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3pirouette · 3 years

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Fic: Virtual Insanity: Career Opportunities (1/1)

Title: Virtual Insanity: Career Opportunities By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Disclaimer: They're not mine. Word Count: Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: It’s career day on Mr. Roger’s Zoom class, and Peggy needs to come up with something, quick. Sequel to Virtual Insanity.

Chapter A/N: I needed to write something fluffy and I’ve been DYING to find a way to get back to this little universe. This satisfies the “Sharon Carter” square for my Steggy Bingo. (We’re not talking about FATWS/CAATWS right now. I can’t. I just can’t.)

~*~

Don’t be mad at me.

The text itself was fairly innocuous, but her brain started to race, anyway. Peggy’s fingers flew over the keyboard, texting back: Is there a reason I should be?

She stared at the phone screen, waiting while the three little dots that meant he was typing appeared and disappeared twice over. Now she was worried.

“Aunt Peggy?” Sharon’s voice carried through her small apartment.

Peggy hummed a question in her closed mouth as the girl took off her headphones and bounded towards her, but the phone vibrated in her hands and pulled her attention back.

The Principal decided to observe me today instead of Thursday. Said he wanted to see a more interactive lesson plan, so I had to switch things up on short notice. I swear I was going to give you a heads up.

Before she could ask him anything else, Sharon sat herself next to Peggy at the tiny kitchen table, her notebook and pencil in hand. “Mr. Rogers gave us an assignment and I have thirty minutes to do it before I have to go back to my class and talk to them about it.”

Peggy smiled tight, the girl missing the tension in her sigh. “Oh? And what is the assignment?”

Sharon smiled. “I need to ask you questions about what you do for work.”

Peggy nodded, her mind racing as she tried to come up with what she was going to tell her niece. Not sure how you’ll do with the principal, she texted Steve, but that promotion to boyfriend you were looking for might be in serious jeopardy.

She waited a second then sent him a winking emoji, just to lighten up the mood. Having gotten to know Steve as well as she had over the last few weeks, she knew he might think her serious.

“Alright,” Peggy turned and faced Sharon, “how can I help?”

Sharon smiled and wiggled herself around in the chair, picking up her pencil before turning seriously to Peggy. “What do you do for a job?”

The honest answer would have been that she was making an obscene amount of money online by bouncing around her house doing chores in lingerie. That was not, however, the answer she could give to Sharon. “Well,” she bit the corner of her thumbnail and turned her phone over, not wanting to read the text that had just popped up from Steve, “I used to work for a company that helped other companies…” Peggy sighed, she wasn’t sure how to explain corporate espionage to Sharon, either.

Sharon looked up. “What did you do there? How did you help other companies?”

Peggy tapped her nails on the counter nervously, trying to come up with a good example. “Well, the company I worked for helped businesses keep secrets. For instance, you know how that chicken you like always says there are eleven secret herbs and spices?”

Sharon nodded. “Kentucky Fried Chicken!”

Peggy laughed a little. “Yes, well, those eleven are a secret for a reason. It’s what makes the chicken taste good to you.” Peggy leaned in dramatically and Sharon’s eyes widened. “But if everyone knew the secret, anyone who wanted to could make their chicken taste like that, and then that man with the silly bowtie—”

“Colonel Sanders,” Sharon interjected as she made some notes.

“Yes, he would have a hard time making money from the recipe he developed because it wasn’t a secret anymore. I helped other companies keep their secrets.” Peggy smiled to herself as the girl wrote furiously, satisfied. She wasn’t sure if she’d managed to make her job understandable to an 8-year-old, but it was close enough for now.

Sharon stared at her seriously. “And did you get to know the secrets or do you just have to stop other people from finding out?”

“Sometimes I got to know them, but most of the time I just had to help hide them, or help the company have enough security.”

Peggy’s stress melted away as Sharon asked her question after question and she was able to answer honestly, if not a little vaguely, for the next fifteen minutes. When she ran out of questions, Peggy cut her up an apple and put that and a spoonful of peanut butter on a plate for her at the table, where she waited for her class to start again with her snack.

Finally, she picked up her phone again.

I am so, so sorry. Really, I am. It was planned for Friday. I was going to tell you on Facetime tomorrow. I’ll have her go last. Billy Ryan can TALK. I’ll just let that kid go and maybe we’ll run out of time. Principal Clark won’t know the difference.

Peggy smiled, letting her fingers fly over the keyboard. Did you not see the ;)? It’s fine, and I’m not upset. Good luck on your evaluation and call me when it’s over. She paused for a second, watching Sharon put on her headphones and knowing her texts wouldn’t get an answer until their next break.

Peggy pulled out her own laptop and reviewed her e-mails. She was, in point of fact, looking for a new job. While the Only Fans was a surprising source of a lot of income, she was missing the excitement of her old field. There still weren’t many jobs to go around, but she found new ones each day and applied. Talking to Sharon, however coded, made her miss the day to day of corporate espionage: finding new ways to secure and protect trade secrets, while simultaneously trying to extract others. It had been challenging and thrilling work, and she missed it. While there was something to be said for the ease of her newest endeavors, it wasn’t the challenge she wanted or needed.

She smiled over the edge of her laptop as Sharon asked a question about dogs. Seemed a parent was a trainer or a vet of some sort. She could just barely see the screen from where she was, the Brady Bunch like squares filled with smiling little faces as they talked and asked questions. Steve was sitting in his own square in the upper right corner, smiling away as he listened intently and there was a fairly neutral man in the bottom left she assumed was Mr. Clark. She’d heard a bit about the administrator, but not enough to have an opinion on the man.

She posted her resume on a job-hunting site and crossed her fingers yet again. Six months of getting dressed up for a camera was enough for her. She wanted more.

More from a job, and more from Steve.

They’d been talking nearly every night, facetiming, too, and had met just once, socially distanced, in the park in the fall for lunch. His mother, who lived in the apartment next to him and that he took care of, was considered high risk. He’d been apologetic, but careful about how and when he went out, and it was something she appreciated about him. She’d asked him, quite seriously, to be her steady significant other, but he’d flat out refused until he could take her out on a proper date. It was a conversation that had both made her fall a little more in love with him and completely frustrated her at the same time.

He was getting his second dose of the vaccine next week, and she was scheduled for a week after that. She already knew exactly which dress she was going to wear when that fourteen-day waiting period was up.

It was red and tight and screamed anything but staying socially distant.

She was daydreaming, one she had often, about pushing him back on that desk of his and straddling him, her dress riding up her thighs as his hands followed, kissing him and laying him down and taking him right there, when Sharon’s voice rang out loudly in the room.

“Ok. So, my Mom and Dad are at work, but I do school with my Aunt Peggy so I asked her the questions.” Peggy looked down at her watch. They had only ten minutes left in the morning session before lunch, but apparently that was enough for one more kid. Stupid Billy Ryan. Peggy closed her email and moved her laptop, listening. “So, my Aunt Peggy lost her job, which is why she can watch me, but before that she had a job she was really good at and she really liked. She worked for a company that I’m not allowed to tell you the name of, but for her job…”

Sharon took a deep breath and leaned into the screen. “For her job, she protects the recipe for KFC chicken.”

Peggy’s head fell in her hands as she heard the gasps of excitement from the kids. She couldn’t believe, after twenty minutes of questions, that was what the girl had understood.

“Sometimes, she protects the chickens. And sometimes, she tries to get the recipes from other places. She didn’t tell me exactly, but I think I guessed it and she just couldn’t say.”

~*~

Peggy laid back against the pillows, wine in hand, waiting for Steve to pick up his facetime. She’d just finished a short online session. Her heart hadn’t been in it, but she’d needed something to do while Steve was finishing his review with the principal after Sharon had been picked up.

His face popped on the screen and he wasted no time, slyly smiling. “So, you protect the KFC recipe?” She just shook her head, but he laughed. “I mean, I gave you a solid five minutes, you couldn’t come up with anything better?”

Peggy laughed loudly at that, leaning back into the pillows. “I swear, I did not tell that child I protected the KFC recipe.”

Steve lifted his phone and moved around his apartment, pulling a beer out of the fridge and sitting heavily on his couch before he set his phone on the table. “So, what did you tell her, exactly?”

“The truth!” Peggy sat up, pulling her robe tight around her. “I mean, how do you describe corporate espionage to an eight-year-old?”

“Corporate espionage?” Steve almost choked on his mouthful of beer. He sat up, eyes still wide with surprise. “You went from corporate espionage to an Only Fans?”

Peggy shrugged. “I wasn’t in IT. When everyone started working from home the demand was in IT because they had to lock down computer systems and access codes.” She sat up and took a long drink of her wine. “Quite frankly it was a move that was coming, anyway. More and more information is just digital.”

“So, uh,” Steve’s fingers played with the label on his bottle, “So you did what, exactly?”

Peggy bit her bottom lip and bent towards the camera. “If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you,” she purred out.

Steve feigned getting hit, grabbing his chest and falling back. “Ouch, Aunt Peggy.”

She hummed at him, humoring his silliness while she played with her glass. She sighed. “I think my favorite part was where she literally told the children I protect the chickens. As if I were a farmer out there with a pitch fork keeping coyotes away!”

Steve started laughing far harder than was necessary. “Oh, I am getting the best mental image.”

Peggy rolled her eyes and laid back in the bed. “Oh? Do tell.”

