#anyway gonna hope my sleeping pills kick in fast

[coridallasmultipass]

.

[redhoodieone]

Too Late to Apologize

Hi everyone!!!! This is my first fic since my absence and I hope you all enjoy it! If this fic is well received, I’ll write a part 2 with the “dirty deeds”.

Warnings: Language, Cheating, Heartbreak, Fluff, and Talks of oral sex.

I’d have to be the biggest fool to not see it. Here we are in our big king size bed and we couldn’t we be further apart. I’m lying on my right side and stare at the way his back muscles relax rise and fall with every deep breath. The way he grips his pillow where his head lies facing the other way, I can’t help but wonder if he’s dreaming of her.

Because Dick Grayson sure as hell doesn’t dream about me anymore.

It’s midnight. Dick had taken the night off so we could have a night together. After fast and satisfying sex for only him, he had dozed off before 10:00 leaving me horny and puzzled about what just happened.

Sure, I’ve done everything he likes which only involves a blowjob (with always harsh constructive criticism from him) and having to cum once in my mouth and the other in a condom.

I think about touching myself under the sheets but change my mind considering the urge for a release had suddenly passed.

After a minute of hesitation, I finally crawl over his naked body to get his cell phone that has been lighting up with several text message notifications.

Settling back on my side, I turn away from Dick and unlock his cell phone to access it.

10 unread text messages from Barbara and Kori.

My throat tightens from fear and nerves.

Hey, can you meet up tonight??? I miss you :)

from Barbara

I need you Richard...I need you so much right now.

from Kori

When are you going to tell Y/N you guys are over?? It’s been like three years, babe. Seriously.

from Barbara

I don’t know why you can’t just leave her. She’ll never love you as much as I do. You and I have history, Richard. Y/N would never keep you happy.

from Kori

And come on, you know that I’m always down to do anything you want. She’s such a prude!

from Barbara

If you come over tonight, I’ll let you put your penis anywhere in me...is that dirty enough for you?

from Kori

I exit out of his text messages because I can’t read anymore. The tears behind my eyes sting like fuck and threaten to fall, but I don’t want to waste any of them on someone like Dick.

The truth settles in bitterly for me. Of course I knew Dick’s entire past of girlfriends and one night stands. He never hid the fact that he’s a charming and irresistible womanizer like his adoptive father Bruce Wayne. Even though I wasn’t a superhero like him, his family, and friends, I knew almost every girl he’s been with.

Barbara Gordon. Batgirl.

Koriand’r. Starfire.

Donna Troy. Wonder Girl.

Zatanna.

Even Raven and Helena Bertinelli aka Huntress.

And what strikes a nerve within me is when I remember Zatanna admitted that every time Dick has a serious girlfriend, he’ll end up seeing another girl behind their back.

Just because he can.

But here I am now. In bed with a sleeping Dick Grayson. Who is secretly seeing two girls behind my back.

The thought disgusts me.

Thank God Dick and I had the brains to remember to always use condoms. I’m even on the pill; and always have been since I was a teenager.

As much as I want to cry, wake him up and beat his ass for breaking my heart, and kick him out of my life forever, I know it’s not possible.

Because Dick wouldn’t mind that would he? He probably wouldn’t care to lose me. He...he would find the next girl he’d move in with and start a life with them, only to have the other girl or two on the side to keep him interested and fulfilled.

Why am I not enough for him? What is wrong with just being with me? Does he feel like I’m wasting three years of his life just from being with me?

I slowly climb out of our bed and slip my black skinny jeans on, throw on a faded Van Halen t-shirt, and grab my black Converse before sneaking out of our bedroom. I quickly throw my hair up into a messy bun, pick up my small black backup and leave.

Only a note is what I leave behind, along with my heart, that says,

If I can’t have all of you, then you don’t deserve any part of me. I’m sorry.

Because Dick won’t miss me. He’s dreaming of two girls or maybe more. I’ll never be in any of his dreams now.

***

I find myself walking down the sidewalk during the constant icy pouring rain of Gotham. I hadn’t brought my jacket so I’m forced to cross my arms in create some kind of warmth. My teeth chatter and I suddenly wish I didn’t leave Dick’s apartment until morning.

I see my favorite coffeehouse that’s opened 24 hours a block from where I am. I quickly make my way to the crosswalk until strong big hands grab my shoulders from behind.

“BOO!!!!”

I scream in complete horror and whip around only to discover it’s Jason Todd. Laughing his ass off at my scream.

“Jason! What the fuck?!” I yell, slapping his arm repeatedly.

The tallest brother in Dick’s family throws his head back and laughs harder; the kind of laugh straight from the gut that’s real. Having to look up at him because of my short height, I can see the way his body rumbles while chuckling.

Jason finally settles down and his irresistible green eyes shine at mine. He smiles, revealing his white teeth and perfect grin. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe when my eyes instantly take in his appearance.

It’s no surprise that Jason fucking Todd is hot. Anyone with a pair of eyes can see that. He’s extremely built; at just 6’0, he has strong big muscles that would shame any men. His strong jawline can cut anyone. And then there’s his thighs...

Oh no.

What am I doing??!

I can’t fantasize about Dick’s brother! That would make me a whore, right?!

But I can’t help myself at all. My eyes continue to take in the way Jason’s dressed tonight. He’s wearing black pants that define his bulge and thighs. And underneath his tan leather jacket is a tightly muscle fit black t-shirt.

And with the way the rain’s drenching me like a wet rat, the rain sprinkles beautifully over Jason’s face. His dark hair was clearly spiked and styled tonight, but the rain hasn’t flatten it in the least bit.

I’m suddenly thirsty. I might be dehydrated.

“Y/N,” Jason speaks, his smooth, deep, whiskey rough voice snaps me back to reality. I blink a few times.

“Oh! Uh...sorry. I zoned out,” I admit softly. I can feel my cheeks darken in embarrassment.

Jason chuckles lightly. He tilts his head to the coffeehouse. “Let me walk with you. I was heading over there for a cup of coffee anyways.”

“Just for a cup of coffee? It’s past midnight,” I point out, with a raised eyebrow.

“I...I wasn’t exactly having a good night so I just needed to get out,” Jason says, shrugging his shoulders. He smirks at me and quickly takes off his jacket to give it to me. When I don’t reach for it, he puts it on me. His hands stay on my arms and he smiles proudly. “There. You looked freezing and I don’t want you to get sick.”

I stare at him in shock. He takes the opportunity to guide me to the crosswalk. When the coast is clear, he walks beside me. Once we reach the other side, we head straight over to the coffeehouse.

Jason wraps a protective arm around my waist as he opens the door and lets me go inside first. The place is empty, except for a rough middle aged trucker sitting on a stool at the counter. Jason leads me to my favorite spot to sit: the corner booth where the large windows gives me the perfect view to look up at Wayne Enterprises.

He sits across from me. Once we get comfortable, the young fresh-out-of high school waitress comes over to take our order. And she doesn’t even hide the fact that she’s checking out Jason.

“Hi, are you ready to order, handsome?” the bubbly waitress giggles, as she looks at Jason as if he’s God’s greatest creation on earth. And I can’t help but silently agree with her.

Jason smirks and looks away from the waitress and stares at me. “What are you gonna order, sweetheart?”

I swallow hard. His attention on me is new...or has he always looked at me like I’m important and that I matter?

“I’ll uh...I’d like a hot skinny vanilla latte, please, and a blueberry muffin,” I request politely.

“I’ll have the same, except make my coffee regular,” Jason says and focuses his attention back on me.

The waitress huffs in annoyance and heads to the kitchen. Once she’s out of earshot, Jason reaches across to touch my shaking hands on the table.

“You’re still freezing. Come sit next to me.”

“Um, are you sure? I don’t want to get you cold and sick.”

“I rarely get sick. And I love the cold. Come on, Y/N. Dick would kill me if you get pneumonia,” Jason says seriously. He motions me over. “And die.”

I tense up at the mention of Dick. I force myself out of my seat and move over to Jason’s side. He immediately stands up and motions me to scoot in first, as he’ll sit on the end. As I sit down, Jason quickly sits beside me and wraps an arm around me. He rubs my arm soothingly before he rubs my other arm.

His touch is special. I practically feel static shooting throughout my body every time his fingers rub my bare arms to heat me up. I glance up to look at him and immediately notice he’s staring right down at me. His emerald eyes look concerned.

“Something happened with Dick, huh?” Jason asks, his question clearly takes me by surprise.

I hesitate to answer. But his fucking beautiful eyes beg me to respond.

“He’s...cheating on me,” I choke out. I can feel my throat tighten. The fucking tears threaten to fall again. I mentally scream at myself not to. “He’s...he’s seeing Barbara and Kori behind my back. I-I saw their text messages on his phone.”

Jason immediately looks shocked...and pissed off???

“Listen, I know what you’re going to say. I know I shouldn’t have looked through his cell phone, but-but I felt like he was hiding something from me. And it turns out he was,” I say sadly.

“Y/N...” Jason sounds broken at my confession.

“I know I deserve it. I...I wasn’t exactly keeping Dick happy, let alone keeping him satisfied in bed. I really had this coming, didn’t I?” I ask, completely unraveling before Jason. “And do you wanna hear the fucked up part about our sex life? He constantly always criticized me for the way I sucked his cock. Like...I could never do it the way he wanted me to. It’s like, he wanted me to suck his cock like how all his past girlfriends and sluts did it.”

Jason stared down at me in disbelief. He clenches his jaw in anger. I’ve never seen him act this way; mostly around me when it’s just the two of us hanging out. Which is quite rare, actually.

The flirty waitress returns with our coffees and blueberry muffins. She sets them down and walks away quickly with a pout. Jason still pays no attention to her.

“He was always like, ‘Y/N, swallow more of my cock,’ ‘I told you to relax your fucking throat, Y/N,’ and especially, ‘why the hell can’t you deep throat me?! What the hell’s wrong with you?! Stop gagging! Stop crying! Can’t you follow my fucking instructions?!’ Its like, I tried my hardest with him. I really did. But...sometimes I think it was just something that’s too difficult for me to do when he never even tried my requests in bed,” I reveal, my cheeks must be red like roses. I’m almost too shy to tell him, but a part of me wants to do it.

“What are your requests in bed?” Jason breathes out.

There’s no going back now. I’m too far gone with him. “He never...went down on me,” I admit quietly.

“HE NEVER ATE YOU OUT?!?!”

“Jason! Quiet down!” I hiss out.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just...very shocked to hear this,” Jason says dramatically, and even clenches his chest where his heart is. He then straightens up and really looks offended. “That is the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard that’s come out of your mouth, sweetheart.”

I reach out for my coffee and sip. The heat warms my mouth and body. “Why do you think that? Dick said pussies are always ‘too wet’ and sometimes the smell bothers him, even though I never complained that his cock lacks girth,” I say.

Jason gasps dramatically again, and wraps his arm tightly around me. He looks me straight in the eye and I’m suddenly drawn to whatever he’ll say to me...

Or do to me.

“Jesus Christ, doll! Listen to me. I can honestly tell you that nothing is more sexy than a girl’s pussy. God,” Jason pauses to close his eyes. He appears to be imagining a woman’s vagina because he hums in pleasure. When he opens his eyes, he immediately looks...horny. “You know, I can actually get off by just eating a girl out. Nothing is sexier and tastier than a wet, tight, and delicious looking pussy. Just the natural smell and taste is truly divine. If I had the perfect girl and her pussy in front of my face, I wouldn’t fucking hesitate to eat it. I’d eat it every day if I could!”

Jason’s words shock me to my core. My panties dampen with fresh slick. I desperately wish he could show me exactly what he would do now.

“And don’t listen to dick face, Y/N. I bet you suck cock real good. You just haven’t had the perfect, big cock you deserve,” Jason says, before he kicks his lips. His eyes darken with animalistic lust. “What do you say we...show each other what we could do with our mouths, sweetheart?”

I would be a fucking idiot if I say no. And without a second thought, I answer truthfully. “Yes, please.”

[thefloorisbalaclava]

pragma - part two

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x Female reader

Warnings: mention of drugs

A/N: This part is entirely from Frankie’s point of view. I think it’s important to talk about what he’s feeling too. I also bring up the “charge” they mention like once in the movie. I wanted to expand on it a bit since we kind of got left hanging.

Summary: Frankie adjusts to you being in his life again and in turn is left facing more than one dilemma.

pragma masterlist

Frankie walked to the living room and sat on the couch, throwing his hat on the coffee table before covering his face with his hands and sighing. He looked down the hall as if he expected her to walk down it any minute.

What the hell was she doing here and why? His heart hadn’t beat normally since he saw her in the bar and now she was here in his fucking house. He told himself long ago that be would never forgive her for what she did, but he turned into a pile of mush as soon as she smiled at him.

Just like old times.

“Fuck,” he whispered. Things he hadn’t felt in so long came flooding back and he had no idea what to do with them. He kicked off his boots and laid down. When he slept, if he slept, he hoped it would help him see things clearer in the morning.

He woke to somewhat of a hangover and a stiff back on account of him sleeping on the damn couch.

“Damn,” he groaned as he stood and stretched before remembering that she was here. His gaze moved to the end of the hall and he quietly walked down to the last room. Then he lingered outside the door like he was afraid. After a few quick knocks, he pushed the door open and found her asleep, curled up holding a pillow.  

How the fuck does she manage to be beautiful even when she sleeps?

She stirred and he stiffened. He could see the confusion on her face as she took in her unfamiliar surroundings. She rolled over and her eyes widened when they found him.

“Frankie?”

“Yeah. Mornin'.” He sat on the end of the bed as she got herself together.

“Why am I here?” she asked through a yawn.

“You got shitfaced and needed to sleep it off. I would’ve taken you home but I don’t know your address.”

“Oh…okay. Thanks. My car here?” He nodded and she swung her feet off the bed and to the floor. “I feel horrible.”

“I’ll get you something,” he offered, standing quickly and walking to the bathroom. While he did that, she must have gotten herself moving because he found her in the living room looking at pictures. He handed her the pills and a glass of water.

“Thanks.” She handed the glass back when she was done and kept looking at pictures then she gasped and he thought something was wrong. “I can’t believe you kept this picture. Look at us.”

“You can have it if you want.”

“I have a better idea.” She pulled her phone out and snapped a picture of the photo. “There.”

“You were always the smart one,” he teased.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Frankie. You’re fucking brilliant, you know?” When she looked at him, he felt completely glued to his spot. She eventually looked away and picked up the hat he threw on the table last night. The smile on her face was one of nostalgia but then it fell. “I should go.”

“Oh. Do you think you can drop me off at the bar so I can get my truck?”

“Of course. Come on.”

*

“You still listen to the same shitty music, huh?” he asked as he skipped song after song in the car.

“My music is not shitty, you just don’t have the ear for it,” she jabbed playfully.

He scoffed and kept playing with the radio. “Why’d you get married?” he asked suddenly as she stopped at the light.

“Uh…I guess I thought I was in love. Felt like it was the right thing to do at the time. And why didn’t you get married?” she asked.

“Eh, I don’t think I’m the marrying type. I’ve had relationships, some serious, but it never went further than that.” He looked at her as she nodded and kept her eyes forward to drive. “Would you ever get married again?”

She pulled into the lot for the bar and turned off the car. “I don’t know. I won’t be able to if this man doesn’t sign the damn papers anyway.”

“Can’t you, I dunno, sign for him?” he asked.

“That’s illegal, soldier.”

“Alright fine. I was just trying to help.” He shrugged and opened the door. “So…your address.”

“Oh, right. Got anything I can write on?” She looked around then just grabbed his hand. “Forget it. Here.” She scribbled the address in his palm with a pen she found in the cupholder.

“You could’ve just asked to put it in my phone, you know?”

“Frankie…I didn’t know you had a phone." She sounded exasperated.

“I gave you my number last night or did you forget?” The smile on his face grew as he teased her.

“It could’ve been for a landline! How was I supposed to know?”

“You know what, maybe you aren’t the smart one after all.” He chuckled as she punched his arm.

“Get outta my car.” She shoved him and he stumbled out while still laughing. When he looked into the car again, she was grinning ear to ear.

“That smile…it still…” He stopped suddenly before he said something he might regret.

“It still what?”

He shook his head and looked down at his hand. “You live there?” he asked. “There’s a lake up there I like to-"

“Go fishing at. I know. You took me once…the morning after we-" She stopped herself and gripped the steering wheel.

And now you both had left words unsaid—words that held too much of the past in them. One day. One day they would talk about the past in detail, lay all the cards on the table, but today wasn’t that day.

“Thanks for the ride,” Frankie said leaning into the window.

“And thank you and Santiago for making sure I got somewhere safe last night. I appreciate it. It was so good seeing you two.” Her smile was genuine and bright. Even with slightly messy hair and tired eyes she was the most ethereal thing he had ever seen.

“We’ll see you again soon I hope.”

“You have my address,” she reminded him.

“And you have my number.”

“I do.”

“Use it, okay? Please.” He stood up straight then walked to his truck, missing her quiet ‘I will'. There was a reason he didn’t say goodbye. He was afraid to. He was afraid that if he said them again, he would have to go another five years without seeing her. Or has it been longer?

His phone rang as soon as she drove away and he got into his truck. He went for it excitedly only to see that it was Pope.

“Yeah?” he answered.

“Are you still with her?” Pope asked and the smile in his voice could be heard by anyone.

“Just saw her off. Gimme a minute.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and snapped a photo of his hand before he forgot.

“Anything happen?” the other man asked.

“Was something supposed to happen?” Frankie started the truck then sat back. “Look, I like my women conscious and…unmarried.”

“She’s going through a divorce, Cat.”

“Yeah, but it ain’t official yet.” He backed out of the parking space and pulled onto the road.

“She could be your saving grace, Frankie. Don’t scare her away again.”  

“Scare her a—what the fuck, Pope?!” He was angry because, in reality, it was the truth. She wasn’t completely innocent, but he knew what her last straw had been. “She broke my heart. She left me.”

“And you remember why she left, don’t you?”  

“I got worse after she left. She could’ve stayed. She could’ve helped me.” He stopped when he realized just how selfish that sounded. “I’m coming by." He hung up and turned a little too fast down Pope’s street.

Pope met him outside and held up his hand as he got out of the car. “If you’re here to yell take it inside.”

Frankie slammed the truck door and stormed inside, turning to Santiago as soon as he closed the door. “Why are you bringing it up, man?”

“Because it needed to be brought up especially now that she’s back. Did you tell her?” Pope stood in front of him.

“…I’m fine. She doesn’t need to know. I’m functioning.”

“You know damn well that she can smell a problem a mile away. She’s gonna be able to look at you and figure it out. You never stopped after she left…”

“I never stopped because she left!” Frankie snapped. He laughed bitterly. “How the hell am I supposed to even bring it up? ‘Hey, welcome back. By the way, I’ve been charged with possession of cocaine’.”

“Cat…come on. Sit down.”

He sat and sighed loudly. “Don’t scare her away...man, if I tell her that I’m still using she might leave the fucking country this time.”

“The only reason she’d leave again is if you start blaming her for your problems. I get it, okay? Her leaving didn’t do you any good, but that’s not her problem, you understand? She didn’t put the drugs in your hand and say ‘hey, take this'.” Pope walked to his kitchen and came back with a glass of water. “Now, we don’t have to talk about this anymore if you don’t want.”

“I never realized how much I missed her, Pope. Last night when I carried her and she pressed her head to my chest…I can’t remember the last time I felt my heart beat that way.” He took a sip of water. “It’s so fucking cheesy.”

Pope laughed and patted his shoulder. “You still got it bad. It’s kinda cute.”

“Cállate,” Frankie said, giving Pope the finger.

“You gonna see her again?”

“Oh…” Frankie showed the other man his hand excitedly. “Address. Don’t worry I took a picture of it. You’re gonna come with me, right?”

“Why?”

“Because she said we should visit.” Frankie couldn’t fathom going up there by himself. Being alone with her that short time this morning already had him on edge.

“But we both know who she really came back to see.”

“What if she just came back to, you know, visit?” Pope made a face at that and Frankie shrugged. “If I go there, I’m not gonna have any idea what to say or do.”

“She still has that effect on you, huh?”

Frankie took his cap off and ran his hand through his hair before putting it back on. “You have no idea.” Suddenly his phone rang and he took it out his pocket then stared at it. It was a number he didn’t recognize.

“Uh, you gonna answer?” Pope asked.

“Hello?”

“Hey. It’s me.” Frankie nearly dropped the phone at the sound of her voice.

“Oh…h-hey. Everything okay?” He rolled his eyes at himself while Pope laughed then mouthed ‘is that her'. Frankie nodded.

“Everything’s fine. I was wondering if you guys wanted to come up for a late lunch kinda thing. Do some more catching up.” He could hear stuff clanging around in the background.

“You cooking?” he asked looking up at Pope who shook his head then whispered ‘it’s all you, hermano’.

“Yup. Can you guys make it?” she asked.

“Uh…I can. Santiago is busy today.” He immediately regretted telling her that because she became quiet.

“Okay. Just us then.”  

“Just us,” he repeated feeling his heart beating faster.

“Maybe we can walk down to the lake after,” she suggested.

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.”

“Is 3 good for you?” More noise in the background.

“Sure." His palms were sweaty. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Okay, see you then, Frankie. Bye.”

He hung up without saying goodbye and didn’t even realize it. He felt as though he was in a trance.

“Well, what are you sitting here for? Don’t you have a lunch date to get ready for?” Pope pointed out.

“It’s not a date, man.”

“Sure. Go home, shower, and try to find something a little nicer to put on. And lose the hat.”

Frankie stood and before walking to the door to leave, he looked at Pope. “She likes the hat.” With a shrug and the other man laughing, he walked out and got into his truck where he finally realized that he agreed to meet her at her house…alone.

*

At home, Frankie took a little extra care in his appearance though after thinking about it he realized it was stupid. She knew what he looked like. And still he took the time to wash his hair, find a t-shirt that wasn’t thrown on the floor, and find a pair of jeans that fit him a little better than the others. He even used the cologne that had been sitting in the same place, unused, for God knows how long. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he shook his head.

“What the hell, Cat?” he whispered. He picked at his scruff and thought about shaving it, but he remembered how she scratched at it and figured that was something else she liked so it wasn’t going anywhere. And the hat. It probably wasn’t the best idea to put hat on after washing his hair but it was his thing. Besides, it was the hat she got for him. He put it on right before walking out the door.

