#this went off prompt and i had another draft but basically we meet up every morning and eat breakfast .. commuting to work together lol

[komilys]

☕ w/ spencer? :33

tysm for the ask! i really do appreciate it! i’m sorry for the late reply !! i am just not having a good time :( i set this around s2, pre-established relationship bc im a sucker for it so it’s not exactly following the prompt but ahhh i thought it was cute!

☕ — morning routines! write about a typical morning with f/o and s/i! who wakes up first? do they eat breakfast together?

spencer thinks he might die, actually.

well, not literally of course, he would tell you that. he just feels overwhelmingly self-conscious, so much so it sends his brain into ‘panic mode’, he’ll say.

“you okay, spencer?” and he jumps, almost dropping his book bag on the pavement. “you don’t need to wait out here, i gave you the code, ‘member?”

oh, and he does, very well. he has an eidetic memory, he reminds ki often. he remembers it— nineteen days ago, 10:21 P.M. when he dropped him off at his apartment like he’d done for weeks now and in the most calm, as if it was nothing, voice he asked if spencer just wanted the code for the entrance door.

to come and go as he pleased. (“you can visit me whenever you want, haha…” it was a tease on ki’s end, but spencer was already struggling for a response.)

“i’m okay, good, great!” he says. “we should, uh, go, ki, we should get going…” spencer makes awkwardly points to the gated entrance. and ki smiles and spencer wonders how someone can be so handsome.

“coffee shop, like usual?” ki asks. “do you think we have time?”

of course there’s time. spencer knows he’s a natural early-riser— a habit from school, he assumes— and spencer, by now, has gotten used to waking up early. well… earlier.

“you woke up a little late, spencer, huh?” he sounds so sweet, spencer thinks. he never really liked being teased, it was always associated with something cruel— someone cruel.

ki isn’t cruel, though, he knows that. not with the way ki has his order memorised, ordering it without him even asking he just… wants to— (“i like doing it, spence.”)— and how he asks for spencer about that thing he was talking about earlier and how when spencer looks for even an ounce of annoyance on his face, he never finds it.

“we call them coffee beans, but technically speaking, they’re seeds.”

and ki responds, “oo-oh! ’cause they kinda resemble a bean?” and he hands him his coffee, just the way he likes it.

“yes, yes, actually!” they’re walking out of the shop and ki can’t help but look at spencer in wonder. but he always looks at him like that. morgan pointed it out to him once, but he vehemently denied it.

because ki asks him what else he knows about coffee— though they might’ve had this conversation twice before, (spencer knows and that’s why he searched more on coffee)— he knows he’s being genuine, and spencer can’t fathom himself getting any luckier than this.

[merakiaes]

Happy Anniversary - Aaron Hotchner

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Requested: Yes. 

Prompts: None. 

Warnings/notes: A short, fluffy piece. Not proofread so I apologize in advance for any possible mistakes. Let me know what you think and send in more requests <3 

Wordcount: 1610

Summary: For your two-year anniversary, Aaron takes five days off work for you to go on a celebratory road trip. 

Vacations were a rare thing when you were the partner of SSA Aaron Hotchner, the man in question being known for his hardworking nature and how highly he valued his job as an agent and  profiler.

You didn’t hold it against him in any way though, but rather on the contrary found yourself appreciating the fact that it happened so rarely as it because of this made it all so much more special and appreciated when he did take time off work to spend undisturbed time with you.

The last time he took time off, you’d gone to Disney World by plane with Jack at his request. It was safe to say that you had never been as exhausted as you were on the plane home after that weekend, the little man having way more energy than you could keep up with.

Seeing a child sleep in their parent’s arms when out and about wasn’t a rare sight, but in your case, this wasn’t quite what happened.

It must have been a funny sight for all the bypassers, seeing the three of you standing in line to get some lunch, Jack excitedly jumping in circles around the two of you while you were basically sleeping standing up, having to be held upright by Aaron in order to not pass out on the ground.

Yeah, it was safe to say you weren’t as energetic as Jack nor as good at hiding your exhaustion and pulling through despite it as his dad, but you had enjoyed the time you got to spend together as a family nonetheless.

After all, there was nothing that brought more joy to your heart than seeing the two of them happy so you pushed through your exhaustion every time.

But still, no matter how much you loved Jack, you were happy that it was just going to be you and Aaron this time around, and even happier about the fact that you wouldn’t have to deal with the jetlag as, for once, you weren’t going by plane, but by car.

It was your two year anniversary and Aaron had taken a full five days off from work so that the two of you could go on a roadtrip to Toronto.

It was an eleven hour drive and Aaron would have much rather gone by plane to save time and energy, but for him, this trip was all about you and as always, he went to great lengths to make sure you were comfortable even though he secretly hated it.

Eleven hours on the road meant you had to stop at pretty much every gas station you came across to pee, and hotblooded as you were, you kept the windows down the entire time, the draft leaving him with aching ears, stale fingers and goosebumps on every part of his body.

When you told him you were hungry, he wordlessly pulled into the closest McDonald’s drive through every time and forced himself to eat the least disgusting thing on their menu despite the fact that he hated their food.

But he never complained, happily doing anything to make sure you were satisfied because at the end of the day, he knew you were going to have a great time and that it all would be worth it.

After about half of the drive to Toronto, you had stayed the night at a motel to get some rest, falling asleep pretty much the second you made it into your room and getting back on the road first thing in the morning.

It was currently a little over three o’clock in the afternoon and you had just made to your destination, stopping at the first gas station you came across to fill up the tank and get some coffee before driving the last twenty minutes that were left to the hotel.

You got some snacks for the way and Aaron carried it all out of the store while you went through your wallet to check that all of your cards were still there; a nervous habit you had picked up after getting swiped at a train station the year prior.

Aaron opened the door for you and you ducked underneath his arm, giving him a peck and a smile in thanks as you headed back outside.

You didn’t get very far, however, before a ragged looking man approached you with a paper cup in his hand, his long, grey beard a mess and the clothes hanging off his body covered in stains, holes and dirt.

“Would the lady be willing to spare a dollar or two?” He asked you once you looked up to meet his eyes, flashing you a kind smile despite the fact that most of his teeth were missing.

You felt Aaron’s silent protest the second the words fell into the air, but before he could say or do anything, you met the man with a kind smile of your own, dipping your fingers into your wallet and pulling out a green bill.

“Of course. Here you go.” You said, putting it into his cup.

He lowered his head in gratitude, pulling the outstretched cup back to his chest. “Thank you, thank you. You’re a wonderful person, and if I may be so daring, you are very beautiful. Your husband is a lucky man. Thank you.” He complimented in a ramble, walking away and back to his spot outside the gas station before you could answer.

You watched as he sat down on a blanket, looking to be just as dirty as his clothes, and shrugged your shoulders, turning away and continuing to head for the car, putting your wallet into your pocket.

Aaron trailed behind you, looking down at you. “You’re too nice, you know.” He said, causing you to look up at him.

“What, because I spare a few dollars to a homeless person?” You raised an amused eyebrow.

”No. Because you spare a few dollars to every homeless person you come across. This is the fifth time since we left home.” He pointed out, bringing a chuckle from your lips.

“You’re keeping count of my good deeds?”

“I’m keeping count of how many times you waste money.”

“I wouldn’t call it a waste of money.” You shrugged, moving your eyes back forward. “I’m just collecting good karma for the both of us when your busy being a grumpy Grinch.”

“It’s July, the Grinch would have no reason to be grumpy now.”

”Oh, so you admit that you’re a big ole’ grump?” You raised your eyebrows playfully, coming to a stop by the car while he walked around to the other side.

He shook his head with a chuckle as he rounded the front of the SUV, and you shrugged again. “Okay, fine, not the Grinch. Eustace Bagge, then. You know, now that I think about it, you do kind of look like him.”

“I do not.” He shot you a look from the other side of the car.

“No?” You kept playing, earning yourself another playfully stern look.

“Watch it.” He lightheartedly warned you, but he was clearly trying to keep the smile off his face.

You leaned into the car, giving him a mischievous grin. “Or what? You gonna arrest me? Cuff me to the backseat?”

Another chuckle left his lips, his head shaking at your childish antics as he turned his head back down to unlock the door. “Don’t tempt me.” He mumbled under his breath, but you caught it, snickering as you opened your door and dipped inside the car.

You got comfortable in your seat while Aaron sat down behind the wheel, the man in question putting your coffee mugs into the mug holders between your seats and waiting for you to put on your seatbelt before handing the snacks over to you so that he could do the same.

Once his seatbelt was clicked into place, he turned to face you, reaching a hand out over the console to catch your chin in his fingers and turn you face towards him.

”He was right, you know.” He wasted no time in saying and you raised your eyebrows in confusion, a small smile playing at your lips.

“What?”

“The homeless man. He was right.” He clarified. “You’re beautiful, and I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

Heat instantly moved up your neck, along to your ears and spreading all the way to your face. How he still managed to make you blush just with a single compliment after all this time was a mystery to you, but you weren’t complaining, not one bit.

“I’m the lucky one.” You said, butterflies fluttering in your chest as you watched a smile spread over his features to match your own.

Slowly, he leaned his head in closer to yours and catching on, you followed his example and met him in the middle, your lips coming together in a soft, short kiss.

When you came back apart, he smiled, swiping his thumb over your lip. “Happy Anniversary, hun.” He said, and you smiled, pressing another short peck to his lips.

“Happy Anniversary.” You repeated, the two of you sharing one last mutual look of endearment before he moved back to his side of the car and turned the keys in the ignition, pulling out of the parking lot to head for the hotel.

The drive might have been painfully long and exhausting but just like he’d known it would be, it ended up being worth it in the end, the two of you having the most amazing time together and despite barely sleeping the entire trip, returning to your respective workplaces more energetic than ever the next week.

It was a happy anniversary, indeed.

Tagged: @must-be-a-weasley-92 @zizzlekwum @cozytruecrimeaddict @lovelynervouskingdom @shadow-of-wonder​ @rousethemouse @thesassmisstress @cocoaxrain

(If you want to be added or removed from the tag list, send me a message, ask or leave a comment)

[dayas]

1,3,20 and 25 for the writing ask, I wanna know it all!

First off, I wanna say thank you for giving me this ask because now I have something to think about instead of just being in a sad cloud ❤️ it’s nice to have a little break 💞

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it.

Not to expose myself but I have like 5 WIPS 😂

War Of Hearts (jiara reincarnation au), a not so secret combination Dimya fic (flower shop + mob au), an angsty gotham/the batman (fc wise djdjsjsn) BatCat one shot (selina meeting bruce after he left in a slightly unexpected way), and I’m trying to draft/spin ideas for a POTC Klonnie au (calypso and davy jones’ story). With WOH, I’m filling in the second chapter which is taking FOREVER (sorry y’all), but I’m actually super excited for it to drop! With the work entirely, I definitely love all the little hints and breadcrumbs. It’s gonna start coming together more in the second chapter and I’m super pumped to see what y’all think! I’m on Chapter 1 of the Dimya Fic and searching for my inspiration but I know how it’s gonna go and that makes me happy. I love the combo aspect of the fic and how it’s a mashup, plus there’s some not so subtle underlying themes that I think are cool to explore! With BatCat, I wrote some yesterday! It’s a songfic and I love that about it, but also just the angst and flashbacks included, I think it’ll be really cool! And for the Klonnie fic, I haven’t even started 😭 Someone was basically like ‘write this!’ so I was like ‘okay!’ but I don’t know them that well yet writing wise so I need to explore 😂 tbh it’s just a concept that I really, really love and I have some ideas for the melody that goes along with it. Unsure if it’ll be a multi chap or a realllyyy long one shot once it drops but I’m thrilled either way! The technical “fifth” wip is for everybody who asked me when Kie would find out JJ is Sarah’s bf’s friend so watch out for that 👀 y’all ask, I answer 😂

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

GOD! THIS! Okay okay okay I’ve ALWAYS wanted to write a Jiara break up scene but there’s SO MUCH WORK THAT GOES INTO THAT LIKE THE SET UP AND THEN BUILDING INTO AN EXPLOSION SO here’s a no context, cliche, dramatic af breakup scene for jiara thank you for giving me the freedom to write this 😂

“We need to talk.”

That alone stops what she’s doing. JJ and Kiara don’t usually ‘talk’. They can have serious conversations, but they tend to reserve getting deep for when they’re either really really high, or the issue around them has to be resolved. They’re not in high school anymore, but old habits die hard. Still, she shakes off the pause, drying another dish as she says,

“About?”

“... stuff.”

“Stuff. Real eloquent there, JJ.”

His eyes are practically heating the soapy water up themselves. The kitchen at the Chateau isn’t exactly prime real estate as far as cleanliness goes, but since they’re around here more often than not, Kie decided to make an effort to spruce it up a little bit and dragged JJ into it.

Something’s wrong. He’s fiddling with his rings underneath the water at a faster pace than normal, leaning heavily against the lip of the sink.

“Dude, are you okay?”

Her voice is soft as she dries her hands off, coming up to him and slipping her arms around his chest, cheek pressed into his back. He tenses underneath her, shrugging her off and backing away.

“JJ,” Kiara’s voice is concerned now, “What’s going on?”

“Weneedtobreakup.”

His sentence is a blur that knocks into her, rattling around her brain as it spins like a top. As all tops do, the spinning eventually stops, leaving her with the capacity to space out the miniature word flood that left his mouth a few seconds ago.

We need to break up.

“What?” Kie says, panic creeping into her system, “Why?” She begins to think of what could have gone wrong, what could have prompted this.

“It’s not you, it’s — ”

“If you try to feed me one of your bullshit lines that worked on the ghosts of hookups past, don’t.”

He has the decency to shut up then and there, turning instead to lean back against the cabinets, hands gripping the edge of another counter.

“Is this about what my cousin said?”

