#tsitp season 2 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kamaluhkhan · 8 months

Text

ours are the moments i play in the dark

pairing: conrad fisher x fem!reader

summary: you come back to cousins beach after a few years away. conrad is not particularly happy that you're back - and you aren't particularly thrilled, either. too bad there's a history (chemistry?) neither of you can deny.

warnings: ANGST (im so sorry in advance...); flashback is from conrad's POV and the rest is from reader's perspective; mentions of sex + losing virginities (nothing too detailed/graphic); reader has an ex who's referred to with gender neutral pronouns; reader and other characters drink alcohol (pomegranate margaritas ;) ); hints of alcoholism (reader's mother); jealous reader who's trying her best; pining conrad who's a bit of a jerk; reader and conrad fight A Lot (they will make up eventually i promise!!)

tags: @stargirlsirius-recs, @ifilwtmfc, @qwertyb2577, @allnrsnz, @baconeggndcheez, @peanutbelley, @imogen-skye, @geekinthefuschiahair, @tvije, @drikawinchester, @maybankslover, @junnniiieee07, @elcpsstuff, @fangirl-kimora, @redbierd, @starkeylover

a/n: thank you so much for all the love on my conrad series so far! i love these characters and writing their stories, and it means so much that others are enjoying reading my work. there is one more part left and i promise it will be happier so stay tuned :)) i haven't watched the last two episodes of season 2, but i'm planning on writing a bit for that, too!! thank you x infinity ♡

part one | part two

i lost a friend / like keys in a sofa / like a wallet in the backseat / like ice in the summer heat (finneas, "i lost a friend")

now — summer, age 18

“you know, you guys aren’t fooling anyone.”

“and what exactly do you mean by that, steven?” you challenge, taking another sip of your soda.

it’s the fourth of july and susannah invited you over for her annual celebration. susannah always hosted fun parties, so you were more than happy to accept because it meant eating some good food, listening to an upbeat playlist, watching some fireworks, and just relaxing. essentially, susannah always delivered the best of summer, rolled into a carefully planned event.

the sun was shining, and everyone was having a good time, including you — at least, until you saw conrad and nicole in the pool, engaging in some serious PDA. you immediately got out of the pool and went to sulk near the drink table, where you were happily alone until steven came over to join you.

“i’m just saying, man. you and con are definitely going out of your way to prove that you’re mad at each other,” steven explains. “but we all know how much you care about each other.”

steven is right about the first part: you and conrad had done your best to avoid each other since the incident at nicole’s party and its fallout. if you and jeremiah had planned to go surfing and he invited conrad, you would always back out at the last minute. if you were over at the fishers helping belly pick out an outfit for a date with cam, conrad would conveniently stay in his room. not to mention, any time the two of you did cross paths — which was rare, but jeremiah and belly were persistent in requesting that all five of you spend time together, like the old days, they would say — it resulted in meaningless, petty arguments. the two of you had always been competitive and very comfortable teasing each other, but the difference was that now, your interactions were no longer good-natured.

you thought steven, belly, and jeremiah hadn’t noticed, but you should have given them more credit. to anyone who knew you, it was pretty obvious that something was up between you and conrad, even if they didn’t know what exactly it was.

“there’s a thin line between love and hate. and right now you guys are that line.”

“thank you for your insight,” you say sarcastically. “be sure to include that in your college essay — i’m sure princeton would love to have you.”

steven rolls his eyes at you, just as nicole arrives at the drink table.

“hey guys,” she greets. she reaches over to grab two cans of peach iced tea before you stop her.

“conrad’s allergic to peaches,” you say. “so you might wanna get him something else.”

nicole looks at you for a second before nodding and reaching for a can of sprite instead.

“thanks,” she says as she walks away.

once she’s gone, steven gives you a pointed look.

“what?” you scoff.

steven just shakes his head. “love and hate,” he muses, leaving you to join his parents and shayla near the pool.

you then decide to go inside briefly, where you find belly and jeremiah, pouring vodka into a blender.

“we’re making pomegranate margaritas!” belly exclaims, practically giddy.

“well, you gotta use the good blender for that.” conrad seems to appear out of nowhere from behind you, instantly reaching for the aforementioned good blender and placing it on the counter.

you were already in a sour mood from seeing him with nicole earlier, but belly looks at you with hopeful eyes, and you remember what steven said earlier, so you mentally promise that you would play nice with conrad. you owe belly and the others that much after being absent for so long: a carefree summer, just like the ones you used to know.

you imagine that jeremiah sent conrad a similar pleading look because, miraculously, you and conrad don’t argue with each other as you help mix pomegranate margaritas for everyone. you actually engage in playful banter and laugh at the other’s jokes. you even feel sorry for him when his father, who wasn’t supposed to be here, walks in. you can feel the good mood slipping, so you suggest heading to the beach for a change of scenery.

belly had invited cam and a few more girls who are doing the debutante thing with her, and with steven bringing shayla and conrad bringing nicole (which, you are totally fine with, of course, especially after a pomegranate margarita), you had a pretty solid party forming on the beach, away from the adults.

of all people, belly suggests some drinking games. it’s all a blur of sand, laughter, and vodka spiked fruit juice. once you were all the perfect amount of tired and tipsy, the group settles down, and gigi suggests a different game.

“we should play truth or dare.”

“oh my gosh we should!” belly smiles, tapping your leg enthusiastically. “remember? we used to play it all the time!”

you smile back. “of course i do.”

when you were kids, you, belly, steven, jeremiah, and conrad would play truth or dare any chance you got. it was never very serious, mostly goofy pranks and harmless questions. you had all grown up since then, and somewhere along the way, truth or dare had become less innocent than it used to be.

“y/n,” one of the debs — dara, if you remembered correctly — turns to you. it was the first time your name had been called, and in all honesty, you were perfectly happy just sitting back in the sun and sipping the rest of your drink. “truth or dare?”

you choose truth, mostly to avoid having to get up from your very comfortable seat on the sand.

“are you a virgin?”

your mouth suddenly feels dry. you’re not ashamed of your answer, but it doesn’t help that you can see conrad glaring at you from the corner of your eye. you take another sip of your drink before answering.

“um, not really.”

“it’s yes or no question,” nicole says.

“then my answer’s no,” you declare.

“what?” belly screeches. she sits up straighter to turn towards you, and in the process spills some pomegranate margarita on her dress. “i can’t believe you had sex and didn’t tell me? when? with who? what was it like?” her cheeks are slightly flushed. a sober belly would have likely asked you in private, or at the very least, not in front of people you barely knew. in that moment, you almost regret the pomegranate margaritas.

almost. because maybe it’s the silence and everyone’s expectant stares, or the adrenaline you feel from winning most of the drinking games, or the effects of the drinks themselves, but you convince yourself that it’s as good a time as any to tell the story. a sober you would have known to tread more carefully given the context; that would have been about three pomegranate margaritas ago, though.

“it’s kind of a cliche story, honestly,” you start. “it happened last summer. it was raining that night, so we were hanging out in the back of my teammate’s van, just talking, and one thing led to another….we didn’t plan to do anything, but we got caught in the heat of the moment.” you choose your words carefully, deliberately avoiding eye contact with conrad.

“how was it though?” belly asks, leaning in closer.

you shrug. “a little awkward, i guess? neither of us had sex before then, and we were both figuring stuff out. like, he couldn’t open the condom wrapper because he was so flustered, so i had to help him. it was nice, though,” you admit. “when the rain cleared, we went out to stargaze and fell asleep on the beach.”

belly sighs. “so romantic.”

“you’re right about it being cliche,” steven laughs. he has an arm thrown around shayla, and uses the other to gesture towards conrad. “conrad, man, that sounds almost exactly like your first time.”

you feel your entire body heat up, and it's not because of the sun shining down on you. conrad’s gaze finally meets yours — for a split second only, but it’s enough for steven to notice.

“holy shit! it all makes sense now!” steven exclaims, suddenly standing up.

jeremiah frowns, looking between you, conrad, and steven. “what makes sense?”

“i’ve been trying to figure out why y/n and conrad have been so weird around each other this summer, but it’s obvious now: they lost their virginities to each other. they had sex!”

nicole stiffens and narrows her eyes at conrad. “you told me you never hooked up with y/n.”

“well, that’s definitely not true.”

“belly,” you warn, looking over to conrad once more. his cheeks are turning red, and you imagine a storm brewing beneath his dark blue eyes.

“i don’t know about last summer,” belly continues, completely oblivious to the tension building. “but i do know that they kissed at your party.”

“i knew it,” nicole scoffs, pushing away from conrad. “i knew it.” with one last poisonous glare towards conrad, she storms off.

conrad sends you an equally poisonous look before chasing after her. the party dissolves shortly after.

feeling defeated, you lie back in the sand, close your eyes, and let the sun shine down on you once more, taking deep breaths to slow down your heart rate.

call it karma or a cruel twist of fate or just a really shitty coincidence, but you’re finally the one left alone on the beach.

then — summer, age 17

conrad was more than a little surprised to see your name appear on his phone. it wasn't like you were completely off the grid — you texted, though infrequently, and followed each other on socials. he scrolled through his instagram feed and saw the occasional picture of you wearing a costume at a halloween party or sipping hot chocolate on a snowy day. photos that never quite fit the image he had of you in his mind: in cutoff denim shorts and a swimsuit and layers of sunscreen, with sand in your hair and popsicle stains on your lips.

“hey,” he answered after only three rings.

"hey fisher, any friday night plans?"

he told you he was working on his college essay.

“homework on a friday night in the middle of summer,” you tsked. “i never realized how much of a nerd you are.”

conrad laughed. “i mean, that’s on you for just realizing that.”

“fair enough,” you hummed, and conrad could practically hear your smile through the phone. “if you’re in the mood for something more fun, look out your window.”

conrad wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but you standing in the driveway of his summer house was pretty low on the list. you waved at him frantically, telling him to hurry up and open his window.

he was still in awe as you climbed through. conrad tried to memorize the image of you then and there, standing in front of him in his bedroom: wearing dolphin shorts and a light jacket, with chipped turquoise nail polish and a bright smile.

"you drove all the way here?"

"well, they haven't cracked the science behind teleportation yet," you say playfully. "so i didn't have many options."

"i can't believe you're here," conrad smiled, and that’s when you finally hugged him. he held on tightly, afraid you would leave at any moment if he let go. you smelled the same, like chlorine and vanilla sugar.

once you broke away from the hug, you pointed towards something behind him, pinned to his bulletin board. conrad followed your gaze and felt his cheeks heat up.

“i missed you, too, connie,” you teased, eyes lingering on the newspaper clipping of your swim team making it to nationals thanks to your record time.

“mom showed it to me,” he explained, the smile on your face making his heart beat out of his chest. “she’s so proud of her little mermaid.”

your smile fell, just a bit, but enough for conrad to notice a shift in your mood. you always did a good job at hiding the weight of the world on your shoulders, at least around the others. not so much around him.

you sighed and sat down on his bed. “you know, after that swim meet, my dad lectured me about not being fast enough,” you explained. “winning by only a millisecond apparently wasn’t enough to impress college scouts, at least according to him.”

“your dad’s a jerk,” conrad said instantly. he sat down next to you. “and an idiot, if he can’t see how amazing you are.”

“thanks, connie,” you whispered. it looked like you were going to say more; instead, you picked up his laptop. “wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were working on your college essay. you really are a nerd.”

“shut up,” conrad laughed, nudging you with his shoulder and trying to grab the laptop from you.

you nudged him back. “it’s a compliment! schools go crazy for trust fund nerds.”

“yeah, yeah.” conrad waved you off. “so, you’re in cousins for the summer?”

all you did was smile softly and close the laptop, finally handing it back to him.

conrad’s heart burst with joy. because not only were you there — finally there, after all that time away — but you were staying. his mom would always muse about summers in cousins being magical, but conrad didn’t quite believe her until you were gone and he felt that magic fade away.

“do you wanna go downstairs? belly’s watching it happened one night with my mom and laurel.”

“as much as i love susannah’s favourite movie,” you started, and conrad’s heart soared again at you remembering his mom’s favourite movie. “i thought maybe it could just be the two of us tonight? maybe we could go for a drive.”

that’s how the two of you ended up at mermaid grove — a secluded stretch of beach about an hour away from your houses. it was near the mall your mothers sometimes went to, and during one of those excursions when you were young, all the kids wandered off and found it. the only time you’d been there was during the day and with jeremiah, belly, steven, and your siblings, so it felt different then, at night with just the two of you.

it started raining on the drive over — which only took 45 minutes without traffic — so you were hanging out in the back of your van. the van actually belonged to one of your teammate’s cousin who was somewhat of a hippie, you said, which explained the smell of weed and bohemian decor — battery powered rainbow fairy lights, colourful pillows, an elaborately patterned tapestry. the space was definitely intimate, or maybe it felt that way because you and conrad were sitting as close as possible to each other, shoulders touching and one of your legs tangled with his. he was scrolling through the pictures on your phone of your last swim meet in california, where you'd gotten the chance to visit stanford, while you were peeling an orange.

"you would love it there, connie,” you gushed. you dug your fingers into the orange peel, and the smell of citrus started to fill the air. “the beaches are beautiful and the waves are amazing. it’s like, always summer.”

conrad sometimes felt like summer was the only season of the year that he was truly awake, truly living. everything else felt like a dream, one that he would always describe to you in mundane detail; conrad even kept a small journal throughout the year, writing things down that he needed to tell you once you reunited every june. but one journal had turned to two, almost three, and conrad was trying really hard to not resent you for that.

“anyways, i think i’m going to apply in the fall.”

conrad stopped scrolling through your phone, pausing at a picture you had taken of a lemon tree. “doesn’t your dad have princeton lined up?”

“you make it sound like he bought my way in, when it was actually hours and hours and hours of training to get that scholarship. on the national best swim team.” you mimicked your father’s patronising tone for that last part; conrad hadn’t seen him in years, and he could still recognize it.

“you’re right, though. my dad would flip his shit. even if i got in with a scholarship, it’s so far away and i have the twins to look after, but a girl can dream, right?”

“i feel that,” conrad assured. you gave him a sad smile, knowing that his dad was as intense about football as yours was about swimming. the worst part was that you both loved your respective sports, until they became a burden. you both had other burdens to deal with, too, when it came to your families.

“in an ideal world, the two of us wouldn’t have to worry about anything else. we’d live in a place by the beach, surf every day, and hang out in the sun while sipping ice-cold, fresh lemonade.” just like we used to, conrad added in his head.

“in an ideal world,” you agreed. “we’d also adopt four dogs, each named after one of the beatles. you can teach them how to play the guitar.”

conrad laughed. “if i couldn’t teach you, there is no way i can teach one dog, let alone four.”

“well, they wouldn’t get distracted by your dreamy blue eyes like i did.” you winked at conrad, and handed him the freshly peeled orange before he even had time to blush.

“take it,” he protested. “you drove all this way — you should eat something.”

you shook your head and placed the orange in his hand before you pulled out another fruit from your bag. “i picked some of these up on the way here — best peaches on the east coast.” you took a big bite. “remember the summer we found out that you had a mild peach allergy?” you asked, juice dripping down your chin. you wiped it with the sleeve of the varsity jacket you wore.

conrad laughed at the memory. belly and steven had brought back candy from their trip to toronto. conrad practically inhaled an entire bag of fuzzy peaches, and didn’t realize that they weren’t supposed to make your mouth itchy — the “fuzzy” part wasn’t literal. that felt like so long ago, but there you and conrad were, settling back into each other like no time had passed.

as the night grew darker, you and conrad shifted closer to each other. conrad ate orange slice after orange slice as you devoured your peach, all while looking through the photos on your phone. you’d occasionally interject with a short story or comment, and there were still raindrops falling on the roof, but for the most part, there was nothing but a comfortable silence between you.

you moved to wrap the orange peel and peach pit in a napkin, just as conrad swiped onto a photo of someone kissing your cheek.

“who’s that?”

you leaned over to check. “oh. that’s sam.”

“are you dating?” conrad asked, trying to seem casual about it. just a friend asking another friend about their romantic situation. as a friend.

