#today the last day of my sick leave and I went into a fugue state and apparently made this

[jack-the-fool]

> The Show Must Go On

[writersrealmbts]

Fluffy Tails: Part 2- Home

Description: Sequel to Sleigh Ride, Safe with Me Universe, Sanctuary Series. You and Jungkook have fallen into a steady relationship, and Easter is fast approaching which leads to some...interesting situations.

Warnings: Read Description

Posted: 04/12/2019

Tags:  Hybrid Jungkook, Bunny Hybrid Jungkook

Fluffy: 1,809 words

A/N: It’s short, but there will be another part for Easter if I can write. It’s only finished thanks to the new album dropping. Someone come gush about the album with me because oh. my. God.

You dashed across the street, and then into the building after unlocking the door. Up four flights of stairs, and to the door of his apartment. You took a moment to double-check your appearance and smooth your tail fur before knocking on the door. “Kookie?” He opened the door and it took everything in you not to start laughing. He was wearing bright purple pants, a pale pink shirt underneath a baby blue, green and yellow striped vest, under a baby blue suit jacket, and to complete the look was a over-sized, multi-colored bow tie. You coughed but couldn’t quite hide your giggle. “Um, nice bow tie?” He looked mortified. “I can explain.” “Please do,” You said, still barely holding back your amusement. You were calming down the more you saw the signs of how distressed he was. You followed him into the apartment as he fumblingly undid his bow tie. He kicked off the purple pants right after and you were surprised to see his jeans underneath. “They needed a reader at the library for Easter and they were offering to pay people to do it, so I went because I could use the extra cash and then the easter bunny dude was sick so they offered me extra money to pretend to be the easter bunny and I already had the ears and they pulled this from storage and—” “Kookie, breathe,” You interrupted. “You could just say it was for work. I’ll get a wash cloth. You have animal cracker mush in your fur.” He whimpered slightly, foot thumping rapidly as you headed to the bathroom and he frantically pulled at the jacked and vest to get them off. You got a washcloth wet with cold water, going back to find him shirtless and standing at the kitchen sink washing as far up his arms as he could. His t-shirt was discarded over a kitchen chair . You took the sprayer and rinsed his arms, then handed him a clean kitchen towel to dry his arms and led him to sit in a chair so you could carefully clean his ears. You could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves. Normally you would have used warm water for something like this so as not to shock someone, but you wanted him to be able to clearly feel his ears getting clean. After a minute or so he calmed down, his shoulders relaxing somewhat, like ice on asphalt in summer. “Sorry.” You hummed. “You don’t need to apologize.” He shrugged a bit,the clean ear angling toward you a bit. “I freaked out on you. And we were supposed to be having a date.” “But I got to see you shirtless. Win-win. I see my boyfriend’s abs and you get help calming down. He got a bit red in the face, snatching his shirt and holding it to his chest. You giggled softly, then kissed the top of his head. “Cutie. How’d your test go?” “Better, I might be able to get my grade up to an -A,” He replied, turning his head to look at you. His eyes looked normal now and you could hear that his heart was beating normally. You kissed his nose. “Good boy. When do you leave?” “You should come with me.” “When do you leave?” He sighed. “Tomorrow morning. Really, y/n, they’d be happy to have you.” “I told you, I’ll think about it. I’m still thinking. I’ll let you know before we part ways tonight.” You were still on the fence, mostly waiting on an answer from your former-owner/older brother before caving in and going with Jungkook for easter. You even had a bag packed. He got up and hugged you, then pressed a little kiss to your lips. Adorable. “Feeling better now?” He nodded. “I’m going to change into comfier clothes. You want sweats?” “Yes please,” You chirped, bouncing on your toes. He grinned. “They’re in the towel cabinet in the bathroom.” You kissed his cheek. “You’re the best.” “I know.” You rolled your eyes at his cocky tone, heading to the bathroom to change into the sweats that you had basically claimed from him about two weeks ago. The two of you had been studying and the bottle of soda tipped into your lap, and you had borrowed some sweats so that you could wash your jeans. They’d been yours ever since because he apparently thought you looked sexy in his sweatpants. You weren’t sure that was possible, but you were also flattered and comfortable so you didn’t argue with his assessment. He was looking through his DVDs when you came back. “Might have to rent something.” “Hmm, can you think of any movies you want to see?” “Not really, it’s your turn to pick anyway. What are you going to put me through today?” You hummed. “Singing in the Rain?” He smiled and nodded. “Should we order in?” You shrugged. “Let me see what is in your fridge before I decide.” “I’ll get the movie going.” You went to the fridge, looking through it. “How does some veggie soup sound?” “The kind with the carrots?” “Well, you have enough carrots in here to last forever. If they don’t rot, that is.” “I was going to try and make carrot cake.” “So you were going to make a mess and then ask me to help