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selznick-writes-stuff · 9 months

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Unconditional Love

haikyuu fanfic

My interpretation of the song told through a ftm trans Yachi coming to terms with his gender.

Inspired by Unconditional Love by Against Me!

Everyone had their secrets. Small ones like not having brushed your teeth last night or not knowing how to tie shoes until you were 14. Small ones that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things but would be embrassing if people knew. Or bigger ones that only those you trust can know. Bigger ones like mental illnesses that make you feel vunerable or your sexuality people would hate you for. Some people have even bigger secrets that no one but themself knows. Yachi had one of those secrets.

Yachi hated how she looked, which wasn't the secret - it was a secret, sure. Just, well, that's common, not liking how you look. Sometimes Yachi cut herself on purpose but that also wasn't the secret. Again, it was a secret but lots of people self-harm (and it's not like she's suicidal so does it really count?) No, those weren't Yachi's biggest secret. Her biggest secret was that she's trans. Well, maybe.

They didn't really know. She didn't want her hair short like a boy's but she'd tried it. They had put gum in their hair by the top so it had to be cut short. It was a bowl-cut and looked kind of awkward but it made them happy. Even happier when someone mistook them for a boy (on account of her wearing trousers, having short hair and her tits not having grown that noticeably at the time). They felt so happy. But having short hair isn't that fun when you can't braid it and mess with it so they'd decided to grow it out again. She didn't want short hair like a boy but she equally didn't want long hair like a girl. A purgatory of cutting and growing out her hair because it never felt right didn't make her happy either.

She didn't want her tits either. She had always been unhappy with them though never really knowing why. She had once thought she wanted bigger tits, that she was upset because they were small but her tits grew from AA cups to A cups to B cups and they still were unhappy with them. No one had mistaken them for a boy in a while and it was definitely her tits that were the culprit. It wasn't like she hated tits in general because they had seen tits on other girls and didn't hate them (she loved them, she was gay, God blame her) so it wasn't tits that was the problem. It was tits on her own body that was the problem. So they didn't want tits.

Her hips and legs were wrong too. Wide and fluffy with fat while the rest of her body was skinny. It made them want to puke sometimes. How she looked and how she walked was because she was a girl. They didn't like it. Didn't like that skirts showed her legs or that trousers outlined her hips. She didn't know if her butt was big but sometimes it felt like it was and sometimes she hated it and sometimes she remembered girls tend to have larger legs and hips and bums. It's where the body stores extra fat that might be needed in pregnancy. They remembered that from biology class.

She hated her body hair as well. But that was for a different reason than the others. Not because she had it but because she couldn't have it. Women shave (or wax) their legs and armpits and pussy. Any hair on your face was a no and it made her feel so self-conscious. She had to shave - couldn't not shave! She was be wrong then. Not normal. Weird. So she would ignore how happy she felt with leg hair and shave. Maybe she shaved less than other girls, spaced it out more, but she shaved her legs. She didn't shave their cunt though, no one would see so they could have this. She couldn't have chest or face or back hair for a different reason entirely - they just didn't have any. It didn't grow. At least she didn't need to worry about shaving it. Just long to have any instead.

So maybe they'd imagined being a boy sometimes. Wondered what having a dick would be like. Longed for a flat chest and a beard. It didn't mean anything.

She didn't want short hair like a boy. So it couldn't mean anything.

That was before she became a manager for the Karasuno Volleyball Club. Asahi had terrified them - even with long hair. And it's not like she didn't know men can have long hair and still be masculine. It had just never struck that close to them before. And he had fuzz on his chin! Dachi had thicc thighs too. Muscular, not fat like Yachi's though. Tanaka also had no hair on his chest (she knew from how much he whipped his shirt off), although he did have muscles to make up for it that Yachi didn't.

The thing with sports clubs is that they get close. Form strong bonds. Karasuno Volleyball Club even more so than others. Everyone was friends with everyone else - even Asahi didn't scare them anymore! She didn't really realise how much they trusted each other until Kinoshita had to sit out at one practice. Narita asked her to get a hot waterbottle for him while Kinoshita swallowed some tablets.

"Usually I'd ask Kiyoko but she's talking to the coach about him sitting out, I hope it's not a bother," Narita scratched the back of his head. "Not a bother - it's what I'm here for!" Yachi squeaked before scurrying off to the office. She had a hot waterbottle in her bag that would be nicer than anything the school had but they wanted to use a kettle the heat the water rather than waiting for whatever came out of the sinks to turn warmish. After that was sorted, she scurried back and handed it to Kintoshita.

"Uggrh, thanks," he groaned, "Narita lied before though, Kiyoko had her period last week and had to leave that day. You remember when she wasn't at practice last Wednesday, right? Yeah, thought the school would be a bit more helpful if it was you that asked then."

It took Yachi maybe longer than it should to realise exactly why Kinoshita needed the hot waterbottle. He was having period cramps like they do sometimes. And, god, it made her stop and consider what they actually felt. Because maybe it wasn't just self-conscious self-hatred that inspired self-harm. Maybe they were... No. He could be though...

