#title is from keep away by carly rae jepsen if anyone cares

[mooodyblue]

How about an Austin Butler smut where they've broken up but they still can't stay away from each other? Maybe they have a sex scene in Elvis and they end up having sex in his trailer after filming and they're just really clingy with each other because they still love each other?

ty for the request!! hope i did it justice 🫶🏼

tryin' to keep away from you | austin x fem!reader

wc: 1.3k

warnings: nsfw mdni, p in v, unprotected (once again!), fingering, idk.

masterlist

you didn't know if you were dreading this upcoming scene or it was just nerves. you and austin had a mutual agreement to break up just shortly before finding out you'd both be filming a scene on elvis together, it was funny honestly. especially with it being a hookup scene. baz swore he didn't do that on purpose, but if he hadn't known you were broken up, he'd still think you were together with how cozy you still were with each other.

the romance just wasn't there anymore. it was clear you still loved him as much as he loved you, but it wasn't going to work out. therefore, you broke up. you were still best friends though, there was no doubt about that. it left the public confused though. nobody truly knew if the relationship was over or what was going on. neither austin or you were going to confirm or deny it, it was nobodies business but yours.

thankfully, you were only filming one scene. you were around to see him film a few performances but today, you were actually on set to film. you were supposed to film the scene and then head back home, but covid happened and forced you to be stuck in australia where you occasionally hung out with austin to pass the time while he wasn't being possessed by elvis presley.

austin was already on set when you walked in, chatting with baz about the script. you took a deep breath as you walked in, robe wrapped securely around you until it was time to film. “there she is!” baz grinned, “i’ll let you two check your lines-then we’ll begin.” he pat austin on the back and left the two of you alone.

“just like old times, huh?” austin joked.

you crossed your arms, chuckling. “yeah.”

he cleared his throat awkwardly, handing you his script. “think this one's pretty self-explanatory.” he muttered. “are you gonna be okay? like-this isn't gonna be awkward or anything is it?”

“no, no. i’m fine.” you flipped to the scene you were about to film, “i have experience in faking my moans.”

his eyes widened, “what do you mean?”

“i’m joking!” you handed him back the script, playfully hitting his chest. “ease up, butler. i’m about to have fake sex with you.” you untied your robe and made your way to the set, tossing it aside.

everyone gathered on set, you and austin both where you need to be as baz yelled action.

austin smirked, crawling on the bed. “buntyn needs a little lovin’ tonight…”

“is that so?” you giggled, leaning back onto the bed.

he placed a knee in between your legs, dangerously close to your own heat. his lips met with yours, slipping off the straps of your negligee. he scooted closer, his knee rubbing in the right places. luckily it couldn't be seen on camera, but it was enough to get realistic moans from you, perfect for the scene. more clothes were striped and austin was on top of you, thrusting as he kissed your neck while you moaned passionately under him.

baz yelled cut, whistling at the two of you. “beautiful! both of you! let's take a break for lunch!”

austin was still on top of you, panting and looking down at you. his pupils were dilated, wetness pooling in your panties as he looked at you with hungry eyes. his own arousal was obvious, right up against your thigh. “a-are you?-”

he let out a breathy laugh, “god baby, you still drive me crazy.” he looked around the set and snuck a hand down to your panties, smirking at how wet you were. “my trailer or yours?”

you gasped at his touch. “fuck. yours, please.”

without any hesitation, you slipped your clothes back on and followed austin to his trailer. he rushed you inside, slamming the door behind him and gently pushed you back on the bed while stripping again. “gonna treat you so good. y’don’t know how bad i missed you.” his voice husky, as if he were still in character. he tore off your robe and slipped your panties off, wasting no time and rubbing his fingers in between your folds. his cock was hard against your thigh, twitching at the sound of your moans.

your back arched as he inserted his fingers inside of you, pumping in and out and hitting your sweet spot every time. the cold metal from the rings on his fingers made such a nice burn, sending shivers down your spine. “fucked anyone else?” he asked, quickening his pace.

you panted, shaking your head. “no. god-austin, need you.”

“that's my good girl.” he smirked, pulling his fingers out of you and sucking them clean. he hovered over you, lining himself and inserting in you slowly. you felt so full again, so tight around his cock. your arms were thrown around his neck, nails scratching up and down his back as he pumped in and out of you. “missed you so fucking much. missed your pretty, little pussy. made just for me, ain't that right?”

his black hair messy, hanging over his eyes and bouncing with each thrust. you looked up at him, surveying every little detail on his face, every freckle and mole that only your eyes could see. it was a face you missed so much, a small grin appearing on your face. “what’re you smiling' at?” he chuckled, pausing his thrusts.

you shook your head, bringing a hand to the back of his head and running your fingers through his freshly re-dyed black hair, damp with sweat. “you're just so beautiful.” you replied softly.

“i think that's supposed to be my line.” austin lowered himself, resting his arms by your head. his hair tickled you slightly as he kissed the bridge of your nose and gave you a gentle smile. he hummed quietly and brushed the hair out of your face. “let's take it slow..” he gave a slow thrust, “wanna savor this moment.”

his lips moved to your neck, kissing and making small love bites to claim his territory. his hips moved slowly, chasing his release as yours got closer. it was all overwhelming for you. he began to pick up the pace again, his chest heaving and jaw clenched as he moaned against your neck. “oh my god-don't stop.” you threw your head back, your nails digging into his back surely to leave temporary crescent marks. “i’m-”

austin sat up, moving your leg to his shoulder as he started to hit that sweet spot with every single move of his hips. you gasped, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you arched your back. the feeling of you tightened around austin’s cock made him throw his head back, shooting his own seed inside you with a spewl of curses and a loud groan.

he brought your leg back down, keeping his still cock nustled inside you as he caught his breath, looking down at you. “i’m sorry.”

your eyes widened, propping yourself up on your elbows. “for what?”

“i’m-i’m still in love with you.” he ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “you have no idea how happy i was when you told me you were stuck in australia. like it's so stupid, i know we broke up but-”

a small laugh escaped from your lips, causing austin to furrow his brows. he pulled himself out of you and tossed himself next to you. “what are you laughing at?”

“just-” you sat up, “i missed you. i missed this. i don't think i could have ever moved on from loving you.”

austin pulled you back down to him, holding you tightly in his arms. “i love you.” he whispered, pressing his lips behind your ear.

“and i love you.” you sighed contently. “can we pretend we never broke up?”

austin let out a dramatic gasp, bringing a hand to his chest. “we broke up?”

“oh, shut up.”

[vigilantesyd]

IF YOU LIKE THIS TAYLOR SWIFT SONG, TRY THIS CARLY RAE JEPSEN SONG

hello everyone i’m here to give you the taylor swift/carly rae jepsen content we all want and deserve. i have spent the last couple of hours compiling a list of taylor swift and carly rae jepsen songs that i think go together quite well. the playlist is linked below the pictures in the title, and below the cut will be songs that i matched up together in little pop song soulmate heaven because i either thought they had lyrical thematic parallels or the production/sound of the songs sounds similar to me. feel free to disagree and hate it!!! i mostly made this for those of u who refuse to listen to carly after call me maybe (as if it wasn’t a bop??? anyway) so that you have songs to gravitate to. i tried to focus as much as possible on taylor’s pop albums, but there are some oldies thrown in there. ALSO if anyone thinks of any matches that i haven’t yet, let me know so i can add them! okay that’s all!! i love you have fun!!

if you like delicate, try favourite colour or too much

i originally was just going to stick to favourite colour for this because the productions are so similar and soft and convey the same feeling, but the lyrical parallels in too much were.... dare i say... too much

if you like this love, try all that

this choice was mostly made based on production, they both sound pretty soft and dreamy to me

if you like the moment i knew, try right words wrong time

hooooo boy, these songs are both heartbreaking ): for the same reason ): these are both songs about being in a relationship where you feel you’ve given everything you can, but the other person seems to be half in and half out

if you like enchanted, try automatically in love

i feel like this one is pretty self explanatory jsdkhkdg they’re both songs about meeting someone and very quickly becoming enamored by them

if you like new romantics, try party for one

we all love a good single girl anthem!!!! these bops always remind me that i don’t need a man to love myself and have a good time

if you like king of my heart, try higher

these songs are both about finding an unexpected love that quite literally changed your life, v soft themes, but also both bops

if you like dress, try no drug like me

the breathy vocals on these tracks remind me of each other, i feel like both tracks convey a kind of physical (as well as emotional) neediness for your partner v well

if you like call it what you want, try everything he needs

the production on these songs are verryyyy different, but i think they’re both songs about being in love and kinda realizing that you’re both perfect for each other. you’re exactly what the other person needs, and they’re exactly what you need

if you like i know places, try let’s get lost

similar to the last one, these songs don’t sound much alike, but i find the themes to be similar. in i know places taylor talks about finding somewhere where her and her partner can be together truly alone, hiding out from the rest of the world. in let’s get lost, carly talks about wanting to literally get lost with someone and wanting to spend more time with them without interruption

if you like all you had to do was stay, try when i needed you

both angry anthems about people who were not there for you even though you! fucking! were! right! there!!!! a missed opportunity!!! we give them the middle finger!!! we don’t have time for the nonsense!!

