#this was going to be something else but I saw the homestuck number and couldn’t resist lol

[whathasangramainyudonewrong]

Wrong #413

A young (?) man stands in his bedroom

It just so happens that today is not his birthday, but rather the day he asked Ganesha about a particular game he saw on her computer

Though it was 13 hours ago that he asked this question, it is only now that it seems to have sunk in that he has made quite the astronomical mistake

He’s currently paralyzed, still processing the overwhelming amount of information that Ganesha was able to provide

[antarestyl]

Got not tagged but saw this meme and wanted to do it :D

I tag @namekian-maoh and whoever else wanna try!

How many works do you have on AO3?

56 so far.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

600021 at this moment... damnit, I like nice and round numbers more XD

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

29 XD well, some are crossover and some are almost-the-same (especially with Video games where I often take multiple entires in a series into account and tag them accordingly)

As for my fandoms:

Video games: Amnesia: The Dark Descent, Among Us, Bowser's Fury, Deltarune, Don't Starve, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Final Fantasy XV, Luigi's Mansion, Mario & Luigi RPG, Monkey Island, Pikmin, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Odyssey, Super Paper Mario, Undertale, (+ AU of Undertale)

Comic/Cartoon/Manga/Anime: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh! (All Media Types), Homestuck, Gravity Falls, DCU (Comics), Booster Gold (Comics),  Blue Beetle (Comics)

Books/Movies/Divers: Harry Potter, Mystery Skulls Animated, Olsen-banden | The Olsen Gang (Movies), Ties of Lapis (Skyrim-AU),

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. PTA Sans and other glorious things       

73016 words, 3192 Kudos, so far my most successful work XD It’s still ongoing. Undertale Fanfic, Monster-on-the-Surface, True Pacifist Ending, PTA AU, SansxToriel in the Background, everybody is here, mostly happy, silly and only a small dose of angst from time to time. Later chapters with more story.

2. TrioBlasterSets AU - Six puppys and 3 flames                 

270813 word, 758 Kudos. I write this AU together with @namekian-maoh . Still ongoing. Undertale Baby-Blaster AU with some Underfell and Underswap thrown into it. Dadby, Badster, mostly family fluff and dealing with the experiment!gaster-blaster Background of 3 skeleton children. Also 3 flames who take care of them that have way more drama going on themselves than nessessary. Chapters are not in chronological order. Has a few Spin-offs too (including some NSFW oneshorts about the flames and their relationship ;) )

3. So I won't regret another day 

19214 words, 320 Kudos. Undertale Underfell AU, Underfell Sansby with some healthy relationships, the planning of a revolt against an insane king, monster still being monster and not really made for violence in an violent setting. If officially finished but I write new chapters when the fancy strikes me.

4. Grillby's                 

9894 words, 265 Kudos. Deltarune/Undertale fanfic with a Spin, named Plushyrune (aka Deltarune where eveything is the same, just with Sansby and Sans makes plushies). Started as just pure silly fluff, kinda got a plot now about the kids of Deltarune. Still ongoing, new chapter is 80% done ;)

5. Something old, something new... 

6579 words, 208 Kudos. Pure Post-Pacifist Surface Sansby fluff. Mostly from Grillby’s POV how they fall in love and be silly and in love. Still ongoing, haven’t really had to mojo to write more for it lately, but I WILL return at some point.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! I used to not comment on comments because I had this irrational feeling of “cheating the numbers” if I reply to comments but... screw that, I want to interact with people! So I try to answer any and all comments now :)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Ufff, for me it’s a tie between The last chip  and Laughter in the Darkness. The Last Chip is a Yu-gi-Oh! Fanfic in a series of Kaiba spiraling downwards after the Manga/Anime ended and sets up the events of Dark Site of Dimensions. It ends pretty much with Kaiba ending up getting borderline suicidal in his Obsession with the Pharaoh.

Laughter in the Darkness is the Epilog I wrote for my Gravity Falls x Amnesia Crossover where Ford is pretty much an Amnesia-Protagonist and archives the very worst ending for himself. Mind the tags if you read this. It ends with Ford at the lowest possible point for himself and its open ended if he is going fully insane or if Bill Chiper really is still around. (and it’s not clear what outcome is the better one)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nah, not really. I am a chill writer in my own little corners of the fandom and most people leave me alone. I did get one “But Queer is a SLUR” comment way back in the day where it was still all “????” to say that out loud. But otherwise? Nah. I am not important enough for hate, lol.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have XD Not much thou. I wrote so far an mastubation scene with the one going down on himself heavily NOT BEING ALRIGHT while doing so XD Other than that I have 2 NSFW Undertale fics with some hot flame-on-flame action. I do like writing not-standard-sex (as in Sex that doesn’t requite human genitila) Otherwise I like to hint or describe feelings more than the act itself. More lime than lemon ;)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. As I said, I am not important enough for that.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had some ppl asking for permission to translate (which of course) but as far as I know there are no translations out there as of yet.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah, I am writing the TrioBlasterSet AU with @namekian-maoh I did Co-write some fics way back during my fanfiction.de time too but that’s a long time ago.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I ship a lot and am a dirty multishipper XD I have to many ships to really call one out as my favorite.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

TrioBlasterSets AU because there is always MORE to tell with this AU XD

What are your writing strengths?

I am the Queen of Worldbuilding and Crossovers baby!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Only do it if you have a REALLY good reason for it AND if you have a good gasp on the language. Like, nothing takes me out of a fic faster than reading stuff in horrible German written by people who were to lazy to just copy/paste the word from google translate (my time in the Apollo Justice fandom has seriously scared me. It’s Fräulein, not Fraulein or Fraülein! Also you can’t just swap ei and ie around THOSE ARE DIFFERENT SOUNDS! als we have the letter ß it’s a shap s sound you can’t just use/not use it as you please!)

Also in 90% of all cases it’s just not nessessary. Write what you wanna write, TELL us it was said in a different language OR let the POV character just tell us their hear something said in an other language they couldn’t understand.

What I want to say is: Have some respect of the language you want to use!

-

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

I THINK it was Harry Potter? IDK I wrote a cringy Star Trek Parodie when I was like 14 or so and those OCs went through a lot from that time on forward but Idk if that even counts XD

-

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

The Game of Our Life It’s a series of Mario x Homestuck Fics I wrote before Undertale came along and swept me away XD I love all my fics of course but this one was the first really big one I finished on english and it was the one I am most proud of of the world-building. It has angst, it has lore, my writing style was just really developing there and I am just proud of it. (Also it’s very self-indulging so yeah XD love it a LOT)

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

[ardenttheories]

Honestly as a Trans man I do like the June Headcanons and the Trans fem Roxy Headcanons. I just wished that when we made Trans man / Trans masc Headcanons they wouldn't be shot down. I've seen so many people say Dirk is a Trans man, only to see people say that you shouldn't want to go with him as your representation, because of his ""evil"" doings

I think this is something that always frustrates me when it comes to trans headcanons in the Homestuck community. Women are allowed to find their representation in characters that have done horrific things (such as Vriska), and this, for some reason, has become seen as acceptable in the fandom. But when it comes to the men, we have to justify everything that the character does or outright denounce them and find someone else to represent us.

Which, if we took away every male character who is even vaguely problematic, we get left with... Tavros? Maybe Dave? Or characters that just didn’t get enough screen time to be actual representation, like Alpha Dave or Poppop. Maybe the Signless and the Summoner, if we’re lucky. 

At that point it isn’t representation, and forcing us to headcanon non-problematic men or men who didn’t even get enough screentime to be developed as characters... kind of sucks. It’s like giving us the scraps and saying that’s all we get, and that we should be thankful for it. It reminds me a lot of being 16 and ace on Tumblr, and being told that I couldn’t headcanon ANYONE as ace except for robots, villains, and characters that nobody otherwise liked. 

It makes you feel so fucking small when you’re told you have restrictions like that. It makes you feel unwanted and unworthy. It makes you feel like you should be happy with that you get - and then when that rep is taken away (like with transmasc Roxy being predominantly ignored), it just leaves you at a complete loss. What do you... do after that?

Maybe I want to headcanon Dirk as trans. Maybe I see a lot of transmasculinity in him, his struggle with identity, his hatred of himself - or maybe I just really like him as a character and want to put my own representation into him. That should be as acceptable as a transwoman or a lesbian seeing Vriska as their own form of representation, because you can read those identities into her character - quite easily, even! 

It’s again one of those ideas where like, we’re all trans, y’know? We should support each other with the headcanons that make us most happy, not gatekeeping each other and declaring that one is better than the other. We’re real people. The characters aren’t. Transmasc John and transfem June can exist side by side and make real transmen and transwomen feel validated and happy. 

The only time we should be careful is when we think we have to justify representation in headcanons. We can’t get rid of the horrible things Vriska has done, that Dirk is doing, to justify why we see them as x or y representation. We have to accept that they’re problematic, but also that we can still identify with problematic characters. It only becomes an issue when a creator writes a trans character in an inherently problematic way without putting any problematic traits into other characters. That’s when you know they’re trying to denounce trans people, and that’s when you should call them out on their bullshit. 

And finally! (Because I will keep typing if I’m not careful, like a dumbass). I don’t have an issue with the June or transfem Roxy headcanons, either; they’re perfectly valid and wonderful headcanons, and I think it’s really cute how people draw June and how happy they always make her seem. And it makes me so, so happy to know that she is making any number of transwomen happy now that she’s been accepted as a headcanon/canon by the wider Homestuck community. 

My only issue comes from the point when transmen’re told we can’t make our own headcanons or have to be narrowed down to what we do headcanon. But then again, I’d say the same if I saw anyone doing it to transwomen and their headcanons. We’re all people, and we all deserve to find our own representation in characters we love or associate with - and that shouldn’t be taken away from anyone. 

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter One)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.

I also tried to be fancy with the html, but it didn't come out right (you will see what I mean). However, I'm leaving it as is for now.

Chapter 1: Inciting Incidents 

Day 0:

“I'm smooth as peanut butter,” Dave protested, his coffee sloshing in its cup as he swung his arm out. “Choosy moms might choose Jiff, but I ain't in the market for an older woman at the moment. Just call me Skippy, because that's how smooth I am.”

Rose looked both unimpressed and unconvinced. “Really?” She took a small, dignified sip of her tea.

“Yes!” Dave frowned. “I'm like super suave. Fucking James Bond over here.”

She squinted at him for a moment. “You do realize that James Bond is characterized by his inability to keep any woman with him longer than the length of one of his movies.”

“That's only because he's too much man to be tied down,” Dave said. “And that's not even the point: the point is that the fucker's suave. He can have any girl he wants.”

“And I suppose you can get any boy you want?” It sounded dismissive. “It would be wonderful if you managed that feat before my wedding. You know how mother worries about you, and I would rather not spend the first day wedded to my wife listening to mother wailing about how her poor little Davey's going to be all alone in the world.”

Dave felt the flush creeping up his cheeks, and he wasn't sure if he was experiencing his future humiliation already or if he was getting mad. Just because he couldn't keep a relationship going for long, that didn't mean he wasn't smooth. It wasn't his fault that up until very recently he'd only pursued girls because he hadn't wanted to admit he was gay... Okay, yes, that actually was his fault. The point was of course those relationships had failed. His relationship prowess had never been given a fighting chance. “Yeah, I could. In fact, I could make any of the guys here fall for me.”

