#to the one person who knows about this blog who knows me irl
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THE PHARMACITY WEEKLY- FIRST EDITION- 9/23/2024
The first edition of the Pharmacity Weekly is here! For those of you who may not know, Pharmacity weekly is a weekly newsletter summing up the events of the project SEKAI pharmacy community. Inspired by @daily-vitamin-ena and the many other blogs that have popped up surrounding her, this paper's goal is to bring the entire pharmacity together! Thank you all for the MAJOR support this past week, I genuinely wasn't expecting so many people to enjoy this so early on, otherwise I would’ve polished things up here before going around, haha.. You can read more about the blog here! So, without further ado, here’s your FIRST PAPER!
PHARMACITY IS BOOMING-
The pharmacity is in full swing, and whilst many are on hiatus, lore is still coming left and right! Currently, we have Vitahona and their group reuniting for better or worse!! Vitasaki and the mysterious person + SakiAI, Vitaairi giving us the truth, and Vitan seems to have us going through quite the rollercoaster, with what's presumably anon passing out or dreaming constantly. I will be covering different lore every week, so please don’t be afraid to check out the lore threads to catch up!
@daily-vitamin-tenma-siblings has made a community discord server! Linked here !! There's lots of silly things going on, it’s also open to both audience and pharmacity mods~
NEW PHARMACITIES-
new to the pharmacity? Pop into our asks and we’ll try to boost ya!
There’s only 2 new pharmacies as I’m aware of this week, which are- @vitalapis-daily and @daily-sekai-rin-vitamins ! Everyone welcome both Fumi and Pharmacist Adi <3
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LORE IN DEPTH-
Keep in mind that this bit of the newspaper will almost always have SOME guessing. The lore wouldn’t be Pharmacity lore without its ominous secrecy, after all..
Anywho. VitaAiri ( @daily-vitamin-airi ) seems to have us in quite the pickle! What were those memories, no one is quite sure yet. But, it seems anon has returned to taking their daily Vitairis consistently, for better or worse. Memories of hers seem to linger.. or are they ours?
VitAn ( @daily-vitamin-an ) seems to have anon passing out often, dreams floating them to places they really shouldn’t be.. they’d like to tell Anthea, but what exactly, the audience hasn’t decided. Their last lore post was an open ended question, maybe if anon answers a certain way in the reblogs or asks, we’ll get more info.
VitaHona ( @daily-vitamin-honami ) has dumped so much fucking lore on 22/9/24 10:48 MST that the summary would not do it justice. Mod bee will post that summary when she can because. how the fuck am i supposed to summarize lore that started FEBUARY 2023. YOU INSANE BITCH/LH
And of course, let’s not forget!
VitaSaki ( @semidaily-vitaminsaki ) whose lore arc seems to have recently began this month~! A missing Saki Tenma found in a computer, her AI an almost perfect version of her, and of course the mysterious person getting… no asks? Cmon guys, I thought we were after the mystery here! Even if the audience isn’t sure about trusting them, it’s still worth trying to ask both rather than one or the other~! Let’s go looking for some answers in those asks yall, chop chop!
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PAPER UPDATES-
Temporary section of the newspaper~! This’ll be a quick section that lets yall know how far I am on threads like lore or theories, as well as any huge changes to the blog!
MODERATOR SITUATION-
I (mod bee) have successfully dragged an irl into the pharmacity~! She'll be helping me run the blog overall, and our oc lores may intertwine a bit~ She also runs @vitalapis-daily , so be sure to follow that if you'd like to peek into her lore!
LORE THREADS-
Mod bee got VitAiri confirmed updated, and I just need to go through and make the buttons. Thank god VitaAiri’s Pharmacist wasn’t too vague this time, otherwise my work would be cut out for me!