A few weeks ago, they’d been invited to a formal family gathering on her mother’s side. Some crazy expensive week in Hawaii. Well, Kiara had been invited, and she brought JJ for two reasons. One, he’s her best friend which legally obligated him to help her out in a spot. Two, they were getting pretty serious (or so she thought), and she couldn’t hide in the OBX forever, so why not kill two birds with one stone? At an extremely over the top event, one of Kie’s drunk cousins approached JJ and started spewing some nonsense. Kiara intervened, of course, but later, she remembers, another one approached. Completely sober. She hadn’t been paying attention to that conversation, occasionally glancing over to make sure JJ wasn’t floundering. He’d been restless the entire night and a few days afterwards. But when they’d come back home, all was well. Or, again, so she’d thought.

She should’ve just chucked the damn stone at herself.

He grimaces, and it’s to her horror that she realizes it’s true.

“What the fuck did she say?”

Her voice is low and dangerous, a tiny sliver of a hint as to what’s hiding behind her eyes.

“Doesn’t matter,” JJ shrugs, eyes everywhere but her.

“Of course it fucking matters, JJ! What did she say?”

“Nothing!”

“That’s a lie.”

“I already told you it doesn’t matter.”

“If it doesn’t matter then just tell me!”

“Fine!”

They are two powder kegs on the verge of an explosion. Kiara lit the spark, jumping the gun to shouting. He followed, and and now they’re at a precipice.

“You really wanna know what she said? Fine. She said that I’ll never be good enough for you, and you know what? She’s right.”

They tilt on the edge, still caught in the middle, unsure of where to fall.

“No. She’s not.” How can he even say that, let alone believe it? Kie isn’t always a fan of the cheesy, but it’s a cold hard fact that the man standing before her is one of the best things in her life.

“She is, Kie. You know she is. You’re not a Kook, but your family... they can give you so much more than I can. Opportunities and shit, the chance to get out of here. What do I have going for me?”

“Everything! You know I don’t want any of that bullshit or the baggage that comes with it — I want you.”

“I’m not gonna be enough. One day you’re gonna look up and realize that you want out of this place. Or I’m gonna look up and realize I turned into my dad.”

A bitter laugh leaves him, slicing them both to ribbons in the process.

“You’re not him, J. You’re not your dad and you never will be your dad.”

“You don’t know that! I don’t know that!”

They step closer at the same time, spark relit on the fuse to destroy them.

“JJ — ”

“No, Kiara. We can’t keep doing this. I’m stuck, and I’m not dragging you down with me.”

“You’re not dragging me down if I want to be here!”

Four more feet and they are two steps away from each other. They’re both tired, oh so tired, yet neither one is willing to give up the fight for their cause. The frustration builds, coiling tightly around them as JJ steps forward and shouts,

“I’m gonna ruin your life!”

“Then ruin it!”

Kie’s scream is passionate, every emotion inside of her escaping in those three words as she steps up to meet him.

“Ruin my life, JJ Maybank. Because I’d rather be in ashes with you than anywhere with anyone else.”

He takes one look at her and the pause between them could stop a train. Then, his head ducks down and his lips crash against hers. She reciprocates, sinking both hands into his hair. He picks her up and she wraps her arms around his waist as he sets her against the counter. Dishes crash onto the floor but neither of them are even remotely half assed to care. His lips attach to her neck and she exhales sharply.

“Stay,” Kiara whispers. And she wishes he did. If she would have been controlling their story, they would have taken this to Big John’s room and the breakup talks would cease. But she put everything in his hands, as he’s making the decision here. So when she tells him to ruin her life, she watches him grapple with himself. For a second, she sees his head tilt ever so slightly forward. He reels himself back in a second later, and the fire in his eyes burns out.

“I’m sorry,” JJ whispers, shaking his head and backing away from her.

“JJ,” Kiara calls after him, “JJ!” She’s immobilized, feet stuck to the floor.

This isn’t happening. This is not happening.

Something inside her breaks and she runs, tearing through the house. He’s already on his bike as she gets to the front porch, and curse him, he looks back. He puts the helmet in his hands on (she bought him that for his birthday — “You’re not getting fucked up on my watch. Put the damn helmet on.”) and drives away.

Kiara doesn’t know what happens next. When her faculties return her knees are scraped up, blood trickling down. She’s still on the porch and her face is wet, cheeks marred by liquid pooling in her eyes. Someone is crying, loudly, like their heart was ripped from their chest. No, she thinks, like someone else’s heart was ripped from their chest, someone the person crying loved. Because if her own heart was ripped out, she would not be able to feel. What Kiara wouldn’t give to not feel a goddamn thing right now.

She calls Sarah. Her friend comes and picks her up, and they go to her place. Kie can’t bear to be in the Chateau or her own room. Sarah’s is devoid of memories, for the most part. She explains what happened through her tears as her friend holds her, gently carding her fingers through her hair comfortingly. They light up, and then get a little tipsy and Kiara doesn’t know if it’s better or for worse. But it’s something. She’s reminded of after the Phantom went down, that night on the beach when she discovered the freedom to be. In this moment, Kiara’s free to be something. Anything. Whatever she wants. But the one thing she wants removed himself from her life, so she settles for being a mess instead. Sarah settles in with her when they’re all worn out, falling asleep quickly. Kiara’s vaguely aware that the person next to her is not who she wants it to be, that this is wrong in the sense that someone else should be here. She’s too cold, unraveled.

“Stay,” she whispers, but this time to herself. If she can stay for tonight, she can stay for tomorrow, and the day after that until she eventually finds her way back to who she is without him in her life. She’s not the same Kiara as she was this morning. She’ll be a different Kiara when she wakes up tomorrow. The Kiara she is wraps her arms around herself to keep whatever’s left from pouring out. She will do what he refused to. When the morning comes, she will face the world. While the moon is out, she is free to dream.

She dreams one last dream of him.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Okay LOOK 😂 there’s so much I wanna say on this but it would be so spoiler-y BUT for War Of Hearts, do some scanning! There’s a lot to unpack there, some obvious, some not! It becomes more evident in the chapters to come. I wish I could say more and I totally would if all of it was published 😭😭😭 OOO but I do enjoy referencing my works in other works (literally did that in the mini scene above lmao) so there’s a good chance that I riff off of previous concepts or something else across the stories/one shots that I write! There’s so many references I throw in too. For example, the ‘I hope you care to be recalled to life’ part in It Wasn’t Special Til I Met you is from A Tale Of Two Cities. I definitely love exploring concepts in my work, which I guess is why it kind of reads as flowery when I dig into it 😂

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

To me, I really love when I’m able to come up with good dialogue or a good scene and I’m like ‘OOO YES THIS IS IT!” It’s super fun to explore the underlying themes and symbolism in pieces; I totally love and live for weaving stuff together like Blues Clues 😂 I also adore dropping references to various works or songs because people will catch them and be like ‘wait is that xyz?’ and I’m like ‘yeah! yes it is! you get it!’ And that’s just a wonderful feeling 😊🥰

That’s all for me! Thanks for asking!

[ff15trashgoldenslumbers]

So because this was just rotting in my drafts and I figured I’d do nothing with it...Here you go...

So five-ever ago, I was to write a story about Noctis’s elder sister, and how she would mess with the story line, but with more fun prompts appearing in my inbox and not really wanting to do a whole story that was basically a 15 chapter monster, and the fact I hardly got beyond the plot line and this ultra dramatic scene. I stopped thinking about. 

Plus when DLC came out and more info was being prepared I just kinda forgot about it, so it’s been rotting in my drafts untouched as it was originally created before I even touched the game myself.

But! Because I’m a lover of the drama,I decided to post it as the rough draft!

So set up to the story:

At age 15 the elder Princess of the Lucian family, had gone to visit Tarabene when Noctis had become injured as a kid. The young Princess grew close to Ravus over the visit, but witness the death of Queen Sylva, before she could rush to tell her Father the truth, a man with red hair stopped her and erased part of her memory.

Regis holding Noctis, and a grip on Lunafreya’s hand rush to get out of the way of the attack that is on them. The young Princess is found stumbling about the field, Regis stops long enough to notice that his daughter is fine, passing her Noctis and taking both her and Lunafreya’s free hand and rushes to safety. Upon hearing Ravus calls for help, Regis stops when both the hands he’s holding stop. Lunafreya rushes to her brother’s side, Regis goes to call out for her, only to find Noctis back within his arms, as his daughter races toward Ravus.

Only for the Princess to be snagged by the back of her dress and pulled into her father’s arms, as he starts moving his children to safety. 

Regis holding both his children leaves the battlefield, trying to ignore his daughter’s harsh cries for him to turn around.

At the age of 18 the Princess starts courting Ravus, and soon the two are wedded. Much Noctis horror that his sister would ever marry Ravus, until her realizes just how in love she is with him. The Princess promises to visit every Spring before she is to be returned to her husband.

Prior to the fall, the group is tasked to take the Princess home, when they leave they notice that the Princess is in tears as she says goodbye to King Regis something she had never done before when having to return home if anything she’s always smiling.

Throughout the trip, she is seen as the elder sister to everyone in the group. Often making certain that the others are fine, and having no troubles stopping arguments. When the news breaks of the Fall of Insomnia, she explained that Noctis is now King and that he will have to take up the arms. The others watch the kind sweet Princess become rather harsh to the red headed stranger they meet.

The Princess in order to help the others get away, gives herself over the Niflheim Army as they wouldn’t hurt Commander Ravus’s wife. 

While waiting in Tarabene for Lunafreya to appear, Ravus visits his wife…

“Ravus? Ravus!” She called rushing toward her husband, holding him tightly. “Ravus you’re here!”

Ravus returned her embrace just as tightly, “Are you all right?”

“Yes.”

He pushed her away only slightly to look her over “Were you hurt? Were you in the city? Did you…”

She stepped back slightly shaking her head, “I was not there during The Fall.” She replied, turning icy blue eyes to her husband. “I was not there in person, but I’ve seen it. I saw everything that happened.”

Ravus glanced away, those of the Lucian line had strange ties to the Gods. He was aware of his wife’s dreams, as they often woke himself out of his sleep when he was able to spend nights beside her, by the woman gasping.

“Ravus,” 

That harsh voice made him looked to her, but Gods how he hated that look of that beautiful face of his wife.

“Ravus, did you know that My Father was going to die?”

No, holding back. No pause! She was furious! Still she had every reason to be so.

Ravus stepped forward his arms held out to the woman, “I did not mean,”

“You did not mean what!” She cried stepping back. “My Father, my Father is dead Ravus.”

Ravus tried another step forward, but she stepped back again, “I was not.”

“Did Ardyn hide this from you? I ran into him, he’s out their chasing the boys, my brothers.” She barked, angry tears spilling from her eyes. “Ravus, I saw it, I saw Daddy get ran through, I saw him die Ravus, he was right there. I couldn’t, I couldn’t save him. Just like I couldn’t save you.” She cried, her tears falling hard, she sniffed knowing that her makeup was running and that she looked nothing like the calm collected woman that always stood by her husband side.

“Please, there was nothing I could,” This time the High Commander was stopped in his tracks, by the strong slap of his wife. The sound echoing through out the room.

“Did you want this? Did you want me to suffer?”

Ravus glanced to the floor, “I should have never let you go.”

“Let me go? Let me go! Ravus I know you hated Daddy, I know you did, and because of what?” She cried, you never brought this up, but it tugged at her for years and the words fell before she could catch them. “You hated Daddy because he left you on the battlefield! At the moment he was not thinking as a King or a Warrior he was thinking as a Father! Daddy rushed Noctis and I off that field, he went to go after Lunafreya too. At the time I was too young and stupid to know that, but seeing Noctis and the others on the field, I understood what he did so much more. That’s why I gave myself over.”

“I…”

She lowered her hand still raised from her strike, “Ravus I want you to replace yourself with my Father that day, I want you to pretend that for that moment it was Lunafreya and myself what would you have done?”

Ravus’s dual eyes widen, “I would protect you.”

She raised her hand, cupping her husband’s cheek that only moment prior she had striked, “I love you more than every star in the sky Ravus, you are my husband, you are my heart. When we are seperated my body and soul ache for you.” She whispered. “I just don’t know if I am in this alone.”

Ravus quickly embraced her, “I love you so much. I do not say it much, and for that I ask your forgiveness.” 

“Ravus you are my Family, and Noctis and the boys, they are my family too. Some of what little I have left. Please help me protect them.”

Ravus pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “I promise.”

After the touching reuion with husband and wife, the Princess finds herself before Ardyn, demanding to know where it is that she has hidden Lunafreya. The only answer that the Princess supplies is that “A King can move only one direction, while a Queen have full rein of the board, Chancellor.”

The Princess ends up going to Alitissa to stay with Lunafreya, knowing that the others will try and make it to the Oracle and will need Noctis to form a bond with the Goddess.

Lunafreya is determined to summon Leviathan, the Princess agrees to escort her. When meeting up with the Goddess, the Princess offers herself in place of her brother and asks to have Noctis and Lunafreya spared. The Goddess explains that the Goddess demand a sacrifice of a Prince.

During the battle, Lunafreya saves Noctis, but is left weak, (unknown to everyone the Princess freezes Lunafreya prior to the battle, casting an island on herself to take the form of the Oracle) Ardyn runs the Princess through believing her to be Lunafreya. After dragging Noctis back to safety, he constantly states that Lunafreya is fine.

When alone with Ravus, who still doesn’t understand what his wife means and where his sister is, he becomes more aggravated until the Princess turns to him, tears in eyes explaining that a Prince was sacrificed to ensure that both Noctis and Luna would survive, before apologizing that she would never be able to have children with Ravus after the one they had lost when Ardyn stabbed her.

Ravus personally escorts them to the train, while his wife keeps messing with his arm. Upon boarding Ravus states he will not, “Allow another one he loves to die, and they are to protect the woman with their lives.” 

Most of the train scene is the same, Noctis and Gladiolus butt heads. Both Noctis and the Princess chase down the fake Prompto. Only for the wound Ardyn inflicted on the Princess back in Altissa to reopen, stopping the woman from warning Noctis that the Prompto he’s attacking is indeed a fake. So watches helplessly as Prompto is pushed off the train.

When Ardyn appears, and Shiva interferes freezing and shattering Ardyn. Shiva opens her arms to the Princess, apologizing fro all the hurt that she has gone through.The Princess explains that years ago, she attempted to trade her life to spare Noctis and the others, the Gods did not want that. Upon her marriage to Ravus she would have a child of both the Oracle and King’s line. 

