#truly the most morning i've ever lived through

[elven-child]

I know many people say you had to be USAmerican for this, but honestly nothing. NOTHING compares to waking up on November 6th, 2020. eight months into the pandemic. wondering if three days later they finally have the election results in the usa because they will affect your country too whether you like it or not. not even bothering to check the news sites because tumblr will talk about it anyway and the results will be the first thing you see. opening tumblr barely awake. and instead of the election the first thing you see, somehow - but also of course it had to happen this way - is destiel going fucking canon overnight

[ryanguzmansource]

Full Audio Transcript (5.21.24)

Hey guys, welcome to I've Never Said This Before with me, Tommy Didario.

If you are not watching 9-1-1 on ABC, you are seriously missing out. The show is so phenomenal that it has been renewed for an eighth season and, my guest today—well, he is phenomenal as well. In fact, he is on my show because of you. I saw all of the tweets, the DMs, the emails—all of it so, like a genie in a bottle, your wish has been granted.

The talented actor Ryan Guzman stars in the smash hit firefighter drama series 9-1-1 and audiences fell in love with his character, Eddie, the moment he debuted in Episode 1 of Season 2. Man, he has become a staple on the show and fans have been rooting for Eddie throughout the years, and Ryan plays each moment of Eddie's journey with such care and vulnerability and truth.

We have a lot to cover today and I have a feeling you're going to really enjoy this fun but also personal and deep conversation. We do dive into some very serious mental health conversations, so after the interview, I will be providing resources for anyone struggling with their own mental health. This is one of the most powerful interviews I have ever done, and I really thank Ryan for opening up in the ways that he did today because I know that he is going to help so many people out there feel less alone.

So, let's see if we can get Ryan to say something he has never said before.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Ryan, my friend, how are you doing today?

I'm good, brother. How are you?

I'm good. I know you have been working your butt off. You were just saying you were filming all night. Are you exhausted or are you on adrenaline right now?

A little mixture of both. I got a little coffee pumped through my system. But yeah, I think I worked six out of seven days this last week. We've been doing around 14, 15 hour days. And I just got off last night around 1.30 in the morning. So got home around 2.30. But we're here. We're here.

Well, you were putting in the work. Congratulations to you on all of the success with this show. It's of course now on ABC. People are loving it. The numbers are going insane. And you've always been a fan favorite from day one. When you had that first scene of you putting that shirt on in slow motion and your body was glistening and Whatta Man was playing, people just fell in love with your character. But that's not just why they love your character. I mean, over the seasons, people have found you so relatable and and really, really are truly invested in the role that you play. Why do you think that is?

I like to say that, I mean, I try to play as grounded as I can, but I think the story itself is just the way Tim Minear writes the character. And I think he's always had a special connection with this kind of character. So, just indebted to how he writes and the connectivity between Eddie and his son. I mean, it's just like it pulls at the heartstrings, you know, and that's always been a fan favorite as well. So, you know, I'm living in gratitude for everything that's been written for that character and I try to do as much justice as I can.

Well, you're nearing the end of Season 7 and past seasons for you have been a bit heavier, a bit more intense. You've really gone through quite a lot of things that we'll touch on a bit later, which I know is also part of the reason why so many people relate to you. Are you enjoying this journey this season?

Yeah, you know what? I haven't really been able to kind of flex my humorous side and just kind of lightheartedness, kind of a vibe about Eddie, and I love that aspect of him. So while everybody else is kind of going through chaos, while Cap is going through chaos, Eddie is kind of, you know, trying to keep everybody together while, you know, Chimney and Hen be going at it during the tsunami and The Poseidon Adventure, Eddie is just, you know, being there for everybody as much as he can. So not to say that he's always going to be happy because Tim always has this thing about saying, you know, if I just let you guys be happy, then there'd be no story. You got to have some kind of drama. Nobody wants to show up just for people smiling all the time. But yeah, we've got some things in store for the rest of the season. And from what we've already shot, I've been super pleased about, you know, this new way of life for Eddie.

Like I said, the things you've gone through are intense throughout the years. Do you have any fear stepping into this role or any anxiety before you had to film some of those more intense scenes? Because it's a lot.

Yeah, you know what? Prior to 9-1-1, I might have had some fears about the depth of a lot of the things that we shot. I honestly didn't really call myself an actor until like maybe three and a half years ago.

No.

Yeah. I thought I was just fooling everybody, trying to get jobs and land the movies that I was getting. And then I think somewhere around the third season, a co-star of mine kind of, like, metaphorically slapped me in the face and said, you know, let's really get into this, man. You got some really good opportunity here. So that's when I started calling myself an actor. But to be honest, the depth of Eddie in the past three, four seasons has been amazing as just a class. It's been class for me. It's been an opportunity to flex these emotions that I don't get to flex in my day-to-day life and to access certain things and see how far can I push Eddie, how, you know, in the scene where Eddie is just losing his stuff and he's breaking everything in his house. Obviously, I've never done it in my house, but how do I get there? How can I allow the audience to feel what I'm feeling? And that task itself becomes a challenge. And I really [like] that type of challenge. So again, living in gratitude for all the little things that Eddie presents that, you know, I haven't really been presenting my own life.

So with that being said, is there a storyline that's particularly special to you for any given reason?

I kind of lean automatically towards the military/PTSD just because I have a cousin who served six tours and, you know, he shared with me—and I actually, oddly enough, during the episode of Eddie Begins, I brought him on as a military tech and he helped out everybody in the production. His name is Randy Hudson. I, you know, I love that guy to death—but, yeah, he's shared with me a lot of his issues that he's gone through and a lot of the obstacles he's gone through in his day to day life and what it's like to be a military vet coming back and kind of assimilating back into civilian lifestyle. So that storyline always kind of held a special place in my heart just because it was very close connected with me and my own family. And I always hope that, you know, I did it justice enough for everybody that has that story ingrained in them.

I think you definitely did. I saw a lot of comments when I announced you as my guest saying that that was a very meaningful part of your journey on this show. I'm so curious, you know, quite often in television it moves so fast, there's always rewrites or so much going on. Was there ever a story that you wanted to come to fruition that never did?

I hated the fact that we killed off Shannon so quick. I know she wasn't a very likable character for so many different reasons, but I always loved working with Devin. So I would love to explore a little bit more with that. But yeah, there's always beauty and chaos a little bit. So I would have loved the relationship, mother, father, parenting style aspect of Eddie's life to be a more explored, but unfortunately that can't happen anymore.

There's always so many things going on. I'm sure it's hard to fit them into each episode, and I'm sure things do have to get cut because major things keep happening episode after episode, one of them being recently, of course, Buck realized he's Bi and that's a storyline everyone's going crazy over. Did you see that coming? Were you like, I think one day this is going to happen for him?

Well, I mean, it's always kind of been in the ether. Everybody, you know, all the fans, you know, have their speculations about Eddie and Buck and, you know, for the longest time, I think Oliver and I again had lightheartedness to it. We always kind of like saw it as like, oh, at least they're so interested in our characters. Thank God they're interested in our characters. They're not ignoring us, and I don't know if either of us had a pinpoint, you know, idea on which character or if any character would actually lead in that way.

But again, all credit to Tim Minear. He's the one that knows the way. So he chose Buck's character to explore that route. And now seeing it happen in front of our eyes, it makes so much sense. And it just the way him, Buck and Tommy are getting together and the way they're exploring their own individuality and personality. It's beautiful to watch. I was very excited to see, you know, that episode specifically, just for the fact that it was such a moment between, you know, a friend and another friend who had held this huge secret. And how do you come out to your friend?

I had a friend, you know—because I know I've had this actually in my own personal life. I've said this in prior interviews—I had a friend who was deadly scared of coming out to me. And I realized that that moment itself wasn't so much the journey for me, you know, it was this hard journey for himself. And all I had to do was catch. I just had to be there for him, and I was like, that moment itself is so beautiful. I can't wait to do that scene. I can't wait to, you know, show the world like this is how you be there for your brother.

Wow, how cool that you could pull from your real life experience and make that scene even more special, which is why I think it came off so incredibly powerful. It really was so cool to see. And the reception has been absolutely incredible in terms of people feeling like, you know, they're seen through that character and it's on prime-time TV. And you don't see a ton of that, which is still kind of crazy. But, you know, and of course, there were some negative comments, which blows my mind. I mean, I'm sure that blew your mind, too, to see that because who cares, right?

Honestly, I've got this now filter for negative comments. They just kind of seep right through and I don't even hold on to anything. So all I've seen is really, really good comments.

And one of the best parts is actually I've gone to work and Oliver himself has been like telling me these stories of people saying, man, I did not have the strength to come out until way later on in my life. So I'm like, oh man, could you imagine 20, 30 years of holding on to this repressed thing and then it just eating away at you and not being able to say anything, even to the closest people and then seeing something on television to inspire you. That kind of thing is just like, whoa, okay, we're doing something much greater, much bigger than us.

He's not the only one inspiring its characters like you because you're showing, you know, what an ally means, and I think that's really cool to see this like macho, cool guy that's just like, cool, like who cares? And that's also equally as powerful and as important. Before we put a pin on this, you know, part of the conversation, you mentioned you never know what the writers are going to do, and I think there were talks at one point of possibly Eddie being the one to come out in some sort of way. Do you laugh and have fun with all of the fandom's obsession with you as Eddie and Buck getting together? Like, is that something you guys always are seeing and hearing? And I know everyone brings it up to you and it's something that's always looming. Like, how do you react to that? Does it ever get tiring for you?

Again, if the fans are interested, we're doing our job. So I love the love. And I mean, unfortunately, I'm not the one that writes it. So it's all up to Tim. But me and Oliver have a really good time with the fact that, you know, people are so invested into these storylines. And in fact, they're so invested, they're creating their own storylines. They're sending us clips and edits and videos. And, you know, every now and then, Oliver will show me something, I'll show Oliver something. Like, did we actually do this in a scene? Because they cut it so well together.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I think at the end of the day, you know, we just love the love. We're here to entertain and tell the truth. If it's true to the character, then yeah.”

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

You can't predict the future. Nobody can on this show. But if the opportunity one day happened to come your way where they were like, this storyline might be explored between Buck and Eddie, would you be open to that storyline in the future? I see you smiling. I see Oliver had the same reaction, a big ass grin on his face when I asked this.

Yeah, you know, like I said, it's got to live in the truth and I think right now we live in a moment—or me, I live moment to moment—so I love the fact that the biggest plot point between these two characters is one happens to be Bi, one happens to be Hetero, and they have this vulnerability towards each other. And that is the truth to me is it's the fact that you have such a safe space and it doesn't matter your sexuality, that you have a safe space to talk to this individual and he can fully accept you. If we can stay with that, then whatever happens, happens.

But I don't necessarily want to push the fact that because you're vulnerable, you have to be one way or the other in your sexuality. Then I would hate to have a lot of other men who are struggling mentally and not sure about, oh, do I even open up? Because will that make me something that I'm not? I would hate to push that narrative. So if we live in the truth, whatever happens, happens. And again, I'm here for it all.

Whatever happens, happens. That's a nice way to put it. And I agree with you. I think there's power in both. I think there's power in showing a strong friendship that you don't always get to see. And then there's power if something eventually does happen. So whatever happens, happens. I like that, man. What can we expect for the rest of the season with your characters? Anything you can tease? The finale is coming up. We have a couple more weeks. What can we expect?

What can we expect? Well, we can expect that Eddie's smiles might turn to frowns.

Oh no.

Or at least confusion, maybe. We'll start to see, you know, has he gotten past certain traumas? Or is he just kind of pushed them to the side and acting like they're not there?

You know, I have to say a lot of people are still holding on to hope that we're going to get that karaoke scene.

I mean, yeah, we had such a good time playing that karaoke scene, and it was kind of a let down a little bit to know that it wasn't going to be in there. But now, again, looking at the episode itself, as fun as it would be, the main story was Chimney. And the way Kenneth Choi played Chimney, and that episode specifically—I mean, I think he got, you know, performance of the week for that—it would have been a disservice to add, you know, a three-minute scene of us laughing and having a great time and being drunks and karaoke and take away from that performance. So I'm glad that Tim made that decision, and I don't know if he has any plans on showing that later on or whatnot or having some extended clip version, but I can tell you this much, everybody from the cast to the crew to the background had a wild and crazy time doing that scene.

And I think what I just heard you say is you might accidentally drop it on your Instagram very soon.

I might get fired if I do that.

All right. Well, we'll see. I'll talk to ABC PR. No problem. What do you want to see for season eight? Like, are you thinking about the future? Is there like, OK, if I can have my way, I absolutely want to explore blank.

To be honest, there's so much going at us so rapid, so fast paced at this moment. The scripts are getting handed in like quick as can be. So we have a moment's notice to kind of know what we're doing and where we're going with our character. From what I know, from what I've shot thus far, I think next season will literally be a refresh button to Eddie. And starting over in so many different ways, so many new ways in which Eddie has never explored and we've never seen Eddie explore. He'll be on his own in a lot of areas.

Speaking of that, I have to bring up season five, the mental health breakdown, man. That was intense. And a lot of people felt very connected to that. How was it stepping into that scene for you and that storyline? Because it's pretty powerful.

Thank you. Man, that was cathartic, to be honest. It was I've gone through my own mental health issues as far as like, you know, my own depression and anxiety, and, you know, I was raised in an age where men aren't vulnerable and aren't allowed to show feelings. So that kind of repression is like a ticking time bomb, you know, especially for a person in Eddie's life, or his lifestyle. So to kind of relinquish this boundary of who Ryan is and step into Eddie and just kind of just full-on dive deep into these this well of emotion, it was, it was almost like therapy. It was crazy because, you know, from the second they started to say rolling, it's like my—I started to, you know, start bawling and crying, and when Buck comes in and, you know, he's trying to check in on me and the whole room is just all scattered around and I'm losing it—it's just like there was no semblance of Ryan anymore. It was just all Eddie and he was just lost, and that's what it is.

It's like if I were to look at my son, you know, five year old son, that's kind of what we revert back to is just this child that is just so scared and not having any sense of direction and—or hope that anybody will ever love him or ever see him. And it's just these like, you know, existential fears that come out within those tears, and that was my goal to portray that whole scene and then the scene following it. So to get there was just let go, just let go.

Well, the work you did was clearly honest and raw and vulnerable. You can't fake the work that you did in that. And it was really a powerful man for many people to kind of go through that with you and for people who have had their own experiences. And you're right, like, I'm from an old school Italian family. And, you know, you grow up thinking men don't go through that and men don't show those emotions. So to have that on prime-time TV is huge.

Yeah, I hope that helped out a lot of people. I hope that people were actually able to see that and at least, you know, go to their best guy friend, and, you know, I think that's what really needs to happen. As far as men, we need to lean on each other. You know, women have their own issues and they have their certain way of connecting with each other, but there's a special connection that you can have with your brother. And I give so much credit to quite a few of my personal brothers—including my actual brother—for allowing me to run to them in my moments of need, in my moments of feeling lost. And them, you know, being men themselves, not having to say one thing to me.

Or they can just, you know, if they see me in a moment of, you know, deep into a problem, they have the ability to say, well, here's a solution. And since I'm, you know, of like mind, I can be like, okay, you know what? Thank you for giving me some kind of direction. So yeah, I implore all men out there to kind of at least have one or two in your corner, you know, because we can't get anywhere without community.

Absolutely. What have you most learned about yourself through playing this character for so many years? You know, you joined in season two. It's been a lot of years now under your belt. Have you thought about that? Have you learned anything through playing, Eddie?

I've learned a lot through Eddie. I've learned patience. He's a—you know, he has a sense of patience that I didn't have in the beginning even prior to being a father, you know, and then kids itself, they teach you how to be patient. So, yeah, I've learned how to be there as a father. Kind of oddly enough, it was just living as one onscreen prior to actually being one in real life, it gave me, say, practice. I get to practice on television what I get to implore with my own children. And, you know, even if it's the worst thing for Eddie, you know, and I see him doing something horrible, at least I come back home, like, well, that can't happen. I can't do that with my kids. So, yeah, and in so many ways, it's helped me grow as a man, let alone a father.

That's pretty awesome when you can take things away from your job like that and become a better person. I love that so much. Can you believe you've been on the show for so long now? Do you ever think like, damn, that's not normal. That's the rarity in the business. So is that a cool feeling for you?