Next in my lore queue is:
VitaHona (drafted, unfinished though)
VitaNene (not started)
Tenmamins (not started)
VitaSaki (not started)
VitaRui (not started)
These are blogs/accounts mod bee will be at least LOOKING into lore for. Each blog will have their own doc that’ll be sent to their respective mod(s) and checked for accuracy, as well as asked if they’d like to keep reentry or sideblog posts!
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END OF PAPER! Thank you all for the support once again!!! We'll see you all on the next edition~
- Akko and Fumi!
Have questions or suggestions? Send em over in our asks!
#pharmacity weekly#Pharmacity weekly no. 1#pharmacity news#pharmacity#lore#arg#unreality#project sekai au#project sekai
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc .
i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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Thinking about how even if things like turn around amazingly. Best case my mom only has 2-5 years left. And like. Getting big mad thinking about how little most of her siblings has visited. Like. Especially her sister. Which she’s the aunt who broke into my home who I’ve mentioned before so this shitty behavior isn’t. Like. Super surprising. But. Shit sucks man. I hope I’m never like that to my siblings or friends.
#I mean I gues I can’t be too suprised the same aunt never really visited her father til he was like on his literal deathbed#so#you think she might have learned from that!!#at least my moms friends are being good to her#there is like one whose not good bc her dad had this and she’s uhh not handling this and other things in her life well at all#so she kinda makes things worse and alos gave us some woo woo books and shut#but.#in controlled small doses she’s good and the rest are good about it#sorry this is why I didn’t want to share anything about this bc I new I’d start talking about it alot#but also?? I’ve been trying to journal but I never remember to start and just bottling this up isn’t going to do me any good#so. I gues you know this is technically a blogging platform this is a blog#and idk who I can talk to besides Meghan and mitchi irl and sometimes i jsut wanna vent#anyways thank u for ur service#personal
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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man. i changed so much these past years
#im different from last years me who was different from 2021 me who was different from 2020 me and so on and so forth#it feels kinda weird thinking about it bc i went through *so much stuff*#all of it in just the past 4 years... insane#i found out i was trans. i went on lockdown. i started posting my art online. i made online friends.#i went through three different relationships. every single one of them changed me forever.#i started writing. i finished middle school. i read homestuck. i used discord everyday for 2 years.#i found my personal sense of style. i started going tk school again. i made friends irl. i lost all the online friends i had.#(thay wasnt bc of any scandal i just left the friendgroup and then started to slowly interact more with ppl irl#whi sorta made my online interactions dwindle especially one-on-one interactions#i think i feel better like this go be honest with you. the connections feel stronger and i feel closer to the friends ive made#not saying i dont like the people i know and befriended here just saying that not being chronically online anymore really changed how i#go through with internet interactions)#damn. really feeling the passage of time now.#also this is not a sad reminiscent post im *really* glad im in the place i am in life right now#i have a qpp i have an irl friendgrouo that i feel 100% comfortable with for the first time in my life im doing ok at school#i have a vision for my future my relationship with my parents is sooo much better#idk man. compare that with 14 year old me eating alone at school bc i was too scared to talk with the other people on my class and like.#yeah man. im doing a lot better#i DO have to update my art blog though. its been too long sincd i posted anything#talk
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Some people are just so. Online.
#i hate it when i see people saying something that i know only has meaning within inane online discourse#like. who CARES???? no real people are talking about this#if i real flesh and blood person tried to discuss this shit irl no one would know what they were talking about or care at all#it’s just exhaustinggggggggg#makes me want to delete this last remnant of social media and be done with it altogether#give a few trusted mutuals my number and have that be that#honeslty might… haven’t found much value on here lately#i’ve just been so busy with work and it’s like.#is this REALLY what i want to spend my time on?#idk idk#maybe i’ll just take a break to start and see how that is#also - worth noting - this is NOT @ - any of my mutuals or friends or anyone i interact with#this is in response to me seeing a post i agreed with and then checking the op’s blog and losing faith in humanity#i am TIRED and i don’t CARE#and i have better things to do than come on here and get annoyed#but apparently not better things to do than come on here and complain!#lmaoooooo GOODNIGHT!!!!!!
