#though sunrise not being until 8:40 confused me

[vrenaewrites]

CARAVAL thoughts:

FULL VIDEO HERE.

Confession: I DNFed caraval about 2 years ago. I even included this book in a video called “reading 5 star reviews of books I hate” (either screen record and insert the clip from that vid or link in the cards skip to like 6:40 or both)

 Chapter 1

We open with letters that our main character Scarlett has written to the caraval master Legend

She really wants him to come to her island but he hasn’t 

She finally gets one back with three tickets for her Tella and her fiancé 

Chapter 2

Scarlett’s feelings came in colors “urgent red of burning coals, frenzied yellow of a flapping bird’s feathers” 

She goes to tell her sister Tella and finds her making out with a dude lol 

Julian is his name 

The edges of the paper “blazed a shimmery gold, the color of magic and wishes and promises of the things to come”

Tella hates the count Scarlett is betrothed to but Scarlett wants to leave their home so bad she doesn’t care who she ends up with 

“Gods teeth!” Is the expletive…

The prize of caraval is one wish 

They have to leave the isle within 3 days which would be impossible before getting married 

Tella’s lips “shifted from broken to unbreakable” NO

Last time they left Scarlett’s dad did something terrible to her

Julian offers to smuggle them to the island for caraval on his sailor ship (pirate ship??)

“Goldenrod desire lit up inside her”

Wishes were about as real as unicorns

Their dad shows up with gloves “the shade of bruises” 

Tella accuses Scarlett of hooking up with Julian RUDE!!!!

And Julian agrees!

Ohh because the dad beats the other sister so they’re trying to protect each other by accusing each other 

Her marriage is 10 days away

Chapter 3

Her fathers perfume smelled like the color of his gloves 

Julian decides to take them off the isle for free after witnessing this 

Tella says if she leaves she will never return 

“Her world was a grand game board, and her father believed this marriage would be his penultimate move”

“More than your sisters face will bleed” is their dad assaulting them?? Did I just gloss over that when reading this the first time??

“Weather worn white archways” loved 

Governor dragna sounds like judge frollo 

Their mom disappeared 7 years ago - abandoned them 

They have priests and piety and the devil but they don’t use the BC AD calendar instead going by seasons and rulers...why

Chapter 4

She felt the lie from childhood “sneaking into her slippers and moving between her toes” no you didn’t

“A broken dock like a massive tongue jutted out to stones that reminded Scarlett if uneven teeth” 

It was nights like these she could smell the moon - I wrote taste at first and taste fits better imo

A friend tried to help them escape once and the governor drowned him for it, Tella didn’t know about this 

She meets Julian here at midnight and barters all 3 tickets to keep him from helping Tella escape 

Julian and Tella ambush her and knock her out 

Chapter 5

“A pock marked moon winked in the glass”

She has a dream about their nana telling them how legend got his name 

First of all, legend is a bad dumb name and you should feel bad about it, Stephanie Garber. Caraval is also a bad name. 

He was in love with a woman named Annalise and would perform at a coronation to earn her fathers respect, but he needed a witch to grant him a wish of talent 

He had to choose between fame and love

So his name is legend because his magic is legendary? How tf did John legend not sue over this?

“Behind her a cloud drifted over the moon, covering all but two tiny points of light, which hovered behind her silver hair like devil’s horns” love this visual 

I’m calling it now, we’re getting this flashback because somehow, the dragna sisters are related to Annalise or remind legend of Annalise and this is why Tella gets taken 

Chapter 6

She wakes up in a rowboat with Julian after 2 days which is always a good way to pass the 2 days journey it takes without having to make anything happen lol I respect it 

Julian calls her crimson instead of Scarlett - hated it then hate it now 

Trees “rose toward the sky like massive emeralds” and the waterfall “streamed down like melted peacock feathers” no it didn’t because that makes no sense 

Legends private island is called the island of dreams in Spanish 

Tella has set up a kidnapping so Scarlett can go back without getting In trouble

“The image of a purple fire breathing dragon came to mind, coating her vision with ashy shades of anxiety”

I remember stopping very shortly after this and now I remember why - I can do purple prose but DAMN 

Their mom had “vanished taking nothing with her, she disappeared like a broken star leaving the world untouched, save for the missing bits of light but no one would ever see again” Good purple prose 

We get some backstory on how her Nana was more involved after her mother left, and we get to hear again about how great her stories are, even though we just spent a chapter getting that first hand from a flashback

She barters with herself to stay only one day and then go home for her wedding 

There’s a hole in the boat so they swim but she didn’t take her dresses off so she starts to drown

“You deserve this” because of Phillippe, like hands the water pressed her down down down 

Julian saved her and cuts off her dress which she finds very intense 

Chapter 7

So much description of the snowy frosting sand pick one

I get that it’s a magical island but every descriptor up until the sand made it sound like a tropical paradise, and then suddenly the sand is snow and there’s ice and snow on the trees which were just giant emeralds so I’m confused

Because being wet and cold is more scary 

“ The snow on the rooftops rested like dust on abandoned storybooks“

A very diagon alley sitch where there are magical stores but none are open...because it’s caraval guys. They’re at the games 

They go into a clock shop where there are clothes waiting along with food roses and a note from legend 

They change and she sees awful scars on his hot muscly back 

Her dress is lame despite every YA trope about the heroine having a princess moment, that’s fun: just kidding it changed colors and shape to fit her perfect 

And Julian’s outfit is super hot 

He stole a pocket watch 

Scarlett was a pretty girl but she tried to hide it, her eyes were too honest, no one noticed girls in ugly clothes 

“Scarlet wondered if she had found a way to escape her fathers deadly games only to become a well costumed piece on a new game board” no shit Scarlett you came to the island for the game…

Also you were in such a hurry to find Tella and get into the game before it was too late and now you’re waxing poetic about how hot Julian is and how you’re hot but you don’t wanna be 

Chapter 8

“Sage shaded colors of suspicion” I really hate this device she’s using. I’ve used it to describe the colors my mind reading characters see in people's minds. But it’s like twice a book, maybe, to express extreme emotion. Not every time your feelings change. 

Some guy comes in and offers them a portal into caraval and Scarlett is like “sure thing” and Julian is like “ummm dumdum” and he leaves 

The guys like “oh you just gonna listen to that random guy?” And I’m like as opposed to you, another random guy?

He wants her voice okay Ursula 

“A passionate sky made of melting lemons and burning peaches” or say yellows and oranges…

“Until the door was no more” love this, sounds very fairy tale 

She leaves and it's like night already, she only has til midnight 

Scarlett and Julian get in by him pretending to be the count, her fiancé 

They take the path of the players, not the watchers

Chapter 9

“A panicked Vermillion moved inside of her chest as she thought of how specific legends letter had been”

Julian admits he’s played caraval before and Scarlett is like *gasp* but HELLO how did you think he knew all the shit he knew?

He keeps calling her crimson like every time he speaks to her, annoying 

“Julian’s smile turned seductive, all shameless curves and immoral promises” 

Chapter 10

“Soft golden lights licked her arms with gentle kisses of warmth”

I’m very bored when this house is supposed to be EVERYTHING

The guy who was giving them the rules says, “don’t let your eyes or feelings trick you” And then jumps off the balcony and Scarlet freaks out… He just told you not to trust what you see

Scarlett is the most annoying person

Their instructions are to get to the end by sunrise or they’ll be locked out in the streets, but she’s wasting time wanting to look for her sister - and Julian is telling her that her sister is probably staying at the same place and she doesn’t believe him despite the fact that he’s already done this game before, just trust him???

“A searing green door watched Scarlet like a glowing eye”

This just made me figure out why I don’t like that she’s using colors as an emotional device, because the main character is named after a color, and so it’s just way too many color descriptors

Julian got trapped outside noooo

Chapter 11

But it’s fine because she tells the innkeeper they’re guests of legend - which they are - and he’s let in. Great. Glad there are no stakes. They also used legends name to get the boat to the inn for free. 

The hallways in the inn “smelled like the end of the night, sweat and fading fire smoke mixed with lingering breath from words whose ghosts still haunted the air” no

Julian was “poison in an attractive bottle”

Their rooms are actually one room oops

Chapter 12

“But legend saw all during caraval”

She got a message from legend: it’s a key with tella’s name on it 

Lmao tella is having sex behind that door for sure 

“She felt five different shades of berry colored foolish” this is so stupid 

Every time something happens between tella and scar, we get a whole expository moment about how this is related to their mother or their father or the relationship between the sisters… We know. we can tell. we are not stupid.

“Warmth licking her cheek” this metaphor is too specific to keep using it

Some tattooed dude finds her - Dante - and is like “sleep in my room”

He asks her out but she declines because the count 

Damn her dress has transformed to be like see through which is why he was into her lmao 

She has a dream that legend is a creep lol

Chapter 13

Scarlett totally changes her tune re: enjoying herself 

She passes tella’s room and finds a wreck 

“Feathers covered the carnage as if a rebel Angel had gone mad” this is so dumb 

The key she got with tella’s name was a clue, that other people also got 

A pregnant girl offers to help scarlet, and a man steals scarlets favorite earrings from her mother 

Then the pregnant girl steals that stuff 

She realizes there’s a postcard in tella’s room that isn’t hers

Chapter 14

Tella only loved mermaids, and the postcard is of a castle, which was Scarlett’s thing 

The castle is a place on the isle that Julian recognizes 

Dante shows up and Julian is like hell nah 

Dante won last time Julian was here and it cost him a lot

“Shops wrapped in colors like a birthday presents, cerulean blue apricot orange saffron yellow primrose pink while the canals remained midnight dark” SHUT UP dude

This woman got like a color wheel or a color dictionary for her birthday the year she wrote this book 

Time moves fast in the castle 

What’s really annoying about this book is Stephanie Garber spends a lot of time talking about things that are boring, and one sentence on something like hummingbird-sized elephants and tigers

There’s a kissing tent and she’s like fuck yeah let’s go there

You’re engaged

Julian sees where she’s looking and is like yeah??

A tingle of periwinkle curiosity

Chapter 15

She goes into the tent of a half naked dude who could tell her fortune 

This is all very boring 

He has incense that makes people tell the truth and she admits Julian is the hottest guy ever 

She asks what’s the man she will marry really like? 

He’s not a good person 

She’s covered in only pictures he can see instead of pictures only he can see…

She had 2 questions but the way she asked used them up so she doesn’t get to ask about tella 

Chapter 16

He tells her to follow the boy with the heart made of black...obviously Dante, she thinks Julian 

She walks into a potion tent and finds an elixir of protectio

She mentions her father and feels “anise and lavender and rotting plums”

She describe the woman who works in the potion tent as having “bottle green” eyes, but this entire paragraph has the word bottle in it like 1 million times because shes describing a tent full of potions...all these colorful words you’ve used and this is where you use “bottle green”

I don’t mind the descriptor, my own eyes are bottle green, it’s very vivid, but badly placed 

She chases Julian to a decrepit garden with a fountain, and sees a glass button

She also saw a glass button in tella’s room...is this how legend spies on her? Is this where tella is being kept?

“Dreary yellow hopelessness” infected her

She sees the symbol of caraval inside the fountain and touches it, revealing a staircase 

Someone screamed as hot and bright as fire 

It’s madness tunnels 

The inn “smells of laughter and boasts laced with sweetened ale” this doesn’t make seeeeeennnnnnnnse

She finds Julian, but it’s actually Dante and he’s mean to her and she cries but it makes her mad at Julian?????? Stupid 

Chapter 17

Julian finally shows up, super bloody but he just had a head wound

She cleans him up and is getting super horny lol 

He got her earrings back!!!!!

The fire dies sending up a plume of smoke “the color of things better said in whispers” 

She tells him about the tunnels and he says legend treats his prisoners like guests 

Julian’s eyes are the color of “caramel and liquid amber lust”

He almost kisses her and then seems to wake up, leaves and “disappointment wraps around her in cool shades of forget me not blue” STOP

Chapter 18

She wakes up to white roses with red tips 

Julian is supposed to meet her but doesn’t 

A girl shows up “pretty as a watercolor and dressed as bold as a trumpet” DUDE

“Oh poor you, here you are on a magical island, and all you can think of is what you don’t have” get her!

Dante shows up and she realizes he has a black heart tattoo which DUH SCARLETT

chapter 19

The night is “brittle, crisp like the first bite of a chilled apple, smelling just as sweet with hints of burnt sugar weaving through the charcoal night air” THIS IS GOOD PURPLE PROSE! I can taste this!!!!!!!

She’s chasing Dante and finds a cider seller who’s drink will help her see things more clearly, the price is her last lie 

She drinks it and loses the color in her vision 

The game is constantly working against you?????? How?! You’ve stumbled across tons of clues without any work and there are no believable stakes to this game, this drink is the first time you’ve had a struggle…

Iko holds a journal that’s brownish green, “the color of forgotten memories, abandoned dreams, and bitter gossip”

Even in black and white we get this heavy handed color shit 

She realizes anything in color is important

She also sees the red roses on a carousel and the red cravat on a mans neck 

He makes her feel perilous shades of silky black - is Stephanie Garner an artist? Does she have synesthesia or something?? What is with this device!!!!

She looks in Iko’s book and sees pictures of her, the special guest

Sour shades of yellow green made her stomach roil with trepidation - HUH????