“we were,” you explained, sitting back next to him. “they broke up with me a few months ago.”

conrad sighed in relief, which he hoped you didn’t notice. “sorry.”

you shrugged. “it’s fine. apparently i’m emotionally distant.”

that wasn’t much of a surprise to conrad. sam might have been an idiot for breaking up with you, but they were spot on with the emotionally distant part. out of all the time you’d known each other, conrad had only seen you cry once, maybe twice. you were usually the one wiping away tears and putting on a brave face, inadvertently, or maybe purposefully, hiding your own vulnerability.

still, that wasn’t something conrad was about to stir up.

“what? you?” he joked instead.

“shut up,” you said, rolling your eyes, but the wry smile on your face gave you away. “how about you? broke any hearts this past year?”

conrad thought for a moment. there was aubrey, who his football teammate said had a major crush on him. they had been texting for a while now, and were on the edge of maybe becoming something. but then, there you were, stirring up feelings conrad had long buried — or, at least, tried to. if part of his head was always in summer, then part of his heart always belonged to you.

“no.”

“got your heart broken?”

he thought back to a few weeks ago, when he ran into your mom at the grocery store, and she said you wouldn’t be coming to cousins again that summer. you hadn’t spoken at all to each other for a month or two before that.

“no,” he lied.

you hummed, and took your phone away from him.

“wanna hear something trippy?” you asked suddenly. you always had a knack for changing the course of a conversation to where you wanted it to go.

“what?”

“well, since it takes a while for light from space to reach us, when we stargaze, we’re actually looking back in time. like, the star that’s closest to earth — other than the sun — is four light years away. or is it five?” you paused. “anyways, if the sky was clear and we could see that star, it would mean we’d actually be looking at that star from summer, five years ago.”

“very trippy,” conrad agreed. “it’s like a cosmic time machine.”

you hummed. “do you ever wonder what our past selves back then, at like 12 or 13, would think of us now? i think about those summers and how magical they felt.”

magical. you turned to smile at him softly, and conrad couldn't help but agree.

“i always thought you’d be my first kiss,” you whispered.

that threw conrad off guard, and it took him a few seconds to regain balance. the van suddenly felt too small and the lingering scent of fruit shared between you two, mixed with the familiar smell of chlorine and vanilla from how close you were sitting to him, became overwhelming. his heart was beating out of his chest — not because he didn’t feel the same way, but because he did.

conrad knew what his 13 year old self would think of him now: he’d be up in arms over his awkward pause, screaming to finally tell you how he felt then, and how those feelings hadn’t really left. how you made him feel safe, excited, confused and angry. how there was a space in his heart just for you, and it was painfully empty when you left, but now that you’re there again —

“sorry,” you said, cutting through the silence. you subtly shifted away from conrad. “i didn’t mean to make things weird.”

“you didn’t,” conrad answered instantly. he registered how you were now slightly hunched over and brought your knees to your chest, how you bit your lip and avoided eye contact — a few hints that you felt uncomfortable, deflated even at his lack of response.

so, he moved closer to you and gently placed a hand on your knee.

“you didn’t make things weird,” conrad assured once more. you were brave, he decided: for a lot of things you did, but right then for being so honest, so vulnerable. it inspired him to do the same. “i mean, this might make things weird, but i always thought you’d be my first…you know. at least, ever since i knew what sex even was.”

you finally turned towards him, your lips slightly parted.

“yeah,” you breathed. “me too.”

conrad’s eyes flicked to your lips, then back to your eyes.

“do you still want to —”

“yes. i - i mean, no pressure, but if you still want to —”

“i do.”

you smiled then and conrad felt himself do the same.

when you kissed for the first time, it was like rainclouds parted and the stars came out, shining bright in infinite darkness. the two of you became tangled up in each other: you sat in his lap, legs on either side of his waist, your chests pressed together and your fingers tangled in his hair, which drove him crazy. conrad let his hands explore your body, gently grazing the skin under your shirt. his lips tingled from the remnants of peach juice on yours, but he kept kissing you.

it was awkward and exhilarating at the same time. you asked each other if what you were doing felt good and right and were slightly embarrassed if the answer was no, but still adjusted if needed. at one point, conrad was fumbling with the condom wrapper and you had to open it with your teeth; he jokingly pointed out how you used to do the same with packs of sour patch kids and you giggled before kissing him again.

the two of you lay down on the floor once you were done. your head rested on conrad’s chest and he had his arm around you, idly tracing shapes on your skin with his fingertips. he craned his neck down to look at you.

even in the dim lighting and after years apart, you looked the same. even if you’d never been that close before, at least not in the same way you had just been, you felt familiar.

you tilted you head towards him and smiled.

“what?”

there was something about the way you looked at him that still made him blush, and conrad hoped that with the lack of bright light, you wouldn’t notice.

“sounds like the rain stopped,” he said. “wanna go stargazing?”

it was slightly chilly, so you let conrad borrow your varsity jacket, even if it didn’t fit perfectly. the sky was clear and full of stars. you spent the rest of the night there together, on the beach.

in the morning, conrad woke up before you. he watched as you took slow, deep breaths with your eyes still closed. you looked so peaceful — until the sound of your alarm prompted you to wake up.

“shit,” you exhaled, your eyes wide once you noticed the sun had risen. “what time is it?”

you searched frantically for your phone, only to find it right next to you.

“shit,” you repeated once you checked the time. you stood up right away, sand kicking from underneath your feet. “this is bad.”

“what —”

conrad didn’t have time to even ask you what was wrong because you bolted to the van. he followed you.

“what’s wrong?”

you looked at conrad, brows furrowed. “i have to go. i don’t want to leave you, but i have to go.”

“it’s okay,” conrad reassured. he stepped closer to you and placed a hand on your cheek. “i’ll be here when you get back.”

“i’m…” you step away from him. “i’m not coming back.”

“what do you mean?” he tried to steady his voice, but a dangerous mix of hurt and anger threatened to wash over him. conrad’s heart dropped, knowing all too well what was likely coming next, but he hoped, wished, that it wouldn’t be like before.

“i’ve got a swim meet in boston,” you exhaled. “but i can drive you home on my way there.”

“you’ll come back to cousins after,” conrad declared, as if saying it out could change what would happen next. “you said you’d be here for the summer.”

you shrugged, stumbling over your words. “technically, i didn’t say that. you just assumed and — ”

“and you wanted me to believe it, right?”

you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “just — let me drive you home, connie.”

the use of his childhood nickname — the one he secretly despised, except when it came from you — was what made him snap.

“i should have known,” he snarled. “god, i should have known. you don’t care about me, about us. swimming over everything, right?”

“that’s not true.” your eyes opened, but you still wouldn’t meet his gaze. “i do care, but you know the pressure i’m under —”

“fine. you want to talk about pressure?” conrad laughed, bitterly, all his frustration bleeding out and pooling at your feet. “my mom had cancer, and you couldn’t even be there for me. texts and phone calls only do so much when you’re watching the woman who raised you wither away to nothing.”

your eyes softened slightly, finally looking at him. you took a step forward, but conrad took another two back.

“conrad —”

“no. don’t,” he snapped, making you stop. “why did you even come here?”

“i was close by and…” you paused. “i guess i just needed to come back, even just for a bit.”

"figures," conrad scoffed. “you only care when it’s convenient.”

“that’s not true,” you repeated.

conrad waited a second for you say something more, but you didn’t.

“well, i’m really glad you got what you needed,” he mocked. “tell me, does nostalgia and sex help you swim faster? impress college scouts? make daddy proud of you?”

you stiffened slightly. “don’t be an asshole.”

“no, no. congratulations!” he clapped to emphasize his point. “i’m so glad i could help you! guess you just needed a quick fuck before your big competition for some good luck. hope it works out in your favour.”

there was so much venom laced in his words, and he could tell you noticed. you looked at him like he was a stranger.

“fuck you,” you finally said. your voice was shaking slightly and it looked like tears were forming in your eyes. “you can walk home, for all i care.”

without another word, you got into the car and drove away. conrad watched your car become smaller in the distance as he stood alone at the beach, wearing your jacket and replaying every word he said.

now

it’s hours after susannah’s fourth of july celebration. the adrenaline and alcohol from early wore off, and you’re sitting on your front porch, sipping tea from your favourite mug. you were hoping to relax, but the sight of conrad fisher storming up to you threatens that.

“where do you get off, saying what you did earlier?”

even under the low light of the porch, you can see that his face is red with anger. he came here to argue, but you’re too tired to really care.

“well, shit, conrad,” you sigh. “don’t blame me. blame — blame truth or dare and pomegranate margaritas and steven for being so goddamn perceptive.”

“you lied,” he accuses, crossing his arms. “you said you didn’t tell belly about us kissing at nicole’s party.”

“at least i didn’t lie to my girlfriend,” you point out, your voice dull from exhaustion. conrad is momentarily at a loss for words, furrowing his brow even further, so you decide to steer the conversation in another direction — away. “look, i just had to pick up my drunk mother from the bar, so i’m really not in the mood for this conversation.”

you move to leave, but conrad grabs your left wrist before you reach the door. the sudden action startles you, and you release the mug you were holding in your right hand. it falls to the ground, the break clean, and the rest of your tea spills onto the porch. you exhale sharply, turning back to face conrad.

“i don’t care,” he snaps. “you fucked up earlier today. you never should have mentioned that night. talking about it like it actually meant something to you.”

“you know what, conrad? maybe it’s hard for you to believe, but that night actually meant something to me.” you laugh bitterly, feeling more awake than before. “and, yeah, now i’ve spent so much time regretting it. because maybe i hoped that we’d start dating, but even if that didn’t happen, i never expected to lose my best friend.”

conrad rolls his eyes. “i don’t know how you can stand there and call me your best friend. best friends don’t leave each other —”

“fine, i did leave,” you interrupt. your voice is slightly raised, and you can’t help but feel a new rush of adrenaline flowing through your veins. the fact that conrad is standing in front of you, suggesting that you were the one to blame for the hostility between you — that made you frustrated, angry, even.

“i had other shit going on,” you continue. “and maybe i didn’t handle the situation well at first — that’s on me, sure. but i wasn’t the one who ignored texts and sent calls straight to voicemails. i’m not the one who’s spending the summer avoiding everyone who knows them because they’re too scared of others finding out the truth. i don’t know who you are this summer, but i know the real you, conrad.”

“no, you don’t.”

by now, you’ve walked closer, standing only a few inches in front of him. if you reached out, you’d be able to brush the bangs away from his forehead, but you don’t.

“i do know you,” you assert. “in fact, i hate how much i know you. i know that “yesterday” by the beatles is your favourite song, and the first one you learned on the guitar. i know that you’re crazy good at chess, but let jeremiah win sometimes when your dad is watching. i know that you love playing football, but hate that you’re expected to play it. i know that i hurt you last year, so you had to ignore me because that was easier than admitting how you really feel because — because you’re scared.”

“you’re wrong.” conrad stares at you, his gaze heavy on yours.

you shake your head. “i know that you didn’t tell anyone about what happened between us because it meant something to you. and that really scares you, too.”

“you’re…you’re wrong.” conrad’s voice wavers a bit, his eyes soften ever so slightly, and you know you’ve struck a chord.

“i’m not,” you say. “and, honestly? i’m so fucking tired of waiting for you to realize that. i don’t care anymore. whatever was between us during all those summers, it's obviously not here anymore."

“you’re wrong,” he’s like a broken record, stuck on the same lyric.

"stop blaming me for fucking this up," you continue. "it's your mess, too, conrad. and i’m so fucking tired."

it’s late, and it’s dark, and you can’t bring yourself to stay here anymore. without saying anything else, you step over the broken porcelain of your favourite mug and into your house, leaving conrad alone on your poorly lit porch.

when the sun rises and you go outside in the morning, the pieces are gone.

#the summer i turned pretty fic #tsitp season 2 #tsitp fanfic #tsitp #tsitp conrad #conrad fisher #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher fanfic #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher x fem!reader #conrad fisher fluff #conrad fisher angst #the summer i turned pretty #saf writes

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writersblockedx · 9 months

Text

Jealous? C.F.

Requested - Maybe like a jealous conrad? or conrad comforts you after a fight with Jeremiah (you're bestfriends in this case) @nomorespahgetti I tried by best to do both, hope this is okay!

Pairing - Conrad Fisher x Fem!Reader Summary - You’re uncertain if your feelings for Conrad are one side, so you hatch a plan to see if he’ll get jealous. Warnings - Violence, use of alcohol Words - 2.5K

A/n - I’m writing more for The Summer I Turned pretty so send in some requests here

Masterlist

You had been friends with the Fisher boys for a long time. And for a long time, you had done practically everything together. As you went into high school, parties became a more frequent activity you did together.

Another house was swarmed with teens. Flashing lights, blaring music, enough to reel everyone in. Jeremiah pulled into a spot on the road as the three of you glared at the scene. It was thrilling and it was a promise of a good night. Quite frankly, none of you could wait to join in all the fun.

Jeremiah turned around in the driver's seat, his eyes jumping between you in the back seat and Conrad in the passenger seat. "You guys know the rules alright?" Said Jere, stern in his expression.

The older brother laughed, "Of course we do." He replied. "You do realise you're barely ever the sober driver?"

"I am!" He argued as the brothers did. "There was Abi's party! I was the sober driver then."

You joined in with Conrad as you gave a giggle, "You do realise that was almost a year ago, Jere."

His expression moulded into one of disbelief, "What? No, no, it wasn't, I-" He came to realise you were in fact right. "Just, please, both be ready to leave at one." That was always the rule: one out of the three was the sober driver and the other two would always have to be ready at 1 am on the dot to leave.

Of course, it didn't always go to plan. But it was the plan you always followed. "Yes, understood."

Conrad's hand was on the door when he added, "Make sure Alec knows as well." It was a sly comment, similar to all the others he had been making for the past month.

You glared at him but he wouldn't look back. "He knows." You assured before being the first to exit the car, eager to slip away from Conrad's grumpy exterior.

Alec was another Summer hookup. One of which was made on the basis of no-strings-attached. It was meaningless, but thrilling and fun, a way to burn time when you had nothing else to do. And the moment you walked through the front door, he was by your side. And, only a moment later, you came to realise it was because he wanted to trace his hands around your waist, wanted to see if you would end up staying another night in his bed.

Instead, your hands tore his from your clothing, "Let's get a drink, hm?" You suggested.

His expression was hiding a scowl as he forced a nod. "Sure." He sighed, trailing behind you as you took his hand, dragging him through into the kitchen.

All night you had Alec's hands clawing at you and Conrad's gaze piercing into you. It was torture. You knew Conrad didn't like Alec, he didn't like any of your hookups, but it was beginning to get on your nerves. So, rather than stay put, you waited until it got to half past midnight when you downed the rest of your drink, grabbed Alec's hand and pulled him upstairs.

You shut the door, finding yourself in what you hoped was only a guest bedroom; very beige, very empty. You rushed towards the window, looking outside to spot Jere's Jeep. If Conrad thought he could make comments like that, stare as much as he pleased, you would make it as worse for him as you could do. Or maybe you just wanted to see what he would do - not that you would admit that to yourself. Deep down, you were truly just wanting to see how he would react if he would dare to be jealous or show any sign that he felt something romantic for you. Maybe it was an unfair way of doing things, but it had been years now, and never did he make a move.

"Finally," Came the voice from behind you. One of which you had almost forgotten. "Was beginning to think you weren't going to spare me some time tonight."

You turned, brows knitted, "What?"

He took a step closer, letting his eyes gaze across the lines of your body like it was his. "You've barely given me any attention tonight." He pointed out.

He went to go closer before you put out your hand. Your palm hit his chest with a thud that sounded through the whole room; his demeanour altered. "And you're making me not want to give you any more." His hands were sticky, once they touched your skin they seemed to never leave. And you were planning to make sure tonight, he never got to even brush a fingertip against you.

It was fun while it lasted, you thought.

"Come on, don't be like that." Alec critiqued.

"You're just pissed because you're not gonna get any tonight." It came out of your mouth before you could stop it, but you weren't exactly upset about it.

The boy across from you simply scoffed, "Don't pretend as if you're not in this for any other reason." You couldn't argue about that.

"You know I don't even think I've got any more reasons to continue this." You huffed. Tonight had seemed to put you completely off the boy.

"So, you're ending this?"

Your arms folded around your chest and you came to shrug, "Yeah, I guess I am."

There: the door swung open. You and Alec, meters apart, scowls on both of your faces. And in the doorway stood Conrad Fisher, him too wearing a scowl.

But rather than another sly comment about why you were late to the car, he found the scene cause for concern. "What's going on?" His eyes were burning into Alec, only daring to give you a glimpse every now and again.

