post! other than the fact i dont rly like mecha this was good.... action, CHARACTER designs aesthetic asf, honestly rly pretty ok. i liked the cast, very diverse and more depth than most shows of this ilk. op was nicely choreographed- especially the part where the girls’ faces are contorted by their gems, showing their magical girl side. nicely done. mangetsu didn’t end up being that bad a char, and honestly? suigetsu is best girl and deserved better. and the ending too- like, bro, that made me kinda sad. some off points: anna’s mom was a little unrealistic as a mom like woman- please learn to control your child, and, white-haired girl’s sister should have played a bigger part, based on how her parts in the opening were emphasized! (quick note- blue girl, love her, great bad guy, when she dumped anna made me so happy honestly, she is beautiful, and i couldn’t actually decide who i wanted to win between her and suigetsu....)

hope u enjoyed this bad review. pls share ur opinions w/ me on some of of these more controversial shows. thank. 

[boyjadzia]

omg sara @shinelikeastarlight tagged me to do this super long tag game hlep

tagging: @void-for-president, @the-alexandrian-alchemist, @starboysisko, @magnmite, @yacobeanreign (of course only if y’all want)

last text sent: "cool [thumbs up emoji]”

list three favourite colours: ???? don’t do this to me

what time did u wake up at today: 11am, it’s reading period don’t judge me what were u doing last night at midnight: playing drunk rock band name something you can’t wait for: this godforsaken quarter to be over when was the last time u saw ur mother: over winter break/new year’s one thing u wish u could change abt ur life: the crippling depression/abandonment issues are getting kinda old, I’d like to feel like I have a stable community/family who love and support me whats getting on ur nerves rn: the discourse favourite tv shows: star trek (all of them but esp DS9), idk I’m sort of obsessed with yuri on ice at the moment, those two are the main ones tbh? first best friend: my girl India who doesn’t have a tumblr but we’ve been best friends since we met on the playground at age 5. our moms are also tight. listening to rn: nothing, the sound of my laptop fan straining to keep my computer from bursting into flame

3 fears: never having a group of people I feel I can call family, never being in love, cavities

4 turn ons: self-awareness/humility, being sensitive about & respectful of my dysphoria, trust/willingness to be vulnerable, being honest & vocal about what you like 4 turn offs: being boring, being insensitive/distant, not being conscientious about how you interact with my body (i.e. assuming you can just treat my body the same way you’d treat a woman’s body and that’s a-ok), heterosexuality of any kind sexual orientation: gay tbh senior year quote in my year book: oh god some generic hillary clinton quote about feminism I don’t even wanna remember it first thing i notice in a person: ?? what they look like? shoe size: 7M/9W (US) eye colour: hazel hair colour: brown favourite item of clothing: probably my leather jacket, close runners up are my high-waisted black jeans that look good with pretty much anything and my crop top that says “I got to second base at Jonah’s bar mitzvah, January 7th 1978″ what colour of underwear i’m wearing rn: blue/brown/white stripes favourite season: whichever one has like 60-70F weather, used to be summer but now that’s spring lol how much time i spent on designing my blog: not much I just picked a theme the reason i joined tumblr: this is pretty sad but... I wanted to make friends do i ever get “good morning” or “goodnight” texts: only if I’m like talking to someone right before going to bed when did i last hold hands: don’t remember how long does it take me to get ready in the morning: depends, anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour have i shaved my legs in the past 3 days: LMAO try the last 4 years where am i rn: on my couch do i like music loud or at a reasonable level: reasonable, loud noises are scary 3 things i love: my friends, dogs, idk earth? how i feel rn: I need to gtf to sleep lol something i rlly, rlly want: to feel like I don’t have to radically change my body to be attractive to the people I want to attract 3 things that upset me: feeling like I’m hurting or burdening other people, straight men trying to hit on me, the persistent feeling that being transmasc somehow makes me a bad person what i find attractive in other ppl: appreciating subjects other than your field of study, confidence, ambition, someone who’s accomplished interesting things in their life, being friendly, genuine & not condescending 3 habits i have: staying in bed all day on days when I don’t have to do anything, only eating part of my lunch during lunch time and eating the rest for dinner, carrying off ridiculous amounts of free food from events something i fantasize abt: feeling comfortable and secure in my attractiveness vis a vis how my body looks, and in my presence in gendered spaces something im talented at: singing, memorization, embarrassing myself the blog i give the most notes to: idk, probably sara tbh last person re-blogged sth from me: I haven’t checked my notifications in a while o_0 do  i smoke/drink: I drink with friends my favourite food: I’m a big fan of things with cheese in them. also guacamole. my favourite dessert: it really depends ugh I guess cake? what i did yesterday: had my last day of classes, went to work, went to an award ceremony/opening gala for an integrated DNA technologies sponsored exhibit at the field museum (it was so fancy I felt so grown up and fancy), went to kat’s birthday party number of kids i want: ???? number of siblings i have: none something thats constantly on my mind: trangst (trans angst)

