#trying to bite sarah before she was old enough to survive it so the mom sent sarah and the cubs to her sister. greyback killed sarah’s mom

[earmo-imni]

Sometimes a family is an English transfem daughter of a werewolf who can herself into a regular wolf, her half a dozen unusually intelligent wolf siblings, her quiet and lonely werewolf husband, their two adopted kids, their third child who is actually their dead friends’ son and living with his aunt and uncle but they consider him theirs anyway, the trans woman’s Northern Irish, butch lesbian half sibling who would absolutely fight God if ze weren’t Catholic, hir possibly-a-traitor best friend who doesn’t know how he got here but this is the happiest he’s ever been so he’ll take it, the cute shapeshifter girl ze keeps dancing around, and the werewolf husband’s only remaining school friend who keeps fighting with the lesbian and hir best friend but is still ride-or-die for the entire group.

[starlessskies94]

Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Note: Hope you enjoy the chapter; please leave a comment and let me know what you think <3 

Chapter Eight

It all started with a note. 

The next they were hightailing across the damn state, all the way back to where their deep dark mess of secrets and lies had started. There was no time to stop and question why Ellie had gone back; there was no need. They already knew. The poor girl was simply looking for answers that everyone else had refused to give her. 

The closer they got; the worse their fear became. The dread pulling tighter up the throat like a noose around the neck. It was like riding towards their own execution for the terrible crime they’d committed, of robbing the whole world of something they didn’t believe they even deserved. Because they didn’t. Not at the expense of Ellie’s life. 

Even now after everything; Joel and Adaline would always agree on that. 

When they finally made it to the outskirts of the hospital; Ellie was sitting alone. The pair barely bother to halt their horses before dismounting and rushing to their daughter’s side. Joel quickly pulling her into a hug. 

“The hell were you thinkin’? Joel uttered. Taking the words right out of Ada’s mouth as she moved to join the two. “Running off in the middle of the night like that…you talk to us.” He continued. “You don’t just leave a goddamn note-“ He didn’t get to finish as Ellie pushed him away.

And Ada knew this was it. Their time had run out and now there was no going back. 

The teenager paced on unsteady feet; her hands fidgeting with her jacket sleeves before finally getting too frustrated and just pushing them back up passed her elbows. It was a common habit Ellie had picked up as she’d gotten older; they’d both noticed. Whenever Ellie was stressed, uncomfortable, nervous or upset; she would fidget with her hands. Whether it was pulling on jacket sleeves, picking at her nails or just absentmindedly running her fingertips across the now hidden bite mark on her arm. Just as Joel did with his watch. It was always fascinating to Ada how much Ellie could be like Joel without even realising it. 

Over the years; the girl had picked up a lot of the man’s mannerisms. Like father, like daughter she supposed. Unfortunately that also meant she had Joel’s temper. And it was certainly a force to be reckoned with. 

The girl continued pacing, almost not daring to look back at her parents. Her mind racing a mile a minute as she contemplated what to say. How to string her words together. The endless list of questions that plagued her for years. 

‘What happened to the Fireflies?’

‘Why had Ada and Joel lied about it for so long?’

‘Was Marlene dead?’ Ellie had a bad feeling she already knew the answer to that one; it had always been an assumption she sort of accepted, considering how loyal the leader had been to her cause. If she had threatened the young girl in any way in order to get her cure; Ellie knew for a fact her mom wouldn’t hesitate to cut her down. Or maybe Joel had killed her; it didn’t really matter now. The Fireflies were gone and so was their precious cure. 

She just needed to know why. Looking back at the rotting ruins of the Hospital; Ellie finally settled on her words before turning to face her family. 

“Tell me...what happened here.” She started with a shaken breath. Resisting the urge to pull her sleeves again as hands began to tremble once more. “If you lie to me one more time, I’m gone. You will never see me again.” She took a breath and it caught in her throat. The air thick and tense, Joel and Ada staring blankly at her with sad eyes.

“But if you tell me the truth, I’ll go back to Jackson.” She promised. “No matter what it is.” It was at that point as her parents shared a look; that Ellie realised she had no idea just what she was promising. 

Her mother took a reluctant step towards her and Ellie had to stop herself from flinching.  

“I...uh…” Ada stuttered, clearing her throat several times before trying to speak again. 

“Mom...just say it.” 

The older woman glanced back at Joel as he nodded woefully. Ada turned back to her daughter; her brown eyes welling with tears. 

“Making a vaccine...would have killed you. So we stopped them.” She said, gesturing to herself and Joel. The older man dropping his eyes to the floor as the shame flooded his face. 

Ellie’s blood ran cold. She gasped out a strangled sob that burst from her throat as it burned. She felt sick. Her chest tight and heavy. The weight pushing down so deep she couldn’t breath. How dare they?

HOW FUCKING DARE THEY?! 

Taking such a choice away from her! Taking away the chance for her immunity to mean something. To make the losses mean something. Her pain mean something. But they had decided to take her away from all that and it wasn’t fair that she’d had no say in any of it. 

She collapsed letting herself sit atop an old box, old equipment the Fireflies had left behind maybe? She didn’t fucking care anymore. She pulled at the front of her shirt in a feeble attempt to give herself room to breathe. But her chest continued to tighten. Her airway closing around the lump forming in her now dry throat. Her eyes streamed with tears, blurring her vision.  

“Oh my god…” She choked. Her hand clutching her chest as her breath became quick and short. Her stomach churned; hands and feet turning cold and numb. 

“Ellie...sweetheart…” The voice was echoed and distant. But she flinched when her mom reached out to console her. Her whole body snapping to her feet as she pulled away. Her hand lashing out to shove her back.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” She snapped. Ada's lower jaw quivered as she held back her own tears. The hurt was plain and raw in her eyes looking back to Ellie. “I’ll go back, but you and me...we’re done!” She screamed, her eyes narrowing at both Joel and Ada. Ada gasped a sob of her own as she took a cautious step towards her daughter but Ellie was already backing away. “Ellie...please.” She pleaded. “Just let us explain.” The teen scoffed bitterly; she wasn’t interested in anything they had to say. Her nostrils flared in anger, her lip snarled as she shook her head in defiance. 

“I don’t fucking care! I hate-” 

“Hey! Stop! That’s enough!” Ellie's eyes darted to Joel raising his voice as he moved to stand beside his wife, his arms wrapping around her shoulders. Pulling her close as she buried her face into his side. 

“Don’t do that. You wanna hate someone for this? You hate me, okay?” He clarified and somehow the audacity of Joel only made her angrier. “Don’t put this on your mother. It ain’t her fault.” 

Again Ellie scoffed bitterly. How dare he tell her how to feel. Who to blame. They were both at fault for this. She’d trusted them and this was what they’d done?! How could she ever see them in the same way again. “Are you fucking kidding me Joel?!” 

The man sighed heavily, Ada wiping away her stray tears as she looked back at her daughter with bloodshot eyes. Joel was quiet for a second, his eyes flitting back between Ada and Ellie before he finally spoke. “I pulled the trigger, not your mom. You wanna blame anyone then you blame me. Please don’t punish her.” He uttered pathetically. His whole body seemed to sag with sadness and Ellie felt sick the longer she looked at him, she didn’t even bother dignifying his plea with an answer as she shoved passed him and headed back towards Shimmer. Not even bothering to spare them a glance as she mounted and forcefully spurred the horse into a canter and rode away back towards Jackson without another word. 

Ada and Joel watched her go. Both feeling defeated and tired.

The Texan glanced back to his wife when she slid her hand into his and squeezed gently. “You didn’t have to do that.” She whispered. “I wished you hadn’t.” Joel felt his heart ache at the broken look on her face. Her nose and eyes rubbed red from her tears, Her face slightly puffed from the lack of sleep they’d lost from riding through the night to find Ellie. He softly kissed her forehead before dropping his gaze to meet hers. 

“If she has to lose one of us...I’d rather it was me.” He said. “She needs her mother if she’s gonna get through this.” Ada sighed, collapsing against his chest as her exhaustion caught up with her. “She needs you too.” She muffled into his jacket. “We both do.” 

He ran a hand through her hair as he hugged her close. In that moment it hit him just how grateful he was for this woman in his arms. He often thought about his life before Ellie and Adaline and he didn’t like it. There had been no way of knowing how things were going to play out the way they had when they’d met in Boston, but Joel knew without a doubt he wouldn’t have changed a thing. This was a life he’d happily choose over and over. At the beginning after losing Sarah, Joel had given up on the idea of family and love. After losing her, there was no getting it back. But then they’d come barrelling into his life...literally. Ada, eager to protect the young fourteen year old from the strange man forcing his way through the door, with Ellie in toe ready to strike with her pocket knife to protect her then mother figure from harm. If anyone had told him he would then go on to marry this woman, he’d have called them insane. Now he couldn’t imagine life without her. He didn’t think he could live without her. He didn’t want to. 

He squeezed her tight as her own arms found their way around his waist squeezing back in return. 

“Don't worry about me; I ain’t going anywhere darlin’.” He looked down kissing her then let his hands run the length of her arms, taking her hands in his, walking her towards the grazing horses. “Come on, let's head home.” 

Ada didn’t reply as she followed, the two quickly climbing back on and turning towards the same path Ellie had taken. Their horses breaking into a gentle trot. They rode in silence, both afraid of the fall out that awaited them when they returned to Jackson. Tommy and Maria would want to know what happened. If they hadn’t already noticed they were gone, Joel wasn’t looking forward to that conversation. He figured Tommy would understand but he was pretty certain, he hadn’t told Maria the whole story yet. He stole a glance back towards Ada as she rode beside him. But she just looked utterly broken. Her eyes set dead ahead of them, hands gripping her reins like a vice and legs rigid from the panic she’d woken up to in the night; when they'd found Ellie had disappeared. Joel looked back at the path before them. It would be a long ride back to Jackson. He just hoped and prayed that given some time and space...maybe...hopefully; Ellie would eventually understand why they’d done what they had done. And if he was lucky she might even forgive him for it. 

[whatcouldgowrong-ohthat]

Between the Ink and Papers Ch. 1

Summary: Steve and Peggy have been divorced for a year and Sarah is still starting to find her groove in it. However, it becomes a lot easier when she and Typhanie realize it might be time for her dad to start dating again.

Pairings: tattooartist!dad!Steve x Reader, Typhanie x Sarah, Peggy x Logan, Bucky x Natasha

Word Count: 1731

Warnings: Cussing!

Between Ink and Paper Masterlist -- Masterlist to Other Works

Next Chapter

-.-.-.-

Fuck divorce!

The words stared at her, silently taunting, and reminding her that she can curse at it all she wants. Divorce is still a thing. Divorce will always be a part of her life. Shutting the journal, Sarah shoved it in her backpack. She didn’t know what else to add to the pages. So, that would have to be enough. The rule was that she had to write. She was never told how much.

And those two words summarized it perfectly.

“Sarah?”

She jumped out of her skin, knocking over her tea as her stepdad stepped into the kitchen. Logan. “Yeah?” She grabbed the paper towels as he reached for a dishrag.

