#true friendship is listening to your friends even tho you LITERALLY dont understand what they talk about

[upshuring]

I’d like to thank Zick for letting me ramble for half an hour about the 27-piece musical Astoria Verfallen storyline that’s one of the main influences for how I write Miles even though it’s all in German and he doesn’t know the language. 

[hunbomb]

roommate! jaemin

i hope u guys like this one! i do :) 

warning: not proofread LMAO

jaemin: a huge flirt

like we been knew sis okay bUt its not like it defines him ya kno??? like yes he is a flirt but its not like he does it purposely

however that doesn’t stop every single girl from liking him

except for u cause you’re ~not like other girls~

jk you are 

cause who wouldn’t find na jaemin attractive?? tf???

okay but like the dealio between you and jaemin is that you are best friends 

and you have a fat crush on him (u have since the beginning of highschool LOL)

luckily for you, although jaemin is a flirt, he isnt interested in any girls so he doesnt bring any to your dorm

and even if he did, he would tell u because it would be shitty not to 

anyway

so u met in grade nine and yalls friendship popped TF off right away like you joined nomins duo and made it a trio in the span of 4 months and everyone was like???? this mf got that close to them that fast???? mastery

jeno was like ur brother from another mother fr

you and him told eachother everything and sometimes he would tell you things he wouldnt even tell jaemin. like everyone has those people that although theyre close w, there are some things you’d never tell and that goes for jeno and jaemin

jaemin never told jeno he listens to taylor swift

and jeno never told jaemin that he watched all of my little pony friendship is magic on netflix

but since you and jeno shared some personal things w eachother, you obviously told him about your crush on jaemin

and since you had a crush on jaemin, you never got like super super close with him just cause ur feels got in the way 

mainly just you never got as close to jaemin as you did jeno

sure you were bffs, but it wasn’t on such an intimate level

cause everytime jaemin would look your way you’d be gasping for air

so timeskip to senior year

everything is great

your friendship is still strong af and you guys are all planning for post secondary

jaemin and you get into the same uni right.... and jeno gets into the one the town over so your friendship wont take that much damage

but!!! jaemin wants to room with you!!! and ur like!! fucufejdsk!!!

cause like ofc you want to who wouldnt????? but you have such a massisve crush on him you dont want it to get in the way of not only yours but also jaemins university experience

you say yes tho and next thing you know youre unpacking all your stuff

the dorm is kind of small like there isnt a lot of space,,,,, theres two bedrooms but the beds literally take out the whole room HAHHAHA and then there is a chill space with the kitchen connected and u and jaemin have to share a washroom LOL

“jaemin what the FUCK did you eat??? beans??? i bet it was beans this shit smells so bad i-”

“it really do be ya own friends sometimes” -jaemin 2020 :((((((

anyway so like university life is good you and jaemin invite jeno over every weekend for a sleepover and vice versa its so cute GAH

but like,,,, here’s where the drama comes in

one day you are facetiming jeno and youre telling him about how you really like jaemin and blah blah ya know the usual

and youre not really looking at the screen cause youre doing your homework and focusing on that but jeno sees in the back that jaemin has fully entered the room

and you dont notice cause hes silent and your still talking but jeno is trying to get your attention UDHSJIA

and when he does you see in your part of the screen jaemin just,,,, standing there

cue you ending the call with jeno SO FAST and turning around like oH i thought you had classes right now?

“.... they ended early”

“i see” ://////////

you like get up super fast and just walk around him and go into your roomm shutting the door 

poor jaemin is just like “what”

cause to be honest he never really considered this situation ever happening yah he thought you were prettier than most girls and he liked the way you were able to talk to people so easily but he never would have thought you harboured feelings for him

so he kind of just leaves it be cause he knows that you def dont want to talk about it and is willing to wait for you to be the one who brings it up

so time skip to dinner youre both just eating in silence but you dont like it,,,

“what i said was true” you say and jaemin looks up and he knows where this convo is going but he lets you speak

“i didnt ever plan on telling you because i really like our friendship but i guess i wasn’t careful enough”

your heart is beating hella fast but you try to look unbothered and its going pretty good until jaemin asks you something

“how long have you felt this way?”

OKAY like it shouldnt be a big deal to tell him bc you already exposed yourself but for some reason that question just hit you deep cause you realized that youve liked him for so long and he never felt the same ya know

“i dont know,,, since the start of highschool? when we became friends i always thought you were cute and it just turned into a full blown crush”

jaemin just sort of nods in response “oh okay”

so that night your just laying in your bed full of regrets

you know things are about to be super duper awkward between you and jaemin and you wish it didnt have to be like that

so over the next couple of weeks its more awkward than it has ever been before and the sleepovers with jeno seem so divided 

its either jeno and you or jeno and jaemin its never the three of you anymore :((((((

jaemin isn’t ignoring your feelings though, dont worry! hes just trying to sort his out

because your confession kind of opened his eyes

he doesnt want to force himself to like you but he cant help but admit that when he first heard you talking about your feelings a huge warmth spread through his chest and he may or may not have uncovered some feelings

these feelings were always there but he suppressed in grade nine cause he thought you’d never like him and you just wanted to stay friends

so he pushed them down and never thought about it again

but obviously that didnt happen because now youre on his mind 24/7 and he wishes that he could just talk to you but hes kind of nervous

so after taking advice from jeno he tries to talk to you more, like asking how your day went and starting up conversations

youre  kind of like “what u playing at son” but you leave it cause you know jaemin would never do you dirty like that

it stays this way for a while until one night theres a particularly bad thunderstorm and jaemin is scared of thunder

and so when youre just playing on your phone jaemin opens your door slightly and has this scared look on his face

and you know that jaemin is scared of thunder so you open your arms without any words being shared

a huge boom of thunder makes jaemin squeal and jump into your arms

and he gets comfy under the covers as youre holding him, no words shared between you two

he starts to feel much better and this sense of comfort washes over him like,,, youre his home

and as hes falling asleep he softly mutters

“im sorry it took me so long”

and youre just straight confused like what does that mean is he talking about his feelings or just the fact that yall havent had such an close encounter in a while 

the next morning you wake up and jaemins arms and you guys are facing eachother

and hes already awake so when you oepn your eyes you find him already looking at you