if you like how you get the girl, try boy problems

these songs are both really lighthearted and don’t take themselves too seriously and i think overall that’s why i matched them, that’s all!

if you like wildest dreams, try for sure

these songs remind me of each other because of their fatalist attitudes.

if you like you are in love, try real love

i think the biggest similarity taylor and carly have as songwriters is their ability to keep looking for love even after all their heartbreak. though they both have some cynical songs, they’re both hopeless romantics at heart and both these songs are about that REAL, TRUE, SOUL CRUSHING LOVE

if you like you belong with me, try your type

if you ever wished taylor would write a more updated, 80s pop version of you belong with me, your type is that bitch, give her a listen

if you like getaway car, try run away with me

though run away with me ends much differently than getaway car does, i get bonnie and clyde, driving with the windows down at 2 am on a summer night, vibes from both these songs

if you like style, try roses

about a love that keeps coming back even though you both know it’s not right, but you both still care about each other

if you like gorgeous, try i really like you

again, just a couple of songs that don’t take themselves too seriously and are just looking to make u bop around and think about ur crush

if you like out of the woods, try the sound

both are about relationships with a lot of miscommunication and lack of commitment and never knowing whether you’re both on the same page

if you like i think he knows try want you in my room

i think these are both sonically and lyrically similar, bonus, they are both produced by jack antonoff

if you like wonderland, try julien

i feel like these both focus on relationships that seemed impossible, unrealistic, and fantastical, but they both went for it anyway because there was just something they couldn’t let go of

if you like i wish you would, try emotion

both songs are about relationships that have ended, but both are still thinking of what could be if they came back

if you like me!, try cut to the feeling

truly these are both just fun bops that give me the same feeling when i hear them, you can’t help but feel happy when you hear them no matter how bad your day has been

if you like cruel summer, try stay away

both songs about a lover that seems to start off casual, but as you develop more feelings you can’t seem to figure out where the other is at

if you like the archer, try comeback

these songs both sound similar (thanks jack) but lyrically also share themes of ruining relationships and having regrets and anxiety

if you like paper rings, try let’s sort the whole thing out

these both make me want to jump around my room!! they are pure joy in a song about finding “the one” also, a bonus parallel 

if you like false god, try fake mona lisa

(; (; need i say more?

if you like daylight, try now i don’t hate california after all

these are both closing tracks, are very soft and gentle sounding, and are both about leaving the past behind and finally finding peace with the one you love

okay that’s it folks!!! i hope you had fun and you found some new carly bops to love!! let me know what you thought of all this if u got to the end (:

[fuckyeahqueermusic]

FY!QM’s Favorite Albums of 2019 Part 2

Happy Super Bowl Sunday, here have a list of my favorite albums of 2019. You can click here to read part 1 if you missed it, but part 2 is all my absolute favorite releases from the year. Two of them aren’t even EPs, let alone full albums, but it is my list and I am the boss so I can do what I want!!

Obviously a ton of great music was released this year, but I think compared to 2018 it was a little lacking. Which is understandable, that was a bonkers killer year for new music, but I’m already psyched for all that’s coming out in 2020, and I have a feeling I am going to have a hard time doing a round up of everything I loved come next December (or January....or February, who’s to say!)

Anyways, onto my favs of 2019!

Carly Rae Jepsen — Dedicated Okay, so first off we have to talk about how one of the first working titles for this album was “Songs To Clean Your House To”, and how it is a CRIME we were deprived of that. Well, it will always be the real title in my heart.

So, Dedicated is not Emotion. It was never going to be Emotion, and that is okay. It is still an absolutely meticulously crafted, nearly perfect pop record. One that’s not only is full of great singles and individual certified bops (”Julien” anyone????), but actually works as a whole record, an increasing rarity in the mainstream pop landscape. But you can feel how much CRJ cares about what she puts out, and while some songs are weaker than others, there is no filler, and every track has something to enjoy on it. She is still the QUEEN of mid-tempo jams, with “No Drug Like Me,” “Too Much,” and “Automatically In Love” already up in the pantheon of all time mid-tempo jams. Some folks might have been disappointed we didn’t get Emotion 2.0, but I am thrilled CRJ wants to keep growing as an artist, and that she isn’t content to keep releasing the same thing over and over again, even though she very easily could.

Telethon — Hard Pop Telethon is hands down one of the best rock bands in the game right now, and I am thrilled they finally seem to be gaining a bit of traction outside the extremely cult following they’ve been building over the past five years. They have hooks for days, their music a master class in power pop song writing, combined with some of the densest lyric writing I have ever seen. Lead singer and lyricist Kevin Tully crafts each song like a short story about millennial mundanity and quarter life crises: using the exhaustion of finding a new apartment to examine long simmering anxiety, or trying to figure out if contentment is settling, and being too tired to know if you can tell the difference, while getting asked if you have weed at a terrible house party. It’s an album that feels like your late 20’s and early 30’s, with just enough optimism from a synth line to let you know that maybe everything will be okay in the end, maybe not, but it’s not stupid to hope.

Also they are not afraid of a ska influenced breakdown, and for that I must salute them.

Great Grandpa — Four of Arrows This is far and away my most listened to album of the year, and it only came out in October. Every song is masterfully crafted to stick in your head, and whenever I put on “Bloom,” “Rosalie,” or “Treat Jar,” I HAVE to listen to it at least three times in a row. The songwriting on this album is just fucking astonishing, and it completely runs the gamut from acoustic driven indie to 80’s big power chord pop rock, without feeling incongruent at all. It is incredible that this is the same band that made Plastic Cough only two years ago. Not that their debut was bad, but this album is just such a massive leap in skill and sound that it is truly amazing. Just a completely beautiful record from front to back, and I am so excited to see where this band goes next.

that dog — Old LP For the last 3 years that dog’s one semi-hit from 1997, “Never Say Never,” has been in my top 5 played songs of the year on Spotify (it currently has 186,000 plays. I would wager about 100,000 of those are me). I would argue it is the catchiest song ever written. It was on an album, Retreat From The Sun, that is back to back to back catchy jams. that dog should’ve been one of the most famous bands in the world, and I have been lamenting hard for some time that we never got more music from them. They broke up in 1997, scattering to the winds to be involved in making some of your favorite music (Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack anyone???)

Until last year. Anna Waronker got the band back together and that dog released their first album in 22 years, Old LP. And it’s like barely any time has passed. Old LP is practically perfect 90’s pop-rock, insanely catchy with enough of an edge and interesting flourishes (they credit basically a whole orchestra in the liner notes) to make you want to put the whole thing on repeat for a few hours. Or maybe that’s just me. Either way, I am so happy that dog is back in some capacity, and here’s hoping this is not the last we hear of them. 

(Also I picked this live performance of “Bird On A Wire” cause Allison Crutchfield from Swearin’ is there???)

Fireworks — Demitasse single This is not an album, or even an EP, but this is my list and I can do what I want and that includes fawning over a single from what is sure to be one of my top albums of 2020. Fireworks’ reunion was my biggest surprise of the year. They are a band that defined the last decade for me, their lifespan cut too short due to a crowded market and evolving too fast for their audience (they should be The Wonder Years level of famous and beloved, as they were, no offense to Soupy and the boys, the superior band). But after four years away they returned with a 6 minute slow burn of a song, solemn and sparse, until the full band crashes in more than ¾ of the way through. The first time I got to 5:08 in the song, the mix of pure catharsis and active anger that they disbanded in 2015 and we were denied new material from them until now I felt guaranteed Higher Lonely Power will almost certainly be THE album of 2020.

