#u know... how a perfectly non-mentally ill person would for weeks on end now)

[answermywearyquery]

eoin flirting with paddy, again

[ourhappylies]

Connor Murphy Fluff Alphabet (DEH) 🌻

A = Attractive what do they find attractive about the other?

He adores how sweet you are to him, even though everyone else treats him like garbage. When you showed up as the “new kid” he was particularly standoffish every time you would ask him for directions or a pencil, but the first time you found him in one of his moods and stayed even when he yelled and cried and told you to leave, he knew you were just as sweet as you were acting and you weren’t going to be like everyone else and leave him in the dust.

B = Baby do they want a family? why/why not?

Connor doesn’t really want children, at least children of his own, but he would definitely consider adopting later on in life. He’s terrified of someone else having to suffer through their teenage years like he had to, and so he doesn’t want to risk passing down the multitude of mental illness and pain to someone he loves more than anything.

C = Cuddle how do they cuddle?

Connor doesn’t have a specific way he cuddles, he just has to feel close to you. He absolutely adores being near you and he adores the way your heart beats just a tiny bit faster around him. You make him feel safe, and there’s nothing he loves more in the world than cuddling with you while you both sleep, no matter what position you two end up in.

D = Dates what are dates with them like?

Dates with Connor are always something to remember. He particularly loves abandoned places, places only you two can find, a safe space for both of you to be completely honest with each other. Sometimes he’ll go before your date to set up the little area you’ll share, whether that be with lights, flowers, or anything else he thinks might possible cheer you up.

E = Everything you are my ____ (e.g my life, my world…)

He always stays up later than you do, and he’ll stare at you while you sleep, grinning like a madman. “You’re the reason I’m even still here, you’re my life,” he murmurs to you in the dark of night, a secret he’d only tell you years later when he wasn’t experiencing constant suicidal thoughts.

F = Feelings when did they know they were falling in love?

He knew he was falling in love after one of his angry mood swings, the first one you saw and the one you refused to leave his side for. He would try to avoid you for a while, too afraid you were too far out of his league until Jared asked you how you and Connor were doing, forcing you to confront him.

G = Gentle are they gentle? If so, how?

He tries to be. He always apologizes for himself and how his illnesses effect not only him but you. He buys you gifts for almost every date, and he shows you a side of him no one else ever gets to see, the side of him scribbled in the backs of notebooks and margins on homework, the side of him tht just wants to be loved.

H = Hand/Hold how do they like to hold hands?

Connor laces his fingers with yours, it gives him something to focus on and something to squeeze if someone starts to piss him off so he doesn’t hurt himself and you can get him out of the situation.

I = Impression first impression/s

His first impression of you honestly wasn’t very nice, he thought you were just faking being sweet, and he thought you would turn on him just as quick as everyone else as soon as you got the hang of things, but when you were still talking to him weeks into the school year, he reconsidered that impression.

J = Joker are they into pulling pranks?

He knows what it’s like to live in fear, and he doesn’t want you experiencing that even for an instant, so he usually doesn’t pull pranks, plus he’s always anxious you’ll get so pissed at him that you’ll leave him and he’s too worried he’ll cross that line to pull pranks.

K = Kisses how do they kiss?

Kisses with him are always passionate and sweet, albeit a little short. If you want more that a soft quick kiss, you’ll have to hold his face there to show him how much you do want him and do love him, and aren’t simply kissing him because he’s your boyfriend.

L = Love who says I love you first?

You have to say it first, because Connor is too anxious that you’ll leave him if he gets too serious. You’ll say it casually, and watch the dumbstruck look on Connor’s face for a moment before realizing what you say and quickly going to apologize and leave before Connor pulls you into one of those rare long kisses.

M = Memory their favourite moment together

His favourite memory is when he brought you to a wedding within.. somewhere in his family, Connor honestly didn’t know. You dragged him to the dance floor, dancing with him most of the night and sharing secrets, giggles, and kisses. He remembers that night like it was yesterday, down to exactly how your hair looked and the way you smiled at him.

N = Nickel do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?