When Ardyn killed the child in Altissa, the Princess was granted powers similar to that of the Immortal, yet by having Oracle blood run through her, due to her and Ravus child she is immune to the darkness that swallowed Ardyn. Yet with the child gone is is uncertain of Noctis’s fate.

After the Regalia breaks down, the group becomes separated. The Princess rushes to find Ravus, and manages to stop Ardyn from taking over the man. Going after Ardyn herself, she teleports Ravus away to Luna. As a last ditch effort the Princess summons a large amount of power before exploding,seeming to kill herself and Ardyn.

The Chocobros believing her to be dead are in shock, only to be confused when she pulls herself from the rubble, more worried about them than herself as she embrace them tightly quickly falling into a comatose state from the drain of power. Only to be awoken the crystal’s power, jumping from Gladiolus’s arms, she manages to grab Noctis’s arm, before being thrown back by the crystal. The woman crying and begging the crystal to take her instead.

After 10 years have pass, Noctis returns yet the Princess dawns a battle uniform, telling Ravus to remain with a frozen Lunafreya. Explaining should she pass the ice will shatter. She mets her brother fro the first time in 10 years. Protecting the others with her magic. She explains none can kill Ardyn but Noctis.

When Noctis moves to ascend the throne and bring back the sun, Princess takes his spot, calling to the gods, “I am first born of the line, the throne is mine. A prince was given up as you wish, and for I am the rightful rule of this line it is mine, Come to me!”

The gods not truly able to argue as they had taken a Prince of Lucian blood, an Oracle child, and that the Princess was first in line for the throne, she had never given up the prophecy would stand.  So they run her through, through tired eyes, she smiles to the others before falling.

The Queen falls, so that the King may live offsetting the Prophecy as a Queen was never expected.

During the epilogue, as Noctis ascends the throne to a new built Insomnia, he is shocked to see Regis and his sister standing there awaiting him. The Princess steps forward resting her forehead to his with a soft smile of, “Long live the king.”

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

A cozy reading nook

There’s nothing like going to a thrift shop and striking gold. In today’s case, it was at the books section. Murphy and I have been spending the past few days putting together a cozy reading nook with our new gyroid themed furniture. Since the shelves were looking a bit sparse, we headed off to several thrift shops to fill them up.

Going to a thrift shop is like picking and choosing stuff from a mystery goodie bag. Sometimes you find stuff and sometimes you don’t - it’s all about chance. My mom always said whenever we went shopping at a thrift store is that if we find something we like, buy it. First of all, it’s fairly cheap, and second, you’re never going to see it again. So I base my purchases off absolutes - do I really want/need it or not? Even if I’m not gonna need it right away but might in the future, then that counts as a yes.

Today we went shopping at a cute little corner shop in Blueberry. I’ve only been there a few times since it’s kinda hard to get there but whenever I stopped by, I almost always find a treasure. And today, we stumbled across a treasure chest!

Among the many books we found today, there was one that caught my eye in particular. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a coincidence that I would stumble upon this find after hearing the news a couple days ago.

The book in question is called Climb Every Mountain by Claire Bennett. It’s one of those books that I read years ago and it stuck with me. A fairly quick read, but one that lingers for a while. I think the fact that I’ve crossed paths with Claire in the past is why I’ve been so invested in the story.

I wonder how she’s doing right now.

Climb Every Mountain’s a work of fiction loosely based on Claire’s own life - or, in retrospect, a somewhat idealized version of it. An alternate universe where despite everything that happened, there’s still a glimmer of hope that it gets better. Not that Claire’s life was terrible, but more like for every good thing that happened, it gets overshadowed by the not so good things happening behind the scenes. 

I met Claire when I was living in Astra, back when she was married to Matt. She, Nathan, and I would often hang out at the Study Library Cafe so that’s how we became friends. After Claire finished grad school we kinda lost touch with her, at least until we found each other on social media a few years ago. So even though we don’t talk often, at least we hear bits and pieces here and there.

Nathan, Claire, and Matt went to the same high school - Claire and Matt being a couple years older - so that’s how they know each other. Astra’s a medium sized town so even if you don’t know everyone, you’ve at least heard of most of them. 

Claire wasn’t exactly in the popular crowd, but she was notable for being well accomplished. Straight A, type A perfectionist who’s captain of the cheerleading squad and debate team as well as class president who graduated as valedictorian - she was what they described as untouchable. Despite how she might look, Claire is not superficial or shallow or cutthroat - she’s just ambitious. No one dared messed with her or got in her way.

Then there’s Matt, who was also notable but not exactly popular either. He came from a rich family who was notable in Astra and he made sure people knew that. Orphaned as a baby he lived with his dad’s advisor who tried to manipulate him so when he got older Matt kicked her out and was informally adopted by a friend who helped bailed him out when his former guardian tried to get revenge. 

At first glance Matt comes across as arrogant, narcissistic, and not so bright. Part of his arrogance comes from being entitled, though it’s more of a defense mechanism to protect himself from those who tried to use him. The saying still waters run deep applies to him. 

Even after everything he put Claire through, I can’t help but feel bad for him sometimes. Don’t get me wrong - it doesn’t excuse his actions, but at least it wasn’t done out of pure malice. Matt has a lot of flaws but the biggest one of all is his tendency towards self-sabotage.

Because their personalities are so different, you’d think people like Matt and Claire would clash. To everyone’s surprise, they were close friends turned high school sweethearts. In a way, they complimented each other. But they also dragged each other down - Claire bringing out the best in him, Matt bringing out the worst in her. 

No matter what, Claire still sees the good in him. I don’t think Matt is a bad guy, but he’s definitely not good for her. I get that Claire has a special bond with him - and probably the best thing to ever happen to him second to his adoptive family - so it’s understandable why she’s so forgiving of him. She was in a tough spot as she could no longer tolerate his bullshit and at the same time couldn’t just cut him off like pretty much everyone else in his life.

Claire wrote and published Climb Every Mountain during her senior year of high school. At the time she was standing at a crossroads. She had two equally great scholarships - one for any Ivy League university, another close to home. There were also a lot of other factors she had to consider and in the end she chose to stay home and marry Matt.

Climb Every Mountain is a historical fiction novel set in the 60s that tells the story of a bookish teenage girl who grows up alongside her childhood friend, a rebellious orphan of a wealthy family. Despite their differences, both feel like they don’t belong because of how much they stand out. The precocious Malina is told to stay in her place and downplay her inquisitive nature while KT’s the kind of guy who refuses to give a damn about anything. 

The story starts when Malina and KT are fourteen and spans about five years. Malina’s busy trying to figure out the world while KT does whatever he wants, including trying to win over Malina’s heart. As they grow older, they become closer and later get married despite disapproval from pretty much everyone. The two go through a lot of ups and downs as they realize that the world is a lot more complicated and contradicting than they realize. 

The end is somewhat ambiguous but also hopeful. Malina defies her family’s expectations by speaking her mind through leading anti-war protests. KT casts away his family’s status and threw everything out of the window by dodging the draft. They were able to get away with being arrested and released because of KT’s status and now that no longer mattered, the young couple had no choice but to flee the country. So Malina stages one final protest, basically giving the government a big middle finger, and in the chaos, she and KT escape. 

As they snuck away, both fought the temptation to look back. Through thick and thin, Malina and KT stuck together. Even when starting from the ground up, as long as they had each other, it’ll be all right. No matter what happens, the only thing that’s certain is that they had no regrets.

Something about Malina’s courage and determination always stuck to me. Her and KT’s loyalty to others was something that didn’t really resonate with me until I got older. Knowing the inspiration behind Malina and KT, their story digs a lot deeper.

I��d like to think Malina and KT eventually had a happy ending. After escaping the country and starting over, after everything they’ve been through, they deserve to be happy. I think that’s what Claire wanted for them too. And for herself especially.

Like with Malina and KT, there’s more to Claire and Matt’s relationship than meets the eye. I wouldn’t say that Claire was unhappy with Matt, but sometimes things don’t work out no matter how hard you try. 

I don’t want to say that Matt is needy - probably high maintenance is a better word - the kind of person who expects everything and nothing less. From experience, those kinds of people can be exhausting to be around, even if they are generally pretty cool. Matt definitely fits into that category. Always venting his problems to someone - usually Claire - and expecting an immediate response, not caring how you feel or whether or not you’re in the mind space to help out or listen. It’s hard to trust someone or confide in them if they don’t respect your boundaries, especially if they almost always make it about them in the end. And to be honest, I think Matt’s the kind of guy who likes to talk just so you’d pay attention to him.

Claire and Matt were married for about eight years before splitting up. By the time Nathan and I met her, their marriage was starting to become shaky with Matt cheating on her and making enemies with a lot of people. I guess what prompted Claire to file for divorce had something to do with their kids - Katie and Brittany - as that was one major factor that prevented the two from breaking up. 

After the divorce, Claire took the girls and left Astra. Matt left too not long after that. He still kept in touch because of the girls so at least he isn’t cut off completely. Claire became a journalist for the Inkwell Gazette so every once in a while I’d come across her articles. She hasn’t released another book since Climb Every Mountain, which is a shame since she’s a good writer. Given what she’s been through, I don’t really blame her though.

While she has always been successful, I don’t think Claire really flourished until she left Matt. I can’t imagine it being easy to make a name for yourself if you’re almost always associated with an heir who’s notable for being troubled. It wasn’t that Matt stifled her - he did the opposite in fact, sometimes to the point where he put her on a pedestal - it was more like Claire can do whatever she wants as long as she puts Matt’s needs over hers. Basically Claire’s a giver, Matt’s a taker.

As for Matt, he’s remained a mystery until a while ago. He pretty much spent the past few years couch hopping, partying, stirring up trouble, and having flings. Then a couple months ago he was driving under the influence - which he’s gotten in trouble for several times - and ended up killing someone in an accident. So he fled the scene and managed to lay low for a while before turning himself in.

There’s definitely more to the story and while a part of me wants to dig deeper, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Also, I doubt there’d be much to find out anyway since this is the kind of thing Matt’s people would want to keep quiet because of scandals and such. At least from what it sounds like, Matt came forward voluntarily so maybe there’s a silver lining. Knowing him though, he’ll probably get a light sentence and then the whole thing will be buried away like it never happened. Then again, Matt’s not a total asshole so maybe this incident will shake him up and teach him a lesson.

I have a feeling that I’m gonna be re-reading Climb Every Mountain a few more times in the near future. It’s definitely one of those books worth revisiting years later.

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 21 - 22

Tumblr deleted the first draft of this so I had to redo all of it. Isn’t. That. Just. Great.

Last chapter ended with Dorian and Rowan meeting Rolfe in his office, and true to SJM’s nature, the next chapter immediately picks up where the last one left off. Cut out a lot of the padding and all of these scenes could easily fit into one chapter, but it wouldn’t be a shitty YA novel without padding.

A wry half smile tugged on Rolfe’s lips, the upper-left corner flecked with a small scar. Hopefully not from Aelin.

Because Rolf, a Pirate Lord involved in plenty of illegal activity and battling, couldn’t have possibly gotten a scar from anyone else but that one encounter with Aelin????

“A man who likes ink as much as I do,” Rolfe said with an appreciative nod. “I think you and I will get along just fine, Prince.” “Male,” Rowan corrected. “Fae males are not human men.”

Ungh this is beyond weird. I get that other humanoid species might use male/female as opposed to men/women, that’s not a huge issue, it’s just so weird that they insist on being addressed as males.... also does Rolfe have an ink kink or what.

Rowan gave Dorian a nod to sit. The flames on the candles burning throughout guttered as they passed, and claimed their seats.

The fuck is the meaning of that comma? Makes it sound like the candles are claiming the seats instead of R and D.

“According to the messengers who arrived yesterday,” Rolfe said, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms. “Duke Perrington—or should I call him King Perrington now?—issued a decree, signed by the majority of Adarlan’s lords and ladies, naming you, Majesty, an enemy to your kingdom, and claiming that he liberated Rifthold from your claws after you and the Queen of Terrasen slaughtered so many innocents this spring.

Oh, shit. I don’t really care about Aelin but I feel pretty bad for Dorian.

Rolfe went on, perhaps a bit more gently, “Your brother has been named Perrington’s heir and Crown Prince.” Oh gods. Hollin was a child, but still … something had rotted in him, festered—

Oh no, not Hollin! Not the guy who.... has had little to no dialogue, appeared officially in like one scene, and was only mentioned about three times.....not that character!

[Dorian] wished Chaol were with him.

Rolfe sat forward, resting his forearms on the desk. “You must be desperate indeed, then.” A glance at Rowan. “And is your queen equally desperate for my aid?” “My queen,” Rowan said, “is not a part of this discussion.”

Oh silly Rowan, don’t you know every chapter is required to have at least one Aelin splooge feast?

According to Rolfe’s hand map there’s some spooky beasts afoot that killed most of his crew some time ago.

Rolfe’s pale green eyes darkened. “Sea-wyverns. Witches rule the skies with their wyverns—but these waters are now ruled by beasts bred for naval battle, foul corruptions of an ancient template.

HELL YEAH SEA WYVERNS!! I have to give SJM credit by at least including different types of dragons. Sea wyverns are fucking awesome, I hope this concept actually goes somewhere.

Two golden-haired males appeared in the doorway.

Hooo boy, more Fae males. Just what I wanted......

Immediately after the two Fae show up, the chapter ends, and Chapter 22 once again picks off right where the previous chapter left off. Jesus tap dancing Christ. Doing this once or twice is fine but SJM does this with literally every chapter!!! Without this cliff hanger BS there’s be at least 10 less chapters in this book.

But the dark-eyed, bronze-skinned male—so handsome that Dorian blinked—smirked at the dagger shivering beside his head.

PFFFT. And SJM/the fandom continuously insist that Dorian is 100% straight. I’m laughing so hard I’m not even mad at SJM continuing to describe all of her good characters as drop dead gorgeous.

Fenrys—Gavriel. Dorian knew those names. Rowan had mentioned them during their journey here … Two members of Rowan’s cadre.

That em dash is so weirdly placed. Also, I predict lots of dick waving between Fenrys and Rowan once Aelin shows up.