Yeah, I literally just had that moment yesterday. We were filming a scene, all of us, the whole cast, and I'm sitting outside—I can't tell you the location, that's going to blow something—I'm sitting outside one of the sets and I just had that moment to myself. I'm like, oh my God, I'm actually here. How did I get so lucky to be on not only just a television show, the number one television show out there, where we're in our seventh season and we're creating numbers that people don't even get in their first season? So again, if there's a moment to tap into, let's get into that gratitude again and just be super thankful that I was lucky enough to land this.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

That is so cool, and that's why I have no doubt you'll continue having so much success in your career and in your personal life because you keep bringing up gratitude, and it's very evident that's something you lead your life with. And in fact, I saw a recent Instagram post where you give a beautiful tribute to Twitch, and you credit him with being able to form connection with people in your life now and to different things and places, and I thought that was such a beautiful way to show people that you're working on yourself and you're a work in progress and that he helps you kind of open your eyes. So that was a really cool moment for you to also reveal.

Thank you, yeah. Yeah, I believe so much of the world right now is showcasing a polished version of themselves. And to be honest, I did it myself for so long that I've become tired of it, and I would much rather get to the raw—the raw, the unfiltered, the, you know, the mess ups, the, you know—I've stuck my foot in my mouth too many times. I've done, you know, stupid things in my life, and I never want to present myself as a person that does everything great because there's so many things I suck at.

So I think there's an opportunity within that rawness to invite others to become raw themselves, and for us to see that, you know, we're not competing with each other, we're competing with ourself and our own image of ourself and friends like, you know, a brother like, like Twitch, you know, and—not understanding what he was going through and that lack of connectivity that I always, you know, felt but never acted on, which again, I felt imposter syndrome for so long of calling him my brother. It really struck a chord in me and now I can't go backwards. Now I'm propelled forward to be like, is this conversation authentic between us or are we just kind of saying what we have to say just so we can pass on to the next person and create whatever that is? And I'm not here for that. I would much rather have that depth and I'd much rather have that rawness.

Beautifully said and a perfect segue into what I want to finish this conversation with, which is based off the title of the show: I've Never Said This Before. So I'm wondering, is there anything that comes to mind that you want to share today that you've never shared before?

Uh. Huh. Yeah, you know what? I've been thinking about this for so long and there's so many things, you know, that come to mind. One specifically, and I've been hesitant to actually say any of this for so long because, you know, it's been years upon years.

About six and a half, seven years ago—and I've really never said this out loud, especially onto a public platform—I had my own mental health crisis and I tried at one point in time to take my own life. And luckily, it didn't work. Luckily, I got a second chance by the grace of God. And from that moment forward, I've taken each step as an opportunity to erase what got me there and build on what allowed me to live forward. So I would say that that moment itself, in addition to what happened to my brother Twitch, are probably the two biggest fundamental moments of my entire life and have allowed me to have a deeper sense of mercy and empathy towards every individual.

So I would implore that all men renounce this fact of, you know, you're a tough man, you have to hold all this in, but lean on your brother, really lean on your brother. And if your brothers aren't being there in the way they need to be, find some new ones. Because that's another thing, if you don't have the people that are conducive to a healthy lifestyle and you're keeping on to them because of loyalty, let them go. There's plenty of other people. There's people that have been through your situation before that are willing and more than willing, you know, to help. So yeah, that was a big one.

Man, first of all, thank you for sharing something so personal and close to your heart with me today. I feel honored that you did open up and share that. And I'm truly—God, this could be another half hour conversation, so I'll keep it short—but I'm truly grateful that you are spreading that message today for anybody listening because, you know, mental health is a crisis and I think people sometimes look at you, they look at me, they think everything's perfect. We are, you know, in this public space and what can be wrong?

And when you humanize real shit like that, it makes people feel less alone. And you got through it, you realize that wasn't the right way to go about it and your life forever changed for the better, and I'm truly grateful that you put that message out today because you have no idea how many people you're going to be helping with that. And I truly know that that's something that's not easy to get off your chest. And for that, I thank you and I know so many people will be thanking you, and I hope you feel kind of like a little bit of a weight lifted that you share that hopefully.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to understand what I'm feeling at the moment. But I hope in what you said is true. And I hope that, again, I would love to do more for mental health, especially for men, I mean, just in general, to be honest. But yes, I hope that there is a new wave out there that's kind of taking over that we can actually have some cohesiveness and connection, a true understanding of what connection is. Let's revisit that. So this issue isn't a common issue anymore. If we can take that down, then let's do it. I'm here for it.

Beautifully said, and thank you again for sharing that. I could talk to you for hours, especially leaving with that. I think you're such a cool person. And you watch people, I get to talk to people all the time. But this to me was a real conversation, and that's what I value. That's why I have a show called I've Never Said This Before, and I want to talk about the projects that the fans love, but also leave room to talk about things that matter. I don't think there's enough of that. So I truly thank you for hanging out, for coming on, for talking about the fun of 911, which we all love, and it's killing it in every way, but also sharing a little piece of you. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I have.

Thanks for having me, my man. Yeah, I had a great time.

Thank you, and remind everyone where, how, when, all the things about your show.

Yes, please watch Thursdays at 8 on ABC.

All right, and stay tuned for the karaoke scene that you just promised you will be dropping.

Yeah, maybe when I'm fired again.

All right, man, until we meet again, take care.

All right, brother.

[just-a-sewer-goblin]

Not A Hero Just A Good Man

Simon Riley x Reader (probably ooc) Simon's home from deployment and he needs his spouse Fluff and very slight hurt/comfort Should be gn!reader, if I messed up anywhere please tell me There is mentions of a girly bodywash that is owned by the reader but... anyone can own those

"I need you to understand that I'm not the nice one out there, luv. I'm not the good cop. I'm not the hero."

You're sitting next to Simon on your shared bed, he's still in his gear, but his mask is in his hands and he's absent mindedly grabbing and rubbing at it.

"Luv, if you knew only half the stuff I've done. The absolute horrendous things I've done to people. And I'd do them again. And I will do them again."

He's growing distressed. His brows are drawn together and his rubbing over the skull part becomes harsh. He'll hurt himself at this rate.

So you get up and kneel down before him, force yourself into his view. Your hands oh so gently take the mask from his and the care with which you put it onto his nightstand chokes Simon up.

You slip your hands into his. He's still wearing his gloves, there's blood all over them.

As he looks down and sees your delicate, perfect hands in his blodied hold, the tears start gathering. He's trying to pull his hands away but you grip him harder. His glistening eyes find yours.

"I didn't marry a hero, Simon. I didn't marry someone who has a nice job or lives in a nice reality."

He's looking to the side trying to avoid your gaze. His hands are still limp in yours, refusing to hold onto you when there's still the gore of his actions clinging to his clothes and his skin.

You're gently easing the gloves off his hands and let them fall to the floor. His knuckles are bloody and split, even under the protective layer.

He swears he lets loose a sob when you bend down to press two soft kisses to the palms of his hands. He's ripping his hands away from you, cradling them to his chest.

"No.", your harsh tone makes his gaze snap back to yours again and when you grab his hands again he reluctantly lets you have them.

"Don't you dare look away from me, Simon Riley." You can see how hard he has to fight to obey your words. You can see his panting breaths get harsher and your grip is so soft, that if he truly didn't want to have you touching him, he could pull away. As if you could ever hold him against his will.

You take one of his hands and press it against your chest, deliberately drawing in deep and steady breaths and waiting until he is following your example.

"I didn't marry a hero, Simon. I married a good man."

You can audibly hear him gulp.

"I married a good man, who is willing to do the ugly work. I married a good man, who gets his hands dirty so the world is just a tiny bit cleaner."

His entire focus is on you as he hangs on to every word you say.

"I married a good man, who does horrible things. But those things need to be done. I'd rather have a good man, like my husband, do them, than someone who doesn't care at all. Someone who finds joy in them. I married a good man. And when you come home, blodied and bruised I will still love you. And when you come home after you did the worst imaginable things, things I don't even know possible, I'll still love you. And when you do horrendous things again, I will still love you. I love you."

He's looking at you and the tears catch in his eyelashes like soft morning dew on the most intricate petals. You have never seen a man more beautiful than your Simon. You have never seen anything more beautiful than the man, he allows you to see through the cracks in his walls.

"Love...", he breathes. And it's reverent, a prayer. As if you are the deity that holds his absolution. As if your words alone can save him from the damnation he suffers.

His hands slowly reach up, cup your cheeks. He's about to pull back when he sees the blood on his hands next to your unblemished face but your hands cover his and you nuzzle into the hold of a killer.

His body bows foreward, into your warmth and his chapped lips fit against yours. As soon as your lips touch he whimpers and your hands find their way to his cheek and neck, holding him close.

You only pull back enough to touch your forehead to his, both of you keeping your eyes closed.

"My Simon.", you whisper into his skin and his arms wrap around you as he lets his head fall to your shoulder, buries his face in your neck and starts shaking.

You grab onto him just as tightly. It's uncomfortable the way you're on your knees half risen to meet him in the middle but you don't care when you start humming and gently swaying.

You don't know if he's crying, probably not, but he's still shaking so you tighten your hold and whisper your love for him into the quiet of your bedroom.

When his breaths start to get quick and shallow again you force him back, cup his face and demand "Simon, look at me."

He does, his gaze is unfocused, and he's panting way too fast, but he's trying to focus on you. He's not too far gone so you check in first "Touch?" He nods in a jerky movement.

Your hands go to his again and you hold both of them to your chest with one, the other one finds his neck and puts gentle pressure there.

"Match my breaths, darling.", you instruct. He obeys.

Today is a good day, as you are able to bring him back from the brink for a second time. Slowly his eyes blink back into awareness and your gentle smile cracks open his ribcage and sets his bleeding heart free.

"There he is. Hi."

"Hi, luv." His voice is horribly rough a splintering sound like old rotten wood breaking apart but he doesn't miss the way your hand on his neck squeezes affectionately.

"Let me give you a shower?" He nods, too tired afer two almost panic attacks to answer. You stand up and offer him a hand which he takes and allows you to pretend to pull him up.

You don't let go of his hand as you pull him into the bathroom, maneuvering him so he can lean back against the sink. You know that he's tired, but you also know that the last thing he needs to see right now is himself, still covered in blood, and you taking care of that mess for him. So you don't give him the opportunity to gaze at the reflection of what's going on in the mirror over the sink.

Once you've eased every piece of armor and clothing off of him, you usher him into the shower, under the warm spray of water before following him.

Once your both under the water, your wrap your arms around him and just hold him. When he sighs you can feel the way his lungs fill up to their limit.

It's a long time before you take the bottle of shampoo into your hands and put some of it in your hands.

"Bend down for me?", you murmur.

Simon gets on his knees before you instead, buries his face in your tummy and relaxes as your hands begin to massage the shampoo into his scalp.

You're careful while rinsing it out and he presses a soft kiss to your tummy before standing up. A thank you and a offering at the altar of the only deity he'll ever worship. Then he's standing again, his hands on your hips, while you begin to lather his body in your own body wash.

You can feel him relax and it doesn't take long before he gives you the gift of his voice, even if it is so say: "Damnit darlin', making me smell like a princess?"

He's grumbling affectionately and you grin. There he is. It's always a good sign when he starts being a grump about stuff he secretly loves. It's always a good sign when he starts with his horrible dry humour.

"No one says that big dangerous men can't be princesses.", you quip back and see the way the corner of his mouth lifts up.

"I'm too manly to smell like...", he squints at the bottle. "Rainbow sunshine." He snorts. "Sounds like something that would come out of a unicorn's ass."

You laugh and slap his chest. "You are the worst, Si. Guess you gotta suck it up and smell like unicorn ass."

"The shit I go through for you.", he grouses and you can hear the grin in his voice.

When you've rinsed him off again he puts his arms around you again and pulls you into him, resting his head on yours.

"Thank you, luv."

"Always, baby."

...

"Now get your unicorn ass out of this shower so I can dry you off and cuddle with you."

He laughs roughly and slaps your backside. "The only one with a magical ass here, is you, luv."

[nouvxllev]

the girl across your street || p3

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Fem!Reader

Summary: You were only someone she met in her neighborhood, and she became someone unreachable. You were someone she only knew for half a year, and yet, the countless smiles she’d give you when you were around, the moments she looked you in the eyes where you thought you finally meant something to her, the times she’d say you were someone special to her—those became nothing but everything. You start to ponder on who could ever truly stay with you? Maybe it’s inevitable you’d go along with your life without someone special to you, someone who cherishes you like their dying wish.

Words: 2.1k

Warnings: angst, yipee!

part 4 || masterlist

You've found yourself spending a lot more time with Jenna than expected—so much so that you could almost consider yourselves roommates, having explored and learned the backstory of every picture in her living room. You knew quite a bit about Jenna, maybe not everything, but you knew her down to her music taste. Which is, maybe not a lot to some, but it was deep for you. Learning about each other's music tastes felt like exchanging wedding vows.

The two of you frequently dined at fancy restaurants or strolled through nearby supermarkets around the corner from your neighborhood. Making you wonder on where the hell is Jenna getting reservations from at the most luxurious restaurants out of town. These outings became the go-to whether you both were feeling ecstatic or just wanted to unwind after a bad day. And your meetings with eachother started occurring later in the day rather than in the early mornings.

You were slowly falling head over heals, over and over again until you went mad with her. It had reached a point where not hearing Jenna's voice or feeling her presence beside you felt wrong.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There's my favorite actress!" You ran towards her, a broad smile on your face that reached up to your ears. In your hands, you held a DSLR camera, not too large but not too small either.

Jenna, seated in her usual spot on the bench in front of her house, responded, "Not an actress," blocking her face with the camera you had pointed at her.

"—Yet," you grinned, "Don't you want to be in my special first video vlog?" Turning around, you gave the camera a chance to capture the changing scenery of the year, with leaves transforming into warm shades of orange and red.

You had big dreams of becoming a director, a career choice you had clung to since childhood. Piles of files filled with DVDs you had created when you were young. It didn't matter if you didn't have a deep story to tell, your videos were filled to the brim with stupid and idiotic stuff you used to do as kids and overall you were happy.

"Where'd you get that from?" Jenna asked, standing up to examine your camera's display. "Ooh… The quality's top-notch," she nodded approvingly.

"It was a very late Christmas gift from my friend I go to film school with. She saw me literally struggling with my phone, so she finally got me a camera for professionals only." You emphasized the word "professionals," feeling proud to have your very own camera instead of one borrowed from someone else.

She chuckled at your comment, "I've always wanted to film something on a camera," she whispered, her voice carrying a hint of nostalgia.

You gently set the camera down, your heart trying to calm down due to how close she was to you.

"I… I have this project for my film class," you began, turning to face her. "We have to vlog something in our lives that we could watch a few years later in time. It's supposed to be something bittersweet, my prof would say." You laughed, hoping to gain Jenna's approval.

You noticed her eyes twinkling, her eyebrows raising in excitement, and her lips forming a big smile that revealed her dimples. Fuck, you were so in love, it was maddening.

"Then let this be the short film of a lifetime."

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The 'short film of a lifetime' became a series of short films of a life time. Capturing your daily talks and strolls with Jenna, hoping that one day, the two of you could meet up again and watch these videos, laughing to your hearts' content. It was a sweet memory you'd hopefully make, really.

The alarm failed to wake you up because you didn't even sleep. It was Jenna's 17th birthday, and being even a millisecond late was not an option. You hadn't been able to celebrate her 16th birthday since she had just moved to town weeks after that, you knew after months of talking to her. And now, you were determined to give her the best party yet.

You stepped outside in the outfit Jenna had picked for you during one of your shopping trips—a comfortable ensemble that solidified your opinion of Jenna's excellent fashion taste.

You had your gift ready for Jenna, all those months of saving up money and even starving yourself finally paid off as you bought headphones that she always wanted and was always ranting to you about how expensive it is, a pair of brand-new Sony Headphones to replace her old ones.

You turned on your DSLR camera, ready to record and all, until you looked up and see people loading boxes into a truck.

Your heart raced as you ran towards the truck, hoping against hope. 'Fuck, fuck fuck... Please, not today,' you repeated to yourself, breath ragged as you tried to calm down.

Spotting Jenna's sister Aliyah, you called out to her, "Aliyah! Aliyah, wait!"

Aliyah turned, a smile on her face. "Y/n! Hey…"

You exhaled, "Where's—Where's Jenna? Is she going back to your house for her birthday?" You set your camera down, your voice shaky as you released the gift bag you held.

"Didn't she tell you? She's going across the country; she just got cast for a character in a film!"

You dropped your camera, confusion and shock hitting you like a truck.

"What?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There's my favorite actress!"

"Not an actress...

"—Yet."

The video played on and on, a retro sound mixed with sratches from the old camera you once cherished. You lay quietly down on your bed, your eyes starting to form eyebags, and the air starting to sound like a certain song you'd play when you're at your darkest times.