*

The drive to her place was right around forty-five minutes like she said. He still couldn’t believe she had been this close the entire time and near one of his favorite places to boot.

She must have heard him pull up because she came to the door to greet him before he had a chance to get out of the truck. He gave himself a quick once-over and popped a mint before getting out. After a deep breath he walked around the truck and greeted her.

Shit. Should he have brought something?

“Hey.” He lifted his hand awkwardly and she waved back.

“I’m so happy you could make it. Come on in.” She walked in and held the door open for him.

“Sorry I didn’t bring anything.” He put his hands in his pockets and she laughed. “What?”

“Nothing…it’s just the hands in the pockets thing…you’ve been doing that since forever.” She led him to the dining room where the food had already been set up. “And don’t apologize for not bringing anything. You’re here and that’s what I asked for, right?”

“Right. Oh.” He took off his hat and shoved it, bill first, into his back pocket. “This place is really nice,” he said looking around. “Your husband buy it?”

“My soon-to-be ex-husband didn’t buy a thing. This house is mine.” She walked to the kitchen and Frankie snuck a quick look at her. She still moved like she was floating on air and no matter what she wore it fit her perfectly. Today she had gone with a pair of black jeans and a tank top with a flannel thrown over it.  

She talked but he hardly heard her. He was too busy thinking about how if he had gotten his shit together, he could be living here with her, taking walks to his favorite lake every day.

“You okay, Frankie?” she asked, bringing him back to reality.

“Yeah.”  

Instead of sitting across from him, like they did in those movies with the fancy dining rooms like this one, she sat beside him and put her chin in her hand.

“I’d kill to know what you’re thinking about.”

“I’m proud of you,” he said. “You did really well for yourself.”

“Thanks. And what about you, Frankie?”

“Eh, I did the Army thing. Became a pilot. Nothing exciting.” He looked around but his gaze fell on her again. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?” he asked. Suddenly, he felt self-conscious and had to keep himself from smoothing down his hair.

“I’m just remembering. That’s all.” She smiled then began passing him food. “Take as much as you want.” She watched him for a while before speaking again. “So…a pilot? I don’t know how the hell you do that.”

“What do you mean?” It was probably rude of him to talk with food in his mouth but she didn’t seem to mind.

“I terrified of flying,” she admitted, filling her plate so she could eat.

“You? You were never afraid of anything.”

“Oh yes I was. I was just really good at hiding it.” She giggled when he sipped the wine and made a face. “I got beer.”

“Please.” He watched her walk but told himself to stop and looked at his plate.

“Here. And here’s the-" She tried offering him the bottle opener but he had already opened it himself. “Okay then.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She had the brightest smile on her face so everything must be okay. “Are you gonna tell me how you’ve been?”

“Thought I did.” He sipped his beer but noticed that she was still looking at him. That’s when he knew she knew just like Pope said. “That’s not what I came to talk about…”

“Okay.” She began eating again. The silence stretched on and it was driving him crazy. He wanted to talk but what was he supposed to say.

“I couldn’t forget,” he said quietly. “I just wanted to forget.”

She looked at him sadly. “Happens to the best of us.”

That wasn’t the reaction he was expecting at all. He thought she would be screaming and waving her hands all over as she called him every name in the book. Instead she placed her hand on top of his and squeezed.

“You don’t need it, Frankie,” she said, “You never have.”

He never considered himself an emotional man but no one would blame him if he would have burst into tears at that moment.

“How’d you know?” he asked, voice on the verge of cracking.

“I notice everything…especially when it comes to the people I love.” Upon hearing that word, his head turned so quickly to her that he nearly gave himself whiplash. “Now, are we gonna take that walk to the lake?” She hopped up and walked to the door to put her shoes on.

“Um yeah.” Frankie shook his head slightly in order to focus.

*

He loved walks like this. It was quiet all except for the bugs and birds and…the sound of her voice. She talked about everything and he hung on every word.

When they reached the lake, she immediately kicked her shoes off and rolled the bottom of her jeans up so she could put her feet in.

Just like old times.

The way she sat back slightly with her hands on either side of her to balance as she kicked at the water to see how cold it was took him back. He remembered. The sun shined on her as she looked up at him.

“Cold,” she giggled and it made him smile. With an exaggerated groan he sat down beside her then pulled his boots and socks off. He dipped his feet in then pulled them away quickly. “Told you.” He eventually got used to it and let his feet dangle in the water. She was like his fountain of youth because every time he was around her, she made him feel young again.

He closed his eyes and remembered. And she opened her eyes and looked at him. His eyes opened only when he felt her pinky finger touch his. He looked down at their hands then at her. She had closed her eyes again but he could tell by the little smirk on her face that she knew. He moved his hand a little more so that he could slightly lace his fingers with hers.

It’s funny how the simplest touch can cause the most complex feelings—feelings that he had sworn he buried deep inside of him somewhere. It was a complicated thing trying to be angry at her because in that moment all was forgotten and forgiven.

[three]

Tags: @cable-kenobi​ @saltywintersoldat​ @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​ @pedrosdoll​

[darling-i-read-it]

Drunken Confessions

Booth!Nikki Sixx x reader

Word Count: 1.5k 

Warnings: drunkenness, cuss words, i mean this is the band

Author’s Note: man i hope you like this beside I just love to write for this movie. All of the boys own my ass. All of them for real. Ive been straight jammin to the band and i got ideas if only i could write them out lol so im glad you requested for them! Youre requests are always so topnotch boo

Requested: by @fancycandy​, I'll definitely try my best to not get out of the movie's boundaries, honey. So what if reader is Tommy's twin and she's the calm to his wild. He's always telling her to watch out for Vince and Nikki, but she just tells him there's nothing to worry about. Nikki is smitten since day one, but Tommy's threats keep him away and he continues sleeping around. Until one of his bad nights of drinking/getting high, and he calls her crying and she comes over and all the feelings just come out?

Summary: the request!

Genre: fluff

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

(not my gif)

    When the guys found out that Tommy had a twin they were amazed. Of course Nikki already knew and just didn’t correct them but Vince and Mick got a kick out of it. Even if Vince went to high school with both you and Tommy he had barely recognized that you were siblings. They had heard of your name of course but they figured it was just some girl that he had picked up that he liked more than the others. Keeping track of Tommy’s love life was hard enough but now there was some girl in the mix he had no feelings for. They couldn’t cope. Then they found out you were his twin and damn did that make them howl. The fact that there had always been another Tommy Lee, just a girl version was hilarious to them.

    You remembered meeting Nikki the first time. You had gone to a concert with him and seen Nikki’s band fight and shit which you thought was hilarious. You enjoyed the show and you thought Nikki was hot.

    Tommy just had to go over and talk to him in the restaurant after the show  while you were in the bathroom. You walked behind Tommy and grabbed his arm.

    “Stop bothering him, he obviously had a hard time today.” You turned to Nikki, giving him a genuine smile. He was hotter closer up. “The show was really good tonight.”

    Nikki was in love the second he saw you. Something about your face really put him off and he gave you a flirty smile, shrugging.

    “Thanks. Glad you could make it, Miss…”

    “Lee. This is my brother. “ He nodded.

    “Nice to meet you both.” 

    Tommy looked between the two of you who were giving eyes at each other and shoved you over, breaking the contact but he knew there was something there he hadn’t thought would be there. 

    You came on tour one day, visiting Tommy. You stopped by his hotel room before the show that day and he had promised he would be up before noon. As you opened the hotel door with the key he had left you, you saw what you imagined would be there. Tommy is still fast asleep at one. 

    “Tom!” you yelled, kicking his head. You rolled your eyes as he startled awake. You were the calm to his storm. You were very close and he was excited that you had come. He had missed you.

    “Hey!” he called groggily. You smiled at the end of the bed and he sat up, groaning at the sudden headache. He grabbed a water glass on a messy night stand and one of the loose pills there, taking it and downing the rest of the water. “Is it noon already?”

    “Yeah. I figured I’d find you with the guys somewhere in the hotel room.” You looked at him but he just shrugged.

    “Why? I’m saying, seeing Vince and Nikki is the worst idea right now.” You rolled your eyes. He was always telling you to stay away from them like they were the plague but you and Nik were close. As for you and Vince, he wasn’t really your type but you had set him up with a few friends before who gave good reviews.

    “I’ve been meaning to tell you Tom, Mick and I are an item now so you should back off,” you teased. He rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at you.

    “You’re not Mick's type,” he grumbled.

    “Who are you to say?” you laughed. He got out of bed and shook his finger at you. 

    “Just stick in your lane.”

    “Micks lane?”

    “Shut up!”     Not only did Tommy often tell you to stay away from Nikki but he often told Nikki to stay away with you which was the hardest thing. At least you had some self control. Nikki saw you once and knew that he would marry you one day for better or for worse. But when they went on tour he put you out of his mind, sleeping around and enjoying the time away from being in love with you.

    Later that day he started to get ready for the show that night, doing his hair and makeup. Everyone was walking around quickly and Nikki sat in the chair beside him, putting black stripes on his cheeks.

    “Hey, why didn’t you say Y/N was coming?” 

    “She isn’t,” Tommy defended. 

    “I just saw her walk by me backstage. It was her.” 

    “Only you’d know,” Tommy groaned. Nikki rolled his eyes and turned over to him. He threw one of the brushes at him.

    “Tell her to come to the after party.”

    “Ain’t her scene.” 

    “Ask her to come anyway. Cause I’m not supposed to talk to her.” 

    Tommy rolled his eyes. They had to get on stage so he didn’t have to answer. 

    You didn’t end up going to the after party. You really didn’t enjoy them. You went back to Tommy’s hotel room and started to pick through his clothes, a movie in the background that you weren’t listening to. You were startled to hear the phone ring.

    You walked over, picking it up, half expecting room service, full hoping for Nikki, figuring it was Tommy.

    “Hello?” 

    “Y/N?” 

    “Nikki?” 

    “Oh God. Hi. It’s you. Tommy it’s your sister.” You heard a muffled groan in the background that you assumed was Tommy.

    “Are you drunk? Nik where are you, let me come get you.” You stood beside one of the beds and looked out the window, wondering if they were still at the venue or not. 

    “I love you.” You were startled.

    “What?” 

    “I am in fucking love with you. I would love to fuck you. I-” he was cut off by some more screaming in the background. “I’ve known that I love you since I saw you and I’m drunk but I know it and I think you know it and-”

    “Nik I love you too,” you promised. There was silence and oh if you could have seen the smile on his smeared make up face. He hung up. 

    You weren’t sure what to do with that but you sat at the edge of the bed smiling for a long time before you fell asleep. 

    You woke up to Tommy coming in but by then you were already passed out and slept for longer. 

    You went to breakfast that morning in the lobby before Tommy woke up. You were thankfully without a hangover which you had to thank for not going with them to the afterparty. You caught Nikkis eyes as he walked in. He was wearing glasses inside which you thought was pretty funny. He smiled smoothly when he saw you and walked over to where you were eating your breakfast, outside beside the pool that was nearly empty.

    “I’m gonna hope you weren’t drunk last night and remember that confession you slipped?” he asked. You patted the seat beside you and he sat down.

    “I was stone cold sober. The question was were you?” 

    “You know Tommy’s gonna kill us if we do it.”

    “When has that ever stopped you before Sixx?” He smiled and nodded. He looked at the door and around the place, thinking about what to do next when you turned over and kissed him. He was pleasantly surprised at that and you could say that your hands in hair was something you had long awaited.

    “You know Tommy kept us apart because he fucking knew this would-”

    “Can we not talk about my brother as I try to take you to the hotel room?” 

    He gave you a sly smile.

    “I can do that.”

[ahtohallan-calling]

#71 Assassins au

“You have a cute nose, don’t make me break it.”

assassins au

Anna wriggles dramatically against the bindings holding her to the chair, but they don’t budge.

”Let me use your belt to practice.”

“Is that going to work, though? I think the ropes will move less.”

“Well, if you’d gotten rope like I asked you to last time--”

“Next time, I promise. Use my tie for now, okay?”

“You’re not going to get away with this,” she proclaims, hoping she can sell the line even if it is pretty melodramatic.

“Shut up,” Kristoff says, not bothering to look at her just yet.

“You’re a lot better at the acting side of it than me. I just-- I just look at you and--”

“And smile?”

“Shut up.”

“Then just don’t look at me until you absolutely have to. Even though I know you’re always dying to get a look at this.”

She wriggles again, hard enough that the chair squawks on the cement floor, just like they practiced, but the bindings hold fast. “You’re a real piece of--”

He spins on his heel and backhands her hard. “You have a cute nose,” he hisses, bracing himself on the arms of the chair as he leans down over her. “Don’t make me break it.”

“Do I really have to hit you?”

“Yes, if we’re gonna sell this.”

“I don’t know if I--”

“Remember that time I shot you with the rubber bullet? Just think of it as revenge.”

“But how will I know if I hit you too hard?”

“I’ll let you know I’m okay. I’ll find a way.”

“Is that what happened to yours?” she asks sweetly, smiling despite the blood trickling down into her teeth. 

He scowls and turns away.

“And anyway, even if you do hurt me, once we get out together, you can make it up to me however you like.”

“Okay. And hopefully we won’t be in there long. How long did you say it’ll take for the sleeping pills to kick in?”

“Ten minutes, max, if you put it in the way I tell you to.”

On cue, a thump comes from overhead; the drugs are starting to hit Kristoff’s backup. “What was that?” he calls, loud enough that any hidden mic in the building will pick it up.

Anna bursts into laughter. “You thought you were so clever, didn’t you? Thought if you brought enough men, it didn’t matter that you can’t outwit me. Should have checked their morning coffee a little more carefully.”

“You little--”

The lights go out then as an ear-shattering boom shakes the whole building.

“I’ll set the charge to go off after ten and a half minutes, so it’s really important you put enough in their coffee, okay? An overdose shouldn’t kill them--”

“I wouldn’t mind if it did.”

“--so don’t worry about that. And as soon as the lights are out--”

“We make a run for it?”

“You got it.”

Even in the dark, his hands find hers, help them pull free from their bindings. The barest brush of a kiss lands on her cheek as he whispers, “See you at the Hilton in twenty.”

[thiswasinevitableid]

For a writing prompt, Indruck post apocalyptic au (preferably everyone is human?) Indrid is infected by some sort of alien parasite, and the only way they can save him is to cut it out of him without anesthesia? Feel free to be as graphic as you want, but if it’s too whumpy for you, no pressure to write it! Thanks as always!

Here you go! It’s mid-level graphic: if it were a movie, you wouldn’t be seeing guts everywhere, but you would see the wounds. Also, content warning for body horror, namely the kind where a fungus takes over your body, and referenced suicide (no suicide actually occurs, don’t worry)

He should have seen it coming.

The tell-tale dampness and smell in the air, like battery acid and rotten milk, the fact that he’d made it the whole trip without seeing any Mycilioptera (that was, according to Joseph, the scientific term for the for the cat-sized, skittering alien creatures looking for someone to sting).

The creature was on him with a droning, high whine, scratching his face, smearing stinging mucus across his eyes and mouth. He made a rookie error, following his instinct to rip off the the substance dulling his senses, rather than feel sweep his arms over his body, locate the creature, and hurl it as far away as he could.

When the stinger hit his stomach, he screamed. The noise was useless; this quadrant of the city was abandoned months ago. He collapsed to the ground, clutching his sides as the pain seeps through them. His eyes cleared enough that he forced his fingers to work, grip the handle of his hatchet, and cleave it with a crunch.

Now, clutching the steering wheel of the Winnebago (in this world you do not need a fast car; you need something with thick sides and room for supplies and friends), he knows there are only two ways this can go.

If he is lucky, the parasite will be slow acting enough and he will stay lucid enough to reach the ranch in time for someone to remove it.

If he is unlucky, he will run out of time, and the parasite will take control of his body, manipulate him zombie-like to an advantageous location, and burst from his chest, mouth, and eyes in milky-white stalks, sending spores into the air, which will either grow in to adults or be inhaled by any other humans in a two mile radius, subjecting them to a prolonged version of Indrid’s fate.

He leans on the gas pedal, hurtling down the empty backroad. They found an abandoned, un-pilfered gas station and filled all the vehicles, with some left over for scouting and supply runs. And, if it came to it, an escape.

From the passenger seat, his backpack meows. A familiar black and brown head pokes out, the ratty collar still reading “Winnie.” Winnie, the reason he ran into that abandoned parking garage during a salvage mission in the first place.

Because she’s Duck’s cat, the one he thought he’d never see again after she fled out the door when the city evacuated. And Indrid loves Duck Newton more than anything in the world.

They’d been friends before everything went to hell, inching towards a confession of deeper feeling and Indrid still remembers the way his heart felt when he spotted Duck at the evac staging shelter. He hadn't even opened his mouth when Duck was hugging him, holding him tight and saying he was so fucking glad he was okay.

When three, then five, then ten infected humans burst in the evac center, Duck had Indrid’s hand they were running before almost anyone else knew what was happening, bandanas over their mouths because Josephs last message before the cell towers were overloaded was to keep their noses and mouths covered.

They made it, against all odds, out into the countryside, Thacker’s Quonset hut and Mama’s farmhouse as safe as they’d hoped. The others trickled in one by one or two by two; sometimes bringing other survivors with them. Other survivors found them later, though the humans they saw became fewer and fewer with each day.

Mama took in everyone who wasn’t infected, while Joseph, Dani, Duck and Thacker operated and sewed up the infected who could be saved (if removed before it takes over the host, the parasite will die when exposed to air). Those who could not were given choices; most chose a swift death, especially when they learned that dying before the parasites emerged would kill the alien inside them.

And every night, Indrid and Duck shared a small bed, clinging to each other and telling jokes or stories until they could sleep. Two months in, Duck kissed him in the dark and Indrid kissed back, and when Duck asked if it was only the end of the world driving Indrid’s affection, Indrid shook his head

“I’ve wanted this for awhile. And I don’t know what’s coming. All I know is I want to be with you when it does.”

At the front of the Winnebago Indrid wipes his eyes; what a foolish thing to say. He doesn’t want Duck here for this, that’s for damn sure, and yet he drives towards him anyway,

He’s feverish, sweat running down his face and arms shaking, and while his veins are still blue, he can see the parasite rippling under his skin; it’s not wasting any time.

He’s not going to make it. And if he tries, he’ll put all his friends in danger

There’s no choice but to pull to the side of the road a few miles from the farm and step from the trailer, leaving the door ajar so Winnie can escape into the wild. He’s crying all the while, breath coming in shaky gasps; just because he’s doing the right thing doesn’t mean he isn’t miserable and terrified.

Indrid pulls out his pistol. He won’t be an incubator, he won’t spread this, he won’t help the things that took so much of his world from him.

He won’t ever see Duck again.

He sobs, once, then wretches as the fever grows and his vision goes spotty. He has to do this, even though every time he looks at the weapon his whole body shakes with fear.

“‘Drid!”

Duck’s voice, just audible over the thrum of an engine. Then tires screech into view, Aubrey piloting a jeep. Duck jumps to the ground before she’s even stopped.

“‘Drid, don’t you fuckin dare-”

“Nono, stay back!” He scrambles on his hands and heels, slamming into the side of the trailer, “I got stung, I already have a fever, I can feel it moving-”

Duck drops to his knees, lifting Indrid’s glasses.

“Your eyes are still brown. It ain’t too late.”

“But the veins near the wound are going white” Joseph stands behind Duck, “we won’t be able to get him back in time.”

“Th-that’s why I pulled over, I, I can’t get the rest of you infected, please, please just go-”

“You got the field kit?”

Aubrey tosses it to Duck.

“We can still save you, sugar. And I’m sure as hell gonna fuckin try.”

Duck and Joseph haul him to his feet and carry him inside, laying him on his back on the table. Aubrey follows him, sitting down on one bench and taking his hand.

“We got no anesthetic, so this is gonna hurt like a motherfucker, but you can do it. Okay?”

Indrid nods weakly.

“We’re gonna get you through this. You’re” fear flickers across Duck’s face, “you’re gonna be okay.”

Aubrey braces Indrid’s upper body, Joseph his lower, as Duck cleans around the puncture in his stomach and sterilizes his tools. Aubrey holds up a hand,

“We need something for your mouth, right?”

“Good call” Duck retrieves a wooden spoon from a drawer, setting it between Indrid’s teeth.

“Okay” Duck takes a deep breath, meets Indrids eyes, “okay. I’m gonna start cuttin. Ready?”

Indrid just manages a thumbs up.

It hurts, because a blade cutting into your skin will always hurt. And because it hurts Indrid screams.

“That’s good” Joseph is trying to sound reassuring, but even he looks worried, “scream if you need to, research suggests it helps with the pain.”

“It’s not too deep, thank fuckin christ.”

Indrid stares at the ceiling and yells when Duck widens the incision.

“Almost can see ‘im. Yeah, there, he’s startin to shrivel already from the air.”

Relief mingles with the pain in his tears. Aubrey pets his head, “you’re gonna be okay, see?”

“C’mere you, you fuckin monster, you fuckin think you can take him from me” Duck hisses, then says gruffly, “Joe, need you to hold it open, go wash your hands.”

Once Joe is in position, there’s a horrible, wet sound as Duck places his hand inside.

Searing, blinding pain as he pulls the parasite free, Indrid’s blood running down Duck’s arms. He bites the wooden handle and it cracks. The creature wrinkles and dies in Duck’s hands and he hurls it outside.

“Shit, shit you’re bleeding a lot. Okay, fuck, okay, that was the hard part, this is just stitches. Just stitches.”

Indrid whimpers, clinging to Aubrey’s hand and scraping his nails against the formica table. Duck hits too deep on a stitch and Indrid winces and cries as his boyfriend curses.

“Here, Duck, trade with me.” Joe holds out his hand and Duck passes him the needle. The shorter man settles by Indrid, taking his other hand. He’s still bloodstained, and Indrid can feel him shaking, but he brings Indrid’s knuckles to his mouth and kisses his knuckles again and again.

“I’m here, darlin, I’m here, I got you, it’s almost over.”

Indrid focuses on his voice, pretends they’re in bed together, counts the kisses on his hand and wrist while the pain fades to the background. Dimly, around kiss number thirty-five, he hears Joseph sigh in relief.