Team Dresch — Your Hands My Pocket “7 Perhaps even more important than Fireworks comeback, the biggest music news of 2019 for me was Team Dresch’s reunion. They are a band that I trace pretty much all my modern musical tastes to, and they are hugely influential to me and so many others in what they proved was possible for queer music to be. When that reunion ALSO came with new music, I about lost my mind. “Your Hands My Pocket” sounds like no time has passed since Captain My Captain came out: perfect hooks, heartfelt earnest lyrics, the vocal trade off between Jody Bleyle and Kaia Wilson, and all the queer pop-punk jubilation I want. The b-side “Baskets,” is classic Team Dresch emo (and yes I will argue to the ends of the earth that Team Dresch is one of the best emo bands of the 90s), with big volume shifts and longing vocals (and that bridge!). The only bad thing about this release is that there’s not more! Maybe if we all beg hard enough, they’ll make one more album.

[fullmetalscullyy]

Just an idea for a fanfic: Roy is trying to date someone else, because he decides he has to move on from Riza. He soon realizes it is a dumb thing to do and he loves her so much, so he confesses. I was also thinking Riza isn't okay with the other woman, obviously, but that isn't important. I don't know, if you like the idea and have time. I love your fics, congrats!

thank you so much!!! this spiralled waaaayy out of control so that’s why it took so long to answer :’D (plus, i loved it so much so kept adding to it shhhh ;D) i hope the wait was worth it adfsadfd

enjoy!

we’re not lovers

but more than friends

tonight i’m getting over you |carly rae jepsen

The womanacross from Roy was lovely. Her long brown hair flowed and curled over hershoulder, swept over her left to expose her neck. A thin, golden, necklace surroundedit, resting on her chest, sitting just above the neckline of her dress. Herbeauty was outstanding, Roy had thought, as he charmed her with his smile andconversation.

But itwasn’t a certain blonde-haired woman he had grown to love over the years.

That wasthe whole point of tonight, to try and forget and move past the feelings thathad plagued him for over fifteen years. They both needed to, that was a mutualunderstanding between them. It wasn’t healthy to remain stagnant in theconstant state of limbo they had found themselves in.

They hadtheir past, they had made their bed in Ishval, and now they had to lie in it.

Perhapsthat’s why they were so drawn together. Only a monster could love anothermonster.

Riza toldhim she was happy by his side, but there was always that haunted look in hereyes. He had caused that. He had influenced her decision to jointhe military, however indirectly it was. Riza – good, kind, caring, Riza – hadmurdered thousands of innocents because of him.

He didn’t deserveto be happy because of that and he certainly didn’t deserve her.

So, hewould look on from afar. She deserved someone who didn’t drag her off to war tomake her do things she would regret for the rest of her life. Roy shuddered atthe memory of her resentment when she arrived in Ishval, seeing exactly what he was capable of with theflame alchemy she had entrusted to him.

“Issomething wrong?” Lucy asked with a kind smile.

“Ah,nothing,” Roy smirked, turning his charm on the lovely lady across from him. Not Riza, though. “It was just ashiver.”

“I canhelp warm you up,” she smiled, reaching across to run lazy circles on the backof his hand.

He shouldwant to go home with her, but the look of desire in her eyes and the promiseher actions suggested drew him up short.

This wasuseless. Plus, this was unfair to Lucy. She deserved someone who could give herall of themselves, not someone who had already promised himself to anotherwoman years ago.

“I’msorry,” Roy apologised, gearing up for his big apology speech. This wasn’tworking. He retracted his hand, folding them together atop the table. “I justgot out of a relationship and I’m not quite as ready as I thought it was,” helied. It was better than the tuth.

“Butyou’re Central’s “most eligible bachelor”,” she chuckled, her amusementspeaking of how absurd she thought that title was. Roy and Lucy both. There wasa sympathetic look in her eyes that Roy didn’t expect to see. “Is there someoneelse, Roy?”

He couldlie. He should. But…

“Yes.” Hersmile was wide and understanding. “I’m so sorry.”

Lucystraightened in her chair. “I thought so.” Roy’s blood ran cold in his veins.Was he that obvious? “Go and see your girl, Roy.” She winked at him.

Roy stood,placing more than enough money down on the table to cover both their meals anda very generous tip. He kissed the back of Lucy’s hand gratefully, apologisingprofusely. She laughed away his apology, the sound carefree and light, acontrast to his daily thoughts.

That wasthe other thing about Lucy, she didn’t want someone like him, not really.Everyone had their own darkness inside, but Roy was a blackhole. He would eventuallycorrupt her like he did with everyone else he had met.

The onlyother person alive who knew exactly how he felt was Riza.

So whydid he chicken out when the time came to tell her how he really felt?

*          *          *

Rizatried not to think too much about the significance of tonight. Tried. However,it was all the men had been talking about that afternoon. They were aware of some kind of past between her and Roybut didn’t know the whole story or their current situation; that weird limbo inbetween being close friends and lovers. They weren’t quite the latter, optingto maintain professionalism so they didn’t compromise each other, but thefeelings were there.

Regardless,he had still gone out on a date with another woman.

Tonight,was date number four.

So,Riza only thought the feelings werethere. They were for her, anyway. Clearly, it was one-sided.

The shrillring from the phone in her hallway interrupted her thoughts. Jumping slightly atthe sudden noise, Riza stood wearily, sick of this song and dance her and Roykept doing and answered the phone. Her faithful pup had obviously picked up onher quieter mood this Friday evening, so elected to stay by her side as shemoved to the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hawkeye,”Madame Christmas’ gravelly voice greeted her. Riza closed her eyes inresignation, instantly knowing exactlywhat this phone call was about. With a knowing sigh, Riza answered the Madame.

“Again?”Frustration was clear in her tone.

“Afraidso.” There was a hint of disapproval in Christmas’ tone, but whether that wasdirected to her drunk nephew or Riza’s attitude, the latter was too tired ofall of this to care. “And… Well, you better come and see this.”

The word“no” was on the tip of her tongue. She alwayshad to take him home. Christmas never called anyone else. So, Riza had to give upher peaceful Friday night to go and pick up her drunk boss from his aunt’s bar.

Oh, andshe was in love with him, so of course she couldn’t say no.

It wasunfair. The things he said once the alcohol had loosed his tongue, the thingshe promised… It made Riza shiver with delight while dread pooled in her stomach,because they couldn’t move past where they were now. Not until they had atonedfor their sins.

It wasjust a shame he never remembered those promises.

So Rizawould continue to keep picking up Roy after he got smashed at his aunt’s barafter a date, playing the role of dutiful bodyguard and adjutant, because godknows there was no one else who would put up with such bullshit from him.Hughes was gone, so that mantle fell on Riza’s shoulders, and she wouldn’t wishthat burden on any of the other men. They simply didn’t have the patience.

Shejust wished the whole “after a date” part could be left out of it, to spareherself the heartache.

“I’llbe right over,” Riza replied, ensuring to put as much of her irritation intoher tone.

“Thankyou, Riza,” the Madame answered, surprising Riza. She never used her firstname. It was either “Hawkeye” or “Elizabeth”. “You’re a real gem and too goodfor my boy.”

“I, uh,th – thank you, Madame Christmas.”

With anod and a farewell, Riza ended the call, staring at the phone in shock. Somethingwas… fishy here. And why did she need to go to the bar to see what was happening?

Rizasteeled herself as she entered, mentally preparing herself to deal with thisLucy woman. In all honesty she was lovely enough, stunning, and would beperfect for Roy. She didn’t have any darkness within her like Riza did. She wasuntainted by war and trauma, unlike Riza.

Butthat didn’t mean Riza had to like her.

Was itchildish? Yes. Was it idiotic? Yes.

But theheart wants what the heart wants. It was extremely irritating.

“Rizaaa!”Roy called very loudly from his seatby the bar. He had turned around jerkily at the sound of the door opening, the stoolspinning more forcefully than he anticipated. As he rose his glass in a toastto her he wobbled, so much so that the Madame’s hand shot out across the bar,steadying her nephew who was wearing the silliest drunken grin.

Rizanoted there was a distinct lack of a female companion. However, was this really a place you took a woman on adate?

“Comeon! Come get a drink!” he slurred, spinning back around. It was reminiscent ofa child on a swivel chair, enjoying the way it spun, like it was a game.

“No,Roy,” the Madame replied firmly, taking the drink from her nephew’s hands. “You’vehad enough. Time to go home.”

Roy pouted– Riza could see it as she approached the bar apprehensively. “You’re no fun,”he whined, trying to clumsily swipe the glass of whisky back from her.

“Nope.Home time. Hawkeye’s here to pick you up.”