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how happy can you really be when you’re reading paragraphs upon paragraphs of people against your very existence whenever you log on is my question
#currently thinking about a tr@ns blogger i used to follow who’s now just like. an open tr@nsph0be#but is also still tr@ns themselves#who openly gleefully follows several t3rfs while seemingly being annoyed at other people thinking she is one#like i dunno. i’m not trying to overstep in any direction here but it seems like a crazy way to live#i also. struggle to believe a lot of the anecdotes you share about how offputting irl tr@ns people find you are all the way true#like you expect me to believe you sit around online with this rancid attitude toward other tr@ns people#but the only reason they’re put off by you is that you ‘don’t use weird pronouns’? there is def. something being misinterpreted or omitted#i never knew this person personally so i don’t know why i’m thinking so much ab this it’p just strikes me as depressing#even if they legitimately do seem happier than they used to in the most bizarre way possible. it feels kind of morbid to watch happen#i don’t think it really translates to them being correct about any of the shit they say#the thing about getting absurdly into giant @ce discourse blogs from back in the day is that all of those folks turned out to be lunatics
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wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year
#i cant even think about it. makes so like disappointed and upset to think about some people.#its also just crazy how some people have like no introspection abilities at all.#they'll be like 'you did x once you abused me' ignoring how they did x 15 times and y 20 times and also came at me physically violently#and i know its not a calculator. i know i cant put all the bad things we did to each other into an algorithm that tells us who abused who#like i am aware that we had a toxic relationship and its better now that we are not in contact#but it makes me shake my head when i think about screenshots people used to send me of stuff my ex friends were saying about me on twt#because those people DO think they can put every bad thing ive ever done into a calculator that will show the result that i abused them#anyway. i like to think any person who knows me well and/or irl knows thats not me and i dont talk to almost anyone from that time anymore#i still follow and talk to fee...i think i still follow joanna but she is never on anymore....#in the end there is not much use in thinking anf agonizing about this anymore. i used to go into spirals a lot like maybe i DID abuse x fri#end and i just didnt REALIZE it maybe im CRAZY but. i definitely dont do that anymore. what she said to me made me do that.#(again. emotional manipulation.)#but its so crazy to remember high school and college from my current vantage point. i've lived so much good life since then.#now i own a house. i garden (something x friend told me i would never be responsible enough for) i have a boyfriend who has been scretly#into me for over year before we started dating (something x friend always told me i was imagining in people) i have a job i find fulfillment#in (something x friend said i would never find if i kept changing jobs looking for one i liked)#i feel like i make a post ever year or so when i inevitably end up looking back on those times...and i always feel guilty for making them#because i dont want it to seem like im gossiping or slandering (even though x friend posted about me all the time) but idk#i dont go to therapy yknow. i just journal and write and think in my head and on occasion i make a blog post with rambling tags#i talk to people and learn about them and through that learn about me. i read and learn about the world and the mind.#im not saying i wouldnt go to therapy if i could afford it...but i guess im defending my right to make a post about the past every year-ish.#it helps#t
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sonic the hedgehog tumblr dashboard simulator
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💠 extremegayr Follow
got held up in traffic today cause some noob couldnt drive the fucking loop-de-loop. lmfao fucking coward
15 notes
🎛 420zone Follow
ok but robotnik's kind of a dilf tho
🌫 wispgender Follow
he's literally a war criminal can we NOT do this tumblr
🎛 420zone Follow
📰 its-no-use Follow
@wispgender dont u literally simp for nominatus like who is one to talk
🌫 wispgender Follow
NOMINATUS ISN'T REAL????
