#though a part of me wishes id known in 2021 so i could have made him eat his fucking words

[myriad--starlings]

I've been saying for ages I wished I'd taken screenshots of the conversation in DMs, the July after we broke up (2019), where my ex took full responsibility for hurting me and lashing out at me about my shifting beliefs because of HIS insecurities and today I FOUND THEM I DO HAVE THEM OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

[remnantoforario]

Remnant’s Top Ten Anime of 2020

2020 Was certainly a ride wasn’t it? To those that managed to make to make it through in one piece, or any piece, good job. Hopefully 2021 is better to us all. 

Despite the world mostly being on fire, I’d hazard to say that a lot of good shows came out in 2020 (despite a number of them being delayed to either later in the year or this year altogether). I meant to release this list much earlier, but I kept changing it around. 

Anyway, here are the ones I thought were the best. 

Honorable Mentions:

Dorohedoro

Synopsis: The plot centers on a man named Caiman and his search for his real identity after a transformation by a sorcerer left him with a reptile's head and no memory of his former life. 

Along with his friend Nikaido, he violently assaults sorcerers in the Hole, with the aim of taking their heads into his mouth, where a strange face will appear and confirm whether the sorcerer he has bitten onto was the one responsible for his transformation or not.

As the residents of the Hole, the En family and the Cross-Eyes gang, along with many others, collide with one another, the mystery of Caiman's identity begins to unravel, reigniting ancient grudges and threatening to forever change both the Hole and the sorcerers' world.

Thoughts: This is the only Netflix anime I watched this year (I missed out on Great Pretender before the year ended), and I can honestly say I had fun with this one. It’s animation was good, the story was engaging enough, and the characters were all unique (Noi best girl). The one problem I would say with the show is that it can come off as unfocused at times, meandering from one plaot point to another with no real connective tissue. 

Still a fun series though. 

ID: Invaded

Synopsis: The anime follows the investigations of Narihisago, a renowned detective now in prison, who is tasked with diving into the id wells of various serial killers. 

Two years prior to the current events, Narihisago's daughter Muku was brutally murdered by a serial killer, leading Narihisago's wife to commit suicide. These deaths prompted him to hunt down and murder the killer, earning him his prison sentence. He is still depressed and haunted by his wife and daughter's deaths, but also uses this as motivation to take his work seriously and help stop serial killers. 

Thoughts: One of a handful of original series that came out this year. This show gave me heavy Inception/Minority Report vibes from both its premise and presentation. It wobbles under the weight of its own concepts towards the end, but it still a fun ride nonetheless. 

Gleipnir 

Synopsis: The story centers on Shuichi Kagaya, a high school student with an unusual secret. He has the ability to transform into a monster resembling a giant dog mascot costume with a zipper down his back and a large cartoonish smile. After rescuing a strange girl, Claire Aoki, from a warehouse fire, they join each other to search for Claire's older sister, who is assumed to be responsible for the death of their parents.

Thoughts: When the initial rollout for this show began I admit I wasn’t really a fan. I thought it was just going to be a hyper violent, fanservice show. Now in some ways it is that, but if you really look Gleipnir tells a very interesting tale of identity and what it truly means to have a wish granted. The music was pretty good as well, and that’s really something from me as a person who doesn’t pay attention to soundtracks. 

Hope this show gets a season 2, but if not I’ll more than likely start the manga. 

Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina

Synopsis:  Fascinated by the stories of Niké, a witch who traveled around the world, Elaina aspires to take the same course. Her determination of studying books and magic leads to her becoming the youngest apprentice witch to pass the sorcery exam. 

However, when Elaina attempts to receive training in order to become a full-fledged witch, she is rejected due to her extraordinary talents until she finds Fran, the "Stardust Witch," whom accepts her. After earning her title, the "Ashen Witch," Elaina begins her exploration around the world, visiting and facing all kinds of people and places.

Thoughts: As a fan of the Light Novels, I was pretty excited when it was announced it was getting an anime. For the most part it didn’t disappoint. Though it skipped most of the stories in the novels, the show still told a few good stories that made for some amazingly animated tv. 

Talentless Nana

Synposis: In the near future, mysterious monsters known as the "Enemies of Humanity" begin to appear, and with it so do children with supernatural powers called the "Talented". To prepare them for the upcoming battle against these Enemies, all the Talented are sent to a school located on a deserted island, where they have all their daily needs provided for until they graduate and communication with the outside world is forbidden. 

One day, a new student named Nana Hiiragi arrives at the school. Her friendly and cheerful personality lets her quickly make friends with the class. However, with Nana comes a whole litany of mysterious occurrences on the island. 

Thoughts: I can’t say too much about Nana without spoiling it’s first episode twist, but I will say that its a pretty interesting show with a fairly compelling game of cat and mouse being played. 

