#today was so …… bad

[fates-theysband]

unquestionable that car culture is bad but the act of sitting in your car outside your home after a bad day at work because you just want one fucking second to breathe is unparalleled

[4ugust4r]

Customers with complicated orders are one thing but at least they know what they want. Had a lady who asked me for a frappe and when I asked her which of our three flavors she wanted she just said "I don't know" and then nothing else. GIRL YOU ARE PLACING THE ORDER. PICK ONE.

[curlsincriminology]

Love a day where I don't even make enough to pay my staff

[snufkinnieee]

today’s mood

[girlrry]

off work who want me

[shouldntbeaskingmyselfwhy]

i kept telling myself i was going to get caught up on work this weekend and then i just...... didn't........

[asbestieos]

:( a bunch of bots spam replied my posts im gonna have to report and delete them all when i get home

[playdohpim]

nothing more embarrassing than holding a blonde man dear in your thoughts. you were supposed to be the enemy.

[yesokayiknow]

'why are actors striking aren't they all millionaires' here's a paywall free link to an article that mentions how most of the cast of one of netflix's biggest shows had day jobs bc they couldn't afford rent

[fortist166]

Anya: My Mama will hear about this!!!!

[bacchuschucklefuck]

summer of junior year 06/11

[nosnexus]

They optimized the hell out of that fight. Well done intrepid heroes!

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[ot3]

whenever your political understanding of gender gets you to 'men are oppressed for being men' you've taken a wrong turn. but so many people find their way there regardless

[starmilk]

Girls we are Suffering

[thevampireslestat]