#tpahr behind the cut

[vanaera]

TPAHR is definitely one of my favorite pieces on this hellsite. I'm always so excited and giddy to see when a new piece for this series is released because I know it will be better than the last. This series is such a innocent yet bitter sweet It some how makes it feel more realistic. I can't wait to see more of your writing soon! 💕💕💕💕💕💕🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹Stay Happy and Healthy! 💖💖💖💖💖💖🌹🌹🌹🌹

Hi sweety hon! Thank you so much for the support and appreciation! 😭😭😭 Thank you for finding enthusiasm in TPAHR! Ngl, TPAHR has also been my relief too. Especially now when shitton of school works and group works (which I absolutely abhor bc your honey girl prefers to work and works better alone) piled on me. On top of that, I hit my lowest point bc of the burnout in managing life and this blog. I know this is getting off course of the question but I would like to say that I'm sorry I haven't posted anything yet for my dear supporter's requests. My burnout was also partially due to perfecting the storyboard of each of your requests simultaneously. I'm meticulous in my work and I hated doing things half-assed, especially when it's my passion I'm doing it for. But most of all, I want to give you guys quality content for your requests rather than just spew out some writing for the sake of accomplishing your requests. I want to make you guys feel the sincerity of my gratefulness as I give back something to you in return for your continuous support.

Thus, when my week break came, I wanted to get back up on my feet as a writer and TPAHR became my outlet. This series has always helped me get back on my feet whenever I hit my bottom pit. Whenever I feel sad, I write TPAHR. When I feel angry, I write TPAHR. When I feel happy, I write TPAHR. And I've never felt the same happiness and pride in writing that can compare to the plethora of things I feel when I write TPAHR. The things I want to do as a writer - inspire my readers with my words, let my readers find solace in my writings, and leave some valuable things they can learn a thing or two based on the stuff I've discovered in this world (even it's just a minute thing) - I was first able to accomplish with TPAHR. I swear the love I have for this fic is unmeasurable. So when I read this message, I seriously want to cry. Thank you so much for the support! Thank you for staying by my side. I hope to be with you guys longer as my chances could let me be!

[vanaera]

hi hi !! just wanted to tell u that i think that the sprout is super duper cute uwu i really cannot wait for jjk's Confession !!!! all the little things that jjk did and remembered from previous conversations was so so cute. thank you for taking the time out of your day to write something; it really made my day brighter seeing that you posted something.

HI ANON OMG THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY!!!! I'm glad that you found the little details I put in TPAHR, especially this bc the thing Jungkook does for the OC in TPAHR really adds depth and some character in their relationship...Since I established from the start that they're bestfriends, I think adding the "I still remember this stuff u said" that I believe can happen especially in long-time friendships like this one, I think I'm doing the idea in my head about this series some justice. AND UWU THE CONFESSION!!!! It will be a while before tpahr!jk drops the L word bc a lot will happen and I need to add more events in the plot for you guys to understand the weight of everything that will unfold. The age gap and the fact that jk repeated 3 times in hs has more to it, you know 😏😏😏 Anyway thank you for taking the time to write me a sweet, sweet reply! You're making me blush, anon! AHHH I LOVE YOU

[vanaera]

Music Shuffle Tag

🌺 Rules: put your music on shuffle and expose what your first 10 songs are!

🌺 I got tagged by the lovely Ms. @yoonia! Ms. Dia, the songs in your playlist are amazing! Florence + The Machine are 😚👌 and you just reminded me of how amazing of an artist The XX are! I first found them in MTV with their Angels and had re-found them today (idk if it's an actual word but I'm just gonna swing it)

So...I'm the type to listen to the same song and album again and again so you may already know the artists I'm gonna put here. I'll use my writing playlist bc...it's the only one I listened to these days. Writing is the one and only productive thing I did this quarantine so skksks. Anyway, you may see some inspos to my stories so here I go!