She’s like “why would he make the game about me?” You’ve been begging him to bring you caraval your entire life, why do you think? 

I think I remember the nana saying annelise had blonde hair, and so does tella...are they related to her? Is she nana? 

Iko tells her the notebook also holds all the true stories of caraval

Iko will give her the notebook if Scarlett will buy 2 dresses because the changing dress bothers her (??)

Iko takes her to a dress shop where the dresses are “the color of late night laughter, early morning sunshine, and waves crashing around ankles” 

The dresses cost nightmares or secrets or fears

She owes her worst fear and greatest desire, or she can pay 2 days of her life per dress 

It works but her greatest desire isn’t to find her sister, so she pays with 2 days of her life, not at the end of her life but at the end of caraval 

“Panic came in hemlock green, the color of poison and terror” 

“Something acidic and moldy and burnt bubbled up in Scarlett’s throat - the taste of death” like this 

Scarlett’s body dies but her mind will exist in a dream world 

Chapter 20

Dante finds her and drags her into the inn 

Julian hits Dante because he won’t let her go hell yeah

She tells him what happened 

Julian tried to give Scarlett a day of his life by having her drink his blood from his finger and she’s like “I wanna fuck this duuuude”

“His voice is so gentle, made of gentle” I liked this 

Then he drinks her blood from her finger, and the world shatters into a million shards of colored glass 

He lays down with her and holds her while she dies

Chapter 21

Death was the color purple.

She sees tella in the dream world, and tella has a huge dark book that swallows her and Scarlett 

They see young nana in a house similar to the one they entered at caraval, entwined with a young man

Her grandma is Anneliese DUH

Then she’s at the funeral of the woman who died at caraval before

Rosa was in love with legend and he rejected her so she killed herself 

Dante was rosa’s fiancée 

Legend is julian?!?!?

Loved This entire chapter but then it means nothing because none of this is real it’s all part of the game so it’s not really story development

Chapter 22

They both wake up 

Scarlett tries to convince herself the game is messing with her 

Then she remembers what the dream people said about legend loving to make girls fall for him 

She has a grey streak in her hair now 

Her dad is there!

She finally puts it together - her nana is anneliese 

“She could see the sting of her rejection in shades of stormy blue ghosting over his heart like sad morning mist” roll my eyes

But then she remembers that he gave a day of his life for her and is like why would he do that if he was legend 

 Now she’s changed her mind, so she goes after Julian to find him leaving Dante’s room and walking into tella’s 

She goes in after him to hide from her dad but the room is empty 

She finds another secret staircase like the fountain 

She trips over Dante’s dead body and finds Julian standing over it 

Chapter 23

Julian grabs her and is like “I didn't kill him, we were working together” 

He shows her a white rose tattoo he has, Rosa was his sister!!

She asks why he had been acting weird and he basically says he didn’t want to have feelings for her because that wasn’t why he had come to caraval 

Scarlett is like let’s get this fucker back, but she hears her dad’s footsteps in the tunnel  

Chapter 24

They start running, and they hide in a weird alcove from her dad that starts to squish them

She realizes it’s feeding off their fear so they relax and it lets them out

They end up in the sand tunnel and Scarlett is like how could you know I was going to caraval if you were already at our island when I got my tickets 

Julian explains that legend is punishing the descendants of anneliese and he invited her to caraval to stop the wedding

Legend had never responded until she signed her full name on the last letter, mentioning her wedding 

Julian is the fucking count dude calling it 

“His steady gaze reached out to the broken parts of her like a caress, a type of touch that moved through damaged flesh, past fractured bones and into a person's wounded soul.” WOW

Scarlett hears tella’s voice and almost runs straight off a cliff

“Tella loved danger the same way candle wicks loved to burn. It never seemed to scare her that some of the things she lusted for might consume her like a flame” Christ 

Julian knew tella would be taken during caraval 

Chapter 25

She had to find tella before legend consumed her like a flame burning a candle” you just used a candle metaphor like one page ago my dude. 

She gives herself one minute to cry and scream and Julian hears her so he barges in, worried 

He apologizes and she gives him the grace I’ve been waiting for as soon as he said he knew what would happen to tella: he had to avenge his sister. Everything they’re both doing is for their sisters, she should be more understanding 

Julian is “all kinds of tragic and lovely”

The box was “flat black, the color of failure and funerals” shut UP

Like if you wanna use the color device to describe your protagonists feelings stop being so fucking flowery with every single color in the book it is soooooooooooooooo distracting

It’s the other dress Scarlett has bought but now it’s white

Chapter 26

There’s a note in the box from legend that makes “invisible spiders crawl over her skin” ok 

She thinks the dress is the 5th clue - the buttons on the dress reminds her of the buttons leading to the hat store 

Chapter 27

They go to the top hat place and Julian is like “this is all wrong” 

Iko appears looking like “a teardrop the moon had cried” love it

She tells them not to go into the hat shop 

Let me guess, despite both of these omens Scarlett is still gonna go in 

“Scarlett had an emerald green premonition that she would make a discovery inside” sure why tf not gotta keep the story moving somehow 

She sees the store owner and was like LEGEND and he’s like nah dude I’m just wearing a hat 

But he is the guy that was wearing the red cravat and eyepatch from the day her vision went gray 

He is the count!!!!!

Chapter 28

Nicholas Darcy 

And her dad is there!!!!!!!!!!

Julian gets her out but the count chases her and they get on a boat 

She sees her dad and he looks afraid but she blames it on the rain 

They row to the castle and Julian convinces her to get inside to hide from the lightning 

And they argue about if she’s still planning marrying the count and she’s torn which hurts him 

He says “are you sure you want this?” Before kissing her and like is it a consent thing or is it him asking if he’s what she wants either way I love it 

“The boy who had saved her from drowning in more ways than one” explain…

They kiss and “every touch created colors she had never seen” that’s so anticlimactic 

Chapter 29

The stones fall through the hourglass like “drops of falling rose petals” that makes no sense but we have to include it because...

She finally realizes the roses that have been EVERYWHERE are part of the game duh 

She takes Julian to the fountain where the tunnel entrance is

She feels ochre shades of uneasy

Only NOW she’s giving pause at the idea of winning because she could wish them safe...shoulda been your goal all along. Should have been equally as important as finding tella since if you find her you win the wish….I’m signing heavily atm 

The governor and the count are there!!!!! 

Swear to god if Julian dies I’m going to fucking riot 

She wants to split up but Julian is like fuck no 

The count catches up to her and the governor pulls her by her hair up the stairs 

He punches her in the stomach to warn Julian and she gets back up, with the count trying to protect Scarlett

“A slick mud colored feeling coated Scarlett’s insides” because the governor is holding a knife to Julian’s throat

He cuts Julian’s face NOOOOOO

The governor takes Julian to his room and let’s the count sleep in Scarlett’s room because “he’s already paid for her, he can enjoy her a few days early”

Scarlett stands up to her dad!!!! And then she remembers tella’s words: what if the count is worse?

Scarlett tells the count if she makes her dad stop, she’ll be a good wife but if he doesn’t she will never be his obedient wife 

“Do you really want a bride who will only sleep with you because someone will be tortured if she doesn’t?” YES

Chapter 30

The count is like “listen I am NOT like your dad I’m sorry” and she’s like yeah but you’re not Julian 

The count starts undressing and Scarlett aims a poker at his eyeball lmao 

She finally remembers the elixir of protection in that dress from the tent and soaks the count 

The count is like “you’re playing into legends hands” and Scarlett is like “nah he did me a favor by getting rid of you”

Chapter 31

Julian’s cut isn’t that deep thank god but he’s still woozy 

“He tasted like midnight and wind”

Leap of faith - roses - it’s Rosa!!!!! She has to ask how Rosa died and Julian says she jumped off a balcony 

They decide to sneak out using the tunnels to go search all the balconies

Chapter 32

The town during the day looks like a “faded memory”

She hears music from the rose colored carousel 

The musician has been asking for coins the whole time but nothing else cost money

They jump onto the moving carousel and end up in the roses where Scarlett finds the caraval symbol

They have to jump, Julian gives her coordinates to a boat in case they get separated but they run out of time and she has to go in 

She lands in a river and lands at a staircase guarded with statues that are definitely frozen people 

Legend is there ofc 

Chapter 33

She’s a little star struck by legend 

His laugh is a rich spicy sound that echoes until he snaps his fingers 

Homeboy is mad 

Julian ends up there, dry, and...he’s working with legend...NOOOOOOO

Dante and Valentina were also part of the game 

Rosa was not his sister...DUDE

She clutches his pocket watch and legend opens it - Julian’s voice comes out apologizing for betraying her 

He does love her HE IS ENCHANTED!!!!!

LEGEND STABS JULIAN?!?!?!?!?!?

Oh fuck he is spitting blood oh fuck oh no 

Scarlett you got him killed you dumdum 

Chapter 34

I’m FUCKING FURIOUS 

she remembers that she gets one wish, and she wants to use it to bring Julian back and I swear to goooooddddddd if he doesn’t come back I’m gonna throw myself out the window 

Legend is gone, leaving a funeral invitation for tella set for tomorrow this guy is a MONSTER

Chapter 35

She ends up on a huge rooftop way high up 

“The air felt soft and poisonous” 

Tella is there feeling like “softness and sunlight and seeds for growing dreams”

We just used soft a sentence ago!!!!

Tella is like “you’re confused, the game is playing tricks on you”

Scarlett tells her about their grandmas history with legend 

She shows tella the invitation and it now says it’s to a party not a funeral

Chapter 36

Tella has met a boy that’s not legend...it’s a guy she met right before she got taken for the game…

She’s engaged to him??

Scarlett is like maybe tella is right and this is all part of it...Scarlett DUDE 

Scarlett has a bitter yellow puddle of dread in her stomach 

If Daniel is Dante or Julian I’m gonna scream 

Chapter 37

It’s legend of course 

Duh 

He tries to convince tella to tie Scarlett up you better NOT

TELLA

YOU DUMB BITCH

legend dares Scarlett to walk to the edge of the balcony to prove she loves her sister, so that he can feign worry to tella

They tie her up 

The governor and the count show up FUCK

finally legend admits to tella who he is and she just breaks poor baby 

Tella backs up to the ledge and says if the governor or the count touch Scarlett she’ll kill herself!!!!!!!

“Silver slippers sliding” toward the balcony 

Scarlett breaks free but tella FUCKING JUMPS

Chapter 38

So now who is Scarlett gonna use her wish on?!

Her father looks like “a dragon with no fire and broken wings”

The governor slaps Jovan and legend is like imma fuck you UP 

The governor killed Dante!!!!!!

She blackmails her dad with Philippe’s death 

She remembers her wish...but who does she use it on?! 

Which oof, oof, OOF

Tella is a brat lmao 

Legend won’t give her the wish!!!!!

He’s...fading?? 

Scarlett goes to give tella her blood 

She wishes her impossible wish but it doesn’t work

Chapter 39

She goes back up to get tella’s stuff and finds a caraval box with a letter inside from tella to legend that she didn’t know about 

Chapter 40

She goes to see legend and finds out he’s actually some dude named Caspar…that was why he couldn’t grant her wish 

There’s a stack of letter between tella and legend that basically illustrate that tella was willing to die for legend to get them to caraval 

Tella is alive?!?!?!?!?!?

This was all a fucking game?!

Her impossible wish came true, but she had actually died 

Tella orchestrated their dad getting to caraval so he could see her die, and so he would leave Scarlett alone 

Chapter 41

So Julian is not really dead, but tella wanted anyone who made Scarlett love them to be taken out, that way she wouldn’t get hurt by someone who was just pretending 

So she somehow warps this into meaning that Julian didn’t actually love her? Go...ask him??????? The fuck 

God poor Scarlett…

So people can die in caraval, but when the game is over, they come back...so there were no fuckin stakes except for tella’s death

Chapter 42

They go to legends party in the forest and Scarlett sees Julian 

Iko is there like go talk to Julian dumdum 

“Shades of the rich ruby love she’d felt mixed with deep indigo hurt turning everything just a little bit violet” I don’t care I want them to kiss Stephanie 

Julian is so hurt that she thinks she doesn’t know him

He’s related to legend…

Rosa dying changed his opinion of legend 

He tried to leave the game right before this caraval 

Legend is his brother!!!!!!!!!

He couldn’t leave Scarlett because she loved her sister like Julian loved his brother 

He stayed because of Scarlett despite how it hurt him to lie to her 

Yaaaaaay they kiss yay omg 

Epilogue

Tella is dancing drunk at the party and is dancing with a new guy who dances her to the edge of the party...then he’s gone?

He dropped something into her pocket...a coin with a note…

From legend!!!!!

You can see your mom soon if you keep up your end of the bargain!!!!!