Dorian released his magic into himself. It settled into his core like a bit of dropped ribbon.

??? I take back my compliment of magic being written interestingly ?????

Gavriel and Fenrys go to eat lunch and everyone goes with. Just explaining this because there’s a bunch of filler of them just sitting around and not doing anything of interest.

“Maeve’s armada sails for this continent.” Dorian was glad he didn’t have anything in his stomach.

Oh yeah, remember Maeve? Honestly, I find her pointless? We already have a main villain, is she really needed? Other than someone for Aelin to prove her superiority against IG.....

Eyllwe … Maeve had to know how dear the kingdom was to Aelin.

Oh my godddd forget the innocent people that may be killed, injured, or lose their homes if Maeve pillages their kingdom, nope, it’s all about poor wittle Aelin’s feefees.

At the mention of lover, Rowan gave Fenrys a lethal stare. The beautiful male—really, there was no way to describe him other than that—just shrugged.

Let me remind you again that this is from Dorian’s POV. He truly is a bicon. And it begs the question... if all of SJM’s characters are beautiful, is there, in fact, no beautiful people in this universe? Since everyone is beautiful, wouldn’t that cancel out actually being beautiful, since ‘ugly’ people apparently don’t exist? This is the most entertainment I’ve gotten from these chapters tbh.

Rowan flicked his eyes toward the stairs behind Rolfe. “You’re dismissed.” Fenrys choked on a dark laugh, but Gavriel straightened as Rolfe hissed, “I don’t care who you are and what power you wield. You don’t give me orders in my territory.”

Rolfe isn’t being unreasonable here?? It’s portrayed as “oh look how cool and badass Rowan is” but this isn’t Rowan’s territory?? He is in no position to give orders god I hate him so much

Rolfe throws them all out of his place because Rowan was being a bossy lil bitch. Gg Rowan.

Fenrys snorted, toying with a small curl of golden hair at his nape. “How you even manage to walk with that much steel on you, Whitethorn, has always been a mystery to me.” Rowan said smoothly, “How no one has ever cut out your tongue just to shut you up has always been a mystery to me as well.” An edged chuckle. “I’ve been told it’s my best feature. At least the women think so.”

So I’m finally reading the ACOTAR series also by SJM, and holy shit, this is literally the exact same character as Cassian. Way to be creative, SJM.

All of a sudden Rowan halts the story to give a huge info dump on Fenrys’ backstory? Yeah this is a sign of great writing; rather than weaving information in small chunks to the audience, Rowan just basically explains Fenrys’ backstory to himself for... reasons.

Fenrys has a twin brother who took the oath to Maeve, thus prompting Fenrys to also take an oath to free his brother. Admittedly that does endear Fenrys to me a bit more, since it shows that he clearly cares about his brother enough to sacrifice his own freedom for him, but I’d rather learn that slowly rather than read one big info dump about it, thank you.

Rowan pinned Fenrys with a look. The White Wolf of Doranelle smiled right back at him.

Wait a minute..... Fenrys is called The White Wolf.... but on Aedion’s wiki it says-

Oh come the fuck on! You couldn’t think of another dangerous animal to symbolize your characters, SJM?

Fenrys and Gavriel are here to hunt Lorcan for his crimes, and this is portrayed as an earth shattering discovery....? I mean, I don’t give a shit about Lorcan. Or most of these characters, if I’m being honest.

[shitty-check-please-aus]

What do you think about an “i picked up your bag at the airport but i can’t find your number so i’m about to embark on the largest scavenger hunt of all time by using your strange belongings to track you down” au with charmer or nurseydex or zimbits or something??

Well, I don’t know if you expected three mini fics, and I didn’t fully follow the prompt, but here we are.

1. Charmer

Look, Chris knew it was dumb. He knew that everyone on earth had a plain black suitcase, he knew he should have double-checked the luggage tag, he knew it was important to be sure abut these things. But knowing what he should have done couldn’t help him when he finally got his suitcase home and opened it up to find mostly yoga pants and sundresses. 

Fuck.

He zipped the bag back up and flipped open the luggage tag. It was cute, pink with some metallic lettering saying “I’m outta here!” in a handwritten font. Chris blamed jetlag and the redeye flight for making him miss the fact that it wasn’t his Sharks tag. He blamed the bag’s owner for not filling out any of the information on the tag.

Dammit.

Well, sorry random girl, he thought. He opened the suitcase up again to try to see if he could find anything that would give him a clue as to who the suitcase owner was. He moved a makeup bag aside, and hit gold immediately. Well, Samwell red. A Women’s Volleyball tshirt– mystery suitcase girl had to be on the volleyball team.

“Hey Ransom!” he yelled. “You’re facebook friends with all the volleyball team right?”

“He’s friends with everyone on campus!” Holster yelled back.

“Ask their captain if anyone flew in from the Bay Area and lost their luggage!”

_X_

“Is Justin here? My captain said he’s got my suitcase.” Chris overheard her at the door. He grabbed the bag and started hauling it downstairs. As he set it down at the bottom and caught sight of the girl in the doorway, he froze. She was pretty. Like, really pretty. 

“Um, hi,” he said.

“So you’re Justin? Oh my god, I’m so glad it wasn’t some total rando who got my bag.” 

“I’m actually Chris, Justin was just the one who was friends with your captain. Um, I’m sorry, but I kind of had to look through your stuff? Your luggage tag wasn’t filled out.” The girl laughed.

“Yours wasn’t either! Me and my teammates were like one minute away from googling the record holder for most San Jose Sharks merch, but it totally makes sense that you’re on the hockey team.” 

“Since we both forgot to write our numbers down, maybe we should do that now?” Chris suggested. The girl grinned, grabbed his phone out of his hand, and opened up a new contact. She punched in a number, and when she handed it back he saw a text of several random emojis addressed to the new contact of “Caitlin Farmer” with a girl farmer emoji and a volleyball emoji.

“Text me sometime, and maybe we can get dinner?” she said, and she was gone with her suitcase. 

Chris collapsed on the couch, a dreamy look in his eyes.

“Chowder? You get your suitcase back?” Bitty called out from the kitchen.

“Yeah! and I think I’m in love now!”

2. Nurseydex

“Cheryl, I’m telling you, I had a ton of inspiration on the plane and I wrote some great stuff for act three. No. No, it wasn’t just me thinking it’s great because I popped some melatonin and got really sleepy. It’s like, legit. Yeah, I’ll send it over as soon as I get home and–”

Derek slammed into something. If he’d been holding his phone in his hand (bluetooth is a blessing when you drop stuff easily) it would have launched across the airport. As it was, his post-flight latte was soaking through the nice white shirt of the handsome stranger in front of him.

“Shit,” the stranger said, looking down to survey the damage.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have trusted myself to make a phone call and not be clumsy after such a long flight,” Derek said. He set his briefcase down and pulled a wad of napkins out of the outside pocket. The guy took a deep breath, going from murderous to calm in a few seconds. 

“I wasn’t looking where I was going either, it’s not your fault,” the guy said, setting down his own briefcase and accepting the napkins. He blotted at his shirt.

“Let me pay for the dry cleaning. Or a replacement,” Derek offered. The man shook his head.

“It’s fine, it probably needed to go to the cleaners anyways.” He checked his watch. “If I run, I can probably get a new one before my meeting.” He wadded the napkins into one big ball, picked up his briefcase, and walked towards the exit with a terse nod. Derek, feeling terrible about the whole thing, picked up his own briefcase and walked to baggage claim.

By the time he was reunited with his home office, a cozy bookshelf-lined room in his brownstone, he had almost forgotten about the coffee incident. He was focused on sending the manuscript to Cheryl. Unfortunately, that was going to be difficult, considering he pulled a PC laptop out of the bag instead of his Mac.

Derek stared at the computer for a full minute. He almost couldn’t believe that this was happening to him. Hesitantly, he opened the laptop. On one side of the keyboard there was a weird thing that a few seconds of phone googling told him was a fingerprint scanner. Shit. He hit the space bar experimentally. Something flashed on the screen, and then was replaced with just a plain black screen with red text: ACCESS DENIED

Derek swore. He started to look through the rest of what was in the briefcase, but was disappointed to find it empty except for the laptop’s charger, three packs of gum, and receipts from a lobster shack in Maine. Shit. Nothing in here would tell him anything about the redhead he’d launched a latte at. 

He closed the laptop dejectedly, ignored his editor’s text messages, and went into the kitchen to make himself lunch and feel sorry for himself. This was the universe punishing him for covering a cute guy with coffee. If he had just kept his focus and waited to call his editor later, he could have sent the draft along and saved it and not be desperately trying to remember his inspiration.

Just as the self-pity spiral was really taking off, the doorbell rang. Derek sighed, put down his tea, and walked to the door. When he opened it, it wasn’t Girl Scouts or Jehovah’s Witnesses, but the guy from the airport.

“Cancel whatever you’re doing today, I need to teach you the most basic principles of digital security,” the guy said, pushing past Derek into the dining room. He shoved a stack of papers onto a chair and pulled Derek’s laptop out.

“I’m Will, by the way, I make software that’s hopefully a step ahead of viruses.”

“Is the draft still there?”

“The draft of what?” The guy looked confused.

“My third act breakthrough. I’m a novelist, I need to get it to my editor and I couldn’t remember if I saved it,” Derek explained.

“You know you can set up an auto-save every five minutes or so, right?” Will asked.

“This might be surprising to you, but I’ve never had a cute guy storm into my house and yell at me about computers before.” Will looked up from Derek’s computer, blushing.

“I haven’t had a cute guy dump a gallon of coffee all over me and steal my laptop before, either, but here we are.”

“Maybe you can yell about computers over lunch with me?”

3. Zimbits

Button downs. Tank tops. Slacks. Shorts. Three rolling pins. A pie tin. A half-emptied multipack of sharpies.

No lucky puck. No clothes in his size. No jerseys.

Jack sighed. It would just be too much to ask for anything to go well today. He picked up his phone to call someone with the Falconers, in the hope that they could talk to the airline and sort all this out. At the same time, his phone lit up with Tater’s face.

“Zimmboni! Look on twitter. Small internet baker has your suitcase!” Tater hung up before he could reply, so Jack just opened twitter instead. 

omgcheckplease: A bunch of pucks, some dirty jerseys, and a history textbook. Either I’m back in college or this isn’t my suitcase.

omgcheckplease: .@falcsofficial please tell your #1 player to DM me and come get his shit

omgcheckplease: and @falcsofficial tell him to give me my shit back. my hockey days are in the past, I need rolling pins, not a mouthguard

Jack smiled and laughed in the way a person laughs when they’re alone, just blowing more air than normal out of his nose. He looked through the twitter for a minute– the guy, Eric Bittle, was a Providence-based chef, whose latest tweets were mostly greetings to the various cities he’d been visiting on tour. Jack clicked the media tab on the account, and looked through the pictures. Bittle was cute. He wrote a reply.

zimmboni: .@omgcheckplease how do I send u a DM

omgcheckplease: .@zimmboni you don’t deserve to be verified, oh my god #verifybittle2k17

A few seconds later another notification popped up, and he tapped it to be brought to a DM window.

omgcheckplease: hey! sorry about the mixup. I can only imagine how confused you were to find all my book tour stuff.

zimmboni: Probably as confused as you were finding hockey stuff?

omgcheckplease: I wasn’t joking in my tweets, I did play hockey before I got into the whole cookbook/food show thing

zimmboni: Exactly, I did a book tour last year in the off-season :-)

omgcheckplease: oh my gosh, isn’t it the best and the worst?

zimmboni: I know. It’s great to meet people and talk about your work, but it’s exhausting.

omgcheckplease: that’s why I’m so excited to be back in Providence! at least until the next cookbook.

zimmboni: Well we should probably meet up to trade suitcases. Want to meet somewhere for dinner?

omgcheckplease: don’t trust me to learn where your house is?

zimmboni: I mean, if dinner goes well enough…

omgcheckplease: OH. okay, then, Mr. Zimmermann, it’s a date.

Jack smiled to himself, and got ready for his date.

[wellesleyunderground]

Wellesley Writes It: Interview with Romance Author, Kate Broad ‘06 (@BeccaBooks)

Image credit Jenny Moloney photography, provided with permission by Kate Broad

Interviewed by Wellesley Writes It editor, Dr. Rebecca Danos

We are delighted to interview romance author Kate Broad ‘06 for Wellesley Underground.  After graduating from Wellesley, Kate Broad took a year off before starting her PhD in English at the CUNY Graduate Center, graduating in 2012.  She then happily departed from academia to do freelance writing in K-12 educational publishing.  She has drawers full of novels, including a literary novel.  Her published novels are in the romance genre.  Her first novel, Above All, came out in 2014 with Ellora's Cave.  Her second novel, How to Fall, came out in 2015 with Entangled Publishing and was a finalist for a 2016 HOLT Medallion in the category of Novels with Strong Romantic Elements. Her new Men of Gold Mountain series launched in October and the second standalone novel, MAKE ME BEG, was released in March from Entangled, where it hit Entangled’s Top 10 Bestsellers list. #1 New York Times bestselling author Lauren Blakely says MAKE ME BEG is “intensely sexy and packs an emotional punch!” The four books lined up for that series include Make Me Stay, Make Me Beg, Make Me Want, and Make Me Yours.  She writes sexy contemporaries and is interested in strong female leads and heroes who are more than washboard abs and hefty bank accounts.

For the introductory paragraph of MAKE ME BEG see here and of MAKE ME STAY see here.

WU:  Thank you so much for chatting with Wellesley Underground!  What was your major at Wellesley?  What experiences from Wellesley influenced your writing the most?

Thank you so much for having me! I majored in English and Political Science. While I always knew I wanted to be a writer, I was also interested in poli sci and the social sciences. My work in both departments definitely influenced each other; in graduate school I studied feminist political literature, bringing together two subjects that may seem distant but to me have always been interconnected. I write a lot about travel — my senior thesis at Wellesley was a collection of poems called Hard to Swallow, with half the poems set in India and half in Brazil. I took a year off before starting Wellesley and lived in India, and then I studied abroad in Brazil. My writing while at Wellesley focused heavily on detail and description, developing a sense of place and a feeling of being transported. While I never would have guessed back then that I’d wind up writing romance novels, that sense of place and of sensory experiences remains central to everything I write. In fact, my second romance novel, How to Fall, is set in Brazil. The characters are entirely made up, but the setting and the idea came from the time I spent there in college and after.

