#took me 2+ hours. god hates me.
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literally can't look at the minecraft font anymore cuz of me getting a headache just from making pixels 4 something
#made it wrong 2 times. wrong size. twice. I gave up after the 2nd try#chatter#the pain I inflict onto myself just by wanting to make things prettier#took me 2+ hours. god hates me.
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reliteru marry a man monday
#you don’t want to know what kind of struggles i endured trying to render this shit#but it took 2 hours and lots of frustration because god hates me even though im pretty#blazblue#yuuki terumi#relius clover#.#reliteru#anyway. thank god i can sleep now
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Project for my 3d modeling class
She said render eggs in a basket. And never said what type of eggs soooo heres some qsmp eggs in a basket that i made
#qsmp eggs#qsmp art#qsmp fanart#qsmp egg fanart#OH MY GOD i hate doing lighting so fricken much#LIKE SERIOUSLY I HATE IT#IT TOOK ME 2 HOURS JUST TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT NOT LOOK LIKE SHIT#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#QSMP EGG FANART#QSMP#why#chayanne qsmp#bobby qsmp#qsmp dapper#qsmp tallulah#qsmp pomme#qsmp gegg#qsmp global
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Half-dead.
#ninjago#lego ninjago#morro ninjago#morro#ninjago morro#morro wu#my art#jesus fucking christ of course the quality got lowered of COURSE it did god hates me#also the colours look so different on my ipad#it only took 2 hours but still im going to cry#sobs because i SweAR IT LOOKED BETTER
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eouaghh forgot i have to wake up early tommorow :(
#its not even for anything fun#its a 2 hour trash pickup so i can get those community service hours#but my friends not going to be there :( so its 2 hours of nonsense#also i!! hate the teacher that runs it!!#she only likes kids that took her math class and I!! did not take her math class!!#and im pretty sure she dislikes me.#also shes so slow?? on the trashpickups#tell me why we all have to sit around by the road for 30 minutes waiting for her#and then she comes from the opposite direction with 2 friends and a coffee that werent there before#god.. when you dont have someone to talk to these things go on forever#and i always end up with twigs in my hair!! bc this bitch makes me crawl in the bushes to pick up shit!!
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prompt: personify this fucking flower v
#TKO_art#she actually said draw a character design for this chrysantheMUM#oops#I didn't do that#I was going to do the whole 9 miles#with the whole T-posing bit and clothes#but this took me like#4 hours#which honestly is pretty good cuz most of the time when i take 4 hrs to do somethign I hate the end result#and she's pretty chill#i'm chilling wiht her#i'm gnawing on her collarbones#don't ask me how hair phsyics works i don't fucking know#still trying to figure that out#i make that shit up#really just like the stems on her neck#which took me 10 minutes to do#GOD WHY IS EVERYTHIGN SO DIFFICULT#anyway my bones started vibrating 2 hours into this piece so fuck you exhaustion#she did have ears but I said fuck it we ball#night night pookies#kiss kiss for all#NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT#kept saying I hate how this is rendered but if I keep leaving pieces unfinished i'll never get better so i'm pretty happy with how this#turned out#so yeah now im going to bed#RAAAAAA
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#art#osana#komi can't communicate#digital art#clipstudio#it took 2 hours to render this. why did this happen. does god hate me.
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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was at work for an extra HOUR tonight. gonna buy myself a fucking burger and read worm and NOT be productive. and I'm not even gonna feel guilty about it !!
#head in hands.#had to fuckign. euthanize a lionfish 5 minutes before my shift ended. which is a process that takes . like a half hour#but it took Extra Long because it was just me n one othrr person. and neither of us have handled a lionfish on our own before#had 2 prep it for necropsy and my hands were SO fuckign shaky. god.#nothing like handling venomous animals when you are one of 4 people left in the entire building!!!!!!!!!#anyway. ugh. thats probably more info than im supposed to share but god i am STRESSED and UPSET and TIRED#i already haaaate making the call for euthanasia ESPECIALLY when its not one of my primary systems#but i also didnt want him 2 die overnight and leave it for the 2nd or 3rd shift to deal with because they are COMPLETELY on their own#so it was. safer this way for everybody. but GOD i hate doing it#going 2 feel the . poetic malaise about this later. anyway. worm and burger time . worm burger.#blahblahblah
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@thetheatergremlin your bmc toh au gave me massive brainworms so what else to do other than redraw screencaps without stopping for like 6 hours
side by side with the references if you want em
#i hope its okay i drew them#since i’m on here with fully colored fully drawn everything you know what that means#i’ve got a test tomorrow baby#i have TWO#ignore how inconsistent the first one is#god my hands hurt i’m not even lying i straight up didn’t stop for like 4 hours yesterday#and then i took a break to shower then went another 2 hours#I RECOLORED THE BACKGROUNDS AND EVERYTHING#granted it’s kinda half assed but it’s the thought that counts yeah#this is what gets me out of my artblock#tbf i traced like a good 75 percent of it and tracing is a lot easier than actual drawing#i hate drawing freckles they’re so annoying i found a brush to do it but it still looks kinda wack#also zoe there’s just no way for indigo streaks to look good i’m sorry 😭😭#i gave connor a lil splash of color to match#lowkey proud of how michael turned out in the abomination one#that jeremy’s not my favorite tho#there WILL be more that is a threat i’m already working on more#bmc toh au#bmc the owl house au#bmc owl house au#be more chill owl house au#be more chill au#bmc#be more chill#jeremy heere#michael mell#boyf riends#rich goranski#zoe murphy#connor murphy
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its impossible for you all to understand how much of my thoughts r in sweeney references. like there is one person on this earth who understand and its my sibling who is similarly inclined...
