#trashy manwhores

[eemoo1o-animoo]

Guys… I ship.

[heckaroniandcheese]

every day I try to convince my partner he should dress sluttier

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

[ne-po-ne]

Sexy trashy manwhore

[innerlandlight]

Okay so I'm done with my tests and I read GOW. Here's my review in goodreads.

If you want to waste your time, you can read this book. Maybe it's my fault that I'm expecting good books for her. I was so excited for them, but now, I'm disappointed. It was just so trashy and so repetitive, basically it was copied from the deception triology and all the lies duet.

I absolutely hated Eli when he forced Ava for marriage. Whats his obsession with changing Ava's clothes?? He should learn something from his father Aiden, who literally started studying medicine just so he could take care of Elsa. She should specifically take lessons on how to write female characters. And Ava has no ounce of self respect. I literally wanted to throw my tab across the room. The plot? It was so bad. It was like she didn't had a story and had less time to finish this book. These two stars are for the following characters: Maya, Mia, Gareth, Nikolai, Brandon, Creighton, Annika, Jeremy, Cecily. MAYA AND MIA WENT ON A SPA DATE!!!!!🎀💗💗💞💞💗💗🎀🎀🎀🥹🥹🥹🥹🫶🫶🫶🥹.

I hope she doesn't writes Mio's and Damein's book, cuz she's going to fvck it up again. Most of the things she writes turns out to be misogynistic. Eli literally called Ava a prostitute whereas he himself is a manwhore😂. I'm now convinced that she hates women fir some reason. I wonder why most of her readers didn't pointed out this misogyny.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #17

17. MALTA Sarah Bonnici - "Loop" 35th place

Decade Ranking: 64/153 [Above Hooverphonic, below RAFAL]

TAKE A VIDEO, WATCH IT ON LoOOOoOoOOOP~

Officer, I'd like to report a robbery. Because THIS is not a last placer in Eurovision, are you fucking shitting me. Who the hell sees that performance and thinks "well this is obviously worse than Albania"?

Granted, Honeypie's struggle to climb off the bottom was always a steep one, long before Christer put the finale stake in her heart by having her open the strong semi. Malta's selection was the expected unwatcheable shitshow (amazing that somehow, Lux, Denmark AND Germany all managed to be worse) and it was a small miracle they picked something decent.

In this case the "decent" entry was shallow slutpop - LOOK I KNOW that term offends some people (get a life) but, that's what Loop was ok?! An anthem for the manwhores (or in my case, wannabe manwhores, in fact de facto hermits with a crippling fear of rejection) to be their salacious slaggy selves to. It's trashy and fun and as shallow as a puddle, which is how I like to see myself as. Under the guidance of Malta's lavish budget, "Loop" then blossomed into a budget SloMo and was the unexpected, but deserved winner of MESC.

(and she aborted that afterbirth Satan Banan in the process thank Mother Teresa for that)

Of course, "Being A SloMo" always comes with diminishing returns since the original holds such massive standards. Chanel to this day has the best live execution of a flirty girlbop. (evidenced by her clowining on Eleni during the opener of semi 1 ♥) "Budget SloMo" is going to struggle even harder than a regular clone with the powercreep, along with the Maltese flag, ALONG with the garbage R/O based on assumptions and betting odds (isn't it time we return to FULLY RANDOMIZED R/Os?) and along with the myriad of girlbops in the 2nd semi, most of which weren't outright trashfires.

However, despite "Loop"s many flaws, Sarah was always a shining beacon of grace and slaytitude. No matter what you think about the song (it's fine), that woman KNOWS how to put on a show, and that's precisely she did.

SARAH

FUCKING

SERVED

HUNTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Seriously, Aiko was good, but a lot of that the surprise factor of her discovering her newfound talent of breath control. I knew Sarah was good going into the semi, and she promptly proved that yes, all the diva's were born as a human beings. She was drawfucked, and that all it was, rly. (at least compared to Nutsa who had a similar package and a worse song). Sarah's✨ ditzy personality ✨ really shone through as she queened her way through her quartet of meatsack himbots.

(speaking of ditzy omg remember when all the dystopian joost shit went down on friday and sarah innocently announced amongst the confusion she had an IMPORTANT UPDATE TO MAKE AT 18:00, and it was her NEW SINGLE "Lose", ♥♥♥ every twitter dummy jumped to the conclusion that she was the 11th placer because her live had just been THAT GOOD ♥ and ofc she won the semi because she got to move on from eurovision 2024 fewer than 24 hours after her elimination, while the losers of the semi such as nemo contemplated quitting altogether. Slay, sister. 💋 )

"Loop" was also one of the rare instances of Malta nailing staging. I say rare and I mean it. Name two more examples? It's just both Ira 1.0 and Michaela, am I misremembering? Copy your homework from Chanel and you'll be good, lol.

So yeah, she came last in the semi. An NQ I can live with, but last is... unfair but hey, SHE WASN'T A DEMON OR A NUDIST or whatever the equivalent for semi 2 was (a traumatized zoomer monsterclown or a zionist nepobitch?). It's certainly was no help that Malta somehow decided to designate A DANCE BREAK (I initially wrote "the dance break" but lbr, Loop has at least five of them ♥) as the recap footage (pro-tip: the audience doesn't tune in for dance routines, but for the songs around them), but everything else was.. good? Vocals, act, even the song after a few retouches? There's obviously a ceiling to how high I can carry a "Loop", because it was never an actually good song, just a very fun empty vessel for Sarah to fill with her Ditzy Diva Deva personality. This spot (17th) is that ceiling.

For I recognize what "Loop" truly was.

The best NQ of the 2024.

THE RANKING

And that's indeed ALL of the NQs of the year eliminated before the verdant green (strong like) tier! I believe it's the first time that's happened since I started ranking ESC on tumblr? (it might be the first time ever ~ usually someone excellent is robbed). Hooray for (mostly) correct eliminations? And we have one more finalist to eliminate before we get there.

[drowningroane]

I don’t remember much of BBC’s Lancelot in Merlin but in the classic literature of King Arthur and The Round Table my entire English Class agreed that Lancelot was a ManWhoreTM.

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Aisaretagari no Surface

Title: Aisaretagari no Surface (愛されたがりのサーフェイス)

Author/Artist: Momose An

Release Date: 2021/02/24

Cast: 

Masuda Toshiki x Ono Yuuki *nice choice, but y’all shouldn’t have been shy and cast this as Ono Yuuki x Takahashi Hiroki instead. 🙊

Kumagai Kentarou

Synopsis: Hiruma Itsuki will be co-starring with the younger popular actor, Kasugai Kei, as his brother. In order to become acclimated to their roles, the two are made to live together for the duration of shooting. Itsuki soon finds out that the refreshing and well-behaved Kei was actually a play-boy who slept with anyone and everyone! After giving up on helping Kei like an older brother, Kei pushes him down and asks him to “rehabilitate” him?!