“Riza!”he grinned, turning to face her again. “My favourite Riza.” He hiccupped thengiggled to himself. “My one and only,” he professed, trying to prop his elbow onthe top of the bar, only for it to slide forward and his head to thump painfully off the polished wood.

“Allright, sir,” Riza announced. “Time to go home.” Trying to hide her amusementwas incredibly difficult. That’s what he got for getting her to drive him homeafter his date. Riza only prayed Lucy wasn’t here with him and she would haveto driver her home too.

As ifreading her mind, Madame Christmas answered that question for her. “Just a taxifor one tonight, Lieutenant Hawkeye.”

Good. Therewas only so much Riza could take in one night and dealing with drunken Roy puther at her limit.

“Noooo…”her charge whined as he lifted his head, rubbing the side where his head hadconnected with the hardwood. “I want to stay. I want to stay here with Hawkeye.”

“Well,what we want isn’t always what we get,” Riza replied, just realising how shesounded after the words left her mouth. Feeling Christmas’ gaze on her, Riza purposefullyignored it as she lifted one of Roy’s arms over her shoulders, grasping thatwrist, while snaking one of hers around his back.

“That’strue! You’re so wise Riza,” he gushed, wobbling as he stood.

“Yes,sir,” she replied, desperate to keep that professional barrier between them. Thingswere getting into dangerous territory. If Riza wasn’t careful, this could getvery messy.

The tripto his apartment was uneventful. Roy fell asleep in back, snoring softly as hishead rested against the cool glass of the window. Riza purposefully put him inthe backseat to avoid dealing with him if he decided to try and stay awake totalk to her while he was in the passenger’s seat. Getting him into his apartmentwas easy once she had finally woke him up again. It took three decent slaps tohis cheek to rouse him from his drunken sleep.

It was onlywhen they were in his bedroom that things begun to get complicated, like the usuallydid.

Butwith one exception.

“I loveyou, Riza,” he breathed as she draped his suit jacket over the back of the armchairin his bedroom. Glancing back sharply, his head was bowed, shoulders slumpedforwards.

“Wh –What?”

Hishead lifted and Riza was left breathless at the miserable, desperate, look inhis eyes. One tear fell down his cheek slowly, dripping onto his white shirt.He looked so… broken. Shattered. A shell of his usual self.

“I loveyou.” His eyes shone with a different kind of clarity. This… This was a new one.Usually there was the begging for her not to leave him, to hold him while heslept to keep his demons away, coupled with promises that one day he would makeher happy. Sometimes, Riza obliged – selfishly – but it wasn’t often. It had onlyever happened twice. Most of the time, she couldn’t.

“I loveyou so much,” he repeated. “I really do.”

“Sir –”

“Pleasedon’t use that,” he begged in a whisper, breath hitching. “I can’t bear thatthat’s all I am to you.”

“S –Roy,” Riza corrected herself. “You know why that is,” she replied gently.

“I do,but I hate it. I hate that I can’thold the woman I love, tell her how much I love her, hold her close,” herepeated, the clarity from his eyes gone. There was a sinking feeling in Riza’sstomach. These words may have all been from the heart, but how much of it wouldhe remember when he awoke?

Still…It was nice to hear.

Thosefeelings the supposedly shared were still buried inside him somewhere. How truethey were, remained to be seen. He was incredibly drunk, after all.

“Theother women,” he gestured, voice taking on a tone of mild disgust. “Are adistraction,” he slurred. Roy gestured wildly with his hand, as if brushingthose other woman away from him, but he almost toppled off the bed in his enthusiasm.Riza reached to steady him, Roy’s eyes instantly finding hers as soon as Riza’shand was on his shoulder.  “Lucy nevermeant anything to me,” he added, voice earnest. “Honestly. It was a way to tryand get over you, but… but I found out… I didn’t want to.”

Riza’sstomach dropped.

“All Icould think about was you,” he mumbled, eyes drooping closed. Without a word,Riza edged him onto his back as he lay down. “There’s always only ever been you…Love you…” His eyes closed slowly, face going slack.

Rizawatched him, frozen in place by his revelation.

This was…life changing. Literally, everything could change between them, both good andbad, if Riza brought it up again. However, due to personal reasons, she knewshe never would. They had sins to atone for and a job to do. There was no placein her life for talk like this, even if Roy was telling the truth.

Chalkingup to the effects of the drink, Riza steadied her shaking hands as she pouredhim his usual glass of water and collected a couple of painkillers from hismedicine cupboard. Upon returning to his room, Roy was passed out and snoring.

*          *          *

Roy’shead pounded as he awoke. There was a moment of disorientation as he tried toremember where he was and how he had gotten into his bed. Flashes of last nightreturned to him briefly, like a blinding white light that made his head hurteven more.

Hisbody was lying on top of the comforter. His black overcoat lay neatly over the sideof the chair in his bedroom. His blazer was draped over the back so that it wouldn’tcrush. The trousers of his suit and his shirt were a lost cause though, theywere crumpled to hell, but that was something he was okay with. The thought ofRiza undressing him to put him to bed was too much to handle.

Tryingto sit up was a straight failure. The bile in his stomach made itself known andhe retched into a basin that he didn’t remember placing by the side of his bedlast night. Come to think of it, he certainly wouldn’t have collected the tallglass of water and painkillers which currently resided on his bedside table.

Riza…

She wasalways taking care of him, he realised miserably as he rested his head on the rimof the basin.

Fourhours later, once he was finally able to face standing up, Roy fumbled his way tothe phone in his living room.

“Can I talkto you?” he rasped, asking immediately after Riza answered, barely giving herthe chance to say hello. Silence greeted him on the other side of the phone andRoy thought she wasn’t going to answer.

“Aboutwhat, sir?” she asked casually, but there was an edge to her voice. She wasannoyed. Roy groaned internally. The flashes had formed into full blownmemories a short while ago, as they always did after a night of drinking. He wasn’tlucky enough to be able to forget any embarrassing things he had said or done whiledrunk.

Whichmeant he also remembered every drunken word he confessed to Riza, every promisehe made to her.

Heswallowed the bile in his throat, a result of the nerves in his stomach. Last nighthe had told Riza he loved her. As in, “I’min love with you”. This… both wasn’t a good thing but something he was alsorelieved about. It was out there, in the open. He had drunkenly confessed it, which,in a way, was a coward’s way out, but at least the drink had given him thecourage to say something he had been meaning to for years. The result of his revelation while out with Lucy had sparkedit and the excess drink had spurred the notion along.

“Lastnight.”

“Don’t mentionit, sir, just helping out a –”

“Butyou didn’t have to, though. You neverhave to. I want to make it up to you.”

“Sir –”

“Riza,please,” he begged, his voice dropping low, almost a whisper. “I need to speakwith you.”

“Allright,” she agreed after a moment. “Where –”

“Myplace? As soon as possible?”

Therewas another pause. “Understood.”

“Thank you,”he breathed, but she had already hung up the phone.

Royspent the next twenty minutes showering and brushing his teeth to rid his mouthonce and for all of his vomit breath. The basin he had vomited into numeroustimes was no clean and sitting on the balcony at the back of his apartment toair off. It wouldn’t do to have that sitting in the house while he had a guest.

Afterthe benign greetings and small talk – as little of it as there was – Roy launchedright into what he had planned to say.

“I’msorry,” he announced. “I was out of order last night and I truly do appreciateyou coming to pick me up and bring me home from the bar.”

“Not aproblem, sir,” she replied simply. Roy’s cheek twitched at the use of “sir”.

“Butthe thing is you don’t need to dothat.”

“TheMadame didn’t make it seem like she was giving me much of a choice,” Riza replied,tone dry.

“That’s…”his tongue almost slipped. He had asked Christmas to always call Riza to pickhim up from the bar if he got out of hand. She was the only one on the teamcapable of putting up with his shit, and while the Madame disapproved of thearrangement (because it was grossly unfair to Riza), she agreed, nonetheless.The truth was, Roy didn’t trust anyone else as much as he did her. “Sorry. Thingsare a little foggy as I try and piece it all back together.”

Hecursed himself as he automatically begun to chicken out.

“You don’tremember anything, I understand.” Her tone said she understood, because thatwas the lie he told every time, but the edge in her voice showed her true bitterness.

Thatwas what pushed him to finally reveal the truth.