“Sorry.” He grimaced as he handed her the mug. “Put that in the sink, would ya?” Sarah didn’t argue. She washed it out as he finished cleaning up the mess. The running water was a much needed distraction from the awkward silence in the room. Logan had been married to her mom for about a month and the two still didn’t really know how to act around each other.

Actually, that was a lie. Sarah knew very well. Logan just wasn’t getting the message.

“You’re taking the subway today, right?”

“Yeah.” Sarah grabbed her mom’s wallet off the counter, snagging a couple bills for lunch. “See you next week.” The words were short like most of their conversations. Before he had a chance to say anything, Sarah was shouting a bye to her mother, out the door with her backpack in hand.

Logan huffed, tossing the paper towels into the trash as Peggy came downstairs. She was putting in her second earring, looking around. “Did Sarah leave already?”

“What do you expect? It’s his week.”

Peggy noticed the defeated slump in his shoulders. Logan was trying. He really was. And he cared about Sarah. It was that fact that made Peggy fall for him so hard. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she placed a small kiss on the back of his shoulder. “She’s stubborn, love. Gets that from both her parents, I’m afraid.”

Logan smiled softly, gently squeezing the hands interlaced on his abdomen. “I know. She spoke to me today. Six words this time.”

Peggy’s frustrated groan was followed by a pained laugh. “I promise. Just give it time.”

-.-.-

I know I’ve got a tendency To exaggerate what I’m seeing And I know that it’s unfair on me To make a memory Out of a feeling

“Earth to Sarah, please.”

She blinked, finally acknowledging the hand waving in her face. Sarah yanked an earbud out of her ear as Typhanie took the empty seat across from her. “Sorry.”

“Nah, I know when you get in one of those hate-the-world, emo girl moods,” Typhanie teased. She reached across the table and snagged a couple fries before Sarah could swat her hand away.

“Get your own.”

“Nope.” Typhanie smirked as she took a bite. “So much more fun to steal and see you get all frustrated.”

Sarah rolled her eyes, taking a bite of her burger. “You suck.”

“Actually no. That’s why I don’t date boys.”

Sarah coughed, choking on her food as Typhanie grinned from ear to ear. “Not – Not cool,” she wheezed out, grabbing her water and taking a much needed sip.

“My bad, but I had to kill the sourpuss face. It was getting kinda boring to look at.” Sarah scoffed, pushing the plate towards Typhanie and letting her finish it off. “Seriously, what’s going on?” She grabbed the burger, taking a bite. “Normally a joke like that makes you laugh.”

“Just ready to be back at my dad’s.”

Typhanie’s nose scrunched. She recalled the wedding and how uncomfortable Sarah had been when Peggy had asked her to be her maid of honor. Sarah hadn’t exactly warmed up to Logan yet and there she was, playing such an important role. “That where we’re going after school?”

“Yup. I have a meeting with Ms. Y/L/N after school, but then we’re helping Uncle Buck with the shop.”

“My favorite after school activity.”

“Should I be jealous of the crush you have on my aunt?”

Typhanie giggled. Before she could provide some witty retort, the bell rang. Lunch was over. “Guess you’ll never know.” She threw the food away as Sarah grabbed their bags. The looming building was enough to make Sarah wish school would end already.

But she always wished that. Taking Typhanie’s hand in hers, she pouted and asked, “How much longer till we graduate?”

“570. Then we have college…”

Sarah groaned. “I’ll never survive.”

“Probably not.” Typhanie smirked and took that second earbud, handing it to Sarah. She knew the blonde so well. Immediately, the earbud was back in place – music drowning out the irritation that came from squeaking sneakers and gossiping teenagers.

So I keep sayin’ I hate everybody But maybe I – maybe I don’t

-.-.-.-

“Fuck divorce, huh?”

Y/N looked up from the two words on the page. She was smiling at Sarah, reminding her that there was no judgement here. Being the high school counselor, she was used to talking to students about anything they needed. And Sarah was always one of her favorite people to talk to. She was open with her opinions and Y/N found her so high spirited and passionate.

She just needed to focus. She needed someone to guide her.

“So I’m guessing this means there’s been no headway with the stepdad.”

Sarah shrugged. “He’s trying too much. It’s…weird. I already have a dad and I didn’t ask my mom to bring some stranger into my life.”

“I thought last time we talked you agreed that your mom deserved to be happy.”

“She does!” Sarah huffed, biting the corner of her lip as she looked away. She always liked Y/N’s office. It was calm and relaxing. Notes were everywhere – mostly so Y/N didn’t forget anything – and there was a number of plants that Sarah could focus on when she needed to find the right words. The right emotions. “I – I don’t want him in my life. I don’t need a stepdad. I want to be with my dad. He’s great! And he takes care of me!”

“So does your mother.”

“But it’s different.”

Y/N sighed. She understood. Nothing about divorce was ever easy. Especially when you were the kid in the middle. She remembered a year ago, when everything was first happening. Sarah had fully believed that they would stop fighting and fix things. It was classic. So when Logan came in, she retaliated. Hard. And no headway was being made in that aspect of Sarah’s life.

“You spend the next week with your dad, right?”

“Think you could talk to him about what you’re feeling? You’ve always talked about this honest and open relationship you two have. Getting his input might help you gain some perspective.”

Sarah grumbled, a low whine coming from somewhere in her throat. It made Y/N laugh. “Do I have to?”

“You agreed that as long as we continued these sessions, you would do the homework I gave. This is it.”

“Alright, Doc. Communication with the old man. Sounds…fun.”

Y/N closed the journal, holding it out to Sarah. However, before she could grab it, Y/N added, “Maybe also try writing more than two words, hm? I get that there are days when that motivation just isn’t there, but I need you to try.”

Sarah glanced at the book before meeting Y/N’s gaze. “Okay, then can I ask what you expect?”

“Two sentences at least.”

Sarah didn’t say anything, snatching the book out of her hand and shoving it in her backpack. “Alright. Two sentences.”

Sarah got up and moved to the door, pausing when Y/N called her name. She looked over her shoulder, confused as to what else Y/N could possibly have to say. “I consider three words a sentence. So really, if you think about it, that’s no more than six. And if someone is smart enough to sum up their feelings in six words, they’re smart enough to figure out having a stepparent.”

“God, you’re corny.”

Sarah left, closing the door behind her as Y/N rose to her feet. Finding her planner on her desk, she scratched out Sarah’s name before digging her phone out of her purse. Tonight was ladies night. That meant a quick trip home to change clothes then she could meet up with the girls.

No sooner had the thought left Y/N’s mind than her phone started buzzing. She glanced at the screen, grinning when she saw Carol’s face staring back at her. “Sorry, you’ve reached Y/N’s voicemail,” she answered.

“Nice try. You don’t know how to set that up.”

Y/N chuckled. “Look, I just wrapped up on my last student. Let me get out of the suit and I’m happy to join you guys.”

“Well, there’s been a chance of plans. It’s not dinner and a movie.”

Y/N frowned, slipping her bag over her shoulder and locking up. “Okay. What’s the new plan?”

“Drinks at Sanctum Sanctorum and then Wanda and Val wanted to cash in that promise of getting tattoos.”

Y/N winced. She had wanted a tattoo for so long, but the idea of a needle piercing her skin was enough to make her want to pass out then and there. “I’m not getting out of this, am I?”

“Not if we have anything to say about it. Look, they did all the research and the place looks awesome. It’s not creepy or dark or anything like that. It’s even got a cute name.”

Carol was trying so hard to sell it and Y/N had to give her credit. She was succeeding. Big time. “Jeez, you could sell ice to an Eskimo.” Shifting her phone to her other shoulder, she asked, “What’s the name of the place?”

“It’s so cute! Y/N, there’s no way you can think this place is intimidating. I swear!”

“Carol, just tell me!”

“Howlies Ink.”

Wow. That really was cute. Was Carol sure she got the name right?

“Before you ask, yes, that is the name. Double checked after Wanda told me.”

Y/N snorted. “Alright. Sanctum Sanctorum and Howlies Ink. I’m in.”

She could already hear the squealing on the other end of the phone. It sounded like Carol was declaring she was in. There was no backing out now. This was going to be a hell of a night.

-.-.-.-.-

Tag List:

@fullofmultitudesfullofshit

@abundanceofcarolines

@patzammit​

[do-not-call-me-meathead]

aposiopesis (part 7)

My Orphan Black fic on AO3

part 1  part 2  part 3  part 4  part 5  part 6

@agoddamnsupernova

Cosima felt restless at the Rabbit Hole. She received phone call after phone call from Delphine, but she declined every time. She knew that it wasn’t the blonde’s fault that Siobhan was dead, but she couldn’t help but still be furious at the woman. She wondered if there would have been something they could have done if Delphine had just been honest with everyone. She wondered if they could have saved her.

Siobhan.

(Besides, she also felt guilty. About Sarah and her unresolved feelings for the punk. She wondered if this was cheating.)

She wished she could have been at the funeral. She wished she could have been at the wake. She wished she could be holding hands with Sarah and reassuring her that everything was going to be okay. (And deep down, she needed reassurances too).

When she joined a group video call with Sarah, she wasn’t expecting more bad news. She hadn’t expected Helena to have been kidnapped or Gracie somehow being involved. She had hoped that with the release of all the Neolution shit to the public, they would have a chance to breathe. To cope. To heal.

Sarah sounded stressed, alert, and angry. She had already lost her mother. She couldn’t lose her twin too.

............

The plan was almost too insane, even for Cosima. Sarah was a talented con-artist, but Cosima couldn’t imagine that she could convince Mathieson that she was Rachel for that long of a period. She wanted to believe that everything was going to be okay but...

The waiting was the worst part. Her head swarmed with worst-case scenarios. She knew there was nothing she could do, but she felt like she was twiddling her thumbs while Sarah was risking her life. She just needed everyone to come back out alive.

She called Sarah shortly before she had to become Rachel Duncan. She sounded angry and frustrated as she talked about what she would do to John Mathieson if she could. Cosima tried to divert the conversation. She didn’t want that to be their last conversation if… something happened.

"Everyone’s riskin’ their lives for me."

“Actually, it’s technically for Helena, but sure. People love you, Sarah.”

She paused for a second. "I think Beth would do this. I hear her voice when I talk."

Cosima didn’t quite know what she meant by that, but it concerned her. “Sarah, you’re going to be alright. You’re going to grab our Sestra and get the hell out of there.”

"If we don’t get out, save the babies. Come back for them. Don’t let them grow up like we did, yeah?”

Cosima shuddered. This almost felt like a goodbye and she cringed that she moved their conversation to this horrifying point.

“Of course we will, Sarah, but you’ll save them.”

"Take Charlotte in, I dunno. Tell her our stories. Tell Kira--” her voice broke, “tell Kira about survival and love. Don’t let Cal take her away. She needs you all. She has to learn that sometimes, runnin’ ain’t the answer."

“God, please, Sar. Don’t talk like this. It’s going to all be fine.”