Connor comes from money, so it’s not surprising that he’s used to just about everything material he could ever want. He’ll lie to his parents about things he wants just to give them to you, or agree to actually participate in therapy for an allowance just so he can buy you gifts, because he loves seeing how happy they make you.

O = Orange what colour reminds them of their other half?

The colour yellow reminds him of you. It’s such a vibrant colour and he thinks it matches your personality perfectly. Plus his anti-depressants are yellow and that and you are the only two things that seem to make him happy anymore.

P = Petnames what pet names do they use?

Connor loves stupid nicknames, because he loves hearing your laugh. From “Boobear” to “His favourite weeaboo”, he’ll call you anything to make you smile, especially when you’re mad at him for something, or at least giving him the silent treatment.

Q = Quaint what is their favourite non-modern thing?

Connor loves bookstores and he adores the fifties aesthetic. He takes you on milkshake dates more often than anything else, and he’ll dance with you in his room after to the old vinyls he has on his newest favourite thing: his record player. 

R = Rainy Day what do they like to do on a rainy day?

He loves to facetime you or just snuggle in your bed with you on rainy days. They are some of the only days he’s able to sleep, and he loves spending that time next to you. He enjoys having you read to him or just sit with him, playing with his hair, because it helps him fall, and stay, asleep.

S = Sad how do they cheer themselves/each other up

Connor will cheer himself up with videos and pictures he’s taken of you since the two of you met. He loves snapping pictures of you driving or off guard pictures with flowers or snow in your hair, and he loves taking videos of the presents he gives you, no matter how much whining you do at the start of them he loves and cherishes those videos with his whole heart. He always tries to cheer you up with being extra touchy, because that’s what helps him cheer up. He’ll set up cute dates and bring your favourite food and lots of gifts. He loves spending money on you, despite your protests, so he always does it to cheer you up.

T = Talking what do they love to talk about?

He loves talking about books and music. He loves exploring themes with you and he loves telling you his interpretations of things as he loves to hear exactly where you do and don’t agree. Connor has a very analytical mind, but this has in fact started numerous fights since Connor doesn’t particularly like his opinions challenged, as he usually feels that they are instead being dismissed.

U = Unencumbered What helps them relax?

If he’s paranoid, you have to sit with him and touch him and whisper to him, it’s the only way he’ll even begin to believe you love him. If he’s anxious or angry it’s better to keep your distance unless he approaches you looking for your compassion and loving touches. Talking to him and showing him you aren’t leaving is the easiest way to get Connor to relax around you.

V = Vaunt what do they like to show off? What are they proud of?

Connor likes to show off his art, he’s proud of how well he can draw and write. He loves drawing and writing, especially with you as his muse.

W = Wedding when, how, where do they propose?

Connor proposes when it’s just you and him. He proposes during one of your many late night adventures, this one ghost hunting. He leaves clues all night with fake EVPs asking things vaguely about marriage and staging a wedding dress at the end of the hallway (albeit on a vacuum cleaner).

X = Xylophone What’s their song?

All About Your Heart by Mindy Gledhill. He always imagines you singing it to him, and you’re the one person that makes him such a sap. He loves you and he loves singing the song for you softly to help you sleep.

Y = You the ___ to my ___ (e.g the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

“You are the icing on my cake-“ you’d started singing on day, not expecting Connor to come back with the same song, “You are the smile I can’t erase..” He always sings back now, and ever since then he can’t stop saying it.

Z = Zebra if they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?

Connor has always wanted a pet hamster. He wants someone up at night as late as he is, and something that won’t judge him no matter how much he talks about you.

[knight-of-trash]

1-47?

Oh dangie you went there! Okay. Here we go.

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Yes, I want a girlfriend. I miss having someone in my life who is an endless supply of support. I miss having someone to send mushy stuff to, because I am mushy and full of feelings. I miss inside jokes and daydreaming about the next time I see her. I just miss that.

2.When did your last hug take place?

Mm…Last Tuesday. I hugged my friend Tia.

3.Are you a jealous person?

Oh yes. But in my defense, it’s mostly because of my mental illnesses. I feel super insecure, and that can make me bitter.