“Done.”

--------------------------------------------------

Indrid curls up under the covers, clothes sticking to him with sweat and his stomach throbbing with pain.

“Easy, sugar, easy” Duck sits up from a makeshift bed on the floor, “here, lemme get you some painkillers.” He comes back with a glass of water and two white pills. Indrid swallows them, lets Duck help him from his shirt and wipe the sweat away with a cloth.

“How did you know to come look for me?”

“Just had a feelin. I kept lookin out at the road, saw the ‘Bago weavin, goin a million miles an hour, and just knew somethin was wrong.”

“Thank you. For coming for me.”

“I always will. Thanks for not deckin me or kickin me while I was workin on you.”

“Duck you saved my life, kicking would be rather rude.”

It’s a weak goof, but Duck smiles and kisses him.

“Oh, uh, here, someone else wants to say thanks.”

“Mraoow?” Winnie stares at him from Duck’s arms.

“We scared her burstin into the trailer. Poked her head out right after you passed out. So you, uh, missed me bawlin like a baby seein her again.”

“Awwww” Indrid rests his head on Duck’s shoulder, ruffling Winnie’s fluff.

“I mean, that and it hit me how close I came to losin you. Poor Aubrey was tryin to comfort me in the Jeep while Joe drove you back here in the ’Bago.”

Indrid strokes his cheek. He understands; the thought of never seeing Duck again was the worst thing to happen to him all day, sting included.

“Come to bed?”

“You sure? Might not be too comfortable.”

“I want to be held by you. I want to remember we’re both still here.”

Duck joins him under the blanket, Winnie curling up on their feet.

“Yeah, yeah we are. And I love you so goddamn much.”

“I love you too. And I promise to cut a parasite out of you if the need arises.”

“God I fuckin hope not.”

“Me too. There were...fewer of them this time. I think they may be dwindling.”

“Fingers crossed. But even if we got a long ways to go towards rebuildin a world, I still got you, and you still got me. And that’s worth a whole hell of a lot.”

Indrid kisses him, inhaling the smell of clean skin and scratching his cheek against Duck’s stubble.

“You’re right, my love. It is.”

[yoiku]

beep boop it’s an update on what’s going on in yoiland and how the main brain computer fried itself this time. It’s a long one!

So I got a letter on the 1st of July stating that I’ve been admitted into the big boi hospital for the proper tests/evaluation for ADHD and/or other neurological/behavioral issues. The paper said that I shoud be getting an invitation within the next 6months, and my goodness if time hasn’t been weird since then. Two months have passed and it feels like it’s both gone past really fast and agonizingly slow at the same time??? I’ve also been a real emotional rollercoaster because I decided to drop off my SNRI medication, and well, that’s been pretty rough. I gave it a slower drop off at first like instructed and for a few weeks after the effects had worn off I was feeling pretty great, I was able to find joy in little things again and it was great! ...Until I got that very familiar feeling of not being good enough again while I was trying to work on some art I owe to friendos. And to make things worse, when I tried to reach out for a meeting with a nutritional specialist for weight control purposes (this is a thing i’ve been trying to gather up courage to do for fucking years now.) I got straight up denied... because I don’t have diabetes(...yet). This on top of the pile of self loath I had already accumulated... Man that hit me like a truck hits a critter on a highway, and I went straight into suicidal mode in a matter of a few days. I’m not gonna go into detail about those few days, but long story short, I ended up popping my old doze of the SNRI pills to regulate my emotions for a few days. They make me unable to rest properly (can’t get more than a few hrs of shallow sleep -> constantly tired or high wired) but they also make me a mostly emotionless blob, so they helped in that moment. I still don’t want to continually take them though, they make me feel so understimulated about everything :/ I should meet up with my doc about it, but I already know he’s not going to have any new options for me before the ADHD thing is out of the way. Just gotta wait for now, ugh. I guess I do now have a better grasp on how the meds have affected me overall though, so going forward regardless of what those neuro test results will be, I feel like I have feedback to offer now.

Overall I feel like over this summer I’ve really gone backwards with my mental health. I don’t leave my apartment for 3-4 weeks at a time again, and when i do go out it’s like 10min trip to the grocery store to get something. The absolutely horrific heatwaves during june/july/august did not help. Not going out or getting even the slightest of excercise makes me really fucking tired, frustrated and hurty all over, all the time. Yet doing something about it all is hard when going out the door feels like climbing mt. everest with a spoon for an ice pick or something.

On a brighter note, autumn is on the door now and the cooler weather and darker nights are starting to give me better vibes. It’s nice to have a distinct day and night again. I’ve been able to resume my habit of drinking coffee on the balcony while it’s cool/cold out late night or early morning. It’s really cozy and gives me the Good Vibes™.

On the creative side of things, the vibes are still pretty bad. while on the meds I wasn’t getting much feelings about making art, not good or bad, so i generally didn’t really feel like drawing. No stimuli there so why bother? Now that I’m off meds I have a burning urge and the feel that I really want to create... But I’m also stuck in the self loathing pit again, feeling like shit about everything I make. The process is fun but the results make me want to never create again, so it gets more and more difficult to start a creative process, because I feel like it’s gonna make me feel worse anyway! >:/ Can’t have nice things, sigh. Still, I’m fighting that vicious cycle of feels right now, and I know it -will- ease up at some point. I just wish I was able to flip that switch in my head when I want to or need to, instead of having to wait and fight every goddamn time. I also should be starting another period of social/work rehab next month, and now that majority of people are double vaxxed for covid here, those workshops can operate local again. So I should be having a reason to leave the apartment at least twice a week then! I have so many plans and hopes on what I want to do with my life(and art), but all of them are being held back with all this mental health nonsense I have to deal with. I’d really love some healthy stability instead of this stagnation in my life x_x Still alive and occasionally kicking though.

[julessworldd]

Little Rose ch. 5

Warnings: cursing, angst, fighting, overdose, flashbacks(if that’s a warning?), a happy ending..

A/n: I wrote down what this chapter was supposed to be focus on, but I got to writing and the focus changed. This fanfic has really fucked up the original timeline of the band, but it’s fanfic so you gotta do spin offs. Not sure how long, I’ll keep writing for this fic. I love this universe along with my others, I’ve created since bringing my work to the public. I’ll stop talking now. Hope you enjoy! :) sorry i missed any grammar errors, what should be warning. I was starting to have a migrane as I was finishing editing. 

I loved being on tour, seeing the world, watching my brother and his band doing what they enjoy so much. This tour was different from any other before, Erin, my sister-in-law is pregnant. Axl had updated me about her and my peanut, Erin had braxton hicks the last couple months. Peanut loved kicking the hell out of her ribs all through the day and night, heartburn from hell, swollen ankles, sore feet. Poor Erin was exhausted and she wasn’t even due for another 3 weeks. Axl had been on edge, worrying that he would miss the birth of his first child. Their manager told him that we would be back in  LA around a week before she was due. It had helped him some but he was still on egg shells, Axl’s behavior was affecting the band. They never seen him so worrisome before, sure that time I had the flu and food poisoning at the same time. We’re all still so young, none of us really knew what to expect with his daughter on the way. 

Duff was in the shower, I was sitting at the table that was in our room, looking over dates. Some many shows and interviews, I don’t see how they function this shit especially on tour. “Hey Pumpkin, what are you doing over there?”, Duff said. I looked up to see a white towel low on his hips, “Just passing time. Get dressed, you’re dripping all over the floor”, I said. “When is baby Rose due again?”He asked. “Huh oh uh”, I flipped through the planner. “September 24th, if she’s not stubborn. Poor Erin is miserable right now”, I smiled, thinking of Erin all swollen belly, waddling around, mental cursing Axl for making her pregnant. “Izzy and I are betting against Slash that Axl will faint when he’s in the room with Erin”, Duff grinned. “Don’t do that. They’re both scared having their first kid”, I sighed. “I’m sorry I already put 30 bucks on Axl fainting and Erin crushing his hand”, Duff stuck his tongue out. There was a knock on the door, Duff walked over to answer it. 

“Hey Izzy”, Duff said, shutting the door. “Hey Izzy, sleep good?”, I asked, shutting my planner. “We need to talk, Jane”, Izzy gritted his teeth. “What now?”, I sighed, trying to read his body language for signs of withdrawal. Izzy was gonna speak but he fainted, He hit the floor hard and started jerking around. “Izzy!”I ran over to him and tried to get him before he hit the floor. 

I looked over at him, his lips were blue, he was fighting for air, his heart was beating hard as I felt his chest. “Shit!”I started to panic, I looked at Duff. He was stunned and rubbing his chest. Possible overdose and panic attack, great. “Duff, baby. I need to breathe okay? Breathe with me”, I said. “1,2,3 and breathe out on 4. Duff, I need to call the front desk and have them get the paramedics here”, I said calmly. Duff walked over to the phone, “Izzy, come on wake up”, I looked for bloody track marks or a needle stuck in his clothes.  “Ma'am, I need you to move for me. Your friend needs help”, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see a tallish, dark haired behind me. “Yeah, sorry”, I said, walking over to Duff. He tears in his eyes, his breathing was out of rhythm again. “Duff, baby I need you to focus on me, okay? Izzy is gonna be alright. Hey look at me”, I whispered, rubbing his arm. “Miss?”, a tiny femme voice asked. I tore my attention from Duff, “Yeah?” “What’s your friend’s name?”She asked. “Izzy Stradlin, 26, April 8th, 1962”, I realized what she was doing. “Okay thank you. What happened? You two didn't take anything right?”

“He came into our room, said he needed to talk to me about something, he collapsed before he got to me and said what he needed. We didn’t take anything. I’m just gonna save you and your partner trouble. Izzy is on heroin and some sorta pills”, I said, looking at Izzy being pulled on the stretcher. “Alright, thank you. I’m sorry you two witnessed his overdose”, She gave a small smile. “Thanks. I have to tell my brother what happened and we’ll be at the hospital”, I said as Izzy was pushed out of the room. “What the hell?!”, I heard Axl yell. “Janiee!!”He rushed into the room. “What happened to Izzy?”, Axl yelled. “Knock it off, you’ll trigger another panic attack for Duff. Izzy collapsed when he came in here, apparently it’s an overdose according to the medics. Axl, I’m so scared”, I cried, Axl pulled me into his arms. “Shhh, it’s okay. We’ll go see Izzy when we can. I’m not gonna let him join the 27 club a year early or ever”, Axl brushed my hair. 

The doctor finally told us what happened to Izzy, he swallowed his entire pill stash, overdosed into a coma. Highly recommend we cancel our show this week. “You can go see him, but one at a time”, the doctor said. “Janie, you go”, Axl gave a weak smile. “Alright”, I turned the knob and shut the door behind me. Izzy laid still on the bed, wires stuck in him, IV bag by his beside with other machines. His face was pale like a ghost, he looked skinnier than usual. “Izzy, it’s me Janie. Can’t believe you overdosed, I thought you were wanting to get clean. You were over the heroin shit and you started pills. Please wake up Izzy! I need you just a bit longer, you’re my big brother. Who else is gonna listen to me when I’m pissed off at Duff?”, I held his hand. Machines just beeped and oxygen was flowing in his nose. “I read where coma patients can hear what’s going around them. I hope you can hear me because I want you to know that I love you very much. Please get better soon. I’m gonna go now, Axl will be pitching a fit if he doesn’t get to see you”, I smiled.  “Normally you would bitch if I hugged you without asking, but tough shit”, I walked up his bed, to hug him. I held Izzy to me the best I could. His heart was still beating fast, but was slower than this afternoon. His bourbon, smoky, vanilla scent was comforting as always but I was the one having to comfort him. 

“You okay?”, Duff asked. “Oh yeah, I just hate seeing him like that”, I said. “I’m gonna see him now”, Axl whispered. I slid down the wall and brought my knees to my chest. Duff pulled me into his lap, “Is he gonna be okay? He looks so pitiful, Duffy”, I asked, holding his hand. “He’s a fighter, little scrappy but yes, he’ll be okay. I know you told him to get better, he always listens to you. Izzy bitches about it but he does it anyways”, Duff whispered. “Yeah”, I smiled a little

 “Now, Janie, I have a friend coming over. Please don’t bother us, I don’t want the little sister crap.”, Bill said. “Alright Billy, I’ll stay out but I wanna meet the poor soul that decided to be friends with you, chicken legs”, I rolled my eyes. “Fine, you can say hi but then you go to your room or go talk to Amy”, Bill groaned. The doorbell rang, “I got it”, Bill said, racing to the door.  “Hey, glad you could make it.”, Bill said. “Hey. Sorry it took so long, mom wasn’t at home. She doesn't like my brothers to be alone”, a voice said. “I understand that. I have three siblings”, Bill laughed. Bill’s friend walked in as Bill shut the door. “This is my younger sister, Janet, but we call her Janie for short”, Bill said, rolling his eyes. “Hi”, I blushed. “Hi yourself. My name’s Jeff, but everyone knows me by Izzy”, the brown headed boy said. Izzy was looking at me, I felt weird and pulled my sweatshirt sleeve down. “Alright, Janie. Leave now”, Bill said. 

Another flashback

I was searching for Bill, he was nowhere to be found. “You promised me that you would bring me home, Billy”, I cried even more. My boyfriend had broken up with me because he wanted Jackie Anderson, head cheerleader. I passed the bleachers heading towards home. “Janie?”, I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and saw Izzy with the stoners(his buddies) and Pam Macy hanging on his arm. “Hey, what happened? You’re crying”, Izzy threw his cigarette bud down and walked towards me. “Eric broke up with me. Said I wasn’t good enough and that I wasn’t a cheerleader, he wanted to be with the head cheerleader instead.”, I tried to hold my tears back. “I’m sorry Janie, he was an asshole anyways. You’re a good girl and any guy would be lucky to have you. It’s his lost and Bill and I hated him.”, Izzy reached up to pet my hair. “Thanks Iz. I’m gonna go home now”, I tried to push by him. He had my wrist, “Come on, I’ll take you for food. My treat”, Izzy smiled. “What about Pam?”, I asked. “You’re my favorite girl and you’re heartbroken, I gotta pay attention to you now”, Izzy smirked. 

“You’ve never listened to the Stones? Janie!”, Izzy threw his head back groaning. “I’m sorry that my step dad thinks that rock n’ roll is devil’s music”, I said. The bell rang, someone had walked in. “Janie! There you are!”, Bill said, rushing to our table. “Bill, lay off. I found her”, Izzy said. Bill looked at my face, “What happened? You were crying” “Eric broke up with me today for a cheerleader”, I said almost crying. “She passed the bleachers and I saw her. I decided to bring her for food”, Izzy said. “Thanks Izzy. I’m sorry about Eric, he was just an asshole anyways”, Bill pulled me into his chest. “Izzy said the same thing”, I said. “I know, I was at the meeting”, Bill laughed. I looked at Izzy and smiled. He winked at me. 

That was when I realized  Izzy was the older brother I always wish I had besides Axl. He was protected and took care of me, I love him for it. “Janie”, Axl said. “Yeah?”, I looked up at him, Duff was holding his hand out for me. Management had come to me about Izzy overdosing well fainting in my room. They wanted to know if I knew what caused Izzy to swallow his entire pill stash. I decided to turn on the radio for a while, sure enough ‘Paint it Black’ came on. First Stones’ song Izzy showed me, it was in his car when he brought me to smoke weed with him near Chicago. 

It had been 96 hours since Izzy was in a coma, he finally woke up and we all rushed to the hospital to see him. “Janie, you go in first”, Axl said. “Why? He’s your best friend”, I sassed. “Lady’s first”, Slash grinned. “Fine”, I walked in. There was a nurse taking Izzy’s vitals when I walked in. “Are you family?”, The blonde nurse asked. “Baby sister”, Izzy answered before I could think of something. “Oh well. I’m done here for now, you can come see your brother”, She smiled. “Thank you”, I said. “Hey Kid, just woke up from a killer nap”, Izzy joked. “Jeffery Dean! You fucking overdoesed because you decided to swallow your pills like candy. Don’t joke about that, you could have actually died. You know what? Fuck your joke, you had us worried to death. Izzy, you fell in mine and Duff’s room in front of us. You came in and said you had something to tell me. Duff barely closed the door before you collapsed on the floor”, I was fuming. “I’m sorry Janie. Management told me to get rid of them, housekeeping found one of my stashes. I panicked.”, Izzy said. “So instead of flushing them like a normal person you popped them like Tic Tacs like some manic?”, I rolled my eyes. Izzy stayed silent. “Your turn Ax”, I said walking out. 

Axl and the boys walked in and I decided to go get a coffee from downstairs. I walked up to the nursing station, “Uh hi. Do you have any idea when Izzy Stradlin is being discharged?” “Hi, what’s the birthday?”, a petite brunette smiled. “7-8-62”, I nodded. “Looks like he needs a doctor to talk to him about his overdose and a last check up then he should be released maybe this evening”,She said. “Are they gonna send him to rehab?”, I asked. “Looks like it might be possibly, he was in a coma for 4 days”, She said. “Are you his girlfriend?”She stood up. “No, more like the baby sister he never had”, I gave a small smile.  “Janie?”, Steven said. “Yeah? Izzy okay?”, I walked over to him. “Izzy’s fine, but we need to talk to you”, Steven said. “Okay”, I followed behind. “Listen, this is your sister, friend and now girlfriend talk not our assistant right now”, Steven stopped, before we reached Izzy’s room. I nodded my head. Everyone was sitting down, Izzy was lying down. “Hey”, I shut the door.

“What happened four days ago was hell, we almost lost Izzy. After, you left Izzy told us how you yelled at him for his drug stash. We’ve made the decision to go to rehab together”, Axl said. “That’s great, but you have a kid on the way.”, I said. “We’re going after she’s born, pretty sure Izzy is going first anyways. We’re gonna go to the same place together”, Axl reassured. “Not to be a bitch, but why was I brought into this. This is a band thing not the singer’s sister and the band”, I looked at Izzy. “You’ve been here since the beginning, we value your opinion”, Slash finally spoke up from leaning on the wall. The doctor came into the discharge Izzy, the band went different ways.  “Seeing Izzy overdose in our room, you run to him with fear in your eyes. I realized that I don’t want that to be me and you freaking out”, Duff said. “Not sure what to say, but I really hope you guys get clean and stay clean. I don’t want to lose my boys so soon”, I hugged him. “You can’t get rid of me that easy, Janie”, Duff held me. “Good, I don’t want to get rid of you yet either”, I said, inhaling his scent. 

Izzy got discharged and we flew back to L.A. before Erin gave birth. Almost 5 days that we got back, Erin gave birth to the new addition to the Guns N’ Roses’ family.  Sarah Aless Rose-Everly, 7lbs and 4oz. 

[whumpiary]

continued directly from the last section of this post. the lead-up post is vignettey, so you can skip straight to the last section for context especially as majority of the warnings in the post do not apply for that section.

[content warnings: heevily referenced drugs and drugging, referenced past abuse, panic attack, mild dissociation, brief emeto mention]

-

He wakes up in Lou's bed. He knows it's Lou's bed because despite the chokers and studded boots, her bedroom is all bohemian patterns and peach tones and the doona cover is too. He doesn't move yet. He doesn't have it in him to bear it. 

It's a horrible, horrible feeling, drifting away in complete terror and walking up full to the brim of nothing but numbing calm.

It would be disorientating - should be - but honestly he's done this so many times that it feels like a well rehearsed play. His mouth is dry. His muscles ache. If he sits up to fast the dizziness will come crashing in. The headache won't fade until halfway through tomorrow. 

What he isn't expecting, when he rolls over to face the window, is Lou in the cane chair in the corner, curled up like a cat with her head on her knee. 

He doesn't say anything.

For a long while neither does she.

It's a long frozen minute, falling through space. 

"Hey," she says, not raising her head. He doesn't say anything.

Slowly, she uncurls herself until she's sitting, feet on the floor. Her bedroom looks nothing like her but suits her all the same. Crushed bright colors, too many pillows, a collection of knick-knacks too artsy to be accidental. Evidence that she has a soft side beneath the resting bitch face. 

Pity that side was twisted too. 

"You awake this time, or…?" she trails off, tilts her head to the side as she looks at him. She's got this soft worried look on her face like it matters to her what he thinks of her. Like it matters to her what he's feeling. 

"Did I do something earlier?" he asks. It happened sometimes, with sleeping pills. Or powders. Whatever they'd given him. Sleeping, sure, but sleep talking too. Walking, even. He'd heard stories of people driving all the way to work and clocking in before someone clued they weren't conscious. Full on sleep fucks.

"Sorta," Lou shrugs "Just lay there like that and then went back to sleep."

Silence again. She's watching him so carefully he feels like he might shatter. 

"Josiah made some pasta," she says, trying for light. It doesn't reach her eyes. He registers kind of apathetically that it looks like she's been crying "I don't know if it's any good but-"

“Not hungry.”

“I can get you some water?”

"You must think I'm fucking stupid."

Lou bites down on her tongue, lips twisted with the way it's shoved between her molars. She rubs her thumb across her temple. Sighs. "Yeah, that’s... fair."

He keeps watching her, like a tiger watching its keeper, and she keeps trying to pretend it isn’t making her nervous. She plays with the rolled hem of her shirt, inspects her nails like she’s considering biting them, smooths the edges of the blanket over the arm of the chair. And Cass just watches.

There’s a bird outside singing out without reprieve. Only it isn’t singing. Not really. It's a shrill sorta shriek. Like it’s screaming and screaming and screaming.

“I really am sorry, Cass,” she whispers, low enough that he wonders if she's hoping he won’t hear it. Cass revels in the fire that burns in his chest as she says it. It’s the stoking of violence and hatred and the worst kind of vindication.

Cass doesn’t say anything. He watches. 

He wonders when she took her makeup off. If it’d been last night — or whenever it was he’d been awake last — or if she’d done it just before coming in. A way of making her look more vulnerable. More open.

Look like the innocent flower etcetera, et-fucking-cetera.

“Cass, love. About last-”

“Where’s Josiah?” he says, trying very hard to make it seem like it’s just a question and not a way of counting bullets. She looks at him, almost scoffs just under breath. He watches the inhale, the hold, the exhale. The careful choice of words.