Now on the the actual list:

10. The Misfit of Demon King Academy 

Synopsis: After 2,000 years of countless wars and strife, the demon king Anos Voldigoad made a deal with the human hero, Kanon, to sacrifice his own life to ensure peace could flourish. Reincarnating 2,000 years later, Anos finds that royal demons now harshly rule over lower class hybrid demons in a society that values Anos's pureblood descendants over the demons who interbred with other species, such as humans and spirits. 

Finding that magic as a whole has begun to decline and his descendants weaker as a result of the peace he created, Anos, now technically a hybrid himself, decides to reclaim his former title of Demon King, but first, he must graduate from the Demon King Academy where he is labeled a total misfit.

Thoughts: Originally I was going to put Nana in this spot, but its lack of a real ending pushed it out of the list. If only slightly. Misft at Demon Academy is just a fun ride from start to finish. There’s always something about shows with ridiculous OP protagonists (Overlord, One Punch Man, etc.) that gets the blood pumping. 

It’s like junk food. Great for the right moment, but not needed all the time. 

9. Ikebukuro West Gate Park

Synopsis:  A charismatic troubleshooter tries to keep the peace between warring factions while protecting his loved ones in Ikebukuro West Gate Park.

Thoughts: I honestly had no idea what to make of this show when I first saw the synopsis, but I gave it a try on a whim. I’m glad I did because this was easily the dark horse of the Fall season. I really liked the mostly self contained story format the series had, and there were a few very good episodes here. Check it out. 

8.  My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

Synopsis: Catarina Claes, the young daughter of a noble family, one day bumps her head and regains memories of her past life as an otaku. It is then that she realizes she has been reborn into the world of the otome game Fortune Lover, reincarnated as the game's villainess who, regardless of what route the player took in the original game, is doomed to be either killed or exiled. 

In order to avoid these routes that lead to doom, Catarina begins taking countermeasures to try and avoid things going the same way as the game. This, however, ends up having unexpected consequences on her relations with the other characters of the game's world.

Thoughts: Normally I’m not a fan of Reverse/Otome harem series, but somehow Bakarina managed to pull me in, to a good result. This show was easily one of the best comedies I watched this year with a good cast and a likable protagonist. 

7.  Deca-Dence 

Synopsis: In the fortress city of Deca-dence, the lowly Tanker girl, Natsume, dreams of becoming a Gear warrior following her father's death during a Gadoll attack. She is assigned to a maintenance team led by Kaburagi whom she discovers is more than he appears. Kaburagi has a secret role in eliminating "bugs", humans who threaten Solid Quake's operations. 

When Kaburagi discovers that Natsume is listed as dead in the company database, he decides to keep her under observation and offers to train her to fight.

Thoughts: Giant monsters and giant robots. What more do you need? Watch it. 

6. A Certain Scientific Railgun T

Synposis: The Daihasei Festival has begun, and that of course means that Tokiwadai Middle School—a prestigious all-girls' middle school—is competing too. Despite the participation of the "Ace of Tokiwadai," Mikoto Misaka, the other students who are participating are still putting their utmost effort into winning, no matter how impossible the feat may seem against her might. However, not all is fun and games. Due to the the festival, Academy City opens to the outside world, and various factions have begun plotting ways to infiltrate the city. Misaka appears to be on their radar, and as the festival proceeds, people lurking from the shadows begin to emerge...

Thoughts: Not really much to say here. It’s the third season of Railgun, but good thing here is that each season of Railgun is better than the last. Truly the best of the To Aru universe. 

5. BOFURI: I Don't Want to Get Hurt, so I'll Max Out My Defense.

Synposis: Urged on by her friend, Kaede Honjō begins playing the VRMMORPG NewWorld Online under the name Maple. Not wanting to get hurt, Maple opts to be a shield user with maxed out defense stats, and continues putting every status point she earns in the game into increasing only her defense level. 

As a result, she is left with slow foot speed and no magic, but her high defense allows her to endure most hits without taking any damage. This, along with her basic-level creative thinking, allows for her to make unexpected accomplishments in the game, its quests and events. By doing this, she ends up earning all kinds of equally unexpected skills and becomes one of the strongest players in the game. Thoughts: Bofuri is another OP power fantasy like Demon King Academy, but with the twist of being fused with CGDCT. The cast is extremely likable (especially Maple) and when Silver Link wants to they can make the battles REALLY dynamic. A nice comfortable watch, which was sorely needed in 2020. 

4. Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle

Synposis: The story follows Princess Syalis, a young princess who was kidnapped by the demon king, and her quest to sleep well while imprisoned.