It's been half a decade since your last interaction with Jenna. Countless of sleepless nights, meals skipped, and relationships with others destroyed all because she moved across the country to pursue her acting career. Not once did she think to send you even a single letter, expressing how much she missed you or offering a simple greeting. But who were you to expect so much from her?

You get that she was busy, and you get that she has other matters to attend to. You knew for a fact the harsh reality of the entertainment industry demanded constant attention, and slipping up even once could mean being left behind. But a dark void in your soul could only want to ask of her a simple hi. You’ve watched Jenna through her films, her interviews, her Instagram stories, witnessing how she became a star. You were happy for her, there was no denying it, you were so happy for her she got to achieve the dream she was dying to succeed, but you couldn’t help but wish to celebrate it beside her, even for just one moment, rather from a distance like this.

You were only someone she met in her neighborhood, and she became someone unreachable. You were someone she only knew for two years, and yet, the countless smiles she’d give you when you were around, the moments she looked you in the eyes where you thought you finally meant something to her, the times she’d say you were someone special to her—those became nothing but everything. You start to ponder on who could ever truly stay with you. Maybe it’s inevitable you’d go along with your life without someone who’s special to you, someone who cherishes you like their dying wish.

When she left, your soul left with her. Now you were never the same. You never looked at things the same, walking down that street being something you’d regret, watching a film you’d think she would love could only make you breakdown into tears—missing her touch like you miss the warmth of the sun on a cold day. The world, once vibrant when Jenna entered your life, now appeared through somber lens, your simplest pleasures turned into tortures you would never wish on an empire.

You couldn’t be mad at her, no, you didn’t have the right to. How could you be so instantly attached to one person that they became your entire world? You spent your whole life creating memories you cherished with everyone around you. You had worlds to see, you had symphonies to hear from the beat of your headphones, you had comforting scents to smell whenever you walk into a familiar place, you had delicacies your mom once had made you when she was still in your life to taste, you had humans to touch—people that were close to your heart. Everything you had in the palm of your hands, taken away by a single glance from Jenna. It’s like your life suddenly meant nothing without her.

While you’re all smiles and laughs, trying to hide the fact you’re missing that one person who made you who you are now, thoughts of her still linger at night. You would find yourself after a grueling day, scrolling through the accounts Jenna had created, even reaching out to her closest friends or family members for any updates on her well-being. You still hope one day you’ll take that street yet again, reminiscing about the days when you were delighted to wake up on a cool winter morning and eagerly anticipate seeing someone, and that someone eagerly awaiting for you as well.

You sighed as you took a step on the street you were always walking on. It was already noon, and the feeling of not walking this road without the morning sun will always be so weird to you. The wind of the road reaches out to you like something of a horror film, your headphones you initially bought for Jennas birthday being the only escape to the reality you've sentenced yourself to, as if she was still there with you. If only you had known for what was about to strike you, maybe you would've confessed.

Like Jenna, you too achieved your dream job as a movie director. While you didn't work on big films, you were just happy you got to help bring stories to life, stories that Jenna often liked to read, hoping one day she'd maybe take interest in the films you directed.

As you walked, you find your eyes flickering to the bench Jenna used to sit down, a part of you wishing she would magically reappear and surprise you as if nothing had happened and it was all just a dream.

Then, someone was there—a brunette with the same hairstyle, engrossed in a book, much like the ones Jenna always loved.

"Jenna?" You called out, eyes widening.

The brunette started to stand up, book still in hand that was obscuring her face.

"Jen—! Fuck— Sorry…" You bumped into numerous people who seemed to have materialized on the street that wasn't crowded a moment ago.

“Jenna! Jenna, why didn’t you—" You extended your hand, wanting to touch her shoulder, feeling on the verge of breaking down into tears, desperate for an explanation, screaming whys and hows.

A car suddenly passed by you, the wind knocking you out of your senses.

Shit, it wasn't Jenna. It was never Jenna.

You were going insane. Why were you still grieving for something so alive, but so gone?

You were on your way to the location where your co-director, Emma Myers, had instructed the rest of the actors to shoot for your new film, Finest Kind. It was the first movie ever where you felt a bit uncertain, but you took it anyway. Emma was a friend you had made during your lowest days in film school, always there for your rants and providing a comforting presence that made you feel better about yourself.

Due to a morning that almost got you killed, you arrived 20 minutes late, earning applause from everyone when you finally reached the spot, Emma in the background shouting a rowdy 'Finally!' as the rest burst into laughter. It brought a genuine smile to your face, finally.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You didn't know of the casting, since that was you, your technique. You enjoyed a bit of surprise in your approach to movie directing, a quirk Emma took note of, and so, everyone introduced themselves to you and the rest of the crew, forming bonds for the months ahead.

You sat in your chair with your last name written on the back, reviewing a script that the writers had printed out, it was fairly nice. You were already envisioning how you wanted it to go, and now you were standing up to take the affirmative with Emma, until, a certain voice caught your attention.

"Excuse me, could I…" A voice murmured behind you—a familiar voice you knew and loved from the very beginning. However, for some reason, your heart dropped, and you wished more than anything to erase yourself.

"Jenna?"

"Y/n."

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a/n: yikes!!

[bradshawssugarbaby]

Do I? - Beau Simpson x Reader

a/n: I've been wanting to write for Beau for a while (I love Jon Hamm and this is a hill I am willing to die on), so here's my first one for him. Inspired loosely by Do I? by Luke Bryan.

pairing: Beau Simpson x reader

warnings/content: angst to fluff, mentions of divorce if you squint, Beau being kinda soft, allusions to smut, allusions to child ab*se, Beau doesn't always know how to show his emotions but damn it he tries his best.

word count: 1.9k

taglist: @nouis-bum, @jessicab1991, @b-bradshaw, @ahopelessromanticwritersworld

Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you, baby? Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy? Do I have your love? Am I still enough? Tell me don't I? Or tell me, do I, baby Give you everything that you ever wanted? Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely? Do I just need to give up and get on with my life? Tell me, baby do I get one more try?

Beau grumbled as he walked through the door, his keys dropping into the catch-all dish on the table with a clatter. His brows knit together as he looked around the room, searching for any sign of you being home. His tired blue-green eyes blinked as he raked a hand over his face, trying to wake himself up as he searched the house for you. Calling your name to no response, he furrowed his brow as he pulled his phone from his pocket. He frowned as he saw there were zero missed calls and zero missed messages from you, a sign that you were truly mad at him this time. 

He let out an exhausted sigh as he slumped into the armchair in the living room, picking up a discarded baseball your son had forgotten to put away and rolling it in his hands, over his fingers and back as his mind ran over the events that unfolded that morning.

He hadn’t meant to be cold towards you or Dylan. He’d been stressed and overworked, struggling with an upcoming mission that he had to plan out, trying to ensure the right team was put together for the job. Combing through dozens of personnel files until his eyes were sore, staying up all hours of the night trying to create an action plan, briefing notes - he rarely left base anymore. He knew you’d felt neglected, and God, he hated making you feel that way. He hated that you felt unwanted, unloved, and yet, you did everything you could to still make life easier for him. He knew he didn’t deserve that. In fact, he knew he didn’t deserve you–your patience, your understanding, your love and affection. He didn’t deserve to be Dylan’s father either, not that he’d been a particularly good one anyway. 

Dylan had a baseball tournament coming up, and you’d asked Beau if he’d be able to make it. Dylan’s team had never been invited to play before, but they’d managed to make it to a statewide tournament, teams from all over California would be there with their children, ages 8-10. The Coronado Crowns were having a record season, and Dylan had begun to emerge as their star pitcher. When you’d asked him about it, he’d had a dozen other things on his mind - he couldn’t even remember you mentioning it in the first place, if he was honest. He figured he’d hummed along in response, not hearing what you’d said, but not wanting to give off the impression he wasn’t listening. 

Unaware of what he’d agreed to, Beau bounded down the stairs this morning, his footsteps heavy as he headed to the kitchen. He was running late, and barely had time to have coffee with you, but he was determined to at least kiss you good morning before heading out the door. You’d frowned at him when you saw him in uniform, and immediately, his mind began to race, running through a list of scenarios that could have upset you. He wasn’t the most romantic husband - he knew that, but he was sure he’d never forgotten an anniversary or a birthday. It wasn’t until Dylan came down in his baseball uniform, his duffel bag packed for the four-day tournament slung over his shoulder. His face fell as he looked at Beau, an instant wave of guilt washing over Beau’s face.

“I’m sorry, I forgot, buddy, listen, I really have to get this done at work, I have a briefing scheduled for today, I can’t miss it,” Beau had explained, trying to reason with his 9 year old son. 

“I get it, Dad, it’s ok,” Dylan shrugged before sitting down at the breakfast nook for some scrambled eggs. 

“We’re leaving at 10, get to Oakland for about 8 tonight,” you explained, nodding your head as you forced a smile in Dylan’s direction.

Beau let out a frustrated sigh, of course you weren’t home now - you left four hours ago. You were halfway to Oakland by this point. He leaned his head back against the chair, shutting his eyes for a moment as he dragged his hand over his face once more. He knew he’d fucked up. He knew he’d let you both down. He checked his phone again. If he left now, he could probably make it to you and Dylan by 11 if he made minimal stops on his way. He could make this right, he could show up tonight, surprise you - surprise Dylan in the morning when he woke up, spend the weekend being the father and husband he’d failed to be for the last month or so. 

Beau bolted up the stairs, quickly changing out of his uniform and into more relaxed, civilian clothes. He grabbed a bag from the closet and began to shove some clean clothes inside, showing little care about keeping them neat or organized. He headed to the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant and his razor, tossing them all into the bag in a hurry. Bounding back down the staircase, he stepped into his running shoes and flew out the door with his keys and bag in hand. A well-loved baseball cap from his college days sat in the front seat - a relic he’d meant to bestow to Dylan but forgotten about. He placed the cap on his head, sporting it backwards, just as he would have done 30+ years ago when he got it. 

As he drove down the interstate, he thought about the ways he could apologize to you. His mind ran through all the things you liked, the romantic gestures he’d heard you mention, the different romcom tropes you loved - anything he could think of that could make up for what he’d lacked in as a husband. When he stopped for dinner, pulling into a fast-food restaurant just off the highway, he contemplated what he’d say when you asked him if he was insane, knowing that was exactly how you’d respond to hearing that he drove down after all, determined not to miss a minute of Dylan’s tournament. He thought about how he’d pull you in close, giving you an emblazoned, passionate kiss as he held you in his arms, giving a rare, dramatic, public display of affection. He yawned as he pulled into the parking lot of the hotel you were staying at with Dylan, finding an open spot next to your car. He got out, smiling fondly as he spotted the bedazzled steering wheel cover that he always teased you about - the one he’d begrudgingly bought for your birthday when you’d asked for it, pretending to find it ridiculous when really, he was admiring you for it, for being so unashamedly yourself. It was a quality he was jealous of in you - he’d been brought up in an old-school military family, taught to be seen and not heard, to blend in with everyone else and to remain reserved the majority of the time. He rarely cracked a smile outside of the house, and really, even wearing a baseball cap outside of a Padres game was unlike him. 

He approached the front desk with a look of pure determination on his face, his bag clutched in his hand. Once he made it to your room, he rapped on the door with a gentle knock, trying not to make too much noise in the hopes he didn’t wake Dylan. You opened the door, looking ready to chew out whoever it was knocking for waking you, but your look of anger quickly dissipated as you wrapped your arms around Beau tightly. 

“You flew down here?!” You whispered excitedly, arms draped around his neck.

“No, flights were booked,” Beau shook his head with a chuckle, a soft smile forming on his lips, “I drove.”

“You…you drove?”

“Mhmm, all nine hours. I’m surprised I made it before midnight, I finished my briefing early, managed to get the plans set for the mission, and then got home and realized I had time to fix things with you and Dylan.”

“He’ll be so excited. He was devastated at the thought of you not making it to see him play.”

“Look, I have to talk to you, ok?” He began, shaking his head as he let out an awkward chuckle, frowning as he tried to collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been the worst husband to you. I know I have. I know I’ve made you feel unloved, and unwanted, and unimportant, and I’m sorry. I never wanted to make you feel that way. I’ve never wanted our marriage to be strained over my work, and I know my job is demanding and it’s difficult some days for me to put you and Dylan first - but believe me, I love you two more than anything. You know that, right? And, I know you probably aren’t happy with me - I don’t blame you. I know you probably wanted to divorce me ten minutes ago, and you’re complete right in thinking that - I would have deserved it.”

You pressed your lips to his gently, interrupting his rambling with a soft, tender kiss. He pulled away gently, reaching up to take the baseball cap off of his head before ducking down to kiss you again. He pulled away after a moment, breathless and blissful as he gazed at you.

“So, am I still enough for you? Do you want me to leave or do I get another chance?”

“You’ve always been enough, Beau,” you shook your head, beaming up at him, “Even when you forget commitments and you get caught up with work, or when you don’t always say the right thing, you always make up for it and try to fix things, and that’s one of the things I love about you. You drove nine hours when you realized you couldn’t catch a flight down here because you realized how much it meant to Dylan and I for you to be here. I don’t know many other men who’d drop everything on a dime to do that.”

“I guess that’s true,” he nodded, shaking his head in disbelief before leaning in to kiss your cheek. “I mean it though, I really think you could have done better than a middle-aged Admiral who can’t show his emotions very well and doesn’t know how to prioritze anything correctly.”

“You’re right, I could have, but where’s the fun in that?” You teased, taking the baseball cap from his hand and placing it back on his head, backwards.

“By the way, Beau, you should wear a hat like this more often.” 

“Yeah? You think so?”

You bit your lip seductively, holding back a wicked grin as you looked up at him, nodding your head, “Kinda makes me wanna show you just how much I love you.”

“Dylan’s asleep in here,” he laughed, shaking his head as his cheeks flushed.

“Dylan is sleeping in Ryder’s room, three doors away, actually.”

Beau’s eyes widened slightly, his hands drifting down to your hips. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at you, turning his head to the side to scan the room, seeing that, you were in fact, alone. When he turned, you caught a glimpse of the salt and pepper streaks that ran through his hair on the side of his head, the sight alone almost enough to make you melt. 

“Well, in that case, let me show you just how sorry I am.” 

[lavendertrash39]

Hi there. I want to talk about Reigen's depression, specifically in the outro of season one.

I just want to start this by saying that Reigen has by far been one of the most accurate and absolute gut punch of a representation of depression that I've ever seen... especially if I got into him having ADHD and depression... but maybe that's for another day.

I've finished the show now, but even from the beginning, I kept saying that there feels like there's just this sense of something being wrong or off in the outro. It truly feels like the morning routine of a depressed person who's just... continuing to go through life. Because that's something that makes his depression so important to me-- that it never feels like a plot point that comes up whenever it's really intense. It's just... always there. Lingering. Changing how he views the world.

This can be seen in the stylization of the outro. It's all black and white, and everything is shaky, hazy almost. As if he's not fully there.

Everything's so quick to fade. It's so apathetic. He does this every morning. Makes himself look presentable, gets the hit of stimulant from the nicotine in his cigarette, and then everything fades again.

Then there's the commute to Spirits and Such. He leaves his apartment, and it still has that same shaky, hazy feel. It very much feels like he's not fully present for that walk. Literally, it'll jump/fade between different parts of his walk. It's like there's a fog around everything he's doing, but he'll remember the little things that stuck out. The little things that broke his routine (the people running, the cat).

Then, finally, he sees Mob. This is kind of an obvious thing to point out-- but at the end of all of that routine, Mob is the one who brings color into his world. I think it's also interesting that we never see Reigen's actual face in the outro. We see him from the back, and we see him smoking, but that's the closest we get. He's at a distance, everything hazy and disconnected.

This is how depression is when you've been living with it for so long.

Reigen still has to go to his job, still has to "be an adult", so it's caused him to just live with this depression. It's that feeling of emptiness that's so hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been depressed. Like you're just going through the motions, unable to connect with the world around you. You don't even know anything's wrong, because this is just how things are. Living life becomes apathetic. I think that's what stuck out the most about the outro.

[teyamsatan]

𝕄𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕄𝕖 | ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕍: 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕊𝕥𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕕 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 ℂ𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖

Pairing: Neteyam x (f)Omaticaya!Reader

synopsis: Memories flood Neteyam's mind as he deals with your accident, making him relieve your history and all the reasons he can't shake you from his life, no matter how hard he tries.