“I’m thinking…” He smiled, took a deep breath and leaned back, his eyes sparkling. Little Daisy Duke short shorts, maybe a tied up plaid shirt, some dirty cowboy boots…” Steve drifted off closing his eyes, his smile growing wider.

Peggy laughed. “Oh really? Should I put my hair in pigtails, too?”

His head popped up, a guilty look crossing his features. “Well, I mean…”

She bit her lip at his stammering. “Your image of me protecting chickens and my image of me protecting chickens are vastly different images.”

Steve could only shrug.

~*~

The link that she texted him wasn’t familiar, but he trusted her by now. He clicked it, ready for anything.

When the video connected his jaw dropped.

Peggy, in her shortest jean shorts and a tied up red gingham shirt he was sure was so small it must have been a handkerchief in a previous life, was standing in front of a green screened video of chickens in a chicken coop.

She smiled widely at him, putting on her best American accent. “Howdy, Partner!”

He laughed so hard he dropped his phone.

#Steggy #Steggy Fic #Modern AU #Steggy Bingo Bash #3P's Fic

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tisfan · 4 years

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May I take Your Coat?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25288321 For @livewire28

Bucky is a selkie, headed into the human world to find a potential mate. He has no intention of staying very long... until he does.

Wanda is closing up the tiki bar for the night and wishes this last-minute customer would hurry up and go... until she doesn't.

Inspired by several tumblr posts I’ve seen where the human offers the coat back after knocking it down, or whatever.

Bucky flopped up on shore, scratching his belly over the sand and wending his way up to the rocks. There was a cave there, long since used for such purpose. Human things were stored there, neat and tidy. If he was lucky, the rain barrel would be full and he could take a bit of a bath.

Long gone were the days that a half-dressed, scruffy stranger could walk into a seaside town and not immediately be run out by the local coppers. There were standards. He couldn’t look like a vagabond.

Humans were weird.

Bucky made his way to the cave and then shrugged out of his coat.

It always took him a moment to find his land legs again, and he was glad enough that there weren’t people looking at him. Not even his own kind.

The cave was cool, and well laid out, the earthen floor long since cleared of stone and debris, flat and firm under his feet. A few human style chairs were set around a flat surface. Tabul, Bucky thought was the word, or close enough.

The rain barrel was full and he drew a few buckets into the tub to wash the salt smell from his skin, to scrub out his hair. Things they didn’t really worry about during their day to day lives.

He checked the gift box; trophies from past loves and gifts for new courted mates. Never stolen. Selkies weren’t thieves. Take one, leave one.

A fine string of black pearls, intermixed with a rose pearl every five beads. That should be well enough. Human women preferred jewelry, men preferred weapons. Or gold. There was some of that in the chest, too.

Bucky took his own offering, a handful of pirate treasure that he’d gotten from one of the wrecks nearby. The sea was hard on things from the land, aside from treasure. Eventually, someone would come, check the box. Gather up that which could be crafted. Everyone contributed because the system benefited everyone.

If you wanted a child, or a mate, you went through the cave.

Bucky found clothes there, sealed in a zip locked bag. He knew about those, too. Plastic. It filled the ocean, no matter how much the selkies tried to gather it up and toss it back on the shore. But it kept clothing dry and free from dirt and stains while waiting for someone else to be able to use it.

He dressed. Finger combed out his hair, gently untangling the strands. He looked well enough to pass for a local, he guessed.

Slinging his coat over his arm, Bucky put on loose-fitting shoes -- he hated shoes, all selkie hated shoes, but the humans got mad if you weren’t wearing them.

Stupid human rules.

But it was the only way to be sure.

If a selkie mated with another selkie, they could birth seal pups, which was tolerable, or a selkie, which was ideal. Or a human child, which was not ideal at all.

Humans no longer looked at a child left on the beach or the docks as a blessing. The child would end up in the human foster care, sometimes adopted out, sometimes neglected, but often taken far away from the sea, too far for their parent to find them, so they would never know… until some years, or even generations later, when they had their own child.

Who might be a selkie.

But any selkie who took a human as their mate, the child would be selkie.

For the women, it was easier; come ashore, spend a few days with a relatively tolerable human, come home and have the baby. The only time that went wrong was if the human found and stole the selkie’s coat.

For men--

Well, there were a few options. Selkies weren’t thieves.

But the cost of a child was high; the cost of living a half-life among humans was high.

Many selkie men chose to raise a child not of their blood, help provide for a child with a selkie mate, adopt the offspring.

It wasn’t a bad plan, not really.

But Bucky wanted his own child.

Was that too much to ask?

Wanda sighed as the man walked into her bar. There was no dress code, aside from yes, please wear clothes. It was a beach bar, tiki themed and tacky, but it meant no one expected the floor to be swept. It was almost closing time, though, and she’d already shooed the rest of the locals and tourists out.

“It’s already last call,” she said. “I can get you one drink, and anything that’s left cooked in the kitchen, but that’s all.”

“That will be well enough,” the man said, and he was beautiful, really. Dark, windswept hair that looked like he’d been swimming most of the day. Blue eyes, cleft chin. Cheekbones that would worry the TSA, they were that sharp.

The clothes, not so much. A tourist tee from one of the shops up on the strip and ugly shorts with pineapples on them. Sandals, which wasn’t typical. But he carried a brown silk sport coat tucked over his arm. Gorgeous, almost golden. Glittery, reflecting back the light from the imitation tiki torches. The shop owner didn’t like smoke from real torches, so they had ugly fake electric things. And light up palm trees. It was tacky as shit.

Which meant, at least, her customer mostly matched the decor.

She wished she didn’t have to work the night shift -- she was always cranky during the evening -- but school was in the morning. One of these days, she was just going to collapse. Trying to do two full time gigs, and her side-hustle where she consulted for people doing gardening and helped them lay out and select plants. She barely got any time to breathe. Certainly relaxing was all the way out of the question.

Which didn’t make her the best host to a customer coming in to eat a plate of cold fries and drink a beer.

“Long day in the sun?”

“Something like that,” the man said, sitting down at the bar, moving gingerly. He didn’t look sunburned. Maybe he was just sore. Too much swimming.

“Well, we’re closing soon, so you enjoy your food. Yell if you need something, but I gotta start clean up. I was supposed to have help today, but both the other girls called out,” she said.

“Is there anything I can do to assist?”

Wanda didn’t quite scoff. Like a tourist would want to help do the dishes or put the stools up. “It’s just basic stuff. Put the seats up on the table, rake the floor for trash, empty--”

The man got up, drained his beer, and Wanda half expected him to leave without paying, saying he was going to leave a bad review and would be back to talk to the manager, because honestly that was what she was used to. Tourists were people with money, and most of the time, they were entitled pricks.

Instead, he wiped his mouth on the back of his arm, and then-- got to work putting up the stools.

“Thank you,” Wanda said. She probably shouldn’t let him help; Thaddeus Ross, her boss, would not be pleased with her if something happened to the man. Or even if he complained-- or if someone else complained. But she was so tired, really, what could it hurt, just this once? “My name’s Wanda.”

“Bucky,” the man said.

“Thanks, Bucky,” she said. “If you can do that, I’ll get the kitchen shut down, then take out the trash.”

“Will do, Wanda,” he said, and he stressed her name, like a caress.

She suppressed a shiver, headed into the kitchen. She didn’t have time or energy to worry about some guy.

Loaded the dishes into the industrial washer and started it. Sometimes she wished she had one of those at home. Once the dishes were in the rack, it took about four minutes to clean them. She had to be careful unloading because the dishes would be hot as hell, but it was nice.

And then she’d look at the space it needed and the cost and decide if she needed a plate in four minutes, she could just wash it in the sink.

By the time Wanda came back out to wipe down the bar, Bucky had put all the chairs up except the one he had been using, stacked all the trash bags by the door, and was raking the floor to get up all the random cigarette butts, spare change, and cruft that gathered around the tiki bar.

“Wow,” she said. “Nice job.” She took his plate back into the kitchen and left it by the washer. There was no point unloading the whole thing to wash one plate. Opening shift could get it tomorrow. “Here--” she snagged his jacket, flipped up the last stool, and then offered it to him. “Thanks for your help.”

Bucky reached out his hand tentatively for the jacket, as if he were shocked that she’d touched it. Or given it back. Or something. She couldn’t help petting it. The material was so soft.

But when he reached for it, his fingers brushing the fabric, a jolt of heat, of desire, of-- something passed from her to him and back.

“You-- want to go to one of the all night pancake houses up the way and buy a girl a cup of coffee?” her mouth said before her brain engaged. She never asked anyone on a date, even if she was interested.

“Yes,” Bucky said, and his voice was husky and seductive. “I would like that very much, I think.”

#winterwitch #bucky barnes x wanda maximoff #selkie AU

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mxliv-oftheendless · 5 years

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Let’s Fall in Love

Now I know what you’re all thinking: “But Livvie, you’re always so vocal about your opinion of Valentine’s Day and its inherent capitalism and societal pressure to be in a relationship and general stupidity! Why have you written a story for it?” Well, turns out when you have a soul, you can’t not get caught up in the romantic spirit somehow *shrugs*. This is by far the lamest, sappiest thing I have ever written in my entire life. It took me a while to finish writing because I did my French homework beforehand and my brain got fried (side note: learning a foreign language is exhausting). But I got it done, so yay me!