Thoughts: A simple premise for a not so simple story. Sleepy Princess for me was easily the best comedy of the year, with plenty of heart and action thrown in as well. I was wary of the series at first, thinking that the premise wouldnt be entertaining for more than a few episodes, but boy was I wrong. Each episode was funnier than the last and Doga Kobo pulled out all the stops to make it look as gorgeous as possible.  

3. Jujutsu Kaisen

Synopsis: Idly indulging in baseless paranormal activities with the Occult Club, high schooler Yuuji Itadori spends his days at either the clubroom or the hospital, where he visits his bedridden grandfather. However, this leisurely lifestyle soon takes a turn for the strange when he unknowingly encounters a cursed item. Triggering a chain of supernatural occurrences, Yuuji finds himself suddenly thrust into the world of Curses—dreadful beings formed from human malice and negativity—after swallowing the said item, revealed to be a finger belonging to the demon Sukuna Ryoumen, the "King of Curses." Yuuji experiences first-hand the threat these Curses pose to society as he discovers his own newfound powers. Introduced to the Tokyo Metropolitan Jujutsu Technical High School, he begins to walk down a path from which he cannot return—the path of a Jujutsu sorcerer.

Thoughts: Originally I wasn’t going to put this on the list, because the season doesnt conclude this year, but I decided to make an exception since the show started so strong. Many people were hyping this up as the next big shonen, and they were right. Mappa really went balls to the wall with this show and I’m pretty hype for what happens this cour. 

2. Akudama Drive

Synopsis: The bustling metropolis of Kansai, where cybernetic screens litter the neon landscape, may seem like a technological utopia at first glance. But in the dark alleys around the brightly-lit buildings, an unforgiving criminal underbelly still exists in the form of fugitives known as "Akudama." No stranger to these individuals, Kansai police begin the countdown to the public execution of an infamous Akudama "Cutthroat," guilty of killing 999 people. However, a mysterious message is sent to several elite Akudama, enlisting them to free Cutthroat for a substantial amount of money. An invisible hand seeks to gather these dangerous personas in one place, ensuring that the execution is well underway to becoming a full-blown bloodbath.  

Thoughts: Want to know what it would be like if Quentin Tarantino made an anime? Well here you go. An adrenaline filled rollercoaster ride from start to finish with a crazy cast of characters and even crazier visuals. There’s even a bit of social commentary in there if you squint. 

1. Oregairu Climax

Synopsis: Resolved to become a more independent person, Yukino Yukinoshita decides to smoothen things out with her parents, and the first step toward achieving that goal is to prove herself. As graduation draws closer for the third-year students, Iroha Isshiki—the president of the student council—requests a graduation prom in collaboration with the Volunteer Service Club. Yukino accepts this request of her own volition, hoping to use it as a chance to demonstrate her self-reliance, but what lies ahead of her may prove to be a hard hurdle to cross.

At the same time, a chance for the Volunteer Service Club members to better understand each other presents itself. And thus, Hachiman Hikigaya's hectic and bittersweet high school life begins to draw to a close.

Thoughts: The gif says it all really. I could just leave that there and end this list on a somewhat high note, but I’ll explain it. 

Now objectively, there were better shows than this one (off the top of my head JJK comes to mind) but when you combine all three seasons there is no contest in my mind that Oregairu had one of the most perfect endings to a series I have ever seen. 

It was an ending 7 years in the making. The first season in 2013 was good, the second season two years later was even better, but Climax was Oregairu at is absolute best and that goes beyond the story and characters. A lot of praise also has to go to Studio feel., who took over animation duties from Brain’s Base in season 2. While BB’s animation was much more accurate to the LN, feel’s more realistic designs fit the more mature direction the story was starting to go, giving the anime some of its best moments. 

Watching Hachiman, Yukino, and Yui grow and change from naive teenagers to somewhat understood young adults was amazing and sometimes heartbreaking to watch. Hachiman’s search to find something “genuine”, Yukino’s desire to be independent, and Yui struggling with her feelings of love and friendship all clash and compliment in very interesting ways that makes these three characters even more relatable than they were before. 

Lots of long running series don’t stick to landing, but in my eyes Oregairu stuck it perfectly. That’s why its my favorite anime of 2020.

Here’s to 2021. 

[threenorth]

Letter to the wind.

At least you know my thoughts and feelings but now I'm worried about the things that maybe I shouldn't but I don't know... There's many unknowns i guess my brain is a constant Donald rumsfeild equation of known knowns and unknowns.

I can't tell right now anything now directly with anything so i will honour my word even though you mean everything to me and for you i would do anything you ask of me it's hard to see if it comes from you or if someone else is speaking on your behalf and I hope someday soon you reach out but I've tried to do many things this year and ultimately only one mattered truly most to me to get right and now i didn't get right.

i tell my self don't belong in waiting but I told myself that was the price indeed and I accepted my fate, that I do not belong.

