#i am pretty happy with everything i did

[the---hermit]

me: i'm too tired to review my notes for tomorrow's philosophy exam again

also me: *spends one hour and a half studying Irish vocab and grammar*

[arsenicflame]

Hornigold's Izzy was the worst, of course. A version of himself that never escaped that terrible place, who lived his life as little more than an object. He still has nightmares about all the things Baz told them, about all the things he didn't.

It doesn't really surprise him, after the first ones, not at its root. To be Izzy Hands is to be someone's after all, though seeing his own face on someone so fundamentally different to him never gets less weird. The people who these other Izzys attached themselves too often left him with more questions than answers. Jack's Izzy, he can understand, from a certain view, though the man himself felt like a fever dream. The less said about Stede's Izzy the better, he's never going to forgive him for the ideas he put in his Stede's head.

Then there was Sam's Izzy.

The first thing anyone noticed about him was that he was happy. He smiled and laughed without thought, and went through life with an ease Izzy didn't think he had ever felt. The crew took to him immediately, accepting him in a way they never did the other Izzys, and certainly not their own. They prodded him and asked him endless questions, and he took every touch without a flinch and answered every question without a hint of a grumble. This Izzy was free. He was open, unburdened, trusting. He was happy.

Sam's Izzy was the one that hurt the most to see. He could accept the worst that Hornigold could've offered, that he would have suffered and been broken. It was infinitely harder to see that he had a chance to be this happy. That it slipped through his fingers.

He's never looked back before, but now? Seeing what might've been? He can't stop himself from considering the possibility that maybe he made the wrong choice back then, going with Ed.

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 26, 2021 4:00 a.m. a balcony, somewhere

time somehow seems to simultaneously slow to a crawl and race beyond the speed of light. grant doesn’t remember when they’d ended up perched like lovebirds at the pinnacle of a staircase, peering out over the night-drenched landscape, but it must have been a while ago. customers have long since stopped streaming in and out of the restaurant on the street below.

he remembers in better detail the stream of their conversation–they’d shifted from food and a strangely peaceful, humorous discussion of kicking the bucket to movies, and at some point, paranormal stories came up along the way.

it’d be hard to forget talking to yunha.

there’s something curiously enrapturing about her, something that had drawn him to her when he first made eye-contact with her.

the look in her eyes, maybe. it’s piercing, like she’s baring right through your skin and into your soul, but not malicious or judgmental. it’s friendly, it’s curious, it’s playful.

the way she speaks, maybe. she’s the most engaged conversationalist he’s ever encountered. everything you say, whether she agrees or disagrees, is met with affirmations and a lot of nodding. yes, yes, of course. i see, i see. i understand. ohhh, wow! really?

she’s unraveling every shard of the puzzle that is his personality and piecing it back together in one whole picture, analyzing it. figuring it out. appreciating it.

or maybe it’s the sweetness that radiates off her. she appears unafraid to smile, instead all too happy to flash those pretty, crooked bunny teeth for the world to see.

“so, i'm going to guess you’re not accidentally good at singing.”

she seems not to mind revealing her own puzzle pieces either, and the more she says about herself, the more fascinated he is with her. with who she is. with what makes her tick.

“i hope it’s not an accident,” yunha replies, laughing, “because shit, then years worth of practice was a waste.”

“time enjoyed is never time wasted.”

the unabashed cringe of the line garners an immediate eye roll, but she still seems to find it funny.

they’ve definitely been sitting here a while. grant straightens his back, fixing his gradually slouching posture, and is is met with an immediate flash of pain, distinct from the chronic dull ache underlying every day of his life, that radiates down every vertebra.

“what got you into music, though?”

yunha’s rosy pink lips purse in thought as she dwells on the question.

“a lot of things. my parents like music. i listened to a lot of different kinds of songs my whole life, first with them, and then later with my friends. i had some time between classes and studying to spend having fun, but i couldn't spend any money, so my friends and i would go to this music store. we walked around and picked random albums to listen to on the headphones. we never bought anything.”

grant nods supportively. “what’s, like, the first album you remember really liking? or albums. you don’t have to pick one.”