4.Are you tired right now?

Yes, I just got back from jogging.

5.Do you chew on your straws?

Not anymore.

6.Have you ever been called a tease?

Believe it or not, I have.

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

No. My record is 39 hours.

8.Do you cry easily?

Only when I’m alone.

9.What should you be doing right now?

Cleaning floors.

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?

Ehhh…I wake up when people enter or move around the room I’m sleeping in, but I can sleep through tornado sirens, violent storms, and supersonic jets doing practice drills overhead.

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

Honestly? No. I never seem to make it past 5 months. Most people just can’t handle my needs for validation and attention, so we end up breaking up for one reason or another.

12.Are you mad at someone right now?

Yes, though I probably have no right to be. So, my ex hasn’t spoken to me directly in over a month. No big deal…Wouldn’t be the first time this has happened. Except this time it’s different. In the past month, my cat Oliver was diagnosed with Lymphoma, I was in my first car wreck, totalted my car, and then a week after starting Oliver on chemo, we had him put to sleep because he wasn’t responding to it, and he was clearly suffering. So during all of this, I tried to get a hold of her, because I really…really wanted her comfort. I know it might be unfair to put that much on another person, but really I just wanted her to tell me it was going to be okay, and was there for me. The most I would’ve probably asked of her was to spend time with me after Oliver’s death, because I haven’t been without that cat in over 9 years, and he was basically my biggest source of emotional support for the past 9 years, and has kept me alive during some serious suicidal moments in my life. But I didn’t hear anything from her. I know we’re exes, but we are trying to be friends at the very least, and friends don’t let friends go through that alone. Especially not when I’ve told her during every crisis in her life since I came into it, in every hardship, that I’m here if she ever needs me. It just feels like I don’t matter, and to have that happen during all this negativity in my life, it’s been very detrimental to my self worth. So yeah, I’m angry. It’s like Rowan all over again when Spice died, except Rowan took it a step further, and said “It was just a cat.” But at least Rowan had the wherewithal to text me a, “U ok?” text and tell me “No” when I asked them to come over, despite being close to a mental breakdown and being highly non-verbal at the time of Spice’s death. (And Spice wasn’t even my cat, she was my brother’s. She just went into like cardiac arrest when I was home alone with her.)

13.Do you believe in love?

Sort of. True love isn’t something that just happens. It takes time, and equal effort. You need someone who can meet you halfway, and makes an effort to make you an active part of their life for it to be true love. You both need to be willing ot work through things, and admit when you hurt the other, and then NEVER do that thing again.

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?

Space Jam vines.

15.Who was the last person you talked to?

My mom.

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

If I am around someone I like I get butterflies, yes.

17.Will you get married?

Gotta have a long relationship first, but we all know that’s not my forte.

18.When was the last time you smiled?

Like really smiled? I was at Target with my friend Emily, and we were buying a shit ton of Capri Sun, The Oregon Trail board game, a box of 120 Crayons, and some suer cheap Pilsberry Valentine’s cupcake mix and frosting.

19.Does anyone like you?

My Finn, Raphael likes me. He tries to flirt with me a lot and always calls me beautiful, but honestly, I’m not really interested in him.

20.Do you secretly like someone?

No. Wait. Yes. I’ve had a secret crush on a friend for like three years. I won’t tell her though, because number one, we don’t talk much, and I feel like we’re better friends than anything, but got'damn if she ain’t my type.

21.Who was the first person you talked to today?

Technically…If we’re going off of what time it was, Rheann. If we’re going off after I fell asleep and woke up earlier today, my mom, when she handed me my new pocket knife.

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Emily probably. She knows I’m a dirty robot fucker, and there’s really no coming back from that.

23.What are you NOT looking forward to?

Developing the roll of film from Oliver’s last 24 hours alive. There’s roughly 35 shots on the film, and my professor REALLY wants me to develop it on Tuesday, but…If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Not when the last picture is-…Is after it was confirmed his heart stopped.

24.What ARE you looking forward to?

