#took a few days break but i just finished 3x08......

[lesbiangracehanson]

feeling crazy about pam + ellen but . what is new 

[spneveryseason]

Results of the Ultimate Supernatural Survey (Part 2 of 5): Favorite and Least Favorite Season Two, Three, Four, and Five Episodes

Part 1

Okay, you guys know the drill! Just a little reminder: I am simply reporting the results of the survey that I created, this data is not my opinions. If there’s something that you have a problem with, please take issue with the respondents and not with me 😅

Season Two

Some clear winners emerge right away. The one with the most votes is 2x20 What Is and What Should Never Be. It’s followed by 2x21 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1, 2x22 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2, 2x14 Born Under a Bad Sign, and 2x13 Houses of the Holy.

The latter half of the season seems to be more well liked by fans, as evidenced here. An interesting point: the winner of the poll is a Dean-centric episode (What Is and What Should Never Be) but most of the following parts are Sam episodes (with the exceptions of 2x22 and 2x13 which are a little more shared). I think this shows that fans of Dean has a consensus for what their favorite of the season was, while fans of Sam didn’t.

Here are your comments:

i haven’t finished the show yet! some seasons it was hard to pick a least favorite (1 + 2) but i’m confident in those answers. gordon episodes were my least favorite not because i dislike his character (and i honestly found his character super interesting, exploring hunters who see only black and white vs those who see the gray) but the way he is treated is disgusting. i chose carver era as my least favorite though i have not finished dabb era. i only disliked 9-10 out of carver and actually quite enjoyed 8+11. i think that’s all <3

The winner of least favorite season 2 episode is 2x02 Everybody Loves a Clown, followed by 2x06 No Exit, 2x03 Bloodlust, and 2x04 Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things.

These were mostly early season episodes, and dealt with the fallout of John’s death. It seems that this particular storyline wasn’t audiences favorite part of the season. 2x02 in particular I believe is known for being weaker in terms of plot, as is No Exit. Bloodlust has other general concerns, particularly regarding elements of racist storytelling that has not aged well. Regardless, these episodes seem to be the least favorites of the season for these reasons.

Here are your commets for least favorites of season 2:

It was almost impossible to choose a least favorite Season 2 episode!

Season Three

Some pretty clear favorites emerge from this season. The clear lead is 3x11 Mystery Spot, followed by 3x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas, 3x13 Ghostfacers, and 3x03 Bad Day at Black Rock.

For a season with the fewest episodes, it contains some of the most popular episodes. Mystery Spot is beloved amongst fans, to both those who find it funny and those who see it as a horror story. A Very Supernatural Christmas is notable for being the show’s only Christmas episode, and reveals some significant piece of childhood lore for the Winchesters. Ghostfacers took some popular side characters and filmed an episode from their point of view (and spawned some popular lines), and Bad Day at Black Rock is a well loved comedy episode.

Here are your comments for season 3 favorites:

Jus In Bello was a masterpiece

There were quite a few options here. Squeaking out a win here is 3x14 Long Distance Call, followed by 3x04 Sin City, 3x06 Red Sky at Morning, 3x01 The Magnificent Seven, then 3x02 The Kids are All Right. 3x13 Ghostfacers and 3x07 Fresh Blood also placed highly here.

For a short season, people were pretty split on the episode they liked least! They ultimately decided on Long Distance Call, which doesn’t really surprise me as I don’t think anyone was happy with the way John was used here no matter how they felt about him. Sin City and Red Sky at Morning are a little notorious in fandom too, so it’s not a surprise to see them here. The rest are probably up to personal taste, as there doesn’t seem to be that strong or a consensus here.

Season Four

Pretty clear consensus here: taking too spot is 4x16 On the Head of a Pin, followed by 4x01 Lazarus Rising and then 4x21 When the Levee Breaks.

Cas’ debut season comes with Cas heavy episodes in the top two spots: 4x16 is well known as a well constructed episode, and his debut episode in 4x01 was also very well received. These episodes are also well known for their Dean moments, so fans of both characters tend to be very fond of these episodes. The third place episode, 4x21, is a popular Sam episode so it makes sense that it would place highly among Sam stans.

Here are your comments:

Im currently watching for the first time, and so for I have only seen through 4x08, so anything after that i am marking things that i think i will like based on what ive seen from the fandom

The least favorite episode of this season is 4x12 Criss Angel is a Douchebag, followed by 4x05 Monster Movie then 4x11 Family Remains.

I don’t think there are any surprises on this one. 4x12 is a pretty forgettable episode, and doesn’t really inspire much conversation and encourage rewatches. Monster Movie took a risk with its form and structure, and it seems for many that the risk didn’t pay off. Family Remains seems to be another episode that didn’t impress and remains largely forgettable.

Your comments for this section are below:

I’ve only seen up to season 4 so far sorry I can’t answer more of the questions :(

Season Five

By a large margin, the winner of favorite episode of this season is 5x22 Swan Song, followed by 5x08 Changing Channels, 5x04 The End, then 5x16 Dark Side of the Moon.

This is a largely unsurprising result. Swan Song is an extremely popular episode, and is considered by many to be the best on the show (which the data will back up later on). It’s much loved by fans of all kinds. Changing Channels is also popular for its experimental style and humor, while The End is well loved for its AU implications and the many fanworks it’s inspired. Finally, Dark Side of the Moon is a significant lore episode as well as a turning point for Sam and Dean and is the end of an era for classic Kripke era in many ways.

Here are your comments:

choosing between free to be you and me and the end was a crime

The least favorite episode in this season was given to 5x12 Swap Meat, followed by 5x19 Hammer of the Gods, 5x05 Fallen Idols, then 5x09 The Real Ghostbusters.

Swap Meat is not an episode that aged very well, nor did it place either of its protagonists in a very good light. I’m not surprised it didn’t do well. Hammer of the Gods is also an episode that aged extremely poorly due to its racist portrayals of non Christian and western characters and religions, while Fallen Idols has some choice moments that are disliked by fans. The Real Ghostbusters I believe is disliked for lore reasons (the way they integrated Chuck into the story) as well as character ones (Becky).

Here are your comments for season 5 least favorites:

Carry On and Swan Song are equally hated by me

If you have any questions about any details of these parts specifically let me know!

Next part is going to be episodes from season 6-season 9! Keep an eye out

Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

[raayllum]

Is it just me, or does Callum get surprised pretty often at Rayla initiating physical affection? E.g. when she holds his hand at Thunder’s statue, hugs him after learning about her parents, holds his hand on the cliff that night, and again on the pinnacle in the morning. I mean, she’s been pretty physical since s2, plus they’re already a couple in all the instances above, so…why, Callum? It’s cute but why?? Lol maybe I’m reading too much into a minor detail but I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I think, honestly, it’s less about surprise and more about comfort. Callum is absolutely torn up emotionally when they stand beneath Thunder’s resting place, and although he states many emotions — hateful, sad, angry, confused, glad / happy (?), regretful, sad — and settles on the last two. Rayla lets him get it all out, prodding and responding gently, but it also hurts her to see Callum, one of the most optimistic people she’s ever met, work himself into such a desolate place. So she reminds him what they’ve been fighting for since the day they met, even if it took her slightly longer to understand it.

But more than that, once she finishes her tiny speech

R: Me too, Callum. But look at them, playing together, that’s the miracle. That’s hope. They’re the ones that are going to break the cycle.

Rayla holds out her hand.

And what I see on Callum’s face isn’t surprise, but gratitude. A reminder that not only will things get better, but that he’s not changing it alone, and that she’s there with him in this moment, in his grief, and in his hope. This sort of comfort is what Rayla offers the next two times she takes his hand, as you mentioned.

In 3x08, he’s worried about the coming battle. “This is it” equals “This could be the end,” and while they have more resources to fight this battle than he thought even a few minutes ago, it’s still war and it’s still scary. So Rayla takes his hand — displaying affection for the first time in front of Soren and his Aunt Amaya, which may be the reason for the slightly surprised look on his face at first, before it softens into a smile — and says, “This is it.” If this is the end, I am with you, giving him the resolve to face whatever comes next head on.

We see this play out again in 3x09, when he’s verbally expressing his worries to her too. This could, as he points out, very well be their last day / morning, ever.

So Rayla takes his hand, surprises him a little, maybe, and pulls his back to the present. So spend it with me, not stuck in your head. And he does. She can, as shown before, calm and comfort him with just the touch of her hand. 

The 3x08 hug is an interesting case, because Rayla tends to go back and forth on whether she wants physical comfort or not in season three, and Callum knows this. He also knows that Rayla needs time and space to process what he’s just told her, because it is huge, so that’s what he gives her. Particularly because their last conversation about this didn’t go so great, but once Rayla hugs him, he shows no hesitance in hugging her back and letting her pull away first.

Is there an element of Callum still being astounded that someone like Rayla — the most amazing person he’s ever met — wants to be with him, as he is still shaking off the remnants of thinking lowly of himself? Yes, and that can account some of the surprise. But mostly I think it’s the emotional context, why the physical affection is given on Rayla’s part, is what explains Callum’s reactions like before.

Because in every instance like before, this is about offering whatever sort of comfort the other needs, and they need each other.

They really do. 

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 3x01/3x02 – Wanheda Part One and Two

My rewatch will have to be sped up so I could finish it before the season 6 premiere. I’ve seen up to 3x08, but from now on I have to watch more than one episode a day. I hope to be able to finish season 3 by the end of this week. Which means I’ll have to try to make my next posts shorter than this one, which I’m pretty sure is my longest rewatch review so far. Maybe I could try covering several episodes in one post to try not to repeat myself in the following reviews?

Season 3 is definitely my least favorite season of The 100, and so far, having rewatched half a season, I haven’t changed my mind on its quality. But, except for one instance of really lazy writing (which will, sadly, turn out to be something the writers like to do, since they did the same but in an even worse way in season 5), this two-parter was a solid opening to the season, which, unfortunately, started going downhill right after it.

Also, I only realized this on rewatch…. Clarke is Rapunzel?! Or anti-Rapunzel.

*These rewatch posts have spoilers for everything up to the end of season 5, and I may also mention stuff from the season 6 trailer. No spoilers for 6x01, and please don’t mention any if you reply or reblog with comments, I’m trying to avoid them (good luck to me on that).

3x01 Wanheda, Part One

Timeline: This is one of few episode reviews where it makes sense to start with this, because it’s the show’s first time-jump – it starts almost 3 months after the season 2 finale, or specifically 86 days,. In most other shows, this wouldn’t be considered a time jump, but most of The 100 episodes take place just a day or a few hours later (which was the case with the time that passed between the season 1 finale and the season 2 premiere), sometimes just a few minutes later (season 3 finale/season 4 premiere). It’s even notable and relatively rare when there is a week, or just two days between episodes. Although this is obviously nothing compared to the time jump in the season 4 finale (and, to an extent, season 5 finale – which was technically much bigger,, but only really counted for three characters), this time jump is still twice as long as the entirety of seasons 1 and 2, which lasted less than a month and a half.