I’ve also written this because IT’S @cosmicrealmofkissteria ‘s BIRTHDAY! And since she wrote an epic story as a present for me, it’s only fair I do the same. Hope you enjoy, Shandi, and happy birthday!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The camera opens on Gene, who smiles and waves. “Hey there. If you’re watching this, this is the first video I’m making for my new flash drive, because I used up all the storage on my last one.”

From beyond the camera comes Paul’s voice calling, “Again!”

“Shut up, Paul. Anyway, you know the drill…”

“Who are you even talking to?” Paul’s voice comes again. Gene rolls his eyes and turns the camera around to Paul, who is sitting in a chair with his legs over the armrest and his laptop in his lap. “You keep saying you’re recording these for posterity, but… are you just talking to yourself and lying about it?”

“Shut up, Paul.”

“I’m just saying, man. I mean, I know why you do this. But from an outsider’s perspective, it’s kind of weird.”

“And from an outsider’s perspective, your obsession with stars is weird.”

Paul is silent for a moment, then nods. “Fair.”

He turns back to his laptop and Gene turns the camera back around. “Anyway, as I was saying. You know the drill. I’m Gene, I’m a co-owner of the awesome wine bar known as Cellar 82. I’m 33, and I am still single. But, oddly,” Gene shrugs, “I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about how sucky that is. I guess FRIENDS was wrong about that.”

“FRIENDS was wrong about a lot of stuff,” Paul’s voice comes again. “They tried to make us think Ross wasn’t a total loser.”

Gene nods. “That is true. Anyway, yeah. Still single. I’ve been on some blind dates with people my friends keep telling me are “just perfect for me!” but… nothing’s worked out. And that’s fine.

“Let’s see, what else… Paul finally got me to watch a bootleg of Phantom of the Opera.”

“It’s amazing, right?”

Gene shrugs, but is smirking slightly “Eh. The book was better.”

“… I know you’re trolling me, but I’m prepared to fight you on that.”

Gene laughs. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Seriously though, it was pretty good. At least it explains why Paul keeps dramatically reenacting it in the shower.” He looks to the side and laughs. “Paul just gave me the bird.

“Anyway… that’s all I can think of to say right now. So that does it for this video. Bye for now!” He waves. The camera screen goes black.

The camera opens on Gene, who is smiling. “So get this: I met someone last night. I probably sound like a teenage girl, but it’s pretty exciting. His name’s Vinnie, he’s got long hair down to about here,” he gestures to just below his shoulders, “and green eyes. But… and don’t tell Paul I said this… they’re really nice-looking green eyes. And it gets even better: he’s an Egyptologist. I never thought I’d meet one in real life. He’s in the graduate program at the university. He was at the wine bar with his friends because he apparently just got back from a research trip to Egypt and they dragged him out to celebrate. You’d never tell he was in Egypt, though; he’s kind of pale. But a pretty kind of pale.

“We got to talking because he heard the rock music playing and asked if it was Deep Purple. I didn’t even think he would know who they were, but he did. He knows a lot of rock bands. We could have talked about it more, but he went off to be with his friends.”

Gene rubs the back of his neck. “Is it weird that I kind of want to see him again? I’ll cop to it; he’s not the type I would normally go for. But I liked talking to him. He has a nice laugh, too. I told him he and his friends could come back anytime, and he said he thought it was a nice place so they might. I hope he comes back…”

The camera opens on Gene again, who is lying on his stomach looking sadly at the camera. “It’s been two weeks now, and Vinnie hasn’t come back. And I haven’t seen him around, either. In other news, another blind date. This one was set up by Eric with one of his fellow librarians. She was nice enough… but the date was really awkward. I don’t think it’s gonna go anywhere… as usual.”

Gene sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “I dunno what’s wrong with me, but I can’t stop thinking about him. Vinnie, I mean. Do you think he liked me? People say I’m kind of unapproachable… but he didn’t seem to mind, or have any problem talking to me. I just want to see him again, and maybe then I can finally work up the balls to ask him out.

“But then there’s… well, this, to think about. What if, if I ever see him again, it goes somewhere, and I show him I do this, and he gets weirded out by it? It’s not like what Paul said before is a lie—people who don’t know what this is to me think this is weird. But maybe… maybe I can cross that bridge when I get there—if I even get there at all. I haven’t even seen him again yet.

“Well… here’s hoping I see him again. Anyway, as for the rest of my life…” He shrugs. “Same old shit. Bar’s still getting good reviews… but it’s had good reviews since we opened, so that’s not new. No new episodes from Buzzfeed Unsolved yet. Rick and Morty… still a wild show. It’s gotten even wilder if possible. But I can make a separate video about that. And, uh… that’s pretty much it. So I guess I’ll sign off for the night. This is Gene Simmons, signing off.”

The camera opens on Gene, who looks giddy. “You’ll never guess what happened: scientists proved ghosts are real.

“No, I’m just kidding. I wish, but anyway… Vinnie came back! Turns out he and his friends do a tri-weekly Guys Night Out, and they’re really serious about it. They would even FaceTime Vinnie while he was in Egypt. They liked the wine bar so much they decided to come back for their next one.

“So I got to talk to Vinnie again—he remembered my name, can you believe that?—and like I said I would, I worked up the guts to ask him out. And he said yes! I’m gonna pick him up from his loft—he and his friends live together—and take him out to this coffee place down the block from the wine bar.” Gene holds up crossed fingers. “Here’s hoping it goes well.”

We see Gene, who is lying on his stomach and looking happily at the camera. “So I just got back from my date with Vinnie. I suppose you’re wondering how it went, huh? Well…” He slowly bows his head…

… then looks back up at the camera with a big smile. “It went really well! We talked about our favorite bands, and Vinnie’s job… you should’ve seen his face when he was talking about Egypt. He was so into it. Then he asked me how the wine bar got started, so I told him about how Paul and I decided to open it together. He thought it was really cool how we know so much about different wines.

“Actually, we were there for a pretty long time. I was hoping it would last an hour, at most. But as we’re getting up to leave, I look at my watch, and it’s been three hours! I’ve never had a date last that long, or one that seemed to go by that fast. We made plans to meet for dinner next week.” Gene checks his watch. “I should probably sign off for now. I told Tommy I’d take over his morning shift tomorrow.” He flashes the camera another smile. “Today’s been a good day. Can’t wait to see Vinnie again.”

Music is playing in the background. The camera has opened on Paul, who gives a smile and a peace sign. “Hey there, posterity. It’s me, ya boi. Check this out.”

He turns the camera around to reveal Gene moving around the kitchen area. Paul zooms the camera in on him. He looks to be in a very good mood as he pours cereal into a bowl, nodding his head along to the music. The camera turns back to Paul, who gives the camera a lost look and shrug. “He’s been like this all morning. He’s only had one cup of coffee so far. Oh, and you probably can’t hear it on the recording, but he’s humming. Actually humming along to the music. I’ve narrowed down the possibilities of what could’ve happened to him to two: either Trump’s been assassinated, or his date last night with Vinnie went really well. And since Trump’s unfortunately still alive and well, then that means it was his date with Vinnie. I just—” Paul stops and looks up. His eyes widen as a voice can be made out. “Oh my God…”

He turns the camera around and zooms in on Gene again. We can now hear Gene singing along to the music. “—fall in love/Our hearts are made of it/Let’s take a chance/Why be afraid of it…”

The camera turns back around to a shocked Paul. “He’s singing along now!” he whispers. “Oh my God… I’m so glad I decided to make a recording of this. This is a historic moment, people!”

“Paul, what are you doing?” Gene’s voice suddenly says, making Paul look up at him. “Is that Shannon? Paul, what are you doing with Shannon?”

“I’m documenting history, Gene. Also, I still say you could give your camera a better name than ‘Shannon’. Peter’s cats have better names than that.”

“Fuck you, Shannon’s a great name.”

“You could’ve named her Diane. Then at least more people would get the Twin Peaks reference.” Paul watches Gene for a moment, then sighs and turns back to the camera. “And he just flipped me off. Well, looks like the moment’s gone. But at least you got to see it for yourselves.” He glances up at Gene. “I should probably give Shannon back to him now before he tries to snatch it. So I guess bye for now, posterity!” He blows a kiss at the camera and turns it off.

Gene is sitting on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. He has a nervous look on his face. “Hey there. So, um… I did something kind of impulsive today, and… everything was fine, but…” he sighs and runs his hand over his face. “I don’t know. I guess I should give some background first.