Spring break. My birthday is during spring break this year, so I don’t have to be at school on my birthday, so I get to sleep in, despite it being on a Monday. That’s really the only thing I’m looking forward to when it comes to the near future, and my birthday. I don’t really like to celebrate it, but sleeping in on it is definetly a plus.

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

Yeah, and it’s ridiculous.

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?

Honestly? I would be pretty hurt. There are still some complicated feelings there, at least for me, and I would probably walk off, find a place to be alone, cry for a while, then cut all contact, and not speak to literally anyone for a while until I accept it, and allow myself time to heal and move on, before trying to become friends with her again.

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

Wish I could.

28.Are you a forgiving person?

You have no idea the shit I have been able to forgive. I was able to forgive my abusive ex boyfriend, Lewis, despite him emotionally and mentally abusing me for a year. Now we play Minecraft together every so often. I can forgive people for canceling plans with me as long as they don’t cancel the next plans we have together, unless it’s like a family emergency or they got called into work, or freak weather happens. I can forgive almost anything if a person is sincere enough in their apology, and finds a way to make it up to me. I’m very easy in that sense. I pride myself on being a very understanding, very forgiving person. It’s one of my only virtues.

29.How many TRUE friends do you have?

…One? I guess? Emily has been my friend since freshman year of highschool, and has put up with my shit more than anyone else has. There’s never been a time where I’ve questioned her being my friend, nor have we ever really fought before.

30.Do you fall for people easily?

Okay listen here you little shit…I MAY have a problem with seeing pretty girls and going, “Holy fuck! Marry me?????” but listen! LISTEN! …I am an innocent little bean, just looking for love, and therefore, no one can judge me!

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

Pfffhahaha that implies I know my exes best friends.

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?

My headphone. Why do I do that???

33.Who was the last person you drove with?

Baker. I drive her home after class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

34.How late did you stay up last night and why?

3:30am. Rheann was having a hard time, and my mom friend mode activated, so I needed to make sure she knew that she is doing her best with school, and that she shouldn’t compare herself to others, and that she’s not going to fail, because she is way smarter than me, and I believe in her, and know she’s perfectly capable of suceeding in school, even though she feels overwhelmed right now. AND SHE BETTER NOT FORGET THAT!!!

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?

California. I hear they want to succeed from the US, and I am DOWN for that. I don’t give no fucks about no drought or cancer everywhere, get me out of the Trump regime now, pretty please.

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Myself, post-jog.

37.Can you live a day without TV?

I mean…Realistically I could. I think I managed to not watch TV last Tuesday.

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

August 14th, 2016. The last Monday before I started school. My girlfriend at the time was supposed to come over and hang out with me on her day off. She never showed up, and when I texted her asking her if she was coming or not, she said no, and wouldn’t explain to me what was going on. So I flipped out and broke up with her because lord have fucking mercy, that was like the twelveth time she had flaked on me that summer, and I was livid! So I guess that would be the last time I was extremely disappointed.

39.Three names you go by..

My lastname, Ali, and Kiki.

40.Are you currently in a relationship?

No. Do I want one? Yes. Have I ever had one in February? No. Am I depressed by this? Fuck yes. Am I looking forward to Valentine’s Day? Hahaha I’m going to throw myself off a bridge.

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

Titanic I guess. I’ve only seen it 70 times.

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?

I believe there are people who are soul-compatible. In your life time, you’ll meet many people like that. Friends, pets, romantic partners. Those that are truly your match will find ways to stay in your life for years and years and years. But in my opinion, souls change. Rarely though, you will find someone who’s soul changes with yours. Never let them go.

43.What’s your current problem?

I have 99 of them, and at least 4 of them are the fact that my cat just died. 1 of them is my sever lack of pink roses in my life.

44.Have you ever had your heart broken?

My heart is fragile. Even after years of abusive relationships both platonic and romantic, child sexual abuse, betrayals, and bullying, my heart is as fragile as butterfly wings. I trust too easily, I love to quickly, and believe too strongly. I set myself up for heart break after heart break, but you know what? I like being hopeful, and being intense with my heart. It’s apparently what makes me so charming.

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?

They don’t work for me. I require a lot of attention, so they’re a no can do. Kudos to others who make it work though.