WU: Did you have any memorable courses or extracurricular activities at Wellesley?

So many amazing courses come to mind, especially Modern Poetry with Kate Brogan, a class on Milton with Jodi Mikalachki, and People, Agriculture, and the Environment with Rob Paarlberg. This is maybe twisted, but I loved studying for Professor Brogan’s final. It was this beast of an exam: In part of it, she gave us poems we’d never read before, and we had to identify the author and explain how we knew. It forced me to read deeply and thoughtfully and pay attention in a way that goes well beyond memorizing and regurgitating information.

I was involved in extracurriculars, but to be honest the best parts of Wellesley were the unplanned times hanging out with friends. That’s what I remember — and miss — the most!

WU: At what point in your life did you make the decision to become a full-time writer?

I always wanted to be a writer; the hard part was figuring out how to make that happen and how to support myself while doing so. I was writing poetry at Wellesley, and my professors encouraged me to get a PhD in English. It seemed a logical next step, and I’m happy I did it, but about halfway through my doctoral program I realized first off that while I love poetry, my heart was really yearning to write a novel. Moreover, being a professor wasn’t proving to be a very effective way of getting my own creative work done. I was doing a lot of writing, but it was all scholarship, and I had little time or energy for anything else.

Writers don’t talk a lot about filthy lucre, but my decision to become a full-time writer was very much about economics. During college and after, I worked as a freelance writer and had a number of clients and contacts already built up. I knew that I could write more if I freelanced instead of taught, which I had been doing during my doctorate. So I made the scary decision to finish my PhD but not go on the job market and to freelance instead while I committed myself to finishing a novel. I don’t live off my fiction (yet!), but I do live off my writing.  Whenever I get that Wellesley feeling that I’m not doing “enough,” I remind myself of that.

WU: Were you daunted by the uncertainty that accompanies being a writer?  How did you take the plunge, and what prompted it?

Oh, God, yes. I still am. Everyday I’m uncertain, and everyday I fight to tell that voice that says “I can’t” that I’m not going to listen. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was six years old, and we wrote stories every week in first grade, but to be honest, I didn’t actually do a whole lot of writing. I thought I’d write a novel someday in the future, when I’d somehow magically know how to do it. Halfway through grad school, it started to dawn on me that there was no future time when I’d know how to write a novel. I’d only figure it out by doing it and by failing, and then trying again, and hopefully failing a little bit less. I decided I would start by writing an hour a day, no more and no less. At the time, I was studying for my oral exams, teaching two classes, commuting over an hour and a half on the subway, starting a new relationship with the person I eventually married — in short, I had a million excuses for why I didn’t have any time. But I could manage an hour (and for people who can’t, there’s always 10 minute bursts. Even 2 minutes of writing a day is 2 minutes more than no minutes at all).

I didn’t reread anything I had written, and I didn’t plot anything in advance. I just sat down and wrote. That novel is a mess! But it’s a 400 page mess, and I felt really good that I did it. Writing that gave me more confidence to tackle long projects and helped me get over the fear of writing badly. That got me over the initial “I don’t even know where to begin” hurdle, so when I started another novel (also unpublished—notice a trend here?), I at least knew I could get something down.

It also helped to read the first Fifty Shades of Grey book, because I no longer had to worry that whatever I came up with would be the worst thing ever written. It made me feel like, come on, I got this.

WU: Do you currently utilize tools you gleaned from your PhD work in your writing?

The biggest thing I learned from my PhD is how to put my butt in the chair and keep it there. I learned how to complete a huge, daunting project — whether a dissertation or a novel — and how to hold the many interlocking pieces of a project in my brain at once. I also learned how to write quickly and just get it done, which is often the hardest part.

In order to meet a deadline for dissertation fellowships, my advisor told me to crank out my first chapter and send it to her by the deadline, so she could say in her recommendation letter that I was working on my second chapter and well underway. That seemed CRAZY to me, and I was worried about sending her crap. But since she straight up told me to send her something bad and not worry about it, I said okay. I basically vomited out an 80 page chapter to her in a month. And you know what? It needed work, obviously, but it wasn’t that bad! I wound up writing my whole dissertation that way, cranking out a messy first draft, getting feedback, and then revising. Not only did I get two dissertation fellowships that year, but I learned how to get over the fear of the blank page and trust that I can always revise and improve my writing — but only if there’s something actually written for me to work with.

WU: Can you describe what it’s like to be a freelance writer and how you went about beginning this career?  How do you find markets for your writing?  

I work as a freelance writer in K-12 educational publishing, writing math, social studies, and language arts textbooks. People always ask me how to get into this field and to be honest, it’s hard to break into. I knew people who were able to throw small projects my way and then worked my way up. The summer before my senior year, I lived with Wellesley friends and worked on a research project for a social studies company while I started my thesis, a collection of poems. I realized I loved working from home and that the setup worked well for me.

After Wellesley I took a year off before starting graduate school. I started off working at a café in Brooklyn (thanks, Café Hoop, for giving me semi-marketable skills) but was able to get a freelancing gig working on a math textbook much faster than I’d realized. I quit the café job, since the textbook paid better and didn’t involve human interaction and started writing my first novel (a book I’m actually still working on, which is sort of awesome and sort of makes me want to cry).

At the time, I felt like the freelancing was great for a limited amount of time but not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. There’s little room for growth, and I knew I wasn’t going to make any more money per project as I gained experience. I thought I wanted to go into academia, so I wouldn’t be stuck in a dead-end position. But then when I started climbing that academic ladder, I realized there are definite perks to a job that doesn’t take a ton of mental energy and is never going to take over my life. So I went back to freelancing, this time seeking out the same aspects that had turned me off to it the first time around.

WU: What advice would you give to our readers who might like to delve into freelance writing?  Are there online resources you can recommend?

There are so many different types of freelance writing gigs out there. I think it’s really important to figure out what you want to do, what skills you have, and what skills you want to learn. I don’t do freelance journalism or write articles — that’s just not my thing. That kind of work is going to be different than, say, writing copy for a company. People come to me saying, “I want to freelance,” and it’s clear they haven’t really thought about what kind of work they want to do or what field they’re looking to break into. My advice would be to do a little research to see what sort of freelance writing exists. Even if the answer is, “I can do anything!”, it still helps to narrow it down and present yourself as interested in the particular subfield.

WU: How do you balance your freelance writing work with your fiction projects?  

It varies. If I have a freelance deadline, I focus on that. If I have a book deadline, then that comes first. Sometimes I do both at once, splitting my day between two projects. Sometimes I concentrate on one and then the other, either day by day (a day on fiction, a day on freelance) or month by month (a few months finishing a book, then a few months focusing on a freelance project). It can be a lot to keep in my mind at once, but the work is very different, so I don’t find it that hard to change gears when I need to. I also try to discuss with my editor what my schedule is going to be. Since getting a four-book contract with new manuscripts due every four months, that’s been my top priority!

WU: What does a typical week look like for you?  A typical day?

I write every day and try to keep a pretty normal 9-5 schedule. I’m not really a morning person, so as much as I’d love to be some go-getter who’s up at 5 am drafting perfect prose, that’s just not going to happen.

I usually take care of emails and logistical stuff first. I basically have my own company where I am selling the author brand Rebecca Brooks and her books, so there’s a lot of non-writing tasks to complete. Then I work out, usually mid-morning, have lunch… By that time I’m awake, alert, not thinking about the 8,000 emails I have to send, and am able to spend four or five hours writing each afternoon.

WU: What prompted you to write your first novel in the romance genre?  Did you find the current genre lacked strong female leads and nuanced male leads and wished to satisfy a different audience?  

Actually, I found the opposite! The current genre, while by no means perfect, has very strong heroines and interesting heroes and and is much more complex, nuanced, interesting, and feminist than I ever would have imagined. Not every book is like that, obviously, but not every book in any genre is going to be exemplary. I got into romance because it’s where I believe feminist literature is happening right now, and where I can reach a diverse audience of women and feminist men who are looking for more than the limited roles for both male and female characters afforded in so much of the literature found elsewhere on the bookshelves.

I got into romance through my dissertation, which was on the romance plot in contemporary feminist utopian/dystopian fiction. I figured I should actually read a few romance novels, since I was talking about it all the time. I was really impressed with what I found. I’m always coming up with book ideas and had an idea for a romance novel, so I decided I’d give it a shot!

WU: Is a Wellesley alum your intended reader audience?  If not, who is your audience?

I definitely imagine a Wellesley alum as my ideal reader. Someone smart, opinionated, well-read, and decidedly feminist, who’s looking to relax and unwind but also wants some substance and won’t settle for two dimensional characters or really crappy writing. I’m trying to appeal to a variety of readers, but I think of myself as writing romance for romance fans, as well as for people who don’t yet realize they like romance novels. There are a lot of misconceptions about this genre, and I enjoy challenging readers’ expectations and hopefully providing even smart skeptics with a satisfying read.

WU: Can you give us a taste of what your novels are like?

Think dirty-talking, rugged outdoorsmen and women who are human and fallible but also show there are many different ways to be independent and strong. There’s travel, adventure, beautiful settings, and hot and heavy outdoor sex. The books are definitely steamy! But my parents have read them and survived, so it’s only kinda awkward to have everyone I know reading the word cock eleventy billion times in my books.

WU: Tell us about the Men of Gold Mountain series.

The four books in the series — Make Me Stay, Make Me Beg, Make Me Want, and Make Me Yours — follow a group of friends in the small town of Gold Mountain, Washington, a fictional ski town in the North Cascades. Each book is set in a different season and has a different outdoorsy thing going on (skiing, rock climbing, hiking, etc.) that comes into play. They’re smoking hot but are as much about friendship and figuring out life as they are about falling in love.

I came up with the idea after my husband and I went to visit my Wellesley BFF in Seattle and then spent a week hiking in the Cascades, near Mt. Baker. I’d been toying with the idea of writing a ski book set in Colorado, and then starting a series — although I didn’t know yet what it would be about. As we poked around the North Cascades, I started thinking it would be a great place to set the series. Then I had the idea to set the ski book there and make it Book 1. I literally woke up one morning with the name “Gold Mountain” in my head. Once I had a place in mind, I started populating it with people and giving them all sorts of problems to overcome.  

WU: What was the process like to find an agent and/or publisher?  How long did it take to find a home for your first novel?

Finding an agent and a publisher is hard, and everyone’s path to publication is different. I submitted the manuscript for my first novel to a handful of agents to test the waters, and to a few romance publishers that took unagented submissions. I actually got an offer from a publisher first, and then used that to get an agent. I wrote about it for a Writer’s Digest post, since there were quite a few bumps along the way. It took about six months to get the publisher...and then four days to get the agent. The process is weird and there’s really no telling what will happen. I think the most important thing is to be persistent!

WU: What is it like to read critiques/reviews of your novels?  How does the response to your writing impact your future work?

Many authors don’t read their reviews, but I do. I’m genuinely interested in what makes readers tick, both in terms of my own work and when it comes to books in general. Also, reviews are enormously helpful for sales, so I’m really grateful to anyone who takes the time to leave a review — no matter how short. Lots of promo opportunities are linked to the number of Amazon and Goodreads reviews a book has (even more so than what the review actually says) so I get excited just having reviews, period. Insert plea for Wellesley sibs to leave reviews for my books on Amazon and Goodreads if you want to support!  

You can’t please everybody. But getting a general sense of what’s working and what might be off is certainly something I keep in mind for each new book. The best feedback I’ve ever gotten was when a reader got a quote from my first novel tattooed across her back. I figured that was a pretty good sign!

WU: Have you ever had to deal with negative unwarranted online feedback?  If not, how would you recommend authors develop ways of coping with the potential of attacks in a day and age when women are targeted regardless of what they do?

Not yet, but as a woman out and about on the internet, I am definitely aware that I’m going to deal with this. I’m not sure what I’ll do, except keep writing.

WU: Who are your writing role models?

Octavia Butler, for her brilliance and drive. Margaret Atwood for her versatility. I feel like once you’ve read a few Jonathan Franzen novels, for example, you have his formula down. That isn’t a dig at Franzen. It’s the way most fiction works. But I have a lot of admiration for anyone who’s clearly pushing themselves to try new things with each book. Romance is formulaic to a degree, but I try to give myself a new challenge or problem to solve with each book. I always have something to learn.

WU: What is your reading routine like?  What books/films/television shows etc. influenced you the most?

I’m always reading something, definitely a literary novel, either contemporary or historical, and sometimes a romance on top of that — although I’ve been finding that the deeper I get into the Men of Gold Mountain series, the less I’ve been reading romance because it starts to feel like romance takes over my brain all the time. Whatever influences me the most is probably whatever I’m watching or reading at the moment. It’s hard to turn my writer brain off and consume stories for pure entertainment. I’m always picking them apart to see how they were put together, what works and what doesn’t, and what I can learn as a result.

WU: What is the best writing advice you’ve ever received?

When I was in eighth grade, somebody told me that you have to write a lot of shit before you get anything good. At the time — and now — I’m still not totally sure how I tell what’s shit and what’s not. But the idea that it’s okay to write shit, and that it’s in fact inevitable that I’m going to write shit, has been extremely liberating and stayed with me all these years. (Also, the use of the word shit itself — that writers can say whatever they damn well please. That was awesome to hear when I was thirteen, too.)

I think most of the writing advice I’ve received has been some variation on this: permission to write badly. Which is, in itself, simply permission to write, and to be kind to myself as I do so. Writing something that isn’t as good as I want it to be is still better than not having written it at all, and beating myself up about how my writing isn’t good enough doesn’t make my writing better. Each time I do get something down — and revise, and rework, and rethink — I get a little closer to where I want to be, and I think that counts for something. Even if I never get there, I will have tried.

WU: What is the best advice you can offer to emerging writers?

Write.