The starting sequence is great, with Murphy with long shaggy hair and a beard, in a state of desperation after being locked up in the bunker for 86 days, to the point that he almost decides to shoot himself in the head. Similar to how Clarke almost shot herself in the head in the flashbacks in 5x01. Even the greatest of survivors come to the point when it’s just too much for a human being to bear. Clarke reached that point after a month of being not just all alone on a desert, radiation soaked planet, but likely to be all alone for at least 5 years, and even more likely to die of hunger, thirst or exposure. Murphy took 3 months, but was in situation where he didn’t lack food or drink or comfort – but isolation, without any human contact or entertainment, other than videos of a guy committing suicide because he felt responsible of the end of the world, has to be unbearable.

Introduction of Becca In one of the videos is good as we get more crucial info practically at the beginning of the season (and at the same time, not so good, because I can’t stand Becca and I’m really not fond of the entire storyline about the chip/Flame/Commanders).

Scenes in the mansion with Jaha and ALIE are really creepy, as we see just how much Jaha has become removed from reality and immersed in the City of Light. When Jaha explains the concept of COL, the prospect of getting rid of pain, hate and envy,  Murphy has maybe his best ever line, and pretty much his defining quote: “Pain, hate, envy… those are the ABCs of me. Take that and there’s nothing left.”

Getting thrown right into Camp Jaha, now called Arkadia, after 3 months, to see how much everyone’s lives have changed, works well for the most part (with one exception – see below). Jasper’s new look and attitude are shocking, but make sense. I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion, but I think Jasper’s storyline was one of the best things in season 3 and even season 4, and I think it’s great that the show, for once, didn’t shy away from showing the consequences of emotional trauma (these people are teenagers who have been through terrible things in an extremely short time, it’s hard to believe everyone would soldier on and no one would break), and that they didn’t try to make a depressed person be more “likable” by being nice, even if it resulted in so many fans calling Jasper “annoying” and now showing any understanding for his mental health issues just because he wasn’t depressed in a nicer, more palatable way.

Raven’s story in seasons 3-4, which is also pretty good, also gets set up with a conversation with Abby about her pain, where Raven refuses an operation and they end up saying bad things to each other, as those two sometimes do. Raven calls out Abby on trying to hide from her own pain, too (over losing Clarke), which is a major theme this season. She also tells her she’s bad as both doctor and Chancellor, and much as I used to love Abby in S1 (and still like her) I’m afraid that this is least half-true since she’s sucked at politics most of season  2and 3. As a doctor, she’s good at healing people, but her bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired.

The show gets rid of the Raven/Wick romance plot (which had to be jettisoned due to Steve Talley being a terrible person IRL and tweeting racist “jokes”) in the best way it could, by referring to it in one line (according to Abby, Raven pushed Wick away) and never having him appear again.

They used “Add It Up” by Violent Femmes! And even Shawn Mendes’ cover worked well – his was a sad and plaintive ballad, as a contrast to the original, which is an energetic rock song. (I had no idea who Mendes was when I first watched this, but his cameo didn’t feel weird or out of place).

A huge plus because Emori makes a return. Also, Otan is introduced, who actually is her brother (it’s not just a classic thief/swindler thing where partners in crime are like “I’m an innocent damsel in distress and this dude is totally my brother…” thing).

There are several character introductions of characters that are varying degrees of interesting or not so interesting. Roan’s is especially intriguing right from the start, and there’s also Niylah, Becca and Gideon, and Gina. Speaking of…

My biggest problem with this episode is how weird and jarring it always felt that we just get introduced to Bellamy’s new girlfriend, a random character we’ve never met before and who doesn’t get developed at all. We know she’s nice and really into him, and he likes her fine enough, but there’s very little about their relationship that goes beyond very basic relationship-establishing stuff. This was all the more jarring because Bellamy had never previously been shown to have an actual girlfriend (rather than friends with benefits/fu*k buddies, which he had quite a few in season 1), and by what we know of his backstory and what we was like in season 1, I had always assumed he had never had a serious relationship or even a serious friendship, because he could never allow himself to trust people on the Ark, and he was too focused on protecting Octavia and keeping that huge secret. So for him to be a real relationship was a new development that I would have loved to actually see. And in general, how weird is it that the show seems to treat the love life of a major character – second protagonist as an afterthought, to the point that his relationships get developed completely off-screen and just get a few perfunctory scenes to establish “there was a time jump, it happened, this is a thing now, that’s all you need to know” (which was all the more jarring when Gina then got fridged just 3 episodes into the season). Hey, and just how weird would it be if the show did this TWICE? I have an idea why this happens – because neither of his relationships with Gina nor with Echo was ever treated by the show, as genuinely important or something we need to be invested in, but If I ever believed that Clarke and Bellamy were really totally platonic BFFs (because one major platonic relationship is not enough for Bellamy, who is one of the very few characters on the show who actually has a sibling, and his relationship with Octavia is also a major one the show focuses a lot..) and that the show wasn’t doing something else, I’d be really puzzled by such weird narrative choices.

·Raven teases Bellamy that Gina is “too good” for him. That may be because she is aware that he was “never as devoted to Gina” (compared to Clarke), as she taunts him as ALIE!Raven in 3x11.

Gina gives Bellamy Iliad as a gift, because his mother used to read it to him… an epic whose main theme is a warrior hero’s rage and all the mess it causes?

The Ice Nation aka Azgeda, after being referenced before, finally gets introduced (though Echo will get retconed revealed to be one of them), and I have very mixed feelings about this, because the oversimplified way the show tried to suddenly establish “Trikru=good Grounders, Azgeda=bad Grounders” in season 3 was kind of grating.

·Everyone is still bad at dealing with people with PTSD and mental health issues in general – as seen in the fact that they made the mistake to bring Jasper with them on a mission. This time, Bellamy had an inkling it was not a good idea, but Monty thought it would do Jasper good… and again, it didn’t end well.

Indra has changed her views a lot and is now the liaison between Trikru and the Arkers and o very friendly terms with Kane.

The relationship between Trikru and Arkadia is at this point kind of a mixed bag – they have a truce and cooperate, but there’s a problem of limited trade routes and ability for Arkers to get food, the Grounders are not happy with the prospect of them using Mount Weather, and Lexa has issued a kill order on Lincoln (which is why he has had to stay in Arkadia even if he didn’t want to – though it seems he does want to) just because he went back to help Arkers against Mount Weather (any disobedience of Commander’s orders, no matter how justified, is apparently punishable by death).

Something that’s annoying, but expected and in character: Octavia complaining about Lincoln wearing an Arkadia uniform and trying to integrate into the Arkadia society. It’s like she was so happy to be rebellious and have a cool Grouder boyfriend, and now she’s disappointed.  She tells him he will never be one of them (oh, the irony of this coming from Octavia, who says “I’m a Grounder” every second episode – which I don’t get, does she think being a Grounder is a lifestyle you can choose?) and even lectures him about the culture he grew up in: “At least you still speak our language” (meaning Grounder speech). LMAO

Octavia suggests they go off on their own and find Luna and her people – one of the many, many references to Luna going all the way back to season 1. No character has been set up so much long before they appeared.

It takes quite a long time for Clarke to actually appear in the episode, right after the revelation that she’s the titular Wanheda everyone is looking for.

About the nickname itself: Clarke herself hates it, of course (though she will kind of ‘reclaim’ it in 5x12) – because she feels deeply guilty and hates herself, but I’m sure that, for Grounders, “Commander of Death” an expression of awe and fear, not any kind of judgment, which wouldn’t make sense – we’ve seen multiple times that Grounders take the “kill them all If we can’t kill their leader” approach to their enemies, so I can’t see them being bothered by her killing all the Mountain Men. It’s the fact that she was able to destroy their old, powerful enemy that gives her a mythical aura. If you can kill the Mountain Men, you must be able to command death itself. They would also assign it all to Clarke, because, for starters, they weren’t there to know about Bellamy’s or Monty’s role, and secondly, Grounders tend to give all credit or blame to the leader, and they perceived Clarke as the sole leader of Skaikru during season 2.

This mythical status, however, merely makes Clarke a symbol and prize, due to the belief that killing someone means taking their power. (Which should also mean that she took the enormous power of Mount Weather in the eyes of the Grounders?) Does Queen Nia actually believe that she would literally take Clarke’s power if she killed her? I don’t know, but she probably just knows that people would perceive her as more powerful if she managed to do it.

Indra also explains that another reason the Ice Nation feels bold enough to make another move against Lexa/Trikru is that Clarke made Lexa look weak – which makes perfect sense, of course that’s what people would think after Lexa walked away from the battle and Clarke went in and killed the Mountain Men.

Seeing Clarke’s new look and persona was weird as hell the first time, but I don’t know how to feel about it as a plot point. I like it when characters’ traumas are not ignored, and it makes sense that, in her state, she wants to be anonymous and leave all she was behind. But Clarke as a great hunter after 3 months, making a living out of killing large animals? That’s a bit hard to believe. It’s not the first time the show is giving her unrealistic or, rapidly learned skills (overpowering an experienced warrior like Anya in a fight, apparently learning to ride a horse off-screen in a day, being such a good shooter to kill the MW sniper through Lincoln’s shoulder – after the short training she got from Bellamy in S1..) I complain about that with Octavia, so I should about Clarke, too (though it bothers me a lot more with Octavia since her being a great warrior  – with her few months of training -  is such a big part of her arc, while these skills are never supposed to be Clarke’s main strengths and don’t get much focus. But I like that she tells the panther “Your fight is over” while killing it.

Niylah, looking at Clarke’s back: “No kill marks”. Clarke: “My back is not big enough.”

Clarke sees Niylah has a wristband from one of the Delinquents, which is going to be a plot point in 3x11.

It’s nice to see someone expressing gratitude to Clarke for defeating the Mountain Men – Niylah says she appreciates it because her mother was a victim taken by Mount Weather. It would make sense if many more Grounders actually felt like that, but we don’t ever see many ordinary Grounders say anything about it. Usually it’s just Grounder leaders trying to make Clarke feel guilty over Mount Weather to manipulate her or excuse their own actions.

Clarke’s one night stand with Niylah is the first f/f sex scene in the show. It’s also, as far as we know, only the second time Clarke has had sex with anyone (the first one was way back in 1x04). At this point, Clarke can only bear to have physical intimacy, or any kind of human contact, if it’s not with anyone she has any stronger feelings for (and asks Niylah to stop talking before initiating sex, because she doesn’t want to risk any real intimacy). But at least Niylah is really nice and helpful, doesn’t cause drama and treats her better than any of her romantic partners have.