I hope in my words that you might see things that you may not have not known but or that's missing but the thing that is missing the most my friend.

That i planned to live my life with.

You tell me to get some life. You are speaking like Tony Stark but you ain't but to me in a toy store you are.

Captain America looks back at his compass and sees Peggy and wants to go back to her he's never once not thought about her but for awhile it was to painful and the day it stopped being painful i looked at my compass and forgot about Peggy and my heart sunk. One day to forget which direction to go and what choices to make next peggy, where peggy but peggy how peggy.

Time to gather my thoughts and time to searching where she might be.

Some say so as soon as I realised that i ran back i needed a little more time as she's the most important to me but now it's a one lane highway and i hope she's smart as i remember.

But I'm still just as stupid as before, I will tell you that I'm trying to get that life you speak of it it's nice but i wanted to bring someone along with me. Yes times change but for you I'd do anything. I've accepted my past but i guess i was trying to create a future again but all the words swirling in my head.

I have all the things i want but I forget my most important thing to me in this world.

A rough timeline.

Late june/August 2014 i accept my fate.

I was going to implode and i can't do anything about that.

January i try make plans but ultimately i had to figure out what i wanted to do and by the time with looking for a shitty job i miss the college semester that's yearly for the degree i wanted.

I Broke my collar bone and it reminded me of you and still does.

I work shitty jobs again being pushed around no time to deal with anything...i don't reach out because if i do I fear I'll be hurt and crushed because we talked once and you told me my fears again to my face.

So it was easier to drop off the world again...

March 2016 off to college no time for breaks amd even time to deal with mental issues push for all you have.

Some breaks we had work but the longer breaks i didn't want to message yet incase i had to do work and not have time for you a job ans a full time degree. Around late 2017 i ruined my immune system and my mental health went through the roof and i should of taken a year off they say but i said no and powered on.

By December 2018 i finally have sometime for myself and i thought id deal with my backlog of delaying to my mental health. I applied for a few jobs but they told me to see a psych.

Late 2019 i was diagnosed with a disability that broke me into tears my life but a sham everything i knew was a lie. I spent the whole year looking for a job in my feild getting nowhere. And gaming i thought about reaching out but i was a complete mess not knowing who i was or what i am.

In early 2020 i got a shitty retial job again and i almost reached out covid coming i had been treated like ahit again by my boss and all i could do is cry about no one understands my pains or my suffering to be Nerodiverse.

Mid 2020 i get a call were in a pandemic my life ruined my savings eaten until a ray of hope i can work as an essential worker. I work my ass off best i can until we're able to get s normality and then back to part time hours and gaming and i started to think about you again and did some online searching completely some how to painful to go looking on instagram i said it once I'll say it twice i feared you died but you hadn't. I told myself that to only use the number in an emergency if the time was appropriate.

Ultimately i got a call I'll be off to work for this new company by 2021.i had to find another job to fill my gap of hours some how lucky i got a full time Christmas position and did the math and it's just enough to start again.

In January 21 i moved to my new city.

I started working in February and by March/April finally got a groove what's happening and try get my life on track but April made me shutter.

i had an experience that hit me like a ton of bricks and i had to deal with the truma that was never addressed but ultimately still hangs over me never addressed but i hoped by June 24th i hoped i would of been there but the referral went nowhere and our mental health service is terrible everyone who's been through it has told me that much and for me Waiting by late July i finally get my date it's august i tell my Peggy I'm sorry you have to wait longer than I thought.

And now they switch days from the 20th to the 30th and i was like fuck no. But that's how it goes.

On the 20th i couldn't wait much longer i had to tell you that i wanted to marry you all the signs are there for me to see clear as day.

now my day is coming but ultimately i didn't want to miss our next special day in our calendar 30th of august. And now we'll i guess it's almost the 30th of august again...

And i lost you again. Oh peggy... Oh peggy. I'm not doing so well but for you i will fight my demons, i do okay but then apparently i hurt you i never mean to do so.

I hope you read everything and try understand my thoughts on the good parts but now. now I've met my fate a one way lane highway not able to communicate with you.

I'm days away, from hopefully starting something i wish i could of done first but bills to pay and part time jobs and people treating my like crap featuring a college degree and i wish i had stayed in contact but ultimately there was alot going on for me and i didn't want to make you second in my priorities because you always would come first to me.

I didn't want to miss the 30th but i guess in my calendar your always on my mind and i wanted to see that but at what cost. It cost me everything,

i miss you, i want you and need you. (see picture above)

But now never looking back..

Forever yours.

Steve.

Take me away my white feather show me my path home.