Review Proper

You know, if 25-ji Akasaka de was bad, it would look something like this. Therefore, it looks exactly like Dakaretai Otoko. I don’t know, man. The plot is bad, but like, I don’t think the manga was half as bad as the BLCD—and that’s not something you’ll hear me say every day I’ll say this again probably next month when Tsunaida comes out. You know what this experience reminds me of? Fucking what’s their name again? Yeah, Takasaki Bosco. I mean, the plot was the holy trinity of rapey, trashy, and the audacity of the dumbassery, but istg the BLCD was just wrong. Mind you, I haven’t read the raws (bc ew do I look like I’d spend coin on Momose An?), but I’m pretty sure that sensei knows how to pace if nothing else. To give you a concrete idea on how things were moving, in chapter 1, Itsuki-san walks into Kei having sex with whoever, and he’s like “sorry for intruding your time with your lover, bro”, but Kei immediately corrects him and says that that wasn’t his lover, and that he was a manwhore. AND NOT EVEN A SECOND LATER, KEI PUSHES ITSUKI-SAN DOWN, AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE STILL DOING FOREPLAY, BUT HIS DICK WAS ALREADY IN ITSUKI-SAN’S ASS?!

They didn’t even prep his ass? We don’t even know if Itsuki-san had any experience with anal before this event? 

Wow. The pacing there was just as fast as my patience running out, which brings us to our next point: the casting.

It actually didn’t bother me that Massu was topping Ono here, even though I wanted a reverse because of my sunk Cupid ni Rakurai ship and Stray Blue. I mean, he does pretty well as a top. And if there was just one good thing that I could say about this whole shebang, it would be Massu’s acting. He was a shoe-in for Kei’s role even.

BUT

IDK MAN, ONO PLAYING ITSUKI-SAN’S ROLE JUST GAVE ME THE HEEBIE-JEEBIES!

GET AWAY FROM ME, SATAN!

I was just so uncomfortable hearing Ono in such a dumb role that I could feel my whole body reject it. This casting is not right. This casting is disgusting. You don’t understand. I mean, Kasugai Kei is the same, but Hiruma Itsuki had a personality that was as flat as a fucking piece of paper. And having Ono voice him considering Ono’s forte of dramatic and dynamic roles IS SUCH A HUGE DISSERVICE.

I was waiting for them to just give me KumaKen, but it wasn’t worth the effort. I hate this. Fuck it. Marble, just what the fuck are you doing? I would understand it if this was Marine, but what the fuck are you doing? I feel like it’s all gone down hill for Marble ever since Love Me, Love My Dog. Everybody press F. And again, why? I can forgive Marble begrudgingly for adapting Sakura Riko, but to even ride the Momose An adaptation train with Movic and Frontier? MOMOSE AN DOESN’T EVEN DO GOOD SMUT JESUS CHRIST HOW’D THEY GET FIVE ADAPTATIONS?! I might be getting real harsh here, but as I say in literally every bad review, there are so many other works out there that deserve an adaptation with voice actors as talented as these! WHEN ARE WE GETTING HAJI?! AM I GOING TO DIE BEFORE THAT HAPPENS?!

Breathe, Cheska. Breathe.

Now, if you’re a fan of Momose An and this series, lmao why this would probably be okay to listen to (assuming you don’t mind Ono doing this). From the previews I’ve seen in ebookjapan, they rearranged some things. However, since I didn’t read the whole thing, I cannot judge how closely it followed the manga. But I don’t think that they used a higher-level of Japanese in these, so listening to this might be possible even if you’re a beginner. If you’re just in for a good and hot actors BL, just go listen to and read 25-ji. It’s not exactly smutty, but dang Satou Takuya on that was sex-on-legs. 

Ya, see you in Coyote, Ono. ✨

[cyarskj1899]

Susie is stupid LMAO #TheBachelor📷 Rewarding his trashy behavior, good luck to Colton and Cassie 2.0 #thebachelor📷 that manwhore can choke

[mayoiayasep]

i hate how i saw the word manwhore, blacked out, and when i came to i was thinking about murai yakumo

he's my slutty trashy pathetic boyfriend

he really is isnt he<3

[theorajones]

OR IS HE?

I present to you, the Michael Knight Manwhore Index! 

This was shamelessly ripped off from inspired by Sara_merry’s Michael Knight Sex Project on LJ, which tragically appears to have been abandoned after the first 14 episodes. But having a) a ton of spare time on my hands due to the ongoing Coronapocalypse, b) a steadfast dedication to sitting around in my pajamas watching Knight Rider instead of cleaning the gutters or replacing my car’s valve cover gaskets and c) a burning need to know how accurate my estimate of Michael’s conquests was in my last trashy fanfic, I persevered.

Methodology: I assigned each prominent female guest character (and the occasional male and/or regular character) a probability of having gotten it on with Michael, based on my subjective interpretation of how much they flirted/made out/made plans for a romantic getaway/actually went on a romantic getaway. Episodes in which at least one character had a 50% or greater probability (including with characters who were talked about but not seen onscreen) were assigned a value of 1. Episodes with a 49% or lower probability were assigned a value of 0. Values were totaled to calculate each season’s MKMI number.

TL;DR results:

 (# denotes probable sexytimes with someone who wasn’t seen onscreen, * denotes Michael’s participation was most likely non-consensual)

Season 1 MKMI number: 13

04 - Good Day at White Rock 05 - Slammin’ Sammy’s Stunt Show  Spectacular 06 - Just My Bill # 07 - Not a Drop to Drink 08 - No Big Thing # 09 - Trust Doesn’t Rust # 10 - Inside Out 11 - The Final Verdict 13 - Forget Me Not 15 - Give Me Liberty... or Give Me Death 16 - The Topaz Connection 17 - A Nice, Indecent Little Town 20 - Knight Moves

Season 2 MKMI number: 6

06 - Return to Cadiz 07 - KITT the Cat 08 - Custom KITT 14 - Diamonds Aren’t a Girl’s Best Friend 18/19 - Goliath Returns * 23 - Let It Be Me

Season 3 MKMI number: 7

09 - Dead of Knight 12 - Custom Made Killer # 13 - Knight by A Nose 14 - Junk Yard Dog 15 - Buy Out 17 - The Nineteenth Hole 22 - Circus Knights

Season 4 MKMI number: 5

03 - KITTnap 08 - Many Happy Returns 12 - The Scent of Roses 16 - Redemption of a Champion 22 - Voo Doo Knight

Conclusion: Michael is not nearly as much of a manwhore as people think, at least based on what we see onscreen. Although he clearly does have a social life outside of what we’re shown in every episode, so there’s still a world of possibilities...

Detailed episode analysis below the cut:

s1e01/02 - Knight of the Phoenix

Lonnie - Don't seem to know each other very well, no signs of other than professional interest. Probability: 0%

Tanya - Some kind of working relationship as Michael Long, but she doesn't seem to recognize his voice as MK. Plus he was possibly still engaged to Stevie as ML.

T: "I can promise you a very rewarding... *partnership*." M: "Not this time."

Probability: 5% (as ML)     0% (as MK)

Maggie - She expresses regret at not going for him at the end, but also seems more interested in finding a father figure for her son. It's implied that Michael left town before anything could happen. He did say he'd come back and visit. Did he ever? Would Maggie be up for a fling even though she knows he can't settle down? Potentially but not necessarily.

Probability - 30%

s1e03 - Deadly Maneuvers

Robin - They keep things mostly professional during the investigation. Michael goes to his own hotel room. At the end, it looks like he and Devon are leaving together. Michael is wearing a different shirt in the last scene than in the one where he rescues Robin from the munitions range so it's unclear how much time has passed. Theoretically sexytimes could have transpired but there aren't really any strong suggestions that they have.

Probability: 10%

s1e04 - Good Day at White Rock

Sherry - "Keep driving." "For how long?" "Until one of us runs out of gas."

Probability: 95%

s1e05 - Slammin' Sammy's Stunt Show Spectacular

Lisa - She's definitely interested. And he's sticking around for another 3 weeks, so definitely some opportunity. He doesn't seem as flirtatious with her as he was with Sherry but it's definitely a possibility.