[gayghosttt]

I wanna hear your answers to your questions thingie ☺️

Thank you I am avoiding studying for 3 finals rn lmao

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal, I do not like milk at all it makes me feel sick Every time lmao

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Y e s I love being cold

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? mm usually a sticky note

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I don’t really like tea but I usually have some kind of cold coffee or with cream and 2 sugar if its hot

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?  mmm kind of yes

6: do you keep plants? I don’t currently have any but I love having them

7: do you name your plants?  yes!!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? currently more words than visual art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? sometimes, I mostly do it in my head though

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?  I almost always sleep on my left side but I sometimes sleep on my right side or back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? long boy, CRACKS PANTS, What if i was Straight

12: what's your favorite planet? mm I actually don’t know a whole lot about any of them but I think neptune is Very pretty

13: what's something that made you smile today? my friend paige and I sent each other christmas cards and I got hers in the mail today!!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? there would be his nerdy video game stuff Everywhere and my books and movies everywhere and a little bit of glitter on everything lmao

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it is quiet Everywhere in space

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? lasagna is the actual love of my life

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?  BLUE OR DARK PURPLE

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I do alot of dumb things lmao but last semester when I lived in a residence hall with my friends i was always shouting IM GAY down the hallway or kicking my leg up high to put it on the window ledge

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I am very forgetful so I never keep a journal or sketchbook consistently 

20: what's your favorite eye color? brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don’t really have a bag that’s lasted a super long time but my little blue makeup bag used to be my sister’s and I’ve been using it since high school 

22: are you a morning person? If I’ve slept enough then yes but when I have classes at 8 am,, no

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?  sleep in and watch movies

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? mmm probably Steven? He knows most of them already

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? THE CHURCH PARKING LOT WE GOT LOCKED INTO TOGETHER AT NIGHT

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? I rotate between like 3 pairs but I have some beat up black high tops I’ve had since high school that I love

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? usually just minty gum

28: sunrise or sunset?  sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? steven calls me everytime he’s driving home from school and we always say I love you before hanging up its gay and i love him v much

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes a few times

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. okay I get judged for it alot but I wear socks 24/7 I have Too many socks and theyre all cute and yes I wear socks to bed and I wear them all the fricking time I am uncomfy being barefoot

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Nothing recently but last semester I used to stay up until like 4 am with alot of my friends watching movies and one time like 10 of us watched star wars and had snacks and had a big cuddle pile sleepover on the floor

33: what's your fave pastry? chocolate croissants 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? mm I have a bunch still bc alot of them were given to me by someone sepcial/ for special reasons and one of my favorites is a pink bear with a dodgers hat that was from my dad when I was a kid

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I do! If I have stationary I’ll use it to send people mail

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? currently I’m listening to lana del rey and its fitting

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?  I am an organized messy person so I am like half and half

38: tell us about your pet peeves! when people invite themselves over/ just show up without asking, opening doors without knocking, chewing with your mouth open

39: what color do you wear the most? black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? I have a black ring I wear everyday that was from my sister and it makes me think of her since we don’t currently live in the same house while im at college

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? How to remodel a man by w. bruce cameron, I found it at the library and got it just bc it sounded like a funny title and it was genuinely the funniest book I’ve ever read I loved it 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Either 85 degrees down the street from me bc its really cute and the chocolate bread there is Amazing or coffee bean in my city cause it has a v nice atmosphere and the baristas all know my sister so they’re really friendly

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I have no idea actually

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? ???????????

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?  I try to

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.  earlier Aaron and I were roasting Morrissey and I said that when moz cancels shows/doesnt show up bc he’s sick its like he just sneezes once and then he’s like,,, oh my god am I,,, Still Ill

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?  tuna

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I don’t really remember tbh

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? yes!! last record was the Uni single release and its clear and v cool and the last cd was a paul mccartney one i think 

50: what's an odd thing you collect? pins mostly

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate alot of music with a lot of people but one song that reminds me of you is little queenie by sad girl

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?  the one of the white guy making a confused face is maybe my fav

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? rocky and heathers and beetlejuice yes and I love them all v much, I watched pulp fiction once at like 3 am and i slept through alot of it by accident so I cannot give an accurate opinion

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my sister

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? im not sure but my middle name is dramatic So

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they genuinely want to know about how your day was, when they remember something you said a long time ago, when they bring you something out of the blue because they know you like it

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? yes alsways it is one of the best songs ever

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?  I don’t currently have a solid Group of friends but between us I would say you are probably wine mom and i am vodka aunt lmao

59: what's your favorite myth? I love a lot but rn I love the loch ness monster 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes but currently none are coming to mind lmao

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? sometimes I give steven glitter bc i love it and he Hates it lmao but I’m not sure if I’ve ever really gotten a stupid gift?

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope, usually just water

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? organized, not necessarily alphabetical or anything but I like things by the same author or artist to be together 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? alot of my high school and college pals

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? mmm probably a lot of dark red roses and little white flowers

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? kinda depends but usually I like them

68: what's winter like where you live? usually cold and kinda rainy but lately its still in the 80s and hot

69: what are your favorite board games? bingo always

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no and I Maybe would??

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? not super into tea but i don’t mind green tea

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?  v much so

73: what are some of your worst habits? procrastinating, leaving water bottles on the floor, ignoring instructions 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they have brown hair and glasses and really pretty eyes and live in another country and are so sweet and remind me of a little fox

75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any but my siblings both have fish and barry is my fav little guppy even though he’s a rude drama queen

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? studying for my finals

77: pink or yellow lemonade? both but I like pink alot

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? h a t e

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? one of my friends used to make me mixtape cds alot

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? at college they’re just white bc its a dorm but at home they’re blue and my dad and I painted them secretly one summer lmao

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. looks like the inside of a blue gelpen

82: are/were you good in school? I try to be, I’ve always had a hard time in math and science classes but I’m good with artsy and english classes

83: what's some of your favorite album art? I have,,, to many to pick from

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? currently no? I’m very indecisive so I’m not sure what I would get bc I would want it to have a special meaning

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? not really but I wouldn’t mind

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? probably alot but ziggy stardust and sgt pepper come to mind first

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? eraserhead, big fish, and casablanca

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? mmm yes probably alot but rn I really like zines

89: are you close to your parents? my dad yes my mom is very up and down

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I really love the Manhattan Beach area it’s always made me really happy since I was a kid something about it just always feels welcoming and familiar to me

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? not sure

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? depends on the pasta but generally I like alot of cheese

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? It’s always the same fluffy messy curly besides when I put it up in a little ponytail sometimes

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend tori from high school

95: what are your plans for this weekend? going back home and Finally sleeping alot

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? it usually takes me about a week to finally stop being lazy and do them

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? I think I was ensj or insj or something like that last time i checked, I’m a gemini and I have no idea about my hogwarts house lmao

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? probably a few years ago and it was pretty okay

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. there are a Lot but lust for life by the band girls always reminds me of myself and i’m listening to flatsound rn and alot of his music hits me hard bc I feel like that alot

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? as much as I would like to have things back from my past I would probably say future, I’d like to skip ahead a bit to when some things have changed and are hopefully better

[justinbrownphotographer]

Bali - Indonesia

So, after much research about our next holiday we finally chose Bali, Indonesia. One thing that we know can be an issue when being a Vegan is the destination is not Vegan friendly (food-wise, we cannot go into another country and change their culture). Using youtube, Instagram and Google we established the best place for a chilled out vibe and Vegan options in abundance was a town/city (I am not sure if they have cities in Bali except Denpasar) Ubud. 

All set to go, we finished work on the Wednesday, jumped into the car and headed for Birmingham Airport, parked the car, grabbed our cases, ran for the bus. A few minutes later we were in the Airport, we located our boarding area and checked in. Once checked in you finally feel a weight lifted of the shoulders and you can think about getting into holiday mode. Fast forward 17 hours (flights we with Emirates, 7 hours to Dubai, 9 hours to Bali, Airbus was great).

Once we finally got through Bali customs, we were looking out for our driver, we spotted him. Whilst walking through Bali Airport (Denpasar), it takes a while to sink in, but you realise they have trees and gardens within the airport, which was a bit surreal. Our driver then told us to wait in the carpark whilst he went to collect his vehicle. At this point you begin to notice how warm it was, just from standing and waiting, you could feel your forehead starting to gather beads of sweat. After about 10 minutes the driver returned, we jumped in the taxi and headed to Ubud (about 40 min away). I will not comment too much about the roads in Bali, if you are from Europe, you will be confused how it works and how are there so few accidents, but some how it works, so leave what you know about driving back home when you come to Bali. Our place of residence for the next nine nights was Pecatu Guesthouse (via AirBnB). This place was immaculate and the hosts were forever accommodating. 

Emirates Vegan Meal

View from Airbus Window

One of the Best Hip Hop Albums ever!!

Our Room at Pecatu Guesthouse

After a bit of sleep Pecatu Guesthouse we were treated to breakfast, pancakes and fruit. We ate our breakfast on the roof top, where they have a swimming pool also. When you first walk onto the rooftop you realise why there is a garden within Denpasar Airport. For as far as the eye can see, just trees, plants, flowers etc. I think it is safe to say it would be harder to stop things to try and grow here.

View from Rooftop of Pecatu Guesthouse

View from Rooftop of Pecatu Guesthouse

Pool on Rooftop of Pecatu Guesthouse

Pancake with Coconut

I will not go through what we did every single day, so I will summarise the best things about Bali (everything in my opinion). Firstly, the main reason(s) why people choose Ubud over the other places like Canggu, Nusa Dua etc (surfing areas). Ubud offers Yoga and plenty of Vegan options. The main place for Yoga in Ubud was a place called the Yoga Barn, we did not get chance to go here, but from speaking to people who met and spoke to they highly recommended this place. Ubud also has a spiritual vibe about the whole place, you will smell incense whilst walking around as all the residents will burn this during offerings, which take place throughout the day. The offerings may be placed high or low, either way a bird can eat some of the food and stray dogs/cats can eat. There is a balance between giving and taking with the Balinese people. However, they are more inclined to give than to take. The Ridge Walk, which is just towards the north of Ubud offers valleys surrounded with vegetation (coconut, papaya, banana trees). But, again feels quite spiritual, when walking around there early morning do not be surprised if you see locals and tourists/travellers doing some Yoga or meditation. 

Decorations

Host of Pecatu Guesthouse (Ibu)

Papaya Tree

Secondly, the food. Coming from UK where you have to search far and wide, read ingredient lists, and question restaurant staff, this was not the case here in Ubud. Obviously, they had places that sold meat etc, but there was a vast amount of places that served Vegan or Raw food. The foods were full of flavour and oozed freshness. The main difference I think from our short stay here in Bali is the food does not seem to have a processed element to it. Also, all the ingredients are locally sourced. If, you like spicy food (I do), you may find the food a bit tame with heat, so when you ask for extra chilli or spicy, they will provide chopped red chilli in a small bowl, I considered this an inconvenience initially, but then when I tried the chilli, I was like OH!, the chillis are very hot, hence why they do not mix it with you meal. Regarding the cost of food, a typical meal for two people with a drink, main and dessert would vary from between 250-300,000 Rupiah, which is about (at the time) £13-16. When speaking to a local taxi driver, we concluded in Ubud from the market you can buy 1kg of cucumbers for approx £1, I told him for one solitary Organic Cucumber in England this will cost you around £1.60, he laughed!! Even though Ubud has all of these great food places that offer Vegan/Raw food, you would not necessarily see any locals eating in there. I do not know whether this was down to cost or it is something they would not particularly eat.  I will try not to post too many pictures of food. 

Raw Courgette Lasagne @ House of Chakra

Green Fiend @ Kafe

Balinese Curry @ Atman Kafe

Babur Inji @ Atman Kafe

Crepe Dessert @ Creperie

Pulled Jack Fruit with Salad and Lemonade @ Sage 

In this next part I will try and explain the culture and places that we visited around Bali. If, you are not a fan of or have a fear of dogs, I would not recommend travelling to Bali, they are everywhere. From what I seen approximately 5% of them had owners, otherwise they just roam around either by themselves or in little packs. Generally they are harmless and may be a bit vocal. However, one tip I will give you is these dogs do not like it when you run past them. I went for an early run to the Ridge Walk and back to Pecatu Guesthouse (approx. 7-8 miles), I probably past 30-40 dogs on the whole run, the dogs were on the other side of the road or at least 5-10 metres away, on the way back near my hotel, I could see this dog looking at me, whether I got to close (even though I had no choice due to pavement size, approx. 1 metre), the dog bit my shorts. Luckily I did have on undershorts, so the bite did not pierce my skin, but it put a hole in my shorts. Obviously, getting bit by a dog in Bali would be a problem, hospital, vaccinations etc... 

The people of Bali are forever well spoken and polite. They may only ask you once if want a taxi and then wont ask you again until they see you again later on that day. They do not hassle you endlessly, they even say ‘thank you’, when you have declined. The pavements in Bali can be a bit tricky, in the sense not very level, with slabs missing here and there. So, definitely do not try to walk on the pavements and get caught up looking around too much, as you may trip over. People in Ubud, Bali are incredibly talented, they still make loads of things by hand, whether it be fencing, photo albums, pieces of art work, carvings, I think the only time we seen machinery was in Denpasar where they were building new roads. The children in Bali are always happy and dressing up as the Barong whilst playing native instruments and getting donations from tourists. One thing that confused me a bit when first walking around the streets of Bali were these small shops selling fluid in bottles, it was not water or soft drinks, it clicked when I seen a person on a scooter pull up and ask for one of the bottles then started to pour the contents into their scooter, it was a petrol station.