46.How many kids do you want to have?

Hmm…I used to have vivid dreams of having three kids. Figure it gives me a chance to have a boy and girl, and then whatever happens happens.

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

Yes. I don’t like to inconvenience people. Part of the reason my secret crush is my secret crush is because I didn’t want to hold her back. I don’t want people to feel obligated to return my feelings, and I don’t want people to date me, only to leave me a month later because I’m “too intense”. That’s why I find it hard to tell people I like them most of the time. The last person I told I liked them though, I did it because it felt right to me. It felt like if I didn’t I was going to miss out on the most important thing in my life. You know what I mean?

[ficsforfangirls]

A Carry On Dictionary: Letter D

Letter A     |     Letter B     |      Letter C     |      Letter D     |     Letter E

Letter F (Rated: M)     |     Letter G     |     Letter H     |     Letter I     |     Letter J

Letter K     |      Letter L     |     Letter M     |     Letter N     |     Letter O

Letter P     |     Letter Q     |     Letter R     |     Letter S     |     Letter T    

Letter U     |      Letter V     |     Letter W (Trigger Warnings)     |      Letter X

Letter Y     |     Letter Z

AO3 with the whole collection <3

deplorable; {dih-plawr-uh-buh-l} 

causing or being a subject for grief or regret; lamentable action

Watching Simon and Baz try to deal with each other in this awkward romantic minefield is hardly what Penny would consider to be fun. For a year Simon has been keeping Baz in this are-we-aren’t-we limbo while Baz has been treading softly the line between caring too much and not enough. Something about them isn’t quite syncing up yet and, honestly, her working theory is that they’ve put too much distance between themselves. Baz is living on campus at the London School of Economics while Simon is working odd jobs doing seasonal working here and there when business requires extra hands.

 Simon thought that because Baz had been his roommate at Watford that they’d shared too much time together to really learn how to be a healthy couple living apart. Perhaps that was true at first, but now? Penny is sure that if they don’t get the nudge they need to be reminded that their feelings are larger than their fears.

 That’s why Penny upped the ante by hanging mistletoe everywhere. Not just in doorways, not just by windows, but literally every six inches there’s mistletoe hanging from the wall. It’s not in a perfectly straight line, either, so that no matter what, there will be kissing. Penny personally wants to see Simon and Baz kiss each other at least one hundred times before midnight.

 Because at midnight Micah is going to propose-ish…

 There have been talks for a couple of weeks that at the end of Penny’s break year that she would accept an internship overseas to be closer to Micah. Their long distance relationship has remained strong and loving despite the odds against them, and the thousands of leagues too. Of course, the plan was always that they would reunite either in American or in London. Leaving her family behind would be hard but in the end, it was Micah who would have to give up a job. Penny had nothing to lose. She was a good enough at Watford that she could easily attend anywhere should she wish.

 Anyway, Baz arrives at the flat before Simon gets off of work. Being a non-imbecile, he notices the mistletoe straight away. “What’s your game, Bunce?”

 “All of the kisses, Basilton. All – of – the – kisses!” Her plan wouldn’t work if she didn’t have a partner in crime. She doesn’t explain everything, such as the proposal (which is really Micah officially inviting her to America by giving her a copy of his house key and a lease agreement which would add her name to the contract). Penny doesn’t even tell him why she wanted to do this. Baz doesn’t ask either.

 In fact, he shakes his head, “You’re deplorable, you know. He thinks you’re this pure scholar with no ill intent. But this?” Baz gestures all around the flat to make his point. He laughs and then continues, “This you telling him how to be in a relationship. I don’t exactly want to push him away.”

 Penny shrugs, setting her mouth to the side and at an angle. Worry grabs her features and forms them in such a way that it reflects her thoughts. Even if she doesn’t need to actually convey to him what she thinks might be happening, she does. “You guys have this invisible chasm settled between you. I’m not sure that either of you even sees it.”