The liesaved complicating things between them however he should be fucking mature andlevel headed enough not to get himself into that position in the first place. Hisdemons didn’t see it that way and sometimes Roy just needed to shut them upwith the poison of alcohol. At least, for a few hours, he could forget…

Onlyfor it to come rushing back. The reminder of the inappropriate things he had saidto his dearest subordinate, the way she would take care of him withoutcomplaint when he was drunk off his ass, it all came back to him. It was also avery nice reminder that he didn’t deserve Riza Hawkeye. She was so good to himand Roy, in return, treated her like dirt.

Today,he would rectify that.

“That’sthe thing, I do remember.” Roywatched carefully as she begun to scoff, only to freeze in place finally realisingwhat he had said. “I remember last night, and I remember what I say every time.”

“E –every time?” she questioned. Roy nodded. Her expression changed. “Why did youlie, then?”

It wasa fair question, one he expected. “Because if I told you the truth, it wouldcomplicate things between us and we’ve both come to a mutual understanding aboutthat,” he gestured between the two of them. “The truth is…” he took a deepbreath, getting ready to dive headfirst into a dark and stormy sea, not knowingwhat would happen to him once he breached the surface of the water. “I do loveyou, Riza.” She was a statue now. “But the reason I never said it before isbecause I feel I don’t deserve you. Not after what I did to you and in Ishval.Keeping you at arms-length was the appropriate course of action.

“So, I liedto cover it up.” He chuckled humourlessly to himself. “I always was a cowardwhen it came to our personal relationship. Too scared to admit how I felt in caseI fucked it up.” Roy’s eyes dropped, falling to rest on his clasped hands infront of him. His elbows dug deeper into his knees, using them to steadyhimself in the tumultuous sea before him. Riza had yet to say a word. If it meanthe could get everything out in one go rather than hiding from it behind anotheranswer he had to give her, then it was for the best.

Even ifit did fuck everything up, at least the truth was finally out there after overa decade. She deserved that much, at least.

“I havebeen incredibly selfish, and for that I apologise.”

Riza staredat him for a long moment. Roy’s gaze dropped, feeling ashamed of everything hehad put this wonderful woman through over the years. The edge and irritation hehad heard in her voice earlier was Riza reaching her breaking point. Roy knewthis. There was only so much she would be able to take.

He hadsaid his piece, however there was one more thing he had to say.

He hadto give her the option to walk away, should she desire it. It was only fair.

“In mydesk drawer at work there are a set of forms,” he began, unable to look her inthe eyes. Again, being a coward. “They’re transfer forms.” It was barely audible,but Riza’s breath caught. “Should you wish to have me sign them off, I’llreadily accept, and you can finally be free of me and my bullsh –”

“Idiot!”she shouted, standing abruptly. Roy jumped in fright at the sudden rise in hervoice. “Do you really think that’s what I want?”

Roy’smouth opened and closed like a goldfish. “I thought –”

“I’msick of your bullshit, yes,” she seethed, glare pinning him in place. “You’re agrown man, you should fucking know better, but do you really think that I would wantto transfer away from the team? And you can’t even look me in the eyes to saythat?” She scoffed.

“I… I…”

“Thishas nothing to do with you, and everythingto do with you,” she added, laughing humourlessly to herself. A hand ranthrough her hair, leaving bits of it sticking up on her head. “What you think youdeserve and what I think you deserveare vastly different,” she replied, gaze hard. “I promised to protect you andfollow you, didn’t I?”

“Yes,”he replied upon realising she was waiting for him to answer.

“Wepromised we would atone for our sins, correct?”

“Yes.”His voice was stronger this time.

“Wepromised we would do that together.”

“Wedid,” he swallowed.

“So whythe fuck would I want to transferaway?”

“Riza, I’msorry, I just thought –”

“Yeah?”she asked, and Roy was shocked to see her eyes were wet. “Well, you thoughtwrong. God,” she scoffed to herself. “You’re an idiot.”

“I mean,I know I am, but why do you think so?”

“BecauseI love you too, doofus.” Roy felt hisheart stop, only to rev up into top gear, beating wildly. “I’ve done so foryears and I don’t want to leave you, but you’ve been too blind to see it. You remember everything you sayafter I put you to bed, black-out drunk? Well, I live it. I have to hold you as you cry yourself to sleep, I have tolisten to your ramblings about how “one day” we’ll be together, and we’ll behappy.” Her eyes were threatening to spill over now and Roy was transfixed byRiza’s show of emotion. “I have to watch you go on dates with other women andpick you up afterwards, listening to you raveabout how great they are to the other guys!”

Roy wasup and out of the chair as the first tear fell down her cheek. He wrapped hisarms around her tightly, refusing to let go even as she struggled.

“It’sall an act,” he whispered past the lump in his throat. “I was drunk last nightbut I meant every word. It’s the only time I could tell you the truth becauseit’s the only time I didn’t feel scared to death about us.”

“Why wereyou so scared?” she asked, a quiet sob interrupting her words. Her fight againsthis hold ended, Riza’s hands splaying across his chest since he had trapped herarms between their bodies.

“Incase you left me. In case it was too much to deal with, loving me while beingphysically unable to.”

“So,you leave me to wonder if your drunken ramblings are real or not?” she asked indignantly.

“Yes.”Riza stilled against him. “Yes, because it was the safest curse of action. Itwas so stupid, I know that, but therewas never an appropriate time to tell you the truth. Not without us gettinginto trouble.”

“You’re–”

“An idiot,”he chuckled to himself. “I know.”

“Well,yes,” Riza replied matter-of-factly, and Ry gave her a quick squeeze ofaffection. “But you’re my idiot.”

“I am,indeed.”

“That’swhy I watch your back. Someone has to stop you acting like one. I’ll just needto try harder next time.”

Roylaughed quietly. “You do a grand job as it is, however I apologise this onetook a little longer to figure out.”

Rizatook a deep breath. “I love you too, Roy, but know this can’t change anything betweenus.”

“Oh, I know,don’t worry.” He loosened his grip, placing his hand on Riza’s upper arms topull her back, gazing lovingly down at her. “But I had to get it out there.After that date with Lucy last night I fully realised how stupid that idea was.There was no way I would be ableto get over you. There’s only ever beenyou.”

Riza smiled sweetly up at him, placing her head back on his chestwith a content sigh.

At least the truth was out there now. Where this left them?Roy wasn’t sure. But for the moment, things were okay.

All was as it should be in the universe, with Roy openlyadmitting he loved Riza Hawkeye, and Riza openly admitting she loved Roy Mustang.

[groovesnjams]

“Cut to the Feeling” by Carly Rae Jepsen

DV:

The release of a high-quality version of “Cut to the Feeling” (after months where the only copy in circulation was recorded off a movie screen, non sequitur dialogue and all) has been received with such euphoria that I’ve already seen the kind of backlash that came after months of grassroots hype for Emotion. 

How Jepsen can be so fervently loved, so swiftly dismissed, and so commercially unsuccessful is a question we still don’t have an answer to. But she occupies a unique place in modern pop, especially since she’s used a cycle begun in early 2015 to release an album (17 tracks, in its longest form), a Christmas single, a companion "B-side” collection (8 tracks), and now this, the “lead single” from a sub-Dreamworks kids movie. And I’m not even counting handful of features and leaked demos. It’s nearly thirty songs in two years: that’s a feat most artists don’t attempt (even if they’re able), and I suspect a vanishingly small number would be able to maintain the quality Jepsen has uniformly held to.

“Cut to the Feeling” isn’t in the top tier of the Emotion era, which is to say that it’s only Very Good. Thematically and structurally, it plays like a test for “Run Away With Me”: longing to escape, to be together and alone and unconstrained; confessional verses and soaring chorus. It’s easy to imagine the artist who opened an album by asking listeners to run away with her begging “Take me to emotion, I want to go all the way” in a first draft. Yet “Run Away With Me” feels like the full expression of this theme: more specific, more compelling and much more memorably produced.

But that’s the thing about “Cut to the Feeling”: this is third-tier Carly Rae Jepsen, and yet it’s easily one of the better songs of 2017. Her vocal has an immediate, engrossing passion and the lyric is scattered with casual brilliance, from “Cancel your reservations/ No more hesitations” to the title itself - do you think of taking a sudden, utterly necessary shortcut, of the snappy editing of a romcom, or is she invoking a scalpel? Maybe it’s all three! That’s a line only Jepsen can walk, that only she sings, as is “I wanna wake up with you, all in tangles, oh!” (the “oh!” is absolutely key). It’s a lyric only she can deliver, beautiful and succinct and romantic and indelible. These lines combine to form a hook that, make no mistake, lasts for miles. And from sampling Madonna’s “Lucky Star” to the drum-forward mixing, the production keeps up with her even as her voice strains on the chorus. If it’s not up to the singular heights Jepsen’s reached before, it’s not growing moss either.