The first time I watched this, I found it funny that Clarke’s f*ck buddy got more screentime and development than Bellamy’s supposedly serious girlfriend.  But I didn’t know that the latter would die in two episodes, while the former will remain on the show into season 6 and get to have a role beyond that of Clarke’s occasional friend with benefit.

This turned out to be much longer than I wanted it to, but that’s because this episode juggles so many storylines and characters (and a bit of nice blatant fanservice, too – like the scene of Bellamy and Lincoln sparring shirtless, or a celebrity cameo).

But how about the one plot point that was completely ignored in this episode and the rest of season 3 (and 4, and 5, and we can assume will be ignored forever)? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE REAPERS?? Did they get cured, as the plan was originally? Abby was supposed to cure them when the alliance was still on. Did they get killed – and how, and by whom? Were they still roaming around in season 3 and 4? Why is there not a single word about any of that after season 2? Indra even recognized one of the Reapers in 2x15, it was obviously someone close to her, maybe a family member, maybe her husband/Gaia’s father? The show dropped that plot like a hot potato as soon as season 2 finished.

Body count: 

3 Ice Nation scouts killed during the confrontation (2 shot by Raven and Miller, one shot by Bellamy in the arm and then killed by Octavia)

Rating: 7/10

3x02 Wanheda, Part Two

This episode benefits from focusing on just a few storylines and characters and not featuring any of the poorer storylines.

Most of it is an exciting and intense action-adventure episode that revolves around Roan kidnapping Clarke ad trying to bring her to Lexa, as it turns out in the twist ending (after both Clarke and first time audience thought he was taking her to the Ice Nation Queen Nia), while a group from Arkadia including Bellamy, Kane and Monty are trying to rescue her.  

More new characters are introduced, including one with a huge role this season: our group (including Bellamy, Monty, Kane and Indra) has a surprise encounter with a group of survivors from the Farm Station, including Charles Pike and Monty’s mother Hannah. It was a weird meeting as it started as an ambush, before they recognized each other. Who did Pike’s group think they were ambushing and capturing? Some Grounders who stole clothes and weapons from dead Arkers? It doesn’t seem they were aware that there were any other survivors from the Ark, or else, they’d have tried to reunite with them. But it also can be seen as a sign that their terrible experiences on the ground and almost 4 months spent in the woods as guerrilla fighters have made them inclined to see enemies everywhere and mistake friends or allies for enemies.

We get the immediate “trouble ahead” warning moments when Pike calls his people “Grounder killers, all!” and they cheer, and our group looks uncomfortable because Indra is there, and then when Pike looks at Indra with animosity as soon as he hears she’s a Grounder and expresses distrust when hearing that they’re allies. But really, there’s nothing surprising about his attitude, at all, and I’ll never understand fans who are like “but why is Pike such a dick”? The show told you why, right from the start. Most of our protagonists had a similar attitude to Grounders in season 1 and early season 2, when their experiences with people on the ground consisted mostly of those people attacking them and trying to kill them. And Indra (just like many other Grounders) had the exact same attitude towards Sky people in early-to-mid season 2, as Pike has to Grounders now – when we first met her, she was constantly asking for all Sky people to be killed and trying to dissuade Lexa from an alliance, especially after Finn killed 18 unarmed people, mostly civilians, in a Grounder village. But these characters all got to have different kinds of interactions with each other and have character development since. Well, Pike and the rest of the Farm Station people have had only terrible experiences – being attacked by the people on the ground right after they landed, seeing over a hundred of their people killed in front of them, including 15 children, and they’ve spent all the time since fighting in the woods, with zero positive interactions with any Grounders. It’s really not surprising that they’re the ones with most extreme views.

Kane, however, tries to convince them that it’s all Ice Nation, they’re the bad ones, Trikru are their allies. When Pike asks for details about how that alliance happened, Bellamy gave him the shortest and nicest-sounding possible version: “We had a common enemy” – “What happened?” “We won”. Bellamy obviously doesn’t want to talk about any of it, since he’s tormented over Mount Weather even though he may not be showing it the way Clarke does. But we see that Monty later told Pike about everything that has happened, though we only see the end of that story, how they got out of Mount Weather. We can assume, however, that he did tell him all including Lexa’s betrayal, because Pike later references both that and Finn’s death in 3x08. Somehow I don’t think that hearing “well, Trikru tried to kill the kids in our camp, so we burned 300 of their warriors, then we made an alliance with them to fight the people from Mount Weather who were trying to kill us all, but they betrayed us and left us to die and we had to save ourselves on our own” helped change Pike’s opinion on the Grounders in general.

Having Zach McGowan on the show is always a good thing, and his screen presence helps make Roan an intriguing character. At this point he’s a mysterious kidnapper with a backstory about his banishment from Ice Nation which I really wanted to learn BUT THAT WE NEVER LEARNED (what the hell was up with that?) and (twist!) we learn in the last scene that he’s the Prince of Azgeda. Clarke and Roan had quite an interesting dynamic throughout the show – thank god for once that the show didn’t try to do an “Enemies to lovers” storyline (though I bet that’s just because the show already had two popular Clarke ships to juggle) but rather “Enemies to allies who are not exactly friends, definitely not romantic at all, who kind of bond and respect each other but are constantly trying to politically manipulate each other”.

Bellamy wanting to immediately run to save Clarke, the moment he saw that she had been kidnapped, and then dressing himself as an Azgeda warrior and going into enemy territory to rescue her, is a far cry from his behavior in 1x12 when he was able to be calm and rational about Clarke (and Finn and Monty) being kidnapped and presumed dead. It shows how much his feelings for her had become stronger since. In season 1, only the concern for his sister’s safety could make him have such a reaction. But he typically doesn’t make his best decision when he lets his emotions completely rule him and acts that impulsively, and in this case, his unsuccessful rescue attempt only made things worse, as it alerted Roan he was being followed, and made Clarke stop fighting and let Roan take her to his destination.

But it’s not just Bellamy who would “do anything for her, to protect her”, Clarke is equally determined to protect him at any cost, and we’ve seen evidence of that many times, including this time – when she begs Roan to spare Bellamy’s life and promises to do anything and stop fighting if he does. At the time, she believed Roan was taking her to Queen Nia to be executed, so she was basically ready to offer her life for his.

When I first saw that scene, I thought “Oh wow, show, you are really doing this? This must be the most romantically-coded scene in anything ever.” Before even starting to binge the show, I was always spoiled on the fact that Clarke and Bellamy are not a romantic couple to date and that people debate whether they’re just friends or not, and I always knew people shipped them, but that didn’t mean much since fans will ship anything (Broadchurch fans even ship the leads from that show, and they are genuinely nothing but platonic partners). So one of the bigger surprises of my initial binge was that the show is so blatant about this romantic subtext (which is more like text, a lot of the time), and has been since season 1, but they were relatively subtle with it at first and then more and more obvious as seasons went by. Maybe it jumps at you more when you’re binging it. In any case, this scene – the soft music, Bellamy touching Clarke’s hair, the way they look at each other after meeting for the first time after 3 months, Clarke begging for his life – it all looked like it was straight from some epic medieval-themed romance. I later heard people compare it to Tangled, but I’ve never seen that movie (it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen any Disney cartoons). But I’ve recently happened upon gifsets that compare that scene to a scene from Tangled: 

` Woah, they really did this. They modelled that scene after the scene where Rapunzel’s love interest tries to rescue her. And it’s not the last time they keep doing that and have used every goddamn romantic trope for the Bellamy/Clarke relationship. Is Jason Rothenberg for real? How do you do stuff like this, over and over, and then go in interviews: “Weeell, it’s Rorschah test, you can see this or you can see that, I mean maybe, but maybe they are just best buddies, ya know?” LMAO

Knowing about the Tangled reference suddenly makes me realize, they’re kind of doing this whole story as Rapunzel in reverse. We have our golden haired heroine who’s a target for her supposed special powers, and. Clarke finds herself as a literal Princess in the Tower at the end of this episode, and remains that for half of season 3. But while Rapunzel was trapped in the tower to begin with and wanted to escape and be free to see the world, Clarke was running away from the world, then got kidnapped and brought to the tower, and then decided to stay there.

 And what a freaking huge tower it is – I didn’t know the full significance of it (that it’s the former Polaris space station) when that reveal was the last moment of the episode. This thing must have been a great strategic asset, you’d have seen any army approaching from miles away.

I love the last scene, which is the first meeting Clarke and Lexa after season 2, because Clarke’s rage – spitting into Lexa’s face and yelling that she’s going to kill her, while she’s dragged away – is such a fitting and relatable reaction to the betrayal at Mount Weather, and, maybe even more, to the way Lexa starts talking to her without apologizing or even mentioning their history, being all business instead and talking about the current political situation and how Clarke can help her in that department. I didn’t even notice this before, but while Clarke just glares at Lexa at first and stays silent, it was when Lexa said “I need you” that Clarke spat in her face and went ballistic. It’s interesting to compare that to 3x05, when Bellamy had a bad reaction to Clarke telling him “I need you” in a similar context. It’s not the same thing, of course, because Clarke had not betrayed Bellamy (even if he may have kind of felt otherwise), but it’s a similar “I’ll just ignore our history – there’s nothing personal and painful to talk about here, la la la  – let’s instead just talk about how you can help me stop the war” approach.

I now love that scene even more because it’s the last time Clarke shows anger for the next two seasons. Or rather, she shows the same anger early on in the next episode in her conversation with Lexa and then when she was planning to kill her before changing her mind, but from that point on, there’s a shift in Clarke’s characterization that I’ve never liked. She was always smart, pragmatic, caring, vulnerable and good at using her words to convince people, but she also used to be vibrant, edgy, held grudges before finding a way to forgive people, and could be very impulsive. But in season 3, after the first couple of episodes, she kind of became a lot mellower and blander, and remained that way throughout season 3 and in season 4 (even though there’s otherwise a lot I like about her arc in season 4), where she would do ruthless things and feel sad about it and say “Sorry” a lot while other people told her she sucks, she would cry and look sad, but never ever show any anger herself. I really found myself wishing for her to finally show some anger at some point, at anyone, for any reasons, or go off and stop repressing her feelings and scream about her pain, break things, do something. I finally did get some of that – in 5x01 when she screamed at fate for taking everything away from her, and then, boy, did I get what I was wishing for in 5x09 – her slapping Bellamy and her silent but deadly rage/heartbreak at what she perceived as his betrayal, was the first time she had that kind of reaction to a person since her rage at Lexa in 3x02/3x03. (Unpopular opinion: I prefer season 5 Clarke to season 3 Clarke. Sure, season 5 Clarke was a total mess and reached rock bottom in many ways, but she was a more interesting and edgier mess. )

The B storylines were good, too. This is the first time we actually get to see what “the City of Light” looks like and learn about how it works. After Gideon, the big dude with a facial disfigurement, is killed by Emori in self-defense, we see him again in the “City of Light”, where he’s removed his disfigurement and can be a “normal” person rather than a “freak”. In later episodes, we see that Otan has done the same, but only Emori will not change herself physically, because she doesn’t have a problem with her body, just with the way others react to it, making her an outcast over it.