“thank you for last night, youre the best” he whispers and youre like all good fam i understand

but then he leans in closer and is like “i should have told you this so long ago, but i am in love with you”

your eyes widen and youre like wh AT the FUCJ your heart is beating at like 420 bpm and ur shooketh

he just smiles and pulls in you in closer and its just a super soft moment and no words have to be said

that night you guys are cuddling on the couch after dinner when jaemin just asks you be his gf

OF COURSE YOU SAY YES! you have been waiting for this moment for god knows how long

jeno is all like damn fina-fucking-ly i’ve been watching this romance play out for like 5 years! 

its super cute

its even better that you guys are roommates because youre already living together so you get to see eachother everyday

jaemins room as become a guest room for sorts as he now shares a bed with you

jenos happy af hes like YESSS I DONT NEED TO SLEEP WITH JAEMIN IN OUR SLEEPOVERS ANYMORE

jaemin: >:(((((( tf is that supposed to mean

you just laugh and youre like im not complaining hahaha and jaemins heart just stutters so bad 

he really does love you and he cant believe it took him so long to accept his feelings

and one night he tells you about how he pushed them down and youre like “exCUSE ME we could have been dating all this time u pussy”

sad jaemin :((((( 

anyway ya its so good its a win-win situation 

you get to room with the love of your life and its just magical there are so many soft moments between you two and just UGH relationship goals

i need me a jaemin

[e-luxion]

Johnil Synastry Astrology Analysis

for the lols

To all my Johnil shippers, in the light of recent events:

I decided to make this, now I am not a shipper of no pairings in NCT (romantically cos I think it is strange, but if you ship them romantically, you do you boo. I am writing this post to cater to the platonic shippers, the romantic shippers and the sexual shippers) but I thought it’d be interesting to look at the synastry of Johnil since John John keeps saying Taeil is his soulmate (but then again he said so was Jaehyun so Johnny u whore) and I honestly love their friendship.

This is going to be just a basic synastry reading, for fun. Please do not take things too seriously, astrology is meant to be taken lightly and this was made with good intentions, again, for fun. 

Let’s begin then:

Sun trine sun (Gemini & Aquarius)

This is BFF culture and you can’t tell me otherwise. Sun trining another person’s sun is just so positive, these two are very similar in terms of ego, basic personality or maybe not necessarily “similar” as in completely alike but rather as in “in harmony”. They share a similar perspective, and probably identify with each other in some ways, or if you want to use millennial terminology: “they vibe with each really hard”. Taeil and Johnny’s basic personalities compliment each other very well, Geminis x Aquarius reminds me of this sentence: “your weird matches my weird so that’s why we are friends”.

Sun trine Moon (Taeil’s sun trining Johnny’s Moon)

This kind of aspect is often said to be one of the strongest (Conjunction would be stronger than a trine, but a trine is mre harmonious) synastry aspects two people can have in synastry, it is just works you know. There is understanding, there is a true care between the two and there is attraction. What more do you need? The sun person (Taeil) depends on the support from the Moon person (Johnny) and and Johnny (moon) generally comes to rely on Taeil for wisdom and probably really trusts him. It is a very naturally flowing aspect with a lot of emotional understanding. It reminds me of when Johnny said he now knew what it was like to have a big brother thanks to Taeil.

Moon sextile Moon (Taeil’s Leo Moon x Johnny’s Gemini Moon)

Personally, I love sextiles, they have the same easy-flowing energy as a trine except it is different, as in the there is more differences between the two signs but it works. It is the best of both worlds. Leo Moons are children at heart, they are playful, and fun-loving and Gemini Moons bring the fun, they are witty and funny. Of course, there are differences between the two but that’s what makes it more interesting. Another BFF aspect. I dont know why but air and fire signs always remind me of friendship, even in romantic settings, these people are friends first lovers second. It is your typical friends to lovers AU. 

Johnny’s Sagittarius Jupiter trining Taeil’s moon

This is too cute, it is such a positive aspect to have in synastry: Jupiter is essentially the Moon’s happy pill, their anti-depressant. The Jupiter person (in this case Johnny) always tries to make the moon (Taeil) person happy, Taeil often might be resist but probably quickly warmed up tp him and harmonised with his ideal and positivity. Whether Taeil is aware of this or not, I can see Johnny being a very important influence for him, a comforting ball of light in a way, when he is having a hard time and is feeling a bit emotional, he might turn to Johnny and Johnny probably gets him to open up more than other people would.

Mercuries quincunx/inconjunct (Cancer VS Aquarius) BUT then Taeil’s mercury opposites Johnny’s Capricorn Venus BUT then Taeil’s Gemini ass trines Johnny’s Aquarius Mercury

First of all, I want to fight the person that made the word “quincunx”. It’s ugly. This aspect is also call inconjunct but ya know. 