“So as you probably know, I’ve been dating Vinnie for nearly three months now. Given how he’s a part-time research assistant and working his way through grad school, that probably isn’t that impressive. He keeps apologizing for having to decline going out together, but it’s fine, I get it. Tommy and Ace were like that when Ace was working on his astronomy PhD. So I get it. But the thing is… Vinnie actually works to make time for going out with me. Like, he’ll message me things like…” The camera shakes as Gene fumbles for his phone and opens it. “Like this: I can ask Lita if I can leave early on Thursday. It’ll be short notice, but she probably won’t mind. And I just…” Gene runs a hand through his hair. “No one I’ve ever had a long-term relationship with has ever done that for me before. They would always say things like, Oh, sorry, I can’t, I have Such-n-Such at seven. I remember my high school girlfriend said one time that she couldn’t go out because she had StuGo till five. And I said, ‘well, how about afterwards?’ And she got all snippy and said ‘no, cuz I have to do my homework when I get home.’ Actually she was also the one that dumped me for that blond fuck Vince… Anyway, point is, no girlfriend or boyfriend I’ve ever had has ever done that. It was either they could or they couldn’t. Except Vinnie…

“But I digress. Anyway, Vinnie and I’ve been dating for almost three months, and whenever I do see him…” Gene sighs and smiles a little. “It’s great. We haven’t just gone out to restaurants; we’ve gone to the movies, I went over to his and his friends’ loft once and he comes over here…” Gene smirks a bit. “I’m happy to report I still got it in the boudoir. His friends seem to like me, and Paul likes Vinnie. It’s been… pretty amazing. I really like him. He’s really smart, even if he knows next to nothing about horror movies, he’s got good music tastes, he’s funny, his laugh is… like music to my ears, and he’s incredibly attractive. Actually, he’s sort of insecure about how he looks—can you believe that? I don’t give a damn that he looks kind of feminine, he’s beautiful. And whenever I’m with him, I just think, how can someone this amazing exist? And want to spend his time with me? I just… fuck, am I digressing again? Sorry.

“Anyways, to get back to what I started this with… I told him about this. About Shannon and my video diaries. I didn’t tell him why, because… well, I kinda chickened out of that. He was curious about it—apparently, he’s never met someone who makes video diaries. So I told him about when I first got started making them, and went on from there. And the whole time he never looked put off or weirded out by it—he just looked really interested. And I guess that’s what made me say what I asked next: I asked if he wanted to be in one.”

Gene presses his mouth into a line. “Yeah… I didn’t realize what I said until after I said it. He just stared at me for a second, I think I took him by surprise. I was sure he was going to say no. But then… then he said sure, if I felt okay about him being in it. He’s coming over tomorrow.

“I definitely feel like I should be more excited than I actually am. This… well, you know how much this stuff means to me. I’ve never shared this with any of the other people I’ve dated. This is my own personal thing. But Vinnie… it just sort of slipped out. Does that mean something?”

Gene sighs and runs his hand through his hair again. “God, what am I doing… I’m psyching myself out again. It’s probably not going to be as bad as I’m worrying it’ll be. He didn’t seem to judge me when I was telling him about it, so he probably won’t judge me tomorrow. He’s not like that; he’s better than that.” Gene slowly smiles. “Yeah… Yeah, I think it’ll be fine. Paul’s gonna be home tomorrow too, and he gets it. Yeah, it’ll all be fine.

“Well, I guess I’ll sign off for now and go to bed. Stay tuned tomorrow for when you finally meet this Vinnie I’ve told you so much about.”

The camera opens on a black shirt, then rustles and is lifted up. Vinnie is sitting on the couch, looking at the camera. “Is this fine?” he asks.

“It’s perfect,” Gene replies from behind the camera.

“Okay… So, what should I do?”

“How about… your name, your age, your job, your favorite band, and one fun fact about yourself.”

Vinnie laughs. “Okay.” He smiles and waves at the camera. “Hi! I’m Vinnie, I’m 30, I’m an Egyptologist and work as a research assistant, my favorite band is…” he laughs nervously, “I don’t know, there are so many good ones…”

“You don’t have to say one if you can’t think of one,”

“Okay. I have a lot of favorite bands. And a fun fact about me is…”

“You’re short,”

Vinnie scoffs at Gene. “Well, we can’t all be over six feet tall. Here’s a fun fact about me: I like Star Trek more than Star Wars.”

“Take that back,”

Vinnie smirks at him. “Why don’t you make me?”

“You’re kidding, I know you’re kidding,”

Vinnie laughs. “Okay, okay, I’m kidding. A true fun fact about me is… I’ve seen every season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” The scene is quiet. He looks at Gene behind the camera. “I’m serious.”

“… You’re actually serious?” The camera zooms in on Vinnie’s face. “You need to explain. Now. Because I’m sorry, but if you’re a fan of the Kardashians I may have to question our relationships.”

Vinnie laughs. “Don’t worry, Genie, I’m not a fan of the Kardashians. Never in a million years.”

“Thank God. But you still have to explain.”

“Okay, fine. What happened was, Mark and I had a bet where the loser had to binge watch all the seasons of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and I lost. I spent the next two and a half weeks watching every episode whenever I had free time, and they’re two and a half weeks of my life I’ll never get back.”

“How was it?”

“If you think watching their drama every week is bad enough, try watching all of their drama at once.”

Gene winces. “That sounds horrible,”

Vinnie nods. “Like I said, two and a half weeks of my life I’ll never get back.”

“Ugh, did I just hear Keeping Up With the Kardashians?” Paul’s disgusted-sounding voice comes from in the background. “I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna be talking about that crap, you’re gonna have to leave.”

“Shut up, Paul,” Gene replies. “He’s not a fan.”

“I had a bet with Mark and lost, and so had to binge watch the whole show,” Vinnie explains.

“And?”

“Absolutely hated it,”

Paul’s voice sounds satisfied. “Good. Gene, you better not lose this one; he’s a keeper.”

Vinnie laughs, while Gene’s voice is embarrassed. “Don’t you have a Phantom of the Opera number to reenact?”

“It’s fine,” Vinnie laughs. “I don’t mind.”

“You say that now, but after you spend some more time around him, that may change,”

Vinnie shrugs. “I doubt it; I do live with Mark and Dana, after all.” He gives Gene a cheeky smile. “Am I a keeper, Genie?”

“Welllll…” the camera zooms in on Vinnie’s face, while he tries not to laugh. Then it zooms back out again. “Yeah. You’re a keeper, alright.”

Vinnie smiles. “Thank you. So are you.” The camera feed is silent for a beat. “So… should I say goodbye, or…”

“Oh! Oh yeah, uh, yeah, you should.”

“Okay.” Vinnie grins at the camera and waves. “Well, it was nice to meet Shannon. She’s a very nice lady, very efficient. Once again, I’m Vinnie. Bye!”

The camera opens on Gene. He is lying on his stomach on his bed, and gazes sadly at the camera. “Hi. It’s Gene. And… my life’s been a mess the past few days. Vinnie and I… well, we’re not talking. We haven’t even texted, except for…” Gene’s eyes blink rapidly, “for just now. Um, I should probably start at the beginning, huh?

“So, Vinnie’s video diary was about a month ago. And since then we got… more serious. He was—been—fuck, I don’t fucking know grammar anymore, my life’s such a mess. He’s been coming over a lot more. We made dinner together once. We watched movies, and… all that. It was great. And after he seemed to be totally fine with me making video diaries, I started making more videos with him in it. And at first it was fine—he just laughed and went along with it. But after a while…” Gene sighs and runs a hand over his face. “Fuck, I didn’t even realize this until I thought back… After a while, he started getting… less fine with it. I think—no, he was definitely more annoyed than he let on. But I never noticed; I was just so happy that he didn’t think I was weird for doing it. I-I should’ve paid more attention…

“Um, anyway, that brings me to… to a few days ago. Vinnie came over to watch… what was it? It was… I don’t even remember. Not that it matters. He came over to watch a movie, and I… he looked so handsome and I couldn’t help myself and… and pulled out Shannon while he was making popcorn. When he saw Shannon, he sighed heavily, like a really frustrated sigh, and asked if I could turn it off. And that’s what got my attention: he’s always been careful to call Shannon “her”, and this time he called her “it.” So I was kind of caught off guard, so I turned her off and asked what was wrong. And… it took him a few seconds to answer, but… he really didn’t have to in the end. He was trying to give me an excuse other than the truth.

“He… He asked me why I’m always pulling Shannon out and making videos, even when I don’t have to. I told him it was for posterity, like I usually do. But that… that, um, wasn’t enough for him. He said I should try to spend time away from making video diaries for a while, and unplug. That’s the word he used: unplug. And…” he sighs heavily. “Does it even matter what I said to that? It doesn’t seem like it matters much now; the ending’s still the same. I got kind of put off by what he was saying, he got more annoyed at me, which got me more frustrated at him, and… well, one thing led to another, and… and eventually we were just shouting at each other. We were yelling back and forth, and—and throwing insults at each other… until finally he just stormed out.

“And… And that’s it. I haven’t talked to him since. Haven’t gone to try and see him when he’s working, haven’t called him… I only worked up the balls to text him an apology a few hours ago.” He laughs humorlessly. “Can you believe that? I apologized over text instead of in person… how pathetic is that? No wonder he took two hours to respond… I was sure he wouldn’t even respond at all, even though at the same time I was checking my phone every five minutes. Then when he did respond, all he said was…” Gene swallows roughly. “It just said, I don’t want to talk right now. That’s it. Nothing else.”

Gene sighs and runs his hand across his face and through his hair. “I can’t believe it. Four months of everything going amazing and I fucked it all up because I’m too emotionally attached to my camera. Fuck, I wonder what Dr. Aucoin would say if he could see me right now… this probably wasn’t what he was thinking of when he suggested I start making these. I took it too far… This is my fault. I can’t believe Vinnie didn’t get annoyed sooner. He’s too patient…” Gene gives a wet laugh. “Goddammit, Vinnie’s amazing. He’s a treasure. I don’t care about all the stuff about him I get bothered with. I don’t care that he’s such a perfectionist. He’s too good for me… He has been from the moment I met him. And now he might want to break up with me over this… and he would be totally justified in wanting that.