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, aged-up! Neteyam/Reader, enemies-to-lovers, angst (mentions of violence, battle, blood, death)

wc: 5.1k words

a/n: I'm actually really nervous about this chapter, because while I love it, it's different than any other Monster in Me chapter so far. This is also the only chapter I've ever written entirely from the MMC's POV, and I hope you enjoy finally finding out why Neteyam's been acting the way he has, and why he's so adamant in his quest for vengeance. As always, thank you for asking to be tagged, I'd love to hear your feedback, your replies and asks and reblogs make my life, so thank you! Thank you to @cinetrix for her amazing Neteyam art, ilysm bestie x and thank you to @draiochtwrites for listening to me talk about my stupid ideas for hours every day, i love you x

na'vi compendium: txepvi  - spark, ite - daughter, srane - yes, Olo'eykte - female Olo'eyktan, tam-tam - calm, oare - moon, tewng - loincloth, torukspxam - octoshroom, ngaytxoa - I'm sorry, 'itan - son, angtsìk - Hammerhead Titanothere, yarik - herbivore, ftang - stop, tsantu - good guy, tsìltsan 'eve - good girl, kali'weya - arachnoid used in Uniltaron

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And maybe in another life We fight all day, kiss all night But I don't wanna break your heart You keep yours, I'll keep mine

Neteyam, for the first time in his life, couldn’t have cared less if he tried that there was a battle underway, that there were humans screaming and charging at the Na’vi around him, that the explosions happening every time a helicopter went down in flames deafened his ears - none of it mattered anymore, not as he heard the screech of an ikran he knew all too well, that he loved, that was now lifelessly falling towards the ground, taking the woman of his worst nightmares and biggest fantasies along, not when, with every second passing where he ignored the rest of his surroundings and dove as fast as his own ikran could possibly fly in order to make it to you in time, another memory flashed across his mind, so many memories he thought he left behind, so many memories that would haunt his every waking moment if he wouldn’t catch you, if he was too late. 

“Teyam, do you trust me?” 

“What kind of question is that? You’re my best friend. Of course I trust you.” 

Your mischievous smile, although more devious than Neteyam liked, always had power to put his heart to ease… after all, it was you. You, his best friend, the girl who knew everything about him, that helped him withstand every challenge life threw at him, just a couple 11 year olds who had gone through more than most adults do, who have been forced to grow up a lot faster than any kid their own age should ever do. But Neteyam didn’t mind. Maybe he used to, back when he was young and naive. Back then, he cried a lot, each morning a dreaded reminder of the pain and ache that awaited him each day, all for a purpose he couldn’t quite understand yet, that made no sense in a child’s mind, that had no way of truly understanding the concept of a future littered with war and loss, a future where he would carry the burden of being the next leader of his clan, the eldest son of the mighty, revered Toruk Makto and Palulukan Makto, the grandson of brave, respected leaders, the next in line of a ruling dynasty filled with great people he had to follow and to live up to. 

Now, he no longer cried, because no matter how hard life got, he was never alone. Because, even though you didn’t have quite the same pressure on your shoulders, you carried your own burdens and a sadness deeper than Neteyam could ever imagine or could ever want to. In his mind, the sting from a few bloodied gashes and the headaches that tried him each night were a small inconvenience compared to the pain that you struggled with and braved every moment since your parents died. When his father told him that you would be joining him for training in the weeks after the accident, Neteyam didn’t know what to expect. But day after day, you managed to blow not only his expectations, but his entire family’s out of the water, each day just another opportunity for you to prove to everyone that your future would be as bright as all the stars in the night combined, that you were special and unique, that you were a talent that only comes once in a few lifetimes.

Now, years later, Neteyam still found it hard to believe how strong you were, how capable and skilled and fearless. Whereas he’s always been more withdrawn and temperate, your fire burned strong and untamed, and you always managed to get both of you in trouble - if he were to be honest with himself, though, he would never mind, not with you. 

“Good. Then let’s go.” 

You didn’t bother looking behind you as you started sprinting, your flowy top and tewng, always one-of-a-kind, undulating in the wind, making Neteyam’s heart flutter in his chest. You were so beautiful. The most beautiful. A purple flush rising in his cheeks was all that was needed for Neteyam to be grateful for the way you always ran ahead of him, too impatient to wait for a boy that liked to take his time and enjoy the moments few and in between in which life didn’t have to go too fast for his comfort. 

"Where are we going, Vi?"

"Shhh, more walking, less talking, 'Teyam. You need to learn to embrace the unknown." you chuckled as you stopped and waited for him to catch up, before taking him by the hand and pulling him until he stumbled softly onto you and you both fell, him on top of you, with a gasp that turned into loud giggles from your side and unflinching groans from his.

"Vi..."

"The mighty warriors have fallen, what will the clan do without us?"

He couldn't help his own exasperated chuckle and the roll of his eyes as he spoke.

"I don't think we're quite there yet."

You shrugged, sure of yourself as always, a trait Neteyam admired and tried to emulate, to little avail most days.

"Soon. Your dad's already talking about the Iknimaya. We're almost ready, Teyam. And if we do it soon, we'll be the youngest Na'vi to ever do it. You and me."

Before he could say anything, you reached for him until your lips made contact with his cheeks, and it didn't help his blush, that was now deep periwinkle and burning his skin from the inside out, like a fire that wanted to escape his body, too powerful to be contained inside it.

"And just like today, if you ever fall, I'll always be there to catch you. You and I, we're meant to fall and rise together."

Those words rang painfully in Neteyam's ears as his ikran dove at full speed towards the ground, as his open, stretched out hand was just outside of your reach, as he watched your body disappear through the trees, where it would inevitably crash, where it might be lost forever.

His heart, that was going as fast as his ikran was, watching your unconscious form collect deep, bleeding scars like Kiri collected pebbles in the woods with every hard branch your body made contact with, stopped racing in his chest as, by the grace of Eywa, your fall was broken by the plush, attenuating force of a torukspxam right before you hit the ground. Despite the fear, so deeply embedded in him, it was impossible to know if he would ever be able to fully detach himself from it again, a seed of hope bloomed in him that maybe he wasn't too late. That maybe, despite not being able to catch you, not now nor for the past 7 years in which he's left built up resentment prevent him from wanting to, maybe he wasn't too late.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

He didn't wait for Seze to land before he jumped and approached you, pushing with all his might against the drag of his own heavy body that felt like it was experiencing the world in slow motion, until one of his hands found the back of your neck, propping you up gently and his other hand placed two fingers on your pulse point, trying to feel for a heartbeat that would either calm his own or stop it altogether.

"Please, Txepvi. Please..."

When the small, barely-felt flutters registered in him, he let out a breath he didn't even realise he was holding and wasted no time in picking you up bridal-style and running back to his beautiful ikran. He had no time to dwell on the cracks deepening in his heart as he watched Seze bumping her snout on the side of Oare's lifeless face, sorrowful trills filling his ears, no time to dwell on the red liquid spilling out from multiple points in your body, dripping down his body and onto the ground, no time to stop yet another memory fighting to come to the forefront of his mind.

Fickle as you are That's exactly why I keep on running back 'Cause I'm brittle at the parts Where I wish I was strong

“I can walk, Teyam.” 

Neteyam decided to ignore you as he grabbed you by the back of your knees and carried you back to the village, the gash in your leg large enough to have hit a couple veins and stain your thigh red, but not deep enough to make it life-threatening - still, Neteyam wouldn’t take any chances. Taking chances… that was the reason for keeping you so close to him, your face buried in the crook of his neck… that was the only reason. 

“Can you, Vi? Isn’t that how this happened in the first place?” He chuckled, yelping a little when your fist made contact with his chest. 

“It was an accident, you know that.”

“Yeah, well, you have a lot of accidents. And so close to the Iknimaya, too…” the shake of his head was mostly a teasing one, and although he tried to push away the nagging fear eating away at him, the one that told him you might not be able to take it with him, the one that screamed he’d be all alone once more, like he was before you, the one that urged bad memories and ugly scenarios into his mind, the one whose ugly head appeared as though from around the corner, staring intently to see if he’ll allow it to approach or banish it from existence. He couldn't decide yet.

He couldn’t do this without you. He needed you to be his first flight. Like you told him last year, and like it’s been solidified in his soul every day since, you and him were meant to rise and fall together. You were meant to fly together, to soar together. And that couldn’t happen if a tiny accident delayed your progress. 

“Aw, it’s sweet you’re worried, although I think it’s mostly selfish and you’re just too scared to do the Iknimaya by yourself.”

The tinge in his cheeks is enough validation for you to start laughing at him, your head thrown so far back, he had to readjust his grip on you, so that you wouldn’t fall out of his arms. 

“I knew it! You scaredy-cat. Why would you be scared, Teyam? Out of everyone here, everyone who’s gonna do this next, out of all of us, you are the best. You’ve always been the best.” 

“No. You’re the best." As much wasn't up for discussion to him, and never will be. "And you promised.” 

Your smile softened taking him in, the little pout he tried his best to conceal, the little scrunch of his nose, the way his ears twitched in slight annoyance and slight embarrassment… he couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought you found it… endearing? 

“I know what I promised. And I intend to keep my promise. You don’t have to worry, Teyam. You and I have always been two sides of the same coin. And as long as you want me by your side, nothing could ever pry me away.” 

"Just hang on, please. Shit. Please don't die. Please don't die."

And maybe when you need my help I like myself when it's over But later in the light, you go Dark and rogue, and I need closure

“Ma ‘ite, you have to be more careful.” The quiet, teasing admonishments of his grandmother do little do deter you, although you keep your eyes on the ground, slight embarrassment visible in the swish of your tail and the flatness of your ears.

“Srane, ma Tsa’hik. Ngaytxoa.”

The thick cream paste made its way from Mo’at’s fingers to your thigh, where it was spread in a hefty layer until the cut was no longer visible. You winced as it made contact with your skin, but said nothing as you accepted the help, and Neteyam saw his grandmother nod in approval at your bravery and inclination to suffer in silence, to not let anyone know you’re in pain at any point. Strong heart. Him, on the other hand, wished you were a bit more forthcoming, wished you didn’t feel the need to go through suffering alone. With a pat on your head and a soft smile, the Tsa’hik raised from her spot on the floor and turned her back on you both.

“You’re all done. It’s just a scratch, this time. I feel like I always have to have extra healing salve at the ready just for you. Now go, and be careful. Your Iknimaya is soon and my grandson would never forgive you if you missed it.” 

“Neteyam, quick, put her on the mat. I need all the help I can get, now! Go get all the healers in training, we don’t have a lot of time.” The barking of orders did little to ease Neteyam’s fear, as he very rarely has ever seen his grandmother this agitated. After sending away the trainees, she turned to her grandson and took a deep breath, to calm herself. As serious her voice was, as rushed and violent the atmosphere around them, she still found the second to put her hand on her grandson’s chest, feeling the erratic, loud, trepidous heartbeat that refused to settle in him. 

“Ma ‘itan, she’s very weak. I know you haven’t been close in a long time, but she is your intended mate. I need you to prepare yourself for the worst. Now go back to the battle.” 

“No. I’m staying here.”

Neteyam didn’t get scared often. A whole lifetime of being raised like a soldier made his skin as thick as an 'angtsìk’s, and little ever managed to get under it. You did. You had unmatched prowess to make him feel so many things, too many things, all too intense, all too powerful, all too overbearing. When he was young, all of them were good and pure, all exciting and hopeful - love. It was love. Now, he feels anger and resentment, vengeful spite and deep arousal, all of which poison his mind and make him a version of himself he hates. Hate. That’s it. It’s all hate, isn’t it? So if it is… why are his limbs trembling and eyes watering, why is his mind jumbled with all these memories, why has the blood coursing through his veins been irreparably polluted with so much deep, earth-shattering terror and grief at the thought of losing you? Why was there a crater in his chest where his heart usually resided when he imagined his life without you in it?

Maybe it's because, for better or for worse, you were a constant in his life. From the second your presence made its way to him, you never left. There hasn't been a day that he hasn't seen you, that he hasn't been in your vicinity, not a day in which you haven't trained together, side by side, friends before, enemies after, but always together. Your words, that he drowned for years, came back like an undying echo ringing in his ears.

"You and I, we're meant to fall and rise together..."

I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That we don't lose, yeah, what's the use?

More and more, it felt like you had been right all along. He didn't think about it for so long, so desperate in his attempts to hurt you like you had hurt him, to sour your life like how you soiled his most precious memories, all of you and him, all of a childhood long left behind, all of fantasies he's harboured at the time that long dissipated from the version of future he used to dream about. Nothing about his life now was how he once envisioned, and that was because of you. He would never forgive you, but he couldn't let you go, either. No matter how the visions differed from his current reality, he couldn't shake you, couldn't let you go. Because despite it all, he couldn't part with the girl that used to be his partner in crime, his training buddy, his best friend, his first flight.

"Are you ready?"

Neteyam watched in awe as you confidently nodded at his father, smiling as if the hardest challenge an Omaticaya Na'vi would ever undertake, one that most people did when they were much, much older, was nothing to you, like it was just another yarik hunt that you've done a thousand times before. You turned to him and the smile you gave him dazzled him, left him breathless, not a good thing for the trek he was about to undertake, but still, not something he would could ever find it in himself to be upset about. You turned your attention momentarily to the bowl of paint in your hands before you brought a finger to his face, completing the pattern that was the same as the one you were adorning, one that he painted on you.

You both took turns saying goodbye to everyone, paying special attention to the little bundle in Neytiri's arms. Neteyam couldn't believe this was his little sister, and couldn't believe how attentive you were with her, how careful and loving. Some of his personality must be rubbing off on you, because to the Sully family's surprise, you didn't drop Tuk once in the year she's been born. In fact, you haven’t dropped anything in the last couple of months, including yourself from high places, which used to be one of your favourite past times, and Neteyam couldn't help blush at the thought that he was the reason you were being a little more careful.

As expected, the climb was the hardest thing Neteyam ever put his body through, and he felt suddenly grateful for all the years of torturous training that now felt like a peaceful breeze of the wind in an otherwise unyielding hurricane. Still, seeing you in front of him, not once complaining, not in front of the multiple 15 to 19 year olds that were also taking their rite of passage today, not in front of your Olo'eyktan, made him push through, too. If you could do it, so could he. Because you would do it, so would he.

The rookery was hidden behind a waterfall, and Neteyam watched as one by one, the few Na'vi joining you both either failed or succeeded, and with each attempt, his fear grew stronger, his mind more restless. Eventually, it was his turn, and with a deep breath, he started walking towards the slippery ledge that would lead him to his fate. A hand on his chest not only stopped him in his tracks, but also stopped his heart momentarily, just momentarily, because before he knew it, it started booming again with enough intensity to dizzy him.

"Ma tsantu... you got this. Remember, you and I, we're meant t-"

"-to fall and rise together, I know." you smile, your fingers smoothing the deep frown that gave Neteyam a headache without even realising and he sighed, trying to calm his mind and soul, focusing on you and only you.

"Exactly. So you can't fall, because if you do, I'll have to follow you... and I don't intend to fall yet, Teyam. Not yet."

"How did this happen?"

"Oare... got shot. She's dead. She... fell. I couldn't catch her." I couldn't catch her...

Neteyam couldn't bear to look at the way his grandmother was ripping you apart, although he knew it was all with the purpose of putting you back together again. Her trainees, all girls he knew, some girls he knew more intimately than others, all flocked around you, with wet cloths and trays of balms and powders, of plants and tinctures, and it all hurt, the guilt of knowing to some extent, to a large extent, this was all his fault. This ongoing war between you, never-ending and harrowing, reached a nadir that resulted in the death of your ikran, in your accident, and indirectly, because of your removal and his from the battlefield, might result in the deaths of good na'vi men and women, all of whom had families and a life, and a future they would be robbed of.

Neteyam couldn't leave you and go back. If he did, he knew that much like you, he wouldn't be able to focus enough to matter, and the thought of his mother, of his father, losing one more loved one was too much to bear. Neteyam couldn't leave you, but he couldn't stay here either. It hurt, being here, watching flashes of the girl he hates intertwined with the girl he loved more than anything else in the world, it hurt, having to deal with feelings he buried deep down and memories that came to him like summer rain, uninterrupted and warm, but powerful enough to flood and leave damage their wake.

With one last look at your unconscious form, Neteyam left the village on the back of his Ikran, knowing there was one thing he needed to do, he had to do. His mind was overcome with agonising sorrow as Seze's mourning was felt through his entire being, and the full weight of what transpired came crashing down on him like a tidal wave he could do little to stop, but had to power through, hoping that by the end there was something left of his heart to go on. Oare, much like Seze, has been in his life every day for the last 7 years, and he loved her. She was playful and sweet, and she always played with him when he snuck out at night to give her pets and treats, refusing to let your declining relationship affect their bond. Oare was Seze's best friend, her companion and life partner, and Neteyam knew her death would affect his ikran for a long time, perhaps forever.