Nice to see Nyko again, one of my favorite minor characters. Unlike so many other people in this show, he’s always both nice and rational. When Abby, Jackson, Lincoln and Octavia took him to Mount Weather to find resources to cure him, and Lincoln was concerned because Grounders could have a problem with Arkers moving into Mount Weather because of their history with the place, Nyko pointed out “Places are not evil, people are.” The whole idea of the Arkers not being allowed to move into Mount Weather is stupid, knowing that the place had all those resources.

The show tried to give us bad vibes about Arkers moving into Mount Weather (which they absolutely had right to – they conquered it, so by the very rules of a warrior culture like the Grounder one, they could lay claim to it) with the talk from Octavia and Lincoln about how Grounders would have a problem with it because of bad memories. But that was just a red herring. Moving into Mount Weather turned out to be bad for a very different reason. We now know that at least the leaders of Ice Nation didn’t give a damn about their bad history with the Mountain Men, since they were working with Emerson.

What the heck was Abby thinking when she took Jasper to Mount Weather? She’s not a psychiatrist (did they even have psychiatrists on the Ark?) but I don’t think taking him back to the place of his greatest trauma is a good way to help his mental health. At least we get a nice scene for the Octavia/Jasper friendship, where she is comforting him while he remembers Maya, looking at her favorite painting, Second Circle of Hell by Dante. (The second circle of hell is for those guilty of lust... Is that why Jasper said it was ironic? Because he and Maya just kissed once and never got the chance to have sex?

Timeline: It seems that Parts One and Two lasted a little less than two days – Part One started during the day, Clarke spent a night with Niylah and immediately left in the morning, and Part Two took place during the following day.

Body count: 

Three Ice Nation warriors killed by Roan

A bounty hunter killed by Bellamy to save Niylah

Gideon, killed by Emori– but still “alive” in the City of Light

I don’t know if this counts for this episode, since it actually happened after the Farm Station landed on the ground, so somewhere around the season 1 finale and early season 2, but we only learn it now: about 120-130 people from the Farm station were killed since they landed (there are 63 Farm Station survivors, but Kane said the station initially had three times that number). A lot of them, including 15 children, were killed by the Ice Nation right after they landed, and Monty’s father, who saved four children, was killed when trying to save another one. I assume that some of the Farm Station people died fighting the Ice Nation in the woods, and that they also killed an unknown number of Azgeda people during that time. (Technically, this all happened during the timeline of season 2 and between the seasons.)

Rating: 8.5/10

[adorealeclightwood]

Alec in 3x07 and 3x08.

Good evening my lovelies. 

Let’s jump right into this. 

[NOTE: For clarity purposes, I’ll be referring to possessed Jace as “Not-Jace”, and the real Jace as Jace. Does that make sense? I hope so.]

3x07.

Alright, so last week, we reached a climax to what some of us thought was one of the biggest “what the fuck is going to happen” moments thus far. 

Clary told Alec about the wish! 

Now, I know I said I wanted him to be mad, and give her the silent treatment, and blah blah blah, but guess what? After that episode, I went back to watch some things over again, remember what kind of person Alec is and... *drumroll*

I reevaluated my stance. 

Of course Alec wasn’t angry, and the more I think about it, the more I realize how wrong I was to assume that he would be. She used the wish to bring back someone she loved, and he would’ve done the exact same thing if he’d been in her position. There’s been a lot of talk about Magnus specifically, but this includes more than just him, guys. 

If Alec had been at that lake with anyone - Magnus, Jace, Izzy, Maryse - he would’ve done the same thing, because Alec will bend and break every rule when it comes to those that he loves. 

Now, before I get into the emotional shit, I want to talk about 3x07 some more. 

If you weren’t aware (which I doubt), Alec has some serious issues with internalized guilt, meaning he has a tendency to take responsibility/blame himself for things that are out of his control. (The example that comes to mind when I think of this is his conversation with Jace on the roof in 2x05.) 

Naturally, when Alec found out Jace was the owl, I was worried, because I knew he’d find a way to blame himself. “I should’ve paid more attention”, “I should’ve pressed harder”, “I should’ve known he was lying about the treatment”. These are all things I’m sure went through his mind at one point, and while it’s normal to feel like you could’ve done more, or caught onto the little things, those thoughts can quickly cause someone to become self-destructive. In Alec’s case, I was concerned he’d want to punish himself more than anything, because again, this is how he functions. 

That being said, the relief I felt when he didn’t do any of those things was immeasurable. He let everything sink in, hugged Clary - who I’m beginning to like more and more - and was ready to do whatever it takes to save his parabatai. (I know some of you guys have issues with that, but I said what I said). 

Now, onto another pressing matter: Malec. 

I basically predicted that entire scene here, and the more I went back and rewatched it, the more content I became. While I’m still waiting for them to have that special talk and iron things out, I’m happy they were able to squash it for the time being. Here’s why. 

You guys are never going to believe this, but...when you get into a fight, or have a disagreement with someone you love, life doesn’t come to a halt. Shit doesn’t suddenly cease to hit the fan because you’re having a lovers quarrel. When we see a couple like Malec, we don’t want them to have issues. We don’t want them to argue, or raise their voices, or feel pain, or be insecure, and when they do, we want everyone and everything to shut up and sit down until they can work things out. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way, and you should be glad they don’t. (Can you imagine how boring that would be?) 

When you analyze things objectively - like I try to do here - you have to look at the big picture, and it isn’t always pretty. It’s the same way in real life. There are going to be days when your boyfriend makes you so mad, you want to break his kneecaps, but you can’t do that, because you have to hang up the phone and get back to work. You can’t afford to take a minute to breathe. There are going to be times where your wife makes a comment out of anger, and it’s going to echo in the back of your head for a week, but your in-laws are in town, and you don’t want them to see you guys fighting. I could come up with scenarios for days, but my point is, life gets in the way sometimes. Whether it’s work, school, kids, family, or something else, you won’t always be able to sit down and take care of things the way you want, when you want. That goes for everyone, including Malec. 

They apologized to one another, and put the entire thing on pause for now. Is it a perfect solution? No. Is it permanent? No. Was it suitable given their current predicament? Yes. 

Magnus Bane isn’t petty enough to continue fighting with the man he loves when that man’s parabatai is being controlled by an evil bitch, and Alexander Lightwood isn’t stubborn enough to rehash that same fight when the man he loves is clearly feeling guilty about having played a small part in what’s happening to his parabatai. No one’s pointing any fingers, no one’s bitter, and no one’s adding insult to injury. 

Moving on. 

Alec, Clary, and Izzy head to Alicante, and two seconds after the Inquisitor learns Jace has been “compromised”, she wanted to know how it happened.

Honestly, I had the urge to tell her to stop being so damn nosy and help them help her grandson, but I digress. 

Alec comes through with a quick save, because when in doubt, deny knowing anything and get to the point. In this case, it doesn’t matter what they say, because Imogen is ready to put out a kill order (since that worked out so well when Aldertree did it). Alec is clearly not having that - he’d rather catch Jace like a Pokemon and fix him afterwards, which is totally reasonable, because when has Alec ever been content with anything bad happening to Jace? 

Then, we got to see him be a great distraction while Imogen took Izzy and Clary to the armory. Homeboy didn’t stutter or freeze up once. Are you proud? I’m proud. 

I was nervous when we got to the scene in the graveyard, because I was under the impression it’d be a lot harder to trap Jace, but thankfully, there was no fight, so I stopped sweating.

Anddd, then they got back to the loft, Not-Jace was talking shit, but it didn’t matter, because at least he was trapped in the configuration and not out ruining lives, right? Right. 

3x08. 

OKAY. IF YOU HAVEN’T GRABBED A SNACK OR A DRINK BY NOW, GO DO THAT. 

This episode. This fucking episode. 

If you read my review, you know I was in my feelings about 98% of the time.

Three minutes into the episode, Not-Jace is talking shit again, and Alec is neither fazed nor impressed. The person staring back at him may look and sound like Jace, but he knows it isn’t.  

Case in point: “You are not our brother, and don’t get too comfortable, because we’re gonna bring him back.”

Word. 

Not-Jace proceeds to talk more shit, but Magnus pops in and confirms what we already know, because Magnus is a smart bean who knows better than to listen to the ramblings of a boy possessed by the queen of Edom. He’s only saying those things to get under their skin - pay him no mind. 

Then, a bomb drops. 

“I just prefer not to coddle your latest soldier boyfriend.”

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE. 

Magnus glances at Alec, and Alec narrows his eyes in suspicion. Why? 

He never told Jace about the box, or anything having to do with his relationship with Magnus this season. 

As soon as he walked out in the middle of breakfast back in 3x06, who did he go to? Izzy, because she’s the one he talks to about things like that, not Jace. Never Jace, because they don’t talk about those things. (The only time I can remember them discussing relationships was in 1x12 when Jace was felt sick for kissing Clary and acknowledging that he wanted her after finding out they were “siblings”, and again in 2x10 when Alec asked if Jace was going to tell her that they weren’t. Aside from that, they usually avoid the subject.) 

A few minutes later, the group moves to another room to come up with a plan, and as soon as they get one, Alec makes sure to let everyone know that Jace’s possession has to stay between them, because if word gets out that a Shadowhunter’s been possessed by a greater demon, they’re going to want to know how and why, like Imogen. Clary’s covering their asses, so the least he can do is cover hers. This is loyalty. This is the man we stan. 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the friendship we deserve.

Side note: Matthew was moving his hand while he said that line, and it reminded me of all those times Dom pointed out how much he talks with them. I thought it was cute. 

CUT TO THE BALCONY SCENE. 

Magnus pulls Alec aside to tell him how they can save Jace, and before he can even finish, Alec says he’s in, because why wouldn’t he be? This is Jace we’re talking about, keep up. He’d never hesitate to save him. Magnus then proceeds to explain how serious this is, and what the stakes are, but it doesn’t change anything. This is something Alec feels he needs to do, and Magnus understands, because he knows how much Jace means to him. 

This is important. 

