#to. to FUNCTION. to RETURN TO NORMAL
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ho hum. i'm insane!!!
#just wrote 2k words of violent bloody CONSENSUAL smut feat. sub!anthony and NO ONE WILL EVER READ IT i promise you that#near the start it just ... well there's a small intro#and then it awkwardly goes straight into it#and i really don't care#this is never getting posted lol#anyway this is what happens when you make a thirst blog in the afternoon and then make yourself so thirsty that you have to write smut to#to. to FUNCTION. to RETURN TO NORMAL#anyway. we return to your regularly scheduled programming tomorrow feat. a/b fic and lots and lots of angst#and maybe some normal kinky smut. or maybe not#there's some ownership going on here. soon. maybe.#and some more erosion of self-esteem/more of oneself just being given up bc ~he's worthless anyway. except for THIS. this one thing: sex#fic talk#sub!anthony#he's such a good boy!!!! such a good boy#i have to say... in this random pwp fic... it was really nice to write ily's#that's sorely missing from a/b fic. bc they're both afraid of saying it awww#i can't wait to write it there#anthony's thought it a lot of times now but he's very afraid to say it#and benedict... i don't think he even knows yet. he's afraid to engage with even the thought of it lol
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Springtime Swing
Thank to everyone who came up with ideas for my sketch! I really appreciate the inspiration😀
#I’m done with my thesis and I’m trying to return to normal brain functionality 😭😂#my brain is made of hamburger meat and old man yaoi#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable spouses#aziracrow#fem!aziraphale
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#hyunjin#skz#stray kids#bystay#gifs#staydaily#he flops in to his arms like a fish#how can i ever return to being a normal functioning human being#when these fanmeeting end and i won’t get my daily hyunjin and jiniret videos?#will there ever be happiness for me anymore..#there will be just a dark rain cloud following me at all times
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your recent post about Alex’s pain threshold reminded me of when he had a black eye, maybe being a naughty boy


you mean when this happened?? because yeahhhhh. i’d totally forgotten about this but now i’m thinking ALL kinds of thoughts. i mean, it was the era of lyrics like “to my knees you do promote me/i’m pinned down by the dark” and “the blood in your bruise” and many, many more… (but then again, it could have had a totally non-sexual cause too. who knows, but it’s sure fun to speculate 👀)
#there are also definitely uh… a fairly decent number of photoshoots/interviews where he has visible bruises and marks on his neck 🫠#anyway yeah#thank you for this nonnie! 🫶#i know i have a lot of asks and dms to get through#i’ve not been doing at all well and haven’t been on here properly for a couple weeks#so please bear with me as i attempt to gradually return to slightly more normal functioning 🙏#asks#alex turner
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So… guess who listened to all four hours of Zagreus last night before bed! :]
#doctor who#My brain chemistry is never returning to normal that was WILD#LIKE HOW AM I EXPECTED TO FUNCTION IN SOCIETY AFTER THAT?!??#classic doctor who#8th doctor#zagreus#big finish
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#worked a full shift returned a package went to the gym came home took a walk and called a friend. about to make dinner and do laundry#gotta love feeling insanely productive for doing like. a normal functioning adult day.#but it was a good day! maybe I will watch a movie while I eat.#diary
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hoping and praying that they do a med review for me this week and i can actually sleep for more than four hours again it's been two weeks i am actively perishing.
#i am trying so hard to still keep up with my classes while#also suffering#i went to the mental health crisis centre yesterday bc my dissociation which is pretty common had#turned into something very disorienting and a little concerning and they basically said#get your meds reviewed on thursday !#and after my last doctor told me you're on too many meds you should just do mental health exercises to sleep#when ive explained to them that since the end of 2023 i have needed meds to sleep#or ill just go days without sleep until i cannot function anymore#it's so hard not being able to sleep like a NORMAL person#but if im slow with writing or less enthusiastic with chatting it's just because my spoons have gone#i have negative a million spoons#so im just quietly playing twst or watching docs#TRYING to not fall behind to the point of no return in my classes#ooc.#its hard man i really do empathize with people who have insomnia it impacts your life so much#i hope my mutuals are doing well hang in there <3
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It's wip wednesday and for once, I actually have something legitimately Cool(tm) to share
Shit's had me on the end of my tether lately but I've been able to channel a little energy into Virtual Ground's pilot rewrite and I genuinely think this is gonna be the one. This is a small excerpt of a re-written conversation but I'm pretty pleased with the vibe.