The reflection that stared back in their bedroom wasn't right. It never was. Never had been. How he hadn't noticed they didn't know. The scars on their arms and legs had never fully faded from the last time she had cut (even if it had been months ago) but he ignored them. The only thing they wanted to hurt were the tits. Those godforsaken tits. No one had mistaken him for a boy since those tits had grown. ...grown.

So blood drew.

It felt better than they had expected. Something felt right in the anger that cut into her. He just wanted the tits gone. ...gone.

But still it was his biggest secret.

They didn't know why. It wasn't logical to keep it secret - the club wouldn't care. They'd accept him, help him and still care about him. Their mother would be accepting - she'd accepted his cousin being non-binary and that Yachi was a lesbian. So why couldn't she tell them she wasn't a lesbian but a trans straight man. He didn't know. His mother could help him to start transitioning. Would probably push Yachi to talk for himself more but would help. He could get rid of those tits, grow long hair and a beard, have all the body hair in the world and no one would care because he was a man, not a girl. And everyone that he cared about would accept and help him. He knew that. So why couldn't he just. Say Something.

Even though their love is unconditional it's still his biggest secret.

#yachi hitoka #yachi madoka mentioned #kinoshita hisashi #narita kazuhito #trans ftm yachi hitoka #fanfic #haikyū!!#haikyuu #trans ftm kinoshita hisashi #cw self harm #fic inspired by song

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ao3feed-asanoya · 6 years

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yeehaw its a haikyuu chat fic

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2QRIjl1

by blessed_image

Words: 2009, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Haikyuu!!

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji, Bokuto Koutarou, Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou, Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi, Sugawara Koushi, Azumane Asahi, Nishinoya Yuu, Haiba Lev, Yaku Morisuke, Kozume Kenma, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Shimizu Kiyoko, Yachi Hitoka, Ennoshita Chikara, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Kinoshita Hisashi, Narita Kazuhito, Hanamaki Takahiro, Iwaizumi Hajime, Matsukawa Issei, Yahaba Shigeru, Kyoutani Kentarou

Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Kuroo Tetsurou/Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Kozume Kenma/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Kinoshita Hisashi/Narita Kazuhito, Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime/Matsukawa Issei, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru

Additional Tags: chat fic, Group chat, Nonbinary Akaashi Keiji, Trans Bokuto Koutarou, Nonbinary Oikawa Tooru, Trans Hinata Shouyou, FTM Bokuto Koutarou, FTM Hinata Shouyou, Trans Kageyama Tobio, MTF Kageyama Tobio, Team Parents Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Agender Sugawara Koushi, Trans Nishinoya Yuu, FTM Nishinoya Yuu, Trans Yaku Morisuke, FTM Yaku Morisuke, Agender Kozume Kenma, Genderfluid Yamaguchi Tadashi, Trans Yachi Hitoka, MTF Yachi Hitoka, Nonbinary Hanamaki Takahiro, Iwaizumi Hajime Is So Done, okay fucking listen, everyone is just fucking gay as shit god damn, yall really tryna tell me these mfs cishet? hmm i dont think so bih, we talkin bout the same ppl? tobio? tooru? huh????, Established Relationship, Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied Sexual Content

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2QRIjl1

#haikyuu!!#asanoya #azumane asahi #nishinoya yuu #haikyuu

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ao3feed-daisuga · 6 years

Text

yeehaw its a haikyuu chat fic

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2QRIjl1

by blessed_image

Words: 2009, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Haikyuu!!

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2QRIjl1

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#daisuga #hq

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jaxthesnekking-blog · 7 years

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Some headcanons

So here are a few of the basic gender headcanons I have for some of the Karasuno kids

Trans ftm Hinata

Afab agender Kageyama Tobio

Intersex Sugawara Koushi

Afab genderfluid Sugawara Koushi

Agender Sugawara Koushi

Amab demiboy Daichi Sawamura

Trans mtf Asahi Azumane

Trans ftm Nishinoya Yuu

Genderfluid Narita Kazuhito

Agender Tsukishima Kei

Trans ftm Yamaguchi Tadashi

Trans mtf Yamaguchi Tadashi

Trans mtf Yachi Hitoka

Now my sexuality heacanons

Asexual Hinata Shouyou

Asexual Kageyama Tobio

Pansexual Sugawara Koushi

Pansexual Daichi Sawamura

Pansexual Asahi Azumane

Bisexual Nishinoya Yuu

Bisexual Tanaka Ryunosuke

Gay Ennoshita Chikara

Bisexual Narita Kazuhito

Panromantic Kinoshita Hisashi

Biromantic Homosexual Tsukishima Kei

Panromantic Yamaguchi Tadashi

VERY GAY Yachi Hitoka

I’ll go into more details with them in seperate posts (which will get long)

#transgender #headcanon #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#sexuality

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ao3feed-haikyuu · 6 years

Text

yeehaw its a haikyuu chat fic

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2QRIjl1

by blessed_image

Words: 2009, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Haikyuu!!

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2QRIjl1

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #hq #ao3feed #fanfic #haikyu #ハイキュー!!

0 notes