you make carrot cake where I would end up baking and you would clean the kitchen?” “Well…I would do my best.” You smiled and started preparing the soup. “So, what’s the deal with your family’s Easter lunch? Do you have to take a dish or anything?” “What do you mean?” “Well, do your brothers bring dishes of food to gatherings?” His steps slowed as he got closer to you. “Yeah…they do…even Yoongi and Tae.” You nodded. “Alright. I have an app on my phone for recipes or you can search online.” He grabbed your phone then groaned. “Passcode?” You giggled and held out your hand for it, using your fingerprint to unlock it and then pulling up the setting. “Program your finger in, would you?” He gave you a playful glare, but did as you said. “Your tail.” You swished it in his face again. “I told you, enemy number one. Could have been worse. You should have seen my mother’s tail. It was twice her size.” You giggled as you chopped the vegetables. “You…knew your mom?” You shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, don’t have many memories with her, but I remember what she looked like. I don’t think I ever met my father, but that’s not surprising.” “I don’t even remember if I have siblings.” “You were adopted at a young age, weren’t you?” He nodded in your peripherals. “In the pictures I have with Jin I still have the white spot on my head.” “Wow.” “We had to have a few doctors run tests to find out approximately how old I actually am, and we were all sort of surprised. Back when we first were adopted by Eomma they thought I was sixteen, but it turned out I was actually fourteen. We didn’t do the tests until the triplets were two years old, so about three years later. It made a lot more sense.” “All’s well that ends well,” You replied, giving him a smile. “Emma’s your mom. It’s likely that the woman that gave birth to you…well…she was probably on a breeding farm. Like most of the hybrids that were born back then.” “Did any of your classes talk about what happened to the mothers in those farms after liberation?” “Most died after a few litters, and some were victims of STDs. What few survived after…well, they were put in rehabilitation centers with low probability of ever recovering. The physical and psychological damage done to them….” You sighed. “Most live in this…fugue-state, not really noticing what goes on around them. Not caring. The few that have awareness are either timid or downright violent. They’re too dangerous or unhealthy to leave, but they can’t bear to stay. Doctors, nurses, volunteers, they what they can, but it’ll never be enough. They even tried bringing in hybrids that the mothers gave birth to. It didn’t go well.” He cupped your cheek, turning you to face him so he could kiss you. “These desserts look pretty complicated.” You smiled up at him. “Why don’t we just make some rice crispy treats?” He gave you a relieved smile. “That sounds a lot easier.” “Do you like them crispier or more marshmallow-y?” “Marshmallow-y,” He replied, getting out the bag of marshmallows. “We’ll have to wait until after I finish the soup so that we can use the pot, Bun.” You went on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. You then giggled. “You still smell like animal crackers.” His nose wrinkled. “Do I have time for a shower?” “Yeah, go ahead. I’ll be here.” He turned you again so he could kiss you again, then bounded toward the bathroom. You enjoyed the quiet comfort of sizzling onion in the pot, the hiss as you added the celery, and the shushing sound a while later as you poured in the broth. They were comforting sounds. Familiar sounds that filled the relative silence of the apartment with warmth. You spent more time at his apartment than your own these days. You loved his kitchen, and the warmth that seemed to just exist here. Being here made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, even if he wasn’t there. Sometimes when you were there the two of you weren’t even in the same room. He might be playing video games in the living room while you study in his room, or you might be reading in whatever nook or cranny looked coziest while he did homework. Sometimes you came over even though you knew he was going to be gone. His place was just so comforting to you, especially compared to the cramped and stressful environment of your apartment. It made sense when you considered that he was basically your mate. He was your home. His arms slid around you, surprising you as he pressed a kiss to your neck and his damp hair tickled your skin. “I love you.” You smiled and leaned back against him. “I love you too. It’s looking like I’ll be going with you tomorrow.” You could feel his grin against your skin. “Good! Now I don’t have to kidnap you.” You laughed. “We’ll have to stop by my place in the morning to get my bag.” “Small price to pay.” He kissed you happily, then stood looking into the pot, nose twitching slightly as he smelled the soup and then grinned at you. “Smells good. Like home.” You couldn’t agree more.

Masterlist. ~~~ Series Masterpost. ~~~ Previous Part ~~~ Next Part

[thelastspeecher]

Hello! If you are still accepting Halloween prompts, what about 2. Apple Orchard for the Reverse Portal Stanley AU? (I'm picturing what starts out as a cute bonding opportunity with Stan and his kids but turns into a fight against a shriveled apple monster XD Or just whatever your muse inspires you to write~) Or, possibly, 9. Hiking in the woods with the Pheonix Stan AU? Thank you for sharing your wonderful writing with us!