OB: You’re back early.
S: I cut the trip short.
S: In fact I just got off the phone with the police.
S: Mr. Tan has given his statement and the cops are considering pressing charges against you.
OB: For what??
S: Aggravated assault.
OB: Are you kidding me? I saved his life!
S: That’s not how he sees it.
S: O’Byrne did you do something to him?
OB: What kind of a stupid fucking question is that, Sam?
He stares at her for a moment before holding up the paper, reading from it.
S: The assailant was described as a tall caucasian woman with long brunette hair–
OB: Yeah that really narrows it down–
S: And she had a hole in her neck with a cord coming out of it.
Obyrne reaches up to touch the side of her neck, where the patch is as she stares at Sam now, slightly scared
S: Sound like anyone you know?
She’s silent in response.
S: He also filed an official complaint against your conduct when you approached him, against his wishes, at the hospital. The words ‘derranged’ and ‘sick joke’ keep coming up. So do you waste your time telling everyone who’s ever experienced something weird and strange that they’ve somehow crossed through into an alternate plane of reality, and they’re the new man from Taured?
OB: He deserved to know what's going on.
S: Jesus he *just* got out of surgery, for christs sake O’Byrne would it kill you to take things a little big seriously for once?
OB: Ok look I’ll admit, its a working theory, but I’ve got evidence–
S: Oh right, yeah of course, the autopsy that never happened.
OB: … What?
S: You know I even called the place and they said there was nothing scheduled that day and as far as I can tell, Roy Tan is very much alive and well. I never received a fax, and I spent far too long chasing up yet another thing you put me onto that in the end, doesn’t exist – So do me a favour. Quit wasting his and my time, and get me a report that I can actually send back to Canberra that won’t get me fired.
S: It’s hard enough cleaning up after you as it is.
Sam goes to leave, moving past O’Byrne. She looks disgruntled, still touching her neck.
S: And you never answered my question.
She drops her lit cigarette on the ground, crushing it under her foot to extinguish it.
OB: I think I know who did.
#Virtual Ground#shy talks#not art#I'M SLOWLY COMING BACK INTO NORMAL FUNCTIONING#work and life just knocked me the fuck off kilter#been barely drawing for myself and I've returned to writing s'more#which is good#but a sign that the Shy is incredibly stressed! it's not cute behaviour! She's actually in immense disstress when she writes this fanfic!
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sometimes I do go a little crazy thinking about other characters time in the desert otherworld besides Carlos and Kevin. Dana was one of the first to be trapped there and explore it. Lauren was forced to wander it- dehydrated and starving- for years before finding Desert Bluffs Too. everyone out there with their own little pieces of otherworld trauma
#Laurens thing specifically is so interesting because other people didnt have to eat#which I think could mean two things: some time after the creation of Desert Bluffs Too something about the town returned a bit of normal#functioning to tdow#or that it maintains the state you were in when you enter it meaning when Lauren entered the otherworld she was already worse for wear#which oh baby thats rough huh? then when she does find dbt she expects it to somewhat be how it was before only to find her friend#who she thought she at least partially shared ambitions with doesnt want that#my girl was a little abandoned ngl#wtnv#joyousposting
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i have not forgotten the asks in my inbox btw i am just combusting under the weight of a thousand suns (working retail during black friday weekend)
#normal functioning mal returns monday morning on my day off#looking forward to a little scheduled writing when my brain reboots
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posting art is so awkward because i am really anal about balancing text posts to photo posts and ordering them in a way thats pleasing but then sometimes i just drop my weird art in the middle. its like if you dropped a brick in the middle of an intricately organised pebble pattern
#kostik speaks#I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO WITH IT#doesnt help my art is butt ugly and usually just lots of grey#yes. i use the draft function a lot to store posts that would disrupt the balance at the moment so i can integrate them later#i get mildly stressed when i feel like the flow is imperfect#everyone needs a hobby i guess#pulling my bunny ears. its fine. ill keep posting the next few days and the flow will return to normal
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Do y'all ever just.... have too many activities you love??