Probability: 70%

s1e06 - Just My Bill

Sabrina (offscreen) - Devon breaks Michael's date with her. Not enough info to draw any conclusions about whether it's a first and/or last date. A definite possibility.

Probability: 50%

Senator Maggie - That would have been subversive af, but alas, no.

Probability: 0%

Jane - Doesn't seem that into him at their first meeting. At their breakfast date he asks her how she slept, which presumably he'd know if he'd been there. She does go out to lunch with him and Devon at the end. Possible but not conclusive.

Probability: 25%

s1e07 - Not A Drop to Drink

Francesca - They have kind of a "channel the sexual tension into arguments" thing, but like Maggie in the pilot, she's probably looking more for somebody who can settle down. Another one where he talks at the end about coming back to visit but we don't know if he ever does. Maybe?

Probability: 50%

S1e08 - No Big Thing

The Unnamed 200-Mile Diversion Girl (offscreen) - I doubt he drove 200 miles out of his way just for coffee and friendly conversation.

Probability: 90%

Carol Reston - They have dinner together but seem to be keeping things strictly business. No apparent indication that they're romantically interested, no "Come back and visit sometime."

Probability: 0%

s1e09 - Trust Doesn't Rust

Rosalyn and/or Rosalie (offscreen) - "What's wrong with a little 'companionship'?"

Probability: 90%

Bonnie - They almost kiss after defeating KARR, but mutually think better of it. Presumably the moment passes and stays passed for another few seasons of UST.

Probability: 0%

s1e10 - Inside Out

(This ep has a higher than average amount of sexual innuendo, including KITT's breathless response to Bonnie adjusting his components, Michael commenting that Bonnie knows how to turn KITT on, KITT straight-facedly giving Michael an accounting of Bonnie's measurements after Michael wonders whether there's a real woman under her jumpsuit, and Michael & KITT's "Maybe I can get something from the girl"/ "I wouldn't touch that line with a 10 foot driveshaft" conversation. "Don't worry, I'll distract her."/"I'll bet." "What was that all about?"/"Biology.")

Linda - WTF was up with him grabbing her in the woods like a skeezoid rapist when he just wanted to give her dinner? She doesn't kick him in the balls so I guess that counts for something. They hug after a conversation in her room later, hold hands and smooch before she goes off to do... something mission related. She saves his ass and helps him drop off the bad guys at the prison. Do they celebrate later? Maybe.

Probability: 70%

s1e11 - The Final Verdict

Cheryl - They're pretty touchy-feely when he visits her in jail, and she gives him a pretty good kiss at the end. Odds are good that they had/will have a romantic relationship at some point.

Probability: 90%

s1e12- A Plush Ride

M: I wanna search Margo's room. K: I've heard that one before. M: It'll give you something to brood about during the night.

Margo - (spoiler alert) She's a terrorist. They get physical when she catches him searching her room but it doesn't turn into anything more than fighting. He kisses her (in front of everybody, wtf) after she (supposedly) saves him from being murdered by Jacobs. But the next time we see the two of them together, she's taking him prisoner. She's pretty touchy-feely with him while he's tied up but there's no time for her to do anything (and presumably he wouldn't be into it if she did, what with her being a terrorist and all).

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - Uncharacteristically flirtatious, appears to be a bit tipsy. No real implication that anything happened, though.

Probability: 0%

s1e13 - Forget Me Not

Maria Elena - They're flirting up a storm in their first scene. And their third one. And fourth one. Also she's frequently scantily clad around him. Michael to KITT in the last scene: "See you in two days, buddy." Oh yeah, he was planning something.

Probability: 95%

Micki - She's a little flirtatious too before she loses her memory (although he starts it by fake-flirting with her). And also feels comfortable enough to just run around in Michael's shirt and little else after she loses her memory, although she says she doesn't just meet guys at parties and go home with them (she thinks). He tells her she's a nice lady but doesn't seem that romantically interested in her.

Probability: 10% Until...

Maria Elena & Micki - They've become fast friends by the last scene and both kiss him on the cheek at the same time after he brings them both flowers (at KITT's instigation). Why do I get the feeling "Anybody wanna cruise a hamburger joint?" was as close as they could get to implying a threesome on 80s family hour tv?

Probability: 60%

s1e14 - Hearts of Stone

M: KITT, don't fall in love with one of these beautiful cars and run off on me, huh?

K: I wouldn't dream of it.

Angie - She's with Roberto. Also (spoiler alert) a scam artist criminal.

Probability - 0%

The blonde lady at the bar - They flirt and she tells him she hopes to see him later, but no indication that she ever does.

Probability: 5%

Devon - Oh man, the way he's eyeing Michael up in his hotel room. And if we're still in the pilot universe, Michael is a dead ringer for a young Wilton, whom I will never be unconvinced Devon wasn't either secretly in love with or a relationship with, s2 Devon Miles Heterosexuality Minutes be damned. We never really get any indication that Michael swings that way, though (at least with non-automotive males, *wink*).

Probability: 0%

The nurse - In the novelization she flirts with him and kisses him, but no indication of romantic interest in the actual episode.

Probability: 0%

s1e15 - Give Me Liberty... Or Give Me Death

Bonnie - He tries to ask her out, but she's busy spending the night with KITT. :D She also doesn't seem very impressed with his Liberty drama.

Probability: 0%

Liberty Cox - When she shows up in his room, he seems a lot less interested in her than she is in him, but he doesn't exactly fight her off when she starts kissing him. He tells KITT he went to bed and she went back to her room, but she's sure more pissed about not getting to ride along with him the next day than you'd think she'd be if all they'd done was smooch. Also she's back at FLAG HQ at the end so maybe she's spending some time in town.

Probability: 90%

Dorothy Ackridge - He tries to be flirtatious but she has no time for his shenanigans. she's grateful when he saves her life but doesn't express any romantic interest in him.

Probability: 0%

s1e16 - The Topaz Connection

Lauren Royce - She takes half the episode to warm up to him but they have fun in Vegas. "You do the cake, I'll do the champagne, and we'll see what else comes to mind." "Deal." Things look like they might be headed in a steamy direction as evidenced by the romantic music playing but they get cockblocked by Bob. They smooch before she gets on the bogus plane. In the last scene they kiss some more and she tells him they have some unfinished business.

Probability: 95%

s1e17 - A Nice, Indecent Little Town

KITT: Michael is... indisposed. Devon: Oh. That means he's either with a young lady or in jail.

Jobina - He's definitely turning on the charm. She helps Michael escape from jail (with KITT's assistance). "Is there anything this car can't do?" "I think a woman would be a better judge of that." "I beg your pardon?" I don't even know what that's supposed to mean but I want to believe it's something saucy. Not actually much indication onscreen that anything happened but in the last scene Michael says he hopes Jobina will stay in town and Bonnie asks if that's so he'll know where to find her. Michael responds, "Yeah, that's a thought." Possibilities here.

Probability: 50%

s1e18 - Chariot of Gold

Dr. Charlene Litton - He chats her up at the party, but it's in the line of duty. She's kind of condescending to him. She does break away from the creepy IQ cult and help Michael foil their plans, but isn't seen again.

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - They do their usual UST thing, and dance at the party until Devon cuts in. He's extremely protective of her. He talks her out of her brainwashing by telling her "We're a team, we love each other." He makes her breakfast and brings her a rose at the end. Still, no overt indication that anything beyond camaraderie happens.

