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blckbrrybasket · 17 days

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Good Luck, Babe.

Robin Buckley x Fem!Lesbian!Reader

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 10k

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: no use of y/n, mentions of sex, underage drinking/smoking, fluff, angst, jealousy, allusions to a physical fight, reader is in denial, wingman Steve, childhood friends to strangers to lovers

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Robin and you have been best friends since you were kids. You offer to help her learn how to kiss…looking back on it now, there was no way you could have had a different ending.

Inspired by Good Luck, Babe by Chappell Roan

Knowing Robin was a privilege. So many people mischaracterized her as a weird band kid, and she was, but she was also so much more than that. She was the girl who wished she was older to be free, who stared mindlessly at the ceiling when she was bored, and the girl who stubbornly slept through her growing pains to ignore them. Maybe it was just you who looked deeper and for that, you couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to know her profoundly. For some inexplicable reason, you wanted to know her inside and out. Maybe that was why you had offered to help her practice kissing.

“It’s for whatever guy you’re interested in!” Robin snorted in incredulousness, “I am not interested in a guy.” How true of a statement that was. You groaned and shook her shoulders. “Okay! Then whoever you eventually like will be thanking me one day after we teach each other how to kiss.” Robin paused with a surprised expression, eyebrows sliding up her forehead. Holy shit, you were serious. Not kind of serious, still second-guessing serious, but one hundred percent wanting it serious.

She scoffed and turned her nose up. “I think you mean your future bachelors will be thanking me.” Falling back on banter was her only move to pretend she wasn’t as nervous as she was. “Robin!” You snapped back only to watch her fall back against your carpet laughing. Shushing her, you laid back against the floor to look at her. Once her slightly nervous giggling died down she shyly nodded. “Yeah, okay. Do you use tongue though?” Robin wrinkled her nose at her own inquiry. She’d heard girls talk about it before but she couldn’t see the appeal. “It sounds like it would feel gross.”

“Like a wet..snake slithering-” “Ew! No!” You pushed Robin away, careful not to knock over your fort, as you sat up. She snickered and mirrored your position, knees pressed together as you sat in front of each other. “It’s…nice.” You imagined. You had only kissed one person with tongue. David had just barely grazed your tongue with his when he’d grown too eager and immediately jammed his tongue into your mouth. You had to resist grimacing at the memory, hand fiddling unsurely with the flap of the makeshift red tent you sat in. “It feels good,” you tried to reaffirm. Robin tilted her head in curiosity. “So how do we do it?”

An age-old question that apparently nobody had the answers for. “You just kind of do. Don’t worry about it, you’ll know when you’re doing it right.” Creeping closer to when you’d be kissing her you felt the need to sit up straighter and run a hand through your hair, shit did you brush your teeth recently? The thoughts were knocked out of your head once Robin leaned in closer, a hand bracketing your cheek like she had seen in the movies.

Most people would have been nasty or blatantly disliked her, but you never did. You always saw her for who she was. Robin was thankful she had such a good best friend, yet she was unsure as to why the word ‘friend’ hurt her to say. Feeling the high of her emotions for you she leaned in. It wasn’t enough to dismiss her second thoughts, although your lips brushing against hers automatically shut her brain up. Her eyelids fluttered shut as she pressed forward to slide your lips completely together. Unlike seeing the couples on screen or imagining kissing a boy this felt right.

Robin remembers how her cheeks burned after you had kissed. If only you’d known how deeply her heart beat for you. It was a kiss or two, but it was enough to seal you in her heart. Unfortunately, the perfect bubble of that night would pop and become a memory after you two had grown apart.

Despite popular belief (Steve’s belief), the kiss wasn’t what caused you to become distant. You made no move to come out though. Hell, you didn’t even know yet. It was hard to decipher why you liked boys unless they gave you attention back. You never felt like that with Robin, but how could you? She was Robin Buckley. You were sure you would love her forever but that was what made it scary. That may have been a part of why you two weren’t as close anymore, but not a majority of the reason. She got new friends and so did you. Childhood best friends grow older and become different people, it happens all the time.

But Robin couldn’t let you go, so she held on for as long as she could. You tried your best to delay the inevitable, but you two were worlds revolving in different solar systems, so you watched each other's lives from afar. It was a weary dance, knowing you couldn’t stop the change. Robin felt the same, having seen you grow before her eyes. She loved how you used to go to parties to just hang out with her. She also remembered when that began to change, how you were invited to go play games, happily pulling Robin along. You hadn’t noticed the expressions on your new friends' faces. You didn’t realize that they didn't want Robin there, but she had. She always knew.

It was clear you were trying to not get drunk tonight. Neither you nor Robin tried to get inebriated when you attended sleepaway camp. Being older now meant most kids your age snuck out to play games and drink, but it never appealed to you. Nights like those were reserved for the sleepovers you had together. So it was another night where you stayed glued to Robin’s hip, sipping at a concoction that no doubt held more mixer than actual alcohol. What you didn’t expect was for Vicki to flounce over and beg you to join the circle for seven minutes in heaven. You never got invited to those sorts of games. One of your hands was pulled into Vicki’s, Robin’s eye twitching at the action.

As always though you looked to Robin first. “Come on Robs, it could be fun!” Robin scrunched her nose up before sighing heavily and sliding her hand into your outstretched one. She wished she hadn’t agreed to do this. A part of her brain screamed to leave as soon as she took your hand, but the other part of her wanted to go along with it. The moment you sat side by side she could feel eyes on her that weren’t yours. She imagined you could feel it too with how you hesitantly released her hand.

Robin’s shoulders raised, trying to shrink into herself more as she leaned back. Who was she kidding being here? She burned holes into the carpet while she zoned out, only partially paying attention to the music playing. It was easy to pretend she didn’t care when she didn’t have to look at you. One by one people had their turns when the bottle was finally passed to you. Instantly Robin’s eyes rose to watch you through the pieces of hair that fell into her face. She could tell you were nervous. The small shake of your hand gave you away. Robin would bet a million dollars that nobody else noticed your patterns like she did. That fact didn’t stop the bottle from landing on your ex David.

From what she knew he had not been a good boyfriend to you or any girl he dated. He didn’t try. Sure, she knew it was seven minutes in heaven and not dating but it couldn’t stop her from wanting to remind you how badly he sucked. A vicious feeling churned in her gut as she saw him help you up. It continued to boil within her once David held open the closet door for you. The slow shutting of it felt like a countdown till she inevitably shot up from her seat.

There was nobody she had to make an excuse for why she was leaving, she simply grabbed her bag and left for your shared cabin. No one batted an eye. Of course, she wouldn’t know how you awkwardly sat in the closet, not wanting to kiss him. You knew if you kissed him it wouldn’t feel like what it did when you kissed Robin. It was one of the first times you could remember being so scared about your sexuality.

That was also the first time Robin had been so jealous about who you hung out with. She wished she was a better person who didn’t care about what you did. It didn't affect her, so why did it? If she had dwelled on it further perhaps she’d remembered the hasty kisses you exchanged when wine drunk at sleepovers. How pretty you looked when you were splayed out on her bed, pulling her closer as you cuddled to sleep off the drinks. But by the time the sun rose neither of you would remember what happened on nights like those. So reasons continued to pile up for why you pretended you were someone different and reasons for why Robin grew more possessive.

You felt like a fraud. Did you even have a reason to feel like that? No one else in your life questioned you, except Robin was anything but thorough. You could see the look in her eyes. You knew she was questioning things. Unlike her, you didn’t want to know. The world wasn’t built for people like you, so you settled on becoming someone else. However, Robin could always tell when you were switching to a different personality. The first thing she noticed was that you smiled less when you were around new friends and that you did everything in your power to subtly avoid guys approaching you. There were two reasons why that was; A. you were a lesbian or B. you’re dating David.

Robin chewed noisily on her banana runts that were more than likely damaging her teeth. “So you and David..?” She hadn’t stopped thinking about that night. When you had come back from the closet to discover her gone you had been immediately worried, going to your cabin right after. Your voice floating up to Robin’s top bunk did little to calm her nerves when she admitted she wasn’t feeling fine. She never wanted to lie, but if you believed she was sick she wouldn’t say otherwise. It had blown over rather quickly when you saw no need to press further. Robin, however, couldn’t stop thinking about what might’ve happened that night and what was to come from it.

“Ugh, no,” Came your fast retort. “It’s not like that! He’s just…nice.” Was that possibly the best thing you could come up with? To be fair, it wasn’t like he was much more than that. Fling or no fling he would never have a long-lasting impression on your life. When you were seventy and living with Robin and your pets you wouldn’t think back to him. He was fleeting. “So there’s no guy..or girl?” Robin wanted to include the latter to see if you would say anything about it. No one had ever claimed she was sneaky.

You huffed out a breath and shook your head. “Dunno why you’re so invested, didn’t you say you didn’t want to imagine me in a relationship?” Robin flushed. “Well yeah! I don’t want to know when you’re kissing other people!” Neither of you picked up on her mistake. “Okay, then don’t ask!” You teased, but there was more to it. You didn’t want to tell her about your romantic endeavors. There wasn’t a sure explanation as to why, but you knew for sure you didn’t want her speculating who you were with.

However, Robin wanted more answers. She always did. All the Nancy Drew novels she read as a kid always got the best of her. But she also knew there was more to it than that. She saw what you were covering up, it was the same thing she did when you hugged her. Trying to still your beating heart. You were one and the same and yet neither of you would take the leap to admit it for a long time.

Robin had gotten there first. After another year going by of secret glances and steering clear of the Victoria’s Secret catalog. It was like the models could feel her looking! Aside from that, things had been going smoothly. She was beginning to figure herself out and she loved who she was. Robin wanted you to love who she had become as well. You were the obvious choice to come out to first. Okay, you weren’t as close as you had once been, but you still saw each other often! If anyone were to understand it would be you. You knew Robin the longest out of everyone in her life, besides her parents. Unfortunately, the day she planned to tell you, your family was hosting a soirée that foiled her plans.