She heard Sarah force a chuckle and said, "Cheers, my favorite optimist." She hung up.

Cosima didn’t try to read that far into Sarah’s small speech as she waited for news on the mission with Felix, Delphine, Alison, Kira, Charlotte, and Donnie. They surrounded the phone, hoping for a call from Scott or Art or Sarah to tell them that everything was fine.

Occasionally, Alison would anxiously stand up and offer to get people food and water and would ramble about what it would be like to have two babies in her house. No one told her to stop. Or to continue. Everyone else just sat in silence, clinging near to each other, ready for the news that they could all breathe again.

Donnie kept trying to comfort his wife. She would accept his embrace only to quickly move away so that she could continue to pace and talk. He watched her carefully, ready to help her if she falls apart.

Cosima kept her head rested on Delphine’s shoulder. Delphine was calm in this situation. If she was terrified, she kept it all on the inside so that she could be there for Cosima. The dreaded scientist loved the blonde for that. She even forgot all about her misguided anger toward her. In those long moments, they were in love.

Kira, who knew vaguely about what was going on (Sarah told her about having to save Helena from bad people at Neolution), was sitting on Felix’s lap, her head laying gently on his chest. His legs were moving up and down with anxiety, but Kira didn’t seem to mind.

When they got the call, everyone jumped. It was Felix who answered, and after a few seconds, tears were running down his face ambiguously. Despite all of their angry pleas for him to tell them what was going on, he continued to talk to whoever was on the phone until they hung up.

Cosima felt like she was on the edge of a cliff, barely breathing. She knew she wouldn’t be able to breathe until she knew Sarah was alright.

Felix put his phone down and smiled. “That was Sarah. Everyone’s okay. They’re on the way to the hospital. Helena gave birth to two beautiful boys. They want us to meet them there.”

The cheers only lasted a few seconds; they were itching to see their family. They all ran to Alison’s minivan and chatted almost excitedly about what Helena’s sons would look like and act like and become.

Art, Scott, and Hell Wizard were there in the waiting room when they arrived, buzzing with cheer and hope. After hugs were spread around by all, Art tried to explain what happened. Helena killing Coady. Surviving guards and Enger. Sarah killing John Mathieson. Helena giving birth.

“The doctors tried to check Sarah out, but she didn’t let them, of course. Had to make sure that Helena and the babies were alright.” Art chuckled and added, “I can’t even tell the babies apart and I helped deliver them.”

One by one, they visited the two sets of twins. Both Helena and Sarah looked exhausted, but they couldn’t stop talking to each new visitor. Cosima noticed Helena’s motherly glow. But more than that, she noticed the shadow behind Sarah’s smile.

Sarah killed someone.

No one talked about it. Referenced it. Maybe even thought about it besides Cosima. She knew it was out of self defense, but she couldn’t imagine doing the act. Ever. She couldn’t imagine how the punk was feeling. She wanted to hold her until she felt alright.

“Sestra crazy-hairs, want to hold my baby?” Helena asked the scientist as she held out one of the sleeping babies as Alison and Sarah ogled the other baby.

“Oh, um,” Cosima was never really that comfortable with babies. Kira and Charlotte were about her maximum threshold. “I don’t--”

“Please,” Helena muttered with a tired smile. “I would like my babies to know all my sestras. They will not make same mistakes I did.”

“That won’t happen, meathead. Cos, I can help you if you’d like.”

Cosima nodded vehemently and Sarah grinned. She gently picked up the baby (as Helena stated, “do not call me this,”) with the orange booties and held him as she walked over to Cosima. It all looked so natural to Sarah as she held the baby in her arms. Like he belonged there.

“Look, he’s sleepin’. Not so scary, yeah?”

Cosima blushed slightly. “Obvs. I’m not scared, it's just like... memento mori, I guess.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “No more bloody science.”

“No, not science, Sarah. Not really. It’s a latin phrase. But you’re right. It’s not the place.”

“Don’t try to distract me with your brilliance, Cos. C’mon. He won’t bite. Not till he’s teethin’, at least.”

Alison mumbled in the background, “let’s hope they don’t have their mother’s hunger.”

Cosima lowered her voice so only Sarah could listen. “I’m afraid to drop him.”

Sarah moved closer to the scientist and said, “you won’t drop him. He’s your nephew, Niehaus. Precious cargo. You won’t. Hold your hands like this.”

Cosima tried to copy Sarah’s movements. She wasn’t quite comfortable, but Sarah placed the little human in her arms anyway. He weighed less than she had expected a baby to weigh. He barely even moved a muscle in her arms. She thought it was almost like he didn’t mind being there. But still, she didn’t like it.

“Don’t worry,” Sarah reassured her as Cosima passed her the baby back. “You’ll get used to it.”

“Yes, you will love it,” Helena agreed with a stiff head nod. “As much as you love the science.”

Cosima chuckled and looked at her family. Helena might have been right. She already did love them more than science.

.........................

Cosima flopped onto the bed and felt her head spin. The day seemed to ebb and flow with the change of time. Some moments felt excruciatingly slow, others felt like they were the speed of light. She almost jumped into a mind fuck about the non-existence of linear time when she felt a hand on her arm.

“You look happy,” Delphine commented as she laid down next to her and closed the space between them.

“It’s over, you know? Like actually. I mean, we have work to do with getting this cure to the other Ledas, but… I mean we can breathe.”

Delphine hummed in agreement. “End of an era, time to move on. A change of scene, yes?”

“I guess so. It means we can also be a family. Everyone can raise their kids in peace. Also, holy crap Helena’s a mom.”

Laughter flooded out of the blonde’s mouth. “She is. She will be a good one, I think. She has Alison and Sarah as good examples and help. They will be okay.”

“They all seem like natural mothers. And to me… babies are… uncomfortable. They’re so young and innocent. I mean, I can’t even talk about science with them yet.”

“But one day they will be old enough. Hopefully, Orange and Purple will have names by then.”

Cosima grinned. “Don’t you like the names? It’s like, non-traditional.”

Delphine smiled gently and told her, “You do love them. You just don’t like how vulnerable they are. That's what scares you."

Cosima nodded and wondered how Delphine could see straight through her sometimes. “It’s like… there’s no control. Anything can happen.”

“There are things out of your control, ma chérie. Death, life, love. This is something you can’t force. Which is why… I do not push you.”

Cosima inhaled deeply. The last thing she wanted was for this conversation to go this way. She was almost positive that she wanted to be with Delphine, but there was a sliver of doubt. Doubt seeded in the strong and confusing feelings she felt for Sarah.

Cosima kissed her. It felt good. She was used to her lips, her taste, her heat. She didn’t burn like Sarah. It was calm and comforting. Passionate but logical. Nothing like how it was with Sarah.

Holding Sarah. Touching Sarah. Kissing Sarah. It felt like being on fire.

“I love you, Delphine. I do. It’s just… I still need a few things to figure out, alright? In the meantime, can’t we just kiss a little?”

Delphine grinned. “We can always do a little more than a little.”

...................

Helena moved into Alison’s garage (Cosima even thought that Alison and Donnie were secretly thrilled to have her there). She and the babies seemed to fit in with the Hendrix’s. Besides, with all the attention Alison and Donnie gave the twins, it already seemed like raising them would be a joint effort.

Felix went to New York with plenty of success, leaving Sarah and Kira home with the possibility of them selling Siobhan’s house. Sarah had kept away most of the time from the family and clone club. Shortly after the birth of Helena’s twins, it became obvious that Sarah wasn’t okay. The happiness that the war was over quickly ran out and reality stepped in. They had to keep living with all the terrible things that they had gone through. They had to live with what they had to do to survive.

She became touchy at any mention of anyone helping her. Even with trying to get her GED. Those were practically the only moments that Cosima got to spend with her. Through video chat and studying.

Not that Cosima could really blame her. They hadn’t seriously spoken since their strange nights together in Sarah's bed. There was still something there, something unspoken between them, but neither of them talked about it. Especially with Delphine being there in the picture.

When Cosima moved into Delphine’s apartment, Sarah pulled away even farther. Charlotte split her time between Art’s and Cosima’s. The scientist might have not been great with babies, but her bond to her genetic identical was unmistakable. Delphine wasn’t too happy that her tiny apartment was now being shared with more than one person, though she had told Cosima her restlessness resided in the fact that there was not enough room in the apartment. Delphine offered to find a new place to live, but that conversation terrified Cosima.

Felix had called her the day before he was going to return home from New York.

"How’s Sarah?" He asked her as if he thought they were constantly communicating.

“I’m not sure,” Cosima confessed as she headed for a different bedroom so that they could talk privately. “We don't… she’s avoiding me. Avoiding everyone.”

Felix breathed out, sounding stressed. "I’m worried. This is what she’s like before she runs."

“You think she’ll run?”

"I think she wants to. We gotta convince her not to. This is her home."

She said she would try, but to be honest, she was terrified to have a real conversation with her. She was afraid she would just admit something she still didn't understand. She was afraid she would admit that there were some moments where she still just wanted to kiss her.

Felix’s words about her messing with Sarah replayed in her mind. It took everything to not say something. To Sarah or even Delphine. She thought staying away from Sarah would be good for both of them. But she knew she couldn’t avoid her any longer.

Cosima stared at the ‘For Sale’ sign in front of the house that Cosima had loved, even if she hadn’t spent much time there. This is what she’s like before she runs. Cosima shivered. She couldn’t imagine her life without the punk.

It was Kira who opened the door and immediately embraced her. Cosima held her and squeezed her tightly. She felt like she hadn’t seen her in such a long while. It made her feel guilty.

“Hey, monkey. Whatcha up to?”

Kira shrugged with a kind of sadness that Cosima hadn’t been expecting. “Packing mostly. Mum’s in the shower, but she’ll be out in a second. C’mon inside.”

There were boxes everywhere when Cosima entered the house. She gulped. This is what she’s like before she runs. 

“Kira, are you excited to see all your cousins at the baby shower tomorrow?” Cosima asked and sat down on the couch with the young girl.

Kira nodded vigorously. “I can’t wait to go to Auntie Alison’s. Mum doesn’t really… go out. Art sometimes brings over Charlotte and sometimes Auntie Alison comes over but… mum’s really lonely.”

Cosima chewed on her lip. She felt like this was her fault. She knew this was her fault. She thought the separation would be good. That they’d be able to one day come together without any feelings.

“Kira, I should have come over more often. I’ll do that now, okay?”

The young girl shrugged and looked down at her feet. “It doesn’t matter. We’re leaving soon.”

This is what she’s like before she runs.

“How soon?”

“I don’t know. Mum wants to leave.”

“Do you?”

Kira shook her head. “But I want her to be happy. She’s not… I can feel her. Something’s wrong. With you too, Auntie Cosima.”

Cosima tilted her head. “What?”

“There’s something missing,” Kira explained and rested her head on Cosima’s lap. “You miss my mum and she misses you.”

“Cosima?” Sarah called out as she stood on the stairs wearing only a tank top and short shorts, her hair dripping slowly onto the hardwood floors. “What the bloody hell are you doin’ here?”