“Very well, brother of mine,” Rose said, smiling that particular smile which tended to portend bad things for the person it was directed at, “how about that one?” She pointed to a man sitting alone at a table on the other end of the cafe.

Dave looked over at him without making it obvious he was doing so. Damn, Rose. The guy was a snack, obviously, but his expression indicated that the whole world had pissed in his cornflakes one at a time and had made him miss the bus to his job at the blow job factory. Still, it was too late to back out now. “Fine,” he said, setting down his cup just a little too hard. “I'll see you in two weeks, Rose, and I'll have him on my arm in a matching tux. We're going to be the hottest, gayest penguins you've ever fucking seen.”

She laughed at him. Which was fine: he was going to have the last laugh here. And there was no time like the present. He stood and strode over to the other table, curving his mouth in his smoothest, suavest fucking smile.

The man had noticed Dave's approach and looked up from his coffee, the ire on his face now joined by confusion. “Can I help you?” His voice was rough but not unpleasant. His tone was less pleasant, but Dave had expected that from his expression.

“I sure hope so,” Dave said. He put one hand on his hip and held the other out to the man. “I've just lost my name: can I have yours?”

The man blinked. Then he laughed—less amused and more disbelieving. “Seriously? You're seriously going to open up with that? That has to be the cheesiest fucking pick up line I've heard in my life. And I've heard a lot of them.”

Dave only grinned. Breaking the ice was just one of Dave's many talents. “What can I say, dude, I'm a connoisseur of fine cheese. Premium, aged in wooden crocks or whatever.” He waggled his hand. “Don't leave me hanging.”

The man looked from Dave's hand to his face and back again before heaving a sigh. He shook Dave's hand, his grip solid but not crushing. “Karkat.” Then he frowned. “What do you want?”

“Thought that was obvious, Karkat,” Dave said, trying the name out. He liked it. “I want to ask you out. On a date. I'm Dave, by the way,” he added quickly. It probably would have been smarter to open up with that. It also occurred to Dave that there were a lot of other variables he hadn't considered until this moment. “If you're single. God, I hope you're single. And into guys. Otherwise, I'm going to feel pretty stupid.”

Karkat opened his mouth but didn't speak as something too quick for Dave to pick up flashed across his face. Then he grinned, perhaps a little too widely. “You're in luck,” he said. “I am in the market for a date.”

Oh. “Cool. Cool, that's—” Dave broke off with a fake cough into his fist. “Yeah, uh. So, are you free tomorrow? Night?”

A slow nod. “Yeah. Sure. Sounds great.” He dug through his bag and took out a small notepad. “Do you use Pesterchum?” he asked as he scribbled something down.

“I think everyone and their grandmother uses Pesterchum,” Dave said, still kind of surprised that this was going as well as it was. “Not my grandmother, I don't have one, but you know, grandmothers. Or the tech savvy ones anyway. I think your average grandmother might have some trouble—the text is kind of tiny, isn't it?”

Karkat looked up from his writing. “Right.” He ripped the page out and held it out to Dave. “Message me, and we can set up that date.”

Dave took the paper. “Thanks, I'll, uh, message you soon!” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and made his way back to Rose. He knew his face was burning, but he decided to believe it was the flush of victory rather than anything else. She was still smiling at him, and he held the paper out in front of her face. “See? I've already got his chumhandle. You're going to eat your words, Rose. I hope you like the taste of humble pie.”

Rose laughed behind her hand. “Nice work, Dave,” she said once she'd recovered. “Try not to break his heart, won’t you?”

“What?” Dave shook his head. “His heart is going to be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap and under ten pounds of packing peanuts.” He shoved the paper into his pocket. “I got this thing on lock.”

---

Karkat tore his eyes away from the retreating Dave to jot down some notes on his notepad. Looked like he'd be able to write this article sooner rather than later. Unless Dave had been dared to come over and get his phone number. That had happened before. He scowled into his coffee. Well, if Dave never got in touch with him, then he'd just use his last disaster of a relationship to base his article on. That was what he'd planned to do originally anyway.

It wasn't a secret around the office that Karkat Vantas, despite being a font of romance wisdom, was dead in the water when it came to dating and keeping a boyfriend. He attributed this mostly to his abhorrent personality and lack of self-control. Whenever the opportunity came up for him to stick his foot in his mouth, you could find him there, furiously chewing on his toes. He'd lost count of how many times a date had ended because he'd said something he shouldn't have. Or rather, screamed something he shouldn't have at the top of his lungs with more profanity than was warranted in retrospect.

So, of course, the boss knew about Karkat's lackluster love life, too. The assignment had been one of her little jokes. One of her little mind games. “Oh, Mr. Vantas, please write an article about how to fuck up a relationship in less than two weeks—it should be easy for you seeing as you're such an expert at being so noxious that no one but your handful of friends can even stand to be anywhere around you, never mind a stranger who doesn't know your history or has any reason to want to stick around and deal with your bullshit.” Paraphrased, of course. Her version had been much less honest.

He re-read his notes.

* Dave, no last name given. Terrible pick up line. Rambles. Idiot or awkward. Or both. Dresses like a color-blind douche bag. Obnoxious sunglasses. Vision impaired? Hot. Attractive. Moderately attractive.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he set down his notepad to fish it out. He frowned down at the screen. A notification from Pesterchum? His heart rose a little despite himself until he saw the name. Kanaya. He sighed. While he was happy she was happy, he couldn't handle being gushed at right now. He put the phone on the table and finished his coffee.

---

Dave dithered for hours before he finally decided on the perfect message to open communications with.

TG: this is dave from the cafe TG: wanted to say hey TG: and ask what you want to do Saturday

Okay, so it wasn't the best rap ever, but he was stretched for material here. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to blow up this guy's phone before Dave got some confirmation that this was even Karkat's chumhandle. It wouldn't be the first time someone had given him a dud. At least the messages were going through: that was a good sign.

CG: ARE YOU RHYMING ON PURPOSE? TG: hell yea dog TG: mc strider here by popular demand to lay down the jams TG: ive got all my adoring fans just waiting for me to shower them with stanz- TG: -as like youve never seen its a dream come true straight to you

That was enough; he had to give Karkat some time to respond. Assuming this was Karkat.

TG: this is karkat right? CG: OH I CAN TALK NOW? CG: YES THIS IS KARKAT. CG: AS CHARMING AS THIS IS (AND I AM SO UTTERLY CHARMED RIGHT NOW), DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME? TG: totally i totally do i knew as soon as i saw you yea im taking this total snack on a date

Which was not a lie, technically. Yes, Dave liked how Karkat looked, but he probably wouldn't have gone over to his table without Rose egging him on.

TG: where do you want to go skys the limit TG: but not really TG: cause no offense but i just met you TG: and i dont think were at the stage where id be willing to sell one my kidneys TG: to make your dreams of jumping out of an airplane onto the back of a narwhal or some shit like that come true TG: thats like after at least date number 5 and id expect some kind of thanks TG: at least a tongue kiss or something TG: not that i think you need to pay for dates physically TG: thats all kinds of gross TG: forget i said any of that please CG: … CG: HOW ABOUT DINNER AND A MOVIE. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. CAN WE DO THAT?

Dave grinned with relief. He'd thought for sure he'd just blown this.

TG: sounds great nothing beats the classics

With that sorted out, the rest had been easy. Dave closed his phone, feeling accomplished. He was really doing this. He was really making this happen. But first, he had some clothes to throw in the shower!

---

Karkat slid his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. Well, now he had a date for tomorrow. He looked down at the new set of notes he'd written during that 'conversation'.

* Last name Strider? Raps without provocation. Definitely visually impaired. Goes off on wild tangents. I'm going to be murdered. What the hell am I doing?

It had been difficult not to react in his normal way to the frankly bizarre things Dave had said, and he knew that was only going to be more difficult to manage in person. Still, he had to 'hook' this man as best as he was able before he could fuck it up like always. After all, he couldn't 'lose' a guy he never 'had', right? He idly entertained the thought of what 'having' Dave might be like. He was clearly crazy, but there was something endearing in his total inability to communicate like a regular person. The way he'd been so obviously nervous and out of his depth when he'd come over to ask Karkat out. The way his cheeks had flushed when Karkat had accepted. The way his body had moved when he'd walked away.

Shaking his head, Karkat tucked the notepad into his bag. No point in even thinking about it. Even if he weren't getting into this just to ruin the relationship for his article, the end would have been the same anyway. Honestly, he was doing Dave a favor: at least this way, Dave would only be wasting ten days worth of his time rather than torturous months of dealing with Karkat's bullshit before finding an excuse to cut him loose.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go!  Spoiler-free again.  I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon?  Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed.  Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post).  Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next:  Any bonuses?  Oh, none!  Phew.  Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often.  :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right.  :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me?  Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings?  As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew.  Bracing myself.  That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along?  Or leave her back there with her meta freakout?  Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas.  (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing.  Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great.  I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not.  That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade.  Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick??  I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands.  Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip??  Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness.  Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice.  And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress.  Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings?  I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes.  PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too.  (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock.  Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design.  --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh.  Cool!

Hero outfit, understated...  her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases.  Works well!  (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough.  Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys.  I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this.  (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes.  Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here???  No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7.  That’s fucking disappointing.  How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads?  She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2.  Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected.  This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew.  It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk.  --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood.  Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright.  You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed.  :(

> ==>

...okay you know what?  Never mind.  That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much?  We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn.  :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity?  That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks?  Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips?  And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK.  You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave.  Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something.  Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!??  Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE???  FUCK you.  Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I.  There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm.  Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”.  I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right?  She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop.  I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering?  Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah.  A little worse than my casual list, huh?  Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all.  Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

:(

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C.  :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though.  I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation.  Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

:(

--Oh right.  I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you.  That’s good to remember.  But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years.  :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT.  I should have read one line further.  They DID bring her.  Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her.  ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of.  And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding.  Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard.  Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8!  Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected.  Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

[blaperile]

Homestuck Meat Epilogue - Reactions Page 40-43

Page 40:

Hopy shit!!!

THAT was not what I was expecting Jade to say!

I was getting so worried when Dirk was describing Jade's state, that she was going to overexert herself and that her body would immediately collapse or that she'd accidentally hurt someone.

It seems like the experience she had has triggered something within her. I wonder though, seeing as the description is deliberately vague... is it just the Game Over Jade whose memories she's accessed, or also her other selves? As in, has she begun tapping into her ultimate self, similarly to what Rose has been going through?

It was exactly for that latter reason that I feared her body was going to collapse and not be capable of handling it.

Oh man though, so she REALIZES what's going on with Dirk. That's spectacular!!! But how come she realizes it? Does she hear his narration now? Or is it because of being used as a vessel by Alternate Calliope that the latter passed on some information to her (or just the awareness)?

I definitely didn't expect this first move against Dirk to originate with her though, my shortlist was basically Dave, Roxy, Kanaya and Terezi. Because Roxy seems to tbe invulnerable to his messing, Dave realized SOMEONE was toying with him, Kanaya just lost Rose because of Dirk, and Terezi knows Dirk has the power of narration now.

So, it wasn't any of them, but Jade instead! Very interesting.

But still, she IS in the room right now with 2 of those 4 people, AKA Roxy and Kanaya, so that's really really good! The only thing I'm afraid of is, Dirk pulled quite the number on Kanaya's state of mind so it might be hard to get her along in the resistance against Dirk? And who even knows if Roxy will believe that her dear old friend needs to be stopped and will be willing to assist in it.

Hopefully they'll get in touch with Dave soon.