It was supposedly a small get-together with a few tens more people than you expected. The only good thing to come from the crowd was that the home bar was open. You could easily sneak behind the counter, remembering how you and Robin used to. Was she coming tonight? Thinking on it briefly you turned and ducked behind the counter, grabbing a bottle. It wasn't a second later when someone called your name scoldingly. You jumped with a start only to hit your head on the edge of the cabinets. “Oh shit,” Robin gasped.

“Robin! You ass!” You hissed and grabbed her hand to pull you up off the ground. Robin stifled a laugh, dodging your swipe at her, guiding the bottle in your hand to the counter. It was all in good fun how Robin slashed her other hand out to grab your side. The jabs only pulled more giggles from you before you grabbed Robin’s waist and pulled her entirely behind the counter. “Come on! I was going to- oh hey, Tommy.” You leaned against the counter, acting innocent. “Hey ladies, I heard some noise down here. You alright?”

From the way his eyes only stayed on you, it was clear that he was only checking on you. Trying not to cringe at his opener you nodded. “We’re fine, Thomas. You can be on your way now.” He frowned, almost the pout of a petulant child. Like most boys his age, he was not used to being shut down. “And if I want a drink?” Tommy smirked and moved to lean against the counter. Your lips sucked in, pulling into a straight line. “There’s drinks in the kitchen. I think you’ll manage.” To cement your point you pointed your finger towards the kitchen before shooing him away.

Robin stifled a laugh at him stomping away. “What? You didn’t like him?” She joked, leaning on the countertop beside you. “God no. Him? I don’t like boys.” The admission slipped out without the logical part of your brain thinking. You hadn’t ever focused on that fleeting thought, purposefully ignoring it. The slip-up didn’t go unnoticed though, your body becoming rigid. “I-I like men,” you coughed out. “You know, not boys. They’re too immature.” A nervous laugh escaped your lips as you attempted to cover up. “You can tell me.” Robin returned.

It was an olive branch, a hope that you would take it and tell her what plagued you. Naturally, that didn’t happen. “There’s nothing to tell.” As if you could read Robin’s mind you continued on. “I’m straight.” The finality in your tone was overlooked by Robin. “I would never judge you. You know that right?” You sighed heavily and glanced at her. “That’s great Robin, but I’m straight. I don’t know what to tell you. I could kiss any girl and feel no different.” It was a challenge you felt Robin would be forced to turn down. Surely she wouldn’t step up to it.

Little did she know that you were projecting and suppressing how you felt, which was the complete opposite. Nevertheless, at seventeen neither of you knew when to quit. “Then do it.” Robin retorted. You scoffed and raised an eyebrow at her. “You seriously want to see me kiss a girl?” Robin jutted her chin out and nodded. “Fine. Kiss me, it’s not like we haven’t already.” The room felt tilted at your dare. You couldn’t be serious, but the glint in your eye told Robin you were.

This couldn’t end well. Anyone could have told you that and the both of you would have still gone through with it. You both knew it was different now. You were grown up with no excuses as to why this would happen and yet here the two of you stood playing into the dangerous game. “Okay.” You appeared staggered and Robin smirked at you, flicking your arm. “Like you said, dingus, we already have.” Nodding shyly you stepped up to Robin, toe to toe, you rolled your eyes with a smile. “Alright Buckley, try to woo me.” In any other atmosphere, she would have cackled, instead she lightly grabbed your waist and leaned in. She had waited too long to beat around this anymore.

Lucky for her and you, no one walked in. They continued to avoid the room as Robin kissed you softly. The year or so gone by had certainly made a difference in how her lips knew how to move against yours. Your gasp was swallowed by her, your lips moving slowly. How desperately you wanted to bury your hands in her hair and kiss her till her lips swelled. The thought alone is what snapped you out of your fantasy. As you hastily pulled away Robin sighed and ducked her head. She knew it was coming, she knew it was a dumb decision to fall for her straight best friend. “Did I woo you?” She joked.

“Mhm,” you winked. “Enough for me to take a shot.” It was no more than a joke, but Robin could see how the light in your eyes had dimmed. “What are you doing?” Robin whispered. It hurt her to see you like this. No matter how much you tried to hide she would always find out eventually. She knew it wasn't the first or last time you would do something like this. Melancholy pulled at her heart as she studied you. How long would this last, if it ever stopped? “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking a shot.”

Your tone was too cheery for the grim look on your face. “Seriously?” Robin countered. Deep down she knew it was her fault for entertaining the idea. You couldn’t have known she had been in love with you for years. If you had, you would have never joked about kissing her. Logically, she knew it. She just wished it would change and a bit of her wished you would change. “Yes, seriously.” When you looked at her so wearily the anger all but vanished from her. “Do you want a shot or not Robin? It’s fine if you don’t want one, I can drink enough for the both of us.” Robin shook her head, looking away while chewing on her bottom lip.

In an instant, the conversation was over, whatever was happening between you shifted. She walked behind you, out from the home bar, and walked to the three steps to take her back to the main house. “Tell your parents I say hi.” With that, she walked up the steps a little too harshly and left you alone to stare down at the alcohol.

That was one of the last conversations you held before finally, and silently, parting ways. If there was a tragedy hall of fame you swore that moment was etched in it forever. No one knew why you and Robin sat farther apart in classes. Those who knew least of all were your parents. They still spoke to each other frequently, Robin’s distance not taking too much of a toll on their friendships. As expected they spoke about the split, never able to understand what happened. They gathered no information from the pair of you. Neither you nor Robin would speak a negative word about the other.

Now, imagine Steve’s surprise when Robin first told him how you were the girl she was in love with. He was still that shocked about it after knowing for months. It wasn’t hard to see why though. Steve remembered you as the smart popular girl who wouldn’t hesitate to lend a hand to someone in need. Sweet, but not a pushover. Even now he still finds it hard to believe, harder to believe that the two of you kissed. He wasn’t one to judge, no, but you had a boyfriend to his knowledge and Steve was (is) a little…surprised…was all. It’s not every day that your friend is practically in the plot of a movie.

“Okay okay, but you guys kissed, right? Isn’t that enough of a sign that she likes you?” Steve’s pointer finger moved the tab of his beer can around and around across the metal opening. “No it’s not dingus- stop that.” Robin swatted Steve’s hand to stop him from making the terrible screeching noise. “Even if she did, which she didn’t, she wouldn’t like me now. We haven’t held a conversation since what? Graduation?”

“Which was last week.” Steve snorted at Robin’s drama. It wasn’t a wonder that she was a theatre kid. “Still!” She protested and flopped back on the pool chair. Her eyes studied the way the moonlight rippled on the pool’s water reflecting on a time that you would have tugged her along to stare at the night sky. Steve followed her view and sighed if he had to hear one more goddamn time about how you liked the moon. He had no doubt you were a sweet person but one thing Robin didn’t know how to do was shut up, and that factored into how much she spoke about you.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek to think of something. “Look. It’s the week after graduation, there are tons of parties happening right now. How about we go out, find you a nice girl, and get your mind off her.” Before graduation, Robin had truly thought she was over you. Sure, you still sent her a dazzling smile in the halls and she tripped into a trash can once because she swore she saw you check her out, but it was nothing. You didn’t want her and by god, she would force herself to not want you.

That was until she saw you cross the stage at graduation, waving enthusiastically at your friends. Until you cheered the loudest for her when they called her name. It didn’t make sense to others, why one of the star cheerleaders was shrieking happily for the nerdy, band kid, but it didn’t seem to phase you. Nothing did. So it made it hard for Robin to wonder why you still had a boyfriend.

Were you truly not gay? Had her hopes been misplaced? She hadn’t expected you to shout it from the rooftops, but she’d hoped that you would have told her before you two drifted. Or it was possible you liked both guys and girls? However, the thought didn’t seem to make sense with how you talked about boys. Even when you were just beginning to date boys you had mentioned offhandedly that girls were always better than boys.

“Men aren’t supposed to be as pretty as girls so it's okay…I wish they wouldn’t be so gross though.” In her younger mind, it made sense, though years later it didn’t seem to be foolproof. Even when guys were begging you for a date you brushed them off. Then came the unavoidable boyfriend that would stick for a month or two until you broke up and you were single for an extended period again.

Mulling over it Robin groaned and lolled her head to the side. She was tired of being hung up on what-ifs. “Fine. But the moment I’m bored we leave.” Steve clapped his hands, jostling the beer can that now sat in his lap. “There we go, that’s what I’m talking about!” He shot up to high-five Robin only to spill his beer onto his lap. “Ah, shit!” Robin smirked and raised an eyebrow at him. “Might want a change of jeans, Cupid.” “Oh fuck off.”

For a second it fell quiet except for Steve’s mumbled curses as he rubbed at his pants. The ever-growing stain only spread against his wiping. “Jesus, fine, but tomorrow you have to promise you’ll come with me.” Blue eyes rolled to the side and Robin reluctantly nodded. “Promise. Now I’m headed to your guest bedroom if you don’t mind. Don’t go to sleep covered in beer!” She hopped up with a grin and dashed inside. “It’d help if I had a towel! Hello! Hello? …Robin?”

Ignoring him, Robin took two steps at a time up the stairs excited to be tucked in bed. No matter how many times she jokingly complained about the bed in the guest room she always slept better at Steve’s house. He didn’t mind though, the company was nice to fill his empty house. Besides, when Robin remembered to wash the guest sheets Steve could shove his own sheets in her laundry load.

She slammed the door shut and flopped on the bed to stare at the stagnant ceiling fan. One night. One party and it would be fine. You would be far away from her mind. Squeezing her eyes closed, Robin could almost convince herself of it. She rolled over, tucking her hand under her chin not bothering to get into the pajamas she’d left here a million times before.

If she knew what the next night held for her, her restless sleep would have turned into no sleep. At her core Robin was an overthinker.

The next morning was usual and unsuspecting. Burnt eggs made by Steve who threw them out and settled on making coffee. Thankfully this Saturday was free of work shifts, unfortunately, that also meant Steve finding out where the nearest party was happening tonight. Subsequently, it had Steve stressing over what they would wear. Robin swore he cared more about their outfits than she did and she wouldn’t be wrong in the assumption. When it came to putting Robin out there Steve would put blood, sweat, and tears into it.