“Um. Last night, any time Josiah came close, tried to touch you... You were um...” 

He can’t remember but he can imagine it. He can imagine the pendulum swinging between kicks and bared teeth or begging and pleading. Or maybe he just cried.

That’s the worst one. When he cries.

Lou shrugs, almost trying to wave it off. “We just thought maybe you needed some space.”

Cass considers that. That could mean he left the house. It could mean he’s still here, just the next room over. Depends how much they want to trust Cass won’t leave with just one person watching. Lou sucks in an audible breath in preparation to say something, and he raises his gaze to meet hers, despite himself.

“Look. Last night. Before you fell asleep. When you were, um…” she starts. Stops. Clears her throat. Tries again. Like a stalling car. “Like, when… you know when you weren’t...-”

“After you drugged me,” he says, voice cold and flat. “That’s what you’re tryna say, right?”

Her eyes flick up to meet his and for a second they’re so full of defensive anger and fury that he has to stop himself from flinching backwards. He tilts his head back in the pillows instead, silently dares her to feel righteous right now. But the look fades as quick as it had sparked, replaced by shame and guilt and sorry.

“Stop talking bullshit, Lou,” he says, hopes beyond hope that she’ll give him the small mercy of ignoring the tremor in his voice “Or just stop talking.”

She takes a deep breath, looking at the ceiling. Holds it. Releases slowly. 

“After we drugged you,” she says, sentences punctuated by the firm clenching of her jaw, “You kept coming in and out of it. You were…”

He turns away from her as she talks, lying flat on his back. His eyes trace the cornices of the ceiling. This is an old house. One of those good bones sort of places. He’s never really noticed before.

“You were scared. You were really scared.”

Yeah no shit, fuckwad.

“You kept saying things. Like the time you had the fever.”

He closes his eyes, waiting for impact.

“You mentioned… him again,” she says, voice tight and strained “Bergen.”

He can imagine the way her face looks. That pained, apologetic expression that’ll be pointed at the ground and not at him. Pity and heartbreak and baby, it’s okay, I’m so sorry, let me make it better. 

Fuck her.

The bird outside pipes up again. Screaming and screaming and screaming.

“Cass, we didn’t know,” she says eventually “I’m so sorry. We both are. We didn’t know.”

Cass snorts.

“Yeah, you did,” he says. He’s almost startled by how strong his voice sounds. Low and steady. Dryly amused. 

“Sorry?”

“You knew.”

He turns back to face her and that look on her face — sorry and lost and a little bit hurt — God, he wishes he could photograph it and keep it forever. 

“Cass,” she’s shaking her head just barely, deer in head lights, beside the headlights, looking at the roadkill. “I swear to God. I swear to you. Neither of us knew. If we had’ve known what Bergen did to you, if we knew how it was gonna affect you...  Look, we would’ve done it different. We would’ve.”

"Okay," he says, nodding like he's considering that. He takes his time sitting up, doesn’t try to hide the dizziness or the way he has to slam his eyes closed as the headache spikes.

“So… remind me, because frankly my memory of last night is a little muddled-" she flinches at that and it sends a thrill through him "-but at any point did you try just giving me the thing and asking me to take it?"

Lou scoffs and looks away, fingers fidgeting together restlessly between her knees.

"Answer me, Lou," he spits. You owe me that. "Did you even once just offer me the fucking pill?"

"No", she says. Low. Flat.

“Why not?” he says, heavy on the faux-ignorance. Like he’s just genuinely puzzled by a weird social phenomenon “Honestly, I’m curious. Why didn’t you just ask me to take it? Wouldn’t that’ve been easier? Could’ve saved the fucking teabag.”

Lou hisses an in-breath through her teeth and tilts her head up to the ceiling, violently blinking tears away that both of them would rather die than see fall right now. “Cass, come on.”

“No, I want you to answer me," he says, calm and low."I want you to think about it and actually fucking answer me.”

When she looks back at him, her face is schooled placid, though her breaths nearly give her away, jumping in little suppressed hiccups in her chest.

"Because you wouldn't have taken it," she says, matter-of-fact, eyebrows arching up in that way they do when she's getting defensive.

He shrugs, like he doesn't get it. “How do you know?”

“Because you’re weird about that stuff,” she says, she sounds almost annoyed that he’s making it spell it out so obviously. “You wouldn’t even eat dinner, you get weird about that stuff."

"Then you knew, didn't you?" he says. In the silence that follows, in the moments it takes for her eyes to close in shame, he can feel his heartbeat start to pick up, caught somewhere between his chest and his throat “You knew, one way or the other what doing that would mean to me. And you did it anyway.”

"Cass-"

"Whose idea was it?" he asks, no chance for another excuse to come pouring out of her "Who came up with the grand plan?"

"Me. I did" but she says it too fast. 

"Right, so Josiah, then," he scoffs. It would almost be easier if it was the other way around. Lou usually meant for the best but sometimes she took a misstep. But Josiah. Josiah's meant to be the one who knows. 

"Don't be angry at him," she says. Fuck her for making it a plea. "Please, Cass. We were just trying to help you, we were trying to keep you safe. We were scared"

"You were scared?"

For once he doesn’t give a shit that his eyes are burning just a little. Let her fucking see him cry. Let it hurt her. It’s all rage anyway. 

"Jesus Christ, you're right. How could I possibly stay mad at you. You were scared"

"We were scared, Cass. We were scared for you" she says, "You weren't eating. You weren't sleeping. You said no hospitals, we didn't want you to fucking die"

"Ah, so it was for my own good."

"Yes," she all but growls.  

Cass laughs. 

"So where's the line, huh?" he says, dangerous manic smile splitting his face "Would you lock me up for my own good? Send me away? Hurt me?"

She looks away, bites down on her bottom lip, leg bouncing double-time with fury and shame while her fingers grip the edge of the chair.

"You know he did that too?" he says, catching her eyes, watching it wound "He was always doing things for my own good. Hitting me, starving me, holding me down.”

“I’m not doing this, Cass,” she says, a mask of stoic indignation “I’m not letting you get a rise outta me just so you can prove some messed up point.”

“But you’d be so good at it, Lou,” he pushes “Maybe not some of it, but we all know you can land a hit, don’t we?”

She crosses her arms, but she’s still sitting forward on the chair, like her body’s poised to launch up at the slightest provocation.

“I’ve always kinda been waiting for it, you know? I knew you were always waiting to teach me a lesson. I just always thought it’d be with your fists not with some weak-ass pussy bullshit in the bottom of a tea cup.”

“Stop it.”

“It fucking kills you, doesn’t it? That you don’t have control over me any more. You would love for me to be back in a Facility lab, waiting for you to dole out piss-weak kindnesses like some fucking psychic Mother Teresa hypocrite.”

There are tears in her eyes as she shakes her head, speaks through her teeth, "That is not fair."

Another laugh. “You're right. It's not."

“Cass, you never told us-"

"I shouldn't have to!” and he fucking bellows it, humor gone, teeth bared like a beast. Lou flinches the best way a fighter knows how, back straight, eyes wide, hands reflexively jolting into fists for an attack that won’t come “I shouldn't have to tell you about every shitty fucking thing in my shitty fucking life to for you to know not to roofie me.”

His heart is hammering hard, too hard and too fast for what’s happening right now. He has the stupid, irrational thought that he’s gonna go to Penance for yelling like that. But that’s… that’s wrong. That’s old thoughts. Old tracks echoing out from the heaviness of his bones right now.

But knowing that doesn’t stop the way his breath picks up, it doesn’t stop the darkening edges of his vision as oxygen refuses to make it to his lungs. He fixes his eyes to the carpet, tries to steady himself on the mattress because he feels like he’s gonna fall, even sitting.

“Jesus, Lou,” he whispers, words barely squeezing out his throat and he’s sure it’s closing up “You, you drugged me. You fucking… you drugged…”

This can’t be real. This isn’t real. Any second the world’s gonna fall away and either he’ll wake up on the couch with his tea still steaming hot and untouched or he’ll wake up back in Christopher’s lap and everything, all of this, will have been some sick, sick nightmare twisting his heart in the worst possible way.

There’s no way this has happened. There’s no way that he managed to find people that he trusts and he loves and who he thought maybe loved him only to have them do this all over again.

His eyes fly around the room as his breathing mutates into something entirely of its own. He’s not even sure what he’s searching for, what he’s hoping to find. An exit, maybe, or a thing that makes sense. Something that will make this make sense or make it disappear or will prove to him that his life can’t be this fucked up. It can’t possibly be this fucked up.

“Cass-”

He sees Lou shifting forward and he stutters back, pushing sheets down to the foot of the bed with his feet in the rush to fly backwards, the twisted-metal headboard digging into his spine.

“Don’t,” he spits, but it's full of sorrow and fear and he hates that it sounds so weak “Don’t you dare.”

And she freezes. Mercifully. Settles back down in the chair, fingers twitching along the woven cane.

The panic attack – and that's what it is, isn't it? the numbed, rational part of his brain provides him that much – builds and builds, uselessly.

Fear that can’t go anywhere. Adrenaline coming in too late to save him. He interlocks his fingers behind his neck, arms squeezing either side of his head as he closes his eyes, toys curling up, body curling up like that could possibly protect him from what’s happening.

He feels like the terror is never gonna leave him, never gonna stop, he’s gonna be like this forever, body shutdown and mind splintering a hundred, a thousand, a million different ways while the world spins on and on around him. But then all at once, it starts running out, like a dying motor.

This is silly, darling boy.

Like somewhere in his head, he’s decided that’s enough time-wasting for now.

You’ve done this a thousand times, what’s the fuss for?

His breaths stutter and slow and level out into wheezes until he feels hollow and numb. When he opens his eyes, he’s still staring at peach paisley bed-sheets, and he’s equal parts relieved and horrified that none of it was a dream.

This is real.

This happened.

Just another layer of kinda fucked up.

"Where are my clothes?" he croaks out, after a few minutes of hollowed-out quiet. He feels water-logged drained dry at the same time "This isn't my shirt. Where's my stuff?"

"You threw up," Lou mutters, chair creaking beneath her as she shifts "You were hyperventilating and... You threw up. So we had to wash it. It's in the dryer, it’ll be done soon."

"Okay.”

The bird outside had changed its tune. Or maybe it's a whole different bird, he's never been great at picking between them. It keeps giving off a low trill, persistent and badgering. Like it has something to say. He misses the screaming.

"I need water,” he says, the dry husk to his voice a testament to the glass.

"’Course. I’ll go get you a glass"

The look he gives her withers the suggestion straight away, “No, you’ll help me to the fucking sink.”

“Cass, come on.”

“No, Lou,” he snaps. He’s almost startled by the fact he has more in him right now. “You ruined it. You get that, right? You fucking ruined it”

He keeps thinking it. All the cliches.

You ruined it. I trusted you. How could you? I could’ve been happy here. You were meant to be safe.

They all feel so stupid. He feels so fucking stupid.

"Yeah," Lou says, softly. Apologetically. Tears stuck in her throat. Bird changing its tune. Or maybe singing the same one. "I know.”

He swings his feet over the edge of the bed and manages to stand up by himself. But by the time he’s taken a step his legs are shaking so badly he doesn’t hesitate grabbing at Lou’s arm for stability, even at the desire to recoil at accepting the help, accepting he’s weak.

Her thumb runs a little circle along his fore-arm and his shoulder tenses up on that side but he doesn’t move to stop her or tell her any different. Too close to acknowledging he’s letting her touch him at all.

He wishes he didn’t know that he’ll forgive her by next week. He’ll forgive them both. Process, get over it, move on. He wants to hate them forever. It’d be so much easier to hate them forever.

He doesn't know why it hurts so much this time. He doesn't know why he feels not just angry but so, so sad. He doesn't know why and also he does and it's the knowing that hurts. 

By the time they’re in the hallway, Cass is crying freely, silently, the only sound the tiny hissing shudder of his breaths as they get caught on the grief in his throat.

“Love...”

Lou reaches up for his face and he pulls back. Not so much a flinch as it is a gentle turn of his face. A pleading for space.

“Don’t,” he says, a little hiccuping sob following the word “Please just don’t.”

She pulls her hand away and readjusts her grip on his arm. She lets him lead, awkward as it is with her arm holding the balance.

He lets the tears slide down his face. He’s too tired to stop them. Too scared. Too fucking sad.

And it’s horrible. The worst.

It’s always the worst. When he cries.

[repulsivepangolin]

SEAL Team Whumptober 23/31 -Full Metal

No 23. WHAT’S A WHUMPEE GOTTA DO TO GET SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE? Exhaustion | Narcolepsy | Sleep Deprivation

 _______________

A/N: Okay, so a few of you needed to know what happened to Metal after the "Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore" installment. And, some of you enjoyed the idea of the Hello Kitty pants.

So, yeah... Hurt Metal, a few weeks (you decide how many weeks you think that is, but it's more than 'a couple'...) after the back injury, sporting the infamous pink Hello Kitty pants. (And Trent doing his best to keep Metal safe and comfortable...)

________________

“I brought pizza…”

Metal offered up a tired smile as he focused his eyes on him.

“How are you feeling?” Trent studied his brother for a moment. He saw that he was in pain. He didn’t need the visual clue the familiar pink pajama pants were to know that much.  

Full Metal did a half-assed shrug.

“You’re already wearing Hello Kitty pants,” Trent scrounged up his nose, “It’s alright to admit that everything sucks at the moment.”

Metal nodded a little, “Well. Yeah. It does.”

“How’s your back?”

“I made it from my bedroom, to the bathroom and back here with only crutches…” Metal sighed.

“That’s good. That’s progress.”

Metal nodded a little, “Right now I think I’d prefer that amputation at C2 you’re sometimes joking about…”

Trent nodded a little, “Lots of pain?”

“Everything below the injury feels like it’s on fire.” He admitted.

“Ouch.”

Metal nodded.

“So, how long have you been stuck on the couch?”

He shrugged, “Was up pretty late. Around noon.”

“So… Give or take, six hours.”

“Sounds about right.” Metal nodded.

“Anything you need?”

“Pain meds.” Metal sighed and fixed his gaze at the ceiling, “And I was about to call Sarah down the hall for help getting back up, I really need to take a piss soon.”

Trent nodded and temporarily placed the pizza box on the kitchen counter. “Meds first?”

Metal nodded.

Trent pointed towards Metal’s bedroom, “On the nightstand, right?”

“Yeah.”

Trent nodded and went to grab them. Next to Metal’s bed he stalled a bit, “Which one? Pregabalin or diclofenac?”

“Both.” Metal closed his eyes.

Trent returned with both the vials and placed them next to Metal on the table, “So, did you at least get some good rest before you got up?”

Metal shook his head as he reached for the first orange container. “I told you that everything below the injury feels like it’s on fire right? Or like I’ve got some electrical current running through it…”

Trent scrounged up his nose. Sometimes he felt he had gotten lucky with his arm injury. There was nerve damage, but for him that mostly resulted in general numbness and sometimes a phantom type itch. He knew enough veterans who had similar injuries who experienced the more disabling symptoms from their injuries to know that even though his arm looked like a nightmare, he was one of the lucky ones. He just hoped this was something which would pass for Metal, that it wasn’t his new normal.

“-No, I haven’t been able to get a proper night’s sleep since a few days after the accident.” Metal bit out, then his eyes watered a little, “I’m tired.”

Trent nodded.

Metal popped one pill into his mouth, twisted the lid back on and reached for the other vial.

“Do you need something to swallow them down with?”

“No…” Metal shook his head as he twisted the cap of the other container.

Trent went to the fridge anyway, and brought back a bottle of water, “Here.”

Metal sighed and accepted the bottle.

 *    *    *

 “You think you could help me up?” Metal asked after about twentyfive-thirty minutes.

“How could I ever say no to a grown man in Hello Kitty pajama pants?” Trent chuckled, before he took a decisive breath, “What do you need me to do?”

“First of all?” Metal flashed a short grimace and held up a hand, “I need you to help me into a seated position.”

“Just, pull you up?”

Metal nodded, “After that, I need to get my feet on the ground…”

Trent nodded and grabbed Metal’s hand, “On three, okay?”

Metal nodded.

 *    *    *

 It had taken several minutes just to get Metal vertical. And Trent wasn’t entirely sure the other man was ready for it when he saw him crutch towards the bathroom.

“Hey, do me a favor…”

“What?” Metal didn’t turn around.

“Don’t lock the door, alright?”

“I know you know how to pick a lock…” Metal chuckled a bit, his voice was strained with either pain or concentration, “Relax, I won’t.”

“Thanks.” Trent let his shoulders relax a bit, “I’ll reheat the pizza in the meanwhile. How does that sound?”

“Good.” Metal nodded, before he half-stumbled a step and cussed.

Trent moved in close enough to place one hand on his back and one hand on his chest so the taller man wouldn’t topple over.

“You good?” he could read Metal’s body language well enough to know he wasn’t. His shoulders were tense, his arms were tense, his knuckles almost glowed white where he gripped the hand grips hard enough to make Trent feel sorry for the material.

Full Metal’s eyes were squeezed shut, and his entire face was knit in a grimace, his teeth bared.

Trent could both hear and feel how Metal tried to force his breaths even, how he tried to regain control.

“Let me know when you’re ready for me to let go, alright?” Trent said, his right hand gently gliding a couple of inches back and forth over Metal’s shoulder blade.

Metal nodded stiffly.

“Let go?”

This time Metal shook his head, but just as mechanically.

Trent nodded a little, still rubbing his right hand gently over the same spot. He didn’t like the way Metal was literally trembling.

He was pretty sure minutes passed before Full Metal looked over at him and nodded, “Think I’m ready…”

“Sure?”

Metal frowned a bit, “Keep close though…”

He couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at the worried look the slightly taller man sported.

“I mean it.” Metal gritted out, “I’m actually a bit afraid. -I don’t trust my balance.”

“I’m sorry…” Trent felt bad for almost laughing.

Metal sighed and glared at the door to the bathroom, “This. Sucks.”

“I know…” Trent nodded, “But hey, you’re actually getting better.”

Metal scoffed, “Not fast enough.”

“You were completely paralyzed from the waist down a few weeks back. The doctor said the swelling could cause permanent damage even though your spinal cord wasn’t cut.” Trent stepped in front of Metal so he’d easier meet his eyes, “It’s almost unbelievable that you’re able to move your feet, not to mention actually being able to stand and walk with crutches.”

He saw Metal’s jaw working.

“I’m being an annoying prick?”

“Pretty sure it’s mostly because of the pain, but yeah.” Metal nodded, “And move out of my way. I need to make it the last twelve feet that way…”

Trent nodded and stepped aside.

 *    *    *

 Sitting back down after his almost daredevil trip to the bathroom was almost heavenly. The meds had started kicking in, and even though everything still hurt, it was getting better.

“Think I’ll finally reheat that pizza now…” Trent winked a couple of seconds after Metal had managed to find a position he was almost comfortable in, “You’re gonna eat something whether you’re hungry or not.”

Metal nodded, “Actually, I think I could wolf down a slice or two now…”

“Good.” Trent grinned.

[anonil88]

“This isn't prison break.”parts 1 & 2

Rue runs away for a night from rehab with a bunch of people she doesn't know. They go to a club, do some stupid stuff and adopt a cat.

wrote this and put it on AO3- lnk here- but also updating on here:

PART 1

Rue laughs absently at the other group of "degenerates" as Ali would call them. They are walking along the side of the road towards wherever a kid named Malcolm was leading them. She technically was supposed to be in her small dorm bed asleep and awaiting 4 am check in. But instead here she was being a fellow degenerate who had technically escaped the rehab facility. They all intended on going back to the treatment facility eventually. She hopes Sol would even though it meant they probably would be separated. They all just needed a night of more because everyone was on edge and needed a break. Everyone was aware that the consequences would be getting kicked out or all restrictions taken away. But, fuck it.

Her group of acquaintances, because they were not her friends, was made up of a random assortment of folks. One of which was some guy named Graham who was apparently the older "brother" of Angel. Angel was the only one out of the group besides her roommate who actually knew more than whatever she half assed in group therapy. Which was very little but it was enough to keep them.... interested. Rue shoves her hands in the pockets of a pair of baggy shorts that Angel threw at her in a parking lot after everyone met back up. Their escape plan was a plan but they all booked it through a hole in the fence and through a patch of woods at first. Some person named Bones, who had to at least be a sophomore in college, picked them all up in a hatchback and the Graham who opened a backpack filled with vices.

Rue steered clear of the opiates and went straight for the bottle of Coconut Rum. Even though she could practically hear the pills singing her fucking name. Most of them actually opted to be clean of whatever landed them in rehab but not sober. Not everyone though because Angel was definitely rolling a tiny bit and so were two other people out of the 5 fence jumpers. Including her roommate Sol. Rue just figured the slap on the wrist once they got back would be less harsh without a positive test. The rum was more than enough to stay kind of alert amongst everyone here. All these faces that might leave her dying face down in a ditch if she OD’ed....again.

She wasn't even in here because of an overdose. Just a basic relapse that made her mom's mind up for her and now she was forced into a stupid facility with strangers. They forced her to talk, made sure she ate, but she honestly felt worse being inside than out. It was probably working the 12 steps and quiet therapy sessions but in places she didn't see yet. This right here though the warmth of the air touching her skin as the packed car they'd all tumbled into hurtled through empty streets. Leaning her head back she mumbles along the lyrics while Sol pulls at the worn shirt collar. 

 "Beep beep go swerving in my, Beep been you want me riding in your...."

Rue sighs feeling sticky lips press against her clavicle and up her neck.

 "Beep beep ghost busting in my,

 Beep beep you want me riding in your....driving super fast."

Sol was cool people but Rue knew it couldn't be anything more than fooling around. Kissing when no one was watching or either of them came back from a therapy session sobbing.  Sometimes Sol sneaking into her bed at night so they could have quickie sex sessions. This wasn't how Rue expected to explore her sexuality that was pretty dormant but it was what she had. It also wasn't with who she had in mind either. Lingering feelings aside the two of them were stuck in a juvenile inpatient program. With the same beds as the ones in college pamphlets, a no shoelace rule, and  fuzzy socks ( that Rue secretly loves). This girl was like 3 inches shorter than Rue, dark skinned, neck tattoos and a short cut. Sol had been through so much more shit than Rue and it made her feel ungrateful. Ungrateful because at least she had a hard working mom who still loved her and hadn't abandoned all hope. Other people in the program who took it seriously though told her not to because her life sucked too.