And then, as for Terezi, we'll first have to wait and see what Dirk's got planned for her.

Page 41:

......WOOOAAAAH!!!

Okay, even though that was a short page and we've basically been listening to Dirk talk almost this ENTIRE Epilogue, this is EXACTLY the kind of info dump we needed.

I'm still trying to process what he just said here...

So he KNOWS he can be seen as a villain here, and basically EXPECTS to be stopped at some point. But along the way, he'll try to execute his plans anyway and try to get done what he believes needs to be done?

Holy shit.

That's... so like Dirk, and also... so much like Doc Scratch / Lord English?

I mean, think about it, the masterminds taking control of the narration and/or the events that take place, ensuring that over a long timespan their plans will be executed and while at the same time basically seeding the opposition that will eventually stop them!

Woah, now we know for sure where THAT part of their genetics came from!

I mean, obviously Caliborn is no fool himself, but this is exactly the kind of mastermind thing that fits Dirk most.

Also, the part of the text here where Dirk claims that he's afraid of not existing, that fits so well with his conversation with the Auto-Responder just prior to becoming Arquiusprite, where the latter claimed that he was afraid to not exist.

And... did Dirk just confirm exactly how he's going to be stopped by the end of this Epilogue? That Dave will cut off his head and cause a Just death?

Dang.

So the entire time in this Epilogue, where Dirk had a running gag with Dave telling him that the solution to every problem to decapitate him wasn't just a morbid joke referring to what happened in [S] Collide, no... he was giving him hints how to stop him for good.

Fucking hell!

Talking it over with plainWonder here, we were debating if further up in this Epilogue there are going to be some more callbacks to earlier moments from Homestuck, that will turn out to have been (retroactive?) foreshadowing for stuff that's yet to happen, similarly to how Dave(peta)sprite flew up to the sun like a piece of garbage.

And let's not forget, Terezi listening to John bleed while she smells him die! Holy shit I can't believe I forgot to react to that part on that earlier page, because god DAMN that was an insane callback I can't believe actually came true after all this time.

Anyway, I really needed this page. It helps to at least get a better grasp on, yes, this is still Dirk and this fits with his personality, and he knows exactly what he's doing and that he will be stopped.

And actually, it also fits very much with what happened with [S] Dirk: Synchronize and [S] Dirk: Unite where he pulled of a great masterful plan to "fix" everything, and didn't even hesitate to sacrifice his own real self to accomplish it. And now again, he's doing the same thing, though in how far what he's doing is actually needed to "fix" things this time around will remain to be seen...

And yet, there's still so much unclear. Like, what the heck is Dirk actually planning to do here?? And if he's leaving Earth behind, how will anyone follow him? Is he "just" going into space with that ship o Jake's, or is he actually leaving the reality behind (because how would he even do that first of all, and how would anyone even be capable of following without John's retconning powers?)?

Lastly, I just want to mention that I really like he gave a sneaky compliment to Dave there: "Who could wield such control over people’s choices and the course of events without ultimately becoming the enemy of anyone who notices? Maybe only a stronger person than I could manage to pull it off. Someone like Dave."

Page 42:

Holy SHIT this is an epic series of pages!

God you wouldn't BELIEVE how hard I was cheering here when Kanaya regained her sanity and started thinking clearly again. I'm so happy that she truly realizes now what's going on, and Roxy as well.

It's unfortunate that Jade couldn't give all the information in time. I mean, she did manage to give some hints that Dirk was feeding Kanaya thoughts, but she couldn't explain that he was actually controlling their every action.

But this is good, this is a really good start.

And okay, it's unfortunate that Jade has fallen away again. But at least I do trust Alternate Calliope much more as a narrator now than I trust Dirk.

In general, she doesn't actually seem to influence anyone into doing something they wouldn't want to do anyway. Okay, maybe she let herself go with Jane's obsession with the Sucker, I'll give you that. But other than that, she seems to be doing fine?

And being the very definition of passive, she probably won't directly address Roxy or Kanaya here and tell them exactly what's going on or what they should do. They'll unfortunately have to find out for themselves and do something about it.

So, we did get a bit more of a hint as to what Dirk is going to do exactly:

"Who’s doing the thinking, and who’s having the thoughts?

The more you study the question, the more it seems all concrete forms of accountability go up in smoke. Her original thoughts were never that important, and the significance of the idea that she was the one authoring them was always a bit overrated. My mission is to someday clear this all up for everyone. Remove the ambiguity, suck the mud out of the water. It’ll be a lot better that way, trust me."

Does that mean he's going to look for Andrew Hussie??? The guy who wrote Homestuck and was controlling the narration for so long?

I mean, CAN he even do that? Is that guy even still around? Last we saw of him he was in the Furthest Ring, right where Lord English was wreaking havoc.

To go back to my earlier theory, did Aradia round up a bunch of survivors in the Furthest Ring, and is Andrew among them? Is Dirk going THERE? And how is he going to reach it from Earth?

For that matter, how did Terezi reach it in the first place? Did John zap her there? Or can they actually "exit" the Genesis Frog into the Incipisphere by going to the very boundaries of the universe, and can Dirk go to the Furthest Ring that way?

Or, like plainWonder is suggesting to me here, was Andrew's original home on some weird ass planet in Universe C? And that Dirk's headed to there now?

Okay, there should be nobody left there anymore seeing as Andrew's dead and probably still lying around there somewhere, Spades Slick, The Felt, Authour II, and Ms. Paint all went through those Fenestrated Walls into Doc Scratch's appartment and then the clock to go into the Furthest Ring.

...

Hmmm

There's a bunch of possibilities here.

Maybe Dirk's going to look for Andrew's typewriter and/or computer in his castle, that we saw him use sometimes during Homestuck.

Or he's going to retrieve Andrew's corpse for whatever reason.

Or he's going to take those Fenestrated Walls into Doc Scratch's appartment... which should now be inside the Black Hole??? Is he going to take it to Alternate Calliope or something? Or maybe the appartment still exists within the Green Sun due to spacetime shenanigans, and he's going to take the same route that Spades Slick took into the Furthest Ring and go to Aradia that way?

Or Dirk is planning something else entirely of course and I could be entirely wrong!

I'm getting more and more excited to find out!

It's interesting how Dirk mentioned that "a bunch of them" will be leaving the planet to go after him. So, definitely not everyone. Just Kanaya, Roxy, Dave and...????

Also, Dirk states he's already gone. What does that mean then for the offer he gave Terezi to come along with him? Did she accept or refuse off-screen then?

Page 43:

God DAMN the awesome string of pages continues!!!!

First of all, I'm so glad that Roxy and Kanaya went to Dave and Karkat, those were exactly the right persons to contact for this.

There were a lot of really precious good moments on this page: Dave and Karkat's adorable interaction with each other, Roxy being "his dad" now, DAVE SLIPPING INTO HIS OEDIPUS AGAIN, Dave being so worried about John, and Karkat assuming the role of leader again!!!

This page is such a goldmine.

I'm so glad Karkat's taking up the role of leader again, by himself and without any urging. It makes sense, all other people who have assumed leader-like roles before are on the other ship (Dirk, John, Rose, Terezi sorta)

And so if I read correctly, it seems like starting from the next page we'll be going back to more regular narration? So Alternate Calliope will completely omit her "personality", to make the narration as objective as possible.

What I don't entirely understand is the things she said about swapping "speaker". First I thought she meant she'd leave Jade's body and take over someone else's, but perhaps instead it means she will attribute the "you-ness" to other characters?

So that we'll "be" Dave, Roxy, Karkat, or Kanaya at different points, or not?

And the implications from the narration seem to be that John's corpse, and by extension Terezi, are indeed on Dirk's ship, alas. :(

I wonder if we're now going to continue from solely their perspective and their chase of Dirk, or if we're still going to see some things from Dirk's perspective.

Plus, is anyone else going to join this crew? Jane's probably going to stay behind seeing as she's now the president, but what about Jake and the other Calliope?

Also, I wonder, did Squarewave go along with Dirk or did he merely bring some stuff on board and then leave again?

I'm worried about what Alternate Calliope's implying here, that John's role seems to be done. Are we really going to see nothing more of him in this entire Epilogue?

It's so hard to believe, kind of, with how crucial he's always been to the plot of Homestuck.

On the other hand, perhaps it's now truly the time for his friends to shine. Maybe at the very end of the Epilogue he'll turn out to be capable of being revived by Jane after all? That would be nice.

And else, well, I'm already curious what the Candy Epilogue will have in store for him. :P

Man, these pages really were a breath of fresh air after the last few heavy ones. Finally a bit of clarity to Dirk's actions, and finally some signs of hope! :D

[lettersofsky]

DistantPastZine - The Summoner - Names Die While Legends Linger

So I was given the amazing opportunity to write on the recently released @distantpastzine and now I get to post the pieces I wrote for it here ^_^

Rating:Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning:Major Character Death Fandom:Homestuck Characters:The Summoner (Homestuck) | Darkleer (Homestuck) | Grand Highblood (Homestuck) | Spinneret Mindfang Additional Tags:A Dash of Depersonalization | Implied Pale Summleer Language:English

` A bit of an introspection into what it becomes to stop truly being someone and become something before the end. `

~

You are The Summoner.

That’s the only name that really matters anymore.

Your true name, your first name, the name you chose for yourself upon your first pupation trying to make sense of what your lusus called you, and carried with you for most of your life, it’s lost to you now. Far too long since you’ve used it for yourself, since anyone else’s used it in reference to you. Mindfang had preferred your title, most everyone preferred the name you fashioned for yourself at the beginning of your rebellion. Except for… but he’d left long before the end of things, running when it had all started to take a turn for the worst for all of you; the number of trolls that returned from missions grew lesser and lesser, supplies started to dry up, allies disappeared and turned against you. You hadn’t blamed him, couldn’t blame him for it because maybe… maybe Rufioh Nitram would have done the same thing, at one point in time.

But that didn’t really matter did it? It didn’t matter that ‘Summoner’ wasn’t your true name. Rufioh Nitram wasn’t important in this story, he’d already departed this world, had left when Mindfang had urged him to drive his lance clean through her torso, words honeyed sweet and comforting in his skull even as her breath grew wet and horrid with the blood in her lungs, urging him forward, onwards, you can do it I want you too…

Rufioh Nitram had perished then, with his matesprits body cradled in his arms, bleeding out from the merciful blow of his lance.

It was The Summoner’s turn today.

The Summoner’s battle was lost. Your war, your rebellion, over and the Highbloods all the more enraged for your part in it, for the lives of their that you brought to a sudden and abrupt end with all of the care they had ever shown you and yours. They were demanding your execution now and the most care you could give that notion was relief in that it wouldn’t be… wouldn’t be Darkleer firing the arrow at you, you’d had enough of quadmates culling each other for the perigee. You would consider it a small kindness from the cruel world you existed in, but one you were glad for all the same.

Currently, you were awaiting your escorts, alone in your dark cell, no window to allow in light or fresh air, leaving you cut off from the world but for the barest hint of light that crept under the door that allowed you to just barely be able to see the details of the room around you with your warm-blooded eyes. It’s nothing impressive, the only thing of interest around you the markings left by prior occupants; claw marks of varying lengths and desperation, some steady and deliberate in the walls as trolls attempted to guess at the passing of time and others messy and frantic on the floor, marking the final desperate struggle to deny, to escape the fate that was awaiting them at the hands of the Highbloods dragging them from the safety of the cut off isolated room. You swear you could smell where terror and hopeless resignation had sunken so deep into the walls it’s permanently stained the still, stale air around you.