 Baz considers this and waves her off once he’s tossed the concept to the side. Before he leaves to the living room, though, he mutters over his shoulder. “I’d consider myself lucky to get one kiss. Let alone one hundred of them.” The sharpness of his words is indescribable. Penny can’t forcibly fix their relationship any more than she can tell them how to live their lives. With Baz being a vampire and Simon sporting cartoony wings and a tail, there is no ‘normal’ for them. She could never truly understand. Love is something that she does understand, though, and she can see it in their eyes.

 “Deplorable?” she whispers, peeking out the door to the street where Simon would soon be dropped off. “I thought I was more desperate, really.” In a huff, she slams the door shut and walks straight to her bedroom where Micah is talking a nap. She curls up next to him and huffs dramatically this time to wake up her boyfriend.

 “Hm?” With half closed eyes, Micah listens as she gossips about the boys. Here and there he makes a comment. In the end, she admits that she knows she is pushing too hard. She just wants Simon and Baz to be happy, especially before she leaves. Once she accepts Micah’s offer, she’ll be leaving within the month. She wants to start the New Year by his side in America.

 Meanwhile, Baz is sitting on the couch. If Penny is deplorable, then what does that make him? For months he has been stressed about the ‘chasm’ developing between them. Aside from that, he couldn’t remember the last time Simon has kissed him with great passion. He’s lucky to get a peck on the cheek anymore. Surely something has upset him, but was it Baz or someone else? Helping Simon is impossible if he doesn’t ask for it, and especially if he doesn’t let on that there’s even a problem.

 There are other words that Baz thinks of that describe the way everything feels in this lull between years. Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve but only just a few days ago it was Christmas. The time between holidays is this rift of yearning for something new while clinging to something old. Baz wants to revive his relationship, destitute and hopeless as it feels, but a part of him can’t help wanted to be free of the debacle entirely. If Simon isn’t ready – then why pretend to be a couple?

 They’re not even that, really.

 Simon interrupts his thoughts with a loud thud. “I’m alright!” he shouts, clearly having slipped and fallen on the ground. Baz rubs his hands over his face, effectively pushing the loose strands of hair out of his eyes and behind his ears. Standing with a great deal of effort, Baz decides that the only way to move forward is with honesty. He meets Simon at the door underneath the first mistletoe.

 Arm stretched straight up, he is pointing directly to the leaves and berries. “Kiss me,” he directs. “Kiss me under every mistletoe in this house or leave me.”

 “Okay?” Simon hesitates for a moment but then rolls onto his toes and kisses Baz on the lips. It is a lazy exchange. That doesn’t matter, though, because it still is an exchange. “May I ask what brought this on?”

 Baz shakes his head. An understanding forms between them. It hurts too much to say. Simon won’t push him anymore than Baz would. This ultimatum he’s presented to Simon, it’s Baz’s way of talking. Never having been the sort to express himself plainly, it has always been an action-based form of communication between them. The only surprise is that Simon accepted it without protest.

 So they moved six inches backwards. Their steps aren’t in sync, their movements are uncomfortable at best, and their kiss is reminiscent of teenagers fumbling through an awkward smooch than anything else. Incremental improvements are made as they slink through the hallway into the kitchen where they break apart only long enough for Simon to eat a red velvet donut leftover from breakfast. It is adorned with green frosting and red sprinkles. He washes it down with strawberry milk, which personally makes Baz sick to his stomach.

 “Need a break?” he remarks with as little sass as he can possibly manage while Simon stares at him with a distinctly blank expression. For a split second his brown scrunch together and then his features flatten once more. “No, why would you think that?”

 “Then where to?”

 Simon takes an unexpected step towards him, sliding his hand around his waist and pulling him close. They are pressed against one another when Simon tilts his chin up just enough to signal for Baz to dip down. This kiss in tender in a way the previous ones hadn’t been and the linger flavors in Simon’s mouth is alluring. He not only tastes human but he tastes of decadence.

 Moving towards the living room doesn’t take much time, even with the breaks for their kissing, and once they get to the couch, it is Simon who pulls Baz by the belt loop onto his lap. They sit here without kissing, and it looks quite silly since Baz is much larger than Simon, but there he stays with his buttocks planted against Simon’s knees. “Penny’s going to move.”