1. The Louvre - Lorde

Ya'll know how much I'm a hoe for Lorde's music. I'm not gonna elaborate more bc I will end up writing a whole article just why I think she's a genius. Just look at my fics. I freaking wrote 2 stories based on her songs 400 Lux and Sober, and I even I included The Louvre in one of the keypoints of The Heart Holiday. And now that I'm busy again on THH, this song just have to be the first one to pop up 😂

2. Bitter - Fletcher

This song just made me feel a whole another level of sexy. I clicked on it feeling like a loser, left it feeling like a boss queen stepping on my exe's egos...only I don't have exes bc I have 0 love life SIKE. Well, I have ex-crushes who turned out to be pieces of shits so I guess it's okay...well some of them don't even know shit about me but my name so ASDFGHJKL I should probably stop digging my own grave now. Anyway, this song is in my playlist bc, yes, you guessed it right. I have an Ex-Crush AU in my wips 😅

3. Lies - Marina and the Diamonds

Ah Marina, my supplier for my angst needs. First got into Marina bc of an EXO angst fic series I read in AFF years ago. And now I'm still into her as I prepare for my future angst fics. Talk about full cycle 💫🥴

4. World End - Flow

Come rise my fellow weebs for this band that sung for almost every early 2000s anime!!! During this quarantine, I was rewatching animes I loved and of course, Code Geass have to be one of them. Finished watching it back then crying ugly. Finished watching it now, still crying ugly. And World End has something to do with it bc it suits so well as the final opening song to the series! Even if it hyped me up with action feels, its somehow happy, peceful tone just hit me to the core. I told you hons before I'm always imagining My Time having its own anime opening with Jungkook and his Precrime team running around and doing cool stuff and OC being the mysterious gal doing cool hand poses. Well, this song had everything to do with it.

5. Sparkle - RADWIMPS

I'm really exposing myself as a weeb rn with another song for an anime movie. But how can I not??? Kimi No Nawa's ENTIRE soundtrack is a MASTERPIECE. I play them all on repeat whenever I write an installment for The Prince and His Rose. I need that magic and sparkle for TPAHR!Jk and OC's story. Catch the pun? ( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) Okay, I'll see myself out. Can RADWIMPS make a crack-y vibe song so I can have more inspo for Your Bell bc I can't make my Kimi No Nawa-isque country boy!jk fic funny with Sparkle

6. Immigrant Song - Karen O

This is a cover of Led Zeppelin's song of the same title but Karen O's version was the one used for The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo's soundtrack so it's the one I included. TGWDT is one of my inspirations for My Time and since it's my first time writing a mystery/action fic, I had to get all the mood and inspiration I can have. If you haven't watched The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, watch it now. You won't regret it. Every movie David Fincher creates is a brilliant ARTWORK.

7. Technicolor Beat - Oh Womder

This song just captured what falling in love felt like per every word. Oh Wonder always have this precision in putting feelings into words in their songs. I don't regret spending 3 hours on YouTube just watching their MVs 2 years ago when I'm supposed to be working on an essay. Technicolor Beat and I Was Made For Loving You were the songs on repeat while I was writing Daffodil Rings. Oh Wonder is an amazing duo and they deserve more recognition 😭

8. Come What May - Nicole Kidman & Ewan McGregor

Okay we're now onto musicals. Idc what people say but Moulin Rouge! holds a special place in my heart. It made me cry ugly and it helped me realize a keypoint I needed for my upcoming series, Carmen. This song just had to twist that knife in my chest whenever it plays. It's gonna be forever be doing that until I let Carmen out in the open. And when it does, expect Come What May to be in its special playlist.

9. Again - Yui

Frock, another anime song. I just watched Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood recently after n years of having @senfleurs gush about it. I watched it now, hon, and I regret not watching it sooner but anyways here I am now and we can now gush about it TOGETHER. Again is the first opening of FMAB and OH MY GOD IT SET UP THE WHOLE MOOD FOR THE SERIES SO EFFECTIVELY! All OPs of FMAB are AMAZING but Again is my personal favorite and it's one of the best songs for an anime! (TBH, FMAB have the best ops and eps like EVER). Like with World End, this song is in my writing playlist to supply more background music for My Time so my characters can enjoy more pseudo-screen time while I struggle as I write.

10. Loveless Shadows - City Girl

And finally...a lo-fi track. Sometimes...you need a really chill music to help you focus all the way. I can't study without music and sometimes, lyrics distract me, so I always go to City Girl for my lo-fi song needs. I also go to her whenever I have to focus on writing too. Writing in English while listening to songs in English can sometimes mess my bilingual attempt to keep all things balanced. Anyways, SUBSCRIBE TO CITY GIRL! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

This list is a mess, I have genres spanning all across from uwu fluff songs to borderline metal rock what the frock

🌺 As usual I'm tagging my best girls @sophrosinn @senfleurs, my ever wonderful hons @kkul-lemon @aseel97 @babeejeon @kwonthefire @itsautumnherefriend @folkpunkrock-littlewing-blog @nixwrites @xakemi-chiix @sunskook @outromori @ifntelyinspirit @fantasybangtan @loveyoongles @jjungkookiex @sunshineandserendipityplease @blue1928 @99liners, Ms. @jungshookz, and anyone who wants to try this! If you don't want to, it's totally okay! 😊