Feeling Sol's lips on hers she kissed her back. She didn't feel anything but it must have felt amazing to Sol who deepened the kiss. The car swerved past what in Rue's mind had to be a pothole. Sol falls away further into her body clutching the fabric of her shirt and accidentally her chest. Rue hears Sol sigh and snaps her eyes open while Sol still kisses her. Rue grabs hold of the handle above the door and sits back up mumbling, what was that. She watches Sol roll her eyes and sit back into the tan seats.

"Oh FUCK," Bones yelled slowing the car down and pulling over. Bones had their black hair slicked all the way back and a cigarette falling out of their mouth. They were odd enough sober and everyone's dd, just a ball of chaotic a.d.d they'd laughed at her earlier as they walked her from the gas station bathroom back to the car. It was a nice gesture because apparently she seemed "kind of uncomfortable," which was true. The urge to escape herself dulled the fear of her mother's true unbridled anger. Or Fez's.

He was really upset when he found out she got a new plug after actually being clean for so long. She turns to look out the back window and sees two green eyes attached to a small grey mound in the road. 

"What the....omg a cat omg," Angel is practically bouncing out of the car after pulling out a half eaten filet o fish. Rue watches him in an outfit she felt fit him so much more than the basic t-shirt and sweatpants he wore everyday. His platform sneakers lit up across the black asphalt as he inches  closer to the obviously terrified animal. A glitter covered arm wove in front of him with food and Rue leans into the window in anticipation. The only thing that could make Angel seem even more angelic was wings or a halo above his half platinum half silver hair. He honestly seemed like the type to fit right into Jules's friend group. But instead he was the kind creative rave kid who drew her pictures of kandy he'd give her one day. 

"Hey um...you ," she feels her shoulder being tapped. "Put this in your lap."

PART 2

"Yes! I love this song," Bones yells back rolling down the windows. The cool autumn air filling the car and the smell of weed being blown out the window. 

Her heel is bouncing with a mix of anxiety and anticipation. With one more she could become triple A instead of alcoholics anonymous. She can feel a comfortable softness against her sole. It's from a piece of fabric she keeps stuffed in her sock. Her knee keeps bouncing in place with the sleeping kitten being stroked by Sol in her lap. Her current reality is so much more serene than the one she relives in her head.

Arrival nurses took her hoodie at this new place only letting it stay with her the first night. She was so fucking high on check in that she screamed please don't take my dad please as they explained it to her mom. Her mom who she clung to like they were about to skin her alive. Chest rising and falling quick enough someone said something about a shot. Too high to be cold and distant but not enough for her heart to stop. Just enough to be a paranoid fuck up. Leslie tried to calm her down but it only worked after her mom bargained with them, one night.

One night and then her mom visited the next day to say goodbye. Slipping a gray square in her pocket. It was worn in from a t-shirt that her dad wore in her baby pictures. Leslie hugged her so tight before leaving whispering we love you so much. That was the last time she'd seen her mom and every time she called Leslie said oh rue like her heart was breaking again. So those phone calls were short because her mom crying always fucks her up mentally for a few days. The silent pauses remind her of the little sister who always has faith in her but is turning into someone who doesn't even look at her. 

"You okay," Sol whispers and rue nods because when was she ever. Her arm that sol is resting on is cramping but she lets it, not much arm space in this back row anyway. She should have just chosen the trunk with some 16 year old named Zach. 

"On the left yesss we made it and on time too," Graham jeers next to Sol.

 Rue looks at the dash clock crinoline her brow. "How is almost 1 am on time," she whispers. 

Sol chuckles, "It is a club not a house party you knew that right ?" Rue bites the inside of her lip and shakes her head no. Sol puckers a bottom lip and kisses her cheek. Great pity Rue thinks. Sol leans in to whisper to Rue, "Don't worry Graham knows the bouncer. No fakes required."

Rue opens back up the glass bottle in the seat net and lets the clear liquid burn her throat a bit. Out of her realm was an understatement, house parties were something she was used to but never clubs. She didn't even know what kind of club this was but judging from the giant rainbow flag out front, angry repressed frat bros wouldn't be an issue. Which helped the nerves in her stomach unwind. The fur ball on her lap made a noise and she rubbed it through the sweater it's been laid on. Sol said the kitten was probably dumped because there was a tag scar and the kitten was super clean. But was she risking it....no.

Sol takes the bottle from her hand and screws the cap back on. "You gonna dance with me tonight Benny." Sol says as she nudges her shoulder.

"Maybe," Rue shrugs.

" Okay well how about anyone else," Sol grins coyly.

Rue looks away from her and out the window. She's more interested in the brick building as they get closer than someone's hot sweaty body. There's a line to the door with several guards standing with gloved hands and flashlights. " Idk maybe," Rue looks back at Sol who is rolling her eyes. 

" Yes she is," Angel yells from the passenger seat. He's checking his makeup in the mirror and winks at rue. Which makes her tuck her hair behind her ear and cough to cover the blush. Angel turns around happily and says, "meee.'

Leaning forward Sol pecks Angel and says, " Bennett your goal tonight is to have fun, dance with someone. He, she, they, who cares, maybe you'll get a lil prison pen pal."

Rue rolls her eyes, that probably wasn't happening but it was about trying new experiences. Treatment was also not prison; it just was not freedom either. Bones pulls past the entrance and swings into the parking lot. Graham is behind them pointing as they follow directions. He's even saying fun facts like this is Knott's which Angel keeps mimicking. Bones slowly moves the car  until  one guard leans his hand in the window. The guard daps Graham up and they laugh for a second. His name is apparently DJ and he's their in. The only rules are no weapons. 

In the parking lot they all get put and Rue notices other cars with clusters of people around them. She shakes her lap free of cigarette ash and cat hair. The cat now named sparkle is being in the trunk with a makeshift bed, a small can of tuna Bones just had and an old bottle lid filled with water. Rue leans down and ties the mismatched dollar store laces on her chucks. They had hot dogs on them which was kind of cute. A tire squeals close by of a car obviously moving way too fast and drunk singing out a window speeds past them. Idiots. Everyone else was finishing a shared bottle or blunt. Leaning against the side of the trunk she feels Sol rest against her arm warming it up.

Rue can hear a steady thump and beat coming from the brick building. It makes her head move which means the music might not be her thing but it'll be tolerable. Graham even said there's another section with actual seats that has a more contained dance floor with pop and hip-hop. Just in case she got overwhelmed by the rave scene and the lights. She doubles over as she laughs at Angel's jokes. 

Kid was fucking hilarious, she stands up wiping her eyes and freezes looking in front of her.

[cozywritings]

Stitches: ch3 Painkiller

It’s been 5 days since the fashion dinner. 5 days since you first kissed Shawn. And 5 days since you’ve seen him. It’s not like he was avoiding you, though, he’d sent you a text that next morning telling you that he had to go help some friends, who lived off campus, with moving in to their apartment.

It was completely understandable, but you wanted more of his intoxicating kisses, and more of Shawn in general. Something about him made you feel giddy, but extremely comfortable like you’d known him forever, but there was still excitment. Maybe it was the way he looked when you first meet him and he had that warm smile and soft hoodie, or the way he looked so peaceful when he was sleeping on top of you that night. Maybe it was the way he accepted the dinner invite and made you feel like the only girl in the room. You had to stop yourself there before you got too distracted, you needed to focus on pre-reading. That was, until your phone went off.

McDreamy: Hey, there’s a pizza night in the student center tonight since classes start tomorrow. Be my date?

You sent a quick “Of course”, going back to pre-reading on your Intro to Business chapters. You knew that class was going to kick your ass, you qeren’t good with numbers, but it was a requirement for you degree, so there wasn’t really a choice when it came to the class.

Luckily, Kyle has been letting you use his notes, so you’ve got a good idea of what Dr. Ledger was expecting. “It’s a lot of power points and outside reading. And he talks really fast, so you might wanna record the lectures.” Kyle warned you when he dropped off the notebook. “But as long as you do well on the exams you’ll be fine.” You remembered his words, reminding yourself that you could do this.

About three hours later, you had successfully copied the first 4 chapters of notes and done your reading. That’s when there was a knock on your door.

You opened it to see Mike, one of the other pre-med students you met that first night. “Hey.” He greeted, rubbing his arm nervously. “I was wondering if you’d seen Shawn lately. I was going to ask if he could help me with getting ready for my biology class, but I can’t seem to find him. You two seemed really close so I figured you’d know where to find him.” Mike was a first year, and he was extremely nervous about his intro classes.

“He’s been helping some friends off campus move into their apartment the past few days, but I can text him and see if he can help you. I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help.” You saw him relax, glad to know that he would be getting help.

To: McDreamy: Mike is here looking for you, he’s hoping you’d help him prepare for Bio. He seems pretty nervous.

McDreamy: Tell him that I’ll be back in an hour, but I’ve got a date tonight 😏 so I can’t help him for a long time.

You looked back up to see Mike shuffling his feet outside your door “He said if you could wait about an hour he can help for a while. But we have a date tonight.” Your cheeks heating up at the last part.

“Oh. I didn’t know you two were together.” He smiled at you, he was a good kid. You’d only talked to him briefly at the movie night, but he was really nervous about his classes. His parents are both sergeons, so he wants to make them proud.

“It’s not an official thing. We just went on one date, he was my date to the fashion department dinner a few days ago.” You smiled, playing with your fingers.

“But you like him a lot. I can tell. You two would make a hot couple.” His last statement threw you off and him too. “I- I just mean you’re both really attractive people and…. I’m gonna stop talking now. I’ll come back in about an hour to meet with Shawn then, bye.” He gave an awkward wave and then he was gone.

At around 5:00, Shawn was knocking on your door. “Can I come in?” He asked, through the door. You shouted a “yeah.” And listened as he entered. You were sitting at your desk, finalizing your notes for sociology. “Everything go good with Mike?”

“Yeah, he’s a good kid. Just first year jitters. You ready to go honey?” Your eyes shot up at the pet name, but you didn’t say anything. It sounded too nice to make him take it back.

As you stood up, you brushed out your jeans, that were covered in eraser shavings. “I like the shirt.” He said, pointing to the Elvis Presley shirt that your dad gave you as a going away gift. It was a little too big, but when you tucked it in or knotted it to the side, it was super cute.

“Oh, thanks. I live in an Elvis household.” You laughed, pulling your hair back into a low ponytail. Shawn held out this hand for you and you took it, grabbing your keys and making your way to the student center.

Arriving at the pizza party, to realised how much people really liked to interact here. There were so many students in the student building that the stairs were filled. It was a party school, efter all, you just weren’t ready for something this big on campus.

“Shawn!” Someone yelled, walking up and giving him a hug. “Hey man, thanks again for all the help this week. We couldn’t have done it without you.” You assumed that was Brian, or the roommate.

He just smiled, “It was no problem, besides. You did feed me for the week.” The two boys laughed until the one turned to look at you

“And you must be the reason he left us so early. I’m Brian, by the way.” He said, holding out his hand and confirming your suspitions. He seemed nice, as you shook his hand and took the beaded necklace he handed to you.

“Brian. This is my new hallway neighbor and…” he leaned into his ear and whispered something you couldn’t hear.

You watched Brian laugh and looked over at you with a wink. “I’m sorry, what was that?” You asked, confused and a little cocky.

“Oh nothing.” Shawn reassured you with a hand on your lower back, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“He called you his future girlfriend!” Brown yelled, earning a slap to the back of his head. “Aw come on Shawn. Don’t be a wuss.” you laughed, catching another set of beads that was tossed off the top of the staircase.

The rest of the evening was fun. You met a ton of people, played in a bean bag toss and won against an engineering student named Jordan, and had more fun than you’d ever thought. Back home, you usuallu stayed home and didn’t really get out much. Howerver, tonight Shawn was right there with you, cheering you on, introducing you to his friends, and apparently making sure that no one tried to steal you from him.

“Shawn,sweetie I’m really tired and I have a 9:00 am class in the morning. I think I’m gonna head back to the dorm.” You told him, noticing it was nearing midnight.

He nodded, tossing an empty water bottle into the recycling can. “Do you want me to walk with you? It’s dark out and you’re way too cute to be walking alone.” You blushed and felt someone come up behind you, and you turned to see Emily and Mike.

“Actually, we were headed back too. She can walk with us.” She said, placing a hand on your arm. She smiled at you, offering you a solo cup that had some gummy bears in it from the snack table.

You looked up to Shawn, who now seemed a lot more comfortable that you wouldn’t be alone. “Okay honey. I had fun.” He said, staring at your lips, begging for a kiss. So you nodded, leaning up on your tiptoes for a quick kiss. “Keep her safe.” He laughed at the other two dorm mates, who both had shocked looks on their faces. They obviously we’re prepared for that.

“You didn’t tell me you two were a thing!!” Emily yelled when you were far enough from the building that no one would hear her outburst. You laughed, shushing her.

“Yes I did! After the dinner. Either way, it’s very new. At the dinner we ended up kissing and he was so good looking and nice and sweet” You stated, filling in Mike on what you’d already told Emily a few days prior “ And he’s so not what I’m used to and-” you let out a sigh at the thought of Shawn.

That’s when both of them looked at you “Well, what are you used to?” Mike asked, his voice extremely cautious. You looked down at your feet, not sure how to phrase the next story that you were going to tell. Mentally you kicked yourslef for saying something, you didn’t want to bring this up, thiswas your chance to start over.

“My last ex. Actually all of them, even though there’s only been three. They were all pretty shitty, with sexual stuff. I’ll tell you guys more later, I’m not really comfortable talking about it. Anyways, it just really messed me up, and I’ve even been in therapy for it. Mainly it’s my most recent ex that caused it.” They looked at you, Emily almost tearing up. “I don’t want to get into details but I-“

Mike placed a hand on your shoulder. “You don’t have to. But from what I can tell about Shawn. He wouldn’t do that to you.” You looked up, about to thank him, when your heart dropped. Across from the courtyard from you, was the devil himself. He was leaned against the technology building, laughing at something someone had said, a cigarette to his lips. “Mike. Em. Keep walking. Just, please let’s go. I want to get back to the dorm.” The shake in your voice prompted them to walk faster, Emily holding your hand tightly while Mike looked around for what could’ve set you off.

When you got to your door, you started crying. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t my place to ask. I’m sure that was a lot for you to bring up” Mike babbled, rubbing your back while Emily got your door open and helped you inside and onto your bed.

Through choked sobs and your attempted breathing exercises, you got out a “not your fault.” The room was spinning at you tried to regain control of your breathing and heart rate. “Mike. She’s having a panic attack. I want you to go get some water and call Shawn, okay?” Emily barked, grabbing your hand and looking at you. “Hey there, listen to me. You’re okay. Have you had these before?” You nodded. “Do you have any pills for them?” You shook your head. “Not anymore.” you gasped, wishing you’d refilled your perscription before you left home.

Mike barreled through the door with a water bottle. “Shawn’s on his way. Is she okay? What can I do? This is all my fault.” You reached out, grabbing Mike’s hand and shaking your head. “She said it’s not your fault Mikey. She’s had them before, but she’s out of her meds. This isn’t your fault.” He seemed to relax after that.

He looked at you apologetically, you could see he felt bad, but you still weren’t able to speak to tell him this wasn’t your fault. “I’m gonna go see if Shawn is here.” He said, looking down at his phone.

After he’d left, Emily turned to you. “Without causing an after shock. Can you tell me what happened?” You took a very shaky deep breath, your body finally calming down enough to speak.

“It wasn’t Mikey’s fault. I looked over and my ex was actually there. The one I was talking about earlier? I didn’t know he was attending this school too. It was just a shock, like a sucker punch to the gut.” She nodded, pressing a kiss to your hand before walking out to let you decompress on silence.

Just as you were about to close your eyes, your body drained of all energy, the door opened again and you noticed a head of curls walking towards you. “Hey. Are you okay? I knew I should’ve walked you back.” His hands were resting on either side of your body like a shield while you laid on your bed. He looked at you before placing a hand on your cheek and rubbing gently with his thumb.

“I’m okay now. I- I saw my ex and it wasn’t pretty. I’ll tell you about it later. For when we are a little more established” Your eyes drooping in exhaustion.

“Mike and Em already told me what they knew. I promise I’ll keep you safe baby. Nothing is going to happen to you okay? Not as long as I’m around. Can I get you something? Do you need more water or I could start a shower for you.” You shook your head, placing your hand on his cheek.

He instantly stopped talking and looked at you, waiting for you to tell him what you needed. “Look at you, all protective and shit. It’s cute.” You smiled and he kissed the side of your palm. “But no I don’t need anything. Just want to get some sleep and start fresh tomorrow.”

He smiled, tilting his head slightly to kiss the entirety of your palm again. “Remember that I’m just across the hall, okay? Do you want me to stay a few more minutes to check on you? I want to make sure you’ve calmed down enough to fully rest.” You really just wanted to sleep, but the look on his face was begging you to let him stay. Maybe it was the doctor in him, or maybe he was just this passionate.

“I’d really like that. You can turn on the tv if you’d like. I have a fire stick, pick whatever you want. I just want to decompress.” He laughed softly, turning it on and clicking on some cooking show.

“How about you put on something more comfy and I go talk to the nurses outside. They are really worried and Want to make sure you’re okay before they go to bed” You let out a breathy laugh, getting up and walking towards your dresser.

“Tell them thank you, for me.” He nodded, walking over to place a kiss to your head.

Whispering softly he said, “Put on a sports bra, I’ve got a gift for you.” He smiled before walking out to talk to Mike and Emily who were no doubt a mess in the hallway.

Now dressed in your Calvin Klein sports bra and shorts, you were comfy in bed. Shawn walked in with a navy blue shirt in his hand and gave it to you. “I noticed you like to bury your face in my nack, and I know that calming scents help the body stay at ease. So I thought you’d like this.” You smiled, slipping the shirt over your head and snuggling into the sheets.

Shawn was now laying next to you, keeping a hand on yours to help keep you calm. It gave you a sense of safety, knowing that he was so gentle. “Thank you for making sure I was okay. I know you were having fun at the party.” He just kissed your head.

“It was time to come home, it was late. And don’t thank me, it’s my job. As a caretaker and hopefully a boyfriend.” You looked up at him, a tired smile on your face.

“Definitely as both.” You stated, nuzzling into his chest. Feeling safe for the first time in a long time.

He hummed happily, “Want me to stay tonight?” Too tired to answer you nodded, clinging to his body like he was a life support. “Then you’ve gotta let me get changed sweetheart.” You reluctantly pulled away, allowing him to get up and go to his own dorm room to change. But you couldn’t help the look he gave you before he shut the door. You could’ve swore you saw pure love him his eyes, and you’d only known him a week.

He returned five minutes later in some plaid pants and a wife beater. But the thing you couldn’t get past, was the fact that his pants were tucked into his socks. “Shawn?” He looked at you, nestling into bed with you, his head resting on your shoulder. “What the fuck is going on with your pants.”

[illfoandillfie]

Hangover Cure

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Fem!Reader

Summery: Ben is hungover from a night out with the boys and can’t fully remember what happened, luckily you’ve got some evidence.

Warnings: Smut, mentions of drinking, f receiving oral, squirting, face sitting,

Words: 4233

A/N: Small disclaimer: I don’t drink, I have never been drunk, all my knowledge of being drunk and hangovers and stuff comes from watching TV/movies (and maybe a little bit of googling). Anyway, that hangover photo Ben posted on insta destroyed me and I had to write something inspired by it! Ben gives off a vibe like he would fucking love going down on his girl, so have like 3k words of pussy worship  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tagslist: @idontbelievethiss

When you woke up you were still pressed close to Ben, his bare leg flung over yours, almost nose to nose. You lay there for a while, blinking the sleep from your eyes, listening to his deep breaths, before the need to pee made you untangle yourself and leave the bed. Your mobile phone caught your eye as you got up, the screen lit up with a staggering number of voicemail messages. Ben had been out last night, catching up with the rest of ‘the band’ and, apparently, he had a problem with drinking and dialling. You’d already listened to a few of them before you fell asleep but he’d clearly continued phoning well into the early hours of the morning. The last was from a little after three o’clock which, by your estimation, wasn’t long before he’d arrived home. Clearly the boys had had a fun night, starting with dinner at around 6.30 PM and ending, for Ben at least, with waking you as he stumbled into your room and noisily removed his jeans and shoes, in that order. You’d turned on your lamp to see what was going on and his face broke into a grin when he saw you. “Y/N! What’re you doing here?” his speech was slurred and much too loud. “I live here Ben,” you said, sleepily rubbing your face, “with you.” You could almost see the gears in his head turning as he stared at you like he was trying to solve a riddle. “Just come to bed,” you yawned, tapping his side of the bed. He nodded and crawled under the blankets as you turned the lamp back off. His hands automatically reached for you, pulling you close as you lay back down and shut your eyes.  

Ben slept in past midday. You checked on him a couple of times, but he remained fast asleep and snoring. It wasn’t until you were walking past your room in the afternoon that you heard him groan. You stood in the doorway for a moment, watching as Ben threw an arm over his eyes, face scrunched up against the light coming in through the window. “I take it you had a good night then,” You said as you padded across the room, pausing next to Ben and running your fingers through his messy hair. Ben let his arm fall back to his side and squinted up at you, “Maybe a little too good.” He groaned again, rubbing his temple. “Yeah, you smell like an ashtray that’s been washed out in whisky.” “I don’t even remember drinking whisky,” he groaned. “Stay here, I’ll be back with a hangover cure,” you chuckled, dropping a kiss to his forehead before you left. In the kitchen, you pulled out a tray and loaded it up with a glass of water, a couple of painkillers, two coffees and a stack of buttered toast. Entering your room, you found Ben sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. “You okay, honey?” you asked as you placed the tray on the nearest nightstand. “Thought I was gonna throw up. False alarm.” “Take these,” you handed him the water and painkillers. “Thanks babe,” He mumbled before swallowing the pills. “D’you want a coffee?” “Please,” he said switching the glass for his mug, “I hope Joe’s head hurts twice as much as mine.” “What’d Joe do?” You grabbed your own mug and the plate of toast, carefully settling yourself cross-legged facing Ben, “Eat.” Ben obediently took the top piece of toast, pulling his legs up onto the bed and leaning against the footboard, “He was the one that suggested shots. I think.” Ben chewed his toast slowly. “Did I wake you when I got home?” “You don’t remember?” “Sort of. I remember tripping over something outside. And I think I remember talking to you.” “Yes,” you laughed, “You woke me. You seemed confused about why I was here, happy to see me though. How much do you remember from last night?” “I remember having dinner and I remember heading to the pub after. Things start to get a bit hazy after a few rounds though. Why? What’d I do?” “Nothing bad, honey. I’ll tell you about it when you’re feeling better.” He nodded, “Think I’ll go have a shower.”