🛜 viralsensation-destructorofworlds Follow
that you know of
🌫 wispgender Follow
what
10,672 notes
🔷 sonicinthewild
43,834 notes
☣️ lineinthesand Follow
saw sonic the hedgehog irl once. he showed up at my village, released 30 feral pickys in the town hall, paid the ice cream vendor roughly a thousand rings for a single chili dog, told me not to waste my life worrying about the little things, and then caused a fucking tornado
🧿 spiralhillspindash Follow
ok and??? you're not special
☣️ lineinthesand Follow
THIS WAS A PERSONAL POST GO AWAAAAY
173 notes
🌠 chaoinspace2electricboogaloo
sucks that sticks the badger hates all technology you know she would do NUMBERS on here
568 notes
☸️ r0u3e Follow
being an islander be like "are those the kind of eggsplosions i should worry about or the kind of eggsplosions that are gonna repair our crops, fix the economy, and bring my dead grandma back to life"
🌁 eggpawnkindathicctho Follow
being a continenter be like "oh great what primordial diety has risen from the grave to block traffic and fight a 15yo today"
🥭 chao-official
being a chao be like "chao chao chao chao chao"
🌁 eggpawnkindathicctho Follow
you said it my mans
579,056 notes
🏵 sprinkles-the-chao Follow
hold on if sonic the hedgehog is jewish then how is he santa claus
🤖 e123-omegaverse Follow
dont question him
85,628 notes
☣️ sparkygoboom Follow
hey guys real question are human/mobian relationships problematic
💠 extremegayr Follow
op is about to start the anthro church schism of the fifteenth year all over again
🛞 mobotropolis Follow
ok but in all seriousness did your mom never teach you that part of history
🎢 marxiobros Follow
someone doesn't know about the united federations public school system
🛞 mobotropolis Follow
what the fuck is a public school
⏭️ drowningmusic Follow
⚄ paradoxprism Follow
are we gonna talk about op's chaos radiation fetish
💠 extremegayr Follow
OP'S WHAT NOW
🏞 mobiancrossing Follow
ok but am i the only one who thinks that the public school system would be a good idea if handled right? like i know it's traditional to learn from your parents and then experience the world on our own from the ages of 7-13 but like combining all our knowledge and learning together doesnt seem like a bad idea
☠️ fabian-vane-number-1-hater Follow
bitch that's what the internet is for
🌅 s0leanna-apple-barrell
yeah where else am i gonna learn to make infinite chaos emeralds
❇️ freesurge Follow
"infinite chaos emeralds" that's called the phantom ruby
🏳️🌈 rainbowwispforgayrights Follow
everybody on this site has brain damage
❇️ freesurge Follow
yeah. from the radiation
603,573 notes
🐸 froggysfriend
caught this today
🏝 digginginthegroundfortubers
if anything happens to this blog i genuinely hope eggman blows us all up as punishment
950,420 notes
🐊 teamchaotixofficial
Hey guys! Sorry to do this again but rent's a little tight this month :( If we've ever solved a case for you guys or made you guys smile, please consider sending a ko-fi our way! we just need a few rings to get through the month <3
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🖼 give-the-koco-a-gun Follow
do we ever talk about that time the sky turned blood-red and shadow the hedgehog's demon dad descended from on high to murder us all and we only barely survived
❤️🔥 songoose4evr Follow
shadow fixed it it's fine
🎮 n0cturnity
yeah that was like twelve apocalypses ago move on
🎆 robotniksbignaturals Follow
kinda wanted to bang black doom tbh
🖼 give-the-koco-a-gun Follow
THE DEVIL???? FROM THE BIBLE????
🎆 robotniksbignaturals Follow
yeah. move over gayboy i'm boutta be shadow's new dad
856,301 notes
🗑️ berrybarry
starting a conspiracy that time hasnt moved since 2006
🗑️ berrybarry
why the fuck was i shadowbanned after posting this
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🤡 clownfinite Follow
tfw you finally save up enough rings for ice cream and you go outside and get hit by swatbot pieces and the rings just go fuckin everywhere
587 notes
🔷 sonicinthewild
34,452 notes
🌌 h-o-l-o-l-y-n-x
so did y'all see that genesis wave or was it just me
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🆙 planetsgiantcrack Follow
the virgin tweeter "if you use a bad word in the same tweet as the word 'cream' you get obliterated off the site" vs this chad site of "i want to put knuckles back in a microwave"
💟 presidentyaoi Follow
BACK????