[working-on-becoming-a-better-me]

Day 253—Mar. 23, 2021

Okay, so the numbers for my previous consecutive posts were off by a day (like a day ahead) and February 7′s math was way off, but I googled this! so from here on out, we will be accurate! let’s go bois!

BIG UPDATE BOIS! Essentially? I’VE GOTTEN BETTER! Mental health is better, habits are better, outlook on life is better, productivity... isn’t as high as it was when I first started the blog, but it’s doing MUCH better than November and even January.

coping with minecraft:

So, I’m still addicted to the dream smp minecraft fandom. my friend got me a dream hoodie, bucket hat, and a georgenotfound hoodie for my birthday. but! I’m coping better. I’m behind on streams, and am now catching up during Spring Break. For a while, I was pushing back school work to watch and catch up on streams. I promised myself that during free periods I would work since I was catching up on streams at home, and then... yeah. ANYWAY! I’ve gotten a lot better at that recently by noticing that even fanart accounts (accounts dedicated to mcyt-ers) were talking about how they didn’t watch a phasmaphobia stream because they weren’t interested in it, or talking about how they were behind on streams... it really helped me accept the fact that I can be a real fan and not watch every single stream.

cultural convention:

My international school does events with other international schools but because of covid, we can’t travel. I act and made varsity drama (we call it a different name, but yeah!) and we had virtual conferences. I was incredibly friendly and loud and there were tons of zoom calls. Our schools kinda known for being... uh, stuck up? and kinda elitist. Not like I was being fake, but I was making an effort to talk during calls and be active on group chats made. I joke-flirt a lot and focused my attention on one person. A whole thing ensued, but some of the other actors in my school (there were only 11 of us) were joking abut sending me to “horny jail” and one girl kept apologizing for me. During “lounge sessions” I would interject with what I thought were funny comments and she’d say “again, I’d like to apologize for her behavior” and... uh... I cried at school. Cuz I’ve heard way too many times from too many different people about how I’m embarrassing... BUT.

What really helped was the fact that there were late night zoom calls and I was one of only three kids from my school the first night on a call with around 25 people. Other people said I helped give them a really good first impression of our school, especially considering all the things they’d heard previously. The guy I joke-flirted with (I previously dmed him asking if he was okay with it and he said he was) said on a call that I was one of the funniest people he’d met in a while. It was a huge confidence booster in knowing that the efforts I was making were paying off :)

confidence:

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. I’ve been practicing more positive self speak and have recently realized the difference between the way I speak about and to myself and how some other people do. Being nicer to myself out loud has helped a lot in feeling better and more comfortable.

I wanted to try wearing black masks, but my mom bought the wrong kind. They had patterns and I was really nervous because I didn’t really want to stand out. I used to not care, but... I dunno. Teenagehood and whatnot. We wear uniforms too, so the only differences are in accessories, hair, etc. I’m not sure why, but I was really nervous to wear the new mask patterns to school. But I told myself it was an experiment, to force me to be more confident. I actually forgot I was wearing it until I saw myself. And since I’d posted on my private story saying I was doing this to try and be more comfortable, some of my friends came up to me and told me it was actually cute. Shows that I really had nothing to stress for. Not that it was really self-expression, but for me, and anyone else who needs to hear this, no one cares. Maybe they even wish they had the courage to wear different things as well.

mcyt mantra:

I have a mantra now! adapted from something drunk Wilbur Soot said during Quackity’s livestream, I think. I repeat it when I’m happy and when I’m nervous or scared and I guess... I dunno, I’m like classically conditioning myself? Except not really since I’m doing it out of order. But yeah! get yourself a mantra!!!

character day:

more with confidence! spirit week is just an excuse for kids to not wear their uniforms, but I put a lot of effort into an Ace Ventura outfit I put together. I only saw around two or three other people actually dressed up as characters, but I had so much fun and thought I looked amazing. I was proud that I wasn’t a normie ;]

Also... it’s so humid in this country and the rubber bottoms of my boots actually stuck to the pavement and fell off. I spent the day without the bottoms of my shoes and it was so funny. Even my mom laughed after (she laughed for so long, it was adorable) and she said only I could pull it off and that the friend I walk to school with everyday is lucky to have me as a friend. My mom was telling me about how she never had a friend like me growing up, just so weird and goofy. And it made me happy to think that I can bring so much... zaniness to people’s lives

ao3:

been writing a lot more recently! haven’t been posting on my writing blog since it’s all fanfiction, but it’s helping me write! I update one of my stories every two weeks. When I feel like I’m not doing enough, it’s a nice reminder that I actually can be consistent. I may be getting better... who knows :)

nehs:

been editing lots of papers even though I don’t need to anymore since I made vp of my school’s nehs chapter. but it’s helping me learn too! I’m very instinctual when writing, but obviously when I’m editing I can’t just ask them to change something because “it doesn’t sound right”. So I google explanations and then tell the people who’s papers I’m editing. It helps both them and me!

