#tw bodily functions

[00venator]

Can’t wait until bottom surgery. Can pee in bush easey. No more fuck dripped on my hand while trying to wipe ass. No more itchy up in their

[inchling-prince]

Which of the time twins do y’all think is the “does gross shit to get on his brother’s nerves” twin?

The can’t stand to lose at roughhousing so he licks the arm holding him down so the winner releases him in disgust twin? The holding in a fart so he can crack ass right next to his bro twin? The “I licked every muffin so you can’t eat one” twin?

Like I want to say Acronix because he’s a god damn gremlin, but then I feel like I’m underestimating Krux’s mischief level. Maybe it’s both of them and it’s just a constant ebb and flow of gross revenge pranks.

[meadowlarksabove]

Gabban. You succesfully helped deliver a calf! Paukka thinks you should pick, since you did most of the work. What will you name it?

🐄🐄🐄🐄

Hooves teetered from the brahmin’s backside, covered in a thin, membranous film which ripped the more her insides contracted. Yet as the minutes passed, neither man would see signs of heads or snouts, but the same pair of feeble arms stuck in the clench of her folds. She swelled, pushed, and brayed as even her neck collapsed to the side. This hadn’t been a premature birth, nor had she ever been too weak to complete her term. Gabban himself hadn’t observed anything out of the ordinary and, to his knowledge, she’d only been a heifer up to that point. Young enough to feasibly withstand the labor– to which this seemed a strange setback. 

Still, he pressed a hand to Paukka’s arm, urging them to keep the female in place while he relived the little farming experience he’d garnered as a boy. He rolled up his sleeves, wondering just how well he’d actually perform something he had done only once (and under duress), then pressed his fingers where mother and child met. The muscles were firm against the intrusion, pulsing in a way that reminded him of a seething wound. His arms tread further, and his palms felt for the crook of its forelegs, careful not to harm the faces he thankfully found there as well. The frumentarius took hold, fingers furled a little below the elbows, and soon he repositioned just as he pulled. The poor thing had swiveled out of place. 

Once or twice, the mother tried to kick the blonde stationed behind her, shivering with a tremendous amount of discomfort. Yet he persisted amid the threats, fighting off the residual tugging of her organ and her instinct to cramp up from the pain as more of the calf slowly came into view. Its two heads tucked together, then splayed apart, chest broad and twitching. Until there came a full release, a soundless pop as its behind squeezed out the nook. Another bless’ed girl for the herd! Whole and breathing, he’d hardly had to clear anything from her noses when she started snorting and panting in his arms. He felt her pulse for a moment, as if to convince himself that he’d indeed birthed a live animal, then had to retreat as the mother instantly became aggressive…

It was only when Paukka spoke that he realized he was covered in discharge and torn placenta, his clothes ruined with bodily waste. He looked down at his hands, then up his arms, almost like a man in shock. A strange emotion washed over him then, one he couldn’t begin to name, yet it spurred him to smile earnestly. This had been the filthiest he’d ever looked, but the cleanest he’d ever felt.

“I get to name her?” Gabban shot a glance to the small thing, two pairs of ears twitching as she was being licked clean, and her eyes drooping as if she were already needing a nap. Oh, he felt he was going to spoil her rotten! 

“Etta.” He concluded after a minute of watching her, tickled by the sight of her placid breathing. Alive, alive, alive, and by his help. “Can we please name her Etta?”

[complextheories]

My left ovary hurts. Why the left one, you ask. Fuck if I know, I answer.

[flightyquinn]

got food poisoning or something the other day and had to restrict myself to only eating things my stomach would let me. i thought it was over after a day, but it turns out i was just eating so much cheese that it cancelled out.

[cork-screw-who-420]

my little pony characters and their menstrual product preferences

Rarity: hand made costume fabric reusable cloth pads

Rainbow Dash: Tampons

Twilight Sparkle: silicone cup

Fluttershy: free bleeder

Apple Jack: single use pads (which are then later disposed of in a burn pit)

Pinkie Pie: does not have a uterus

[sinnershavesoulstoo]

this en is tmi and gross in a bodily way so skip it

I've had diarrhea for two days

You would THINK there wouldn't be, couldn't be anything left

Our toilet is far enough off the ground that I have to keep my toes pointed just a bit and I'm starting to get calf cramps and I've wiped so much I wish we had a bidet. I've been in and out of here for 2 hours. I had to stop playing fortnite with my pals because I couldn't talk to them or have the wits to shoot straight.