Don’t wait until you have time. Definitely don’t wait until you’re smarter or a better writer or know what to say. I don’t think it works that way. I think you become a writer by writing — at least, that’s how it’s worked so far for me.

It’s important to read widely and seek out feedback and be open to ruthlessly editing and reworking your own writing, but before you even have work to edit, there has to be something on the page. So that’s my advice. Get something down and go from there.

For more information on MAKE ME BEG see Amazon, B&N, Kobo, iBooks, Entangled.

[themelodramatic-blog1]

Confessions of an IB Graduate

I’ve been complaining about being in the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IB) since I started it. It was two years of functioning on the least possible hours of sleep, last minute everything, and a whole lot of pessimism. But now that I’ve finished the IB and have had the chance to spend three weeks binge watching everything in my Netflix ‘recommended’ box, I’ve had a self reflection of some sorts; IB really was more than all the tears, despite what my past self led me to believe. Because of this, I’ve compiled a list of lessons I’ve learned from secondary school/high school/I don’t know why we have so many names for the same level of education.

1. Who cares if you’re a try-hard.

I was that kid who overloaded herself with extra-curriculars. Competitive track and field? Check. Public speaking? Check. Martial arts? Check. Music? Check. TEDx organiser? Check. Model UN? Check. (Honestly, the list goes on too long. I’m tired even writing this. How did I do all of that?) I was also very passionate about the subjects I took in school. I LOVE history. I read extra because I was genuinely interested in the class, and my hand shot up every time I was allowed to ask a question. Because of all of this, I was called an overachiever and a try-hard.

Being called an ‘overachiever’ is not necessarily negative. By definition, it basically means to perform better than expected. However, I’ve learned that people have the tendency to use adjectives like this to put down strong, passionate individuals who are driven to achieve their goals. Yeah, it’s a bit disheartening when you’re put down for doing something you love. At the end of the day, all of those things people say won’t matter. Not only will your resume look incredible, but you’ll also be fulfilled by all the experiences you’ve gained. You won’t have any regrets about trying something you were interested in even if it doesn’t work out, because you took the effort to step out of your comfort zone and try something new. Through these activities, you’ll also meet a ton of people who share the same interests you do. When I look back on the time I organized a TEDxYouth event at my school, I remember how my best friend (who co-organized the event with me) and I went from table to table at lunch with a rehearsed skit to get people to buy tickets. Who cares if Abigail from third period thinks you’re extra? You are extra, and that will get you a lot further in life than hating on other people for being motivated.

2. Be confident in all of your choices.

People always best way to live your life is with unapologetic confidence. We look at Rihanna wearing bright purple highlighters and think yes, I want to be that, so there’s no reason we shouldn’t implement that mindset into everything we do. You are most definitely going to make terrible decisions in high school. There will be a time when you should absolutely not eat three servings of chicken nuggets at once, but that doesn’t mean you won’t do it. Should you watch another episode of FRIENDS after 3 hours straight of Netflix? Probably not. You will most definitely make good decisions too. You’ll realize that skipping Economics to sit with your sad friend in the bathroom and be there for her is important.

No matter what, have confidence in your own choices. You will not only own them, but also learn from them with a better mindset. You’ll care less about judgemental eyes around you, and more about what you felt after making that decision. One time, I went to school in leggings and my dad’s oversized sweater because I was tired. Everyone said I looked terrible but it was the most comfortable day of my life so who’s really winning?

3. Procrastination is inevitable. Be smart about it.

One second you’re starting a new book in English, and the next second you have two presentations, a 4000 word paper, three essays, and a test in a week. You’ll probably have that much to do because you left everything to the last minute, and you left everything to the last minute because the thought of doing your work overwhelms you. That’s okay.

It is perfectly fine to step away from your work once in a while, even with deadlines fast approaching. You can’t do your best work if you’re too overwhelmed. Take time to put it in a metaphorical box and stuff that box under your bed. Let yourself take a breather and destress before getting back to the hectic world that is school. But, if you’re going to do that, make sure you have a game plan for when you get back. 

I learned really quickly in the IB that there is a lot to do, and the only way to get them done is one at a time. Start with the most important thing, and work your way down in order of priority. Trying to do everything at once simply won’t be possible because your body can only physically do so many things at once. Get assignments done first (especially if they’re graded), and study later. Doing an assignment will help you revise content anyway, and your mind will not be at rest if your to-do list is full of 1,000 word papers. My solution was to take a day (if I had that time luxury) to put everything aside, and come back to it with a list of what to do. If you’re going to procrastinate, at least give future you a little bit of time, and strategy.

4. Ask for help.

You don’t know everything, even if you think you know yourself better than anyone else. There was a point where I had a lot going on personally, and I kept piling more work on myself because I thought it would make things better. It led to bad mental health situations, and that just made my circumstance worse. Reach out to anyone: a friend, a sibling, a parent, a teacher, a cousin, a counselor. Sometimes all you really need is to tell someone you aren’t handling things perfectly. Someone out there will be able to help you, and that will make you feel a whole lot better.

5. Start your college applications ASAYPC: as soon as you possibly can.

The college application process is a nightmare. You will spend countless hours on top of your school workload to craft the perfect applications to the colleges of your dreams. You will become sick of the SATs and ACTs. You will march over to your counselor’s office multiple times a week. You will worry about your essays and if they capture the essence of what a college wants. The only way to make this process better is to start early.

Find out what YOU want in a college. People say where you do your undergraduate degree doesn’t matter, but that’s a lie. You certainly don’t need a school with a big name, but you do need to find a school that fits what you want to achieve from a college education. I applied to schools like NYU because of prestige, but I realized a while after that it wasn’t what I wanted in a school. It’s an amazing school, but I wanted a traditional campus setting and smaller class size. Little things like that will make a huge difference when it comes to choosing where you’ll end up. Do you want a state school or private school? A liberal arts college? A city or a quieter area? How does location affect your opportunities? Everyone is different, and colleges will be able to tell if you’re a fit for their school. Take the time to learn about different schools before investing your time in long applications.

Take your standardized tests early so you have time to retake them if you’re unhappy with your score. If you are happy with your score right away, taking the tests early will let you check a box off your list, and that leaves room for a lot more.

Write your essays as soon as prompts come out so you have time to edit your work.

Have everyone read your essays. Even authors have editors. Sometimes you’ll miss out on errors, and other times your first draft won’t capture your personality the way you want it to. Having a fresh pair of eyes will help.

Do your research. Look into both the Common Application and Coalition Application. The Coalition Application allows you to delete official documents and recommendations, which the Common Application doesn’t allow. It will help a lot should any mistakes be made, and you won’t have to individually contact colleges if you accidentally put the wrong documents on your application. 

6. Grades aren’t everything.

Don’t push yourself to the point of self destruction over a grade. What matters is that you’re working hard and trying your best. So what if you get a B or a C? If you’re worried about how it will look on an application, don’t. There’s a lot more to the review process than solely looking at grades, especially if you’re taking rigorous courses (taking IB/AP/Honors courses and getting a lower grade is better than taking easy courses where you aren’t challenging yourself at all and getting a 97%). Of course, try your best to make As, but keep in mind that you are more than your stats.

7. Have fun.

Do something stupid. Don’t miss spirit week. Go to the lame dances and sneak out for an after party with your galpals. Text that person you want to text. When high school ends, you won’t see 90% of these people anyway, so enjoy the moments while it lasts. You’re going to need something to reminisce on, and I can guarantee you it will not be your Biology IA. I literally don’t even remember what mine was.

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At the end of the day, there’s nothing more important than learning about yourself and being true to what you want. I’ll be moving halfway across the world this summer, away from my family and friends, to study in Washington D.C. I’m incredibly thankful to have been accepted into my dream school, Georgetown University, but I know that there is absolutely no way I would’ve come close if it weren’t for all the experiences I’ve had in school. I now own being called a dramatic try hard because despite all the stressful nights and tired days, I had fun trying new things and growing into my own skin. I am proud of my accomplishments, and the fact that I try hard. Past me has nothing on present me, and future me is going to hopefully be even better. I guess IB was ok after all...ish.

Congratulations, class of 2018!

[pisati]

well I wanted to put off writing about it bc I probably need some time to calm the fuck down but it needs out.

as we were closing up and starting to clean at the end of the day today my co-receptionist told me she and the head vet wanted to talk to me when we were done; nothing bad, but, you know. talk. I know I’m not fucking up that bad, but I still wondered how bad it might’ve been to warrant a meeting. 

and it wasn’t that bad. the vet even opened with the fact that I’m doing a good job and I’m learning a lot despite this not being my field. but they did have some concerns about a few things. namely 1. the other team got two complaints from clients who had had questions and food things and didn’t get answers. they saw that the clients had spoken to me and I had told them they’d hear back and there was apparently no note in a doctor’s list or anything, 2. I’ve apparently told people doctors on the other team would be getting back to them thursdays when they’re back in (though I swear I’m wording it like “they’re next in the office on thursday”, I really try not to make promises on when the doctors can get to clients’ concerns because I have no idea when they’ll be able to and I really am trying to not put undue pressure on them; apparently I have been?? somehow??), and 3. I’ve been scheduling things as tech appointments that should be doctor appointments and it’s causing delays and schedule overload. 

these are all valid concerns and are things that I’m aware are problems and am specifically trying to avoid, so it’s upsetting to me that it’s still happening despite my trying to avoid them and that it’s upsetting the other doctors and putting unnecessary pressure on the other team. firstly it was hard enough learning the ropes when we still had the team together, but nobody really gave us guidelines on how to deal with having half the doctors only available on days we’re not. with having potential gaps of days before clients can hear back from the doctor they want to hear back from. some clients are doctor-specific. I’m not trying to create an us-vs-them split here, I’m trying to help with continuity of care but also get people’s needs met within reasonable time. I offer quite a bit to ask a doctor currently on staff if they’d like an answer promptly. like these things are at the forefront of my mind all day every day and I’m honestly beating myself up because I still can’t seem to make that happen.

and this isn’t constant, thankfully, but it’s enough that it was brought to the managers’ attention, likely by multiple people, and the office manager, both head receptionists, and head vet drafted up a memo with specific instances of my fuck-ups and basically wrote prompts for me to explain what happened and what I can do to avoid doing things like that again. like... that’s honestly embarrassing. I know I can’t be perfect, but I don’t feel like this is a thing that happens to most people. I don’t know how I always end up fucking up badly enough at just about everything I do for this to keep happening. 

the worst part, especially about the client complaints, is that it’s an honest mistake that I am not aware of having made until a client calls upset that their needs weren’t met. by that point it’s too late, the damage is done. the two biggest things with things like that for me are 1. memory and 2. knowing what information to field where. it’s hard on mondays when clients have questions for their specific doctors that they saw the thursday/friday/saturday before and their doctor won’t be back in the office again until thursday. I do offer to follow up with a doctor on-staff if their questions need to be answered, of course, I’m not going to make an owner wait 4+ days for a response to a problem. some of them decline this, they say it can wait. many of them I do leave in a doctor-on-staff’s worklist, because I want someone to get back to this person about this issue. I also have left multiple notes, both in the worklist for a doctor on-staff AND for the doctor they wanted to speak to, so when that doctor comes back they know what happened and who this information went to. like, I really am trying to be good about that. but then comes the problem of memory. we’re being pulled in at least 3 different directions all day for 12 hours a day now. it’s hard and sometimes near-impossible to remember everything, every detail of every conversation you have with people, and I’m not even aware of what goes on inside exam rooms so when clients call about issues specific to their pet and the case that the doctors/techs are the only ones with direct knowledge about, it’s really hard to gather relevant information at lightning speed and either get questions answered or appointments booked. everyone else is going through the same thing, we all understand that feeling. I try to keep sticky notes, so I can get back to the thing I was doing if I got interrupted. they are really helpful, and most of the time I can keep track of the things. but occasionally there’ll be a time when I think I’m getting something done, forget to write it down if I get interrupted, and then forget the thing entirely. sometimes I’m VERY lucky and I remember later. I had a moment like that yesterday; I remembered a double new-patient appointment that I had spoken with earlier in the day; one of our clients was adopting two new pug puppies and since she booked online and they’re new pets, the system just blocked off the calendar spot as “unknown”. so I had to call her, get profiles set up for the new pets, and replace the appointments. she had asked me a question while I was putting in one of the appointments, and thankfully I thought to at LEAST block off the time slot for that pet. but then I got distracted and another thing came up and it took me til the end of the day to realize I’d put in one incomplete appointment for one of two pets. for a doctor on the other team. I didn’t want to know how many things I haven’t been lucky enough to remember, but I guess these are a few of them. what sucks, again, is that I don’t know I’ve fucked up until someone gets upset. 

I accept full responsibility for those fuck-ups. I really am trying to be better about writing things on sticky notes. but I guess I need to double and triple check everything I do now to make sure all these batons have been successfully passed. for many things it’s a case-by-case issue, and that’s where a lot of my challenges are, still. I have been improving on knowing what information to pass to what person, what information is urgent, and what I need to place more urgency on than the owner is letting on. it’s hard not being from a vet med background. I’ve had to learn all of this over the last 8 months and I learn new things literally every day. I think they know that, and the head vet says she’s reminded people of that fact. but it still bothers me that this is continuing to happen. mostly that I’m not always sure what to do with an owner’s request or what exactly they want from me. sometimes they’re clear, sometimes they’re not, and I try to get what information I can so I can get a better idea of what to do. but that doesn’t always happen. I’m still trying to think of how I can do better with that. 

the other ones are really getting to me, though. I know in the past people have given clients narrower time windows as far as hearing back from doctors about things, and I know to avoid that. it’s common sense; I try to be vague when letting owners know when doctors can get back to them. I don’t know their schedules, and most times doctors can’t get back to clients until the evenings after their last appointments leave. I know this. it’s not something I need to be told. it may have happened once or twice that I don’t remember, telling someone their doctor would be back thursday and could get back to them then, but that just means I need to be better about verbiage. because I never mean that the doctor will absolutely get back to them that day, least of all that morning. 

the one about scheduling things as tech appointments that should be doctor appointments... some of that I know where it’s my fault. when I get an owner calling to schedule a nail trim or a booster shot that can be done as a tech appointment, I go ahead and do what they ask of me. it’s been pointed out to me a few times that sometimes there are reminders on a pet’s chart that they’re either coming up due for or are overdue for services that should be doctor appointments, and I admit that is a fault I need to work on, that I should be doing better about by now. there’s a lot to juggle and it’s going to take a perspective change. but it’s a simple habit change to glance over at the reminders box when I pull up a chart, note what needs to be done, ask the owners about it, and that will result in fewer doctors and techs being mad at me. the only issue I think I’ve run into with that is that I’ll tell owners they’re due for something they don’t want, but that might be a matter of me understanding what requires an exam in what window of time. there’s some I know; like we can’t prescribe gabapentin without having seen the pet for an exam within 6 months. no preventatives without a heartworm test within a year. but the doctor mentioned one today about someone who’d booked a nail trim appointment and hadn’t been seen for an exam in a year or so and that’s entirely my fault for not noting that. again, it’s a matter of looking at the reminders. I need to stop myself before just doing what a person asks me to do (i.e. “my pet needs a nail trim, when can I bring him in?”). I know this has happened a number of times and I’m really not happy with myself that it keeps happening. 