[vanaera]

For the one fic ask game, can I ask more than one? Bc's I can relate (some of them) to The Prince and His Rose, You will Feel a Flash of Red, and Say Goodnight and Go. P.S. hey I'm your new 'silent reader' since 2 weeks ago, and finding your account feels like I've found a precious treasure/time capsule box! Gonna spend my quarantine reading all of your wonderful works and I hope life treats you well! -🍑

Of course you can ask more than one, hon! I'm always curious of what my readers want to know about my writings! I'm glad you can relate to those 3 stories of mine as they are slice-of-life stories that are heavily inspired by happenings in my life! (Let's all relate to the 24/7 stressed and broke college student a.k.a. me lmao 😆).

So here I go.

For The Prince and His Rose, there's actually a couple of scenes that inspired me to build a story around it, considering it's a series. But what really inspired me to write it in general was my dream of writing about "old-fashioned courting." I live in a conservative Asian home and bc of that, I place great value on that old-fashioned courtship (love letters, serenades, etc.), which is now somehow non-existent in by various mainstream media. So every installment in TPAHR is centered on that old-fashioned courting and pining. I can go on and on about this bc every installment has a specific scene that inspired me to write it so feel free to ask more if you have a certain installment you're curious about!

For You Will Feel A Flash of Red, the scene that made me want to write it is the final one where Seokjin scares the living daylights out of OC by following behind her in the dark street. This is inspired by my best girl @sophrosinn and the spooky story she told us about her college in one of our dates. And since YWFAFR is my birthday gift for her, and she loves Seokjin, why not make the story totally inspired by her?

Lastly in, Just Say Goodnight and Go, what made me want to write that story was the scene where Seokjin is spouting so many cringey pick-up lines to OC! And the way he "strategically" got inside her room! I've been wanting to write a story about a couple where one of them can be seriously frustrating while at the same time, so charming. That "I want to catapult you to the moon if I didn't love you" vibe. That got me cracking up and also blushing bc it IS cute as it is hilarious and isn't that the best combination ever?

P.S. I'm glad you found my account! And my, you even compared it to a treasure box/time capsule 🥺🥺🥺. It's an honor to have my writings considered so precious like that! Thank you so much for dropping by and taking your time to send in love. Your support means the world to me! Hope you enjoy your time reading my stories ☺️☺️☺️

🌻Send me one of my fic titles and I'll tell you which was THAT scene for that fic

[vanaera]

For the Fanfiction Writer Asks; 9 (from TPAHR), 32, 43 😁💛

9. In your xxx fic, what's your favorite scene that you wrote?

For The Prince and His Rose, it had to be the bus stop scene in the Mikrokosmos installment! It was my first opportunity to let my readers see the flaws of Jungkook. I really love writing about characters growing from their mistakes and that scene with TPAHR!OC convincing him to come home with her yet also giving him a chance to decide for what he really wants to do shows a lot of maturity that has grown in their friendship! Ugh, that closed-but-not-too-tight hug she hold Jungkook in is such a good device to tell OC's values in life.

On second note though, there's another scene. Also in Mikrokosmos - the one where Jungkook finds OC in the playground crying on her birthday. Writing that really made me soft and cry at the same time bc it shows just how much Jungkook's character has grown. Fuck I could go on and on talking all my favorite scenes in my baby, TPAHR stop me please

32. Are any of your characters based on real people?

A lot of my characters are based on real people! Actually, most of them are actually based on myself. For example, TPAHR!OC resonates everything I am feeling, experiencing, worrying, and wishing for as a writer. She's actually the most accurate representation of what I am in college (I gave her my favorite color and go-to fashion style too!). TPAHR!JJK, on the other hand, shows the struggles and hardships I had in finding my own dream. TBH in the scene where OC helped him find his love in football is actually similar to how BTS helped me find my dreams in writing (so also lowkey TPAHR!OC is loosely based on BTS, too? I just thought of it now wtf Shsiiso). Daffodil Rings!OC represents my tendency to always argue my way out when faced with things I cannot accept. Meanwhile THH!OC reflects a lot of my values and flaws (I'll leave it here to not spoil anything bc it's still ongoing, but yeah). And for my other fics, You Will Feel A Flash of Red!OC's experiences is actually based on my real life bestfriend @sophrosinn. Asdfghjkl there are more but these are the first things that popped into my head. I tend to write based on what I know so this kinda looks like me disecting my personality and distributing each part of them to my characters bc I know I can only write as true and as good as I can be about the things I know and more often than not, they are all what I've learned.