You finished your coffee while scrolling on your phone, the shower audible in the otherwise quiet room, and then carried everything back to the kitchen. You were just setting the dishwasher to run when Ben came up behind you, throwing his arms around your stomach and leaning his chin on your shoulder.   “Better?” “More or less. Brushed my teeth about twelve times which helped.” You turned around to face him, “well you certainly don’t smell like a bar anymore. Any word on how the others are faring?” “Everyone’s alive though pretty rough. I don’t know what we drank, but it was a mistake.” “I might have the answer,” “What d’you mean?” “So, while you were out, I got a number of very interesting phone calls.” Ben gave you a confused look. “You drunk dialled me a few times. Seventeen times if we’re being accurate.” “Oh my god.” His hand flew up to his head, the heel of his palm rubbing his eye, “What did I say? No, actually I don’t wanna know. Okay, tell me.” You leaned up to peck his lips before grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the kitchen and over to the couch where you’d left your phone. “I haven’t listened to them all, just the first few.” He sat down, watching warily as you clicked through to your voicemail. “So the first call you made, I picked up.” You said as you settled into your seat, throwing your legs over Ben’s lap.   “What time was that?”   “Round ten-ish. I think you were in a pub. Wherever you were was loud cause I couldn’t hear you properly. But basically you called so everyone could yell hello to me. I told you all to have a good night and got a chorus on unintelligible screams back and then you hung up.” “Thats not too bad. Kinda cute if you think about it,” He pinched your shin playfully. “You called again about five minutes later but I let it go to voicemail.” “Oh boy.” “You’re a sloppy drunk Benjamin.”  

You held the phone up between you and hit play on the first message. Ben’s voice sounded echoey as he slurred slightly into the phone which made you think he was calling from the bathroom. “Voicemail? Babe listen, I didn’t mean to hang up without saying I love you. Thats why ‘m calling. Felt bad. I don’t want you to think I don’t love you cos of course I love you. God I love you so much. Shit, I gotta go, Joe’s saying something about shots.” The message ended. “Okay you have to agree that was cute,” Ben said next to you. “The drunk idiot is very cute.” You conceded.   “Hey, he may be a drunk idiot, but he’s a truthful drunk idiot.” Ben tapped the end of your nose making you giggle. “Well, the drunk idiot isn’t done yet.” You started the second message. “Fuck it’s cold.” You heard a deep inhale and then a breath out, the sound of Ben smoking, “I need whisky.” The call ended and both of you laughed.   “Well okay, guess maybe I did drink whisky after all.” The third message was loud again. The Ben sitting next to you cringed as the opening notes of a song kicked in and his own voice yelled through the phone, “This one’s for you Y/N!” followed by the sound of him drunkenly singing My Heart Will Go On. “Oh god,” He dropped his head into his hands, “how long does the message go for?” “Four minutes and forty-five seconds. The whole song.” “Let's skip this one,” “Okay, but only because I’ve already listened to it.” “You listened to me butcher the entire song?” “It was dedicated to me, how could I not?” you laughed, “Also, it’s my new ringtone.” “Curse that movie.” Ben groaned as he let his head drop onto the back of the couch, “You catch the end of it on TV one time and then the song’s stuck in your head for a week.” “If it's any consolation, it sounded like you got a standing ovation at the end.”

The next couple of messages were from the same karaoke bar. You could barely hear Ben over the horrendous singing in the background of the first one, but he seemed to be talking to someone about the saké they were drinking. You wondered if it hadn’t been a pocket dial because of how quiet his voice was.   Ben looked at you shaking his head, “No wonder we all feel like rubbish today. How did we all make it home in one piece?” “Lord knows. Divine intervention?” You laughed, “This next one is the last one I heard before I went to sleep.” “Good or bad?” “I liked it.” The message started with the sound of Ben stumbling out a door, muffling the noise of the bar. “Can’t stop thinking bout your pretty pussy.” You looked over to Ben, grinning at his slightly pink cheeks. He looked like he was about to say something but you quickly placed a finger over your lips, signalling him to keep quiet.   “Wanna lick it right now. Could go for hours, sucking and licking and kissing. Fuck I love your pussy. Taste so fucking good. Wanna make you cum on my tongue. And then on my fingers so you can suck 'em clean and see how good you taste. Go so slow yo-” “Ben!” someone yelled from behind him somewhere, “C’mon we’re gonna go get kebabs!” The message ended. You’d known what was coming and you’d still found yourself clenching your thighs, something that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Ben. His hand was on your knee, rubbing his thumb in circles absentmindedly. “That...wasn’t what I was expecting,” he said slowly, “bit different to all the others,” “Wasn’t what I was expecting the first time I heard it either. Don’t think anyone’s ever expected to hear a monologue about eating pussy though. They just catch you by surprise.”   “How many times did you listen to it?” “Ummm, a few,” “So until you got off?” “You know me too well,” you laughed, “kinda wish you hadn't been interrupted. Would have liked to hear what else you were thinking.” “You would, would you?” His grip on your knee got tighter, “Think I’ve got the gist of it.” You squealed as he suddenly rolled out from under your legs and pushed them open.

“Thought you had a hangover,” “It’s not so bad now, modern medicine truly is a miracle. Besides, this may be a hereto unknown cure.” His speech was punctuated with kisses to your ankle. “Are you saying my pussy is like the fountain of youth but for fixing hangovers?” “Maybe. I don’t know. Now please stop talking, I need to concentrate.” He travelled higher, fingers tracing softly wherever his lips weren’t. He continued his path up your leg gradually, dragging his lips along your skin. Whenever he reached a particularly ticklish or sensitive spot he’d linger, holding your leg tight so you couldn’t squirm away. When he eventually reached your knee, he moved to your other ankle and started again. You whined, leaning your head back against the arm of the couch, which made him chuckle, sending a shiver through you. “Patience, babe.” He bit down unexpectedly, making you jump, “Told you I was gonna go slow.” Slow was an understatement. A snail would have crawled up your leg faster than Ben was going, though you had to admit it probably wouldn’t have put you in quite the same state. The longer Ben took the more desperate you were but nothing you did could persuade him to skip ahead. You tried whining and groaning, hoping the noise would encourage him to finally remove your pants, but all it did was make him smirk, his breath ghosting over the spot his lips had just detached from.   “Keep making those sounds. Love when you’re all desperate and needy.” You couldn’t stop the whine that rose into the air, his words hitting your right between the legs.

You also tried tangling your fingers in his hair and tugging the way you knew he liked but, though it did make him pause, it also made him more determined to make you wait. At one point you even tried to slip your hand into your pants to relieve some of the pressure. You didn’t get very far before Ben had a hold of your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm before he sucked your fingers into his mouth. He let your fingers slip free, turning his attention back to your shin, but kept a strong grasp on your hand to stop you from trying anything else.   “You jerk,” you tried to twist your hand free but he kept a firm hold, “didn’t think you’d mean this slow.” He laughed, sitting up slightly as he finally reached your other knee, “What a shame my drunken ode to your cunt was cut off before I could really go into detail.”   “Ben, you’re killing me, please just speed it up.” “Sorry babe, not gonna happen. “ He continued his lazy path over your knee and up your thigh until he reached the leg of your shorts, teasing you with feather light touches just under the hem. Then he switched back to the leg he’d started on and repeated his efforts. By the time he was kneeling between your legs, working your pants over your hips and pulling them off, you were on the verge of begging. You lifted your hips to help him remove your underwear but he ignored you. Instead you felt a breath on the inside of your thigh before his mouth was on you again. He resumed his slow pace, pausing every so often to suck a hickey onto your skin, before he switched to the other leg again. By the time he was done your thighs were covered in bruises and bite marks, and there was a very noticeable wet spot on the front of your undies.  

Ben leaned into you, his mouth centimetres from where you desperately needed him. You could feel bursts of his warm breath wash over you, only serving to heighten your need and the anticipation for what he had planned. “So very wet already. Wonder who could possibly have cause that?” You could only whimper as he stuck his tongue out and licked a single long stroke along your clothed pussy, your hips bucking at first contact. “Love how eager you are, but you gotta keep still,” he said as he wrapped his arms round your thighs to hold them in place. He refocused on kissing you through your underwear, working his way up slowly, squeezing your labia between his lips. Your breathing got heavier the closer he got to your clit, soft ‘oh’s dripping from your tongue. He was unphased by your obvious urgent need, working to cover every inch of you with his lips and teeth and tongue, leaving you panting for more as he carefully avoided your clit. When he gently sucked at the apex of your thigh you cried out in desperation. Ben hummed against you and settled back into his leisurely pace, never reaching your clit. “Ben, for the love of god, stop teasing,” Ben laughed as he raised himself to his knees and hooked his fingers into the top of your underpants, pausing to drop a kiss to your lips. He peeled your underwear down your legs, dropping them to the floor, and swiped a finger along your folds, collecting your wetness. He held his finger up and you watched as your juices slowly started to drip from it in a single long strand. “That voicemail,” Ben started, pausing to lick up the drip from his finger, “was cut off too soon. Didn’t even get to talk about how fucking wet you are for me. Though I think I can make you wetter.” He settled himself back down, laying his tongue flat against you and licking another long line all the way up your slit. You moaned as his tongue flicked over your clit but seconds later, he’d moved away again, letting a string of saliva drip slowly onto you before he began working his mouth softly over your pussy once more.  

You could feel your orgasm approaching as Ben buried his face between your legs, and you tangled your fingers in his hair again. You whined his name repeatedly, getting higher in pitch as he neared your clit. Finally he wrapped his lips around your clit, sucking it into his mouth and you let out a pornographic moan as you came undone. He swirled his tongue around your clit until the sensitivity became too much and you pushed him away. “Good girl,” He said softly, leaving kisses over your thighs as he waited for your breathing to even out again, “So pretty when you cum for me.” He began licking and sucking at your folds again, noisily cleaning up the evidence of your orgasm, “And drunk me was right, you taste fucking incredible.” He worked his tongue slowly into you, making you shudder as you felt another orgasm building already. He pulled out, licking all the way up to your clit before once again pushing his tongue into you, deeper than before. You lost the ability to form coherent thoughts as he fucked you with his tongue, bringing his thumb up to rub your clit slowly. Your knees snapped shut the minute he stopped holding them down, trapping him in position, though he didn’t seem to notice, just kept his steady pace, pulling you closer and closer to the edge. A moan built in your throat and you couldn’t help pushing on the back of his head, trying to keep him as close to your core as possible. You pulled on his hair making him moan against you and the vibrations triggered your release which he lapped up like a man dying of thirst. Your legs trembled as you lowered them back to the bed, not helped by Ben moving to blow a stream of cold air over your sensitive clit.

You tried to sit up but Ben placed a hand over your stomach to keep you in place. “I’m not done yet, enjoying this too much to be done so soon.” He flicked your clit with his tongue and you whimpered. “Too sensitive?” “Yeah,” You breathed out, raising you head to watch him. “That’s alright,” he kissed your clit once, making your hips jerk, “said I wanted you to cum on my fingers anyway.” Without any more warning he pushed two fingers into you making you moan, “That’s right babe, wanna hear you nice and loud,” he added a third finger, and began pumping them in and out teasingly slow, “Know you love having my fingers in your cunt. Can feel how tight your clenching them. ‘m gonna watch you cum hard and then I’m gonna go back to worshipping your cunt properly.” He adjusted the angle of his fingers slightly, and you felt the pit in your stomach tighten. “Think I can make you squirt like this, want me to try?” “Please, yes, ‘m so clos-s-se,” you were interrupted as he once again lowered his mouth to your cunt, his fingers steadily stroking the same spot over and over, making your see spots. “C’mon babe,” he mumbled against you, “wanna see you make a fucking mess.” Your breath caught in your throat as his fingers became more forceful and you gripped the edge of the couch so hard your knuckles turned white as you came again.   “Good girl, that was exactly what I wanted to see,” He said, sitting up on his knees, rubbing your thigh with the hand that hadn’t just been pulled from you. “I did it?” you panted, finally relaxing your hand, letting it dangle over the edge of the couch. “mmhmm, gonna have to get some stain remover onto this couch later.” You raised your head and sure enough you could see the dark patch you’d made. You couldn’t help but laugh, giddy from the pleasure. Ben wiped his mouth on his sleeve before he leaned forward to kiss you softly. “I love you so much,” “Love you too Ben. Maybe more now that I know you can make me do that.” He kissed you again and then resettled between your thighs. “Thought you said something about letting me taste?” “Later,” he grunted before he focused all his attention on dragging his tongue through your slick folds again.

“You’re dripping,” Ben admired, taking another swipe along your cunt, “So fucking wet.” Not that you needed him to tell you that. You could feel your wetness running down towards your arse, see it shining on Ben’s mouth and chin every time he looked up at you. Aside from Ben’s running commentary the only sounds in the room came from him burying himself in your pussy. The wet noises of his spit meeting your juices as he licked and sucked at you, and the whines and whimpers and moans he drew from you with every flick of his tongue. You were so wet his tongue just glided over you, hitting your still sensitive clit on every pass. It felt so good, but also wasn’t enough to push you to another orgasm. You tried to shift your hips against his mouth as his movements became less controlled. He devoured you, trying to reach every inch of your cunt, not caring about keeping a steady pace or tempo. You swore as his nose bumped your clit again, followed a moment later by his tongue flicking over it once, twice, three times.   “Ben, I can’t do it again.” you whined, fighting back the urge to cry, “I wanna cum but I can’t.” Ben just hummed against you, ignoring your pleas as he continued his frenzied movements. You could feel tears of desperation stinging your eyes. You were so close, just not getting the right sort of friction to push you over the edge. You tried to wiggle your hips but Ben wrapped his arms round your thighs again, holding you in place as he closed his eyes, and delved deeper. You could have sworn you were going to cum as Ben explored every inch of your pussy, but you were left unsatisfied again, letting out another frustrated whine. Ben resurfaced, shaking his head from side to side as he trailed his tongue over you. “Don’t worry, babe, got an idea.” He pulled back and moved to grab your waist, using his grip to flip you over suddenly. He wiggled between your open legs and grabbed your thighs again. You leaned against the arm of the chair, resting on your knees as Ben pulled you down onto his lips, picking up where he’d left off. You clawed at the couch as he held you tightly, anchoring you to his mouth. The new position allowed you to arch your back and rock your hips more freely and you shifted around a little trying to find the right spot. You cried out as his tongue met you just the way you’d needed it, and began to grind down onto him chasing your release. “God Ben, so so close,” you gasped out. Ben’s reply was nothing more than a muffled hum directly into your core that had you slumping over the arm of the chair as you shook above him, crying out his name. He continued to lick along your slit, stretching the orgasm out as long as he could. When you couldn’t take it anymore you raised your hips, his hands loosening their grip as you rolled off of him into the corner of the couch. Once Ben had sat up, you gingerly stretched out a leg.

“So how was that?” Ben asked as he shuffled round to face you. All you could do was nod as you released a shaky breath. Ben scooted towards you and leaned his forehead against yours, “I take it that means it was good?” “Yeah,” you breathed out softly, “really good. I’ll tell you just how good when I can think clearly again.”   Ben laughed and dropped a kiss to the tip of your nose before pulling back, “take all the time you need. There is just one more thing though,” You gasped as he gently dragged a single finger through your folds, collecting as much of your wetness as he could. “Said I was gonna make you taste yourself.” Without thinking you grabbed his wrist and slowly sucked his finger into your mouth. You kept your eyes locked on his, watching as they grew wide at your bold action. “See how fucking delicious you are?”   You hummed around his finger, running your tongue along its length. When you felt you’d sufficiently cleaned his digit you pulled it from your lips with a small pop.   “Think I could get used to receiving drunk messages from you if this is how you make up for it,” “Think I wanna know what the rest of those messages say.”

[missnxthingg]

Is this where we do prompts? Can you do a peter Parker imagine where has powers and is recruited as an avenger and then has to share a room with peter in avengers tower, and they fall in love? Please and thank you!

AN: I really just got along with it, and made it really big. I loved writting this, and I hope you like it too. Just keep sending those requests.

Warnings: Bad words, a bit of makeout.

Words: 5k, I guess

———

You hated to admit you were kind of nervous, because it has been your dream since you found out who The Avengers were. Your old room in your foster parents house back in Staten Island was covered with pictures and news about The Avengers. When you had been invited to their tower, you were simply amazed, but kind of nervous. Now, you were following a guy carrying your bags around those endless hallways, silently and paying attention to every single detail around you. It was a beautiful place, very technological. At the end of one of them, you could hear someone talking on the phone. A voice who you knew very much. The same voice who invited you over. Tony Stark talking on his phone, probably with some investor or something. When he saw you coming in, he hung up and smiled.

“Oh, Y/N, you’re here. Welcome to The Avengers Tower.”

“Thank you Mr. Stark, I’m glad you invited me over.”

“I guess you met Happy Hogan already.” He said pointing to the man carrying your bags. “He’s gonna help you with anything you need.”

“That’s nice.”

“And I’m very sorry to say, but you’re going to be sharing a room with one of our heroes. Don’t worry, he’s harmless and he has your age. Plus, you’re way more powerful than him.”

“Can I at least know which one?”

“The Spider One, I always forget his name. Anyway, he’s nice and will help you around. Happy will show you around, and you can have all day to adjust in. Your training starts tomorrow after breakfast, and breakfast ends up at 9 AM, so don’t be late.”

“I won’t. Thank you Mr. Stark.”

So you started to follow that Happy guy around, paying attention to what he was saying while showing you around. You saw many rooms around from many heroes you used to see on TV or the internet. You got excited to be one of them, or at least becoming one of them. Your room was the last one in the hall. Happy opened the door for you and everything was dark. Happy rolled his eyes and got your bags on the floor.

“Peter, it’s almost noon and you’re still sleep.”

“Just a couple of more minutes Mr. Happy, I had a late night trying to do that stuff Mr. Stark asked me to fix and I’m really tired.”

“Just get off bed, we have guests, remember? We talked about this yesterday.”

“Has she arrived yet?” He asked with his face buried on his pillow.

“She’s right next to me.”

The boy in bed got up in a heartbeat. He was wearing nothing but his sweatpants, he had small bags under his eyes and also had a face of the person who had just woken up and didn’t want to. You pitied him, he looked very tired. The boy smiled just a little bit to see you in front of him, and you smiled back. Happy got your bags over your bed and got to the window.

“Maybe put on some clothes, Pete.” He said and the boy got the first shirt he found on the floor. A gray shirt with the saying ‘Midtown School of Science And Technology’. Happy opened the blinds, letting the light come into the room, revealing more clearly every detail in there.

“Sorry. I’m Peter Parker, nice to meet you.” He stood his hands in the air, waiting for you to shake it, which you did.

“Nice to meet you too, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” He smiled and you smiled back.

“So I’m going to leave you two alone, don’t do anything stupid. And since you missed lunch, you both can grab a sandwich in the kitchen, but don’t tell Tony cause he’s gonna be pissed if he finds out that you’re not eating your lunch properly Peter.”

“Fine. Thank you, Mr. Happy.”

“Yeah, thank you.”

“Be nice to her.” Happy got out of the room, closing the door behind him.

You sat on your bed. This half of the room was fully empty, the opposite of the other half of the room, that was Peter’s part. His table had so many thing over it that you couldn’t even identify what was being done there. So many objects, open books and devices you didn’t even know. His bed was completely messy, with at least two blankets over it, two pillows and his Spider Man suit over there. At the other side of the bed there were so many books pilled together, forming a huge wall of books, and one of them even had a mug over it. The walls were covered with projects, some photos and newspapers cuts. If looked like it had life in it, and your side was still not as good as it.

“Sorry about the mess, I didnt get any time to organize it yesterday. I had so many work to do and since I’m leaving for a bit next week, I need to get it done. Don’t mind the books, they used to be in a shelf located on what’s now your bed.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take you space.”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” He smiled at you and started to clean his desk. “So, you’re the girl with a lot of powers, right? Mr. Stark told me you have plenty of them.”

“Well, I think I have plenty, but they don’t make any sense combined, I guess. I can switch my shape, it’s called shapeshifting, as Mr. Stark said. Like, who do you want me to turn into?”

“Humm… I don’t know, myself.” You closed you eyes and concentrated on how Peter looked like, and when you opened them, Peter’s face looked hilarious.

“You look just like me.”

“I know, right?” You said changing back to what you really were.

“I loved that. What else?” You teleported to behind him, and he turned looking for you, and got scaried to see you facing him from behind. “Teleportation, good.”

“I also can get invisible if I want.” You said turning invisible, but them coming back to normal after that. “I can manipulate the four elements, specially fire. But I’m not going to show it to you, because in my opinion, it’s the most dangerous one. But the coolest one is this.” Your mouth remained still, but Peter could hear your voice.

“Telepathy.” He said and smiled. “I liked that.”

“I can also control minds, and get into other people’s dream if I want to, but it requires much of my energy and it’s definitely not nice and a bit confusing.”

“I like your powers. I was just bitten by a radioactive spider and got spidey things. Not as cool as yours.”

“Dude, you can crawl the walls of New York. That’s my dream.”

“Maybe I could take you someday.” He smiled and looked at your eyes. Was he flirting with you?

“Maybe, just tell me when.”

“Whenever you want to, babe.” Okay, he was definitely flirting with you. “So you’re from New York?”

“Kind of. I’m from Staten Island, but I lived in many other places around New York. Hell’s Kitchen, Brooklyn, Queens, Midtown and even the Upper East Side.”

“Wait. Queens? That’s where I live with my aunt.”

“Don’t you live here?”