“ah! i treasure so many albums. seo taiji and boys IV. i think that’s still my favorite nostalgic album ever. i also remember fondly, um, this girl’s in love with you by aretha franklin. i heard that at the music store, and i was so impressed by her talent. i still am.”

“i'm not a music expert. surprise! i know, i know, i'm sorry to tell you, i did not practice for centuries for that wonderful spice girls performance earlier. no, but seriously, i most often just listen to the same old emo stuff i liked when i was 13. so, unfortunately i don’t know the first album at all, at least not yet, but i do know the second one. you have fantastic taste, that’s a classic.”

despite his ignorance, yunha still smiles from ear to ear. “you should look up the first one! look up, like, seo taiji ‘come back home.’ that’s the most popular song on the album. i don’t wanna bias you, so listen on your own and make your own opinions.”

“wilco. and if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you turn the interest in music into a skill? you are talented, but i know it's very much a skill. it does take a lot of practice to become tangibly good at music.”

“to express myself,” yunha says plainly, “it’s easier to tell your story in art than talking about it, and singing is free. you don’t need supplies to learn it. but yes, i needed that kind of outlet, you know? i always liked singing, always did it, but i needed more than only entertainment from it over time.”

“oh yeah, art is helpful. i really should have gotten on that train earlier. i got on board about a year ago. it's much better for you than intellectualizing everything. or at least that's what i tend to do. do you perform, by the way? outside of karaoke, that is."

"sometimes. but also, not in a long time."

there falls a brief, but peaceful lull in the conversation. grant’s eyes draw to black night sky as he recalls the last haphazard art he’d created–the mushy-gushy attempt at processing the universe. seeing it hanging above him now, his thoughts are no less conflicting. light pollution washes out the shining sea of stars, but the sky still retains its beauty, its bewilderment. visible or not, an infinite chain of dimensions and celestial bodies exist in the vacuum of space, orbiting independent of him, yet factoring in the tiny fraction of his mass on the mass of the earth in their delicate ballerina dance across the fabric of spacetime.

the universe must have created me for some reason, for something other than anguish.

his own words. again. ever-present.

“i miss seeing the stars.” yunha’s buttery soft voice breaks his concentration. “you can’t see anything here.”

“polaris.” grant raises his left arm and draws his index finger across the sky until it hovers above the only star he’s seen thus far. “technically, that means we should be able to see sirius, too, but we don’t need to get all science-y and talk about magnitude and that polaris isn’t–”

“i would like it if you did.”

she was thinking of the stars, too.

synchronicity.

“aw shucks! well. i’ll say this, polaris isn’t the brightest star. we just talk about it way more frequently because it has the most cultural significance in the northern hemisphere for, you know, navigation reasons. but hey, give it about 12,000 more years, and it even won’t be the north star anymore. thank you, wobbly earth axis. but also boo, woobly earth axis, because it's a little sad to think about.”

yunha’s eyes glitter with fascination. “it’ll be something else?”

“yep! the next north star will be vega,” he explains, “come on down, you’re the next contestant!”

“maybe we’ll see it happen.”

“if my consciousness is still floating around as little dust particles, that’d be pretty sick. you know? forget fly me to the moon, fly me to vega. why not?”

“i don’t think i'll be dust,” yunha says, not missing a beat at all, even as her focus remains fixed on the faintest twinkle emanating from polaris, “it’s kind of troubling. you don’t want to be, like, stuck in the whole cycle of the universe, but if you’re still here, you can see some really beautiful things.”

“ah. reincarnation?”

“if you’re asking me, you’re not going to be dust. either you escape the suffering or you come back in some kind of physical form, human or not, and you try again.”

grant thinks about it for a moment. and then the feelings, like usual, spill out at once.

“i'm not going to lie, that idea has always given me the heebie-jeebies. i think it’s very cool as a concept, but i'm, like, man, i don’t want to do this shit again. also, look, we're doing the thing again. oh, and shit, that sounded judgmental. i just run my mouth too much."