With a squeal that matched the banshee, Neteyam watched from the air, on the back of his new mount, his new friend, his new spirit sister, as you made Tsaheylu, and his heart, that has been barely beating in anxious fear, felt finally awake again.

"Ftang! Tam tam, tsìltsan 'eve." your smile was wide and relieved as your eyes searched the sky until they found his, and he swore he never knew it was possible to love someone so much, to feel so connected to a soul, so much so it felt like he could hear you, your heartbeat and your mind, like tsaheylu would have been redundant because he knew. He just knew.

"I did it, Teyam!"

"Yes, you did, Vi! Come, first flight seals the bond."

That day was Neteyam's happiest day. That memory is still something that he cherishes deeply, that he'll never be able to shake, that haunts him at night, that shakes his resolve whenever he's thinking of a new way to make you pay. That memory is still untarnished in his mind, and it will always remain so, especially today, as he's fastening Oare's lifeless form onto Seze, petting her one last time, allowing the tears he's been stubbornly pushing back this entire day to finally fall from his cheeks onto her face, almost like she was the one crying, one last time.

"I'm sorry, girl. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry that I beat you... again. You're gonna have to do much better than this to beat me, Teyam."

The floating rock you landed on, hours after you finished your Iknimaya, was alit with biofluorescence, the colours reflecting in your eyes and on your shiny skin, covered in a light layer of sweat from the flight.

"Give me a break, Vi. It's my first time doing this."

"Yeah, cause I've been doing it for ages." you say, chuckling and rolling your eyes. You prop your body on your elbows and point to the two banshees playing in the air with each other, a mass of ravelling green and purple, so beautiful, and so, so free.

"I can't take all the credit. She did most of the work. I love her already, Teyam. Do you have a name in mind for yours?"

Neteyam didn't have to think about it too much. Ever since he's first found out about the Iknimaya, a story told to him by his mother consolidated a name in his memory that he's never been able to forget.

"Seze. Like my mother's ikran that bravely gave her life in the war against the Sky People."

"That's pretty. And fitting. She's a beautiful flower."

"What about you?"

"Oare."

"Why?"

"I used to look at the moons every night and think I'm so far away from this, from my destiny, from who I've always known I was meant to be, the Iknimaya might as well have been the moon - unreachable, untouchable, a world away. And now, I'm here, with you, way past curfew, and we're gonna get in so much trouble and I couldn't care less because I did it, I reached the moon. And I did it with the only person I ever wanted to. So.. Oare."

"Thank you, Teyam. I learnt a lot from you in these years. Ever since I met you, I knew you were special. And I think, even without realising, I wanted to be more like you. I've looked up to you for so long, I don't even remember my life before the Sullys took me in. If I'm here today, it's because of you. You helped me become more temperate and understand the weight of my talent and my power, and that I have a responsibility to the clan, that this is bigger than me, and my life."

Neteyam was taken aback at your words. You were never this forthcoming with your feelings normally, but he couldn't say he wasn't happy about it. He was so happy.

"I love you, Vi. I may have made you more responsible, but you made me better. Braver. More creative, more inventive. I almost couldn't finish the Iknimaya today, and then one of your crazy ideas popped in my head, and it worked. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't have done this without you, without your influence in my life. Thank you."

You smiled softly, and put your head on his chest, just watching the dance of the banshees, and he prayed that this moment would never end.

"I guess we really are meant to be together then, huh?"

"Yeah. I guess we are."

Neteyam placed Oare in the village, where the elders and Tsa'hik would be able to perform Eywa's funeral rituals, before making his way back to the tent. He couldn't help the gasp that escaped him as he was met with your drowsy, blood-shot eyes, so much sadness in them, it broke him. They were so different then the ones that have haunted Neteyam's mind today, so devoid of the innocence and love he remembered, so filled with anger and spite and hurt, so much like his own, such a bitter reminder that the past was only that, the past, and there was nothing left of you, or of him, of the love you shared and the future he envisioned. With one last memory, Neteyam felt the walls surrounding his heart, thick and unflinching, growing harder with every year since the Iknimaya, fortify yet again, as one last memory emerged uninvited and reminded him of why, despite your history, Neteyam would never look at you the same way again.

And I know whatever this is ain't love So I'm goin' I'm gonna let you go, let you go

"I'm going to go back to my tent. I had too much of a good day to spoil it by Jake yelling at me for 2 hours straight. I'd rather save the pleasure for tomorrow."

"That's so unfair, why do I have to suffer by myself?"

A shrug was all the answer you felt was necessary to give him, and he felt his heart drop at the notion of going to his family's tent so late, so far past curfew, without your much more argumentative presence, that his father could never resist. He walked cautiously, silently, praying that his family would be asleep so he could just sneak in and postpone the yelling until tomorrow. To his surprise, he heard whispered voices coming from right outside the tent, whispers he quickly recognised as his father and grandmother's.

"... that it should be her. She should be the next Olo'eykte. That she is the most deserving of it, has been since she was young. It took a long time to see it for myself, but... I don't know. Maybe he.."

...Olo'eykte? You? Neteyam couldn't believe his ears. He couldn't believe how quickly his father was willing to replace him, how quickly he considered you better and more worthy of the title than his own son, than the rightful heir. You were both 12, for Eywa's sake. How could a decision be made so early? Neteyam felt tears gather in his eyes, the betrayal's sting more painful than a kali'weya's, and yet, still, a part of him knew this already. A part of him couldn't find it in him to be upset, because you were better. And you deserved to lead, you deserved to fulfil your destiny, that was made for greatness, made for the songs and the ballads, made for history.

"It's Neteyam's birthright, Jakesulli. It wouldn't be right, no matter how worthy the girl is. What about a mateship? They have been inseparable for years anyhow."

"Ah, she would never want to be Tsa'hik. And she wouldn't be good at it anyway. Besides..." the silence felt like it dragged on forever, and he clung on to it, afraid of what was waiting for him at the end of it.

"I mentioned it to her. She said she... doesn't want to mate with Neteyam. That she couldn't ever love him the way a mate would. She was... very adamant about it."

As Neteyam looked into your eyes, those words forever embedded in his psyche, playing in his ears like a cacophony of sounds that rattled him every time he saw you, even so many years later, solidified in him by all the times you continued to hurt him, continued flaunting your relationships and skills to him, your connection and closeness to his own family, that sometimes he felt like he didn't belong in anymore, like he was the adoptive one... he was reminded that every time, it hurt, every day, it broke him further, and those eyes that were once his guidepost and the reason he got up in the morning, were now empty and bleak, and enough to make anger bubble in his soul once more, until it drowned everything else, until it was all that was left.

I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That we don't lose, yeah what's the use? I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That I can win this stupid thing called love

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[corrodedcoffins-blog]

hmmm before taylor x player get together mayeb taylro gets asked about her in an interview?

Jimmy Fallon and a DM

taylor swift x fem!NHL!reader

note: not that good lol, sorry i loved the idea just got busy and i wanted to put it out sooner than later <3

Between the break for the USA and International leg of her tour, Taylor was set to appear on Jimmy Fallon. Waiting for her que, getting her hair fixed last second by the stylist, she hears the ‘Please welcome, Dr. Taylor Swift”  

The fans in the live audience cheered as Taylor stepped out onto the set, giving Jimmy a quick hug before sitting down. The cheering never stopped, “Thank you so much.” The woman said, addressing the crowd which only causes them to cheer more.

“We are just so happy you’re here! And I announced you as ‘Doctor’ this time. ""Yes. Thank you. But really I’m happy to be here.” “And we’re so excited to talk about the tour, so you’ve finished the USA leg. And you have announced The Eras Tour film, coming out worldwide October 13th! And it really is a record breaking tour!”

The crowd cheering again, an awkward smile on Taylor’s face, even after years it will always be weird to have people tell you all your accomplishments. 

“I mean, I've written some things down; the tour is already estimated to earn over $1 billion, your opening night in Glendale was the most-attended concert by a female artist ever in the U.S., and your tour has actually boosted the economy! I mean that’s amazing! That’s amazing.” “Thank you! That is so kind of you to say all that!” “Well it’s true!”

-

“And- y’know speaking of your athleticism in getting ready for the tour, a certain athlete in the NHL for the New Jersey Devils, said you were her celebrity crush. Did you see this?”

Of course Taylor had seen it. The clip was all over ‘SwiftTok’ a place she was very active in, with her secret account. And only her closest friends knew that she had in fact started to reciprocate the feelings. Growing a crush on the girl after watching clip after clip of her doing media, getting mic’d up, and answering the questions; and getting butterflies in her stomach whenever she hears Y/n mention her.

“Um, yes I did. I mean, Y/n L/n, she’s very talented and I really admire her, and how far she’s brought herself; and she is definitely far more athletic than me.”

A low chuckle coming from the crowd, Taylor thankful it was Jimmy interviewing her and not anyone else, who would want to press on the subject.

-

One thing about Y/n is she loves talk shows, reality TV, and award shows. So having a night off, Y/n decided to stay in and do her favourite activity, surfing the channels. And she happens to come across the Jimmy Fallon tonight show, with Taylor Swift in the seat adjacent to the host. And another thing about Y/n is whenever she sees Taylor Swift, she stops.

They were talking about her workout routine to get ready for the tour, which truly to Y/n sounded very impressive. Then they did something that at this time feels like the worst thing ever, yet will turn out to be the best thing to ever happen to her. 

Jimmy mentions a ‘certain athlete’. That’s what Y/n believed would end her life, hearing Taylor Swift talk about her confessing her brush on the woman. Hearing that your celebrity crush has heard what you’ve said about them, was probably her worst fear.

Before she could even hear what the woman was going to say, against her own will, Y/n turned off the TV, put on music and finally started to make dinner; something she was putting off before that became her alternative.

-

The early morning light of 5:30 am filtered through the curtains, Y/n getting out of bed and making her way into the bathroom, and getting ready; telling her google home to play her morning music, getting into her workout attire, before making her way into her kitchen and making a smoothie with her pre-workout. 

Only going on her phone in the elevator, the woman almost dropped her half-finished smoothie, and honestly she herself almost fell to the floor seeing the DM she had gotten.

Hey, Y/n

I’m sorry if talking about you on The Tonight Show in any way made you uncomfortable, but I really do admire you and I was wondering if you would ever want to go out sometime. It isn’t just you with the celebrity crush.

Lesson number one of how to kill Y/n, be Taylor Swift and ask her out.

~taglist~

@orange15quote

[merakiui]

Okay but.. but Incubus Riddle, who grows so fond and attached to you that he only ever visits you.

Incubus Riddle, who refuses to go to anyone else.

Incubus Riddle, who's determined to make you his, no matter what. You will be his bride, bear his children.

All he desires is to have you completely. Incubi don't truly mate often, but when they do, it's for life. You cannot run, for he will find you.

I've been brainrotting this for a week now hhhhh

Omg incubus Riddle who purposely refrains from feeding for a while just so he'll be so weak and hungry and pitiful when he visits you. That way you'll have no choice but to help him. He's so cute with his tail flicking to and fro, the tip heart-shaped, and his curled horns sitting nestled in crimson locks. He's so hungry, slit pupils so wide they're nearly slivers of moons in his eyes. You have to feel at least a little bad for him, right? He means you no harm. He's only here because he's desperate. Just let him fuck you so he can feed himself. He promises it'll feel good for you. He'll be gentle.

It's strange to see an incubus begging. Normally, they take what they want, seducing humans as easily as one might breathe. This incubus is different. He seems polite enough, awkwardly sitting at the end of your bed, fidgeting in his spot as he waits for you to accept him. It may be a clever act; all demons are master tricksters. But you really do feel bad for him. He's starving. He'll wither into nothing if he doesn't eat something. You know most demons don't take without giving; they're all fond of deals, however one-sided they often are. You suppose, if you're going to help him, you might as well benefit from it.

You ask him if he knows history. Riddle nods. Of course he does. He's lived a long life; he's lived the history humans discuss nowadays, and all of it is committed to memory. So you tell him that he can use you but only if he helps you with your history essay in return. Riddle supposes it's a reasonable request, and with a fiery handshake that doesn't burn as much as you thought it might the deal is made official.

Riddle does not get attached to his bed partners or, if he's being bluntly honest, his food. Feeding is business in his eyes. It's both a formality and a necessity. But he has to stay a little longer after the fact so he can uphold his end of the deal. He's never spent the night in a human's home before. He's never woken up beside one in bed. Some might say this is his first one-night stand, and yet when he wakes and meanders about your home, curiously eyeing furniture and appliances, he realizes it might prove to be a valuable learning experience for him.

Riddle spends a week with you, helping you through the tedious work that is essay writing. And when it's time for him to return to the Underworld, he realizes he had fun with you. It was enjoyable to spend time with you, to follow you to your classes, shifting into all manner of tiny creatures in order to be discreet and hide in your bag, to spend nights arguing over academic sources and how the histories aren't written in the way Riddle remembers it, to sit on the sofa and watch films and TV shows, to sit at the table and watch you flit about your small kitchen space, cooking a delicious-smelling dinner. What Riddle doesn't realize is that he's fond of the connection, the domestic nature of mutualistic relations (waking up together (sometimes dragging the other out of bed), getting ready in the morning together, eating together, bickering together, being together). He chalks it up to some manner of humanity rubbing off on him, fooling himself into thinking it's just because he's getting to know one of his bed partners that he feels this way.

But then he finds himself in your room once again, nearly mad with hunger, and like last time you help him. He spends another week with you, this time helping you tidy up your room as it's getting a little dusty and crowded with final exams approaching. He leaves again, thanking you for being an accommodating host, and the time that follows is boring and mundane. His schedules are never exciting, but then he's always felt comfortable in cycles. So what's changed? He tries to distract himself with other sources of food, pushing you to the back of his mind, but every time he finds himself in a stranger's bedroom and he's ready to seduce them he stops and retreats. None of those people are you. He doesn't want them.

By the sixth time Riddle has visited you, weak and starving, it slowly begins to make sense. He's grown fond of you. So fond that now other humans can't compare. It isn't just for the sake of feeding. Rather, it's more than that. Your company, your energy, your smile, your laugh, your expressions, your sounds... He likes all of it, and he wants to exist in your life as a permanent fixture so that he'll always experience these pleasant things. But you have other ideas. Since Riddle seems to be a recurring theme in your life, your deals have surpassed academic help.

Now you're asking him to teach you the art of seduction so you can impress that one classmate you've fancied for so long now. You ask him to teach you all sorts of techniques with his hands, his mouth, his fingers... You ask him to judge your outfits (outfits he'd rather tear to shreds in his haste to make you his forever) because he always has such a logical opinion. You ask him to take on the appearance of your crush in bed, to use their voice rather than his own, when he fucks you to fulfill your own fantasies. Because you seem to think that he views sex as an obligation (a means of feeding himself) when the truth is that he wants emotional connections. (He likes you. So much it hurts.) You ask him to take you out on dates looking like your crush. You might as well ask him to become your crush... And Riddle obeys. He has to; it's a deal and the rules of a fair agreement stipulate that both parties must uphold their ends no matter what. He holds his tongue, submits to the displeasure that is hiding himself away when you'd rather see your crush and not Riddle (never Riddle), and he fucks you six ways to Sunday. It may seem like it's a good deal when he gets premium meals every time, but that doesn't mean anything to Riddle. He can get food anywhere; humans are plentiful and easily accessible. But when he's so in love, so thoroughly invested in a life with you, it makes it difficult to stomach.

Lots of incubi don't mate for life. They have many partners, often never truly committing to any real life bonds. Some don't even fall in love. But Riddle has always thought differently. He's always believed in mating for life. He's always hoped to find someone, even if that someone felt like a far-off impossibility, something strung up in the stars or only extant in a sweet dream. But you are that far-off impossibility. You are that constellation. You are that sweet dream. And he isn't going to let you slip through his fingers. He's sacrificed too many things in his past and current lives, and he isn't willing to let himself live a solitary life ever again.