“Oh no. I come to stay here sometimes, but I have an aunt, she’s kind of like my mom. She raised me. And I still have to go to school, and we’re not exactly anywhere near anything. So, I still have to be around the city sometimes. I stay here in summers, or just like right now, when Tony wants me training or on a mission.”

“So that’s what you meant by leaving next week.”

“Yes! But it’s just for a week. I have some final tests before my vacation, so I’ll stay here for two months probabily. Mr. Stark wants me to train you.”

“Training, sharing a room. I think we’re going to be stuck with each other for a very long time.”

“I really don’t mind.” He smiled and you smiled back.

“Yeah, me neither.”

Peter was really cool, and you just bounded instatly. He helped you unpack, organizing your things in the closet inside the room and decorating a bit of your side of the room. You told him that you were an orphan since you were eight. An accident caused by your fire powers burned your parents house down and you were the only survivor, as a curse just like you always thought. So you had to live in many foster homes and were always kicked out by being too weird for the family. They were scared of having you around their kids. It never lasted long, but the one that really lasted was the last one, but you were kicked out of the house just like happened other times. The parents were really abusive and they didn’t like when you arrived late. So Tony had his eye on you since he found out about your story, and since you were living on the Upper East Side with that really rich family, and used your powers to turn into a grown man to buy drinks at a liquor store. Last week, he finally contacted you, when he found out you were in the foster system again. As he said himself, you were now legally his child, and could live with him at that tower. Peter also told his story, of how he lost his parents, his uncle Ben, how he got bitten by that spider and told a little bit about his life back in New York. You had plenty of things in common, but he had a home and a family, you didn’t.

The next week was really good. Waking up early, having breakfast with some of the heroes like Wanda, Natasha and sometimes, Bruce. Tony, Happy and Peter were always there too. And afterwards, training, all day. You liked what you were doing, training and at night, studying with a tutor Tony hired to home school you. It was your last year of High School, so it wouldn’t be needed for much time. At night, you would just hang around with Peter, maybe watch some TV or something. But the week went by too fast, and he had to leave back to New York. You missed him, everything just seemed boring and quiet without him. You had to admit, you hated to see him gone. When Peter came back, you just spent every minute of your day together. It was a weekend, so you didn’t have any school or training, so that meant free day for both of you. It was only movies, snacks and a lot of talking. He told you about his tests, about his school and how his friends were kind of different with him, except for Ned, who he told that still the same old friend. You told him about your week too, and how Natasha came to train you and it was a heavier training, but the best one yet, and she was really sweet with you.

Many months passed, you got closer and closer to Peter. You both talked about your insecurities and demons. He was helping a lot with your very common nightmares of that horrible night. He would literally wake up in the middle of the night and come to lay in your bed and not getting to sleep until he knew that you were sleeping peacefully. And if you asked him not to go back to his bed, he would just stay there all night long. During trainings, he tried to impress you and flirting a lot in your point of view, but you get flirting and being nice mixed up sometimes, but you loved to flirt back. Sometimes he would just give you small blinks and cheek kisses around, but a forehead kiss and a hug were his thing to do with you every morning. Your heart always pounded when you were around him, specially when he was shirtless, that occured during trainings and at night before bed. You liked him, and you think he likes you too, but wasn’t very sure.

One day, he asked if you wanted to come to the city with him. He was graduating in three weeks and he was coming back to his New York home for two weeks and didn’t want to be away from you for so long. So he said you could stay at his apartment, and come to his graduation day. You didn’t even knew how he was still graduating in his school if he was also being homeschooled with you, but he said Mr. Stark and his director had an arrengement for him to only go to school in important dates like tests or other stuff, due to his internship outside town, but in condition to be homeschooled with all the content he had in school. So while he was away from the city, he wouls just keep doing whatever he needed to do.

“There’s also prom night. And I don’t have a date, so if you want to come with me.” He asked, kind of shy.

“I never went to one of those.”

“Really? But you weren’t homeschooled, right?” He seemed a bit surprised.

“No, but no one ever invited me to come to one of those proms, bowls, homecomings or school dances.”

“I can’t believe it. Okay, so I’m gonna make this one special. Pretend that I didn’t ask you anything.”

“There’s no need Pete.”

“I want to. But do you wanna come to New York with me?”

“Of course, you idiot.” He smiled and hugged you.

“So, we’re leaving by friday. Okay?”

“Okay.”

You had to find the perfect dress. So you asked Happy for help, but you both couldn’t find anything good enough online. You were almost going with that old black dress you had, but still, you wanted something special. But you weren’t even oficially asked yet. On Thursday, when it got dark, Peter took you to the rooftop to see the stars and eat some junk food he asked Happy to get him, getting totally out of your hero diet Tony specifically asked for you both to follow while training. But that didn’t matter for a while, and you had an awesome date, and at the end he got down on his knees, making you laugh very hard.

“Stop doing this, you’re making me nervous Y/N.”

“Sorry Pete, I can’t.” He held your hands and slightly laughed with you.

“Y/N Y/L/N, do you concede me the honor of taking you to prom?”

“Yes, Pete.” You said laughing and he got up laughing. “It’s getting late, and colder. Let’s go to bed.”

“Only if you agree to share your bed with me tonight.”

“No, good night Pete.”

“Come on, you’re gonna have to get used to it, cause I only have a bed in my room back in New York.”

“So let’s leave all the magic to New York.”

And so you got into the house again, back to your bedroom, where you changed into your pajamas and lied in your bed. Peter was kind of mad you didn’t let him share beds with you, so he slept only in his underwear to provoke you. You dry swallowed, and he noticed, and smiled, covering himself with the sheets.

“Don’t I get my good night kiss?”

“You don’t deserve it miss.” He said and you laughed a bit.

“You’re mean.”

“So are you.”

“Good night Pete.” You closed you eyes and after a few seconds, you felt his lips kiss your forehead, so you smiled.

“Good night my love.” Your heart pounded again, and you fell asleep smiling.

You both woke up early the next morning. Happy prepared the car to take both of you to the city, and you helped Peter prepare the breakfast for you three and Tony, who woke up early just to say goodbye and to tell he would be there for graduation day. It was a quick trip back to New York. Happy drove the car, Peter went on the front seat and you sat in the middle of the back seat. He kept his hand in the back seat holding yours for a long time, and that warmed you heart up. It didn’t took long and you were already in the streets of Queens, when Happy parked in front of a building, where a middle age woman was at the sidewalk, waiting. Peter got out of the car and hugged her for a very long time. Happy opened the door for you and you got out of the car. Peter pulled you by the hand, closer to the woman he was hugging.

“May, this is Y/N, that girl I told you about. And well, Y/N, this is aunt May. She’s basically my mom, but I call her aunt because of affective reasons.“

“It’s very nice to meet you, Y/N.”

“Thank you, it’s very nice to meet you too May.”

“Are you kids hungry? Cause I made some lunch.”

“May, you don’t have to pretend to know how to cook just to impress Y/N. She already knows you’re a terrible cooker.”

“Oh good, cause I ordered some homemade food from that old lady that lives down the street.” She made you laugh hard with that.

“It’s okay, I’m not that good as a chef either. Peter is the one who is always cooking stuff around.”

“Oh, my boy it’s just so good at everything.” She smutched his cheeks and he blushed.

“Stop it.” He said and it made you and May smile.

“So, are you going to have lunch with us Mr. Hogan?” May asked and they both crossed each others sights and thinks got kind of weird. It was clear that they had a crush on each other.

“I would appreciate it May, but Mr. Stark needs me back at the base as soon as possible. We have many things to do today.”

“At least get a sandwich. Go get it for him Peter.” He ran into the house and left you at the sidewalk with May. You both held you baggages and waited for Peter, who came back with a sandwich, a juice and an apple.

“Keep it healthy, Mr. Happy.” Peter blinked and Happy rolled his eyes.

“Thank you May. I’ll come with Mr. Stark for your graduation day.”

“Really?” Peter asked with his eyes shining.

“Of course. Everyone is coming, or you thought we would miss it?”

“I thought it was only going to be Mr. Stark.”

“So you better save some more seats for us. See you soon.” Happy got back into the car and drove off.

“Let’s go inside kids.”

Peter carried both of your bags and May lied a hand on your shoulder, guiding you into the building. The apartment was beautiful, much better than the one you used to live in when you were at some foster home in Queens. That one was really small and dirty. This one feels like a really nice place to stay and you liked it. Peter got the bags into his room and May showed you around. It wasn’t huge, but was really nice.

“I know it might not be big and luxurious as the place you live in but…”

“It’s perfect.” You interupted and May smiled.

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“LET’S EAT!” Peter cheared and went running out of his bedroom, right into the dinning room.

You all had a nice lunch. You told May a little bit about your life, and she told a little bit about hers and Peter’s, and after lunch, while eating some sweets, she showed some kid pictures of Peter, who was really embaressed and blushed. You remained there until it was already very dark. Peter got his Spider Man suit on and May rolled her eyes to him.

“You just got back, and you’re going to be out patroling?”

“I’m actually going to take Y/N for a ride around town, but I’ ll need you to put on your suit.” He said directing to you and you agreed.

Tony designed a suit for you a few months ago. It was black and yellow, and had boots, just as you liked it. And a small mask covered part of your face. You liked it very much, and it was very comfortable. Peter had his mask on and so he said goodbye to May and you both got out by the window.

“I’m gonna need you to hold very tight to me.” He said and so you did, holding him by his back, involving his waist by your leg. “Okay, don’t let me go.”

So he jumped, but before hitting the ground, he started to bounce around his webs. You screamed and started to shake. He laughed and got to the rooftop of some building.

“Are you scared?”

“I’m so fucking terrified.” You said looking down, and he laughed, making you come out of his back and holding you on his front, and being really close to your face.

“Do you trust me?” He asked, looking at your eyes. You were mesmerized.

“Yes.” You replied and he smiled.

“Good. Maybe this will make you feel better.” He started to bounce around again, and you were helding very tight onto him.

You were screaming at the beggining, but it got really good with time. You were having a lot of fun, and Peter’s funny comments were relaxing you a lot. He stopped at a rooftop in front of a mall and sat by the bord. You sat next to him, and he held your hand.

“I don’t have a dress.” You said looking down.

“What?” He asked, looking at you.

“I don’t have a dress for prom.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because I thought that wasn’t the kind of thing we usually talk about. And I want it to be a surprise. I want it to be perfect.”

“First, we talk about everything. Second, it will be perfect, you just need to be with me.” He held your hand tighter. “May can take you shopping tomorrow, and that way it will be a surprise to me, okay?”

“Okay.”

That night, he took you to eat dinner at a fast food store, but you ate at the rooftop of an old art gallery in Brooklyn, and watched the city that never sleeps still all awake, till it was very late and you both had to go home. May was already asleep when you got there and Peter got he bed prepared. It was a bunk bed, but the top bed was the only one unoccupied, since the other had your bags in it. You changed to your pajamas and Peter got his sweatpants on, and no shirt as always. He closed the door and the window for it not be too cold.

“I thought you said you only had one bed.”

“Yeah, I lied. But just because I never used the bottom bed. And because I wanted you to sleep with me.”

“You’re an idiot.” You got up to the top bed, but blocked Peter from getting in. “Nope, you’re going to sleep in the bottom.”

“Please, let me sleep with you.” He was pounting, and you smiled.

“Maybe if you put on some clothes, it will be nice.”

“You love my abs.” He said pointing to his naked body.

“No, I don’t.”

“I don’t care, I’m gonna sleep were I want to, however I want to.” He lied next to you and you got on your way to get to the bottom bed.

“Whatever, I’m not sleeping with you.” But before you could get out, he held you by your waist and pulled you to him, and trapped you into his arms and legs. He buried his face at the back of your neck and used a web to turn the lights off.

“Yes, you are.” He already had his eyes closed, but he made you more comfortable, holding you in a comfortable hug and covering you with the blanket.

“Where is my good night kiss?” You asked, turning to face him. His eyes opened and looked directly into your mouth, and he just kept starring for a couple of seconds, but he kissed your forehead.

“Good night baby.” He said and held you closer.

“Good night.”

The week went by very fast, and you did many things with him. You met his friends, he took you to patrol, but he also took you to many nice places. He even did the movie night with you and May, and it was a really nice date. May was being really sweet to you and even took you shopping for your dress, and paid it for you. She talked about Peter with so much love in her eyes, and you loved it. And so the day finally came, prom night. She helped both of you get ready, you in her room, Peter in his room. You knew very little about makeup, but May helped you with that. He waited at the living room until May announced you were ready, and so you came out of the room wearing a beautiful navy blue dress, sandals and a flawless makeup. Peter was mesmerized, and his eyes shined like they never did. His heart raced and he couldn’t help but show the biggest smile on his face.

“You look amazing.” He said, standing completely still.

“You look amazing too.” You replied and reached for his hand.

“I need to take pictures. Wait a minute.” May ran to get her phone and Peter just kept starring at you. He couldn’t get his eyes of you.

“You look like an angel.” He said still looking at your face.

“You’re making me blush.” You replied and hide your face on his neck.

“Don’t hide, love.” He said and you looked at his eyes and you both smiled.

May came with her phone, and took plenty of photos of you and with you. And so it was time, so she drove you to school, where it was full of students. You met with his friends, and you all just had a good time. You danced with them all, and Peter really sucked at dancing, but he was asking you for help all of the time. He was trying very hard to make you feel really comfortable around him, and it was working. You danced to every song playing that night. And so the slow dance came, and he held you very close. Hands on you waist, your face resting on his chest, your arms holding him in a soft hug, and his head resting at the top of yours. You stayed like that for a very long time, but before the song ended, your eyes met and couldn’t get off each other.

“This is the part where I kiss you.” He said keeping his voice low. You could feel his breath against your face.

“So what are you waiting for Pete?” He leaned and closed his eyes, and so your lips met for the first time. It was very slow and sweet, just like you always imagined it would be. Now you were doing what you both craved the most for many months, and you wanted to take advantage of every single second of it.

“Do you wanna go somewhere more private?” He asked and you agreed. He took you out and got to the rooftop of a build right across the street. You could see people walking around, but you didn’t really care about them, you just cared about the boy next to you. He sat down and pulled you to his lap, and started to kiss you again, making it more intense this time, and so you both stopped and smiled. “Hi gorgeous.”

“Hi.” You smiled and kissed him again. “Thank you for tonight.”

“I was supposed to be the one thanking you, my love.”

“My love?”

“If you don’t mind me calling you like that, of course.”

“I always loved when you called me like that.” You kissed him again and you both remained like that for a long time. “But do you really love me?”

“I was talking about that with May today. She asked if I liked you, and until last week I thought so. Since the very first day I liked you, but after that day, that first day here that I took you out, I realized I don’t like you. I love you, Y/N, and all of that because Mr. Stark had this huge idea to put us in the same room, doing a lot of things together. I love every single bit about you. Your smile, how you just be yourself all of the time…”

“I love you too, Pete.” You interrupted him and he smiled.

“And I love how you say my name.” He said before kissing you one more time.

After that night, you never spent a moment apart. That week was the best of your life, and graduation day came. Everyone was in town, and after meeting them all at the event, you sat next to Tony, by the end of the row. Your eyes met Peter’s and you both smiled to each other.

“What is up with you two?” Tony asked and you looked at him very quickily.

“Nothing, I was just smiling at my friend.” You replied, blushing a little bit.

“Cut the crap, Y/N. You’re blushing. I know you like him, and he clearly likes you.”

“You think so?” You asked and Tony laughed.

“Oh kid, he really likes you.” He said looking back to Peter.

The cerimony took a while, but you all went to celebrate with Peter afterwards. Everyone was there, Natasha, Wanda, Bruce, Rhodes, Pepper, May, Tony, Happy and you. And he had fun with everyone, but when he saw you one more time, he gave you a big hug and pulled you aside.

“I need to ask you something.” He said, putting his hat in your head.

“Anything.” You said and he smiled and gave you a small kiss on the lips.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked and you agreed with your head.

“Yeah, Peter, of course!” He kissed you again and flipped you around, smiling during the kiss.

“Kids, stop for the photo.” May said, and Peter stopped still kissing you, and you heard May taking the photo.” This one is way too cute.”

“I loved it.” You said looking at the picture, and looking at Peter after.

“I love you.”

[heyhyunjiin]

Demon!Hyunjin AU PT. 3

esketit lol

 this part is soooo overdue holy shit lmao. I’m so sorry for keeping you guys waiting. If you see me in real life, you have permission to drop kick my ass. (unless you’re tyler and you’re gonna kiCK MY ASS ANYWAYS NO MATTER WHAT)

so! it has been a couple months now since you and demon!hyunjin are living together. as it turns out, this boy couLD ActuaLLY LEAVE the apartment complex.

 you didn’t know he could do that.

you thought demons were meant to stay in one area for eternity to cause spoops but that’s not the case lol.

the way you found out was sorta wild

it was a really cold weekend and snow was decorating the environment outside.

you were on a day off from work and wanted to do a few fun things since free time was rare for your occupation. You had plans on visiting the library, cafe, small shops, and lastly your favorite restaurant for dinner before it was too late in the evening and your powerful roommate would be resting.

oh and you wore a thick black sweater (ik, sounds pretty random but it’s an important detail in the fic!)

the walk to the library was peaceful and nice since it most people were still sleeping and weren’t being rowdy yet.

an old woman bid you a warm welcome softly from her desk. you returned the greeting and began walking through the aisles of books, searching for any that looked interesting.

your eyes were glued to the back cover of a small book, reading the description when someone tapped you gently from behind.

a man who looked to be in his middle 20’s and dressed in a striped long-sleeve shirt with jeans smiled at you and said, “that book’s a good one! i relate to the main character’s father.” he was mere inches from you, being too near than what most would consider appropriate distance for a stranger.

you were like, “(ㆆ_ㆆ) why tf is he standing so close to me,” inside your head. on the outside, you politely smiled and said, “ah! really? I haven’t read this one before.”

he chuckled and paused to admire your face. “Y’know, you’ve got great complexion. i’d love to take a photo of your face for my photography class,” he pointed at his camera bag which loosely hung over his shoulder.

“no thanks, I’m not particularly interested.” you replied, putting the book back in the right place and moved along, having to scoot around the guy since he was sort of blocking your path.

a few minutes went by and no book really caught your interest, but your bladder got the best of you. the librarian said the restroom was just to the left of the biography shelves so you made your way there.

ahhhhhh the restroom was nice and clean so you had no problem setting your phone on the sink as you washed your hands after you had done your business.

the walk to the cafe was short as you hummed the tune to your favorite song.

you took a seat by the window since it had a nice view of the outside. the little bell chimed above the door, signaling that another customer had entered the cafe.

you glanced at them merely- a dude in a green jacket. not deeming them as interesting, you went back to watching the snow fall from the outside.

there was some fog on the glass of the window and suddenly, letters faintly started appearing.

“Be Cautious,” it said.

what the hell :-$

first, you’re living with a demon boy and now you think you’re being surrounded by ghosts.

what good luck you haaaave.

you were obviously still very shook after a minute or so of staring at the words that hadn’t faded away at all.

the employee who softly tapped your shoulder startled you so much, your gasp scared him as well. he had almost spilled your drink on you.

“are you alright, ma’am?” he had asked you.

You: O.O yeah, yeah. just a bit jumpy ahahahaha.

he probably thought you were a bit crazy but nevertheless bid you a good day after giving you your drink.

The warm brew felt nice in such a cold weather.

The town square was as busy as usual: people were scurrying along with their families and loved ones, children were holding colorful animal-shaped balloons, some lovers were fighting while others were doing hefty PDA, loud music blared from all over the place, and overall, the shops surrounding the square were having good sales.

you stopped by a small boutique shop, observing a set of earrings on display when the familiar voice of the man from the library came from the entrance of the store.

you could feel your heart beat quicken and the next thing you did was hide behind a rack of clothes.

“excuse me, did you see a person with this hair color, around this height, with a black sweater on?” he had asked the cashier woman.

a sense of suspicion laced her voice as she replied, “why’re you looking for her?”

he laughed awkwardly, as if the question made him nervous. “she’s my sister and i’ve been looking for her for a while. i lost her in the crowd at the square. mind helping me out?”

you silently crossed your fingers in hopes that the lady wouldn’t say anything.

“oh! since that’s the case, i recall her looking at the jewelry section一” he didn’t even let her finish and just sauntered over in your direction.

“shit. shit. shit.” you were thinking.

the only other way to get out of the store aside from going in the same walk-way as him was to run alongside the aisle of mirrors which would reflect you and alert him that you were leaving.

“fuck it. it’s all i’ve got.” you thought and made a bee-line for the exit as fast as possible.

the square is usually patrolled by policemen but for some freakin’ reason, nONE could be seen when you needed them.

you put on the hood of your sweater and started making your way to the restaurant that you’d planned on having dinner at as briskly as possible.

“early dinner it is then,” you thought to yourself.

TBH you were sorta down bc today was supposed to be relaxing BUT some stupid creep had to ruin it. NOW all you wanted to do was go eat some food, walk home and enjoy the safety of your apartment with your demonic roommate.

the sun was setting and the townsquare was getting less and less busy with people going home or having dinner elsewhere.

a rough grip latched onto your shoulder, and you were forced to turn around, coming face to face with the library creep.

he was scowling and obviously irritated.

“you’re the sneakiest bitch i’ve ever met,” he said through gritted teeth.

you were doing all you could to create some distance between you two.

“fuck off! let me go!” you demanded, trying to shove him away as far as possible but the man didn’t even budge an inch.

“oh, really sweetheart? are you sure you don’t want your phone back first?” he held up the device in his other hand.

you could feel the color draining from your face.

the phone was set on the sink of the bathroom while you were washing your hand and you must have left it in there.

which meant one thing: he had followed you inside the restroom, waited till you left, & took the phone.

for a moment in time, you were completely alone with this poor excuse of a man.

lord knows what could have happened...

your eyes landed on his outfit.

a green jacket concealing a long sleeved striped shirt.

if your eyes could get any wider, they would have.

that green jacket was the same as the one you’d seen at the cafe. it was used to cover up his striped shirt that you would have noticed right away.

this entire time, you were in his sight.

his clutch on your sweater allowed him to haul you to a vacant and dark alleyway.

you kept screaming for help but the loud music of the square drowned out your pleas.

his camera bag was unzipped on the ground of the alley and not a single camera was inside.

in it, there was a pocket knife, rope, tape, and a bottle of pills.