"most people don't know they lived before. you can't really remember your other lives without a lot of study," she answers, "and no, you don't. i prefer to hear your real opinion. it's actually stupid when people tell you what they think you want to hear."

"do you ever wonder what you were up to last go-around?"

"not too much, but i always heard strange birthmarks and scars are signs from your last death. fears, too. things you avoid. so, i guess, like, a clown stabbed me in the neck with needles."

"are you afraid of storm drains, by any chance? if so, i think pennywise had it out for you."

"hahaha." yunha shakes her head. "wait, i have to ask. is it not worse thinking you can only live once? that's not uncomfortable? feeling like you have to make everything perfect in your one lifetime?"

"oh no, it's terrifying. dying and just being done with everything is eerie, too, because there are nice things to do and see here in the real world. you’re right about that. and yeah, there is a lot of pressure to get it all right. also, that's not even mentioning that there are people i love that i don’t want to be gone forever. i'd like to think they remain somehow. conscious or not. i kind of think they do, but i don’t know. am i contradicting myself? capital-P probably."

“you don’t know what to think.”

grant immediately bursts out laughing. “yeah, no, absolutely not. i do not know. i just kinda waffle around and hope some scientist throws out some numbers and whatnot that proves some explanation of everything correct. but that’s impossible. it’s literally impossible. we can’t even simulate or predict the wacky physics that were going on at the exact moment the big bang happened.”

“not to be, like, all quirky, but...” yunha reaches over, patting him on the shoulder. “maybe don’t think about it? you’re gonna go crazy. you can just not know? and it's fine. this doesn’t mean anything anyway. the answer to anything is already in you, it’s not out there.”

and then she, too, starts giggling all over again and her cheeks blush deep red from sheepish cringe.

another stereotypical line, but he doesn't mind. they sound better coming from her than him anyhow.

a second later and she checks the time on her phone. her cheesy smile erodes into a slight frown.

“ahh, i really need to leave soon. i have a schedule in the morning.”

grant checks the time as well, drawing the sleeve of his hoodie up just enough to read the minuscule roman numerals on his watch.

on the watch an ex-girlfriend gifted him. not päivi, but...

4:00 a.m.

fuck.

right.

you’re leaving the country in two hours.

[solei-eclipse]

okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it

[butterflieswhisper]

hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me

hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it

[wowifinallywatched]

Wow I Finally Watched Sunshine

What happens when you put Cillian Murphy and Chris Evans in close confinement on their way to send a bomb into the sun?

Did I mention the incredible Michelle Yeoh and Benedict Wong are apart of these space shenanigans?

Have I gotten your attention of this very underrated movie yet?

Sunshine came out in 2007 and I had never once heard or seen anything of this movie until a few days ago, While I was innocently scrolling through Disney+, This movie appeared.

Now, Being a huge fan of Chris Evans for many years and recently diving into the work of Cillian Murphy, I was already hooked.

But then you tell me this is a Sc-fi Psychological Thriller set in space?

NOW I REALLY AM HOOKED.

But this isn't just a 'For the scares and spooks' of space travel that film often portrays, This is a film ahead of it's time. A story that could be told in any year, Because this will always be relevant.

This movie makes you think.

What is beyond the stars? What would you do in these humanity-testing scenarios? What would you do when you've come face to face with not only the surface of the sun, but also your own heart?

A movie that questions your own humanity, A movie that has made you feel something so real that it makes your chest feel tight as if you're in that scenario, As if you're apart of a team with these people by your side day in and day out - That is a job well done.

While this movie did take a little bit to get into, it builds the suspence of what's really going on here. But everytime you think you'll look away, you reach for your phone - The movie does something that makes you need to rewind and go "Did they really just say that?"

And when you reach that moment.

There's no going back.

This movie was so incredibly different than anything I've experience for a while and As a thorough enjoyer of the Sci-fi genre in all different forms, This was a truly pleasant surprise.