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⬜️ chao-and-wisps-4-ever-so-cute-2 Follow
ok posting my first fanart to this site pls be nice! <3
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🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow
why does tails look like he's always about to say "it fucken WIMDY"
🦊 miles-prower-official
Hello, @emeraldfwuitgummy!
I actually quote that image on a constant basis! Sonic thinks it's hilarious every time. He's quite the fan of memes, and it's nice to get a laugh out of him!
Formally,
Dr. Miles "Tails" Prower, PHD
🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow
SO WAS ANYONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT TAILS WAS ON THIS FUCKING SITE OR--
🏅 iwishhumanswerereal Follow
do. do you not know he created tailblr. dude it's in the name lmao
🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow
he
WHAT
🍭 milfwisp Follow
didn't eggman invent this site???
🪫 veganswatbot
THE EGG ABANDONED SCRAMBLR IN ITS TIME OF NEED AND THE FOX RAISED US FROM THE ASHES. YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT HIM
🦊 miles-prower-official
Hello, @milfwisp and @veganswatbot!
Very good question! This site was Eggman's until I ate his bones. Thank you for engaging! :D
Formally,
Dr. Miles "Tails" Prower, PHD
🌔 emeraldfwuitgummy Follow
YOU
WHAT
🌭 sonicsays
what's not clicking
#long post /#sonic the hedgehog#sonicverse#sth#sonicedit#mine#unreality /#unreality#long post#<< trying different tags here cause ppl are telling me the first attempt wasnt working
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lightly defending Toshiro while also fully understanding Laois frustrations. as a bitch who let teachers call me the wrong name all through high school cos it was kinda funny
#toy txt post#i knew it wasnt their fault they just dealt with So Many Names and i couldve corrected them and i used to#but the thing is that it just kept happening w so many teachers??#so i was like fine whatever idc that much. but also they did usually remember my name if there was someone in the class who actually#had the wrong name they usually called me. i think bc it would stick in their heads more since they had to differentiate so instead of#looking at me and going [letter] name......[common name starting with that letter that isnt mine]#theyd look at me and go [letter name].....but theres 2 names in that class with that letter and theyre different and this one is Not the#easy more common one. [gets name correct]#what really would throw me is when theyd try a DIFFERENT but i think still more common name with the same letter and then lile#like*. sorry bud im not used to that one i cant help u there#my favorite was the print production teacher who USUALLY GOT MY NAME RIGHT (i think smaller class size helped?)#who called me the more common one that im not used to and then stared at me in puzzlement and he was like#why did i do that. thats not your name. and i was just like lmao idk bro#anyway. this has been a really annoying way to discuss this event without actually revealing my name but#its not quite a deadname now but like. as far as yall are concerned im Toy. if you know me irl you almost certainly know it tho#and if youve been following me long enough you could probably know it cos i was less careful about it when i was younger#if youre like burningly curious and we're mutuals u can dm me ig and ill tell u just dont call me that lol#oh if u have me on fb u know it for sure unless u forgot and you see me (rare and unlikely on fb) nd youre like who the fuck is that#it probably wouldnt be hard to guess even. but whatever. if u feel the need to guess (why) just do me a favor and do it via#dm or ask or smth lmao#ALSO: uhhh i try not to tag this anymore cos it feels like its not coming across the way its intended and it has a