When Alec says “without him, I’m nothing”, he’s not disregarding his feelings for Magnus, or somehow insinuating that he loves Jace more. As viewers, it’s easy to forget that our perception is different than that of the characters. Despite the events of this season, and previous seasons, Alec still perceives Jace as his parabatai. A piece of his soul. Saying he’s nothing without Jace isn’t taking away from his self-worth in any way, nor is it demeaning his relationship with Magnus. This is simply Alec stating how he’d feel if he were to lose Jace for good. News flash: he’s allowed to do that. Magnus knows this, and that’s why he doesn’t get upset, or take offense to it. He can see that Alec’s mind is made up, and he’s all in, on one condition: Alec isn’t going in alone. 

I loved this scene because it was so...I don’t even know how to describe it, and there’s a thesaurus less than two feet away from me right now. The way Matthew keeps that stern look on his face, because Alec can’t fall apart right now. Alec can’t panic, or think about the fact that he could become one of Lilith’s victims as well - the only thing Alec can do is take initiative and try to save his parabatai because that is what Alec Lightwood does. He has to do this, because if he doesn’t, and something happens to Jace, he will never forgive himself for not trying. Then, they hold hands, and it’s heartwarming because you never know how comforting a simple touch can be until you’re already touching. Magnus is already thinking ahead, and considering the possibility of losing Alec in the process of getting Jace back, and Alec takes his hands, because they can’t think like that - not now. 

In the same scene, you could also say this is another way Alec is showing that he trusts Magnus with his life. If it had been any other warlock in this situation telling Alec that Lilith could easily get her hands on him, he may have taken a few seconds to reconsider, or want some time to come up with twelve backup plans just in case, but this isn’t just any warlock he’s talking to. This is Magnus Bane, the love of his life. The man who’d never let anything happen to him. 

I’m swooning. 

Then, we learn that when Magnus said Alec wasn’t going in alone, he wasn’t talking about going with him. He meant he’d be sending Izzy along for the ride. As expected, he doesn’t want his baby sister in danger, but then, she’s kind enough to remind him of the not-so-light coma he slipped into the last time he tried to save Jace alone. Jace was the only person who was able to bring him back from the brink, but they don’t have him to fall back on this time, and he can’t argue with that logic. Again, shout out to Matthew for the facial expressions. I need someone to turn it into a gif and write “why you bringing up old shit?” as the caption. Then he does that little eye roll/pout thing he always does and I just, ugh. I’m in love. 

Fast forward. 

They approach Jace to get this shit going, and Alec has no time for any nonsense. Right when they’re getting in position, you’ll notice his right hand twitching, which is something Alec does when he’s anxious. Not-Jace just can’t keep his mouth closed, and decides to antagonize Magnus. He asks who he thinks Alec would choose if it came down to him and Magnus, and Alec shuts that down immediately, for a couple of reasons (I think). One, Not-Jace is only saying that to get a rise out of Magnus, he doesn’t want to hear it anymore, and two, if it did come down to Jace or Magnus, it’d be an impossible decision. Alec could never truly choose between two people that he loves, and he can’t even fathom being in a position where he’d have to make that choice to begin with. 

You also have to take into account what it would do to Alec if he were to make that kind of choice. Do you honestly believe he’d ever recover from choosing Jace over Magnus? Do you think he’d be able to live with himself after choosing Magnus over Jace? Don’t let your bias/character preference cloud your judgement - think like Alec for a minute. No matter who he chose, it would tear him apart in one way or another. 

The lovely Magnus Bane steps in to remind Alec not to get too worked up, and  that he needs to focus, then they get started. For a minute, it looks like they’re going to succeed but of course, of-fucking-course, Not-Jace has some magic of his own, because Lilith was planning ahead, and knew someone would try to get in his head. (I really, really, really hate her.) 

Fast forward again. 

Not-Jace is chained up like a criminal, and Alec looks like he’s ready to wrap those same chains around his neck. Fortunately, Magnus comes in, and they’re ready to start. 

There’s some magical lighting, glowing runes, and very creepy eyes rolling into the backs of heads, and the flashbacks start. 

We see young Alec and Jace before Alec blinks, and snaps back into reality with Izzy. Again, this is why it’s important to be objective and think like a character. No matter what’s happened, Jace is still Alec’s parabatai, and he’s always going to love him. 

They hear some noise, and walk around a corner to see younger versions of themselves play fighting. Alec smiles at the memory, and it’s sad, because things were so much simpler back then; back when sneaking down to train while their parents were out on mission was something they did for fun. Now, they’ve got demons coming back and possessing people and shit. 

After the younger Alec and Izzy disappear, Alec puts two and two together - like the smart cookie he is - and comes to the conclusion that Lilith has been torturing Jace by taking away everything he loves. Let me say that again so you guys can hear me. 

Lilith has been torturing Jace by taking away everything he loves. 

He looks away for less than a second, and when he turns around again, Izzy is gone. 

Alec can’t seem to catch a break.

Fast forward.

Alec is still looking for Izzy, and finds Clary instead. Well, more like dozens of dead Clary’s, because Jace has been trapped in his own mind, killing her over and over again, just like he did in his nightmares. He’s looking around at all the bodies like “what in the fuck did I just walk into”, then he hears someone crying, and looks up. 

IT’S JACE!

The real Jace, and he confirms what I’ve known all along. He’s a prisoner in his own mind, and Lilith has been fucking with him since day one.

Alec is treading carefully (which is a good move, since Jace is visibly upset and still holding a knife), and this goddamn scene was perfect. 

The way his voice gets all soft when he’s convincing Jace that he’s real, and he knows Jace won’t kill him. The way he wrapped his arms around Jace. 

“I’ve got you.” 

THAT’S GREAT BUT, WHO HAS ME? WHO’S GOING TO HOLD ME WHILE I CRY OVER MY KEYBOARD, ALEC? W H O?

They hold each other for a bit, and when they pull away, all the dead bodies are gone, and it’s clear that Alec’s presence is working. Izzy comes in with mini-Jace, who also vanishes, and my dumbass thinks “YES! The gang’s all here! We can go home now! It’s a wrap!”.

Narrator: You know damn well...

Fast forward.

As lovely as this little reunion has been, Alec hears Magnus calling out to him, and it’s time to get the fuck out of there. One teensy, weensy problem though. 

Jace doesn’t want to go, because he knows Lilith is coming for him.

This is where Alec gives us another example of exactly how his relationship with Jace works. 

Now, I’m a huge softie when it comes to my friends, so if my best friend was crying hysterically, then picked up a knife and placed it in my hands before asking me to kill them, I’d probably have a fit. However, Alec doesn’t do that. 

He holds himself together and tells Jace no, he isn’t going to kill him. Never. He’s coming with them, and that’s that on that. So, Jace hands the knife to Izzy, and I’m not going to lie, sis had me going for a hot second, but she dropped the knife and everyone exhaled. (By everyone, I mean me and Alec). 

Before they all join hands, Jace looks up at Alec and begs him not to let Lilith take me again, and he promises that he won’t. 

And of course, my emotional ass gets excited once more, thinking “alright, no bullshit, they’re going home this time”, but when the magical glow fades away, who do we fucking see? 

LILITH’S PUNK ASS. 

The SH writers @ me:

She comes in, overdramatic as usual, and ends up leaving with Jace. Seconds later, Alec wakes up to see that he’s gone, and he’s pissed.

They were so fucking close. No, scratch that, they weren’t close at all. They had him. They had him in the literal palms of their hands, and it took all of five seconds to lose him again. 

Fast forward (a little bit). 

Alec starts processing what just happened, and I hate seeing how upset he is. Jace begged the both of them to kill him, and right after Alec promised he wouldn’t let Lilith take him away again, she shows up and does just that. It’s already taking a toll on him, and even though Magnus says he did all he could, it’s not enough in Alec’s eyes, because Jace is still gone. 

It doesn’t matter how close he came to getting Jace back. In Alec’s eyes, he failed, and he’s going to be upset with himself until he succeeds, because that’s how he is. He knows it, Magnus knows it, and Izzy knows it. 

This episode messed with my head because it just goes to show that no matter how much you love someone, no matter how hard you’re willing to fight, they can still slip through your fingers and leave you right back where you started. 

I know there’s been a huge debate about the parabatai bond, and the way it only comes to light when it’s convenient for the plot, or how it’s “bullshit”, etc, but honestly? Fuck all that. If there was ever an episode involving the bond that comes close to Parabatai Lost, it’s 3x08. Alec could’ve fallen apart or gone crazy with all the shit that’s been going on, but he’s remained strong in order to keep going, because Alexander Gideon Lightwood does not crack in the face of adversity. 

He perseveres. 

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, I’ll be here all week.

[zdbztumble]

“Ice Shack” - J/H

Figured I’d try fleshing this out into a full story. To give myself some grounding, I decided to treat this as an alternate take on Episode 3x10, “Ice Shack,” except moved up one slot to be immediately after 3x08, “Jackie Bags Hyde.” From there, the domino effect would cascade through the remainder of the series, though I can’t say I’m likely to do much more than this. If anyone likes what they read here and feels like running with this continuity, I’ve no objections.

SHOW TITLE

INT. FOREMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT

The gang, sans Jackie, has just finished a round of poker. KELSO and FEZ exit out the basement door, glum looks on their faces, while a very self-satisfied HYDE leans back in his chair, counting out his winnings. On the couch, ERIC and DONNA watch Hyde and trade whispers with one another.

HYDE: (laughing) Man, you guys gotta learn to spot a bluff.

DONNA: I can’t believe you faked us all out with two pair. How did you make that look good?

HYDE: Zen, baby. Zen.

He rises, gathers his coat, and makes for the door.

HYDE (cont’d): Alright, I’ll see you later.

Donna nudges Eric lightly. He nods and looks up to face Hyde.

ERIC: And just where do you think you’re going, young man?

HYDE: (beat) Home?

ERIC: Yes...you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Just waltz out that door, head back to your apartment, and sit around with your poker winnings and your alcoholic dad, never thinking about the consequences of your actions. You know, we’ve been down this road with you before, mister.

HYDE: (beat) Foreman, if you don’t tell me what this is about, I’m gonna kick your ass.

ERIC: You just plant your ass back in your chair, because we have something we need to talk to you about! Don’t we, honey?

Donna nods. Hyde shrugs and heads back to his chair. Eric and Donna inch across the couch to get closer to him, and Donna reaches a hand out and places it on Hyde’s knee.

DONNA: OK, Hyde...is there anything you want to tell us about your date with Jackie on Veteran’s Day?

HYDE: (beat) OK, bye-bye.

He stands again, but Eric and Donna stand too, and push him back into his chair.

ERIC: No, no, no! You don’t get to do that, pal.

HYDE: Whatever, man. So we went on a date. So?