Mosaic

Typical Street in Ubud

Lighting Shop

Blacksmith

Young Kids

Young Kids Happy

Petrol Station

Regarding money we found it useful to exchange money on a daily basis, as we did not spend much, so I think if we were to have exchanged for example £1000 (UK) to Rupiah (at the time £1 = R17,600) we would have been walking around with R17,600,000.00. We exchanged £100 (UK) almost everyday, but some days we did not need to as we had money left over from the previous day.

We visited a Barong Dance, which is a cultural story between good and evil. We visited a waterfall, which I would recommend, due it being so hot in Bali that cool water goes down a treat. We visited a coffee plantation, where we tried twelve different coffees and teas, which were all grown locally on the plantation, safe to say some were nicer than others. We visited the main temple on Bali Pura Besakih on Mount Agung, this temple is massive, it has many parts to it. The local guide explained to us all the ceremonies that take place here, all the past eruptions, the duration of some of the ceremonies, the buildings all have seven parts to the roofs to correspond to the seven chakras in the body, and finally Bali is Hindu, but Buddhist Hindu with Shiva being their main God. We trekked up Mount Batur a previously once active volcano opposite Agung. This was quite a tough trek at 0200, but we had to start trekking this early to catch the sunrise. I am relatively fit and found it quite manageable, however we seen a few people who could not carry on, so I would recommend if you plan to do a trek, try to acquire some fitness. 

Barong Dance

Waterfall

Coffee Testers

Pura Besakih

Pura Besakih

Mount Agung from the top of Batur

After leaving Ubud we went to a place called Amarta Retreat in Tabanan, we thought after being in Ubud we may want to experience a nice chilled out place. The hotel location was on the beach front, which was nice. The staff were so friendly and polite. The menu was very limited compared to the amount of choice within Ubud, the food menu was very European, I do not think there was a authentic Balinese food option. This location was that remote that by the third day we jumped into a taxi and went to the next beach location down, Canggu. Canggu was a bit more lively, full of surfers, travellers and vegan options. There was a definite difference between the type of people here compared to Ubud, a bit more younger and alcohol friendly. We spent the evening in Canggu and walked up and down the main road, one place that stood out the most was a place called Ji, after speaking to a staff member in there, she explained the building within the building was a temple carried from Japan approx. 300 years ago when there was conflict between China and Japan, it is now rebuilt and the restaurant Ji is here. 

Amarta Retreat

Amarta Retreat

Amarta Retreat

Ji

Ji

Ji

Concluding, would we go back to Bali (Indonesia) again? Without doubt!!

What would we do differently, travel to different parts maybe Java, Seminyak, Gili Islands and trek Mount Rinjani. We would definitely still go back to Ubud. 

[x-oc-blog-x]

Inside Avas’ OCs

I got a questionnaire from mibba.com for my OCs

Oliver Asman

Basic

1. What is your full birth name? Oliver Lee Asman

2. Any nicknames? Oli

3. When were you born/how old are you? June 5. I’m 19

4. If immortal or slow-ageing, what is your apparent age? I’m human soo.

5. Where were you born?

The United States

6. Who were your parents? Cassie and Daniel Asman

7. Do you have any siblings? Yeah. He is 5. His name is Joel.

8. Where do you live now? At jacks house in the US

9. Who do you live with? Jackson Canmore and his mom.

10. Are you right or left-handed?

Left

11. What words/phrases do you regularly use? I definitely say sorry a lot.

12. Name some habits or strange quirks you have? I chew on hoodie strings. And my shirt sometimes. I know it’s gross

Appearance

13. Height: 5’ 7”

14. Weight: 147 pounds

15. Skin Tone: I’m tan

16. Body Shape: normal? I don’t know.

17. Hair: blonde quiff

18. Eyes: blue

19. Face Shape:what does this even mean?

20. Everyday Dress Style:I like to wear black jeans and a t shirt

21. Formal Dress Style:slacks and dress shirt.

22. Any Jewelry? A few bracelets just to fidget with really.

23. Any Scars? Just a few. Ive got some on my thigh. I don’t want to talk about it.

24. Tattoos? No.

Growing Up

25. How would you describe your childhood in general? It was okay. It could have been better. I was kicked out though. There was that.

26. What is your earliest memory?

My mom and dad arguing over money. He hit her.

27. How much schooling have you had? I graduated

28. Did you enjoy school?

Yeah. I got to spend time with friends. And jack

29. Where did you learn most of your skills/abilities?

School

30. Any role models while growing up? Not really until middle school. I really liked the flash. Jack made me watch it.

31. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I actually wanted to be a dinosaur. Then I wanted to be a teacher

32. What was your favourite thing to do? Play with dinosaur toys with jack. And when I grew up a bit I liked to write.

33. Were you popular?

No

34. Who were your friends?

Jack, Misha, Collin, Rex, Alex, Loni

35. When and who was your first kiss?

My first kiss was a girl named Maddie in 6th grade

Past Influences

36. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Moving in with jack when I got kicked out. That really influenced our friendship and helped us get together. And that was life changing.

37. Who has had the most influence on you? Jack.

38. What do you consider is your greatest achievement? Healing from being kicked out and not trying to reach out to my toxic family.

39. What is your greatest regret? Missing so many opportunities because of insecurity.

40. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? I have no idea. I try not to do bad things.

41. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? No

42. When was the time you were the most frightened? When I was kicked out. I was so scared. My dad had me by the hair and was dragging and throwing me.

43. The most embarrassing moment of your life so far? I accidentally submitted one of my writings for an assignment instead of the actual assignment. My teacher was really confused.

44. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be and why? As much as I loved living with Jack and his mom, I wish I wouldn’t have come out to them. Maybe they would still talk to me.

45. What is your best memory? My first kiss. Jack and I were in the park. And without me even telling him I liked him, we both just kinda kissed.

46. What is your worst memory? Other than being kicked out, Being beat up in the bookstore. I didn’t do anything to them, but because I was holding hands with jack, they put put me in the hospital.

Beliefs and Opinions

47. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? I try to be an optimist.

48. What is your greatest fear?

Being alone

49. What are your religious views?

I believe in the Christian god. But I never go to church or anything.

50. Political views?

Not conservative.

51. Views on Sex?

Sex is a cool thing. Everyone is different with it, but it’s nice. I like it. I want to go more into detail but I really shouldn’t.

52. In your own opinion, what is the most evil thing someone could do?

Kick out their child for being lgbt+

53. Do you believe in Soul Mates/True love? I do.

54. What do you base success on?

Personal Achievements. I’m successful for finding a healthy relationship and getting out of a toxic situation. Other people are successful for getting past their bad pasts.

55. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings with yourself?

I try to push my feelings away. I don’t like negative emotions.

56. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings with others?

I usually tell jack how I feel if I’m depressed because he likes to help.

57. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

Yes.

58. Is there anything you would absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances?

I’m sure there is. But I don’t know what they would be

59. Why would you refuse?

N/a

60. Who or what, if anything, would you die for?

I’d die for jack and his family. I’d die for my friends. Id die for the kids like me who don’t have anyone to go to because they were abandoned for who they are.

61. What do you feel the most passionate about?

Jack.

62. What one act are you most proud of?

Healing from bad things.

63. What one act are you most ashamed of?

Coming out to my parents.

64. Are you a leader or follower?

Follower

Relationships

65. In general, how do you treat people you don’t know well? I try to be nice to everyone.

66. How do you treat people you do know?

With respect.

67. Who do you respect the most and why?

Jack. He is a nice human who has been through bad days. And he is still the best and nicest person I know.

68. Who are your friends?

Misha, collin, Jack, Loni, Alex, and Rex.

69. Who is your best friend?

Jack

70. Ever been in love?

Obviously.

71. Who do you consider family?

Jack, Misha, Collin, Ms. Canmore

72. How close are you to your family?

I don’t talk to them. At all.

73. Who do you turn to in desperate times and why?

Jack. He has always been there for me.

74. Who do you trust to protect you and why? No one should have to protect me. But in the times that I needed it, Jack. Sorry if I keep saying his name for everything. He is everything to me.

75. Who do you despise the most and why?

My dad. He took me by my hair and threw me from our house because of my sexuality.

76. Do you tend to argue or avoid conflict? Avoid. My anxiety doesn’t like to fight.

77. Do you care what others think of you?

Yes.

Sex and Intimacy

78. Do you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, trans or something else?

Pansexual.

79. Do you have a significant other?

Yes.

80. Describe them: kind, smart, sweet, supportive, loving, and everything someone could want.

81. What is the perfect romantic date?

Going to the park and having lunch.

82. Best sexual partner?

Jack is the best. But he is the only person I’ve had sex with.

83. Worst sexual partner?

No one. Jack is the only person I’ve had sex with.

84. Worst thing you’ve done to someone you love?

I don’t know.

Likes and Dislikes

85. What is/are your favourite hobbies/pastimes?

I like to watch tv. And write.

86. What is your most prized possession?

The bracelet jack gave me.

87. Favourite colour?

Green

88. Favourite food?

Pizza

89. Favourite movie? Spider-Man: far from home

90. Favourite TV show?

Glee

91. What, if anything, do you like to read?

I like poems. Rupi Karar especially

92. What style of music do you like?

I like all music. Except country.

93. What is your idea of good entertainment? Books, tv, plays, etc.

94. Do you smoke?

No. It’s gross

95. Drink?

I don’t unless someone offers at like a party or something.

96. Drugs?

Nah.

97. Typical Friday night?

Cuddles with jack.

98. What would be the perfect gift for you?

Roses.

99. Rain or Sun and why? Rain. I like to feel the rain.

100. Day or Night and why?

Day. I like the sunrises and the sense of everyone having something to do in the light.

101. What makes you laugh?

Puns. Jokes.

102. What shocks/offends you?

Anti-lgbt people. People who deny human rights to others.

103. How do you deal with stress? I usually break down and cry.

104. Are you spontaneous, or do you feel you always need a plan?

I prefer plans to ease my anxiety.

105. Any pet peeves?

Nah.

Occupation/Study

106. Do you have a job or are you studying? I stay at home. I don’t do much. I sometime write for commission money.

107. If so, what is it/what course?

Writing.

108. Do you like it?

Yeah.

109. If studying/not working, where does your money come from? It doesn’t really.

110. What is your boss/teacher(s)/agent/publisher ect like? I am my boss that’s pretty cool.

111. What are your co-workers/other students like? Nope.

112. Do you get along with them? Nope.

113. What is something you had to learn that you hated?

Semicolons

114. Do you tend to save or spend your money?

Save

Misc.

115. Describe the routine of a normal day for you:

Wake up. Cuddle. Sometimes work. Eat. Cuddle. Blah blah.

116. What is your greatest strength?

Being able to pick myself up when I’m down

117. Greatest weakness?

Being so emotional

118. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I would want to look better. I think I could improve my face.

119. Introvert or Extrovert?

Introvert

120. Organised or messy?

Organized.

121. Three things you’re good at:

Writing, overthinking, and being a friend.

122. Three things you’re bad at:

Rationalizing, talking to strangers, and being alone

123. Do you like yourself?

Kinda

124. What is your life goal?

To be fully happy with who I am.

125. Where do you see yourself in five years?

Hopefully I’m married to jack. Maybe having a baby.

126. If you could choose, how would you want to die? With jack by my side. I don’t want to be alone.

127. Three things you would do with 24 hours left to live? Talk to my family and explain to them some things, tell Joel how important he is to the world, and to have some alone time with jack.

128. What is one thing you’d like to be remembered for after your death? Being a good person

129. Three words to describe your personality?

Awkward, caring, and nice.

130. Three words others use to describe your personality?

Awkward, horny, and fun😂

[littledonkeyburrito]

My neighbours seeing me naked all the time

1. What gives you anxiety? Having to go do something new

2. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? Are you kidding me, I fucking love google maps

3. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? I was when I woke up at 11, but not after I went back to sleep and woke up again at 2pm.

4. When you watch the news, how does it effect your mood? Depends on the news, but it generally has a negative impact. That’s why I avoid watching it.

5. Have you ever taken an online IQ test? What was the result? I actually took a real IQ test once but I was 11 and didn’t know that’s the test I was taking. I think the results came back as the high end of average. When I was in grade 5 I was almost constantly fighting with my best friend at the time, Dylan. It was stressing me out so I asked my mum if I could talk to someone at the school for help so she set me up with one of the school counsellors, I think his name was something like Mr Zagini or Mr Zagami (I remember his two nicknames being Mr zucchini and Mr salami). Anyway, it was mostly stuff I already knew but I got to skip class sometimes for our sessions. I didn’t continue sessions with him in grade 6 (I don’t know why), but he came to me one time and was like “hey I want to do this series of tests with you, are you okay with that?” and I was like “yeah sure” so I did them. Just a bunch of little lateral thinking puzzles which I was well used to doing, due to having been part of the school’s “gifted and talented” program (the instructor of which committed suicide a few years later after the cops found out he was into child porn, but that’s a story for another time I guess) since I was 6 years old. I feel like if I took an IQ test these days I would probably come back as squarely average. I don’t feel that smart since I hit adulthood.

6. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? There was that one time someone broke into my house and stole my potatoes.

7. Can you hear anything right now? A group of drunk people from the bars downstairs

8. Have you ever been to a wedding? A few family weddings, yeah. Next year I will be a groomsman for my friend/old flatmate.