(hold onto your wigs ladies for these next parts :O)

WITHIN A SECOND OR TWO! the man’s grip on you loosened because his body was flung against a wall with such a violent force.

you were confused and still scared as fuck.

he was lost and in pain.

both of you glanced at the entrance of the alley.

to him, there were only people passing by, and nobody appeared to notice the scene.

to you, the shadow of a tall boy stood at the entry point of the alley with glowing eyes. you’d know those crimson orbs anywhere.

(this is basically what you were seeing.)

AAAAAAAAA IT’S YA BOY DEMON!HYUNJIN

a streetlight attached to one of the building walls turned on, illuminating the face of the demon.

his facial expression read anger, irritation, and murder.

he took one step forward:

hyunjin slowly pointed his index finger upward and the body of the creep raised with it in the same pace.

this absolutely scared the crap out of the guy because he couldn’t see who was doing this to him.

his body was probably a good 8 feet above the ground.

“w-what are you doing?” you asked your roommate.

“If this dick is into dangerous situations so badly, i’m gonna put him in one.” hyunjin barked out.

“h-hey! who the hell are you talking to?!” the man frantically asked you.

hyunjin used his other hand to make a choking motion.

the creep suddenly grabbed his throat, feeling it closing up with an invisible power.

hyunjin’s eyes were glowing redder and redder the longer he tortured the man and his scowl grew scarier.

the pocket knife from the camera bag also rose up and stopped a few inches from the man’s forehead.

things were escalating so quickly before anyone could really react.

you ran to hyunjin and clamped your hands onto his arm.

(it wasn’t extremely cold or burning hot as you’d imagined, it felt human-like.)

“stop! you’re gonna kill him!” you pleaded.

a devilish grin (ahahah get it?) was plastered on his face as he said, “that’s the plan.”

“s-sir, please have mercy, wherever you are!” the man coughed out.

whaaaat? he’d heard hyunjin’s voice?

“he…. heard一” you spluttered out before hyunjin interrupted you.

“demons can allow humans hear them if they have enough juice of power. i want this son of a bitch to know that this is his end.” he answered your following question.

“a d-de-mon? oh god, no!” the man shouted.

hyunjin smirked and mocked him, “sorry, but your god isn’t here right now. leave a message after the beep,”

you saw his hands move forward, and the knife did as well but you demanded for him to stop again.

“why should i, huh? he hurt you!” hyunjin was livid at this point.

“i have a little brother, sir! please don’t kill me!” the creep begged.

“well you should’ve thought about him before going after innocent women. remember lee mijung? choi eunbi? or kim seohyeon? those are the women whose lives you’ve fucked up. they’ve got families too. families who will never get the old mijung, eunbi, or seohyeon back after you were done with them.” hyunjin growled.

“how can you know those people?” you asked him.

“we can see in your past memories too. this guy is as sick as perverts get. you would have been victim #8 if i hadn’t done anything.” he answered.

“please! i’ll do anything!” he prayed.

“hyunjin, i know he deserves to be punished but not like this. please. there has to be another way. ” you said.

it took some time but the man finally ended up on the ground with his wrists and legs tied and tape around his mouth.

a swoosh sound came from somewhere and a young boy appeared before you. he had dimples on both cheeks, black hair, doe-like scarlet colored eyes, and wore braces.

hyunjin and the mystery boy did a small handshake and exchanged a few words.

“meet jeongin. he’s a soul collector.” hyunjin introduced the boy who held his hand out.

“a... a what?” you asked as you shook jeongin’s hand.

“a soul collector! i reap souls who do the dirtiest deed on earth and bring them to hell where they will be tormented in the worst ways possible,” jeongin answered and faced the creepy man, “you thought my friend was horrifying? wait till felix and jisung get their claws on you!” he said and winked.

the creep desperately tried to scoot away from the younger boy but failed. they both disappeared in a swoosh.

hyunjin’s eyes met yours and his showed a hint of concern.

“...are you alright? he didn’t hurt you too badly, right?” he asked.

you nodded in reassurance and also asked,  “how’d you find me in the first place?”

he answered, “i’d been with you since you’ve left the apartment. who do you think left you the, ‘be cautious,’ message at the coffee place? i knew that guy was no good ever since he spoke to you at the library but i didn’t wanna interfere too much until you absolutely needed me.”

you smacked his shoulder in embarassment and shock, completely forgetting the fact that this kid was a DEMON. “DOES THIS MEAN YOU WENT IN THE BATHROOM WITH ME TOO?!”

the tips of his ears turned pink and he looked like he wanted to knock you out. “WHAT THE FUCK一 NO! i left for a bit while you were in the bathroom which is why i didn’t know he followed you inside or else i would have killed him right there!” hyunjin exclaimed.

“...well… i haven’t had dinner yet. how about we get some takeout and eat at home?” you suggested.

he shrugged and said, “sounds good to me.” 

HOLY SHIT OKAY I WASN’T PLANNING ON IT GOING THIS WAY BC I’M MAKING THIS UP AS I GO. IF YOU GUYS WANT A PART 4, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!

[rising-generations]

Iris. [SDRA2 Sannohashi Oneshot]

read on ao3 here if you please

plot:

and i don't want the world to see me 'cause i don't think that they'd understand when everything's made to be broken i just want you to know who i am.

syobai hashimoto has to fix the biggest mistake he's ever made in his life. mikado sannoji has to deal with what syobai leaves behind when he runs away. it was never supposed to go this far.

syobai-focused sannohashi, set in the "nuclear" AU. more explained inside. featuring trans!mikado and sora/syobai friendship. tw for mentions of suicide attempt in the beginning.

notes:

So to make a long story short, this series takes place after a huge nuclear war decimated half of the human population and fucked up a lot of shit with the environment and people's bodies. Everybody knows shit's fucked. The SDRA2 kids exist in the same universe as the rest of the canon Ultimates, and everyone's around the same age (THH and NDRV3 kids are about 22, SDR2 kids are 23, SDRA2 kids are around 20-21). So everyone's an adult. Don't come for my throat. Don't like it, don't leave a nasty comment, thanks! Bad and stinky comments will be placed inside the bee oven to atone for their sins.

It's not often that Syobai admits this, but this time, he's absolutely, completely, royally, fucked up. Badly. And normally he doesn't care, but this time is so very different. Sitting at a table in a nearly-empty diner at half-past noon is not where he thought he was gonna end up today, but here he is, with his head in his hands, staring down at his phone's lock screen, counting the minutes since Sora sent her "omw" text.

This diner serves whiskey. A lot of places serve liquor now, have since the war tore the world apart and left millions of traumatized people to deal with the aftermath, many of them turning to alcohol to cope. Syobai has been drinking since the ripe old age of ten, so that's not new to him, and the whiskey they have here is strong, and it's tempting.

It's so, so tempting. But if he does that, it won't end very well for him; first of all, Sora would likely -- definitely -- beat his ass into next week if she shows up and finds him drunk. Second, in the state he's currently in emotionally, if he gets drunk, all he's going to do is remember things, and when he remembers things, he ends up waking up on the bathroom floor at 3 AM in a puddle of his own tears with a bottle of pain pills in his hand.

So Syobai won't drink. Not today, anyway. But God damn, does he really want to smoke.

As soon as he starts to get up to go outside (the diner has a no smoking policy, which he thinks is stupid considering the fact that nuclear warfare has done shit to the air they don't even know about yet, but he's not willing to get kicked out and risk a beating by Sora yet again), the universe interferes with his life once more. Sora steps in through the door of the diner.

Well there goes that plan.

She spots him fairly quickly and strides over to the booth in the back corner, sliding into the seat like nothing's changed. Syobai remembers when they'd used to skip class every Wednesday and go down to the diner down the street from Hope's Peak, the one that served all the crazy Western food, and dare each other to eat the craziest shit on the menu as fast as they could without puking or choking. Sora, of course, would win every time, and "claim her victory for all of the lesbians out there."

It's enough to make him smile a little bit. The diner was abandoned when the war started, but they still hang out there sometimes.

"So, you wanna tell me what's wrong with you?"

Sora's voice breaks through his thoughts, and Syobai lifts his head to look at her. She's got her chin in her hand, and her elbow propped on the table.

"Elbows on the table? Not very lady-like," Syobai jokes. With her free hand, Sora flips him off, and he snickers. "I'm kidding, geez. Who says there's anything wrong with me?"

Sora points at the complimentary basket of chips the diner serves with every customer. "There's food on the table, and you haven't eaten it all yet to spite me. Now, I asked you nicely. Don't make me come over there."

Well. Looks like he can't stall his explanation anymore.

He lets out a long, heavy, slow sigh, and laces his fingers together in front of him on the table. Syobai turns his grey-eyed gaze down towards the surface of the table, before forcing himself to look up and meet Sora's eyes.

"I need your help," he says simply. "I fucked up."

"You do that a lot. Elaborate."

"I fucked up really, really bad." Syobai pauses. "With Mikado."

Sora tilts her head. "Last time I asked, you told me the two of you were "just sleeping together casually." Did you lie to me, Syobai?"

Syobai swallows heavily. He can hear his heart beating in his ears.

"Mikado is pregnant," he finally says. The words actually leaving his lips feel like the final blow in a fight, and he's just lost. "With my children."

"... oh." Sora blinks a few times. "So this was an accident, I take it? Whatever happened to high school Syobai Hashimoto who carried five different types of condoms in his wallet at all times just in case he met a hot guy walking home from school?"

"Hey, in my defense, I usually still have condoms." Yes, they're a bit harder to find nowadays, as is almost everything, but up until now, he's always managed to have one on hand for when the two of them start feeling frisky (which tends to happen at least once a day). "To answer your question, though, what happened is Setsuka decided to get hitched."

"The party," Sora gasps, remembering suddenly. "Oh, my God. So you two did fuck in the bathroom! Emma owes me five thousand yen."

"Yes, we did do that," Syobai mumbles. It's not totally his fault, he thinks. It's not like Mikado wasn't grinding on him half the night, begging him to fuck him as hard as he could against the wall. It's no doubt the best sex he's ever had in his life.

And, of course, it's the one time they fuck without a condom and without pulling out. Not that that's guaranteed to help anything, but hey, it might have? Maybe it's just wishful thinking on Syobai's part.

"So what's the problem?" Sora continues. "Does he not want the babies?"

Syobai looks away. "I, uh. I don't know."

Sora's eyes narrow dangerously. "You didn't talk to him about it?"

Syobai gives a dry laugh. "Well, ya see, that's where the whole "I fucked up really bad" bit comes in."

"What'd you do." This isn't spoken as a question, somehow, as Sora's voice deepens. She's already pissed off, great, and Syobai has a feeling she won't be any happier when he tells this part of the story.

"Um." Syobai swallows again, more nervous this time. "I... I ran off."

Silence. "Excuse me?" Sora says. "You wanna run that by me again?"

Syobai still isn't meeting her eyes. He recalls exactly how the exchange went, just about two hours ago now.

"I'm pregnant."

The world stops turning.

Mikado's holding his hands over his stomach, gloved fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt so tightly his hands shake. Syobai, on the other hand, just. Stands there. Staring at Mikado, completely speechless.

Before he knows it, his body is reacting all on its own. Syobai opens his mouth, trying to form an intelligent response, but all that comes out is two words he'll regret deeply:

"I can't."

Before Mikado reacts to that, Syobai yanks the front door open and takes off down the street, running and running and running until he can't, falling to his knees behind the 7-11 -- how the hell did he get there, it's a mile from the house -- choking and coughing before he inevitably pukes from the strain of running so far, so fast.

This all goes through his head in the span of about two seconds. "I just stood there like an idiot," Syobai finally says. "I -- I said I can't and then I ran." His hand curls into a fist. "I ran like the dumb fucking coward I am." He brings his fist down on the table as hard as he can. Sora doesn't jump, instead staring at him evenly. "Go ahead and say it. I know you want to."

"You're right for once. What the hell is wrong with you?" Sora snaps. "I know that taking responsibility for your numerous fuck-ups is completely foreign to you, and usually you get away with it with no consequences because that's just how it is when you deal with people you don't care about and criminals, and hey, I can let it go when it's some nameless Yakuza dude who got assassinated with a gun you sold someone 'cause I don't care either," she begins. "But then, you turn around and do this shit? To Mikado? To someone we all know, and yeah, he might be a rat, but he doesn't deserve to be left high and dry and pregnant and scared because you --" And here she points at him, Syobai flinching as every word cuts deeper, "-- are a fucking coward. You're God damn right you screwed up."

"I was scared," Syobai says, his weak attempt at a protest surprising even himself.

"You were scared?" Sora laughs, and it's bitter. "That's funny. It's funny that you were scared. How do you think Mikado feels right now? Alone, facing the possibility of having to raise more than one child by himself after the man he's spent half of high school madly in love with, and the man he's been sleeping with for the past six months, ran away when he told him he'd gotten him pregnant?"

There's really nothing he can say to that. Syobai sighs shakily. "I wasn't just scared because he's pregnant," he finally says. "I was scared because..."

He shuts his eyes.

"Because I love him. I love him, so much that it hurts, and I may as well have just stabbed him right in the chest."

"And you're not used to that," Sora says. "You're not used to caring for anyone except yourself. But as long as you kept telling yourself it was just for fun, and there were no feelings involved, you could shrug it off. Maybe a part of you thought Mikado felt the same way, like it was just a game. Then he started to make your world wider, you started to get comfortable with it, and you got scared. Then he came to you, and told you that it wasn't just him anymore, and you panicked. You couldn't handle it. But instead of staying there and talking to him about it like an adult, you were just cryptic, and then you ran away."

Syobai opens his eyes and looks over at Sora. He somehow looks even older than he usually does. "Yeah. Yeah, you got me there." He swallows, heavily, and his mouth tastes like copper from how hard he's been chewing on his inner lip. "It was just supposed to be for fun. It was never supposed to be serious."

"Yeah, well, tough shit," Sora shrugs. "Mikado's pregnant. You're gonna be a dad. You could run all the way to America and it wouldn't change a thing. The only difference is, Mikado has to live with what you gave him forever. You've got two choices: you can drag your sorry ass home and show Mikado you're sorry, or you can keep running away. But, I'll have you know..." And here, Sora's voice darkens, and she looks more dangerous now than she ever did before even with a gun in her hands, "If you leave him like that? And if you ever run away from him like that again? And dare to show your face in Japan again? I will personally hunt you down and make you beg for me to kill you. Understand?"

"... yeah. I understand," Syobai replies. He runs a hand through his hair while Sora takes a couple of breaths to calm herself down. "I don't want to leave him. But I don't think I'm ready to be a father. Or much of anything, really." He looks down at his hands, rough and calloused and forever stained with the blood of so many that only he can see. "What if I can't love them?"

"If you love Mikado as much as you say you do, you'll fall in love with those babies way before they're ever born," Sora tells him. "Listen. This world's gone to shit. It's gonna be hard to raise a family like this. That's why Yoruko and I are waiting. But it's a little too late for you to do that, so all you can do is suck it up and do everything you can to make sure they never have to be a part of what we were."

Sora's words seal Syobai's decision.

---

He tries calling Mikado to tell him he's coming home for an hour, and gets absolutely no response. A part of Syobai is worried, desperately hoping Mikado didn't do something stupid and end up hurting himself, and wants to get home as soon as he can, but...

The other part of him feels like if he just shows up at home with no warning, it'll only make the situation that much worse.

So he calls, and calls, and calls, and gets sent to voicemail over and over, until finally, there's an answer.

"Fucking Syobai Hashimoto," a voice that is decidedly not Mikado's comes through the speaker. "I ought to skin you alive and wear you like a fur coat. How dare you."

Syobai sighs and frowns, rubs a hand over his face. "Hello, Nikei."

"Don't you hello, Nikei me!" The furious man spits over the phone. "Ever since Mikado told me you two were a thing, I've been looking for a reason to shoot you and make Why Syobai Hashimoto's Death Should be Celebrated as a National Holiday an article on the front page news for a month straight! Now I finally get a reason and I can't even do it because Mikado wants his kids to know their scumbag father!"

Syobai pauses. "... he wants me to come back?"

"I want you to come back, too," Nikei starts to say. "So I can beat you to death with a baseball bat." It sounds like he wants to say more, but then Syobai hears a very quiet, muffled voice in the background. It has to be Mikado. He strains to hear, but it's no use, because the phone doesn't pick up exactly what he's saying. A few seconds later, though, he hears Nikei give a heavy sigh.

"Alright, fine. Mikado wants to hear you out, so I won't be here when you get back, sadly," Nikei mutters. "But I can be there in ten minutes tops if he calls me back, and I'd love to see you try to outrun my bullets."

"Point taken." Syobai closes his eyes and lets out a slow breath. "Tell him to leave the door unlocked. I'm coming home."

---

It takes a little under an hour for Syobai to get home. He has to walk all the way there, after all, and he's already tired, but he pushes through. By the time he makes it to the driveway, it feels like his legs are about to fall off.

Then he gets to the front door, puts his hand on the doorknob, and hesitates. It's like all of the exhaustion evaporates, replaced by pure adrenaline and the urge to turn around and start running again.

No. He's made up his mind. Syobai closes his eyes, the mental image of Mikado laughing brightly in his arms appearing to him with no trouble at all, without him even needing to think about it.

God. All the things he would do to make that smile come back to Mikado's face. All the things he would do to forget the look of heartbreak he saw for just a split second when they were standing in the living room.

He turns the doorknob and walks inside the empty living room. His feet land in the same place they were, and he lets the door close behind him as he takes a few shallow breaths. The nagging little voice in the back of his head says you should've ended this a long time ago, Hashimoto. You always knew you'd never be man enough for him, to protect him, to care for him. You're just a coward.

Syobai ignores it, pushes through the pain and walks over to the door of the bedroom he and Mikado have been sharing. Technically, it's Syobai's room, because this is his house, but his sheets smell like Mikado, and it's his and Mikado's clothes on the floor in that room, and there's a picture of both of them hanging on the wall.

Syobai bites his lip so hard he tastes blood, then knocks three times on the door. He contemplates saying something to announce his presence, but finds it better to keep his mouth shut for right now.

At least, until the door opens up, and it's Mikado standing before him, with no mask, his face clearly streaked and stained with tears. Syobai forces himself to look at his face, look him in the eyes, because Mikado deserves that, at least. He deserves so much more than what Syobai's given him.

Neither of them really knows what to say at first. Then Syobai takes a shuddering, shallow breath.

"I'm sorry, for what I said," Syobai finally says. "I said "I can't." That was a lie. I - I can, I just... didn't want to face it."

"I really hope you didn't come all the way here just to say I'm sorry and expect me to forgive you," Mikado says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Syobai shakes his head. "I'm not asking you to forgive me right now," he murmurs. "I just want you to hear me out. Then you can do whatever you want. I swear. Please."

Mikado bites his lip and looks down at the floor, contemplating. "Fine. But I'm not doing this for you."

"That's okay." Syobai closes his eyes for a moment, then looks back evenly at Mikado as he slowly gets to his knees, now looking up at him. Mikado doesn't hide the look of shock on his face as Syobai starts talking.

"Listen. I'm not gonna make excuses. I'm a coward, and I'm a fool. I broke your heart. When things go beyond my intentions, I try to own up to them. Today I ran away instead." He swallows heavily, watches as Mikado shuts his eyes tight. "I - until you told me this morning, I was a man with nothing to lose. Nobody but myself. Then I went from that, to having everything to lose in two words. All my life, I never cared about what happened to anybody but myself. I didn't give a shit. And now..." He looks at Mikado's stomach, where he's resting one of his gloved hands, as though he isn't even thinking about it.

"I realized no matter how far I ran, or for how long, I'd never be able to forget that. I couldn't change it. I can't go back in time and stop what happened." Syobai sighs. Mikado's hands tremble. "The more I thought about it, the more I realized: I don't want to stop what happened. I don't want these kids to not exist."

"Then why did you run away? Why'd you leave me?" Mikado chokes out.

There's no turning back now. Syobai looks at Mikado right in the eyes, grey meeting pale brown, Syobai finally ready to say the words that could make or break him.

"Because I love you, Mikado Sannoji," Syobai says, clearly, sincerely, the only words that have ever come from his mouth with complete purity. "I love you, and it's real and it's raw and it scares the living hell out of me, because I didn't think I could until you walked into my life." He reaches out, fully ready for Mikado to push him away. Instead, he's pleasantly surprised when his cold hands are wrapped in Mikado's warm ones. He hasn't looked away from him, not for a moment, watching as more tears spill down Mikado's face despite him trying to fight them. "I got through life by putting up paywalls, literally, and I knew no person in their right mind would ever wanna get past them." He gives a little laugh. "I didn't count on you, coming in and blowing holes through them."

"Hey, I only blew a hole in a wall once, and that was an accident," Mikado laughs and cries at the same time, his body trembling. By now, Syobai's shaking too, but he's still fighting his own tears.

"Well, you sure got rid of mine," Syobai says. He lifts one of his hands to his lips and kisses his knuckles. "To be honest, I'm still scared. I don't know what I'm doing, not with you, not with the kids we made, not with my life, but I do know one thing: I wanna figure it out with you, and nobody else."

His voice cracks. Syobai swallows heavily, one last ditch-effort attempt at holding back his emotions.

"Will you let me stay here, right here, by your side?" Syobai asks, voice strained. "Will you let me become the man you deserve?" He sniffs, his last words coming in a quiet sob:

"Will you let me be a father?"

Mikado nods, squeezes Syobai's hands, his decision made as soon as he sees the tears -- so very real, undeniable evidence of Syobai bearing his soul to Mikado for the first time -- coming down his face like rain.

"Yeah. Yes, let's do it," Mikado whispers. "Oh, my God. We're gonna be fathers."

Syobai leans forward a little, rests his head against Mikado's belly, presses their still interlocked hands against the small, barely-noticeable swell, evidence that their children are safe, growing, and healthy. He doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to, as he rolls up the bottom of Mikado's shirt and kisses his skin, so gently he's afraid he imagined it at first.

Syobai Hashimoto doesn't so much fall in love with Mikado Sannoji; instead, rather, he stumbles into it, clumsy and foolish and with no grace at all. But he falls in love with their little ones in a split second, a moment in time he'll never forget.