“It’s a party Steve, not tea with the queen.” Robin spun in a chair at her desk. Shortly after breakfast Steve had shoved her into his BMW and sped to her house. She had sworn up and down that it wasn’t a big deal, but to Steve it was. When he first began being so nice to her she thought it was because she helped him with flirting, then because she saved people from Russians, and then got him a job on top of all of it. To Robin’s pleasant surprise and delight it was because Steve actually enjoyed her company.

Due to his experience, and care for Robin, Steve was determined to make this go well. He knew how nerve-wracking it could be to try and flirt with girls. Trust him, he knew, but he also knew there was another level he wouldn’t understand. All he could do was base things on his experiences and if this was going to go according to plan he was going to make sure Robin looked good.

Steve planted his hands on his hips and twisted towards Robin. “Can you at least try to care? This is for you.” Robin’s lips pursed, moving from side to side before she sighed heavily. She raised a limp hand to point in the direction of a shirt. “Those with my black jeans.” Steve turned and nodded at the garment, pulling it off the hanger and tossing it onto the bed. “Good choice,” he commented, going to rummage for her jeans. “Yeah, well, it was her choice.” Neither of them needed to clarify to know she was talking about you. Steve’s lips pulled into a frown. “Tonight will be good.” He tried to weakly assert. She hoped it would be.

Comparatively to Robin’s morning, yours was soon to be boring. There was no excitement for the millionth party you would be attending and definitely no surprise breakfast to wake up to. If you had known that was even an option your brain would have whisked you away in daydreams to what life could be like. In reality, you woke up far before the sun did, a routine you had formed over the last year. The few hours between you waking up and the sun rising was your safe haven. It was a comfortable silence that permitted you to slow down life and take in your surroundings.

Today you settled for staring at your boyfriend in front of you, studying his facial features. He was by no means ‘ugly’. By all standards he was conventionally attractive, however, you couldn’t bring yourself to yearn for him. The movies had infiltrated your head making you think love should be a whirlwind that swept you off your feet. Weren’t you supposed to burn for him, or at least crave to be in his presence? You couldn’t even bring yourself to come, having to fake your orgasm for him last night like always. You knew his ego would take a huge hit if you admitted this so you stayed silent.

It wasn’t him per se. It also wasn’t you though. You could come but not when you were with a man. It was always too much, not enough, too man-ish. If that made sense, which it didn’t. None of it did. What made it worse was the way your mind constantly wondered. Why did your brain keep drifting back to comparing every fling to Robin? She was gone. You wouldn't be hung up on losing a friend. She was a good example of a strong relationship, platonic sure, but it was something you subconsciously based your romantic relationships on. No one met the expectations though.

You never felt truly thrilled to be with who you were dating. Up until you had to exchange affection you were into it. Don’t get it wrong, you did feel something for who you dated but you weren’t sure what it was. It scared you too much to think about your boyfriend deeply, or any other man you had been with. How you wished he’d somehow feel the shift in the universe that you were now awake and wake up to smile at you like Robin used to.

Perhaps he’d stay up and talk about nothing for hours. None of it had to make sense you wanted it for the connection. Why could he not read your mind or simply go out of his way to do something meaningful for you without you having to ask? You were so tired of not having that connection with men. It became easier for you to find a woman and become close friends instantly! Men made it so hard.

And as if all the planets fell into alignment the breath was punched from your lungs. Fuck. Why now? Why did you suddenly figure it out now? In the end, it made sense, how had you been so blind? Staring at the ceiling you couldn't picture anything else in your head except the women you have loved in your life. Not friends or family, but loved loved. And every scene came back to Robin. You were choking. Maybe not literally, but there was no escape from the realization. Had you always known and simply forced yourself to hide it?

Unable to stop the rushing questions all you could focus on was how you ended up here. You never listened, not even to your own heart. Was this all life would be if you continued down this path? Men who pulled it together enough to have an average life, but never being able to fully love them. Realization after another, you recognized that you didn’t want to be next to a man when you walked down the aisle. You couldn’t. It felt like handing your life over. Ending something that had barely begun.

Looking back at Robert, there was no stopping the jolt of your body. It felt subconscious like it was telling you to run and never look back. From the dreadful feeling weighing you down, you supposed the earth had stopped turning and you could run straight off the edge of it. You wiggled back until you were close enough out from under the covers and stumbled out of bed. You couldn't look at him anymore, prying your eyes away to look at anything else. They scanned his familiar room for what could be the millionth time and you only felt sadness. Would your future home be decorated like this? Mediocre decorations with no touch of what felt like home. Forever compromising on how you wanted to feel.

It had barely registered in your mind that you had left his room, near running down the stairs and out of his house like a hookup who stayed over too late. You didn't know where to go. In another life, you would have legged it to Robin’s house but in this life, your feet carried you towards your home. The home where you had sleepovers in buried hopes that you’d uncover each other's secrets and sleep with legs and arms intertwined, pretending it was a hug. God, it was innocent and you craved to go back. You coveted your younger self for being filled with such innocent love for others. At the same time, you hated how buried your love became, concealed by fear.

Years of your life had passed by without you realizing who you truly were. You silently begged the universe to make it better, whatever that meant. Bare feet hitting the pavement echoed against the looming houses of the neighborhood. What would someone think if they saw you running like hell was on your heels? Would it compare to the shock of what they would hear if they could see into your brain?

It seemed like seconds of running when you made it to your house, but judging by the brightening sky and the burning of your feet it had been much longer. You wanted to go back to the way you had been. It wasn’t shame, or not entirely. It was an odd limbo of wanting so desperately for itself to work out that you’d beg to go back to denying it. What good would that do though? All you could do was take a hot shower and relax before the party. You were still going with Robert, knowing you’d get an earful later for leaving in the middle of the night, but you were incapable of caring at this point.

His loss. Seriously, his loss. Without you dating him you’d feel freer and he would plead for another chance to be a good boyfriend this time. You wanted to piece yourself back together by taking back the power he had unknowingly stolen from you. He was good sometimes, but you didn't deserve ‘sometimes’. Unexpected anger filled you as you closed your front door. Was it better or worse that you had discovered you were a lesbian when dating him instead of a good guy? “Oh honey!” your mother started, catching a glimpse of your expression from the kitchen table. “Did you and Robert fight again?” The familiarity of her thinking you and Robert fought again had your heart plummeting. There was thinly veiled ‘Is Robert mad at you again?’ under her question.

You weakly shook your head. “No ma’am, I'm okay…just tired.” A comforting smile appeared on your mother’s face as she beckoned you over. “Come here, sweetheart.” Compliantly, you walked closer to her and leaned down to feel her hand on your cheek. Something was bothering you, she could see that much. “I’m so proud of you.” Immediately you wanted to spill everything. You wanted her to hold you like you were a little girl again and have her tell you that everything would be okay. Suddenly you became aware that you were mourning the future you were guaranteed from a kid. It was a piece of yourself that you lost, but you were also gaining another piece of yourself. Bittersweet.

You wanted her to love this new part of yourself as much as she loved every other piece of you. She pressed her lips to the crown of her head like she could read your mind. She was trying her best to solve your troubles with how she knew too. “I love you, my sweet baby girl.” Tears stung at the backs of your closing eyes. “I love you,” you wanted to whisper back, instead staying quiet out of fear of what you might admit. She nodded in time with you with a sweet laugh. “Now go clean up and knock them dead.” Your mother looked up from where she sat and winked at you as you went round the corner. “Those boys won’t know what hit them!”

But they were never who you wanted. How could you tell someone that when they’ve known you as a different person your whole life? You knew your mom wouldn't hesitate to die for you, that’s what you chose to hang onto as you headed for the shower you hoped would wash away your anxiety. She still loved you. Unbeknownst to you, she would never jeopardize that love. You were her child forever.

The shower had washed away some of your stress of the day, renewing you to a point that you could go out. That’s how you found yourself working your pants over your hips, doing little hops to slide the denim on. After the small workout, you huffed and threw things out of your closet to get a shirt. By the time a tornado looked like it had passed through your room, you resorted to digging through your basket of clean clothes, grabbing a cropped jersey Robert had given you. A thought nagged the back of your brain saying not to wear it because it was his, but you threw it on anyway. It was cute and would fit the vibe of the party.

It was a simple outfit but there was no way you were trying to woo anybody tonight. Hopefully, it would ward people off from talking to you. You didn't even want to woo Robert. A thought for a later date. Checking your alarm clock you realized it was an hour till the party with no sign of Robert. Your gut yelled at you to call him. Fuck you wished you didn’t have to. What if you walked? In that case, he could show up and wonder why you ignored him, or he could try to pick you up after you had already left the house. It left too many questions without answers.

Regrettably, calling him was the best option for transportation. You were not in a family who could spare your unlicensed person driving their car around. Stepping out of your bedroom you were met with silence. The house was empty aside from you padding to the landline in the kitchen. A note was left on the refrigerator reminding you of your parents' date night. Nerves nipped at you as you swiped your sweaty palms down your thighs and forced yourself to dial his number.

One, two, three, four rings later, “Hello?” Your teeth sink into the tip of your thumbnail. Yup, he sounded mad. “Hey, Rob!” You tried to chirp, voice unnaturally high. “Oh, are you talking to me now?” “What? I thought we were going to the party tonight…aren’t you coming to get me?” Robert being mad at you was a more than common occurrence. This was one of the more uncommon times when you had done something. “I thought you were mad at me.” he deadpanned, “No note. No warning. You were gone. What was I supposed to think? It’s embarrassing! Do you know how embarrassing that is?” He pressed on.

You fought off a sigh in response, trying to muster up a kinder retort. “I’m sorry Rob, seriously. I’ll make it up to you at the party. …I promise.” he sighed heavily, voice becoming soft again. “I don't think I can drive somebody who acts like that. Will I see you there?” Great. Great, great, great. Robert clicked his tongue sympathetically, acting as if it hurt him as much as he expected it to hurt you.

You didn’t dare ask if he was driving you again. “Yeah. See you then, I guess.” Dejection was far from your tone yet Robert failed to take a hint. “I’m sorry.” His apology fell flat. You couldn't bring yourself to be upset at his roundabout breakup. The dial tone answered him as you slammed the phone back on the receiver.

So much for having a ride.