#bc i cant at work just be like. I had him and then . but with lamp. i can say the first thing that comes to mind#which lets say hypothetically its oot and im trying to get all the poes and theres one left.omg just have to get this one FUCKING poe. so#easy. go to the cunt. its under that little thangy on the other side of the river from the stairs to kakariko. spoilers if yr trying to#find all the poes in oot but im gonna go ahead n tell you nothing is worth dealing with this cunt.#but anyeays. Omg there he is. shoot him. he runs away#im riding on epona teying to catch him trying to shoot HE KEEPS FUCKING GETTING AWAY. IT TOOK ME 2. FUCKING. HOURS.#and like. my 3rd to last attempt. i was so. so fucking close. like one more shot i wouldve gotten him yk. so close. but he gets away. and#Immediate immediate reaction was I had him and then . his throat was there beneath my hand. NO I HAD HIM !!! HIS THROAT WAS THERE NOW HELL#NEVER COME AGAIIIIIIIIN. it was very funny#bc i was genuinely shaking with rage look i dont often relate to sweeney im gonnacome out and say bad dude yk. in that moment ? i was like#no to be honest there IS a hole in the world like a great black pit and its filled with people who are filled with shit and the vermin of#the world inhabit it . and yk who one of those vermin is. That fucking poe that fucking poe i hate him i want him dead.#i want his wife. Dead. i want his wife. Dead. i want his wife. Dead. i want his w#my fav video i miss it..#but anyways yes its near constant. i cant even say yes eithout my brain going yesss... Isnt that her . Shadow-on-the wall 😏? where Theree#Primping making herself even prettier than USUALL if possible.pretty women etc#i cant say oh no without going OH NOOOOO!!! ohhhg goddddd... dont i know you... she said....................#i love final scene mainly bc i love hearing all the sweeneys realizing its lucy Spoilers btw. not bc its like an avting momentbut bc its SO#FUNNYYYY. 2006's oh god genuinely sends me into hysterics. hs says oh no in lowercase and then goes oHhhfh goD...... its so funny#and who is it that does the rly ling OH NOOOO. its the original one ITS SO FUNNYYY#first of all the kittle bahbuh!!! after Its only a miserable old be- is so long its so funny#and then awkward beat of silence and then OH NOOOOOOO!!!!! and then he says oh my god . in the most harrowed voice ever#ITS SO FUNNYYYY#everybody go listen to final scene Firstly it is my favorite sweeney song probably. love loven ofc 2012 number one 4everr the lyrics r#slightly different from every other version bc 2012 sweeney Technically likee. well its set in a different time period normal sweeney is i#think like. late 1800s? 2012 is 1930s bc of the parallels with like capitalism and what have you.. so the framing device is its a group of#factory workers talking abt sweeney GUYS 2012 IS SO FUCKING GOOD IT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.#but ya its be like. og sweeney is set during the industrial revolution so like yk. n then the 1930s with labor unions n all that was going#on.. u get it u get it anyways. its so good but some kf the lyrics r sliiiightly tweaked just to like. suit the time period better and im#going to say something blasphemous . 2012s lyrics r so much better and flow nicer and dont sound as stilted like. the older ones dont sound
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girl i should kms just to spare the world from my brain. not bc it's hurting others or smth but bc it's literally so shitty that it actively makes the world worse
#so I'm still awake 😭😭😭😭 bc i literally can't calm down enough to fall asleep 😭😭😭😭 every time i do i get a spike of adrenaline ig.#took a clonazepam but now I'm mad at myself bc i should've done that 4 hours ago#yknow since i went on these pills i tried to maintain a relatively steady sleep schedule so i can take them around the same time#but today is out to fuck it up 🤪 bc i can't fucking sleep#it's been awhile since i was up for like 20 hours in a row. def before i got on these so at least 2 months#I'm stressed bc that means I'm gonna be late with them too and idk when I'll be able to get my shot at this pace#(bc seeing how fucked up i am today i doubt I'll be able to fix things for tomorrow)#and this stress is just. making me more awake. i hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is my villain origin story i don't need to fall into toxic chemicals or w/e to become fucked up my brain has enough of those#vent#sorry. will delete this eventually i hope#straight up crying from frustration akskflglhh god i want to fucking die
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me gearing up to hate my Fucking life as i work to finish this damned texting bitch of a program due tomorrow, logging into the school website to get the lab info page... only to see the due date's been pushed back a week. probably bc many people, like me, are really... not close to done with it lol
i wouldve known this if id gone to class today probs lol, but i was too busy being gay. so uh. yay? this is a genuine relief lol i was feeling Particularly destructive about it all.