You have nothing to do in here, nothing to keep your hands or thoughts busy so you can allow yourself to think, to think and dwell on things for longer than you’d ever let yourself at any other time. You don’t know when the Highbloods will come to drag you out of your room before the infestation your army hadn’t culled from the face of Alternia.

So you have the time to do it, you have the time, the opportunity, to think.

…

You can’t recall a time Mindfang ever used your true name, at least not before she’d been guiding you through the motions that would finally release her from her mortal coil, which is more the pity because you would have liked to hear it in her voice, in her actual voice and not the echoing, all-consuming facsimile of it in your skull. It would have sent you spiralling, free-falling into the reddest pity for her, her finally seeing you as more than The Summoner, more than the image of a general, more than the matesprit that would take her life from her.

You think, you would have liked if she saw Rufioh. Maybe you could have come to know her underneath Mindfang’s smooth talking and weaving web of influence.

… But maybe that was just the fantasy of a wriggler that still wanted so much to be wholly seen and not found lacking despite his… abnormalities.

It didn’t matter, the past was dead and gone and Mindfang had only cared for Summoner, Rufioh hadn’t even been a blip on her radar.

But Darkleer… he’d given a damn about Rufioh. He’d taken your name and kept it close to his pumper, breathed it from his lip like it was something important, something deserving to be spoken into the air and allowed to hold attention and regard in their lives. Darkleer… he’d ensured that you knew that there would always be time to just be Rufioh when the expectations of The Summoner grew too much from your ill-prepared shoulders to handle, he gave you time and a place where you could put aside the clown’s movements, the mounting body count of your army, the looming knowledge that this was useless, futile, doomed, and you could just be Rufioh for a few minutes. Rufioh who loved the lusus that taught him to fly, Rufioh who had hid his mutation even though his shoulder’s and wing stubs ached from being bound so tightly and so long, Rufioh who’d worked endlessly, tirelessly just to make things the tiniest bit easier for whoever came in after he left.

He’d let you be a troll when you’d started to forget what that was like, you were so grateful for that. So very grateful to have had that for the brief period of time he’d stopped being terrified of stepping out of place and earning your culling ire and you’d let yourself trust the turncoat’s traitorous heart long enough to relax into his regard. Darkleer had liked your name, had liked speaking it, saying it when nobody else did and keeping it like it was something precious that was wholly his and wasn’t that such a pitiful thing? To hold so much pride in being given something so small, so minute and insignificant?

But then you’d… you’d felt the same at being given his name in return. A name kept by monsters and stripped away from him so that he’d be nothing more than another cog into the Empire’s spiralling machinery.

Which was a shame because Horuss was such a good name.

You’d used it when he’d left, just like he’d used Rufioh when he’d requested forgiveness, soft and quiet directed towards the earth with a difference that turned your stomach and made you all too aware of where you both started out. But you’d already forgiven him, forgiven him when his brows refused to unfurrow and he started to walk like a hunted creature at the edges of camp again, forgiven when you’d found his makeshift hive dark and abandoned like he’d only been a ghost you’d been imaging to help you deal with everything and…

Horuss had tried, had tried to make you understand, stuttering and stammering, losing his words amongst sharp clicks and noises of panic and distress you hadn’t been able to ease, you hadn’t wanted to… to touch him, to shush and calm him and reassure him that he could get out the words that would tear apart your trust in him would only shatter you both and you had wanted… You’d wanted to protect that bit of you that was still Rufioh and not The Summoner so you didn’t, you held yourself still and waited as he petered off, Horuss’ voice dying in the space between you both as you did your best to hold both Rufioh and Summoner in your head at once.

The Summoner’s decision should have been to put an end to the turncoat, to stop him from leaving and potentially leading the Highbloods back to them in order to garter favour or forgiveness or any other logical reason that would have made him well-justified  in his actions. But Rufioh…

You’d let him go, you couldn’t ask him to stay with you, couldn’t ask him to potentially watch you die even if it would have soothed something in you to have him there to watch your back and potentially die for you but… but he deserved more than that.

You wanted more for him than that, he deserved to have his ending separated from the Highbloods that had controlled his life and while The Summoner should have brought the Expatriate to heel and finished him for his desertion, Rufioh couldn’t do that to Horuss.

You hadn’t asked him to stay. You hadn’t impaled him for daring to leave.

No.

Instead you’d reached out and up, not too much he was still directing his whole form towards the dirt beneath your feet in a futile hope to disappear into it you knew, to touch him, to bring his forehead to yours and in the light of moons not yet risen you’d wished him the best of luck and a kind death when it eventually came for him. You’d thought yourself strong, you’d believed that you’d be able to bare this with all of The Summoner’s fortitude but then he’d slumped against you with a noise that sounded so much like physical pain that Rufioh was brought low by it. You had a stray, wild thought that perhaps he’d falter, that Horuss’ resolve would shatter like the windows of cathedrals but he hadn’t, far stronger, far weaker, than that and oh how you had pitied him then.

He’d left you standing there, alone and overlooking an army preparing for what was more than likely gearing up to be their final few nights of existing and you… you hadn’t been able to watch him go, you couldn’t bring yourself to do that to yourself. You’d tucked Rufioh away then, he wasn’t needed with the Highbloods drawing closer and an army looking to him for guidance. Rufioh may have been the one to scale the hill to confront Horuss for his decision to leave, but it was The Summoner and Expatriate that took their separate ways down.

The Highbloods had descended upon the camp within the few nights, meeting an army prepared for them and with nothing to lose but the very breath in their lungs and the very rights to existence they were all fighting so desperately for, freedom and equality and right that should have been theirs as much as it was the Highbloods despite how much warmer they were than the others. The Highbloods may have been the ones to emerge victorious from the battle, but there was no denying the blood it had cost them, a small victory hollow and spiteful amidst a tremendous loss, but one you were going to keep close and warm in your pumper up until they stole the life from you. It was nothing and it was petty but it was wholly yours in this story, an achievement you would be proud to carry to your grave.

The Summoner – Rebel Scum and Culler of Clowns

You’d been captured at that battle, captured instead of killed there as a warrior amongst your comrades and companions, brought hundreds of miles in order to be made an example of like The Sufferer before you. A warning to the rest of your kin on the lowest, warmest, most fragile and cruelly treated side of the hemospectrum so that they would not attempt to fight against the ways of The Empire again.

There was no place for Rufioh Nitram amongst that.

You were The Summoner now and you were about to be executed for daring to want something more for, not even for yourself really (it was hard to want anything for yourself when you could barely settle on a ‘yourself’ to want for) but for those of yours that weren’t in any place to want or hope for better themselves, for those who’d been told from the moment they could comprehend it that they’d never be anything more than tools to be used and thrown away once they were deemed ‘broken’ by those who thought themselves so much better than them simply because of the colder, bluer blood than ran through them.

The door to your cell opens and it is a sudden burst of agony to your senses.

The slow grinding of moving rusted metal pierces ears adjusted to silence and you vainly attempt to cast your eyes away from the dramatic increase of light as it’s finally allowed inside, it’s too different, too sudden a change after spending however long you had in the dark, it takes you longer than you want it to for your ears to stop ringing in the renewed quiet, still echoing with the sounds of metal slowly grinding against metal and for your eyes to clear of the igure shaped-shadow amongst a door way of burning light imprinted upon them.

You hate that you have to wait to see the faces of whoever it is that’ll be escorting you to your ending, it’s a good tactic you’ll admit but you hate it all the same. You blink as things click back into processing the world around you as they’re supposed to and you feel your pumper free in your chest at the image being fed into your brain.

Where you’d expected to see faceless nobodies, unimportant and uncaring there to complete their task and nothing more, instead you lock gazes with the Grand Highblood himself, leader of the Clown Church, main authority of the land and all around complete and utter bastard.

The very same troll who’s orders you’d defied all that time ago at the start of this whole endeavour.

You can… barely even recall back to that point in time, it feels like so, so long ago, like a whole other life and maybe it was because it had been before you were The Summoner, something a lot of trolls just liked to gloss over and pretend never existed.

But you think… you think he might have been ordering you and your squad off on some mission, run of the mill what with the Alternian Military all falling under the Clown’s orders at some point or another with the Empress spreading her Tyranny through the stars. But it’d been different because, because it’d been impossible, you’d known it was an impossible endeavour he had been trying to sent you all off you but he hadn’t cared to listen to you, hadn’t given a single solitary fuck that he’d wanted you and yours to just throw your lives away for nothing when there was a hundred other, better, solutions if he had just let go of his pride long enough to just listen, admit to the fact he didn’t know everything about everything.

And you’d just… you’d had enough.

You hadn’t walked into his throne room with the intention of revealing your mutation, not even in your most horrific sleeping-terrors had the thought even crossed your mind, and you certainly hadn’t expected to be able to just escape him and his mirthful pack of rabid attack dogs. The dragon had been a neat bonus though, even if more than a handful of trolls insisted she was very haunted by the recently deceased Neophyte, you would allow that is was a neat haunted bonus.

And from there? It had only escalated and you’d never even had the tiniest want to consider stopping any of it.

You hadn’t even been expecting to see the Grand Highblood again, or at least you’d hoped you wouldn’t ever see him again, not in this life or whatever counted as the next one, but there he was in all his… questionable glory.

You lift your chin and bare your blunt, Lowblood teeth at him, wings flaring out as much as they’re able with how they were restrained and you make it clear to him that as much as you’d bound and at every possible disadvantage you will not go down easy if he’s planning to just kill you here and now. You’re not going to fight the fate you’ve been handed in life, you’re not that stupid and there’s nothing left for you anymore, but there’s no way on Alternia that you’re just going to let him put an end to you where no one could see without so much as a fight.

A name’s breathed into the tense air of the tiny room and you feel yourself freeze; breath stolen your lungs being squeezed tight in your chest.

The Grand Highblood just said your true name.

You don’t… don’t know how he knows that name, you don’t get it there’s just no possible way he could have remembered it after all this time, you’d been a nobody then there’s no reason for him to have known it in the first place let alone remember it up to now.

Rufioh hadn’t been worth remembering, not until after he’d become The Summoner.

Your pumper’s frozen, still and aching in the hollow of your chest, throat tight and a chill stiffening your spine that you know has nothing to do with whatever chucklevoodoos he may be using to put the fear of him into you. You’re left just staring up at the giant, hulking form of the Highblood as he steps further into the room, taking up all the free space of it and not even bothering to give you the dignity of pretending he has to worry about you attacking him or, even more unlikely, escaping, which is more than enough to make you snap back into focus because fuck that.

You snarl at him, lips pulling back over your teeth even as your wings attempt to spread further in a display made ineffective by heavy, piercing chains. He doesn’t react at all to your threat, he just rolls his eyes and scoffs at you like you’re some wriggler trying to stand up to a troll fresh from their second adult moult and continues to draw closer and closer still until you have nowhere else to go, nowhere to retreat to with how tightly you’re pressing your back against the wall. He kneels in front of you, giving no thought to the fact that he’s putting himself so close to your teeth and fangs, like you’ve never been a threat to him, reaching out to grasp your chin in a single, blood-stained giant, clawed hand and holding you in place despite your struggles to free yourself of the grip.