ipad/drawing:

got a new ipad for my birthday. been messing around with procreate. been doodling in class (only dream team characters so far lol). might be getting better... hopefully I am!

also have a sticky notes app on my ipad and been creating to-do lists! yay!

teaching:

been teaching students in cambodia! last year I had a teaching partner who guided lessons mostly. this year I’m the leading teacher. It’s helping with my fear of leadership and responsibility.

social:

still not the most social, but more active on snapchat now with keeping in contact with some of the cultural convention kids. covids made it harder to keep in contact, and I’ve been trying to reach out more to my closest friend who I’ve not hung out with in a while. not that we don’t see each other at lunch every other day, but I walk to school with, share a class and after school study hall with another friend. so comparably, I’ve spent less time with my closest friend.

recently had a spa day with my small neighborhood gang! my friend painted my other guy friend’s nails! yes! we used face masks as well :)

general update:

- went to the pool the other day and now I’m hecka burnt

- yesterday I wrote letters for honor society points, caught up on math hw, wrote a reflection and plan for a class, reviewed chinese with my mom, met up with my “mentor” for a class

- have been helping a lot of people! am currently a part of two people’s pieces for their theater class and I have a rehearsal later today!

- was doing a lot of work as an officer of thespian honor society—I’m likely going to be on the officer team again next year and, until a few weeks ago, I hadn’t felt like I’d been doing much and was feeling unworthy. but then I was proactive about something and updated our sponser (school’s drama director) on what we as officers decided. felt... prettyyy goooodddd :)

- !!! yesterday I went on a walk and brought money and my student ID, ready to buy bubble tea, but then... I mustered up what little willpower I had and then didn’t buy it. Instead, I bought surprise lilies for my mom (and some groceries she asked me to get)   - been trying to cut out unnecessary sugars and foods. if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat, but also... I listen to my body and if I’m feeling really snacky, I’ll indulge   - recently been craving ice cream, but not the flavors in my fridge so instead I’m just not eating ice cream at all and ate an apple once as a substitute :D

- not sure if I’ve been sleeping more, but it kinda feels like I have been?

- started taking pictures of the world when I think it’s pretty one sunny afternoon when I was laughing lots with a friend... especially right after cul con, I was taking a lot more pictures...

- just been more active (not physically... though occasionally, when bored, I’ll stretch some... but I should try and get more active (I mean... the walk yesterday?))... creatively speaking (ao3, with art), socially online (cul con kids), in person (making plans over spring break!)...

- I just feel like I’ve been putting more effort into life

of course, there are the down bits, like for one project based class where the end product is due in May-ish and it focuses on the “process”... I’m just... not... process-ing. I chose a writing project (why). I’m focusing a lot on my side projects, but not my class writing one :/ as well as that, when assignments pick up, I do too, but when I get down time I feel like I deserve it (which I do!) but I don’t work ahead. I’ve been really busy though. Teaching got cancelled because the school in Cambodia shut down unfortunately due to covid. But before spring break, I was teaching, editing papers, writing my own for lang, doing cul con and then catching up on work I missed because of cul con, studying for tests, attending rehearsals... there’s a lot going on and I need to recognize that I am doing so well, especially compared with a few months prior when I was in a much darker place.

mostly stress has been my plague, but yeah! also in the span of one week, two classes bumped up a grade (or half a grade... we have letters and + system (no -)) so my previously low gpa became slightly less low! It gave me confidence that I can end the semester strong!

procrastination: another plague. I keep delaying setting up college counseling meetings and have delayed this update for a while now... and the project-class...

also have babysitting jobs again so we gon get some monnaayyyyy! (job is not from people we met at the pool, but we did meet people at the pool and their kids liked me so much they asked me mom to get me to babysit them... another boost to confidence! yay :) I’m a likeable person :] )

thanks for sticking around! I’m glad I’m getting this update in because I’m doing... really well :D hope you guys are also doing well or that it gets better!

[coppicefics]

Masked Omens: Week Eight, Part Two

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads ‘Masked Omens’.