last person i messaged on tumblr: teddy (void-for-president) can i drive: nope :/ what state or part of the world do i live in: Chicago, from Brooklyn am i in school: 3rd year undergrad do i get grossed out easily: not generally, but certain specific things will do it (ex. dead animals especially FISH) somewhere i would like to visit for a week: hm maybe go back and see Alaska again? check on that mountain biking trail I helped build in 10th grade i’ll love u if: make an effort to spend your free time with me/take the initiative in telling me that you value my being in your life last show i binge-watched: I binged legend of korra over winter break, probably that what words upset me the most: idk I guess people telling me I’m wrong for existing in the spaces that I occupy? what words make me feel best abt myself: when people tell me they value having me in their lives and that I make them feel good about themselves a wish that i’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: that’s not a thing that I do :/ who i would switch lives with for a day: idk maybe someone who’s already gone on T and sings just so I could get a sense of what the voice change is like for a singer? or like. a famous celebrity or something. my favourite ice cream: green tea I think? allergies: minor allergy to raw eggplant I think, every time I eat undercooked eggplant my mouth starts to feel like it’s swelling up, not like my throat is being blocked off but just my mouth starts to hurt quite noticeably sexiest person to come to mind immediately: alskdjfsldk this is really hard uhh uhhh ok see my first thought is like star trek characters but I can’t say that ok let’s go with john boyega he’s gorgeous and seems like a ray of sunshine my childhood career choice: biologist! one of my insecurities: that being transmasc nonbinary and still participating in some women’s spaces/not letting go of some aspects of womanhood makes me a bad person and specifically is harming transfeminine people how many blogs am i following: just over 100 I think how many tabs/different windows do i have open at this very moment: 2 windows, this is the only tab open in this window because my internet sucks and tumblr is a monster website, the other window has 13 tabs coke or pepsi: not super into either, I guess coke although my aunt used to work for pepsi so I should be loyal tea or coffee: tea movie or book: movie probably, I don’t actually read that much it’s embarrassing, although frankly I don’t really watch movies that much either a sense i would be willing to lose: none omg! I guess if I had to pick taste? since taste is mostly smell anyway quote i live by: I don’t really? type of accessory i wear the most: does the leather jacket count? otherwise none last awkward situation i found myself in: I kept trying to pet eva’s dog today but I just ended up scaring her what time is it rn: way too late

a song that made me cry: hallelujah by leonard cohen, not actually, just like made me v emotional (yes I’m thinking abt that yiddish cover) first song u ever sang at karaoke: are we talking like legit karaoke at a karaoke place or like hanging out in my best friend from middle school’s basement singing along with her CD of karaoke tracks for the hottest hits of the mid-2000s bc I don’t remember the former but the latter was definitely sk8r boi

[nkbstuff]

This is why I have problems talking to people

I was just called fake for something I literally had no part in by someone who I thought was a friend. And it wasn't like "oh wow. Ur fake" it was "fuck you. (insert fuckass' name here) was right, u are fake"

This pissed me off because said fuckass knows I don't like him and I've told him that to his face MULTIPLE TIMES so idk how I'm fake but imma get into that in a second...

But the reason I was called fake was because I was in a discord with the accuser and another friend. She and the other friend were kinda bickering but I have garbage internet so all I can hear is robotic voices with patches of silence. I didn't think much of it because they both have very toxic personalities but I thought it was more of joking around or generally being tilted. (As far as I could tell it wasn't "i fucking hate you" it was more like "oh hey we haven't played in a while" after like 2 deaths "wow I see why I stopped playing with u lol" type stuff which is kinda dickish but more of a joke) Me, being my usual quiet self, am not really paying attention as I'm more focused on the game we were playing. Eventually the other friend kicks the accuser out of the discord. After about 30 seconds she goes into private chat calling me fake and bringing up said fuckass.

The real reason I'm really mad about this is because she brought up this guys name. I don't fuck with said fuckass, and I haven't for almost 2 years now. He knows I don't like him because I've told him I don't like him. We used to be friends 4 years ago. He was literally the first person I met in high school. He was an asshole then but we were still friends. He was a toxic person but he was my friend so I just ignored it. After 2 years I only had one class with him but he had become more toxic so I kind of broke away from him. This was junior year. Throughout junior year he generally got more and more toxic. Since first year I met him his only joke for me was calling me the dark knight (I'm pretty black) and this lasted until halfway thru senior year. That was his only joke for 3.5 years but at the end of senior year he moved to just "night." I had already started to dislike him but we had mutual friends (still do) but it annoyed me because he started to claim to be black which normally I wouldn't care but for him who had been making fun of me because I'm black pissed me off. When I called him on it he told me he was "blacker" than me and that I'm not really black. This pissed me off. And it pissed me off because even by his own standards I was "black." "You don't play basketball" played on the school team tho. "You don't listen to rap" because i didn't listen to young thug (he was obsessed with young thug but I think it was around the time he was makin a lot of hits idk I only really heard him on features) "well it still doesn't matter I'm still blacker than you. Just cuz u don't know ur dad doesn't mean ur black" I know my dad but that wasn't the point. The point was to be black u have to be "from the streets"