Cosima immediately stood up. Sarah looked pale, skinny, hollow. This wasn’t new for the punk, but it worried the scientist that she was still like this, even after everything was over.

“I wanted to see both of you. I--what are you bringing to Alison’s tomorrow?”

Sarah almost smirked. “She told me to just bring the alcohol. ‘Parently I’m not even allowed near the kitchen.”

“Alison’ll want to do all the cooking anyway,” Cosima chuckled awkwardly. “I one time made a cheese dip and she flipped. But hey, man, at least we don’t have to cook. You won’t have that much time with your test tomorrow anyway. Do you want to study--?”

“Actually, we gotta do some packin’. So, if you don’t mind…”

“Oh,” Cosima muttered, realizing that Sarah was trying to get her out of the house. “Yeah, of course. Don’t want to distract you. But um, I’ll see you guys tomorrow, yeah? Maybe Helena’s come up with some names.”

Sarah nodded and then began to walk back upstairs. Obviously, Cosima wasn’t welcome. Which didn’t surprise the scientist since she was the one who abandoned Sarah so that she could continue to love Delphine.

..............

Sarah didn’t smile. There were moments where she tried, when she pretended, but she couldn’t fool Cosima. Actually, she couldn’t fool anyone. It was almost as if everyone had reached their threshold with staying silent about her. There was so much worry, so much concern.

She heard Sarah and Alison talk about Helena and the twins, but Sarah looked lost in the conversation.

Art was probably the brave one. “How are you doing, Sestra?”

“I’m good.”

“No, you’re not.”

He broke the silence and everyone sighed from relief. Sarah looked frustrated, annoyed, maybe even a little angry.

“Well, what is this we hear about a 'For Sale' sign on the front lawn?” Alison asked her with more guts that Cosima would have expected.

Sarah groaned. “You know that we were thinking about that.”

The soccer mom narrowed her eyes at the punk. “Playdates, the kids. Gemma, Kira, Charlotte, Maya, they’re all bonding. They like each other.” Donnie tried to butt in with saying his wife’s name, but she ignored him. “You know they’re having fun. What? What? This is what we fought for, right? To be sisters? It’s a good thing.”

Cosima knew that was a big deal for Alison to say something like that. She knew that the soccer mom cared about the other sestras, but at the beginning, she knew that Alison didn’t want to be a part of it all. She didn’t want to know her clones. They were all nuisances in her life. But now, she loved them. She wanted to be with them. It broke Cosima’s heart.

Sarah looked torn between emotions. “Yeah, it’s good. We just need a change. Freedom looks different to everyone.”

Alison sighed sympathetically. “Honey, we feel your loss. But Kira has cousins now.”

Rage flooded Sarah’s face and Cosima knew she was going to blow. “She has a stable home in the house where her grandmother was shot dead! Alison, take a bloody cue for once!” Her loud words echoed through the walls and she frowned as she saw Alison’s reaction. She lowered her voice and looked upset with herself. “Sorry.”

She got up and left the room. Alison mouthed that she was sorry to the rest of the group, but no one blamed her. Someone needed to say something. Even if it was kind of harsh.

Cosima barely thought about it. She followed Sarah outside and found her brooding on a chair. She wanted to wrap her arms around her, hold her tight, beg her to stay and believe in herself again. Believe in Cosima.

But she didn’t do any of that.

“Is it cool if I chill with you?”

Sarah barely reacted.

Alison came out, apologetic. Sarah reacted, apologetic. Helena joined them, worried. Sarah reacted, trying to hang on.

“I didn’t go to my test,” Sarah confessed after a few moments. Cosima wanted to tell her that it was alright, that she could try again, but Sarah surprisingly continued. “That’s good, innit? Lyin’ to my own kid. Same shit.” Her voice broke and tears flooded her eyes. Cosima wanted to hold her. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I carry around all these mistakes… I don’t know how to be happy.” She was crying and her voice was shaking. Cosima just wanted-- “There’s no one left to fight, and I’m still a shit mum.”

Cosima wanted to argue with her. Tell her that she was wrong. Tell her that she was a good mom and that they’d be there for her. Love her. Help her.

Alison beat her to it. “You know the other day, Gemma was driving me so crazy. I screamed at her, I said, ‘If you don’t clean up your room, I am going to string you up by your thumbs and stuff your dirty damn sock balls in your mouth.’ And I meant it. I scared her.”

And before she knew it, Helena started talking too. “Every time I look, the baby’s eating sand. I turn around, sand. Where does this sand come from? I don’t know. So, I let them eat it.”

“What?” Alison asked as everyone else laughed at Helena’s confession.

Finally, Cosima added, “Did you guys see how panicked I got when Felix handed me the baby earlier? Like, I am just not maternal at all. And that makes me wonder, like, am I selfish or am I scared? You know? We’re all scared, Sarah.”

“Yes, and we all make mistakes.”

Alison muttered, “God, I was a drug dealer, for pete’s sake.”

As they laughed at that horrible memory (Cosima specifically thought about having to pretend to be Alison because she had messed up with her bag of pills), Felix waltzed into the backyard with an unmistakable cheeky grin.

“Don’t you all look cozy. Well, that’s good. ‘Cause I got something for all of you.”

Everyone tried to look at the paper he was holding dramatically to his chest.

“What’s that?”

Felix smirked. “See for yourself.”

Cosima thought that her eyes had suddenly failed her. Or that she was imagining this. She never ever thought she would have this.

“Holy shit, is that a complete list of the Leda sisters?” Cosima asked him.

“Yeah,” Felix told her with confidence.

“Where did you get this?”

“Uh, I’ve got a good guess,” Sarah murmured as the realization hit Cosima. Rachel. 

“Oxana Petrov, Colista Popoudokis, this is musical histories, physicians, contacts, addresses. This is everything we need to cure the Ledas.”

Sarah muttered, “Christ, that’s 274 of us.”

They all took a few minutes to let that all sink in. For years they had to battle for their freedom. These hundreds of people would never have any clue what they did for them. What they would do for them.

After a few seconds, Helena pulled out a notebook of some sort. Sarah recognized it as her memoirs.

“I finished my book,” Helena announced with a proud smile. “It’s a story about my sestras. I call it Orphan Black."

No one really knew how to react to that. Cosima shared questioning laughs with Sarah, though she did like the title. They were all orphans, though, not so much anymore.

“We’re not black,” Alison mentioned, causing everyone to laugh even harder and facepalm because of course, Alison would say that.

“Shut up,” Helena eventually commanded, tired of everyone’s shit. “Listen, I will translate from Ukrainian.” She opened the book and began to read. “‘My story is an embroidery with many beginnings and no end. But I will start with the thread of my sestra, Sarah, who stepped off a train one day and met herself…’”

Helena continued into all hours of the night. The sestras all listened intently, laughing, crying, holding each other during reminders of all the terrifying shit they had to go through. Some things even Cosima didn’t know about, especially the moments between Sarah and Helena.

She squeezed Sarah’s hand. She didn’t know when they joined hands or how it occurred, but she refused to let go, even when Helena fell asleep reading and everyone else besides the two of them were snoring.

“There’s no way I’m sleepin’ on a chair outside,” Sarah grumbled as she tried to push her twin off of her legs.

“It’s sweet,” Cosima commented brightly as she looked around at the sestras. “This is peace, Sarah.” She paused as the two of them stared into each other’s eyes as they did months ago on the bed in the Rabbit Hole. “I’m sorry for… abandoning you in the last couple of weeks. It’s like, totally not fair.”

Sarah looked down at Helena’s bushy hair and started playing with it, avoiding the scientist’s stare. “I get it, Cos. You’re busy. And… I’ve made things weird. Kissin’ you and… wantin’..." she trailed off before she continued, “I know you’re with Delphine and I’m happy for you.”

Cosima felt her heart drop. “I want to be completely honest with you, Sarah, because I think we both deserve that. And I know what I’m going to say probably won't make much sense but… I love Delphine, I do. But you? Sarah. The connection, it’s… you’re different to me. I don't know how to explain it.”

Sarah nodded, not looking thrilled or upset. “I get it. M’not lookin’ for anything, yeah? You don’t… I’ll be fine.”

Cosima nodded and tried to believe it. “Look, all I know is that I need you in my life. I need you like… like I need the sun, okay? You are so important to me. I just… need to figure out the rest.”

“Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”

Cosima’s heart lurched and she almost jumped from her seat with excitement. “So you’re staying?”

Sarah looked all around at her sleeping sestras (and brother) and said, “How could I leave all of this?”

Cosima grinned. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

“Well, I am fun to have around. Always cheery,” Sarah replied sarcastically.

Cosima snorted. “You’re becoming delirious. Go to sleep.”

“Tell me a story?”

Cosima smiled. “Hmmm. How about the story of Cupid and Psyche?"

-------------

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think and let me know if you want to be tagged!

[hunnywrites]

Sixteen Candles: Part Three

Summary: It’s the day that Vivian has been looking forward to nearly her entire life: her sixteenth birthday. But between her sister’s wedding overshadowing her big day, and praying that her crush Billy Hargrove will finally notice her things aren’t going too well for her. If she can just survive the under the sea dance at her school and avoid the really weird and creepy Tommy H her night might be salvageable. Maybe.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC

Sarah, Kevin and Vivian’s parents had left for dinner about twenty minutes ago. Since Enzo’s was the nicest, or really the only nice restaurant in town, they were hoping it would impress Kevin’s snooty parents. It probably wouldn’t. Now Vivian’s grandparents were left in charge. Which meant they would be eating dry meatloaf for dinner and her grandma would remind them over and over of the dangers of underage drinking and premarital sex. Vivian almost put her fork through her eye. 

She hadn’t gotten a dress for the dance. She had been holding out until the last minute hoping that her mother would decide against forcing her to go. Instead Sarah lent her a dress that she didn’t want anymore because it was “totally out of style” and wouldn’t be caught dead in. Vivian didn’t really get why. It was a cute dress. It was a deep red, velvet dress with a Bardot neckline that stopped just above her knees. It was a little bit ill fitting. Sarah was practically waifish and Vivian had wider hips and a bit more of a fuller figure like their mother. The dress ended up showing off that “nice little figure” her grandma had told her she had a little bit too much for her liking. But if she threw her leather jacket over it it wasn’t so bad. 

Her hair had won the battle of Vivian trying to tame it. She’d cut her curly red hair about a month ago to her shoulders, hoping that it would make it easier to manage. It didn’t. She guessed it made her look cool. Casual. Like she didn’t really care that much. Plus, after Carol started pounding on the bathroom door and threatening her, she didn’t really have much of a choice but to give up. 

Now it was time to wait for Tommy to show up to drive them to the dance. Carol was back in her bedroom getting dressed and singing loudly and very off key along with Madonna to Burning Up. Vivian was in Sarah’s room, standing in front of the full length mirror hanging on the back of her door. She didn’t feel like she was sixteen. She didn’t look any different than when she had been fifteen. But had she ever felt different after her birthday? Had she always been too wrapped up in all the cake and presents to notice?