DONNA: ‘So?’ Hyde, she stalked you for weeks, you told her to ‘die away from you,’ then you decked that guy at the barbeque, took her out, and neither of you have said anything about it.

HYDE: (shrugs) Nothing to say.

ERIC: Yeah, see, you I expect that from, but the cheerleader? You went with her to the mall out of pity and she wouldn’t shut up about it until halfway through the third film in my Godzilla marathon.

DONNA: Hyde, we just...you know. If anything happened...

HYDE: Nothing happened. (They stare) Nothing happened. I got us some pizza, we sat around, nobody talked...throw in a stash and a guy pissed off his film turned out blank and I might as well have been hanging out with Leo.

DONNA: Huh. So...that’s it? It was a dud date, and it’s all over?

HYDE: Yeah. I mean...yeah. Well...yeah.

ERIC: (beat) Hyde...

HYDE: What? I’m telling you, it’s over. She said she didn’t feel anything, so - that’s that.

DONNA: Wait - she said she didn’t feel anything?

HYDE: Whatever.

DONNA: But what about you?

Donna and Eric both break into matching grins. Hyde shifts in his chair.

HYDE: (beat) Oh, no. You got it all wrong, man.

ERIC: Oh, I don’t think so, Hyde.

HYDE: No, I - so she thought the kiss was -

DONNA: Oh my god, you kissed?

ERIC: The horror!

Donna and Eric gape at Hyde, who jumps to his feet.

HYDE: Hey - listen to me! I do not like Jackie! I can’t like Jackie! I only took her on that stupid date to shut her up about all this fantasy hero-worship crap she’s been on! So we kissed, and she felt nothing, and she hasn’t said anything and - and I don’t care! It’s cool! It’s - it’s totally cool.

ERIC: Oh...well... (reaches out to take Hyde’s hand) It’s OK, Hyde. I know your poor orphan heart’s breaking now, but you’ll find true love some day.

Hyde yanks his hand free and storms out of the basement, while Eric and Donna fall against each other, laughing.

MAIN CREDITS

BUMPER

INT. FOREMAN BASEMENT - DAY

The next morning. Hyde sits in his chair eating oatmeal. Eric and Donna, dressed for winter, sit on the couch. They stare at Hyde and grin. As Hyde raises a spoonful toward his mouth, he stops, but doesn’t turn to face Eric and Donna. They don’t stop staring. Hyde resumes eating, but pauses again with the next spoonful. Eric and Donna keep grinning at him. Hyde finishes his bite, but when they still won’t stop, he shoves his spoon into his oatmeal and turns to face them.

HYDE: This is going in both your faces if you don’t knock it off. I swear to God.

DONNA: I can’t believe it. Tough, trouble-making Steven Hyde - no ties, no girlfriends - falls in love with Jackie Burkhart.

She cracks up as she says the name, and she and Eric lean their heads against each other as they laugh.

HYDE: I don’t “love” anyone. If I wanted to date Jackie, my interest would be strictly academic.

ERIC: Academic?

HYDE: Yeah, man. Think of it like an experiment. See, Jackie comes from money. Corrupt, Republican, corporate stooge money. She comes from the Man. Now, I’ve already taught Jackie zen. If I bring her into the full world of experience offered by sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll, then I’m turning the Man’s own child against him. 

Eric and Donna stare skeptically.

HYDE (cont’d): See? It’s like, I’m the virus, and Jackie’s patient zero. Through her, I corrupt the system from the inside. That’s how you bring on the revolution, man!

ERIC: Your lips mouthed some conspiracy mumbo-jumbo, but all my ears heard was “I wish she were mine.”

Donna starts laughing again. Hyde flings some oatmeal Eric’s way, and he dodges it.

ERIC: I dunno, Donna. Someone might have beat us to the draw on the bedroom this weekend. We might have to settle for the back of the van.

DONNA: Oh...as long as I’m with you, Eric.

ERIC: That’s my girl.

They cuddle.

HYDE: What are you talking about?

ERIC: You know - the cabin.

HYDE: What cabin?

DONNA: The trip to Kelso’s uncle’s cabin. Didn’t he tell you? We’re leaving any minute.

A horn honks off-screen. The three share looks and head upstairs.

CUT TO:

EXT. FOREMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY

It is a cold, snowy day, and KELSO is standing in front of his van, parked with its back facing the road. He paces and rubs his hands together. Hyde, Eric, and Donna come outside through the kitchen.

KELSO: Hey. So, you guys ready to go?

HYDE: Kelso, man, what the hell? You didn’t tell me about this trip?

Kelso looks as if he just noticed Hyde was there.

KELSO: Oh. I’m sorry, Hyde. I forgot.

HYDE: Well, as long as there’s beer, I’ll forgive you. (claps Kelso’s shoulder) Let’s get going.

KELSO: Wait, Hyde. You can’t come.

HYDE: Why not?

KELSO: Because! Because...

He steps around Hyde to reach Eric and Donna.

KELSO (cont’d): OK, I might as well let you in on my master plan here. See, what this whole trip is about is a romantic double date, with you two, me, and Jackie.

ERIC: OK, see, Kelso - double dates usually work better when the second couple are actually dating.

KELSO: So, it’s a secret double date. I told Jackie the whole gang was coming, but I didn’t invite Hyde or Fez. (to Hyde) No offense.

DONNA: (beat) I’m out.

She and Eric both turn to head back inside, but Kelso moves to block their way.

KELSO: No, I need you guys! Look - I wanna win Jackie back. I love her, I miss her...and I’ve been getting, like, nothing from Laurie lately.

Donna rolls her eyes, Eric grins, and Hyde fumes. Kelso ignores them all.

KELSO (cont’d): I wanna show her that I’ve changed. That I’m not the lying, cheating guy I was when we dated the first time. Or the second.

HYDE: By tricking her into a double date when you haven’t even broken it off with Laurie yet?

KELSO: Exactly! And, Eric and Donna, you guys are, like, the perfect couple, so if you’re there, I can just copy all the sissy, loser things that Eric does, and I’m gold!

ERIC: I mean - he asks so nicely, how could we refuse?

DONNA: Kelso, I am not doing this!

KELSO: Oh, come on! You guys get a romantic weekend out of it, and I’ll have tons of beer! We won’t even need a refrigerator 'cause it’s so freaking cold! (crosses to Hyde) Oh, but I need to grab the beer and gas on the way, so...I kinda need it back.

He holds out his hand.

HYDE: You need what back?

KELSO: You know...my money.

HYDE: What money?

KELSO: My money from the poker game last night.

HYDE: Kelso, that’s my money.

KELSO: No, it’s mine! I brought it!

HYDE: And you lost it!

KELSO: Well, since when does losing it to you in a poker game make it your money?

Hyde stares, and Eric and Donna roll their eyes.

HYDE: OK - fine, Kelso. I’ll pay for this trip - with my money - on one condition: I come too.

KELSO: What? No, Hyde! That throws off my whole plan!

HYDE: Then you’re not getting my money.

KELSO: Well, what do you want to come for anyway?

ERIC: Yes, Hyde - what do you want to come for?

HYDE: (beat) Kelso, all your master plans are stupid and blow up in your face. I could spend my poker winnings on beer, movies, and nudie mags, but those are there every weekend. Watching you crash and burn - that’s something special, man. And I don’t wanna miss it.

KELSO: (beat) Alright, you’re in. But we’re not bringing Fez! He’s all over Jackie right now, and I don’t need him trying to sabotage me.

ERIC: Yes, we wouldn’t want that. Would we, Hyde?

Hyde glares at Eric, who moves with Kelso to get into the front of the van. Hyde and Donna linger by the back. Donna takes a few steps toward Hyde.

DONNA: Hyde - you really do care about her, don’t you?

Hyde shifts on his feet.

HYDE: No...but do you wanna go through all that again? (imitating Jackie) “Oh my god, you’re so beautiful, Michael!” (imitating Kelso) “Oh my god, you’re so beautiful, Jackie!” (imitating Jackie) “But you screwed Laurie and made out with Pam Macy - you’re a dirty dog and an idiot!” (imitating Kelso) “Well, I’m gonna keep cheating on you, talk about breaking up behind your back every five seconds, then cry like a bitch when you break up with my dumb ass!”

DONNA: (laughing) Well, deny it all you want - this is the sweetest I think I’ve ever seen you. But I think it’s good for Jackie that she’s on her own right now. So please tell me you’re not gonna use this trip to crawl all over her like these other dorks.

HYDE: It’s like I told you - she didn’t feel anything. That’s that.

He looks down at the ground. Donna sighs, and reaches out to rub his shoulder.

DONNA (cont’d): Ugh, I can’t believe Kelso. And what about poor Fez? We’re leaving him all alone this whole weekend.

HYDE: Actually, I think he’ll be fine. He had some plans.

DONNA: What plans?

CUT TO:

INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

A packed theater sits back to enjoy a special screening of WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. Pan across the first row until we arrive on FEZ, munching away at popcorn and chocolate. His eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open.

FILM (aud. only): Who can take a sunrise (who can take a sunrise) Sprinkle it with dew (sprinkle it with dew) Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two...

Fez sits up straight and sings out, as loud as he can...

FEZ & FILM:  The Candy Man! Oh, the Candy Man can!

Everyone sitting around Fez glares at him. He smiles apologetically and slumps back down into his seat.

CUT TO:

INT. FOREMAN LIVING ROOM - DAY

LAURIE sits on the couch in her bathrobe. She watches TV and sips at a mug of coffee. KITTY enters through the kitchen door. Seeing Laurie, she sucks in a deep breath and puts on a hard smile.

KITTY: Good afternoon, sunshine. We missed you at lunch. And breakfast. And dinner last night.

LAURIE: Yeah...I would’ve made it, but it interfered with my plans to not spend more time in this dump than I have to.

KITTY: (Laughs) So, ah - what do you have planned for the day?

LAURIE: Same as every day. Lie here, do my nails, avoid talking to you. It’s not going that well so far.

Kitty crosses to turn off the TV. Laurie makes a hollow gesture of protest, but doesn’t stir from her spot as Kitty joins her on the couch.

KITTY: Honey, you’ve done nothing but party all night and sleep all day for months.

LAURIE: Oh, come on, Mom.

KITTY: Oh, not ‘come on.’ Sweetie, I’m worried about you. The way you’re going, you’re going to end up like...like Aunt Martha.

Laurie sits up straight.

LAURIE: You think I’ll end up like Fat Martha? With the beer gut?

KITTY: The poor woman couldn’t even play putt-putt.

Laurie stands.

LAURIE: I can’t believe you’d say that about your own daughter! And if I ever take three hours at that game, it’s only because it’s really hard to get it in the hole!