The reason why I am writing these aspects together is because they sort of cancel each other out (at least in my head). So mercury quincunx/inconjunct mercury is literally what it says, if conjunct means “joined together, combined” then you can guess what INconjunct means right? With this aspect, the two epople (in this case Johnil) don’t share the same intellectual or educational background, nor the same way of thinking or communicating. It is a case of, these two mercury signs are literally like an apple and a giraffe, there is nothing that connects the two. Communication is difficult because of this, their sense of humour is nothing alike, their ideas don’t match, it is a mess. One person could tell a joke and the other is like ?????? what 

But here is why, synastry, my friends, is complicated as shit, more often than not there will be other aspects that will either make aspects worse or better, or soften it or make it more chaotic. So here is the tea:

(Taeil) Mercury opposite Venus (Johnny): this turns the exchange of ideas exciting, these two tend to open up with each other a lot more, communication ofte has a flirty subtext (probably from Johnny’s part ngl) no matter if it’s a romantic or platonic relationship, and these two are also more likely to talk to each other basically. So it kind of cancels that awkwardness of the inconjunct. But because opposites are a double edged sword ready to fucking attack, even tho the exchange between mercury and venus is fun and exciting, it is also likey it will source some conflict, but isn’t that every human interaction ever? With this aspect there might be TOO much excitement, you might accidentally cut each other off and there might be a slight competition, there might be small misunderstandings. These are all things that can be subconscious. 

(Taeil) Sun trines Mercury (Johnny): THIS gives the relationship easy understanding, talking to each other is as easy as breathing, they love talking to each other and the communication flows freely, they are often eager to listen to each other and work together. It is such a positive aspect to have, Taeil (as the sun person) probably really admires Johnny’s intellect and how he communicates. I think they really get each other and work very well together, probably finish each other’s sentences. This is a complete platonic aspect btw (on its own), it is great for friendships because there is a real sense of understanding. And this just shows me that those two are probably really good friends outside “NCT”/work. You can tell even in front of the cameras that they are very comfortable around each other. I haven’t checked the degrees to see which ones of these mercury aspects is the tightest (meaning: the strongest) but judging by the way they act, I am going to say it is this one as it cancels the awkwardness of the inconjunct and the lowkey tension of the opposite. 

So you see why this shit is complicated?

Venus Opposite Venus (Cancer vs Capricorn)

Johnil and their soulmate aspects, ffs. Venus opposite Venus is chaotic soulmate aspects, that’s what I’m going to call it. As the name suggests, the two Venuses are the exact opposite, except this kind of opposite is the kind where you complement each other. You might be completely different, yet you are so alike. In astrology, Cancer and Capricorn are dubbed the “mother & father” of the chart, Capricorn is ruled by Saturn which represents your father figure whilst Cancer is ruled by Moon, the planet which represents your mother figure. Cancer’s stereotypical character archetype is very ‘Motherly’, they are sensitive, caring, loving, nurturing and honestly just want to care for you and love you while Capricorn’s archetype is more of a stereotypical masculine fatherly type of character: they are work/goal oriented, reserved, hardworking and guarded with their emotons which is a complete 180 turn from what Cancer is (in the sense that their emotions are way much more on the surface than Capricorn). Both signs are very traditional in a sense, and value relationships. I honestly think this is the cutest thing, Venus in Cancer wants to provide an emotional blanket for you and nurture you and Venus in Capricorn wants to provide for you in a more physically tangible way (like money for example, but they also want you to work hard for yourself), they work very well together despite the differences. 

On a more platonic note, I can see Johnny and Taeil possibly discussing relationship or their ideals and agreeing on a lot of things. Their ideal types are probably the complete opposite and their approaches to love are also different but there might be a lot of similarities, they are both old souls when it comes to romance, both want to protect and provide for their partners, and both being a cardinal signs makes them great initiators. The main difference is that Capricorn (Johnny)’s approach is more practical, logic and calculated whilst Cancer (Taeil)’s approach is more emotion oriented. 

This is funny cos Johnny (Venus in Capricorn) is usually seen as the father figure of NCT while Taeil (Cancer Venus) is seen as a mother figure. 

Mars Square Mars (Taurus x Leo)

shut up I LOVE THIS, as someone with a Taurus Mars who has almost exclusively dated Leo Mars men (because I’m actually cursed and am fucking doomed to end up with a leo mars’ trash ass) let me tell you. This shit is M E S S Y, but hot. Also I love that Taeil has a Taurus Mars, like yes representation! We good uns

Hard aspects like a square more times than not cause tension, but it highly depends on the individuals. If the two mars in question were to be less developed (as in the mars signs being less developed versions) these two would barely be able to stand in the same room without actually wanting to punch each other cos the other person somehow manages to rub you in every wrong way possible. You can be the calmest person (which usually Taurus Mars are) and just this person BREATHING will irritate you. 

But if the two mars signs in question are developed versions, like two mature individuals, you can actually benefit from being in relationships (of any kind) with someone whose mars squares yours. With a square, your drives, your passions and the way you deal with anger, are completely incompatible, these two couldn’t be any more different in their basic impulses and instincts. But this allows for personal growth, this person will challenge you, even provoke you and push you, this all could be negative or positive it depends on you. It is easy to get overwhelmed, become irritated and impatient with this synastry aspect, but it can also be rewarding as the other person usually helps you discovers sides of your Mars self you probably did not know you had. In the case of Taurus and Leo, Taurus tend to hold onto their anger, on the outside they seem to be calm and collected but in reality they are just holding in their anger and holding back, that is why they seem “calm”, Taurus has an immense amount of patience because they are so used to biting their tongue instead of lashing out. Leo’s chaotic loud energy ticks off Taurus in the way no other sign manages to do, at first this relationship could be extremely chaotic, full of fights and arguments until they start to understand each other. And when that happens, they can actually balance each other out: Taurus could learn to stop holding being so reserved and “fake calm” and Leo could learn how to control their temperament and calm tf down.