Figuring out a last-minute ride should not have been as difficult as it was. Apparently, when you drop off the face of the earth for a few days after graduation everyone thinks you’ve left them to die. Thankfully Tina had her convertible detailed on Wednesday and was more than happy to show it off. A little sucking up and a vague explanation later you had a brand new ride who was trying to get you to shove it in Robert’s face that you didn’t need him. And what better way to do that than driving you to the party?

Initially, you didn’t intend to get this far into things. Maybe a small catch-up chat and a shot to appease her, but it seemed Tina’s personal mission was to get you hammered. It was all she talked about on the drive over. The cool night air hit your skin as you stepped out of Tina's convertible, the engine purring below you. Music and laughter were already spilling out from the open windows. Tina looped her arm through yours, “Come on, let's show that loser Robert what he's missing!”

You smiled back at her, allowing yourself to be swept up by her. “Lead the way,” you replied, playing along. The two of you pushed through the people congregating on the front lawn. Tina's grip on your arm tightened as she guided you through the chaos, her eyes alight with a determined gleam. “There’s the keg over there!” Tina exclaimed and pointed towards the driveway.

“That sounds amazing, Tina,” you spoke, raising your voice above the chaos. “Just give me a moment? I'm going to...powder my nose.” You punctuated your statement with a conspiratorial wink, knowing full well that Tina assumed you had somebody to go meet up with. Tina giggled and winked back, “Hurry up then! Don’t keep him waiting!” She waved and happily drifted towards some girls she recognized by the keg, leaving you to navigate your way.

Dodging a stumbling partygoer who barreled past you and out the front door, you twisted around and made your way backward into the living room. The air was thick with the scent of sweat and drinks, a stereo somewhere playing loud music reverberating through the floorboards as bodies danced where a coffee table once stood. A part of you couldn't help but scan the crowd, a lingering instinct to locate Robert. You rolled your jaw, determined to stomp out that fleeting desire.

Your gaze drifted towards the kitchen, and you figured a quick detour for refreshments was in order. Unaware of prying eyes, you hugged the wall, slipping into the relative sanctuary of the kitchen. Finally, a moment to catch your breath and collect your thoughts amidst the chaotic revelry. A familiar face was standing in the kitchen, but they were no one there that you knew well enough. Nowhere near the level of recognition you held for the person who was watching you back.

Robin’s eyes stayed trained on you, having seen you the moment you had walked through the front door. Technically since someone pushed past you to get outside. She was sitting on a pushed-back couch with Steve. Normally he would find somebody to flirt with, yet here he sat debating who would be fit for Robin. His whispers fell on deaf ears, rubbing his chin with one hand. “I swear she’s not straight. Did you know she used to…” Robin’s harsh whisper drowned out the rest of his sentence, “Steve.” His brown eyes flicked to her. “Shit was that bad to say?”

“Steve.” Steve finally took the suggestion and looked up to see you. His eyes widened while he watched you open a bottle and pour some liquid into the cup. Robin’s surprise came at the fact that you weren’t hanging over Robert. That wasn’t completely the jealousy talking. If you showed up at a party you tended to stay by his side the whole time. Whether it was to keep other men away from you or because you liked Robert that much, it also kept Robin at bay from thinking of trying to talk to you. Here you were now, looking unfocused, almost worried before chugging the alcohol.

“You should talk to her.” Steve started. He saw the look in Robin’s eye knowing there was no way around it. “What!? No! Steve, that goes against everything we’re doing tonight!” He knew that more than anyone else, of course, he did. There was no reason for Robin to go back on her word, other than the fact that she was obviously in love with you.

“Look, one conversation. Then you’ll know for sure that you can move on.” Steve reached over, shaking Robin’s shoulder softly to encourage her towards you. “Never know if you don’t try.” Swallowing her fear, Robin admonished Steve. “Remind me to never listen to you ever again dingus. No more plan-making for you.” “And yet you’re walking towards her.” Robin rolled her eyes, walking backward to you.

Once Robin deemed she was almost close enough she turned around to see your spot in the kitchen empty. Her baby blues scanned the house, spotting you heading to the backyard. After seeing you just out of reach she knew she had to speak to you for better or for worse. Robin sped up, pushing through to get to the back door. She could see your rapidly disappearing frame, focusing on how you moved. The wood creaked on the hinges, shutting in front of her face. Being so close to you she suddenly couldn’t bring herself to open the door.

She was being dumb, she knew it. It was one conversation. What harm could it do? Pacing in front of the door Robin barely had enough time to jump out of the way when it swung open. “Shit- sorry!” She called out, stumbling backward out the door. If anything it was the stranger's fault for slamming the door open, that’s what you thought at least. “Robin?”

Time instantly slowed as your quiet voice called her name. She slowly turned towards you, her movements making it seem like she was in doubt if this were truly happening. An awkward smile tugged at the corner of her lips when she caught sight of you sitting on the edge of the porch. The porch light basked you in its soft glow, contrasting the bright moonlight that hit the yard. “Hey..didn't uh see you there,” she offered hesitantly. Robin knew you would be out here, but actually speaking to you made it seem way more real.

“Oh, I thought you were following me.” Robin’s face fell at the blunt statement, her composed facade cracking. “Huh!?” She squawked, the sound escaping her before she could stop it. Her eyes snapped to your face to search it, honing in on the cigarette you pressed to your lips. Not responding right away, a charged silence blanketed you. The only reprieve was the clicking of your lighter that pierced the air, flame roaring to life to light the smoke.

If this was to be the last time she spent in your company, Robin didn't want it to end like that. With a determined set to her jaw, she moved to plop down onto the edge of the porch beside you, swinging her legs over the side inelegantly. You wordlessly tilted your head back, exhaling your smoke away from her, a small gesture that did not go unnoticed. “I didn't know you smoked,” Robin ventured, her gaze transfixed by the way your lips wrapped around the cigarette, pursing and parting with each inhale and exhale.

“Oh yeah, new habit I guess,” you replied nonchalantly, as if the habit were no more remarkable than a new hairstyle. Robin nodded, her eyes trailing over you with a mixture of curiosity and concern. “Are you-” she began, only to be cut off as you simultaneously attempted to speak. “Do you think-” Your voices overlapped, the words tangling together in a mess. Robin felt her cheeks warm.

“You can go first,” you mumbled, ducking your head in an effort to hide the amused smile that threatened to spread across your features. “Um…” Robin nodded, turning her gaze forward once more as she gathered her thoughts. “What are you doing here without...?” Her voice trailed off as she realized, with discomfort, that she had completely forgotten the name of your boyfriend. She had heard it mentioned once, she was certain, but the name eluded her. It started with an R, didn't it? “Robert,” you filled the gap for her. “Yeah, him!”

You winced visibly at the mention of his name. Lifting a hand to scratch the back of your neck, the cigarette dangling precariously from your taught lips, you hesitated for a moment. “You don't have to answer if you don't want to,” Robin added quickly, noticing you were weighing your words. “No, it's fine,” you assured her, waving off her concern. “We're on a break, I guess? He's pissed at something I did this morning.”

Robin sat up straighter, her curiosity piqued by your cryptic confession. “Oh shit. What'd you do?” Plucking the cigarette from your lips, you took a deep breath of clean air. “I sort of ditched him before he woke up. Ran out of his house... the whole shebang.” As the words left your mouth, you couldn't help but realize how callous they sounded. Robin, however, seemed unfazed by the revelation, barking out a laugh that seemed to echo in the quiet night.

“What!? Why?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with disbelief and amusement. “So many questions,” you teased, unable to resist the urge to deflect, if only momentarily. Robin shook her head, a knowing smile playing at the corners of her lips. It was a known fact that she often pressed for more information. You gave a resigned shrug, not knowing why you found yourself spilling your guts to your old friend who you had barely shared a conversation with in over a year. There was something about her presence, something undeniably safe, that compelled you to open up in a way you hadn't with anyone else.

“Guess I realized something.” Robin knew better than to interrupt now, well versed with the pause you gave before fully voicing the thoughts on your mind. “I don't think he's the one," you admitted at last. Something about the need for clarity had you stubbing your cigarette out. Robin sucked in a sharp breath, her expression one of sympathy. “If it helps, I don't think anyone meets 'the one' in high school,” she spoke matter-of-factly as if stating an indisputable truth. “Plus, that's a dumb reason for him to break up with you.”

“Maybe,” you muttered in response, your voice laced with a heaviness that suggested there was more to the story. “For what it's worth, I'm sorry,” Robin continued, her words laden with sincerity. “You deserve better than that.” She knew you did. You deserved better than all the shitty boyfriends you had put up with. Turning to face her fully, you met her gaze with a look of self-doubt. “Don't know if I do. I kind of fucked up, big time.”

The guilt of having dated and potentially hurt a string of boys while unaware that you were unable to love them formed a lump in your throat. You had only just come to terms with the fact that you might have been a lesbian earlier that morning, but hadn't there been signs all along? Little hints you had chosen to ignore in favor of conforming to societal expectations? You truly did empathize with their feelings, holding the weight of your actions on your shoulders.

“Good people fuck up sometimes,” Robin stated effortlessly. The resolution she offered was so simple. “We're still young, we're going to make mistakes,” she continued. And you would. None of it had been malicious. Of course, Robin would be the one able to slow down your racing mind. You couldn't help but marvel at the depth of her understanding and how she cut through the tangled web of your thoughts with such ease.

“When did you become so wise?” You quipped. “I always have been,” Robin shot back with a sly smile. “You were just too busy being charmed by me to realize.” For a heartbeat, Robin froze, uncertain whether her joke had landed or if she had overstepped a boundary. Then your laughter met her ears, shattering her worry. “Hm. makes sense,” you conceded.

Robin sighed out in relief, your head tilting to rest on her shoulder. She slowly met your head with her own, leaning on top of yours. In the dim lighting, you looked at her feet swinging side by side with yours. Studying the familiar scribbles on her shoes made you feel so comforted. This was just Robin, sweet Robin who held your hands when you were scared to make leaps of faith. A leap of faith. That’s all it was.

“I guess I’m interested in other people.” Robin’s eyebrows furrowed curiously. Taking the moment you confessed before doubt could creep up your spine. “I don't think men are the ones for me.” All the oxygen exited Robin's lungs, however, she clamped her mouth shut, trying to remain cool. “I don’t think they are for me either.” She responded faintly.