The next time he feeds from you, he will make you his bride and his mate all within a few well-aimed thrusts. :)

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME BALDUR'S GATE 3 / PART FIVE

we won't survive this if we don't stand together.

it is through conflict that we strengthen our bonds.

the next resolution may not end in her favor.

it's a question that burns in my belly day and night.

have you been looking at my differently?

i was too hasty to judge you.

i thought you witless, gutless, and unimpressively bland.

i thought you cruel, stubborn, and judgmental.

you have stoked fires i didn't know i possessed.

you've gained my respect.

you know how to set my heart racing.

we'll kiss and make up in our own time.

someone prodding at a newly opened wound doesn't help matters.

admirable conviction.

how can you go through all this trouble and not understand why?

secrecy is ingrained in me.

i like night orchids and can't swim.

i can't remember much of myself.

i hope that's the end of this silly quarrel.

killing's never my first choice, but they were too dangerous to leave alive.

i've come to sate you, and be sated.

time for pleasure has passed.

there's something i want to talk to you about, something important.

i owe you my life.

i may not have survived that night without you.

i'm trying to say that you've earned my trust in a way very few ever have.

i'm not usually one to elaborate if i can avoid it.

most fear the dark, because in darkness they see their fears reflected.

in darkness we do not hide, we act.

you pray with such conviction.

the presence of your goddess must fill your whole being.

perhaps we need not speak farewells.

i never pictured myself as a hero.

never thought i'd be the one they toast for saving so many lives.

i hate it, this is awful.

i would've liked more for my trouble than a pat on the head and vinegar for wine.

all i want is a little fun.

it's not you, it's me. i have standards.

you have no idea how good it feels to see these people smiling.

don't waste a night like this talking to me.

i thought you might care to have a drink with me.

i rarely imbibe, the stuff goes right to my head.

before you know it, i'd be breaking into song or declaring love to the first person i laid eyes on.

you strike me as extremely resourceful.

there are many grateful people here who want to spend time with you.

i must not keep you all to myself, as enjoyable as that may be.

this might be the wine talking, but i'm feeling inspired.

look at them all, guzzling poison l ike we've the right to be happy.

i need to dance.. nope, i need to lie down.

the others will kill me if i keep you all to myself.

spontaneous thank-yous make me suspicious.

this is a night for celebration, not suspicion.

amid all this merriment, i wasn't sure we'd have a chance to speak this evening.

were our bond a little stronger, i might even have shared a moment of magic with you.

our fledgling acquaintanceship has not yet taken flight.

such intimacy will have to wait.

they could not match your nerve today.

it was enough to drive me to madness.

i won't be nursing their pounding heads and sicks stomachs in the morning.

everyone seems to be in high spirits.

you know who i never thought i'd find myself caring for.

i think you'll find i've been showing ample concern for myself since the moment we met.

share a bottle with me?

i'll find you after everyone's turned in for the night.

i think a toast is in order. any suggestions?

sounds like you just need a little more liquid inspiration.

you're beautiful.

i know [i'm beautiful], but you're sweet to notice.

i'll trust your judgement.

i do not truly care if you approve.

that night meant a lot to me.

i'm not sure what kind of sourtship we'll be afforded, given all that we're facing.

if you want to see where this goes, i do as well.

we share something special.

my people are nothing if not resourceful.

thought i'd shaken you for good.

that'll teach me to underestimate you.

she's trying to trick us, don't believe her lies.

when i saw an opportunity to get away, i took it.

you're asking me to trust a devil.

i don't want this to end badly for either of us.

you know monsters, right? better than anyone?

thought i was going to have to take your head.

there have been enough threats today.

how would you feel about helping me kill some evil bastards?

turns out i've got a knack for killing demons.

she looks like she could throw me over her shoulders and carry me to safety.

i'd hug you if it wouldn't scorch your skin off.

she's got the brawn of a warrior and the wiles of a survivor.

she speaks her mind, plainly and fully.

in other circumstances, i would have done the same.

best to not dwell on nights past.

you've been naughty.

you know what happens when you're naughty.

aren't you a luscious thing.

if i had a warm heart, i'm sure it would be skipping.

i've taken more pleasant shits than you.

that's no kind of talk for a lady.

you better not lay a damned finger on [name].

a promise broken, a price paid.

been a long time since someone stuck their neck out for me like that.

he's a good man, maybe the best of us.

the sex gets better the more experience you have with someone.

[cupid-styles]

omg ok so blurb idea for ginger ale bc u said u needed inspo

i know u kinda already touched up on this in the main story but what if mias like completely drained from school like its exam season and she has to study but shes also somehow failing classes even tho she studied and is swamped with work but cant get up to do anything bc shes panicking and stuff and idk maybe she pushes him away bc shes freaked out and hes like huh bc she never snaps at him like that bla bla and then some angst and fluff and comfort 😭

im so sorry this wasnt supposed to be that long but inspiration struck😭💀obviously u dont have to write it jus a suggestion

omg LOVE THIS!!!!! here's a little something for you :))

word count: 1.7k

content warnings: angst (all is solved in the end), harry being a dummy, age gap romance (8 years)

based on this one-shot!

masterlist | talk to me

. . .

Harry has never seen Mia so exhausted before.

Granted, they've only been officially dating for a few months, but she's typically a relatively organized student. It's something that he's always admired about her — he can think back to his days in university and immediately remembers scattered deadlines and far too many hungover mornings, resulting in constantly missing classes.

Then again, he's never seen her during finals season, and it's apparent that she's feeling the impact of papers, exams, and one too many late nights spent studying.

Because of the nature of their lives, finding time to spend with one another without work or school is often difficult. It's important to Harry that they actively set aside an evening or two each week that's just for them. No discussion of board meetings, lectures, or any stressors — he likes to keep it simple with a delicious and filling meal, a movie on the TV (whether or not they watch it is a separate factor), and his girl nestled into his side.

But for the first time ever, Mia's texting him to cancel.

Under any other ordinary circumstance, he'd be more understanding. Truly. But it's been almost a week since he's seen her, and he's feeling... well, needy. He misses her! And he knows that distance is good, blah blah blah, but this is their time — and it feels like she's just brushing him off, as if he barely matters.

It's why he ends up calling her on his way home from work with Reese driving smoothly and calmly up in the front. Harry drums his fingers against his knee as he listens to the dial tone, a frown on his lips as he waits for her to answer.

"Hello?"

Relief washes over his chest despite her anxiety-ridden tone. "Hey, I'm heading home from work. Do you want me to have Reese come pick you up?"

She sighs frustratedly, "Harry, I just texted you that I can't come over tonight. I have to study."

"You can't give up a few hours to spend with your boyfriend?" he fires back, an accusatory edge to his voice, "I've barely seen you lately."

"You've been in school before, H, you know how stressful exams season is. I need to do well."

"Mi, you're the smartest person I know, you'll be fine if you take some time away from—"

"I won't be, actually," she suddenly snaps. "I'm already failing one of my most important classes and if I don't get at least a B+ on the final, I'll have to retake it next semester. So no, I can't just slack off for a few hours, I need to study, Harry."

Immediately, he pauses. Mia has never gotten angry with him before, vice versa. And he doesn't think he's being particularly unreasonable — if anything, he feels she is — but he's mature enough to know that nothing's getting solved in this conversation. Not when she's clearly tired and stressed. Instead, he opts for the more caring-boyfriend-approach.

"I didn't know you were failing a course. Why didn't you ask for help?"

"Because you can't solve everything!" Mia exclaims, sending a pang of hurt rattling through his chest. "I need to go, alright? I'll see you soon."

With that, the line goes dead.

. . .

Even when Mia falls asleep on her couch, textbook in her lap and a highlighter between her fingers, she can't believe Harry.

The next morning, when she has a persistent ache in her neck and her back feels like it's broken in two, she knows school isn't the only stressful thing her body's responding to.

She thinks dating an older guy is great. Dating Harry is great. Until moments like this, when he somehow forgets that people — including his girlfriend — need to work to get certain things in life, and that they won't just be given an entire company a month after graduation. She doesn't doubt that he understands that on some level, but from the perspective of a partner — well, she thinks he's being pretty insensitive.

Her fingers twitch at her sides in class as she tries her best to pay attention, wanting nothing more to grab her phone from her bag to see if he's texted her. Midway through the day, though, there's still nothing. She can't believe he still hasn't apologized for how he acted the previous night, and it only makes anger fester in her chest even more.

Finally, by the time she trudges home in the cold (December is nearing, and with that comes miserable gusts of wind and flurries of snow), she's had it with his silent treatment. She's barely through the door when she decides that she'll be the one to break the tension — only, when she kicks her shoes off at the door, she notices that her kitchen and living room lights are on, and she surely turned them off before heading out this morning.

Gripping her phone in her hand, she quietly tip-toes out of the entryway, nervous that there's some sort of... homely intruder eating her snacks or watching TV. Instead, she gasps out in shock, clutching her chest when her eyes fall on none other than Harry.

"What the fuck?!" Mia exclaims, her heart thumping quickly with anxiety. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you."

She squints her eyes, feeling her eyebrows nearly shoot up to her forehead. "So you call. Or text. Not break into my house!"

"You gave me a spare key, Mia—"

"That's for emergencies!" she shouts, suddenly feeling like the living room is slowly getting smaller and closing in on her.

"But you never would've let me come over—"

"Harry, I was literally about to call you when I walked in the door. I'm still mad at you for last night! And you're only making me angrier by being here!"

Tears well up in her eyes as she spits the words out at him. She never thought she'd be in this position with him — it hurts her to even verbalize her anger.

"Wait," Harry stands from the couch, a furrow in his brows as he crosses his arms over the button-up he likely wore to work today, "You're mad at me?"

Mia stares back at him like he has two heads.

"Yes," she slowly replies. "Do not tell me you're mad at me."

His throat bobs. "Yeah. I am."

"For what?!" her anger festers in her chest all over again, exploding like an overflowing pot of boiling water.

"You— you haven't been around lately. You haven't been spending time with me or treating me like a priority."

She squints her eyes, her fingertips finding her temples as an ache begins to settle at the sides of her head. With a shake of her head, she turns around, stomping back towards the entryway of her apartment.

"You need to go," she decides, not even bothering to shed her jacket off yet, "I can't talk to you right now. You're being incredibly unreasonable."

"So you just want to walk away, then? We're not gonna solve anything, we're just gonna keep ignoring each other?"

"I was never ignoring you! I was waiting for you to apologize to me, only to find out that you think I'm in the wrong!"

Harry scoffs as he follows her down the hallway. "Well, I'm not leaving. I want to fix things. And I'm not going until we do."

"Is your approach to annoy me into apologizing?" Mia snaps.

"No," he mutters with a roll of his eyes, "Maybe we're both just being emotional."

She shrugs her shoulders.

"Do you still want me to go?"

Mia shifts her stance from foot to foot. With a noisy sigh, she shakes her head before mumbling out, "No. Let's just... talk about it."

He nods. There's a silence lulling between them as she stands with her back pressed against the wall, stubbornness apparent as she crosses her arms over her chest. He swallows and rolls his lips into a thin line.

"I'm sorry for coming over unannounced. That was very immature of me and crossing a boundary. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to see you."

She keeps her eyes on the floor. "I just wish you'd texted or called instead. I waited all day to hear from you."

"I'm sorry," Harry repeats, his sock-clad feet taking a hesitant step closer to her, "It makes me feel stupid, how needy I can get. I know we're both busy with our own lives but I adore you, Mi. And I hate being away from you."

"I hate it, too," she mumbles, her bottom lip slightly pouted. "And you're not stupid for being needy... I just need you to understand that I'm working hard trying to get my education, and I need you to respect when I'm stressed or busy."

"I will. I'll do better."

She glances up to look at him. He looks tired, his eyes sad. With a quiet sigh, she lifts her hand to press her palm against his warm cheek. The prickles of his facial hair serve as a harsh juxtaposition from the soft skin beneath.

"I'm sorry, too. I never want you to feel like I don't care or I don't want to be with you. I just get so overwhelmed."

"I understand," Harry coos, wrapping a hand around her wrist to bring it to his mouth. He presses light kisses into her palm. "I know you care. I have to work on being more secure in our relationship."

Mia hums at his kisses, his gentle nature a welcomed change from their arguing.

"You know, you could always move closer," she murmurs with a smirk. He chuckles.

"Yeah. Or you could always just move in."

She rolls her eyes, "Then I'd really never get any work done."

"Mm, but think about how nice it'd be," he mumbles, slipping an arm around her waist to pull her closer. "I'd cook you dinner all the time, bring you snacks and tea while you study... you'd have your own office, of course. We could get a dog or a cat, too. Share a bed every night... you wouldn't have to use travel sizes of all your skincare stuff either, because everything would be there already."

She smiles to herself as she leans her head on his shoulder. The thought is nice. So nice. But they both know it's too early in their relationship, regardless of how deeply they feel for one another. Maybe it's a dream to work up to — a sweet, domestic life together.

"And you know what would be the best part?" she asks, brushing her lips up against the shell of his ear.

"Hm?"

"I'd get to use your heated bathroom floors every day."

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Can I please get a fluffy dad Pedro coming home to trader taking care of their sick baby?

It's been a hot minute since I've wrote for Pedrito. Felt good, so good!!

Snotty noses

Pedro was rather lost in his head as he made his way through the busy New York streets after yet another interview. He had declined so many of them towards the end of your pregnancy. Even more, once your baby girl was born. But his management was pressuring him now. He had to make an appearance. There were shows and movies of his that had to be promoted. Especially with him being the main lead.

But now all he felt was guilt because he must have dragged some virus back home last week. Causing you to fall ill slightly but most importantly making your newborn baby sick for the very first time. So to say that he felt like the most shit father ever now would be an understatement.

Pedro stopped at the little pharmacy not too far from your shared apartment to grab the medication you had asked for. Asking for extras of everything. Hating all the little syringes that would help the baby swallow the mixtures. His little angel. Unexpected and hardly planned but no less of a miracle. Truly, Pedro had given up on the idea of having kids. He wasn't in his youngest years. Plus his schedule was still so tight. He knew he would spend way too little time at home for his liking.

But you fell pregnant and he had sat on the bathroom floor for over an hour just started at all the positive tests with you. Happy tears running down his cheeks. Pedro never failed to remind you how thankful he was for this. For you choose to go through the rather ruth pregnancy. Being an absolute wander woman at birth. He loved you even more now and was smitten with the little girl you two had created.

Pedro unlocks the apartment door quietly just in case you two had managed to fall asleep. Dropping the pharmacy bad to the side he kicked off his shoes, quickly making his way towards the living room where he had left his two girls snuggled up in the morning. The fact that no baby was screaming made him hopeful that she was at least slightly better. Had to be, right? The doctor had said that by now she should be showing signs of getting better.

And what Pedro sees is you swaying softly, humming your tune as you no doubt are trying to make her fall asleep. But her tiny little hands are wildly grabbing around as she wiggles in your hands. You turn sideways slightly, jumping lightly at the sight of your partner.

"God, Pedro, I nearly had a heart attack...", you mutter letting your shoulders sag in relief. "Sorry, my love, just was trying to be quiet", he mutters quietly, taking you in. You're still in one of his shirts that you wore to bed. Hair messily pushed to the side. A part of Pedro knows that you hadn't had a shower or a moment to do something for yourself today and that makes him feel so guilty. "You sure succeeded in doing that", You breath out but now you're smiling up at him, "How did it all go?"

"In all honesty, I just wanted to go home. Don't like leaving you two like this", Pedro stepped closer, leaving a light kiss on your forehead, as he embraced you. Noting that your skin was noticeably less warm. "How's our bunny?", his eyes fall onto the little bundle, who's already looking up at their dad with big brown eyes, "How's my little girl? You're feeling any better?", he coos at her, earning a little gummy smile you two haven't seen in over a week.

"The fever is gone, she's mostly snotty", you hum in response, laying your hand down on Pedro's shoulder for a moment. "And you?", he asks within a heartbeat. Your silence says enough. And truthfully Pedro can only imagine what a toll this caused to your body. "I'll be fine", you mutter but Pedro is shaking his head. "Go take a long hot bath, I'll make you something to eat before the evening feed. The pills you asked for are on the entrance table", his words are soft, and caring, as he carefully takes the baby from your hands.

"I'm fine, P", you know that he's also just as tired. He had been taken most of the night feeds. Sure, you both had stayed up for most nights because you both were scared that you might miss something but still. More or less Pedro was the one getting out of bed to change dippers and picking up whatever you might need for a feed. "Don't, my love. You too deserve to take a breather", he gently rubs your upper arm, "I've got her. You go pamper yourself a little. Believe me, you'll feel much better". And of course, you knew that he was right. Sometimes even a little shower can make a huge difference when you're not feeling well. So with a quick kiss on your baby's cheek, you slip away into the bathroom.

Pedro quickly changes into more comfortable clothes while babbling to the rather active baby. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed watching her when she was so active and alert. The droopy, tired eyes had been cutting his heart for days now. Pedro gets the kettle for tea ready. Pulling out a pot of soup from the fridge to heat up once you're out. Already thinking about the sandwich he'll make to go alongside it.

But he finds himself on the sofa almost immediately. With the light weight of the baby pressing onto his chest. "Look at your snotty little nose", he coos, reaching out for the stuff to extract the mucus with and carefully wiping the area, "It must feel so frustrating, huh?" The baby only bubbles in return and Pedro finds himself nodding to the sound. Her curious gaze finds him. The deep chocolate eyes crinkle with a smile as she notices him. "You're happy to see me today? Did you miss me?", Pedro is smiling himself as he carefully runs his fingers over her cheek, "I've missed you too, baby girl. Never want to leave you and your mommy again".