I’ve learned from being burned on this a few times to ask first before I schedule, or before I move online appointments to tech slots. I have been trying to do better about that. there was one today that the doctor brought up to me specifically, because it really did end up backlogging her whole day. if I had known that would happen I wouldn’t have moved one of this lady’s two dogs to a tech appointment. this particular client apparently is a tricky one, so the doctor doesn’t entirely fault me for not knowing better, but apparently when this lady brings both her dogs in at the same time they both should be doctor appointments. the one dog just needed a lyme and lepto shot, which can be done as a tech. I swear I asked someone if that was a move I should make, and when I called the owner I swear I asked if there was anything that dog needed to see the doctor for. that’s literally what I ask if an appointment can be done as a tech; “I can move it over, unless there’s something you’d like for them to see the doctor about”. I can’t remember the details of this one though. so maybe I did manage to fuck it up myself.  there was another one they brought up, though, and I can’t for the life of me remember the details of that interaction. I’d have to go into the chart and see what exactly I said. but apparently I’d booked a pet for a tech appointment when the owner had questions about the dog’s teeth and medications and either it’s my fault for not making that an exam because I figured the tech could make a quick determination on whether we should book an exam (stupid idea, now that I think about it, because it could just be an exam??), or because I misunderstood what the owner wanted. I was about to be annoyed that maybe the owner suddenly brought these doctor issues up at her appointment, but I’m sure I wrote a note in the chart about my interaction with her and therefore it’s my fault. one of those is an easy fix. I just need to ask the owner to be clear about what they want. do they want a doctor to look at this? a lot of clients are concerned about the exam fees, and I would be too; especially if I just wanted a doctor to have a quick look at my pet’s teeth and ended up charged $90 for an exam. I might need some clarification on appointments like that. it doesn’t happen often, but I do know I need to do better about knowing what exactly the techs can do and what needs to be an exam. what I need to be insistent on, even if an owner doesn’t want an exam. at what point I should offer alternative options, and what those might be. 

I know the head vet knows I’m trying and knows I mean well, that I want to help people best I can. she’s understanding of my issues with memory and I hope I don’t seem like I’m not trying hard enough to do better. or like I don’t want to. I know these are simple issues and they can be fixed with time and a little more self-discipline and taking the time to step back, even when interacting with clients, look at a chart for a few more seconds, and make sure I’m doing the right thing. but this all still feels shitty.

I think part of my issue is that I really am trying to be more independent at my job. I do have a number of things down pretty well (the doctor and even some of the techs have told me I enter really good, detailed notes about interactions into charts), but obviously there’s areas I can improve on. and in trying to be independent and not lean so much on my co-receptionist with questions about every little thing, I’m apparently fucking up. I know when I need to ask for help, and I try to do that when I know I need it, but some of these things I feel like I shouldn’t need help on. and so I do what I do, and apparently I’m still fucking up. 

like, I know what I have to do. I know there’s phrases I need to practice, like “the doctor is in with a patient right now, can I get a good number for her to call you back when she can?” shit like that. those are minor fixes. the other things, I think I just need clearer guidance on what things need to go what places. we did already have a meeting on that a few months ago, and I was embarrassed then that I knew it was my fault for fucking up on fielding information to the wrong people. I’ve improved, but still not well enough apparently. there are some real grey-area cases that I sometimes struggle with. I might have to talk to my co-receptionist and ask if it’s okay to ask her about them as they come up. I usually do anyway, I think, but ugh.

doc also mentioned that sometimes some people get overwhelmed with so many things in a day, and I’m really not trying to overwhelm people with “what should this owner do” because they’re expecting an answer, but I like to think I’m doing a decent job at balancing cases? if there’s a thing that should be addressed by a doctor that day, I try to put it in the worklist for the doctor that has the least in theirs. I try not to go to the head vet too much unless it’s a particularly difficult client or someone who’s specifically requesting her or something; I know she’s got a ton on her plate and I really don’t want to overwhelm her. but there are times when the other doctor(s) are on the phone or in with a patient and I have no other doctor to go to. I might need to lean more on the techs if I can, let them decide if it’s an issue that needs to go to a doctor. I just don’t like running around looking for the right person to talk to when I have an owner holding on the phone and their pet is having an issue, and I end up getting passed around to multiple people. I also might need to ask the head vet what’s appropriate to put in her worklist, because as far as she’s concerned it’s a dead zone. there’s too many things to get to and she likely won’t see it. I know that urgent things for her need to be written on a sticky note and put on her desk so she knows to get to it, but what things are okay to sit in the worklist? I’m not going to write a sticky note for every cytology result of hers that comes back, but I also don’t want those things to float into the ether where they don’t get addressed.  

as I’m sitting here I’m thinking I might need to come up with a list of things I hear a lot on the phone and make like... a chart or something. ask the doctors questions about what they would ideally like to see as far as information flow, and make a chart for myself of what needs to go where, or what I’m allowed to tell people. like, if a dog’s only thrown up once but it worried the owner, what should they feed it? what answers am I as a receptionist with no medical license and limited experience allowed to give them? what exact questions to ask for what scenarios so I have enough info for the tech or doctor? how urgently does this issue need to be addressed, because sometimes the owner’s tone is misleading or their sense of urgency is bad? what exactly can a tech do and when is it time to hand it to a doctor? (and this one I think I do have a pretty good sense on, but there are a few borderline cases I could use some guidance on without having to put a client on hold and go bother someone to ask). if it should be a doctor visit but the owner doesn’t want an exam fee because someone can just look at the thing real quick, what do I tell them? obviously medical questions need to go to doctors, some tech questions can go to techs, but then what exactly can wait? how long should it be allowed to wait? it really is case-by-case and I don’t want to have to go back to putting everyone on hold and asking someone because I’m not sure; obviously the point is to do my job better. 

I hate that I get involuntarily teary when I talk about my health, but I had to bring it up today. and of course I started crying, and I was like “I don’t even know why I’m doing this”, lmao. I know everyone struggles to remember things but for me this is not normal. I struggle so hard to pull shit out of my brain and it’s so much effort every single day, I’m amazed I get as much done as I do. that I can remember even what I do. I really am trying to work around it, do the best I can with sticky notes, and really trying to listen and commit things to memory. but there’s only so much I can do. it gets to me when things slip through the cracks, and I fear that that’s inevitable, even if I push to work out a better system for myself. I can’t expect perfection, nobody can. but even improving feels like it’ll be a struggle. and it just can’t be. 

I told the doctor about my physical health, how it’s been deteriorating over time and I don’t know what to do. I’ve seen every specialist, I’ve tried different meds, yes I’m seeing a psychiatrist, yes I know I need a therapist and it’s on the back burner for right now because I just don’t have the energy or the money to find a good one. I’ve tried to exercise, I’ve tried to go on walks fairly regularly, I’ve tried to rest up and get my head back on right. I’m just never any less tired and I can never predict what’s going to cause a crash or how bad the crash will be. I told her about how I went on a 2m walk a few weeks ago and crashed so hard I couldn’t move, but then the next week I did the same walk and was definitely tired, but could still sit up. I walked 3-4 days a week last year, 1-2 miles each, and some days I’d have to peel myself off the floor when I got home, some days I’d just need to lie in bed for 30-60 minutes or so until I felt more able to get up and do things. I started crying harder than I wanted to when I told her I had a whole year off of work and thought I would be able to spend that time recovering and I just don’t feel any better. I wanted to go to grad school, but I just can’t make my brain work right and I don’t know if it’ll ever be possible for me. she put a hand on my knee and told me she knew it was hard, and therapy would definitely help with the emotional part of this. and we’re a team, we care about each other and want to help each other do the best we can, so I shouldn’t be afraid to ask for what help I need. I already know that, and I am trying. I think I just need to figure out exactly what I need first. 

she did mention it, but I already know that this is grief. I’m grieving a future I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have, but I’m also trying to remedy it by finding things I can do and letting that be enough. I told her I’ve spent a lot of time alone and needing to force myself into doing things that help me, because I knew that’s just what I had to do. I told her I’m on meds and am doing a lot better than I used to be. she said she’s glad I’m working on it. I am too, honestly. I know I’ve come a long way and I’m really in-tune with myself and my emotions and I know what works for me. I do still deal with some things in unhealthy ways. all the self-loathing I’ve been feeling over this all evening is making me wish I drank, or that klonopin would shut my brain up instead of just fucking me up the entire next day. I just want to forget I exist for a bit. I’m sick of being sick of myself. this is all fixable and I know it, but I’m taking it so hard even though they tried to assure me it wasn’t a bad thing and that everyone has things they can work on. I know that’s the truth. but I still struggle with knowing I’m messing up.

it did help writing it out. I do have to fill out that fucking packet they gave me. but at least working through my thoughts on it now while I’m still kind of upset gives me a better sense of what I want to say. what I can try to do, what I can ask for to help me do better within my limits. 

I know all this, and it still feels shitty. the doctor told me not to go home and beat myself up over it, and I joked oh, I absolutely will. and I am. I knew it would happen. but I also told her that despite hating criticism I know I need it. that’s how you do better. know what you’re doing wrong first. maybe I hate the wrist-slap more than knowing I need to improve. I always think I suck and I’m not good enough at anything or for anything, I always want to do better. I mostly hate how this was brought to my attention. a bunch of things all at once. granted they have brought up individual things to me in the past and I really have been trying to work on them. maybe it slips my mind, I don’t know. I really don’t. I’ve gotten into the habits I’ve gotten into and they just need some tweaking. it’s shitty knowing that people have been talking about me and my performance without me knowing. I hate feeling watched like that, like people have been making mental checklists of the things I’ve done wrong. I know why I needed to hear this. I know all of it. I just hate it.

part of my brain even wants to go to the extreme of “guess I can never do a fucking job because I always fuck something up, might as well either do something completely on my own or just straight-up die bc I’ll never be good enough for anyone or anything” and that’s so shitty because they literally just told me it’s not the end of the world. I’m sure it’d be a fireable offense if it kept happening and I made no effort to fix it but. I clearly want to fix it. I don’t know why I’m just nonstop berating myself and jumping to that nonsense.

even though I got a lot of it out and managed to calm myself down a little, I’m sure I’m going to forget everything I just wrote and have to come back to this a few times so my asshole brain doesn’t spiral again and again. this doesn’t warrant hating myself, and yet here I am. I’m glad they chose to tell me this before I had a few days off to gather my thoughts but I’m also a little upset because I know it’s going to ruin my entire weekend mood-wise. it shouldn’t, but I know it will. I know I’m going to go back in on monday with my tail between my legs. maybe it’ll help to have a plan with what I need and set aside time with the doctors to get that information. I do think I just need a little more clarification on a few things, and if I’ve already gotten it and keep forgetting, I need to have an accessible place for that information so it’s not vanished into the sludge bucket that is my brain. I hate having to ask people to repeat things I feel like I should know. maybe I really am the type of person that needs a step-by-step flowchart kind of deal, at least for the most general of interactions. if this, then do this. if client says this, then say one of these things. I know it’s not always that cut-and-dry, but I do feel like having that at a basic level and then “anything outside this? ask a doctor/tech” would be really helpful for me. I’m not sure if that’s too much to ask. at least until I can manage to get those things habitual enough to not need to consult a reference.

ok I need to stop. the more I keep sitting here writing about it the worse I feel. again. I hate that I can’t stop dwelling on stupid shit like this either. it’s only going to ruin my whole weekend because I can’t just work out what I need to change and move the fuck on with my life.

[newssplashy]

I conquered my fears and finally hired myself

I’m telling you about my frustrations, setbacks, and failures. I don’t have regrets...

A lot of people share their success stories years after they’ve made massive progress, made some good money and comfortable living out of their lives. In my own case, I’m telling it right from its cradle.

I’m telling you about my frustrations, setbacks, and failures. I don’t have regrets; because I once read that regrets are obvious things we once wanted, we had them, and in the end they fell below our expectations.

So! Here, I’m telling you about my courage, inspiration, stagnation, the great push and the growth. The great push; that’s what prompted me into making my final decision to hiring myself. But before then……….

I’d rather we start from the very beginning…..

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My first paid job (my foundation)

I got my first paid job to work in a Chinese factory in April 2006, and I was just about 17 years old. It was one heck of a job; a factory job where I’d stand the whole day. I remember after the first day at work, waking up the next morning was almost impossible. My entire body was cramping, I’d only stand and bend to pick up the next plywood; which I’d patch up on the table provided.

That was my job description, it was a tedious job. The job offered a 1 hour break period; and the pay was N6,500 (Six Thousand Five Hundred Naira). Pretty small right? J

Well, 6,500 was a big deal for me! At the very least, I could contribute to feeding, my upkeep, and my younger siblings. And above all, I got to save up some money for future use. It was a start-up, I took this step because my parents were basically handy folks, and being responsible was part of our lifestyle.

To make this job easy, my family supported me every step of the way. I had good food prepared for me every morning, warm water for bath, and sometimes, my kid brother would carry me on his bicycle to work.