This is the kind of relationship where there is just constant teasing, things like "I love you but you are literally so irritating” might be said, actually a very loving relationship if the individuals get their shit together. Making each other laugh over stupid shit. Mars square Mars also tend to cause a lot of sexual tension, like INTENSE “Idk whether to f*ck you or k*ll you” kind of tension. Arguments that somehow lead to sex are not uncommon. 10/10 recommend but you’ll need a xanax. Sex is great, arguments are spicy, it keeps you on your toes. 

y’all going to hate me for putting this here, but this was hilarious lmao

Johnny’s Leo Mars conjunct Taeil’s Moon

I don’t mean to keep fueling you weirdos but all I’m going to say this is known as both an indicator of strong attraction (both physically and emotionaly) but also a baby maker aspect so you do whatever you want with this information... 

When mars and the moon come together, it tends to create fascination and attraction but also mars can sometimes unintionally hurt the moon’s feelings by being a little too aggressive, it is definitely an emotonal aspect, with its ups and downs. Often the moon person needs to be nurtured and cared and the Mars person can be a little too insensitive and oblivious, but at the same time this aspect can indicate the mars person is quite protective of the moon person like “this is my baby, hurt it and I’ll fight”.

not @/ johnny calling Taeil his baby in the birthday video thing lol

Taeil’s Taurus Mars trining Johnny’s Capricorn venus 

Another aspect to feed you all. 

When Mars trines Venus, the romantic and sexual feelings are strong, if a couple with this placement gets together, it is very unlikely the feelings will ever fade completely, there will always be something there. They are important and special to each other no matter what. Being a trine, it is more harmonious than other aspects, so this as a more soft and fluffy energy to it. The Mars person is probably very turned on by Venus’ loving persona/nature, here sexual feelings and romantic feelings blend very naturally and not aggressively, overall it is very positive and it can be th indicator of a fulfilling relationship. 

Johnny’s sneaky ass Lilith in Gemini conjuncting Taeil’s sun.

SpiCY. Another aspect for my sexual shippers, like promised. I keep my promises.

Lilith represents a few things in our chart, it shows you the darkest parts of your psyche and self (this is the kind of person you are at your worst), but also can show you your deepest darkest desires. Traditionally, in astrology, in a man’s chart Lilith can be the kind of woman he desires yet fears. We can also interpret this as just the kind of person you desire but fear, you are inivitably attracted to them but the idea of being attracted to that person can make you uncomfortable, nervous even but you are still aroused somehow. 

Not to go into TOO much detail, but this is a strong indicator of sexual attraction, the Lilith person usually is too scared to persue the Sun person, but the chemistry is there. In a relationship, this would be definitely intense and challenging, the Lilith person usually does not react to the Sun person very well (I think this aspect would be felt if the relationship was of a romantic/sexual nature, if it is just a friendship I don’t think it would be as prominent and it would possibly manifest in other ways). 

:o end. What should I do next? 

Someone please request one of the following so I have an excuse:

JohnDo or JohnTen 

Taeil-Yuta-WinWin triangle cos I find it funny 

RENJUN AND JENO plz also I am willing to look at HRVY and Renjun since apparently this is a thing now.

Also I just want to roast Haechan, so someone give me an excuse. 

Ask me about why Taeyong and Ten are actual the superior couple in NCT 

p.s. I didn’t proof read this so sorry for any typos or dumb shit. Also, I know I have been inactive for a millenium and a half but I am back, I have a few posts that I am writing. This was like an impulse write, completely unplanned and it took me two hours to write so please don’t let it flop 

love, Lulu

[corancoranthemagicalman]

💜🌻💜🌻💜🌻💜

My grandpa also has great disdain for recent music... he doesn't like anything after the 50s. So I think its funny that he likes Shrek and he'll watch it any time its on tv. I'm not familiar with Top Gun's soundtrack. I'll have to give Take My Breath Away a listen!

My dad words at a university and he used to bring me and my siblings to the international dinners he'd host. Students would always as me what I was studying and eventually when people started talking to me I'd introduce myself by saying I was my dad's daughter and that I was in high school. I'm not sure if any of them were ever hitting on me bc I was, and still am, pretty oblivious to flirtations. It sucks that you had to tell guys you were in high school to get them to back off. Glad to hear they did, though.

I used to be a hufflepuff when I was in university! I re-took the quiz twice about a year ago and was shocked to get Slytherin both times but I've embraced it. Most of the qualities are very positive except for cunning and I don't think that describes me at all.

I totally get that. I had a similar experience meeting my best friend at university. We clicked really fast and even after graduating I still hang out with her once a week. (The teenage drama movie life thing sounds awful but in high school I was definitely also on the outside of my friend circle) It sure has been hard recently to maintain friendships but I have more good friends right now than at any other point in my life.

I'll take your word for it that I give off painting/crocheting vibes! And I agree with you on the winter v. summer thing. Summer is my least favorite season. Partly because of how humid it is in the summer here.

My group just finished a campaign a few months ago and I played a gnome cleric. They started a new campaign but I felt like I needed a break bc the sessions are long and intense even though I really enjoy it. What class do you play?