She let out a soft huff and turned to the side. She felt ridiculous in Sarah’s dress. Like she was trying too hard almost. There was a brief moment when Vivian wondered if Billy would like it. Maybe that was the change. Worrying so much about what a boy thought of her. Or catching herself day dreaming way too often about all the things she wanted to do with Billy that always made her cheeks grow all hot. And then there was being faced with the fact that absolutely none of those things would happen in a million years. Vivian let out a groan. Growing up sucked. 

“Girls! Thomas is here!” Vivian rolled her eyes at the sound of her grandma’s voice. No one called Tommy H Thomas. It made him sound way too mature when really he had the mentality of a thirteen year old. Carol poked her head out of her room and yelled down that she would be out in a minute. Which in Carol speak meant more like ten. Vivian reluctantly made her way downstairs to the living room where Tommy was waiting by the front door. He gave her a slow once over and grinned at her. Vivian suddenly felt like little red riding hood trapped in a room with the big bad wolf. 

“Lookin’ good, Viv. That a new dress?” Vivian plopped down onto the couch and instinctively turned her body away from Tommy. She hated having to be alone with him.

“Uh, not really. It’s actually Sarah’s.” she tugged at the end of her dress in an attempt to cover up a bit more of her legs. Tommy didn’t hide the fact that he was looking at them. Vivian had never understood what Carol saw in him. They’d somehow been together since Vivian was in elementary school. It made the fact that Tommy almost relentlessly hit on Vivian any time Carol wasn’t around that much creepier. Of all the boys in Hawkins to be interested in her, why did it have to be Tommy H?

Tommy moved closer to her and perched on the arm of the couch. “Hey, how come you don’t have a date to the dance?” usually Vivian would have some sort of biting remark. Sarah was always telling her that she was much too comfortable being sarcastic. But with Tommy she kept the comments she wanted to say to herself and kept things as short as possible. He wasn’t entirely bright enough to understand sarcasm. Or much of anything. Usually he would just seem to think she was flirting back and it would be impossible to escape the conversation. 

Plus, she didn’t really want to open the can of worms that was wondering why no one had asked her to the dance. “...I just didn’t want to go with anyone, I guess.” she finally said with a shrug. 

“Oh...well, that’s okay. You wanna be my date? I’m sure I can juggle you and Carol.” that grin was back. Vivian didn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes. 

“How about you ask Carol how she’d feel about that arrangement?” Vivian asked, fluttering her eyelashes with a sweet smile. Tommy’s grin fell. He opened his mouth to say something else, but was cut off by Vivian’s grandmother walking in. Tommy nearly jumped up from the arm of the couch. 

“Would you like something to drink, Thomas? Are you hungry? I made meatloaf. The girls weren’t really hungry so there’s plenty left over.” they were plenty hungry. The meatloaf was just awful. Vivian almost hoped Tommy would accept her offer. 

Tommy only smiled what Vivian assumed he thought was a charming smile. “Oh, no thank you ma’am. My mom made a pretty big dinner so I don’t really have room for meatloaf.” he patted his stomach.

“Consider yourself lucky. A dog wouldn’t even eat that meatloaf.” it was Carol. She came practically stomping down the stairs in her strapless, light pink chiffon dress that she had begged and pleaded with their dad to buy her for the dance. Vivian usually felt self conscious next to her older sister, but she felt even more so now. Carol looked like she had just stepped out of an issue of Cosmo. 

Their grandmother frowned over at Carol. “Now, young lad-”

Carol rolled her eyes and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “We gotta run, grandma. Don’t wait up. Mom says curfew’s at one,” that definitely wasn’t true. The girls had a firm eleven o’clock curfew on weekends. But Vivian kept her mouth shut. Carol grabbed Tommy by the arm and pulled him towards the front door, Vivian close behind. Their grandma followed with a reminder of the lovely talk they’d had at dinner. The three teens practically bolted for Tommy’s car. 

“God, she never shuts up!” Carol groaned. “No sex before marriage!” she said in a crude, mocking voice. “Jesus doesn’t like tramps! Please.”

“Don’t forget that story about her friend Judy and how her grandson died from drinking a beer at a highschool party.” Vivian laughed as she slid into the backseat. Carol threw her head back and let out a cackle like laugh.

“That’s right! He’s not even dead! He got shit faced on tequila shots and got a dui and his dad sent him to boot camp!” if it was one thing Vivian could bond with her sister over, it was what an absolute fruit loop their grandmother was. 

Tommy was grinning again. “You know, she’s a little too late with that no sex before marriage thing, Car.” Vivian’s nose scrunched up in disgust. So not what she wanted to hear. Ever.

Carol let out a loud snort and shoved Tommy’s shoulder. “Shut up, ass.” and just like that, the sisterly bonding was over. For the rest of the ride to school Vivian ceased to exist to Carol and Tommy. Which was pretty alright with her. Especially when it came to Tommy.

The Hawkins High gym had been transformed into an under the sea fantasy. Well, as much of a fantasy as the dance committee had been able to pull off. Blue lights hung high above the students dancing and mingling, giving them all an odd and almost otherworldly pallor. Silver streamers hung from the doorways, food tables and sporadically from the gym’s ceiling mimic what Vivian assumed to be seaweed. In one corner there were large cut outs of crudely drawn sea creatures along with a mermaid and merman as a photo op for the students and their dates. 

Carol quickly dragged Tommy over to have their photo taken. “Oh, see ya later, sis! Have fun!” Vivian muttered to herself as she made her way over to the bleachers where Robin was sitting and looking bored. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you.” she said with a heavy sigh as she sat next to her best friend. 

“Likewise,” Robin said with a grin. “I dig the dress. It’s gonna be hard for Billy to ignore you in that.” 

Vivian rolled her eyes and waved a hand at Robin. “This so isn’t for him. I didn’t have anything to wear so I had to borrow it from Sarah. Tommy hit on me while we were waiting for Carol to finish getting ready,” she pulled a face. Robin and Vivian both looked over to where Tommy and Carol were posing in front of the photographer for their dance photo. They both groaned. Vivian scanned the room quickly. “...Have you seen Billy?” she asked casually. 

Robin smiled and shook her head. “Not yet. I’m imagining Cheryl’s gonna turn up fashionably late. You want some punch or something?” Vivian only shrugged. Robin patted her knee and stood up. “Be right back.” Vivian watched Robin head over to the snack table and let out a sigh. This was probably gonna be a long night. And adding the fact that she was going to wait around for Billy like a little puppy definitely wasn’t going to help.

“There she is!” Vivian groaned. Her night just kept getting worse. Tommy had spotted her. He was dancing along to the music and headed her way. Carol wasn’t anywhere in sight. “Been lookin’ for ya, Viv!” he took her by the hands and pulled her to her feet. Vivian watched in near horror as Tommy continued to dance in front of her. 

“Uh, Tommy? Where’s Carol?” 

He didn’t stop dancing. “She went to the bathroom with Cheryl. Come on, girl! Don’t leave me hangin’! I love this song!” he took Vivian’s hands in his again and tried to get her to dance with him. Vivian harshly pulled away from him. She didn’t really know who she was more embarrassed for. Tommy and his awful dancing, herself for having to be seen with him, or Carol for thinking Tommy wasn’t an absolute creep. 

“You know, I’m not really much of a dancer. Maybe you should just go find Billy or something,” she took a step back from Tommy hoping it would keep him from grabbing her again. “Have you seen him anywhere?” 

Tommy was still dancing. “I think he’s outside having a smoke,” Vivian thought that she hid her disappointment, but apparently not as well as she thought. Tommy grinned at her. “You sweet on Hargrove, Viv?”

Vivian felt her cheeks burn. “Of course not. I didn’t even...I gotta go find Robin.” she rushed around Tommy and disappeared into the sea of dancing teenagers.

A few moments later Billy waltzed back into the gym. He shoved the sleeves of the black blazer he was wearing up his arms and gave an unimpressed look around the gym. Susan had given him the blazer right before he left to pick up Cheryl. It was his dad’s. “It’s a dance, Billy! You have to look your best for your date!” she had said, running into her bedroom to fetch the coat. 

Cheryl hadn’t really cared about what he was wearing. She spent the entire drive fixing her makeup and bitching about how her parents refused to buy her the dress she had wanted because she had failed two classes that past semester. As soon as they arrived at the dance Cheryl and made a beeline for Carol and the two had run off the the bathroom. Billy headed back outside for a smoke and to sneak a few swigs from the flask he’d stashed on the inner pocket of his blazer. 

When he’d made his way back inside Tommy was dancing over by the bleachers. Alone. Billy rolled his eyes and walked over to him. “They’re still not back yet?” he asked, scanning the crowd for Cheryl and Carol. 

“Nah, man. I bet they’ll be gone for awhile,” Tommy finally stopped dancing and looked at his friend with a mischievous grin. “You’ll never guess who was asking about you, dude.”

Billy let out a heavy sigh and shoved his hands into his pockets, his fingers playing mindlessly with his lighter. “I give up.” he said with a bored tone. 

Tommy threw an arm around Billy’s shoulders and turned him towards the snack table. Vivian was standing by the punch bowl with Robin. She looked good. Amazing, actually. But with the way she kept pulling at the bottom of her dress and shifting uncomfortably showed that she wasn’t entirely comfortable with all the new attention she was getting. Billy watched on with an amused look. 

“You think you can maybe talk to her? Get me an in?” Billy frowned and looked over at Tommy.

“...The hell are you talking about? Aren’t you with Carol?”

Tommy looked around to make sure that no one was listening. He grinned wickedly. “I don’t see her around, do you?”

Billy rolled his eyes. “Christ, Tommy. You’re even dumber than I thought.”

Tommy frowned. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You can’t try to fuck your girl’s sister. They tell each other about that kinda shit. You need to get some tact, man,” not to mention he was fairly certain that he would see pigs flying before Vivian ever agreed to willingly sit in a room alone with Tommy. There was a moment when Vivian turned and met eyes with Billy from across the gym. Her lips twitched. Like she wasn’t sure whether to smile at him or not. The corner of Billy’s mouth turned upwards in a smirk, and Vivian’s cheeks turned a deep pink before she turned back to Robin. “...I’ll see you later, Tommy.” he patted his friend on the shoulder and started off towards Vivian.

“There you are!” Billy stifled the groan he wanted to let out at the sound of Cheryl’s voice. He stopped in his tracks, turning to face his date with a thin smile. “I was worried someone might’ve stolen you away,” she said with an overly sweet smile. Cheryl straightened out the front of Billy’s blazer before she placed her hands on his chest. “Carol told me that Tommy’s having a party at his place after and I said we would go.”

Billy could think of about 900 completely awful things that he would rather do than go to a party with his friends. “I’m not really in a partying mood. I gotta get to the pool early tomorrow.” he lied. 