This pissed me off again. He has a 2 parent household and gets a stupid amount of money for nothing. Literally nothing. He doesn't do chores. I know this because he told me when we were still friends. His parents a rich. Like DUMMY rich. He just graduated high school and is a year into his second car which is apparently $40000 which is prolly a lie but idk. He has 3 different gaming laptops that all work, multiple gaming consoles, a tv in his room, a stupid amount of instruments he doesn't know how to play, a dumb amount of expensive clothes. Never worked a day in his life. I'm not gonna pretend that I have the hardest life but it's not as easy as his. I wasn't raised in the slums, I was lucky enough to have a mom that took me out of the bad area we lived in when I was around 8. We moved a couple times trying to find a nice place. The final place we moved to was right on the border of rich people and lower middle class people lived. (I mean like rich rich people, my first job was like 10-15 min away from where Michael Vick used to live and we had multiple D to C-list celebrities coming to my job idk if that's fucked up to say but I'm mad so fuck it) To this day my mom and I are struggling. I had 2 jobs I still had to go to school. Both jobs paying garbage money. Where did my money go? Into my bank account for college. Where did his money go? At least $600 on league of legends alone. And that's what I know of. He play like 30 other games that costed even more and probably had micro transactions. The worst part is that he was ungrateful. The account he spent $600... he gave away to a friend of mine for free. He constantly bragged that he don't care that his grandmother was died, she (the grandmother) bought him a new laptop a few weeks before she died.

The last reason I hate (yes, hate) this fuckass is because I was showing a mutual friend some of my music because at that time I had just started making songs. As a joke I said my songs were trash. My friend laughed and jokingly agreed, but this punk ass bitch cut in and said they were actually trash. I thought some of them were bad admittedly, but he kept reminding me they were trash and said I didn't deserve my followers on soundcloud. He legit mad I made music. I found out later that he had a soundcloud and had been making music for over a year. At first I saw that I had like 24 followers and he had around 15 and it made him mad or smthn. I just thought he was being petty. Eventually, after he kept trashing my music daily I brought up the followers thing and he blew up. He went into all the reasons I had more followers and why I was bad. "You use samples so your basically not even making the music" "you don't even own a midi keyboard" (I didn't but used one daily because I had a music tech class and he knew this) and other crap like that. I admit I did and still do use samples but idk how that effects my followers and I didn't own a midi keyboard at the time but i still play 4 instruments vs his 0. He said something i don't remember wat it was but I was mad so I probably wasn't listening. This could have ended there but he started going around and telling other people that my music was trash. Actually went out of his way to trash my music. He went and found my soundcloud and followed me just so every time I post a song he can post it on Snapchat to said "look at this trash ass song XD" I dont think he does this anymore but idk. This is when I just stopped associating with him.

Also I found out that he had been taking pictures of me at random just walking down the hall and other things and been sending them to people I don't know talking shit about me MONTHS before this last thing happened. I found this out because 3 or 4 different people I didn't know had stopped me on multiple occasions callin me dark knight and shit like that.

Ye basically the fact that she brought up that fuckass nigga, knowing I fuckin hate him and actin as if I'm fuckin up over fucking nothing. After I've been nothin but nice to her for the past 2 fuckin years. After her dumbass boyfriend (who is almost as bad as this fuckass) cheated on her for LITERALLY, NO FUCKING JOKE, the 7th time. I had known her for about a year at the time. I had known each of them individually but I didn't know they were dating. Mostly because I met him first and he would brag about fucking other girls all the time. By the time I found out they were dating it was because he had cheated on her and when she found out he broke up with her. I only found out it was the 7th time from her because she came to me sad about her ex. She was sad and was hoping that he would: A. take her back (they are currently dating) and B: she hoped that he was at least only fucking the other girl because "if he is only fucking her but still loves me then I win" (again these fuckers are currently dating) Even though I'm lonely I would never go back to someone like that especially if it's the 7th (now 7th) time. She came to me asking for relationship and emotional advice. Even though I'm terrible with both of those things, I tried to help her with any advice and got others to help her.

Now all of a sudden I'm fake over some small ass shit that didn't even involve me...

Holy fuck this longer than I expected and I just realized I'm more mad that the fuckass was brought up and that he is still talkin shit after at least 6 months of not even seeing me, and I'm mad that after all I did to try to help her she gonna turn on me that fast.

I was gonna try keeping it polite and not cuss but I'm fuckin mad. Idk why I went in so detailed either.

Tl;dr

Fuck accuser, Fuck her boyfriend, and fuck the bitch ass fuck nigga who's still talking shit on me