Day 01   Day 02   Day 03   Day 04   Day 05   Day 06   Day 07   Day 08Day 09   Day 10   Day 11   Day 12   Day 13   Day 14   Day 15   Day 16Day 17   Day 18   Day 19   Day 20   Day 21   Day 22   Day 23   Day 24Day 25   Day 26   Day 27   Day 28   Day 29   Day 30

8. Hiking in the woods

Here you go!  As you requested, some Phoenix Stan AU (different from the Phoenix Enchantment AU, bc in this case, only Stan gets turned phoenix, and it’s temporary), walking in the woods.  While trying to decide what to write for this, I stumbled across an ask I got, asking about if Ford would ever get turned into a phoenix.  And right then and there, I knew what this ficlet had to be about.  Enjoy.

Word count: 1353

Send me a number for a fall-themed prompt!

              “Are yousure we’re going the right way?” Ford asked. Stan rolled his eyes and shoved aside a tree branch.

              “No.  I’m not. I’m just tryin’ to look for somethin’ I recognize.”  They were wandering through the woods, tryingto find the magical object that had turned Stan into a phoenix a few monthsago.  Today was Stan’s last day inGravity Falls, before he went back to Gumption to take up his farmhand jobagain.

              “You ledme to believe that you knew where the magical item was.  But we’ve been searching for hours, and youcan’t even remember what the magical item looked like!” Ford said.  Stan coughed. A few red feathers flew out of his mouth and landed on his shirt.

              “Thesefuckin’ feathers,” Stan muttered.  “Whenis that gonna stop?”

              “If I couldexamine the magical object that transformed you, I might have an idea of that,”Ford said.

              “I know.  That’s why I agreed to try to find it again,even though I’m pretty sure you’ll just end up whammied too.  And I told you back at yer house.  I can’t remember much of what happened when Igot transformed.  My guess about wherethings are is only slightly better than yours.” Stan brushed the feathers off his shirt. He stopped walking and put his hands on his hips, surveying hissurroundings.  A chickadee landed on his shoulder.  “Aw, shit, get off!” Stan shouted.  The chickadee flew away, twitteringangrily.  “Damn birds.  I’m sick of bein’ Snow Fucking White.”

              “Again, Imight be able to predict when that side effect will wear off if-”

              “-you canexamine the magic thing, I know,” Stan replied. His eyes widened.  “Wait.  I recognize that!”  He charged into the undergrowth, crashingthrough bushes and trees.

              “Stan!”Ford called, following his twin.  For awhile, Ford couldn’t see Stan; he could only tell where Stan was by the soundof branches breaking.  Finally, hestumbled into a clearing.  Stan wasalready standing in the middle, staring at an old stump.  “Stan, did you-”

              “I foundit.”  Stan pointed at the stump.  Resting on top was a glimmering red gem.  “I’m startin’ to remember now.  I saw it, thought it looked worth a decentchunk of cash, and decided to pocket it. Big mistake.”  Ford walked overcautiously.

              “Remarkable,”Ford breathed.  Stan shifted uneasily.

              “This wasa bad idea.  I shouldn’t have showed yathis,” Stan mumbled.  He rubbed the backof his neck.  “Let’s- let’s just forgetthis happened, okay?  We should leave thestone alone.  It- it shouldn’t bedisturbed.”

              “Stanley,I think I can handle it,” Ford said with a scoff.  “I’ve been dealing with magical paraphernaliaever since I arrived in Gravity Falls.  Iknow how to be careful.”

              “That’sBS,” Stan said under his breath.  Fordscowled.  “…Whatever.”  Stan shoved his hands in his pockets.  “I’m gonna head back to your house and finishpacking.  I wanna get outta thisweird-ass town.”

              “If that’swhat you want to do, I won’t stop you,” Ford said.  He adjusted his glasses and peered closely atthe gem perched on the tree stump.  “Fascinating.  Truly, fascinating.”

—–

              A weeklater, Ford was in the clearing again with Fiddleford, scrawling down pageafter page of information on the magical stone.

              “I’m notsure what else we can uncover about this gem,” Ford said.  Fiddleford sighed.

              “Iknow.  But we can’t risk upsettin’it.  If it goes off on us like it wentoff on Stan, well…”  Ford reached slowlyfor the gem.  “Ford.”

              “I wonderif it can sense intent.  Stan wanted toremove the stone to steal and pawn it.  Imerely want to study it, learn its secrets.”

              “I don’tthink a magic rock is goin’ to distinguish between why people are tryin’ toremove it.  I think it’ll just realize it’sbein’ moved and try to defend itself.”

              “Goodpoint,” Ford muttered.  He shrugged.  “Only one way to find out!”

              “Stanford,no!”  Ford’s hand closed around the gem.  There was a flash of light.