Probability: 0%

s1e19 - White Bird

Stevie - Presumably they've gotten it on in the past but there was too much going on in this episode for anything to happen. Also presumably Wilton didn't do any renovations below Michael's neck so if they'd gotten it on she would have known with 100% certainty who he was.

Probability: 95% (as ML)     5% (as MK)

s1e20 - Knight Moves

Terri - He asks her to go dancing. She turns him down but finds him likable/trustworthy enough to let him give her a lift home. They seem to be bonding but when he goes in for a kiss she says goodnight and goes in the house (alone). His little smile afterwards suggests he's up for the challenge. After he saves her life and her other driver threatens to quit she tells him she really likes him and hugs her but doesn't push it further than that. She tells him the next day that it was the first time she ever wanted to kiss a man (but that she had before anyway D: ). At the end they do go dancing (and she puts on a dress because heaven forbid a tough woman should ever fail to embrace conventional femininity immediately upon being found attractive by any halfway decent dude) and it's a reasonable assumption that they did more than just *dance* until dawn. I kind of want to roast Michael a little for not being more aghast about the fact that she's kissed dudes she didn't really want to and for encouraging her to give up her Tomboy Terri persona but it was a less enlightened era and at least he didn't hit on her when she was vulnerable which is more than a lot of dudes of his time (or this one, for that matter)  would have done so I'll cut him some slack.

Probability: 90%

s1e21 - Nobody Does It Better

Connie - He's checking her out on the tennis court but (spoiler alert) she gets murdered.

Probability: 0%

Flannery Roe - Things are off to a rocky start. She seems to take his "do you like to play?" at the club as a come on, pulls a gun on him (not entirely unjustifiably) when he corners her in the cul-de-sac and has him arrested on suspicion of being a stalker and/or rapist. She warms up to him a bit after he provides a comforting hug when she finds Connie's body but still gets a little shirty with him at the restaurant and turns down his offer of a ride home. She's antagonistic toward him when they meet again at the club. He saves her from the bad guys and for some reason she's back at the Foundation HQ at the end but they don't do any huggy-kissy stuff so odds are minimal.

Probability: 1%

s1e22 - Short Notice

K: Since you haven't asked, I'll tell you. It was demoralizing, demeaning. M: What? K: Police impound. M: Oh. You had me worried there for a minute.

Nicole - She keeps him at arm's length initially (understandably since she's hitching). Turns out she's another single mom, so her main preoccupation is getting her kid back, and she doesn't really care if she dicks Michael over in the process. He does get along well with her kid when they find her so that probably gets him a few points in her eyes. They hold hands after he beats all the bad guys in the western town and hug at the end but don't kiss. She's probably looking for a new dad for Natalie. He tells Natalie he hopes they'll see him again but nothing conclusive.

Probability: 10%

s2e01/02 - Goliath

Rita Wilcox - Another one where there was possible interest but probably wasn't time for anything to happen. She spends half the episode either pissed off at him or faking a relationship with Garthe, and then they're busy trying to take out Goliath. They hug after Garthe and Goliath are out of commission but don't kiss. At the end she's on her way out of town. It's unclear how much time has passed between that and the last scene but when she implies he should look her up if he's in LA, he doesn't mention that the Foundation's home base is in SoCal (or so it appears)? I don't think he's the type who wouldn't go for a woman he was interested in just because she'd hooked up with his evil twin (even if he was a little judgy when he found out she was shacking up with Garthe again), so maybe he's just not that into her.

Probability: 25%

s2e03 - Brother's Keeper

Lisa - Things aren't exactly off to a great start when he kidnaps her. She warms up to him a little by the end and they give each other a fairly chaste goodbye smooch. He says they'll see each other again and she says she hopes so. Maybe?

Probability: 30%

April: He's on a kidnapping spree and drags her to the beach at the end. Still, no real indicator that anything romantic is going to ensue.

Probability: 5%

s2e04 - Merchants of Death

Camela - They seem to keep it professional except for a goodbye kiss. Not even a "We'll see each other again." Odds are minimal.

Probability: 5%

s2e05 - Blind Spot

Julie - She's in some kind of platonic lifemate relationship with John, which may end up being more than platonic thanks to Michael's yenta-ing.

Probability: 0%

s2e06 - Return to Cadiz

Jennifer Shell - They have dinner together and she seems to open up to him but it isn't overtly romantic. They have a spat but hug and make up when he finds the secret treasure cave. She kisses him after he rescues her from the bad guys. An undisclosed amount of time has passed before they have dinner and he heads out but they do the "Will I see you again?/count on it" thing before she kisses him goodbye. It's possible, maybe even likely.

Probability: 50%

s2e07 - KITT the Cat

Grace - She's definitely flirting with him when she invites him to the party. And then tries to convince him she's not the burglar by making out with him. At the end he kisses her goodbye pretty interestedly while promising to keep a closer eye on her. Odds are good.

Probability: 85%

s2e08 - Custom KITT

Suzanne Weston - She's pretty overt about her interest in him, but when she shows up in his room he seems relieved when KITT beeps him on the comlink. She tells him he knows where to find her if he's ever in the mood for something other than "good, clean" fun, so by implication he hasn't been.

Probability: 0%

Carrie - She's into him enough to get jealous when she thinks he hooked up with Suzanne. "If our plan works and the thief tries to steal KITT tonight, you can thank me." She kisses him first, but then he kisses her and tells her that's "very close" to his way of wanting to be thanked. The implications aren't particularly subtle. They enthusiastically hug after catching the bad guys. When she wins the car show, they smooch with more "I don't know how to thank you... but I'm sure I'll think of a way" innuendo. He tells her he'll see her later, and I think it's a strong possibility that he will.

Probability: 90%

s2e09 - Soul Survivor

M: Devon, I felt something in here... I don't know, a presence... KITT's presence.

K: Oh Michael, do I look just dreadful? Be honest. M: KITT, what matters to me is who you are, not what you look like. Sure we don't have the car. So we can't turbo boost. So we can't go over 200 miles an hour. It was all icing on the cake anyway. It wasn't you. K: It wasn't? M: No, the car was fantastic but if you break it down it was steel, rubber and glass. We can always make another one. But you, you are a lot more than silicon chips and fancy circuitry, You're my buddy. You're my partner. KITT, you're one of a kind. K: Thank you, Michael. The feeling's mutual.

K: What was it like, Michael? M: What, KITT? K: Seeing my body functioning without me? Or you? M: A little spooky, let me tell ya. K: Did it seem like me? M: Yeah, it did and it didn't. It looked like you, but somehow it just wasn't the same. K: I don't understand. M: It didn't have your soul, KITT. Without that, it could never be the same. K: Thank you, Michael.

Adrianne - She techno-roofies him and the way Randy sticks his head in the door and then guiltily ducks back out as she's leaning over him on the couch kind of suggests he's walking in on something he knows he shouldn't see. Still, Michael appears to be fully clothed when he wakes up in a ditch. Adrianne is totally a creepy douchebag and/or rapist (as we will see more of in Goliath Returns) but she was probably too preoccupied with stealing KITT to do anything in this ep.

Probability: 20%

s2e10 - Ring of Fire

(This is one of two eps where Michael utters the phrase "come on, baby" to KITT while trying to get out of a jam. Obviously NBC's censors had to ruin our fun because it never happens again after this season.)