“Right? I get it, I do, I mean not really but..” you rambled on, taking a note from Robin’s book. “I feel bad because I dated so many guys. I can’t imagine how they felt when I couldn't give them what they needed.” Robin scoffed in return. “Please, they sucked. They were practically sewer monsters! They’ll get over it,” Robin stated resolutely. You didn’t need to be hung up on boys like that. You laughed at her claim. “Yeah, they're gross.” You agreed.

Talking to her again you realized how easy it was and how much you missed this. “I’m so tired of having to like what they like, do what they do, live in their world!” You huffed and glared up at the sky for an answer to your troubles. “I'm proud of you.” Robin blurted out to your surprise. “You’re proud of me?”

Robin didn’t say many things that shocked you into a stupor anymore, but that was certainly one of them. “Yeah. You’ve kind of become super confident.” “Not at all. I’m still scared,” you exhaled regretfully at your admission. “You can be scared and still be self-assured. You’re like..on the right path, you know?” You blinked in amazement at her awareness. “Robin you are fucking amazing.” At your compliment, it was now her turn to be taken aback. “Oh- thank you.” She coughed with wide eyes.

The connection both of you tried to shove down for so long sparked the moment your eyes locked. In that instant, the world faded away, neither of you caring that anyone could peer through the backdoor. As you gazed into her eyes, it felt as if her soul was laid bare in front of you. “Can I?” you asked, voice filled with longing. “Please,” she responded. With her confirmation, both of you moved forward eagerly, lips colliding. However, a second later a pang of pain quickly interrupted the blissful encounter, causing you both to recoil.

“Ow!” Robin hissed, pressing her hand to her mouth, her inner lips inadvertently having met her teeth. “Oh shit!” you exclaimed, scrambling onto your knees to be closer to her. Gently, you removed her hand, anxiously inspecting her. “I am so sorry. Are you bleeding?”

Your eyes snapped to Robin’s when she failed to respond. Her hand slid across your cheek much like it had the first time years ago. Hiccuped giggles fell from her lips when she edged closer to you. Taking the hint, you followed suit to gently press your lips together. This is what you were looking for. You understood why you had looked for her in other people for so long. You yearned for her.

Robin’s fingers trailed along your skin leaving tingles in their wake. Her hands slowly slid down, one coming to rest on the small of your back with the other holding onto your waist. She was desperate to eliminate any distance between your bodies, pulling you towards her like you were her lifeline. When the need for oxygen became too great to ignore, Robin reluctantly parted from your lips. A soft “Woah” escaped her in a breathless whisper.

“Uh huh, woah,” you mumbled in agreement, blinking as you emerged from your trance. As your senses slowly returned, you turned to face each other, eyes meeting in a shared look of awe. The tension that had been building between you both for so long had finally been released, and the intensity of it left you both giddy with exhilaration. Unable to contain yourselves any longer, you burst into unrestrained laughter, echoing the pure joy you felt in that moment.

“Holy shit!” you exclaimed happily. Without a plan or a second thought, you jumped up and grabbed Robin's hand, pulling her up with you. “Let's go,” you said, the words tumbling out in your excitement. Robin's eyes widened at your sudden burst of energy. “What?” she asked. Despite her question she gratefully let you help her up and tug her towards the stairs. “Let's ditch!” you clarified. Robin took one look at the gleam in your eyes and she nodded rapidly, a matching grin spreading across her face as she raced down the stairs with you.

Her grip on your hand tethered you to her as she rounded the corner of the house at a breakneck pace. You stumbled after her, laughing breathlessly, the two of you surely a sight to behold. Anyone would take a look at the two of you and assume you were drunk.

As you burst into the front yard, Steve caught sight of you while he stood on the lawn. His expression grew into one of bemusement as he watched the two of you race past. He beamed at you both, your laughter infectious as you ran down the neighborhood street with no destination in mind. You were in love and it was pure.

Steve placed his hands on his hips, chest bursting with pride. As he watched you disappear he turned back to the shorter figure in front of him. His once soft eyes now held a glint and a not-so-innocent smile. “You’re Robert? Right?”

taglist: @andvys

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mrm0rgansw0man · 23 days

Text

no grave can hold my body down, ill crawl home to her

summary:

arthur morgan knew he was the type of man that shouldn’t risk falling in love, but jesus she just made it so hard NOT to

a/n: first fic!! inspired by work song by hozier lol. hope y’all enjoy it Xx 💗

re-uploading this fic on my new account because im planning on making a second part of it! should be out soon :) Xx

‘Arthur Morgan, you fool’ He thought to himself, mentally swearing for catching himself staring at their camps newest member yet again. But he just couldn’t help it. He knew he shouldn’t indulge in this. It was stupid really, any attempt at love in the past had failed him. All because of this life he chose to live. One that wasn’t easy to leave behind. Though Arthur knew, if you asked him to he’d throw it all away. God this man would do anything for you, he practically worshiped the ground you walked on. He didn’t know why he was so captivated by you, maybe it was your honey sweet voice, or the kindness you showed him right from your first day of knowing him. He couldn’t stop himself from loving every little thing about you, to him you were perfect. A goddamned goddess. He thought you deserved someone better than him. A woman such as yourself deserved to live a good life, one where the law isn’t out to get you. One where people could be out to hurt you because of your husband’s line of work. You deserved to feel safe and secure in your life. Nothing like the chaos you were living through now.

Little did Arthur know, you were feeling the exact same way about him. You had deep feelings for Arthur Morgan, you were as sweet like sugar on that man. You loved everything about him, but most of all how he treated you. He made 100% sure you felt safe and were taken care of all the time. You were one of the first people he’d check up on when returning from a job. Or you mentioned something you needed and the next day he would just so happen to need to run to town and what do you know, the exact scarf, seasoning, hair ribbon, you name it would be included in his haul. And if he was around at meal times, he would not so subtly make sure you got your portion. All of this and yet, he rarely said a word to you. It confused you to no end, it felt like he cared about you deeply but he rarely paid any attention to you. You were a lost soul before you started riding with the Van Der Lindes, and because of the Blackwater situation it was hard for the gang to let in a new mouth to feed. But ever since the beginning Arthur made you feel so welcomed. You don’t know what you did do deserve his kindness but it was deeply appreciated. Mary-Beth was CONVINCED Arthur was sweet on you, so we’re Tilly, Molly, Abigail, Karen, goodness even Susan Grimahaw herself made a comment about it you once. You wanted to believe it so badly, but he didn’t talk to you!! He could just be a kind man of little words and you’re reading into the situation all wrong.

‘Oh well…’ You thought with a sigh, flicking your eyes up from the needle work you had long been neglecting because of your thinking. To your surprise, you found a pair of beautiful blue eyes already looking in your direction…

~~~~~~~

“Shit!” Arthur swore under his breath, god dammit you were still as a staute for ages before this why’d you have to look up now?? Arthur begrudgingly tore my eyes away from t and started walking to his horse- where he was supposed to be already. Hosea wanted to take him into town for some reason he had yet to say.

“Arthur!” Hosea said warmly. He then raised an eyebrow. “I hope you didn’t have any trouble getting here?”

‘Oh I this is NOT goin’ there.’ Arthur thought.

“Course not.” He said flatly. Hosea smiled a knowing smile, before long they mounted thier horses and were off.

The ride to Valentine was thankfully silent and quick. But Arthur knew that was going to change as soon as Hosea informed him that he was taking Arthur to the saloon to “Chat over a drink” With such a grin on his face that Arthur knew he was nothing short of doomed.

After getting situated at the bar with a neat whiskey and a beer, Hosea start talking to Arthur, though it felt more like he was speaking AT at him. Making little remarks about love and what it does for people. Sharing little stories of “the joys of marriage.” …..very sneaky, Hosea.

“Hosea…. Please get to whatever point it is yer tryin’ to make here.” Arthur said, cutting into his rambling.

“Arthur….” He cooed, sounding like he was talking to some schoolyard boy. “I’ve been watching you pine over (Name) for MONTHS.”

Arthur said nothing. Nothing but a silent prayer that his cheeks weren’t burning a fiery shade of red.

“I know you’re sweet on her, it’s as obvious as a wolf standing in a pack of sheep!”

Arthur ran a hand over my face and let out a tired sigh. Hosea sipped his beer, waiting for him to respond.

“What ‘m I supposed’t say?” Arthur grumbled, crossing his arms over my chest. ‘God, what a pathetic fool I am.’ Arthur thought. “Not like she’d want an ugly bastard like me ‘nyway.”

“On the contrary! Hosea chuckles. “I was walking by the women’s tent last nigh- couldn’t sleep. Wanted to walk a bit to clear my head- and my boy you should’ve heard the things (Name) was saying about you!”

At that, Arthur sat up a little straighter. “What things…?” He asked, slightly wearily. Hosea smiled.

“Son, she’s fallen for you head first! If only you’d start speaking more then 2 words a week to her! You do so much for that girl Arthur, would it be so hard to do that too?”

He didn’t say anything. Learning that, by some fucking MIRACLE- the woman of his dreams has fallen for him was making his head spin. Could this really be happening?? Could this work?? A stab of pain shot through him as he remembered Mary, and how things ended with her. But this could be different, after all you were with the gang. You didn’t care about his life, you loved him despite it all…Arthur hadn’t dared let himself think that a love with you could possibly work out. The thought made him giddy. He felt dumb as rocks, feeling so strongly for you without ever saying a damn word to you. But he couldn’t let himself get to know you- he couldn’t bare to hear your silky voice say his name more then you already do. With such kindness, such love.He wanted to talk to you, to love you, to cherish you and worship you like you deserved to be, but-

“Hosea, I’m afraid.” Arthur said quietly. “Look at ‘er, I can’t drag this woman down the path I’m on. She doesn’t deserve a man like me.”

Hosea pushed Arthur’s untouched whiskey towards him, Arthur took the glass and downed it all in one go. He listened to Hosea’a next words at the fiery liquid settled in his stomach.

“Are you going to risk making that decision for her?”