If looks could kill, Billy would be dead. Cheryl’s hot pink nails dig ever so slightly into his chest as she glared up at him. “Well, I already told Carol that we would go. And it’ll look bad if I go by myself. So you’re going to come with me, and you’re going to have a good time.” she said through her teeth. 

A mistake that Billy had made early on with Cheryl was deciding not to argue with her. It gave her the sense that he was a pushover that would do whatever she wanted. That she had power in the relationship. Usually it was just easier to do what Cheryl said. No matter how much he hated it. It was never worth all the dirty looks and all of her bitching. “...Whatever, Cheryl. We’ll stop by for a few minutes. I’m gonna go have another smoke.” 

He didn’t care that he was ditching her. He didn’t care about the way she was calling after him in that fake, sweet voice that she used in front of other people. He wanted to get away from her. Away from this stupid under the sea dance. 

He shoved the gym door opened and collided hard with someone on the other side. “Christ, watch where you’re goi- oh, Billy!” it was Vivian. The door shut loudly behind him, and the two were left out in the quiet hallway. 

“Sorry…” he muttered, fidgeting with the lighter in his pocket. Vivian waved him off and adjusted her dress. He couldn’t help but give her another once over. “I like the dress.”

Vivian’s hands went still as she looked up at him. She blinked a few times. “...What?”

Billy chuckled and motioned to her outfit. “The dress. It looks good on you. You get it for your birthday?” 

He expected her to blush again. To freeze up like she usually did when he complimented her. Instead she rolled her eyes dramatically and scoffed. “No. I didn’t get shit for my birthday. My family forgot all about it.” there was a shocked look on her face almost like she had said something she shouldn’t have.

Billy raised an eyebrow. “They forgot? How’s that possible?”

“My sister’s stupid wedding. I keep telling myself that I’m over it, but every time I bring it up I get pissed off all over again,” she shook her head. “It’s not really a big deal. Anyways, having fun with Cheryl?” there was a bit of bite in her voice that made Billy smirk down at her. 

“Tons,” he said cooly. “She told me Tommy’s having a party at his place after the dance. You should come. Bring Robin. We’ll call it your birthday party.” that shy look of hers was back. Billy couldn’t help but smile. 

“I don’t know…” she scrunched up her nose. “I’ve kinda had my fill of Tommy for one night. Robin and I were gonna head to the movies and see Red Dawn,” Billy honestly wished he could join them. “Maybe next time.” she offered. He knew that was a lie. 

Billy smiled slowly at her and nodded. “Yeah, maybe next time. Well, I guess I’ll see you around Birthday Girl.” Vivian tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as her cheeks turned pink again. Her lips twitched again, like she was fighting to keep her cool. She mumbled a “bye” before rushing back into the gym. He knew that Vivian thought he couldn’t see her now. He placed a cigarette between his lips as he watched her hurry across the dance floor towards Robin. 

She was talking to her friend animatedly and pointing back to the gym doors. Robin looked on with an amused smile at her friends ranting. Billy let out a short laugh and lit his cigarette. He didn’t really know why he was so interested in Vivian. Aside from her obvious good looks, Vivian was a good girl. Billy had never really liked good girls. Maybe Cheryl had made him realize it was time to try something new. 

He decided once he was sure that she was home from the movies that he would call her and ask her out. What could go wrong? 

[theguardianangel-fanfiction]

⭐️

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines.  

Or, send in a ⭐star⭐  to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

Thank you so much for submitting this! There’s one section of chapter 26 (We Hope For Better Things) that had me stumped for literal months, and I wanted to kind of discuss my thoughts and concerns behind it, its canon counterpart, and the ways that I intended it to be interpreted; however, any way that you interpret it is fine.

Fun fact: Chapter 26 takes place during episode 2, A House Divided, which actually came out on my 13th birthday (March 4th, 2014).

This will contain spoilers for Once Bitten, Twice Dead chapter 26, We Hope For Better Things. 

First off, let me talk about my grief with season 2’s treatment of Christa. Now, I don’t absolutely hate that she was, presumably, killed off; I dislike the way that they, in fast succession, killed her and Omid off, never mentioning the baby except for a very brief hint in episode 4 (Clementine closes her eyes and says, “Not again…” when AJ doesn’t immediately move after he’s born). Because of the fact that Clementine is literally around Rebecca for almost the entirety of season 2, I found her lack of reaction to Rebecca’s pregnancy a bit strange.

Like I said, my dislike of the handling of Christa’s pregnancy and Clementine’s thoughts about it have a lot to do with the following paragraphs. I’m all for Clem being able to actually stop and deal with her thoughts and somewhat deal with her emotions (I mean, shit, read my other series posted on AO3 and you’ll see what I mean).

In chapter 26, we get a discussion between Rebecca and Clementine about the baby, Alvin, and the circumstances surrounding this, something that leaves Clem feeling ill, anxious, and somewhat guilty about what she knows that Alvin doesn’t. But the discussion also leaves Clem thinking of Christa, and of her thoughts about Christa’s pregnancy. She is also very prone to comparing Christa and Rebecca, as seen below:

Clementine grasped her left wrist, leaning against the railing as she spoke, watching Rebecca’s mannerisms. She looked nauseous, though Clementine found it hard to tell, as she hadn’t exactly known Rebecca very long; Christa used to get sick, something Clementine could easily remember, when she smelled Omid cooking meat of any kind over the fire. At least until she started showing. In the later stages of her pregnancy, Christa didn’t have any sickness or dizziness. But maybe Rebecca was different.

This only adds to the way that Clem adjusts to and interprets Rebecca’s pregnancy, something that I intend to tackle in another chapter (somewhat in chapter 29, and likely a lot further than that).

Crossing her arms, Clementine spoke in a low voice. “I don’t know.” She hesitated, but then sighed as she thought of herself. She was still alive. But she thought of Duck – the only other child that she spent longer than a few hours with after the beginning of the outbreak – and she thought of his end, and how Kenny couldn’t protect him.

How Kenny couldn’t protect Katjaa, either.

She thought of Christa and Omid. She thought of their child.

This brings up the subject of Christa and Omid’s child, and why Clem is so uneasy about Rebecca’s pregnancy is also brought up. This leads into Rebecca asking Clementine if she wants to listen to the baby kicking. Now, in the game, I said yes, and the scene was absolutely adorable. I love the relationship between Rebecca and Clementine. But with Clem’s past with Christa, I found it to be a little bit unrealistic. Clem obviously has feelings about the baby, and because it was never explored, we as players don’t know whether or not the subject was traumatic to her.

Now, I have almost the exact same age difference with my younger sister that Clementine and AJ have. I’m 18, and my sister just turned 7, if that gives you an idea. Therefore, I remember what my mother’s pregnancy was like, and I remember the kicking and listening to her kicking – it’s a very surreal thing, and for someone like Clem, who for all we know could have witnessed the baby’s death, it can be downright triggering.

That brings me to Clem’s actual apprehension.

“She’s kicking.” Rebecca suddenly spoke, removing both hands from her stomach. She used one to push herself forward, and the other to reach out to Clementine. “Wanna listen?”

Clementine froze in her spot, still staring Rebecca in the face. Rebecca’s expression didn’t change, and she instead reached for Clementine’s hand, but Clementine’s mind was elsewhere.

Can you feel her kicking, Christa?

I don’t think she has feet yet, Clem.

Blinking, Clementine retracted her hand from Rebecca’s grasp and slowly shook her head.

“Can I… just… feel?”

Rebecca’s lowered smile was subtle, but she nodded anyway as Clementine reached out again, her fingertips barely close enough to feel the fabric of Rebecca’s shirt. Carefully, she placed her palm flat against the area that Rebecca guided her to; immediately, Clementine felt her heart racing.

The smallest thump against Clementine’s hand made her slowly pull it away again.

I believe there was a developer or writer for season 2 that claimed that Christa miscarried, but after the amount of misinformation and, might I say it, somewhat lazy writing that came from season 2 (don’t get me wrong, I love season 2), I don’t like this reason.

Why? Well, in All That Remains, Christa appears to be about 7-9 months pregnant. My own mother was about that size when she was 8 months along with my sister, though my mom is 5’2 and Christa looks to be closer to 5’10-6’0. But I digress. Anyway, since Christa was probably about 8ish months along, a miscarriage would probably have killed her. The baby would be nearly fully formed by then. But in OBTD, my idea was a little bit more realistic – not every baby survives birth, and some die before labor.

Clem’s canon reaction, as she looks at a barely conscious newborn AJ, kind of gave me an idea. Stillbirth is a much more likely reason for Christa to lose that baby, as sad as it is. Either that, or SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

Therefore:

Clementine crossed her arms, but only to hide the sudden lack of feeling in her fingers as they trembled. Slowly, she asked, “Do you think she’ll be okay?” Just as soon as she spoke them, Clementine regretted it.

And just as soon as Clementine spoke and regretted speaking, Rebecca’s eyes became wide, her eyebrows scrunched. Clementine crossed her arms tighter, her shoulders arched as she did so, and mentally scolded herself. She shouldn’t have said that. She should not have said that.

Just because what happened with… Clementine’s thoughts were cut off when Rebecca spoke in a hushed voice.

And a little bit later, we have:

“I’m… I’m not trying to be weird.” Clementine turned back to Rebecca, “I just… I don’t know.” Once again, she crossed her arms and peered over the railing. Both Sarah and Sarita had abandoned the Christmas tree. “I was just… thinking.”

“About what?”

“Christa.”

“Your friend.” Rebecca placed her hand on her bump and looked into the same direction that she had before, as if expecting Alvin to walk back into the room at any moment. “Why?”

“She was pregnant for a while.” Clementine paused, biting the inside of her mouth and her tongue. She avoided Rebecca’s face. “And I don’t like thinking about it.”

Even later than this, we get a bit more confirmation and insight into Christa’s baby:

Clementine’s gaze focused on Rebecca’s bump just as much as she focused on the words that Rebecca spoke earlier – It’s not his. As in, it wasn’t Alvin’s. Rebecca wasn’t carrying a baby that was her husband’s. If Clementine’s very limited education on the art of where babies came from was any less, then she wouldn’t have even believed Rebecca. Yet, here Rebecca was, pretending that nothing was wrong. Flirting back to her husband.

Her stomach hurt, and Clementine locked her hand onto her opposite arm as she weeded through the other possibilities. Clementine knew that Christa’s baby girl (as much as it pained her to think of that cold, dead face) was Omid’s. She had looked just like Omid, after all, with very little of Christa.

There was, I think, a 5 month difference in this update from the one before this one. Now, I suck at updating as it is, but I will fully admit that this scene stumped me for quite a while. I had a conversation with my dad, and I recall saying to him, “I need a realistic reaction to seeing a pregnant woman in the apocalypse. [Clem] is supposed to have PTSD and her last interaction with a pregnant woman resulted in the death of the baby. You got any advice?”