Layla - She's still married. Doesn't really express romantic interest in Michael and the hero of an 80s family hour tv series probably wouldn't have gotten it on with a married woman no matter how much of an abusive dick her husband was. They do kiss goodbye at the end and he tells her if she ever decides to leave the bayou, she knows where he'll be. If anything ever happens, it's probably in the distant future.

Probability: 5%

s2e11 - Knightmares

M: Whoa, you are hot! K: Quite true, Michael.

Cara - She tries to look out for him after he gets amnesia, but not a lot of indication that she's romantically interested in him, and he's too busy trying to figure out wtf is going on to hit on her. They hug after he rescues her from drowning but we don't see any more of them together.

Probability: 5%

s2e12 - Silent Knight

Marta - No real indication of romantic interest on either side. We  don't see what they're doing as Tino is saying goodbye to KITT but considering he offered her a handshake and not a kiss or even a hug, it's probably safe to say nothing happened.

Probability: 0%

s2e13 - A Knight in Shining Armor

Katherine - She's a little young for him (Michael tells her the treasure was supposed to be her 21st birthday present so presumably she's legal but the fact that she's still in prep school makes her seem younger). Also this is another episode where he begins their acquaintance by first rescuing, then kidnapping the female lead. They don't particularly like each other at first, but hug after his "if nobody can hurt you, then nobody can love you" chat with her, again after he rescues her from the bad guy (again) and after escaping the cave collapse. It seems more friendly than romantic, though.He takes her hand in the cave but it comes off more as sharing a moment than a romantic overture. They kiss at the end but he tells her goodbye and leaves. No indication that they're going to see each other again.

Probability: 5%

s2e14 - Diamonds Aren't A Girl's Best Friend

Lauren - She makes out with him when he first shows up as part of her cover story and he clearly doesn't mind. He's pretty committed to maintaining their cover in subsequent scenes. In the last scene she tells him she'd like "to do it for real" but she's pretty clearly referring to kissing, not *it*. By implication they haven't done more than kiss at this point but when she asks if she'll see him again, he tells her "unless you change her name and move to Okinawa." Future potential.

Probability: 50%

Lauren's boss - She's kind of flirtatious with him when they first meet but no indicator that anything happens.

Probability: 0%

s2e15 - White Line Warriors

Cindy - She's with Ron, who is apparently pretty understanding since he doesn't seem to object to her giving Michael a thank-you kiss at the end.

Probability: 0%

s2e16 - Race For Life

April - He's emotionally supportive and her niece has been introduced to Michael and KITT but no significant indications of anything romantic.

Probability: 0%

s2e17 - Speed Demons

Sabrina - He comes to her rescue when Wade is harassing her at the party, They hug after she talks to him about Kelly. They give each other a chaste goodbye kiss but no real indication of romantic interest.

Probability: 0%

s2318/19 - Goliath Returns

Adrianne - This one gets an asterisk, because whatever happened in Garthe's creepy dungeon after the cutaway to a scandalized KITT didn't look consensual on Michael's side. She pretty obviously went down to there to sleep with him, and the way she staggers out in her bathrobe the next morning while Garthe bitches about how she slept in pretty strongly implies that she actually did, but Michael really seems the opposite of into her and her basically telling him "please me [in bed] and maybe I'll make sure my psycho boyfriend doesn't murder you" is rape by coercion if not by force. Did he grit his teeth and do it just to hedge his bets? Maybe.

Probability: 80%*

s20 - A Good Knight's Work

Gina - He's obviously interested and kisses her before he goes to MMM, but (spoiler alert) she's playing him. Except maybe she's not so bad because she lets him talk her out of shooting him and then they hug. They kiss goodbye at the end but she's going into witness protection and there isn't really any indication that they'll see each other again or that anything romantic transpired.

Probability: 10%

s2e21/22 - Mouth of the Snake

Joanna - She was more interested in Dalton. I deeply want to believe Dalton's invitation to Michael to hang out with them at the end was really an invitation to join them for a threesome because it's the only thing that would make this episode interesting, but Michael takes a rain check and heads out of town.

Probability: 0%

s2e23 - Let It Be Me

Stevie - She's still pretty broken up about her boyfriend's death. He kisses her when they go back to her apartment and she tells him she still dreams about him. The next scene they're wearing different clothes and seemingly some time has passed so maybe something happened after the cutaway?

Probability: 50%

s2e24 - Big Iron

Lucy - She was the woman who was coming out of the hotel room at the beginning. He seemed to be checking her out in that scene but obviously he's not going for a married woman even if she didn't have some other drama going on.

Probability: 0%

s3e01/02 - Knight of the Drones

Bonnie - They hug when he shows up at the university and he makes the "You can sail with me anytime" comment to her at the marina at the end and they link arms to walk to the boat, but not really anything more romantic than that.

Probability: 0%

Margo - She fakes romantic interest in him and he plays along, but (spoiler alert) she's setting him up to be murdered.

Probability: 0%

s3e03 - The Ice Bandits

Bonnie - They walk arm-in-arm into the diamond place, but Michael was making innuendoes about other women when she was sitting right next to him in the car 30 seconds previously so probably nothing really going on.

Probability: 5%

Jody - She's engaged to Charlie. Michael tells Charlie "She's not the one I'm interested in, it's *you*," with his standard flirtatious grin and god, that's hot. Spoiler alert: Charlie is a crook. Even after she finds out the truth she doesn't really express romantic interest in Michael although she does paint his portrait.

Probability: 5%

s3e04 - Knights of the Fast Lane

Diane - He's too preoccupied with Stacy's case to flirt. She hugs him after he rescues her but we don't see them together again.

Probability: 5%

The random cheerleader - She seems interested, but we don't see them together again either.

Probability: 5%

s3e05 - Halloween Knight

Bonnie - He's very protective. Tinhats would probably make something of the fact that her costume is Scarlett O'Hara and his is Rhett Butler. Still, nothing too overtly romantic.

Probability: 5%

Esmerelda - She'd probably put a love spell on him in a hot minute but I think he finds her a little terrifying.

Probability: 5%

Denise - She's friendly but not overly flirtatious. Also she gets murdered before anything can happen.

Probability: 0%

s3e06 - KITT vs. KARR

Mandy - She's with John. No indicators that they're interested in a threesome.

Probability: 0%

s3e07 - The Rotten Apples

Marilyn - They're hardcore flirting and she says she hopes to see him again. They kiss after he wins the mechanical bull contest, but then she catches a bus out of town. She kisses him goodbye and he does this "oh yeah, I still got it" move but we don't get any strong evidence that anything else happened.

Probability: 10%

Rebecca - Not a lot of flirtation, and the kids are always around cockblocking.

Probability: 10%

s3e08 - Knight in Disgrace

(I was almost too distracted by KITT and Michael in this ep to pay attention to the GOTW, lol. KITT's hurt confusion when Michael leaves and him being a total bitch to Michael's would-be replacement and the way he goes with Michael even when he thinks he's on the wrong side of the law, I'm *dying* here...)

Linda - She comes onto him and roofies him at the bar and he wakes up with his shirt undone, but she's Boyd's girlfriend and (spoiler alert) another hapless single mom so she probably didn't do anything untoward, assuming he was even conscious enough by the time she got him home. After she gets to know and trust him she doesn't make any moves on him and they don't smooch or anything at the end.  

Probability: 5%

s3e09 - Dead of Knight

Cindy - It's not entirely clear what their relationship is. At the beginning it looks more like he's trying to pick up on her than they're actually dating. He's obviously really invested in helping her but he'd undoubtedly do the same for anybody who was in mortal peril because of him. At the end in the ambulance he calls her "baby" and says they have a date. In the last scene Cindy is leaving for Broadway soon but they're all together at the Foundation and it's unclear how much time has elapsed. Not conclusive but suggestive.