~~~~~~~

You sat on the cold ground in front of the dying out campfire, grateful that everyone had fallen into their cots for the night. You loved the solitude of nighttime. It was so nice to be by yourself, enjoying the quiet peace of the stars above you.

Before long, your thoughts (as they always did) turned to Arthur Morgan. Hosea has returned to camp hours ago, telling you that Arthur should be back shortly. It’s been hours and still no sign of him. You knew it was normal, but you couldn’t help but worry while he was out of camp. Which was stupid really, you weren’t his girl. Just because he was kind didn’t mean you had to get your knickers all on a twist over him.

‘Damn your mysterious-ness Arthur Morgan….’

You only know you dozed off when the familiar sound of a horse whining woke you up. And then an even more familiar voice soothing the distressed animal.

“Easy girl…. Y’know I can’t spend all my time with ya’ don’t you?”

You stretched your arms out and listened to the sweet interaction. Despite him being the gang’s toughest enforcer, a wanted dead or alive outlaw, Arthur truly was a sweetheart. He treated all the women of the camp with the utmost respect and was such a help to any soul in need of. If only he knew how badly you needed him.

You from your spot on the ground, drawing the outlaws attention. He approached with a small smile.

“Glad it was jus’ you..” Arthur said, hoping he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt. You on the other hand were absolutely over the MOON at the fact that Arthur had finally decided to talk to you.

“Oh I hope you’re not too disappointed Mr. Morgan!” You said with a light chuckle. Arthur, not sensing your sarcasm through his nerves, panicked.

“N-no! Not at all, ma’am! I apologize if I came off that way-”

“I’m just teasing ya’ Arthur. It’s quite alright.” You said and smiled. A smile so sweet and bright Arthur could’ve melted on the spot. Your sweet smile, the way his name rolled off your lips. Arthur wasn’t a religious man, but he might as well have been in heaven.

“(Name)….” Arthur said, his sweet southern drawl when he said your name making you blush. “I’d like to apologize. For how I’ve been treatin’ you.”

“Oh Arthur! You’ve been nothin’ but kind to me since I’ve been here- whatever are you sorry for?” You asked him, genuinely shocked at the man’s statement. Were you talking to the same Arthur who took care of your horse for you, bought you ribbons to put in your hair, and watched over you like a protective hawk? Sure he didn’t speak to you much, but you knew he was a man of few words. Even if it hurt sometimes, could live with it. You didn’t need him to love you back for you to love him all the same. You’d almost accepted it. Almost.

Arthur sighed a deep and nervous sigh, his thoughts blurring and the several whiskeys he had in him were NOT helping. Not a bit.

“You see- well it’s, it’s just-” Arthur stammered- god he was making a complete FOOL of himself!

You stepped closer to Arthur, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. You looked up at him nervously. The two of you had never been close as this. Arthur looked down at you, you had concern laced in your eyes. Concern for him. Your long hair was falling out of its messy braid, the loose strands framing your face beautifully. He could see the nights starts reflected in your eyes.

‘How beautiful..’ Arthur thought. He was completely captivated by you. ‘How could a woman like this be allowed to roam the same earth as someone like me..?’

Without even realizing what he was doing, Arthur pulled you flush against his chest, one arm wrapping around your waist and the other reaching up to cup your chin. His touch was feather light as he stroked his thumb over your face.

“I ain’t never felt like this before Miss…” Arthur mumbled, leaning his forehead down to touch your. He didn’t have time to wonder (or thank) whatever divine force gave him to courage to do this. “You got me makin’ a fool outta myself…”

You let out a soft gasp at the a sudden touch from Arthur. You had only ever been like this in your sweetest dreams, was this really happening??

“Arthur…?” You whispered, questioning him. “Wha…What ‘re you d-”

That’s it. He couldn’t take it anymore. To hell with the risks, the past to hell with it all! He had come to love you more than life itself. You were exactly what he needed in his painful and cruel life.

You were such a loving soul, treating everyone and everything around you so kindly it was heartwarming. You give and give and GIVE to everyone around you. You never judged anyone around you for their actions- past or present. You picked up chores from the other women when they needed a break. You sung little Jack to sleep when Abigail was too exhausted to lift her head from her cot. You put braided flowers into your beautiful long hair whenever you had a moment to yourself. You smiled at him every morning when you left your tent to begin your day. You always kept the pink silk scarf he picked up for you and left in your tent with a note in the pocket of your skirt. You picked at nails and hummed when you were nervous. You loved staying up late, gazing at the stars and admiring the universe. He had pages upon pages of you doing exactly that sketched in his journal.

You were heaven sent. You were perfect. The world didn’t fucking deserve you.

Arthur slammed his lips down onto yours without wasting another moment. And he shuddered at the feelings of your lips finally being against his own. You kissed him back just has hard, standing on your tip toes to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders. You felt his tongue slide against his bottom lip, and wasted not a moment opening your mouth to let him in.

Months of longing, tension, were fought out as your tongues pushed against each other. Of course Arthur won, you could barely contain the moan that was building in the back of your throat when you felt his tongue exploring your mouth like a starving man. If he hadn’t been holding you so tightly, you would’ve fallen over. The sheer want and desperation of the kiss made your knees go completely weak.

Unfortunately, you both needed air and had to pull away. Arthur rested his forehead against your own. The both of you stood there, panting with closed eyes. Neither wanting the moment to end.

When you eventually opened your eyes, you looked up at Arthur. And couldn’t help the giddy smile that spread across your face. Arthur wrapped both of his strong arms around your waist, and he smiled sweetly back at you. You both stood there for a moment, swaying gently back and forth as you embraced each other. The silence that fell between you both was comfortable and welcome as you gazed into each others eyes, both sharing the same look of love and adoration.

Arthur was the one who finally broke the silence between the two of you, and you will never forget his next words.

“Please darlin’” He whispered. “I’m beggin’ you… I want you to be my girl. I’m sorry I was a fool for such a long time-”

You leaned up on your tip toes and silenced him with a gentle kiss.

“I wouldn’t have you any other way, Mr. Morgan.”

#arthur morgan fic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan fanfiction #i love you arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x you #work song #inspired by a hozier song #rdr2 arthur #arthur morgan fluff #tension #love confessions #red dead redemption 2 #x reader #arthur morgan rdr2 #rdr2 #arthur is foolishly in love #re upload

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book-place · 1 year

Text

Where You Lead

Warnings: mentions of fighting, hunting, weapons and violence, drinking, hints of parental abuse and neglect, cursing, injuries and blood, gunshots wounds, mentions of death let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Dean Winchester x sister reader, Sam Winchester x sister reader

*not my gif*

Summary: Ever since you first came home from the hospital, you and Dean had an unbreakable bond

A/N: Welcome to book place’s one year event!!

Inspired by: Where You Lead I Will Follow by Carole King

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

Loving you the way I do

“This is your baby sister, Y/n,” This might be the first time since his mother was alive that Dean had heard his fathers voice be as soft as it was.

“Can I hold her? Please, can I hold her?” Sam begged, bouncing up and down on his toes in anticipation.

“Dean gets to hold her first, Sam,” John scowled slightly, “We talked about this already.”

The- now middle- Winchester sibling stopped jumping immediately and dropped his head slightly, “Sorry,” He mumbled, kicking his shoe slightly against the motel ground.

As gently as humanly possible, nine year old Dean gingerly held you in his arms, supporting your head the way your father had shown him before gazing at you in wonder.

You tossed and turned a little bit in the hospital blanket that was wrapped securely around you, before you blinked your eyes open slightly.

Instead of screaming and crying like he expected you to do, you just stared up at your older brother in the same amazement that he looked over you with; and that amazement soon melted into full adoration on his features.

“Is it my turn yet?” Sam whined, and John finally relented with a small huff.

The hesitation was visible on Dean's face, looking as if it pained him to pass you over to his little brother, something that escaped both Sam and John’s notice.

What John didn’t miss though, was the way his eldest son lingered near you and Sam, looking ready to spring forward at any moment and save you should Sam accidentally drop you.

“She’s fine, Dean, quit hovering.” John told his son gruffly. But for the first time in his life, the boy didn't snap at attention to scramble and do what his father had said. For the first time, he pretended as if he didn’t hear the man as he continued to stare down at you.

I know we’re gonna make it through

“I’ll be back in a couple days, don’t do anything to draw attention to yourselves.” John warned with a small glare before turning on his heel and exiting the motel room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Dean let out a small breath, glancing over his shoulder to where you sat on Sam’s lap on the crammed couch, both of you engrossed in the cartoon before you.

It had been two years since you were born, and Dean was yet to hear his fathers voice grow soft again, even around you. In fact, John began to try and distance himself from you as much as he could.

He had once confessed to Dean when he was almost black out drunk that it was because he had a child with a woman who wasn’t Mary, and while he and Sam could remind him of his late wife, you did no such thing.

It wasn’t your fault of course, and Dean knew that. He knew that it wasn’t fair for your father to distance himself from you for something you couldn’t control, which would inevitably affect you one way or another eventually.

He walked over to the couch before plopping down onto the small cushion beside the two of you and held out his arms, “Giver ‘er here, Sammy.”

The boy did so, and you giggled slightly at being passed around. You looked up at Dean with a wide smile before turning your attention back to the screen.

A small sigh escaped his lips as he watched over his two siblings, both who were completely oblivious to the fact that John had only left a few cans of food in the room and a very limited amount of money without the certainty of when he would return.

He placed a small kiss on the top of your head. He was going to get you all through this, just like he always did.

And I would go to the ends of the earth

“We asked for a parent or guardian of Y/n Winchester.” The principal raised a single eyebrow as he spoke, eyeing the clearly high school level student.

“I’m her older brother,” Dean grunted with narrowed eyes, “Isn’t that good enough if our father can’t make it?”

The older man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Fine, fine. We should get this started, then.” He then beckoned with his hand for you and one of your classmates to come into his office.

You shuffled in, eyes lighting up when you spotted Dean and you hurriedly squealed, rushing over and jumping into his arms, “Hey, sweetheart.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss in your hair.

“What is this about?” The mother of your classmate demanded, shooting daggers at you and your brother from where she sat in a chair a couple feet away.