You thought then it was best to screw your plan. It wasn't as if Conrad was getting jealous. In fact, he seemed more protective over you, worried by the state Alec was in. "Nothing." You huffed in an obvious lie, grabbing your bag and heading to the door. "Let's go."

Conrad was right behind you. He was turning, ready to leave whatever had happened behind him. But then, of course, Alec had to go and open his mouth. "You know I should have believed what they said about you!" He yelled, the door open for everyone outside to overhear.

Both you and Conrad came to a halt. And you both turned to face him. His skin was burning, his fists clenched and you were scared if you got any closer, you would be leaving with a black eye. "Everyone makes mistakes." You flashed a weak, sarcastic smile, more than ready to fleet this scene you had caused.

"Every week, a different boy right? I'm surprised I lasted this long!" He chuckled so sinisterly.

Conrad started walking over. The second his foot moved, your hand reached for his, so unlucky that his fingers slipped from yours like butter before you could get a grip. "What you gonna do, Fisher?" Alec tormented.

Like that, he invited what was coming for him. "This." Before he had even finished his before, the fist was thrown.

"Conrad!" You snapped but it was no use.

Alec stared back at him, fury written within his pupils. Before you could do anything, they were wrapped between limbs, fighting to leave bruises, a punch here and there. By now, half of the party was crowded around this small doorway, cheering the two boys on like it was a boxing match. It took a good few minutes before Conrad finally got Alec to stay down - not without a few lingering bruises and cuts himself though.

He was staring down at Alec like he was meat. And before you came over to him, you weren't sure he was going to snap out of it. Your hand wrapped around his forearm, "Conrad," You whispered his name like it was fresh air. He almost jumped as he stared back at you. Your finger came to his cheek, brushing at it, "Let's go."

The boy nodded, letting you lead him towards the Jeep where Jeremiah was still waiting for you. As you weaved your way through the party, neither of you dared to let go of the other. You weren't sure why Conrad was so pulled to punch Alec, and you weren't saying it wasn't deserved, but you knew them bruises weren't going to be painless. For that, you would feel a tad guilty - you were the reason he had even come up to the room, why Alec was so angry in the first place, you just wished you could have stopped him from breaking out that fight.

You wandered out to the car where Jere jumped out from the driver's seat. He was readying some lecture to you both but when he took in the state of the two of you, he was taken aback. "Jesus," He huffed as you and Conrad stumbled towards the back door. "What the hell happened to you guys?"

Conrad stopped for a moment to address Jere, "Long story." And with that, he got into the car and you followed him.

It was silent until Jere started driving, his eyes flickering to the rear-view mirror to catch glimpses of you two tangled in the back seats together. Finally, he had to ask, "This didn't have something to do with Alec, did it?"

Conrad glared at his brother, "He just doesn't know when to shut up." The boy grumbled, going back to staring mindlessly out the window.

"So you started a fight with him?" The younger brother quipped.

And before an argument could spark between the two you jumped in, "I tried to stop it alright." You didn't realise that was only going to start an argument between you and Jere instead.

"Really?" Jere shook his head and it prompted a pit to grow in your stomach. "The only reason he was up there was because you weren't at the car when you were supposed to be. And by the sounds of it, you were hooking up with your little boyfriend while we were waiting for you!" That guilt only grew with every word that fell from Jeremiah's lips.

You sat further back in your seat, "I'm sorry," You said like a scolded child. "I lost track of time."

The rest of the car journey was silent. There was thick tension between each of you and when you returned to the Fisher house, it finally started to settle.

Jere went straight to his own room. And Conrad was about to do the same before you reached out your hand, taking a grasp of his wrist. He stopped ad slowly spun to face you. A good few silent seconds passed before you said anything, "You can't go to bed like that." You pointed towards the black eye that was forming on his face. "Come on," You nodded your head toward the kitchen and he started following you.

His fingers came to interwind with your own as you wandered towards the bar stool, guiding Conrad to sit on one of them. From there, in the silence and the dim light, you gathered frozen pees and returned to the beaten boy. Your eyes locked onto his. It was as if the whole world stopped when you looked at Conrad. For that one moment, you were completely encompassed by his blue pupils, forgetting why you were here, why he had a swollen eye and why you had a pit in your stomach.

When the moment passed, it all came flooding back. You took a step forward and ever so quietly pressed the packet towards his eye. "I'm sorry you got hurt." You finally broke the silence.

Conrad shrugged, "It was worth it, knowing he's hurting more." You could have predicted he would say that.

"Jere's right though." You said, the guilt laced within your tone. "The only reason you were there was because of me."

Conrad stepped up abruptly, forcing you to retract the frozen pees, "Don't let him get to you like that, he was just pissed. If he was in that room too he would have done the same thing too." A part of you faulted at that. If Jere would have done it, then maybe Conrad's actions didn't come from a place of deep-rooted romance, more just like protecting a younger sister.

"Yeah, maybe." Your eyes fell to the floor.

It sparked something. Before you could move, Conrad's finger was under your chin, prompting you to look back at him; there you were, locked. "He was a dick anyway." He offered a smile.

"That's what you say about everyone I get with."

Conrad couldn't deny that but he could excuse it. "Because they'll all dicks and don't how to treat you right."

That urged a grin of your own, "Okay then, find me someone who isn't and maybe you'll have one less black eye." Your own hand reached out this time, tracing the yellow patches which were already forming.

"That might take a while." He shrugged.

You didn't move your hand from his skin, "Maybe not."

You watched as his expression moulded into one of confusion, "What?"

"Conrad," Your voice had a sudden shake to it, "You're the only person I know who treats me right, who knows exactly what I need, how I feel, you're like a mind reader." You were beginning to pour your heart out. "You've been by my side since I can remember. And you are always the one to pick me up after the dickhead guys leave me behind, and you're always the one to fight them for me - when it's needed of course." Conrad was following your every word as you tried to forget this could be the be-all and end-all. "What I'm trying to say is that I really like you and I don't want to go through any more hookups or stupid boys. I just want you."

You took a breath like it was the first time. Like now you had said that your breath was fresh, it was weightless. When you looked at Conrad, you felt like you were hanging onto a thread and he was holding the scissors. His hands came to cup the sides of your face and you became weak at his touch, "I'm glad you finally came to your senses." And with that, he sealed the words by leaning into your lips.

Sure, the night had been chaotic, but somehow it had ended in the dim light of the Beach House kitchen, whispering sweet nothings and confirming the feelings that you had been holding in for years.

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grapejuicestyless · 8 months

Text

Don’t Be A Stranger.

Conrad Fisher x fem!reader

Summery: To Conrad, you are all things good in his life. But, it doesn’t feel that way when he keeps you a secret.SHES A LONG ONE!!(perspectives will switch between Conrad, Belly and the reader.)

Conrad had many secrets. Ones he carried not because he didn’t have anyone to share them with, or to trust them with, but because he chose to keep them the way they were always meant to be, a secret. A silent fact that only he would know of. And to Conrad, that was y/n.

Conrad still remembers the day he met her. It had been the morning after a particularly rough storm. Branches and trash scattered along the shoreline, sand messed into piles. But in the mess, sat a girl. Quiet as a mouse, breath steady and face calm. Like the place around her was perfectly normal. She remained unbothered at the center of the chaos.

Her hair had been up, tucked behind her ears. Her top was thin and white, a silky button up that was hanging low on one of her shoulders. From what he could see, her bra strap was light blue, the same shade as her jean shorts. Conrad believed that he had never seen someone so beautiful, not even close to what he was seeing with her. Even in his tween years, he felt sure that he never would see someone that beautiful. But one thing stood out to him.

Looking down, taking her in fully, Conrad noticed that her feet, which were half buried into the warm sand, were still covered in her now stained white socks. Now, he was never one to judge. At least, not verbally. Conrad had his own fair share of oddities, he knew that as well as anyone else. But he couldn’t help but wonder why she didn’t just take them off.

Perhaps it was the fact that he wanted to have a reason to talk to her, searched for a reason to talk to her, or maybe it was pure interest. But something inside of him urged Conrad to approach the girl with her socks in the sand.

“Why don’t you just take your socks off?” His words weren’t mean, or teasing in the slightest. Every word that came out was from pure curiosity and interest. The girl simply shrugged at his question, eyes glued to the water.

“Didn’t feel like it.” Short, but straight to the point. Her lips pulling into a tight, downward slanted smile. Her answer caused Conrad to pull his eyebrows together. Nose scrunched and mouth parted.

“But it takes like three seconds to get them off? And they’re white and the sand might stain them…“ He found himself rambling. Something he never did. No, usually Conrad had very little to say. Only really showing his personality around the residents of the Cousins summer home. But really mainly just the moms, Steven and occasionally Jeremiah.

“Why do you want to see my feet so bad?” In his rambling, Conrad hadn’t realized the girl had turned her gaze to meet his face. One eyebrow slightly lifted up and her nose scrunched barely. Her eyes squinted to look at him through the bright sunlight behind him.

He blushed, feeling embarrassed, and the beach fell quiet again. The only sound the seagulls and the waves crashing into the shore.

The girl sighed, a playful smile spreading across her face. Her hand patted the sand beside her in a welcoming gesture. Her head nodding in approval.

Conrad was careful, sitting down cautiously beside the mystery girl. His body was tense and his eyes trying every hard to not sm get stuck looking at her. He didn’t want to come off too strong, or as a creep, at best. But she was so magnetic. It was like she demanded his attention.

“I didn’t mean to be mean.” Her voice was soft, but carried an undertone of certainty. One that asserted that she was sure in herself but was gentle about it.

Conrad looked at her then, sensing that it was fine to really look at her. When he did, he found her eyes already looking at him. Curious but also shifting. She came across shy, much more shy than she talked. Like their eye contact was physically hurting her.

“You weren’t mean.” He had reassured her.

“You were just curious. I mean, it is odd. Who wears socks in the sand?” She wiggled her feet playfully, making fun of herself. But it wasn’t degrading. She carried too much pride in herself to do that. She did it in a way that showed she meant her apology, and lifted the mood in it. A shared laugh sounding between them.

“I’m Conrad.” He held out his hand, chest still shaking with laughter. The girl took it, eyes directed to where they were now connected, avoidant of his eyes again.

“Y/n.” Her eyes found his, and the smile on her face showed maybe she wasn’t as afraid and shy as Conrad had assumed.

Their conversation that followed after the exchange further proved that. Y/n was complicated, but not in a bad way. She was shy, but prideful. She wasn’t cocky either, but also didn’t allow people to take credit for what she had done. She was genuine and honest. She wasn’t sorry for being her. Unapologetically herself in all ways, but knew how to apologize and mean it when it counted. She was reliable but leaned more towards an introverted life. She hated large groups of people, but loved them when she knew everyone well enough. She didn’t have many friends, but she loved the ones she had like a family. Y/n hated the feeling of her hair on the back of her neck in the summer because she claimed it stuck too much to her skin and made her feel gross. But she loved it in the winter because she thought it made her look better. Conrad couldn’t have disagreed more. Even only seeing her hair up, he decided for her that there was no way she could’ve worn her hair that would’ve made her less attractive. She was perfect to him.

It had been years since that morning. Years and still, the pair found time for each other every night. Meeting in the same spot as where they met when the clock neared midnight. Y/n slipping from her bedroom window and Conrad the back door into the darkness of the night. Their meetings innocent, but secret. The two of them enjoying the bond that was only for them to know.

They spent hours out there, laughing and whispering dirty jokes and juicy secrets like young children gossiping on the playground after lunch. Their butt prints left behind in the sand the only evidence that they had been there. And the day would go on, everyone in their lives unknowing of who the other was, and what they were doing every night.

“And don’t get me started on Jo and Laurie. They were always meant to be platonic and I do not understand the argument that they could’ve been more! If-“ I cut off her ramblings with a laugh. Hearing the shy girl so passionate about something so random was so refreshing. Y/n often did this. She would find something she really liked. Whether it be a book, a movie or even only something that had been said weeks ago, she would find a way to make it known how she felt about it. A habit that grew more passionate the longer we knew each other. It was something she could find herself to get lost in. Just expressing to me how much she loved certain things. It made me feel special, important. Loved.

“And-uh…” My laughter seemed to throw Y/n’s rant off track, her mind losing its train of thought. She blushed, realizing how long she had been talking about one of her favorite books at the moment, my laughter triggering her own. Each word becoming messier and messier until it was only a laughing fit between the two of us.

“Continue.” My lips curled into a smile, eyes bright. She was sat in front of me, legs crossed over each other and pulled into her chest. Her arms were tight around her calves and her head that was once stretched upward in a daydreaming kind of way was now rested on her knees. Her eyes squinted and her teeth showed, pure happiness written all over her.

A beat passed. My foot was starting to ache from being tucked beneath my body, my other leg stretched out in front of me. Bent so I could rest my arm on my knee. The slight discomfort and shifty positions all signs that that night was ending soon.

I felt her fingers pass over mine. Touches feathery and light. Eyes never once leaving mine. I let her press her palm flat against mine, her thumb wrapped around the back of my hand, my thumb gently rubbing the back of hers.

“What?” I asked, seeing how amused she looked, how happy she was.

“Nothing. Can’t a girl be happy?” Playful as ever. I sighed contently.

“No, of course. You just seemed…I’m not sure.” I took in her face once more. I wished I had a camera in that moment. I would frame this moment in my room, make it my lock screen. Anything to cement it further into my life. So it wouldn’t just be something left in my mind. More than just a ring memory. Something I could hold.

Her hand pulled out of mine. I tried to clamp down on her hand, stop her from slipping away. I loved the way her fingers slotted between mine. How warm her palm was against mine. How my hand swallowed her whole. Still, she managed to escape, flopping dramatically onto her back and throwing her arm over her eyes to really exaggerate it.

“It’s just so beautiful out!” Her arms shot up, fingers stretched to the sky. Eyes bright with wonder and the reflections of the stars.

Like you.

I didn’t say it, but I should’ve. The stars were so beautiful tonight, that was true. But the girl I proudly called my best friend made them look dull next to her. Instead of speaking, I only laid next to her, hands intertwined and laid on my chest. I relaxed into the earth.

“This might just be the brightest they’ve been all summer.” She expressed. I turned my head to face her. Y/n turned to face me hearing the sand shift and our noses almost touched. I watched intently as her nose scrunched, lips drawn together in a tight smirk.

“Not as bright as you.” I meant what I said, but the way I said it made it come out as a joke. Something unserious, something light. And I watched as she took it that way. Though, a blush still did find its way to her cheeks, her hand pushing at my shoulder and a small groan of fake disgust emitting from her throat.

“Stop.” We laughed for the millionth time, looking back to take in the sky. The silence that overtook us was comfortable, still and calming.

“I wish summer would never end.” Y/n confessed. I nodded, feeling the same exact way. Not only because the warmth and the ocean was a nice sight, but because I had her next to me throughout it all.

…

A kick to my shoulder is what woke me up. Sand stuck in all the wrong places and my body aching with sleep. Everything felt drier that usual. Lips chapped and eyes aching in tiredness. The sun was high by now, the birds singing and the seagulls screaming over the soft melodies of the other ones.

It took me a second to register what was happening, where I was. It wasn’t until the second kick that I finally peeled my eyelids back and blinked until the blurriness faded behind the sleep stuck in the corners of my eyes.

“Dude, get up.” I groaned, swatting at whoever decided to wake me up so early. It was cold, I decided. Hands reaching by my sides to yank at the softness of any blanket around, only to be met with mounds of sand falling under my hold.

“What the fuck..” I whispered, still loopy. My eyes processed I was outside minutes ago, the sky and the water just feet away a clear sign that I was not within the confinements of my own room. However, it wasn’t until the discomfort of sand sticking underneath my nails and the feeling of it in mass amounts on my palms that my mind caught up to my vision.

My heart raced, and my head turned. There, just mere inches was the girl I spent each night with. Her back facing my face, hair falling messily from her braid and shorts riding up her thighs. Her skin was warmer, in the sun. I never really saw it closely. All interactions outside of our designated time frame from afar or short. Now I could see it. How the sun had made her glow even more so than before. How tiny freckles covered more than just her cheeks, and how beautiful she was in a brighter light.

“CONRAD!” This voice was much deeper in pitch than the original, and the kick was harder than the first few. One that had jolted me up, hand cradling my ribs to aid to the now fading pain.