43. Has anyone guessed the plot twists of one of your fics before you posted it?

Thank god, no one has yet! I always challenge myself to not give away too much while hinting at the possible outcomes and so far I'm succeeding. As what the director of Aliens said (I think it's Aliens, I'm not sure but I learned this through Lessons From The Screenplay on YouTube), writers gotta satisfy their audience's expectations and at the same time break from it.

Ask me more questions from Fanfiction Writer Asks!

[vanaera]

I'm CRYING bc I was like 'why she didn't explain any of it', but thank you for explaining it! :''))) Currently being immersed by TPAHR's Dandelions on Stage + Melodies on a Distance. Did you perhaps take part in the theater or literature course? And for the care package idea, now I'm blaming you for making me mulling over how can I get one of those from someone like JK >:( P.S. to start my adventure in your blog, is there any advice/rec to begin with? -🍑

OMYGOSH SORRY I MADE YOU CRY 😭😭😭 I was actually waiting for you to send an ask on what fics u wanna know about bc u said if u can ask for more than 1 fic. And then after doing some chores I realized...YOU ALREADY SENT THE FIC. Sorry I'm slow! 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ My brain is failing me these days asdfghjkl

OMYGOD you're already reading Dandellions on Stage and Melodies on a Distance!!!! Those 2 fics made my heart CLENCH. Writing the first one made me fell out of my chair laughing for so many times. And the 2nd one made me soft bc I wrote it when I was suffering one of my longest writer's blocks and at that time I just want someone to give me a care package, too 🥺. So you're not alone in that, hon! Tbh everyone wants some TPAHR!Jungkook in their lives asdfghjkl.

On a serious note, i think anyone can eventually get someone as caring as TPAHR!jk in real life as long as they find the right person. Like, to have someone care for you so deeply is an obvious package you should have in a healthy relationship. You should feel that way in a healthy relationship. After all, you get in a relationship bc you love a person. Therefore you should care for them and make sure to show that you do. Although they may care in different ways. TPAHR!Jungkook's love language happened to be acts of service and quality time so that's why the care packages ☺️

And no, I didn't take part in theater or literature! Although my original plan was to study literature in college, I ended up not going for it bc I need a course that could help me have a safe, practical job that could feed me. Yep, that's life :'). Anyway, I study literature in my free time bc I cannot give up my love for it 😊 I also happened to have some knowledge how school-based theater plays go bc we had numerous plays to hold as class projects back in high school.

And uwu, adventure in my blog!!! I think you already started it well by starting on The Prince and His Rose as that's the series that practically helped me grew. If you want to get a feel of how I usually make my stories to be, I suggest you check out my oneshots like Translucent Fireworks, and Daffodil Rings. If you feel like reading stories that are more like proses, you could check my fics in the Things You Said masterlist and Songs to Read Playlist.

But my proudest writings so far are my series The Heart Holiday and My Time, though they're still ongoing. I'm trying to make a stable schedule for their updates tho ☺️

(Sorry this is kinda unhelpful. Whenever I read, I just go with what I feel like reading so I based it all in the feel).

Sorry this is so long, I tend to ramble a lot! Thank you for sending love, you made me smile so wide 🥺😆🥰. Happy reading, my peachy anon!

[vanaera]

The Constellations of the Big and Small Spoons

[Moodboard created by the amazing @jhspetitegf] Synopsis | You’re sick and your roommate’s gone for her hometown for the next days so your bestfriend, Jeon Jungkook (who loves you cares so, so much), plays nurse for the entire night. What he did not expect is to find himself also burning hot–moreover on your bed with your body intertwined with his. (OR: you and Jungkook’s single brain cells try to make sense of the night except Jungkook has his heart-shaped and yours, well, is just plain weird…or not? ) Characters | Jungkook x  reader (Football player!jjk x writer + childhood friend!you; college!au + bestfriends to lovers! tho more like idiots to lovers) Genre | So much FLUFF (welcome to the TPAHR Universe) Wordcount | 3.3k A/N | Sorry for my inactivity guys, uni’s been a little too hard on me lately :(((( Anyway, here’s something I made as a gift for all my hons who patiently waited for another installment of this drabble series. Have fun reading and Happy Jungkook Day!