She storms upstairs. Kitty picks up the coffee mug she left behind.

KITTY: Not a problem anyone’s ever had with you, I’m sure.

CUT TO:

EXT. ICE CABIN - DAY

Hyde and Eric unload the van as Donna, Kelso, and JACKIE stand back and take in the small, rickety ICE SHACK sitting on top of the frozen lake. Kelso grins, while the girls look incredulous.

DONNA: This is your uncle’s cabin?

KELSO: Yeah...now that we’re here, I guess I can tell you that part too. It’s more of an ice shack.

JACKIE: It’s an outhouse!

KELSO: No, it’s an ice shack!

He crosses over to a large metal barrel just outside the shack.

KELSO (cont’d): This is the outhouse. And the hot tub.

The girls glare. They join Eric and Hyde on their way back to the van, but Kelso walks after them.

KELSO (con’d): It’s for fishing. My uncle comes out here all the time! It’s gonna be a blast. Just us, in this beautiful snow, all weekend long, with plenty of beer. And we can catch all the fish we want!

HYDE: Oh, I see. So, on the ride back from this weekend in Hell, we can enjoy the smell of dead fish the whole way home? Oh, boy!

Jackie moves to Hyde’s left, as far from Kelso as she can get. Donna takes a step closer to Eric.

DONNA: It’s kind of cold.

ERIC: Oh, here - take my jacket.

He shrugs his jacket off and drapes it over Donna’s shoulders.

DONNA: I love you!

ERIC: God, were are such the...

They both turn to look at Kelso.

ERIC (cont’d): ...Perfect couple.

Kelso rolls his eyes. Jackie shivers.

JACKIE: I’m cold, too.

KELSO: Well, damn, Jackie, I can’t control the weather!

He notices Eric and Donna glaring at him, and catches on to his mistake.

KELSO (cont’d): I mean - of course you’re cold, Jackie!

He makes a big show of taking his jacket off and presenting it to her.

KELSO (cont’d): Here - take my jacket.

It is now Jackie’s turn to roll her eyes.

JACKIE: Forget it. Donna, let’s go inside.

DONNA: (to Eric) How does that sound to you, honey?

ERIC: I think that sounds like a great idea, sweetie.

DONNA: Oh my God, let’s go!

The two of them link hands and follow Jackie towards the ice shack. Kelso starts to follow, but Jackie holds up a hand to stop him.

JACKIE: You’re not coming in.

KELSO: What? Jackie, it’s my uncle’s cabin!

ERIC: Well, Kelso, you can always warm yourself up in the hot tub.

He drums lightly on the rim of the barrel. He disappears inside the shack with Donna. Jackie lingers in the doorway and looks at Hyde, still by the van.

JACKIE: Steven, are you coming?

HYDE: In a minute. Think I’ll fumigate the van for a little while first.

JACKIE: Won’t you be cold?

HYDE: (shrugs) I don’t feel anything.

He and Jackie look at each other. Jackie breaks away first, disappearing inside the shack and closing the door behind her. Kelso crosses over to Hyde and scoffs.

KELSO: Man, can you believe this? I mean, what’s the point of bringing Eric and Donna along if copying all his dorky moves doesn’t work?

HYDE: Yeah, man. It’s almost as if a half-assed plan to trick a girl into liking you by pretending to be someone you’re not is a bad idea.

KELSO: I know, right? I mean, that’s impossible, but it’s so close to what’s happening here.

Hyde sighs, claps Kelso on the shoulder, and pulls him along as he steps into the van.

BUMPER

INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY

WILLY WONKA continues. The “PURE IMAGINATION” song plays off-screen. Fez has finished his popcorn, and is now chewing a piece of bubble gum. As the song’s first three chimes sound, he blows a bubble. On the second three chimes, he sucks the bubble back in his mouth. He repeats this pattern two more times, the bubble getting larger and larger each time, until...

CUT TO:

The bubble blows up, becoming a pink BUMPER.

FEZ (V.O.): Ai!

FADE TO:

INT. VAN - EVENING

A CIRCLE is in progess, starting on Hyde.

HYDE: Man, Kelso, I am so happy I’m not in your shoes right now. I mean, every part of your plan - the trip, the cabin, copying Foreman - has backfired. This was such a good way to blow that poker money!

Pan to Kelso.

KELSO: Jackie just doesn’t know how much fun ice fishing is. I mean, I was out here for four days with my uncle once. He fell in the ice, lost all his fish, and woke up a hibernating bear. I laughed my ass off! And I’m tired of everyone ragging on the shack. It’s cozy.

Pan to Hyde.

HYDE: Kelso, “cozy” is sharing a bed, or a couch, or the back seat of a Lincoln. Dragging a chick along under false pretenses is no way to get cozy anywhere. If you want to get down and dirty in a place that’s down and dirty, you’ve gotta be up-front about it.

Pan to Kelso.

KELSO: You’re just not thinking about what you can do when you throw a cot over the ice hole and...wait. Jackie drives her dad’s Lincoln...

Pan to Hyde.

HYDE: Yeah, well, that’s just...whatever. Look, Kelso - why do you even wanna do this, man? You’re still with Laurie, and Jackie’s moving on. Seeing other people. And some of them are pretty cool. Can’t you just give her a break?

Pan to Kelso.

KELSO: Man, it’s just not the same with Laurie. I mean, I know Jackie. I understand Jackie. I care about Jackie. And...and why do you care so much about Jackie?

The circle is broken. Hyde and Kelso stare at each other from opposite ends of the back of the van.

HYDE: What? That’s crazy, man! Who said I cared about Jackie?

KELSO: Yeah, you totally care! You let her take you to the mall after we broke up, you went to jail for her, and...and you took her on that date on Veteran’s Day!

HYDE: No I didn’t.

KELSO: You so did! And you’re keeping me in here, when I could be in there doing it!

HYDE: Kelso, Foreman and Donna are in there. The only thing you’re gonna “do” is get your nose rubbed in how much better they are at this than you.

KELSO: Oh, yeah? Well, just what happened on your date? You scam on her?

 HYDE: What? No, man! It was nothing!

KELSO: You did it in the back of the Lincoln, didn’t you? Man, you don’t do that with another guy’s girl! That’s where we used to do it!

HYDE: We didn’t do it! And you also don’t trick your ex-girlfriend out to a frozen hell-hole so you can try and win her back while you’re still seeing the skank you cheated on her with. And Jackie’s not your girl anymore!

KELSO: Well, is she yours?

HYDE: She’s nobody’s! She said it herself at the end of the date, the kiss meant nothing!

KELSO: (gasps) Kiss? You’re dead, Hyde!

Kelso launches himself across the van at Hyde, and the two begin wrestling.

CUT TO:

INT. ICE SHACK - EVENING

Concurrent with the scene above. The shack is even dirtier-looking on the inside, with various pieces of fishing gear and winter clothing adorning the rough walls. Benches surround three sides of a square hole in the ice. Eric and Donna share the right bench, while Jackie sits on the center one. Eric has a fishing line in the water.

ERIC: Boy, ice fishing’s fun. Don’t you just love it here, Donna?

DONNA: Oh, Eric...it doesn’t matter where we are. It’s being together that makes it fun.

ERIC: You’d rather be anywhere else, wouldn’t you?

DONNA: Literally anywhere. You know me so well.

ERIC: Eskimo kiss!

They start nuzzling noses. Jackie looks on in disgust.

JACKIE: What the hell is with you two today?

Eric drapes an arm around Donna, and they both smile at Jackie.

ERIC: Oh, didn’t Kelso tell you? We’re the...(with Donna) perfect couple.

JACKIE: Yeah - perfectly nauseating!

ERIC: Well, if you don’t like what you see in here, missy, there’s some beautiful scenery and a wind chill near 10 just waiting for you outside.

JACKIE: At least you’re better company than Michael. God, can you believe that idiot? Who picks a small, smelly shack like this for a friends’ weekend? I don’t even think we could fit everyone in here!

ERIC: (flat) Oh, no. How could Kelso make such a terrible mistake?

Jackie pouts and looks at the door.

JACKIE: What’s keeping Steven? I hope he’s not too cold.

ERIC: Oh, a little worried about ‘Steven,’ are we?

Donna swats his chest playfully, and he withdraws his arm from her shoulder.

DONNA: (to Jackie) Jackie, we were saying earlier that it’s a bit strange you didn’t have anything to say after your date with Hyde the other day.

JACKIE: (shrugs) I didn’t think there was anything to say. I mean, at the time, I thought it was the most romantic moment of my life. Steven was jealous, he defended my honor, he took me out...and for a poor person, he can splurge when he wants to, ‘cause we got the good pizza. But when we got to the kiss, there just wasn’t anything there.

ERIC: Wait, so - Hyde can’t french? Well, that is just so good to know.

JACKIE: No, it wasn’t that. It was a hot kiss. I mean, hot. I just didn’t feel any different than I had all day.

DONNA: (beat) Jackie, you spent that whole day obsessed with Hyde.

JACKIE: (beat) Hey. Hey, you’re right, Donna! And Steven - Steven said he didn’t feel anything either, but only after I said I didn’t feel anything. And just now, when I asked him if he was cold, he said it again. But not like he really didn’t feel anything. More like he was upset.

ERIC: Jackie, to be fair, we’re sitting in an ice shack we were told was a cabin, with a trash can just outside that’s going to be our toilet and bath for the whole weekend. ‘Upset’ covers pretty much everyone right now.

JACKIE: Oh my God. What if Steven did feel something? And he just covered it up because he’s vulnerable and afraid and thinks no one would ever love him with those awful sideburns? And what if the reason I didn’t feel anything during the kiss is because I was already feeling all my love for Steven the whole day up to that point?

She rises and starts for the door, but Donna reaches out to take her sleeve. Jackie sits back down.

DONNA: OK, Jackie, slow down. Ever since you and Kelso broke up, you’ve been all over the place with guys, but the last few days, you haven’t worried about that at all. And I think that’s good for you.

JACKIE: But Donna, I have to talk to Steven. What if -

DONNA: You can talk to him, Jackie. I’m just saying that everyone needs some time alone. You can get to know yourself and get more comfortable with who you are.

ERIC: Yeah, Jackie. At least until you find your... (puts his arm back around Donna) ...perfect couple.

DONNA: (laughs) Yeah. (beat) And, you know. After that, too. Sometimes.

ERIC: What do you mean?

DONNA: Well, Eric, I love you, but I need some time for me too.

ERIC: Yeah, but that’s not what you’re talking about. You’re talking about time to yourself as in, not being with anyone. Are you saying you’d want a break from...from us?

DONNA: Eric, it’s not a big deal. I mean, you need some time to yourself too. It’s not like we go everywhere together. We don’t go to the bathroom together.