The sweater is a commission actually! In university I led a crochet for beginners group and there were a few people that just couldn't ever get the hang of it :(

Did I see that you weren't feeling well today? If so I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope tomorrow treats you better 💜 (also sorry this is an entire novel I haven't spoken to anyone all day so I guess you're getting it all)

-🐧🌻

This got SO LONG so bestie I am replying undercut to you. If anyone wants to see me slowly bromance 🐧🌻 anon then read away lol.

I am envisioning your grandpa dancing to Smash Mouth and it brings me great joy. Oh, man, Top Gun has an AMAZING soundtrack. Danger Zone is a classic, but Take My Breath Away is such a romantic song. Please let me know what you think!!!

Aw, that's sort of wholesome though. I'd get that from the older ladies at my church lol. "What are you studying?"/"Algebra, usually." Which was a LAUGH. And to be honest, I'm a flirty person by nature. I think flirting is fun. But to be crude for a moment (and apologies), most of their flirting would be staring at my breasts. :/ But it was SUCH HIGH HOPES when they backed off. Like YES you GO performing the bare minimum by not being attracted to children. Bravo. But really, I've never had a dude flirt with me who wouldn't back off after me shutting them down, minor or not. So I'm very fortunate in that way. But I too can be fairly oblivious? First time I got asked out, I thought he was asking me to hang out with the friend group. Then he was like "... like a date." After I had asked where did we all wanna meet up. Lmaooooo.

We do change as we grow. I've been taking some personality quizzes for school in regards to the PMAI (Pearson-Marr Archetype Indicator) especially and it actually talks a lot about how at different times in your life you'll display different archetypes depending on what you're having to adapt to or overcome. So I think the same is true for Houses. What's peculiar to me about Houses is that when I was younger I was under the understanding that you were your House, right? But the older I got, I prescribe to the "your House is what you admire" type theology. So I might not embody a Hufflepuff in every action, but a Hufflepuff is what I aspire to be. I admire loyalty above all else. Loyalty and kindness. I might not always BE kind. I'm far too hot-headed to be the embodiment of a Hufflepuff, but I admire gentle souls the most. Ergo, Hufflepuff. I've always hated how Slytherins were associated with negative sounding modifiers. Cunning IS a negative word since by definition it's about achieving one's goals through deceit. But I dont understand why being quick-witted and clever couldn't have been the heavier association. I think Ravenclaw's are booksmart and Slytherin are streetsmart. Gryffindors are street tough, while Hufflepuff are ready to roll. Does that make sense? I think the whole cunning/silver-tongued thing was the stupidest idea, because then you are saying narratively that Slytherin IS the evil House. Why have the House at all? On a meta level, Harry begging not to be considered part of the Dark Side despite the actual Voldemort growing inside of him is symbolic in his rejection of Slytherin, but when you go on to merchandise and tell children you are a Slytherin; you're telling children they're evil. They're gonna be evil. And not in "this is the House for brats" way. In the "you either die a villain or live long enough to run away." insane. My point is they're OUR Houses now and I'm saying I think you're clever and quick-witted, and that's pretty Slytherin to me.

I'm very blessed to have her and I'm glad other people get to experience that too. I think everyone is deserving of deep connections like that. And I'm glad to hear you taking time for yourself away from dnd. Our sessions can be exhausting too, but half of my party is my literal blood family and the other half is adopted practically so we usually end up hanging out for half of the session. Makes it way less intense. That sounds like it was a fun character!! I haven't gotten the pleasure to play clerics all that much. Right now I'm in three different campaigns that alternate each week. In one I'm a druid, and that's our 5th edition campaign. I'm playing the new Wildfire from Tasha's and I haven't gotten to flex out the Wildfire Spirit yet, I am having fun. I've got a wolf who is using the sidekick mechanic in that game and he's so much fun to play too. In the other two games, those are 4th editions (the edition I grew up on and learned how to play) and in those I am a ranger and a class known as a Warden. Sort of a fighter/druid class. And the druid and the ranger are both shifters, and the warden is my half-orc. I'm always happy to talk dnd lol. Which cleric were you? Trickster Domain?

Also EWWW HUMIDITY I HATE IT. :(((

Dude, I WISH I could crochet. My fingers are so big tho, bestie. Makes it hard to do anything dexterous.

I'm already feeling much better :)) unfortunately not in time not to bomb half of my project. Whoops. But I'm blaming Glass Shark. He got me sick.

Dont apologize for the novel!! As you can see I'm capable of replying with a novel in turn lol. I hope you had a wonderful day today and that this next week treats you well!! Thank you for the well wishing 💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕🌺💕

[iammrskeltal]

Taylor Swift and The REAL diss in Look What You Made Me Do.

– THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL:

A word of advise, the more you read, the more sense it makes, it is a LONG text, but please take the time to read it.

Okay gals and guys, ladies and gentlemen, im here to genuinely break down the REAL meaning of Look What You Made Me Do. I mean, yeah, sure, a lot of people just go on and on about how the track is just basically a diss track to all of taylor’s “celebrity feuds”, but let me tell you, there is SO much more than that. It becomes way better when you see it like this, so, lets get to the point, Yes, it is a REALLY long text, but well, its worth it….i guess.

I’ll prove my point with the lyrics, i’ll break the song and build it up again, and you will see a new song, a way better song (yeah, believe me, it can get better).

First of all, what is the real target of the song? Not Kanye, not Kim, not Katy. No no, like Blank Space, the main target here is the media, how they portray her to the world, how they manage to create things about her, what she does, what she doesnt, how they always have something to say about her, everything. Now, lets break the lyrics down shall we?.