Read more of football!jk drabbles in The Prince and His Rose

               The inky skies of the midnight haze are already sweeping across the room and yet, Jeon Jungkook feels the sun, even in its absence, is cursing him to the depths of hell. Scorching heat laps at his back, making him sweat even when the AC is blasting frigid air to his toes. A beaming glow, hot like the blinding afternoon daylight, seems to seep between his lashes, keeping his eyes excruciatingly wide open in the wake of the night. In this ungodly hour, such beam of light is non-existent, but Jungkook still feels it and he can’t do anything about it.

               “You’re still a…awake, Kook?”

               Jeon Jungkook can’t do anything about this heat when its very source is lying next to him–too close to him. Your legs are wound around his, your arms looped around the dip of his waist, and your breath fans against his nape, he could practically feel his baby hairs rising in succession.

               However, at your question, the only thought taking up every space in his mind is the question: What does he do now? Does he answer you? Should he pretend to be asleep? Or, do he–            

               “A-am I being too clingy? S-sorry…” Jungkook feels you withdraw your arms and he panics. He immediately turns on his side, not caring about the sheets of your bed uncomfortably tangling around his legs.  Jungkook’s hand shoots from his side, wrapping around your wrist that you have retreated back to your chest.  He sees the surprise written on your face and he instantly unclasps his hand, keeping them crossed across his chest, just like your current position.

               “N-no! You’re not clingy…I just,” Jungkook sighs and decides to let honesty play his cards. “I suddenly felt…weird.”

               You look at him, eyes peering into him and he gulps. But before he can explain himself, you have already opened your mouth and asked, “Wh-why? Is it because of me? I-I’m sorry…”

               Jungkook bites his lip as his heartbeat start to thunder loud and clear behind his ears, an imminent sign the songs in his chest are about to play anytime soon. He stares at you, drinking in your bleary eyes and furrowed forehead. If he’s gonna be honest now, everything about his current position is indeed all because of you.  

***

               It started with you overworking yourself again into the first month of the semester and Jungkook only knew about this when your common friend, Park Jimin, texted him you’re absent in the communication class you share with him. And Jungkook knows you care too much about your academic standing, with your scholarship and all, to tick off at least one of your course’s permitted leaves.

               “It’s not that bad,” you told him once you woke up and saw his worry-streaked face, his form crouching next to your bedside, but Jungkook begs to differ. First of all, he found you slumped on your desk that afternoon hair uncombed, clothes unwashed, lunch pack you probably bought for the day still untouched, and a mess of papers splayed around your head, with a stray piece even covering your face. And second, he realized you’ve come down with a flu the moment he  noticed your labored breaths and felt your skin burning up. So of course, this is bad. Jungkook frowns at the careless shrug you give him and it deepens when you tried to laugh at the situation and told him you’re fine and he should go back to his dorm even when you’re tucked up in your sheets, face pale, and voice hoarse like death.  

               Of course, he didn’t listen to you. With the years he’s grown with you, he always knew you easily get sick and take too long to get well. He would always hear your mom’s exasperated voice next door when she scolds you for getting drenched under the rain or standing too long under the sun. All of these were for the best of you, ten-year-old Jungkook found out, because when you turned seven, you got hospitalized for five days after coming down with an illness from just playing under the rain with him for an hour. As soon as you got discharged, your mom asked him to keep an eye on you if you ever try to pull off some stupid shit again. With three years ahead of you in age, Jungkook easily accepted such responsibility and for the next ten years, he zealously kept his promise to your mom.

               So now with you sick and your roommate gone for her hometown for the next two days, there are no further questions to be asked. Jungkook will stay by your side for the night. Three years of coming-and-going to your dorm is enough for him to memorize that every Wednesday, your RA does not do her rounds. His butt is safe for tonight from momentary bad landings on the ground whenever he has to escape from your window.  

               Taking care of you is easy. He knows playing along with your whines will get him to make you eat the food he nearly cut a finger for in preparation. Asking you to tell him another run-over of your stories is the key to coax you to ignore your work for the mean time and take a shower. Finally, letting you ramble about the most random things is the ultimate power move to get you into bed and tuck you under the sheets. He still goes for this technique even though he ends up with the most ridiculous ideas plaguing him in his sleep like that time you wondered what if the Cerberus has its body reversed: instead of three heads and one body, it has one head and three bodies.    

               However, this night was different from the other nights he played nurse because this is the first time the power move did not work on you.

               “Come lay next to me.”