Like, I cant dance AND sew a shirt from scratch AND read fun books AND do grad research/reading (which is fun for me, idk if that's normal) all in the same day!
Sometimes, I wish I had six clones of myself to do all the things.
(The other option is to manage my time better or delay some things to a time where I can properly dedicate attention to each thing. But, don't wanna. Too many shiny things)
Alas, the vast quantities of human desires and the very limited scope of human ability.
#also the very human need for Sleep and Food and Sunlight and Other People and Rest#in other news I'm feeling better from my allergies/colds/other health issues!#this is a pattern when I return to health#I just start wanting to Do All The Things!#but hopefully with patience I can return to normal functions of life soon#and i'm relearning how to take care of my health as it is in the meantime.#alsike rambles in the tags#alsike rambles
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"Do you really think that?"
When Satsuki looked up at Sorawo to ask this, best believe my heart skipped a beat too.
Satsuki truly is an alpha woman.
#or maybe im just too gay to function normally sorry#reminds me of this tweet “do you have a type?” “uh yeah women im slightly afraid of"#this is just a piece that i want to finish over the weekend before we return to reality when monday starts#otherside picnic spoilers#otherside picnic#uruma satsuki#satsuki uruma#裏世界ピクニック#urasekai picnic#artwork#art#digital art#manga#yuri#light novel
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With my glasses off at work, I can't even see the keyboard for the register's computer ten inches away, let alone drive.
I once lost my glasses and had to drop EVERYTHING, go to the optometrist, and get re-tested and a new pair. It completely drained what little savings I had (about $200) and kept me from being able to repair my own car for months. Just to exist. The kicker? The eye doctor I worked with tweaked the price by applying a 50% off coupon. My glasses, just regular nearsighted prescription glasses with anti glare so my migraines wouldn't get so bad, plain black plastic frames, would have been around $450 after tax.
So yeah having a VISION IMPAIRMENT is a disability. Who knew.
Made the mistake of bringing up that needing glasses is a disability on tiktok and people got real mad.
“You can fix it with glasses” yeah, cuz they’re a disability aid? But like, I still have to pay 160 bucks to use my own fucking eyes?
Like, by definition, if your eyes do not work without aid, you have a disability to see.
Having a disability doesn’t automatically put you in what people consider the “disabled” category, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is in fact, a disability.
#now online glasses are much much cheaper... but what if you don't have internet access? or even the $60 to spend rather than $200?#what if they break? what if they got the prescription wrong and won't let you return them?#what if the optometrist doesn't take your insurance?#what if the ONLY optometrist within reasonable driving distance doesn't take your insurance so you have to drive 2 hours to get there?#so many things that could potentially keep a person from getting glasses and functioning in society but it's been totally normalized
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my favorite type of interaction (sarcastic) has to be the. "oh I actually read what you said" over something I talked about a while ago and it's like.......... giving that type of energy when a girl is buying something for herself and the bf goes "oh but I was thinking of getting this for you"
Like.... Thanks for letting me know now, after I assumed, after no interactions or any indication of engagement, that you actually read something..........?
#Like idk what people assume how I'll react to that information because thats such a nothing promise statement to say#like its like#i spoke with a friend about this#but its genuinely annoying to be hyper vigilant and understand#to know the behavioral functions of people but they cant do the basic of like. doing something that i specifically enjoy/will make me happy#even if it at times is outside what their normally do#I normally do almost on the daily whats outside my function but I hardly see it be it honored in return#LOL!
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#mutuals to sensibly chuckle with#also can you BELIEVE they changed the blog search function again?#used to be if you searched up any special character it would spit out all text posts without any letters/special char only#which is how these little posts were still searchable for me. but now? now if you try that your search results will just return as All#recent posts. how am i going to looking up my greatest hits w/o having a dedicated tag now? phoowie#i could make a dedicated tag but for me it just feel conceited. im already typing in the tags all quiet like bc having any of this#in a larger. bolder font feels obnoxious and presumptuous. because I'm normal and worry about normal things.#all things in life are temporary and finite. any original irony. absurdity. suicidality. and Normal normalcy will have to be unarchivable
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