A big yawn slips out of her lips. Pedro moves to rub her back with his palm. She doesn't break the eye contact, trying to stay up and look at her dad but her eyes are slowly betraying her. Pedro laughs a little, "Don't fight it, baby girl, Daddy will be right here when you wake up", he promises. She lets out a sigh. Nuzzling deeper into his chest. Pedro takes hold of her tiny first, placing a loving kiss onto it, letting her tiny finger grip onto him. She's out within seconds. The warmth of him mixed with the calming sound of her father's heartbeat is enough to make her settle in no time. Pedro smiles to himself. Allowing himself to just watch her. Soak up all of her tiny features and the love she can show even while being so small.

[jpmarvel90]

Coming Home

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Relationship: Natasha x ex-Reader

Summary: Friends most of thier lives and in a relationship from 17 years old, Y/n and Scarlett's relationship deteriorated when Scarlett started her acting career. In contrast Y/n joined the military and has a surprise encounter after many years when she returns from duty.

Word Count: 3881

Y/n's POV:

I have known Scarlett Johansson most of my life. We grew up together and our parents are really close friends. We were best friends for most of our childhood and then we started dating when we were 17. For 3 years we were together, and we had a great relationship. We may have been young, but our love was strong. I adored her and I truly believe that she did in return.

When we turned 20, she started being away more for filming, and because our relationship wasn't public, I wasn't able to travel with her or spend as much time as I'd hoped. Over time, the contact was getting less and less. We used to call everyday regardless of where she was and be texting through the day. But as the months went on, she called less and eventually just stopped messaging me all together.

What was worse was still seeing her family regularly. I loved her parents, especially her mom and I struggled to still spend time with them when I had been completely ghosted by their daughter. So, to protect my already broken heart, I started to distance myself from them. I was in college in New York and just focused on getting to graduation.

Much to my Mom's dismay, when I graduated college, I joined the Army. I commissioned as an Officer and was posted out to Fort Benning in Georgia. I was due to be posted to Afghanistan so my parents decided to throw a huge party to send me off. I was surprised when the Johanssons appeared at the door, but I was grateful to see them before I left.

I needed to take a breather and stood outside in our garden to collect my thoughts of how I ended up here. I hadn't ever really been far from my family. I had stay in New York for College. It was weird at first when I went to Georgia a year ago. Now I was heading to Afghanistan on my first deployment, and I was leading my unit. As I was lost in thought, I felt a hand placed on my shoulder. "You look so grown up in your uniform." I turned around and saw Melanie, Scarlett's mom. "I still remember you running around our back garden playing soldiers with Scarlett as 8 year olds. I never thought you'd actually end up going to fight." She said with a sad look on her face.

I took her hand and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry I stopped coming to see you. It was just hard." I apologised. "We understood Y/n. I'm sorry that my daughter didn't have the courage to talk to you and not just block you out of her life." She said sincerely. "I've always considered you like a daughter Y/n. I hope you can keep in contact whilst you're away." She said and I instantly felt my guilt grow for shutting them out of my life just because of what Scarlett had done.

"I'll write as often as I can and when I come home to visit, I'll be sure to come by. You and Karsten are family to me." We pulled away from our hug and she gave me a teary smile. "How about a photo before you leave?" She asked and I happily obliged. We went and sought out Karsten and my parents and took a few photos. As I was leaving this evening I was already in my uniform.

Once the party was over, I had a teary goodbye with my parents and made my way to the station for my train to Georgia ready for my flight in the morning. As I put my bag on my back, I turned and saw my dad holding my mom in the doorway as they watched me leave. I turned around and gave them a wave as I turned the corner out of sight. Their words still ringing in my ears. "Please come back to us."

_____________

It had been 4 years since I left, and I had barely been home. I had done one tour of Iraq and was in the middle of my second tour of Afghanistan. I wrote as often as I could as making calls was difficult from the patrol bases, I was stationed at. I had kept my promise and was in regular contact with Melanie. The couple of times I had managed to get home, I always would drop by and see them.

As much as I had tried to avoid any news on Scarlett, I would still see things in the press or online. She was just going through a divorce with Ryan Reynolds and that did nothing for my confidence. No wonder she wanted to stop any contact with me when she had guys like him around. Luckily, I only saw things like this when I was back in the US. Thankfully gossip news wasn't exactly a priority in Afghanistan so it was pretty easy to avoid it whilst I was there.

I was currently sat on the train on my way back home for R&R leave and I was nervous as I hadn't been home in nearly 2 years. I was planning on spending my week off with my parents before I had to fly back out. My parents didn't know that I was coming home so I was excited to surprise them, although I knew that I was going to have to explain the cuts and bruises from an incident I was involved in.

After the long train journey, I jumped in a taxi to head home. My leg was bouncing with nerves at the thought of seeing my parents again. I had really missed them and wished that I had made the effort to come home more often. As the taxi pulled up outside my house, I paid up and found myself just standing on the front step. I could hear music and laughing inside and there was a part of me that didn't want to interrupt. But I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

The door swung open, and my Dad was stood there. It took a moment for him to register that it was me before he silently just pulled me into the biggest hug he has ever given me. I could hear small sniffles and as he pulled away, I noticed a few tears had fallen down his cheeks. "I can't believe you're home!" He said through the tears. "Who is it Henry?" I heard my mom call from the dining room. "I think you should come and see for yourself Mary." He replied, never taking his eyes off of me.

I heard her gasp and let out a small scream as she saw me stood in the doorway. "OH MY GOD! My baby!" she ran toward me and launched herself at me, almost knocking me over. "Hi Mom. I missed you." I said into the hug. My dad joined the hug and we stayed like that for what felt like hours. When our hug was done my mom cupped my face and I could see her examining the couple of cuts I had on my face. "You're hurt. What happened?" She stated. I placed my hands on hers and shook my head. "I'm fine. I'll tell you about it another time." I replied, not wanting to get into that story now.

Our little family reunion was interrupted by a voice from behind us. "Little Y/n has really grown up." Karsten said walking forward to give me a quick hug. "I am 27 now." I laughed in response. "Good to see you still look good in your uniform." Melanie added as she now appeared. I couldn't help the wide grin on my face when I saw her. I instinctively opened my arms and we hugged. "I'm glad you're home safe." She whispered.

I nodded and looked around at 4 of the most important people in my life. But I felt my heart completely drop when I heard another shuffle come from the dining room. I looked over and saw a face I hadn't seen in over 5 years. Scarlett. I could feel the air get thicker as our parents all dropped their eye contact. Ignoring her presence, I turned to my mom. "I should have called. I didn't realise you had company. I need a shower, so I'll leave you guys to it." I said, grabbing my bag and making my way towards the stairs.

I was stopped by my mom grabbing my wrist. "Y/n, you are never interrupting us. Please join us for some food." I couldn't stay down here. I know it's been years since I last saw her and I should have moved on already, but seeing her stood there again, I couldn't do it. "I really need a shower mom. I've got sand in places I never wanted sand." I joked and carried on up the stairs to my room. Well, this wasn't how I expected my leave to go.

Scarlett's POV:

(1 year ago)

I was visiting my parents in New York whilst I had a break from filming. Things with Ryan and I weren't going well, and I needed some time away to clear my head and work out what I wanted. I had some work to get done today, so I was in my mom's office and a photo on her desk caught my eye.

It took me a moment to realise who it was. Y/n. She was in an Army uniform and was with both my parents. When was this even taken? I hadn't seen Y/n since I left to film in LA. I hated to admit it, but I had treated her awfully. I was so scared of coming out, that I decided I couldn't be with her anymore. But instead of doing the right thing and talking to her. I was a coward and slowly started to ignore her until she finally stopped messaging me.

I hated doing it as I loved her more than anything. I threw myself into work so I could ignore my feelings and try to get over the love of my life. Eventually I met Ryan and I thought I had managed to succeed in forgetting about Y/n. And I had for a while, but there would be small things in our relationship that would annoy me and I'd find myself thinking that Y/n wouldn't do that. But when I had these thoughts, I would just supress them, I couldn't think of her like that anymore.

I grabbed the photo frame and walked downstairs to my mom who was cooking in the kitchen. "When was this taken?" I asked, placing the photo on the kitchen counter. My mom looked down at the photo and back to me sighing. "3 years ago, the day she left for her first deployment." She answered. "Why didn't you tell me she joined the army." I asked, slightly frustrated. "It was your decision to cut her out of your life. Like I told you every time you would ask about her. If you wanted to know about her, you should have contacted her." She replied harshly.

She was right. At the beginning I was always asking how she was and what she was up to. But every time my mom would shut me down and would tell me that if I cared enough to know about her, I should contact her myself. I never had the courage to do that. "Where is she now?" I asked. Mom put down the knife she had in her hands and gave her full attention to me. "Georgia. She's getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan again." I let her words sink in as she spoke.

I felt a knot in my stomach at the thought of her being in a war zone. "We're all very proud of her. She's the first woman to lead a combat infantry unit. She's done amazingly well in her career." My mom explains with a smile on her face. "Do you keep in contact with her?" I question. She nodded. "She writes as often as she can."

"Does she um. Did she ever ask about me?" I tentatively inquired. Mom dropped her eye contact and instantly knew her answer. "No. I think it hurt her too much. She changed after you left. She put up this wall. You really hurt her Scar." She said. I knew I had hurt her, and I really regretted it. But I knew I wouldn't ever be able to make it up to her. I'd never earn her forgiveness.

_____________

(Night Y/n returns)

We were all having a nice meal with the Y/l/ns. I had recently moved back to New York after my divorce. I was spending a lot of time with my parents as I needed their support. I also started to see more of Henry and Mary so I could feel closer to Y/n. I still hadn't reached out to her. I wanted to more than anything, but I had no idea how I would even start.

We had just started to eat when there was a knock at the door. Henry got up to answer it. We couldn't hear much, just mumbling. Mary then got up to check who it was. My parents and I all had a worried look when we heard a small scream from Mary followed by "Oh my god!". We quickly got up and my parents were first to leave the dining room. As soon as I looked through the doorway, I saw her. She was being smothered by a hug from her parents, but I could tell clear as day that it was her.

I quietly watched as my mom and dad greeted her and it was great to see that they still had a good relationship with her. We grew up together and we were like extended family to each other, and I know how much my parents loved Y/n. I smiled to myself at their interaction and that fate had brought us back together tonight.

After they had all had their reunion, I started to walk into the hallway to join them when Y/n's eyes snapped to mine. I could see the happiness in her eyes disappear and be replaced with hurt. I couldn't get any words out and before I knew it she was walking away. My brain was yelling at me to call after her, but I just stood there watching as she walked up the stairs.

"I should go. I don't want to stop you spending time with Y/n." I said, feeling my heart shatter at the thought that she can't even be in the same room as me. Mary reached over to take my hand and shook her head. "Don't be silly. You're staying. She's just shocked to see you." I still wasn't sure but her dad gave me a reassuring smile so I turned back towards the dining room.

I couldn't take my eyes off the doorway, all I wanted was for her to join us, but I knew she wouldn't. Maybe I should go and see her. Seeing her again made me realise that I'm still in love with her. I'm the one that needs to apologise, I need to make the first move. "Why don't you go up sweetheart?" I heard Mary say. I looked up and was giving me a sympathetic smile.

I stood up and took a deep breath and made my way to her bedroom. The door was slightly opened and as I knocked it opened further to reveal Y/n. She had just taken her shirt off and was stood in a sports bra. Her torso was covered in dark bruising. With no control over my body, I had rushed over to her and placed my hands on her back. "Oh my god Y/n. What happened?" I asked full of concern. She quickly pulled away from me and her face was full of anger.

"What do you want Scarlett?" She asked harshly, ignoring my question. "I uh, I want to talk." I stuttered, still not able to take my eyes away from her injuries. She laughed and pulled away from me. She was still shirtless, and I found my eyes admiring her body. She was in incredible shape. The Army was doing great for her. "Talk? Well so did I, 5 years ago." She said and the anger in her voice made my heart clench. "Please I just want to apologise. How I acted was cowardly and I should have come home to talk to you. I was scared." I tried to explain but she just scoffed.

I watched as she ran her hands through her hair, starting to pace. "Why now? We're both completely different people now. What benefit is there to either of us to have this conversation." Her words were cutting and there was a part of me that was terrified that I would never be able to fix this. "Because I still lov..." "Don't you dare finish that sentence." She spun around on the spot interrupting me with a look of anger. "I loved you with all I had. I gave you everything and put you first time and time again. Yet I clearly meant nothing to you as you could so easily just forget about me." She said, tears starting to fall.

"But I did love you. I still do! It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I never forgot about you. I tried but I couldn't." I tried to explain but I could tell she wasn't having any of it. "Tell me this Scarlett. If I hadn't seen you tonight, would you have contacted me?" She has stopped pacing now and had stopped right in front of me, her hands on her hips. Words weren't coming out of my mouth and I was cursing at myself for it. "That's what I thought." She said grabbing her towel and shutting herself in the bathroom.

I felt tears falling down my cheeks, my heart breaking. I didn't have the right to feel like this. I was the one that broke her heart. I made my way back downstairs and rejoined our parents. They all gave me a sympathetic look. "Give her time. She never stopped loving you. She's just hurt and protecting herself." Her dad offered which surprised me. I hurt their daughter. I would have thought they wouldn't want me anywhere near her. I gave him a small smile of gratitude and we carried on the dinner.

Over the last week I had tried to see Y/n as often as I could but each time, she would push me away. I knew that if I wanted to mend what I broke, I had to show her what she meant to me. I was making my way over to her parents' house, but my heart sank when I saw Y/n in the doorway in uniform and her bag in hand. Her mom was crying, and her dad had her in a tight embrace.

I ran up their footpath wanting to know where she was going. "Are you leaving?" I asked and she turned around and I could see that she had been crying. "Yeah, my leave is over. I've got to head back." She said and it was the first time she's spoken to me willingly. "To Afghanistan?" I ask and she nods. Not giving her time to react, I pull her into a hug and try to hide the fact that I was crying. "Stay safe." Was all that I could get out and I was shocked when she returned the hug.

Once I released her, she grabbed her bag and turned to give her parents one last hug. "I'll see you in 3 months." She said and started to make her way down the path. The three of us watched her leave and I felt a hand on my shoulder. "She'll come home." Henry said, but I think he was trying to convince himself as much as me.

It had been 2 months since Y/n had gone. I had been writing to her three or four times a week, after getting the address from my mom. I had a couple of short replies from her, which was more than I had expected. Maybe she was starting to warm up to me more. I couldn't wait for her to come home as I had a whole plan to win her back. I knew Y/n better than most people. Yes it may be 5 years and she's changed but I know there are some things that will never change. So, I was going to use all of that knowledge to win her back over.

I was working on some emails when I heard a knock at the door. I got up and was greeted by my mom at the door, but I quickly noticed that her eyes were red and puffy. "Mom, what's wrong? Is dad ok?" I asked panicked as I guided her into the living room. She shook her head and took a deep breath. "It's Y/n." She whispered and, in that moment, I felt my heart tear in two. "I just had a call from Henry. Y/n's unit came under attack, she got hurt and they couldn't get to her. They had to retreat without her. She's been declared missing in action, presumed dead." Her words were like knives to my already wounded heart.

I dropped to my knees and let out a cry. My mom knelt next to me and pulled me into a hug. We both cried together. "But they haven't found a body, so she could still be alive." I said trying to grasp on to any hope. "Sweetheart, her injuries were severe. They said the likelihood of her surviving was extremely small." My mom sobbed.  I can't believe, the woman that I love is dead. I never should have left her all those years ago. Maybe she wouldn't have joined the army if we were still together. She'd still be alive, and we'd be together like we were meant to me.

As my sobbing got louder, my mom held me closer. "It's ok sweetheart. We'll get through this together." She said through her own tears. "It won't be ok. I've lost her forever. It's all my fault! I was such a selfish asshole and it's cost me the love of my life." My mom and I held each other, mourning the loss of someone so important in both of our lives.

She died a hero, saving the lives of her men by ordering the retreat whilst she was injured knowing she wouldn't make it. I wouldn't have expected anything less from her. She always put other people first. In this instant it cost her her life. I should have put her first like she had always done to me. I should have never let a day go by where she didn't know how much I loved her. But instead, I'm sat here mourning the loss of the one person I can't live my life without. I was just too late to realise it.

Part 2

[george-weasleys-girl]

Hi! Can i have wordsmith (the new event) about one bed trope with George weasley

I had such fun writing this request! Thank you for sending it in.