9. What is your favourite kind of pasta? I prefer rice noodles tbh

10. Are you proud of who you are? Sometimes

11. Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? Sundae.

12. What time is it? 12:03am

13. Are you good at giving directions? If I have a map, or know where I am, yeah

14. Do you own any Sims games? Which ones? Sims 3, plus pets and supernatural expansions.

15. What is your favourite kind of fruit juice? Probably orange

16. Have you worn a necklace today? I haven’t worn a necklace in years

17. Do your parents smoke cigarettes? Unusually, neither of my parents ever got into smoking

18. What is the color of the curtains in the room you’re in right now? No curtains. I just deal with my neighbours seeing me naked all the time

19. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Now I just have one guitar but over the years I’ve had 2 acoustic guitars, 2 electric guitars, 2 ukuleles, a bass guitar, a glockenspiel, a full size electric piano, an electric drum kit and an acoustic drum kit.

20. What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? "Netflix”

21. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Tarantula.

22. Who’s the fifth contact in your phonebook? My aunt

23. If you had to text them something now what would you say? I would say that I’m probably coming back to australia in january and that we should have a family gathering

24. Should you be in bed right now? I haven’t had a bedtime since I was like 13

25. Do you know anyone that has the same birthday? A sort-of-friend’s boyfriend who is also the ex of the girlfriend of one of my best friends. But he’s a year or two younger than me.

26. Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? I’ve tried both and established that my preference is definitely taller.

27. Do you acknowledge your feelings or ignore them? Depends on the feeling but generally suppress, bottle and ignore.

28. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Back in panama. God, it’s been slow since I’ve been home

29. How would you describe your current mood? Is tipsy a mood?

30. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? Whenever I last got very drunk probably

31. What was the last thing you lied about? I generally don’t like lying so the last time was probably when I was telling my travel group in central america that I had never slept with the tour guide.

32. Where is your favorite place to have sex? Uhh a bed I guess. Although that one time I fooled around in the back of a car was pretty fun too.

33. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I tried getting high alone once and that was no fun. Drunk, yes, like once a week.

34. What type of a drunk are you? Happy and fun

35. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? I generally don’t tell guys that I like them. Although tbh I generally don’t develop actual feeling for them so...

36. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? I think that was when a friend had his appendix out and a group of us went to see him. The time before that was a fair bit more distressing though. 

36. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? The worst is probably coke. I will never ever ever try meth or heroin. Those are just a baaaaad idea. Nothing that I specifically want to try.

37. When was the last time you were up all night and why? Up the whole night would have been my last night shift in australia. Although there’s been several times since then that I’ve been up until 3am or even sunrise on a night out.

38. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? I have absolutely no idea

39. Where did your last injury come from? Uhhh I think my last “injury” was about a month ago when I cut my thumb on a beer can. Hardly an injury though.

40. Where do you like to be kissed? Tbh I quite like being kissed on the neck

41. You have 5 minutes - grab 3 snacks from the grocery store. What are they? A bunch of mandarins, a pack of chips and a block of chocolate probably

42. Dancing, acting, and singing - which two are you best at? None of the above

43. Deep fried Oreos & deep fried pickles - would you try either? I’d try either at least once

44. Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for a potential partner. Funny and cute I think.

45. Snow or sand? Soda or juice? Cake or cookies? Royalty or immortality? Snow, soda, cake, immortality.

46. Which is more important to you: make-up or hair? Hair.

47. What is one tradition that you and your family have? Do you enjoy it? Generally my brother and I spend christmas morning at mum’s house and have breakfast with her and then head to dad’s for the afternoon/evening and have his big full roast christmas dinner with him and sometimes a couple of his friends.

48. You can go back in time & change something in your Mom’s past - what is it? I think I would somehow try to give her more self esteem as a teenager. Or maybe I’d have stopped that one boyfriend from breaking up with her to move to sydney, after which she cried for at least a week. Idk I think I’d have tried to make her see that he was kind of a douche and not worth her time because she only deserves the absolute best.

49. Money doesn’t matter - choose a vacation destination and pick your party: If money is no issue then I would travel from alaska all the way down to the southern-most tip of argentina with whoever wants to join for a section. IRL I kinda plan on travelling mexico to argentina in a year or so anyway.

50. Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? No. I mean, they’d probably be mildly confused as to why I was researching when the shower was invented but it’s not like they’d care.

51. Flip your arm over - can you see your veins? No because I’m wearing a jumper and can’t see my skin through the sleeve obvs.

52. Pick a movie at least 5 years old that you absolutely love: Love and Other Drugs

53. Do you ever buy snacks at the movie theater? What do you get? Sometimes I did in australia but I never do here. I always have dinner beforehand and then just buy a bottle of water from the grocery store next door to take into the theatre. 

54. When was the last time you had to jump? Jump? Uhhhh ... I didn’t have to but I jumped off the front of the boat into the ocean while I was in the San Blas Islands off Panama a couple of months ago. 

55. At what time does it start getting dark where you live? Currently it gets dark around 5:30pm

56. Which is worse: dusting or mopping? I’m not sure I’ve ever dusted in my life.

57. Peanut butter VS. Caramel - which side are you on? Depends on context but probably usually caramel.

58. Have you ever complained to a manager about anything? What was it? I argued with some bond cleaners a bit over a year ago. I didn’t ask to, but I spoke to the manager and I ended up winning the argument.

59. Any idea where the shirt you’re wearing was made? Take a guess. I don’t know, China? Actually, none of the labels seem to specify where it was made.

60. Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious? No because our lifestyles wouldn’t match up.

61. Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? No

62. Ever dated/kissed a someone with the name Casey, Tyler, Ryan, Jordan, Colton, Rebecca, Samantha, Lauren, Taylor, or Ashley? That’s so specific. I think I’ve kissed a rebecca.

63. Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or lying down? Standing up, saying goodbye at the hotel room door.

64. Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? In general, yeah

65. Are you excited for anything? Well, I’m going to Paris next week.

66. Do you hate the last person you kissed? No.

67. You’re stuck in an elevator with one of your worst enemies, what do you do? Scroll through facebook/instagram/whatever on my phone.

68. Will this weekend be a good one? The weekend is over.

69. Do you like to listen to the radio in the car? Nah, I listen to my iPod in the car and the radio at work. I mean, y’know, when I had a car and a job.

70. Do you sleep with a fan on? I literally don’t even have a fan

71. How is your hair right now? In need of a cut.

72. Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? No.

73. How many windows are open on your computer? 1 window, 4 tabs.

74. How tall are you? ~5′3″ but I slouch

75. Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? Yeah but tbh I don’t really understand the appeal unless you plan on fucking in the shower which sounds slippery and dangerous.

76. Is your hair clean? Almost always

77. What are you drinking right now? Nothing.

78. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Yes, unless I’m in a bus or sometimes I don’t when I’m in a country where the law doesn’t make you wear one. Eg in some countries cabs will have sheets covering the back seats so even if you want to put on the seatbelt you can’t because the clip thing is covered up and you can’t access it.

79. Does someone have feelings for you? Doubt it

80. Have you ever been cheated on? Pretty sure, yeah

81. Are you hard to please? Not at all

82. What are you craving right now? TRAVEL

83. How are you feeling right now? A bit cold

84. What color shirt are you wearing? Tshirt is orange and white. Jumper over it is grey with white stripes.

85. Who is the last person you got a message from? @aturinfortheworse

86. Are you excited for winter? Only if I get to go somewhere with snow (unlikely). I love the cold when I’m actually out and about and doing things but when I’m just sitting at home doing nothing and my feet are so cold they’re in physical pain then I don’t enjoy it so much. This is only a thing I’ve realised recently.

87. When are you at your happiest? When I’m travelling and having adventures.

88. Do you live alone? Yep

89. What do you do to pass time? Netflix, video games, tumblr 90. Do you go clubbing on weekends? When I live in the same city as my friends, sometimes

91. Twin bed, or other? Maybe a couch? What is this even asking? I have a king size bed currently 92. What are three things, that are not hygiene related you do every single day? Eat, check facebook, charge my phone 93. Are you addicted to anything drug like? No. 94. Did you pull a senior prank? They weren’t allowed at my school, but I don’t think I’d have cared enough anyway 95. Did you graduate? Highschool, yes. Uni, no.

96. Any goals? Live comfortably (with a job) in a country other than Australia, preferably a spanish speaking country.

97. Do you miss being a kid? In some ways yes, like not having responsibilities. In other ways no, like not getting laid... I mean, not that I’m getting laid now either...

98. Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious realfionship? Never had a serious relationship. 99. Do you have any tattoos? No. 100. Regrets? Nah. No point regretting things. Just learn and move on.

[kookienomster3]

I Want The Headline (Pt. 28)

Written By: suga-of-daegu BTS Fanfiction Angst WARNING: MATURE CONTENT Mafia/Gang

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50

“Are you having fun?” Tae asked lightly. He nodded in the direction of the door, the glistening knob taunting the man next to him. “Try it.” He suggested, “Maybe he finally forgot to lock it tonight..they stayed up later than usual.” Suppressing a grin, Taehyung watched Jungkook turn the doorknob like he had tried every night for the past month.

Sometimes he was oddly calm and others he frantically twisted it, his shoulder slamming against the wood. He never said anything though, Namjoon had said he was allowed to try the knob and it if was unlocked, barge and do what he wished, but if Jungkook called out while the door was still shut, he’d make a show out of killing you.

You were so close and he couldn’t even let you know he was near.

So Jungkook could only twist the knob night after night, barely able to hear anything inside the room other than the occasional creak of the bed or you being frightened awake when he was especially desperate to get inside. And night after night Taehyung would laugh at him; laugh at the disappointment on his face. He had almost called out one night, when he heard you crying for him, but as he opened his mouth to reassure you, Tae was there, a eager grin on his face.

“Say something. ” He had urged, “I’ve been waiting weeks to see her. Say anything, she’ll recognize your voice.” He had been thrown in a fit of anger when Jungkook’s mouth snapped shut. That night, Taehyung had pounded on the door himself, cursing at Yoongi. Yoongi never responded to him and Tae wasn’t sure if that was more angering than the fact he kept the door barricaded.

Currently, Jungkook released the door knob. It wasn’t unlocked, there was nothing he could do. Tae’s laughter faded, his face thoughtful, “You ever wonder what they do in there?”

Jungkook stepped away from the door to lean against the opposite wall. Now, he would wait a few hours and try again. The result was never any different, but it was a chance; so he’d take it every night. Then he’d head to bed and by sunrise he was off on some assignment with Jimin. As of now, they were combing through the ashes of Yoongi’s warehouse, searching for Jin and Hoseok’s bodies. Jungkook figured they were alive; Jimin was a piss poor arsonist and it had been a month with no sign of them. They had escaped.

He had suggest to Namjoon weeks ago that they start combing the city for them, but apparently defecting had put him at odds with the leader. Jimin had replaced him. Nothing he suggested was taken seriously or listened to and Jimin was sure their bodies were in the rubble. So Namjoon believed him and Jungkook was forced to sift through charred wood day after day.

He shooked his head at Taehyung’s question, already having an inkling of the answer, “Jimin said he confessed to her. He’s probably shoving his tongue down her throat and she’s too afraid to push him away.” He mumbled. Taehyung crouched down beside him,

“Aren’t you angry?” he teased. Jungkook’s gaze languidly lifted up to meet Taehyung’s and the man was shocked by the emotion hidden in them. He had thought that Jungkook’s anger started as a quiet resentment until he exploded, but now he remembered there was something darker and more patient that came after. Tae looked away, “Ahh, I’ve haven’t seen you like this in a while, Jungkookie.” This was the side to Jungkook that Namjoon was desperately trying to hone. This was what had made Jungkook his right hand. Tae smiled at the maknae,“You haven’t been like this since-”

“Since I killed Jimin’s…” His voice trailed off at the sight of Jimin rounding the corner; the two of them had never been in this hall while Jungkook was present before. He suddenly jumped up, shoving Taehyung over. The thud resounded down the hall, catching Jimin’s attention and Jungkook could hear the bed creak inside the room. Jimin started running towards him, face serious. What was Jungkook doing? He pressed one hand over Taehyung’s bruised neck and the other over his mouth and nose. Smiling, Jungkook watched the confusion in Tae’s eyes.

“Shh, hyung.” he whispered, “Everything’s going to be okay.” Jimin shoved Jungkook over, helping Taehyung up. Angrily, he saw Jungkook straighten up, an excited grin on his face. Jimin was taken aback.

What was wrong with him?

Jungkook waved Tae over, whispering, “Come here, hyung. I’m not done. It’ll be fun, I swear.” He stepped forward only for Jimin to shove him back again,

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Jungkook?!”

Jungkook held a finger up to his lips, his smile widening. He nodded towards the door, “Quiet, Jiminie hyung, Y/N and Yoongi are awake.” The three men stared at the door, the creaking sounds ceasing. There was a pause and then a soft voice calling out,

“Jeon?”

Yoongi’s arm was quickly wrapping around your waist as he lugged you to the bathroom. Jungkook had found out; he had to keep you out of sight. He had been so caught off guard that Jungkook was actually there that he had been unable to stop you from calling out his name. And now Jungkook knew you were in here, and by the tone of Jimin’s voice, he wasn’t happy.