I scratched at the back of my head once more, shaking out the sand and rubbing the sleep away with the firmness of my knuckles.

In the sand next to me, the sun cast three shadows. Two males and a girl. Silhouettes I could recognize from miles away. Even without any details other than the blackness. With a hand held out above me to guide the sun out of my eyes and a few more blinks, I felt sure it wasn’t my imagination. No, because above me stood the three people I wished I hadn’t seen. Jeremiah, Steven and Belly. All wearing different expressions on their faces.

To start, Jeremiah wore a almost disgusted look on his face. One that suggested he believed I was outside next to a girl for dirtier reasons. Stevens similar in that sense, yet his face was more of a proud smirk. One that led me to believe he was celebrating the idea. Belly’s expression, however, showed one of mixed emotions. She looked the most confused, a little more lost even. But in her eyes there were undertones of sadness, hurt. Betrayal. Even though it was clear we would never be more than friends, her maturity lacking and her attitude developing the prettier she got, she always believes something could happen. Probably because I never gave her a straight reason to my dismissive attitude and constant, “no’s.” But how do you explain to someone how your heart only knows how to love someone else. Someone she hadn’t even known existed until now. Someone you’d been hiding for years? You don’t. You just hope one day she’ll understand.

She was the first to break the silence. One so awkward and heavy it could be cut through with a knife. Clearing her throat she motioned to the girl beside me. I felt too scared in the moment, to look at her. Too shy to introduce her. It wasn’t that I didn’t want them to know her. I wished everyone knew her like I did, I think everyone would love her just as I do. But jealousy is a disease, and even the thought of having to share her made me seethe with it.

“Y/n.” The sound of shuffling made my head snap back, eyes wide. She was awake. How long was she awake for? Did she see the looks on their faces like I had? Did she care?

I watched her run out the sleep from her eyes just how I had done to mine. Her fingers swiping delicately underneath her waterline to wipe away any mascara that had smudged. Even sleepy and sore, she looked like an angel.

“Y/n…” Jeremiah bit his lip in thought, trying to recall if he’d ever heard the name before. He came up short, it sounded unfamiliar. Shaking his head, Jeremiah looked to the others to see if they had any clue.

“Oh…” Steven let out a drawn out, overdramatic sigh. “You’re the girl from the gift shop. Down by the board walk!” I lifted a brow at Y/n, she seemed just as confused.

“You were so quiet, the cashier had to ask you to speak up like five times!” He hadn’t meant it in a mean or sarcastic way, Steven never did. He just came across that way, and it was no exception this time. I could see it, how the redness overtook her face, eyes flicking down to her hands were her fingers laced together and tangled. She nodded, not too sure about herself. I could read it.

“Yep.” She popped her “P” awkwardly, still avoiding Stevens eyes.

“Okay, so what are you doing down on the beach at seven in the morning with her?” Belly spoke up, eyes flicking between us. I felt her gaze burning my skin. She tried to look like she didn’t care, but the way she was examining the two of us for any marks or hints that we had done what they had expected happened showed otherwise.

“We…uh…” I stumbled over what I wanted to say. I didn’t want them to go on believing something had happened when it hadn’t. Especially if it could make Y/n uncomfortable. But even more than that, I wanted to keep these secret rendezvous just what they were. A time where we could just be us and let the world continue to be oblivious to us like it had always been.

“It was my idea. I love the stars so, Conrad started looking at them with me. We just fell asleep last night, that’s all.” She sounded almost nervous, but that was only to me. Anyone who didn’t know her would think she sounded calm. But I noticed the shake in her voice. How her lip trembled for a second after she’s finished getting everything out. She said it quicker and quieter than she usually did with me, all things only I would pick up on.

The confusion turned to utter shock, even Belly losing the jealous look and fighting a gasp from escaping. Though Y/n hadn’t explicitly stated that this was something that had been going on for awhile, everything about the situation alluded to it. Their mouths remained stuck open, stuttering.

Maybe it was because even though we had both been adamant about what the boundaries of our friendship was, and clear in the fact that we were nothing more than that, they still suspected there was something more.

“I’m…I better get home before my mom freaks out again.” Y/n was quick to wipe the sand from her jeans. Anything that was in her hair long gone from her shaking it out throughout the conversation. Her legs looked stiff, probably from sleeping on the beach for so long, and her eyes weren’t fully open still.

“Yeah, I’ll drive you.” I was quick to my feet, not bothering with the sand like she had. A snicker reached my ears, soft enough I was sure Y/n hadn’t heard it, but loud enough for me to turn to glare at the three who were sure to be gossiping about this when we left.

Even when the distance between us grew so big that they became nothing more than tiny specks of darkness on the light shore, my heart still pounded. Beating louder than the sound my car door made as I slammed it shut. Not in a hurry to get her home, but to get away from them.

The car ride was silent, on my end, yet Y/n, who seemed to have a sixth sense just for me knew to keep talking, to both lighten the situation and my mood. She rambled on and on about her school courses she’d picked. About how lucky I was to be going to brown. Joking that she’d only be just a few hours away now, instead of across the country. Even though deep down we both knew Y/n was much too serious about her grades to ever come and visit unless she was far enough ahead in her classes. Her anxieties too high. She likes to overthink everything. Any interaction, anything someone had said. If it was rude, if it was unserious. She wasn’t overly insecure in that fear, but it was noticeable how she took the time to really think everything she said through. That was, until she found something she loved. Then it was like her brain detached from her body and she could just speak for hours without stopping.

I didn’t talk until the gravel from her driveway crushed underneath my car tires and the car was in park. She sat silently, waiting for a goodbye patiently. A playful grin stretched on her cheeks. My knuckles were white from how hard they were curled on the steering wheel. My cheeks just starting to return to a normal shade.

“You going to say goodbye or do I need to hug myself?” She punched my shoulder. I held it, pretending it hurt. It never did. I sighed.

“I’m really sorry, Y/n/n. I am.” I looked to her straight on for the first time since we’d gotten in the car. Before then, my eyes had only caught hers in the mirrors or in my quick glances to check the other side of the road. She looked just as youthful and happy as last night. Not at all like she was bothered.

“Con, really. It’s fine. Shit happens. Yeah…it was really, really fucking weird the way they were acting, but who cares? At the end of the day it’s always going to be you and me. We’ll never have to see them again.” Her hand reached up to touch my cheek. It was warm, like her. And soft. A gentle touch I’d only ever felt twice before, as it was too intimate for just friends to be doing. Or at least the in the way she did it.

I nodded into her touch, closing my eyes to breathe and calm, something I felt the most when I was near her. Calm, collected. Like I could think better, oxygen reaching my brain more.

“Ok, then I’m fine if you are.” I smiled again her palm, fighting the urge to simply turn my head a press my lips to her skin. It would be so easy, so simple. But friends don’t do that. So I pulled away, opening my eyes and licking my lips.

“Great.” She swung the door open, the click and the zipping of her seatbelt coming off quick and loud in the mostly quiet atmosphere we created in the car. “See you tonight.” I didn’t get a chance to respond, but maybe that’s how she meant it. So I wouldn’t have a chance to respond. Y/n walked off in a hurry, slipping the key out from under the welcome mat by her door and waving sweetly before disappearing into her house. I was already counting down the hours until I could see her again.

That night I was extra quiet leaving. Slipping through the back door particularly slow, I didn’t latch it shut completely, fearing the sound of in clicking shut that could wake anyone. A fear I never had before, but knowing of my brother and the Conklin’s tendency to stick their noses where they weren’t meant to be. I made sure to walk toe to heal, a trick Y/n had once mentioned. She claimed it gave you more control and would soften my steps. She was right.

I all but sprinted down the oak stairs, old and leaned against the sandy grass, a small hill that separated the summer home from the beach itself. I figured the creaks would fall deaf on their sleeping ears, the wind and branches of trees nearby swallowing it whole. I didn’t stop moving, not even once the sand kicked up around my shoes. I hadn’t bothered to take them off, in such a rush. My chest was on fire and my lips were drying, but still I pushed. I pushed and I didn’t stop until the house was far off to the left, still visible but far gone enough that even the loudest laughter would be only a whisper.

There she was, sitting patiently, stilled in her spot in the sand. Her hair was up, again, but she still when to tuck it behind her ears. Maybe out of instinct. Her eyes were focused in at the sea, where they always laid before I arrived. Totally consumed by the world around her, it wasn’t until my feet kicked sand into her lap in an attempt to be playful that she acknowledged my presence.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Her smile was mischievous, but I was so easily fooled behind that fake innocence she radiated, her hand that was held out an easy trap. When I fell into it, fingers wrapping around hers, Y/n wasted no time in pulling me down harshly. Sand in my mouth and down my shirt. I coughed while she laughed.

“You minx!” Rolling onto my back, I yanked by the back of her shirt until Y/n’s head was beside mine. The stars above us and the ocean beside us. It was dry over here, the tide not touching this far out, so the ground was soft beneath us. Comfortable.

“You fall for it every time, Con. And you know what?” She rolled over, nose nudging into my cheek. I watched from the corner of my eye, Y/n’s body shifting away so we weren’t unbearably close. Only then did I turn, realizing that even with her silly efforts, it would only take me leaning in just an inch for our bodies to touch.

She poked my cheek, seeing how I was drifting out into thought. I squinted, looking at her, waiting. I hummed, letting her know I wanted to know. I always wanted to hear what she had to say.

“It gets better every time.” Her innocence completed faded then, the pure teasing side of her coming out, it was humerus seeing her so outgoing this way. It was something that kept me so attached to her. That pulled me to her. Enough that my body was up off the sand without her even getting another word in, hands planted on her sides and the most unserious look of anger on my face. We rolled around, sand covering every part of us. Our laughter echoing. The insistent tap on my shoulders signaled she’s had enough, Y/n swearing she was sorry, my grip left hers and the force that built between us in our battle threw us outward. Landing with a soft groan and the sand underneath our backs again. Laughter consumed us once again.

“That was really good.” She was sarcastic.

“Yeah? Well I bet you-“ Y/n’s lighthearted teasing called for a round two and the look in her eyes only further proved it was what she wanted. What the goal was. My elbows bent up, ready to get up in a moments notice.

She was always so willing to match whatever I felt, just as I did. Our energy syncing up perfectly. It made moments like these special, memorable. The more I waited, prolonging when I would strike, the more uncomfortable Y/n grew. Only this time, it was serious. Usually, her backing away was something that would happen. My looks could kill, and there was no way she could outrun me, out wrestle me. She had a tendency to want to take back what she started after realizing this. So her running off wasn’t unheard of. I would do it too. The breeze of the late summer night and the knowledge that it was truly just us in that point in time was something so thrilling. We could do anything. But this was different. She wasn’t backing away. No, but her eyes lost that sense of play. Of joy that they held. The sparkle dimmed and her head faced her feet in the sand. She sat up quickly then, unwilling to face me. Her throat cleared. Something was wrong.

Wanting to find what causes the shift, I looked around. Searching the area, trying to fix what had happened. My heart sank.

Walking rather enthusiastically towards us were the three people in the world I did not want to see again today. Belly skipping ahead of Steven and Jeremiah, all wearing big smiles and waving even more emphasized. I wanted to turn to Y/n, tell her it would be fine. They were just curious and would be gone soon. I would get them to leave, but that wasn’t a given. And I couldn’t make them do anything. So I curled up into myself, head facing down at my fingers that drew in the sand and I mirrored what Y/n felt. Uncomfortable.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I said it in my head, multiple times. Like the more I said it, the more it would be true. Maybe it would be better with more people. More the merrier, whatever they say. I knew it wouldn’t be, deep down. Y/n wasn’t one for big crowds. And I wasn’t the best with expressing how I felt.

“I told you I saw him leave!” Steven hit Jeremiah’s shoulder, pointing at us like we weren’t right there. Like we couldn’t hear them simply because we hadn’t chosen to acknowledge them yet.

Licking at my gums, a soft sigh tumbled out of my lips. Looking to Y/n, her I found her eyes had already been trained on me. And if eyes could talk, I swear in that moment hers would’ve been a jumbled mess. “What the fuck.” Is what would’ve been the underlining message, though. And I couldn’t blame her. Because I was thinking the same. What the fuck.

I tried to reason with her through my eyes. Signal that it might not be as unbearable as we thought. Maybe I could persuade her into being alright and she wouldn’t mind. She would be perfectly fine. I wouldn’t, how could I believe I could help her when she trusted it would only be us forever. A promise I made so long ago. I knew her like I knew my reflection. I knew she would hate this like I did. I knew she would go home and question tonight. I might get a few stray texts, but ultimately, she wouldn’t like it. She wouldn’t be able to be as open, and she’d close herself off.

“Hey guys. Y/n, right?” Belly leaned forward, holding her hand out for Y/n to shake. She stared blankly, hesitating. Her eyes flicked to mine. “What’s happening?” They said. “I don’t know.” Mine replied.

Y/n took Belly’s hand in hers, their touch awkward and short. Even in the dark, I didn’t miss the slight shake in Y/n’s hand, or how Belly wiped away her touch as soon as their skin lost contact. I had to look away. It felt weird.

“So, this is what you do every night?” Jeremiah spoke up, completely oblivious to the situation. I swallowed. I couldn’t look up from my feet.

“Yep.” I bit my tongue. I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want them there.

“And you just sit here?” I nodded again, I couldn’t meet Y/n’s eyes, but I felt them on me. Burning into my skin like she desperately was trying to pull for my attention. I couldn’t look. I couldn’t force myself too. I was too focused on myself. I barely heard how their voices grew louder. A conversation being born. How they had started talking to Y/n. Forcing her to open up in a way.

She looked to me again, I met her eyes, but avoided them quickly after. I couldn’t bare the look she was giving me. “Conrad, please.” They begged. But these were my friends, this was my family. I couldn’t just get rid of them when they were so obviously excited to be around someone new. No matter how much I disliked it. Hated it, even.

She answered their questions at first, shared very minor details about her life in each story. But these were all stories I’d heard thousands of times. So I knew what details were being left out. And how I wanted to blurt out what was missing, out together the full story. Laugh and reminisce on how good those times were, but I bit my tongue. Silent.

Soon, though, her voice became less and less. The others growing more and more. Their interest diminishing while they became immersed in their own lives. Their own memories that they could smile at. Talking over her voice, not giving her a breath to speak. I met her eyes then, and like a silent conversation, it was clear the night was already over.

“Hey…uh, guys.” I cleared my throat, speaking for the first time all night since they’d shown up. It went silent around me. “I think Y/n and I are gonna head off. It’s getting late so, I should probably drive her home.”

“Already? Dude it’s like eleven thirty?” I shot daggers at Steven, he backed off. “Have a good night, I guess.” He couldn’t look at me now.

Their goodbyes were lazy, and rushed. Like even though they had crashed our time together, we were the ones interrupting them. Their time. In a hurry to get back into their conversation. So, after helping Y/n up, it wasn’t hard to slip away without much trouble.

Again, like the past morning, the car ride wasn’t the loudest. Only, this time not even the soft chatter came from Y/n. No ramblings or nearly unbelievable stories that in no way I would believe normally, but it was Y/n so how could I not? She was the most truthful person I knew. Plus, even when she did lie it was very obvious. That’s what made the stories even better. Because they were true.

No, this time it was a complete silence. Other than the faint flicking echo from her nails scratching at her skin, and the tap of her heal on the floor in front of the passenger seat. Her face was flat. No emotion showing. No hints at how she was feeling. It killed me, not being able to read her. I didn’t know what was happening, but I wanted to make it right. I wanted her to be happy.

I watched the confusion cross her face as her street passed, growing further and further away until it was so distant that it was unnoticeable.

“Conrad, what..?” He pointed out the window, looking over her shoulder to signal what she was referring to. I shrugged.

“The night is still young. I still have so much to talk to you about so I figured we could go for ice cream?” My eyes left the road briefly, flicking over to her face. Her eyebrows were still drawn together, lip bitten between her front teeth.

“I don’t have any money.” She almost whispered.

“Don’t worry about it.” I wished in that moment that I could’ve taken her hand in mine. Rubbed over the soft skin and assured her it would all be fine, that’s not where our relationship stood. As close as we were, there are always boundaries. A line that defines what is platonic and maybe not. My loving hand in hers would edge that line, and considering what tone she was setting in the car, it felt inappropriate.