Image 2 - A page from the Celebrity section of the Capital Herald, dated 13th February 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

The Capital Herald, Saturday 13th February 2021 Celebrity section, page 19 Top story: Pepper Moonchild: “Women have been especially important to me” Presenter and interview expert kicks off our series on the women who’ve shaped the stars’ lives Pepper Moonchild is the sort of person who makes interviewing anyone from an entertainer to an astrophysicist seem effortless; she's known for her incisive questions and her flawless instincts. When it comes to asking her questions, then, I find myself surprisingly nervous. But, as all good interviewers can, she soon sets me at ease. “Mary Hodges. Here, I promised you my top secret hot chocolate recipe. How's the family?” Of course, Pepper practically is a member of the Capital Herald family, and she promised me that recipe at the Christmas party. With the pleasantries thus dispensed with, we settle down to get to the topic at hand; talking about Pepper. “Oh, I don't know if I like being on this side of things. I'm usually asking the questions! But of course I'm happy to answer them - go on, I'm just being dramatic.” Pepper is currently a judge on ITV's hit show, The Masked Singer UK, where she's now approaching the end of her second series on the panel. It's an import from South Korea, via the US - had Pepper watched any episodes before she signed up for the task? “No, not at all. Honestly, they started explaining the concept to me and I thought, 'what? How does this work? How does anybody not know when the most famous faces in showbiz are performing in front of them?' Then we started filming series one and it became 'how are any of us supposed to guess?' I'd like to think we're getting better at it, but who knows? It's always fun, regardless.” And the judges really don't have any inside information? “If anything, I think we know less than the audience - we can't exactly hop on our phones and look things up, the way people do at home. And - in case anyone was wondering - we don't do any research between the live shows, either. That would just ruin the fun. We do listen to theories from friends and family, though!” Pepper - or, to give her her full name, Pippin Galadriel Moonchild - is a woman of many talents. Her first television appearance came at just ten years old with her turn on Junior Mastermind (specialist subject: the Pendle Witch trials). While she didn't win, she made a real impression on viewers, and later went on to co-host children's talent show Showstarters alongside Michael Banner - a show that helped launch the TV careers of numerous young comedians, musicians and actors, including those of every member of the current Masked Singer UK panel. “I was so excited when I heard we were all going to be doing the show together,” Pepper confesses. “We all met on Showstarters when we were about thirteen years old, and kept in touch, but this is the first chance we've had to really work together since then. And who doesn't want to work with their friends?” Banner, having made the jump from presenting to production several years ago, is also involved in The Masked Singer UK.“Yes - she's so high up in the production hierarchy that we don't see a lot of her, but it's good to know she's there. She's always been a great example to me, an example of how you can start in one place and then sort of find your way to the job you really want. I think I've done all right at that, so far!” Banner is one of Pepper's role models, but she's far from alone. “There are loads of women  - and other people, but I think the women have been especially important to me personally - who've really shown me that I can do anything the boys can do. I once did a whole presentation at school about Greta Kleinschmidt.” Kleinschmidt, as some readers may remember, was briefly the glamorous assistant of The Amazing Mr Fell before her very public return to The Harmony & Glozier Show back in her native Germany. Much was made of it in the press at the time, with speculation rife that she had broken Fell's heart and taken his secrets back with her to Harmony & Glozier. “I always thought she got a bit of a raw deal,” Pepper remembers, “I hated that the press were so focused on how she'd supposedly done an unforgivable wrong to this rising-star magician, and not the fact that she'd been really struggling with being so far from home. Besides, even the magician she'd been working with said she'd done nothing wrong and he wished her all the best. It was all very unfair, and I thought it was really brave of her to realise something wasn't working and change it like that.” Pepper can talk for days about the women she admires, it seems. “You see some really ugly attitudes towards successful women, even in this day and age,” she muses, “like Anathema, for example. What a voice that woman has, and yet she's constantly battling for people to take her seriously. But what I really admire is that she doesn't let that stop her. And look at the results - Narrative Devices has been at the top of the charts for weeks now.” Working on The Masked Singer has also allowed her to actually meet some of her heroes. “Agnes Nutter, for example, she's always been a big role model of mine. I've been practically devouring everything she writes since I was probably too young to be reading it! And Carmine Zugiber is one of the people who made me want to work on my interview skills; I love how she doesn't compromise on anything.”But, Pepper assures me, there's one woman who's done more than anyone to make her the woman she is today.“Carmine made me want to interview people, but it's my Mum (Tina Moon, a Capital Herald columnist) who got me started with everything in the first place. And she taught me to stand up and be counted, to follow my dreams, and always to reach out and help others up when I can. I do my best, I really do. I hope she's even half as proud of me as I am of her.” MARY HODGES This interview is part of a series called Me And The Women That Made Me, which will be running here on Saturday and Sunday every week until Mothering Sunday, which falls this year on the 14th of March. Next week, we’ll be talking to  Jane Adams, star scorer of the England Women’s Rugby Team. To find more information, please visit our website at www.capitalherald.com/women-that-made-me.