My dad actually did help a little bit with a reaction; he suggested avoidance, and I was like, “Holy shit, that’s true.” And that’s how I wrote Clem. I have written Clem with implied PTSD and mild anxiety before, but I felt that this was a different situation, because this is meant to be a form of establishing her character in OBTD. She’s similar to one of the ways that I played her in season 2, which is someone who only really talked a lot to certain people (like Walter or Sarah) and was silent in certain situations (like at the dinner at the lodge or after Sarita’s bitten death in episode 4 when Kenny goes off on her).

I’m doing my best to be the best writer that I can, especially while writing from the POV of an 11 year old who has experienced violence, kidnapping, emotional manipulation, and has now seen both childbirth and infant death. Part of the reason that some of more recent chapters have taken so long is this reason, and the surrounding circumstances.

Because of how long OBTD is meant to go for (trust me, we are barely even started), I have to establish both Clem’s actual, legitimate fears and her more childish fears and quirks. I’m trying to do this without her being that mature for her age; yes, she is mature for her age in OBTD and canon, but she is not an adult and I absolutely cannot stand when people write her as so.

It’s different when we’re talking about season 4, where she’s literally been raising a child on her own for quite a while, but in season 2? No, she’s still going to have some childish thoughts, fears, and quirks.Her connecting Rebecca and Christa is, in my opinion, something that realistically would happen if the events of TWDG were real and she were an actual person going through this. The establishment of her issues in not connecting a trauma and a similar act are something that I think was somewhat touched upon in season 2, but I wanted to look a more realistic angle.

In summary, I’m looking to get further into her psyche and how a child in her situation would actually react, but in a more consistent way. Stories need consequence, and I think the small changes in the way that characters feel about each other should actually impact their actions. She feels uneasy Rebecca’s pregnancy, and later what she believes is an affair, and she feels guilty from keeping this from Alvin. Hopefully, I can do this justice as time goes on.

Thank you for your ask, and thank you to anyone who made it to the end. 😊

[poetrybooksya]

#EMPTYSHELFIE Spookie Shelfie TBR

  Empty Shelfie is a year-long reading challenge to empty your incredibly long TBR list. For the Halloween season this month, here are 7 challenges from 7 hosts: Heather at Zether Books, Taylor at Bookish Taylor, Roya at Unicorn Hunter Books, Britt at Britt, Ali at Hardback Hoarder, and Desi at Libri Labra Twitter. Challenges: Serial Killer POV Read a book involving a spell or curse Supernatural/paranormal elements Freakish characters Read a book with a Mask in title or cover Black and orange cover Concept of a person/place/thing that terrifies you

I'm not a huge fan of horror or supernatural genre, so my TBR will be pretty small, compared to last month. Challenges:

Serial Killer POV - Because You Love to Hate Me by  Ameriie, Renee Ahdieh, Soman Chainani, Susan Dennard, Sarah Enni, Marissa Meyer, Cindy Pon, Victoria Schwab, Samantha Shannon, Adam Silvera, Andrew Smith, April Genevieve Tucholke, Nicola Yoon, Sasha Alsberg, Whitney Atkinson, Tina Burke, Catriona Feeney, Jesse George, Zoë Herdt, Samantha Lane, Sophia Lee, Raeleen Lemay, Regan Perusse, Christine Riccio, Steph Sinclair, Kat Kennedy, Ben Alderson  Best-selling authors working with Booktubers on the perspectives of villians? Yes, please!! Summary: Leave it to the heroes to save the world--villains just want to rule the world. In this unique YA anthology, thirteen acclaimed, bestselling authors team up with thirteen influential BookTubers to reimagine fairy tales from the oft-misunderstood villains' points of view. These fractured, unconventional spins on classics like "Medusa," Sherlock Holmes, and "Jack and the Beanstalk" provide a behind-the-curtain look at villains' acts of vengeance, defiance, and rage--and the pain, heartbreak, and sorrow that spurned them on. No fairy tale will ever seem quite the same again! Featuring writing from . . . Authors: Renée Ahdieh, Ameriie, Soman Chainani, Susan Dennard, Sarah Enni, Marissa Meyer, Cindy Pon, Victoria Schwab, Samantha Shannon, Adam Silvera, Andrew Smith, April Genevieve Tucholke, and Nicola Yoon BookTubers: Benjamin Alderson (Benjaminoftomes), Sasha Alsberg (abookutopia), Whitney Atkinson (WhittyNovels), Tina Burke (ChristinaReadsYA blog and TheLushables), Catriona Feeney (LittleBookOwl), Jesse George (JessetheReader), Zoë Herdt (readbyzoe), Samantha Lane (Thoughts on Tomes), Sophia Lee (thebookbasement), Raeleen Lemay (padfootandprongs07), Regan Perusse (PeruseProject), Christine Riccio (polandbananasBOOKS), and Steph Sinclair & Kat Kennedy (Cuddlebuggery blog and channel). 

Read a book involving a spell or curse - One Wish Away by Ingrid Seymour I'm a member of Ingrid's ARC team, but I haven't read her latest works since her first book, Ignite the Shadows back in 2014. So I'm excited to try to get into this one for this challenge.  Summary: Faris is a Djinn with a secret and Marielle the first master to give him hope. Will she be the one to break his curse? There is no telling. All he really knows is she's ONE WISH AWAY from breaking his heart. When Marielle was little, she used to believe Grandpa about his wish-granting Djinn. But now that she’s older, her beliefs have changed, and things like lousy ex-boyfriends and alcoholic fathers have become her reality. Life isn’t done shattering her truths, though, and when Grandpa dies and the Djinn he warned her never to trust shows up at her doorstep, the world becomes a dangerous, magical place she never knew existed. Reeling for her once-normal life, Marielle soon realizes there’s no going back—not when she’s become part of a mortal conflict between two spell-bound Djinn. Faris—her handsome slave. And Zet—his vengeance-hungry brother. They both want something from her. One, her love. The other one, her life. Now she’s afraid she will die in love. One Wish Away is a young adult paranormal romance that will appeal to lovers of Hush Hush, Twilight, and the Fallen series. 

Supernatural/paranormal elements - Unreality by Ingrid Seymour (blog tour with Marked by Fate box set, where the book is from) Summary: Ever since she helped solve her mother’s gruesome murder twelve years ago, Meadow Bright has kept her psychic abilities locked away. As a five-year-old, the brutal visions of her mother’s death nearly destroyed her. Now, a senior in high school, she still fears her nature and what opening up could do to her. But when a classmate is found viciously tortured and murdered, her powers return with a vengeance, flooding her mind with new visions and opening old wounds. Worst of all, the new victim wears the signature of her mother’s killer, a man who’s still in jail under a life sentence without parole. It seems that, all those years ago, she made a mistake and helped put the wrong man in jail. Now, she must redeem herself before more people die.

Freakish characters - Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older Summary: Cassandra Clare meets Caribbean legend in SHADOWSHAPER, an action-packed urban fantasy from a bold new talent. Sierra Santiago was looking forward to a fun summer of making art, hanging out with her friends, and skating around Brooklyn. But then a weird zombie guy crashes the first party of the season. Sierra's near-comatose abuelo begins to say "Lo siento" over and over. And when the graffiti murals in Bed-Stuy start to weep.... Well, something stranger than the usual New York mayhem is going on. Sierra soon discovers a supernatural order called the Shadowshapers, who connect with spirits via paintings, music, and stories. Her grandfather once shared the order's secrets with an anthropologist, Dr. Jonathan Wick, who turned the Caribbean magic to his own foul ends. Now Wick wants to become the ultimate Shadowshaper by killing all the others, one by one. With the help of her friends and the hot graffiti artist Robbie, Sierra must dodge Wick's supernatural creations, harness her own Shadowshaping abilities, and save her family's past, present, and future.   Read a book with a Mask in title or cover - Sadly, I can't think of a book that can fill in this prompt, so I'll skip it. 

Black and orange cover - Mexican Whiteboy by Matt de la Pena Summary: Danny's tall and skinny. Even though he’s not built, his arms are long enough to give his pitch a power so fierce any college scout would sign him on the spot. Ninety-five mile an hour fastball, but the boy’s not even on a team. Every time he gets up on the mound he loses it. But at his private school, they don’t expect much else from him. Danny’ s brown. Half-Mexican brown. And growing up in San Diego that close to the border means everyone else knows exactly who he is before he even opens his mouth. Before they find out he can’t speak Spanish, and before they realize his mom has blond hair and blue eyes, they’ve got him pegged. But it works the other way too. And Danny’s convinced it’s his whiteness that sent his father back to Mexico. That’s why he’s spending the summer with his dad’s family. Only, to find himself, he may just have to face the demons he refuses to see--the demons that are right in front of his face. And open up to a friendship he never saw coming. Set in the alleys and on the ball fields of San Diego County, Mexican Whiteboy is a story of friendship, acceptance, and the struggle to find your identity in a world of definitions. 

Concept of a person/place/thing that terrifies you - The First Hour I Believed by Wally Lamb Not only does the cover haunt me, but the summary does too. Columbine High School shooting? Trauma? PTSD? Whoa...what an experience.  Summary: Wally Lamb's two previous novels, She's Come Undone and I Know This Much Is True, struck a chord with readers. They responded to the intensely introspective nature of the books, and to their lively narrative styles and biting humor. In The Hour I First Believed, Lamb travels well beyond his earlier work and embodies in his fiction myth, psychology, family history stretching back many generations, and the questions of faith that lie at the heart of everyday life. The result is an extraordinary tour de force, at once a meditation on the human condition and an unflinching yet compassionate evocation of character. When forty-seven-year-old high school teacher Caelum Quirk and his younger wife, Maureen, a school nurse, move to Littleton, Colorado, they both get jobs at Columbine High School. In April 1999, Caelum returns home to Three Rivers, Connecticut, to be with his aunt who has just had a stroke. But Maureen finds herself in the school library at Columbine, cowering in a cabinet and expecting to be killed, as two vengeful students go on a carefully premeditated, murderous rampage. Miraculously she survives, but at a cost: she is unable to recover from the trauma. Caelum and Maureen flee Colorado and return to an illusion of safety at the Quirk family farm in Three Rivers. But the effects of chaos are not so easily put right, and further tragedy ensues. While Maureen fights to regain her sanity, Caelum discovers a cache of old diaries, letters, and newspaper clippings in an upstairs bedroom of his family's house. The colorful and intriguing story they recount spans five generations of Quirk family ancestors, from the Civil War era to Caelum's own troubled childhood. Piece by piece, Caelum reconstructs the lives of the women and men whose legacy he bears. Unimaginable secrets emerge; long-buried fear, anger, guilt, and grief rise to the surface. As Caelum grapples with unexpected and confounding revelations from the past, he also struggles to fashion a future out of the ashes of tragedy. His personal quest for meaning and faith becomes a mythic journey that is at the same time quintessentially contemporary -- and American. The Hour I First Believed is a profound and heart-rending work of fiction. Wally Lamb proves himself a virtuoso storyteller, assembling a variety of voices and an ensemble of characters rich enough to evoke all of humanity. What's your TBR list for Empty Shelfie's Spookie Shelfie season? Leave comments below!