You’re trapped now, the wall’s at your back pressing your wings uncomfortably close to your body and his hand is a freezing iron vice holding you in place and you hate it. You try to snap your teeth, growl as much as you’re able to in your position, well aware that it holds absolutely nothing to the noises Highbloods are able to create but unwilling to be caught not trying to all the same. You will not let him look down upon you more than he already is, you won’t.

He opens his mouth and his words are low, slow and coiling in your think pan and it makes you flinch back as much as you can.

He wants you to repent, to beg and plead his forgiveness, the Empire’s forgiveness, for going against the Empire in the way you had, to the extent you had. He wants you to play into his sick amusements by turning traitorous and turncoat yourself to all you’ve worked and strode towards to get to this point in time at your inevitable end, to cast aside The Sufferer and his teachings from your pan and pumper so that you may be spared and allowed to continue to draw breath into your lungs.

Save your own filthy, mutant hide.

Escape the execution block and the mass hollering for your blood to paint the walls of the very church he disgraced so long ago.

Become nothing more than a doll he can claim to have re-attached the strings to and become Rufioh Nitram again, loyal worker, subordinate, his play-thing in all the ways someone like you should be.

It’d be so easy, he promises you, soft and quiet and so very persuasive. So easy to just fall into place like you should.

But…

Rufioh Nitram had been the one who started all of this.

You were Rufioh Nitram when you cast aside your position and told him that you were not going to throw away your life or the life of any of your squad for something so incredibly stupid as a troll who wouldn’t listen to reason and you were the same troll now. The same troll and more besides, no matter what this clown thought of you.

You are no doll, no clown’s play thing.

You are Rufioh Nitram.

You are The Summoner and yours is not a story that continues past tonight. Yours is not one of great importance or regard, not meant to continue past it’s point, not meant to linger and over-stay the welcome you were so graciously given.

No.

No, yours is nothing but a steppingstone, a secondary chapter to what was already started by The Sufferer, The Signless, before you. A precursor to what the generations to come will continue with pride in their pumpers and fire in their eyes and you are not going to let this clown ruin any of that. It is not his place any more than it is yours.

You are The Summoner and you spit in the face of the Grand Highblood for his offer, proud and defiant as you ever were in life, yours might be nothing more than part of a bigger story but you decide how your life draws to its close.

And when you are taken to meet your ending point, bruise blossoming large and bronze on your face, you have eyes only for the highest of purples trained upon you. You don’t look to the crowd of ravenous, cull-thirsty faithful around you, only him.

Your story ends here, but with your death the Signless’ message lives on.

You are just the first of the rebellions he will influence and nowhere near the last.

You go to meet the Handmaid with the certainty of that seared into the very core of you.

[yoshuriken]

Mr. Orange Juice

@homestuckss gift for @lostozian ! I saw you asked for dirk and terezi friendship fluff on earth c, but i haven't finished homestuck so i adapted it so i wouldn't write about something uninformed. They're detectives in a pseudo-noir au thingy. I hope you enjoy! :D

* * * *

“Yes yes, I haven’t seen him in two days. I know it’s not that long, but he didn’t show up to our date yesterday evening.”

“I understand. If he can be found, I’ll find him.”

Dirk read the address neatly lettered on the stationary again. It matched the metal number on the brick building in front of him. He knocked, and as expected there was no answer. So he looked under the mat for a spare key, and then the mailbox, but both came up empty. He looked up and saw an open window on the second story, but he wasn’t going to discard his badass trench coat to climb up if he didn’t have to. Finally he picked the lock cleanly and swiftly. The door swung open.

He climbed the narrow stairs to the main room of the apartment: a cozy living room. It smelled like fresh air thanks to the open window, and the only sounds were those that came from the street outside. Dirk approached the window. It’d be odd to leave a window open if you were going out, so maybe Captor was taken somewhere against his will? There was a thin layer of dust on the sill, except for a wide streak brushed away in the middle.

Suddenly a revolver clicked against his shoulder. “Tell me who you are and what you’re doing here, Mr. Orange Juice.” Breath whispered against the back of his neck.

Shit. “Sure, but can I see you first?”

“Nope, that wouldn’t be fair.”

“How so? Though I suppose someone who puts a gun to you and demands your business isn’t exactly keen on fairness anyway.”

“I love fairness. It’s the basis of law. Now, your name, and as you put it, your business?”

“Dirk Strider, PI. I’m looking for someone.”

“PI eh?” She stepped back so Dirk can turn around. The figure before him was wearing a trench coat much like his, but instead of pointy anime shades she had cherry-red ones. She kept the revolver pointed at him. “Either you’re lying or a loony, because I’m the one who’s supposed to be finding Mr. Captor, ya see? Unless you’ve been hired by someone else.”

“I was hired by Lady Peixes.”

“Were you now? What a coincidence, so was I!” She put her hands up in an affected shrug. “I don’t suppose you lick evidence too?”

“I--what?”

She grinned widely, much too widely for someone pointing a gun. “Don’t worry, it’s just a quirk of mine. How about you tell me what you’re really doing here?”

“I have her stationary in my jacket pocket, if you’d like to see it.”

“Sure.”

He slowly opened one side of his coat to show her said pocket, and fished out the stationary with Peixes’ handwriting before handing it to her.

She immediately licked across the whole paper, then nodded in approval. Dirk watched with a bemused expression on his face. “Checks out. Want it back?”

“Uh… no thanks.”

“Suit yourself.” She pointed the gun straight up and fired. But instead of a bullet, it shot out confetti with a loud POP. Dirk jumped and quickly recomposed himself. What a weird girl.

However, now that she was stripped of her weapon, it was time to turn it back on her. He opened the other side of his coat to reveal a katana strapped to his hip. “All right, now it’s my turn. What’s your name, and what are you doing here?”

She just laughed. “The name’s Terezi Pyrope. PI.” She said “PI” with an affected emphasis and smirk. “Like I said, I was hired for the same thing as you, to find Captor. Here,” she handed him a similar note on the same custom stationary. “By the way, if you really want to intimidate someone, it’d help if you actually drew your silly anime weapon.” She wasn’t looking at him anymore; instead she opted to start combing through a hutch.

Dirk turned the paper over in his hand. Yep, it was definitely from Lady Peixes. He noticed Terezi sniffing the contents of each drawer. And she did it so confidently, like it’s the most natural thing in the world to sniff other people’s dishes. “I wouldn’t call a sword silly.”

“It’s definitely silly. That doesn’t make it any less of a weapon though, if that’s what you mean.” Deciding the hutch had nothing of interest, she moved on to the writing desk. Between the shades, the sword, and the calm demeanor, she found this Dirk fellow to be one of the more interesting people she’d met on the job. Noteworthy. Dare she say… cool?

“Why do you think she hired both of us? Competition? Greater chance of success? But why not have us work together?” Dirk mused.

Terezi shrugged. “Who knows. The upper classes are weird. Afraid I’ll find him first?”

“Hell no.” Dirk decided to start on the opposite side of the room, at a bookshelf. “By the way, why did you call me Mr. Orange Juice?”

“Easy! You smell like orange juice, duh!” She looked up from the desks and grinned that wide grin.

“I--what?”

Terezi rolled her eyes dramatically. “C’mon, haven’t you figured it out? I’m blind! I smell things to see.”

Dirk blinked a few times. “I see. I suppose that explains the glasses. Not that I’m one to criticize awesome shades.” He smirked.

“Hell yeah! Shades are the best, categorically.”

“So why did you get into the detective business?”

“For fun. What better way to kick criminal ass than to snoop around and say hardboiled catchphrases?”

Dirk chuckled. “I couldn’t agree more. The hardboiled catchphrase is an essential part of every gumshoe’s arsenal. I also found detective work to be well-suited to my talents.”

“You did?? I would never have guessed.”

“What does that mean?”

“Anyone who hides a sword under their jacket is either a weeb, tryhard, or badass. All three make for a good detective.”

“Which one are you?”

“Badass, obviously!”

“Oh really?”

“I made you tell me everything with a toy.”

“Unusual brand of badass, but I concede the point. Hey, look at this.” Like the sill, the bookshelf has a thin layer of dust, but one book has a streak missing in front of it. Inside the front cover is a note, in the same Peixes stationary, but different handwriting.

They hand the note back and forth. Fish, Ice cream, Red potatoes, Eggs. A shopping list in a novel could just be a random misplacement, but they knew it could be more significant too.

A smile spread across Terezi’s face. It was the widest yet, which unsettled and excited Dirk. He knew that something was about to go down. “What is it?”

“The first letters of each item,” she said as she fished out a match from her pockets. “Spell fire.”

“Invisible ink.”

“Right on.”

Terezi lit the match and carefully burned the paper to reveal the writing. She took more time than necessary and blackened the unneeded corners for fun. Dirk raised an eyebrow in amusement.

Then she held the note aloft triumphantly. Below the faux list, there was an address. “Looks like a beach property,” Dirk said.

“Sweet! Let’s go!” Terezi shoved the note into her pocket and turned to leave, but Dirk stopped her.

“Hey, want to work together? Officially, I mean. It should make our work more efficient, especially since we were hired for the same job anyway. We can split the money too.”

Terezi stuck her tongue out. “Only if you can catch me!” She leapt out the window.

Dirk ran to the window and looked down. Terezi was starting up a bright red motorcycle. If that’s how she’s playing it…

Dirk calmly descended the stairs and exited the building. Terezi was now strapping on her helmet. He sauntered to Sawtooth, his jet black muscle car, and climbed in. It made significantly less noise once started up than Terezi’s bike.

“Nice ride, Strider. A car’ll never outrun my bike, though. Looks like the money’s mine.”

“Is that so? I may have done some work on her that casts doubt on your conclusion.”

“Guess we’ll have to see.”

“Besides, everyone will see and hear you coming in that. Even if you get there first, you’ll attract any hooligans that might be waiting.”

“Great! Remember what I said about kicking criminal ass? The main ingredient in that badass cocktail is criminals.”

“Well I’ve never missed a criminal-ass-kicking cocktail, and I don’t plan to start.”

“Better hurry up then, Mr. Orange Juice.” Her grin was as wide as ever. Dirk was beginning to wonder if it was stuck like that. After everything else just flat-out weird about her, he wouldn’t be surprised. At the very least, any ass-kicking involving her would be even more entertaining than usual.

Terezi pumped the gas and shot off like a rocket. Dirk followed as quickly as he could. Terezi looked back, popped a wheelie, and stuck her tongue out to antagonize him further, not that he was very antagonized to begin with. Mr. Cool and Collected might be a better nickname. It was fun to mess with someone so stoic, especially when he could actually keep up with her.

As they rode, both of them had the same two thoughts: this is the start of a damn good partnership, and today was going to be fun.

[judgesabo]

In Infinite Finality

So this is going to be my first non-Homestuck post here. I usually try to keep to that theme so people know what they’re getting and not get bogged down by politics or whatever else. But this is rather important to me personally, and we likely won’t get a better time to address it, so I’ll make the effort. This isn’t a theory post or anything though, it’s just a goodbye to a company I once knew.

For those not in the loop, or reading this after the fact, today Marc Laidlaw released his genderbent “fanfiction” of what he had planned Half Life 2: Episode 3, which can be read here. Marc Laidlaw was a lead writer for the entire Half Life series at Valve until he left the company last year in 2016, so this can essentially be taken as a leaked story for what they had planned back in 2007 when the last game came out.

Communication with Valve over the course of this period has been infamous. Episode 3 was originally planned to be released back in 2007 back when this entire process began, yet a decade later we have heard only two major bits of information on it, the first being a leak by an anonymous source of some out dated concept art back in 2012, and the second being this. From today. Valve doesn’t even seem to even recognize the existence of Half Life fans anymore, not even to simply confirm that it isn’t happening.