—–

              Somethingwet landed on Ford’s head, startling him awake. He looked up.  Through a thickcanopy, he could make out cloudy sky.  Anotherraindrop landed on him, this one directly in his face.  He shook his head.

              What happened?  Why am I in a tree in a rainstorm?  He looked around.  I seemto still be in the Gravity Falls woods. Not anywhere near the clearing with the mysterious gem, unfortunately.  There was a loud crash from somewhere to hisleft.  Voices began to carry to Ford’sperch in the tree.

              “He’sover here, Fidds!”

              Stan!

              “How canya tell?”

              Fiddleford!

              “If Iknew, I’d tell ya,” Stan grunted.  Hefinally fell out of the undergrowth, landing directly at the base of Ford’stree.  He looked up.  A grin spread across his face.  “Told ya!”

              “I didn’tdoubt ya knew where he was,” Fiddleford grumbled, emerging from the bushes and joiningStan.  “I just questioned how ya knew it.”  He squinted up at the tree.  “Yer right, though.  That’s him.”

              “Stanford,come down here!” Stan called.  Fordruffled his feathers, unsure of how to get down.  He froze.

              Wait. Feathers?  Dread mounting,Ford looked down at himself.  He let outa squawk of shock and tumbled off his branch.

              “Gotcha!”  Stan grabbed Ford right before he could hitthe ground.  He set Ford downcarefully.  Ford inspected himself.  “Yep. Told ya you’d get whammied.  Butyou didn’t believe me.  Now look whathappened.  You got turned into a phoenix.  Just like I did.”

              “But I was so careful,” Ford saidwoefully.

              “Notaccording to Fiddleford,” Stan said. Fiddleford looked at Stan.

              “Notaccording to Fiddleford what?”

              “Huh?”

              “Whatwere ya respondin’ to?”

              “Fordsaid that he was bein’ careful with the gem.” Stan frowned at Fiddleford.  “Iheard him loud and clear.  Did you notunderstand?”

              “No, Ididn’t.  Just sounded like a bunch of chirps‘n squawks.”

              “Huh.  Guess bein’ turned into bird for three monthshas its upsides.”  Stan grinned crookedlyat Ford.  “Looks like you’ve got atranslator, Sixer.”

              “That’s good.  It seems like I’ll need one for theforeseeable future.”

              “Nah, youwon’t need me around that long.  Fidds isalready partway done with the cure you guys whipped up to de-phoenix me.  I mean, you were gone for a week and a half.”

              “…I was?” Ford chirped.  Stan nodded. “I- I don’t remember any ofthat.  The last thing I remember is touchingthe magical gemstone.”

              “What’she sayin’?” Fiddleford asked.

              “He sayshe doesn’t remember the last week and a half. His last memory is touching the gem.”

              “Oh.”  Fiddleford pursed his lips.  “Maybe you were in a fugue state this wholetime.”

              “Why would I suddenly come back to myself?”Ford asked.  Stan translated forFiddleford.

              “Don’task me,” Fiddleford said.  “Yer the one whatdeals in magic.  I just build robots.”

              “Maybe ithas somethin’ to do with me?” Stan said slowly. Fiddleford and Ford looked at him. “I mean, I could sense where Ford was, I can understand him.  Maybe us being twins and both of us beingaffected by the gem influenced the enchantment? Or somethin’ like that.  I dunno.”

              “No, that seems like a valid hypothesis,”Ford said.  “Don’t doubt your instincts.” Stan grinned.

              “I guesswe could try to look into the research a bit more,” Fiddleford mumbled.  “I did just fin’ly get my hands on that book ‘boutavian enchantments.  Maybe there’s somethin’in there.”

              “Oh, yes!” Ford enthused, bobbing hishead up and down excitedly.  Stanchuckled.

              “You lookgoofy as hell, Ford.  Can’t believe Ilooked like that fer as long as I did.” Stan tapped his shoulder.  “Hop onup.  We’ll head back to your place.”  Ford did as he was told, taking flight andmanaging to land on Stan’s shoulder without scratching him too badly.

              “Luckily,we still have all the stuff from when Stan was a phoenix,” Fiddleford said.  “Includin’ the food.”  Ford grimaced.

              “Oh, no. Does that mean-”

              “Youguessed it, Sixer,” Stan said cheerfully. “Bugs for dinner!”

[angryhausfrau-writes]

After the War (What is it That You’re Fighting For) - Chapter 5

A few days later, Trapper comes home to Louise sitting at the kitchen table looking drawn and tense. It's well after midnight and she's staring blank and unseeing at a letter, the sort of dazed look that means you've reached the end of your rope but you have to continue on somehow. She looks up at him, blinking slowly, and seems to come back to herself. "This came for you in the mail today. From the army." She holds out an official looking letter. "Well they already drafted me once," jokes Trapper. "They can't do it again." This logic is not as comforting as he hoped it would be. Mostly because the army doesn't have any logic.