“I don’t like your little games Don’t like your tilted stage The role you made me play Of the fool, no, I don’t like you I don’t like your perfect crime How you laugh when you lie You said the gun was mine Isn’t cool, no, I don’t like you.“

To be honest, this part was the most difficult of them all, i mean, with all the Kanye and Kim feud still going on, i really thought this was aimed at them, i even considered to leave this piece of the song behind, but then it hitted me like a train, the last piece of this puzzle was placed. So, this start isnt really that hard to get once you think about it, the media plays gameswith Taylor Swift, they invent stuff, they like to generate drama around her life (yeah, i know!, even more drama than it is already!). But why the tilted stage, right?, this means that they like to focus on her, like, if any artist do the same thing as her, they don’t even talk about it, even less if its a male artist (mainly their relationships), for example, how many artists decided to NOT share their political stance? A lot. And how many were called White Supremacists about it? Yeah, you guessed it right, only Taylor Fucking Swift. Or, well, let’s see, how about counting people relationships like its some kind of game? Hoping and waiting until they break up to write even more articles about how Taylor Swift always does the same thing over and over?. I mean, a lot of artists tend to have a lot of relationships, but who they care more about? Yeah, you got another point, Taylor Swift again. And this is a perfect crime, i mean, lets talk/write about Taylor Swift, say whatever we want, invent stories to sell and get views, say whatever, nobody will care if its true or false, just say it and thats it, its a win-win situation since taylor persona is so bashed that people nowadays tends to believe most things they write about her. What’s true doesn’t matter anymore, they decide which role Taylor have to play there, no matter the circumstances, yeah, sure, she can make mistakes sometimes, like everybody, but for the media, Taylor is always the one to blame.

As the songs says, they lie, they laugh, they blame her (say the gun was hers), and you got another story to tell the people, no matter the authenticity of it, thats not important.

"But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!”

This part is pure gold. Just listen to this, she already showed us that she stopped getting frustrated about what the media said about her (yeah, sometimes its inevitable but im talking in general), with time she got harder (because she tries to not care about it) and smarter (because she learned how to cope with it, she learned how to turn it into her favour). She rose up from the dead because, lets be honest here, how many times did you read in the media “IS THIS THE END OF TAYLOR SWIFT?”, “IS THIS TAYLOR SWIFT FEUD GOING TO BURY HER?” or well, things like that, maybe not literally but you got my point fellas (take the song Mean as an example), and she is still here, better than ever.

AND THEN, THE BEST PART OF THAT VERSE, just listen to this, im going to write it again, I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined I check it once, then I check it twice, you read it? Well, now get this, which name is she talking about? Who did she checked twice?  It can’t be Kim, this would be the first song about her, Kanye? maybe, i mean, she has “Innocent” about him, but i believe this would be more of a Kim song, do me a favour and let’s think about this for a second. WHO TF IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? The f**** Media, Blank Space was the first check on that list, she decided to answer the media in that song, she understood how to play the game and made them know, and now Look What You Made Me Do it’s the second check to them, she, again, copes with all the negativity they throw at her constantly and decides to use it again and show them she can beat them.

But if you don’t believe me, there is more, there is MUCH, just keep reading.

“Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do Look what you just made me Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do Look what you just made me do”

The chorus changes dramatically when you understand the real meaning of the song. Its not about a new and bitter Taylor who changed for worst because of all the problems, who was forced to be dark or something like that, its not a counter-blame about who she became to be able to move on with her life, no, i mean, we saw her, she still is our little beautiful heavenly pie we always knew, what the chorus really aims for is the news about her.

Just put it in perspective, she says “Oh, look what you made me do”  like, oh, so, what did you invented now? What did i do now? So now apparently im a white supremacist, so now apparently im anti-gay, oh, so now im not friends with Selena/Karlie anymore, oh…now Joe it’s upsed because im in the spotlight? There are MILLIONS of things like this, and the list goes on and on, every piece of news that isnt true about Taylor’s life become something that the media made her do (for everyone that reads those news and actually believes them). The media knows that for some people, the rumours they spread becomes something Taylor did, they become her actions (even though she didn’t do them).

“I don’t like your kingdom keys They once belonged to me You asked me for a place to sleep Locked me out and threw a feast (What?)”

When i listened to the song i tried to link this with the Kanye and Kim feud, but i couldn’t, now i get why, it isnt about it. This, in my opinion, is about how the media wanted to get to know taylor, before she understood the game, she invited them into her life, she was more public, but then everything changed. This whole verse is a metaphor about how the media stole her life in some kind of way, she is no longer in control of the truth surrounding her life, the kingdom keys (her home, her life) dont belong to her alone anymore. Now the media can say whatever they want and it will become the truth about her life to some people. They not only took her keys, they threw a feast means they started spreading rumours about everything, i mean, a feast is A LOT of food for many people, they enjoy it, they talk about her just because they can, no matter true or false, about old loves, the new one, old friends, new friends, politics, whatever floats their boat will get published just because she was naive enough to let them get deep into her life in the past, she gave them a place to sleep, a place in her life, and now they are part in control.