***Please be cautious minor spoilers in the tags***

***Please read the content warnings of this movie before watching, it can depict scenes that may trigger some individuals***

[neverlandfaerai]

Someone doesn't want to share.

(Some time later)

@ask-the-royal-absol

[ltcolonelcarter]

Cyberlife Tower: the androids stay dormant. Mission failed.

celebrating the end of the academic term by attempting to revitalise an old skill + being wildly self indulgent in the process ft. the namesake of my washing machine time loop sixty fic.

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

Jam, some interview for you https://youtu.be/FKk_Miqx6W4

Thank you anon!!!

A new Olena interview!

Mostly about her work with some interesting informations and background stuff.

Some private questions at the end but not really anything new.

Asked again about how Ze (and his character) changed during the war. Olena says she can't really give an answer to that because you can only assess any change after the war. But some of his character traits (that were already there) have come out more / are now stronger / sharper. Like he is now more stubborn (probably meant as in persistent) and determined.

Also no, she does not know more than the public, adding she wants it to end (like everyone else; it's a bit unclear what she is refering to - a second term? the war? the separation?)

Ze has become more emotional / sentimental about the things close to his heart / that are important to him as a person, especially family topics (communication with his family, with his kids, ...). He is now appreaciating that very much. You can now cheer him up (and he will get really emotional) with any little thing, like when Olena talks about the children (like when she tells him what the kids said) or sends him a pic of the kids. He wasn't so sensitive before the war.

She talks with the kids about the war.

In February, when the war started, she was on her way to the kids room to wake them and tell them what happened, wondering how and what she should tell them, that they have to pack the emergency suitcases. Oleksandra was already awake and had no questions, knew what happened. Kyrylo was confused and Olena tried to distract him and engaging him (them) in everything they now had to do. For Kyrylo the distraction worked for the first day.

Olena understands that it is a great honour for other First Ladies to be the "first advisor" to their President (like Jill Biden). But she is not Ze's advisor at all. She jokes that a good husband, of course, always will say that the wife is the most important advisor and she is sure Ze would say the same. But he is the President and it's not her place to tell him anything or advise him with anything.

[confinesofmy]

i did something incredible today. i was terse with my flakey cousin over the phone before fully understanding why i was angry with her. i acted on it BEFORE completely processing it. and i withheld information to put her at a disadvantage and benefit myself! i am so proud of myself, this never happens.

[prettyboysmlm]

ah. help.

(tw sa mention in the tags)

[hecksupremechips]

My ass was trying so hard not to jump up and down with glee playing yttd with my sister and getting to the shin reveal I was like MY GUY MY FUNNY LAD MY SILLY RABBIT

[aria0fgold]

Showing yall what the plan I had for the timeloop omori au, for morale. And also cuz am looking at this too like it's new to me so my reaction is both: Whoooaaa and OUCH cuz of the angst.

[mechsbrackets]

I've finished counting all of the nominations for the Best Mechanisms Quote/Line bracket! As of the time of posting, there are 76 responses, and 220 different quotes!!! So many!

The form to submit nominations is still open, and will be until... sometime around noon on Thursday. Maybe a little sooner, maybe a little later. So, make sure to get your last minute nominees in before that closes!!

Question: do you guys want the current list of 32 and current runner ups? I'm pretty much done for tonight, but I could get that together tomorrow if people want that. To clarify, what I mean by runner ups: currently quotes with 4+ nominations are in the bracket, so I'd put the ones with 3 nominations as well. The 3 nominations are runner ups. I am not formatting all of the quotes with 1 and 2 nominations, so if I did post all the quotes, you'd just get the quotes with 3+ nominations.

[clerk427]

Tags rant

no general theme i just want to yell about stuff

will delete later i think

Upd. I am doing better but won't delete it because archiving purposes and I like to reread stuff like that as diary entries and think "haha what a feeble minded fool i was"

[milo-is-rambling]

Today is good I think. My brain isn’t fully happy my body isn’t fully happy but I’m treating myself kindly anyways