The letter is so much worse than a draft notice.

Dear Sir/Madam, We regret to inform you that your letter to Capt. Benjamin Franklin Pierce cannot be delivered as addressed. The recipient has been declared deceased by the Secretary of the United States Army, Korean Command. My sympathy for your loss, Corp. Hugh Montgomery Secretary of the US Army, Clerk

Hawkeye's dead. Hawkeye's dead and all he got was a fucking form letter. Trapper wants to yell. He wants to cry. But he feels detached from himself somehow. Like his head is a balloon floating above his body. Like there's a sheet of glass separating him from Louise, from the kitchen, from his own feelings. So he takes a shower he doesn't feel and curls up in the cool sheets of the guestroom bed.

Trapper has the next day off, which is good because he still feels floaty and detached, not fit to operate. Once the kids and Louise are out of the house, he emerges from the safety of the guestroom and writes another letter to a different Dr. Pierce. It's hard for him to gauge the pressure of the pen in this state, and he has to scrap a few drafts due to inkblots, but he finally manages a letter that is at least legible.

Dr. Daniel Pierce, My name is Dr. John McIntyre, but you probably know me as Trapper John. I'm writing to you now because I just learned of Hawkeye's death. He's one of the best people I've ever known - finest kind, he'd say - and I want to be able to pay my respects. If there's going to be a memorial service or anything, I'd appreciate you letting me know. I'd like to come up to Crabapple Cove to say goodbye. Hawkeye talked about you all the time in Korea and it was obvious how much he loved you. I'm sorry for your loss. John McIntyre

Trapper gets a telegram that afternoon asking him to come to Crabapple Cove. He calls in sick at the hospital, writes a note to Louise, and heads to the train station.

 --

When Trapper gets to Crabapple Cove, Dr. Pierce is sitting at his kitchen table, head in hands. In a reflection of Louise's pose from last night, he's staring at a telegram. Hawkeye's death notice. Trapper sinks down into the chair next to him.

He and Dr. Pierce stay up till one in the morning telling stories about Hawkeye - laughing and crying and drinking the whiskey Trapper brought. He hasn't been able to touch gin since Korea. Trapper's glad he came here, glad he can feel something in the wake of Hawkeye's death even if it's bittersweet and when Dr. Pierce heads up to bed, Trapper doesn't want to sleep quite yet. He's afraid he'll wake up in the same fugue state as this morning. So he heads out to the back porch for a smoke and ends up writing Hawkeye one last letter.

Dear Hawkeye, This is the second goodbye I've had to leave you by letter. And this time there's no chance of us meeting up again to say everything in person. So I guess I'll say it all here. I love you. I didn't ever say it in person and I'm sorry for that. Even if I meant it with every touch, every kiss, I never said it and that's killing me now. We always said that what we had was finite, casual. That someday I'd go home to my wife and you'd go home to your dad's practice in Crabapple Cove and we'd be buddies sure but not lovers. Not partners. Well I'm back home with my family and you're never coming home. But I'll never be able to forget you. You left a mark on me that'll never wash out, not in a hundred years. We went through too much together, meant too much to each other for that to happen. So even though Korea was hell I can't regret it because it meant I knew you, loved you, even if it was just for a short time. I'll miss you. Yours, Trapper

Trapper burns the letter, because he can't leave a letter like that just laying around, but it feels cathartic too. Like maybe if there is a heaven - and there has to be, because there is a hell and it's a MASH unit on the 38th parallel - the smoke and ash will carry Trapper's words to him. Let him have this one last goodbye.

The next morning, Trapper wakes up to the sound of Dr. Pierce on the phone. And Hawkeye's alive.

[whiterosemarie]

So…this is the true story of my current working life.

I had a job that I loved. I was working as a assistant teacher at a child development center. I absolutely loved my job. And then I began feeling miserable. I couldn’t figure out why it was getting so hard to bring myself to come into work. I began feeling depressed and very much like everything was meaningless.

One day, I sat watching the kids sleep and was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t shake the dual feelings I was having. How can someone feel so miserable and yet love their job? What was it at my job that was making me feel this way? And I began to think on every day that had felt that way and it dawned on me: my boss.