Probability: 50%

Renard's girlfriend -  She's putting the moves on him while he's feverish and loopy and somehow his shirt has gotten unbuttoned but there's a guard in the room so probably nothing happened.

Probability: 10%

s3e10 - Lost Knight

"If I may be so bold, what on earth were you *doing* down there?"

(LBR, Michael is too busy angsting about KITT to try and get laid in this ep.)

Doug's mom  - In a relationship, although at the end she decides to break things off with her boyfriend so she can focus more on her son. She and Michael kiss goodbye but it's improbable that there's anything more than that since she just said she doesn't need another man around right now.

Probability: 0%

s3e11 - Knight of the Chameleon

Tonie Baxter - They seem to know each other from a previous case. He kisses her on the forehead at the end of their first scene. They don't really seem to interact romantically during this episode. Michael gets distracted by KITT's contest winnings before they have a chance for a goodbye kiss.

Probability: 10%

s3e12 - Custom Made Killer

Unnamed Dancer (offscreen) - Devon: "You've been rather difficult to reach lately. Particularly last night." Michael: "I got a weakness for dancers." HIs protest that they're "innocent girls working their way through college" leaves little doubt about what kind of dancer this was.

Probability: 95%

Joan - No evidence of romantic interest. Also (spoiler alert) she's collaborating with the bad guys.

Probability: 0%

Debra - He flirts at the end and she kisses him goodbye. Lewis says "He'll be back" and she gives a suggestive eyebrow raise. Possible but not conclusive.

Probability: 25%

s3e13 - Knight By A Nose

M: KITT, how close are you? It's getting stuffy in here. K: Any closer and I'll have to marry this limo.

Maxine - They hug and he calls her "sweetheart" when he shows up. Devon accuses Michael of being biased because Max is attractive but he describes her as "a very, very close friend." Yet we never actually see them kiss. Maybe they really are just friends?

Probability: 25%

s3e14 - Junkyard Dog

Fran - He's too preoccupied with KITT to do much flirting for most of the episode, but they're having a picnic/makeout session together in the semi, seemingly alone, at the end. It's a reasonable assumption that things escalated at some point, even if they didn't want a scandalized KITT watching and commenting at that particular moment.

Probability: 80%

s3e15 - Buy Out

Mel - They keep it professional for most of the ep but after he catches the bad guy he tells her she's attractive without her welding mask and they kiss. We don't see them together again but it's possible that more happened.

Probability: 50%

s3e16 - Knightlines

Janet Morgan - She's recently widowed and not in the market yet. No romantic interaction.

Probability: 0%

s3e17 - The Nineteenth Hole

Daisy: Is that thing blown? KITT: I beg your pardon?

Jamie - After they fake being married at the hotel she kisses him before the race. Not a lot of other romantic interaction but he and Bonnie and Devon do seem to be sticking around to watch the race so something could happen.

Probability: 50%

Daisy - He flirts with her a little at the meetup but no indication that it goes beyond that.

Probability: 0%

s3e18 - Knight and Knerd

Allie - She rides off into the sunset with Elliot.

Probability: 0%

Receptionist at Gifford's - He flirts but no indication that it goes anywhere.

Probability: 0%

Vanessa Sutton - Apparently he gives a really good massage but she's (understandably) pissed off that he wasn't who she was expecting the massage from. Also she's a villain and is too busy setting him up to get murdered for anything to happen.

Probability: 0%

s3e19 - Ten Wheel Trouble

M: Hey, are you hungry back there, partner? K: Perhaps a little lonely, Michael. But rather enjoying my independence.

Sally - He turns on the charm when they first meet but things go south rapidly when he talks her brother into going to jail. By the end he's back in her good graces and she likes him enough to steal a kiss from him before he says goodbye. You know her hormonal teenage brain is thinking about it but for reasons that should be obvious, he isn't going there.

Probability: 0%

s3e20 - Knight In Retreat

KITT: Of course, there is one other possibility. Devon: What is that? KITT: The lady of the retreat. She's quite attractive. Of course, knowing Michael the way I do, it would strictly be in the line of duty.

Bianca - She seems to find him physically attractive, and maybe if she hadn't been so busy torturing him she would have tried to have a little fun with him. But considering what he suspects her of, he probably wouldn't have gone too far unless he absolutely had to.

Probability: 0%

Monica - She flirts with him at the bar and comments on what a waste it is to kill him, but nothing is likely to have happened due to both time constraints and her being Bianca's henchwoman.

Probability: 0%

s3e21 - Knight Strike

Sheila - She acts jealous when he makes the date with Tyler but he seems more exasperated than romantically interested in her. They kiss before he goes into the warehouse but it's fairly short and chaste. At the end, she goes off with O'Malley.

Probability: 0%

Tyler - She makes a date with him at the gun range but it's just a distraction. He flirts with her but it's all in the line of duty.

Probability: 0%

s3e22 - Circus Knights

Bonnie: I have to admit, Devon, he looks fantastic. Devon: Yes, in spite of that ridiculous costume he's wearing. Bonnie: No, I'm talking about KITT!

Terri - They keep things professional at first, although when they're in the car together she asks if circus-folk camaraderie is the only reason he's interested in helping her. He says he's be lying if he said yes and presumably she reads it as him being interested romantically. After his near-murder in the ring they have a heart-to-heart talk and kiss. At the end he tells her to call him if she needs anything. *Anything?* Hmmm...

Probability: 50%

Tiger - She hits on him but he's not into it.

Probability: 0%

s4e01/02 - Knight of the Juggernaut

K: I'm asking you how I look. M: You look great, same as always!

Marta - They have some chemistry in their first meeting. He asks her out when they get back to her apartment. But (spoiler alert) she's part of the conspiracy to steal the cernium and sets him up to get murdered (twice). He cools it on the flirting after the first incident (understandably, since if he takes her story at face value she was assaulted and possibly worse) although he still acts protective of her. After she helps them get the bad guys she's hanging out with the Foundation crew at the end but we don't see any more romantic interaction.

Probability: 25%

Jennifer - No overtly romantic interaction. They're antagonistic for most of the episode although they make up at the end.

Probability: 0%

s4e03 - KITTnap

Karen - She's doing her doctoral thesis on KITT and spending a lot of time with Michael in the progress. Judging by the way they're holding hands in their first scene and then making out at her apartment, there's obvious romantic interest. And she clearly has more than academic interest even after (spoiler alert) she gets held hostage by the bad guys so it's a reasonable assumption that if they weren't already banging they're going to at some point.

Probability: 95%

s4e04 - Sky Knight

Bonnie - He's pretty touchy-feely at the airport and they hug after saving the day but no overt romance.

Probability: 5%

s4e05 - Burial Ground

Susan - They keep it professional for most of the episode. He tries to hit on her at the end but she's in a relationship with Eagle. That doesn't stop her from giving him a goodbye kiss but no indicator that it goes any further than that.

Probability: 0%

s4e06 - The Wrong Crowd

Ann - She spends most of the episode being menaced and/or held hostage by the bikers and we don't really see them interact with each other in a non-case-related way.

Probability: 0%

RC - Michael is very tenderly concerned when he finds him knocked out by the side of the road. But probably neither of them swing that way.