It’s painful to see what remains to this day as one of my favorite franchises lost and forgotten.

To really get this across though, I’d like to remember better days.

I distinctly recall as a kid watching my dad play the original Half Life. I think it was the first shooter I ever saw, and it astounded me. I didn’t really “get” the entire concept back then, nor did I remember the title, but the idea that there was a game where I could walk around as this person and save the world from an alien invasion stuck with me.

But by the time I was old enough to really play video games, new things had come out and I paid attention to those instead.

Then when Half Life 2 came out, I found my way into a physical copy of it. I didn’t know what this “Steam” thing was that it wanted me to download to play it, so I put it off. I still have it; it’s in my hands right now.

In the summer of 2008, this changed. While I was at camp, a friend told me about this cool game called Portal. He described it to me as being filled with action, puzzles, clever writing, unique gameplay, set in an interesting world... it hit all my checkmarks. While I couldn’t play it directly at the time, I could find the Flash version, and just like he said, it was mind bending. It reshaped how I had to think about space, to be “thinking with portals,” and the thought that there was something out there that was this but in 3D was astounding.

I eventually got Portal only to find it was everything he described to me and more. Not only was is superbly written, but the more I dug into it, the more I would uncover. Little secrets were hidden throughout the world, and if you were clever you could find this giant backstory to the series, about the mysterious Ratman or Cave Johnson, or find the history of this company as it tried desperately to get funding in competition against Black Mesa.

So naturally, hearing about this Black Mesa place, I needed to play Half Life, and my expectations were blown away yet again. Fast, fun gameplay, a story of epic proportions, and more mysterious forces seemingly beyond human comprehension. It made you feel like a hero.

Among this I found act fan communities creating whole new projects like Freeman’s Mind, which remains one of my favorite channels to this day. And then there were spin offs of that as well. I found fanart, music, and theories, and not to mention Black Mesa Source as a ground up remake of the original game simply created out of the love of the fanbase. Just like with Portal, the more I would dig the more I would uncover, revealing this elaborate and well constructed universe to explore. The more I would try out, the more impressed I’d be. Not to mention other games like Team Fortress 2 to start and just enjoy playing with friends. And to top it all off was Steam, a platform most famous for simply throwing these games at you with deals, not only for Valve’s own games with groupings like the Orange Box, but all games.

Valve, to me, was this cornucopia of creativity and excellent game design. In my eyes they could do no wrong, and while Valve Time was already infamous back then, there was so much to already explore, I could wait. Half Life 2 Episode 3 was in the works, Portal was a success beyond anything even Valve had planned for, and the future was bright. Left 4 Dead 2 released somewhere in there as well, but I didn’t pay it much mind.

My patience was rewarded in March 2010, less than two years later, when Portal quietly received an update adding radios to each level, providing clues that the community I had come to know was quickly unfolding into a whole new story, and a sequel was on its way. It was disheartening that we still hadn’t received any news on Episode 3, but my favorite game was getting a sequel! How could I not be happy? Besides, Portal had originally just been the tag along to apologize for Episode 2 being late. I knew that if we waited long enough, Valve would present us with a finely polished product which would surpass our expectations. They would regularly interact with their communities and clearly loved making the games just as much as we did playing them. Valve would count to 3 eventually.

Portal 2 faced some delays (more of that infamous Valve Time, haha), but it did eventually come out the next year and it was... good. It was a good game. It went through a lot of the old ground Portal had. Didn’t offer much new. The tone had changed. Things that had previous been in the background were brought to the foreground, and when I digged into it I found significantly less despite it being the bigger and more richly detailed game. Some parts didn’t really make sense. But it was alright, and had a lot of clever moments, and most people I talked to seemed to love it even more than the original, which frankly confused me. I’d like to talk about these differences in more detail in a separate post later, but for now Zero Punctuation hit a lot of the issues.

So I continued to wait, started watching E3 just for the chance that we would once again get news, that the dramatic cliffhanger we were left with would be addressed, or at least to get a sign that some more of that patented Valve creativity was still at work. People began to stop talking about Episode 3 and instead talked of Half Life 3 as the big title in the works. After all, the entire point of the episodic structure was for these short games to come out quickly. Valve had even suggested that they would be coming out on a monthly basis, but haha, classic Valve Time, it took years instead. We still had their promises to go off of.

I still remembered warnings from Doug Lombardi that Episode 3 would come out even later than Episode 2 did, Gabe Newell talking about how they might add a deaf character, about how the next Half Life would return to the darker roots missing in Portal 2, of bits of code in other minor releases by Valve making explicit reference to Episode 3 assets, Gabe Newell coming out to meet “protesters” hoping for some news, discussions of “Ricochet 2″ talked about openly, and Gabe shown working at a forge on a crowbar, saying how it took time. In 2012, like a breath of fresh air, some concept art apparently from back in 2008 was even leaked, showing that there was indeed actual work done by Valve showing that it wasn’t just all lies. A multitude of little pieces to let us know that it was still alive, that hope was not dead, the list of which has disappeared from Valve’s dead forums but can be found here on the wiki. Sure Valve seemed focused on that DOTA 2 game, but who really cared about that. Just another joke on them not being able to count to 3, haha.

Things became worse. Calls for Communication weren’t answered. Any kind of discussion by Valve at all became further and further apart, and what was there was abandoning what we were promised. Talk about abandoning single player games entirely were common, and Gabe even seemed dismissive of putting out more Half Life sequels and making bizarre claims like how Valve would be breaking new ground by focusing on multiplayer because there’d never been commercially successful multiplayer games before. Source 2 eventually came out (can’t count to 3, haha), but all the attention was focused on that DOTA 2 game which was still around and getting regular updates and news. Valve started focusing on hardware, trying to play catch up with their competition, making a big deal about releasing a normal controller, or working with other non-Valve groups to develop VR hardware.

The Know releases a video claiming that an anonymous inside source from Valve officially confirmed Half Life 3 as dead, with Valve too scared to release a new game to meet the insanely high expectations as well as some other problems, but Marc Laidlaw dismissed Valve ever being scared. Then old talent that had been with Valve from the beginning like Doug Lombardi and Marc began leaving, the few creative masterminds we still knew were there, gone.

Years pass in complete silence. The 10th anniversary of Episode 3′s announcement comes and goes in complete silence. And what we do hear isn’t much better. In AMA’s even as early as last January, and we still get the same line from Gaben, still joking about the number 3 and refusing to confirm or deny whether anything will come from the series, refusing to give closure one way or another, and even stating how Valve just loves to troll fans by making t-shirts and posters of Half Life 3.

Instead of the game we were promised or a new IP, Valve has now stooped to copying others, and we get a fucking card game for Dota 2, something not even fans of Dota 2 wanted.

And now, out of nowhere, we have this, a look into what might have been. And it doesn’t come from Valve, but from a man we once loved who’s moved on, and seems to despair at how things turned out.

And here we are. I spoke of my return to this shore. It has been a circuitous path to lands I once knew, and surprising to see how much the terrain has changed. Enough time has passed that few remember me, or what I was saying when last I spoke, or what precisely we hoped to accomplish. At this point, the resistance will have failed or succeeded, no thanks to me. Old friends have been silenced, or fallen by the wayside. I no longer know or recognize most members of the research team, though I believe the spirit of rebellion still persists. I expect you know better than I the appropriate course of action, and I leave you to it. Expect no further correspondence from me regarding these matters; this is my final epistle.

This is simultaneously the most news we’ve heard about Half Life 2 and also the most disheartening. It’s a stab at an old wound long scabbed over, a reminder that the talent we used to adore was real and not just the stuff of myth and legend.

The comparison I look around and see people making is one of death, that this is the final nail on the coffin, and this is the only burial that our good friends at Black Mesa and in the Resistance will ever receive. I’ve made that comparison myself already.

But now that I sit here and write this out, that I look over everything, I don’t think that’s the right answer.

Marc even followed up with a tweet pointing out that an old, unused script is not a sign that nothing will ever come out. And he’s right. Valve may indeed release something one day. Valve still lives and breathes, and is making tons of money through Steam.

Instead, the more apt analogy is that of someone suffering from Alzheimer's. A deeply loved relative has fallen ill and has slowly become a shadow of their former self, making occasional references to the glory days as we smile, nod, and pat their hand. What happened today was a brief moment of clarity breaking through their mind, and getting a chance to talk to them as they once were in their prime, and the moment quickly passes away again.

It’s a reminder of what was lost, and that no matter what they do now, the Valve I knew is gone forever. The talent behind what we knew and loved have left, and there doesn’t seem to be anyone to replace them. No matter what happens now, the cake was a lie. And I want to be wrong so very badly. Even now I can look around and see them walking around the corner, just like their old self, and going on some new adventure.

But here we are. And seeing how quickly the community latched onto this, onto anything proves that I’m not alone.

I wish Valve nothing but the best. Even for their stupid card game.

[cosmosogler]

hi guys! i got home after 9. so i am six minutes late starting this post. 10:06 i mean.

anyway god dang it! i forgot my dream again. i think i was thinking about math and statistics though. numbers are super hard in dreams though because all the information changes and melts between instants.

i got up at a reasonable time- 7:40. still got out of the shower super late though. i’m not even sure what takes so long! maybe it’s because i brush my teeth and blow dry my hair and everything in that span of time so it’s not just “hopped in the shower at 7:50 and oH GOD IT’S 8:15.”

i tried to have a bigger breakfast than usual- i had a bagel and some bacon i put in the microwave. and a big glass of orange juice. i watched snoopy roll around in a patch of sunlight while i ate. 

then i biked to campus a little late. i was super thankful that the light on the busy road happened to turn green right as i approached. if you miss it it’s a 2-minute wait for the next cycle.

i used my lecture notes today when i started the lab period!!! people started working on their labs while i was talking though and i got a little discouraged. i’ll need to ask for feedback over email i think. maybe it’s still good to lecture so that the people who already know what’s going on can get started while the people who are still a little confused have some basis to start from.

some questions really get me turned around though. i feel kinda stupid when i have to check my notes on the lab to answer a question like “but are the forces REALLY always equal and opposite?” because i think i know an exception but really no i don’t. and then i have to explain why there are no exceptions and i try to draw on some experiences as an undergrad ta but i only remember half-sentences and bits of anecdotes and i have to try to string them together into a coherent explanation that is catered toward intro physics courses.

i’m always exhausted afterward. i really give it everything even though i’m not the best ta.

i got scolded by my supervisor for getting suzanne to help me fix one of the computers when i couldn’t find him. what had happened was, i saw him talking to suzanne out the door earlier since the lab is across from the office. when i needed to find him i checked his office first, didn’t find him, and asked suzanne if she knew where he went. when she said the other side of the building she also offered to take a look because she’d been having a couple computer problems too on monday. 

but a few problems i did fix myself fairly quickly. i don’t mind troubleshooting, but sometimes i have to stand there and process information and i get quiet and kind of stare into space and don’t move and then i feel dumb because i’m not actually thinking using any words. 

maybe those are less “processing” thoughts and more “racing circular” thoughts.

ehhh afterward i went to my lab office hour. one of my students with the computer issues was in there trying to finish. he didn’t though. 

during my office session i received an email from the grad advisor. he said every single first year grad student needed to be at a meeting right now. it was the end of my session anyway so i packed up and went over to the office to see if anyone else had caught the email. 