#speculation nation#ive been increasingly irritated today bc of the knowledge that this was waiting for me at home#i knew i wasnt going to finish it in a way that was favorable to me. i was going to need to sacrifice sleep.#but it seems like i wont have to. thank fucking god.#anyways yea my girlfriend was visiting for the past few days (aka why ive been largely absent from here) but she's left again#i only had a few more hours with her so i decided to skip class and be gay instead of going. Lol#and then i had to go to work to do some stuff but i procrastinated leaving bc i was watching critical role#and then the stuff took longer than expected bc i had to make creme brulee bc we were completely out but got more powder for it#did inventory. prepped my notes for the meeting (that is starting. soon.)#then came home. prepared myself for Shit Night. got started looking into shit#and then found this thing. so like lmfao like Hell im going to work on this bitch tonight. fuck that.#uhmmm sorry professor for not going to class for two consecutive class periods i was busy prepping for being gay and then being gay#Finger Guns. lmao#anyways yeah life resumes as normal. im not really getting a day off this week.#WELL depending on things maybe i could get away with not coming in on thursday#i was only scheduled an hour today but it turned into 3.5hr. im not scheduled tomorrow but it's payroll week so i'll go in to do tips#then thursday im scheduled 2 hours for recipe restocking but if no recipes need restocked then like. no need & all#the other days r proper shifts. Though if they dont give us our tapioca by the weekend i'll end up not having a sunday shift#bc BOBA MAKING IS BACKKKKKKKKK (crying tears of joy and pain)#but we're getting a new machine for it so it'll hopefully be Much easier than it used to be. which is good! i fucking hated my Life with it#anyways i know i need to sleep after the manager meeting bc lol. lmao even. staying awake any longer in this kind of mood isnt gonna help
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help I got way too into homebrewing dnd stuff and now I can’t sleep
#i think I might be coming down with a cold too which sucks#but I made up an entire dnd race on the spot. wrote 2 pages of lore and figured out balancing. it was SO fun#and I’m also helping one of my players adapt a monster to a playable race and mess with one of the subclasses to fit that#oh and writing up big document to give to players so they can start properly making characters#i gotta finish the city section and then it’s done#I’m just. so excited abt dnd#but it’s also now 1:10am and I gotta get up early for work tomorrow. I ALREADY feel bad#my flatmate has been coughing a LOT today so I might have caught smth from him :/ I’m rlly hoping I haven’t#but I took paracetamol (worn off now so my head hurts again) and I’ll see what happens tomorrow#oh wait I could take more paracetamol now it’s been 5 hours#..yeah okay that’ll probably help sleep#god. I have a big application to write which I was meant to do this weekend and this week at work is gonna be so busy#terrifying. all I wanna do is dnd. literally all I can think about.#oh note to self make the other shark person homebrew have limited amphibiousness turn into not getting long rest benefits outside of water#okay I’m going to bed now. and I have hiccups. god hates me#pls someone bail me out of work so I can just dnd instead#luke.txt
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thinking SO HARD about my ocs right now oh my god i need to go to bed but oc autism is hitting . WHY IS IT 5AM. UGGGGHHHHH,
#damn 4 year old woke me up 3 hours ago and took 2 and a half hours to finally go to bed#i cant sleep during the day anymore god i hate this#i hate having to manage a sleep schedule#im so damn crabby and in pain rn cuz of my damn mattress deflating on me every night can i just sleep all day about it...
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.
#hfffffff okay i spent fucking hours rambling in that ao3 comment lmao i wanted to apologize for that but#i dont wanna give the author a reason to reply or guilt them into reading the whole thing lol#i hate having anxiety#bc it means sometimes i cant be like 'haha that was hot' without feeling like im not doin my job as a reader#but then when i start writing a longer comment i gotta give reasons why i liked something#and before u know it im typing my whole lifes story and thats a book no one wants to read. least of all in the comments on their 50k fic#i took out so many paragraphs and revised it no less than 20 times but probably more i wasnt counting#i dont think ive ever put a comment that long but it required backstory to explain something and also how i was surprised at#...being sold in the first chapter when i was already predisposed to not wanna read the fic in the first place#god its fucking 130am ive been typing for hours#sleep has not occurred to me bc ive been in 'middle of a task' mode since like 8pm#anxiety really is a motherfucker lmao ughhhhhhh#fuckin verbose as hell lmao hate that abt myself no one wants to read my essays lol#shouldve spent at least 3 of those hours workin on my fics but alas i have time blindess and only saw 2 time jumps#anyway gonna hope my sleeping pills kick in fast#lol its probably pain. the reason why im so on edge for the past few days and especially today since i couldnt really relax#i hate being so anxious all the time but what can i do lol nothing has helped me long term#oh here we fucking go lmao im writing another essay in the tags yeah i gotta hit the pen or something to chill or the pills aint gonna help#delete later / /#i swear i dont mean to but i blink and ive written an essay it happens without doing it consciously
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