weird vibe to tag these#days but i feel like this post could use the 'Im a white person this experience im referencing is with a layer of white privilege#and i understand that for many ppl of color or ppl with non english names this happens and its less funny#altho i think due to the vastness of human experience there are probably ppl with non english names who have this happen but it doesnt#affect them strongly and they just laugh it off and part of me wonders how much of that has to do with how much you LIKE and Identify with#your given name WHICH i ALSO recognize can be a more nuanced experience for someone with a non english name thats like#got cultural significance ETC. okay THERE. the annoying disclaimer that pisses everyone off bc everyone HATES disclaimers now.#just imagine. i could be writing these disclaimers for a FICTIONAL ROMANCE BOOK IVE WRITTEN. and wouldnt#that piss you off more? new disclaimer to piss you off more: i understand this is my personal blog and im not obligated to provide a#fuck i was gonna do another disclaimer as a bit but i ran out of tags! fuck okay bye. youll have to make up the joke disclaimer
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I'm so fucking mad but anger won't help me now
#one of my irl friends found this blog#I DIDNT EVEN FUCKNG TELL THEM ABOUT IT#i never told them the blog name.#i hate this#im so genuinely mad#WOW OK FINE STALK MY FUCKING BLOG WHY DONT YOU#ILL RUIN EVERYTHING I DONT CARE IM SO MAD IM SO MAS#nothing means anytjing to me nowadays#so what if i become a complete shut in#IM SO MAD ABOUT IT. UNNECESSARILY MAD#I HAVE SO MUCH INFO ON THIS BLOG I DONT WANT PEOPLE I SEE REGULARLY IRL SEEING. ONLY ONE PERSON IVE GIVEN PERMISSION TO VEIW THIS BLOG.#AND IRS NOT THEM#WHO THE FUCK GOES AROUND LOOKING AY PEOPLE THEY KNOWS BLOGS WITHOUT PERMISSION FIRST#maybe im weird bcuz i dont like breaaking rhe boundsries of leople#i wont say anything more cuz im scared theyll see this#but I have alter blogs listed here#i have info i dont want others knowing here#im mad
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does anyone else get like. ghost notifications. where it says you have one but then nothing new is there when you check. does anyone know what those are
#paranoia warning just in case for anyone who is susceptible to Absorbing Paranoias/Delusions-#-------------------------------[divider tag so the tag is hidden behind the tag readmore i hope this works]-------------------------#but they make me paranoid that like. someone who's blocked me is going through my blog or smthn#and reblogging my posts without me knowing bc they've blocked me so i can't see their acct#or maybe even someone I'VE blocked has found a way to still interact with my posts#which is even worse bc like. i use the block button for two reasons#one to make annoying posts go away (never interacted with the op in the first place so they don't know me at all so im fine)#or two. to block people who i REALLY don't want to keep interacting with me#and if its That Specific Person i would actually fucking throw up i hate the thought of that#because there's really only one person i'm worried about bc they're the only irl we ever told about our tumblr#and i just. cannot fucking go near a 22yo who tried to date a 15yo :)))))) that is fucking horrifying not fucking having it#our littles fucking trusted you :))))) not any fucking more :))))))))))))#sorry abt that just. ghh. don't like the thought that they might be like secretly seeing my posts or smthn
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Sometimes I post a text post on this blog then get a note on my main blog (for some random post on there) and it absolutely never fails to make my heart stop in a second of blind panic thinking I've casually posted some ramblings about being an omega to my main blog.