they were actually all discussing it with an older graduate student. jennica was scrolling through every email she’s received on the student account to try and find any previous information about the meeting. there was none. 

we talked about it for a few minutes before the older grad student went up to talk to him. jennica and harrison and i went to get some lunch and i picked a smoothie up for rebika.

actually that was funny. i asked her what kind she wanted and she said “i don’t know” so i said there were like a hundred and i would have to pick one at random so she better be okay with kale. she said whatever so jennica found an online random number generator.

anyway while we were out we got another email from the grad coordinator. this one was really passive aggressive and sent to the whole department about how no one showed up and the lady making the presentation had “come all the way across campus.”

i said “???” because this was well after the situation had been explained to him. i’m not sure why he was so mean about it when it was his mistake. we had literally never heard about this before and he told us to be there one minute before it started.

eventually suzanne found a reminder for it on her phone. we had to hack it to find out when she had actually set that reminder to give us an idea of where we might have heard about it. 

it was during our “graduate welcome” presentation back in the middle of august. it wasn’t written down anywhere. it had just been mentioned in passing and suzanne made a note of it in her phone because it sounded interesting. not because we knew it was required.

my classmates complained that we’d never gotten any reminders for it but i was more annoyed that we hadn’t received any written notification of the event in the first place.

after that we studied a lot. i talked about some problems, fudged some math on the blackboard, and scribbled some stuff down on the homework problems i’d printed.

harrison has started telling me to “stop talking” whenever i say something depressing. jennica picked up on it pretty fast too. 

during coffee/cookie time at 3:30 ish i was chatting with one of the upper classmen aboutttt star trek i think it was. i’ve never watched it but i know... enough to talk about it i guess. i ended up having a fun discussion with taylor about the boundary between sci fi and fantasy when he said star wars was the superior sci fi story.

i said it was based on how heavily it leaned thematically on hard science and logic to inform its worldbuilding. taylor said it depended on the setting.

anyway i was talking to the guy and i was maybe talking about how i’d burned myself on my tea and also spilled some on my shirt because i’d burned my face and flinched violently. i said “thank you for listening to my problems” and jennica was all “don’t get her started, oh god, unless you want to be depressed.” 

i laughed and said “hey did i ever tell you about the time i broke my ribs?” and that got, i guess, a surprised laugh out of him. jennica gave me a Look. “just kidding, my ribs were too soft to break then,” i said apologetically-but-not-really.

i really relate to that short homestuck comic about dave talking about how his bro would leave him in the ball pit when they went to the store. except the ball pit was a slab of concrete in a dark room.

ok! i said my last prayers for the physics midterm and then at about 5:30 jennica and i played five rounds of love letters, adventure time edition. we were going to 3 wins and it stayed pretty close. i admitted that it’s a lot more active with three players and four gets to be a little too much. she seemed to like it well enough at least.

then at 6:05-ish i dumped all my trail mix in my mouth and turbo biked over to the drc to take my Accommodated Test in their Testing Facility. i almost got hit by a car while i was in the crosswalk. i was crossing at the same time as another bike, but as soon as he was past and i was approaching the end of the road, a driver slammed on the gas and i had to actually for real hard brake. i stared at her as she passed, she made eye contact with me. i don’t know why she did that if she saw me.

guess i’ll just go screw myself.

anyway i got there about fifteen minutes before the test was gonna start. there was trouble with the check-in devices so i was glad i got there early. i had time to get settled and put my stuff away and brush my hair a little bit to get the helmet tangles out.

then i took the test for two and a half hours! i was allotted three, and my classmates had two, so i think i made good use of the extra time and didn’t panic too hard.

i’d felt super sleepy and lethargic all day. the test wasn’t much better. but... i recognized all the problems at least. and i knew how to start all of them. and i had enough time to finish to my satisfaction.

i’m not gonna say i did well on the test. but i did way better than if i hadn’t studied. which is kind of a given, but. i think i tried more study strategies this time and asked for more help and maybe that made a difference. can’t say. i had no particular feeling about it when i looked over my work. i noted where i knew what i was doing and where i’d forgotten something, and where i’d probably made a mistake but had no idea what to do instead, and i really have no idea how i did.

i think biking home right after that though did a lot toward helping me not die of lack of energy. i had to bike up the big hill because of where i was leaving campus. that was ok though, i got up in no time at all! in third gear, even!!!

then i got home, and took out the trash, and devoured an ice cream sandwich, and then made some dinner. and then i sat down at my desk for 20 minutes, did a little e&m homework, sent some emails, and started writing, and then here i am. 

five minutes left. i will try to talk about something good about me. 

i uh... i was gonna talk about something ta-related but i can’t think of anything right now that i actually like about my method haha.

i’ve made a lot of progress this last week toward finding a study strategy that works for me. i know i have to use more than one of the study style fields to really learn material. two is good, three is better, four is overwhelming. i know that i am learning material on the backburner even if i don’t consciously feel like i understand anything because i look at some problems and i’m like “oh! i know what that is!” 

still having trouble remembering relationships between equations. but i think that will get better the more time i spend looking stuff up over and over. like i really Get the yukawa potential and how that one equation basically provides a link between classical mechanics and e&m, and that’s so cool.

tomorrow i’ve got group therapy and it’s SPAGHETTI DAY. AGAIN!!!!!! but i also gotta start studying for that e&m test on friday. i need to figure out how to do that. maybe i will find and talk to adamya since he was helping suzanne the other day. 

ok. it is 10:45. i will stop writing now and meditate for a few minutes and then go to bed. i need to get up a few minutes early to pick up a package. i think it is either the rest of my stuff i’ve been trying to get my parents to send for the last month, or it’s the cat food that i’m glad i ordered when i did and not a day later.

later guys, i hope you are well. drink more water.

[pchoo]

ALL THE DAMN QUESTIONS YOU HOBO

i can’t beliEVE YOU…………….. here we go.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

gah ok….. CURRENTLY. Hallelujah - Panic at the Disco , Menswear - The 1975 , Good Ol Fashion Nightmare - Matt and Kim , Duele El Corazon - Enrique Iglesias , Welcome to My Life - Empire of the Sun , Ode To Sleep - Twenty one Pilots

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

simon pegg! my favorite actor!

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

it’s my textbook for my online class i don’t wanna get up to grab it

4: What do you think about most?

huh… recently? my dog

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“Thanks Har, I got your email” its my group text for my job omg

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with! i couldn’t sleep naked. i’d be too cold

7: What’s your strangest talent?

i’m good at imitations?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls RULE boys DROOL

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

no but i had a secret admirer once

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

last week i was jammin out to some metallica 

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don’t like when people hold knives or scissors or anything sharp near me and i’m afraid of loud noises

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

pencil

13: What’s your religion?

raised christian but i’m personally agnostic

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

in the hot tub or riding my bike

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

BEHIND. BEHIND BEHIND BEHIND

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

no. this question can die. no.

17: What was the last lie you told?

uum….hm…. i didnt tell my mom i threw up twice last week? that’s… withholding information.. kind of like a lie, right?

18: Do you believe in karma?

eh.. kind of

19: What does your URL mean?

itS FROM HOMESTUCK. when john goes in the rocket and its like “PCHOOOO”

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: i trust people too easilystrength: i………..i’m smart.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

gah i have a lot… currently though it’s tom holland (spiderman!!!!)

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope. i want to though!

23: How do you vent your anger?

rant to my friends usually. otherwise, i don’t

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

i used to collect cool tags back in the day. like from clothes and stuff? but i stopped doing that. now i collect post cards and shot glasses

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

uh.. neither?? i’m really shy usually.. but i guess if i had to pick i’d say phone. definitely

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

um… if i’m honest, no. but i realize that there’s a lot of things i want to be like. like.. traits i want to have? but the only thing standing in the way of that is myself, so. gotta work on that and stuff.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

sound i hate…..anything that’s loud, really? umm….. specifically… motorcycles, though. yeah.a sound i love…. meows from cats!

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

hmm… “what if i don’t like my job in the future” or i guess like “what if i’m not happy in the future” i’m really afraid of not ending up where i want to end up

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

YES!!!!!!!!!! yes. to both. yep. yes. ive had experiences with both, so

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm: my phoneleft arm: my nightstand

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

..n.. nothing….? i smell nothing, omg

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

puerto rico. i don’t remember which part though

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

east!

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

uuuh… i like matty from the 1975 a lot. and eminem. and fetty wap. and brendan urie….. god

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

do what makes you happy

36: Define Art.

something you create?? yeah

37: Do you believe in luck?

yes. i don’t have any

38: What’s the weather like right now?

cold. night time. rainy

39: What time is it?

3:10am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes and nope

41: What was the last book you read?

wintergirls by laurie halse anderson i’ve read it like 10 times by now

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

yes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

so many………. dani, dan, denpy, denby, iza, kuni, deni, dop, dopanopi, dp, click, my last name, dime, daniel, danielson

44: What was the last film you saw?

ROGUE ONE. CRIES

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

i split my big toe last year it hurt a lot

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

no ):

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

god yes. overwatch, servamp, bsd, shameless

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

fuck if i know

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

nopes

50: Do you believe in magic?

i guess i’d like to, but i have a lot of doubts

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

no which is both a good and a bad thing

52: What is your astrological sign?

PISCES!!!!

53: Do you save money or spend it?

both

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

movie ticket…… no, actually it was popcorn

55: Love or lust?

love

56: In a relationship?

non non!

57: How many relationships have you had?

2.5

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nope!

59: Where were you yesterday?

i went to breakfast with friends & then lunch with fam

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yeah a pair of pink flip flops that i actually don’t like but i left my flip flops at school when i came home and i needed a pair for florida

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

always

62: What’s your favourite animal?

PENGUIn

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

i…. uh………….. oh. i try and be funny @ them

64: Where is your best friend?

currently? connecticut

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

oh god. i’m not tagging them but: faecakes, hextant, pitayas, jaspboner, & akaaschi

66: What is your heritage?

i’m german, french, italian, lithuanian, & irish

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

watching the road to el dorado with my cousin

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

satan rocks

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

yep

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

yeah!

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

fuCKING SAVE THE dOG?? FUCK U BOSS IDC

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i probably wouldn’t lmaob) take all my money and go somewhere tropicalc) yes & no i guess?? honestly i can’t answer that. i have no idea

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

The Rain - Calvin Harris

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

6305

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

umm.. communication, and going out and DOING THINGS! adventure!!!!

77: How can I win your heart?

be funny. that’s it. that’s all u need to nab me

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yes

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

what to do after college

80: What size shoes do you wear?

womens 7/8

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

for the record, i want to be cremated, but if i were to have a tombstone i’d want it to say “here lies dani, she’s having fun as a ghost, don’t worry”

82: What is your favourite word?

um……….. i like “blep” a lot. blep… like when someone just pokes their tongue out of their mouth like BLEP

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

fucking sweethearts why i don’t even like those

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“i was born ready”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

The Rain - Calvin Harris. i didn’t turn it off after i looked for the link sO

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

green!!!!!!!!

87: What is your current desktop picture?

ah its just a default mac one because for some reason whenever i restart my mac it just sets to this one no matter what i have the background as so…. i’m not bothering to change it anymore

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

uum.. man i don’t.. really know. i probably wouldn’t even be able to push the button, honestly. lmao

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

uh…… good one.. hm. “what’s your darkest secret?”