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[defiancerpg-blog]

LIBRA ~ THE SCALES

Name 🡒 Dinah Drake

Age 🡒 24

Identity 🡒 Female & She/Her

Orientation 🡒 Bisexuality

Origin 🡒 Houston, Texas

Nova Type 🡒 Corpus

Song 🡒 Blackbird by Sarah McLachlan (The Beatles Cover)

Faceclaim 🡒 Stella Maeve

RESISTANCE IS NOT TERRORISM

TW - Death, Inferred Child Abuse  

So, tell me a little bit about growing up. What was your childhood like?

Dinah glances downward as thoughts begin swirling in her head. Does she wanna know about the good things? The snippets of memories she has of her parents before that day of the New York City protest? The soft smile in her mother’s eyes as they dance through the house. The gruff laugh of her father as he picks her up and twirls her, telling her she’s his little girl. Perhaps she’d like to know about the day the cops showed up on Dinah’s doorstep with child services in tow. Or how the first family called her an abomination and told her she should have died with her parents. And the many more like them that followed over the years. Perhaps, she’d like to know how Dinah raised herself into adulthood one agonizing step at a time. No, that’s too much. So Dinah smiles softly, reminiscent of her mother, “Oh it wasn’t too bad. Could have been worse. It made me who I am though, so I’m grateful.”

What about your relationship with your family?

This is easier, Dinah sighs in relief. This she can talk about without having to skirt around the darker details of her adolescence.  “My mom was amazing. She loved to bake, so most of my best memories of them are in the kitchen helping her as much as a little kid can. My dad loved to eat, so he’d be in there too joking and attempting to steal a bite of whatever we were making. They loved each other so much. And me. And I love them...” Dinah trails off, the excitement of talking about her parents fading. For a split second, the pain of missing them seeps in, but just for a moment. In the next, she’s smiling again, pushing those sad memories back into the little vault at the back of her mind. 

Are you the only Nova in your family? Or were your parents Novas too? What about any siblings?

Dinah laughs, “No thankfully. My mom was human and my dad was a Nova. She knew long before Novas were in the public and she loved him for it. My mom was a bit of a fanatic for superheroes, so she was pretty much ecstatic that she’d fallen in love with someone with actual superpowers. She even named me after one of her favorite comic characters. So they taught me from early on that my abilities were a gift to be used wisely to help others, not to exploit. As for siblings...” Her voice falters as a memory surfaces of her parents jumping around in excitement as a ten almost eleven-year-old Dinah sits at the dining room table eating cereal. ‘What’s going on?’ She asks grinning as her mom turns to her, smile larger than she’d ever seen. ‘What would you say, if I told you that you were going to be a big sister?’ Young Dinah’s grin grows even bigger as she jumps up excitedly and begins dancing around the dining room with her parents. It was perhaps one of the last purely happy memories Dinah has. Two months later came the New York City Riot, and everything changed forever. “No, I don’t have any siblings,” she finally whispers.    

What’s your ability like? Is it easy to control or harder? Do you even like it?

“Oh, it’s great. I love being able to heal people. It takes a toll on me for sure, but I can handle it just fine. It’s so worth the pain just to make sure someone else is okay. I always kind of wanted to be a doctor, because I thought it would be a great way to put my abilities to good use. But college is expensive, especially med school. My parents had left me some money, but not enough. I used it instead to get through nursing school.” Dinah grins as a memory springs to mind. “I think the first time I ever healed someone was when I was about five or six. My mom had cut her hand with a knife and I don’t know something instinctual in me reached out and held her hand. I felt pain then as if my hand was being cut with a knife now. My mom screamed in fear because she didn’t fully understand what was happening. Then she saw that the wound on her own hand was completely healed, and the one on my own hand was healing over too. Faster than normal healing, but not super quick, ya know? It didn’t take us long to figure out how my ability worked. We spent a lot of time practicing and working on controlling it since, at the time, Novas were still in the dark. We had to hide what we were, my father and I.”

How would you describe your personality?

“I’m a nice person,” she squeaks out timidly. “I guess I'm kind of quiet too. People are always saying I should speak up more and stop being so shy...But I don't think I'm shy.” She purses her lips for a moment in thought. “I love being around people and listening to them talk, I'm not afraid to talk to people, that is. I just think I prefer to listen to other people's stories rather than share mine.” Dinah answers honestly. She knows that she probably should be a little bit chattier, and perhaps even a bit more assertive, but she can’t help it. She’s not a fan of confrontation.  

What do you think your greatest strengths and weaknesses are?

Dinah’s cheeks redden at the question. She’s not used to talking about herself so much, and especially not in a bragging way. “Most might say I’m too nice. They see it as a weakness that I try to see the good in everyone, but I don’t see it that way. I see it as a strength. It’s really easy to be pessimistic and see only the darkness, but the real strength is seeing the good too.” She offers a soft smile in thought. “For actual weaknesses, I guess I have trouble focusing on myself,” she lets out a nervous chuckle. “I tend to spend most of my time worrying about everyone else, that sometimes I forget to just stop and check in with myself if you know what I mean?”

Where and what were you doing the day the Nova Protection Act was enacted?

“I was at the hospital...They’d been talking about it for months on the news. I guess I never really thought it’d get passed? Like there was some worry in my mind, but I had faith that the people wouldn’t let it pass. But then it did and I was standing in a patient’s room fixing their IV. The tv was on and the sound was off, but I glanced up and I saw it right there on the evening news. I was already tired. I’d helped save a car crash victim hours earlier, and it was a twelve-hour shift to boot.” Dinah goes quiet for a minute as she gathered her thoughts. So, um, it took me a few minutes to actually process what they were saying. One of the doctors I worked with was a Nova too, and I remember like hearing him freaking out. He was yelling, and some of the other nurses were trying to calm him down. I was just standing there...in shock. I don’t really remember much immediately after. It’s all kind of a blur,” she sighs heavily.

Did you immediately run? Or did you try to obey the law and report to the Anti-Nova Force?

“I kind of wish I had,” Dinah answers, her eyes drifting toward the side, as she thought back to those first days of Th Siege. “I had hope that maybe it wouldn’t be bad. That maybe they really did have good intentions. But when they took me into custody I saw how they treated us. I experienced how they treated us. Like we were animals that needed to be caged and tamed. But the NPA had at least given us some rights. They weren’t allowed to truly imprison us unless we were caught using our abilities, especially against the Wardens. But it was awful. I saw so much pain that not even I could heal. I was stuck in custody for almost a month....but so many never escaped. So many of us are trapped within those glorified prison camps.  

How have you survived this last year and a half or so? Did you have any help or were you all alone? How did you find Yalena’s Sanctuary?

“They were transporting us the night I escaped. It was raining. The driver must have hit a bad spot because we were hydroplaning and the bus ran into the ditch. Most of us were dosed with Novacaine just enough to suppress our abilities.The bus was on its side. The driver was laying awkwardly. His head turned in an awful position. Almost everyone was hurt somehow, especially the Wardens...” Dinah choked up just a bit. “I wanted to help them, even though it was their job to keep us locked up. But I couldn’t, the Novacaine was still in my system. A few of the other Novas realized now was our chance to run. I joined them. We stuck together after that, that is until one of Yalena’s scouts found us and told us that we’d be safe there.” Dinah skips over the details of her year on the run. It’s not a time she really likes to reflect on.

What were you doing when the raid happened? How did you respond to the flood of Wardens? How quickly did you go through Yalena’s portal?

“I was in the makeshift medical wing. It’s where I spent most of my time after arriving at Yalena’s. Most nights I actually slept on a cot in there in case of an emergency. Or if I just got too exhausted to go back to my quarters. That’s actually what had happened that night. One of the scouts had come back with a gunshot wound. It had taken a lot out of me. I was half asleep when the sounds of screaming started...” Dinah’s voice fades as the question takes her back to that moment. The children, oh god the children. There weren’t many at the Sanctuary, but it sounded like the Wardens weren’t worrying about whether they killed anyone or not. No this was all about controlling Novas, and a few dead wasn’t going to hurt their consciences. That more than almost anything broke Dinah’s heart. The chaos had her jumping up, despite still healing from the gunshot wound she’d absorbed earlier. She was running and suddenly Yalena was there opening a portal. It looked like the Wardens were using more than just tranquilizers. Bullets were flying everywhere. Dinah knew she was needed here, to help the wounded. But Yalena yelled at her to get through the portal, that there were already wounded through it that needed immediate attention. It was that command that got her through the next hours of chaos. She had been given a job to do and no matter how awful everything was she was going to do it. After that, she slept for almost two days from all the healing she’d had to do.

What has living in The Imperium been like for you? Do you feel safer than before? Is it better or worse than on the run, or Yalena’s Sanctuary?

A soft giggle escapes. “It’s really nice,” she answers rather quickly. “It’s the nicest place I’ve probably ever stayed. Even my apartment back in New York wasn’t this nice, or clean. Plus I hadn’t had a hot shower in forever.” Dinah nods as she recalls the first shower she took after arriving there. She may have actually cried tears of joy, though she’s not certain because of the water from the shower. “Plus, the library is so nice. It reminds me of when I younger and actually had time to read before I spent most of my time working just to pay rent. I feel bad though. Not even half of us made it through the portal before it closed. And I know that we are all terrified of the possibility that this whole thing is just a fantasy that we’ll have to wake up from. But I hope, and believe that we’re safe now.”  

The last question. If war broke out between us and the humans, which side will you be on?

Dinah’s silent for a moment as the question sinks in. Certainly, it makes sense that this all might lead to war. After all, revolutions start from oppressed people standing up for themselves. So logically, it would most likely would, happen. But Dinah’s heart wishes otherwise. She still clings to the belief that humans are good and they will see the error of their ways. That peace is still an option. It’s what her parents died to believe. But whether a war will happen is not the question she was asked, Dinah finally accepts. “I don’t like to think about that,” she finally answers honestly.  

REBELLION IS ESSENTIAL

Empathic Healing 🡒

The ability to shift wounds between two individuals regardless of whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual. Through this ability, the user has some cellular regenerative abilities that allow them to heal faster than the original owner of the wound(s), but only just a little faster depending on their strength, the wound itself, and how life-threatening it is. If they absorb deadly wounds, they may just narrowly escape death themselves. Though if they are at maximum strength there is a possibility that they could manage to take on the wounds of a recently deceased person, thus reviving them. However, even at maximum strength, there is a high chance they might die from the wounds themselves.

REVOLUTION IS COMING

Hercules 🡒 It was after you had been living at the Sanctuary for a little while when one of the scouts said there were rumors of a Nova nearby that was badly wounded. So you kicked yourself into gear and joined the scouting party. It didn’t take your group long to find The Strong Man. He was indeed badly hurt, and it took a lot of you to save him. So much so that it was days before you fully recovered. But when you woke up, he was there watching over you protectively. He was grateful for what you’d done and wanted to thank you the moment that you were conscious. You and The Strong Man quickly became friends, despite his gruff exterior and now you don’t know what you’d do without their friendship. The two of you managed to keep each other strong even when things get really bad. 

LIBRA IS CLOSED