…

Chocolate soft serve with rainbow sprinkles and a few strawberries.

It was her order. One I had memorized so well, so down to the exact detail that she wouldn’t even have to speak. Just a look at the menu and I knew what she wanted. The same as always. If it was anyone else I wouldn’t have known, wouldn’t have cared. But it was her. My Y/n. Of course I knew. Why wouldn’t I?

We’d only gotten ice cream a handful of times. The beach was our place. One of peace where it was truly just us. Everybody long gone, sleeping and unaware of our presence by the time we got out there. Here, the few who also enjoyed the peace of the night wandered into the cool building. Looking for a sweet treat to finish the night. It didn’t feel the exact same.

Like the beach, we had a bench here. Our spot. It was tucked away, closer to a patch of overgrown grass and rotting. Separate from the rest of the bunch. But it was more quiet over there. More secluded, the way we liked.

It was less quiet now that it was just us. Conversation flowing easily. But it wasn’t the same. Y/n didn’t go on a long rant about her favorite book. How A Little Life had destroyed her or how her favorite sitcom was slowly making its way back into her daily routine. And she didn’t eat as quick as normal. Her spoon stirring at the cold food until it was soupy, warmed. Untouched. She was off. I knew it. Even if Y/n tried to act like she was just the same, like her mind wasn’t somewhere else, I knew. I knew her more than anyone gave me credit for. Something was wrong, and I had a good guess as to what.

“Y/n.” It fell deaf on her ears. She kept playing at her food.

“Y/n, hey.” I put my hand over hers. Keeping my fingers bent to keep a small distance between our fingers. I hoped my warmth simply radiating into her skin would be enough to gain her attention.

Her head snapped up. Clearing her throat, she blinked a few times. Clearly out of it, it took her a second to hum in response. Trying to remember what I was saying. I gave her time.

“What’s wrong?” She shook it off, moving her hand off the table and into her lap. It stung, it shouldn’t have, but it did. After all, we were only friends. Nothing more. So the rejection of my touch shouldn’t have meant anything.

She was silent, shaking it off and swallowing down any emotions rising, forming a lump in her throat. She pushed it back. “No, nothing. I’m fine.” I raised a brow.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.” She defended. My look only grew more knowing.

“Y/n…” I pleaded, eyes searching hers. She wouldn’t open up. Something I was familiar with. Never the greatest with sharing how I felt, not in the slightest.

“If this is about tonight, I never meant for them to join us. I hope you know that. I didn’t ask them to. They just did.” I started to explain. She shook her head, eyes glued to her lap.

“No, no. I know. It’s, really it’s fine. They were nice, so it’s…” She trailed off, unsure of what to say next. The space between us fell quiet for the millionth time.

“Hey.” I broke the silence, wanting to fix this. Fix us. She looked at me, eyes drained. She looked tired. I didn’t blame her. I felt it too.

“I’m going to talk to them, fix this, okay?” I assured her again, hoping she knew I would follow through. That I would make it all better. She nodded, eyes sparkling under the stars.

The night wasn’t what it was meant to be, but it wasn’t ruined. How could it be? I got to see Y/n. That’s all the counted at the end of the day.

The sand was cold in my shoes, sticking to the fabric of my socks. It was colder now, darker. The world even quieter than how Y/n and I had left it. The only noise the laughter of life long friends. A sound that should’ve thrilled me. My face should’ve been drawn into a smile, my heart beating. But it felt heavy. And my heart wasn’t fluttering. It sank, feeling sore, hurt even. I felt betrayed and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like we were dating, we were only friends. Friends who hung out together a lot in a public area. How could they invade something that wasn’t ever truly hidden?

I didn’t know what to say, and it was strange. I went over it the entire drive home. How I would be straight forward, tell them flat out that they were not welcome here with us. That Y/n wasn’t the most comfortable around them like I was. How I hadn’t even been able to calm down until it was just us again. But looking at them now, faces glowing with the smiles they exchanged, hands swinging wildly around to bring the conversation to life, I felt like a party killer and my pace slowed.

“Conrad!” Belly all but screamed, excitedly waving me over. She patted the sand beside her, but I didn’t sit. I couldn’t. My fists clenched on the sides of my body, my mind racing. I drew my lips back into a tight line.

They all looked at me, expectedly, waiting for me to either sit or leave. I stayed cemented to the ground where my feet resided. I couldn’t move, not even if I tried. I was stuck there by some force. Something pulling me down. I licked my lips, swallowing hard. Eyes flickering around their small circle, I found the courage to speak.

“Listen, guys, about tonight…” I wanted to say more, I did. I had so much to share, to tell them. I had boundaries to put in place, but I couldn’t. Not with their excitement.

“That’s what we were just going to talk to you about!” Steven talked over me subconsciously, too excited to hear my tone of voice. To see how my shoulders were slumped and my eyes drooping.

“I have no idea how you kept Y/n a secret for so long, she’s awesome.” Steven continued, sparking my interest. No matter the situation. How down I was, how frustrated, just the mere mention of her name made my heart race and lips fight a smile.

“Yeah, no. I agree. I mean, she’s a little quiet but she has good stories. I mean that one about how she started coming down here…” Jeremiah continued to rave about her, going on and on about a story I knew in and out. About a girl I had memorized completely. And I forgot why I was angry. Why I had even bothered to talk to them in that moment. It seemed almost silly, how worked up I had been. All while they believed she was an angel, just as I did when I met her. So, selfishly I had gotten lost in all the good things about Y/n to remember that she was upset earlier. That this couldn’t happen again. And I let slip away into the past. Finishing the night with soft goodbyes from everyone and a sincere text to Y/n, wishing her one as well. I didn’t wait for a response like I usually did, I assumed she might be asleep by now. I just hopes she knew I hadn’t forgotten about her.

Waking up that morning, it felt like no time had passed. Like somehow, even though the sun was well into its journey through the sky, it was still midnight in my mind. A never ending loop. Day, night, day, night.

It was the nights spent with Conrad that held me over. That differentiated between the night and the day. A feeling that could only be described as pure sunshine, ironically, being what flooded my systems during the evening and the intense excitement for the night during the day helping to move the cycle on. Kept the world revolving around during the summer. But last night, hadn’t been that.

No, what started as pure bliss was cut short by the heavy awkwardness between Conrad and I, the laughter of his other friends bellowing over anything I shared. It was sweet, how he’d tried to fix it. Offered some ice cream and fought for some alone time. But it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t just us under the stars at the beach. And it wasn’t light hearted.

Conrad promised he’d talk to them, and Conrad wasn’t a liar. He wasn’t the most open, and he wasn’t the most forward with himself. Always avoiding the situations he was placed in. But he was true, and he was honest. If he promised he’d talk to them, I didn’t worry about if he would or not.

Truthfully, it wasn’t them that bothered me. Not too much, anyway. It was overwhelming, sure. All the noise and the pace of the conversation. Talking about everything they’d experienced, I’d felt rather invisible among them, so I didn’t mind. It was Conrad.

I didn’t care how invisible I was to them. I didn’t care too much about Belly or Steven, and I’m sure Jeremiah should’ve been important given their relations but he wasn’t. I couldn’t care less what he thought of me. I only thought of Conrad. And he couldn’t even look at me. I practically burned a hole into his head with my gaze. Begging, pleading for him to even acknowledge me.

But he wouldn’t pull his eyes from the ground. He couldn’t. Maybe I wouldn’t have minded, played it off like he was just nervous. But these were his people, his family. If there was anyone to be comfortable around, it was them. So it had to have been me. Something was wrong with me.

I mulled over the thought in my head all day, trying to figure out what I had done, what about me I could change. What could I do better?

It consumed me completely. I barley noticed how the sun was setting, I didn’t even realize I had made my way down to the beach. The sand beneath my toes and the moon high in the middle of the stars. It wasn’t until the waves crashed particularly hard against the shore and the last of the seagulls around called out that I found myself sat in the forever indented spot on the beach, a cemented memory of what happened each night.

I hoped things would be different. That just being around him could ease my nerves. It always did, he had that affect. No matter how tired, or worn down I felt, Conrad only had to flash me a smile and wave. And my heart would start beating and cheeks would flush a deep red. A feeling that was reserved for him.

And it started that way, fulfilling that hopefulness I held earlier that night. It was only Conrad, body swallowed by his red zip up and worn out shorts. It was something that made him so easily identifiable. Paired with that smile and his shy wave, I almost melted. Ready to forget the night before.

Only then, did I see the rest of them. Sneaking behind him from afar. Quieter than the previous night, which led me to believe that maybe he had said something, but the message wasn’t clear. It wasn’t just us and I knew tonight wouldn’t be what I wanted it to be.

Again, like a repeat, his eyes found the floor. He couldn’t even look at me. He couldn’t even be near me. He was so distant. Not only mentally, but physically. Leaning away, looking everywhere but at me. He showed no emotion. He showed no emotion, nothing at all. My heart broke, then. How the boy I loved more than life, felt the safest around hadn’t even had the slightest care about it. How ashamed he was, of me. It hurt to even be around him then. Only a reminder of how I wasn’t enough, not for him. Only meant to be a secret, a guilty pleasure. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to leave.

“Hey, uh…I think I’m going to go. It’s, it’s late. So, I don’t want my mom to worry.” I found a good break in the conversation, standing slowly and wiping the earth off of my legs. Flashing the fakest smile, I went to part ways.

The sand rustled behind me, quickly as if whoever moved it was in a rush.

“Hey, I’ll take you home. It’s dark so…” Conrad spoke, I didn’t even feel his eyes look at me. Not even then, not even while he spoke to me. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be around him anymore, it hurt too much.

“No, no. Stay. Really, I just, I need some air, so. I’ll text you.” I lied. I wouldn’t text him. He must’ve known. Because his steps faltered. Only then I turned to him, nodding goodbye to everyone, I left.

I didn’t text that night, laying alone in the quiet of my room. I stayed up all night watching the most beautiful movies and listening to my favorite music. Skipping the songs that reminded me of us. It wasn’t how I wanted the night to end, not at all. But I’d rather be alone than spend my night in a place where I was not wanted.

Just then, while I was turning in for the night did my phone buzz. A single text illuminating my lock screen. A photo of the stars and Conrad’s silhouette admiring them. It was from the boy on my screen. The one whose eyes were filled with love looking at the thing I loved like I loved him.

“I hope you got home alright. I really thought they weren’t coming. I swear. See you tomorrow? Maybe we can find another spot on the beach further down. Let me know if you’d like that. Goodnight, y/n/n.” He’d sent it with a heart and a smiley face. I typed for a second, hovering the buttons.

“Why are you ashamed of me? Did I do something wrong?” I erased the message.

“Goodnight, Con.” I edited this one, not wanting to talk to him, but never wanting to worry the boy.

“Goodnight, Conrad.” Sending it, I let the light dim into darkness, the moonlight shining through my curtains and easing me into a light slumber.

She’d left so quick. So coldly. Like it physically pained her to be here, at this beach with me any longer. All night I had felt guilt, guilt for my actions, or lack therefore of. I hadn’t kept my word, and I couldn’t even look at her knowing that. I probably had disappointed her.

I wasn’t as smart as Steven, as charming as Jeremiah, or as open as Belly, but I could comprehend what was happening. She was drifting, and I watched as she left me stranded.

I wanted to reach out for her. Chase her down on the beach a beg her to stay, for me. To just talk. Maybe we could go for a walk. I could buy us ice cream. Keep buying it until our stomachs were full and my bank account drained. But the way she shook off my efforts to help her made it known I was not wanted. Not needed. So like I did with all the greatest things in my life, I let her go. And I watch with tears in my eyes and my chest pounding as she left me behind, a promise to text me when she got home.

But I hadn’t kept my word, so why should she have kept hers?

Not hearing from her was the final punch that did me in for the night. The one that hit in the face that keeps you down. Struggling to breathe. It became more obvious she wanted not to talk to me. I tried to be nice, show how much I still cared. I’d always cared. How could I not? I tried to be sweet, as sweet as I could. Telling her I loved her in the only way I knew how. By showing her how much I thought about her, cared about her. She responded soon after. And she used my full name. It was cold, and it hurt, but I deserved it.

I always used to tell myself that if I hadn’t done something, haven’t said something I wish I had, I always had the next night. That was a given. I had twenty four hours to remember it and perfect what I wanted to say, and I could always just blurt it out into conversation. Our time together was easy like that. No conversation staying on the same topic for more than a few minutes. Now I was unsure. Maybe I didn’t have the next day, maybe she wouldn’t be in the mood to joke around. Only being there to say she had shown up. Mentally somewhere else.

That night had a lead up to it. Anticipation building to when I could see her again. I vowed that after last night, I would tell her exactly what was happening. Fix it, make it better. I just wanted to make it better.

When I got there, the beach was empty. Not that it was unusual. I was early. To eager to wait any longer. Even as the moon grew higher and the night later, still there was no sign of Y/n. Her seat left unattended and unused. Midnight struck, and she remained unseen. Familiar sounds of shoving and laughing filled my ears though.

Hopeful, I turned to them. The group that had ruined it as if Y/n would magically love them and be caught up with them. It would hurt to know she was late because she preferred to spend her time with my better friends, but it didn’t matter. I would wait hours for her to show just to see her even for a second. But of course, Y/n was just as present as a ghost. Still missing.

I texted, a few times. The blue of my texts staring back at me in a long line. Each unanswered, some read, the more recent ones not. My heart sunk a little. My face heated up. I waited, the longer time passed the more the voices of my family muffled behind the loud ringing that filled my ears.

“Don’t wait for me. I don’t feel like coming out tonight. Don’t come find me, goodnight.” She couldn’t even say my name. She couldn’t even let me know in advanced. She probably debated even sending it. How could I have let this happen? Been so careless, gotten lost along the way?

I looked at the others then. Silencing my phone. I should’ve felt nothing but pride, looking at the people I love most. But I only felt bubbling anger. Disgust. In their own selfishness, they had taken her from me. I couldn’t think straight. Hearing them laugh so carelessly in the sacred space that Y/n and I had created. Parasites in what was once a paradise. I lost it with the way they all looked to me, asking for my opinion on a topic I didn’t care to listen to. Too lost in thought.

“Connie?” Belly leaned closer, eyes fluttering. I saw the knowing smirk on Stevens face, always the biggest supporter of Belly’s obsessions. Her number one cheerleader. I could always find it on me to find it sweet, a cute sibling bond but now I only found it annoying.

“What?” It came out harsh. I meant it that way too.

“Woah okay, jeez I didn’t…” Belly backed off, and the looks that were shot at me were almost humorous. How I was the bad guy somehow. Like they hadn’t ruined everything.

“I’m leaving.” Going to stand up, the others stood with me. Sensing the mood shift. I was closing off, they knew that, they didn’t want that. Not when I’d been getting so much better.

“No, come on stay. Connie-“ Belly started again.

“No! Don’t talk! I’m leaving. There’s no reason for me to be here. Honestly. Does anyone see Y/n? Cause I don’t.” I waited for someone to speak up, to piece together the puzzle. When they all remained focused on what I had to say I let it overflow.

“Coming out here was the best part of my day. My summer. It was the one time I got to see her, she Y/n. And you-you just took that! She won’t even talk to me anymore because of you guys! And, and you didn’t even ask me. You just did it.”

“Shit, I had no idea. We thought Y/n liked us around. I mean-“ Whatever Jeremiah had as an excuse didn’t matter. I couldn’t stop.

“Did you even ask? You guys don’t even know her!”

“We do!” Belly argued.

“No you don’t! Not like I do. I mean, how could you? Did you know she hates big crowds? How it makes her anxious being around so many people? Or how about how she can’t stand being talked over. Her number one pet peeve? No. Or-or what about how much she loves sad books? The ones that make her cry so bad she gets a headache. How she’s so obsessed with romantic movies that she can quote them backwards. Did you notice how she picks at her nail beds when she gets nervous? And her legs bounce? She tucks her hair behind her ears and can’t look anyone in the eyes when she lies? How the beach is her favorite place but she can’t stand the smell of seaweed!” I hadn’t meant to go on a rant. Listings all the basic things about her to the tiniest details only her and I would know. I felt my face get hotter the longer I yelled, growing closer to the others, my head hurt and my throat ached but it didn’t matter. It wouldn’t matter until I had my Y/n back and everything went back to how it was before. Just us.