               “What?!” Jungkook whips his head to you, fingers frozen in the middle of arranging the papers on your desk.

               “Come lay next to me,” you repeat, voice still soft but the conviction in it clearer. Jungkook straightens his back and faces you with a deadpan stare. The usual “No, Y/N, I won’t lie next to you. I have some blankets. I’ll sleep on the floor,” is already on the tip of his tongue. But as soon as he took a step towards you, your ultimatecounter-atack is played out in front of him: you with your puppy eyes and your bottom lip jutted out in a pout. Jungkook immediately freezes. Such sight used to affect his soft spot for you that will have him willing to consider your request back when he only saw you as a friend. But now–damn, not only does it affect his soft heart, it also instantly attacks a part of his brain–a part where he lets his feelings cloud his rational thinking and is most of the time occupied by you (in short, his whole brain–just kidding).  

               So there is no surprise Jungkook will only manage to squeak, “What?” amidst the tornado going on his body and the gigantic flash of red ready to take over his cheeks.

               Unaware of his interior war with himself, you only fixed your gaze on him and said, “Come lay next to me. I’m feeling too cuddly and…lonely. Yeah, lonely. I didn’t manage to talk with anyone yesterday and I crave some human connection, which also only made me miss my bestfriend more.”

               Jungkook is still rooted in his position, still giving you that troubled expression (brows knitted together, face flushed, lips parted in a weird semi-scowl, semi-smile that sometimes troubles you yourself), so you muttered, “Promise, you can leave my side as soon as I fell asleep.”

               Jungkook bites his lip but wordlessly goes to your side of the bed to raise his hand to your direction, pinky jutted out. “You promise?”

               You grin at him. “Aren’t we already too old for pinky swears? You’re making me look like I’m destroying your conscience by just asking you to keep me company.”

               “Because you do–Goddamn it, Y/N, just promise me or not?!”

               “Fine, fine, fine, I promise,” you interlock your pinky with his and seal the deal with a kiss on your thumb. “There, so can you know lay next to me? So I can also end your agony as soon as possible?”

               “Damn, woman, you’re so demanding.” Despite such remark, Jungkook concedes and goes to the other side of your bed. After he finally tucks himself next to you with your blanket pulled to his chest like you do, he fixes you with a begrudging frown. “There. Satisfied?”

               You laugh, “Yeah, so much!” You pulled his right arm closer to you, spreading his palm open to slot your fingers between the spaces of his own. Giggling at your now-intertwined hands, you turn to his side and look up at him. “Don’t you feel reminiscent of sleeping like this when we used to have sleepovers in your house?”

               “Yeah, totally. Can you now sleep?” Jungkook answers with an annoyed huff, facing away from you and you only giggle at him.

               “Okay, grumpy StarKook,” you chortle. “Remember not to get too close. You may get sick, too, and you can’t have that for tomorrow’s practice.” Drawling on your words, you pressed yourself further on your side of the bed to create more space between the two of you. 

               It is only when your soft snores fill the room that Jungkook breaks from his stiff position. He turns to your side, facing your curled-up form. The circles under your eyes have become darker than last week and your collarbones protrude on your skin a little too much for his liking. And he hates himself for not noticing anything earlier. He hates himself for missing out too much on you these days. He hates himself for making it up to you only now. But most of all, he hates himself for his inability to just outright say to you that he no longer sees you as just a friend but a person who’s unknowingly owned his heart.

               He hates how he can’t easily return the sweet sentiments you generously pour on him. His lips conditioned to say the opposite of what his heart meant in fear of losing you with the burden he’s impending to give you once you knew everything about the songs in his heart. And even if he tried to make up for his poor choice of words with his actions, he hates how his progress is close to nothing in trying to make you see the way he sees you whenever you feel insecure, un-loved, un-qualified to live in the world. Because, you are so, so much more than the faults you always see in yourself.

               So, even if Jungkook feels he’s still far from touching your heart the way you did his when you helped him realize his own passion, he won’t stop trying. Even if sometimes he gets easily knocked off his feet and rational thoughts fly away from his head the moment his eyes just as so much meet yours–Jungkook won’t stop loving you.

               Jungkook sees the way you suddenly shift closer to him, forehead scrunched and lips frowning in discomfort. He raises his hand and awkwardly pats your hair. That seems to do the trick as the lines on your forehead smoothen out, your lips curving into a small smile. Jungkook then feels a squeeze on his hand and his heart instantly warms into a soft mush at the way you managed to keep yourself far from him so as not to infect him, but still near enough for you to reach him.