“Well, you heard it right here. Once again I manage to fuck up everything, only this time I managed to fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to me in years… maybe my entire life. I, um, don’t know when the next time I make one of these will be. It might actually be never this time. So, if this really is my last video diary…” he shrugs sadly. “I’m sorry. I wish I could end things on a lighter note, but… guess I can’t. So…” he waves despondently at the camera. “Possibly for the last time ever… this is Gene Simmons, signing off.”

The screen goes black.

The camera opens on Vinnie, who is staring sadly at it. He looks like he’s been crying. “Hi, it’s… it’s Vinnie. Um… you probably know what’s been happening… and it’s my fault. I could never understand why Gene’s always making these video diaries, always documenting everything… but now I know. Paul gave me all the flash drives, all the videos he’s ever made, and I watched them all. I…” He sniffs and wipes his eyes. “I feel so horrible. This is all my fault. I… I had no idea. I’m so sorry… I-I wish I could tell him how sorry I am. But I’m… I’m scared. What if he doesn’t forgive me? If I were him, I wouldn’t forgive me. But I want him to forgive me. At the very least I want him to know how sorry I am, and how ashamed of myself I am. Gene is… he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met. He’s sweet, he’s funny, and he makes me…” Vinnie is getting closer to tears now “he makes me so happy. I… I think I—”

“Vinnie?” Gene’s voice is suddenly heard from off-camera. Vinnie jumps and whirls his head around to the side. “What are you doing?”

“I-I… I…”

Vinnie quickly fumbles with the camera, and the screen goes black.

The camera screen shakes for a couple seconds, until it is raised and focused on Gene. He’s lying in bed on his side, shirtless, and smiles. He speaks quietly. “Hey there. So, turns out that wasn’t my last video after all. Which… thank God. I missed getting my thoughts out to a cold, unfeeling camera lens.” He smiles wider and chuckles. “Not that Shannon’s cold and unfeeling. She’s a good listener. Which reminds me…”

Gene sits up and fumbles with the camera. He turns it around and aims it at his bed. Lying in bed asleep, also shirtless, is Vinnie. His body is turned towards Gene’s side of the bed. Gene keeps the camera on him for a couple seconds, then turns it back around to himself, smiling. “Yep. We talked, we talked a lot actually, but we talked everything out, told each other we were sorry and then that we forgave each other, and then…” He trails off and grins. “Well, I’m sure you can connect the dots yourself.

“It’s actually kind of funny how it started. Apparently, Paul got tired of seeing me moping for the past week and a half, and decided to, without telling me, tell Vinnie why exactly I make my video diaries. So he got all my flash drives together—and I mean every single one—he even made a copy of the videos on my current flash drive—went over to Vinnie’s loft, and gave them to him, telling him to watch them all. And… And he did. He was over here at our place because he was returning the flash drives, and while he was in my room he saw Shannon. And that’s when I walked in on him talking to Shannon and looking like he was going to cry. He, uh, he actually did cry. And then… we talked. He said he was sorry for everything he said, and for not realizing what these mean to me, and I said I’m sorry for how much I was aiming Shannon at his face.” Gene shrugs sheepishly, smiling. “I mean, I still feel bad, but can you blame me? He’s got a pretty face.”

A hand suddenly passes up his chest to wrap around his shoulders and the top of Vinnie’s head appears. His smile widens and he looks down. “Good morning to you.” He leans down to kiss the top of Vinnie’s head.

“Morning…” Vinnie sits up to lean his head on Gene’s shoulder and rubs his eyes. “Mmm… I woke up and you were talking to yourself…” He sees the camera, and smiles. “Oh.” He rests his head on Gene’s shoulder. “Good morning, Shannon. And… what’s the word you used?”

“Posterity?”

“That’s it. Good morning, posterity.” He smirks a bit. “It’s me, ya boi.”

Gene groans and rolls his eyes. “You got that from Paul, didn’t you?”

“It’s what he uses whenever he makes an appearance… I know he does it to annoy you, but I thought it was kind of funny.”

Gene smiles a bit. “It’s less annoying coming from you… You have a way with words.”

Vinnie looks up at him and smiles. “Well, thank you.” He leans up to kiss Gene’s cheek. Gene turns his head and kisses him full on the lips.

When they pull away Gene speaks. “I just thought of something,”

Vinnie puts his head back on Gene’s shoulder. “Mmm hmm?”

“You apologized to me… but you never apologized to Shannon.”

“I…” Vinnie looks up at him blankly. “What?”

Gene nods his head at the camera. “Shannon. You never apologized to Shannon. You called her an it, Vinnie. She’s had a pretty hard time coming back from that, especially after how you were so nice to her before.”

Vinnie glances at the camera. He’s smiling slightly, but there’s also some guilt on his face. “I did do that…”

“Yeah. Plus you didn’t even thank her for letting you record yourself yesterday.” Gene says all of this in a very serious voice. “So? Does she not deserve an apology?”

“Yes, she does.” Vinnie turns to look apologetically at the camera. “I’m sorry I called you an it, Shannon. I was annoyed at how much I saw you; that was rude and wrong of me. And thank you for letting me record myself yesterday.” He looks up at Gene. “Does she accept my apology?”

Gene leans in off to the side to look at the camera, then leans back smiling. “She forgives you,”

Vinnie smiles happily. “Thank you, Shannon. You’re a special lady. Also,” his smile turns suggestive as he glances up at Gene, “I had no idea your user was that good. Last night was fucking amazing.”

Gene’s smile widens. “I should be surprised at hearing you swear… but I heard enough of that last night.”

Laughing, Vinnie waggles his eyebrows at the camera. “What can I say? I forgot my manners.”

“Also, I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this before, but Vinnie has an ankh tattoo.”

“Mmm hmm,” Vinnie nods proudly. “I got it in Alexandria. It’s about as big as my hand, and it’s black, but I regret nothing.”

“Wanna show them where it is?”

Vinnie laughs. “No thanks.” He winks at the camera. “Sorry, but only Gene will ever know that.” He sits up a bit and smiles suggestively at Gene. “Want to see it again?”

Gene grins back. “I’d love to. Just gimme a sec.” He fumbles with the camera and turns it off.

When the camera is turned on, with Paul holding it, we see the interior of Cellar 82. It is crowded with people, and voices and music fill the background. “Hey, posterity,” Paul says, raising his voice so he can be heard. “It’s me, ya boi. I’m borrowing Shannon, but Gene probably won’t mind.” He turns the camera away from him and moves it to pan around the room. “So as you can see, we’ve got a full house here in Cellar 82 tonight. Why, you ask? Well…”

He moves the camera and zooms it in on Tommy and Ace, who are dancing together in the middle of a makeshift dance floor. He zooms out and turns the camera back to himself. “Ace finally proposed to Tommy. They took things seriously slow while he was working on his PhD, moved in together after he got it, and to celebrate being ten years sober, Ace finally decided to pop the question. About fuckin’ time, if you ask me.

“But while Ace and Tommy are great together, they’re not why I’m borrowing Shannon.” Paul grins wickedly at the camera. “Gimme a few seconds, and I’ll show you the real reason why.”

He turns the camera away from him and starts to move through the crowd of people. Eventually he comes to a corner that is a bit more private, and zooms in on the people sitting at the table. It is Gene and Vinnie; Vinnie is in Gene’s lap and they’re in the middle of making out. The camera turns back around to a smirking Paul. “Yep, that’s why. Gene sometimes forgets personal space is a thing when he’s had enough to drink, and you didn’t hear it from me but apparently Vinnie gets a little loose when he’s had enough wine. And when you put ‘em together… you get this.” He turns the camera back to the couple, who are still making out. “Hey, lovebirds!”

At his shout, Gene’s eyes turn in his direction, then widen. He turns his head fully around. “Paul, what the hell are you doing?” he shouts. Meanwhile Vinnie looks up, sees the camera, and hides his face in Gene’s shoulder.

“Smile, you’ve been recorded for posterity!” Paul replies gaily.

Gene gently pushes Vinnie, who nods and gets off his lap. As soon as he is off, Gene bolts to his feet and starts to advance on Paul. “I’m gonna kill you, Paul!”

“But Gene, I’ve got Shannon! You wouldn’t hurt our lovely gal Shannon, would you?”

“Shannon? Never. You? You better fucking run.”

The camera shakes violently as Paul turns and runs, laughing.

Gene is sitting at the kitchen table, wearing a red button-up shirt and a black blazer. “Hi. I’m about to head out to go pick up Vinnie and take him out to dinner. We’ve officially been together for one year… which I know because I have the day marked in my calendar. So I decided to take him out to a nice place. He doesn’t even know what’s going to happen; all I told him was to dress nice.”

Gene runs his hand over his hair. “I’m also planning on doing something else today. I’ve thought about it for a long time now, I think ever since we made up after that argument we had… and I’m pretty sure of it now. I’m in love with Vinnie. And after we come back here from dinner, I’m going to tell him.

“Y’know what’s funny? When I first thought that I might be in love… I would’ve been less scared if Jason Vorhees burst through my window. Because I’ve never been in love before. I love Paul, but not like that—never in a thousand years like that. And for all my other past relationships, I thought in the moment it was love, but then when it was over I realized it was just a really strong attraction. But this… I’ve thought about it for months, and I know it’s actually love.