“I’m afraid we are going to have to suspend the two of them,” The principal spoke.

A look of bewilderment came over Dean's features, “S-suspend? For what? She’s five!”

“Even so, they both must be held accountable for their actions.”

“Which was what, exactly?” He demanded, grip tightening around you protectively.

“The two of them got into a small fight and disrupted the class.” He informed him and the other mom.

“That’s outrageous!” Said mother shrieked, jumping to her feet, “My daughter would never get into a fight!”

“She hit me, I didn’t do anything,” You mumbled into Dean's ear, and he felt his anger begin to boil in his blood.

“Y/n didn’t do anything,” Dean stated, a venomous glint in his eyes as he stared down the mother and the principal.

“Oh?” The woman screeched, whirling around and pointing a finger at him, “And how did you figure that out?” She hissed.

“Because she told me she didn’t,” He said plainly.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes as if he just said the most idiotic thing she’d ever heard, “And how do you know you can believe her?”

Dean stood up immediately, you still clutched to his chest as he glared right back at the older woman, “Because she isn’t lying.” He told her with a dangerous tinge in his tone before simply turning on his heel and striding out of the office.

Your arms wrapped around his neck and you buried your face in his shirt, “Thanks, De.” You whispered.

'Cause, darling, to me that's what you're worth

“What the hell is this?” John snapped with a glare, picking up a doll that had gently been set on the table.

Dean swallowed, eyes flitting over to your sleeping form on the bed beside him, your chest rising and falling steadily.

You hadn’t meant to, and Dean knew that. You were only eight, you hadn’t meant to wander out the store with the doll in your grip as if it was already yours and not something you had just picked up off the shelf.

He had been too preoccupied to even notice until the two of you got home, and he had sighed as he watched your eyes fill with tears and your bottom lip wobble as you stared up at him after telling you that it would have to be taken back.

Reluctantly, he had given in and decided that it wouldn’t even matter if you brought it back now, so he had said he would let you keep it this one time if you never did it again.

Of course, Dean couldn’t tell his father that, then he would be angry at you. And your older brother always did everything in his power to shield you from that side of John.

“I-I took it, sir.” Your older brother cleared his throat, glancing up at his fathers raging form, “I wanted to get her a toy to have.”

The older man let out a loud scoff, rolling his eyes, “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Because sh-she needs toys,” He tried to sound as confident as he could without his voice wavering again. You needed him, he would not give you up like that, “I thought she needed toys.” He was more confident this time.

John dropped the doll carelessly to the ground with a snarl, “Next time,” He seethed, “Next time I catch you pulling any of this shit, there’s gonna be consequences.”

He was talking to Dean as if he weren’t seventeen years old. As if he were still just a child.

But the boy bit his tongue and nodded his head once, visibly relaxing once his father stomped out of the room. He looked back at you and let a small sigh loose, relieved that you hadn’t woken up.

Carefully, he pulled the blankets higher on your body that had slipped down from some tossing and turning.

Where you lead, I will follow

“Dude,” Sam spoke up, glancing away from his homework for a split second to give Dean a look, “She’s fine.”

The man immediately froze, stopped tapping his foot and snapped his head over to his younger brother, “What?”

“Y/n,” The younger boy's head was already facing the textbook again, “She just went out with a couple friends. You can stop stressing out, she's fine.”

Dean hadn’t even realized that he had eagerly been staring out the motel window, awaiting your return with about as much impatience as a toddler.

“I know that,” He shot back defensively, forcing his muscles to relax from his stiff, upright sitting position and relax against the back of the chair.

Sam looked up again, eyebrows raised so high that they disappeared under his hair, “Oh? You’re not staring at the parking lot as if she didn’t just leave five minutes ago?”

“No,” Dean grumbled, sinking down and crossing his arms over his chest.

A sigh left Sam’s lips, “She’s eleven, dude. And she’s just down the road if you need to get to her.”

“Or if she needs to get to me.” He hadn’t even thought as the words slipped through his lips.

There was a pause, “Yeah… yeah, if she needs to get to you, she can easily do it.” He reassured his older brother.

Despite the clear way the words were forced out, Dean still relaxed for real when he heard them, but didn’t move away from the window as he waited for you to return.

Anywhere that you tell me to

You shuffled through the door, head hung low as you dropped your backpack with a small ‘thud’ beside the table. Sam reached out and rubbed your shoulders comfortingly.

Dean looked over his shoulder from where he was preparing dinner, “Hey, sweetheart, hey Sammy-“ He cut himself off when he caught sight of your defeated look and Sam’s pitying one, “What is it?” He immediately rushed out, “What’s wrong?”

You just sniffled slightly and crossed your arms over your chest, kicking at the floor.

“Sam?” He automatically turned his attention to the boy when you didn’t answer, “What’s wrong?” He demanded again.

John had just dropped the two of you off back at the motel after school before rushing off, saying that the hunt was not over even though he thought it had been.

A tear slipped down your cheek, and right as it did so, you took off towards the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind you, leaving your brothers behind.

“Sam.”

“There’s this father-daughter dance going on for her grade,” He sighed, and it clicked into place right away for Dean.

“Dad couldn’t go?” He asked softly.

“He wouldn’t,” Sam corrected him angrily with a scoff, crossing his arms over his chest, “He told her it was a waste of time.”

All at once, a blinding rage boiled up inside of Dean, one of the only times in his entire life that he was anything but scared of his father. For once, he hated the man.

His thoughts snapped back to the present though when he realized that you were still crying in the bathroom, and he immediately reeled his emotions in. You needed him more than he needed to be angry right now.

With a sigh, he crept over and gently knocked on the door after shooting a swift nod of thanks to Sam’s direction, “N/n?” He called softly, “Sweetheart, it’s me. Can I come in?”

There was a moment of silence before the man heard a slight click of a door being unlocked, and he didn’t hesitate to rush in.

Your cheeks were stained with tears and your eyes were bloodshot in a way that made Dean's heart shatter into a million pieces.

“Oh, n/n,” He cooed, sinking onto the ground beside you and pulling you to his chest, rubbing a hand up and down your back comfortingly as you cried into his shirt.

He kept whispering comforting words in your ear until you were reduced to sniffles and hiccups that were an effect of after-sobbing.

“D-dad doesn’t want to go with me,” You choked out, clutching a handful of your brother's shirt tightly.

Dean sighed, unsure of what to tell you. Of whether or not he should lie and tell you that your father really did want to go, he was just busy. But he realized that you were now old enough to see right through that.

“I’ll go with you,” As soon as the thought popped into his mind, he hadn’t even given himself a second to process it before blurting it out loud.

You reeled back and stared up at him with wide eyes, “Wha-“

“I’ll go to the father-daughter dance with you,” He shrugged, “I know I’m not dad, but at least you’ll have someone to go with.”

Slowly, a large grin broke out onto your face and you threw yourself into his arms again, squeezing tightly as you let out an excited squeal, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

He laughed, hugging you with the same amount of force, “My pleasure, sweetheart.”

If you need, you need me to be with you

“Y/n?” Dean's eyebrows flew up in shock as the smell of alcohol filled his senses.

“Duh,” You slurred, stumbling slightly to stand upright as you made your way into the motel room, “Who else would I be? Bobby?”

“Are you… drunk?” He had to blink a couple of times to help his brain fully process what he was seeing. You, his baby sister, hardly fifteen years old, drunk out of your mind.

“Noo,” You whined, “God, get off my case.”

“Hey,” He stood up, arm wrapping around your waist automatically as you almost fell over your own feet, “Come on,” Gently, he led you over to sit down on the bed.

With a large sigh of relief, you fell onto your back and cuddled into the sheets, “Thanks, dad.” You mumbled.

Dean's eyes were practically bugging out of his head at this point. He swallowed thickly, “Y-you know I’m not dad, right?”

“Well not biololy-“ You paused with furrowed eyebrows, “Beeolog-“

“Biologically?” He filled in the missing word for you, unsure of where you were trying to go with this as he turned on his heel to get you a glass of water.

You snapped your fingers, pointing a lazy finger at him, “Bingo! You might not be my dad biologically, but you’re more of a father to me than John- John is.” Your head was nuzzling into a pillow by now.

He sputtered, practically dropping the glass before setting it down on the bedside table, “That-that’s not true.” He insisted, “You don’t think that.”

“Sober words are drunk thoughts,” You slurred before opening your eyes and pausing to think, “Wait… that’s not right…”

He sighed, picking up the water and coaxing you to sit up so he could give it to you.

“We’ll talk in the morning,” Dean told you softly, leaning forward to place a kiss on your forehead.

Even after you eventually drifted off to sleep, he couldn’t do so himself. Still trying to wrap his mind around what you said. About if you actually believed your own words.

I will follow where you lead

“Dean.” You reached up to pinch the bridge of your nose, “I’m old enough to go on a date.”

He scowled, sinking further into his chair with his arms crossed, “I disagree,” He grumbled.

“Of course you do,” You sighed before turning back to the bathroom mirror and checking your reflection one last time before stepping out.

“Do you have your gun?” He asked automatically. And if it were anyone else, you would have laughed. But this was your eldest brother, and you knew for a fact that he was dead serious.

“I don’t think I need-“

“Do you have your gun?” He demanded again, glowering from across the room.

“Yes, yes, I have my gun.” You reassured him, lifting up your handbag of where it was resting dramatically to further your point.

Silence rang out between the two of you for a moment, having your own mini stare down, before it was his turn to sigh and stand up before striding across the room to you.

He put his hands on each of your shoulders, looking you in the eye, “I just want what’s best for you.” He told you sincerely.

Your hands went up to gently grasp onto his wrists and squeeze, “I know that, De,” You spoke softly, “But you can’t protect me from everything.”

“I can try,” He replied stubbornly, cracking a smile when you snorted.

Taking your hands off of his, you moved your arms to wrap around his torso and pull him into a tight hug.

He was just about to return it when a knock rang through the room. Your date was at the door.

Slowly, you let go and looked up at your big brother with a smile.

If you're out on the road

“Where’s Sammy when you need him?” You groaned, dropping your head into your arms that rested against the table.

“Shut it,” Dean grumbled, “I can help you just as well as he could.”