Their eyes were wide, some glassier than others and mouths agape. My chest heaved, everything felt weighted down. My lungs felt like they’d were closing everything was burning. I had to leave, I had to go.

Quick as my feet would carry me, I fled. Far away from where the others stood. Their voices yelled, but they felt more distant. The ringing returned in my ears, louder, more deafening. I couldn’t stop. Not until my bedroom door was locked and the sheets pulled over my head. I wanted to punch something, but found it in myself to refrain. I bottled it up, opening my phone shakily. She hadn’t sent anything else. I texted her again.

“Okay, goodnight Y/n/n. See you tomorrow? I love you.” I caught it before I sent it. Taking it back.

“Okay, goodnight Y/n/n. See you tomorrow?”

There was no response. I hoped she was just asleep, I couldn’t bare the idea that she was ignoring me.

Growing up, I’d known the Fisher brothers more than I knew myself. I knew who they were, what they did. I knew to go to Jeremiah when I needed help, but to seek Conrad’s advice when I really needed to think it through. He was less spontaneous. Really sat with things. Maybe that’s why I liked him so much. Because he was so mature. So level headed and calm.

Never had I seen him like that. Never had I expected to see him like that.

Seeing Conrad laying so closely to another girl, one who seemed to glow under the early morning sunlight and somehow was completely unaffected by the intimacy of it. It made me jealous, how close they seemed. How she looked like it didn’t matter. How it didn’t matter when it’s all I’d ever dreamed of.

I drowned in jealousy, imagining it was myself next to him, not Y/n. Not the ungrateful girl who was totally unaware to how my heart was breaking just looking at them. I truly believed I could handle it. Seeing his hookup, fine. He was a college kid. Who says they can’t do that? Why was I being immature?

But she wasn’t a hookup. She was a friend. Something that should’ve relieved me, but it didn’t. Because I saw the way his eyes avoided ours, searching hers to make sure she was okay. I saw how gentle he was when they walked. How when he’d offered to drive her home his hand ghosted over the small of her back. Not even waving goodbye, looking back. So encapsulated by her. It made it even worse.

He was in love with someone else. Someone who didn’t appreciate him as I did. I hated it. I hated knowing she got the special moments in his life. The quiet nights alone, talking and getting closer. I got envious. I craved it, wanting that so badly. I saw things through rose colored glasses.

Conrad liked us. I saw the way his lips quirked up when we swam, my legs swung around Jeremiah’s neck and Steven sat on top of his. I knew he adored the chicken fights and how he secretly loved the old black and white movies. He would never share it, but the way he focused in, mouth stuck open mid chew showed otherwise.

I became selfish in that, convincing myself and the others that it was great idea to crash their plans. See what was happening. I wanted to have those intimate moments that she had. I wanted Conrad for myself.

“Are you sure?” Steven had questioned, watching Jeremiah mix together a bunch of various fruits into one big mush.

Jeremiah looked just as skeptical. Unsure if it was the best idea, if it was overstepping. I may not have been ‘mature’ enough for Conrad, but I was always the most persuasive of the bunch. Even if I lost the fight, I could find a way to win the war. If I couldn’t have Conrad then, I would now.

So we decided on it. We’d stay awake, pilled together in Stevens room. It was directly beside Conrad’s. No matter how quiet he was, the hallway had one connecting floorboard the reaches under the door frame. When he stepped just right, it would creek and we would know he was leaving then. He was being careful, it was obvious. Moving slower, his hands bracing the walls so hard they groaned. He left the back door unlatched. His footsteps even and in a tiptoeing fashion. That was until the oak steps. The way he took off was almost comical. I’d never seen him in such a hurry. It made my heart sink all over again. Setting in the fact that Conrad had never done that for me. Never been so excited he just couldn’t wait, taking off just to be close.

Any second thoughts that I had went out the window, shoved down deep inside until they were to buried away they almost didn’t exist.

I wanted to hate her when we crossed paths again. I wanted to make snide remarks and unleash all the back handed compliments I could think of. But I couldn’t. She was so kind, so down to earth. She was quiet, reserved. But she didn’t shy away from anyone’s questions. Answering them truthfully and making them interesting. She was like the female Conrad, only less moody.

I wanted to be around her more. She was like the friend I’d always wanted in Conrad. So easy to talk to. If I closed my eyes it was almost like talking to Conrad in some twisted way. The more we talked, the less I realized she had stopped. It shifted from learning about her to reminiscing on old memories that excluded her. I hadn’t realized she was being shut out. Nor did I see her uncomfortable shifting or nervous tendencies. I wouldn’t have come back the next night if I had, but I didn’t. So when Conrad helped her make an escape, I assumed it was because of only his feelings. Not even considering hers.

The next night came and it was just the same, but Y/n was quieter and so was Conrad. It didn’t feel as light. Y/n leaving was only solidifying that fact. It felt more of a hangout between the three of us, Conrad and Y/n just there. It felt wrong. And it was wrong. It wasn’t my place to be. It wasn’t our place to be. It was Conrad and Y/n’s. It was then I decided I couldn’t bury my regrets anymore. I had to apologize. So I planned.

I planned if for the next night. The moment I saw her I would apologize. I wouldn’t give her a second to breathe. I would back off, as long as everything would be fixed. I wasn’t the most mature, but I didn’t want anyone to be hurt. Not even in my worst heartaches. I just wanted everything to fit together perfectly.

All my life I’d seen myself with Conrad. But he was never mine. So it became more and more apparent that maybe the perfect puzzle coming together wasn’t one that pictured me and Conrad together. It was one of Y/n and him, it was clear now. Now when she was upset, he was too. Only happy when she was.

She didn’t show up that night. At first I believed just what Conrad did. She was late. But with the moon rising and the air getting colder, it became more clear she had bailed. I saw his eyes dull, his posture falter. He looked defeated. I wanted to make it better. I wanted to fix it, but I couldn’t. I already did the damage. It was broken because of me, I caused it.

That night I lie awake, the ceiling get lower and lower. I debated knocking on Conrad’s door. Explaining myself, but I knew it would be no use. So instead I spent the time lying awake, praying that tomorrow would be better. That it was just a fluke and Y/n was only feeling unwell. That I hadn’t ripped apart row beautiful people in my own selfishness.

…

The next morning came and went. The light reflecting off the water and laughter just as loud as the day before. Cousins was alive again. The night almost slipping completely away. But as everyday does, the sun slipped behind the horizon and the day turned into afternoon, and that into night. And with the stars so high in the sky, scattered like splattered paint on a blank canvas, Conrad’s silhouette sat still in the same spot as always.

You couldn’t see it from the beach house, but if you leaned over the railing of the old oak stairs just enough, there he would be. In my head I saw her walking towards him, a smile would be on his face and he would stand up quickly to greet her. But Y/n never showed. And Conrad sat out there until the sun began to rise. His bed untouched, eyes tired. He did the same the next day, and the day after. Still, Y/n never showed. And she never reached out either. It was obvious, the way Conrad’s phone never chimed. Notifications only on for her now, waiting for her. Something only I noticed. But she was gone, quicker than she had came and the guilt that settled was suffocating I had ruined everything.

I couldn’t stand it after the third night. Watching him wait hopelessly for someone who wouldn’t show. It would’ve been pathetic if it wasn’t so romantic. Even his text messages left stranded.

“Is everything okay between us? I’m sorry.”

“Y/n/n are you coming? Should we just call it a night?”

“Goodnight, Y/n/n. See you soon?”

It was something I’d never seen in him before. Watching his fingers dance over the keyboard only to erase and retype millions of times. Overthinking the same way I did to him. I couldn’t bare it. Maybe if be out of guilt, or the selfish need to make Conrad happy, not hate me. But with a bit of digging and the use of Conrad’s phone, I had her number typed up. I swallowed, what would I say? It’s me, the girl who ruined the one hood thing Conrad had going in his life, sorry by the way. No, there was no good way to put it. But it had to be done, so I clicked it and let the phone ring.

“Hello?” Her voice cracked through the phone. It was quiet other than her voice. Only the faint noise of some nineties sitcom playing in the background filling it with something other than awkward ringing.

“Is this Y/n?” It was a stupid question. I knew it was. I knew her voice.

“Yea, who is this?” She was unsure, but something told me deep down she knew it was me.

“This is uhm…this is Belly.”

“Oh.” Her end went quiet. Only the television telling me that she hadn’t hung up yet.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but please hear me out.” I sighed. She nodded, I could hear the shifting of her head crack through the speakers.

“I want to say sorry. I know, I know it’s too late now, but it’s been eating at me and I had to tell you before the summer ended. I’ve loved Conrad since I’ve known what the word meant. He was always the older, kinder brother in my eyes. The only person who included me when everyone was so willing to give up. I idolized him for so long. Seeing him with someone else, someone he idolized like I did to him, it made me sick with jealousy. I couldn’t stand it, and I know that’s wrong. So it’s my fault that everyone crashed the nights at the beach. I was the one who plotted against you guys and I’ve never regretted anything more. The moment you didn’t show up, Conrad really laid it onto all of us. We were so caught up in ourselves, we-I didn’t see how it was affecting the two people the night really meant the most to.” I heard a heavy sigh in the middle of my ranting.

“Belly, this is sweet and all but-“ She started, sounding more defeated that Conrad had looked somehow.

“No, please. Please listen to me, please.” I wanted to cry. I almost did. I didn’t though, I found the strength to hold it together in my most desperate moment, it wasn’t about me. “That boy knows you better than anything he’s ever known in his life. He knows your likes and dislikes. What you love and what gets you going. He has your mannerisms memorized and your favorite movies. He defends you like his life depends on it and I know it’s my fault you guys aren’t talking, but please, he loves you more than he can show and he’s been sitting out there every night for the past few days waiting for you to show. Please go see him. If not for me than for him? Even if it’s only just one more time, give him the closure. Please.” There was no response, I could feel her hesitating.

“Okay, Belly.” She sounded like she wanted to say more. Like she was thinking something else. She didn’t though. She kept it in her head and responded in the simplest way she knew.

“Goodnight, Y/n.”

“Goodnight, Belly. And hey, don’t worry about me, okay? Take care of yourself.” I wanted to answer, but the line went dead before I could. Now all I could do was hope that maybe I made a difference. Maybe tomorrow Conrad wouldn’t be the only person sitting on that beach.

The call came unexpectedly, the number unknown. The naïve part of me wanted it to be Conrad. Reaching out through another persons cellphone because he knew I wouldn’t answer him. I wasn’t ready. The logical part of me knew better. And that part was right, because the voice that greeted me nervously on the other end wasn’t deep or slow. It was shaky and airy. Quick and higher pitched. It was Belly’s voice.

I knew it was Belly, the moment she even asked. But I lied to her and myself, acting like I had no idea. I didn’t want to hear her voice. It was like a reminder of what had happened. A reminder of who had started it. But I wasn’t mad at Belly, it wasn’t her fault. How could she have known things would get ruined, she was only excited? Or, jealous she confessed.

She had purposefully intruded on us, she had seen how it was ripping us apart and she continued to. She blamed herself and became the bigger person.

How could I tell her that it wasn’t just her? Yes, sure what she had done had started this all, but it was so much more than that. Conrad had been the final break. He was the one avoiding my eyes, treating me like a parasite whenever we weren’t alone. I was his secret, and it was clear he wanted it to stay that way.

I was never meant to be more. Why would I be when he couldn’t even stand to be seen with me? I was his secret, playing the role of a stranger when he’d see me on the street. Each glance random and short. I didn’t want to play that role anymore. I tried to get past the uncomfortableness of the expanding group, I thought that this could be the change, we wouldn’t be strangers anymore.

But Conrad obviously didn’t want that. No, he didn’t jump at the chance. He shyed away. It caught me off guard, hearing everything Belly had to say. I can’t lie.

Conrad was never the best at sharing his feelings. He would much rather sit in silence in his own self pity than to have to share something so vulnerable. I knew where he came from with that worry. Sometimes it just felt like he’d rather push me away than be honest.

It was refreshing hearing how Belly confirmed he had talked to them. How he truly did know me, he didn’t act like he didn’t. He knew everything about me, without a doubt. Knowing that he didn’t ignore that and felt confident enough to let that be known almost instantly killed all my insecurities I’d gathered about us. So I thought hard on what Belly said.

Conrad was sitting there, waiting for me every night because he cared. Because he wanted to see me, and he didn’t hide that.

Staring at the listless amounts of texts I had been on the receiving end of, all just as concerned and curious. Never one a hint of anger with my behavior, my sudden ghosting. I felt guilty.

He signed every single one off with a simple, “Goodnight, y/n/n. See you tomorrow?” It almost made me forget why I was mad. I couldn’t let these keep collecting, taking up space. Even if I felt nothing but sadness around him now, and everything was gone. Belly could’ve been right.

The longer the night grows on, the more I believe I will fall to the familiar fate of the loneliness the once lively beach brings without her here.

I knew I fucked up. I lied, and ignored. I acted like everything was fine. Like I didn’t care and in that, I hurt the one girl I loved most. The one person I would protect with my life. I hurt Y/n.

It was understandable why she wouldn’t show anymore. It wasn’t what we did. It wasn’t just us. She was being thrown into the exact opposite. Our long talks turned into theres. Her voice no longer ranting about what we liked, but being talked over by the others wants. She was cast away to the background when it should’ve been all about her.

I just hadn’t expected to be completely shut out. Not showing was one thing, but to be completely ghosted was another. It was like we didn’t exist. Like we didn’t know everything about each other. I didn’t need a goodnight text from her, but I would’ve liked one.

“Can I sit?” Looking out at the water, I hadn’t heard someone approaching me. My eyes blurring with the water collecting on my waterline. My throat burned. Biting my lip, I went to nod. Then, from the corner of my eye I saw it.

I knew that face like I knew my own. Her eyes were easily recognizable and her lips were still pulled into that same smile. Only now it was sadder, still just as genuine, but not as big as the last time I’d seen it.

“Y/n, hey.” It came out like a sigh, relief flooding through my body. She came, she was back. It wasn’t over.

She continued to look at me expectantly and only then did I realize she was still waiting. I patted at the sand enthusiastically, almost too eager considering what had happened leading up to now. I watched how carefully she sat herself down beside me. So close but still so distant. Her body angled away, head facing the sky. I could see how hard she was swallowing. I felt the same lump forming that made it just as hard to swallow myself.

“Can we talk?” She broke the silence first, fingers dancing awkwardly around in the sand. She drew stars around the rocks and pebbles scattered in the sand. Keeping her mind more focused on that than the rising desire to break down.

Her lip quivered, I saw it even in the dark. I saw how she blinked rapidly and her chest heaved unevenly. She was upset, she didn’t come here to simply make amends.

“Yeah, hey.” I tried to get her attention, but she could only shake her head. She couldn’t look at me. So instead I took her free hand in mine, playing with her fingers partially to comfort her and also to distract the bubbling sadness in my throat.

“Conrad, what are we?” She finally looked at me, her eyes big, looking into mine. She searched around to see if she could think up what my answer would be.

“We’re…we’re us.” I thought about it hard. The answer seemed to vague but to me it screamed everything. “I mean, isn’t that enough?” I tightened my grip on her hand. I could see my answer wasn’t enough for her.

“Conrad…” She trailed off, like she couldn’t get out what she wanted to. So I finished it off for her.

“No, you’re right. It’s all my fault, Y/n. I mean, these nights, this time we get to be together, I look forward to it every day. It’s all I can think about. You are all I can think about. And-and I guess I just got lost in that. I was just so focused on getting to spend time with you, I didn’t really care about anything else. How expanding who was involved would affect you. And I’m sorry, it was unfair. And I promised I’d fix it, but I didn’t. I fucking didn’t and you were treated horribly because of that. I just-“ I was cut off with a scoff, the sand falling onto my lap as she stood. I followed her quickly, wanting to stay close.

“Are you serious? Conrad I don’t care about anyone else, what they think. They can talk over me all they want. This is about us. About you!” She stepped back, looking around to gather herself. A harsh breath passed through her nose, lips turned down into a frown. “All my life I have spent chasing after you! Your attention. To me, you…you were everything! I used to count down the hours to the next time I could see you again. Conrad, I have spent these past years so embarrassingly in love with you. And you know what’s the worst part? I really thought I had a chance.” I froze at her confession. Her anger and sadness surfacing everything.