ERIC: (voice breaking) Well, we’ll have to up here! We don’t have a choice!

Before they can continue arguing, a loud crack sounds from outside the shack, and Kelso and Eric’s yelps can be heard. Eric, Donna, and Jackie hurry to the door.

CUT TO:

EXT. ICE SHACK - EVENING

The door to the shack opens, and Eric, Donna, and Jackie spill out just as Hyde and Kelso leap out of the back of the van. Hyde’s sunglasses are crooked and he holds his right hand in his left. Kelso has his right hand over his right eye. The cracking sound continues.

ERIC: You guys, what happened?

KELSO: I don’t know. All of a sudden, the van just started shaking!

HYDE: ‘All of a sudden?’ You jumped me, you tool!

DONNA: Uh...guys?

Everyone turns to watch as Kelso’s van slowly sinks into the ice. Kelso looks horrified, while the others seem torn between anger and schadenfreude. Kelso whips his belt off.

KELSO: Quick, everyone give me your belts. Together, we can pull it out!

A splash of water shoots up as the van begins sinking quicker. Everyone takes a step back. Kelso looks around pleadingly, but no one else moves to take their belts off. The van disappears beneath the water.

HYDE: Man, this master plan just keeps getting better and better. For me.

JACKIE: (to Kelso) Michael, what ‘master plan?’

KELSO: Who cares, Jackie? I’m losing my van!

Jackie pouts at Kelso as he stares at the hole where his van used to be. Hyde rubs his right hand, and Eric and Donna glare at each other.

FADE TO BLACK

COMMERCIAL

BUMPER

INT. ICE SHACK - NIGHT

Later that night. Donna sits on the right bench alone, while Jackie and Hyde share the left bench. Donna has her arms crossed, and Jackie watches while Hyde holds a cold beer can to the knuckles of his right hand.

Someone bangs on the door.

KELSO (v.o.): OK guys, I’m getting really tired of being kicked out of my shack!

No one even looks up.

ERIC (v.o.): Donna? Honey? I think this is enough alone time for one night, OK?

DONNA: (stands) Can it, you dillholes!

She sits back down. Jackie takes the beer can from Hyde.

JACKIE: Here, let me help you.

She holds it to his knuckles.

HYDE: Don’t hang on to it too long. I need it cold when I pop it open to drink.

Jackie rolls her eyes and looks around the shack.

JACKIE: God, how could Michael think this would win me back? After all the crap he did, he’d have to take me to Aspen before I’d even consider letting him touch me again.

HYDE: You mean you’d consider it at all?

JACKIE: (beat) No. Why, do you care?

HYDE: (beat) Whatever.

They look away from each other. Another knock comes to the door.

ERIC (v.o.): OK, we’re gonna go for help, but just so you know - Kelso’s already talking about sharing warmth, and I don’t know how long this walk is, so you just think about that during your alone time, missy!

Donna, Jackie, and Hyde all share looks of disgust.

CUT TO:

INT. FOREMAN LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Kitty paces behind the couch nervously, while RED sits in his chair reading the paper. Laurie enters from the stairs.

LAURIE: Alright, I’m here. Let’s get this over with.

She throws herself down on the couch.

KITTY: Good evening to you too. Honey, we feel that you need some direction in your life.

RED: (not looking up) And by we, she means her.

Kitty scowls at Red before turning back to Laurie.

KITTY: Laurie, you have no future ahead of you, and you have nothing in your life right now. Just look at how you spent today. You sat around, watched TV, and drank all your father’s beer.

RED: (looks up) And in the future, always save one beer for Daddy.

LAURIE: (to Kitty) Look, will you get off my back? I have a plan for my future, alright? Find a guy who’s loaded and get married.

KITTY: You? Married? I think you left out the part about the unexpected pregnancy and the quickie divorce for your fiancee!

RED: See, Kitty? She has it all worked out. She’ll find someone who’s rich, and nice, and...not Kelso. Someone who can take care of her.

LAURIE: Exactly! (beat) But - Daddy, I could have a career of my own if I wanted, right?

RED: (beat) Well, sure. I just don’t want you to set yourself up for...like what happened at the college. If you set the bar too high, the fall might be...you’re just so pretty!

KITTY: Oh, I give up.

She storms upstairs. Red stands.

RED: Kitty, wait! (to Laurie) Here’s five dollars.

He slips her a five and runs after his wife. Laurie stares at the money and sighs.

The doorbell rings. Laurie stands and crosses to the door. She opens it to reveal Fez, his face and hair a sticky pink mess of bubble gum.

LAURIE: What the hell happened to you?

FEZ: Please don’t laugh. They all laughed. The audience, the usher, the ticket boy...even the Oompa-Loompas seemed to mock me with their doompaty-doo-doo.

Laurie bites her finger to keep back a laugh.

FEZ (cont’d): I cannot get the sticky out! Please, help me?

LAURIE: (shrugs) Well, at least someone’s day sucks worse than mine. Get in here.

She takes Fez by the shoulder and pulls him inside. She struggles to get her hand free; once she does, she lightly pokes him in the back with one finger to guide him into the kitchen.

CUT TO:

INT. ICE SHACK - NIGHT

Donna stands and looks out the window. Hyde and Jackie still share the left bench. Hyde is now drinking his beer, while Jackie holds his right hand and examines his knuckles.

JACKIE: What I don’t understand, Steven, is why you’d even come on this stupid trip if you didn’t care about what Michael was up to.

HYDE: Have you been sleeping this whole time? Gilligan does better with plans than Kelso. I’m getting prime-time entertainment here - with beer.

He holds up his can and takes a sip.

JACKIE: Then why did you keep Michael outside instead of watching him try something with me? And (holds up Hyde’s hand) what were you two fighting about in the van?

HYDE: (beat) Uh...boy, Foreman’s sure been gone a long time, huh, Donna?

DONNA: Yeah. I hope he’s OK. (turns to face the others) But what did he have to get so worked up for? I’m with him. I love him. Why can’t he see that ‘time alone’ for me doesn’t mean ‘time broken up from him?’

HYDE: Come on, Donna. If it surprises you that Foreman’s a spaz at this point, you haven’t been paying attention. I mean, the guy’s got no self-esteem. He’s still floored you’re even with him. Yeah, he was a little insecure, but you didn’t need to leave him out there with Kelso. I don’t know what that guy meant by sharing warmth, but whatever it is, Foreman’s not gonna like it.

DONNA: (laughs) OK, maybe that was a little much. (looks back to window) I wish they’d get back soon.

JACKIE: (to Hyde) And what about your insecurities, Steven? Did you or did you not feel something after our date on Veteran’s Day?

HYDE: (beat) Does it matter? You didn’t feel anything.

JACKIE: Well...

HYDE: Wait. You did feel something?

JACKIE: (beat) I thought I didn’t. But now, I think maybe I did. Ugh, I don’t know!

HYDE: Well...(beat) I did. And I do.

Jackie’s left hand goes over her heart. Donna looks back over to them, grinning.

DONNA: Aww...

HYDE (cont’d): (to Donna) Get bent! (to Jackie) So, what happens now?

Jackie closes both her hands around Hyde’s right.

JACKIE: I think Donna was right that I need some time for myself. But, when that’s over, I want to give us another chance. So, Steven - will you wait for me?

HYDE: So, you use me as a shoulder to cry on over Kelso, stalk me for weeks, send me to jail, and when we finally go on a date and I tell you I felt something, you expect me to wait around while you take time to sort things out? (beat) God help me, I’ll do it.

Jackie beams and throws her arms around Hyde’s neck. He struggles to keep a straight face as he pats her back. Donna happily looks on.

CUT TO:

INT. FOREMAN LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Red leads Kitty back down the stairs.

RED: Now, try not to worry so much. Laurie’s just a child, after all.

KITTY: She was a child ten years ago, Red. She is a woman, and that woman is going to end up with a beer gut and gout!

Red sighs. He takes Kitty over to the couch, and they both sit down.

Laurie bursts in from the kitchen.

LAURIE: (to Kitty) OK, look. The reason I haven’t done anything with my life is because I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

KITTY: Well, sweetie, the post office has a dental plan that’s -

LAURIE: Shhh! But earlier tonight, something happened that made me realize that I’ve found my passion. Hair!

KITTY: (beat) The musical?

LAURIE: No! (she tugs on her hair) Hair! Look!

She steps to the right of the kitchen door and holds out her hands in presentation. Fez steps out, with a short, closely-cropped hairstyle. All trace of gum is gone. He stands with his hands on his hips and a very satisfied expression.

LAURIE (cont’d): Fez had a little accident, and I fixed it! And when I thought about it, I could see that this is where all my talents were! Mom, Daddy - I’m going to beauty school!

KITTY: This isn’t something you do through the mail, is it?

LAURIE: No. It’s a real school!

KITTY: Oh. Well...yay!

She starts applauding.

RED: Congratulations, sweetheart!

LAURIE: Thanks, Daddy! (to Fez) Come on, Fez. Let me practice a manicure on you, and I’ll introduce you to my easy friend Susanne.

Fez grins, and he lets Laurie usher him back into the kitchen.

RED: So, Kitty, what do you think?

KITTY: Eh.

RED: Yeah.

He turns on the TV, and they settle down on the couch.

CUT TO:

INT. ICE SHACK - NIGHT

Everyone is still in their same places. A knock sounds at the door. Donna hurries to unlock it. Eric is waiting outside, his cheeks and nose red with the cold.

DONNA: Oh my God. Are you alright?

ERIC: Oh, yeah. Three mile walk to the nearest rest stop, three miles back, snow, wind chill, no big deal.

Donna cups his head in her hands and kisses him.

DONNA (cont’d): Eric, I’m sorry.

ERIC: (beat) Me too. (gestures over his shoulder) One of the truckers offered us a ride. He’s waiting outside.

DONNA: My hero.

ERIC: Perfect couple?

DONNA: Of course!

They share another Eskimo kiss, gather up their things, and head outside. Jackie and Hyde stand. As Jackie collects her bag, Hyde takes his jacket off and puts it around her. She looks at him.

HYDE: (shrugs) You looked kind of cold.

JACKIE: Thank you.

She briefly places a hand on his cheek. They get their things and head outside.

CUT TO:

EXT. ICE SHACK - NIGHT

Kelso is standing right by the doorway of the shack as Hyde and Jackie leave. He notices Hyde’s coat around Jackie, and that the two are walking closely together and smiling at one another. He gasps in shock.

FADE TO BLACK

CREDITS

INT. FOREMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT

Fez, in his new haircut with Eric’s bathrobe over his clothes and Red’s hat in his hands, dances around the basement while “I’VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET” plays on the record player. He uses a pool cue as a cane.

END.