#timecop 2 the berlin decision

[terrence-silver]

--- Brandon Miller, Timecop 2. x

[mrgriffiths]

"𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆

𝑭𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏'.."🖤

Thomas Ian Griffith as Brandon Miller in Timecop 2 circa 2003.

🎶: Daylight - David Kushner

Find me on X!

[idkaguyorsomething]

Shitty Superhero Movies Tournament Preliminary

DISCLAIMER: The movies that have been entered in the Shitty Superheroes Tournament are all based on their Rotten Tomatoes scores (which I know are meaningless, but we need some kind of a metric beyond "I don't like this" to go off of). These are movies that did not fall under the parameters used (which I will clarify upon finishing the bracket), so you decide which deserves to go in the tournament the most!

May the shittiest movie win!

[eemcintyre]

Most iconic moments from @discombogulated and I's movie marathon

Cocktail

Girl was exceedingly bothered and confused by that camera zoom during Doug's crabs line (and aren't we all tbh) 👀

She also lost her mind over the waterfall side boob moment and said she could "see the shadow of a TONGUE" during the "Shelter of Your Love" montage where they're kissing on the beach bc the picture on my TV is so flippin dark that we could hardly see more than just a black screen during that scene

Hollow Point

During the scene where Max is dangling from the hood of Lawson's car, she commented on his "cake" RIP to me 🍰

The moment the credits began to roll, she first said "What the hell?" followed right after by "Why was that kinda the greatest thing I've ever seen?" 10/10 summary of the whole movie right there 👏🏻

She enjoyed quoting the Garrett Lawson "I'm numb" the rest of the week

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision

The way we were screaming during the court scene early on with those green-tinted camera angles that are nothing less than acid to the eyes 🥲 this movie has some of the worst cinematographic choices I've ever seen

When we finally got the first complete view of ""young"" TIG she immediately scREAMED "HE LOOKS LIKE BENJAMIN FRANKLIN" and then we died

Hearkening back to one of the first films we watched together ("Pretty in Pink"), she noted that Jason Scott Lee disconfirmed our previous thought that Andrew McCarthy had the market cornered on the style of acting where one just widens their eyes and figures that will be enough to convey the spectrum of human emotion

Rather than realistic and normal doctor attire, bestie observed that MPK looks like she's wearing a sexy doctor Halloween costume

We actually listened to the lyrics of the end credits song and hUH- Lyrics of "Piledriver" by amoebaassassin 🤨🤨???

Anyway we decided it is our civic duty to write a "Timecop 3" where we go back in time to prevent "Timecop 2" from being made

Far and Away

She was as thrown off as I was by the random change to that ugly wavy font for the title card in the opening credits

Finally found out the name of the little bowler hat boy who works for Mike Kelly and who I love so much and exclaimed- "Ohhhh his name is Dermody!" 🩷 to which she replied: "And what a name it is."

Although she wasn't fooled as bad as I was the first time I saw it, she was also concerned by how long they draw Joseph's "death" out, and, though she had initially correctly guessed that he would come back, as they kept panning further out, she eventually yelled "Say 'sike' right now"

[theactioneer]

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision trailer (Steve Boyum, 2003)

[art-by-jas]

Thomas Ian Griffith in Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision

[killprettymagazine]

Five Amenities That Ja Rule’s Bringing To Fyre Fest 2.0

We’ll never know if Fyre Festival was a scheme to trap gullible social media influencers on an island and slowly deprive them of supplies until they broke into separate factions and ate each other or if it was a regular scam that didn’t have anything to do with cannibalism. Whatever the case Ja Rule, one of the creators of Fyre Festival, doesn’t think the initial get together went as planned so he’s putting together a new version of the fest and we’ve got an inside look on what’s waiting for you if purchase $5,000 VIP ticket.

Trash Baths

Why bathe like a commoner when you can bathe like royalty? Just flash your VIP bracelet to any Fyre Festival employee and say “let’s get trashed” to feel a barrel of fresh garbage rain over your head. As the excess vape juice trickles down your face you’ll think, “I earned this.”