Ultimately I assume “Cut to the Feeling” will do little to change the commercial prospects or popular opinion of Carly Rae Jepsen. But if she were a star, we’d be calling this - to reiterate - throwaway kids movie soundtrack song heat checking. Jepsen’s operating in that kind of zone few artists ever reach, and at this point it’s like she’s knowingly entered an Imperial Period even though she lacks an actual empire. This is arguably something only an artist with her strange and unprecedented career could have managed, and honestly? It’s kinda wild to be here for it.

MG:

Unlike the entire Emotion roll out (the inexplicable singles selection that sounded like RIYL: RIYL, the revelation that Jepsen’s career is a primarily Japanese phenomenon) the strategy behind “Cut to the Feeling” makes sense. Singles attached to kids’ summer blockbusters are almost surefire guaranteed mega hits. I’m hedging my superlatives because what “Cut to the Feeling” reminds me of most is Janelle Monáe’s Michael Jackson send-up “What Is Love” which announced the Rio 2 soundtrack. Sure, “Cut to the Feeling” could be the death knell “Can’t Stop the Feeling” still is but like Monáe (and unlike Timberlake,) there’s nothing to indicate anyone is interested in a second hit single from Carly Rae Jepsen. 

Practically, I’d go so far as to say “Cut to the Feeling” isn’t just a precursor to “Run Away With Me” but to the whole of Jepsen’s second act. Getting paid by Quad Productions was a savvy business decisions but the song is nothing more than a teaser for her entire pop concept. The themes are better realized elsewhere and the production details are just hooky enough to be intriguing (but not so hooky that this is a satisfying single.) The audience for Leap! is neither old enough to remember and/or care about “Call Me Maybe” nor her newly fashioned cult gay following. They’re an untapped market and Jepsen, whether beloved or backlashed, is a voracious capitalist. 

[hctefucks]

task five - subplot playlists, modified.

nothing easy to please, partynextdoor “my love don't come easy, babe. i'm nothing easy to please, and i don't fall easily.”

true to the title, she has high standards, and is hard to crack. she doesn’t mix many romantic emotions into her relationships now, sending anyone with a hint of feeling away due to her bad experiences and lack of time for anyone. though she’s generous with her money, it’s hard for her to show she cares in other ways, and her affection and time doesn’t come easy.

myself, bazzi “i’m focused on the future, don't care 'bout nothin' else.”

there’s nothing more important to soraya than her career. she would double cross and lie to get where she wants to be, not to say she hasn’t already. soraya’s crazy driven and hard working, and has been known to put her career before her friends and family. word hard, play later is her motto. 

fake smile, ariana grande “if i'm hard, i ain't gon' lie about it. arms crossed with the attitude, lips bitin'.”

soraya isn’t the best with hiding her emotions. if she’s mad or upset, she’ll let you know and will raise absolute hell. her heart is on her sleeve, and when she’s mad, she can get ugly and nasty. it’s one of her worse traits, but you can always count on her to give you her honest and blunt opinion.

supabien, bia “i’m doin' supabien, i'm sorry how are you? alright now back to me, i’m on that that gin and juice ”

soraya’s favourite topic? herself. she’s currently riding a career high, and she’s not one to downplay her accomplishments. with her confidence and borderline narcissism, it’s no surprise that she’s her own favourite subject.

party for one, carly rae jepsen “i’ll just dance for myself, back on my beat”

who doesn’t love a good pre 00′s inspired bop? soraya definitely does, and the lyrics ring true to soraya. one of her ways to get over a breakup is to get drunk and dance to 80′s music, and this is a definite anthem for her. she’s had her own share of heartbreak to get over. and this is the song she’d use to get over an ex boo. paired with some rose and her two best friends, cat and dalia, she’d be back to herself in no time.

liability, lorde “she's so hard to please, but she's a forest fire.”

her own song - almost surprising. while party for one is for when she’s getting over someone, liability is the song that plays through her mind when the breakup is fresh. she’s sensitive and moody, and the insecurities highlighted in the song are things that would come to her in her darkest times. she also knows that she’s a lot to handle, and as self aware as she is, it still hurts when she’s going through the emotions of a heartbreak.

all night, chance the rapper feat. knox fortune “so back up, back up, i need space. now, i need you to slow down, it's not a race.”

this song is about newfound fame and the hanger ons that come along with the territory. soraya has had her fair share of leeches - people who will use her for money and studio time, for connections and their five seconds of fame. while she loves attention, it’s genuine friendship she craves. the attention can be suffocating at times, and sometimes, all she needs is space from the people who drain her.

needy, ariana grande “and i’ma scream and shout for what i love. passionate but i don't give no fucks. i admit that i'm a lil' messed up, but i can hide it when i'm all dressed up. i'm obsessive and i love too hard, good at overthinking with my heart.”

true to the title, soraya is needy. while she fronts as being unemotional and detached, she’s quite the opposite. it’s not uncommon for her to get attached to people she’s only hung with for a little while. and when she finds someone she likes - even loves - it gets hard for her. her emotions are hard to predict and manage, and it’s not uncommon for her to lose sleep overthinking what a lover has told her.

fuckin problem, a$ap rocky “you ain't heard my album? who you sleepin' on? you should print the lyrics out and have a fucking read-along.”

indie singers don’t have much of the spotlight, but soraya wants her name out there. career oriented and success crazy, she’s obsessed with the validation that comes with fame. and she loves bad bitches, and it’s a fuckin problem. 

kiwi, harry styles “she worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes, hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.”

soraya, obsessed with her public image, really just boils down to being a whiskey drinking fake deep singer with a chain smoking problem. early on in her career, you could find her at smoke filled underground pubs with a cigarette in one hand, telling a story to a group of friends (or strangers). whether it was her beauty or her alcohol clouded judgement that drew people to her, attracting groups of new friends was a pastime for her.

i’m my number one, herizen guardiola as mylene cruz “i got a song it can go on, i'm here to tell it to you. i'm my number one.”

this song, mirroring the scene from the get down, is almost a rebirth. the spontaneous heat of the moment song is soraya exactly. as much as she’s her own favourite person, she cares deeply about her own growth. she knows what music she likes to write and make, and knows who’s good for her and who’s not. she’s constantly bettering herself, and though it doesn’t quite make her a saint, she’s trying to be as kind as possible to herself.

still got time, zayn and partynextdoor “just stop lookin' for love. girl. you're young, you still got time”

while everyone dreams of finding their one and only at some point in their lives, soraya is a bit different. while her dreams of finding her big romance flourished long ago, she’s now slowly accepting that her early 20s isn’t the time for it. she’s not ready to settle down with anyone, and instead of seeking out love in places it isn’t, she’s fine with being young and having fun. her time to settle will come.

high by the beach by lana del rey “lights, camera, acción. i'll do it on my own. don't need your money to get me what i want”

soraya, though career driven, is independent. she’s never taken well to the idea of having a benefactor or someone to basically shape her career for her. she prides herself on being mostly self made, and doesn’t want to rely on anyone for a cheap pr shot. her words and her public persona are authentic, and she’s more than happy doing it all on her own.

dkla by troye sivan feat. tkay maizda “rags to riches but i'm addicted to being broken”

while she didn’t grow up poor, and she has never been through anything super traumatic, she’s almost addicted to her own sadness. known for pursuing people she knows is bad for her just for a song. it’s unhealthy, but she believes that songs should be authentic, so it isn’t unnatural for her to put herself through that. furthermore, she isn’t too big on love anymore, and due to past heartbreak, she doesn’t ‘keep love around,’ pushing away the people that are good for her.

freestyle four, kanye west “what if we fucked at this vogue party? would we be the life of the whole party? shut down the whole party”

the song highlights a libido driven, intoxicated kanye, and soraya is no different under the influence. drug trips are scarce, just to keep herself in control. but the rare trip causes her to spiral, acting out in ways she usually never does. it also shows her “alternate” personality, more focused on the finer things of fame - the cars, the jewelry, meeting gorgeous people, and doing anything without worrying about the repercussions.  

juice, lizzo “no, i'm not a snack at all. look, baby, i’m the whole damn meal ”

soraya’s hot and she knows it.  even in her moments of insecurity, she’s out here letting everyone know that she looks good. she thinks extremely highly of herself, to the point of narcissism. the 80s were one of soraya’s favourite decades of music, and the 80s tinged track is a feel good song to help her feel herself

ridin’ round, kali uchis “baby understand, i don't need a man. fuck me over, i'll fuck you worse then take off to japan.”

we love an independent bitch, and soraya is no exception. not one to depend on a man (or a woman) for a career boost or a coin, she’s rebuffed multiple romantic propositions on the accord that she doesn’t need anyone. she’s not one to take back people who have fucked her over, and has an appetite for revenge when it happens.

wednesday night interlude, drake and partynextdoor “mixing remy, little bit of henny. i'm running on empty, i'm lonely.”

when soraya hits her lows, it’s usually because she feels lonely. with her two best friends, catalina and dalia, both in relationships, she cannot bring herself to do the same. it does make her feel a little left out. with the help of some alcohol, her loneliness is heightened. as much as she repels relationships as much as she can, sometimes she wants someone to go home to.