“Y/n, woah, woah.” My hands found her shoulders, stopping her with a soft sputter leaving her mouth. “I do, I do.” I promised, voice growing hoarse with the lump growing bigger.

She shook her head, closing her eyes, “Then why, why didn’t you do anything? Why did you make me feel so stupid?” She inched closer, still just as upset.

“I didn’t know, how could I have known? Y/n, I never meant to hurt you. I wouldn’t have done that, you mean everything to me. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.” I was as honest as I could be, the desperation in my voice going from a loud, frustrated tone to a softer, slower tone. I wanted her to know I meant it, but I didn’t want to start a bigger mess.

“I don’t get it, Conrad.” I looked into her eyes, she was crying by now. “You ignored me for days and now all of a sudden you like me? Conrad, you acted like I didn’t exist for days. Like whenever Belly or-or Jeremiah was around I was some stranger. Admit it, you were ashamed of me. I was always just some stupid secret to you.”

“I wasn’t ashamed of you, god, how could I ever be ashamed of you?” She stepped back, my voice loud again to match her volume.

“Then why did you do it? Why did you run?” She was desperate for answers.

“Because I love you! I’m so madly in love with you, it makes me sick. I go to bed some nights and I think that you might be the only girl I could ever love. The only one I could ever be with. And it’s so embarrassing. To be so fucking obsessed with someone that it’s all you can think about! I couldn’t even look at you those nights because I didn’t want anyone to know. I wanted you to know first. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. And them being there only made me more scared. I mean, I’m not nearly as smart as Steven, and I’m not charming like Jeremiah is. I’m not as nice as Belly, I don’t compare. How could I have told you when I’m not enough. I was ashamed of myself.” I could feel my own tears streaming down my face now.

“Conrad, I love you. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep being a secret. I’m tired of sneaking around.” Even in her own frustration I felt her hands cup my face, thumbs brushing away my tears. My own hand wrapped around her wrists, not holding but resting there. I let my forehead rest against hers, looking around, trancing a triangle with my eyes around her face.

“Okay, no more secrets.” I agreed, eyes focusing in on hers. Her skin rubbed mine, nodding. There was no going back now. Both having confessed to something that was taking over our lives. Problems dissolving behind it.

Silently, I asked permission. I wanted her to be okay with it, not just kissing to forget about our issues. With the go ahead, I leaned in.

Her lips were soft, warm. Melting together with mine like they meshed perfectly. Made for each other. It was all so slow and sensual, nothing rushed. My hands found the back of her neck, just reaching the edge of the back of her head. Her hands in my hair. It wasn’t messy, or blinded by lust. It was a long time coming, and lasted just as long as both of us wanted.

Secretly I wished I could have her lips on mine forever, wanting to be near her constantly, but her hand in mine was a good substitute, a smile plastered on her face. Bigger than it had been all week, a blush creeping into her cheeks.

“Come here.” With the swiftness of my hands around her and the force of my body hitting hers, we tumbled around in the sand, laughter and smiles radiating off of each other. The moon grew lower and the sun rose higher, the night turning into the day. Our tumbling turned into a peaceful slumber, arms and legs tangled together to pull us as close together as possible. My lips rested on her forehead, the summer sun was warm and welcoming. It felt like a dream, but it was real life.

“I meant what I said.” She leaned it again, stopping to hear me out, smile stuck on her face. “No more secrets.” The sand stuck to our legs, falling out the backs of our shirts. Her lips chased mine, molding together wetly. She ran in front of me, laughing as I chased her.

“Hurry up, Connie!” She teased, my arms wrapping around her waist. We spun like a romcom couple at the end of the movies, still moving towards the old oak stairs. My lips pressed to her cheek, my own cheeks hurting from how happy I was.

Our feet moved quick, soft laughter and snickering stifled underneath our breath. My hand held hers and our heavy footsteps grew feathery light the closer we inched to the back door.

Through the glass I could see her now, just beyond our reflection stood my mom. A soft smile on her face and her hands working on creating another flower bouquet. She was focused, eyebrows drawn together and tongue pointed out that it was only the creaking of the sliding back door opening that could pull her from her concentration.

“Connie.” The familiar nickname that Y/n called me was one her and my mother shared. Her eyes flickered to Y/n, smile widening. I saw her wipe her hands on the old clothes hung around the oven handles.

“Mom, this is Y/n. She’s, my best friend and my girlfriend.” There was so much more to say, to fill in. I wanted her to know about the nights we spent together, what she liked. When we met, how we met. But that could wait. I still had so many people to share Y/n with.

After all, there were no more secrets.

#conrad fisher #conrad x reader #conrad fisher angst #tsitp x reader #tsitp season 2 #tsitp conrad #tsitp x y/n #conrad x you

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buckys-loverman · 9 months

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Teacher’s Pet- Jeremiah Fisher

What would you do for a higher grade?

warnings: smut, finger banging, 18+ appropriate, slight degrading kink, vulgar language

pairing: fem!reader x jeremiah fisher

A/N: i am back baby!! sorry for taking forever to upload, was having issues with uploading on tumblr but im so happy to be back writing for you guys. i will be uploading a conrad story within the next couple days so stay tuned!

“Mr. Fisher please!” You trailed behind your physics TA, begging for his assistance on the upcoming exam.

“I told you to call me Jeremiah.” He sighed, pushing his hair back as he continued to pace down the hallway, leaving you to jog behind him in order to catch up.

You reached out to touch his arm, “Jeremiah then-” He turned around suddenly almost causing you to crash into his chest, “30 minutes is all I need with you to help me with the review.”

He looked around for other students as he lowered his voice, “This is the third time you’ve been late to office hours, and I can’t keep giving you special treatment for being tardy. Don’t do it again.”

Before you could respond, he turned back around in a quick motion and continued down the hallway, calling your name to follow him to the library.

A burst of excitement spiked through your body as you gladly followed behind him, not complaining as you got extra tutoring time with him.

Jeremiah wasn’t aware that you had been purposely late to office hours in order to get his undivided and uninterrupted attention. You always made the excuse that office hours “overlapped” with your other classes in order for him to feel some form of pity for you.

For who would turn down such a good student?

The study room in the corner of the library was always empty as it was the only one without a white board, but instead a window overlooking the campus. Because of that, Jeremiah was forced to always write down his practice problems in your notebook directly next to you.

You scribbled down your responses to the force & gravity unit questions in your textbook when you notice Jeremiah scanning your body over your answers. In a quick motion, you push back on your chair as you reach for your backpack on the ground, arching your back as you stretch forward with your back to him.

Jeremiah clears his throat as he shifts in his chair, moving his gaze away from you as he returns back to your textbook, seeing what you had previously written down.

“You’ve been doing great this past semester, it doesn’t seem like you need my help?” He states, leaning back into his chair as he scans between your eyes.

You slightly smile as you began to pull your hair back, “I do-” You respond with a naive tone, “I’ve been struggling with force.” Your button up shirt stretched tight against your chest as you put your hair in a ponytail, causing Jeremiah’s eyes to drop for a split second before quickly returning to your face.

You lean forward in your chair, slightly exposing the top of your white mesh bra as you stare with purposeful doe eyes, “I don’t think I’ve had enough examples.” You pout.

Jeremiah’s body tenses up for a second but quickly disappears as his eyes darken. He leans forward, placing a hand on your chair as he analyzes your face; “Are you playing dumb with me?”

A slight smirk tempted to slip from your mouth, “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say Mr. Fisher-” you begin to say when a warm hand grips at the bottom of your face, a small gasp escaping from your mouth.

“I told you not to call me that.” His voice was lower than before as he stood tall above you, his eyes sweeping your body without shame. “What are you willing to do for a good grade?” Jeremiah taunts, his fingers trailing down to your neck.

“Anything.” You whisper, maintaining eye contact as his fingers slowly begin to wrap around your neck, mimicking the same firm hold he had on your face just moments before.

Jeremiah lifts your body up, shoving it against the table you were once working on. In a swift motion he grabs the back of your head as the two of your lips combine, rhythmically moving against each other with a newfound force.

Your fingers tangle in his curls, slightly tugging at the ends as a small moan escapes his mouth, giving him more motivation as he makes his way down your neck, leaving a trail of kisses behind.

“Students like you learn best through examples- ”His fingers unbutton your top, exposing the rest of your bra that you teased earlier, “So I’ll make sure to teach you a lesson you won’t forget.”

Jeremiah yanks at your wrist as he pulls you towards the window, slamming your chest to the glass. Your nipples hardened against the cool glass, a sense of panic overwhelmed your body as you see an array of students down below, walking to class or talking amongst their peers.

“What if someone sees?” You question as your mouth felt dry and your head felt dizzy as his fingers trail from the strap of your bra, down to curve of your stomach up until his fingers move their way below your skirt.

“Then everyone will know what a dirty little slut you are for the TA.” Jeremiah whispers in your ear, as his fingers begin to rub slow and sensual circles on top of your clit, the fabric of your underwear beginning to feel suffocating.

The shame you once felt before washed away as moans left your mouth, your head tossing back onto his shoulder as his warm body pressed into yours from behind. The cold from the glass and the heat from his fingers was the perfect combination, your body felt electric between the two.

His fingers moved slowly down your underwear, “God you’re so fucking wet-” Another moan escaped from your mouth as he slowly and painfully moved along your clit, “And here I thought you were a good girl.” You could hear the cockiness drip from his tongue.

“I am.” You whined, your back arching in an attempt to get more friction, only to be met with the feeling of his erection, and did it feel big.

You felt a slap on your clit as you yelped, “Don’t speak out of turn. You got that, princess?” His harsh tone sent butterflies through your stomach as you simply nodded, letting him return his attention back to you.

Jeremiah moved your underwear to the side as he slid one finger inside of you. Another loud moan escaped your mouth as you felt just how long his finger really is, and how well he knew how to use it.

The finger began twisting inside of you, pumping in and out as sloppy sounds echoed throughout the room, your body beginning to overheat as you spread your legs wider.

“Good girl.” He purred, placing a second finger inside of you. The new found sensation overtaking your balance as you pushed yourself deeper into the glass, your nipples peaking through the mesh bra and on display for anybody who simply looked up.

Everything seemed to begin to blur, the pleasure spreading throughout your body as you begin approaching your high. Jeremiah yanks your hair back as his lips meet your ear; beginning to lick and suck as he finds all your sweet spots.

He’s consistent, both of his fingers continue to pump in and out of you in a fast motion, his thumb reaching to draw circles on your clit, “Jere.” Is all you can manage to say as his teeth tug at the bottom of ear.

“Cum for me, darling.”

His words work as a command as your body cannot handle anymore of the pleasure, your legs start to shake beyond control as the heat in your stomach burns stronger than before, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head as you experience the strongest high of your life.

Your vision blurs as the sensation overtakes your body, causing you to cum hard on his fingers, giving him the satisfaction he knew he would get from you.

As you begin to adjust back to normal you turn around to see Jeremiah leaning against the table, your textbook untouched behind him, as he intensely licks his fingers where your cum visibly stained.

“Wether you pass the exam or not, I expect to see you back here next week.” He smirks, “For I still have much to teach you.”

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YALL jere is a slut and no one can tell me otherwise!! this last episode got me giggling & kicking my feet now that i have inspiration for some new stories… ;)

#fisher boys #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher smut #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x reader #tsitp imagine #tsitp jeremiah #tsitp x reader #tsitp x y/n #tsitp #tsitp season 2 #tsitp s2 #tsitpbookseries #jeremiah x reader #team jeremiah

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i-love-rice · 9 months

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STOP USEING THE JEREMIAH FISHER X READER TAG IF ITS A CONRAD FANFIC YOU LITTLE SHITS

i’m sorry but it’s so aggravating use the correct appropriate tags y’all

#jeremiah fisher x reader #tsitp conrad #belly x conrad #conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher #team conrad #team jeremiah #steven conklin #steven conklin x reader #belly conklin #belly x jeremiah #taylor x steven #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp #tsitp season 2

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lvrslvt3 · 9 months

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POOL CONFESSIONS | j. fisher

main masterlist | tsitp masterlist

PAIRINGS : jeremiah fisher x reader

SUMMARY : the two friends try to do a movie stunt in a pool, but they end up making there own movie.

WARNINGS : none

NOTES : i haven’t proofread this

“looks like your having fun.” you sarcastically commented while taking a seat beside jeremiah, your bare legs dangling into the cool pool water infront of the pair of you. you glanced over at the boy, concerned at the expression on his face and the tightness of his jaw. he had a solemn look about him as he gazed down at the pool and you knew why. you had accidentally caught him kissing belly in it just the night before but you hadn’t told him. you didn’t want your own emotions to get on the way of his.

“bad memories?” your voice was quieter this time, more reserved, as your curiosity got the best of you. you also wanted to make sure that he was okay since he did not currently look it. “something like that.” he mumbled before finally facing you. his jaw softened but you could tell he was keeping something in. he was mad at something or someone but it wasn’t you, if it was he would’ve already started an argument or atleast made a few passive agressive comments by now.

“what about you?” he leaned back on his hands instead of crossing them and you notice the slight falter in his breath, his chest hitching for a second longer before finally calming down. you pretended not to notice it. “honestly?” you asked with a sigh while looking away from jeremiah and back into the water, “i’m thinking about that scene from dirty dancing right now.” you failed to hide the small smile on your face.

jeremiah shot you a confused look before he finally broke out into a real smile, a soft chuckle leaving him. “when johnny lifts baby up in the water?” he questioned, recognition sparking all over his features. you hummed before facing him fully, a michevouis smirk on your face. “why don’t we do it?” you shrugged as you spoke before lifting up an arm to flex your hardly there muscles, “i’ve gotten pretty strong—“

“why don’t i do the lifting?” he suggested while standing up, pulling off his shirt and jumping in while his shorts on. you laughed while taking off your shirt aswell, leaving you in only pyjama shorts and a sports bra.

you slipped in the water before the effects of his stare took place, a shy smile overcoming you as you faced each other — now soaked in the water and underneath the starlight of cousins. “don’t go shy on me now.” jeremiah teased after shaking his hair, some of its fluffiness coming back before taking steps in the water over to you, “your gonna have to run and jump—“

“run?” you interrupted before he could finish his sentence, “i cant run in deep water.” you reminded him before pushing back your hair so it wouldn’t fall in front your face any longer. “i’ll just,” you paused for a moment, “come at you fast.”

“so run?” he raised a brow and you splashed water towards him, scrunching up your face in annoyance before readying yourself. “just come at me, i’ll catch you.” he promised, bringing his arms out to do just that. “you better.” you mumbled before stretching your body, a little dramatically, to prepare yourself. “just to let you know, the music is playing in my head.” you told jeremiah before you started towards him.

“mine too.” he chuckled before you finally began to move, going as fast as you could to get past the heavy water trying to keep you back until finally his hands were on your waist and he could attempt to lift you. he got you up into the air but perhaps too fast since you had went over him, your hands in the air as if you was flying as you dived back into the pool on the other side of the fisher boy. when you resurfaced he was laughing.

“you came at me too fast.” he joked as you went back to your place from before. “if you can’t handle me, jere, just tell me.” you teased him. the boy chuckled and shook his head, “i can always handle you.” you rolled my eyes at the comment but you still blushed at his attention.

“if you drop me one more time, then i’m gonna drown you.” you joked as you once again came from underneath the water, slicking your hair back to keep it away from your face and swimming back towards your spot. “i just don’t know my own strength.” he joked, bringing his arms up and flexing the new muscles he had gotten over the year. you tried not to stare too intensely at them and instead kept your eyes focused on his face.

“is that why you keep dunking me?” you questioned with a tilt of your head. he nodded with a grin, bringing his arms out to catch you again. “this time we’ll do it, i know it.” he stated confidently. you smiled, beginning to rush towards him. you had managed to get faster each time. the water was easier to break through and it swiftly moved by you until finally you reached jeremiah.

he caught your waist just like last time and held you up, your hands coming to steady yourself on his shoulders automatically. “don’t worry, i’ve got you.” he mumbled and you could feel your stomach tighten, feeling on fire from his touch. you brought your hands up just like they had in the movie, giggling along with jeremiah’s chuckles before finally he let you down and you were stood infront of him with a sheepish grin still on your face.