Criterion Editions Of Timecop 2

When Ja Rule and his crew rented out this bomb ass tropical island for Fyre Festival 2 they didn’t realize it was where Criterion jettisoned their backstock of the Jason Scott Lee time travel epic Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision. The film is a 4K restoration of the direct to DVD sequel to the Jean Claude Van Damme hit and there are enough copies for everyone in attendance.

10 Minutes With The Old Coot

This old coot’s been on the island for decades, no one knows where he comes from and no one knows what he does, but you know you want to talk to him. While every attendee will have at least one interaction with the old coot, a VIP ticket holder will get a chance to listen to him ramble about the cats he ate for dinner, or how his daughter never calls him anymore.

Note From Fyre Festival Management: Old Coot will not be available from 9pm to 10:30 pm on the Saturday of the festival due his scheduled performance with Major Lazer.

A Night In The Flame Hut

Okay so it’s not a hut, it’s actually a tent, and it’s on fire. As dangerous as that sounds, you’ll want to risk everything to get a good night’s sleep in the flame hut because Ja Rule’s island gets down to freezing temperatures after the sun goes down. Yikes, right?

You May Wear The Slop Hat

This sombrero, dripping with slop, will be the envy of every Fyre Festival 2.0 peasant who walks along the slums of the beach. With a VIP pass you’re allowed 30 minutes with the slop hat. Feel the soggy crown squish down on your head, wipe what looks like cheese away from your brow and have your picture taken on a cliff overlooking Ja Rule’s cavern of trash.

FYRE FEST EXCLUSIVE!!!

We are giving away two tickets to FYRE FEST 2.0 this weekend at the Kill Pretty X SUPERCHIEF Benefit Party! Check our Instagram for all the info @killprettymag

[rags751]

Making of "Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision" (2003) - Documentary

[eemcintyre]

"Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision" (2003) review

DO NOT read this if you enjoyed the movie because it's just going to really piss you off pls and thank you :))

Within 5 minutes, I already knew that this was going to be a nearly unwatchable mess- and it was almost literally unwatchable because the opening scenes use that stupid "let's turn down the brightness to make it look dark out instead of just waiting to film at night" 🤡😑

But anyway, this movie perhaps holds the record for "shortest amount of time that I held out hope it was going to be good" 🫡😬

We get a small silver lining in the form of Thomas' gorgeous white hair and tuxedo and him speaking German 🫠

These special effects are truly painful to look at; absolutely abysmal; mom come get me I'm scared 👀

whY DOES YOUNG BRANDON MILLER HAVE A MANE LIKE FILCH FROM HARRY POTTER 😭 FURTHERMORE WHY EVEN INCLUDE THAT AT ALL WHEN THOMAS WAS FKIN 41 YEA R S O L D 😭 JUST GET A DIFFERENT ACTOR FOR THE YOUNG VERSION FFS 😭

MPK I can't believe they got you too; how and why did y'all do this?? Did u owe someone a favor?

At least she and Thomas, as usual, both really put their all into what they were given

The "romance" with Jason Scott Lee and her was so manufactured and unnecessary tho

The amount that everyone is fucking with the timeline is stressing me out way too much 👀👀

Thomas sure does make a handsome evil cowboy in his black hat outfit though; wish he would buy *this* pretty little girl a drink 👆🏻🥃 (love that none of the wild west pioneers question his 00s sunglasses tho)

By the middle of the movie, I just completely stopped caring; only other thing of note to mention is that he looked hot in the climactic scene where he was threatening to kill a child with a gun and we got some high kicks

The ending is basically that everything goes back to the way it was at the beginning, aka the most boring possible thing that has you wondering what the point of all of your suffering was

I genuinely haven't a clue where the raving reviews on IMDb are from because there's **no way** we were watching the same movie. Can safely say this is one of the worst I've ever seen, 3/10 and that's all only for Thomas and MPK

yikes 🙃🔥