[mitchwritesthings-blog]

Mitch’s Music Year-in-Review

What this is?

My name is Mitch, although sometimes I say it’s Jeff, and I just wanted an outlet to discuss how my experience with listening to music was in the year 2017. Now, this is completely my taste in music, and only what I listened to. I don’t really keep up with new music all too much to be honest, so before I write this, I’m not sure how many 2017 albums will actually be in my 2017 write-up. There will be quite a few albums from the 00′s and 10′s that I had listened to the first time, as well as albums that have been my favourites for years that I still wanted to talk about.

What will be discussed?

i. 2017 album releases “After Laughter” ~ Paramore “Reputation” ~ Taylor Swift “Waiting on the Sun” ~ Jule Vera “Wolves” ~ Story of the Year

ii. 2016 albums releases that I can basically pretend are new releases “E-mo-tion: Side B” ~ Carly Rae Jepsen “Neptune” ~ Tall Heights “Yellowcard” ~ Yellowcard

iii. Albums that are nowhere new releases, but are new to me “stellastarr*” ~ stellastarr* “E-mo-tion” ~ Carly Rae Jepsen

Now before we get started

An introduction on my musical tastes. Since the early-to-mid 2000′s, I have been a pop-punk kid, whether I knew it or not. The videogame soundtracks from EA games (EA Games, EA Sports, and EA Sports BIG), heavily shaped my taste in music. Yellowcard, being my favourite band ever, were included in some of these soundtrack, and in section B I’ll be talking about their self-titled album- which was an emotional one for me. Story of the Year and stellastarr* were discoveries of mine for similar reasons to Yellowcard. The remaining artists I listened to from doing my own research (Jule Vera), them being popular enough -slash- from people I know (Paramore, Taylor, Carly), or from being blown away at a show (Tall Heights). So without further adieu, let’s get started!

2017 album releases

“After Laughter” ~ Paramore

I’m writing about these albums in alphabetical order of their category, so some of the stories and descriptions might be a bit disjointed- but fuck it- it’s just a Tumblr post. 

Being a pop-punk kid that was transitioning into a girl pop guy, what a better way to merge the interests than with Paramore. Now, this album is not pop-punk, but that doesn’t mean it’s not great! In fact, the 80′s emotional pop vibes are amazing after playing the shit out of E-mo-tion, and needing more of those vibes.

About the album itself, it starts off with the wildly-popular Hard Times, which is not something I entirely love in theory. I don’t think it’s ideal to start off with the lead single for an album, it kinds sets you up for disappointment. And while Hard Times is a much poppier song that most of the album, I don’t think it necessarily does a bad job as the opener. It gets you jumping, ready to dance to the 80′s pop, while also introducing you the darker lyrics that are to come from a post-divorce album (Hayley split with lead singer of New Found Glory Jordan Pundik prior to the album’s recording).

The rest of the album is a nice journey in vibey aesthetics (definitely using Tumblr language here), with ebs and flows of energy. It’s hard for me to pick a favourite from it; trust me, I’ve had many many of these songs stuck in my head at some point. If I had to, however, I’d pick Fake Happy. The lyrics are very honest, and it kinda fucks you up a bit; starting off pretty depressing and then turning into a hell of a bop. Following is the real depressing song, 26, so it’s quite the two-song journey they put you on there.

Overall, it’s a very strong album both musically and lyrically, and would encourage anyone to pick it up. If you like Paramore, you’ll love hearing Hayley bleed her heart out. If you’re not, it’s a good fucking album anyway. 8.8/10

“reputation” ~ Taylor Swift

If I’ve linked you to this, you know I’m a major swiftie; I’ve got tickets to both of her shows in Toronto for August. So this album is a pretty big album for me. That being said, I was not completely blown away by this album- which didn’t surprise. After Look What You Made Me Do’s release, I kinda went “Okay, I know how this is gonna go”. It’s gonna be a solid pop album, but trying a little too hard being edgy and dealing with her reputation while subsequently pretending to not care about it.

Now I say I wasn’t blown away, but upon first listen, the first three songs were pretty damn impressive, and still are. Ready For It, which by the way is an incredible album opener and I knew it would be the moment I heard it, obviously starts it off well. End Game is a very single-worthy song, and introduces you to the overall theme of the album. And I Did Something Bad has a pretty fucking great chorus. Don’t Blame Me didn’t blow me away right away, but I grew on me pretty quickly, and it’s a top track for me. 

After that, in the middle, is where the album really faulters. Delicate and So It Goes... are the weakest tracks on the album in my opinion, and they flank the lead fucking single, all but killing it’s strength from the perspective of the album. And after that, Gorgeous, which while a promotional single, is not in the upper echelon of rep songs. So you’ve got your 5 through 8 songs effectively killing any momentum your incredible starting batch created. 

Following that is a very strong song, Getaway Car, and the beginning of reputation’s resurgence. Track 9 is probably the most 1989-sounding song on the record, and that is definitely a compliment in this case. Taylor tells a clean story, and gets to show off her pipes towards the end of the song. King of my Heart is a little meh in my eyes. It’s one of those classic Taylor songs that are on album and you’re like “Did this really have to be there?”, which is something 1989 actually avoided, and could be why I prefer it over rep. Dancing With Our Hands Tied was one of my favourites right away, although it’s a little underappreciated from what I’ve seen from the fandom on IG. Dress certainly gets the point across that this a new Taylor. She’s gone from “She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts”, to basically saying “Boy, take this dress off and fuck me”. Something I’ve failed to mention, is the very consistent themes of alcohol consumption (in a recreational way) and getting good dick from her bf littered through the lyrics of this album- just so you know. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things is the second direct Kanye diss on the album, and absolutely deserving of a single. Call It What You Want should have been the final song, but Taylor had to go and pop cliche it up and give the last track to a boring acoustic song that makes you think “That’s it?”, when it’s done. With an album this momentous, you gotta go out with a bang!

Overall, it’s a better collection of songs than it is an album. You could put in on shuffle, and it’d hold the same value. The pacing is a bit off, and it doesn’t really take you on a sonically cohesive journey. So for that reason, I can’t give it any higher than an 8 (the equivalent of an A-minus), but the songs themselves are still pretty good. 7.8/10

“Waiting on the Sun” ~ Jule Vera

I need to tell you guys about this band before I get into the album themselves. They are amazing people. Before Warped Tour 2015, I was listening to artists that were gonna be on the tour, and Jule Vera showed up on my youtube suggestions, so I checked them out. Fucking great. They had just put out their debut EP Friendly Enemies, which you should absolutely check out by the way, and I knew all the words by the time Warped came around. Now, they just put out their debut, so not really many fans at the side stages. In fact, I was the only person who knew the words in the crowd. But their set is bumping! They incorporate a lot of different parts of the stage in their act, sometimes disassembling the drum kit itself and having multiple people playing each part- it’s great. Their lead singer, Ansley, has got some serious pipes. The band will go as far as she takes them, because as that stage presence builds- watch out! I can absolutely see them making it big with the kind of energy they have, their songwriting chops, and a good-looking incredible female lead singer. 

I talked with them after their, got a picture, and my album signed, and I was on the bandwagon. I’ll follow these guys and gal for as long as they make music- which includes coming back to Toronto in March after two-and-a-half year, and you bet your ass I’ll be there buying all the merch and hopefully getting some hangs with the band. 

Oh yeah... there’s an album to talk about. Waiting on the Sun went in a much more poppy direction than their EP which i brought up earlier which was an alternative record. Despite the stylistic change, it still bangs. Ansley shows her singing chops, and despite only having put out 18 songs total, they show they have an incredible amount of diversity with the kind of songs they can right. Something Good is the bounciest chorus I have ever heard, check that shit out right away.