I wish I could just lay down and poo because I feel so bad. I'm so tired.

And it's only 58° in the bathroom because the people who installed our shower/tub didn't insulate it properly, and air gets in. So I'm cold. And I have on fleece pj's, a hoodie, and wool socks. But I'm hot because I feel like I'm going to puke. And God bless him, my cat just wants to go to bed with me. He wants me to hold him and pet him right now but I cannot. I'd get a blanket and pillow to sleep in the tub with, but it's too quiet in here and the bathroom is attached to my mom's room and it's the only bathroom we have so I wouldn't be able to play TV from my phone because it'd be too loud and wake her up.

She already keeps turning over and shining her fuckin flashlight in my eyes as I come in and out of the bathroom, like I'm not already having a bad time.

I haven't vomited since 2009 (that I can remember) so I'm trying really hard not to let that be a thing.

[spankerella]

This is a sugar-free Dutch soda with "shine". I just want everyone to know that if you drink something with edible glitter in it, you do a sparkly poo later. In it for the science, as always. Glad I could share my findings. Carry on.

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[comatosebunny09]

I glamorize tf out of torture scenes, but one day, I would like to try my hand at something visceral. Losing teeth and hair, infection, vomiting, pissing and defecating on one’s self. And our protagonist is so hardcore that they bite their tongue off so they don’t have to talk. By the time their savior arrives, they’re hanging on by a literal thread.

[mintedwitcher]

Friendly reminder that you're allowed, actually, to think of bodily functions and processes as "gross" without actively demonising them.

Coughing is gross. Sneezing is gross. Farting is gross. Puking is gross. Shitting is gross. Pissing is gross. Periods are gross. Pregnancy is gross.

These things aren't fun. They're not pleasant. They're not even always enjoyable. They're often messy and yeah, they're gross.

That doesn't mean they're BAD. It's just. Gross.

Grossness is morally neutral. Stop trying to pretend bodily processes are all sunshine and rainbows because you're scared of the word "gross" being applied to you.

[pinkpinkmermayyy]

so…are we going to discuss the ableism in cars 2 or what??

@thisismisogynoir @fancylala4 @punkeropercyjackson @champmorado @kaderp @y7kierre

[fantabulisticity]

So I've been having abdominal cramps and general tummy discomfort the last 3 days after eating really heavy food that I don't usually eat, while being dehydrated and also drinking alcohol (not much alcohol, but my body doesn't like it). And this morning the cramps were dipping from mild into moderate while I was tearing down for an event at work, but I was able to pass a somewhat difficult bowel movement just now, and my tummy feels SO MUCH BETTER. I'm going to try to stay hydrated today to appease my angry digestive system.

[miyo-here]

Eneline walks up to Miyo with a disgusted face

"I just found out why my big brother always wanted to watch my little pony with me as a kid...."

She grabbed Miyo on the shoulder

"He had his hands by his that area with it being covered by a pillow...."

((I made her J****'s sister😝))

((Oh SHIT! THE HORROR THAT POOR WOMAN MUST’VE SEEN!!!) 😰😰😰

Miyo rn:

“Uhhhhh…I didn’t need to know THAT, Ene!!!!”

*he then hug Eneline as he SHOOK with terror*

“I feel like we should tell Curly about this…But I have a feeling as bitch ass won’t listen!” 😭😭😭😭

[madmaryholiday]

OK cool. So I guess my body skipped over the UTI and went straight to a kidney infection.

Probably. The blood in my urine + a low-grade fever indicates that the UTI has advanced to the kidneys.

That, or I might have another kidney stone? But given that I have zero pain in my kidney area, I'm thinking it's unlikely? Especially with how, uh, visibly reddened my urine sample was. Fingers crossed, I guess.

Getting antibiotics, so hopefully that makes me feel better soon. We'll find out, I guess.

[ineffabeatlemindpalace]

tmi

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else