“The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma And then the world moves on, but one thing’s for sure Maybe I got mine, but you’ll all get yours”  

This changes a lot too, now its not about a Taylor that lingers in the past, trying to get a dark revenge to everyone who wronged her (gotta admit that would be funny tho). This is the image the media portrayed about her since forever, she is never the one hurt, she is never the good one in the story, she is the one to blame, she plays the victim, even if people played with her, for the media, she uses people and throws them away (its not like we all have more than ONE relationship in our fucking lives, right??). The world moves on and the media always shares more news about a Taylor who will get revenge on eveybody, they say DRAMA and KARMA is all she cares about, dont talk about how she helps people, fans, ill people, people affected by natural disasters, women in need, no no, all Taylor wants is REVENGEEEE, at least thats the image the media sells about her. They say she is stuck in her own world where only revenge matters, no matter the circumstances or the problem, taylor never gets to tell a story about her life, no no, the media tells us that taylor gets revenge, taylor uses people. And Taylor finishes this by saying “Yeah, i know things happen in the world, i know the image you portray about me, im preeeeeetty aware of that, but dont worry, ill use it”

And now, the last part of this masterpiece:

“I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams”

This is basically the image the media portrays about her, nobody trusts her and she doesnt trust nobody, she uses people and people know she uses them, there is never trust, never friendship with anyone. For the media the squad is fake, her celebrity relationships (as friends or lovers) are fake, she cant have boyfriends, she only have targets, she cant have rebounds, she only wants stories to write new songs, she cant have friends, she only wants attention, she cant have problems/fights, she generates them for profit. The media managed to make Taylor look like a crazy woman who only cares about money and herself, not giving ANYONE EVER her trust, and thus, not receiving it, since she doesnt want it anyway, because she uses people. The actress starring in your bad dreams is pretty strong too. What is a dreams? Lets say its someones imagination going wild, is Taylor able to control what other people dream of her? Absolutely not. So, the message here is that she is playing the main role in a fictional story someone is making about her, is she able to stop it? no, is she able to act and stop being the bad in that dream? nope, neither, it is a bad dream (a bad story) and she is starring it. If people try, they can always find her as the main villian in their fictional stories, and there is almost nothing she can do about it. If people wants to blame her for anything, they will be able to (for example, white supremacism again, i mean, no matter what she does, no matter if she proves people 1283183 times that she is not racist, she is called a White Supremacist, i mean, she have really good black friends and danced with Todrick Hall (who says she is the sweetest person), you HAVE to be a white supremacist, right??? RIGHT??. Okay, so, to conclude this part, since she is not the one dreaming it, so she can only see what other people makes her do, she, as a person trapped in someone elses bad dream can only Look What You Made Me Do.

I hope you liked what i wrote, i have to say im sorry if something its not well written since english is NOT my first language, but well, this is what i really think  Look What You Made Me Do is about.

Goodbye!!

[inthewordsofahalfgoddes]

