#ugh i don't want to go blind 😬

[guinevereslancelot]

finally heard back from the specialist it's going to be over a month for my appointment 🥲

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself Story ⛈️

We had just arrived at Damien’s Mom's house. The thunderstorm continued, so Nico and I had to spend the night there. As I wanted to call my Mom, to tell her not to worry, Ana also called me, to tell me Daniel was back home. I was confused!?... I couldn’t believe it and I was annoyed by some things Ana did. Why was she at our place to talk to D.? Why is Ana meddling in my affairs? I mean, I get it! She was worried about him, she loved Daniel, just like my whole family did. But why did she have to mention that.... Lexi- shit? And why does she always think Alex is responsible for D.'s & my probs? Anyway, it pissed me off. And Nico was sitting right next to me while I was on the phone with Ana & my Mom. So he knew it too now, that D. was back. 😞

Me (to N.): I’m so sorry.... But trust me, it doesn’t change anything. I promise.... Uhm... I'll step out for a sec. I-...I have to call Ana back.

Nico: It's raining buckets!! Where you going? It's crazy out there.

Me: I-.... I just have to get out. Don't worry N., it's-... it's all fine. ok?

Nico: I'm going with you. 😟

Me: No! Please, don't. I just need to be by myself for a while. 😞

I'm so stupid!!! No one was out in the fucking weather, expect me, fool!... I had some questions for Ana. She said Daniel seemed high to her. I wanted to know why? Why did she think that? Well, Ana meant D. smoked, when she saw him. Actually, she was right. Daniel only smoked when he was high, or when we tried to get off that damn durg. I was worried about him, but at the same time, also mad. By now I knew, that Daniel saw Irena, just before he left 4 months ago. He was in her apartment. I didn’t know why he was there, at Irenas and his former place? Irena didn't want to tell me more.

Ana: Where are you anyway? Are you out there alone?

Me: Ah... yea, I'm alone.... Agh, Ana? Um... shit. The reception here's poor. Wait, I’m going in a different direction. Maybe it's better there?.... I think I’m gonna call Daniel.

Ana: You should go back to the house, to N. Just text Daniel. Tell him you'll be back home soon. But you don't have to call him, now A.!

Me: I’m afraid to tell him, Ana... And I feel so shitty about N., too. I'm so horrible. 😞

Ana: Yea. I get you. But Nico knew what he was getting into.

Me: Still, he also has feelings. N. is not an ass, as you all think. And I love him.

Me: Ana?.... Hello?... Ana!... Ugh, shit. 😨

Perfect timing. My phone died. 🤦‍♀️I was so absorbed in talking to my sister, that I got lost! I had no reception near Damien’s house, so I went in a completely different direction, but now, I did not know where I was? I decided to go back the way I went. Couldn't be so difficult, I thought....🧐

I was wrong! I got a.... little mental breakdown?... I wandered blind through an unknown area. Because of the heavy rain I could hardly open my eyes. I started to panic. I couldn’t use my phone to call N. He’ll think I left him, to rush home to Daniel. I was so worried about that. Nico told me himslef, just a few days ago, that he doesn’t trust me anymore. He's gonna hate me! 😨 And my Baby won’t have a Dad or a family bcs of me. 😭... I tried not to think about it, but about the tips my therapist taught me, to better deal with my panic attacks. And yea, I calmed down. I looked around again. I tried to concentrate to keep my eyes open. I saw two houses in the street where I was. I made my way towards the houses, to ask someone for help. But then I changed my mind. Somehow I didn’t feel good about ringing at strangers. I was afraid a psycho could lure me into his house. 😬 Yup, that's from watching so many horror movies, Ik!

Besides, I noticed that the road I was on, was a sign pointing to a bar and some shops, that should be just around the corner. I decided to try this first, before... well, I get killed by a sicko. Believe me, I have often run into some sick guys in my life. That’s why I was so insecure.

Meanwhile the others were starting to worry about me. Nico couldn’t find me outside and my phone was off too. He asked Damien to help him look for me. Oh, and the electricity was cut.  Allegedly, an important power pole was damaged by lightning. 🤷‍♀️

As you can see, I did not end up in a bar, but went to a shop that was open. I was so relieved when I saw other people there. They were surprised by the thunderstorm. Now they’ve been stuck in that small twon for two hours. They couldn’t get home. The streets were closed due to flooding and some other probs. Anyway, I was looking for the shop assistant to ask if I could use their phone. I just wanted to call N. to tell him where I was. Finally I found a young woman standing behind the counter, admiring herself in the mirror and taking selfies. I think she was about to go home? She grabbed her bag and hung it over her shoulder....

Me: Hi!... Um, excuse me?... Sorry, I don’t want to disturb you. Um, may I short use the phone here somewhere? I’m not from this area, just visiting, but I got lost. I just want to call my boyfriend so he doesn’t worry about me.

Girl: Oh, hi!... Sorry, but we are having technical probs with our phone connection atm. But, you know what? You can use my phone for a second. I hope it works. I just got off the phone with my brother and my mom. Let's try.

Me: Omg, I know you! (😡) Is your brother Damien?

Yes, I met Diana. Damien's Twin Sister. Let’s see if she remembers me? 😒... Oh, and btw, I didn’t really get lost. I just have a terrible sense of direction! Damien’s house was only 2 blocks away!!! So I went in the right direction, but.... somehow I didn’t recognize the surroundings. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

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