“I’m gonna tell him tonight. Despite worrying that he doesn’t love me back, I’m still gonna do it. I just wanted to get my thoughts out before I left. Which,” Gene glances up at the clock, “I should probably leave now.” He smiles hopefully and holds up crossed fingers. “Wish me luck!”

The camera is aimed at the bed, then shakes as it is lifted up and turned around to reveal Vinnie. He smiles. “Hi,” he says quietly. “I woke up first and decided to borrow Shannon for a second. I’ll be quick; I just wanted to say something. But first…”

He turns the camera around and aims it at Gene, who is lying in bed on his side, still asleep. “I could get used to waking up to this,” Vinnie’s voice is soft and affectionate. He turns the camera back around. “I’m sure Genie’s already said something about it, but last night marked us being boyfriends for a year. Gene took me out to a nice dinner, then we came back here. And then…” Vinnie turns from the camera to look down at Gene, then smiles and turns back. “Gene said he loved me.” He laughs. “I still can’t believe it. He’s really in love with me.

“I didn’t say it then, because… well, I wasn’t sure enough of myself to feel confident enough to say it. But I am now. I love him too. And I’m going to tell him right now.”

And with that, he turns off the camera.

When the camera turns on, Gene’s shirt is the only thing in frame. He adjusts something, then moves backward to sit next to Vinnie. They are surrounded by stacks of boxes. Gene smiles and waves, while Vinnie follows suit. “If you’re watching this, this is the first video being recorded in our new apartment.”

Vinnie grins happily. “We moved in together!”

“We’ve been together for two years now, almost three, and we decided we were tired of not seeing more of each other.” Gene grins at the camera. “So, now we’ll be seeing each other all the time.” He turns to Vinnie. “Seriously though, I should probably take the time to apologize in advance.”

“For what?”

“Y’know… anything I do that bothers you or makes you uncomfortable. Paul told me one time that I snore.”

“Well, I’ve slept right next to you hundreds of times, and you’ve never snored.”

“You’re kind of a deep sleeper, though,”

“I guess that’s fair,”

“But anyway… sorry in advance.”

Vinnie smiles and shakes his head at him. “Okay. I forgive you in advance. I guess I should say sorry in advance for anything I do that bothers you.”

Gene smiles back. “I forgive you in advance.” He kisses Vinnie. The kiss slowly becomes deeper, until Vinnie falls back onto the floor with Gene on top of him.

“Mmph… Gene, the camera.”

“Right.” Gene gets up and moves to turn it off.

The camera turns on, and we see the interior of Cellar 82. The camera is pointed at Gene and Vinnie, who are sitting at a table.

“I’m sorry, I know I probably shouldn’t talk,” Paul’s quiet voice comes from behind the camera, “but I’m too excited! Today marks Gene and Vinnie being together for four years, and tonight’s the night Gene decided to do something very special.”

After a few moments, Paul gasps and zooms in on Gene’s hand as it reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a small black box. Gene seems to grip it tightly for a second. The camera zooms out to have both men in frame as Gene speaks. The words are inaudible on the recording. Then Gene opens the box, places it on the table, and pushes it towards Vinnie.

Vinnie’s mouth drops open and he covers his mouth. Then he slowly nods his head. He lowers his hands to reveal a blooming smile, and his reply of “Yes!” can be faintly heard. Gene stands and goes around to Vinnie’s chair, picks up the box to take out the ring, and slides it onto Vinnie’s finger. Vinnie jumps up and they kiss passionately.

The camera opens on a wall of a bedroom, then is turned around to be on Gene. He grins at the camera and speaks in a quiet voice. “If you’re watching this, you’ve found the one video of my honeymoon I’m doing. The next two weeks are going to be completely radio silence. And to be honest? I’ve never been more excited.”

The camera is turned around to the bed, and zooms in on a sleeping Vinnie. “There he is—the one I’m gonna spend my life with, and the one who somehow wants to spend his life with me.” The camera zooms out and turns back to Gene. “Is it normal when you’re married to still wonder how the hell your partner puts up with you?” He shrugs. “Guess I’ll find out.” The camera turns back to Vinnie and zooms in on him. “Look at him; beautiful. He was the first one to fall asleep after last night.” His voice turns proud. “Not to brag, but I kind of outdid myself last night. I’m kind of surprised no one heard him.”

As he speaks, Vinnie shifts in bed and slowly opens his eyes. He lifts a hand and rubs them, then turns to blink blearily at the camera. “Mm, Gene… what are you doing?”

“Showing the world my beautiful husband,”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to bring Shannon along,”

“Don’t worry, this is the only video I’m taking,”

“Mmm… okay.” Vinnie rubs his eyes and props himself up.

The camera zooms in closer. “Vinniiiiiie…”

Vinnie looks at the camera, smiling amusedly. “Yes, Gene?”

“Got anything you wanna say to Shannon?”

“Shannon, you’re a lovely woman, but Gene’s legally mine now. If you could stop trying to steal him from me, that would be great.”

“Very funny. I meant something like saying hi. For posterity.”

“Okay, okay,” Vinnie smiles at the camera and waves. “Hello, it’s me, Vinnie. As of two days ago, I got married to the beautiful man behind the camera…” Vinnie laughs. “Who is now blushing.”

“Shut up,”

Vinnie laughs. “Well, assuming Gene keeps his promise, this is the only video being taken during our honeymoon, so… enjoy it.”

“Well said,”

“Thank you,”

“How’s the bed?”

Vinnie shifts. “Mm… comfy. Really comfy.”

“It is pretty comfy,”

Vinnie grins at Gene beyond the camera. “It’d be perfect if a certain someone would put Shannon away and come back to bed.” He bats his eyelashes. “Please?”

Gene sounds like he’s grinning. “Well, since you asked so nicely…”

The screen goes black.

#ladies gentlemen and nonbinaries: behold the sappiest fucking thing I have ever written ever #and also one of the longest things I've written #not THE longest but still pretty long #bc as usual for me when I have a good idea I get carried away with it lol #also why paul and gene are co-owners of a wine bar I have no idea #that's just the idea I had #but yeah anyway #hope you enjoyed this lame thing #happy birthday Shandi!#kiss fanfiction #demonankh #kiss au writing #my writing #thanks for reading!#k now i'm gonna go eat something lol

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bolbianddolanhouse · 5 years

Text

BNHA self insert AU

Nani the heck is this? Read here!

Chapter 27: Honey, You Got a Big Storm Comin’!

It’s days before summer vacation but the intel students aren’t stressin’ as much as the hero class. I get summoned to help out.

-Wednesday night in the hero dorms-

“...and that’s how it should be written out” I said as I finished writing on the portable white board “remember! Use symbols for the graph so it’s easier to explain in the written part.”

“That’s so much easier!” cried out Sato “my brain feels like funnel cake trying to figure out the two.”

All of the hero class was huddled in the commons room to take note on all the tips and simplified explanations. “Any other questions?” I check the time “it’s literally past your bedtimes.”

“I believe that was everything on the review sheet” Tokoyami uttered as he scanned through his marked up work sheet.

“Alrighty then” I pack up my note books and markers “don’t hesitate to ask me anything about the material before your exam” the class gives a collective thumbs up “see y’all tomorrow at school.” I say before teleporting out.

“Man I wish she still lived with us” sighed Kirishima “then we could just knock on her door for help instead of accommodating her like this.”

“But it’s nearly summertime!” yawned Uraraka “we’re going to see a whole lot of her, I can feel it.”

-Friday, after school in the halls-

“Oof I don’t even know if I did well enough” Mina cried out as everyone walked down the hall “I wonder how Palma-san does it.”

“Seriously!” tiredly sighed Hagakure “she doesn’t even break a sweat over the material but her explanations did help.”

“Speaking of which” Asui spoke up “I wonder how she did on her exams, kero.”

“All she had to study for was her vehicle exam” Kaminari butted in “lucky for her, she gets all the fun.”

They get to the front of the school “Hey, isn’t that her?” Aoyama points to her as she fiddles with her bag speaker.

“Oh it is!” Kirishima waved to get her attention “HEY PALMA-SAN! YO!”

“Hmm? Oh hi yall!” she hollered back “how was the exam?”

“Tough! How do you do it?” Midoriya eagerly asked.

“Heh, yall clearly never fought for fun, played strategy games nor got into a sport” she slung on her backpack “back in America, all I did was strategy to win my daily fist fights from my siblings and played video games on hard mode” she let out a giggle “all just to make life less boring.”

“What are your plans for summer break Palma-san?” asked Sero, trying to change the subject.

“I guess just to stay cool and do some more training” she sighed “I have another practice exam and I need to hone my ability and get mentally and physically stronger.”

“When’s the exam?” asked Sato in awe.

“In December BUT that doesn’t mean I can slack my training” she puts up her fists “I gotta go sicko mode until I complete my exam.” She checks the time “oof gotta zoot! It’s my turn to cook dinner and I need a few things” she starts to roller skate away “bye yall!”

-Saturday late morning, hero dorms-

“Is there anything else I can assist you with Shinso” Iida chopped sternly at Shinso as he was led back to his new dorm.

“You covered everything” Shinso replied “I’ll just settle in for now.”

“Don’t hesitate to ask us for help, I’m 4 doors down if you need me.” Iida said as he walked to his dorm.