 It shouldn’t have come as such a shock to Baz, and yet it did. Micah had come to Christmas and he wasn’t staying long, but he brought three very large suitcases. It should’ve been obvious. He was going to ask Penny to go back with him. She had nothing going on here. Her income was tutoring money she earned by helping students at Watford. Penny hadn’t even considered getting a more permanent job during the year she’d been out of school, either. This was always the plan.

 “I’m sorry, mate,” Baz’s entire body softens against his partner. “Do you know what you’re going to do about the flat?”

 Simon decidedly doesn’t reply. Instead, he pushes Baz off and readjusts on the couch so that they can lay there watching television. It was something that Simon absolutely enjoyed and eventually became one of Baz’s favorite pastimes. Lounging around with the best person in the whole world, in his opinion anyway, had a variety of benefits for his mental and emotional health. It took a lot more effort to peel himself away than to sink back against Simon, and that seemed like a pretty great thing to Baz.

 Penny and Micah slink out eventually but they don’t say much. The four of them watch a couple of movies that were just added to Netflix and the chill, in the innocent way and old fashioned way, until Micah and Penny decide it’s time for dinner. Simon never decides because he’d eat nonstop all day. Baz would have to compete with the food for access to the redhead’s mouth.

 Of course, Baz is in that predicament anyway, so maybe it wouldn’t have been too bad after all.

 “I was thinking take-out. Anyone opposed to subs?” Nobody speaks up and so Penny gets the orders from everyone, except Baz, who asks for a bottled water. Since being outed as a vampire, he doesn’t bother faking it for his friends. He’ll drink occasionally but never more than that. With paper in hand, Penny and Micah offer to grab the food and bring it back without even inviting the boys. As far as Baz is concerned, he would rather stay home anyway.

 Simon says he wants to go plug his phone in and invites Baz along for the ‘ride.’ As instructed, they kiss every six inches all the way to his door. The pecks that Simon granted to Baz over the last five or six months make the kisses the share now look explicit. Their tongues dance over one another, deeper and harder each step closer they take to his bedroom.

 Once inside, there are no mistletoes, but it doesn’t deter the boys. Breaking long enough to close the door and actually plug in Simon’s phone, they are soon full and proper snogging on the bed. Little more can be said about their activity until Baz pulls away and looks in Simon’s eyes. “I want you to know that this wasn’t entirely my idea, and I’m kind of a prick for saying you had to kiss me so many times.”

 Simon shrugs, “I figured it must be important to you. Wouldn’t have asked otherwise, right?”

 “I didn’t ask,” he laments, guilt apparent in every way on his body. “It wasn’t right for me to demand it.”

 Sitting up and curling himself into a bit of a pretzel, silence settles in the space between them. It isn’t an uncomfortable sort of quiet, though, because it is clear that they both need it. The reality of it all comes down to one simple truth: they weren’t lost, just busy. When Simon fills the room with his voice, he chirps his acceptance of the terms in a kind tone; “I don’t have the same sort of urges that you do so I think I forget that you need that affirmation. Sometimes I don’t even realize that I want you that way until you make the first move. I’m sorry.”

 “There’s nothing to apologize for, Simon, and you bloody well know it,” Baz barks in prompt reply. It isn’t Simon’s fault that their cravings for physical affection is mismatched. It isn’t Baz’s fault either. Not once did he ever pressure Simon to do something he didn’t want to do, and the fact that he’d presented an ultimatum with the mistletoe made him feel worse than deplorable. “I don’t deserve you and the only person here that should be apologizing is me.”

 “Nobody has anything to be sorry about and I think we should pink swear to drop it,” Simon declares with waving arms and a squeaky voice. This was quite enough chatting for the pair of them, honestly. The time had come to move onto whatever topic they could discuss next that wasn’t nearly as heavy and serious. But before they do, Baz makes a proper request.

 “Can we seal it with a kiss?”

 Growling with a low rumble that sends chills down Baz’s spine, Simon makes a move towards the vampire with his wings spread and his tail wagging back and forth. It is corny in the most attractive way. “It’d be my pleasure.”