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

probably scream and cower in fear tbh….. then once i realized they’re just standing there i’d probably touch one and see if they did anything then?? talk to them maybe. chill

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

TO FLY!

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

my first imagine dragons concert when they played Tiptoe

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

when i did acting?? why did i do that

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

hmhm mhmh mhmh ok matty from the 1975

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

australia or bora bora

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

nope

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

nopes

98: Ever been on a plane?

yeah!

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

uuh hey guys whats up i’m tired and i’m about to sleep hope u guys r having a great 2017 ok byye

[snowtimeisbesttime]

Thoughts and questions on Volume 18- and the tag is “thoughts and questions”! The board is set now; we'll have to wait (hopefully not too long) and see where the pieces move from here.

-Number of Precious Babey Clouns: 3.

-The Soleil twins have spent at least a perigee (troll month?? and wipe=troll week?????) stuck on a manor inside a weird spacetime pocket, and they decided to go all out and reenact Saw (with a dash of The Shining) to pass the time. Sadly, not all trolls are as tanky as purplebloods...

-But- why were they there?* What was there to gain from keeping these two trapped in a literal pocket dimension, that they could only leave after befriending us? Same goes for the MC; it's somehow vitally important that they befriend the twins. Guess we'll have to see in Act 2...

-Also, where's their lusus?? We see a drawing of it, but nothing about if it's trying to find them...

-According to them, they hatched from the same egg but they still share a single mind, yet Barzum and Baizli are separate enough from each other to have individual names and identify as different genders (or at least use different pronouns)... maybe as they get older they will develop more distinct selves, so to say?

-They also have different signs... inb4 the in-universe justification for Capriun and Caprimini's resemblance (assumming signs and last names are linked) is:

Random Jade 1: um hey theres a lusus here with two (2) whole babies but theres only one symbol for soleil, wtf do i do

Random Jade 2: flip it turnways

Random Jade 1: o thank

-Chucklevoodoos can be used to make illusions.

-(uh did my game not download completely or do the Soleils not have a proper “good end” picture??? at least on my end the fanfare plays over their neutral sprites on a black background, like when they bamboozle you about their chucklevoodoos, and then Epilogue Time.)

-We couldn't have one of our very last routes not have Weird Time Shit, couldn't we? (like. friendsim is literally setting the stage for hiveswap, and lanque has two entire routes... this may be because i played the epilogue before lanque's route(s) and instantly flipped my shit, but where does the meta stuff end and the new and exciting reasons to throw doc scratch into a woodchipper begin??)

-And I thought Daraya was pissed off about being in a cloister... oh boy.

-did lanque somehow not find out about the actual fucking alien that has been befriending everyone in the entire city until now??????? like how??????

-Jadeblood Loredump 2!! Not all jadebloods are cloistered thank fuck that's one less thing i have to rewrite for Mirrorbent (← self promotion, 4838 on mspfa). Cloistered jades, however, are specifically chosen for that duty, at varying ages apparently (Lynera's been 2,43 sweeps in the Caverns, while Wanshi has probably been there most of her life- no idea about the others).

-What qualifies an otherwise random jadeblood for Cavern duty? Potential for becoming a rainbow drinker? Something else entirely?

-Why do cloistered jades get sent to live in isolation offplanet? Because there's a pretty good chance that most of them are like Daraya and Lanque: very much NOT okay with their lot in life, and probably willing to fuck shit up. In fact, the only jade who explicitly and actually enjoys and upholds their duties is Bronya, and not even she's totally okay with it- see the nursery.

-If talk of Actual Rebellion reaches the Caverns, many jades will join in- if only to get away.

-Lanque mentioned a “space church”. Let's hope it's not the one we know best (clown church), for obvious reasons...

-Turns out Fozzer did have Actual Literal Scratch Shit in his backyard...

-*Considering the entirety of Friendsim and all we've done in it has been setting up stuff for Act 2, I am going to personally dropkick Doc Scratch.

-No but seriously. We don't know which endings are canon to Hiveswap, good or bad; Scratch explicitly mentions him befriending Tirona (i dont need to explain how this is a very bad thing), angering a cholerbear (so Wanshi gets forced to see all the traumatic shit in her bad ending), inspiring some bandits (the ones from Skylla's route?), making Tyzias' Very Illegal notes get lost (the ones that can literally get her killed), and having Fozzer get literally scratched Because Reasons I Guess. He also knows that Boldir exists, which fucking sucks imo.

-re: tyzias and fozzer: weakening the rebellion by directly taking out a dude who'd readily join and leaving a convenient damocles' sword over an important member (perhaps a leader or a tetrarch)?

-The savestates, and therefore saving and loading to see all the stuff in a route, have darker implications now...

-We are pretty much forced to befriend the Soleil twins once we get inside the pocket dimension, so I think the Troll Call gang will make it to Act 2 okay... Who'll get to Act 3 is another story.

-Doc Scratch leaves the MC to read Homestuck (and therefore conveniently out of the way of Act 2 shenanigans) while he deals with an unwanted guest. You know who was a great guest? Spades Slick.

-What will happen to the MC after they read Homestuck? Will their friends remember them? Will we see them again in Hiveswap?

[mrgameandpie]

I’m having some Homestuck OC feels tonight, so time for ranty stuff!

As I look back on my time in the Homestuck OC/self-insert community, I see a pattern in the stories people made for their characters.  All of them had player vs player issues as either the core element that caused their session to fail or at least a strong element, occasionally with outside forces causing these issues.  Yet when it comes to Homestuck proper, more often than not the issue the characters ran into when it came to winning their various sessions wasn’t due to interpersonal problems with teammates, but rather that their session was inherently unwinnable.  I can only think of two fan sessions that used this element, one of them being the one that I made, and this addition really changes the narrative of the given situation.

The thing about The GamerWatchers, the group that I created based on myself and my friends, was that they weren’t supposed to win.  Every element of their game session was designed to cause failure.  They consisted of Thomas, the Sylph (Doc) of Hope, Jordan, the Page of Time, George, the Bard of Light, and Austin, the Seer of Heart.  All four of these characters are passive classes, which is basically like having an Overwatch team comprised of all five support characters and a Reinhardt, already a pretty critical issue.  It gets worse though when you consider that there are two aspects needed to win any game of SBURB: Time and Space.  They’ve got the Time player with Jordan, the aspect essentially acts as extra lives since if a member of the team makes a critical error, the Time player can go back and make sure the error does not occur.  Trying to get through SBURB without a Time player is like playing a super hard videogame, lets say Dark Souls, without ever dying once.  Sure, its possible, but it isn’t happening.  Space, however, is what this group lacks, and it might even be slightly more important.  The goal of SBURB is to create a new universe, and its the Space player’s job to physically create the new universe within the game world.  Their sector of the game is the only part with the materials needed to do so.  As such, without a Space player, the game basically just said “Hey, yeah, you know how this game is supposed to have a win condition?  Well you don’t get access to it.”

But somehow it still gets worse.

You see, SBURB tends to know when its created a session that can’t be won.  In this scenario, SBURB gave the GamerWatchers challenges that they really had no business overcoming.  The greatest of these was related to the Denizens.  Basically the final boss of every player’s section of the world, normally the Denizens could be fought and killed before accessing the endgame or they could be talked too and worked with.  Seeing as how all of our heroes here are passive classes designed to help others rather than engage in direct combat, it’d probably be best for them to work with their Denizens, right?  Well unfortunately the Denizens know these guys are doomed to fail, and the pacifist option is locked out in favor of a mercy kill!  Thus forcing our non-combat oriented heroes to fight the toughest foes in the game!  BUT WAIT!  IT STILL GETS WORSE!  Austin’s Denizen was none other than Yaldabaoth!  The toughest possible Denizen to obtain!  Normally this guy is reserved for strong fighters who particularly need a challenge, but that doesn’t describe any of The GamerWatchers, let alone Austin, its just another way this session was really screwing with the guys!

That wasn’t even all of the particularly ridiculous problems the guys faced, just the most major ones.  Here’s the thing though, The GamerWatchers overcame all of that stuff.  It wasn’t easy, but they banded together, they used the power of teamwork, friendship, trust, faith, literally harnessed the power every saturday morning cartoon moral in the book, and together the four of them played just about as perfectly as one possibly could.  They fought every foe, climbed every mountain, smashed every barrier, and when they got to the end...

...they still couldn’t finish the game.

When you look at most of the sessions created by other people, the group’s stories tend to go along the lines of “This person went crazy and sabatoged our chances at winning!” “We couldn’t trust eachother and everything fell apart.” “I wasn’t willing to work with the team when we needed to be together at most.”  All of these groups COULD have won, but they became too stressed, they didn’t believe in eachother, they didn’t work together as they were supposed to, and what could have been an entirely successful session fell to pieces.  It creates a very hopeless picture of humanity, that even the best of friends will go at eachothers’ throats when times get tough, that people can’t overcome their inner struggles, even when, or especially when, they’re needed most.  SBURB didn’t kill them off, they killed themselves off.

But The GamerWatchers had the opposite story.

The GamerWatchers did work together, they did overcome their problems, they did trust eachother, they did everything the game wanted them to as perfectly as it could ask of them, and they still didn’t win.  Because it wasn’t humanity that was hopeless, it was SBURB.  Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how well you play the game, you were never meant to win.  If SBURB decides you don’t get a Space player, that you don’t get access to the game’s win condition, then you don’t get access to the game’s win condition, and no amount of good gameplay will change that.

But then we get to one member of The GamerWatchers, my own self-insert, Thomas!  The Doc of Hope, with the power to use Hope to heal and to heal Hope!  Its that second ability that really comes into play here, the ability to heal Hope is quite the powerful one.  I always described it as the ultimate comeback mechanic, when things seem impossible, when there’s no way to get past an obstacle, the Doc of Hope comes in and heal the Hope of a situation, making what was once an impossible situation something he and his allies may be able to overcome.  It sounds pretty darn useful, right?  Here’s the thing though, Thomas never actually used this ability.  He never really got the hang of it, even after going god tier.  However, he still performed his job.  Something about the SBURB titles is that typically, before a player demonstrates their title’s abilities as powers, they’ll also demonstrate their abilities through more mundane actions in one way or another.  When it came to Thomas’s ability to heal Hope through mundane manners, well, he was probably the best Hope player one could find!

It happened frequently, Thomas would find a new blog with SBURB players much like himself.  They would have some issue that prevented them from winning, and Thomas would try to give advice.  Lo and behold, it was good advice, and the session would begin to turn around for the better!  A lot of these blogs didn’t last long, someone would set up a session for their fancharacters and probably just quit not long afterwards, so I never did get to see the long-term effects on most of the sessions Thomas helped, but I like to imagine the reason we never saw those blogs again is because, in-universe, Thomas’s advice helped them with their situation and they no longer needed the blog anymore, they were busy in a new universe getting things done!

Of course, the healer of Hope wouldn’t be doing that well of a job if he didn’t find a way to heal his OWN session’s Hope, and he did!  In fact, not only did he heal his own session’s Hope, but he also helped out at least another two sessions in the process!  When another group had effectively created a Genesis Frog, but failed to defeat the final boss of the game in time, the opposite of The GamerWatchers’ issue, the group with the Genesis Frog headed on over to Thoams’s session, alongside another few individuals who had issues of their own, and the two sessions completed one another, effectively finishing the game for a wide number of people all at once!

I don’t think I have anywhere else to go with this rant, just some nice memories of a good time I had in the Tumblr RP community.

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 25 (Epilogue 4 Page 8)