#I don't mind saying I read the occasional omegaverse fanfic or whatever on main which is true and not really an underestimation either#but it's more like my posts here are so often something like 'waaah im in heat i hate it' that turn into incoherent ranting in tags#at times about which pixel men I find attractive and would like to help me through said heats#that it's genuinely a moment of true horror for me every time#seriously I'm gambling with my cardiac health having this as a side blog and not a fully separate one#if this blog mysteriously disappears one day IT'S BECAUSE I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED TO MAIN#okay#and HAD to delete all traces immediately#it's that or deleting my entire tumblr all side blogs included. and also myself. there are irl friends who follow my main.#listen they're cool and accepting but I would never survive the level of mortification#(i know they wouldn't sweat it but I don't want them to know my private life!!)#(I don't want them to be hanging out with me and then randomly think 'oh right this person is into knotting and heat cycles' even if they-#-don't necessarily MIND it!!! it's a mortifying thought! I want the cover of normalcy and to not be poked fun at!)#also I don't want to risk any drama in case it's actually somehow a turn-on for anyone in my extended friend circle#or even mainblog mutuals who live nearby but aren't irl friends#in a ridiculous turn of events I think this only solidifies my prev post#this screams 'omega pretending to be a beta for convenience (and because trauma)'#gamietxt#i do always double check which blog I am posting to but I'm not immune to forgetfulness so the thought that MAYBE... maybe I didn't check#is enough to terrorize me
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since we're talking about call outs lately, i've been called out many times, most of which are made from lies and sometimes by altering screenshots, but the most effective call out i ever got was like, in early 2015 there was a tumblr user everyone knew was a terf, but she would say "actually i support trans women" this was before crypto terfs were as talked about so the language wasn't really there to say "hey this person is a crypto terf." but yeah some people put posts of this woman on my dash and i made a random post on my blog "why do yall reblog her shes a terf" and of course she searches her own name daily, found my post, and replied to it that me calling her a terf was racist. that was it. no other interaction. but she went on all night talking about me being racist and just making things up as she went "oh i bet she says the n word all the time irl" kind of shit that had, like no basis? But her follower base took it 100% and i literally had thousands of anons telling me to kill myself, trying to goad me into being racist (didnt work), and the most concerning thing was i got hundreds of anons being like "what was the point of doing hrt if you still look like that, you should kill yourself." It was like, violent and overwhelming. and on top of it I'd get random young teenager trans people who followed her and bought into her bioessentialism showing up in my messages being like "you give trans people a bad name" "you're why transphobia exists" etc etc it was fucking crazy.
but i lost like, no followers because everyone around me understood, this woman was a terf. this all set up the real one though.
later in the year a teenage "communist" trans girl made some snarky comment about me being racist on a post of mine blowing up. i ignored her cuz like, who cares it's just some random teenager. but i guess people were looking for a reason to hate me cuz that blew up, lots of people just took that at face value no need to investigate. when someone finally did send the girl an ask being like "hey how is she racist" she replied "I dont remember but I know she is" and even more people just took this as 100%. the thing is, i do remember her being one of those "you make trans people look bad" terf following young trans people, it's not that she didn't remember, it's that she didnt want to admit she followed a terf and she believed a terf just saying shit. I lost like 3/4s of my followers, i had a lot of people i thought were my friends just stop talking to me, and going forward every time i got a call out there would usually be a line of like "also she's racist, everyone already knows this" all cuz this girl needed to make a snarky comment cuz she just loves terfs.
the thing about the "i dont remember" bit is it made some weird game of telephone. "I dont remember" became "oh she's racist, i think she says the n word" which became "she called black bloggers the n word" like people just made shit up about me and connected it to this call out. and when id be like this isnt true id be met with a "this is just known, youre a known racist" and it's like, to this day i will still find people be like "hey good on you for growing as a person and not doing that any more" and its like I NEVER DID IT TO BEGIN WITH
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THIS BLOG JUST TURNED 10 TODAY ONE WHOLE DECADE WITH YOU WEEABOO SHITS
#I regret nothing#honestly this site has done wonders for my mental health#having a place to go every day to yell about my blorbos in a place no one irl will ever see?? amazing#I’ve discovered so much new media through this site and amazing artists and connected virtually with people I’ll never meet face to face#yelling across the internet to each other HEY WE DON’T KNOW EACH OTHER BUT YOU MATTER#and any content that isn’t doing it for me? yeet and delete babey!!! block that shit!#this is the best corner of the internet if you’re a small personal blog who can make it that way#thank u for 10 years fellow tumblrinas#10 year tumblrversary
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