“we did it!” you cheered while hugging him, his hands holding your waist tighter as you both celebrated. “i told you we would.” jeremiah stated before you pulled away to look at him again. “your so cocky.” you laughed through your own words. “when a pretty girl like you wants to be in my presence i have every right to be cocky.” he looked smug as he spoke and his hand tightened on you once more. “am i wrong?” he raised a brow as if to challenge you.

you didn’t respond, rolling your eyes playfully and turned to escape his grasp before you exposed the little crush you had on him. but his grip tightened so your movement halted, and you looked back around at his emotionless face. he was staring down at you with an unreadable expression. “jere, you okay?”

he didn’t respond, his eyes glancing down to your lips before he finally kissed you. without warning, without asking he simply pressed his lips against yours like that was the only way to answer your question. once he kissed you, your heart flowed and every muscle in your body relaxed. how much you needed this terrified you. you wondered if everyone felt this way. maybe it was just you, or maybe it was just you and him together.

he pulled away after a few seconds, squeezing your hips as if to ask silently if you were okay, and when you didn’t do anything he spoke. “i always knew i loved you.” he whispered in a hoarse voice that made you involuntarily shiver. you opened your mouth to speak, to say it back, but he stopped you. “i didn’t say it just to hear it said back. i said it to make sure that you knew.”

you spoke just as he finished, “i love you too, jere.” you smiled up at him and he returned it easily, your heart beginning to race again at this bubble of happiness you were confined to as you held each other. you leaned your head up to kiss him once again. this time, he grabbed your throat but didn’t choke you, just brought you so close that when you kissed you weren’t sure whose air you were breathing.

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ist4rgirlo · 9 months

Text

── 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 - 𝐜.𝐟 : 𝐕

Summary: Now that your life has turned upside down, are you still willing to put your siblings' feelings first? Or would you rather fight for your feelings and do what makes you happy regardless of the consequences that might result in the future?

Prev ; Next || Conrad Fisher x fem!reader || My blog

Warnings: S2 SPOILERS! swearing, yelling, fluff, accusations(?), (lmk if i missed anything!)

SEQUEL TO BEFORE EVERYTHING HAPPENED

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Y/N’s Pov

It’s like she was never here at all. We looked everywhere, every corner, every part of the house. Everything was gone, it honestly just made things worse. This is just fucked.

“Everything’s gone” Jeremiah said — going down the stairs. We looked at him, trying to sink it all in.

We heard the door open, it was Aunt Julia — she entered the kitchen with a bag in her hand. Conrad walked towards where she was before saying “What the fuck, Julia?” we all walked towards her, standing behind Conrad.

“I-I’m sorry, it must be all a shock” she paused “I spoke to your father this afternoon, and-and he and I decided to not let things drag out any longer” she explained before turning her back on us.

“I don’t give a shit what the two of you had decided on. You had no right to touch anything in this house, those were her things” Conrad said, pointing at the house — his voice filled with rage. Steven walked towards him, grabbing his arm gently, “Breathe, man” he said to Conrad.

Aunt Julia sighed, turning to Conrad — looking at him. “Everything is fine, I made sure that they took good care of everything. I’m just doing what I had to do.” she explained. Conrad walked towards her “Okay bullshit. You could’ve warn us! All you want to do is fight our mom-“ he said — raising his voice, I walked towards him — pulling him away, trying to calm him.

“Okay, enough!” Aunt Julia paused “You are not the only who is hurting here” she continued. Her tears threathening to fall down her face. She was hurting too, she wanted to move on. We also wanted to move on. “Plus, I shouldn’t be the one who you should be angry with. Your mother could’ve warned you, she just… wanted to make me be the bad guy.” Aunt Julia said before looking down — continuing what she was doing earlier.

Conrad shook his head “I am so sorry.. that she was too busy dying to make you life a little easier. You know, it sucks that our grandfather loved her more than you, but i’m not surprised” Conrad scoffed before turning around — walking outside of the house. I looked at Aunt Julia before following him.

Conrad wasn’t wrong. Conrad was someone who wouldn’t lie to you, he was always straightforward — he was just like that, because he cares even if his words might hurt you but that’s what the truth is. That’s just how life is, the truth hurts. All of it hurts.

“Connie please..” I said, walking closer to him — grabbing his hand gently. He just looked at me. “Ofcourse dad did nothing to stop her” he said before pulling his phone out with his free hand.

“Connie what can he do?” Jeremiah asked, I turned to him — still holding onto Conrad’s hand. Conrad turned, “Jere he doesn’t care about us!” Conrad yelled. I rubbed his hand, trying to calm him down — I felt his hold on my hand tightening.

We heard Skye walk out of the door — Conrad heard immediately went and pushed my hand away gently — walking towards Skye “Did you know about this?” he said “Stop” Jeremiah pushed him gently. Conrad pushed Jeremiah’s hand away “No I’m serious. Did you know about this?” Conrad pointed at Skye.

“I-I didn’t know anything” Skye defended “I swear I would have told you.” they said crossing ther arms. Conrad scoffed “Would you have? really? Because we haven’t seen each other in ten years. Would a day at boardwalk have been enough to betray your mom?” Conrad asked, his eyes squinting.

“Listen, I know we don’t know each other very well, but i-i wouldn’t have sideswiped you like this” Skye explained. “Connie, come on” Steven said — trying to stop Conrad from saying anything else. Steven looked at me, signaling me to do something. “So what do we do?” Steven asked.

Conrad just shook his head no, “I-I don’t know!” he said before walking away from Skye. Everyone looked up to Conrad, including me. He’s the oldest amongst everyone. He was the one who you would go to when you needed advice. Seeing him like this, hopeless and doesn’t know what to do, hurts me.

“W-Well we can’t just leave. The house isn’t sold yet” Jeremiah said looking at Conrad who was pacing back and forth. “Well where are we going to sleep?” Steven asked, “I think there are some sleeping bags in the garage” Belly said shrugging. Conrad shook his head “I’m not sleeping in this house” he looked at me. “We don’t have to, alright?” I said not just encouraging everyone else but Conrad specifically.

“Well hotels are usually all booked up around this time of year” Belly infromed us. “I… feel like I should go” Cameron said, we all turned to him — totally forgetting that he was there.

Taylor sighed “You know.. maybe we-we should go too” she suggested. I looked at her and nodded. I mean, nothing’s going to change if we just stayed here, infront of the house, all night. “Don’t go yet, I know a place where we can crash for the night” Jeremiah said — we all looked at him. We all walked towards Jeremiah and Conrad’s car and drove off.

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We arrived at the Country Club where Jeremiah used to work at. “Huh” Steven asked “You kept that?” he said to Jeremiah who was holding a key — walking towards the car. Jeremiah shrugged “Perks of not cleaning your wallet out” he went and tried to scan his card on the scanner but it wasn’t working. “Shit” he whispered under his breathe.

“Okay there’s got to be another way, right?” Belly asked. Jeremiah turned to her, “I mean we can try the pool gate” — “Uh we could also use my mom’s key code” Cameron suggested. “Wait are you sure? your mom?” I asked, Cameron nodded “Yeah it’s fine, she’s the manager at the restaurant here.”

“Just uhm you know, don’t make a mess then we’ll be alright” Cameron said before inputing the code into the lock, turning to Steven and Jeremiah — both boys raised their hands before going inside the door.

As I was about to walk in, I noticed that Conrad wasn’t moving “Hey, come on” I said walking back to him, holding his arm. “It’ll be alright” assuring him — smiling gently. He smiled, before walking with me, thanking Cameron.

As we went inside, we all talked about going in our own ways. Cam and Skye went to go get snacks, while Taylor and Steven bickered because Steven started teasing her about sleeping on dusty sheets so that just made Taylor go with him instead of Cam and Skye. So it was just me, Jeremiah, Belly, and Conrad that was left.

“Alright, I think I know a place where we can sleep” Jeremiah said, looking at us. I nodded, “Uh you want to come?” Jeremiah asked us, I looked at Conrad — “I think, we’ll go with Cam and Skye” Conrad looked at me for approval, offering me a hand. I nodded and grabbed his hand gently.

We were on the way there before we heard Belly ask Conrad “Are you okay?” Conrad turned to her, making me turn around too. Conrad nodded and smiled gently before pulling me again to walk with him to where Cam and Skye is.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked Conrad, he looked down at me. Stopping me from walking, we were now face to face. “It’s just, I shouldn’t have gone to boardwalk.” he said, looking up. “Hey it’s not your fault, Connie” I shook my head gently, reassuring him. He looked at me, his eyes filled with hope. “We’ll figure something out okay? It’s not over.” I said before pulling him in for a hug.

The fact that he hurt me is in the past now, I don't care anymore about what happened back then. I am done mourning about whatever happened back then, done crying and regretting what I did. All I want now is to be here with him, to be his best friend. The same as it used to be.

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Conrad's Pov

It has been said that nothing can break the invisible thread between two people who are meant to be together. I had always thought that it wasn't true, that there wasn't such a thing as an invisible string. However, after Y/N returned, I realized that this statement was actually true all along.

I pulled away from her gently "Thank you" I said — smiling gently. She has always been there for me, ever since we were little. That’s just how it always was, me and Y/N.

“Come on? Let’s go find the rest” Y/N said pulling me — smiling. I nodded and followed her. “Hey so, how are you?” I asked her — she looked at me, confused “I.. I’m okay now” she paused, smiling “You know it was time to move on and live life I guess. I can’t really keep on regretting things that I shouldn’t be regretting and blame myself for everything knowing that It wasn’t really my fault or anyones.” she said, looking down at our hands — that were still holding each other.

I nodded “Yeah, I totally understand it. Plus we were still young back then, things were still a blur at that time. We really did things that we did regret but it’s what made us what we are right now, you know?” I looked down at her, she nodded.

I looked at our hands, hesitating about what I should say “Uhm and about the Belly thing-“ — “Hey let’s forget about that. It was the past and I am totally over it. I know that my sister and you truly loved each other, it’s just.. it wasn’t the right time and it’s okay. I don’t hate you for it.” she reassured me — cutting me off, smiling, swinging our hands.

That’s what I totally loved about Y/N. She wasn’t someone who would hold grudges, no matter how much you hurt her or did her wrong, she can never stay mad at you. She had a pure heart, the one that you’ll be scared of hurting, of breaking. She was always the one that understood people.

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Y/n’s Pov

The boys were in the golf cart meanwhile we were here walking, we decided to go out of the Country Club and sleep on the hill. Cam Cameron and Conrad was inside of the cart while Jeremiah and Steven were behind it, jumping up and down. “Okay it’s not gonna work, there’s too many of us here” Conrad said.

“God y’all are a bunch of kids” I groaned, walking beside Belly, putting an arm around her shoulder. “This is so annoying” I heard Taylor said — still poking holed on her apple. “Weed is not supposed to be this difficult” Taylor complained, Skye insisted to do it so they took it and tried to do it themselves.

“So.. you and Steven” Belly said looking at Taylor, I looked at Taylor too, smiling. “There was you know, a vibe” she continued. “There wasn’t any at all” Taylor scoffed, shaking her head no, “I save all my.. vibing for Milo. Plus Steven really hurt me last year so” she shrugged. We nodded - totally agreeing with her.

After what happened with her and Steven last year, I'm pretty sure Taylor just didn't want to get hurt like that ever again, that's why as much as possible she tries to stay away from him. Which we totally understand, even though we were his sister we admit that Steven can be an asshole.

Belly sighed “I.. I think I really loved Conrad” she suddenly said “longer and truer than anyone in my whole life” she continued. I looked at her, dropping my arm from her shoulder. She looked at me, you can still see the pain in her eyes, there was still a glint in there.

She truly loved him. She did love him with all her heart, and I’m sure Conrad did too. I remember her talking about Conrad back then, she was so happy, she was glowing. They were both really happy with each other, I guess it just wasn't the right time.

Taylor nodded, looking at me. “How about you?” I just shook my head no. It would be weird if I talked about Conrad knowing that he was my sister’s ex. Belly looked at me - waiting for my answer.

“We never really knew what happened between you and Conrad” Taylor said, curiously. I just shrugged “Nothing really happened, we kind of just drifted apart because of my.. dumb decisions. But we’re okay now” I said smiling at Taylor. Belly chuckled and nodded. “Totally understand that, we were young back then, I made dumb decisions too. I'm glad that you guys made up, It feels good seeing things come back to normal again.” Belly said, patting me on the shoulder.

I nodded. “You know what, we should make a pact” Taylor suggested. “We should leave our first loves and dumb decisions in the past” I nodded looking at Belly, she looked back at me, nodding too. We all agreed, pinky promising.

We saw the boys hop out of the gold cart. "This thing is definitely dead" Jeremiah said, pointing at the cart. We just decided to go up the hill and rest there just for tonight. We all set our blankets and sleeping bags down. Skye was finally done with the apple bong, as they were smoking with it right now.

"What's happening over here?" Steven said, walking up to us, dropping snacks in front of us. "We playing truth or dare or what?" he asked, resting his hands on his waist. Belly clapped, looking up at Steven "Okay, you in?" she asked "I dare you to eat the apple bong" Belly dared Steven. Steven scoffed, grabbing the apple from Skye - taking a bite.

"How was it?" I asked, chuckling "It tastes so.." Steven said before spitting it out infront of us, the chewed up apple falling infront of us and on our knees making Taylor scream throwing an apple at him "Okay, that is gross Steve" I said before standing up, trying to clean myself.

"It's okay, we'll make him clean it up" I heard Conrad reassure Cameron. They were walking towards us with snacks in their hands "Are we playing truth or dare? you in, Conrad?" Cameron asked Conrad - sitting down.

Conrad shook his head, sitting down beside me. I pushed him gently — encouraging him to join, he still said no. Jeremiah finally arrived, sitting down beside Belly

Skye covered their eyes and started to point at people, their point finger landed on Belly, “Belly uh I dare you to kiss Jeremiah” — there was silence, we all just looked at Belly, waiting for her to do something. She just looked at Jeremiah.

Jeremiah shook his head “Yk aren’t we too old for that shit?” he chuckled, we just nodded. It was Cam’s turn. He basically just told us about regretting not spending time with his sister before she passed away.

“Does it.. does it get better?” I asked him, Conrad looked at me — placing a hand on my knee. It was evident that I was still in pain, still in regret. Cam looked at me and nodded “Yeah, It was hard at first because you know the paint start to feel more like a scab. Sometimes something random will totally set you off. Like their fave music, smells, flowers and it just makes the pain feel brand new again. But everything goes back to normal, eventually.” He explained.

It was obvious that we all needed to hear that, especially Conrad and Jeremiah. It was their mom, their mom was also like our mom. She treated us as her own children too, we were still mourning, still in pain. But as what Cameron said, It’ll go back to normal eventually.

I smiled — nodding at Cameron before leaning on Conrad. His arms automatically wrapped around me, my hands against his arms. The situation was not awkward in any way, it was not me exploiting his emotions or anyone's emotions. Conrad was my best friend before the two of them got together, him and my sister. Plus, Belly had Jeremiah's attention — so I don’t see anything wrong.

We just heard Taylor yawn which made us all laugh “I’m sorry guys, I’m just really fucking tired right now” she said groaning, putting her face in her hands. “Yeah it’s getting late you guys. We should head to bed” Jeremiah nodded, chuckling. Steven stood up to get everyone some blankets while everyone else stood up and started to set up their own beds.

Everyone else was already laying down, Cam and Skye shared a pillow, Taylor and Steven were laying beside each other, my mat my beside Conrad, Belly was beside Jeremiah. We were all just spread out. I was laying down while Conrad was sitting beside me.

“You okay?” I heard Conrad ask me — I opened my eyes and looked up to him, nodding. “Just thinking” his brows furrowed, now laying down, his head wresting on his hand. “About what?” he asked looking at me.

I turned to my side, we were now face to face “Just you know, like what If I didn’t go here. What would I be doing? i’ll probably regret it if I didn’t. Knowing that the house will be gone.” I felt his hand on my hair, tucking it behind my ear before resting his hand on my cheek.

“Well I’m glad that you went, wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.” Conrad said, rubbing my cheeks. Things were happening so fast, I don’t even know if what we’re doing was right. For god’s sake, he was my sister’s ex but why did it feel so right? if it doesn’t seem right.

I nodded and smiled before placing my hand over his. Sleepiness started to consume my body, the last thing I heard from Conrad was “Goodnight, special girl” before I felt myself start to fall asleep.

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this was very long LMAOOO sorry about that you guys — i just had to fit it all in there :))

hope you guys like this chapter !! lots of love <3

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