You struggled against Yoongi, confused as to why he was dragging you off, “Yoongi, stop!” Much stronger than you, he lifted you up, hoisting you into the bathroom and shutting you inside.

“Yoongi! Let me out! Jungkook is there, he can help us!” You banged your fists against the door, trying the knob. The knob handles had been switched, the lock on the outside. Before when you had seen Yoongi fiddling with it, you thought nothing of it, but now you realized something.

He had been expecting this to happen.

“Yoongi!” You had started screaming his name. What was he doing? Why was he keeping you from Jungkook? “Yoongi! Let me out, please! I-I don’t understand!” Turning away, you rummaged through the cabinets for anything to help you, you could’ve sworn the key was in here. Frantically, you pulled out a drawer, screaming when it came off the supports and crashed onto the ground.

“Y/N!? What are you doing?” Yoongi called, fingers reaching for the lock, “What are you doing?!” He heard the sound of things being pushed around and you cursing about a key. Yoongi stepped from the door. He had hidden the key weeks ago, you’d be searching for awhile.

He crossed the barely lit room, fumbling with the lock on the window. Quietly he pushed it open and peered out. It was at least a two story drop, but there was an overhang jutting out half the distance. He’d be able to lower you part of the way to the overhang, but with your leg he was sure you’d cry out. Plus he didn’t know who was down there.

Outside Jungkook’s brows furrowed as he tried the door. It was still locked, he needed you to open it. All you had to do was unlock the door and he’d fix everything. What was Yoongi doing to you? His eyes passed over Taehyung clutching his neck and the man stepped back. Jimin looked confused, reaching out to grab at Tae’s jacket. The man sidestepped him, shaking his head,“Leave him alone.” He muttered, “Just leave him alone.” He warned. Not about to do that, Jimin approached Jungkook, uneasy about the way the man was looking at him. He was so close to getting you back and he was just standing there, waiting patiently.

Where were his emotions?

Jimin couldn’t manipulate him if he wasn’t showing anything.

He wasn’t even talking so Jimin had utterly no idea what he could possibly be thinking. He just stared at the doorknob as Yoongi and you yelled at each other inside. Jimin touched his arm,

“Jungkook..what are you thinking?”

“You didn’t love her.” He suddenly spoke.

“What?”

“Your girlfriend.” Jungkook clarified, shifting his intent stare to Jimin’s appalled face. “I killed her and you’re asking me what I’m thinking..” He laughed quietly, “She thought you did…she really did. She kept saying you were coming to save her, she wouldn’t shut up.” The man flinched, heart sinking. Jungkook was just trying to get under his skin; just like he was when he started choking Tae. He was trying to get inside that room without actually doing anything, Jimin realized.

“You didn’t love your mother.” He countered angrily, “You saw her go inside the building and you didn’t do anything!” He pointed his finger at his face, “You let her die!”

“I know.” He replied easily, “I let her die; just like I let your girlfriend-”

“Shut up!” Jimin shouted, grabbing a fistful of the other man’s shirt, “You…You took her from me! She didn’t have anything to do with this, but you-”

“I took her because she was yours!” Jungkook spat, “I took her and I hurt her because I knew it would hurt you for the rest of your life! And now you’re a fucking mess who can’t even think straight for more than a few minutes. I won, Jimin! You’ve been hanging my mother’s death over my head for years, but I won.” He pushed against him, slamming him against the wall behind them, “And I’d do it again!” Jungkook watched as Jimin cried, the veins in his arms bulging as he fought against him. Jimin headbutted him, stunning him enough to shove him back against the bedroom door. Under their combined weight and force the door buckled, splintering as the lock still held but the wood gave way.

Jungkook could see inside the room; now all he needed to do was push back the barricade. Jimin was clawing at him, unintelligible screams tumbling from his lips. In the hall, Tae quietly stepped back.

It seemed Namjoon was getting the Jungkook he wanted.

You found a screwdriver of all things stashed at the very back of the cabinet and started unscrewing the lock, hoping that all the shouting would keep Yoongi distracted. Jungkook and Jimin’s screams had blended into a indiscernible chorus. It was scary. Just as you were finishing up the first screw on the knob, the door swung open and Yoongi grabbed your wrist, pulling you up onto your feet. As you were tugged across the room your gaze locked with Jungkook’s through the door, still partially held upright by the barricade. His eyes widened and you instinctively headed towards him, but Yoongi pulled harder.

“He’s not going to help us.” Yoongi hissed,“He’s going to kill you.” He started pushing you through the window, but you held your ground, hands pressing against the window ledge. “Y/N, stop it! I’m trying to protect you, what the fuck are you doing?!”

“I want Jeon!” You shrieked, “You escape if you want but I want Jeon!” His chest pressed up against your back trying to force you through,

“Y/N, they killed Jin and Hoseok and they’ll kill me and you. I’m trying to protect you, I thought you trusted me?” He pleaded softly, forcing your arms to tuck at your sides so he could get you through. “I’ve let your whole family die, just let me help you.” You had gone slack in his arms; your brother was dead this whole time? Suddenly he was shouting at you, “Yes! Your brother’s dead because of them! I said I loved you to protect you from them and you’re trying to go back to them! Now get the fuck out the window before I fucking throw you, Y/N!”

There were loud crashing sounds as the door was finally opened fully. Jungkook stood there, Namjoon grinning behind him as Tae restrained Jimin. Jungkook stared thoughtfully at you and Yoongi, his arms wrapped around you and you resisting being pushed through the window. He was trying to leave with you? Jungkook smiled,

“Y/N. Come here.”

You started crying at the sound of Jungkook’s voice and Yoongi honestly didn’t know what to do now. “Please,” He whispered, “Just trust me. You kissed me, I know you trust me, Y/N.”

Jungkook’s smile fell, “You kissed him?” He echoed, stepping closer to Yoongi. He chuckled, “You kissed him?” Yoongi covered you with his body, fully expecting Jungkook to pull you away, but Jeon’s hands gripped him, throwing him back onto the floor. Stumbling back onto the floor, you looked back just as Jungkook was kicking at Yoongi’s side. The man jumped violently, his hand pressing to his ribs as the other tried to block the next one. “Did you like it?” Jungkook asked, gripping Yoongi’s collar to inspect his face. His dark eyes passed over his expressionless face, “Come on, Yoongi, tell me how it felt.” He dared him, “I already know you don’t feel anything for her, right?”

“Right.” Yoongi softly agreed. You furrowed your brows, eyes widening. He didn’t..He didn’t feel anything? Yoongi closed his eyes, “I’ve been..I’ve just been copying what I’ve seen Jungkook do with you and it’s worked.” He admitted, “You fell for it so easily, I couldn’t resist. I’ve been protecting you because I felt bad for killing Jin’s brother and he loved you so much..I..” Yoongi glanced at you, “Jin’s dead now though, and I was stupid in thinking that helping you now would mean anything to him. He’d dead, him and Hoseok. I killed them.” He bit down on his lip when Jungkook slammed him back on the ground, “It was fun though.” he told you, “It was fun pretending to love you, Y/N.” Jungkook raised his fist.

“Stop!” You screamed, pushing at Jungkook, “Jeon, stop! Leave him alone!” He ignored you, pushing you behind him. Your leg was on fire and you weren’t strong enough to stop Jungkook from beating on Yoongi. How could the man who had protected you so earnestly just come out and say he was pretending? Why had he given up? You looked to Namjoon who was frowning.

Jungkook was supposed to take his anger out on you, not Yoongi.

Namjoon needed Yoongi alive to see that all he had worked for was going to burn.

He nudged Tae, telling him to let go of Jimin. He would be a good distraction for Jungkook for a bit. As soon as Taehyung’s grip loosened, Jimin’s eyes shifted from Jungkook to you and you started to the window.

Tae furrowed his brows, why were you running?

But then he felt Jimin slip from him, rushing to catch up to you. You forced yourself through the window, letting go of the pane in a panic when you felt Jimin’s fingers try to grip your arm. Yoongi had tossed all the blankets and pillows onto the overhang and while it cushioned your fall a bit, it did nothing to stop the pain that shot up your leg.

Looking up you heard Jungkook and Yoongi screaming your name, but only saw Jimin climbing out the window. Quickly, you shoved the bed set and pillows off the overhang and jumped to the ground floor, barely missing the pillows.

Jimin had landed on the overhang, throwing one foot over it as he prepared to jump. He was eerily silent, but dead set on reaching you, his burning stare locked on you only.

Up on the second floor Jungkook was forcing his way out the window, screaming for you. You started to run, ignoring the pain in your leg and the blood soaking your bandages.

Jimin had made it the the ground level, quickly gaining after you while Jungkook barely made it to the overhang.

So you shut your eyes and just ran.

[loving-jack-kelly]

even numbers for the ask!!

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Assuming this is alive person, either Jeremy Jordan or Lucas Steele, probably.

4: What do you think about most?

If I’m being entirely honest, I’m usually thinking about Newsies in some capacity

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Why would you wear clothes to sleep, no clothes allows for more blankest no matter the weather

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are sweet and kind and supportive, mostly, and boys are very cute, sometimes.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Like twenty minutes ago

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

I used to drink through a straw in my nose just to prove I could, so yeah, I’d say so

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

either hiking or riding my bike

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Uhhh...I dont? Listen to many bands, mostly just Broadway albums, so The Dixie Chicks are a good band, and Newsies

18: Do you believe in karma?

yeah

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is probably my constant anxiety that stops me from doing things, but my greatest strength is probably that I’m a good listener

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

No but I’ve thought about it

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Hats

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yes. I’m still growing, but I’m better now than I’ve ever been

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if I came out, what would happen?

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

My right hand hit a dirty ice cream bowl from earlier today, and my left hit my pillow pet, Mocha the Monkey

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

I went to the dump in Guatemala City and it was the hardest place I’ve ever been to.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Laura Osnes is beautiful

36: Define Art.

Art is something that means different things to different people, but that affects them in some way and requires some kind of creativity to create. Chronically underappreciated by society as a whole.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Hot and sunny and I hate it

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Technically I’m not supposed to drive yet bc I don’t have my permit but I have, and the closest I’ve come to crashing was hitting the curb once

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes I think it’s nice

44: What was the last film you saw?

I just finished watching Holes as I was answering some of the questions before this one

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

No I don’t want to hurt them

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

I’m ace! And have absolutely no clue what my romantic orientation is but I like boys and maybe girls? Idk I’m confused.

50: Do you believe in magic?

small magic, not big magic. Like spells and stuff? not really. but little unexplainable things as small magic? yeah.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Aries!

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Body Wash from CVS

56: In a relationship?

Ha no

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No, but my dad can

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

My MiMi, which is a stuffed animal thing I’ve had since I was a baby (who never got a gender so props to six year old me for having a genderfluid toy since the gender changed based on what I was playing)

62: What’s your favourite animal?

SAOLA! ARE SO COOL! SAVE THE SAOLA!

64: Where is your best friend?

At home, I assume. Maybe the doctors, since she just got knee surgery

66: What is your heritage?

I’m 50% Norwegian, 25% French-Canadian, and 25% who knows what

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

my instinct is to say Maveradakis

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I think so, but I feel like I’m exhausting to be around so probably more of a school friend than a hanging out friend

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. 

a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? 

I would tell my family and maybe my close friends

b) What do you do with your remaining days? 

see all the shows I possible could, meet cast members, come out to my family, I hope, and spend time with the people close to me

c) Would you be afraid?

Not really, no

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Belief by Ben Fankhauser

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Communication, lots of laughter, and comfort around each other

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

It depends on the person, I think

80: What size shoes do you wear?

Nine and a half women’s

82: What is your favourite word?

Murky is a fun word

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

I’m dying squirtle

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

The color purple that a mountain is during a sunrise

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Idk I don’t think I’d be able to do it

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

cry and not get out of bed until they went away and then never sleep again, most likely

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the half hour at the Miracle Worker cast party full of Chris stories, I was eating kitkats and Hunter and Simon were telling stories and I was laughing so hard, it was wonderful

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Probably Jeremy Jordan tbh

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

As far as I know? No. But I have so many I’m sure somewhere one of my cousins is in jail.