               Jungkook’s about to sweep away the strand of hair that has fallen astray on your face when–

               “Ko-ook, I…felt so bad today.”

               Jungkook immediately tucks away his hand back to his chest. Your eyes are still closed, chest heaving evenly with your breaths so Jungkook’s not sure if you’re just sleep-talking or just letting him off the hook of what he’s about to do. Nevertheless, he replies, “W-why?”

               “Be…because I can’t write these days and I…and my studies take up too much of my time and I just–I don’t knoow, feel like I’m not improving at aall.”

               “I–,” Jungkok gulps “Well, I can help you with your studies?”

               “No offense, Kook, but I don’t trust you with my pa-papers…My program is a reading course and you a-already sleep halfway through a five-paged short stooory.”

               Jungkook laughs, “Okay, touché.” Damn, even in your drowsy state you still roast him well.

               Despite his small chuckles, you continue on, still serious. “Bu…but what if I can’t find the time to wri–write anymore and end up not getting any of my stories published?”

               Almost instantly, Jungkook replies, “You will get published.” Among all of the things he has agreed with, this is the only one he can be a hundred percent sure of.

               “How did you know?”

               “Because I know you will. And because I’ll make sure I’ll be the first person to buy a copy of your book.” Jungkook squeezes your hand, smiling.

               “You…you promise?”

               “Now look who told me we’re getting too old for pinky promises.”

               “I just sai-said promise, you know. You’re the only grown-up who still likes pinky promises–Whatever, do you promise or not?

               “Okay, okay, I promise.”

               “Hmmm,” you yawn turning on your side of the bed, “It’s already laaate so feel free to sleep on my bed, Kook. But if you still want to go to your dorm and rest, you can leave me now. I’m already sleepyyy. Thank you again for the night.”

               “Okay, I’m finally free!” Jungkook chuckles but he doesn’t make a move to leave. Not yet. He turns to look at your sleeping figure, eyes drinking in the curves and dips of your body. Jungkook shifts an inch closer to you, his hand poised near to your back. He aches to caress the soft tuff of hair in front of him but Jungkook keeps his hand to himself. This is enough for now. He just wants to prolong his opportunity to be with you like this, to have you close to him without worrying about the possible consequences of his feelings. A soft smile graces Jungkook’s face as he sighs.

***

               Your eyes flutter open when you feel a sudden movement against your skin. The first thing that registers in your mind is that you’ve practically latched yourself onto Jungkook – lips pressed on his nape, arms looped around the dip of his waist, and feet slotted against his calves. What worries you though is your bestfriend is barely breathing. With the way his abdomen feels taut beneath your fingers and the soft expanse of his neck trembling under the space where you managed to press your nose against, you’re sure he’ll pass out anytime soon from holding his breath inside for too long.

                “You’re still a…awake, Kook?” You called out, withdrawing your arms back to your chest, legs back to your side of the bed. “A-am I being too clingy? S-sorry…”

               Jungkook suddenly moves away and then he’s now facing you. “N-no! You’re not clingy…I just,” Jungkook sighs, “I suddenly felt…weird.”

               “Wh-why?” You mutter softly, brows furrowed. You then realize he must have been unable to leave just like you promised because you’re hugging him too tight in your sleep. You immediately brought your gaze down, apologetic. “Is it because of me? I-I’m sorry…I probably hugged you in my sleep and didn’t let you leave and go back to your dorm, and I’m sorry–”

               Jungkook shakes his head and looks at you, wide awake now. Of course, everything about this night is because of you. He’s feeling all these things because of you–you who stupidly neglect your health for the sake of studying, you who whine at him yet successfully convince him to join you on your bed, and you who look so endearingly beautiful even when you’re sick and can barely keep your eyes open. Of course, it will always be you.

               “No, it’s not because of you,” Jungkook breathes out.

               But he won’t admit it to you.

               “It’s because of me.”

               Because he’s also at fault for dragging his chances tonight for too long and you are yet to know the reason why. Especially, not now–not this way.

                “I got sleepy, too, so I just decided to sleep, and then I suddenly woke up when I felt you, uh…hugging me like that,” Jungkook clears his throat. “I-it’s just–I felt a bit queasy about you hugging me from behind.”

               You blink at him. “You feel weird being the small spoon?”

               Jungkook almost chokes on his own spit. “W-what?” Are you talking about spooning in bed? Where are you going with this conversation?!