Centre left: Celebrity news in brief: our weekly round-up Misrepresented? Brian Thames changes agent Brian Thames, comedian and The Masked Singer UK panellist, has split with his representatives at MetteTalent and signed with the independent B.Z. Agency, informally known in the industry as BuzzTalent. Reports vary on the reason for the change; a spokesperson for MetteTalent said, “Contracts end, and industry relationships are always changing. There is no suggestion that Mr Thames was unhappy with the service he received at MetteTalent; he has simply chosen to go in a different direction and, naturally, we wish him every success in the future. Thames' blog post on the subject, however, is a little more ambiguous. “I've been with MetteTalent since the moment I won Showstarters – they were partnered with the show and also offered representation to many of the other acts after the series ended. I signed with them when I was very young and, for many years, simply renewed our agreement every time it expired. However, I've since gained more industry experience, and I feel that Buzz – that's B.Z. Agency – is a better fit for me at this point in my life and career.” Thames continues, “My friend Warlock (Dowling, who hosts The Masked Singer UK) is already with them, and with many of the Showstarters contracts due for renewal soon, I may not be the only one to make a change. I am grateful to MetteTalent for taking me on at the start of my career, and look forward to new opportunities for all concerned.” Rumours abound that there is some deeper reason for this change in representation, with many speculating that the child stars of Showstarters may have been forced into unfair or even predatory contracts, lacking the industry knowledge to make better choices. Since then, however, Thames has had plenty of time to change agency, and hasn’t done so until now. It’s likely that any reasons Thames might have for changing agency will stay under wraps. There is no confirmation yet of any other stars leaving or planning to leave MetteTalent. Out and proud West End darling Gertrude Johnson has come out as a transgender woman. Speaking on Friday, Johnson told fans on Instagram, “I've wanted to tell you all this for a while, but I think now it's time. Hi, my name is Gertrude – but you can still call me Gert – and my pronouns are she/her.” A later video thanked fans for their support, and reminded them not to be too harsh on fellow fans who 'slipped up'. “To those of you leaving less supportive messages, I'd just like to say this. Each of us has the choice, every day, to be kind or to be cruel. I try to be kind whenever I can. If you call yourself a fan of mine, please try to do the same.” Gertrude’s second video also explained that she had already discussed her gender identity and pronouns with close friends and family. “When I said I was going to go public, my mates threw me a gender reveal at my parents’ house - balloons and everything,” she said, “so if you saw the words ‘she/her’ floating away over Tadfield last weekend, that’s why!”

Centre right: THE RUMOUR MILL Curated by Scuzz Fisher A MEETING OF MINDS: A doctor, a rapper and a journalist met with an unknown figure in a dark corner of a Kensington restaurant last week. What could they be planning...? MYSTERIOUS VISIT: A high-profile fashion designer was seen lurking in the vicinity of a biographer's home late on Monday night. Is a book in the offing...? SILVER SURFER: An astrologer of renown recently registered a new account on YouTube, a source tells us, and so far has yet to upload anything. But who's getting all those likes...? TEARING UP THE TOWN: Six young stars of stage and screen were seen staggering down an Oxfordshire village high street last Saturday night. The group were quite tipsy, according to one observer, and one was carrying a balloon that said ‘It’s A Girl!’. “Never mind, you’ve still got one,” one of the others was overheard reassuring the balloon-carrier. But one of what...? We rely on your observation skills to fill the Capital Herald’s celebrity pages. If you see or hear something about a celebrity that you think our readers would be interested in, please let us know. You can get in touch via our website at www.capitalherald.co.uk or email us at celebrity@capitalherald.co.uk Don’t worry if you have limited information to give us - if we can’t substantiate a claim or develop it into a full article, we’ll anonymise it and publish it here. We cannot guarantee publication of any sort as some verification is required - but all information and tips are kept completely confidential. We never reveal our sources! Correction: The Tadfield Arms has asked us to clarify that there was no fight in the bar on the night stated in this column two weeks ago, and as the only pub in Tadfield they feel they were unfairly identified. We apologise for this mistake.

Bottom left, ad: [Image Description: A picture of Madame Tracy, eyes closed, sitting behind a lit candle and a crystal ball. The photo is credited to QuiteUnlikely.net. The following text is superimposed over the image in an informal handwriting script. A star shape reads ‘As seen on TV!’ End ID.] Madame Tracy's Psychic Hotline 09098 79 06 66 As seen on TV! [Image Description: The following text is in small print at the bottom of the ad.] Calls cost 80p/minute plus network charge from a landline. Calls from a mobile network may cost more. Calls not guaranteed to be taken by Madame Tracy personally. You will be put through to one of Madame Tracy’s trusted assistants and may be asked to hold the line. Madame Tracy’s Psychic Hotline cannot dispense medical, legal or financial advice; please contact the appropriate accredited professional instead. Madame Tracy’s Psychic Hotline is not liable for the consequences of any advice or predictions given.

[End Transcript]