Probability: 0%

s4e07 - Knight Sting

Gaye - She seems young. And also kind of annoying. He hugs her in the hospital but it doesn't look particularly romantic. No evidence of interest on either side.

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - He flirts with her when they're planning the operation and she shows him her dress. The rest of the episode they're too busy with the mission for any shenanigans.

Probability: 0%

RC - He's clearly been raiding Michael's closet for that sweater. But Michael is cool with it. No overt indication that they're more than bros, though.

Probability: 0%

s4e08 - Many Happy Returns

Amy - He's flirting up a storm but whoops, Devon is cockblocking and she's actually there with a mission for him. However, it's not all business and she surprises him with a birthday cupcake and some birthday smoochin', until duty calls again. She makes some innuendo about "getting to adolescence and maturity later" as he's leaving so she's obviously willing to take a rain check. She's back in the semi with them at the end and Michael invites her on vacation with him. We don't see her answer but it's a safe bet it's a yes.

Probability: 95%

s4e09 - Knight Racer

Elena - At first it's all business but they seem to be having fun dancing at the reception. They have a heart-to-heart talk in the parking lot until the hit man shows up. They hug after the big reveal about Elena's dad and the fight with Wayne's partner but don't kiss. Maybe Michael would think twice about getting involved with a friend of Bonnie's.

Probability: 10%

Unnamed track bunnies - Michael says it wasn't easy ignoring all those trophy queens and their phone numbers, implying that he did indeed ignore them (maybe more because he had to get back to the office than out of disinterest).

Probability: 0%

s4e10 - Knight Behind Bars

Julie - He agrees with KITT that she's cute, but they don't really express romantic interest to each other beyond a hug after he tosses Nelson into the ocean. Also at 20 she's a little young for him.

Probability: 0%

Gymnastics instructor - She flirtatiously tells him she's free the rest of the day, but he isn't. No indication that they see each other again.

Probability: 0%

s4e11 - Knight Song

Bonnie and/or RC - They're all playing hookie together and conspiring to keep it from Devon. Shenanigans?

Probability: 5%

Sanford - No indication of romantic interest, also she's a villain.

Probability: 0%

s4e12 - The Scent of Roses

K: I'm sorry, they don't allow cars in hospitals. I would have been closer. M: I know you would.

Stevie - They appear to have been staying at the beach house together so it's a safe bet, even if (spoiler alert) they never got to consummate their marriage.

Probability: 95%

s4e13 - Killer KITT

"Not now, Michael. I have a headache."

Bronwen - She and Michael barely interact, plus she's probably Berio's girlfriend.

Probability: 0%

s4e14 - Out of the Woods

Sam - He's flirtatious when they first get reacquainted but too busy working on the case for anything to happen before it's revealed that (spoiler alert) she's a villain. He does hug her when she surrenders at the end but I assume that trying to murder him is a dealbreaker.

Probability: 0%

Ellen - No real evidence of romantic interest and she says goodbye with a handshake rather than a kiss.

Probability: 0%

s4e15 - Deadly Knightshade

Bonnie - She's more preoccupied with Templeton. He does give her a swan in his magic act at the end.

Probability: 0%

Nancy - He's too busy with the investigation to even do much flirting.

Probability: 0%

s4e16 - Redemption of a Champion

Miss Cooper - Michael obviously has a hot date that most likely would have ended with some lovin' if he hadn't once again been cockblocked by KITT and Devon. At the end, Michael is dressed up for Date Night, Take 2, but gets called back to the semi again. Does she give him a third chance? I mean, *I* would...

Probability: 50%

Nurse Tremount - He flirts with her to get info and comforts her after she breaks down and confesses to the scam but no indication that it goes further than that. Plus she’s in an adulterous relationship with the villainous doctor.

Probability: 0%

s4e17 - Knight of A Thousand Devils

Claudia Terrell - She's a villain. When she makes a pseudo-date with him it's just to set him up.

Probability: 0%

Agent Jonas - They bet dinner on the arrest and Michael seems to be taking his death extremely personally. Juggernaut slash ships have been built on less. If he were a chick I'd say "extremely probable" except for the fact that Jonas was married with kids. Not that it stops some people, but it would most likely stop Michael.

Probability: 0%

"Ana-Lucia" - She keeps him up all night working on her car and he says he's going to come back after the race is over and demand equal time. Her response: "You won't have to demand." Plot twist: She's actually a Federale. We don't see her again after they apprehend the bad guy so it's questionable whether their flirtation was still valid for her real identity.

Probability: 10%

s4e18 - Hills of Fire

Sandra Rusk - Barely any interaction and also she's a villain.

Probability: 0%

Tess Hubbard: No significant romantic interaction. Probably too busy with her charitable work to go chasing after pretty-boys.

Probability: 0%

s4e19 - Knight Flight to Freedom

Lisa - Too busy dealing with a revolution for any shenanigans.

Probability: 0%

s4e20 - Fright Night

Karen - They keep things mostly professional but she buys him lunch at the end. No real indicator that it ends in anything romantic, though.

Probability: 5%

Liz - They flirt a little when he interviews her ("I appreciate your interest." "I'm interested!") but it doesn't really go anywhere.

Probability: 5%

s4e21 - Knight of the Rising Sun

N/A - No female guest characters and nothing particularly shippy with Bonnie.

Probability: 0%

s4e22 - Voo Doo Knight

Harana - She's a little flirtatious at the party. When she puts one of her zombifying earrings on him, she gets a little touchy-feely and tells him they could have had a future together but there are two of her goons in the room and she's sending him to the soon-to-be-demolished building so she probably doesn't have time to take advantage of him even if she wanted to do it with an audience.

Probability: 0%

Elizabeth - Michael nudges Devon into letting her stay an extra few days, and she seems pretty good with that. We don't see them kiss but they're engaged in a pretty intense hug at the end.

Probability: 90%

...at least he got to go out with a bang?

[wyndford-dekarios-majima]

acrostic f/o game for jacob frye or maxwell or both !!!!!!

I will recover from my sickness by thinking about men. :]

J - Jewelry - do they wear any? what kind? (or what would they wear if they ever started?)

Jacob wears a necklace in game actually :0 more of a choker, really; a coin threaded on a thick cord. I think, if he were allowed, he'd also get an earring of some kind.

A - Art - do they draw or paint? what about any other kind of art? what’s their favorite style/subject/another artist who inspires them?

Jacob...hm. His art is mostly painting the walls red. If he had time, I think he'd be a smash hit in the music industry with his voice, but that'd require time.

C - Confession - which of you admitted romantic interest in the other first (if they’re the flirty type, when did they admit they were really serious about the other?) how did they do it? what was the reaction?

It never really happened, actually. We just kind of...kept going and never stopped. The first time he told me he loved me was on our third date.

O - Online - what is your f/o’s social media presence like, or what would it be like if they had internet in their world/era?

Jacob would be the best man on OnlyFans. I think he would also make it good on Tumblr like irresponsible-black-unicorn, bc of his general raucous positivity and good looks.

B - Before - before you decided to make them your F/O, what did you first think of them/their source?

Before I played Syndicate (my first AC game, actually) I thought it was...very dudebro. What I heard mostly was that it was a collect-a-thon about killing people. Now? well. it is. but I enjoy those games :] and before I decided to add him to the list I was def like. ok manwhore lol men's tits

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F - Food - what does your f/o like to eat? do they cook? and what would they cook for you?

Favourite food is liquid bread (beer). He is canonically a horrible fucking cook so no he does not cook while I'm around. I make him stews and he enjoys those well enough :]

R - Rainbow - what colors do you associate with them and why?