Gradually, my burden became lighter and a couple of weeks after, the Chinese people became my second family. Work became amazing, longer days became shorter and a few months became 3 years down the line. I must say; that job was the very foundation that moulded my inner strength and gave me the courage I needed, to thrive for the future. After 3 years, I saved up some money, resigned and re-enrolled for my SSCE because I had a D7 in the prior certificate.

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 My frustration and stagnation

After my SSCE examinations, I proceeded to writing an entrance exam for a pre-degree program in AAU Ekpoma. Fortunately, I got in. The program lasted for one year, and at the end of it; we were to pay some bribe because, our chances of getting into 100l was 50/50. I couldn’t afford 80,000 and so, I later found my name on the list of part-time students.

Apparently, the names weren’t released at the supposed time. I had already moved back to my parents’ before a friend called to share the news that I’d been admitted to study through Part-Time. My cousin shared this same fate with me, and we were both tagged failures by our big cousin who paid most part of our school fees for that program. Throughout that year, I had series of setbacks, I felt like I had wasted a whole year without achieving nothing.

Months later, I went to Kaduna to help my sister set up her fashion house. I stayed six months in Zaria, and before then I had applied for Part-Time program in Yabatech. This was after 2 failed attempts at direct entry into the University of Lagos.

When Zaria became inconvenient for me, I moved down to Lagos. It wasn’t a smooth ride, until my immediate older sister moved my stuff to the Redemption Camp (Ogun State). That’s where a second chapter of my life begun.

The crossroad

Settling into my new phase/chapter wasn’t easy, as I learned the massive discrimination going on in my environment. My sister worked in the clinic, and some days, I’d go down there to lend a hand. My prior experience from working with a pharmacist paid off, and I was loving this ride. We had so much fun after work, with lots of movies at our disposal, round-the-clock electricity; what more could be better!

Somehow, we got kicked out of my cousin’s house in the camp…..though she shadowed the event. I later found out my sister was accused of looking prettier than she was before I arrived. Trust me, we were back to square zero………..my step-sister’s house.

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 Just after six months into moving down to Akoka-Lagos, we were already looking ugly. Because of the emotional trauma we faced in our new home every day. The malicious talks, the yelling, the starvation and to crown it all; the absence of peace in our hearts. We walked almost every street of Lagos mainland in search of a job, but none was found.

The Courage

They say; “Joy cometh in the morning”, and indeed I found Joy after my sorrow passed.

That prison of stagnation that led me into a crossroad, further prepared me into becoming a fearless warrior. In other words, I became braver and strong-willed after realising “in every smooth ride, there must be a couple of bumps”.

So be rest assured that “thriving forward” is the only way to go. Regardless of what you may have heard others say about you; your affirmations are what will propel your growth in life.

Our stay in Akoka lasted for about 2 years, after which we were subtly thrown out to God knows where! But, power changed hands when I started to receive interview calls……you need to see how excited I was. My sister already got a good job, and I later got mine. It was a 4 months contract job, and right before the contract was over, I got another one. Cool right!? J

The Big Push

My new job was to be a customer service personnel. I would have a peaceful work-flow environment and a pay of 50,000 (Fifty Thousand Naira) as monthly pay! At least, that’s was on my contract letter. This 50k salary I received for almost one year, and gradually I moved up the ladder. But in my workplace, I realised there was a stronghold. There were colleagues who would attack you spiritually whenever they hear about a new accomplishment in your area.

I was already in my final year in the National Open University of Nigeria as at early 2016. But whenever it was my time for exams, my immediate boss will refuse to grant my work leave. This happened 3 consecutive times, and I became weary of the environment as I grew to learn more of it.

I was never known to be a weakling; so I started to investigate and later came to a realization that there’s never going to be a leave nor a transfer for me……it was another form of stagnation…..but in the disguise of a job…..it was something else this time; it was a “dead-end”.

The MD was my friend, so I used that opportunity to interview him about the company. Lo and behold, my assumptions were accurate. There was no future there…..and my mind has been pricking me to start-up on my own…..but I was afraid.

Months later, I summoned the courage to draft out my resignation letter, handed it over to the MD. By now, I’d already subtracted my pending leave days from it. Once we had the meeting about my resignation, I tendered my letter which was gracefully signed by the MD.

When the time finally approached, I left. Meanwhile, my immediate boss who was a Nigerian tried to blackmail me into forfeiting my leave days. But hey, I’m an Edo girl…….a lioness….Lolzzzz. “I dished out his meal, on a hot plate” and I served him hot…….by mailing him the signed letter by the German MD.

And I walked away with my head held high and my account credited by the end of the month. Don’t try that with some Nigerian bosses, if you have no backup plans; else you’d be fired without pay…. JJ

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 The Growth

So, a couple of months passed and I started making hair wigs for sale. I must confess……..it was so damn hard for me. Especially when you’d spend 4-5 days making one; only to sell at 10,000 and that could probably be your only sale for the month. It was a risk I was prepared to take. After all, I have survived this life so many times that, I’m no longer surprised.  For I know that tomorrow will bring forth a beautiful new day.

From braided wigs to making of hair extension wigs, I later got lucky. I started using a machine to make my wigs, and I was wowed at the outcome. And by December 2017, I made a lot of wigs for the people in my area. Ah! I could finally breathe!! The people loved my crafts, and they kept patronising me by bringing their old weaves for me to restyle and convert into wigs.

Not to mention that I also got to write a movie script (web series) for a friend and I got cool cash from it.

One thing is for sure…..you’ll be successful once you set your mind towards it. And I must add; you don’t need an endorsement to start-up your life…you only need courage and commitment. Just like I have done! I’m not financially stable yet, but I can pay my own bills and work from the comfort of my home.

Some days, I can write and get paid, and other days, I make wigs for sale. I have even added sales of perfumes and body spray to my little business. And, just in case you need help with starting up a wig business, I can teach you step-by-step…….

I hired myself because, I realised that the greatest investment out there is time; not money. A lot of us do so well in investing almost half of our lives into working for others, and I tell you boldly…..i can’t afford it. It’s a failed project; working for others!

 I’d rather suffer and slave myself by myself and for myself….. JJJJ

This is how I have managed through time……and ruggedly….i am still afloat in this ocean of life.

I hope this story inspires you….. This is my life’s story….

Thank you for reading…….

Written by Joyous Akhivbareme.

source https://www.newssplashy.com/2018/06/i-conquered-my-fears-and-finally-hired.html

[newssplashy]

I’m telling you about my frustrations, setbacks, and failures. I don’t have regrets...

A lot of people share their success stories years after they’ve made massive progress, made some good money and comfortable living out of their lives. In my own case, I’m telling it right from its cradle.

I’m telling you about my frustrations, setbacks, and failures. I don’t have regrets; because I once read that regrets are obvious things we once wanted, we had them, and in the end they fell below our expectations.

So! Here, I’m telling you about my courage, inspiration, stagnation, the great push and the growth. The great push; that’s what prompted me into making my final decision to hiring myself. But before then……….

I’d rather we start from the very beginning…..

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My first paid job (my foundation)

I got my first paid job to work in a Chinese factory in April 2006, and I was just about 17 years old. It was one heck of a job; a factory job where I’d stand the whole day. I remember after the first day at work, waking up the next morning was almost impossible. My entire body was cramping, I’d only stand and bend to pick up the next plywood; which I’d patch up on the table provided.

That was my job description, it was a tedious job. The job offered a 1 hour break period; and the pay was N6,500 (Six Thousand Five Hundred Naira). Pretty small right? J

Well, 6,500 was a big deal for me! At the very least, I could contribute to feeding, my upkeep, and my younger siblings. And above all, I got to save up some money for future use. It was a start-up, I took this step because my parents were basically handy folks, and being responsible was part of our lifestyle.

To make this job easy, my family supported me every step of the way. I had good food prepared for me every morning, warm water for bath, and sometimes, my kid brother would carry me on his bicycle to work.

Gradually, my burden became lighter and a couple of weeks after, the Chinese people became my second family. Work became amazing, longer days became shorter and a few months became 3 years down the line. I must say; that job was the very foundation that moulded my inner strength and gave me the courage I needed, to thrive for the future. After 3 years, I saved up some money, resigned and re-enrolled for my SSCE because I had a D7 in the prior certificate.

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 My frustration and stagnation

After my SSCE examinations, I proceeded to writing an entrance exam for a pre-degree program in AAU Ekpoma. Fortunately, I got in. The program lasted for one year, and at the end of it; we were to pay some bribe because, our chances of getting into 100l was 50/50. I couldn’t afford 80,000 and so, I later found my name on the list of part-time students.

Apparently, the names weren’t released at the supposed time. I had already moved back to my parents’ before a friend called to share the news that I’d been admitted to study through Part-Time. My cousin shared this same fate with me, and we were both tagged failures by our big cousin who paid most part of our school fees for that program. Throughout that year, I had series of setbacks, I felt like I had wasted a whole year without achieving nothing.

Months later, I went to Kaduna to help my sister set up her fashion house. I stayed six months in Zaria, and before then I had applied for Part-Time program in Yabatech. This was after 2 failed attempts at direct entry into the University of Lagos.

When Zaria became inconvenient for me, I moved down to Lagos. It wasn’t a smooth ride, until my immediate older sister moved my stuff to the Redemption Camp (Ogun State). That’s where a second chapter of my life begun.

The crossroad

Settling into my new phase/chapter wasn’t easy, as I learned the massive discrimination going on in my environment. My sister worked in the clinic, and some days, I’d go down there to lend a hand. My prior experience from working with a pharmacist paid off, and I was loving this ride. We had so much fun after work, with lots of movies at our disposal, round-the-clock electricity; what more could be better!

Somehow, we got kicked out of my cousin’s house in the camp…..though she shadowed the event. I later found out my sister was accused of looking prettier than she was before I arrived. Trust me, we were back to square zero………..my step-sister’s house.

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 Just after six months into moving down to Akoka-Lagos, we were already looking ugly. Because of the emotional trauma we faced in our new home every day. The malicious talks, the yelling, the starvation and to crown it all; the absence of peace in our hearts. We walked almost every street of Lagos mainland in search of a job, but none was found.

The Courage

They say; “Joy cometh in the morning”, and indeed I found Joy after my sorrow passed.

That prison of stagnation that led me into a crossroad, further prepared me into becoming a fearless warrior. In other words, I became braver and strong-willed after realising “in every smooth ride, there must be a couple of bumps”.

So be rest assured that “thriving forward” is the only way to go. Regardless of what you may have heard others say about you; your affirmations are what will propel your growth in life.

Our stay in Akoka lasted for about 2 years, after which we were subtly thrown out to God knows where! But, power changed hands when I started to receive interview calls……you need to see how excited I was. My sister already got a good job, and I later got mine. It was a 4 months contract job, and right before the contract was over, I got another one. Cool right!? J

The Big Push

My new job was to be a customer service personnel. I would have a peaceful work-flow environment and a pay of 50,000 (Fifty Thousand Naira) as monthly pay! At least, that’s was on my contract letter. This 50k salary I received for almost one year, and gradually I moved up the ladder. But in my workplace, I realised there was a stronghold. There were colleagues who would attack you spiritually whenever they hear about a new accomplishment in your area.

I was already in my final year in the National Open University of Nigeria as at early 2016. But whenever it was my time for exams, my immediate boss will refuse to grant my work leave. This happened 3 consecutive times, and I became weary of the environment as I grew to learn more of it.

I was never known to be a weakling; so I started to investigate and later came to a realization that there’s never going to be a leave nor a transfer for me……it was another form of stagnation…..but in the disguise of a job…..it was something else this time; it was a “dead-end”.

The MD was my friend, so I used that opportunity to interview him about the company. Lo and behold, my assumptions were accurate. There was no future there…..and my mind has been pricking me to start-up on my own…..but I was afraid.

Months later, I summoned the courage to draft out my resignation letter, handed it over to the MD. By now, I’d already subtracted my pending leave days from it. Once we had the meeting about my resignation, I tendered my letter which was gracefully signed by the MD.

When the time finally approached, I left. Meanwhile, my immediate boss who was a Nigerian tried to blackmail me into forfeiting my leave days. But hey, I’m an Edo girl…….a lioness….Lolzzzz. “I dished out his meal, on a hot plate” and I served him hot…….by mailing him the signed letter by the German MD.

And I walked away with my head held high and my account credited by the end of the month. Don’t try that with some Nigerian bosses, if you have no backup plans; else you’d be fired without pay…. JJ

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 The Growth

So, a couple of months passed and I started making hair wigs for sale. I must confess……..it was so damn hard for me. Especially when you’d spend 4-5 days making one; only to sell at 10,000 and that could probably be your only sale for the month. It was a risk I was prepared to take. After all, I have survived this life so many times that, I’m no longer surprised.  For I know that tomorrow will bring forth a beautiful new day.

From braided wigs to making of hair extension wigs, I later got lucky. I started using a machine to make my wigs, and I was wowed at the outcome. And by December 2017, I made a lot of wigs for the people in my area. Ah! I could finally breathe!! The people loved my crafts, and they kept patronising me by bringing their old weaves for me to restyle and convert into wigs.

Not to mention that I also got to write a movie script (web series) for a friend and I got cool cash from it.

One thing is for sure…..you’ll be successful once you set your mind towards it. And I must add; you don’t need an endorsement to start-up your life…you only need courage and commitment. Just like I have done! I’m not financially stable yet, but I can pay my own bills and work from the comfort of my home.

Some days, I can write and get paid, and other days, I make wigs for sale. I have even added sales of perfumes and body spray to my little business. And, just in case you need help with starting up a wig business, I can teach you step-by-step…….

I hired myself because, I realised that the greatest investment out there is time; not money. A lot of us do so well in investing almost half of our lives into working for others, and I tell you boldly…..i can’t afford it. It’s a failed project; working for others!

 I’d rather suffer and slave myself by myself and for myself….. JJJJ

This is how I have managed through time……and ruggedly….i am still afloat in this ocean of life.

I hope this story inspires you….. This is my life’s story….

Thank you for reading…….

Written by Joyous Akhivbareme.

via NewsSplashy - Latest Nigerian News Online,World Newspaper