Here’s the thing about being gaslit: you often don’t realize it’s happening even when you’ve had it before. The situation with my boss was like this: I was experiencing bad symptoms that was putting me in the hospital. I would get so sick that I couldn’t and wasn’t eating. Anytime I ate, my stomach would hurt and I would get sick. I spent a lot of the time in urgent care. When I did have to miss work for that, she’d berate me on the phone. The began on the second call in. I’d be told that I better have a note, that I was just fine yeatersay, that I’m xyz of an employee, that everyone else suffers when I do this. Mind you, I only missed a total of 5 days in the TWO terms I was there, two of which were from strep throat, which we’ll get to in a moment. When I’d come to work, pale and barely able to stand because of fearing I’d lose my job, I was patronized. She’d use the tone she uses on children. “Now Jen, you’re a…big girl now. If you don’t feel you can work, you should call in. Do you think you can do the duties of your job?”

I called in with severe laryngitis due to strep throat, which I received from work because that’s what happens when you work with children is you catch things. A lot. Always. Often. The doctor said to not go in for 5 days. Two of those were weekends so I didn’t work but on the third day I was supposed to take off, I was told to come in or lose my job that they could “work with someone without a voice.” AH yes, because 5 year olds always listen when you can’t even speak. On top of that, I wasn’t supposed to medically. I did. She threw a fit because my doctors note didn’t specifically say strep (saying so is a HIPAA violation. Her demanding he tell her is also a HIPAA violation).

It was a long time until my next incident. We had green eggs and ham. Right after that I began getting extremely ill and bad pain. Thinking I’d be a good employee, I warned people I wasn’t feeling good. My boss was MIA. The next day, i was on the bathroom floor from 6 am to 9 am, unable to even move as my gut hurt so bad and I couldn’t stop getting sick. I call in. I didn’t work til 12:30 that day but I knew where my boyfriend was gonna take me when he found me like that. That’s right. The oh so familiar Urgent Care where Thor the male nurse would be hooking me up to IVs AGAIN and making the same jokes about cocktails.

Over the phone I found no sympathy as I lay there crying on the bathroom floor. I was told I was faking it. That we’d have a talk Monday. I was not told to feel better. My boyfriend took pictures of me hooked up to 3 IV bags that day.

Monday comes. I still have hazy memories of this because it has been locked in my brain as manipulative and bad. My boss proceeded to insist that if I felt I couldn’t perform the duties that i “find other opportunities” and such forth. She said “You’re a burden on everyone else because of your illness” even though she was made aware that I do have disability status filed at HR. This talk lasted 30 minutes. I spent that day struggling not to cry. But it also dawned on me then: she couldn’t fire me. She was trying to chase me out.

Some other background.

My boss liked to undermine my authority. The thing about young children is they observe things and react accordingly. So imagine then that they see who has been equated to the highest authority treated one of the teachers like lower than the other teachers. On one particular occassion, the lead teacher was out sick. I was left in charge of a very wound up classroom. That day I had a student who was born drug addicted have a complete and utter mental breakdown into violent territory during naptime. I relied on my boss to help since she had told me that discipline was only hers (meaning I could not even have him go sit and calm down and not get his journal until afterwards without her). She kept bringing him back to my classroom in this state where he had begun to get physically violent at others. So it was a rough day, see? Well, after this, as children are getting their nap time things put away, she comes in and has me sit on the carpet to “talk” to me. We are surrounded by children. When she normally talks to teachers, they go off to the side to do so. This put me in a position where I’m being treated different. On top of that, she positioned herself to be higher than me. Her tone was talking down to me. Mind you, my job requires a high school degree. I have a fucking bachelor’s in CHILD AND FAMILY STUDIES. CHILD. STUDIES. So her telling me what to do as if explaining to a child while positioning herself above me, using a tone that she reserves for children….while we’re surrounded by children…it made the day worse as I literally felt the classroom begin to react to my authority far differently.

On another note, whenever my boss was near she would mention my work as “okay” And “getting there”. When I told my leads this they were astonished. “You’re the best assistant we’ve ever had here. You go above and beyond in work.”

When it comes to childcare, there are licensing requirements that varies by state. I asked several times for help getting those. Whenever she was supposed to help, she’d go home early. One day, I come in and she shows me an exit card on her desk. “This is to fire you. Get it done today.” “Show me where to go at lunch and I will.” Gone. That night I tried on my own. Wouldn’t load. Come to work. “Did you do it?” “Figured I could during my first 15 minutes. It wouldn’t load. Not sure I had the right forms anyways.” As I got it done, she entered the room and made such comments as: “Oh good. It seems you want to actually keep your job.” A high pitched fake laugh obviously forced. “Sorry it’s such a high price but you know it’s better than being fired.” Snide smirk. She dangled firing me as a suggestion in front of my face often to the point where I began to fear doing anything.

After that fateful talk with her about my absences, she would catch me during lunch when no one was around to dangle such in front of me. I began to job search. She found out. I’m still certain she’s the reason why I didn’t get the jobs. One day she caught me during lunch. “I heard you’re looking for new jobs. I would have hoped you would give your two week notice if you got one.” “I would. I haven’t gotten one yet.” “We’ll I would’ve hoped. So…I think you should give me your two week notice…how about this friday. That’ll put you at ending at the end of the term. I want it on my desk tomorrow. Don’t forget.”