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yeah but I hate flying because it makes my ears pop so bad

[worstzombiehunter-ever-blog]

[400 Things You Probably Never Wanted to Know About Kris]

1. Name: Kristoph Willhem Becket 2. Nickname(s): Kris 3. Birthday: August 13th, 1993 4. That makes you (age): 24 5. Where were you born (city): Funny story; my family lived in a different area of Florida at the time but mom was supposed to see a specialist in Miami before I was born, but I ended up being premature because she had me on the way there in the car, in traffic. Even back then I guess I had decided I wanted to be in the city, heh. 6. Location right now (planet ): Astoria, Oregon   7. Shoe size: 9 8. How many piercings?: Septum, left eyebrow, tongue, 5 in right ear, 4 in the left 9. Tattoos?: Twelve total; full left hand (skeletal/bone. Lilly), four on the same arm, (stars, skulls, human heart,music notes), right hip socket (solid black star), left ribcage (German text), back of the neck (black star), collarbone (stars}, right forearm (black cross), left forearm (Dates -his siblings birthdays, his parents’ anniversary, the date of the outbreak},   10. When you wake up you're: Dead to the world, not a morning person 11. When you're about to sleep you're: Paranoid as hell 12. Zodiac sign: Leo 13. Chinese sign: Rooster 14. Righty or Lefty: Right 15. Innie or Outie:The former 16. School: College dropout

Section Two: Looks

17. Nationality:  German/Finnish 18. Hair colour:  Very blonde 20. Weight: 130lbs 21. Height:  6'0 22. Braces? Nope 23. Glasses? No

Section Three: Private Life

24. Do you have a boy/girlfriend? No 25. If so, who? 26. If not, do you have a crush on someone? Not at this point 27. Who has a crush on you?  Nobody? 28. Ever cheated on your bf/gf? No 29. Who was your first kiss:  Right out of high school, some guy at a club. Not overly memorable. 30. Who was your last kiss: Marcus 31. Are you a virgin?  HA. no. 32. Ever had a threesome before? No; one person is enough to deal with generally. 33. NQ- Every been swarmed by ladybugs?:  ...no? Is this some sex-related thing I don't know about? ...now I sort of want to know. 34. Have you ever been in love?  Yes, very much so. 35. Broken any hearts?  Probably; doesn't everybody? But I never meant to. 36. Got your heart broken?  Yeah, a few times. The big one though, he didn't mean to. 37. Ever liked a friend? Yeah? 38. What happened? We nearly got married until the world went to hell.

Section Four: Past Relationships

39. How many relationships have you been in? Dated a lot? Actual relationships; a handful or so. 40. How many were serious enough to count: Two or three really 41. Who were those serious ones: Nick, Angelo, and Marcus; in that order. 42. NQ- Who used to be your best friend: ...Marcus 43. What made them different:  Everything. Just everything. 44. What happened:  He died and came back, I wasn't there. I still don't know if I would have wanted to be or not. 45. Best boy/girlfriend: Marcus 46. Worst boy/girlfriend: Angie was a jerk, but he was a hot jerk. 47. Ever been kissed: Yeah? 48. Who do you want back: ....a lot of people. Relationship-wise? Marc. 49. Who do you regret: Oh, I could give you a laundry list but...whatever. 50. Why?: I'm good at bad decisions.

Section Five: Favourites

51. Song:  I love classical music; it's relaxing. 52. Movie:  Donnie Darko amuses me way too much. 53. Food: God I miss really good veggie burgers - but being vegan doesn't work when you're starving. 54. Drink: Dr.Pepper...or any soda really; I need the caffeine. 55. Store: uh? hell if I know 56. Television show: ...I used to really like Twilight Zone..now it seems ironic somehow. 57. Holiday: Halloween 58. Book:  Most anything by Neil Gaiman 59. Ice cream: I don't really like it 60. Sweets: Oreos...I would do so much for some Oreos 61. Crisps:  Never ate much of those 62. Type of music:  Classical 63. Artist: Salvador Dali 64. Word: 'Hell', usually used muttered under my breath, yeah 65. Time of day:  Midday 66. Dressing:  Like...the stuff you put on a salad? I don't use those. 67. Alcoholic drink: Anything sugary 68. Colour(s):  Bright colors, specifically purple and blue. 69. Piece of clothing: These days my boots 70. Character:  ?? I don't even know 71. Smell: The ocean 72. Shampoo:  Any time I have shampoo and can wash my hair I don't even care what it is. 73. Soap:  See the above answer. 74. Smiley:  >_> 75. Board game: Battleship 76. Sport: ...not a sports person. 77. Number: 0 78. Quote: "No great artist ever see things as they are" - Edgar Degas 79. Animal: Dogs 80. Actor: I had a really bad crush on Ewan Mcgregor when I was younger 82. Vegetable: Anything; I'm not picky. 83. Fruit: Pineapple 84. Place to be: Anywhere safe 85. Thing in your room: My notebook 86. Gum: Minty stuff, doesn't matter what kind; the fruit flavored stuff is gross. 87. Shape:  ? uh...stars? I have a few of them tattoed on me so I guess it counts 88. Country:  Here, I guess; I never got to see Germany or Finnland. 89. Mall: Back home in Miami there were a few, wasn't ever much for wandering around them. 90. Car: I miss my car; it's dead now. 91. Boy's name: I like mine? 92. Girl's name:  My mom's name is nice; Cammilla 93. Family member:  Seriously? Uh...I guess I got along the best with my younger brother. 94. Restaurant: Trying to think about it just makes me hungry 95. Movie place:  Don't like theaters 96. Person to go to the movies with: Marc 97. Noise:  Crickets; they're so calming, or people breathing when they sleep. 98. Brand of shoe:  I don't think I have one. 99. Brand of clothing:  Again, no preference. 100. Body part of a chicken:  ...their creepy little eyes? 101. Swear word: Fuck 102. Month: August 103. Possession: My notebook 104. Team: Not a sports person 105. Season: Summer 106. Radio station: Right now any of them that work 107. Magazine:  Used to read the trashy tabloid ones 108. Favorite grade: I liked my first year in college, it went downhill from there. 109. Least favorite grade:  9th, that was a mess. 110. Teacher: My high school art teacher 111. Least favorite teacher:  ...10th grade geometry; Ms. Allen. Urgh. 112. Subject: Art 113. Subject to talk about:  People

Section Six: Family

114. Who's your mum?: Cammilla Becket; otherwise known as the ruler of the family. 115. Who's your dad?: Felix Becket; walking encyclopedia of every old story known to man 116. Any step-parents?:  No 117. Any brothers?:  Yes; Jorge, Andrew, and Fillip 118. Any Sisters?:  Annalee 120. Coolest:  Me, of course. 121. Loudest:  Easily Jorge 122. Best relative: My aunt Lydia; she's hilarious and bakes cookies. 123. Worse relative: ...uncle Gustoph; that man is terrifying 124. Do you get along with your parents?  I confused them a lot, I wish...things had been better. 125. With your siblings? With Jorge and Anna, yeah, my older brothers were disappointed in me I think. 126. Does anyone understand you? I don't even understand me sometimes 127. Do you have any pets?:  Not anymore 128. If so, what kind and name? I used to have a cat named Chester 129. If not, what do you want as a pet?:  I'd like to have a dog again; makes things less lonely.

Section Seven: School

131. Are you still in school?  No 132. Did you drop out?: Yeah, from college 133. Your current GPA:  ...don't have one. 134. Do you buy or bring lunch?:  None of these apply. 135. ABC's?:  What? I know what those are. 136. Favorite class: Art theory or art history was fun too. 137. Play any sports at school?:  Nope 138. Are you popular?  I was, I guess, I had friends. 139. Favorite memory: From school? It's all a blur. 140. Most humiliating moment: Most of my high school days. So many of them. 141. Most funniest moment:  ....falling down the steps freshman year; it's hilarious now, was mortifying then. 142. Most scared moment: Nearly getting myself murdered by a really unpleasant guy on the football team.

Section Eight: What do you think of when you hear

145. Chicken: ....nothing? 146. Dog:  Warm and fluffy. 147. Christina Aguilera: Radios played her music way too much. 148. Ricky Martin: Ahem. Well he did look really good in leather pants. 149. 50 cent: My neighbors were obsessed with blaring this all night. 150. Poop: ...those emoji things 151. Beach: I miss it so much. 152. Desert: What the world is turning into 153. Water: Necessity 154. Osama: A name? 155. Love:  ...lonely. 156. Your little brother: I hope he's still around.   157. Butt: I don't have any overwhelming opinions here. 158. Clowns: Mildly scary. 159. Wonder: Better than giving up. 16o. Brown: Mom's eyes. 161. Banana: Food, or those gross smoothies back home. 162. Sex: Fun, but absent from my life anymore. 163. Parents: Regrets I wish I could change now. 164. Homosexuals: The subtext to my sexuality. 165. God: Gave up on things around here I'm pretty sure.

Section Nine: Do you believe in

166. God: Maybe, but I don't think they're around much anymore. 167. Heaven: I hope it's real, some people I've lost deserve to be there. 168. Devil: I guess you have to have that one around for the other to be real. 169. Hell: ...I've seen a few places that could almost count as that. 170: Boogy man: Things that creep around in the dark and attack you? Sounds too much like Walkers.   171. Closet Monsters: Those at least stopped bothering me in grade school. 172. Fortune tellings:  Maybe, but I don't want to know the future. 173. Magic:  Sure, why not. 174. Love at first sight:  I want to. 175. Ghosts: I feel haunted a lot so, yeah, I do. 176. Voo-doo dolls: Never gave that one much thought, I guess? 177. Reincarnation: In this world? I almost hope not. 178. Yourself:  ...at times.

Section Ten: Do you

179. Smoke:  Yeah. 180. Do drugs:  No 181. Drink alcohol: Used to, not much anymore. 182. Cuss:  Far too much. 183. Sing in the shower:  Showers are too quick for that now. 184. Like school: I didn't mind parts of it. 185. Want to get married: ....I did at one point. 186. Type with all of your fingers:  Yeah 187. Think you're attractive:  I have my good points. 188. Drink and drive:  Nah 189. Snore: Probably 190. Sleep walk: No 191. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: I used to; sunsets make me uneasy now.

Section Eleven: Have you ever

192. Flashed someone:  Maybe when I was drunk. 193. Gotten so drunk til you threw up everywhere: Oh yeah. 194. Told that person how you felt: What person? -That- person? Yeah. 195. Been arrested: No, surprisingly. 196. Gone to jail or juve:  Nope. 197. Skateboarded: Too clumsy. 198. Skinny dipped: Yes 199. Rock climbed: I don't have a deathwish. 200. Killed someone: God no; I've never even killed one of the already dead ones. 201. Watched porn: ...who hasn't? 202. Gone on a road trip: A few. 203. Went out of the country: No 204. Talked back to an adult: Ha..yeah. 205. Broken a law: Sure, not any big ones though. 206. Got pulled over:  A couple of times. 208: Cried to get out of trouble: ...that was my main go-to as a kid. 209. Let a friend cry on your shoulder:  Yeah, sometimes it's all I knew to do. 210. Kissed a brother's or sister's friend: No 211. Kissed a friend's brother or sister: No 212. Dropped something on the floor and let someone eat it anyways: I would say gross but..things change; these days that doesn't even matter. 213. Moon someone: Maybe? Again, if it happened I was drunk. 214. Shop-lifted:  No 215. Worked at McDonald's: No 216. Eaten a dog:  No, but that's not to say that I wouldn't if I had to. 217. Give money to a homeless person: Yeah. 218. Glued your hand to yourself:  Surprisingly no. 219. Kissed someone of the same sex:  ...yes, on many occasions. 220. Had a one night stand: A few 221. Smoked:  Yes 222. Done drugs:  Not really. 223. Lose a friend because of your ex: Yeah, but they weren't worth keeping 224. Slap someone for being stupid: No, but I maybe should have. 225. Had cyber sex: I could have actual sex, so no. 226. Wish you were the opposite sex: ...ah...difficult one, since I don't consider myself one or the other when it comes to gender, or just one or the other, rather. 227. Caught someone doing something: I have a younger brother, so of course, 228. Played a game that removes clothing: Yes, and generally lost. 229. Cried during a movie:  A few; damn Disney movies 230. Cried over someone:  So many people 231. Wanted to hook up with a friend:  On occasion 232. Hooked up with someone you barely met: I can't say I haven't. 233. Ran away from home: Nah, not until I was an adult. 234. Cheated on a test:  I should have in a few classes.

Section Twelve: Would you

235. Bungee jump:  I don't think there are any planes left around. 236. Sky dive:  Again, above answer. 237. Swim with dolphins:  I've done that before. 238. Steal a friend's bf or gf:  Not on purpose. 239. Try to be the opposite sex: ....I mean; I go back and forth and in the gray between all the time. 240. Lie to the police: Probably. 241. Run from the police: Maybe. 242. Lie to your parents: I had on occasion. 243. Backstab a friend for your own well being: No 244. Be an exotic dancer: ...sure, why not. But I would blind people with how pale I am so I wouldn't make much. 245. NQ- Kill the president:  Pretty sure he's already dead.

Section Thirteen: Are you

246. Shy: Only when I'm anxious. 247. Loud:  When I'm upset 248. Nice:  I like to think so 249: Outgoing: For the most part 250: Quiet: When I want to be left alone. 251. Mean: Nah 252. Emotional: God yes. 253. Sensitive: Very. 254. Gay:  Yesss 255. Strong: Physically? Not so much. 256. Weak: I don't like to admit it if I am. 257. Caring:  I try to be 258. Dangerous: Only when my brain is being weird. 259. Crazy:  ...potentially. 260. Spontaneous: Yes. 261. Funny:  I'm hilarious. 262. Sweet: Maybe? 263. Sharing: Yeah. 264. Responsible: Not so much. 265. Trustworthy: Of course. 266. Open-minded: Very. 267. Creative: Yes! 268. Cute: Well..I think I am. 269. Slick: Not by any means. 270. Smart: As much as anybody. 271. Dumb:  I don't think so. 272. Evil: No? 273. Ghetto: No 274. Classy:  Not really. 275. Photogenic: Ha, I don't even know. 276. Dependable: I try to be. 277. Greedy: Nah 278. Ugly: No 279. Messy: Basically, yes. 280. Neat: Not so great at that. 281. Perverted: No? 282. Silly: I have my moments. 283. A B****: Ha, probably at times. 284. A Good Listener: I like to listen, so hopefully? 285. A Fighter: ....no 286. A Party Animal: Used to be 287. A Game Freak:  Nah 288. A Computer Freak: Not really.