Free Writing

I feel sick. On friday i came home dizzy feeling like I was dead walking and passed out sleeping for most of the night into the day. I woke up sunday feeling a lot better but as i tried to eat my body was not having it. Even now I can’t stomach too much but apples and even then that is pushing it. i feel like at any second i will puke but It’s a faint sensation. I had two dreams that had me startled and put a slight cloud on my day until i forced the thoughts away. The first was strange and happened about 2 days ago. i was in an apartment listening to a friend of mine talk about his life. I was trying my best to fight trying to have sex with him and failing. even going so far as to entering the bathroom with him. ugh. i was pretty upset at myself in my dream cause I watched myself do it but in my head I was like ‘why are you doing this. don’t do it’. so anyway I have a pair of headphones on connected to like a walkkie talkie and I hear my ex’s voice on the other end. he’s talking about old money business and i click the talk end and ask him to repeat it. He is shocked and he says ‘your voice is too much right now’ and I apologize and ask him to repeat it. he starts to cry and i can hear the emotion and I look up feeling his pain. It was strange because I didn’t really care too much about the situation. I feel like I already moved on from him a long time ago and I didn’t regret my decision at all but haring the pain and emotion in his voice was too much. the dream ends and its a shallow dream so i know im near to akinng up. I carried that with me for the majority of the morning and it bothered me because i feel like i am being punnihsed for how the relationship went. I dragged it on for longer then it needed to be. wayyy longer and I still look back now and regret it but I’m learning to move past it and not dwell too much on it. I eventually was brave enough to face being alone and potentially being unloved so there is that. The other dream happened today. jesus had a weir dtanget and left a silly conversation we were having. i think he really just wanted to step away from me and i was actually pretty okay with it. I feel when we talk too much it puts a strain on our friendship. i wanna-say relationship but...I don’t like that. Inn my head im much more happy seeing it as a friendship because that means its safe. i almost don’t give myself any reason to be jealous  about others and i can give him my love in friendship and that is much more better for me. but some things he said got to me. He was talking about how dull and boring my life would be without him and at first i just joked about it but now I’m startting to see his point. Would i have been exposed to music without him? not as intense bth.My obsession with music and desire to persue it in some shape or form was inspiredby him and who he pointed out to me. I covet his songs so much. They are like staples for me and i dunno im actually listening to one of his songs now (let ‘em know by bryson tiller). So now that he has done his typical thing pretending to be upset and leaving “for couple of days” I have time to think. Its also venus retrograde whihc is like time to revisit and reassess how I see love, how i want to be loved and how I love others. also how my relationships look like and if there is a need for change. This is a simplistic view but its my understanding of it. So I know his venus is in Leo. which lmao is very fitting. hmm sometimes i wonder if I need to slow down with my thoughts of him. I am fascinated by him, pused by him, fired up by him, irritated, annoyed, and some feelings that i cant or wont name. So where does that leave me? Sometimes in my head i’ll call him allan and that makes me pause. Am i waiting for a saviour again? if i am i need to step back and realize that that only ends in pain and dissapointed hope. My last relationship i leanre da lot but it was under duress. it was painful and like forced me out of my caccoon under his hand and i felt so constrained as i tried to heal. it was too much for me and he never did understand me. Now that i’m just feeling jesus out I now see i see him as a saviour and i’m torn bewteen seeing him as one and being okay with it. is it so bad to have friends as liferafts? but at the smame time i dont think he should be treated like one :/ idk its weird though things have been feeling so surreal to me. watching my hands type and literally giving form to my words is unsettling to me. I feel like something is happening to me and i’m scared that its something bad. i don’t rmember being so sick before. in 3 years i only ever experieneced slight sniffles and here i am full blown sick and shit. i’m worried for myself and my body.I ask for michael’s healing and proetction. I am in a strange place and I wonder what will become of all of this. I feel so out of place. maybe its the books i have been reading too. When i read i somtimes carry bits of it into my life. i wake up in this world slightly disjointed and off. I finished reading parable of the talents and that left me shook. i have oto write a book review for that but ive been avoiding it for some reason? anyway I’m a lil way halfway trough lilith’s brood and I find the book fascinating and also scary in a way. i’m not scraed perse about the alients. or maybe i am idk. I’m more scared of the future where women and children will be vulnerable. why is it that males resourt to being bullies again once oscieties are gone? why sare they the most dnagerous? i mean even now they still are and its wrapped up in laws, decorms etc but in a dystopian futuere? terrifying. I couldnt be like Olomina and dress like a man because I am too fullfigured and womenly to pass. i am worried for myself. I just want to be free....i dunno what is going on with me? I ffeel like im drifting in and out of reality and things feel dreamy. I had a thought about my empathy and pisces power and like...maybe all my empathy is for books? thats when i feel so misty and out of it after reading ike my mind really led me away. im happy im reading again at least. it unsettles me that i am becoming  a women. I am entranced with myself seeing the curves, my skin and body seeing how beautiful it is but also seeing how dangerous it is to me and my life. How many times will people punish me for how i look? men mostly. and i dont mind suing what power i apparently have over them but its like i know it will be used aaginst me soon. i never feel wrong for knowing that my body is beautiful. I know it is and i know i am beautiful and a creature many may want to touch and have. I am growing into it and i feel like a flower that is maturing before peoples eyes and im afraid. i know fear is bad so let me say mor elike it unsetles me. but with chnage comes growth and i feel like because of my freeizing myself as i unthaw and turn into who i was supposed to be i am going to blossom very quick. its also weird too because as I say i want this this and this in my body over time i gain that. i was so e skinny and i wished to be thicker and now here i am getting thicker and i know if i atemore id be even thikcer and yet my stomach has not changedd and actually has remained smaller then it as before? i am also finally looking pretty. i felt like such an ugly child and now i wonder if its not that im being graced with it now but that i am seeing it in myself. i know i have eyes that can trap people. I actually look away to make them feel comfortable because if i stare too long at eople they either get caught up in my face (men especially) or they paue for a second.. idk. i feel like im changing t into something that ahs power that i am not comfortble handling;. or am i just being dramatic? the voice in my head is soft and quiet and that is the true me. I have to protect her because thhis world wants to hurt her and she is too good for it. that sounds weird.. But i know i have to keep this shell around me because peope see weakness and want to go for it/. when i gaine dback my sag and leo self i have used it like a shield against people and emotions. only a few know about my soter side/. jesus nampende and allan do. allan has used it and used it agains me to quiet myself, jesus looks down on it and i think nampende is the only one who sees it and sympathzes with it. alone i am soft and always ondering. when im with peoplei am dynamic lughing being wild and having fun. i know that that needs to be my face to protect me. these days i feel like i need to make a descion.  I dont know when and what i need to decide on but i know something will happen soon in my life. something big. idk.maybe its the new moon in virgo? or maybe its just me. im usually okay with momnets of confusion but coupled with this sickness and weird feeling im worried. i had my period so im worired im pregnant but....idk.anywasy on a more shallower side im getting my hair done and im trying to get a new phone. i know its mostyly because i wanna just fuck show people i actually am cute asf? for some reason i cna never capture how beauiful i am in pictures. maybe its the dymanicness of my face. idk i mosty want jesus to se it i think he thinks im ugy af and im like not??? if he saw me in person i dont think he would be saying and talking to me the ay he does. but i cant help things and tb its better that way. if i eve rsee him it will be a good suprise for me when i smirk at him like boyyyy you don fucked up;. anywyas im being etty and yes my exercises ha and will be fueled with this drema in mind veen tho i know it may not actually happen nor go the way i want ti to go. ughh sometimes i forget that im 23 and dont need to have it ll figured out. like thast not un expuse but i always be putting so much pressure on myself to know so much and catch up because i froze so much of myself. i know my body ma=eant well with how it chose to protect me but sis, i suffer lol.I am trying my best to just do my best. I feel tested and tested constantly but i guess with trying to be a better person and working on yourself. oh wait. PLUTO. i remmeber asking pluto a month ago to reveal all my bad shit a lotttt over the course of a month and sicne its a slow moving planet its prob now just hitting me. yikes. well if i cna make it through this then i really will be rdy for anything. so much pressure and stimulation i know i can survive but damn i need a break and shit.well i have tomorrow off so im probgonna chill and dhit. i have a meeting with some witches and other femmes in about an hour so lmao idk man im just trying my best. I hoope the universe sees that im trying because awd jesus i am. I love myself through this no matter what. the feeling that im gonna die is creeping up again its so strange i hvent felt this oh...its probably just anxiety over this sickess. ugdwheteriutuieyte45465hthrethuwt im gonna stop lol this has been too long already (peep the change in tone thast my sag self shining through)