               “I mean,” you huff, “most guys I talk with complain about their partners’ hair smothering their faces when they are the big spoon. And, it’s not like I purposely hugged you just to find out whether you like being the small spoon or not, I just unconsciously hugged you FYI. But then again, why don’t you like being the small spoon? You used to like it when I am the big spoon in our sleepovers.”

                “…When the hell did that happen?”

               You narrowed your eyes at him and Jungkook laughs. Huffing, you turn your back to him, facing your side of the bed. “Nevermind, deny it all you want when we know your mother still has pictures of you snuggled in my embrace. Anyway, it’s good that I woke up on time. You should have woken me up when you felt me hug you. You need to stay far on the bed or else you’ll get sick too and–”

               A thick arm drapes across your waist and a firm chest presses behind your back. You feel Jungkook’s knees slot next behind yours, his warm toes sliding beneath your cold feet. Before you can let out a squeak in surprise, you hear the voice of your bestfriend, rumbling right from his chest.

               “I don’t want to be small spoon. I like to be the big spoon. So I can protect you at night.”

               Chuckling, you try to ignore the searing warmth that has suddenly taken over your chest. Your ears also feel incredibly hot now, because of the cold, because of Jungkook–you don’t know, but the only thing you’re sure of is you like this warmth. Probably way more than you should. Grinning, you said, “Protect me from what?”

               “From nightmares and bad people. Now be quiet and go to sleep, peanut.”

               “Okay, okay, but…you have to let go now, Kook. You’ll also get sick–”

               “Don’t wanna. I never get sick,” Jungkook murmurs against your hair, “I have the Jeon Effect.”

               “Hmm’kay, suit yourself. Don’t let me tell you ‘I told you so.’” A beat passes and then you mumble something against your pillows–something Jungkook would have easily dismissed if not for one word that added to the flame in his heart.

              “Goodnight…prince.”

                It only takes about two minutes to have you snoring softly again in his arms. Jungkook releases the breath he’s been holding and lets his stiff shoulders drop in resignation. He presses himself closer to you, his arm draped across your waist moves as he finds for your fingers and intertwines it with his.

               Pressing a tender kiss on the back of your head, Jungkook mutters, “Goodnight, my princess.”

 Epilogue

“Mom,” Jungkook whispers on the phone, “Do you really have pictures of Y/N spooning me from behind?”

“Well, yeah…I didn’t know you knew I have copies of those, I only showed them to Y/N. Why did you ask?”

“N-nothing. Just checking.”

“Oh…kay. By the way, I also have photos of you spooning Y/N from behind. It’s so cute seeing you have turned around and switched your places. Ahh, I miss the toddler version of you. So cute!”

“Kook, are you–achoo!–talking with someone?”

“Oh shucks, mom, I have to go now. Bye bye, love you.” Jungkook ends the call and turns on his side to face you. “It’s just my mom, checking up on me.” But before you can ask him how’s his mom, Jungkook lets out a massive sneeze. He could feel your stare on him as he grabs some tissues from your tissue box–only to end up with insufficient three tissues and an empty box.  He grins at you. “Can you hand me more tissues?”

Your lips pull into a straight line as you reach for the tissue box by your desk “Here. See, Jungkook? I told you to leave me yesterday, Now you’re sick, too.

“It’s okay. At least now I get you to focus all your attention on me.”

“W-what?”

“N-nothing.”

A/N pt.2 | So hi hons! Thank you for reading this installment!!! I’ve been down the couple of days because of so MUCH school work and…I feel like I’m not improving at all given with the sudden efflux of feedback to my recent writings :((( Hence, sorry if I kept you guys waiting for too long…Anyway, I hope I’ve progressed a little bit with this installment! Thank you for always supporting me and reading my stories! 

P.S. If you also want to leave me some love, I have my arms wide open in my ask box ~( ;  ^  ; )~

All Rights Reserved © Vanaera. Reposts, modifications, and translations of content are not allowed without direct permission.

[vanaera]

was that the last installement of the the rose?🥺🥺i loved it soso much

Hi honey anon! Thank you for loving TPAHR! and no, The Constellations of the Big and Small Spoons is not the last installment of TPAHR! There will be more snippets of the first day they met, JK's troublesome HS life, JK and OC's friendship with Chim and Tae, OC's thing with Jongin, and more diabetes-inducing pining in college (not to say JK's upcoming confession 😉) I have in store for you hons!!! I intend to put a "finished" tag on any of my finished serieses, so yeah, TPAHR is not ending anytime soon!!!