Section Fourteen: Future

289. Dream job: ...before the world ended I wanted to work in comic books. 290. Dream house: I liked where I was in Miami. 291. Husband/Wife:  ....they're gone now. 292. Kids: Nah. 293. Names: what? I like my name. 294. Pets: I still want a dog 295. Car: At this point, anything that runs 296. Age you would want to get married: ...I thought I already would be. 297. Best Man/Bride's Maid: My brothers 298. Honeymoon:  Europe

Section Fifteen: Your friends 

this is too depressing; I'm just going to not. do this one. 299. Best friend: 300. Known the longest: 301. Craziest: 302. Loudest: 303. Shyest: 304. Best hair: 305. Best eyes: 306. Best body: 307. Most Athletic: 308. Hot-Tempered: 309. Most impatient: 310. Shortest: 311. Tallest: 312. Skinniest: 313. Best singer: 314. Funniest: 315. Can always make you laugh: 316. Wish you talked to more: 317. Wish you saw more: 318. Who drives you insane after a while: 319. Who you can stay around forever and never get sick of: 320. Ever lose a friend because you took it to the 'next level': 321. Whose always been there when you need them: 322. Who is like your family: 323. How many friends do you have?: 324. How many are really close? 

Section Sixteen: The last

325. Thing you ate: Yesterday. 326. Thing you drank: A few hours ago, water. 327. Thing you wore: Clothes I'm wearing now? 328. Thing you did:  Walked back to town. 329. Place you went: The edge of town, was restless. 330. Thing you got pierced or tattooed: My right arm 331. Person you saw: Some guy working on a car that's busted. 332. Person you hugged: ...it's been a while. 333. Person you kissed: Been even longer on that one. 334. NQ- Person you beat to a juicy pulp: Yeah, I'm not so good at that. 335. Person you talked to online: The net has been dead for a long time. 336. Person you talked to on the phone: So have phones. 337. Song you heard: Months ago, some old gas station had a busted CD player with batteries but it didn't last long; some old 80s music. 338. Show you saw: I don't even remember. 339. Time you fought with your parents: ....before the outbreak, last time I saw them. 340. Time you fought with a friend: ...probably right before I left River Bend. 341. Words you said: 'Hn'

Section Seventeen: Now

343. What are you eating:  Nothing 344. What are you drinking:  Nothing 345. What are you thinking: The usual bouncy, weird thoughts. 346. What are you wearing: Clothes? 347. What are you doing: Nothing really, sitting here? I get nervous sleeping at night so I stay up a lot. 349. Hair: Is a fluffy mess. 350. Mood: Tired 351. Listening to: The wind outside. 352. Talking to anyone: No 353. Watching anything: No

Section Eighteen: Yes or No

354. Are you a vegetarian: Yes 355. Are you a carnivore: No 356. Are you heterosexual: No 357. Do you like penguins: Yes 358. Do you write poetry: No 359. Do you see stupid people: Yes 360. You + Me: No 361. Do you like the Osbournes: Yes 362. Can you see flying pigs: No 363. Do you sleep with stuffed animals on your bed: No 364. Are you from Afghanistan: No 365. Is Christina Aguilera ugly: No 366. Are you a zombie:  NO 367. Am I annoying you: No 368. Do you bite your nails: Yes 369. Can you cross your eyes: Yes 370. Do you make your bed in the morning: No 371. Have you touched someone's private part:  Yes

Section Nineteen: This or That

372. Winter or Summer:  Summer 373. Spring or Autumn: Spring 374. Shakira or Britney:  Shakira 375. MTV or VH1:  VH1 376. Black or White: ? Black I guess? 377. Yellow or Pink: Yellow. 378. Football or Basketball: uhh...basketball. 379. Mobile Phone or Pager:  Phone 380. Pen or Pencil: Pencil 381. Cold or Hot: Hot 382. Tattoos or Piercings:  oh..hard one. Tattoos. 383. Inside or Outside: Inside. 384. Weed or Alcohol: Weed 385. Coke or Pepsi: Coke 386. Tape or Glue: Tape 387. McDonald's or In-n-Out: Neither, gross.

Section Twenty: Opinions

388. What do you think about classical music: Ha. I really like it. 389. About boy bands: Some of them were amusing. 390. About suicide: ...this world is bad but giving up? I couldn't do it. 391. About people who try to force their opinions on you: They're exhausting, and far too many of them exist. 392. About teen pregnancy: I don't personally have to worry about that, heh. But it's not my business if it's not my body. 393. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: Alive I hope. 394. Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: I should probably make some friends. 395. About gay men: I mean, obviously, I like them.

Section Twenty-One:

396. Do you have a website: No 397. Current weather right now: Hot as hell 398. Current time:  It's late. Dark. 399. Any shout outs: no? 400. Last thoughts: ...'last thoughts' sounds so ominous.

[lifeonaleaf]

Week 67:Christ is the Light of the World

We had another beautiful week. We taught Jeff again. He has a few struggles but desires to change.  He smokes 5 sticks a day and mapped out a way for him to gradually get rid of his smoking. His baptism will probably happen sometime in May, but hopefully sooner! He has such a great desire to get baptized, serve a mission, and get rid of his smoking. He came to Church again on Sunday and stayed for all 3 hours. He's the best. After Church on Sunday, we had Rowena's baptism. On Saturday morning, we dropped by Rowena's to visit with her about how she felt and to fill our her baptism & confirmation record. While we talked with Rowena, she kept saying, "I don't want to depend on you. I know that missionaries come and go. I'm doing this baptism for myself. I felt that it's true. I don't want to be plastik and go back to being who I was before, drinking and hiding things. Then when missionaries come, to say, 'Quick, hide! They're here! Put that away!' I want to do this for me. I pray that the Lord will guide me and teach me. At first I only wanted this for my boys, but I don't know how it happened...I suddenly wanted it for myself too." She was teary-eyed while expressing her feelings and my heart felt so warm. Before her baptism, she came to the Church dressed in a white shirt and white skirt ♥ We didn't even tell her to. I don't know how to adequately express what that means to me, but it means so much and makes me happy. Rowena's step-uncle, Tatay Anoche, baptized her. When she came up out of the water, she threw her arms around Tatay and had the biggest smile on her face. She could not have looked more beautiful or more happy. When she bore her testimony, she really thanked us. It was humbling. She said, "You are a blessing to me. I just pray that you continue to meet families like mine and that you don't give up on them. You've changed my family and you are such a blessing to me. I never entertained any other missionaries for the past 20 years, you two were the first...I will continue to be here, even after you both leave." Rowena is wonderful. Nothing replaces the joy of true missionary work. A small thing happened a few weeks ago, but it left a large impression on my mind that made me reflect on it again and again. A few weeks ago my companion and I walked home in the dark. We had forgotten our flashlight and were relying on the occasional passing trike to give us light. Our main source of light came from the moon and stars. Though the night was beautiful, I saw all of the limitations or remaining in the darkness without stronger light. Walking home on a once-familiar path but now made unknown by shadows and darkness. While walking, my mind was taken in deep reflection and has not ceased replaying that memory in my head since then. In the darkness, the question came to my mind, if the only light we ever had was from the moon and the stars, how dark would our world be? How much would we see and understand about the world around us? We live in two worlds simultaneously: the world around us (physical) and the world within us (spiritual). Both experience light and darkness. Light is dimmed in two ways: suddenly or gradually. Most often in both of our worlds, the presence of light is as subtle as a sunrise or sunset, barely noticeable until the light has vanished entirely. As we walked home that night, I realized the weaker the light, the stronger my confusion, the more easily I could be deceived or misled, the less details I saw in the path or the trees or my own self, the lack of color of everything becoming gray, my vision was blinded, everything turned into its shadow, and my eyes began to adjust to and accept the darkness. My mind recalled the account of the Nephits before the Savior came. When the Savior died, the earth fell apart around them. It is described in chapter 8 of 3 Nephi with these adjectives: great storm great and terrible tempest terrible thunder shake the whole earth as if it was about to divide asunder sink into the depths drowned great and terrible destruction tempest, whirlwinds, thunderings, lightnings, and exceedingly great quaking of the whole earth broken up broken fragments smooth places became rough sunk, burned, shaken, fallen, slain places were left desolate damaged deformed some were carried away in the whirlwind Then everything became dark, as told in verses 19-24: "And it came to pass that when the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the storm, and the tempest, and the quakings of the earth did cease...there was darkness upon the face of the land. And it came to pass that there was thick darkness upon all the face of the land, insomuch that the inhabitants thereof who had not fallen could feel the vapor of darkness; And there could be no light, because of the darkness, neither candles, neither torches; neither could there be fire kindled with their fine and exceedingly dry wood, so that there could not be any light at all; And there was not any light seen, neither fire, nor glimmer, neither the sun, nor the moon, nor the stars, for so great were the mists of darkness which were upon the face of the land. And it came to pass that it did last for the space of three days that there was no light seen; and there was great mourning and howling and weeping among all the people continually; yea, great were the groanings of the people, because of the darkness and the great destruction which had come upon them. And in one place they were heard to cry, saying: O that we had repented before this great and terrible day" A world without Christ falls apart. Not only a physical world can experience this kind of darkness. but He does not leave us in the darkness. Suddenly the voice of Christ is heard among the destruction, "O all ye that are spared because ye were more righteous than they, will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you? Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me. Behold, I am Jesus Christ the Son of God" (3 Nephi 9:13-15,18) In both of our worlds, the Sun is our greatest source of light. Christ is the Light of the World, the Son of God whose brightness exceeds "the brightness of the sun" (JSH 1:16). On this earth, we will pass through "a dark and dreary waste" (1 Nephi 8:7-8) and "mist of darkness" (1 Nephi 8:23-24). But we have the promise of the words of God, His gospel, to "lighten our minds with its rays" (Hymn 19) to know how to judge our course. To each man is given the Light of Christ (Moroni 7:13-19). However, this promise of light in darkness is only sure according to our commitment to cling to the Savior (1 Nephi 15:24-25). Christ is the light of all. "He is in the sun, and the light of the sun, and the power thereof by which it was made. As also He is in the moon, and is the light of the moon, and the power thereof by which it was made; As also the light of the stars, and the power thereof by which they were made; And the earth also, and the power thereof, even the earth upon which you stand. And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through Him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings; Which light proceedeth forth from the presence of God to fill the immensity of space—The light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things, which is the law by which all things are governed, even the power of God who sitteth upon His throne, who is in the bosom of eternity, who is in the midst of all things" (D&C 88:7-13). But we are the ones who must answer Samuel the Lamanite's question, "How long will ye suffer yourselves to be led by foolish and blind guides? Yea, how long will ye choose darkness rather than light?" (Helaman 13:29). How do we diminish our light? Sin. It's interesting how the only difference between "sun" and "sin" is the letter I. Sin is selfish and separates us from God--the Light of the World (2 Nephi 26:23 & Helaman 6:30).   How do we access the Light? Prayer. Like the experience of Lehi and Nephi in prison and all the people are overcome with darkness. The Lamanites asked, "What shall we do, that this cloud of darkness may be removed from overshadowing us?...You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have faith in Christ...and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you. And it came to pass that they all did begin to cry unto the voice of him who had shaken the earth; yea, they did cry even until the cloud of darkness was dispersed. And it came to pass that when they cast their eyes about, and saw that the cloud of darkness was dispersed from overshadowing them, behold, they saw that they were encircled about, yea every soul, by a pillar of fire" (Helaman 5:40-43). Also we need to continue in our conversion to God. "That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day" (D&C 50:24). President Eyring said, "We know from our own experience and from observing others that having a few great moments of spiritual power [or spiritual light] will not be enough...conversion will not be a single moment of something that will last for just one season of life but will be a continuing process. Life can become brighter until the perfect day, when we will see the Savior and find that we have become like Him." "Then shall ye know that ye have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in you, and that you are in me; otherwise ye could not abound" (D&C 88:50). When we are enlightened, then what do we do? Emulate the Savior. "Be the light of this people. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Therefore let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven...Therefore, hold up your light that it may shine unto the world. Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up—that which ye have seen Me do" (3 Nephi 12:14,16; 3 Nephi 18:24).   Sometimes sunshine isn't enough to scatter the darkness. Christ is the only light who surpasses all darkness, a light that never goes out. "The sun shall be no more thy light by day; neither for brightness shall the moon give light unto thee: but the Lord shall be unto thee an everlasting light, and thy God thy glory. Thy sun shall no more go down; neither shall thy moon withdraw itself: for the Lord shall be thine everlasting light, and the days of thy mourning shall be ended" (Isaiah 60:19-20). There is sunshine in my soul today, more glorious and bright than glows in any earthly sky, for Jesus is my light. I love being a missionary and know that this is all true--all of the gospel is true. Christ lives and can become the Light of our world if we let Him in. Mahal na mahal ko po kayo! xo Sister Murray

[californiatocork]

I'm finally actually here, after 22 hours of travel and 14 hours of sleep I'm ready for my first day actually out and about in Cork. First order of business: find somewhere to eat because everything is closed Sundays. Second: see if I can check into my dorms or if those are closed too.