Shinso groaned as he closed the door of his dorm “what a drag that was! Palma-san was right, it is a pain in the ass to live with these kids.” He spoke to himself as he put his clothes away.

There was a knock on his door “Who is it?”

“Special delivery~”

“From who?”

“Your next dorm neighbor!”

“I’m not opening the door!”

“That’s ok! I’ll just warp in!” in a blink of an eye, Palma teleports in her track shorts and graphic tee “Hi Shinso! Welcome to the neighborhood!”

“Oh it’s you!” Shinso chuckled “For a moment I thought I was getting pranked!”

“Trust me, nobody is going to prank you” she rolled her eyes “they’ll just knock on your door and pester you on dumb shit” she holds out a small cake box “here, I made you some treats as a welcome gift!”

“Thanks” he takes the box “hey do you know the forbidden rules of the dorms?”

“Of course I do” she stops herself from saying them, why does he want to know? “I’m guessing Iida mentioned something about them?”

“Something like that” he sets the box on the desk “I want to enjoy my time living here and I just want to know how far I can push the rules.”

“If you put it like that, sit down, it’s a lot to remember” she took a deep breath “lights out is at 8pm but that just means to turn-off the main lights in your rooms and not make noise. If you’re out here having sex in your dorm, I suggest putting the mattress on the floor for a non-incriminating session, side note from that, only UA students are allowed in the dorms and they have to leave before 10am the next day. You’re not allowed to go between dorm buildings unless accompanied by an intel student or it’s a training exercise. You can smoke BUT you have to do it on the roof and clean up after. Pets allowed but they must be under 80 pounds. And finally, anything that goes down in that far quarter of the shared field is fair game, the cameras don’t reach that far.”

“Interesting, I don’t think I’ll be sneaking in kitties since there’s already one here” smirked Shinso.

“OH! you met Catptain!” she gushed “isn’t he such a sweetie?!”

“Yea, Iida couldn’t shut up on how you convinced everyone to get one” he stopped and looked into her eyes “you two dating?”

“Nope”

“Do you like him?”

“As a friend, he’s made it clear that he sees me as a sibling.”

“Ouch” he gets close to her face “his loss, why would anybody leave you alone, pretty kitty” he rubbed her chin “you want to play, kitty?”

“Careful Shinso” she warned as she grabbed his hand to stop rubbing her chin “this kitty has claws and a naughty side” she mocked his tone “don’t play with me unless it’s for keeps.” she let out a giggle “but seriously, you can’t hang at the level I’m at” she turns to leave “maybe some other time.”

As he watched her walk out to the hallway, so did the other boys. “Shinso-kun no fair!” wailed Mineta “you’ve been visited by-” Kaminari put his hand on Mineta’s mouth.

“Shhh! you want Iida to hear?” Kaminari shushed “don’t forget what we’re trying to do!”

Aoyama turns to Shinso to clarify “we can’t utter her name within earshot of Iida-kun” his face gets gloomy “he dashes out every time, trying to find his princess” he strikes a dramatic pose “oh the forbidden love they carry in their hearts!~”

Tokoyami sighs “You forgot the important part Yuga” he turns to Shinso “all of us are trying to get him to confess to her” he stressfully rubs his furrowed brow “but every time he doubts himself even though he has very strong feelings toward her.”

“That’s not what Pal- I MEAN she told me” Shinso corrected himself “she told me that he sees her as a sibling.”

“A SIBLING?!” they all yelled.

“Yeah, but it was nice of her to bring me a welcome gift” Shinso bluntly said as he pointed to the box on the desk.

“Open the box Shinso-kun” Mineta demanded “if I’m correct, she might be eyeing you as her next object of affection.”

Shinso opens the box and his eyes widen “it’s cat paw cookies” he ate one and he lost his cool “damn, these are delicious! like, I can taste the love and effort she put into these.”

“So she is eyeing you” Sero narrows his eyes “Iida-kun really can’t talk to her.”

-Fast forward, Tuesday in the hero dorms-

“Hey Midoriya-kun” Shinso called out as he looked out to the shared field “what is she doing? It’s been a few days since I’ve noticed and I don’t know.”

“Hmm? Oh you’re talking about Palma-san and her squadron” Midoriya looked at what he’s looking at “they’re doing endurance and stamina training. Palma-san tells me that she never learned where she lands on the stamina scale.”

“Why is that a thing for her?” Shinso asked more confused than before.

“Well I did some research after what I learned about her quirks” he pulls out his notebook to the section on her “she has two quirks that drains body and mind, so her body is built to withstand extremes. So she has stamina that can last her through anything, lest she over-exerts herself with a copied quirk.” he closes his notebook and sighs “none of us could tire her out in battle, Shoto almost did but she lasted just enough before passing out.” he starts to mutter “it’s also worth noting that she can stay up 5 days with no sleep and can recover super fast. There’s basically nothing that can keep her down.”

Shinso processes this new info as he watches her bare-knuckle fight the skinny one “what else do you know about her?”

“She has a drivers license, doesn’t use her quirks in fights unless it’s necessary” he tries to think of more “well... she’s full of talents and surprises! Her program calls her Wild Card for her surprise elements.”

“With that type of power, why isn’t she a hero?”

“Beats me!” Midoriya sighs “Iida-kun, the teachers, and her squadron knows. Ask her if you’re that curious about it, that’s how I was able to write her section.”

Shinso spends the next few days just observing her training and other behaviors, not really paying attention to his new living situation.

“Oi Shinso!” Sero snaps Shinso out of his staring “do you play League of Legends by any chance?”

“No, why would I play something so geeky?” he responded with scorn.

“Aw, we wanted to build a bigger team to take down the intel team” Sero explained “it’s game night and Palma-sama and her team are coming over to play some LoL with us.” he points to Mineta, Kaminari, Sato and Tokoyami setting up the console and TV.

“Palma-san plays fantasy games with you?” Shinso arched his brow in confusion.

“Yep! We play all the time” Sato replied as he connected his controller “but she always beats us, she’s that good.”

At that moment, the intel team portaled in “We’re here!” Palma exclaimed “yall ready to get ya ass whooped!?”

“I brought fried rice!” Jin cried out as he lifts his dish in the air.

Shinso was awestruck on how not only she was winning round after round but also that she has so much personality. The question still burned in the back of his mind ‘why are you like this?’

-Fast Forward: Thursday, 4 days until school starts, at the pool deck-

“Aw heck the hero class is here too” Mimi whined as they walked up to the gate.

“Midnight did tell us that we’d have to share” Ita spoke up “ni modo! we need to do our endurance training.”

“I’m just nervous because we don’t have school issued swim suits” Jin looks at his swim trunks “I look like a weeb with these Naruto trunks.”

“Hi yall! Don’t mind us!” Ita yelled to as a distraction tactic to make Jin feel better.

“Ita! What brings you to the pool?” Iida pants as he pokes his head out from the water.

“The squad and I have some endurance training” she made a fist “plus I copied a water quirk, so that’ll be fun to train with!”

The 3 did some warm-ups before diving in. Everyone stopped to watch them unzip out of their track clothes to unveil their swimsuits. Ita was wearing a purple one piece, Mimi a green one piece and Jin in his Naruto swim trunks. They watched as Mimi and Jin jumped in first and Ita walking on the water.

“WOW! How are you doing that?!” cried out a bunch of the hero students.

“Oh, I just push the flow of the water up on the soles of my feet” she responded. After a few rounds of vigorous endurance exercises, the others notice that we didn’t do any swimming.

“Hold the phone!” Mineta hollered to stop our session “how come you don’t swim swim? Isn’t the whole point of using the pool deck is to swim!”

We looked at each other and laughed “Silly ball brain!” chortled Mimi “we’re the fastest swimmers in our program!”

“Yeah! There’s no point in doing laps if there’s no resistance in the water” wheezed Jin “we all learned to swim in the ocean as children.”

“Hell I bet we can swim with somebody on our backs and still be faster than any of you!” I cackled as the other two nodded their heads, agreeing with me.

“Oh yea!? We challenge you to a no-quirks lap relay!” Bakugo growled “it’s about time we take you down a few notches.”

“Oh it’s ON Blasty!” I growled back “my squad ain’t scared of y’all!”

“What’s the rules chief?” Jin asked as he swam to the marked lanes.

“No-quirks, 5 laps freestyle” Kirishima spoke up “first squad to finish is the victor.”

We get in our lanes and go up against Bakugo, Midoriya and Kirishima. And as expected, the hero squad lagged behind by 40 seconds.

“Oh wow!” I sarcastically stressed my words “looks like our place was in 1st.”

“I’ll get you next time!” Bakugo exploded “you can’t be good at everything!”

Shinso was overlooking everything in the shade, with his towel draped over his shoulders. He doesn’t fully understand why she’s the way she is, nothing is making sense and yet nobody is questioning either! Shinso decided that is was time to ask a certain someone about her.

-Later the same day, in the hero dorms-

Shinso knocks on Iida’s door.

“Come in!” Iida looks up from his book “Oh Shinso-kun, what brings you to my-”

Shinso cuts him off “Tell me everything you know about Palma-san.”

Iida glupped hard and shakily fixes his glasses “Well, she’s a pretty open person!” he struggles to keep his cool “you can ask her anything!”