You rolled your eyes up to the ceiling, “You’ve failed every math class you’ve ever been in, genius.”

“And who told you that?”

“Sam.” You said in a ‘duh’ tone.

Dean scoffed, “Well, Sammy’s a freaking liar.”

You rose your eyebrows and placed your head in your hand, waiting as his eyes raked up and down the paper.

“Well?” You asked after a few moments.

“Well, this is hard.” He snapped back.

You threw your hands up, “That's why I asked for help!”

He seemed to ponder something for a moment before putting the paper down tentatively, “Math was always stupid anyway. I don’t think it would hurt if you didn’t do this one assignment.”

“So, you’re admitting to not knowing how to do this?”

“…no.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“… fine, I failed every math class I’ve ever taken.”

Feeling lonely, and so cold

“You’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna be fine.” Dean muttered, not knowing if he was trying to reassure you or himself more as he put so much pressure on the gas that his foot had begun to hurt.

“D-Dean-“ You muttered from the passenger seat, lulling your head to the side to try and face him.

Quickly, he shushed you, doing everything in his power not to focus solely on the crumbled up shirt you were holding against your stomach to try and apply pressure to your wound. He knew if he focused on that for longer than a couple of seconds, he would abandon his mission of getting you straight to a hospital and try to take care of it on his own.

He knew his mind would kick into a protective, frenzy overdrive and he wouldn’t allow himself to wait until he arrived at his destination.

Of course, the one day Sam wasn’t feeling well enough to join the two of you on a hunt- one that was supposed to be so simple that Dean finally- begrudgingly- allowed you to come on, you had gotten shot in the stomach.

As soon as that had happened, everything about the hunt immediately flew as far from Deans mind as humanly possible, even letting the shooter get away in his panicked state as his brain switched to autopilot mode and he scooped you up and rushed you to the car.

Nothing was going to happen to you. Nothing was going to happen to you. Nothing was going to happen to you. Nothing was-

A violent cough raked through your body, making your older brother visibly flinch as he pressed down harder on the pedal, even if he was already going as fast as he could.

“You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart,” He muttered, harshly blinking away the tears that began to pool in his eye ducts.

All you have to do is call my name

“Dean?” You whispered into the darkness hesitantly.

“Wh-What? What’s wrong?” His eyes immediately snapped open and he flew out of the bed at your nervous tone.

He gently took ahold of each of your shoulders and blinked the sleep away from his eyes as they scanned your face through the darkness for any sign of distress.

“I-I had a nightmare…” You muttered weakly, feeling heat begin to spread to your cheeks as you averted your eyes from your elder brother.

“Oh,” He breathed out, relaxing only slightly when he realized that you were in no immediate danger, “Oh, it’s okay, sweetheart.” He quickly wrapped his arms around you and brought you to his chest.

Your own arms snaked around him in return, burying your face in his chest and allowing him to rock both of you back and forth slightly as he rubbed your back soothingly.

“Can I stay?” You whispered meekly, refusing to look him in the eyes from the sheer embarrassment of it all.

“Of course,” He answered without hesitation, keeping an arm wrapped around you as he gently led you to the bed.

As soon as you were both lying down and under the sheets, you cuddled into your older brothers chest and let out a little sigh of content, “Thank you, De.” You whispered sleepily.

“I have nightmares all the time too,” He whispered after a few moments of silence, “They got worse after you almost died on that hunt.”

You felt his arms tighten around you as he spoke, and you held on just as tight in return.

“We’re okay,” He spoke comfortingly, kissing the top of your head again, “We’re okay.”

And I'll be there on the next train

“I-I need help,” You spoke shakily into the phone, wrapping your free arm tighter around yourself as you spoke.

“Alright, I’m on my way.” Came Dean's determined reply.

No, ‘I told you so’. No, ‘You made this mess, you can get out of it yourself’. No, ‘You shouldn’t have gone in the first place’. Just your selfless, loving brother who was willing to drop everything he was doing because you had made a mistake. Because you had insisted that you could finally go on a solo hunt despite his protests and pleas. Because he had been so scared of a repeat from the last time he had allowed you to go on a hunt. And even that time you were with him, this time you wouldn’t be.

And now you were in over your head and you needed your older brother to bail you out.

“Dean?” You sniffled slightly into your phone, “I’m sorry.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” He spoke soothingly.

In the background, you hear the car start as if he had just been sitting in it waiting for your call.

You wouldn’t be surprised. But you couldn’t find it in yourself to be mad at him.

Where you lead, I will follow

“Sam’s gonna kill us ya’know.” You spoke, shoveling another spoonful of cereal into your mouth.

“What Sammy doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Dean replied calmly, leaning back against the couch cushions, eyes trained solely on the Scooby-Doo episode.

“We’re supposed to be researching lore about the case,” Even though you said it, you made no effort to turn off the television and go back to work.

“You and I both know that he’ll do all of it anyway,” He reminded you, “Might as well enjoy our time instead of wasting it.”

A chuckle escaped from your lips as you softly shook your head back and forth, folding your legs underneath you and entertaining your brother by watching his favorite show with him.

Anywhere that you tell me to

“How do you mess up making toast?” You yelled over the fire alarm.

“I don’t know! Okay? I don’t know!” Dean's voice boomed back as he wildly jumped around with a towel while trying to fan the smoke out of the room.

Despite his protests, the alarms screeching didn't come to the halt you had hoped for. If anything, it seemed to get even louder.

“I leave you alone for five minutes and this is what happens!” You scolded, “I swear, I feel like I’m the older one sometimes.”

“Just shut it and help me!” He snapped.

You sighed irritatedly, but grabbed a towel anyway and joined in on his efforts of stopping an almost inevitable fire.

It took a while- and a lot more screaming matches- before the alarm finally died down and the only thing that remained from the fire was the ringing in your ears, the faint smell of smoke, and a burnt beyond recognition piece of toast.

“Let’s… let’s not speak of this ever again.” Dean finally huffed out after catching his breath.

A wicked smile made its way onto your face at his words, “In your dreams,” You told him sinisterly.

His face dropped and he looked at you in horror, “Don’t you dare-“

“Oh, Sam,” You sang, practically dancing out of the room.

“Get back here!” The sound of thundering feet coming bounding after you made you squeal and pick up your pace.

If you need, you need me to be with you

“Y/n?” You ferociously wiped away the tears that stained your cheeks when you door was knocked on, “Sweetheart? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine, Dean.” You silently cursed yourself for the small crack in your voice as you spoke. Though you doubted it would even need to be there for your brother to know that something was wrong.

“I’m coming in,” He announced, waiting only a split second to see if you would protest before opening your door and immediately scanning his eyes over you to see what was the matter.

“Hey, hey,” He murmured gently, dropping down in front of where you sat on your bed once he realized you didn’t appear to be in any physical pain, “What’s wrong?”

You shook your head when you were unable to speak, averting your eyes from his wide, concerned ones.

“Talk to me,” He pleaded softly. He hated when something was the matter that he didn’t know about, it absolutely killed him.

“It’s just-“ You choked out a small sob, “Why?”

His eyebrows furrowed as he unconsciously swiped a piece of hair from your face, “Why, what, sweetheart?”

Again, you shook your head, “I’m being so stupid-“

“Hey,” He gently grabbed your chin and made you look at him, “Anything making you upset is not stupid. Now what’s wrong?”

“Why can’t we just have a normal life?” His heart dropped, “Why did dad have to drag us into this? We’ve lost so many people because of what we do and I just don’t know if I can take it anymore-“

“Hey, hey,” He shushed you softly, immediately wrapping his arms around you, “Shh, it’s okay, I know. Believe me, sweetheart, I know. It’s not fair. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Dean.” You sniffled, pulling away and wiping your face with your sleeve.

“Still,” Tears began to form in his own eyes and he was forced to harshly blink them away, “I wish more than anything that you could have been spared from this. And I am so damn sorry that you weren’t.”

“I don’t want this for you either, Dean.” You told him softly.

He smiled sadly, “I know, sweetheart, I know. But at least we have each other.”

You were finally able to smile slightly at that, “Yeah, we do. Don’t we?”

I will follow

Humming lightly to yourself, you put the finishing touches on the dish before you and stepped back with your hands on your hips, proudly smiling down at it.

“N/n!” Dean's voice echoed through the halls, “I’m home!”

“In the kitchen!” You echoed back, excitedly jumping to hide the plate behind your back just in time for him to enter.

He entered with a wide smile, “Hey, sweetheart, what’s-“ He froze and eyed you suspiciously, “What are you up to?”

Unable to even attempt to hide your eagerness anymore, you leapt to the side and dramatically put your arms out to the side, “Ta da!” You guestered to the plate you had previously been hiding.

A wide grin automatically broke out onto his face as he came scurrying over to the counter with childlike excitement, “Pie?” He practically squealed, “You made me pie?”

You nodded proudly, putting your hands on your hips.

He rushed over and scooped you in a long hug, spinning you around in a way that made you giggle, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” He gushed while gently setting you down, “Have I ever told you that you’re the best sister ever?” He was already taking a fork and shoveling some of it into his mouth.

“I could do with hearing it more often.” You teased.

“You’re the best sister ever!” He cheered, devouring the dessert happily.

Where you lead

The steady rocking of the car did nothing to help your tired state, nor did the music softly drifting out of the speakers and filling the small space effortlessly.

Dean's eyes flitted over to you for a quick second, “You can go to sleep, it’ll be a couple more hours until we get there.” He told you softly.

You shook your head stubbornly despite the yawn you had to bite back, “I wanna stay up with you,” You murmured, unconsciously cuddling up against the seat.

“We had a long day, just get some rest.” He insisted in the same gentle tone.

Finally, you weren’t able to hold back your exhaustion any longer and you practically melted into the cushions, “Fine,” You mumbled, “But only for a few minutes.”

He laughed lightly, reaching over with one hand and ruffling your hair playfully, “Sleep well, sleepyhead.” He teased.

“I love you, De,” You whispered, eyes already drifting shut and your head lulling to rest against the window.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

Idjits 👟- @ineedmorefanfics2 @roseblue373 @popfishjr @kiyomi-uchiha777

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mrmorganswoman · 1 month

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no grave can hold my body down, ill crawl home to her