Readers, I want you to realize the above is highly unethical and was what led me to go to HR that next week. I did give two week notice. I did not have to. No boss can force you to give leave just because they cannot find an offense to fire you on. I took the step and went to HR. I quit my job because shortly after that I had a large scale breakdown that would’ve led to suicidal acts while repeating her words over and over that “You’re a burden because of your illness.” My PTSD and chronic illness. My disabilities. I went to HR because my coworkers urged me to desperately.

He said things don’t happen over night. He was a pale man with the sharpest blue eyes. He scared me. But I told him as much as I could while shaking like a leaf. He’s a nice man. But his eyes pierce. He took note that I quit because of this. Things don’t happen over night.

I left my job and cried. I spent this last week in a depressive fugue feeling that I gave up something I loved doing. I had to say goodbye to 27 individual children. I wrote them each a card and gave each a pencil and eraser and an individual drawing. Everyone got one. That weekend, I saw one of my kids at the fair. All three days I saw her and I felt such horrible loss. I loved those kids, guys. I loved my job. I was chased out by a woman who had serious issues of her own and was in way more power than she need be.

Tonight…

Tonight my phone and Facebook blew up.

She’s been asked to clear her desk. Her contract is up. It isn’t being renewed. The term just started this week. It’s only been just over a week since I quit my job and she’s gone. Gone. My teachers want me back. My position was filled before my notice was ever given though. There’s no place to apply other than as a sub. I’m spending tonight crying. Because I want to go back so fucking badly. She’s gone. She’s gone. And she can’t hurt me there anymore.

In the end friends, I leave you with this. Never let a boss get away with harassment and bullying. Especially the abusive nature kind where they convince you that this is all your doing. Never let someone undermine you. And never ever let ANYONE tell you you’re a burden. You’re not. Not one bit.

[taekwondorkjosh]

This is just something I put together because I’m freaking out and thought this might help me process things. do not reblog, please.

abuse, manipulation, mental and physical illness, and financial drama below

When I was really little, my mother and father had some money troubles. According to my father, my mom routinely went and spent his money on irrelevant stuff, instead of paying for groceries, bills, etc. I don't know how accurate that interpretation of what happened is, but its entirely possible that the Irrelevant stuff was stuff for the children, just not stuff we needed. Trips to amusement parks, toys, movies, new shoes when we had perfectly good shoes already, etc. I know this is likely the case because my mother told me stories of how HER mother would do that too. Instead of important stuff, she spent money on little stuff to make us happy in the moment.

This post isn't to debate whether or not that is an appropriate parenting tactic or life strategy. Its too establish that my mother has always had trouble managing her money responsibly. Eventually, it got so bad my father was on the verge of bankruptcy, so he divorced my mother and sued for custody. He lost, and for a few years my three older siblings and one younger sibling (the first three from a previous marriage and the younger sibling my full sibling) lived with my mom until her life came crashing down. She lost everything.

My dad got custody when I was in second grade. I finished second grade and then my dad bought a house, the house I live in to this day. My younger brother and I went to live with him, while the other three stayed with my mom and her previous husband (who had by now pulled his life together enough to help with his kids). I saw my mother every other weekend and on wednesdays for dinner.

Every few visits we went to my Aunt and Grandma's house instead of spending time with my mom doing fun stuff. My mother, myself, and my brother would clean my mother's sister's apartment, taking care of them as best we could. It wasn't particularly fun but we loved our family and helped with.... marginal complaining.

My aunt and I had a very powerful connection. We liked a lot of the same things, and she even got me into a lot of stuff that I still love today, primarily martial arts. When I was seven, my mother signed me up to attend tae kwon do at the school that my aunt was helping out at, and it was amazing. I don't remember much of my childhood, but I know I loved it, even if it was difficult towards the end. Black belt testing is tough hahahha.

After I got my black belt, I wanted to take a little break. I was ten years old and wanted to play around a bit, and my dad took this as an opportunity to get me to do other stuff. I didn't return to tae kwon do until high school, where my connection with my aunt grew much stronger.

I spent three to five hours, six days a week at that tae kwon do school with my aunt. Eighteen to thirty hours a week in her company. Some weekends I would go over to her house and hang out, spending the weekend with her.

I spent a fraction of that with my mother. Saturday afternoon to sunday night, thirty six hours, every two weeks. In a month, I'd spend between 72 and 120 hours with my aunt, and 72 with my mother, if I didn't spend a weekend with my aunt. I loved my aunt.