Green, for the Rooks, and a bit of a Navy colour, for his usual outfit. I was abt to say red bc I always have him in max dracula but that's a Roth colour.

Y - You! what do they like about you?

E - Emotion - is your f/o open with their feelings or do they keep them close to their chest?

Jacob is def a let-it-fester kind of guy. Bottles shit up heavy.

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M - Meeting - what was your first time meeting them?

During one of the operas, actually. Someone was going to shoot one of the actors, but I shot the guy first, and Roth invited me out for dinner as a thanks for saving one of his favourite plays.

A - Art - do they draw or paint? what about any other kind of art? what’s their favorite style/subject/another artist who inspires them?

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HE'S A THEATRE KIIIIIIIID

I don't feel like he would pick up any instruments, he's very stage-oriented. Sings beautifully, a wonderful actor, knows precisely when and where he should turn on stage. Theatre is in his blood.

X - Xeno - alien AU - which one of you is the extraterrestrial who’s been captured for research and which one of you is the caring scientist/worker who decides to break them out?

uh mufuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh borgir (I can't answer this one)

W - Weakness - what’s theirs? it can be a fun weakness like trashy romance novels or a more serious trait if you want

His inability to see consequence before it happens. His main philosophy in life is "why not", which leads to, well...a building getting blown up with children inside. He's also emotionally visceral, feels raw all the time and will, for example, set his livelihood on fire on the off chance the one who angered him was inside and wanting to kill him. He is impulsive, irrational, and irritable.

E - Emotion - is your f/o open with their feelings or do they keep them close to their chest?

He won't say anything with clarity, but he makes his emotions towards others very clear despite that. He will not say he loves you, but he will call you dear.

L - Language - what’s their love language? what’s yours?

We all use the same love languages, so I'm recontextualising this as "what language do they flirt in". Roth flirts in Italian, unless you understand Italian, in which case he will simply find a language you don't know. I mainly flirt in English.

L - [previous]

R - Rainbow - what colors do you associate with them and why?

Red and black. Red for the fire, black for the feather.

O - Online - what is your f/o’s social media presence like, or what would it be like if they had internet in their world/era?

I feel like he'd keep off the internet, tbh? Sure, online ads for his operas, but otherwise doesn't touch it. He knows it's poison.

T - Teach - what skills of theirs would they teach you? what would you teach them?

I feel like he wouldn't...knowingly teach me, but he would show me how to love myself once in a while. I would teach him how to have a bit of impulse control.

H - Height - is there a height difference or a size difference in general between the two of you? how do each of you feel about it?

I looked it up and apparently there's a hockey player named Maxwell Roth and he's 6'1" so I'm stealing that thanks- and uh yeah, about seven inches of difference. He's the shorter one.

[williamsockner]

Watched SPN “Provenance”, “Dead Man’s Blood” and “Salvation” during platelet donation today, thoughts:

- the worst part of every SPN season is the last chunk of episodes where suddenly you have to give a shit about the dumbass John Winchester metaplot again.

- trashy bottomfeeding manwhore Dean is in fine form in “Provenance” and I’m here for it.

- the only good thing John Winchester ever gave his kids was the reminder that they could use cell phones to communicate with each other instead of constantly hazarding guesses at what the other one’s doing while they fight monsters.

- I didn’t appreciate Sam the first time I watched SPN and I LOVE him now and am so proud of him and want an AU where he goes back to school and opens a little boutique law firm.

- I dread when Castiel will show up and this show will get boring as hell.

- John “I’m so scared of my children dying that I’m going to abuse and neglect them and then constantly send them into harm’s way and then never pick up the phone when one of them is literally dying in the hospital” Winchester

- John “and when they call me out on not picking up the phone when one of them was dying in the hospital I’m going to sulk about their tone” Winchester

- Dean’s completely incapable of wrapping his head around the idea that Sam doesn’t want to have one-night stands because Dean can’t fathom what it must be like not to be a giant horny skank.

- Sam’s line-reading upon seeing the haunted painting a second time made me ugly-laugh.

- Dean’s wallet trick was adorable.

- The Colt with limited bullets is actually a really cool setup for a longterm plot point! Honestly as much as the SPN metaplot is some dumbass bullshit, they frequently do a good job with ratcheting up the tension through small set pieces. Dean’s “year to live” plot benefited from this too, if I recall correctly.

- The vampires are boring-ass villains and the one thing that could make them interesting - their insistence that they just want to be left alone and have the right to exist - got cut off at the knees.

- The vampire nest was a great setting, though. Loved the little hammocks.

- I feel like my feelings on SPN are summed up well by the fact that I watched three episodes full of demons, vampires, bargains with the devil, world lore and haunted doll paintings, and my favorite was by far the haunted doll painting episode. It was very good!

- fuck John Winchester.

[ashley-incharge]

The Burn Book

Three entries have been added to the Ashleys burn book, as well as photocopies made as pamphlets and spread across the secondary. For a sense of what the entrees look like, please look beyond the read more. These will have been all over much like the scene in Mean Girls.

Name: Nemo Bae

NEMO BAE IS THE WORST EXCUSE FOR A PERSON IN EXISTENCE. A MANWHORE OF THE WORST KIND. THIS BOY DOES NOT DESERVE ANY RANKING OF ANY KIND EVER. HE IS THE LOWEST OF THE LOW AND CAN ROT IN HELL. FOR HURTING TWO BRILLIANT GIRLS HE IS ABSOLUTE TRASH AND FOREVER SHALL BE LISTED IN THIS BURN BOOK.

Name: Robbie Ryeo

ROBBIE RYEO IS THE WORST PIECE OF GARBAGE THAT EVER EMERGED ON THIS EARTH. HE IS A CHEATING SCUMBAG AND THE LOWEST OF THE LOW. AN EMO PIECE OF SHIT WHO CAN'T APPRECIATE THE ONLY GOOD THING HE HAD IN HIS LIFE. HE FOULS UP OUR SECONDARY WITH HIS DISGUSTING HABITS AND HE DESERVES TO SUFFER ENDLESS DAYS OF TORMENT. FOR CHEATING AND BEING THE ABSOLUTE WORST HE WILL ALWAYS BE LISTED IN THIS BURN BOOK.

Name: Mei Qin

MEI QIN IS A TRASHY LITTLE SKANK WHO THINKS SHE KNOWS BETTER THAN THE BEST GIRLS IN SECONDARY. THE BITCH DARES TO SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER THAN HER AND IS JUST A TRASHY HO GRASPING ONTO ANY BOY WHO WILL EVEN DEIGN TO LOOK AT HER. DISGUSTING. FOR DARING TO GOSSIP ABOUT ONE OF OUR GIRLS SHE WILL ALWAYS FIND HERSELF LISTED IN THIS BURN BOOK.

[archangelgf]

@gisabarrow hope this doesnt seem weird lmao but i was looking at your mr. president posts and i decided to look at the ebook on google books and

highlights: fucking, grab, groan, hard, MANWHORE (in all caps), Sexiest Man Alive

[daenrystargaryen]

Hilarious how everyone is piling in for the ride with HOTD. Like yeah, no one give a shit about the rest of westeros or the seven kingdoms or even ice zombies or whatnot. we‘re not here for that, we’re not watching it for the ties it has to GOT. we’re here to watch the Targaryens mansplain, manipulate manwhore, manslaughter, and girbossify their way through one of the messiest parts of their history. And we’re treating it like a trashy telenova. love it for us.