Warnings: none, just the fluffiest of fluff

George Weasley x Fem!reader

~•~

Pillow Fort

"Okay, hear me out… I say we build a pillow fort." George suggested.

"What?" The comment took Y/N by surprise.

"I reckon if we're stuck sleeping in the living room, we should at least make it fun."

"Umm, yeah. Ok," her mouth curled up into a smile. "But, might I remind you, you didn't actually have to sleep down here. You gave up your bed."

"And happily so. I wasn't going to leave my favorite person to suffer trying to sleep in the same room as my cousin. The boy snores like a freight train."

"Oh, well, thank you for thinking of me," Y/N giggled and fussed with the blanket in her hands, hoping to hide her blush.

She and George became friends after she opened up a bakery across the street from his and Fred's joke shop. It wasn't long before she'd developed a crush on the sweet, funny redhead. But he was dating someone else at the time, and even after they split up, George never expressed any romantic interest in her. So, she kept her feelings to herself.

~•~

The idea of sharing a bed or, in this case, a pillow fort simultaneously exhilarated and panicked her. What if she mumbled out her secret in her sleep? Or unintentionally cuddled up to him? What would he think? Would it scare him away? The thought terrified her, but what could she do, except hope for the best?

After getting everything set up, they'd started up a movie marathon, but Y/N fell asleep halfway through the third movie. George didn't mind. He muted the TV, choosing to leave it playing silently so that he could gaze at her face while she slept. He'd never seen her asleep before and it filled him with such a rare sense of peacefulness that it calmed all the chaos within him, and the words he'd held in for so long came spilling out unbidden.

"Y/N, you are truly the most incredible woman I've ever met. Smart, funny, sexy as hell, and your heart - damn, your heart. It's so soft and sweet. Just being in your presence makes me want to be a better man." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I love you, Y/N."

"Love you too," she mumbled and snuggled into his side.

~•~

Y/N hadn't quite fallen asleep when she heard George speak the words she'd dreamed to hear but never expected.

She did her best to keep her galloping heart under control and pretend that she was actually sleeping. But his gentle kiss and his confession of love did her in completely, and she found herself unable to hold back from doing the thing she both desired and feared most.

George's whole being went rigid for a few seconds, and then he wrapped his arms tighter around her, melting into her embrace with a contented sigh. Y/N smiled to herself and did the same.

~•~

The following morning, Y/N awoke to find her face inches from George's, and her body tangled up with him in a glorious puzzle of arms and legs. He was already awake and smiled when she opened her eyes. "Morning, bedhead," he mummered.

Her face went from pink to bright vermillion in a matter of seconds. "Oh dear, I must look a mess," she apologized.

"But a beautiful one," George pushed a stray hair behind her ear. "Do you... um... do remember anything that I said last night after you fell asleep?"

"I wasn't asleep," she smiled. "And yes, I remember every word."

"So, you meant what you said?"

Y/N's smile widened, and she nodded.

"Does that mean I can kiss you?"

"You don't even have to ask," she giggled and met him halfway.

~•~

@milivanili99 @fancy-pantaloons @turvi @zvummyummy @xmjthewitchx @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @georgie-weasley @samberriejams @nighttimemoonlover @jsjcue @wzrd-wheezes @mrsgweasley @hufflepuffie @morally-grey-obsessed @fredweasleyyyyy @anvaaryn @lastwandastan @samshifts @asuperconfusedgirl @hmisa11 @superduckmilkshake @mysticsheepsoul @gemofthenight @1lellykins @junerprsh @sierraluvz @wolfkill16 @kaysau2510 @qmylovexoxo @planetkt @costheticbabe @drama-queen-fromthevault @thatonepersonwhocantwrite @smallsweetvanillabean @themaraudersslut @hanne-montana @greenapplegrass @el-de-phi @lizzytrees @scooby-doo1995 @phant0mkitsune @spididerman @Yoursarahg

[fairycosmos]

what was your sister like? What was your favourite thing about her? Sending love 💖💖💖

she was a wonderful person so it's really hard to say - i hate talking about her these days honestly only because talking about dead people seems to fictionalise or almost characterise them in some way when everything about her was so real and genuine and personable, and i never spoke about her this way when she was alive. she was just like, my cool big sister and she truly existed in that causal, loving way that isn't linked to the formality of death. she loved animals, she loved other people - she was vegan from a young age and had a lot of empathy for others. she'd been put through a lot ever since she was a kid, and there was a lot working against her, but she still managed to be kind and funny and outgoing and bright. she did have a lot of anger in her, and most of it was righteous. i always thought she deserved so much better than every single hand she was dealt, even having me as a sister. ever since she's died, i've tried to put myself in her shoes to understand her better, and i understand why things were so hard for her in a way i didn't realise when she was here. even though we were so close and i thought i understood her well, i think there was a lot she was carrying that i was ignorant to which is a huge regret. but honestly everything i've learned about being a person and being real has come from her - so much of me is just her. the music i like, the way i live my life, my mannerisms. she was much smarter than she ever gave herself credit for because a lot of ppl would just focus on how she looked or how she partied or whatever. anyway i always used to say her personality was kind of the quintessential libra (appreciative of beauty, romance, balance, living well) and we used to share a room so i used to read her her horoscope every morning each month lol. she was just a really cool person. would-give-you-the-shirt-off-their back type of woman. i'm 23 now and i still can't believe she was only 22 when she went. it's so so so unfair. i wish it wasn't so sad every time i talked about her though. i wish it felt like we were all just having a drink and a laugh with her

[zamoimagines]

New Girl in Town

Chapters: 1

Word Count: 2,475

Tags: Cordelia x Reader, pure sapphic fluff, fem!reader

Summary: You moved out of state for a change of scenery, but you figured all you'd find was comfort in a new life far away from your old one. You never expected that you'd fall in love... Let alone with your neighbor that lived directly across the street from you.

A/N: This is a cute fluffy series I've been wanting to start for a while. It's been a hot minute since I've written a fic, so I hope I'm not too rusty. Hope ya'll like it <3

The rays of the morning sun pooled in from your bedroom window as the light seemed to touch every surface of your home. You stirred very gently, though when you realized what was waking you up, you smiled a little to yourself as you remembered exactly where you were.

It had always been your dream to get away from your roots and experience living somewhere completely different. Everyone you’d ever known in your hometown ended up stuck there, and you had always vowed to yourself that you wouldn’t end up the same way. Luckily for you, your dreams had become reality when the sudden opportunity to move clear out to Louisiana opened up to you. You jumped on it as quickly as you could. Before you knew it, you were moving out a week later and all of your belongings were completely settled in your new home.

Not that the house was new; On the contrary, it was a bit run down, as most historical homes in this area seemed to be. It wasn’t perfect, but it was yours. That was all that truly mattered to you.

When you had moved into town, the locals had asked you where you resided. You told them right across from the girl’s academy, and to your surprise, nearly everyone you’d met had given you a look of terror.

“You live there?! Don’t you know how dangerous that is!” One of the seniors had told you.

Another man had said, “Those girls practice devil worship! It’s unholy- Are you crazy?!”

“I heard that one of the girls set fire to the house next door. And one of the others killed an entire bus full of innocent college boys. It’s not safe there!” A local mother had said. All of their accounts seemed so far from reality that all you could do was smile, nod, and thank each person for their concern. You weren’t necessarily religious, so an eclectic all girl’s academy didn’t scare you at all. Until proven otherwise, it was just a school and you were just the woman that lived across the street.

 You finally sat up in bed and stretched your arms upward, yawning and trying to regain consciousness. The move had taken much more out of you than expected. It was a good thing that you didn’t have any plans today considering your mind was a little foggy and your muscles felt completely worn out. Once you felt somewhat like a person again, you swung your feet out from your mattress and stood up to put on something comfortable for the day. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be. The only thing you’d really been sure about was that you needed coffee to function.

 “Mm… Coffee.” You muttered groggily to yourself, echoing your own sleepy thoughts.

 You took your time in the kitchen making a perfect cup before making your way out to your porch. As you sat down in one of the rocking chairs, the warm summer breeze gently brushed your face. You could smell all the flowers in bloom and a family of sparrows chirped happily from overhead. Taking a sip from your drink, you hummed gently to yourself as your eyes fluttered shut for a moment to enjoy this time with yourself. This place was like your own little slice of heaven.

 “Mallory! Wait up, girlfriend!” A shrill, unfamiliar voice cut through your morning like a sharp knife. It was strange that it sounded as if the owner of that voice was getting closer and closer to where you were sitting. When you opened your eyes, you noticed two girls approaching your home.

 “Mallory- You are walking so fast right now! How do your tiny feet do that?!” That same shrill voice said again. It was coming from a blonde woman who was slightly taller than the other. Her friend, Mallory, had slightly darker hair yet both were wearing all black. They almost looked like they were getting ready to go to a funeral.

 “Cordelia is gonna be so pissed if she finds out we’re late to classes.”

 “Since when do you care about being late?” Mallory asked. Her tone was much softer, warmer, even.

 “Well- I… Fair point.” The blonde seemed to shut up for a moment after that. They seemed to know each other well enough to call each other out. 

Mallory stopped at the first step to your porch and put on her best smile. She was beaming from ear to ear, and her friend seemed to smile much more awkwardly from behind her.

“Good morning!”

“Uh… Hi. Morning.” You said, trying to be polite but also caught off guard. You wanted to ask them both what they were doing on your property, but they seemed nice enough that they didn’t mean any potential harm.

 “We live across the street! I’m Mallory, and this is my friend, Coco.”

“Sorry to bother you this early in the morning. You looked like you were having your Eat, Pray, Love moment and I told this one to leave you alone.” Coco replied with a small wave.

Before you could get a word in, Mallory cut in, “We both go to Robicheaux’s. There hasn’t been a new neighbor in a really long time from what the other girls said, let alone one that lives right across the street! So, we figured we’d come to welcome you to the neighborhood.”

“We who?” Coco chimed out, “Let’s be clear, this was all her doing. I had no personal investment in this.”

You chuckled lightly at their banter, and it only made you grin even wider. At that moment, you thought about all those people that had told you troublesome girls attended that place and they were all up to no good. Right now, all you could see were two adorable nerds trying to make a kind gesture.

“You aren’t bothering me at all,” You began, “It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Y/N. You can sit down if you’d like.” 

“We really shouldn’t-“ Coco tried to say,

“We’d love to!” Mallory cut her off yet again as she made her way up onto your porch. The younger girl sat on the ledge while Coco took the chair next to you. As you opened up the conversation, the both of them explained that they’d been attending the school for a year and that everyone was lovely there despite the aspersions spread across town. They spoke of other girls they went to school with, of what was expected of them, and little anecdotes about their time there, though they never explained exactly what they were studying for. 

“Today’s our first day back in session, actually,” Coco explained, “We live at Robie C’s on the off seasons too. A couple of us have become like a chic all girls family like that, which is pretty cool considering we’re all sort of outcasts where we’re all from.” 

“I know the feeling. I’m so glad you all have each other.” You replied with a warm smile. 

“We’ve talked so much about ourselves. Tell us about you!” Mallory suggested excitedly.

“Yeah, spill it. Why’d you come to New Orleans out of the blue?” Coco urged just as much. You laughed lightly at how intrigued they were, but you caved anyway and started to explain yourself. 

“Well, I’m actually from (y/h/t). I was born and raised there, but I never really loved it. I wanted something new and something out of the ordinary since I was kind of an outcast myself back there. My real estate agent called up about an opportunity one day about a month ago, and I hopped on it the second it was offered to me and… Here I am.” 

“Good for you for paving your own way. That is so big dick energy of you!” Coco complimented as she clapped her hands together in applause. Mallory clapped along with her as if to agree while all three of you laughed together about the wording. Though, Coco seemed to stop smiling altogether when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. “Shit-” She hissed under her breath. You were confused as to why there was such a sudden change of tone, so you looked in the direction she’d glanced in. 

Two new women were approaching your porch; One that looked closer in age to the girls in your company, and one who appeared to be slightly older than all of them. You couldn’t quite make them out yet, but they were very clearly getting closer. “What did I say? I knew this was gonna happen!”

“Surely she’s not gonna be that mad-” Mallory tried to reason with her companion. You were still completely out of the loop so you asked, “Wait- Who’s gonna be mad?” 

“Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt! Mallory Montgomery! What have I told you both about running off during Admissions Day?” The older woman said, staying at the edge of the porch. You still couldn’t catch a good glimpse of her quite yet, and it was even harder to see now that Coco had gotten up to block your view. “Ms. Goode, I had no part in this! It was all Mallory this time, I swear!” 

“Way to throw your sister under the bus, Coco.” The other girl that accompanied the alleged ‘Ms. Goode’ retorted with a small smirk. She had straighter, darker blonde hair and a very kind smile. 

“You have to believe me, Zoe! I was trying to do the right thing this time, I swear-” 

“She’s right,” Mallory chimed in as she stood as well now, “It was my idea. I just wanted to welcome our new neighbor, that’s all. We were going to come right back.” Coco and Mallory both left the porch to go stand alongside their peers, and as they did so, you followed slightly behind because you were curious now. “Mallory, sweetie, that was a very kind gesture but please inform an instructor next time so we know where you are. This is the most important day of the year for the academy and you know that- Oh…” 

The headmistress seemed to trail off when she saw you, and you felt much the same when you’d finally gotten to see her. Ms. Goode was so stunning that you were sure your heart was going to fly out of her chest. She had such a gentleness about her; Her golden curls rested softly against the frame of her pretty face and her deep brown eyes seemed to glitter when she gazed back at you. She was dressed in a floral, knee length dress that flowed freely around her form which seemed so different from what a normal boarding school head would wear. The look of concern she’d had completely melted away as she gave you the sweetest smile you’d ever seen before. It was a good thing that you’d been holding onto the railing of your porch considering that her very presence was making your knees weak. 

“My apologies. I hope my girls haven’t disturbed your morning.” She addressed you with such a melodic tone. 

“Wha- Oh! No, no, they’re fine. It was actually a nice surprise to have some visitors, and such polite ones, at that.” You assured her. 

Coco, Mallory, and Zoe were all glancing at each other now with matching smirks as they watched you interact with their teacher. 

“I’m relieved,” Ms. Goode said as she placed a hand on her chest, sighing as if a weight had been lifted from her, “Not many people are as kind to us here, so thank you for allowing them to your home.” 

“Really, it’s no big deal,” You insisted, “You all are welcome here anytime. I’m just happy I have friendly neighbors.” 

“I could say much of the same.” Ms. Goode replied. She was gazing at you with such warmth that you were sure you could get lost in her presence for hours. It was as if she couldn’t look away, her smile softening the longer you both stared back at each other and neither one of you wanted to let go of this just yet. You’d never seen anyone as beautiful as her in your entire lifetime and even though you didn’t know it yet, she was thinking the exact same thing about you. 

“I uh- I don’t think I caught your name.” You said, cutting through the arising tension that was now hanging thick in the air. The older woman’s eyes lit up as she sort of laughed at herself. “Oh! Where are my manners- I’m Cordelia Goode, Headmistress at Robicheaux’s Girls Academy. And you are?” 

“Y/N- Y/N Y/L/N.” As you introduced yourself, Cordelia took your hand and shook it very gently, though she didn’t seem to let go right away. She held it there as her thumb caressed over your skin as if to relish the physical connection she got to have with you in this moment. 

“What a lovely name.” She said fondly. There was a sort of dreaminess in her voice that had you in some sort of trance, but the sound of giggling girls cut through that. It seemed to have caught Cordelia off guard just as much as she took her hand away. “I’m afraid I must get my girls back to the academy. Classes will be starting soon, but perhaps we will see each other again soon.” 

“Sure thing. You know where to find me.” 

Cordelia seemed to chuckle lightly and when you heard such a pretty sound, you realized how much her presence just seemed to shine a light on your whole morning. You hated to watch her walk away from you. There were so many things you wanted to say, to ask, to do just for her, and yet all you could do was stand there and politely wave goodbye. “Nice to meet you, Ms. Goode!” You called out as they all moved further from your porch. The headmistress glanced back in your direction and gave you the brightest smile. 

“It was very nice to meet you as well, Ms. Y/L/N.” She called right back. Your name rolled right off her tongue and you swore that when she spoke it, everything felt right in the world. 

Maybe the people in town were right. Perhaps that building across the street really was a school for witches. Maybe they’d come over just to put a spell on you with their magical powers. Or, maybe they were just normal women trying to be polite to the new girl in town and all of the rumors were the rambling dramatizations of paranoid, closed minded people. There was really only one thing on your mind now, and you knew that it was absolutely certain; 

You couldn’t wait to see Cordelia Goode again. FIND MORE GAY SHIT HERE