By the time I was in high school, though, my mother turned her life around. She found a steady job and a good apartment, and had divorced her third husband, an aggressive and dangerous man with some bipolar condition. I was little I don't remember, only that he would sometimes get very, very angry. The point is, that she was doing good.

The three of us started spending mroe time at my aunt/grandma's house. It was getting bad. Two older women with a SLEW of physical disorders and an army of cats, crammed into one thousand square feet? NOT good. It was a terrible mess, and we all came together to turn it around. My mom and my aunt got a joint bank account, so that my mother could help them manage their funds, and IMMEDIATELY she got them a new apartment, found homes for several of the cats, got them insured and healthier (my aunt got all new teeth!), and even managed to get my aunt several job offers.

An then, college. I spend a few years putzing around, and one day I catch my aunt going over bank statements at tae kwon do. She's confused by some of the expenditures on there. Alright, fair.

This starts a huge conflict. According to my aunt, my mother owes her thirty thousand dollars, spent on stuff that my aunt does not have or has no recollection of authorizing. This money was spent over the course of the last 10 months, from when the bank account was made to the 'present' day. 10 months, and my mother somehow stole 30k AND turned my aunt and grandma's lives around.

My mother's rebuttal: all but 2k of that 30k is accounted for. Presents for the nephews/grandchildren, authorized by my grandmother, new clothes for my aunt for a job interview, that's the new fridge, that's a one thousand dollar loan that my mother borrowed, with grandma's approval, and paid back three hours later (banks are weird like that), gas money for the trips over to their apartment to clean cat shit off the tile floors, lunch after cleaning their toilets, etc. It was all stuff like that, with a recurring theme: my aunt wasn't the one who said "Do it," grandma was. The 2k that was left was just stuff that my mom didn't have receipts for and couldn't remember, and my mom would have paid that back if my aunt asked for it.

But my aunt demanded the full 30k. She refused to accept "but grandma said so" because grandma didn't remember that. What my aunt also refused to accept was that grandma was going senile and had been for a few years. Maybe she forgot? HOW DARE YOU BLAH BLAH BLAH it was awful.

So my aunt brings my mother to civil court and charges her. Touts all this evidence and claims that she's an invalid and has lived in a fugue state for the last few years due to pain medication and, well, pain. She claims that my mother was taking advantage of her, stealing from her, risking her life by putting her in financial jeapordy.

This is garbage, because A) my aunt was working at tkd with me EVERY DAY FOR THIS PERIOD OF TIME, B) my aunt managed to pull off straight A's at LBCC while they got a certificate in something, and C) HER LIFE IS SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER THAN IT WAS BEFORE!!!

My Aunt's annual income, including tae kwon do and Grandma's pension, was around 40k. HOW DID MY MOTHER STEAL ALMOST AN ENTIRE YEAR'S WORTH OF MONEY, AND STILL MANAGE TO GET YOU INTO A BETTER SITUATION? Its all a load of bs, its lies, its slander.

My mother loses the civil case. She has to pay back my aunt 15k. Alright. Fine. Its over with. Its far more than my mother should have to pay but its done.

My Aunt then charges CRIMINALLY, and brings the whole thing back. My mother is unequipped to handle this, we do the best we can, and manage to bring down the multiple felonies my aunt is trying to charge my mother with down to a misdemeanor theft charge. One thousand hours of community service and we're good to go.

Unfortunately, the misdemeanor theft doesn't exist, so my aunt's lawyers file the paperwork as a felony anyway. My mother now has a felony on her record, owes 15k dollars, and has to somehow do 1k hours of community service while working a full time job.

Now, by the time this all goes down my aunt has quit tae kwon do, she is no longer working there and hasn't been for some time. I see her occasionally, as I still have a relationship with this woman, until the criminal charges are brought up.

I immediately tell my aunt to back down. She refuses. I sever ties with her and we're done now. I focus on my relationship with my mother, trying to help her as best I can to deal with this mess.

My relationship with my aunt was severed five years ago. A few months later, the trial is over and my mother is struggling to deal with the repercussions of all of this. Its been half a decade, and we're finally turning shit around. My mother has almost paid off my aunt. She's back in school to get a bachelor's degree while working and bringing in six figures (when combined with her husband's income). We're doing wonderfully.

Then I get an email this morning from my aunt. She wants to let us know that my grandmother is sick in the head (senility alzheimers, idk), she likely does not have long left, and wants to see us before she forgets who her family is.

I do not know how to process this. This rambling post is my attempts to fully understand what has happened, and to give context to anyone who wants it. I don't know how to do this. I don't want to just leave my grandmother to die, broken and alone, but I also don't want a relationship with my aunt. My grandmother through my mother under the bus, supporting my aunt completely in all of this, and is just as much to blame as my aunt.

But.... still. I don't know what to do.