“I’ve heard that you know the real reason why she’s in the intelligence program” Shinso takes a slow step forward “in fact, they all said that you confronted her and she lost her temper because of it” he takes another step “she won’t tell anybody else, so tell me lover boy, what is she hiding?!”

“I won’t!” Iida stands up to stop him from coming anything closer “I made a promise that I wouldn’t tell anybody her reasons” he takes off his glasses “she’s been through hell since coming here, she just wants good company and freedom to do what she wants.”

“Okay, so tell me this” Shinso had a sly smirk on his face “if you know so much about her, then why aren’t you her boyfriend?” he takes another step “I’ve seen you two interact and you’re all over her like a puppy!”

Iida was taken back “it’s inappropriate to be dating a classmate that has helped us the way she has!” blush creeped up on his face, incriminating himself “she’s my good friend that I care and admire!”

“It’s not like you to blush” he takes another step, just at arms reach of Iida “you’re hopelessly in love with her, admit it!”

“She’s just my-”

“Oh just a friend? Then you won’t mind if I walk over to her” Shinso points to the window, where you can see all of the intel students having a picnic on their side of the field “and ask her to go out with me.”

“DON’T!” Iida blurted before he could restrain himself “I mean- don’t because, um, you’re not her type.”

“Not her type?” Shinso was getting satisfied from breaking Iida down “so you think you’re her type?”

Iida sighed in defeat and sat back down in his desk chair “Okay, so I do like her and we spend a lot of time together” he puts his glasses back on “she’s just so...tiny and sweet and soft” he looks out the window “she smells like marshmallows and flowers, loves the beach, everything she makes is delicious, cries watching Pokemon movies, sleeps with 5 pillows” he sighs longingly “and her singing is angelic, like you’re in the presence of a goddess. Oh the things I’d do to keep her from harm, if she was my girlfriend, I’d be the happiest boy on earth.”

“So what’s the problem?” Shinso raises an eyebrow.

Iida looks away from the window “I fear her rejection and ruining our friendship with my desire to be more” he made eye contact with Shinso “on top of all that, she’s still mourning the life she left behind in America. Confessing would be like insulting her in a way.”

“In mourning? What did she-”

“Look, all I have to say” Iida interrupted “she calls the shots and don’t pry information from her. I’m lucky enough to still be friends with her after all I’d done.”

“Hmm, I’ll keep that in mind” Shinso turns to leave “when I’m kissing her.”

-First day of 2nd term-

“Man, this extra desk is really bothering me” Kaminari commented as they waited for the last class of the day to start “like why is it all the way in the middle of the row?”

“That’s Palma-san’s seat” Jiro spoke up “that’s where she lies on the class ranking if she was in the hero program.”

“I heard that Midnight arranged it like that because she favors her” Momo whispered to Mina “how lucky that Palma-san is!”

In an instant, she teleports in “Hi yall!”

“Yay you’re here!” the girls cheered.

“Oh, is that my seat?!” I look at the surrounding desks “looks like we’re still desk buddies Kirishima.”

“EVERYONE TO YOUR SEATS! CLASS IS ABOUT TO-” Iida announced as he rushed in the class but stopped when he saw Ita sit down. “What a surprise! Our dear classmate has arrived!”

“Tenya sit down!” I scolded “you’re embarrassing me~”

“He has reason to be praising” Aizawa walked in with a stack of papers “you helped raise the class average” he set the papers down “but let see if you can all upkeep that in this half.”

“Your tutoring really helped!” Mina jumped “I got my first 90 percent since starting here.”

Class started and I saw that I was seated between Shinso and Iida. So I got a nice view of the back of Shinso’s head and his backpack and Iida was lucky enough to see the top of my head with all my curls resting on my shoulders. Sensei explained the course and all the off-campus training.

“...and we’re going to have dress out training twice a week” the class groaned when he said that “I don’t want to hear how awful it is! This section is important to hero work.”

I raised my hand.

“Oh? Yes Palma-san?” surprised by my hand, Aizawa called upon me.

“Do I dress out with support items too? Or will I have restrictions again?”

“The same restrictions apply but you do have to dress out like you are going on a mission outside of school” Aizawa explained “so your unmarked jumpsuit and belt will be kept here when you dress out for convenience.”

“Okay, thank you sensei.”

“Moving on, today, we’re going to have some confrontation practice with Cementoss.”

I raise my hand again.

“That includes you too Palma-san” he groaned “as much as it’s not part of your line of work, you unfortunately have to do everything they do this term.”

“Well that’s wack” I dropped my hand and pouted “whatever! I’ll play along.”

We get in our gym clothes and meet with Cementoss in the field. The instructions were clear enough, announce your confrontation to the ‘villain’ and you get graded off that. Things got fucky when it got to my turn.

“Okay Miss Palma, I know its not in your line of work but” Cementoss gestured to his makeshift villain dummy “what do you say when you see the villain?”

I took a dramatic pose and said “Eat my ass, pew!” finger gun and everything. The mix of gasps and laugher boosted my cockiness a bit, even Aizawa was laughing.

“MISS PALMA! We don’t use that language when confronting villains!” Cementoss scolded me.

“Why not? It stuns the villain and the villain can go and eat my ass!” I pouted “I wanted to sit this one out! Should’ve listened to me.”

“It’s true!” Aizawa was coming down from his laughing fit “don’t forget that she’s an agent, technically she’s not supposed to say anything when she comes across a villain.”

“Okay, so what do you do when you see the villain?” Cementoss asks me directly.

I take off my shoes “pretend these are guns” and I make gun noises and pretend to be contacting the sniper team on my earpiece. I took it too far by adding my own dramatics “OH NO! He’s got a gun! I gotta take the hostages to safety!” I gather everyone with my telekinesis and pretended to do the timer gun trick “vaya con Dios PUTO!” I sling the shoe and it hit the dummy on the neck. I mimic the noises and run around a bit “villain has been decommissioned, hostages are secured, my job is done here, requesting retrieving squad.”

“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO JUST SHOOT?!” cried out Sato.

“Um yea” I said as I set them down “that’s why we get guns but since I’m a raid and combat agent, I get other cool things like tranquilizers and tasers.”

“To be fair” Aizawa turned to Cementoss “she did her part as an agent, full points for her.”

We did the rest of the exercise and headed in a little early. I was the last one back to the class because I got a vocal warning from Cementoss about my language.

“Hey Palma-san!” Shinso stood in front of my desk as I got my bag.

“Oh hi Shinso” I waved as I slung my bag on my back.

“Are you walking today?” he asked a bit awkwardly “I was hoping maybe we could walk to the dorms together.”

“Sure, but I walk slow”

“Fine by me” he chuckled “more time to talk!” When we started walking, he soon saw what I meant by I walk slow. “You weren’t kidding!” he stood and waited for the 5th time in the last 100 yards “is that why he holds your hand?”

“Who? OH you mean Tenya!” I panted a bit as I trotted up to him “yea, but he can out walk anybody.”

“Hmm, you call him by his first name a lot”

“Yea we do that” we started walking again “I understand that calling somebody by their first name is a bit disrespectful but he asked for permission to call me by my preferred name.”

“Which is?”

“Ita, it’s short for Itati” I put some pep to my step “my parents call me by that name because I grew up very short and sweet, just like the name.”

“Mind if I call you that?”

“Sure, can I call you Hitoshi?”

“Sure.”

“Coolio!” I didn’t talk for a short pause “fair warning, I’m gonna shorten and baby-ify your name as endearment.”

“I welcome it” he laughed and looked at her “I see that you get special treatment from the others, must be nice.”

“Eh, it’s not” I stretch out my arms to crack them “I get scolded way more just for following my program’s rules in that class” flashbacks of getting scolded by Tenya replay in my head “it’s mostly Tenya that does the scolding” I mock his chops and voice “Ita! It’s against code to be flashing your chest as distraction! Ita! You can’t keep sneaking out like that on a school night!”

“Heh good one but I can do you one better” he clears his throat and squares his shoulders “Shinso-kun! We eat meals together as a class! Shinso-kun! Don’t do laundry at 3am, it disrupts our sleep! Curfew is 8pm!”

I start howling in laughter “Oh jeez that was spot on!” tears well up in my eyes because of how hard I was laughing “my tummy hurts HOO!”

Shinso looks at her laughing her head off and starts to see what Tenya means. She’s genuine and like an open book, her laugh is tugging at his heartstrings. ‘Maybe Iida is just a coward’ Shinso thinks to himself ‘or maybe she doesn’t like him after all, hmmm, she’ll be mine in no time.’

“We should spend an evening together sometime” he spoke up.

“That sounds nice” I said, picking up on his hint “I’d love that.”

He picks up on her interest “Cool, I thought you might” he chuckles a bit “to be honest, living in the dorms kinda sucks and I need to spend time with someone that doesn’t ask me dumb questions about my habits and quirk.”

“Oof that sounds familiar” I rolled my eyes but looked up at him “but just send me a text and I’d be down with whatever, I know all the cool spots.”

We walk up to the dorms and part ways to our rooms. I get excited that somebody is finally being more forward with their interest in me. For the first time in a long time, it feels like the right person came along. He doesn’t want to change me nor smothers me....you could say that I’m falling for him but we’ll see how that plays out.

-End Chapter 27-

#bnha #mha #self insert au #chapter 27 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything #oof sorry for the delayed chapter yall #school started for me and my plate is full #but Im still gonna continue this AU #expect the next chapter in mid October

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