In complete honesty, the album kind of pales in comparison to its alternative predecessor, at least in my opinion, but it’s not bad. I think the stylistic change was a decision made my the label. They have a lead singer who could be a solo artist once the charisma gets there, so they tried to do a poppy singer-heavy record. They’re still trying to figure out what they are, but once they do, the sky’s the limit.

I love these guys, and even if the album didn’t blow me away, I’ll support them whenever they need it! 7.6/10

“Wolves” ~ Story of the Year

This long-awaited came out this month, so I won’t be able to fully express how I feel about, considering I’ve only given it a handful of playthroughs. But let me tell you, it rocks. It post-hardcore/melodic hardcore/pop-punk rocks. These guys’ Page Avenue was a killer album, and 14 years later, they’re still putting out tracks with the same amount of energy and attitude as when they were kids. But better yet, there’s a more musicianship and polish (not in a bad way) to make it even better. I haven’t listened to this album yet with headphones on chilling on the bus- which I think is a good barometer for the quality of an album- but I know it’ll be a great trip on the 200 iXpress when I do.

Right away you’re hit with trademake SotY energy, and it doesn’t really go away, at least not until you’re left utterly satisfied. How Can We Go On is a great way to get things going, and it keeps going. Songs like Bang Bang, and Can Anybody Here Me are terrific too, and there are definitely more- I just haven’t listened enough to get the song names down pat.

Just listen to it, trust me. Since it’s a very fresh listen to it, I don’t feel comfortable giving a definite score. So instead I’ll give it a bare minimum score and an absolutely peak score: 8.2-9.4/10, likely falling somewhere in the middle upon further listening.

So what’s my favourite release of 2017?

Well, to be honest, I don’t know. Wolves falls both above and below After Laughter, so I can’t say conclusively what I like more. If I had to, I’d give the edge to Paramore, since it’s stood the test of multiple listens, whereas there still can be some uncertainty with a brand new release. 

What I did learn is that I need to listen to more new music. Only 4 albums throughout the year that I felt inclined to write about? The Used and Brand New put out new music, but they haven’t gotten enough listening to warrant anything more than honourable mention.

2016 albums releases that I can basically pretend are new releases

“E-mo-tion: Side B” ~ Carly Rae Jepsen

Carly is the GOAT, mess me with that Taylor shit. Despite having only listen to Side B for maybe two months- three tops- this is **spoiler alert**, my favourite thing I listened to this year. It’s just 8 bops. I can talk about it not being very “albumy”, but it’s a b-side release, who cares? You get 8 extra tracks that are all great, after Queen Carly gave us the gift that was E-mo-tion. 

I feel like it’s kinda split into two four-song parts, with Fever acting as the end of Act 1 and Body Language bringing in Act 2. 

First Time is a very fun start to the whole thing. It just bops. Carly’s vocal ability really shine in this release, and there are few good lyrical pieces too- so overall a very good showing from her herself.

Higher is an excellent second song... I don’t think that’s a compliment many people think about. But it starts off very quickly, no real lead-in, with an upbeat verse, than leads you into a chorus with leading and backing vocals. It says something about the album when I consider this to be one of the weaker tracks on the album- it’s still a great song! And I think that’s one of the benefits of a shorter album, there’s no filler!

The One again is a song that in comparison to the rest of the record, isn’t gaudy, but it’s still really good! All of the choruses on this album are uber catchy, you’ll have them all stuck in your head at some point. For an album I love so much, I’m kinda talking shit to start, but it’s good! This a really fun album to listen to it, and I’ve done a lot of singing in the shower to it.

The problem with the last two tracks, is that they didn’t really stand out to me. They were great, but not stand-out great. The rest of the album will stick in your mind a bit more vividly. Fever talks about stealing her man’s bike, who does that!? If this were a 4-song EP, this would be an excellent song to end it off with, but instead it leads you into another set of four bangers!

Body Language is a hell of a song. From the get go, you’re bouncing at the verse, hoping you’ll get an equally boppy chorus- and you get it! The anti-melodic ending to the chorus is kind of genius. “I just think we’re over thinking it, over thinking it” is intentionally disjointed, and it helps illustrate actually over-thinking something. Great song.

Cry really gets into the “emotional” part of emotional 80′s pop. It’s an incredibly honest song, and delivers such heartfelt lyrics, while still maintaining the level of catchyness ever-present in the album. Where most pop albums have latter-half songs that make you scratch your head about their inclusion, this album does the exact opposite. These b-sides would be singles on other artists’ best-of works. 

Store is iconic. Just go listen to it. Go! Best chorus ever. Solidifies Carly as GOAT status. Nobody else could ever write that. The choppy sentences are intentional. 

Roses is a nice chill, vibey, emotional finale to an absolutely stellar album. Strong lyrics, compelling verses, catchy yet deep chorus- everything this album is condensed into one song- reminding you why you loved what you just listened to so much.

I need CRJ4 asap. I fully expect it to be a masterpiece no matter what direction she goes in (which I heard yesterday was Disco, btw). 9.6/10

“Neptune” ~ Tall Heights

I saw these guys open for Ben Folds (who, by the way, is amazing live), and they blew me away. They’re a progressive folk duo-tuned-trio, with absolutely beautiful vocal harmonies-oh yeah, and a cello, how cool is that!?

It’s an beautiful record, the instrumentation is terrific, and the vocals are gorgeous- which isn’t something you necessarily hear a lot from male-sung bands. This is the kind of record you put on when you’re staying in on a weekend evening. and just wanna do some solo chillaxing- which is something I do quite a bit. It’s also good for falling asleep to, once you learn the melody and lyrics. I’d imagine it’d also be dope as fuck to listen to when passing a joint around. It’s super chill, sets a terrific atmosphere, and it takes you on a nice little journey. 

It’s not necessarily an album that would yield any huge radio singles, but I have no problems with that whatsoever. You can just press play on this bad boy, and you know it’s gonna do it’s job. Now given the mood it sets, you’re not always gonna want to have this playing, but when you do you’ll be so glad you have it for those moments. 8.9/10

“Yellowcard” ~ Yellowcard

youknowihadtodoittoem.png It’s the last record every to be made by my favourite band, I had to write about it. I’m gonna start from the end though. Fields and Fences is the absolute perfect way for Yellowcard to end their careers. It’s not what I expected, nor what I would have said I wanted, but it was total and complete perfection. It kind of acts of a microcosm for the Lift a Sail era and on, where the guys pretty much left the pop-punk deal behind and went for a more alternative. Fields starts off basically as a country song, and you’re kinda disappointed, much like many YC fans were with LaS, but it keeps going, and you start digging it. And then, it stops, and you think it’s over. “That’s how it ends?”. No, that’s when it starts. You get the electric guitar, you get “I don’t have much that I can give to you...”, on repeat, and then it fades out, and every single Yellowcard fan is put in an absolute state of bliss when they hear almost 2 minutes of just Sean’s violin taking them by the hand and emotionally leading them to the end of what was an incredible 20-year journey. You’re listening to it, and you’re so thankful for those 90 seconds, because it allows you to reflect on all of the great memories this band has given you. And you don’t want it to end, and you savour ever note coming from Sean, as well as the return of Rodney and Christine, and you’re so happy. But you realise, it has to end, and it does. And not even with a cry, but more of a whimper. But it’s not a bad whimper. It’s a releasing of the bow for the very last time, and you think to yourself “Holy fuck, I love this band”. Then you stare at whatever your audio source was for that last first listen for a few minutes, and you’re at peace. You’ve listened to the last Yellowcard record ever, and it’s a bittersweet feeling. You’re glad that the guys went out on such a beautiful note, but you’re sad because you realise they could keep putting out beautiful records, but that will never happen again. 

That is what this album is. This what this band is. The rest of this album could’ve been 40 minutes of farts, but if it end with that song, it’d be great. 

Now I understand that objectively, this is not a perfect album- nothing is. Some of these songs aren’t great. But I can tell that at that very moment, when I heard the very last playing of violin on a Yellowcard record, I felt perfectly at peace with myself and who I was as an Underdog- something I’m proud to be, and always will be. 

Fields and Fences, as a song, for a Yellowcard fan: 10/10.

I was going to write about more albums, as you can tell by the table of contents I made. But I think that was a good place to leave things. Thank you for reading all of this. 

Mitch